Feb 282019


  • I have been feenin’ for some rollerskating action recently (it sucks when the closest rink if run by non-great people which is why we stopped going regularly), and then when I walked into the dentist’s office this morning, RETURN OF THE MACK was playing and everyone knows that’s my eternal skate jam, like if I had to have a roller-theme, it would be that, hands down. Anyway, I took this as a sign so maybe this weekend I’ll motivate myself to leave the house and jam out on the rink.
    • I’ve been to the new dentist three times since December! This time it was just for a small cavity, but I think I’m starting to have a crush on the new dentist now, or maybe it’s some sort of reverse Florence Nightingale effect, who knows, but his voice is kind of Seth Rogen-ish and I LIKE THAT OK.
    • An hour later, I took a massively careless chug of coffee and still had Invisible Fat Lip syndrome so it missed my mouth and sluiced down my chin and all over my sweater because I’m one of those freaks who usually gets dressed to work from home. I mean, at the very least, I put makeup on. I AM THE VAINEST.
  • One day at work recently, I was in the kitchen having just opened a hardboiled egg when Aaron came in and started interrogating me on said egg. He asked me what my method is and I was like, “…for hardboiling it? Oh, I just tell Henry to do it” and Aaron was like, “Yeah, I don’t even know why I asked.” This really sums up a lot of my life.
  • Hey speaking of work, I couldn’t mention it on here because it was officially announced at work yet but I got a little bit of a promotion and it made me happy! Sometimes I forget that my hard work really is noticed by the people there who matter, and that was a really good vote of confidence for me when I really needed it because I have been pretty stressed lately. I came home and added a bunch more amusement parks to my list for 2019 and Henry was like, “They just added ‘senior’ to your title, not President.”
  • THIS, with caption:
  • Chooch and I are advancing to the next level of the Jillian Michaels Body Revolution workout this week (level 9 & 10) and I am so scared. The last one we did had crow push-ups and one-leg push-ups, so what’s next? No-leg push-ups? I’m like, shuddering. Meanwhile, Chooch continues to be a little fucking chatterbox during our cardio nights (we are both uncharacteristically quiet during the strength-training circuits, Henry loves it). These are some things my little octogenarian son said during our last cardio sesh:
    • I think I finally figured out what’s wrong with my knee: the kneecap is broken.
    • You know what’s weird? When I’m older, I think I might ACTUALLY join a book club.
    • There’s a splinter in my hip.
  • My tax refund was deposited last Friday and I was like LET’S BOOK OUR FLIGHT TO KOREA, OPPA but Henry was like, “Calm down, prices are going to drop here soon” because he watches shit like that, so I ran to Wendy’s office and whined about it and she was just like, “Let the adult handle this one, Erin” and I was like FINE but it’s not fine! I’m impatient! This money is burning a hole in my Korea account!
  • Me, crying about Taemin: His fucking profile, tho. Henry: What’s wrong with it? Me, incredulous: NOT A FUCKING THING. ITS LIKE GOD HIMSELF CHISELED IT FROM THE BEST MARBLE IN THE WORLD GO FUCK YOURSELF, HENRY.
    • Speaking of my favorite subject (Taemin, not Henry), I caught Henry dancing to Taemin’s “Want” in the kitchen and almost melted from secondhand embarrassment. Chooch was like, “DON’T EVER LET ME CATCH YOU DOING THAT AGAIN.”
  • SECOND SIGN TODAY THAT I NEED TO ROLLERSKATE, from the same episode as the Instavid I posted up there:

  • My Dork Son (j/k I love that he’s a brainiac) is receiving the Trifecta Award tonight and I can’t go because I’m working late shift. This is the 7th or 8th time he’s received it (you have to be High Honors, perfect attendance, and something else I forget for a…what do you call it? Semester?) and I have missed every single presentation because it’s always a Thursday and I never know about it until the night before it seems. But Henry is there at least…not sure how much of a consolation it is for Chooch to attend with his generically-dressed dad, but there you have it. Anyway, I hope Chooch stays smart. I was really smart until halfway through high school when I lost interest and started sneaking out to have sex in a field with a psychopath who burned down his best friend’s house over a video game and no I didn’t make that up, but hoo-boy I love referencing it!
    • And wow, in the same bulletpoint where I talked about my kid! I’m so fucking classy.
  • The one problem I have with working from home is that I drink so much coffee all day long to keep from snacking on everything in my kitchen.
  • Now I’m all sentimental about back when rollerskating was my life and the rink was run by nice people. Remember when I touched Roller DJs hair?!!? And the time I was pissed because the roller cops weren’t blowing the whistle at all the kids who were skating the wrong direction and Henry was like, “That’s because they’re deaf” and then WOW WHO’S THE DICKHEAD NOW. Man, and all of the soul skates! We had some good times at that place. Maybe I should build my own roller rink and here’s where I ignore Henry’s lecture about insurance and liability etc.
    • Time to listen to Return of the Mack again.
  • I just blurted out, “I have a crush on my dentist” to Henry and he acted all appalled and I was like, “Wow, this bitch actually cares?!” but apparently he thought I said I had a crush on my desk. Now that he knows it’s my dentist, he doesn’t care.
  • Chooch and I finished watching Devilish Joy last week and he said he’s ruined now and doesn’t want to watch another Korean drama because none will ever be as good and I’m like, “Bruv listen, I say that after every drama yet here I am, watching 6 different ones at the same time.” (Honestly, I’m watching the aforementioned Reply 1988, Touch My Heart, Radiant, Come & Hug Me, Where Stars Land, and Encounter which I’m kind of bored with but I’ll probably finish eventually. I like to jog in place while watching these in case you needed a visual.)

I just did Cardio Level 3 with Chooch and now my brain is mush and I have no thoughts left to share.


Feb 082019

I have had so much to say but so little time! Most evenings, I’m too caught up in exercise/roller coaster videos/k-dramas to focus on blogging.


But I do enjoy blasting out these bulletpoint thought collectives and I hope that’s OK.


  • I mean, making cards obviously. So far this V-day season, we have done double the amount we did last year! I am so humbled that there are people out there who like my designs, I don’t know if that will ever stop surprising me, especially since I have been making them for so long but only started selling a significant amount over the last several years.  This year, the Golden Girls set has nearly surpassed the serial killers, with The Cure set following close behind, and I have plans to add other pop-culture Valentine sets for next year!  Also, we learned A LOT from last year, mostly that we were woefully unprepared for the explosion of sales we saw. I thought we were going to get an imaginary divorce from our fake marriage, that’s how much stress-quarreling we did. But this season, Henry stocked up on the paper we use (it’s real good quality and we order it from a paper company online, so if we run out, we can’t just like, run to Staples and buy something comparable), hooked up an old printer to use just for printing shipping labels, and then bought a THIRD printer so now he can print cards on two printers at once and things have been running so much smoother. Chooch has taken an interest in assembling all of the little sets (he just likes using a stapler I think) and I am on packaging patrol, so we have a veritable assembly line going on in our dining room. It’s actually kind of satisfying!
  • Last Sunday, it occurred to me that I was supposed to have had plans the day before with two friends, but I forgot, and they both either forgot as well or just felt relieved that I forgot and kept their mouths shut in hopes that I wouldn’t suddenly remember and send a text. So, we’re all either totally scatterbrained or I have less friends than I thought I had, lolol. I have plans tomorrow with  two different friends so hopefully that date pans out or my self-awareness might actually slather me with jam and consume me.
    • Literally right after I typed all of that, the friends for tomorrow both texted to confirm plans so we’re already one step ahead! I hope plans don’t fall through because we’re meeting at Pamela’s for breakfast and I am HUNGRY FOR BLUEBERRY HOTCAKES.

  • I was trying to convince myself that Monday was going to be a GREAT DAY so I wore this happy stars print blouse, a hot pink fun fur coat, and my favorite fake-teeth cameo. It…..didn’t work but I still thought it looked cool SO TOO BAD.
  • So, I have been doing Gospel Aerobics again just for the LOLs and I’ll tell you what, no matter how shitty of a day I might be having,  even just spending 15 minutes with Paul Eugene and his totally adorable enthusiasm and spirited grunting can totally turn my day around.  I was burning off some steam before it was Jillian Michaels Time (I have a lot of energy,  and that’s not always a great thing) Monday evening, and I just became absolutely struck with the Giggles.  I couldn’t hold it in any longer, I had this Big Ass WHOOOOOO bubbling up inside of me and it needed to be released. So I whipped open the front door just as some man was jogging past and I let rip the most gutteral WHOOOOOO from my lungs and before I had the chance to fully enjoy the echo of it ricocheting off the houses as it bounced down the street, I drop-rolled back into the house, leaving Henry–who was alone on the front porch taking out the garbage–look like the main WHOOO culprit. He was not amused, but I was rocking back and forth, holding my knees into my chest, laughing until I was crying. Chooch mumbled from the other room that I was so embarrassing and I was like WHATEVER YOUR FRIENDS WISH THEY HAD A MOM LIKE ME.

  • Ugh, Thursday morning was so gross. First I had to call the bank and then I had to go to the post office after riding downtown on the trolley which is usually OK but on my late shift days, the normal trolley clientele is completely different and unruly and I ended up sitting behind a white trash mom and daughter who were SCREAMING to each other about detox and counselors and blah blah blah so I then I craned my neck a bit to see what they were reading and it was a form from their COCAINE GROUP. And is it weird that my first reaction was, “Wow, people still do cocaine?” I never hear about it anymore!
    • Anyway, speaking of cocaine, the whole bank thing was annoying because I had an IRA that matured at the end of January and so I called the bank around that time and said, “I don’t want to roll this over. How can I cash it in?” and yes, I know, it’s good to have these things but I have this one for-fucking-ever, it’s under $1000, and I make like less than a quarter on it every year. Normally I would just let it roll over and not think twice, but we are getting our monies in order for our next Korea trip and I thought it would be nice to have a little extra spending money. Anyway, now that I justified my motives to strangers on the internet, this broad at the bank was like “I can just move it into your checking acct.” Wow, that seemed easy. So I asked, “It’s that easy?” She said yes. So then around 2 weeks go by and that money is still showing up as an IRA. This time I went to a branch downtown and they were like, “Duh….um, durrrr…..this says that the IRA rolled over and has a new date of 1/23/2021.” and said that the branch manager would call me the next day. HE NEVER DID. So I had to call HIM which is annoying and he was like WE CAN’T DO THAT ON THE PHONE THERE ARE FORMS YOU HAVE TO SIGN and I was like THAT IS WHAT I THOUGHT, DAVE FROM THE BANK. Like, I do know some things. So then he was like, “what do you need the money for?” COCAINE, DAVE. LOTS OF FUCKING COCAINE TO STICK UP MY NOSE ON THE TIP OF MY SILVER PINKY FINGER NAIL. Like really dude? OK I get that he was probably just wanting me to say something like, “I am going to use it to buy lots of Flex Seal to patch the holes on my shanty, Dave” so then he could try to instead talk me into a loan. My response was a bratty, “I just want to have it.” Anyway, he had to call the IRA department to see what could be done and guess what Princess Erin got her way and he was able to waive the penalty and GIVE ME MY FUCKING MONEY. But of course I had to go to the branch and sign the forms and it was RAINING that day and my umbrella is half-broken and a total embarrassment (like me when I scream out of the front door at random joggers).  Ugh, I felt like Thursday was so full of adult things, and it was gross. I need to go to an amusement park like now.
      • Maybe I should use my newly acquired, insidious bounty to buy a new umbrella.
      • Also, I was knocked off my self-righteous high horse of thinking that this was entirely the bank’s fault because when I was on the phone with Dave, I asked snidely, “Isn’t there a log of me calling that day!?” and he said yes, and that there was also an outbound call from the next day, to which I said teenagarily, “Well, I didn’t get a call.” But then I went and checked my voicemails and you guys, shit goddamn fuck, someone DID call me the next day and left a message for me so I guess somewhere along the way, someone realized they DONE FUCKED UP when they approved my IRA-cash out via telephone, and they tried to rectify it the next day, probably with the intention of telling me that I had to go to a branch and sign forms, and then when I didn’t call back (because I never answer my phone/check voicemail; I’m a phone hermit) the window of maturation expired and my IRA rolled over.
      • While I signed the forms, Dave gave me a lecture (for the second time that day) about why IRAs are important and good to have and I was like, “Yes, I know, DAVE. But a plane ticket to Korea is ALSO GOOD TO HAVE.”

  • Pittsburgh looked like a horror movie set earlier this week and I was loving it. Was not loving coming back to work from my lunch break walk looking like I went to the salon asking for the Ms. Frizzle style.
  • Hey speaking of horror movies, my work friend Cathy excitedly came to my desk the other day to tell me that she started watching a new show on Netflix that just happens to be a South Korean drama and I screamed, “IS IT KINGDOM?!” and it is! I’m so geeked that I finally have someone at work to talk to about a k-drama!!!! Also, Glenn said he’s interested in watching it because it’s about zombies and he was relieved when I told him that there’s an option to watch it dubbed but I don’t know why anyone would choose that option other than losers like Glenn. Actually, when I started watching it, it defaulted to dubbed and I freaked out, yelling about, “I CAN’T WATCH THIS IF IT’S IN ENGLISH, HENRY!!” so he had to frantically fix it for me before I went on another one of my daily America bashing rants.
  • I texted Boss Amber, who had a baby and abandoned us but whatever, to give her this update and she was like WHAT DID YOU DO TO CATHY but this was not my doing for once! Amber is going to come back from maternity leave and find a lightstick collection and pictures of biases on Cathy’s desk because it all starts with ONE kdrama/Kpop song/bitchin’ bowl of bibimbap.

  • That stupid Babe Cave had their grand opening last weekend and I already can’t wait for this hideous establishment to close.
  • I love watching theme park vlogs on YouTube but then I inevitably run into the obligatory ROLLER COASTER TRAGEDY in my feed, lose all feeling in my extremities and the ability to stop myself from freely peeing, dry heave a little, and then swear off coasters until the next day.
  • Chooch: what is that thing you say when someone dies? My prayers are in your hands?
    • Yes, that’s what people say. Say that.

Well, on that note, I’m going to sign off and go back to micromanaging my employees at the Pioneer Ave. Printing Press.

Jan 252019

If I were to compose a Friday Five tracklist for today it would look like this:


Honestly, all my stress lies in one area of my life but it’s starting to bleed into other areas resulting in a huge fight this morning between Chooch and me and I mean, I say we fight all the time when it’s really just mild bickering but this morning I was already on the edge and then he triggered me and I just went on a schizo tirade around the house and it was just terrible and I felt like the most disgusting human being on the planet, proceeded to cry on the trolley, cried in the bathroom at work immediately upon arrival (and got busted by one of the new people so that was cool) and then my day just kept getting dumber.

But we leave in the morning for a weekend in Toronto and I am really hoping all this stress just means I will enjoy and appreciate the time there even more?


Anyway, here are my real Friday fivers I guess.

1. Level “Fit Into Korean ‘One Size’” Unlocked!

Truth! When we were in Korea, I was desperate to buy something at Chuu, but their clothes are mostly Korean “free size” or “one size” and lemme tell you, that means “one size will LIKELY NOT fit all outside of Asia.” So I was too freaked out to even attempt to try anything on. But last weekend I was like “this is dumb” and just went and ordered this one Chuu sweater that I have been coveting. It came on Wednesday (yes, from KOREA! Super cheap shipping too) and you guys, it fucking fits.

I made Chooch take my picture (pre-fight) this morning and he was like “my life sucks.”

STRAWBERRY MILK! It matches my Passport cover which was the only thing I felt comfortable buying at Chuu last year lol I hate myself.

2. Henry Made Kimchi!

There’s really nothing else to say about that except that HENRY MADE KIMCHI! So good.

3. Things I think About During Jillian Michaels Workouts

Chooch and I have been going strong with Jillian Michaels Body Revolution since the beginning of the month. I still do my Kpop stuff but I needed something that Chooch would also do and turns out, he really likes Jillian lol. Anyway, the other night we were in the middle of one of the circuits and I was intently focused on one of the framed pictures of the Cure I have hanging above the TV, which is what I do when I need to zone out from the pain, and I suddenly had a vivid memory from the early 2000s when I worked at the shitty meat company. I was probably at the height of my Cure obsession when I worked at that shit hole, and I had pictures of Robert Smith tacked up all over my bulletin board. One of the meat-cutters, John, and I had this fun little routine where he would ask me every day, “Did Robbie call you yet?” because that’s how he always referred to Robert Smith, and I would sadly say no.

“That bastard,” he’d spit, and it was just one of those things that seems so small and insignificant but it would make me smile on the daily, and clearly it had enough impact that it has stuck with me for nearly 20 years now.

I was telling Chooch this tale while we were sweating and grunting through ‘good mornings’, and then without even realizing it, I added, “He killed himself about 12 years ago” and Chooch was like, “WHAT OMG WHY” and then I was getting all teary-eyed so we stopped talking about that.

Weird things you think of while exercising, amirite.

4. My House Should Have an Epilepsy Warning

There was one day last week when I worked from home, and apparently there was some situation where the light above Regina’s office was flickering super badly and it was driving people nuts. Regina had to move somewhere else for the day until the maintenance people came to fix it, but I heard it took HOURS and people were getting brainwashed and started floating toward the light like moths to a fluorescent flame.

“You would have been so annoyed!” Wendy told me when I came back to the office the next day. But then I paused and said, “Well wait, have you SEEN my house?!” It’s like a fucking 24:7 arcade with neon, flashing lights all up in your periphery no matter which way you look.

“Was it making a buzzing noise, too?” I asked, and Wendy said no.

Then I don’t think I would have been that annoyed! I only hate sounds.

Random picture of Drew where she doesn’t belong.

5. Don’t Worry – Chooch & I Are Friends Again

After our big fight this morning, he sent me a challenge request on Quiz Up and I was like, “OMG HE MADE CONTACT” because he had been ignoring my texts, so I texted him a bunch of apologetic word vomit which included, “YOU ARE NOT A DISAPPOINTMENT” and then he said “YOU’RE NOT A BAD MOM” and we both said we were sorry, etc etc and then when I came home from work, we fake-hugged and later when I mentioned that I was so relieved when he sent me that Quiz Up challenge, he said, “Oh that was an accident. It was supposed to be for Trevor, but your name was right next to his.”


But whatever. We’re pals again and now he has a whole entire chapter for his future autobiography, so you’re welcome Chooch.

I’ll bookend this with a photo of one of my favorite fruits – cherimoya! The Asian market was rife with them over the weekend, so I got to have one for my morning snack today at work and that was….wait, let me think…yes, that was the only high point of my work day.

Jan 062019

Hello. Hi. Annyeong. It’s been a minute since I did a bulletpoint recap of my life (I think? I can’t remember what bullshit I spray up onto this piece anymore!) so here is a pointless, themeless collection of pictures and thoughts that I need to preserve like some kind of basic berry because I’m obsessed with memories.

  • I have become increasingly curmudgeonly on my daily lunch break walks, especially when I’m strolling through the Strip District and just so you know my version of strolling is what most other people would consider speedwalking. I’m always in a rush, OK. Anyway, I am so fucking sick of people walking in trios and quads and taking up the entire girth of the goddamn sidewalk! It’s even worse in the Strip (“So just stop walking in the Strip,” some people might say and I just might say DON’T TELL ME back to those some people) because you get all the local tourists who have to stop and lollygag  in front of every store and then I’m like crashing into them because HELLO WHY ARE YOU STOPPING ABRUPTLY? One day last week, some broad had to actually grab her husband’s arm and pull him to the side after he continued to stand in my way EVEN AFTER SEEING THAT I WAS TRYING TO PASS HIM and I just fucking lost it inside my head and decided that I AM GOING TO RUN FOR MAYOR to which asked, “What good will that do?” BECAUSE THEN I WILL PATROL THE SIDEWALKS, obviously.
  • Did I tell you about Chooch’s crossword puzzle obsession? As of this writing, he seems to have cooled it but for about two weeks, he was terrorizing Henry and me with crossword inquiries and it was so annoying because we basically were completing every puzzle for him!
    • Chooch: I’m still trying to figure out what ‘to break bread’ means… Me: EAT?!
    • Chooch: So I guess the sound a raven makes is “cad.” Me: “Caw.” Chooch, in a smart-ass, challenging tone: Oh OK then what’s an unwanted plant?? Me: “Weed.” Chooch, whispering: ……dammit. I had “dead.”
    • Chooch, crossword mode: “That smarts”…..? Me: Hurts. Chooch: Hurts? Me: Hurts. Chooch: Hurts. Hurts…..hurts….? Huh? Me: HURTS. THAT SMARTS. THAT HURTS. Chooch: …. Me: I KNOW. ITS DUMB. BUT ITS THE ANSWER. *5 minutes later* Me: Did it fit? Chooch, smug: It was “ouch.”
      • I’d come home from work and in lieu of a “hello,” I’d be hit with an urgent “WHO IS BLANK LUPINO??”
        • Finally I realized that if he’s doing crossword puzzles, that means he’s NOT PLAYING FORTNITE so now I want him to go back to asking us annoying questions.

  • Three more weeks until I get to see this sweet face in person! (From like, far away, but still — under the same roof!) I even made a pendant in honor of that:

  • Henry made the mistake of saying last night that he never watched the 90s TV show Life Goes On so then he had to suffer through an hour of YouTube clips and endure the story of the the time one of the episodes was about Becca’s school having a Daddy Daughter Dinner Dance and my dad absolutely latched on to this in the way that only he could – with hyper aggressive giddy obsession* – and for years he would randomly assault us by blurting out DADDY DAUGHTER DINNER DANCE! at any given moment. I still sometimes find myself saying this out loud for no reason!
    • *I think about this a lot and laugh because my dad is actually my stepdad, yet I have the same knack for hysterically obsessing over little nuances. I know I have told the story on here about his quest for Caramel Caribou ice cream, but I always think about this when I’m on the hunt for something random and obscure that probably no one else wants, and then I have a long think about nature vs nurture.

  • My favorite walk leader (lol) from the Leslie Sansone walking workout series on YouTube released a new video on New Years Day and I am so giddy about it! Chooch is NOT – he hates these workouts and yes, they are corny as fuck and Leslie Sansone laughs like Janice from Friends and I hate her, but these workouts are good for days when it’s too cold or wet to go outside for a real walk, OK?? I will go into greater detail later this week because at the request of one whole person, I am going to write a bit of a summary of my diet and fitness routine so if you don’t care about that, be prepared to skip it!

  • The day after Christmas, I took Chooch to the science center and I don’t have much to say about it because I’m an ignorant dumbass who hates learning, but we did have a pretty nice day because it wasn’t too overly crowded and Henry wasn’t with us (lol). The above picture is us getting ready to watch some dumb planetarium show about that asshole Elmo going to the moon. It was really boring but I needed to sit down so. Later, Chooch volunteered with four other (little little kids) to be a taste tester in some presentation about the tongue. All the other kids were given things like salt water, sugar water, lemon water, I forget the other one, but when it was Chooch’s turn to guess what he had, he scowled and said, “SOY SAUCE.” Hahaha, he was given the umami example! He hates soy sauce so much, so this was worth the price of admission for me. (They all just had to swish it around and spit it out, so Chooch didn’t actually have to DRINK soy sauce, don’t worry.)

  • The other day, Chooch asked Siri for healthy desserts for people on a diet and now she’s giving him the number to the suicide hotline and asked him if he wants her to dial it for him. That took a turn.
  • On New Years Eve, we were trying desperately to get Henry to wake up from his nap and he kept shrugging us off so then Chooch had the brilliant idea to pretend that he cut himself and he put fake blood all over his hand and we ran into the bedroom screaming like lunatics and Henry didn’t believe us for even a second, he’s the worst caretaker ever, but then Chooch’s fake wound looked so realistic that I started dry-heaving and this was AFTER I threw up in my mouth because there was a hairy raisin stuck to the side of my shoe, so that was our NYE in a nutshell.
  • I realized yesterday that this is the year we get 4 of the BIGBANG boys back from the military and to say that gave me life is a huge understatement. I AM FUCKING LIVING FOR THIS.
  • I had Korean food for dinner at Nak Won Garden with this girl Bethany I met randomly a few years ago when we were zombie Golden Girls together because it turns out she used to teach in Korea back when G-Dragon was getting ready to make his solo debut and has no one to have Korean food with here! I was nervous because aside from that zombie thing, we’ve never hung out and you know how socially backward I can be. But it was a really nice dinner and fun to (finally!!!) have someone here who understands my love for all things Korean, plus the first thing she said to me when I walked in, after telling me she loved my coat (sorry Chooch!) was that I lost a lot of weight and looked great, and you know, when I got home that night, I was trying to figure out the year we did that zombie thing so I was scrolling through Flickr and it turns out it was way back in 2014 and for god’s sake, I did lose a lot of weight. I never do the side-by-side thing because I feel weird about it but there was one picture in particular I saw that was taken of me when I was doing some volunteering thing for work and I could not believe that was me. So I think maybe today I will have Henry take my picture and I will post a comparison in my upcoming health post because I didn’t realize how far I really have come!
  • And last but not least, Ikon won the Daesang at the Golden Disc Awards the other night and I am so happy and proud of them and of YG for representin’ and keeping the legacy alive even while BIGBANG is on military hiatus (oh and speaking of, they won the Bonsang award for their single Flower Road, which was released after they enlisted, and they won that award for a song that had no music video and had absolutely no promotions done for it. LEGENDS DID THAT.) Here is a video of Ikon’s performance at the GDA, because it is so good and they deserved to win that award for Love Scenario, which was a total jam. Also, when we were in Hongdae last year, they were walking around giving out hugs and I’m fairly certain that we saw Chanwoo but dumb Henry made us cross the street, ughhhhh.



Dec 102018

Here’s a mind-dumping for you, in list form.

1.Today, Onew from SHINee enlisted in the military. As you know, SHINee is my #2 favorite kpop group so my ship (a/k/a MY HEART) is pretty wrecked over this. I know, I know, it’s just the way things are, I should be used to it by now, etc etc. But it’s still very bittersweet, especially since it hasn’t been a year since we lost Jonghyun. Feelings are still raw.

I really wanted to call off today (shut up) but instead, I came to work with some new international treats, and I’m wearing a bright blue sweater as an homage to Onew’s solo debut from last week. One of the songs is called Blue and the video for it is…well, it’s tragically beautiful and really got me all caught in my feelings.

Whenever someone says kpop idols can’t sing, I’ll be sure to send them this video from now on.

2a. On my lunch break walk, three different people enthusiastically told me that they liked my coat (that dreamy 1960s goldenrod floral sofa one) and I think if Chooch had been there, this might have been the day that pushed him to take a paint can to it. I’m sorry, but I truly think this was the best Target purchase I’ve ever made and considering that, it’s amazing that in all of these years (five now, I think?) I have only seen one other person wearing it. One day it really will be vintage!

2b. My second-most complimented coat is a cow-print jacket I bought probably in 2000 or 2001 from Delia’s so this one actually is kind of vintage by now and I am so smug when I tell people how long ago I bought it but then I saw on Instagram that Delia’s (yes, Delia’s is back) has brought back an updated version of it! It’s currently sold out, because apparently cow print is back in style baby.

3. Oh shit you guys, get ready to taste vomit: some girly boudoir photography studio is opening up in my neighborhood and it’s called the—–hhhherrrrrk, the—-burp, the BABE CAVE. Omg get me a puke pan, quickly. Chooch was like, “So…it’s a strip club, or…?” Honestly! What a hideous name! I’m so embarrassed for all the women who enter that place, thinking they’re going to be all empowered or whatever the fuck but they’re just being branded as a “babe.” So next time some gross d-bag on the street whistles at them and calls them babe, they better just shit up and take it.

4. Hey speaking of puke, I was making fun of Henry’s shoes on Saturday (they squeak and squelch when he walks, like he soaks them in a shoe bath over night) and this is like, a really popular skit that we do in our house, but for some reason Chooch thought it was extra funny, so he did his laughing-till-he-pukes routine and then I was dry-heaving because I can’t see someone puke, and I ended up puking a little bit in my mouth, and Henry was listing us on Craigslist, but first of course he mopped up all the puke.

When will they make candy vape guns, I wonder.

5. Ever since I had that dream about having my head cut off and put back on, I haven’t felt right.

6. A few weeks ago, Wendy sent me a picture of SHOO FLY PIE from my favorite SHOO FLY PIE purveyor, DUTCH HAVEN. I was practically licking my phone.  I asked her where she got it and she said that Amish people are going door-to-door in Pittsburgh now, and that she told them they should go to Brookline too, and I legit ran over to the door like a little kid who just heard the ice cream truck from 9 blocks away, and yes, this was sadly before I had the dream that my head was lopped off. So….

Henry made it in the background of this Dollywood vlog lol. He asked me if I recognized them and I was like, “no b/c I was busy riding rides and having fun…”

7. Henry made me go grocery shopping with him Friday night after we went over Blake’s where he fixed Blake’s dining room light (god, these Fridays just get crazier and crazier) because I guess I was being punished for something, who knows, but grocery stores are definitely like the ultimate dungeon for me. Anyway, I was distracting myself by perusing the cake decoration section and Henry was like WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT THOSE and I was like “……um, for the cake we’re making when G-Dragon gets out of the military next fall?!” Why does he ask such stupid questions?!

8. Christmas has me stressed the fuck out – WOW I BET NO ONE CAN RELATE. I managed to get Chooch’s “big present” bought and the process of purchasing it left me in hives, man. If I didn’t have a kid, I would just opt out of Christmas! I mean, I’d still be into putting up Trudy or whatever, but the gift part of it gives me major chest pains. I swear I’m not actually a total Grinch, I’m just an awful shopper. PLUS RED VELVET TICKETS ARE GOING ON SALE THIS SATURDAY, RIGHT SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF CHRISTMAS SHOPPING UGH FML.

OK, this blog post is a waste of Internet space.  I’m going to go and cry a little bit more about Onew and then watch some roller coaster videos and finish off my night with an episode of Come & Hug Me (a great serial killer K-Drama!). Check back this week for some pictures of Trudy all dressed up and, I’m sorry, but one more Dollywood post lol.

Key, Taemin, and Minho went to send off Onew. TRUE BROTHERS. They love their hyung. Sigh. SHINee forever.

Nov 232018

Look man I was just happy to have some days off work where I didn’t have to trudge to the damn trolley in premature winter temps. Plus, we’re leaving for Tennessee later today (Dollywood!) so I was content having nothing to do on actual Thanksgiving. My mom and I are both pretty meh about the holiday so I don’t mind that she doesn’t want to host anymore.

But then Chooch pulled out his vegetarian cookbook the night before and was all, “Papa*, I’m going to find some recipes for you for tomorrow” and then I was like, “Oh shit. The kid. We should probably do something for the kid.” Lol.

*(What Chooch calls Henry when he’s trying to pretend like we’re like a wholesome family.)

So then Henry was like I GUESS I AM GOING TO THE STORE THEN and set off on Thanksgiving Eve to procure the tofurkey which is usually sold out because he waits too long. I remember way back in the day when we had to drive like 45 minutes to some weird health store to get one because regular grocery stores didn’t sell stuff like that and I got made fun of for eating it but no one bats an eye. Changing times, etc etc.

The first half of the day consisted of Leslie Sansone walking workouts (lol), kdramas but no family drama, watching Henry cook & clean, looking at Kpop idols, freaking out over a mystery bruise on my thumb, and planning all our amusement park trips for 2019. It was splendid! (Not the bruise part though, I’m mildly alarmed by it.)

I was in such a good mood that I even felt inspired to decorate for Christmas:

Chooch was all excited when I told him I decorated and then said, “…oh” when he saw it.

Since there was just the three of us and we’re going away this weekend, Henry kept the spread the simple: a tofurkey for Chooch and me (he made gross chicken for himself because he doesn’t like real turkey), whatever garlicky mashed potato recipe Chooch found, and a completely revamped version of the broccoli rabe & white bean casserole recipe that Chooch also requested, because Henry couldn’t find broccoli rabe at 8pm on Thanksgiving Eve so he used regular broccoli and brussels sprouts instead and it was delicious.

(I don’t even know what broccoli rabe is and I know for damn sure Chooch doesn’t either, so this made no difference to us.)

Henry kept yelling at us from the kitchen to start eating but we were like NO WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOUUUUUU IT’S THANKSGIVING.

But it was really because we needed him to plate our Tofurkey.

Oh Lord, we got so giddy right away and Chooch had a Code Red laughing fit which caused him to flee the table in search of a Kleenex, so you know Henry was in a great mood! That combined with the fact that the same NCT 127 song was playing repeatedly in the background really completed the mood. Look at Henry’s delirious face! I think deep down, he’s thankful for us, lunacy and all, even if he sometimes must feel like he’s living in an asylum.

Tofurky looks like a giant hotdog butt.

After dinner, Chooch and I continued our tradition of watching birthday party videos on YouTube (4th year!). We found a whole slew of new million subscriber families to hate! I called the one birthday girl and all her friends “a bunch of bitches” and Chooch was like “Aren’t they like three?!”

OK now for the Friday Five portion, which is FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:

  1. Korea (Henry and Chooch rolled their eyes when we went around the table and “gave thanks” and this was of course the first thing I said and whatever because Chooch just kept saying “Bambi” over and over and now that I think about it, I don’t think Henry said ANYTHING!?
  2. Having a job that I like – yeah, I know, I complain about it at times, who doesn’t complain about having to leave the house to go to work?! But when you’ve had jobs that have made you sick to your stomach and have panic attacks while paying you pennies, getting one where you feel comfortable and needed is really something to be thankful for.  Thanks, job!
  3. The willpower to get in shape – when I first started dieting in 2012 I was just about 200 pounds.  I did WW for a bit and got myself down to about 170 but it was a struggle. I had no energy! I was miserable! I can’t remember when I started spending my lunch break hour walking around downtown, but that helped me get my energy back and also kept my weight stable so I wasn’t gaining, but I also wasn’t really losing anything either. Since starting my own routine in 2016, being more mindful of what I eat and when I eat, and keeping up on those lunch break walks (even in the rain, even when I’m sick, even when it’s cold), I’ve managed to get myself down to 145. I never felt “unhealthy” even when I was heavier, but I do FOR SURE feel more “able.” Sure, I still have major body image issues that I need to work on, but baby steps!
  4. Eternal Youth! – I’m going to be 40 next year, I have a shit-ton of gray hairs, but my brain refuses to accept that and still spends most of its time thinking about concerts and amusement parks and Kpop idols. I was talking to Amber about this at work the other day, how I’m trying to fit in a few days in Tokyo during my birthday Korea trip next summer because I want to go to DisneySea and how Henry is like dreaming of the day when we can plan a vacation that doesn’t include an amusement park, and Amber said, “I can’t believe you’re going to be 40. You’re like, ageless, to me.” YES.  I’m thankful that I have managed to maintain that part of myself because goddamn does it make life fun! Except for when you watch so many vlogs about roller coasters and are constantly hearing people talking about the “head chopper” elements and then you go to bed and have a horribly vivid nightmare that you’re watching a movie where some girl is walking down the steps of some Victorian mansion and gets her head lopped off by her dad, completely out of nowhere, but then it turns out to be YOU, you just had YOUR head chopped off, but later in the dream, you realize that your head was put back on, but apparently your ear had also been cut off and that was put back on much more jankily than your head, so it’s all bloody and it BURNS and also it’s not aligned properly with your head and you are FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS. I mean, that’s just something that might happen.
  5. Henry & Chooch, le duh – Come on, this is a given. I have a guy who is mild-tempered and goes along with all my crazy ideas, he gets totally engrossed in every k-drama with me to the point where he’s mad when I start a new one without him (he’ll still watch it though), he sends me kpop-related texts on Kakao throughout the day (I made him download Kakao awhile back and it’s the only way we text now unless I’m mad at him then I use regular text and he’s like, “wow you must be mad”), he does whatever he can to make my life easier, and well, he’s just the best and I’m glad we’ve lasted together all these years because I can’t imagine many other people who would be like, “Yes, let me completely change the way I cook for you because now you’re on a make-believe Korean diet and sure, let’s go to Party City for new home decor so our house can continue to look like Pee Wee’s Playhouse and OK, let’s talk about going to some random town in the Netherlands so you can spend Easter 2020 at some weird amusement park.” Lol. And then Chooch! I couldn’t ask for a better kid. He is such a mini-Erin that it’s actually scary at times (or, “all times” if you’re Henry). He’s independent and self-motivated when it comes to school (he’s basically a genius but has ZERO COMMON SENSE though, oh my god, he is street-stupid), a mini-politician when it comes to the neighborhood (everyone knows him!), and he is SO ENTERTAINING. Janna was over here on Saturday for Kpop Fitness Night and afterward, he effortlessly had us cracking up just by being him, sitting there making his dumb Rainbow Loom bracelets. No, our life isn’t perfect, and we do all bicker with each other like normal TV families, but we never go to bed mad at each. (EXCEPT FOR LAST NIGHT BECAUSE WE GOT A BUNCH OF CARD ORDERS AND HENRY AND I DO NOT WORK WELL TOGETHER IN THE GREETING CARD FACTORY.)

Anyway, that’s my Thanksgiving 2018 recap and obligatory “thankful” list. I’ll end here with a video of Mini-Erin stalking his nemesis Larry:

ETA: Chooch just woke up and said, “Well, I see the dining room table is back to its old self” and I screamed “WELL, WE HAD 80 MILLION CARDS TO MAKE LAST NIGHT OK, THANKS FOR THE HELP!”

Nov 162018

It’s Friday and I’m still alive, so you know what that means! Here’s some 5 things.

  1. Emarosa

You guys! Emarosa dropped a video for one of their new songs, and when I say new I mean NEW NEW. This is like a brand new Emarosa. Pop-infused. Dance-y. Ready to mingle with Carly Rae record collection.  I’m in love and already can’t wait for the full release in February! A super important fact about this video is that it was choreographed by my friend Lizzie, whom I actually met a few years ago through our shared love for Emarosa. I have really enjoyed getting to know her and watching her lightning-quick progression as a dancer and choreographer. She is amazing and I can only hope that I get to see her perform in person someday! She’s also in this video, and you’ll catch her in the middle of the formation in most of the dance scenes. Lizzie + Emarosa = <3<3<3

2. Taemin light stick

A few weeks ago, I went in on a group Taemin light stick order with the Canada SHINee Twitter group. This particular light stick was made specifically for his recent solo tour in Japan and I needed it like a preteen girl in the 80s needs the latest Bonne Bell or Lipsmackers flavor. Yeah, it was like that.

Henry texted me when I was work yesterday and said that there was package out for delivery and I knew it had to be the light stick, so I thought my shitty day was finally going to have a light(stick) at the end of the tunnel. But then he texted me again later that night because he got a notification that there was a delivery attempt, but no one was home so we’d have to reschedule — HE WAS SITTING RIGHT BY THE FRONT DOOR THE WHOLE TIME AND SAID THERE WERE NO FOOTPRINTS IN THE SNOW ON OUR SIDEWALK. USPS, you lying motherfuckers. So today I was working from home and I left a shitty note taped to the door saying they better not even try that shit again because someone was going to be home ALL DAY so maybe TRY KNOCKING?! Anyway, it was delivered today by the regualr mailman, who just stuck it in the mailbox so why that couldn’t have happened yesterday, who knows, but you better believe I was on the warpath about this and had my ink and quill all ready to go until I realized that sending a letter would just HELP THE USPS so I guess I will email them my totally level-headed complaint instead.


3. Teen Center volunteers love me

Hey remember how I hate the Teen Center because they stole my son? Well I’ll cut them some slack because EVIDENTLY Chooch was talking to the volunteers about going to see Emarosa a couple weeks ago, and one of the guys there knows Emarosa too and thought that was cool, so Chooch told him about how we became friendly with Bradley and then showed them the article that Alternative Press wrote about his relationship with the band, and they were like, “WOW U R C00L” so then he stated showing them other pictures of concerts, etc and told them the most important part, which is that HIS MOM is the one who is into these things and takes him to concerts and they were like WHOA YR MOM IS C00L and then one of the girl volunteers said that she wished I was her mom too, so you know what? Teen Center’s not too bad.

4. Today’s lunch

As mentioned previously, I was working from home today which was fine but then came lunch time and I was like, “shit fuck piss what am I going to have for lunch?” I’m on a slight diet, nothing extreme, but I do need to log my food which is great when Henry is here and I chuck my phone at him and say, “Here, you do this” because only he knows how much hemlock he put in tonight’s dinner. So I called him freaking out and he was like, “Just eat the stuff I prepared for you” BUT I DID NOT KNOW HOW TO LOG THAT so instead, I grabbed a handful of ingredients that I could easily enter into my app and that is how I ended up with this plated slop for lunch:

The egg was supposed to be on top of the Boca burger, but it slid off and almost continued sliding right off the plate, but I saved it with my hand and then the yolk broke so that made me sad because I wasn’t ready for it to break yet, OK.

I thought I could heat up the sweet potato and Boca burger on the same plate, at the same time, but I GUESS I THOUGHT WRONG because I didn’t take Microwave Class in college.

Anyway, lunch was fine. I’m fine. It’s all fine. 괜찮아.

(This is why I eat OATMEAL for lunch every day at work.)

5. More roller coaster stuff

Watching theme park vlogs all week while sick has really saved me, I haven’t had the energy to watch K-dramas on account of having to read subtitles and you know, I HAVE BEEN SICK in case you missed every single post this past week where I have whined about it like I have an actual plague. Henry got really disgusted out of nowhere the one night and actually seemed mad that I’m not a vlogger?! “You would think that after spending your entire teenage years videotaping EVERYTHING that being on YouTube would have been something you’d have been into it early on!” I mean, it’s true — you can ask my family and any friend I still have from my high school years (surprisingly still quite a few of them) and they will surely tell you with absolute disdain that there was at least one occasion they had a camcorder shoved in their face. But to be honest, I hate my voice and it’s a blessing for the world that I never got into YouTube. I did actually upload a video a long time ago of the time I made Henry take me to Cleveland to see Tha Crossroads, literally E.99 and St. Clair where Bone Thugs n Harmony used to hang out (I was a huge Bone fan in high school, before MTV made it “cool” for dumb white people to like them), but I was SO ANNOYING in the video that literal strangers were commenting to say THAT BITCH IS ANNOYING. So…

But also, watching all these theme park vlogs made me remember this time when I was in middle school and my aunt, who worked at the University of Pittsburgh at the time, knew someone who worked in the marketing department for Kennywood and she was able to get a poster of what the park’s brand new coaster (Steel Phantom) was going to look like. She gave it to me to take to school and show everyone and I was so excited to share it! At the time, this was the world’s tallest steel coaster so it was a huge deal. But one of the guys in my class had a strong desire to one-up me so he CALLED Kennywood and got someone to tell him all of the stats for the coaster, just so he could come in the next day and piggyback off me with more information. It was clearly something that annoyed me enough to where I still harbor ill feelings about it. OK FINE I THINK ABOUT IT EVERY TIME I RIDE THAT DAMN RIDE.

In other coaster news, I have vacations planned around theme parks all the way to 2020. Henry is so excited!

Nov 092018

Moodiness & political drama aside, November has started off pretty nicely. Sometimes I get so bogged down by the news and the pissiness of people around me that I forget that things under my own roof are just fucking swell. So here are some things from the last week that have made me excited, smile, or just laugh my ugly face right off.

(Otherwise known as “I’m Trying To Clean Up My Camera Roll So Here Are Pictures.”)


Shit, I know what you’re thinking: How fun could a night in WV honestly be? But look, listen. There was one last haunted house I wanted to go to before slamming the door on another successful haunt season, but it’s TWO HOURS AWAY in Weston, WV. I’ve been twice before and I can tell you that it’s worth it, so I got Janna to agree to go too and Henry reluctantly drove us (I’m not great at night-driving, OK?! It’s a miracle I got us home from Fright Farm a few weeks ago). Chooch and I were rambunctious from the start because there is something about Janna that just seriously activates our Giddy Mode. It’s not even that she instigates us or anything, but more so that she is so freaking easy-going and basically ignores us that it just makes us react even harder. As you can imagine, Henry LOVES this. For instance, we stopped at a Sheetz in some rural area and Chooch was getting a “Hollywood Snack” pack and became deadset on getting Janna to buy one too. She eventually conceded and while we were cackling over this like hyenas in the car, Janna calmly said, “I HAVE HAD THIS BEFORE, CHOOCH, IT’S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL.”


Then we were laughing because we she was taking so long inside Sheetz so we just left her in there. When she finally came out, she wasn’t even hurrying back to the car! SHE WAS IN THERE FOR SO LONG THAT HENRY WAS CHECKING THE OIL AND CLEANING OUT THE TRUNK!?

I’ll skip the haunted house part because I’m going to make Chooch write about that (lol, I love bossing him around) but we got stuck with an annoying family (I mean, aside from my own) so the haunt wasn’t as great because of that (the dad of all people was the one who ruined it for us because he was such a slow idiot and even the rest of his family was like “PAUL, GO FASTER!” because other groups were catching up to us, and it wasn’t until the next day when I was like,, “Oh shit, they were actually saying ‘Pa'” and then that just made it even funnier to me). By the time we got out of there, it was after 9 and we hadn’t eaten dinner yet, so Henry took us to DJs 50’s and 60s Diner, which is where we ate last year on the way home from the same haunt, but this time it was blessedly uncrowded. (Last year, it was after some football game so that place was packed with Trumpers.)

Chooch took this picture of his loving parents. Henry’s face was varying levels of anger and annoyance throughout the meal, especially when he summoned our waitress after we ordered because he wanted to tack on an appetizer for himself but when the waitress came over, Chooch cut him off to ask her what the wi-fi password was and then they were both talking to her at the same time and she was like WHAT TO DO but she ultimately chose to make Chooch’s request her priority and I thought Henry was going to flip the table especially later on when she came back with his appetizer and we all lunged for it so he ended up with only one deep fried banana pepper.

The trials and tribs of Henry J.

Chooch and I were fighting each other for Janna’s “good fries” because I am a super ridiculous fry snob with very narrow criteria that Henry hasn’t been able to decode in the 18  years I’ve been snatching “good fries” from his plates, and I managed to pass this trait down to Chooch which sucks because he knows EXACTLY the ones I like and has himself convinced that HE likes them the best too and now there is always a war over fries, even worse than when America was mad at France and took it out on french fries by renaming them FREEDOM FRIES.

But look, Chooch and I aren’t complete savages about this – we have enough civility to BARTER. Yes, that’s right, for every “good fry” we steal from someone else’s (read: Henry’s) plate, we toss in one of our own rejects. Janna was getting tired of us launching our unwanted fries onto her plate and eventually yelled, in her own way, “Oh my god, just take the ones you want! I don’t care!” and the fact that we managed to get Janna worked up over this made Chooch laugh so hard that he had to run to the bathroom to maybe-puke.


Meanwhile, the waitress (a very sweet young girl who patiently endured our hour-long visit) came over to refill my coffee so I purposely held my cup over Henry’s lap and I was trying to hold back my giddy bray the whole time which only made it worse and the whole sitch ended up being awkward because I’m sure she thought I was laughing at her, but no, I was just being an asshole to my own people.

And then I got Janna to subscribe to my blog after 11 years!!

And then I took a picture of my gardenburger and cracked up all over again because who seriously takes a picture of a diner veggie patty.


Oh for god’s sake, I needed all that laughter. My cheeks felt like they were going to split!


I’m a sucker for blouses with things on it. I don’t care how juvenile it is! I recently bought these two cutie shirts from F21 and they put me in a great mood:

The horse one has such great sleeves, which is another thAng I’m a sucker for.

(I had a friend who hated when I said thang instead of thing and even though I use it sparingly these days, it’s not without a bucket of smugness.)




Well, Son of the Year finally had his library ban lifted so he went there the other night to get a book for his next genre report but he was DENIED when he went to check it out because he allegedly has three overdue books, about which I know NOTHING, and he naturally came home and couldn’t find them and look, I’m not dealing with this shit. He can rake some yards to pay off his library debt or go to Book Jail for all I care.

So then the other night I was like, “Oh yeah, when do you need to choose a book for your report?” thinking that maybe we could just go to like, Half Dollar Books this weekend but he said, “Tomorrow.”


Because they have to turn their books for the teacher’s dumb approval before they can start working on the reports, you know?

I was like, “YOU LITTLE SON OF A—-” and then stormed off into my bedroom to find him a book to use. (Luckily I have lots of young adult books, lol.) I intended to lend him Charlotte Sometimes (the book that inspired the Cure song of the same name!) but then he was like WHAT IS THIS ONE and that’s how Christopher Pike’s seminal classic Chainletter became the subject of Chooch’s genre report.

You’re welcome, 7th grade Communications Teacher.


Look, you knew there was going to be at least one mention of Taemin in this post. He’s all I have while G-Dragon is fulfilling his military duties! Anyway, I have been loving Taemin’s latest release, which is Japanese and I usually don’t like Japanese versions of K-pop songs, but it’s TAEMIN so I’m OK with it. Plus, the new “just-for-Japan” tracks are killer. My favorite so far is HOLY WATER:

And also this immaculate performance of Eclipse. If I ever get to see him perform live in front of me, under the same roof,  I don’t know if my legs will be able to hold me up. Taemin, come  to America and let’s find out!

Well, on that note, I’m gonna peace right on outta here. Have a great weekend,  don’t jaywalk, etc etc etc.


Nov 052018
  • I was having a, well, Moody Monday, but then Sandy texted me that she saw Downtown Jesus having a rest outside of CVS, and it made me smile. I love that my co-workers text me now with Downtown Jesus’s whereabouts! I almost landed in his lap Friday morning when I was leaving the trolley station, because as I rounded the corner to take the steps, he was all sprawled out at the bottom and I almost stepped right onto his crotch! I feel like he would have forgiven me. #WWDTJD
    • But then I think about voting tomorrow and I’m right back in a MOOD. A REAL BIG MOOD, AT THAT.
  • There’s another movie being filmed in Pittsburgh for some reason and so on Friday, there was a flurry of activity because it was going on right down the street from work. I guess Ewan McGregor* is in it? He’s not Korean, so DON’T CARE. Anyway, I went outside that afternoon for my daily walk and there was a crowd gathered on the sidewalk up ahead so I was like “I GUESS I WILL CROSS THE STREET” but before I had a chance, some FUCKING POLICE MAN came over and shouted at me (some might even say he BERATED me and by “some” I mean “me” when I write my letter to the mayor) that I was not permitted to continue walking along the sidewalk and that I would have to CROSS THE STREET at which point I scowled at him and said that I was well aware but then he fucking ESCORTED ME and I was so mad about this – I am already standing on weak, wobbly legs and this fucking pushed me over the edge. I was on the phone with Henry at the time and felt invincible so I started loudlymouthing off about how this jerk-cop was being rude to me and that this movie is SO DISRUPTIVE TO THE CITY because I turn into a bratty 15-year-old in the face of authority and start talking super loud so that everyone will know that I am upset about a thing, and Henry was like, “Please don’t get arrested.” Then I ran into my friend Chris and told her what happened and we had a moment of hateful solidarity because she gets it, man.
  • SPEAKING OF FEELING INVINCIBLE: I lost two more pounds recently (thx, Noom) and anytime that happens, I start to feel invincible, like I can stuff any kind of foods into my fat maw and I will just miraculously keep losing weight; luckily Noom has been helping me veer away from that kind of destructive thinking. But I’ll tell you what doesn’t help: a co-worker bringing in not one but TWO majestic platters of pre-holiday cookies and I want to fucking SWAN DIVE into them, you have no idea. I’ve inventoried each one like 4 times in an hour because I am forever fat and during one of my inspections, I noticed that there are also BUCKEYES in there. I’m crying. Homemade baked goods are always coming for me.
      • Pfft. Dieting, amirite?
      • I will probs have a Snickerdoodle eventually though because YOLO and ‘why so srs,’ etc. etc. etc.
  • This Is Us jumped on the Hallyu bandwagon and I was left feeling pretty uncomfortable after watching the last episode. It just didn’t feel like an organic story arc and even referencing kpop felt cheap to me. I really like this show but that was a big no for me, like they just want to put their big American meathooks into the Korean craze like all the other dumb media here.
  • Speaking of kpop!! (LOL, like I need a segue for that.) I’m pretty excited about some recent comebacks. One is the mighty EXO, and it’s a really huge deal in Kpopland because they haven’t been given a proper comeback in over a year which is almost unheard of in this industry. They are super super super big in South Korea too so I can only imagine how exciting it is over there right now! Anyway, below, I will share their new video and also a live music show performance of their second song which I think I like better than the main single, actually. Also, I saw their album yesterday at Target. TARGET!!
    • Maybe This Is Us will have one of their songs on their next episode. ㅎㅎㅎㅎ


(Chanyeol is my favorite, in case you were wondering.)

  • When I ask Henry if we are definitely going back to Korea next summer, he says things like, “probably” and “I don’t see why not” and that’s great and all, but the answer I am looking for is a big fat solid YES.
    • I want to go there and have birthday bingsoo. If I have to turn 40, let it be while I’m face-first in some fancy-ass Sulbing.
  • Then I came home and everyone immediately started fighting over Chooch’s stupid Halloween candy. The accusations were flung and flying, you guys, I forgot how much I LOVE this time of year. Chooch and Henry mostly fight because Henry is a fucking chocolate hog and eats like 85% of Chooch’s haul every year, and then Henry gets all defensive and uses the “I AM THE PROVIDER OF THE HOUSE AND LAST TIME I CHECKED I CAN DO WHAT I WANT” and I’m like “HOW ABOUT ADDING ‘THROWING OUT WRAPPERS’ TO THAT LIST OF THINGS YOU CAN DO, BIG GUY!” because that’s the role I play in this annual argument – I don’t care who eats what, just fucking throw your garbage away, assholes! There was an Almond Joy wrapper on the coffee table and Chooch was like I DON’T EVEN LIKE ALMOND JOY and Henry was like, “I DID NOT EAT THAT” so now I guess I have to interrogate the cats and Trudy the Mannequin, OK. (AND NO IT WASN’T ME BUT HAD I KNOWN THERE WAS AN ALMOND JOY, YES, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ME.)
  • Chooch and I just walked to CVS and he was all excited because his favorite cashier JOHN was working and I was happy too that it wasn’t that weird meth lady who ruined my Halloween candy buying experience last week. So we got in line and I was like, “Oh well, we’re not going to get John” because he was still checking out the people in front of us when the younger guy at the next register said he could take us. Chooch got all dramatic like it was life or death for John to check us out so I awkwardly said, “Oh. Um, he’s…waiting for John…” and the younger guy (WHO I LIKE TOO BECAUSE HE ALWAYS SAYS WITTY THINGS THAT HENRY NEVER RESPONDS TO BECAUSE HE PROBABLY DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THEM) said, “Ugh, whatever! Fine!” and John was all, “What? What’s going on?” and the other guy said, “Ugh, they’re waiting for YOU!” all theatrically and it was hilarious. John peeked around the people in front of us, and when he saw who it was, he happily exclaimed, “OH! HENRY!” which is what he jokingly calls Chooch because Chooch goes there all the time after school and uses Henry’s phone number for the CVS card lookup thing so now John just refers to him as Henry as a joke. Meanwhile, the lines got all screwed up because of this because since we weren’t moving over to the other guy’s register, people behind us thought they had to stay in our line for some reason so John’s line was growing while the other guy was like, begging people to come to his register. Way to go Chooch.
    • When the girl in front of us left, she stopped to say that she loves my cow print coat and asked me where I got it, but I couldn’t remember which Young Girl store it was: Contempo, Delia’s, or Wet Seal; but in any case, it was probably 20 years ago so it’s basically vintage at this point. I always feel like I’m such a plain jane but then cold weather comes and everyone is like I LOVE YOUR COAT. Anyway, she was disappointed when I didn’t say “Forever21, last weekend!”
    • One time, Chooch told me, “I like John a lot, that’s why I would never steal from CVS” and I was like, “That’s great but how about just don’t steal from anywhere because it’s wrong!?!?” Dum dum.

Well guys, we had a bunch of card orders come in today so I guess I’m going to wrap up this moody blog post and annoy Henry while he does card stuff. Be back later in the week with a recap of the Emarosa show (!!!!), stuff from Saturday night, and probably more Chooch haunted house reviews.

Oct 312018

Not gonna lie, it sure doesn’t feel like Halloween. I’m still relatively numb and dead inside so my goal for today is HAPPY THOUGHTS and staying busy because you know what they say, life goes on muthafuckas.

I mean there was a show called that and everything. (Corky Forever.)

Lets start with this inspirational graffiti I took a picture of last week before some asshole walked into a synagogue and made an entire group of people feel otherwise:

Things to be excited about/happy thoughts/good moments/etc etc:

  • I’m working on a Cure mini-Valentine set for my shop! It’s been on my back burner for too long so I’m forging ahead, finally.
  • Taemin’s Japanese solo album!! He just did a bunch of huge concerts over there and watching fan videos from it on YouTube have been breathing actual life into me. I finally found more than just a 30 second snip of him performing my favorite song Rise. I swear, it’s a life goal for me to hear/see him perform this song live. I’d pay VIP prices just for that alone. Especially now this song just sucker punches my heart.


And this! Taemin, you give us so much:

  • Going to see Emarosa tomorrow night at Smiling Moose! That’s going to be weird. I’m so far removed from Western music/concerts and it’s been like a year and a half since I was last at Smiling Moose when it felt like that place my second home for a minute there. So funny how different my life is now.
  • Margie, our new-ish admin person, told me last week that I remind her of Phoebe from Friends and I was like, “I WILL TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT.” I think I was telling her about Trudy, our resident Xmas mannequin, which came up because my other work friend Nate was talking about this one lady on a different floor and I said, “Oh she likes me, we bonded when she gave me her mom’s wig.” Margie was like “??” and I said, “Oh it was for Trudy” and then I remembered she probably didn’t know Trudy, so I tacked on, “My mannequin” and Margie was still like “??” so I said, “She’s my Christmas tree” and then we reached the point where words didn’t work anymore so I just showed her pictures on my phone and she was like, “!!”

  • I am still not over DramaFever abandoning us, but thankfully YG Future Strategy Office is on Netflix (it’s an Office-like show about Seungri from BIGBANG running YG Entertainment’s new agency and it’s extremely over-the-top and hilarious. (Probably not for anyone who doesn’t know who Seungri is. Or YG. Or BIGBANG. Or Kpop. Or South Korea.) I also started watching some new shows on Viki and that platform is fine (they have Running Man at least, which DramaFever had lost the licensing for!) but I still have no way of finishing the shows I was already watching on DF, like “Devilish Joy,” “Third Charm,” and “The Bride of the Water God” so if anyone is reading this who has any K-Drama intel, please help! I need my Seo Kang Joon fix.

Image result for seo kang joon

  • We had a huge Halloween blowout last night because I said again, for the second year, that I am fucking RETIRED as Halloween Costume Idea Come-Upper but then it was All Hallows Eve and Chooch was like a mass of undulating question marks and every idea he had required going to the Halloween store/overnighting shit from Amazon/heavy duty construction/$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and I was like, “THIS IS WHY I STARTED PRODDING YOU ABOUT THIS IN JULY.” I gave him two pop culture/Top 40 song references to use and he was going to go with one of them but then Blake told him no one would get it so I got mad and screamed JUST FORGET IT but then I thought of something easy and Chooch was like, “Love it” and it only requires two easily acquired things and this is the story of how I got to spend the rest of my evening watching “The Smile Has Left Your Eyes” (really great k-drama I’m watching on Viki!) and a documentary on YouTube about some unintentionally creepy roadside theme park in Oregon that was built entirely by one family. It was a good night free of cutting cardboard boxes and hot-gluing felt. Halloween just doesn’t feel like Halloween anymore! Take me back to the 80s please.

  • ^^^^^^^^This is like the best metaphor of Janna’s friendship with me.
  • This isn’t a happy thought at all but Some People’s President was in my city yesterday, even though he was asked repeatedly not to come, and I had the extreme displeasure of being out on my lunch break walk (I was late shift yesterday so I took my break at 4) when the motorcycle cops started screaming at people like the jackasses they are (seriously, every motorcycle cop, man—why are such assholes?!), blocking intersections in preparation for the Douche Parade, so I figured, eh, why not, I’ve got time. I hung out on the sidewalk across from the Greyhound Station, and there weren’t very many other people to greet the Great Orange Racist, that’s for sure. I was on the phone with Henry and he was nervous because my temper and extreme disdain for authority can get out of control (I’m all mouth, don’t worry), and I’m like, “Hey man, will I go to jail if I flip him off” and Henry was just like, “Please god, be careful” so then I just opted for the mature “thumbs down” instead which was fine but not the greatest carrier for my vitriolic message, but whatever. So there was just a very small throng of people booing and thumbs-downing, with some people cheering too, let’s be real THERE ARE TWO SIDES AFTER ALL, AS BEWILDERING AS IT MAY BE, and as that fucking dreary procession oozed past me, I felt so angry and helpless. There was an older businesswoman standing next to me who was also exercising her right to demonstrate her feelings, and some fucking pudding-faced MAGA hat-wearing pot stirrer approached her and asked why she wasn’t supporting Trump and at the same time, even thought he didn’t ask me, we both said, “Because we’re not racist.”  He kept trying to provoke her and said said, “Sir, I’m not doing this with you. Have a good day” and marched off and then I walked back to work among people who were saying things like, “I don’t want him in my city” and it felt good to be a part of that but I didn’t realize how sick to my stomach it was going to make me, knowing that I was that close to such a complete and utter piece of shit.  I can honestly say that I have never actually hated anyone in my life, in spite of my tendency to overuse that word, until now. I hate him.

  • But!!!!!!!! Then I saw Downtown Jesus cruisin’ on foot in the middle of the street afterward and it made me feel oddly calm.

  • I’m off work today (I use my floating holiday for Halloween every year, lol) and patrolled Brookline Boulevard – it’s my favorite in October because a lot of the storefronts are decorated and even Maureen at the post office was in good spirits and made sure I took some candy from the bowl on the counter. My Mexican boyfriend cheerfully yelled Hola! to me from behind his taco cart, and the broad at 802 Coffee was sporting a witch hat while she made my overpriced latte. And today is one of the only sincerely perfectly-fall days we’ve had here all October – bright blue skies, yellow leaves, and 60 degrees. It’s like an autumn paradise out there — for now, anyway. It’s supposed to rain later, probably right when Trick or Treating starts because why not.

I took a Snickers. Thanks, Maureen! Thanks also for scanning in my envelope without 20 questions or telling me about your latest family drama.

This is how the front of Brookline & Sinker (har har) is decorated. This bar is the diviest of all dives on Brookline Blvd. It’s where recently some guy tried to rob it with a machete. WHAT IS IT WITH THIS CITY AND MACHETES?! Jason Voorhees would be so fucking proud.


Me, today. I stole Chooch’s Lucipurr shirt.

Well guys, that’s about all the happiness I have to share for this week. I have to conserve my energy so that when Henry comes home, I can resume jumping around him while chanting TAKE US TO DOLLYWOOD which is my current strategy to get him to TAKE US TO DOLLYWOOD.

Oct 042018

I still haven’t quite come back down from this past weekend. Every time I sit down to write in here, I get sidetracked by watching YouTube videos of the BTS concert which is baffling to Henry because he’ll never understand post-show sadness and my inherent need to relive every single of the night by watching shaky fan-cam videos on YouTube.

And then I realized, shit fuck goddamn it’s October and I’ve been so caught up in other things that I hadn’t even went to a haunted house yet or EVEN MADE MY HAUNTED HOUSE SCHEDULE?? What is happening to me. It’s been a weird week. So instead of recapping BTS, K-Expo (oh, so much to say), and NYC, I’ve been frantically researching haunts, scribbling out a shoddy Halloween calendar, and then I had to finish writing in my haunted house journal from last year because I hadn’t recapped the last two we went to so I cheated and printed out Chooch’s blog reviews and taped them into my journal. I’m a failure.

I’m not even decorating for Halloween at work this year! Who am I?! (The stuff in the pictures up there are always on my desk so I can’t count that as “decorating” for Halloween.)

We did finally (lol “finally” like it’s so late) go to our first haunt of the season last night and I’m sure Chooch will be writing about that on here just as soon as I find incentive for him. I have to put all my thoughts into that journal up there but I will say this:

  • I hit my shoulder off something when I was being chased by  two savage chainsaw guys and it is YELLING at me right now;
  • When Henry picked us up (he went to the craft store while we were in the haunted house, lol), Chooch and I started telling him about all the things that happened and  then we started fighting about it because we can’t even agree on what happened in a haunted house. #siblingsormom&son

In other news:

  • I started watching a Kdrama called “Wife I Know” without really knowing much about the premise and it’s making  me really sad! Basically, this guy is like, “Ugh my wife is a monster” and she’s always screaming at him and he has to play his stupid video games in secret because she’ll get mad, and because of some wormhole thing that is confusing, he gets transported back to 2006 on the exact day he meets her but he changes things on purpose so that they don’t meet and he ends up going out on a date with another girl he liked back then, the “one who got away.” Then he wakes up in present day time, and by altering that one day, he’s now married to the second girl, but the original wife comes into his life by getting a job at the same bank he works at, so now he has to work with her and is all freaked out because she doesn’t obviously doesn’t know that in another dimension or whatever, they were married, etc etc etc. It makes me sad though because the whole point is that he’s rediscovering her and remembering all the things he used to love about her, and then he realizes that she wasn’t a monster, but it was him who MADE her act like a monster. So then I start thinking obviously about what would have happened if I went the “normal” route and went to college right after high school instead of getting a full-time job in an office, would Henry and I still have eventually met?! So I watch this show and feel all sentimental and think that I should be nicer to him but then when I see him I’m still like, “MAKE ME FOOD. YOUR HAIR LOOKS DUMB. TAKE ME TO KNOEBELS FOR HALLOWEEN. I HATE YOU.” Lol. Oh, Erin.
  • The new diet I started last week is going well, barring the frenzy it threw me into when I forgot that I was going away for the weekend. I’m back to eating proper meals and snacks now, and not like, cottage cheese. Hey, I have to make due with what the road trip gas stations provide, OK?! Anyway, it’s only been a week and two days but I have dropped a handful of pounds without feeling like I’m going to die, so that’s good! The last time I tried a regimented diet, it was Weight Watchers and it worked sort of well at first but I found that as a vegetarian, it was difficult to follow and left me feeling malnourished and lethargic. This one (Noom, if you’re interested) is helping me understand shit better and is kind of fun, sort of, but not really, no diet is fun. Anyway, I felt like I needed to do something to jumpstart me back into things because even though I’m active, my willpower at work was pretty much nonexistent and let’s just say I was leaving lot of wrappers behind in my trash can at the end of every day. Way too much snacking. It’s too soon for me to recommend this app to anyone but I’ll give an update in a few weeks! They promise to have me at my goal weight by December so we’ll see – that’s 15 pounds away and like I said, I shed weight at a snail’s pace. I mean, it took me 10 years to lose the last bit of my pregnancy weight, so….
  • (Noom says I need to share my goals or whatever so here I am, sharing. This feels very 12-Step’ish, not gonna lie.)
  • Last week, my friend Nate committed a huge crime at work. I’ll set the scene: It was a Thursday afternoon. I was standing by Debby I’s desk talking to her, Lori and Regina while holding my BIGBANG coffee cup. Nate strolled over and gestured at my cup. “Hey, did you see them on Good Morning America?” he asked, innocently as criminals are wont to do. “Well, that must have been amazing considering four of them are currently serving in the military because THIS IS BIGBANG NOT BTS, NATE!” He was profusely apologetic and said that he’s not very well-learned in the boy band area and that I couldn’t blame him too much because he wasn’t sitting near me back when I fell into the Kpop Black Hole so he wasn’t educated along with my other work-peeps. I guess I will let it slide this once. I do appreciate that he even wanted to talk to me about it though!

  • I just scrolled through my Twitter to see if there was anything else I wanted to “talk” about on here today and then I remembered that all I tweeted about for days was that asshole Kavanaugh and #metoo so now I’m stressed out all over again at work. I’m going to need a wig soon, the rate my head has been stress-shedding its hair.
  • Will hijacking Henry’s phone ever be unfunny to me and Chooch? Smrobably not. Henry got a new phone and left his old one on the coffee table but it was connected to WiFi so of course Chooch was like, “DAEBAK let’s post something on his Instagram.” Except that he didn’t say “daebak” because I’m the only one in the house who uses Korean words. Chooch was looking at Henry’s pathetic camera roll and said, “He has the dumbest pictures on here. I’m posting this one of the coffee creamer.” At first I started to tell him not to but then I remembered that I don’t care and screamed, “USE THIS AS THE CAPTION: I DRINK IT STRAIGHT!” Oh god, Chooch and I are so hilarious, can you even stand it. It took Henry like 6 hours to notice that we even did this because he has barely any friends so it’s not like his phone blew up with notifications, lol.

The best part is that Henry doesn’t even drink coffee, but he sends me pictures of creamers when he’s at the store to see if I want him to buy any. ISN’T HE A DOLL.

  • Whoa real time update: I went outside on my break and knew it was supposed to rain so I brought an umbrella, but what I didn’t  know was that it was going to THUNDERSTORM AND DROP BUCKETS OF ICE COLD RAIN ONTO ME, THE VOLUME OF WHICH NO UMBRELLA COULD HANDLE. Let’s just say I’m soaked. Like, my shoes were so thoroughly drenched that I eventually quit trying to jump over puddles because it was impossible for my feet to become more wet, and it wouldn’t matter anyway because the puddles eventually turned into straight up pools. My pants are plastered to my skin, it’s so uncomfortable. I came back to the office looking like a sad, wet orphan rat and my co-workers were so sweet about it and no one made fun of me! The perks of switching desks, you guys! No disparaging Glenn commentary! Anyway, Nate came over with his cardigan for me to wear and Lori gave me one of her big scarves in case I wanted to use it as a makeshift skirt so I could dry my pants. They both kept saying they were concerned I wouldn’t be warm enough, since the office is so goddamn frigid on the daily and we all complain about it but the 2% who are always hot perpetually win the thermostat war. Then I went to the kitchen to make coffee to aid me in the whole “warming up” challenge, but I forgot my work badge on my desk AND I GOT TRAPPED IN THE ELEVATOR BANK and then Wendy of all people walked by and helped me so now she’s all smug about that. I’m having a bad day! I just want to go home and watch kdramas. OMG another co-worker just walked by on her way out and said I could borrow one of her suit jackets if I need extra warmth, everyone is so nice today I could just cry. <3
    • Dear Nate, I take back the bulletpoint where I called you a criminal.

I took this back when I was still dry. I can’t remember what that felt like though.

Sep 232018

Here is a lazy day bullet-point round-up. Remember when I used to write real blog posts? ME EITHER.

  • Chooch texted me the other day with the best news ever: BROOKLINE AMATEUR CAR MECHANIC IS MOVING! This is the guy who lives on the other side of Hot Naybor Chris so in a perfect world, I shouldn’t have beef with him but we all share a big driveway between the houses and he takes up 75% of it with his collection of junkmobiles that he obsessively monkey-wrenches. Is that even a thing? I DON’T KNOW AND I DON’T CARE. The point is, he has only lived here for three years and has successfully usurped more than his fair share ALSO HE IGNORES ME WHEN I SAY HELLO and I am the motherfucking OG of this street so he can get fucked, basically is what I’m trying to summarize here for you in case you don’t feel like clicking that linky-link up there. But yeah, it’s true! I came home from work on Thursday and there was a U-Haul in the driveway and now he and his dumb wife and baby-child are gonezo! See ya never, assholes!
    • I asked Henry if he thinks that now he will be able to regain his bromance status with HNC but of course Henry barked, “WE DID NOT HAVE A BROMANCE” but come on, you can’t tell me that he wasn’t bothered, not even a little bit, when this mechanic d-bag moved in and started drinking brewskis with HNC. “WE ARE NOT REALLY FRIENDS OK WE ARE JUST NEIGHBORS AND IF I SEE HIM I SAY HELLO. YOU ARE READING TOO MUCH INTO THIS” except if Henry was typing that, “too” would have been “to” so this was not a very authentic dialogue recap.
      • Speaking on HNC, he made a cameo photobomb in this picture!!

I sent it to my friend Alyson straightaway because she is one of the few people who understands the greatness of HNC. Immediately she wanted to know what he was doing lurking by the garbage and I guessed that maybe he was taking inventory in case his garbage is stolen again!

  • This is a very thing to feel inadequate about, but I was thinking recently that I wish I drank more. Almost all of my friends are super into beer and I struggled for years to acquire a taste for it. I did eventually get to the point where I can finish one glass/bottle if I put forth my best effort, but the truth is, I just don’t really care much for drinking. I guess I should be proud of that fact but at the same time, I want to “fit in” more with my friends who are all about going to breweries and getting excited for this season’s pumpkin beers. But I can think of a million other things I would rather do than sit in a fucking uppity brewhouse or get pushed around at a craft beer festival. I think I have to just finally admit defeat and accept my fate as a (mostly) non-drinker. Like that’s a bad thing or something.
  • LOOK AT MY NEW SHOWER CURTAIN. It will be here next week, and I can’t wait:
  • Can we talk about gray hairs for a minute? I know I’m at that point in my life where I should be freaking out because I’m certainly not young anymore, and look, I’m not blind: I see you staring at the gray hairs on top of my head when we’re talking and it takes everything in my power to not scream MY EYES ARE DOWN HERE. But fuck dying my hair, man! I know that for many people, going to the salon is a treat and it’s relaxing, etc. But I never really liked it because it was like 2-3 hours out of my day that I could be doing something more productive, more fun, more my speed. I do not like sitting! That’s why I can’t even write blog posts in one sitting anymore! I need to move. I started getting gray hairs in my late 20s and I always blamed motherhood on that because Chooch was such a wild child, lol. But I was consistently going to the salon back then and getting highlights so they were never noticeable. Now they are and I don’t care about that at all but it seems like everyone else does and it’s really bizarre to me, like why is the color of my hair so distracting?! Aside from that and the fact that every tiny ache I get these days makes me panic (last week I was convinced I had an air bubble in my carotid artery and that my hip is breaking), I still feel eternally young. I still get excited about things. Dumb shit still makes me laugh. I still make lists of all the haunted houses I want to go to. I still have schoolgirl crushes and maniacal obsessions. And most importantly, I still have a shit-ton of energy, probably even more than I did in my 20s. So who cares about age and some gray hairs?! It’s so weird to me!
  • I use this app called Job Spotter where you submit pictures of help wanted signs for points, and then you can cash in the points for an Amazon gift card. Each point you get is the equivalent of one cent, and the average submission can be between 60-90 points, and I’ve even had some that were over 100! It sounds like a stupid thing, but for as much walking around I do, it gives me a mission, you know? I finally cashed in my points and I was so excited, but then I pissed around for weeks because I am so non-committal when it comes to shopping. There wasn’t anything that I super needed at that time, and I kept adding and removing things from the cart. I was using Henry’s Amazon account because he has Prime, and one day he said, “Your CosRX face wash will be here today,” and I said, “But I didn’t order anything yet?” Apparently, there was a price drop and he was tired of me pussy-footing around so he just ordered it – HOW FUCKING SWEET OF HIM! Then I realized that we’re always getting so much enjoyment out of watching Drew run through the tunnel we got her for Christmas last year, so I decided to look for an upgrade, and I found this cute tunnel/tent doohickey (see below), so I hurried up and bought it with my gift card, and that’s how I realized that I actually do have the ability to be selfless, in spite of all the times throughout my life people have told me that I only care about myself! It was due to be delivered last Sunday, and I was so antsy, looking out the front door every ten minutes, asking Henry to check the delivery updates, finally demanding that we leave the house for awhile because I needed to get my mind off of it, and then finally that evening it was there on the porch! DREW LOVES IT! Penelope won’t go in it but we never expected her to.

  • Oooh, I just found out that Henry is making jjajangmyeon for dinner and I am so excited that I got up and did a weird fake cheerleader kick-thing and now I’m worried about my hip again.
  • I was watching a video of these people in some adult ball-pit in Korea and immediately pictured Henry doing an awkward belly-flop in it, and then I had terrible flashbacks to feeling like I was going to drown in the Chuck E Cheese ball pits when I was a kid and so I recounted that feeling to Henry, that helpless “running-in-place” sensation as your socked-feet slid against the slippery pit-lining, the inevitable chin-smack off the balls (LOL, what a visual) and Henry said, “I don’t know about any of that. We didn’t have ball-pits when I was a kid.” WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY TO ME!? Henry is so old, lol (says the person who was just jawing off a few bullets back about how age doesn’t matter, god I love myself).
  • Chooch had to do another stupid “All About Me” poster for school because he has the same communications teacher again much to all of our chagrin, and I was so touched that he used a quote from Taemin!!

  • I just want everyone to know that I Retweeted a video clip of Taemin on Twitter and BARB replied that he is truly one gorgeous young man. I THINK BARB HAS ONE FOOT ON THE KPOP WAGON.  Don’t worry, I’ll keep working on her.
  • Stupid mechanic neighbor was back today getting more stuff out of the house and I super-loudly and passive-aggressively said to Henry, “I CAN’T WAIT TO NOT SAY GOODBYE TO THAT PERSON JUST LIKE HE NEVER SAID HELLO TO ME IN THE LAST THREE YEARS” and Henry gave me the “Why are you like this?” frown.
  • Today on our walk, I told Henry that I think I’m super underrated and he was like OMG this is why you have no friends.
    • Somewhere, Janna is nodding.
  • Last Friday night, Chooch was looking at one of my paintings and said he only knew Nigel Lithgow from So You Think You Can Dance, and Jeffrey Dahmer. So I was naming the rest of them and when he said he didn’t know who Barbra Streisand was, I knew at that moment that I had failed him as a mom so we stopped everything and I made him watch Babs videos and then Babs and Barry Gibbs, and Chooch was like, “I HAVE NOT HEARD OF ANY OF THESE SONGS, SORRY” and then I was like “WHAT ABOUT ANDY GIBB” and that’s why when Henry came home from the store, he looked horrified because apparently you could hear Everlasting Love from across the street and Chooch was like, “I tried to stop her” and I was jumping around scream-singing and yammering about the time Janna and I were blasting that song in her car and I got out at a red light in the middle of Liberty Avenue downtown and started dancing to it and guys on the sidewalk were like YEAH GIRL and Janna screamed, “GET BACK IN THE CAR ERIN BEFORE PEOPLE THINK YOU’RE A PROSTITUTE” and we both just recently agreed that it was the funniest nights ever, sorry I guess you had to be there.
    • Speaking of Chooch, he got sucked into a new k-drama I’m watching, “Devilish Joy,” and Henry is all downtrodden about it because we started watching it without him so NOW HE DOESN’T WANT TO WATCH IT ALL! But then he sat down last night and started watching it, so.
      • My goal is that Chooch will be inspired to dress like chaebol sons. But considering he thought he could go to school wearing too-small pants with a hole on the crotch the other day, I think it may take more than one drama.
  • And now for the most important bullet of them: FUCK BRETT KAVANAUGH. And fuck all the spineless piece of shit Republicans who are going to make sure he still gets sworn in.

Well guys, I just have to make it through this work week and then it’s an ALL KPOP WEEKEND! Grateful for things to look forward to, always. <3

Sep 162018

Here I am, up before 8am on a Sunday because kpop gossip has me shook, and as I’m sitting here with my coffee in a quiet house, I’m briefly reminded of a time when writing/blogging was my everything and I would proofread that shit 8x over before hitting “publish” and now, I write things in pieces from my phone while commuting, on the laptop at home with a million things happening around me, or during extremely rare lulls at work. And I never read it over. I post and walk away, and I’m sorry for being blog-sloppy. But looking back on how obsessed I used to be with writing the perfect posts makes me feel residual stress and I can’t say I really miss that “perfect post” and “comment-obsessed” part of my life – leaving Facebook also really helped cure that. I still really enjoy blogging, for myself, but it’s just don’t have the time that I really need for it anymore. This isn’t a goodbye post! I’m too sentimental and obsessed with my mortality to ever stop jotting down things I want to remember and if I rely on a paper journal, my hand gets tired so I start skipping lots of details, but it’s more of an explanation that I feel I need to make several times a year and the quiet of this Sunday morning reminded me of that.

(Also, I’m not really a moron: I just type too fast and accidentally skip words! I’m pretty sure every one of my blog posts is missing a word or 8.)

While I have some coffee to sip and time to kill, here are some things of interest!

  • Last weekend, I had the itch to clean out the bathroom closet because it was turning into a hazard zone, where an avalanche of Q-tips and rolls of toilet paper was only a matter of time. It felt great to throw out 3/4 of that closet’s contents, including gaudy makeup made by a crazy lady that I will never put anywhere near my eyes again, crusty cleansers, expired products, you know the drill. Tucked way back in the closet, I found several makeup bags and other container-things that had a bunch of jewelry in it that I didn’t even know I was missing, like this adorbs two-finger ring I bought years ago at the Mattress Factory when I was kind of poor and Henry was annoyed that I paid $40 for a ring in a museum gift shop but I was like, “I WILL WEAR THIS RING EVERY DAY!” and then probably only wore it once because my fingers were fatter then and I vaguely remember it being uncomfortable. But it fits fine now so I wore it twice last week and it only got in the way of my life approx. 87 times. Also, ignore my shitty polish – we already established on here recently that I paint my nails in near-darkness. A TRUE READER OF OH HONESTLY ERIN WOULD KNOW THAT. lol.

  • Shit guys, the past few days have been rife with drama in Kpop World. I mentioned on one of my last Kpop Valentine updates that there was a ton of controversary surrounding Hyuna and E’Dawn, who had the balls to come forward and confirm that they were dating and had been hiding it for 2 years because they’re on the same agency, and not only that but they even have a side project together, and that side project (Triple H, not to be confused with the wrestler who comes up every time I  google it) was actually in the middle of promotions for their comeback (which was SO GOOD) so that got halted immediately which was awful. Meanwhile, E’Dawn is a pivotal member of the 10-member group Pentagon, who you may know I love a lot. They had a fan engagement and also KCON LA coming up, and he was asked to sit those out. Then, last week, they made their comeback with a new mini-album, of which he was part of the creative process, but he’s not in the video and again was not part of promotions. Then on Wednesday, right before I went to bed, I saw the news that Hyuna and E’Dawn were kicked out of Cube, and it got even worse as more news came out because it turns out that they found out the same way everyone else did – through the news. Cube’s stock dropped immediately and international fans were fuming, but the Korean fans were happy and felt that the couple deserved to be punished for what they’ve “done” (not just hiding the fact that they were dating, but actually having the audacity to be in love like normal human beings). The last I heard, Cube back-tracked and said that they weren’t kicked out, that they’re still “talking” but this morning my friend sent me an article saying that there are rumors that Hyuna is leaving on her own and has already joined Jay Park’s label and that would be so amazing, but I worry about what will happen to E’Dawn  and Pentagon. I of course want to boycott Cube, but that in turn hurts the other artists who I want to support, so it’s a really frustrating position. And Hyuna literally carried that fucking company on her back for like 11 years – she’s one of the biggest female artists in Korea, totally controversial, and just a true gem that any agency would be lucky to have. This could have been Cube’s opportunity to break the stigma and publicly support the two and encourage the fans to do the same, but they blew it.  Anyway, this news was so big that it even made the NY Times.
    • Pentagon’s new song is so good though and it kills me that E’Dawn (and Yanan who is sitting out due to health reasons) isn’t a part of it. Please watch this video and support these boys. They write their own stuff and deserve recognition. And before you make fun of the song, the frog concept is based off of a Korean parable and is actually very intelligently incorporated into the song which is about rebelling against social norms and expectations from the elders.)

  • I know you’ve been sitting on the edge of your seat, wondering how the cats are enjoying their cat tower, and I’m here to tell you that it’s their fucking jam. Penelope never bothered with the old one we had, so we didn’t expect that she would care about this one either, but after a few weeks, so slowly acclimated herself to it and Drew is less than pleased but I’m like, “Guys, this thing is big enough for 6 cats, deal with it.” They fight on it at least once a day and it’s a great spectator sport for the rest of us. I still think it’s funny that my original four cats never gave a shit about any of the toys/towers/beds that I bought for them, but these two are materialistic AF. It’s that generation, I guess!
  • Speaking of That Generation, I had breakfast with Kara on Friday (at Parker’s and Parker himself came over and talked to us and I was internally giddying the fuck out) and we spent a large portion of  the morning bitching about Fortnite and how it’s ruining our lives and that made me feel less of a failure as a parent knowing that she is going through the same shit with her boys too. Fuck Fortnite.
    • Additionally, Kara told me that I’m the longest friend she’s had aside from high school friends, and I started thinking about that and I think it’s true for me too! 13 consistent years! It helps that Kara isn’t a possessive/crazy/SWF/compulsive liar, too. Because man, do I attract those types, like the ones who read my entire blog after knowing me for a month and then throw me an elaborate surprise party utilizing everything they learned about me from said blog, only to send me 18 paragraphs via text 2 months later about why they don’t want to be my friend anymore which can be summarized into one sentence: YOU DON’T PAY ENOUGH ATTENTION TO ME, WAH. (I have none of these people in my life right now so this isn’t the equivalent of me sub-tweeting, I swear!)
      • One of the reasons was literally, “We only listen to YOUR music in the car.” Well, when you make me drive everywhere, yeah, them’s the breaks.
    • I need to make more of an effort hanging out with my friends. This has been whatever the opposite of “banner year” is for my mental condition.

  • Hey, speaking of cleaning out closets, I was rooting through this Tupperwear bin in my closet the other night because I was on a roll talking to Chooch about my old penpal days and I thought this was the container that had some of my old penpalling relics, like my address labels that I mostly had created specifically to include in FBs (friendship books, high fives to my peeps who remember those) but instead it was just filled with senior pictures from people I only moderately talked to in high school, plus some really old pictures like this one which kills me because I still do this same pose when I want something and even Barb confirmed it on Instagram.
    • I also found a poem from my deathrow penpal so I handed it to Chooch who immediately started reading it out loud and it turned out to be A SEX POEM so I had to snatch it from him. Advice to parents: proofread stuff from your deathrow penpals before letting your kids see it!
    • But I also found this signed headshot of one Clive Pearse who I had become obsessed with briefly while on vacation with Sharon and my grandparents in the early 90s because I watched his show in our hotel room in England and if you think I’m bad now with being obsessed with things you should have seen me back then. I guess I wrote to him and asked for a picture and I actually one back, because that’s how shit worked back then and then it made me think about that Santa Claus museum we just went to last month and how there was a wall lined with framed autographed headshots that some local Santa Claus, Indiana had collected in the 80s and wow, that could have been me. I started cracking up when I found this and tried to explain it to Chooch who was anything but impressed (he’d rather pretend that I didn’t exist until he was born). Apparently, Clive has found success on HGTV since his Super Channel days. (God only knows why I was obsessed with him.)


  • It’s still in the 80s here in Pittsburgh but I am so ready for haunted house season. Several are already open, but I think it’s too early! I need more leaves on the ground first. And this is the first time in several years that we don’t have the annual pie party weighing us down (I said NO this year and it feels like a weight was lifted! That damn party was more stress than it was worth) so I feel like I can commit 100% to an All Things Halloween October for once. Henry has one foot on board the Knoebel’s train so I just have to keep batting my eyes and being semi-nice until he agrees to take us. Knoebel’s is a really cute amusement park in….somewhere else in Pennsylvania that’s not Pittsburgh. It takes like 4 or 5 hours to get there, so wherever that is. Anyway, they’re open on weekends in October and we went once several years ago, and I have FOND MEMORIES of it, OK? It’s also the home to two great dark rides and one of my favorite wooden coasters, The Phoenix, which actually JUST WON the 2018 Golden Ticket award for best wooden coaster (Holiday World was on there for cleanest park and best water park ride, and Kennywood won for best dark ride for Noah’s Ark). So, root for me in the fight for Knoebels, you guys!
  • Henry and I are currently knee-deep in two k-dramas: 30 But 17, and My ID is Gangnam Beauty. I started both without him but then he got sucked in even after missing the first episodes so now I’m not allowed to watch them without him, which is annoying but also adorable. Last night, I took this secret picture of Henry watching My ID is Gangnam Beauty, because he’s smiling and it’s so freaking funny to me how engrossed he gets in these things, but they really are addicting you guys. When I first started getting into Kpop, I was like, “OK, but I’m just into Kpop and nothing else” and then I got sucked into variety shows so then it became, “OK, but I’m not going to start watching dramas, that just doesn’t appeal to me” but then I started watching Boys Over Flowers and here we are: 80+ Korean actors followed on Instagram, one DramaFever subscription, zero American TV shows watched later.

Well, my people are up and about now so we’re back to Distraction City over here. Shall we end this with two pictures of the cats? YES, I THINK WE SHALL.

Well, I’m off to lint-roll the porch chairs. ANNYEONG CHINGU.

Aug 312018

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This week felt like it was never going to end, OMG, I’m the first person ever to feel that way, I know. But now it’s Friday, I wore jeans to work, I had a seat to myself on the trolley – life’s alright. Here are five things that have been going on in my “alright” life, and none of them involve amusement parks but DON”T WORRY – I went to Kennywood on Sunday so that post will be coming up soon, hahahahahalolololugh.

  1. Gifts from Gayle

It’s hard to believe that we already passed the one year mark since Gayle left The Law Firm but we all still talk about how we miss her. Me especially because she always brought me tokens of appreciation and it was clear she idol-worshiped me (right Gayle? Don’t deny it). Anyway, several co-workers saw her last week, and she gave them this blingin’ frog ring to bring back to me! (Please ignore my shitty nail polish job. It’s always so dark in our dumb house because Henry won’t put on his electrician belt and install an actual ceiling light in our living room so we have two swag lamps and one stupid floor lamp that is 90% useless so I’m painting my nails in the near-dark with eyes that don’t see well to begin with and wow I just typed a lot of words about my nails and the lighting issues in our house, I’m just that  kind of blogger, should I put ads on my site now too?)

People at work were a mixture of jealous and vomitous because let’s just say some people here don’t like it when I’m favored, haha.

2. Polenta & Envelopes

As a belated birthday thing, I went out to dinner last Saturday with Barb, Jeannie, Wendy and Summer. I let Twitter choose where we were going to go and my friend Lindsay recommended Girasole which is Italian so I figured that would be a safe bet for a collection of varying palates. I was excited because polenta was an option and if you are a LONG TIME READER you might remember when polenta and I went through an intense heavy-petting stage back in, oh, 2007 or 2008. I can’t remember how it started (maybe I should become a long time reader and find out) but Henry was churning out all kinds of polenta-y goodness for me and my co-workers (different job then) were like, “When will it end.”

So I ordered the polenta and, well, I was underwhelmed. I mean, it was delicious! But it wasn’t “writing home from my birthday dinner” levels of amaze, if you know what I mean. In fact, it tasted pretty much like the polenta Henry used to make, but when I told him that, he was like, “Wow,” because the way I said it made it sound like I was disappointed because it tasted like he cooked my dinner and not like I was complimenting him for cooking a dish on the same levels as some super-beloved Italian spot.

I think I just had order-remorse because Wendy and Barb both got pasta dishes that looked so great and Jeannie had a fish special which made me crave seafood, but whatever, I also had a peach bellini and a slice of fucking fantastic lemon cake so that made up for it.

Meanwhile, during dinner, the subject of my cards came up because I gave Summer one of my Hello Hanguk business cards so that the beautiful kpop idols on it could keep her distracted because that’s just what every 3-year-old wants to do, be stuck at a restaurant with her mom’s dumb friends. Barb said, “I think it’s so funny that you’re just now starting to offer envelopes with your cards” and I was like, “OMG that’s just a joke, I’ve always offered envelopes!” and now I’m wondering if other people think the same thing?!

The reason I put such faux-emphasis on the envelope portion of my Etsy listings is because when I first selling cards, I never mentioned that they came with an envelope because I felt that it was implied, but then I got several inquiries, like, “Does this card come with envelope or nah?” and it just became a schtick after that, purely for my own benefit of course. For example, “This educational card comes with an envelope, because the last time I tried to mail something in an eggshell, it never made it.” And on my Patty Hearst card: “Comes with an envelope that can be fashioned into a beret with some intermediate Origami skill and an unruly imagination.” It’s honestly my favorite part about creating Etsy listings!

3. Poor Lidding

Yesterday, when I was walking into work, I noticed that I had a wet spot on the thigh of my jeans, and then once I got to my desk, I realized it was because THE FOOD HENRY GAVE ME WAS LEAKING INSIDE MY WORK BAG!!!! I put the plastic bag down on my desk and pool of broth immediately formed, so then I had to cautiously carry the bag into the kitchen, drop it in the kitchen sink, and rinse all the containers off I WAS SO ANGRY! Goddamn you, Henry! Luckily, my container of watermelon was unscathed, but the culprit was the ramen he made me before I left for work so now there was no broth left and that’s when I realized that this happened because HE PUT THE WRONG LID ON IT! How did he make a mistake like this when he is supposed to be such a great house wife?! Oh, I was ranting and raving about this to everyone within earshot.

“I just had a lid situation the other day!” Margie the new-ish admin person said, trying to make me feel better I guess because my fragility is no secret around the office. “But I had no one to blame but myself.”

“Yeahhhhh,” I said thoughtfully. “That’s why I don’t do anything myself.”

And Margie laughed but Lauren, who was sitting behind her, knew it was true.

Also, my banana was in that fucking bag and I thought it was OK but halfway through it, I hit a spot where the broth had seeped through the peel and look, I love gochujang A LOT (so much that I screamed WHAT!?!?!?!?!? when Henry told me that we were out of it when he served me my gochujang-less dinner tonight; I think this is the first time we’re been out of the ‘jang since 2016!?) but apparently not on a banana. FUCK.

4. Emarosa, boy-ohs.

Emarosa’s back, baybays! Their new album hasn’t been released yet but they’re hitting the road this November and I’m so happy because it’s been a year since I saw them last which seems like a normal amount of time but not when we were spoiled with multiple Emarosa shows a year from 2015-2017! Anyway, tickets went on sale today and we got some and it’s kind of weird to be excited about western for a minute!

Conversely, a time recently when I was NOT excited about western music was the other day when I came home from work and suddenly our TV kicked over to YouTube and a fucking NICKELBACK VIDEO started playing. Henry was like, “It has to be Chooch” but he wasn’t home so were like WHY IS THIS HAPPENING but I knew it had to be him because he’s the ultimate troll of the household (OK I’m pretty good at it too). Later on, he strolled through the front door and casually said, “Did I hear Nickelback playing over here earlier?!” Turns out that little fucker was next door at Blake’s so he was within range of being able to control the TV and I hate him.

5. FBI Has Your Unabomber Card

That’s what the subject line of an email said the other night and I started panicking like OMG am I going to jail???

Image result for bts scared gif

But then I realized it was an email from my friend Kristen who has a friend who bought serial killer cards from me in the past and had her neighbors over for dinner one night. The neighbors work for the FBI so the topic of serial killers came up and she showed them my cards AND TURNS OUT one of them worked on the Unabomber case back in the day and loved my Unabomber card and asked to keep it!

I was telling Aaron about this at work today and he was like, “So what you’re saying is that you’re on a federal watch list now. It was nice knowing you!” and I laughed but then I went back to my desk and texted Henry, “OMG AM I GOING TO BE ON A FEDERAL WATCH LIST NOW” and he was like, “…………probably not?”

But still, what a strange and funny story! Thank you for sharing, K!

Anyway, here’s a link to that card if you want one!

Aug 172018

At some point today we will be in Indiana, and I promised to do part of the driving so I won’t be able to liveblog. So instead, I guess have a Friday Five featuring things I’m currently into or thoughts that are glomming onto my brain. It’s a Friday free-for-all.

1. Jonghyun Pins & Making Friends

I saw this Jonghyun tribute pin a few weeks on Instagram and immediately bought one. In some small way, it makes me feel comforted to have it, you know? Anyway, I noted that the seller is also from Pittsburgh so I got really excited and messaged her that I am also from Pittsburgh, hoping that she would read the invisible words that trailed after which said in desperate font PLEASE BE MY FRIEND. She did not pick up on this though and simply replied with, “haha small world! Enjoy the pin!” So I was like HENRY WHAT SHOULD I DO because my social skills are about as dried up as the remnants of my dead plants that I still haven’t thrown away. Henry of course was no help because he doesn’t care about making friends so I waited a few days and messaged her again with a hopefully-not-psycho-sounding suggestion of meeting up for coffee & Kpop talk sometime and she was like “Cool! I’m actually leaving to go back to college soon but I’ll let you know when I’m back in town again” and I don’t know why I’m surprised that she is probably nearly 20 years younger than me, sigh.

But then, while I think about how nice it would be to have a friend here in the city who shares my interests, does it really matter all THAT much? I like all my friends here whether they like the same shit as me or not. And I think it’s kind of cool that all of my friends are so different from me when it comes to interests and hobbies.

2. The new Hands Like Houses single

I can’t tell you how many alerts I get about new music from bands I used to love, and I’m like “I’ll check that out later” and do I?! NO! Just like when friends are like “You should watch [insert American Tv show]” and do I? NO! Because I have reached a point where I almost despise hearing the English language, how messed up is that?! I made it through one episode of Sharp Objects and it was fine but I never went back because it felt strange to not be reading subtitles or hearing that certain Korean dialect that has become more familiar to me than my own language. Anyway, my point is, when I saw Hands Like Houses had a new video, I actually did watch it right away and, not surprisingly, I loved it because I have loved everything that HLH has ever done. Some of the reasons I love them is because:

  • They sound like no other band
  • Trenton manages to keep his Australian accent while singing and I LOVE that
  • They’re from Canberra which is where I went to see the Cure for the first time!
  • One of the guys in the band bears such a strong resemblance to a young Tim Curry and has always looked so overcome with joy every time I’ve seen him on stage and it just makes me so happy!
  • They’re coming back to the US this fall for a tour with EMAROSA and I want to go but the closest city is Philly and I’m not sure Henry will go for it but I have like two mths to beg for my life so we’ll see. Anyway, here is their new video, I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. I helped film it, clearly.
  • https://youtu.be/BUp03PaFIkU

    3. Cats Are Movin’ On Up

    Remember sometime last winter when Chooch constructed a shoddy cat condo out of a bunch of cardboard boxes? And we had to beg Henry not to throw it away every Garbage Day? Well, that thing was so busted after awhile that even I was starting to turn against it. And then, the actual cat tower we had BROKE which really isn’t that shocking because it was nearly 20 years old. I bought it for my Original 4 Cats when I was going on the aforementioned Canberra, Australia trip because I was trying to make them less sad that I was leaving (they didn’t care at all in reality) so it ended up just sitting in the basement for years until we got Drew and Penelope and wondered if they would use it. Drew ended up loving it! Penelope notsomuch. So when it broke two weeks ago, Drew was like WHY DO YOU HATE ME.

    I talked Henry into buying this fancy cat tower from Chewy and he did but ONLY because he had a coupon for it, he is such a tightwad. When it was delivered last week, Chooch and I begged Henry to assemble it straight away and he was like DO YOU NOT WANT DINNER THEN and I was like OH LOL I MEANT AFTER YOU MAKE DINNER.

    At first, Drew was hesitant but now she is like “I can’t believe you guys had me loafing in that cat shanty when this palace was out there all along.”

    Even Penelope plays on it! (though it’s harder for her to get on it since she is a jumping dunce).

    And made a special Jimin VIP room! Henry was like WHY IS JIMIN IN THERE because he has no imagination and doesn’t believe in cat tower interior design. Cool. Cool cool cool, Henry.

    (Hive five to anyone who read that in Melissa Joan Hart’s voice. CLARISSA EXPLAINS IT ALL VIBES!)

    4. Pittsburgh Jesus

    A few months ago, I was walking past the Steel Plaza trolley entrance when I looked over and I swear to god I saw Jesus Christ himself emerging from the little park area next to it. He was illuminated by rays of sunlight, even. This was Jesus, for sure, and not even the emblazoned-on-a-grilled-cheese version.

    But then my eyes adjusted to the blinding light and I realized it was just a homeless guy.

    I suppose this is something I could have sent a Greetings from Erin’s Lunch Break about but the truth is that I haven’t SENT A SINGLE ONE because I lost all motivation and also because I spend almost all of my lunch breaks on the phone with my therapist (lol, his name is Henry) because I am a crazy person who needs help and Henry lets me yell.

    Anyway! I saw him again one time when I was leaving work after one of my late shifts and as I got in the car I hoarsely whispered to Henry, “There he is! The guy I thought was Jesus!” and Henry was like, “….that fat black guy?”

    Ugh no behind him!

    Luckily, I saw him again the other day and had the perfect opportunity to snap a pic because he was just casually standing on the steps right by my building.

    Honestly, I felt blessed.(FRIDAY FIVE INTERLUDE: We just left Loving Hut somewhere outside of Columbus and we are ragging on Henry to the point where Chooch just barfed up a mouthful of Strawberry Smoothie To Go and I just screamed because Pawn Shop is closed and I had fake-convinced myself that I wanted to stop there after we ate, and Henry just called us assholes.)

    5. COCO where’d you GOGO

    Hey guys Chooch and I helped a guy find his lost dog while we were on our nightly neighborhood walk the other night. Just another day being hometown heroes, no biggie.

    We first saw Coco leering back at us from the end of the sidewalk we were walking down. I got scared and turned around at first because you never know what you’re gonna get with a leashless dog! But then she ran around the corner and we were like LETS SEE WHERE SHE WENT and then some older man was all COCO! COCO! Ugh Peg left the GATE open! I’m going to YELL at her!

    We were like SIR ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A DOG CUZ WE SAW ONE and he was like YES WHERE and Chooch put on his Dog Detective hat and pointed the way. We kind of stood there helplessly for a while and then I was like “This is awkward, Kid. Let’s split.”

    But when we walked up to the next street, we saw some teenage girl slowly chasing a dog through her yard, yelling things to a man on the porch like “It has a harness on!” And I was like THAT MUST BE COCO so I had her and Chooch Lee an eye on her while I ran through the alley to find the man who looked like Harry Potter’s uncle, and I frantically yelled, “Mister we found your dog!” And he asked his neighbor lady if he could hop in her car and they took off to the street I pointed to and I ran back through the alley to find that Chooch and the girl were still blocking Coco but then right when the car rolled up, she bolted deeper into the bowels of Brookline and the girl screamed PAP, GET HER! So now the girl’s pap was party of the search party and the owner got out of the car with the leash while the neighbor lady (who I thought was Peg at first and wondered if she had already gotten yelled at but turns out she was just a nice neighbor who was helping Harry Potter’s uncle who was in NO SHAPE to be trying to lasso Coco on his own) crept slowly after Coco in her car while the rest of us walk-ran in order to not spook Coco into running faster.

    OH FRIENDS it was a whole ordeal. But we finally cornered her and the girl was able to grab onto Coco’s harness while Harry Potter’s uncle clobbered over to us with the leash, panting and on the verge of a coronary.

    We all bid each other a jovial adieu and then Chooch and I ran home and walked Henry up to tell him that we were hometown heroes once again and he mumbled “I’m so sure” and then fell back asleep.

    Last night during our walk, I pointed things out to Henry like the bush where the girl was first trying to catch Coco and the alley where I ran down to tell the owner I found her and Henry was straight sneering on the backseat of a bus to Frown Town.

    “It was a really big deal, Henry. You had to be there,” I huffed.

    “I doubt it,” he muttered.

    “If Brookline had a newsletter, it would have been in there!” I yelled haughtily, but by then his bus had reached its miserable stop at the corner of Scowl Street in Frown Town so he was no longer listening.

    And that’s all for this week’s Friday Five! It’s 9:04pm and we’re still in Ohio, to the point where I’m not convinced that Henry hasn’t turned around at some point without me knowing and we’re actually headed back to Pittsburgh.