Apr 192014
 

I was able to knock out a few more Biblical/Easter Glenns before my eggs were cast aside for more commercial ones. Kind of like a plastic egg version of vinyl vs. mp3: only the cool kids liked my eggs.

BUT I’M NOT MAD BRO.

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Here we have: David Glenn & Goliath Glenn, Vatican Glenn, Swiss Guard Glenn, Friar Glenn.

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Fire & Brimstone Glenn, Tenebrae Glenn, Hatching Spring Glenn, Glenn Falls For the 2nd Time.

Jeannie finally opened her egg while Nate played dramatic Game of Thrones music, even though for some reason I felt something from the Wicker Man would be better but I can’t explain why. Nate’s epic music suited the situation just fine though.

Anyway, Jeannie got Saint Lucy in her egg and was like “I don’t know who this is” which reinforces my claim that this was a FUN, LIGHT-HEARTED & EDUCATIONAL way to fuck off work.

Happy fucking Easter.

Apr 162014
 

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This is what my desk has looked like all week, thanks to Easter Glenn Hunt 2014. If you weren’t around on these blog-parts last Easter, this is basically when I turn Glenn’s employee ID photo into an array of Biblical characters and usually one or two that are tableau-esque. (Last year it was a department-themed Noah’s Ark and the Last Supper.) Then I stuff one into an egg with candy and hide it somewhere around the office and pray that whoever finds it won’t run to HR. I like to live on the edge.

I was way more prepared this year though, and even ordered a box of Jesus-y goodness from Oriental Trading, like Christian-themed jelly beans (the red ones symbolize God’s shed blood, y’all), candy bracelets with candy crosses, Jesus stickers and Biblical finger puppets. Oh, what good wholesome fun.

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Fun fact about yours truly: I was once super into religion. I was born and raised Roman Catholic and went to church every Saturday night like clockwork, and then went to Sunday School/CCD every Sunday morning. Do you want to know something sickening about me? I FUCKING LOVED SUNDAY SCHOOL. Oh shit, I loved learning about Bible things! Not because I was some holy roller, but because I considered it history. It was interesting and entertaining to me. And when we started getting tested on this shit in fifth grade and everyone groaned, I did a clandestine fist-pump under my desk because I was finally going to get all those A’s I deserved!

(I did, too. I aced every test because I was hot for Bible.)

And then in college, I took a few religion classes and considered minoring in that bullshit until I decided just to stop going to college altogether, which is what I do. Quit. I quit everything. WHY TRY WHEN YOU CAN JUST QUIT? That’s my imaginary bumper sticker.

So making these Glenns has been a huge refresher course for me! They make me so giddy and full of glee, and of course almost no one here knows WTF they’re supposed to be, but that’s OK. They’re still special to me.

20140416-142454.jpgl. to r. Stigmata Glenn, Judas Glenn, Manna From Heaven Glenn, Stoked for Passover Glenn.

20140415-194447.jpgl. to r. Ash Wednesday 4 Lyfe Glenn, Veronica’s Veil Glenn, Hot Cross Bun Vendor Glenn, Saint Glenn

I half-assedly hid an egg in Jeannie’s office on Monday and she must not have noticed it because she came back from lunch and just let it sit there. I waited for her to leave her office again and I rolled the egg so that it was in the middle of the floor, in plain sight. She came back to her office AND KICKED THE EGG TO THE SIDE. Totally disregarded it! I was like, “OMG WHY DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT THE EGG?!”

“I’m just waiting for you to be even more obvious about it,” she said in her patented grumpy demeanor.

She still hasn’t opened it and I’m dying to know which Glenn she got.

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l. to r. Easter Bunny Snack Glenn, Saint Francis Glenn, Saint Lucy Glenn.

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FINGER PUPPETS!

I noticed there was a theme on Facebook over the weekend, where parents bitched about their kids not getting any eggs at Easter egg hunts because other parents let their children be savages. THE SAME THING HAPPENED HERE, YOU GUYS. Co-workers would be like, “SO-AND-SO GOT THREE EGGS SO FAR AND I HAVEN’T FOUND EVEN ONE!” OMG. So then I had to deliberately plant eggs in places meant for only certain people to find them. For example, I put one on the floor of Wendy’s office and she was so upset the next day when she found out there was an egg in her office but someone else got to it first.

Oh, you know who it was? Mr. “I DGAF About These Eggs” himself, GLENN.

“What? It’s fair game,” he rationalized with a shrug and then sauntered away with the smugness.

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Shepherd Glenn and his Processor Sheep (Todd, Chris, Mean Amber 2, Gayle, Amber1, Lauren)

20140415-194605.jpgl. to r. Water to Wine Glenn, Lion’s Den Glenn, Archangel Michael Glenn, Lot’s Wife Glenn 

20140415-194626.jpgl. to. r.: Good SamariGlenn, Obnoxious Bible Quoter Glenn, Glenn on a Grilled Cheese, Sacrificial Lamb Glenn

20140415-194837.jpgl. to r.: Sacred Heart Glenn, Saint Patrick Glenn, Palm Sunday Glenn, Billy Graham Glenn. 

I was really starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel after awhile, but luckily I have a connection with a Theology major. (Thanks again, Monica!!)

While I was making some of these over the weekend, Chooch was like, “WTF is that?” about one of them and I was trying to explain it, and then it occurred to me to ask him if he even knew the story behind Easter AND HE DID NOT which I guess was silly of me  to assume that his pathetic Catholic school would have taught him that. So I started asking him other religious-y questions and he just kept shrugging. And that is how I spent twenty minutes out of my Sunday night watching an animated cartoon about Moses on YouTube.

Chooch seemed pretty intrigued by the whole story, and at the end he asked, “So, what? God is like, a hacker?”

OMG. Needless to say, we will be watching more Bible shit this weekend.

But anyway, the moral to this is that Glenns are educational! Get stoked for Bible study!

 

Dec 192013
 

When Debbie S. suggested a few weeks ago that we organize a department Secret Santa, my vote was of the FUCK YES variety. I love surprising people almost as much as I love pranking them! And then I proceeded to do nothing while she did 100% of the planning and organizing. Debbie set a budget of $10 for the gift exchange, plus 5 days of $1 gift-giving during the week leading up to the big reveal/office holiday party. We somehow managed to get a good 15 or so people to sign up and I was excited because some of the people were co-workers that I don’t get to interact with very much, so I would have been happy no matter who I picked because I think it would have been fun to get someone random and then ALWAYS HAVE THAT CREEPY SANTA BOND with them.

Kind of like Stockholm Syndrome?
No?

The day of the name-drawing, I was walking past Sue’s office right after I picked my co-worker Sherry to be the receiver of my Santa-ly sneaking.

“Did you know those two bullied Glenn into signing up at the last minute?” Sue laughed as she gestured toward Debbie and Barb’s desks. “That man deserves combat pay!”

My immediate reaction was, “OMG I hope he didn’t get me!” and Sue started cracking up even harder.

By the time I made it back to my office, I already had an email from one very generous co-worker (OMG it was totally Bridget) which said, “I got your #1 frenemy” and then proposed A TRADE.

So that’s how Glenn wound up with me as his Secret Santa. (And that’s coincidentally also how Sherry wound up getting much better gifts than she would have.) His list of $10 gift options included: a Wines and Spirits gift card, a Starbucks gift card, or “any food item.” OH REALLY GLENN. At first I was like, “Asian Market, holla.” But then I got a better idea. Because this is Christmas after all, and I didn’t want to be a total asshole and waste Henry’s money on a bunch of bullshit that he’ll end up throwing away, because—ew. But, more on that later.

Do you know how hard it was for me to keep my mouth shut and just be cool about this? Really fucking hard. And I think I did OK, but there were a select handful of people here who knew (Barb immediately forgot though, so that’s good), and I quickly learned that if I just avoided eye contact with Glenn at all costs, I wouldn’t start cracking up and totally out myself as his big-bellied present-dropper.

And I was really subtle about it too! The first day I left him a candy bar that had beef jerky in it. The fact that it was being sold at Target and not out of the back of Jim Bob’s John Deere made it seem like this was an OK thing to give someone, and even Henry agreed that it was a manly candy bar and I was like, “How the hell would you know?”

His next gift was a One Direction journal, which I thought was useful because he goes to meetings sometimes and who doesn’t like to write their name 13,987 times on scratch paper, placemats, war monuments and bathroom stalls? That can’t be just me. Then I bought him some stuff from Big Fun when I was in Clevland last week, like a tiny book of office wisdom, a mini Vanilla Ice cassette case full of gum, and an Office Brown Noser that grows in water. All good things, yet no bombs or things with his face on it, so why would he think it was me?

Meanwhile, I was getting candy and nail polish every day, which was AWESOME. (On my list of things I wanted, I put: nail polish, cheap jewelry and exotic fruit.) I was convinced that my Secret Santa was either a boy or me, because I got chocolate-covered pretzel rods wrapped in a CVS bag and everything else was delivered in plain white envelopes. And boys, like me, don’t generally get into the whole “wrapping” thing. Especially the ones here, I wouldn’t imagine.

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I don’t know what happened to my Day 4 photo, but Day 5 was a set of cotton candy scented nail polish wrapped with a Little Tykes advertisement, which made me laugh. My Secret Santa made coming to work way more enjoyable!

So for the final gift exchange, I did one better than a Wine and Spirits gift card and instead bought $10 worth of mini liquor bottles.

And then I designed Glenn-centric labels because you know I have to put his face on everything. (When my friend Elizabeth found out I was Glenn’s Secret Santa, she replied to me on Twitter: Did you put his face on all his presents?)

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I’m not going to tell you the duress that Processor Punch caused me. Maybe another day, but I promise you I was a fraction of a centimeter away from shattering my phalanges and knuckles on a plaster wall.

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And Other Glenny Flavors.

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Glenn is a processor here at the Law Firm, which means he does stuff that I don’t care to understand. All I know about processors is that they import batches and sometimes refer to something called a synonym list. I wanted to incorporate those things on the Processor Punch label so that the processors could laugh while no one else would care. LET THEM HAVE THEIR MOMENT, YOU KNOW? Yes, even Mean Amber.

So that’s where “This batch was imported!” and “On the synonym list for delicious” came from. I was pretty proud of it because it shows that I have learned something in the almost-four years I’ve been here.

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40% Orphan Tears, you guys. Because Glenn is a sonofabitch.

But the real present was a box of oversized cupcakes modeled after the infamous Glenn Would Rather Be Riding The Wacky Worm incident of 2011. Glenn actually still has this hanging up on his desk because it was clearly the best thing to ever happen to him. I turned him into a Law Firm celebrity, basically! OK, not really.

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Henry made the cupcakes and brought them to me the night before so that I wouldn’t have to carry them on the trolley the next day, because he’s such a fucking peach. (As it turns out, I didn’t take the trolley that day after all, but that’s another story to tell at the same time I tell the other story I said I was going to tell.)

So I got to work yesterday, with all of my things, totally giddy because I couldn’t wait to give Glenn his stuff, when Mean Amber was actually being Nice Amber long enough to point out that the gift exchange was scheduled for 2:30 that day AND GLENN LEAVES AT 2:30. I had been having A Day so this was enough to put me over the edge and I almost cried real tears when I told Barb, whose best solution was to send an email to the department reminding everyone that Glenn and Sherry both leave at 2:30 (so I would have been screwed either way!) and their Secret Santas should think about giving them their shit sooner rather than later. I didn’t like this solution, because I wanted all of the Secret Santa players to be there when Glenn was being humiliated. :(

My boss Joy saw how upset I was, and agreed that everyone should be there, but instead of just emailing the group doing the Secret Santa thing, she replied to Barb’s departmental email, essentially telling the WHOLE DEPARTMENT to meet her at Glenn’s desk now. God love her. Thankfully, not the entire department showed up (most of them don’t like being told what to do) but a lot of non-Secret Santa people did mosey on over and you could tell they were thoroughly confused as to why they were being commanded to stop doing work and watch Glenn open presents of his face.

Anyway, he was totally thrilled, if not a little stunned as to why a small crowd of oglers had surrounded his desk. He even proudly took down his Wacky Worm picture and held it up next to the cupcakes so everyone could see. And then Nate said I win at Secret Santa, so I wasn’t as stressed out after that. Thank you, Nate, for always saying the right things!

“Where did you get that beef jerky candy bar?” Glenn asked.

“Why, did it make you sick?” I tentatively asked.

“No, it was actually pretty good,” he admitted. Dammit.

You guys, I am just so bored here sometimes (all of the times) that when I get an opportunity to have a little bit of fun, I fucking run with it. I would have still had fun with any other name I could have drawn, but getting to be Glenn’s Secret Santa totally made my holiday season, so thanks for looking out for me, Bridget!

I wanted to also make him a Starbucks-esque mix CD of Lilith Fair Christmas songs, but my fucking CD burner quit working.

(I also got Glenn a rubber band gun, what was I thinking??)

Then at 2:30, everyone’s Secret Santas were finally revealed! Only one person guessed correctly. And mine wasn’t a boy after all! It was Rachel, which explains why all of her tags were printed out because I used to work on this monster of a spreadsheet for her so I’d recognize her handwriting in a heartbeat. Especially if it was written in red ink. Anyway, my final gift was a bunch of bracelets that I love and I’m wearing three of them right now as I type this.

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Me, Cheryl and Rachel.

But the moral of the story is that for a week, everyone got to be excited about something and it was so awesome seeing people giddily sneak around, trying to put stuff on their person’s desk while they were away. I suggested that we do this as often as we can, like have Clandestine Cupids, Lurking Leprechauns, Mystery Martin Luther Kings Jrs….? Yay? Nay?

Oct 292013
 

I have reallllllly been slacking with my Glenn-making. (If you’re new to this wasteland, you can learn about Glenns here.) I can’t even remember if I ever mentioned on here that I started making a wall of RIP Glenns, but I did. Last May or something, I think. Basically, when someone famous dies, they are reborn as a Glenn. Here are the ones I have done so far, and there a ton that I missed, I’m sure. But I was in a Glenn-funk for awhile, I guess.

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One Glenn to represent my precious Gerber daisies that bit it last summer.

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“It’s all fun and games until you’re putting me up there,” Glenn mumbled as I taped Lou and Edna Krabappel to the wall of death. That was a pretty sobering moment. But then we had champagne to celebrate our boss’s recent nuptials so I’m all evened out now.

Aug 302013
 

20130830-173857.jpgHi. Remember last week when GLENN REPLACED MY SMART ONES WITH A RANSOM NOTE!? Well, aside from  durian candy-bombing his desk, I never really paid him back for the stress and prolonged hunger he caused me.

But then today, the new issue of Us Weekly was delivered literally three minutes before I left for work, and as soon as I saw the now-infamous picture of twerkin’ sensation Miley Cyrus, I tore off the front page, folded it, tucked it into my purse, and giggled the whole way to work.

“Why do you look so happy?” he asked when I walked past him on my way to my office-thing. “That concerns me.”

I just smiled bigger and got to work. And by “work” I mean printing out his stupid face to tape onto another stupid face.

I think he really enjoyed this one, to be honest. I could tell by the way he was trying not to laugh, which is the same thing Henry does when he doesn’t want to admit that maybe, god forbid, something I did was actually mildly humorous.

P.S. Todd is the poor guy who has to sit in front of Glenn.

****

I’m so glad today is Friday. My nerves and patience are twerkin’ in doubletime.

 

 

Jun 142013
 

Here at the Law Firm, there used to be a wall papered with pictures of dead celebrities. It was pretty fun for awhile and featured everything from Tupac to the planet Pluto, but eventually the novelty wore off, and then after two years, our boss took down all of the pictures because new offices were being erected (lol) in that area.

Last night, Amber2 and I were brainstorming Glenn ideas because my wicked streak has been too idle these last few months. If I’m not constantly fucking with someone, then I feel worthless and dead inside. Amber consulted her calender to see if we could incorporate any upcoming holidays, so then at least there would be a theme, and then remembered that Pride is this weekend here in Pittsburgh. While I would love to do a series of gay Glenns, I feel like maybe that wouldn’t go over too well (much like the desire to start a rumor that he’s a lesbian, which still makes me LOL every time to the point of weeping). But then Amber casually suggested that we bring back the RIP wall, Glenn-style, and if I had gotten on board any faster, I’d have capsized the motherfucking boat.

WHAT A GREAT IDEA!!

Still, I sent an email to Sandy and Nate, because they would for sure let me know if this was a good idea for real, and they were like “Yes, we approve” and then Sandy suggested that I start with Jean Stapleton, whom it turns out barely anyone here recognizes. Losers.

Wendy, however, was like, “If you say so….” when I tried to convince her that this was an excellent idea that would bring our department together like the old days. Interestingly, Glenn said that the exact same thing when I told him he was about to be a reluctant star again. (But like Henry, he secretly loves it.)

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As you can see, I still excel at photographing my Glenns.

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Apr 302013
 

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Man. Today I was going to start writing about my amusement park weekend, but how can I possibly write about anything  joyous when today was my office buddy Angie’s last day at the Law Firm? WHO WILL I TALK TO NOW ABOUT JONNY CRAIG AND PIERCE THE VEIL!? (Answer: Everyone else here at the Law Firm, plus Henry and the Internet, but still — you know what I mean.)

I didn’t really get to know Angie until recently, when I switched positions in the department, but she had quickly become one of my favorite people here and now she is gone and I feel dead inside. She was the best person to be office-mates with (unlike my other office-mate—Jeannie—who tells me I’m dumb and openly mocks me—yes, that’s right: sweet little innocent me! I do nothing to provoke this!). Angie didn’t whistle “Desperado” or cut coupons at her desk or have babies in the bathroom. She basically mentored me, plus she knew ALL of the good gossip. Now where will I get my scoop?! (I was starting to type “Certainly not Lee” and then he walked in here, haha.)

And then Friday was Chris’s last day. I tried to avoid him because I didn’t want to say goodbye, but then he hugged me before he left and I went back to my office and cried like the little sentimental bitch that I am. I remember when I started here April of 2010, Chris was on vacation and Barb was so anxious for him to get back so I could meet him. He totally lived up to Barb’s praises!

Friday was also Pam’s last day, and then of course Sean’s was last week and also Brad left in April and Kristen left in February. I am quite literally saying “WAH!” right now. Change is not something I handle well.

Sorry to all of my friends who left us before all those guys (Carey, Jamie, Nina, Tyler…), but I ran out of “children” to Photoshop over!

It’s just not the same here anymore.  But at least I can still make fun of Glenn.

Apr 192013
 

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Today was Sean’s last day at The Law Firm and I am distraught. I didn’t even hug him because I knew I would lose it, so we just high-fived.

The whole week has been sad, like one long depressing build-up to the inevitable. Monday night was our last late shift together. :( And the next day, he passed on the “torch” to Lee. (Who barely deserves it!)

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Smug Lee.

After Sean told me he was leaving, I was talking to Chooch about it the next morning. Chooch had kind of a weird nemesis-type relationship with Sean in that he enjoyed randomly punching him in the stomach anytime he would see him.

“Why is he leaving?” Chooch asked.

“I don’t know. Because he hates it there.”

“Maybe he hates you,” Chooch sneered. Jesus, kid! Don’t I have enough of a complex? Just last night he told me that Henry doesn’t love me because I’m “not right for him.” OMG, I quit!

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WAHHHHHH!

When I got to work today, I asked Sean if Glenn had cried yet, since they’ve sat next to each other for all these years.

“Not until you got here,” Glenn answered for Sean.

But then also today is Debbie’s 50th birthday! So it’s like, “Boo-hoo, goodbye Sean! HOORAY FOR DEBBIE AND CUPCAKES!” I am so fucking confused right now. (Plus, earlier I thought my buddy from the mail room was barking at me so now he’s going around telling people I have a barking fetish. And you know what, maybe I DO, now that I think about it.)

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Cupcakes! I stayed strong (so far) and have not had one, not even after Nate offered to split one with me.

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Birthday girl! I gave her one of my pendants and even wrote something NICE inside a card, and she was going on about how sweet I am, so I told her to pass that shit on because most people here think I’m evil.

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Grampa Glenn.

——–

Last night, I was walking through my old quadrant, which we’ve been calling Forbidden City since the Firm moved in some other department over there and now we’re prohibited from cutting through (but I still do since I work late shift and Those People are gone by then). When I passed my original desk, I honest to god started to cry because I CAN’T HANDLE CHANGE and things have been REALLY changing so fast lately. I think since December, five of my buddies here have left, and two more are following in Sean’s footsteps this month alone. I just can’t handle it.

And I had a really bittersweet dream about my two dead cats, Speck and Don, the other night so I have been in hardcore nostalgia-mode all week. Plus the Boston bombings, WTF kind of a fucking week is this!?!?

I am going to fucking rage this weekend, that’s all I know.

Mar 292013
 

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Apropos egg fillers.

I have to admit — this Easter Glenn Egg thing wasn’t as legendary as I had hoped, only because this week ended up being kind of busy for me at work. THE NERVE, amirite? But people still seemed to have had fun with it, and that’s all I really wanted to accomplish anyway.

There are still some eggs floating around out there, but here are the new Glenns that we have on our relocated Glenn wall.

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Mary Magdaglenn, Burning Bush Glenn, Cain & Abel Glenn, Fish & Loaves Glenn.

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Jonah and the Whale Glenn, Law Firm Lamb Cake Glenn, Wall of Glenns, Shopping Mall Easter Bunny Glenn.

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Last Supper Glenn! Featuring: Mitch, Debbie, Cheryl, Chris, Derek, Wendy, Jesus Glenn, A-ron, Angie, Barb, Sandy, Bridget and Nate. Shout out to Bridget’s stilt-shoes and Faygo.

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Abraham and the Sacrifice Glenn, Glenn Parting the Seas, Eve Glenn, Baby Moses Glenn.

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Sarris Chocolate Easter Bunny Glenn, Leper Glenn (I was busted looking at pictures of lepers last night because of this), Glenn the Baptist, Goliath Glenn.

The story is that my co-worker Marlene found an egg in the fridge this morning and thought, “That’s odd. Why would someone be chilling a plastic egg?” but then moved on with her life because this is The Law Firm, and weird things go on every day there. But then Debbie told her in passing that there was an Easter egg hunt happening, so Marlene went back for the chilled egg. She told me later that she enjoyed the Tootsie Roll, but did not enjoy the fact that Leper Glenn was in the fridge of all places. I didn’t even intentionally place him there, so that made it even funnier to me.

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Glenn and the Amazing Technicolor Coat, Pharaoh Glenn, Delilah Glenn, Jesus Sandal Glenn.

“You really know a lot of Bible stuff,” one of my co-workers said.

I nodded my head, but then said, “Welllll, Google helps.”

Mar 272013
 

 

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Last Thursday, I was on the stupid trolley en route to work, when suddenly I thought to myself, “Easter Glenn Hunt!” Because I don’t have enough shit on my plate right now, let’s add another dollop!

I ran the idea past some of my work friends, who agreed that this needs to happen. So I started making Glenns that night. Obviously, we’re trying to include as many Easter and Bible-themed Glenns as possible, but there are some random ones in there, too.

It’s uncanny how much Glenn really does look like Sue Sylvester from Glee. My work buddy Nate was walking past my office last Friday, singing the McDonald’s Fish McBites song, and interrupted himself to say, “OMG! Fish McBite Glenn!” Nate, your wish has been granted.

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Henry was supposed to get me plastic Easter eggs but decided it wasn’t his “priority,” so I only have the 4 eggs that Debbie brought in from her attic. I decided Glenn, who was previously unaware of this activity, should get the first egg. So I placed a pink one on his desk and even put the BEST Glenn inside — the Jesus’s Tomb Peekaboo Glenn. It was taking him too long to notice it was there so I walked over and instead of talking like a normal person, I did that mentally-stunted throaty giggle that I do when I’m up to no good. (Which is often.)

Sean, who sits in front of Glenn, knew what was going on, so he started laughing too. Glenn initially asked me what I wanted, but when I responded with more weird laughter, he brushed it off because he’s used to this.

Finally, I blurted out, “DOESN’T ANYTHING LOOK WEIRD OVER HERE?” waving my hands around his desk area.

“No,” he said dryly. “Not until you walked over.”

I had to actually point at the egg and he still wasn’t going to do anything!

“Oh, do you want me to open it, I guess?” he asked. When he moved aside all of the Mini Eggs (which I stole from behind Debbie’s desk because Henry didn’t buy me any candy, either) and found his Jesus Glenn, he said something to the effect of, “Oh, good. This again.”

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This might be my Mona Lisa of all Glenns. Glenn is the head processor in our department, so it seemed like a no-brainer to put doubles of all of the other processors on the ark with him: Sean, Amber1, Lee, Gayle, Todd and Amber2.

This is what I did during my break on Monday. One of the analysts came in to ask me a question and said, “OMG, you’re coloring” and then laughed.

“Not just coloring,” I said with contempt. “Making Glenns.” And then she got all excited because people like collecting Glenns, OK?

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I hid my four pitiful eggs Monday night before I left. I was off yesterday because I needed the entire day to panic and puke before going to see Jonny Craig last night, and I didn’t hear anything about people finding eggs, so this might be a flop.

[If you weren’t around for the Halloween Glenn Defacement Project, please click here!]

Dec 032012
 

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 I’m not really that big on Christmas decorating, but all my work friends have their little desk trees out and I guess I caught some sort of gay (as in 1950’s happy, not gay) yuletide virus.

I told Henry that I wanted to make a Jonny Craig tree and asked him where I could find one.

“The garbage dump,” he mumbled.

Much to his chagrin,  I bought a small tree and some blank ornaments at Pat Catan’s on Saturday.

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 Painted the ornaments red and gold and then glued some Christmas-y Jonny Craig pictures to them. Jonny Angel, Jonny Kringle…

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…Ginger Jesus.

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 <3

“You won’t be able to do that,” Henry said in the car today. “It’ll make the tree too top heavy!”

OH LOOK WHO MADE IT HAPPEN, MOTHERNIPPLES.

 

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Random pom-poms upon my repurposed Halloween Carnival fabric. See Henry, I told you I would find other uses for it.

You might notice that my tree is unlit. I actually do have a strand of lights here, but I felt that at this point, it would basically just be gilding the lily.

(Or it could be because I have mild decorating retardation and couldn’t get the lights on it.)

It’s not done yet. I still have a garland of Glenns to make.

I also need more Jonny ornaments! Anyone feeling crafty? (No, seriously! Make me one!)

Nov 022012
 

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 Flock of Seaglenns, Dennis Rodman Glenn, Whoopi Glennberg, Hello Kitty Glenn.

I’m pretty sure these are the last of the Glenn stragglers. How anticlimatic, right? I haven’t known what to do with myself during my breaks everyday now. I wanted to take Real Glenn’s picture next to the Wall of Glenns, but he got all weird about it.

Starting on Monday, I have a new position here at The Law Firm, and a new boss too. Joy said that as my new supervisor, she demands a Glenn a day. So maybe I’ll find some non-Halloween slant to keep this alive.

One of the things I really wanted to do was to post an untarnished Glenn base here on the blog and have you guys make your own Glenns. You could either print it out and mail it back to me, or do it digitally and then we could have an Internet collection! I MEAN COME ON YOU GUYS, HOW MUCH FUN WOULD THAT BE!?

(Yes, this is the actual size of the Glenns I’ve been making.)

Look! I even made an email address for it: theglennproject@gmail.com Send in  your Glenns!!

Nov 012012
 

Started stripping my desk of all its creepy carnival splendor today. It looks so bare and professional (well, as professional as a desk wrapped around an Erin Rachelle Kelly can look) and BORING.

A few people came over to get their Glenns and I had to send them away. The Glenn Dispenser is on the floor now, empty of encapsulated Halloween fun-balls. No more Glenns. No more fun.

:(

:(

:(!!!!!!!

One of my co-workers called me a wasted talent while admiring the Wall of Glenns. I know, right? If only there was a bigger market for miniature Glenn doodles.

Barb, happy that her recent back pain has lessened enough for her to be able to stand up straight, exclaimed, “I feel like I’m so much taller now, like the Jolly Green Giant.”

“UGH, Jolly Green Giant Glenn!” I cried. God, all the good Glenns have been coming to me after the fact.

Elsewhere at The Law Firm, there are speculations that the Anti-Paperclip Goblin might be leaving and I’m getting moved to a new area which I’m both happy and sad about. I suspect my work life is going to become extremely stressful. At least for a little while. Not like the Internet will have to deal with me bitching about it.

Earlier this evening, I overheard my boss yell to Carey, “Did you seriously just ask Erin Kelly if she watches American Horror Story? Of COURSE she watches American Horror Story, she’s ERIN KELLY.”

I guess I can think of worse reputations to have at work.