May 302023

I didn’t liveblog any part of our weekend Canada road trip because the drive itself was extremely boring. But! After we left Canada’s Wonderland yesterday, we stopped at Odd Burger for lunch because there was one a few minutes away! I was so excited to eat here again, only three mths after the first time, because they have an extensive all-vegan menu. I really wanted to try one of the breakfast sandwiches, so I got this maple thingie with bacUN and ‘ham.’ The egg is tofu, and it’s topped with a hashbrown. Oh, and ‘cheese’! My eyes are always so much bigger than my stomach when we come to places like that and I was really convinced that it wouldn’t be enough, but yo – it was. I was comfortably stuffed.

I also had a small orange milkshake which I couldn’t finish so Henry and Chooch got to enjoy the dregs.

Chooch got a taco salad, and Henry got the chickun cordon bleu (which I got last time) and poutine. Totally satisfying.

The only other thing I wanted to do while we were still in Canada was eat a nanaimo bar again, since that was seriously the highlight of our last trip to Toronto (aside from the Kang Daniel concert, of course!) (even though we weren’t in Toronto at all this time). Henry thought he was so great because he found a bakery several minutes away from Odd Burger. They only had one nanaimo bar left. It was just OK – the one I had at Bunner’s really spoiled me, I guess.

Then, I immediately fell asleep for about 30 minutes, which is very unlike me. I hardly ever sleep in the car, mostly because Henry’s driving has gotten so bad lately that I’m terrified to close my eyes while he’s at the wheel. But Jesus Christ, I felt like I was drugged. It was barely even 80 degrees that day, but I think it was just the fact that it was our first theme park of the year and honestly it hasn’t been very hot in Pittsburgh so this was like, baby’s first day in the sun. I didn’t get burnt or anything but I think I must have been partially dehydrated and possibly a little heat-strokey? Who can be sure, but man I felt like my life-force had been sucked out like marrow from a bone.

And then we sat in traffic for about two hours because jackass truck drivers were clogging up the road leading up to the border. Henry was trying to explain it – I guess all the big trucks / 18-wheelers have to get into the right lane but a lot of trucks were trying to stay in the left lane for as long as possible to bypass the truck-traffic and then once they had no choice but to get over, the trucks in the right lane were like FUCK OFF CUNTS so the trucks in the left lane came to a complete stop while trying to merge, blocking the highway for us non-truck people.

Then!!! Some asshole in a tow truck-thing in the right lane MOVED INTO THE CENTER OF BOTH LANES literally right as we were passing, nearly side-swiping us, just so he could block the trucks in the left-lane from passing. It took me basically the entire time we were stuck in the traffic jam to understand what was happening, no matter how many times Henry explained it. I think my brain was definitely going through it yesterday. (And Sunday – Sunday was a rough day in general for my precious brain.)

But yeah, what a douchebag that tow truck guy was! I kept screaming, “IS THAT LEGAL? CAN WE CALL THE COPS?” The audacity!! I am so fucking glad that we just barely made it past him before he pulled that stunt because I would have been p-p-p-p-p-issed if we were stuck behind him while he was taking up two lanes.

Other than that, I spent the ride home finishing one of the best books I’ve ever read: The Hundred-Year House by Rebecca Makkai. This was the third book of hers that I’ve read, and all three have been 5-stars. Love her. I think she is a crazy genius, honestly.

Got a shitty dinner at Get-Go in Erie, which is where we always stop when we’re out that direction and I actually kind of hate it BUT at least they have a vegetarian AND plant-based menu which is way more than I can say for Sheetz. Get it together, Sheetz. It’s 2023!!

Obviously, I will recap our time at Canada’s Wonderland separately, and I can tell you that the three of us barely fought (except for yesterday when we were making fun of Henry for, I don’t know, coughing weird probably, and snapped, “YOU TWO ARE THE REASON PEOPLE BECOME SERIAL KILLERS” or something and I wanted to say that actually no, there are other reasons people become SERIAL killers, but sure, we are probably the reason why a person could become a CRIME OF PASSION or DOMESTIC killer. Henry thinks he’s so fucking cool.

Oh yeah, like on the way to Canada, when we had just gotten back into the car after stopping at THE STUPID ERIE GET-GO, and Henry announced that he had to go back in because he forgot to buy THROAT LOZENGES and Chooch and I, in tandem, said in a bored tone, “Wow you’re so cool” and “mm, cool” only for me to then snap out of it and cry, “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SAY COUGH DROPS? Ugh, you’re so embarrassing.”

What was I saying? Oh yeah, we all managed to get along for the most part considering this was our first overnight trip as a trio since Dollywood (Chooch didn’t go to Toronto or Chicago with us, YOU MIGHT RECALL) but for some reason, I just felt off. It wasn’t that I didn’t have fun or enjoy myself, but I guess I felt kind of disoriented? It could have been also that it was my first time this year wearing shorts in public and I am so vain/mildly body dysmorphic I think, that this is something that can easily knock me off my axis. I really wish I wasn’t this way.

Chooch and I did get in a small argument though because I truly enjoy Tim Hortons but he is a Dunkin lifer.

Anyway, my general malaise has carried over a bit into today and all I want to do is say ciao for now and go to bed. So, ciao for now.

Say it don't spray it.

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