Jul 062008
 

Urgent. Will die without reading.

  • 13:37 Henry is not going to give me one last kiss when I’m in my coffin. That’s cold. #
  • 20:17 Just dared Henry to make me blue. #
  • 20:26 Hopefully I’m not the only scene kid at fireworks. #
  • 21:09 These fucking fireworks better be good like sex. I’m sitting on a goddamn trash bag for them. #
  • 21:18 Its all fun and games until the firetruck comes for Chooch. #
  • 21:34 Hello fuck these are some trailer park fireworks. #
  • 21:36 In between bursts it got quiet enuf to hear some guy yell DAMMIT. Lamest fireworks. #
  • 21:37 Corey took a picture of one and it looked like a picture of heartworms at the Vet’s office. #
  • 21:42 Its like the fireworks have polio. #
  • 21:44 Or Erectile Dysfunction. #
  • 21:47 I could have sex with Flava Flav and see bigger fireworks than these. #
  • 21:52 @buenomexicana holy fuck they blow so hard! #
  • 21:57 It was worth it after all: Janna fell in mud. #
  • 22:00 Watching Janna swipe her muddied hand in grass was so much awesomer than finale. #

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Post Fireworks Notes:

Watching the handicapped old broad in front of us chug her Slurpee in her wheelchair was far more captivating than struggling to see the gimp bursts of light from behind billowing pilons of smoke.  I was also jealous that she had a nice dry seat while the only thing separating my ass from the soggy grass was a flimsy trash bag and at one point even voiced aloud my desire to be crippled.

I think Janna was actually enjoying herself. I noticed that she had a big smile on her face, like an orphaned leper getting to meet Ronald McDonald for the first time. And then when I yelled, “This sucks!” she agreed but I could tell that it was breaking her heart to hear people sling insults at her beloved fireworks. Shit, we set off better displays in my mom’s backyard, for Christ’s sake.

Chooch lost interest in the fireworks around the same time I did — after about eight seconds. He proceeded to sprinkle clumps of wet grass on Corey’s back while I played with my Blackberry.

One of the highlights was when it appeared a dud was set off, but then the crowd started cheering uproariously. “Did one of the firemen get hurt?” I asked Corey hopefully. There was a second where we actually thought we might get to see some action, until Corey realized that what we thought was grisly firework backfire actually resulted in some hokey American flag ground display.

People actually cheer for that shit?

We got up to leave, assuming that the display above us was the finale because even though it was still gimp like the other ones preceding it, it was marginally louder. Our departure ended up being a few minutes premature, but Janna falling in the mud was so much more entertaining than the finale. And we didn’t even get to see the actual fall, just the sullied aftermath. Corey begged her to re-fall so he could video tape but unlike us, she didn’t think that was the best idea EVAR.

Happy belated Fourth of July.

  2 Responses to “Patriotic Tweets”

  1. I am sorry those fireworks were so lame- but they did produce some funny tweets.

    and- it’s crazy but a lot of people cheer for anything patriotic. i don’t hate america but there’s an awful lot fucked up about it.

  2. You damn Commies

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