Coral Armour of the Tiny Tragedies was one of the first members of Etsy’s Dark Side that I came across. I remember this distinctly because it was last fall and I desperately wanted something from her shop but Henry said NO because he’s MEAN and clearly was home sick the day all the boys learned about how gift-giving saves relationships and earns occasional weeknight blow jobs. Anyway, I fell in love with Coral’s macabre art pieces, which mash together fake blood, pretty dolls, and sometimes even a dash of glitter, and somehow these things meet in the middle for a happy medium tea party. She even includes hand-written stories for each piece, and come on – if that doesn’t inspire you to stuff some green in the cleavage of her shop, then we can’t be friends.

Recently, she opened a sister shop on Etsy for her more whimsical, fairy tale-esque line of jewelry and snow globes called The Tiny Tiara, which has been getting noticed all over Etsy. And trust me, when something gets touted on Etsy that doesn’t involve owls, crocheted fruit cozies and fake moustaches, it is a BIG DEAL.   Her rings are huge and eye-catching, and that is exactly what I look for in digit accoutrements. I own one of the tombstone rings, but I am not satisfied with having just one. I need more! For all you people who try and cop out by saying, “I didn’t get you a Christmas present because I never know what to get you, but here, have a McDonald’s coffee card,” NOW YOU KNOW WHERE TO SHOP FOR ME.

Coral was gracious enough to sludge through some questions I tossed her way and I would like to thank her for putting up with it.

1. Here is the obligatory “How did your shop come to be: Evolution or Big Bang Theory?” question.

Evolution for sure! The early Tragedies were crude in their execution not only because I’m a self taught artist/crafter, but because they were created spur of the moment. They were very, very existential. At that time, I made them for myself, so there were no stories. It was all about symbolism, so they were very Jungian. For instance, one was a doll inside a box, surrounded by smaller boxes. One was a doll inside a box filled with mirrors, and the outer panel said ‘Don’t look inside’. They were kind of like art therapy for me. But I found that people prefer to not use their brains, and after looking at one of my creations for two seconds, their first response was either ‘Cool’ or ‘Cute’. Which drove me INSANE. Coming up with the name was Big Bang Theory because I had a show at a gallery and the owner asked what he should put on the flyer, and it was something I hadn’t considered at that point. So I thought about it for a few minutes and it just struck me! It was then I decided to write the stories out so that it would be obvious to people what was going on in the little scenes.

2. “The List” from your Tiny Tragedies shop tickles me in a way that makes me rethink my sanity. I want one so bad, with Henry’s name written about ten times, and maybe a little Miley Cyrus thrown in there somewhere. Give us your own personal shit list. Air that dirty laundry!

I can’t really give you a true life shit list because my dirty laundry is really pretty dirty. Let’s just say that in my dating past there are more tragedies than successes. In the general sense of who is on my shit list now, almost every single co-worker at my job as a part time waitress. And people who take their kids out in cold weather with no socks or jackets on. Oh and girls who are still obsessed with the color pink. And women who ‘Bedazzle’ their own clothes.

3. And you know those women keep a drawer full of puffy paint, too! Your Etsy profile states that you’re inspired by b-horror movies. What movie would you most want to reenact with your Tiny Tragedy characters?

I’m not sure I could just pick one, because when I say that I’m inspired by B-Horror films, I really mean that genre of movies were watched non-stop on the weekends by my dad when I was young. So somewhere in my subconscious is a vast landscape of badly acted death scenes and laughable monsters with even more laughable special effects make-up! I do have a special place in my heart for Vincent Price. Not only because of his films, but because his wife’s name was Coral. If I had to choose one though, I might choose The Blob because that film made quite an impression on me and my over active imagination. I lost lots of sleep after seeing that movie because I was sure the Blob was going to swallow me as soon as I fell asleep. I always really liked the gorey death scenes though. Those never scared me.

4. Finally succumbing to my heavy desires of stabbing my boyfriend Henry, I flee to Arkansas and you take me in for a weekend. What can I expect to learn about you and Arkansas after spending two days together?

First I would open a bottle of Chardonnay to toast your victory for angry women everywhere! Then I’d probably be paranoid that you would stab me next. After I got over my paranoia, you would see that I am pretty honest about myself. I don’t pretend to know everything, I have no interest in appearing ‘cool’, I don’t push my opinions on anyone, and I am relatively quick witted. I’m laid back, but also have a fair amount of nervous energy. I will be the first to point out my short comings and tell you straight off the bat that I have mild OCD, and will ask you not to be offended if I make some strange requests while you’re staying with me. I gather that I have a good sense of humor. I don’t like to think that I ‘make fun’ of people, it’s really more that I point out the more bizarre aspects of accepted social behavior. Then as punishment for your crime, I would subject you to an evening with my grandparents with whom I lived  for the first 8 months after re-locating here from California. Speaking of California, you will also note that I am terribly homesick and often say out loud without warning ‘I can’t believe I live in fucking Arkansas’. I’m a good listener. Watching people fall down still really makes me laugh. I spend a lot of time researching bizarre things on the internet like what living through the black plague was like, how shoes were made 100 years ago, and listening to sea shanties. I watch a lot of the History Channel. And I spend a LOT of time looking for supplies on Etsy that inspire me and give me ideas. Gotta keep my brain busy!

5. You have a second shop on Etsy filled with fairy tale-inspired rings and snow globes, which are incredibly unique but the polar opposite of the dioramas you create for Tiny Tragedies. Do you find that you need to have a certain mindset for each, and do you feel that you favor one shop over the other?

Part of that polar opposite thing is my Gemini tendencies! I definitely need to have a certain mindset for each shop. The Tragedies take much, much longer to make from concept to finished item than anything in The Tiny Tiara. A Tiny Tragedy usually takes 8 to 12 hours to make so it requires determination and focus! I can’t just slowly make one, once I’m on a roll, I have to finish it. I hate to admit it, but at the moment I feel more inspired by The Tiny Tiara. I think it’s partly because the items for that shop take a fraction of the time it takes to make a Tragedy. And I’m very much about instant gratification! I do feel guilty about it though. I love my dolls, and I would hate to ever have to say ‘I used to make dolls called The Tiny Tragedies’.

6. Favorite bands, give it to me.

My taste in music is pretty much stuck in the 90’s still. David Bowie, The Smiths, Radiohead, Bjork, My Bloody Valentine, Fleetwood Mac, Leonard Cohen, Jeff Buckley, Echo and The Bunnymen and Depeche Mode. I find that depressing music really does lift my spirits.

7. I have this thing where I need to know what everyone was like in high school, so you should tell me that now.

I dropped out of high school at the beginning of my Junior year so I wasn’t really there for long. I had a spiral perm! I was on the Dance Team, I was an aspiring singer. I spent the majority of my high school time commuting between my hometown and LA. I really only went to school to socialize. I had a pretty even mix of friends from every little microcosm of groups. Outside of school, I wrote a lot of poetry and painted occasionally. I was pretty outgoing and took every opportunity to make a joke. I was nominated as one of the most photogenic girls in my class. How embarrassing! I didn’t have a boyfriend because I was terrified of boys. I felt pretty lost most of the time. Oh and let me not forget to mention that I was an obsessive fan of the New Kids On The Block!

(This is actually Woodland Deer, I’m an idiot.)

8. Marilyn Manson is looking for a unique gift to give to his girlfriend (I should Wiki him to see if he even has a girlfriend right now, but who cares really). Originally, he wanted to make her a mudpie using Transylvanian soil made moist with gypsy urine. But because of time constraints (and a Romanian urinary retention pandemic) he turns to Etsy, which for the sake of this question is now a large auditorium filled with artisans, and gives each shop owner an opportunity to use five, and only five, words to describe their shop, at which point whoever piques his interest the most gets his Absynthe-soaked money. It’s your turn next, and you only get ONE CHANCE SO DON’T BLOW IT. What do you tell him?

Melancholy, black comedy, macabre, surreal, subconscious. I don’t know, does that work? Did I win??

9. You win! In fact, his ladyfriend just scored 8,000 points by accidentally-on-purpose poking out a hobo’s eyeball with your tombstone ring! Then she mopped up the blood with a blouse, which she’ll wear to dinner tomorrow night because that’s her style. Now, describe your personal style.

I love heavy, long, faux fur winter coats, big rings and big jewelry, lots of black, and anything that a wayward fairy tale princess might wear. I love avant garde clothing, a symmetrical cuts and such.

10. What can we expect next from the brilliant Coral Armour?

I have some ideas but I’m not finished putting the pieces together in my head yet. I want to go in a different direction with the dolls. Much closer to the way they were when I first started making them. It’s all still brewing in my brain, and hopefully sometime soon I will have time to devote to making them a reality. I kind of want to make a few different versions of The Peppermint Princess doll that I made last Christmas. That seems to be where I’m going at the minute. Still going to experiment with the new shop and try to keep the creativity flowing. Sorry that’s a really boring answer!

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Somehow, I have a hard time believing Coral could EVER be boring.

Now you know the pertinents about the brains behind two very unique Etsy shops. If you’re anything like me, you’re wishing you could go hang out with her rightnowthisverysecond. But if you’re as geographically unfortunate as me, stalking her online will have to suffice.

• Twitter
• Thetinytragedies.com
• MySpace

Want more Freaky Features? The previous two can be found here.

**I may have let my personal feelings for the tombstone  ring get in the way when typing out its name, so don’t think Coral is some sort of egomaniac. I’m just really super obsessed with this damn ring and feel that every one should have one. So go!  Hurry! They sell as fast as she makes them!

“Where the fuck were these when I was growing up?” was the absolute first thought that trekked through my muddy mind after stumbling upon Mrs.Evils shop on Etsy.

I hated Barbies growing up. I thought they were lame and boring and after the first five minutes of laughing obnoxiously at the twin plastic humps under their shirts (and fine, feigning hot doll-intercourse with Ken), there wasn’t much else to do with Barbies. Mine collected dust on my grandparent’s porch.

But Barbies covered in blood and dressed in tattered rags? Yes please, put those under the Christmas tree, Santa.

But that’s not all you’ll find over at MrsEvils’: she’s got t-shirts, she’s got pendants, she’s got EVIL HAIR ACCESSORIES. There’s something creepy for everybody.

Over the past few months, I have had the pleasure of getting to know Andrea Evans, the mastermind behind all the desecreted dolls. And now I want all of you to know her too, so we sat down and had a chat. And by that I mean I shot off a bunch of not-very-well-thought-out questions via an Etsy Conversation and forced her to answer them. Which she did, willingly and interestingly, and with no complaints!

*****

 

1. Let’s slay that elephant in the room with the first question: When was your zombie-love conceived & how did you come up with the idea to turn innocent dolls into the product of a post-blood bath swim?

I have always been creepy. When I was seven I wanted to be Morticia Addams SOOO bad, but before that I wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer. I would read or watch anything that was scary, and omg when Alice Cooper would come on the muppet show and sing with all the scary malformed muppets, I would just be beside myself. I can’t remember my first exposure to Zombies, but my dad would let me stay up late and watch Creature Features when I was about 3 or 4, so it must have been around that same time. The first Zombie movie that I remember having a huge impact on my life was probably Return of the Living Dead part 2. I think that must be why I like my zombies so campy.

My mom taught me to cross stitch when I was six. That was always my main form of crafting. The patterns were always so lame though. It wasn’t until my mid twenties that I found out about pc stitch and started designing my own patterns of jacked up animals with visable poop shoots and what not. I started making handbags in 2004 with my evil animals on them and that was the first incarnation of mrsevils. Sewing on a machine makes me very tense and I get so pissed when thet seams don’t come out perfectly straight. I gave up on that and was just cross stitching the animals on weird fabric using waste canvas.

My real job is a tad rough on the hands and wrists and I started getting reacurring bouts of tendonitis. Which sucks and makes it almost impossible to sew. I kind of wallowed in self pity for awhile. One day I woke up and said ” I wonder if I could paint Barbies to look like Zombies?” My husband was all like “what?” I think it was pretty early in the morning.
I loved to paint in school, but hadn’t even attempted to paint anything in years. I went To Kohls and bought a Wedding Day Barbie with light up engagement ring. She was the first, and I was totally hooked. I gave her to a friend for a birthday present and alledgedly her ring will light up even if no one is touching her.
Right after that, there was an ad on Craigslist for an indie craft fair. So I got a space and worked my ass off to get a bunch of stuff done for it. It was in this time frame that I made the Sleepover diorama that is my favorite and seems to be the most popular. I think I only had a month to prepare for it And I was so freaked out on the day of the show. Only my family and friends had seen my zombies at that point and I was terrified that people were going to think they sucked. I got a pretty warm response, especially from the little kids who were there. The other vendors were all on Etsy and gave me the hook up. I opened my My Pretty Zombie shop that same day. And here we are 1 year later.

2. One of the first things I learned about you, apart from the obvious zombie thing, is that you like haikus. Now, imagine you’re taking a Sunday joyride on a rickshaw in Thailand, when suddenly Barbra Streisand scoots in next to you and offers you a durian (the world’s most nastiest, sewer-smelling fruit). You politely decline her offer, but don’t want to pass up the opportunity to plug your shop to a disgustingly rich celebrity, but she’s getting off at the next corner so she can buy James Brolin a Thai hand job. Quickly use a haiku to summarize your shop!

After Jim’s hand job
Please check out my etsy store
loved you in Yentil

Thats probably too ass-kissy and a lie because I never saw Yentil or any of her movies for that matter.

3. My three-year-old loves zombie movies already. His favorite so far has been a newer one called Dance of the Dead. He’s looking for something to watch this weekend, after he chants “You motherfucker” to no one in particular and puts the cat in a half nelson. He wants to know what your favorite zombie movie is so he can watch it while wearing my Mrs. Evils’ zombie pendant (which I wear like it’s the fucking Virgin Mary, keeping me holy, by the way).

Dang Chooch has got good taste! Dance of the Dead was a great one with the zombies shooting out of the graves and what not.
I have seen so many, its really hard to chose and or remember. I had to refer to my netflix and then the list of zombie movies thatI gave 5 stars to.
So here is the list in alphabetical order

28 days Later, Bio Zombie, Buttcrack, Dance of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Dead Alive, Dead Creatures, The Dead Next Door, Doomed, The Euroshock Collection: Psychomania, the Evil Dead 1 and 2, Fido, Hard Rock Zombies, The Mad, Redneck Zombies, Return of the Living Dead 1 and 2, The Signal, The Stink of Flesh, Versus, Zombie, and of course Zombie Strippers.

4. You’ve just pacifed my kid for the next few months, thanks! Now walk us through the creating process. Is there certain music you like to listen to? Do you have a studio or do you hunch over the kitchen sink like I do because your boyfriend sucks and won’t build you a club house in the backyard so you can paint in peace and also finally host waffle club meetings on the weekends?

I usually come up with my ideas during the quiet time when I first get to work. I have way more ideas than time to conceive them these days!

I have an office, sort of. Its mostly stacked full of boxes we haven’t unpacked since we moved in 2 and a half years ago. I mostly keep my bins of Barbie crap in there and my shipping stuff. Usually I just open the door and throw stuff in. I have a little cleared off spot on the floor that I sit on to put packages and promos together. I would really like to be able to work in there someday.

For now, my crafting takes place at our dining room table which is so completely covered with about 3 feet of flowers, Barbie shoes and clothes that I can barely work there either. I’m never home to cook so its pretty much pointless to even have a table to eat at anyway, right? Paul will usually have gum for dinner anyway. I’m a big satellite radio fan, so thats normally what I listen to when I’m painting. And my cds are still packed in aforementioned office.

I get so jealous when people post photos of their immaculate crafting areas. I decided to immortalize the horror that is mine. The box of Barbies is a lot I got on ebay and haven’t had time to fully sort through yet.

5. In addition to the fantastic art you make, you also have an interesting job, and you should talk about that here, after this period.

I work in a Toxicology Laboratory. My offical grown up title is “Hitachi Lab Night Supervisor” or something. Basically, I test pee for drugs.
Before that, I owned a body piercing shop. In 2003, I sold the business and needed a new occupation. I decided I was going to become an Sterilization Technician (sterlizing all the equipment in hospitals and such) but there were no classes in my area so I bought the books online and studied on my own for the test. I missed the cut off by one point, which I thought was pretty good for not taking the courses, but still sucked. Spending 8 years running your own business doesn’t make you as marketable as one might think. The lab I work at always had job openings in the paper, so I thought “what the eff?”

The first 2 weeks were especially brutal. Paul had just started a new job also and was in FL training for it for 3 months. I was convinced every night that I smelled like pee. I survived though and worked there for about a year. Paul got a transfer to Nashville, so we sold our house and moved out there. I didn’t have to work, due to the huge cost of living difference, so I had lots of time to work on my crafting which was the Mrsevils handbags at that time. It was boring though, being home alone all the time with no one to talk to. I got a part time job in a Optical lab making glasses which was the worst job I’ve ever had.

After about a year and a half, Paul got promoted and we moved back to CA. I called the pee lab to see if I could have my old job back and they were like “sure, do you want to be the supervisor?” and I was like “hell yes”.

So that was 3 years ago. I still do all the same stuff that everyone else does. We get between 12,000 and 19,000 specimens a day and they all have to be tested before the night is over. We open all those jars and pour pee into tiny cups to run on gigantic analyzers. The only difference really is that I get to fix things when they break or when people make mistakes. And I get to sigh alot and would rub my brow if I wasn’t wearing dirty gloves all the time. I also say things like “what did you do?” when people come up to me with problems and occasionally walk around with my hands behind my back “supervising” peoples work, which makes them nervous and they hate. I also get to write haikus about it and sometimes take pictures of gross pee for my blog.

I’ve got a super great team of kids though, and they really miss me when I’m on vacation. Everyone knows about my Zombies and they’re all really supportive. And I get to wear a lab coat. Which is totally sexy.

6. What were you like in high school?

In high school I was pretty surly and intolerant. I guess I haven’t changed much. All I did was write and I so wanted to be the next Raymond Carver. I also wrote stories about a murderous drag queen named Sparky, which seems weird to me now, maybe thats why I fond them so scary. I went to a fancy art school the summer after graduation. It was at Cal Arts and you lived there for a month with other artist kids and it was very intense. I remember the dance kids smoked more than anyone, and the rumor was it was to keep them from getting fat.

Madonna was so huge when I was in high school. This was the Vogue/Express Yourself era and she was a huge influence fashion wise. I wore fake eyelashes every day. And vintage garter belts with cotton thigh high socks. I was the first girl to get a tattoo and I think that made me slightly cooler.

My biggest regret from high school is avoiding all science classes like the plague. I even took an “Animal Science” class ( I think it was so kids who lived on farms could graduate) to avoid taking Biology. I had a super crappy science teacher in 8th grade who spent the entire year showing us Smothers Brothers yo-yo videos. I think we might have had to learn the periodic table of the elements too, although the only one I can remember is FE. Any of the other ones, I just ask Paul because he knows all that stuff. But basically that teacher killed science for me. If only I had known how much I would love pouring stuff into test tubes. I could be a famous chemist by now, or at least have a meth lab in the backyard.

7. Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” – talk about it:

I was 9 when Thriller came out, and as you probably know, MJ was the Jonas Brothers of my childhood. Even my mom would come and watch it when it was on. And it was on alot! You could actually watch MTV and see videos back then (sigh). Of course I loved it! I watched it again recently on you tube and it was just as awesome. Paul is so lucky that I didn’t make him do the Thriller dance at our wedding. But we did get married by the Grim Reaper in a Vegas chapel all set up like a cemetery. [Ed.Note: how completely fantastic is that??]

My more recent obsession with Zombie dancing though is The Wade Robson Ramalama Bang Bang routine from So You Think You Can Dance. I had the episode TiVo’d and would not let Paul delete it. I would secretly watch it over and over again while he was sleeping. It was on there for years until we switched from cable to directv and had to give the box back. That was a sad day. I want to learn that dance with every fiber of my being. Maybe if I wasn’t so old and didn’t smoke so much.

8. I’m convinced Wade Robson is a genius. When you’re not working and creating zombies, how do you like to fill your days?

My days go like this:

I wake up between 10:30 and 11 when the dogs wake me up for what we call “pokey time.” Our oldest dog Lula is diabetic and has to have insulin injections every 12 hours so our life basically revolves around her schedule. So they wake me up by howling incessently or jumping on my face. Neither puts me in a good mood. Our new kitten has joined in and now shes howling along with the dogs. Its so annoying I should video tape it because its hard to imagine. I can’t even go pee first because they follow me into the bathroom barking at me. So at pokey time, all the animals get fed and Lula gets her shot. I then get some peace for about an hour to be online. If it’s a Monday or a Thursday I have coffee before work with my friend Shannon. She and Her husband own a bike rental/fabric stire in our town so we sit out in front of her shop and smoke and talk about Etsy and work stuff. We usually get harrasssed at least once by some freaky degenerate/tweeker/homeless guy with dog. I once saw a guy pull out a gallon sack of weed and start rolling a joint right in front of us. But it is in the same parking lot as the laundromat.

I have to be at work by 2:30. I normally work until anywhere from 9 pm until 2 am depending on the volume of pee we have that day. I email Paul around 9 ish and give him my ETA. He’ll try and stay up, bless his heart, although he normally has to get up at some crazy am hour to be somewhere really far away.

If I’m home before 11, I’ll do pokey time again. Otherwise he does it. I usually get online again for about an hour. Watch So You Think You Can Dance (when Paul’s sleeping) or when that’s not on I watch lots of Forensics shows. He calls them “Murder” as in “Do you want me to put some Murder on so you can go to sleep?”

I have a glass of champagne and watch tv until about 3am or later. The next day, I repeat.

On weekends, I try and get my team job stuff done. I also try to cram crafting in as much as possible. We watch a lot of movies and go out to eat. All I really want to do is sleep! Sometimes we go out for drinks or to the craft store if I whine enough.

9. Got any future plans/top secret designs in the works for Mrs. Evils?

I have lots of plans! I would like to offer prints of my diorams so thats probably the next big thing.

Lots of new dioramas in the works. I buy Barbie furniture like an 8 year old with a credit card. I’m sure parents don’t appreciate the old tattooed childless lady in the Barbie aisle muttering about where to put the severed heads.

10. The heat’s on you now. Pick the next Darkside member you want to see featured.

Dang, theres so many people that I want to know more weird stuff about…how about the new kid SlightlyCurious? Her shop is freakin’ awesome.

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Stalk MrsEvils:

• etsy - allow me to beat this into your head
• twitter – keep up with sales and newly listed items!
• blog – she is hilarious and posts about pee a lot!

Read more about Etsy’s Dark Side here!