May 082010
 

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

  • 16:46 The Jonny Craig. brizzly.com/pic/2AM5 #
  • 16:49 Watching Shaun of the Dead, Chooch just yelled “You failed!” to the zombie who got speared at the playground. #
  • ***
  • 12:47 Every time the Lady Gaga “Telephone” video comes on, Chooch stops what he’s doing and get this perverted smirk on his face. Scares me. #
  • 14:04 one faux hawk and a little too much honesty // bit.ly/a9sqgN #
  • 14:20 I feel better already. #
  • 15:07 Let’s play We Rule on the iPhone! My gamername is ‘ohhonestlyerin’. bit.ly/d4seUk #
  • 16:15 Chooch Nostalgia: The Big Baptism Class bit.ly/b7LDtX #
  • 16:26 Looks like the #Habs have your number, #Pens. #
  • 16:59 Chooch and I are about to wash dishes together. This probably won’t be funny. Not at all. #
  • 18:27 Oh that’s nice. Now it looks like one of us punched Chooch in the eye. #
  • 20:19 I’m always the last to finish my ice cream cone. #
  • ***
  • 00:30 It would be a lot better if the sequel was Sex and the City Goes to Hell in Hand-Me-Downs. #
  • 12:04 The UPS man just shattered Chooch’s dreams by accidentally coming to our house instead of the Professional Stair Stompers next door. #
  • 12:40 Wishing for Batcaves // brizzly.com/pic/2B9X #
  • 14:40 The Baptism //bit.ly/crSIYN #
  • 14:56 “I don’t want you to watch hockey anymore; you’re always putting noise in my ears,” Chooch said casually as we washed dishes. #
  • 15:37 Henry was just telling me Panama/The Service stories & I was crying/laughing. “This is why I don’t talk about myself!” he yelled. #
  • 18:21 I inhaled way too many varnish fumes today. I think it’s making me type faster. And see purple spots. #
  • 19:43 Hahahaha I almost just passed out. I think maybe I need a nutritionist. Oh and better ventilation. #
  • 19:47 I madededed a bracelet // brizzly.com/pic/2BF3 #
  • 21:20 It’s been so long since I’ve been to Denny’s NOTHING HERE IS FAMILIAR. #
  • ***
  • 00:46 I just gave myself implants. Should I be bleeding this much? Oh well, the plants needed watered anyway. #
  • 12:49 Today I cleaned the microwave. That should make me exempt from any form of labor for at least12 yrs. Oh wait, the Princess Card trumps that. #
  • 13:13 Since I cleaned the microwave, @awoodhick should cut the grass. And I do mean the yard, not the pubes of his Ukranian concubine. #
  • 13:38 When I asked Chooch why he put a large rock in the middle of the sidewalk, he said “So ppl will trip over it.” He must think I’m so dense. #
  • 13:43 OMG Hot Naybor Chris is cutting his grass & Henry is missing it. Oh well. #
  • 14:12 Please reserve a gurney; I’m teaching Chooch how to do cartwheels. #
  • 15:14 I could probably have an orgy in front of Henry & he wouldn’t notice as long as I put True Life on first. #
  • 16:52 Oh good I’m down to 50% vision. Been too long since that’s last happened. #
  • 21:06 MALKIN!! Glad they waited for me to come home from work before scoring. #pens #stanleycup #
  • 21:39 Fleury gets shutouts when they matter. Yay #Pens! #
  • 21:53 Chooch Nostalgia!: A Photoshoot, December 2006 bit.ly/aJUIZZ <–Oh, that’s so close to JIZZ! #
  • 22:39 What’s up, Red Wings? #
  • ***
  • 13:14 The Chooch and Dumb Mommy Show is happening live outside the house right now. #
  • 13:40 10 Random Things bit.ly/bVaWue #
  • 14:33 Henry wasn’t home for 1 minute before he found the phone charger I’ve been searching for ALL DAY. One of the few reasons I keep him around. #
  • 15:18 Criminal Neighbor bit.ly/9bv5aF #
  • 19:22 Ever since I posted in my blog about hating being a mom, Chooch has been a real treat. Can he read now??? #
  • 20:17 Obsessing over my neighbors, no biggie b #
  • 20:19 “No biggie b” is the new no biggie. I OWN my typos, bitch. #
  • ***
  • 01:55 i wish it was 1986. I’d borrow a sweater from Dr Huxtable and audition for a Levert video. Maybe go to bed at a decent hour. Ayo. #
  • 11:27 Aside from the legit schizo* we had to cross the street to evade, Chooch’s and my walk to CVS was quite uneventful. (*Not a joke.) #
  • 11:29 Ok fine! My nerves are a little cranked right now. I’m calming down with a Java Monster. #
  • 11:40 SCHIZO JUST WALKED PAST MY HOUSE! I yanked Chooch inside to keep him safe, but mostly because I wanted to take pictures of her. #
  • 11:44 Today’s definition of awkward: a feuding couple walked belligerantly by. Chooch interrupted them to say hi. #
  • 11:47 There are schizophrenics in my family. Watching this lady roam around the church sidewalks, shouting, is like a glimpse of my future. #
  • 13:00 Chooch, watching the 2006 Night of the Living Dead: a NUDE zombie? What the hell? #
  • 14:02 Two guys in a truck slowed down to gawk at Chooch and me playing zombies in the front yard. Then I realized how lowcut my shirt is. Fuck. #
  • 14:08 I never get to be a zombie! He always makes me be Barbara! Furthermore, Chooch is the fastest zombie ever. He scares me! #
  • 17:32 Some of my co-workers have been dreaming of me. The plan is in motion. #
  • 19:22 Chris Kunitz and his reviewable goals; my fingernails suffer some more. #Pens #StanleyCup #
  • 20:53 Standing downtown, waiting for my ride home. Pretty sure these guys are scrubbing up a murder behind me. #
  • ***
  • 11:28 Who needs TV when there’s Brookline bit.ly/9hwxyb
  • 12:22 To all the ppl who didn’t give a shit about hockey until the #Pens made the playoffs: Yes, plz keep up the criticism! You know everything! #
  • 12:30 Dreamt that Matt Goddard from @chiodos was staying at our house and thought I was cool. The last part is how I know it was a dream. #
  • 12:36 Got an invitation to lunch from my boss at work. IN THE MAIL. So this is what a good work environment is like. Strange! #
  • 12:42 When Henry & I engage in a deadly domestic dispute (inevitably), I hope it’s somewhere cooler than Old Navy. #
  • 14:51 If I had to choose between my face & tits, I’d stare at my tits too, fellas. #
  • 15:00 Henry looks like one of the three muskateers today. And now I’m making myself sick from laughing at him. #
  • ***
  • 09:22 Henry is on the phone with his ex-wife! BE QUIET YOU GUYS. #
  • 11:07 Henry just called me a tattletale and said I’m like Chooch’s sister. :( #
  • 11:57 Listening to Armor For Sleep and mixing up some blood. #
  • 13:05 It’s a good thing i’m not a party planner professionally. #
  • 14:25 Alisha was blowing up a balloon and it burst in her face and I couldn’t stop laughing and Bill said it was forced. :( #

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