Mar 272008
 

Big Bob (not to be confused with the Bob I usually mention): You know what I could go for? Some Bel Biv Devoe.  *sings “Cool It Now”*

Me: That wasn’t BBD

Big Bob: *ignores me and talks to the other Bob* That was when Bobby Brown was in their group
 
Me: Yeah, but they were called New Edition
 
Big Bob: *ignores me still and muses aloud* What were they called?
 
Me: NEW EDITION.
 
Big Bob: Oh yeah, right. *turns to Bob* There were five of them, but I don’t know the other one.
 
Me: Ralph Tresvant.
 
(Not even trying to get into the later addition of Johnny Gill, because apparently I’m not supposed to offer my input when Big Bob is holding court.)
 
Big Bob: *ignoring me* The ‘Biv’ of Bel Biv Devoe stands for Bivens. Brian Bivens. 
 
Me: It’s Michael Bivens.
 
Big Bob: Are you sure? *changes the subject to Depeche Mode, wherein he refers to them as techno*

Last week, he was wearing a Vlad the Impaler t-shirt and my innocent compliment was returned with a fifty thousand word verbal history on the life of Vlad the Impaler and did you know he USED TO IMPALE PEOPLE ON STAKES AND LEAVE THEM WRITHING THERE ALONG THE ROAD AS A WARNING TO  OTHERS????

Oh look, he’s wearing that shirt today, too. At least now I know if he ever comes in here wearing a Bel Biv Devoe shirt to keep my fucking mouth shut.

  10 Responses to “the worst kind of know-it-all is the one who thinks they know but they don’t”

  1. Ha ha hahaha.

    Oh, hey, remember how yesterday I took five whole minutes out of my disgustingly drippy depression and called you and left you what I thought was an entertaining and sweet message? Remember how I don’t interact with ANYONE lately but I attempted to interact with you? REMEMBER HOW YOU HAVEN’T SAID A SINGLE THING ABOUT IT?

    Last time I do anything nice for YOU, lady.

    xo!

    • OMG! I didn’t even know! I had my phone shut off most of the night because the battery was on red. I’ll check the messages now!

      Apparently this is going to be one of those nights where I’m continually talked over. I keep forgetting, I’m not an adult. I’m a small child. My words aren’t IMPORTANT.

      I need to get the fuck out of this place.

  2. I LOVE BEL BIV DEVOE.

    Seriously I go through phases where that’s all I listen to, 90’s rap and New Jack Swing. I’m so sad I can’t find their remix CD anywhere. =(

    • Jenn! Didn’t you know? Big Bob is the ONLY white person allowed to like them!

      (Srsly though, they just don’t make r&b like that anymore! I miss B2M too, back when they were still decent.)

  3. Is there a sentence that comes out of his mouth that doesn’t start with “You know…” (what/who/where/when/why)?

  4. DOUCHE!

    i’m sure you wanted to kill him-
    and he deserves it!~!

  5. Bob is a moron. If he wears a BBD shirt, you have to send a photo!

  6. This Big Bob would get along very well with Chris. Both of them knowitalls in their own mind.

    I am not even a BBD fan and this would annoy me!

Choose Your Words Carefully