Sep 032011
 

Once Chooch pulled the huge Smoky Mountain stick from his ass, the rest of Thursday ended up being really nice.

We ate lunch at the Mellow Mushroom, which had a myriad of vegetarian options (including tempeh!) alongside the standard fare. I was a huge fan and it certainly aided to the cause that our waiter was attentive and super cute.

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The only way I could love that place any more is if I were a pothead. It had a very Seussian-meets-Haight Ashbury decor that you could easily get lost in with a little help.

Chooch was stalking two little girls on the other side of the room and kept making up reasons to have to go over there. “I need to see what’s on the wall over there, again,” he’d say, adjusting Perv Britches and skulking off to observe his prey. He’s so “secretly” girl crazy, it’s horrifying.

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This dessert is funny because Chooch is anything but mellow. (Stick with me, I’ll spell it all out for you.)

Later on, Tammy made wonderful fajitas for everyone and Ranee and Vanessa (who arrived Tuesday night) sat around with me afterward and tried to fix my life in the most subtle, nonintrusive way that I never knew was possible. They’re my new life coaches and I like them lots.

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They hung back after dinner while Bill, Jessi and Tammy went to the Odditorium, which I sort of wanted to do too but these things are difficult with a 5-year-old (hooray for being the only couple with a child a usual; it kind of sucks sometimes), so instead we went to play HillBilly Golf, which several friends and a gaggle of strangers on Yelp highly recommend.

It was basically super over-priced mini golf (good luck finding anything there that isn’t, though) on the side of a hill. The main pull is that there is an incline ride to the top and you can’t see any of the holes from the street, which really works to their advantage because the holes ain’t shit, my friends. There was an outhouse on one, which was cute, but most of the obstacles were just barrels and farm equipment taunting Chooch to play on.

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The most hillbilly part of it was interacting with the proprietors, who definitely live in the mountains and it made me nervous that they were the ones operating the incline, so really, it was like going to a county fair in Tennessee and putting my life in the hands of a twangy carny.

(As I’m writing this, I’m sitting in the porch having one last cup of coffee before we check out. I’m so sad about this, but happy that I get to go home and see Marcy, and that I’m one day closer to meeting Andrea/MrsEvils for the first time!)

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Fortunately, Chooch actually took it seriously, so it wasn’t a complete waste of money. He still rushed us through it pretty quickly though. However, he did get a hole-in-one so I think I need to make him a “I Got My 1st Hole-In-One At Hillbilly Golf” shirt.

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I’m sure I can find a good hillbilly image to use for the shirt in any one of Henry’s old photo albums. He’s probably got some good ones from the 90s, I’d imagine.

Other than that, we basically spent our evening on the hillside, getting ravaged by mosquitoes, heckling Henry and impeding any chance he had of getting his own hole-in-one.

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Making life difficult for Henry—-seems like a good night, if you ask me.

  2 Responses to “Gatlinburg Day 5: odds & ends”

  1. Congrats on his hole in one!

  2. Why does it look like Henry The Elder is bracing Chooch for a punch to the back of the head in that last photo? :-O He wasn’t being THAT much of a little hellion, was he? (Chooch, not H The E.) :-P

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