Dec 282020
 

I have honestly no complaints about this Christmas. It might have actually been one of the only ones where I didn’t cry or pout or smash glass, if we’re being real here. So here are some photos from our super cozy day at home!

When I woke up that morning, I had no expectations. Henry and I don’t always exchange gifts because we’re so focused on getting shit for our spoiled son who wasn’t supposed to get anything this year because we got him a brand new gaming computer in October and he was all, “THIS CAN BE MY EARLY XMAS GIFT, I WON’T EXPECT ANYTHING ON XMAS!” but of course I was like, “We have to get him some little things just so he has something to open on Christmas” because you know that’s the real meaning of Xmas, come on. And then that slowly morphed into DID WE GET HIM ENOUGH, MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GET HIM MORE THING” and then he ended up with a decent stack and do you know what that little shit said he liked the best?

These dumb stress bands I bought him because he said he wanted stress toys. They’re just these floppy rubber colorful strips that he can pull on and he has been walking around with no less than two of them in his hands at once, ever since Xmas, like he’s the Stress Cowboy.

So dumb.

But before any of that happened, we all came downstairs and I was prepared to get comfortable on the couch and watch Chooch tear through his gifts, except that I was met with a gigantic blanket-covered lump in the middle of the room, and Henry and Chooch were standing there staring at me expectantly, until I yelled, “IS THAT FOR ME?!” and it was!

You guys, I have four wheelchairs now!!!!

Henry said Chooch only knew about this for less than one full day because he can’t be trusted, but that he actually bought it awhile ago and it’s been in the garage ever since. Hot Naybor Chris helped him get it in there apparently and asked, “You guys going racin’ or something?” and I can totally picture him saying this which makes it even better!

And then Chooch made me a card inside which he wrote lots of sappy shit that he never ever ever would say out loud and I just kept saying, “I hate you” over and over while trying not to cry. This was the best Christmas I’ve had in a while!!

“I can’t believe he finally wrote on the correct side of the card,” I said to Henry later, of our genius son who is the biggest stoop when it comes to cards, letters, and envelopes.

“Oh, that was his third attempt,” Henry sighed.

The cats got a new tunnel for Henry to trip over and kick 87 times a day! (The amount of cat toys strewn about our house every day is actually really hilarious. I’m pretty sure they have more toys than Chooch ever did.)

Drew always has to be in the thick of things.

Chooch got an egg maker thingie and also an air fryer. He did not, however, get anything from wine.com. I just used the box to wrap something else! I FUCKING SWEAR!

Chooch loves Uniqlo, so I got him a coat which I think looks so nice on him but he’s just like, “I DON’T NEED COATS!” Because, you know, teenagers don’t get cold. Hoodies or GTFO.

And also this Keith Haring x Mickey Mouse sweatshirt. He loves Keith Haring! I hate how grown-up he looks here though.

Our joint gift to Henry was originally that he could eat and breathe all day without us complaining about how loud he was being but that turned out to be something that was just way out of our budget so we reneged after about an hour. (If you ask Henry, he’ll probably say we didn’t even last that long.)

Then it was time for dinner! Henry pre-ordered two Christmas dinner kits from our pals at Zenith and then made himself some gross meat-laden stew in his PRESSURE COOKER which he remembered he had on the night before Xmas Eve when we delivered cookies to Wendy and Shawn and crock pots somehow came up in conversation (I zoned out for most of that segment because it was too Adulting) and I guess that made him feel inspired to use it.

“Is that the thing we used to make the hot chocolate for the hot chocolate bar at our Xmas party last year?” I asked.

“No! That was a CROCK POT!” Henry cried because apparently he has tried to teach me the differences of these two kitchen gadgets in the past but I’m too obtuse to retain it.

Or care.

The best part of Zenith meals is the VEGAN BUDNT CAKE. This one was apple and I wanted to ride my new wheelchair to the nearest courthouse with the cake strapped to my lap.

You know, so we could be married.

The cake and me.

Henry was making lots of mouth-sounds with his stew, and I really think Chooch was about to pack up a hobo sack and hit the road.

Chooch’s face is perfect lol.

Actually getting along.

Afterward, we watched Die Hard (Chooch is going through this phase where he wants to watch “classics” which basically are just movies from the 80s so that doesn’t make me feel like a fucking old hag or anything) while Chooch attempted to make a gingerbread house and hurled the box across the room after 10 minutes, which is way longer than I would have lasted, so good for him.

Anyway, while watching Die Hard, I realized that I have never seen Die Hard. The end.

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