Jun 102023

Hello, back for a Day 2 recap! I’m going to try and keep it succinct (LOL, me? Succinct? Like I even know what that means) because we weren’t really  there that long and nothing outrageous happened. The day started off with all of us waking up surprisingly in decent, amicable moods. Had a hotel breakfast and killed time watching Cash Cab the only way we’re able to watch anything trivia-related: intensely and with the passion of a sports super fan.

Then we set off for Canada’s Wonderland! It was another bright, sunny day. High 70s. I think that the wildfires had already been happening but somehow we had not heard anything about it and the Toronto-ish area didn’t seem to have been affected by it, at least not at that point. It makes me sick and so sad to think about. :(

Well, anyway, here we are back at the entrance, me being dwarfed by Chooch.

The park wasn’t even technically open yet (it opened at 10 and we got there at 9:30) but Leviathan was already running! This was the coaster I was most stoked for because I think now I have ridden all the gigas in North America? IS THAT CORRECT? Millennium Force, I-305, Fury, Orion, Leviathan? Am I missing anything? Erin, do you know how to Google?

I think this was when we were in line for Leviathan? I asked the guy if we could have the back row and he said YES. Again: IT DOES NOT HURT TO ASK, BUT PLEASE TO REMEMBER TO DO IT WITH PRAYER HANDS.

Anyway, I thought this was fun! But as we cruised onto the brake run, I immediately said that I liked Behemoth better and it is now 100% confirmed that I just flat out like hypers better than gigas. AND THAT IS OK. PEOPLE CAN HAVE OPINIONS, THANK YOU.

After this, it was a walk-on for The Bat and I am SO GLAD that we got out of line for it the day before because I had no idea how long that line actually was. And this bitch is not worth even a 5 minute wait. Actually, as far as Vekoma boomerangs go, it wasn’t the worst one I’ve ridden, which is funny because when were getting off of it, Chooch declared that it was absolutely the worst one he’s ever ridden.

We then rode The Fly, which was a Crazy Mouse-type of coaster and also almost a walk-on, which is crazy for these types of rides. The operations are usually very slow and it’s low capacity, which is not great because it’s always a very popular family coaster. The lines for these things can be outrageous. I have definitely rage-stood in my fair share of their queues. Anyway – I thought this one was VERY fun! Not rough at all!

Vortex was next, which I liked because it interacted with the mountain structure and it was just, to say the least, an insane suspended coaster. Like, actually pretty scary! The way the cars were swinging toward the end, I was scared we were going to tip over. This was Top 5 in the park for me, personally, I would say.

Tiem Warp was an absolute piece of shit. It’s one of those coasters were you stand up in a cage and then it lowers so you’re facedown and being jostled around the entirety of the track. I absolutely fucking hated it. It hurt me so bad and the load-in/load-out process was so awkward – first of all, I didn’t realize that we were supposed to get out as soon as the cage was lifted upright when we returned to the station because I couldn’t tell that the cage-part was opened behind me. Each cage is constantly in motion too so I was basically traveling back to the front of the station like I wanted a re-ride. Finally the ride attendant came over and said, “You can get out now.”

Chooch, meanwhile, was already walking down the exit ramp. Thanks for the heads up, son of the year.

I mean honestly this kid coaster was one of the best ones in the park. Very enjoyable experience. I can’t remember what it was called, but I would ride it again. (Silver Streak, maybe?) Also, the kids area in general was just very pleasant.

Literally, LITERALLY, the best wooden coaster in the whole fucking park. And it’s a goddamn children’s coaster.

Chooch trying to outrun my picture-snapping.

Ghoster Coaster Kids.

W-W-W-W-WOWWWWW. Nice, Henry.

He did this one on purpose because I’m always yelling, “NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR BACK FLESH, STOP EXPOSING YOURSELF!!!”

But yes, this required a trifecta of shot because I thought the Kiddy Land entrance/exit bridge was so fucking delightful. Especially compared to what horrors some of those coasters in the main sections had in store for us. Jesus Christ.

I wanted Tiny Tom Donuts.

But Chooch said he wanted to Dippin’ Dots. Then he threw his little Mini Erin fit and said, “NEVER MIND JUST FORGET IT” because they were two separate lines, so he stormed off to sit and probably text all of his friends about how his parents dragged him to Canada to ride roller coasters, boo hiss.

We got him his dumb Dippin Dots and he acted ANGRY about it. “I said I didn’t want it!” he scoffed and I’ll tell you, the boy was almost wearing it as a head decoration at that point. What a little bitch! He did eat it though.

I only had 4 because I originally wanted to get ice cream later (spoiler: I did not because by that point, it was my turn to throw a Mini Erin tantrum…or, you know, an Original Big Erin tantrum) but now I regret it because they were pretty good! Henry ate the rest and got sick lol. We give all of our refuse to him.

In line for Backlot Stunt Coaster, our third version of this ride. I think of all three, this was my least favorite. Henry was pissed because we told the ride attendant there were only 2 people in our party and left him in the dust, lol. He had to ride with some other dad.

The last awful coaster we rode was Flight Deck. I dunno what was going on in my head but the entire time we were traversing the empty queue (it was a long ass queue) on the way to what was essentially a station wait, I was thinking that this ride was a B&M invert, which are usually pretty good and actually one of my favorite types of coasters. But then when we got to the station and I saw the train (ONE TRAIN OPS, BTW), I sighed, “Oh god, this is an SLC….” and Chooch goes, “Yeah, what did you think it was?”

“A B&M invert,” I said, choking on fear, knowing full well how WFRECKED my body was about to be on this piece of shit.

“A B&M?!!? Since when do you think B&M tracks look like that?!” he cried, so embarrassed by my blunder.

All non-enthusiasts just read a bunch of words that they could not care any less about. I’m sorry for wasting your time. We are coaster nerds.

But yeah, as expected, that fucking devil ride broke me. I was in so much pain, my brain was rattled, other children on the coaster were also complaining about how rough it was. You guys. Kids are resilient and do not care about shitty coasters so that will tell you JUST HOW EXTREMELY SHITTY THIS ONE IS.

Once we got the last of the coaster creds under our belts (well, Chooch’s belt – we don’t really count creds), we peaced out and went to Odd Burger for lunch.

Overall, we (Chooch and I) rode 15 coasters, heard 2 Alanis Morrisette songs (“Uninvited,” “Head Over Feet”), 1 Bryan Adams song, 0 Nickelback songs, had decent park food, and procured 0 Canada’s Wonderland souvenir magnets because do Canadian refrigerators not like magnets?! I had to buy an enamel pin for Henry to grind the pinback off of and turn into a magnet. So ridiculous!

CW has a great atmosphere, love the mountain. But their coaster lineup is….not very well-rounded. Maybe of the 17 (2 are kid coasters that you can only ride if you’re accompanied by a child, ugh), there are 5 that are worthy are re-rides. The rest were one-and-dones, some of these were even burn-it-to-the-grounds.

I’m really glad that we went finally, and we did have a good time overall even though it probably doesn’t seem like it, but we all agreed that we won’t be back unless they get some kind of amazing Intamin or RMC. Like, I probably wouldn’t even just pop in if we were in Toronto.

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