Andrea from My Pretty Zombie saw that I ever so audaciously posted about her Limited Edition Easter Eye Shadow Set last week and gave me two options for penance:

1. join the orphan dwarves in her cosmetics sweatshop

2. host a giveaway on my blog

While I do enjoy a good paycheck of lukewarm porridge, I decided to spread ‘em like a rookie whore for Easter spirit and that is how this giveaway came to be.

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!

Andrea is tossing in a SECOND set (please don’t ask what I had to give up to make that deal a reality) so for the first time in the history of blog giveaways (completely not true), there will be TWO winners!

The Colors, in Andrea’s own words, which of course are sullied at the end by my own two cents:

• Deviled Egg: A yolky shimmery yellow with red glitter (ERIN’S FAVORITE. I want her to officially add that in the listing. It makes me want to lick my own eye lids. Because I really like deviled eggs. If I go to party that isn’t serving deviled eggs, I leave in a huff. Usually I’ll try to steal something on the way out.)

• Dye! Dye!: Medium blue with a hint of pink sparkle (Way less Drew Carey’s Mimi, more Blue Velvet. It’s my new favorite blue.)

• Basketcase: Plastic grass green (The day I wore this, I was showing Henry because I liked it so much. “It’s nice that she named it after you, too” he said.)

• Rabbits Foot: Lavender with a hint of pink sparkle (This is such a delicate shade! It makes me feel like a good little Catholic girl frolicking along a hillside during an Easter egg hunt, then sneaking off with the older boy from the inner city when no one is looking so we can exchange the eggs for eight balls.)

• Ham: A Bacon-y coppery pink (It’s so pretty and shimmery, it makes me crave the real thing, which I haven’t eaten in sixteen years. So if I fall off the wagon, I’m suing Andrea.)

• Peepshow: Fluffy marshmallow white with piles of pastel glitter! (It’s like molten Peeps for the lids, without the viscous aftermath. But if it’s the stickiness you crave, you could probably add some Elmer’s to it. I won’t tell.)

Dye! Dye! and Ham; Rabbits Foot and Basketcase

Deviled Egg, with Dye! Dye! and Basketcase as liner, and my Dead Hooker lashes. (I’m at the bottom of my mascara tube, ya’ll.)

This is a limited edition set and won’t be around for much longer. It retails at $20 and fits perfectly in between the chocolate crucifix and jelly beans in an Easter basket.

Here’s a more adequate review, for anyone who missed it the first 80 times I posted it:

Do you hate when you only make it halfway through your shift at the soup kitchen before your eyeshadow gets all cracked and creased, and suddenly all the homeless people are mistaking you for that hooker who just washed up under the pier? Tired that you can’t even get busted after a full day’s work of running the meth lab without your mug shot looking like Tammy Faye Bakker, a month into decomposition?

Thank god Andrea from My Pretty Zombie has developed her own line of eyeshadow in an array of vibrant pigments which stay fresh even on the eyelids of broads who are ridden hard and put away wet.

For $5, you can select a pot of loose shadow, gently infused with flecks of princess-like glitter to beat the school marm right the hell out of you. And a little goes a long way with these pots because the pigmentation is so opulent that it doesn’t take much more than one good swipe to get that smoky, opaque look you saw on last week’s Gossip Girl.

Pictured above is Bride, which is a translucent white with a subtle green shimmer. It’s almost holographic, perfect if you’re Jem or one of the Holograms, or just aspire to be. Not that I would know anything about that. Bride provides the whole “less is more” sentimentality, like on your wedding night when you slip into bed wearing nothing but a strap-on, inspiring your new husband to tear up the scroll of all the sex moves he learned on Urban Dictionary.

Less is more.

Pictured above is Roxie and Old Bruise. I love Roxie because pink is one of my favorite colors but I can never find a good shade. It’s either too light or too garish, like Aunt Mary’s potpourri scented La-Z-Boy. But Roxie is just what I’ve been looking for. It stayed on all day at Warped Tour! Well, until I went into the bathroom and tried to drown myself in the sink for heat relief. And just as it’s perfect for screamo shows, a lighter-handed application makes it suitable for work at The Law Firm too. I’m guessing it’s OK because no one has asked the going price for my blow jobs.

I love Roxie and Old Bruise together because it makes me feel like I’m ready to take on the day, 1985-style. Definitely the perfect shades to pair together for the roller rink, which I fully intend to do for the next adult skate.

My Pretty Zombie eye shadow is perfect for transvestites too! Here, Henry is wearing Mitzi on the lid closer to us, and Madison on the other. I think all the grit and man-grime permanently puttied in Henry’s skin makes the two shades look more similar than they really are. Because they’re not similar. Mitzi is that really hot shade of gunmetal you wish you had on your lids when you go to the local lost and found in search of your missing revolver and people start asking you annoying questions. Like, what color is it.

Andrea was even ingenious enough to embed bullets into Mitzi, so you can kill people in traffic just by blinking.

I didn’t use an applicator for the sake of this photo, just my fingertip, which made Henry howl in pain. “Jesus Christ, you’re pushing my eyeball in!” he cried. Shit, Henry. You already look like a bitch, stop acting like one too.

“You’re the worst woman,” he muttered when he inspected himself in the mirror. “You got it all down here under my eye, too!” he yelled, tidying up his makeover for the camera.

Donna, Old Bruise, My Pretty Zombie, a star

My Pretty Zombie is good for all eyelids. Goths, moms, school girls, trannies, hookers, zombies (some of them actually give a shit about their appearance, thanks to goddamn society), gym teacher trying to break stereotypes, Japanese game show host: this is some versatile shit. I should know – I change identities every day. It’s for my job. I can’t really talk about it.

If I didn’t truly like this stuff, I wouldn’t have written about it. I’d have told Andrea that I lost my eyelids when I was deployed to the Netherlands to fight in the war against cheese graters.

Now it’s time to do what Bela Karolyi screams at his pre-pubescent camp of gymnasts: WIN, BITCHES, WIN. Luckily, winning this giveaway won’t stunt your growth and send you into the world with the chest development of a 10-year-old boy. (Though I haven’t tested this on any animals to make damn sure.)

Rules to enter, of which you can do one or all:

• Definitely comment here with your email address, or else nothing else will count because I won’t know you exist
• Become a fan of My Pretty Zombie on Facebook by clicking here
• Heart My Pretty Zombie on Etsy by clicking here
• Write a poem about how lonely your lids are without MPZ eyeshadows to swaddle them in warmth
• Show me a picture of you and the Easter bunny

Each comment equals one entry. So for example, if you become a fan of MPZ on Facebook, leave a second comment saying so; etc etc. (I’m really quite fantastic at contest rules.)

This giveaway is open to one and all, men and women alike (no one here judges, except for Henry, but he was practically born in the ’50′s), people who live in igloos or lean-tos, even fans of Katy Perry and Justin Bieber. If making flamboyant eyes at people from across the morgue isn’t your thing, then perhaps you know someone who might be interested in these fine pots of pigmented lovin’. So spread the word! Don’t hide yo’ wives or yo’ daughters from this opportunity.

Entries will be closed on Sunday, April 17th, 10:00PM EST. Two winners will be picked using that Random.org thing.

You people probably think that Andrea of My Pretty Zombie is either my alter ego or my secret half-sister that I keep stuffed in a trunk in my bedroom, what with all the praise I have for her all the time. Praise is not something I dole out unless I mean it though, note that. When Andrea began dabbling in cosmetics last summer, she sent me a slew of samples and I haven’t looked back since. My bathroom is being taken over by an army of colorful eyeshadow pots, much to Henry’s chagrin (or jealousy?). It’s been a lot of fun planning out what colors I’m going to wear each day, and one of my work-friends always makes me close my eyes so she can get a better look at the combo of the day. The pigmentation and price is just way too good for me to start shopping at the drug store again.

I wrote a review on it a few months ago, but I figure the only way to really get anyone to take my word for it is to give some away. Because I have an Oprah-complex, Andrea was cool enough to send me five pots of my favorite colors for one nude-lidded reader to win.

• Nacreous Alchemy – the gold for which I’ve always been on the hunt, and now the bounty can be yours. In addition to gilding my lids with its regal sheen, I also like to wet the tip of an applicator and apply this under my eyes.
• Pink Eye - a pale pink packed with iridescence. I like to pair it with Nacreous Alchemy on those days I need to remind everyone that I’m a princess.
• Henrywinkle – I almost have no words for Henrywinkle because it’s such an unusual blend of purple and blue, unlike any eyeshadow hue I’ve ever seen. I also like to wear this under my eyeballs. It makes my eyes look huge, like a deer about to bite it.
• Mitzi – a shiny gunmetal gray. Everyone seemed to really love this when she debuted it, but I was like, “No, this is way too dark for me.” Then I tried it and loudly jumped aboard the bandwagon. I never use eyeliner anymore now that I have this. It’s perfect for achieving those coveted smokey eyes without mistakenly giving yourself that wrinkled ex-Bunny Rancher look that the harsh lines of black liner often accomplish.
• UNICORN PEE – the most awesome shade Andrea’s ever masterminded in her cosmetics laboratory, which I like to imagine is full of bubbling beakers and vats of acid waiting to catch a pushed body. Anyway, Unicorn Pee is a very pale blue chockful of rainbow sparkles. It is amazing, gorgeous and fun. A great highlighter and perfect for anyone who needs an extra hand channeling their inner Rainbow Brite. I wear mine quite often because I’m awesome, and now you can be too.

Unicorn Pee, with Henrywinkle as liner, and my Dead Hooker lashes. (I’m at the bottom of my mascara tube, ya’ll.)

Here’s a more adequate review, for anyone who missed it the first time:

Do you hate when you only make it halfway through your shift at the soup kitchen before your eyeshadow gets all cracked and creased, and suddenly all the homeless people are mistaking you for that hooker who just washed up under the pier? Tired that you can’t even get busted after a full day’s work of running the meth lab without your mug shot looking like Tammy Faye Bakker, a month into decomposition?

Thank god Andrea from My Pretty Zombie has developed her own line of eyeshadow in an array of vibrant pigments which stay fresh even on the eyelids of broads who are ridden hard and put away wet.

For $5, you can select a pot of loose shadow, gently infused with flecks of princess-like glitter to beat the school marm right the hell out of you. And a little goes a long way with these pots because the pigmentation is so opulent that it doesn’t take much more than one good swipe to get that smoky, opaque look you saw on last week’s Gossip Girl.

Pictured above is Bride, which is a translucent white with a subtle green shimmer. It’s almost holographic, perfect if you’re Jem or one of the Holograms, or just aspire to be. Not that I would know anything about that. Bride provides the whole “less is more” sentimentality, like on your wedding night when you slip into bed wearing nothing but a strap-on, inspiring your new husband to tear up the scroll of all the sex moves he learned on Urban Dictionary.

Less is more.

Pictured above is Roxie and Old Bruise. I love Roxie because pink is one of my favorite colors but I can never find a good shade. It’s either too light or too garish, like Aunt Mary’s potpourri scented La-Z-Boy. But Roxie is just what I’ve been looking for. It stayed on all day at Warped Tour! Well, until I went into the bathroom and tried to drown myself in the sink for heat relief. And just as it’s perfect for screamo shows, a lighter-handed application makes it suitable for work at The Law Firm too. I’m guessing it’s OK because no one has asked the going price for my blow jobs.

I love Roxie and Old Bruise together because it makes me feel like I’m ready to take on the day, 1985-style. Definitely the perfect shades to pair together for the roller rink, which I fully intend to do for the next adult skate.

My Pretty Zombie eye shadow is perfect for transvestites too! Here, Henry is wearing Mitzi on the lid closer to us, and Madison on the other. I think all the grit and man-grime permanently puttied in Henry’s skin makes the two shades look more similar than they really are. Because they’re not similar. Mitzi is that really hot shade of gunmetal you wish you had on your lids when you go to the local lost and found in search of your missing revolver and people start asking you annoying questions. Like, what color is it.

Andrea was even ingenious enough to embed bullets into Mitzi, so you can kill people in traffic just by blinking.

I didn’t use an applicator for the sake of this photo, just my fingertip, which made Henry howl in pain. “Jesus Christ, you’re pushing my eyeball in!” he cried. Shit, Henry. You already look like a bitch, stop acting like one too.

“You’re the worst woman,” he muttered when he inspected himself in the mirror. “You got it all down here under my eye, too!” he yelled, tidying up his makeover for the camera.

Donna, Old Bruise, My Pretty Zombie, a star

My Pretty Zombie is good for all eyelids. Goths, moms, school girls, trannies, hookers, zombies (some of them actually give a shit about their appearance, thanks to goddamn society), gym teacher trying to break stereotypes, Japanese game show host: this is some versatile shit. I should know – I change identities every day. It’s for my job. I can’t really talk about it.

If I didn’t truly like this stuff, I wouldn’t have written about it. I’d have told Andrea that I lost my eyelids when I was deployed to the Netherlands to fight in the war against cheese graters.

Now it’s time to do what Bela Karolyi screams at his pre-pubescent camp of gymnasts: WIN, BITCHES, WIN. Luckily, winning this giveaway won’t stunt your growth and send you into the world with the chest development of a 10-year-old boy. (Though I haven’t tested this on any animals to make damn sure.)

Rules to enter, of which you can do one or all:

• Definitely comment here with your email address, or else nothing else will count because I won’t know you exist
• Become a fan of My Pretty Zombie on Facebook by clicking here
• Heart My Pretty Zombie on Etsy by clicking here
• Write a poem about how lonely your lids are without MPZ eyeshadows to swaddle them in warmth

Each comment equals one entry. So for example, if you become a fan of MPZ on Facebook, leave a second comment saying so; etc etc. (I’m really quite fantastic at contest rules.)

This giveaway is open to one and all, men and women alike (no one here judges, except for Henry, but he was practically born in the ’50′s), people who live in igloos or lean-tos, even fans of Katy Perry and Justin Bieber. If making flamboyant eyes at people from across the morgue isn’t your thing, then perhaps you know someone who might be interested in these fine pots of pigmented lovin’. So spread the word! Don’t hide yo’ wives or yo’ daughters from this opportunity.

Entries will be closed on Saturday, February 26th, noon EST. Winner will be picked using that Random.org thing.