Henry

May 282013
 
Douchebag in Blue

Douchebag in Blue

So it seems again I have been asked to recap an event that Erin deems blog worthy. Me, I feel it’s just another day in the life. Chooch decided he wanted a funnel cake ,while Erin and him rode the scrambler I was instructed to get. It seemed easy enough since there was no line, just run up order it and sit down and wait. Ordered it,sat down waited, noticed the tall gentleman in blue at the order window above. He placed his order after me while I was taken the picture ( as instructed to by Erin) waiting for my funnel cake to fry up. I said gentleman in blue, which now is going to turn into tall douchebag in blue as he turned from the order window and went directly to the pickup window and proceeded to grab my just finished funnelcake. My mother who was sitting behind me ,just got the words ” he’s gonna take your funnel……” out of her mouth when he grabbed it turned and almost ran past me before I had a chance to get a word out of my mouth. He was actually walking very briskly almost like he knew what he had done. No big deal, by this time his had come up and was ready for pickup. All I had to do was wait for Chooch to get done, so I set ti down on the bench next to my mother not thinking that it might fall off , it was quite windy that day. Well of course right before Erin and Chooch returned the wind had proceeded to pick it up and throw it on the ground, and blow the plate clean across the park. Didn’t want it to go to waste, I mean it fell behind the bench and just hit the ground for a sec so no harm in eating it and Chooch would have eaten it. So by the time they got the I had devoured almost all of it except for the powdered sugar that was still on the ground. Well of course I had to explain what happened and after all the

” eww how could you eat that off the ground”

and the tears from Chooch , I went and replaced the first funnelcake. Got this one wrapped to go so there would be no accidents. We were now leaving and as always the wacky worm is always rode on the way out. As always I had to use the bathroom and walked right past the wacky worm. When I returned I noticed Erin frantically waving her arms at me. Like I’m supposed to know what that means, it also comes with the

” you asshole can’t you tell what I want”

looks. I noticed too late the douchbag was on the wacky worm directly in front of her.

[EDIT NOTE: I did not edit this for Henry. It’s time for him to spread his wings and fly. Also, the title of this is mine.

Some other things: now I know the TRUE story. Henry made it sound like he was loafing by the pick up window when Tall Douchebag in the Blue Jacket swooped in and snatched it right from under Henry’s nose. I feel less bad now!

Henry was taking a picture of the funnel cake place because I asked him to since Dutch things appeal to me. My phone was dead or I’d have done it myself.

Also, I was gesticulating wildly on the Wacky Worm because I wanted Henry to take a picture of the Douchebag (again, my phone was dead). But since Henry and I fail at Charades, the ball was dropped. Actually, I think he knew exactly what I wanted and just didn’t care. This sounds more accurate.]

Jun 042012
 

As I mentioned on Saturday, we took the trolley downtown for the Arts Festival and were fortuitous to sit behind some drunk (and possibly half-retarded) man en route to the Joe Walsh show.  (Henry was like, “Hot damn, how did I not know Joe Walsh was playing in my town tonight? I bet there will be some wheelchaired hussies prime for the pushing, too.”)

Chooch had made friends (in the span of 30 seconds after they swung on a pole together while waiting for the trolley, must be nice) with a three-year-old boy named Jordan so they sat together (much to Jordan’s mom’s chagrin once she realized some disheveled jagoff was going to start slurring to them about science while twirling an unlit cigarette in his shaking fingers.

Here is the video I took, and in true Oh Honestly, Erin-fashion, I accidentally covered the speaker with my big fat sausage fingers. But, you’ll get the point.

Later, Joe Walsh fan accidentally dropped the f-bomb and was all apologetic to us and Chooch (Jordan’s mom had finally come over and snatched up her child after Joe Walks fan started talking about how much he loved him and Chooch; Henry and I remained ambivalent as always), but Chooch just looked at me with this smirk that said, “Um, that guy thinks I don’t say that word I guess.”

When Joe Walsh Fan learned that we were going to the Arts Festival, he told Chooch to pick out something nice for me.

“She has her own money,” Chooch mumbled.

When the trolley brought us to our stop, I started to follow Joe Walsh Fan and his (normal compared to him) friend to the front of the trolley to exit, but Henry hissed, “This way,” and led Chooch and me in the opposite direction to the middle exit.

“But we didn’t even say goodbye!” I wailed to Henry, who answered me with A Smirk.

Nov 112011
 

So here it is: the Big 4. It seems like it’s been so much longer that my life has been out there for all to see. Oh it has, ever since Erin started live journal sometime in the early 2000’s.

From the very beginning she has known that “I DO NOT LIKE MY PERSONAL LIFE OUT THERE”. But that didn’t stop her from posting about me. Now comes the 4th birthday of OHE and she asks me to think of 5 posts that I find are my favorite, that seems easy enough, but then I also have to write about them (another thing I hate, Writing) and post it as a guest blogger. Sounds fun and exciting to someone who hates to write, and I have been putting it off since she asked me to do it.

Unlike most of you who read OHE I happen to be in almost every post, except the ones that involve Jonny (I hope I spelled the asshole’s name right). I have had pictures posted of me in a dress, tutu and makeup. (Almost forgot the wiener pics, my favorite.)

She pretty much posts everthing I do or say that would make me look bad or embarrass the fuck out of me.

Examples:  Christmas Eve, Part 2: Henry’s Big Gay Secret

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You would think this would have nothing to do with me

She just loves my service years, and not for good.

 I have only cracked the surface of my life altering embarrassing moments that she has exploited to the fullest. So you see why I have such a hard time picking 5 posts that are my favorite for the 4th birthday of OHE. I don’t think I could narrow it down to that few, but according to her I don’t read it. Do I really have to read something that I live day to day, sometimes that very same day, sometimes a week later?

Yes, I do have to read it,  not daily like she wants me to, but I do get around to it eventually. Usually after she starts whining and hounding me to. I wouldn’t miss reading how I made her life a living hell or one of our many trips that suddenly have things in them that I don’t remember happening that way. Granted she does write about the good stuff but who wants that, that’s boring.

Man I hate to say this in an open forum where it can be seen by all and will be here for ever (A lesson Erin has not yet mastered and if she does, people will stop reading). But I have gotten used to all the ridicule and embarrassment that she puts me through on a daily basis, my life being out there for everyone to see and read about. There is only one reason that could have happened, that I could become numb to it all:

Because over the past 10 years Erin has become my best friend and love of my life. So here is to many more years of Henrying for all to read.

 

Thanks for reading