Mar 212010
 

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

  • 14:55 Spent a lovely rainy day with mah ninja @saucalisha & am now meeting my new sister for dinner. Henry will miss me for sure. #
  • 17:34 I love my sister. That is all. #
  • 19:04 Chooch has a nasty slice on his foot and I almost puked while Henry bandaged it. I think I need to sit in a dark room now. #
  • 19:11 OMG I THINK CHOOCH NEEDS STITCHES HENRY SAYS NO IM GOING TO DIE. #
  • 19:31 Trying to convince Chooch that a vampire’s at our house, sucking on the bloody paper towel left behind from his cut. #
  • 20:29 Chooch is offended at Burger King. “Is that all that guy’s gonna do? Pee and not get food??” The nerve of some ppl, son. #
  • 22:25 Today was good, with the exception of Chooch cutting off his foot, and that Republican taking a shit in my front yard. #
  • 22:32 Alisha: I’m surprised none of yr blinddates ended up being handicapped. Me: Yeah, one was. Wheelchair Steve. Alisha: Oh yeah. Of course. #
  • 23:13 I really hate the term “puck bunny.” I prefer “hockey cunt.” I am going to get that engraved on my face. Or at least shaved into an eyebrow. #
  • ***
  • 00:05 I wish my favorite poet still posted poems. #
  • 13:32 Chooch can’t walk thanks to the fact his foot is practically split open. I hope he doesn’t get too used to me carrying him. #
  • 13:34 A nd I keep whacking Chooch’s foot off objects while I try to blindly navigate thru the house w/ him clinging to me. Blind leading blind. #
  • 13:42 Getting his foot dressing changed by the callous hands of Henry. yfrog.com/4pos6j #
  • 13:44 Good job, Jose Three-or-more! #NHL #crapitals #
  • 14:05 Pulled out an old journal & an autographed photo of Teresa Strasser fell out. I asked for a sign & the universe began shitting them. #
  • 14:19 I’ve been using Twitter for three years now. That’s longer than I kept my first child! Seems excessive. #
  • 14:21 Henry: You have such a grim outlook on life. Me: Wouldnt you, if your supposed bff fucked u over? Henry: You have. Touché. #
  • 16:01 If there’s a frame on my mom’s wall, you can bet there’s some depiction of Noah and his ark in it. #
  • 17:10 Henry’s talking about some day a few years ago that was almost the end of our relationship & I don’t even remember it; am laughing. #
  • 17:24 Henry wants me to get “HANK” tattooed on my knuckles & I’m like, Why? So you see yr name everytime I punch you? #
  • 17:58 Being Henry: mehoover.livejournal.com/43605.html?format=light #
  • 19:25 Does Tampa have any fans at this hockey game? #letsgopens! #
  • 21:45 RT @TheConfluence: #NHL Hockey: Call Cooke dirty if you must, but then include OV in the same breath bit.ly/cTGq6o #pens #
  • 22:23 Oh my god, Chooch is milking this foot injury. Pretty sure it rivals the time I broke my toe. I mean, wait – my broken toe was more serious. #
  • ***
  • 01:14 Too bad soul searching didn’t feel more like an orgy on a cotton candy bed & less like being fucked anally by Miley Cyrus’s discography. #
  • 12:58 Glanced at my last blog post. I’m writing like English is my second language again, yay! I must have a broken lobe. #
  • 14:21 The burning desire to reach cookies made Chooch find a way around his immobility. He’s now sitting on his blanket & scooting. #
  • 16:53 Guys on NHL Power Play are defending Ovie, saying he just plays a fast and hard game; but they can’t say the same for Matt Cooke? #
  • 16:54 God, I wish Cooke was suspended just so everyone would STFU about it. #
  • 17:21 On my way to work, I thought about how Henry & I still hold hands when we’re in the car. Guess we don’t hate each other too much after all. #
  • 20:13 I’ve found myself engaged in a silent imbroglio with the security guard at my job. I’m childish so I like it. #
  • 21:04 In the cafeteria on my break, thankful for the soft rock playing & my on-going lack of appetite as I sit across from 5 vending machines. #
  • ***
  • 12:35 I have some intense abandonment issues. I can pinpoint it to the exact moment when I was left in a treehouse when I was 4. Fucking twats. #
  • 13:46 Henry’s making Creamy Fresh Coconut Cake! for Easter. I haven’t told him yet, but how can he say no when BH&G touts it as A Spring Classic. #
  • 16:16 Thank god for Henry changing Chooch’s bandage. Nowhere in my future lies even a joke I’d be a nurse. #
  • 16:20 Chooch just wailed “I hate you” to Henry for rubbing the burn-y red stuff on his cut & it sounded oddly familiar.… #
  • 18:55 I think it’s time for me to finally write the whole story, from the beginning when that fateful comment was left on my livejournal in 2003 #
  • ***
  • 11:24 I’m so happy to have the windows open again! I missed the sound of clanging car haulers & meth addicts shouting on my sidewalk! Oh spring! #
  • 11:28 I’m pretty sure I don’t actually have any Irish in me & when I did, I couldn’t wait to get it out of me. #
  • 11:31 I think I’m going t o celebrate St Patricks Day by punching a ginger. #
  • 13:05 For those who think I don’t exist because I never tweet self-pics: yfrog.com/6u24pdj #
  • 13:07 Addendum to last tweet: Notice The distinct lack of green attire. Ooh, I really know how to stick it to those Irish! #
  • 14:05 There might be a problem if the ladies at work are asking if I’ve lost weight, & I’ve only been there for 2 weeks. Tapeworm, what now? #
  • 14:29 I’m so glad that “erectile dysfunction” dropped by my blog to tell me that he read a few topics, respects my work & added blog to favorites. #
  • 14:30 If “erectile dysfunction” respects my work, the sky’s the limit! Maybe “vaginal secretions” will offer me a book deal. #
  • 14:46 Hay look @ the dumb! St. Forktrick’s Day: “You’re not wearing any green,” Henry said, semi-accusatory after he saw… bit.ly/a4NvGK #
  • 16:59 Forgot how much I used to love Now It’s Overhead. #
  • 19:16 No shutout for YOU, Mr. Brodeur. #NHL #pens #
  • 19:29 Something you don’t hear very often: “Letang missed the net.” Oh. Wait. #pens #
  • 21:34 Just LISTENING to the #pens game was depressing. It’s like they all have crushes on the Devils & go into blushing klutz-mode. #NHL #
  • 21:36 “Dammit, Elias took the puck while I was ogling Parise’s stick…hockey stick…” #
  • ***
  • 09:56 Last nite someone left 2 new stuffed animals on the porch. Guess I shoulda checked them for drugs before letting Chooch sleep w/ them. #
  • 10:21 I can’t wait for True Life: I Have Digital Drama. It has the promise of being more riveting than I Need a Transplant. #
  • 11:50 There’s a halfway house on my block; 1 of the residents is outside “exercising” by walking back&forth in front of the 2 houses next to mine #
  • 12:05 He gets to my driveway & turns around, starts over. Chooch just asked if he’s playing a game. yfrog.com/2sqr4j #
  • 12:19 Hay look @ the dumb! The Christina Chronicles: Prologue: I did a bad thing. When my so-called friend Christina fuc… bit.ly/bSLcGY #
  • 16:10 I wish I could show Twitter how frustrated Henry gets when he learns I pitched the circulars. He’s ranting. This is how I get my jollies! #
  • 16:30 Wouldnt have a prob paying $100 for a grilled cheese if it was served by a singing Cyndi Lauper. It better have exotic cheese, tho. #
  • 17:05 Heard on radio: “Remember the last #Pens #Bruins game when Cooke took out Savard…” Wow really? When was that…? #
  • 17:27 Would not want to be a #pens fan in Boston tonight. #NHL #
  • 18:40 I actually have chills anticipating this #pens #bruins game. Talk about hockey hype night. #NHL #
  • 18:43 Consistency what now? RT @NHL NHL.com: #Ducks Wisniewski gets 8 game suspension for hit on #Blackhawks Seabrook bit.ly/adsT4T #
  • 19:43 Are there any Bruins fans at this game? The Matt Cooke-inspired boos don’t seem very collective #
  • 21:34 BIG WIN, #PENS! Fleury finally gets his shut out. Glad there was no stupid goonism on the ice. #
  • 22:50 Coworker to me: “Youre prob too young to remember Walkmans.” HOW YOUNG DO T HEY THINK I AM? I have gray hairs, check it. #
  • 22:51 Then before I left, my supervisor said, “Youre just the cutest little girl.” Concern, I have it. #
  • 23:53 Puppies and babies might warm your cockles, but for me it’s hockey players nuzzling their goalie after a win. #NHL #
  • ***
  • 01:19 I’ve seen the Wisniewski hit on Seabrook abt 48x & still find myself sharply intaking my breath. How was he able to STAND after that? #NHL #
  • 10:44 How To Ruin a Painting: swear to me that the background color doesn’t matter; then when it’s done, ask that I change the background color. #
  • 12:03 Never thought I’d say this but I’m really starting to love my abs. Fitting into pre-preg jeans might also be adding to the ab-lust. #
  • 14:14 Chooch just said he has lots of “ambitchin’.” Pass some of that to me, son. #
  • 15:14 Bought myself stuff today. Either the earth is off its axis or someone on #SNL did something funny, b/c that almost never happens. #
  • 16:09 It’s funny to me now! This is a good sign. #
  • 16:14 A billion songs on my Zen and all I listen to is sports radio. When did I become a middle aged man. I haven’t started calling in. YET. #
  • 17:22 IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL OUT I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH YOU & HER & HIM & EVERYONE. #
  • 20:09 My boss eats pizza like she’s giving oral sex. Might not need to watch porn tonight. #
  • ***
  • 00:59 I might start tweeting lines from my old diaries, add a shot of melodrama up in here-ahhhh. #
  • 09:13 My cat Marcy always knows when it’s grooming day. The next time i see her she’ll smell like roses, be even surlier, &have a bow on her head #
  • 10:22 Do u ever look over & see a carful of lepers, a kettle of HIV+ blood, & Sarah Palin & think “I’d STILL rather be in that car than mine”? #
  • 10:30 OCD halfway house guy is back in action! brizzly.com/pic/1S95 #
  • 14:18 Rough day at the salon. brizzly.com/pic/1SCP #
  • 15:12 It took me a good 10 minutes to explain to Alisha why we cheer when the #pens kill a penalty. Oh, Alisha. To be young & naive. #
  • 16:50 Alisha’s acting like we just met or she just noticed how pretty I am. On our way to the roller derby bout! #
  • 19:44 Just so you know, that asshole from Kindergarten Cop is at the roller derby. brizzly.com/pic/1SGI #
  • 19:47 I’ll try to get a picture of him. Hopefully I don’t disrupt any devious kidnapping plots, inspiring his mom to shoot me. #
  • 20:17 OMG I JUST MET @BONECRUSHER!! She didn’t crush my bones but she STUNNED ME WITH AWESOMETUDE. #
  • 20:25 Last tweet should say @bonecrusher82! I’M TOO EXCITED TO TWEET PROPERLY!! #
  • 20:36 I can’t wait for Semi Precious 10kt to go back to Canada. The cunt. #
  • 21:23 Alisha’s favorite thing to do is sit under the stars with her cherry cake. (THAT IS ME IN CASE YOU DIDNT KNOW) #
  • 21:24 Alisha just pointed out that cherries and cake are 2 things she’s not very fond of. #
  • 22:03 A minute left and the score is 178-49. I think Steel Hurtin’ might win? Dunno. #
  • 22:14 I’m cushioning my lumbar on the current. Jot that in your log. #
  • 22:58 Getting my gay on at 5801 #
  • 23:18 There is so much leather and HOTDANCEBEATS here. AYOOOO. #
  • 23:59 I WANT TO HUG THIS BAR NO BIGGIE. #
  • ***
  • 00:08 You know what’s gonna be super funnnnnnnnnnnn? When i try to Stand uppppppp! #
  • 00:29 I just very nearly took out innocent bystanders doing jumping j acks in a barrrrrrrr. #
  • 10:55 Woke up today to find that I was replying to myself while drunk. Those are now KINDLY DELETED. #
  • 12:25 Henry turned on Retro just as the original Night of the Living Dead started. Chooch is anxiously awaiting “Theyre coming to get u, Barbara” #
  • 12:32 For a man who’s not metrosexual, it sure takes Henry a long time to get ready. Maybe he’s attaching prosthetics I don’t know about. #
  • 14:14 I hope Henry knocks over a row of Hell’s Angels’ motorcycles toda y. #
  • 14:23 Henry dressed Chooch in too-small jeans and a black skin tight skull t-shirt. He looks like an accidental scene kid on the playground. #

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