This is one of the sponsor paintings I made for Blogathon. I got a little attached to it AND NOW IT’S GONE. I hope my sponsor likes it.
The second time I participated in Blogathon, back in 2007, I decided to bribe people to sponsor me by offering to paint them pictures. I wound up having to churn out nearly 20 paintings on 6×8 canvas board. It was the first time I had painted in YEARS. And it showed. Believe me. (Not that I’m some fucking Picasso now, but still – at least I’ve upgraded from q-tips to brushes.) As crude as my style was, it still made me remember how much fun it was, and how good it was to just lose myself in paint swirls for a little while every day. So I kept doing it. That’s how Somnambulant started three years ago.
I stopped painting a few months ago, with the exception of a few custom cupcake couples here and there. Painting started to have a bad connotation for me. I’d look around my house and see all these old paintings I made that were based on songs Christina and I liked, or a line from a poem she had written about me. It made me not want to ever hold a paintbrush again, like a piece of my mind had petrified.I just felt dead.
Saturday night, as I sat across from my friend Jessy on a bench, she asked in earnest, “What can we do to get you past this? To get you to start loving painting again?”
I’m not sure what that answer is. I know I need to get all these old paintings out of my house. Be it by selling them, burning them, frisbee’ing them over a cliff, I don’t know. But I think the only way is to start fresh. My style is still pretty rudimentary and childish, but that’s how I like it. And apparently, there are other people who like that, as well and it’s been really fun making friends and connections through art. I’ve been missing that part of it. The part where people send me photos of their newly purchased painting hanging on their wall. The part where people take time out of their day to send me convos on Etsy telling me they enjoy the stories that go along with the paintings. I miss that.
I first painted skulls back in May because of that Etsy’s Dark Side birthday swap I’m apart of. The girl I was given to gift loves skulls and I had never really done much with skulls before. Something similar to the above painting is what came of that. And it was sort of fun! Cutting and gluing newsprint teeth proved cathartic. There wasn’t a sadness backing it like so many of my other paintings have (whether you can see it or not, I know it’s there).
I have mini ones on Etsy and I might make more; I’m trying to take baby steps. But these skulls, they’re fun to paint and don’t remind me of heartache. Yet, anyway.