I’m looking for awesome salads. I’ve been eating salads for lunch every single dingdong day since like, mother fucking piece of shit April, and I’m burnt out. BURNT THE FUCK OUT. I’m tired of alfalfa sprouts and garbanzo beans. The flax seed stays, though.
I need options. Something exotic, erotic and mind-bending. Something without meat products.
Tell me how you make your salads. Give me secret family recipes. Anything that involves vodka and porn is a plus.
Otherwise, I’ll fall back on cheese sandwiches and get all bloated.
Things I do not like in my salads:
- onions (sometimes those purple fuckers are ok)
- tomatoes (unless they’re cut up all tiny)
- carrots, unless they’re as shredded as the jeans on the collective ass of 1980s heavy metal
- dressings that do not include oil and vinegar
I really like ingredients that are not only hard for Henry to procure, but also hard on his wallet. And then I’ll write up some reviews maybe and possibly become a salad expert and get to do some whoring on Food Network.