I have a big brother, too, you know.

I haven’t talked to my older brother Shawn (same dad) in about three years and haven’t seen him since like, 1999 (partly because he wasn’t living in the state for a large portion of those years). That’s also the same year we met for the first time, after our moms were afraid we’d meet in a bar. So when he called me out of the blue Sunday night, I was pleasantly surprised. Shawn always makes me laugh because he skips over all the pleasantries and just launches right into whatever’s plaguing him at the moment, and I just sit back and giggle.

When he said he’d come see me and Chooch sometime this week, I was like, “Yeah OK sure,” figuring that I’d probably have to wait for Heidi Montag to exhaust all options of body augmentation before anything like that would happen.

But then yesterday, he texted me and suggested we all go see our Grandma Lois today. (This is my paternal grandma who lives in an assisted living apartment complex, not the one who’s Sharon’s prisoner.)

Chooch and I met Shawn at McDonald’s. It was their first time meeting each other, and already Chooch was trying to steal his orange juice. Some elderly McDonald’s employee walked by and tried to touch Chooch’s shoulder, which made him shrink back in horror. People are always trying to touch my kid! Then we drove up the street to Lois’s building and spent a good fifteen minutes that Shawn was not our dad, and that Chooch was not his son.

It was a little awkward. Hello, siblings here!

Once inside Lois’s apartment, it was all over. Chooch began jumping all over Shawn, impaling him with a banana clip, kicking him, stomping on his feet, farting on him. He never stopped, never sat down, never shut his big mouth. I’m pretty sure he was convinced Shawn was just a really tall kid.

Shawn’s paranoia and apprehension is palpable in this photo.

I forgot the flash for my camera, so the photos turned out blurry. That just means we have to hang out again and take more.

Chooch is extremely awkward around old people, much like I am around other children.

It was really cool to see Shawn again and Chooch is completely smitten. Too bad Shawn quickly declared early on into the meeting that he won’t ever be babysitting for me. I don’t blame him.

Meeting my niece Brooke for the first time on Saturday, the whole Sharon debacle on Sunday, Blake moving in with us (really, we’re just like his private hostel), and then seeing Shawn again after all these years (I also saw Lois and her sister Charmaine on Tuesday when they popped over for a quick visit) – it’s been such a crazy week as far as family goes! But I’ve really been enjoying hanging out with my sister Amy, and I hope that Shawn and I will get to hang out more regularly too. Ever since Chooch came around, I’ve wished I had more of a family for him, and now it’s kind of turning out that way.  I grew up thinking I literally only had two little brothers, Ryan and Corey, and then all of a sudden found myself with two big sisters and a big brother (and speculation of a second).

It’s been pretty cool.

All this sentimentality makes me feel gross. Excuse me while I go make fun of someone in a wheelchair.