Tweets: They continually get dumber

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 13:05 I think some ppl only understand the meaning of NO when its followed by a knife in the gut. #
• 15:20 I just know when I’m stuck behind an I<3Bingo sticker, I’m going to be late for work. #
• 17:54 Seasonal lesbianism in the hizzouse. #
• 19:32 my stomach is still exacting revenge after yesterday’s cereal mishap. #
• 20:40 this makes me die inside: "were my arms too short to ransom you from broken skin and black and blue." #
• 21:39 I don’t get enough naked chicks sending me friend requests on MySpace. WHAT’S UP, HOES?? #
• 22:52 waiting for the death blow. #
• 23:01 i could have a sword lodged in my sternum and my fave security guard could still make me smile just by giving me a thumbs up. OKMAYBENOT. #

• 08:00 Apparently saying "whatevelyn" is even more annoying than its abbreviated sister "Whatev." Glad I inducted it into my lexicon. #

And then these ones didn’t post yesterday because LoudTwitter thinks I’m a whore:

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 09:46 Ordering cereal with a chronic sniffler behind me. Gross. 
• 09:50 I’m eating cocoa puffs, lucky charms, malt balls and choco syrup. Best cereal ever.
• 09:58 All cereal should have malt balls in it. And I don’t even LIKE malt balls!!! 
• 09:59 And a goth girl named Simone works here AND the Cure is playing. Cereality pwns.
• 11:32 Sick
• 08:01 Just got my son stuck in a shirt. It was scary because I thought he was going to kill me.
• 08:02  I gave him cold pizza for breakfast in an attempt to make amends

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