Last week, I heard a slight commotion outside as I was working. Looked out to see some asshole lounging at the end of HNC&Wife’s sidewalk. I thought maybe he had suffered an injury at first (those stupid city scooters are also flying by and I’m perpetually braced for an accident) but he seemed pretty calm. I assume that is his friend with him – he was pacing back and forth, looking down the street as if waiting for a ride. Who can be sure.
HNC’s wife was leaving her house during this time and called me immediately from her car to tell me to beware. She said she asked the kid on the ground if he needed help and he sniped, “I’m just CHILLIN’.”
“He has a real smart mouth,” HNC’s wife advised me, and honestly one of my biggest fears in the possibility of engagement with a shitty teen/young adult. I don’t trust them. So that was my cue to 100% stay on high alert.
They left after about 30 minutes of this. Kid in orange was walking fine, nary a limp, so I have no idea what all that was about. BUT I DIDN’T LIKE IT.
I preordered this NCT127 sweatshirt in December from the SM Shop and it finally arrived last week, just in time for the impending 80-90 degree days we have in store (aka right now). Anyway, I got a Doyoung poca with it and if I’m not mistaken, I think this is my first Doyoung poca (photocard)!
Anyway, this sweatshirt was worth the weight. It’s so cozy and rich-feeling, lol.
Thank you, thank you. Gifts are happily accepted.
Reading a new favorite (The Hundred-Year House) on the back porch with Penelope while Chooch and his friends took over the living room last Saturday instead of staying contained to the designated HANG OUT SPOT in the attic.
It’s fine.
At least we have an extra room.
Even if it’s barely being used.
This is usually where you can find both Drew and Penelope every day for three seasons of the year.
THAT IS WHY IT’S CALLED A THREE SEASON ROOM, DUH.
(I literally never heard that term until several years ago when someone referred to the back porch as such and I was like, “Wait…wha—? Ohhhhh.”
A vegan cinnamon roll franchise opened up in East Liberty and I made Henry go get some. He and I split a lemon one and a coconut cream pie one – both were delectable. Chooch got some kind of fancy berry one all for himself.
I want to go back ASAP.
I forget what it’s called already?? Cinnaholic, I think.
***
I just finished my nightly cardio and I am BEAT. It was something like 90 degrees today and I felt like I was going to pass out during my lunch break walk. Now I just want to spend the rest of the night sitting on the couch and staring dumbly at the TV.
I don’t know what the fuck I inhaled the other week but I was a goddamn whirling dervish. Knee jerk reactions. Irrational responses. I try to be a kind person every day but sometimes, like the other week, I have no energy left in my mind to hold up the anger dam any longer and I…snap.
Look for me on a Netflix documentary one day, fam.
Anyway, on this one particular day, we’ll say it was a Wednesday, I was minding my own business, working from home, feeding the squirrels, sending extremely reasonable demands to Henry via text, when suddenly, a cleanup crew arrived on my street to remove the leftover shit in the vacant side of my duplex. I dunno what Blake was doing over there, but he and his family clearly left so much shit behind when they moved in March that it warranted my landlord to send an actual garbage truck and crew to clean it out.
I was fine with this until suddenly, MUSIC BEGAN TO BLAST. They must have set up a radio right on the other side of the wall near where my desk is set up, because it sounded like it was coming from my side of the house. You need to know this about me: I FUCKING HATE HATE HATE HATE HEARING SOMEONE ELSE’S BASS THUMPING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF MY WALL. I mentioned this to Janna and she was like, “Oh yes, I know this about you.” It’s not a secret, sweetie, OK?! I hate it. I will literally Hulk out and start smashing shit against the wall in retaliation. You think I’m playing for the blog but I am telling the truth.
I allowed this to play for all of 3 seconds before I FLEW OUT THE FRONT DOOR, leapt off my porch and yelled, “CAN YOU PLEASE TURN THAT MUSIC OFF I AM TRYING TO WORK IN THERE.”
I can only IMAGINE how I appeared to this crew of young guys who were just trying to make the most of a day spent cleaning trash out of some slob’s vacated house. There were three of them in the yard at this moment, one had JUST walked out of the house and was in the middle of crossing the yard, but he stopped DEAD IN HIS TRACKS. Another guy, who I determined to be the leader, immediately said, “Of course, I am so sorry!” and snapped his fingers at the man who was now frozen in the yard staring at this fucking asshole frenzied Karen with her arms akimbo in a sloppy hoodie and leggings looking more like she was busy changing diapers all day and not reviewing engagement letters while getting pulled in 17 different directions by people in her department.
I looked rough is all I’m saying. I know my face was beet red too because I could feel the flames fanning on the other side of my flesh.
“THANK YOU!” I said in a huff and slammed the door on my way back in.
About 30 minutes later, there was a tentative knock on my door. It was Leader Guy, looking nervous.
“I’m so sorry to bother you, but is it OK if we back this truck down the driveway?” he asked, wringing his hands. I noticed several of his minions were looking on, bracing for fall-out.
I said it was fine and then he said, “We’re going to be pretty noisy for a bit but we’ll try to make it fast.”
And then it was at this point where I was reminded that these guys were human JUST LIKE ME, just trying to do their jobs JUST LIKE ME, so I softened and said, “Hey look, sorry for being such a Karen earlier—” and he cut me off to say, “No no no, I totally get it! Thank you for being so cool about this!”
Um, OK but I was literally being the OPPOSITE of cool when I came out of my house in a red HOT rage earlier, but whatever. Truce!
Then! That following Friday, it happened again. Did I tell you, old blog frendo, that the guy ROB who had moved into the other side of HNC’s house last fall was also moving out right after Blake? OK well now I told you. Anyway, ROB hadn’t really bothered me much while he was living over there, but for some reason, he waited until the very last days of living there to start parking his large kidnapper van in our driveway. So now we had THREE kidnapper vans down there: his, and TWO of HNC’s (one of which is broken down and hasn’t moved since like 2015, I don’t even know anymore). Basically, our parking sitch in the back down there goes like this: Henry’s car, HNC van, HNC van in a row. Then I would park my car in front of one of HNC’s vans (the broken one) and HNC’s wife would park her car in front of HNC’s other van (which sometimes works). It’s…a whole thing. But then ROB was like, “No, I am going to park my gigantic tank in front of HNC’s broken van” so I have just been parking in the church lot like old times because the YOU WILL BE TOWED sign lost it’s power after a few mths and people started parking there overnight again.
I don’t really give a shit that much about the parking situation, but the thing that was pissing me off was that Rob didn’t even live there anymore when he started parking his van down back. Like, he and his girlfriend would come here in some shitty minivan and sort of move stuff around in the garage, and then he would pull the van up closer to the garage to, I guess, put stuff in it, but every single time, he would park it right in front of HNC’s van and then LEAVE.
FOR DAYS. SOMETIMES OVER A WEEK. Bro. You don’t live here anymore! This is not your long-term parking lot!
It just really started to grate on me, you know? I kept asking Henry to text HNC to see if he had any intel on when Rob was going to come back and take the van but also HELLO HNC CAN YOU PLEASE GET RID OF YOUR VANS TOO??
I can’t even explain how insane it is on this block with white men thinking they can fix broken cars. It’s like the Pioneer Ave Junkyard Collective. Come visit me sometime and I will give you a tour. And if your brakes are squealing or something….DON’T TELL LARRY OR HNC OR THEY WILL WANT TO FIX IT AND THEN SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR CAR BECAUSE IT LIVES HERE NOW.
Anyway, it was two Fridays ago and I was so excited because ROB was back and it looked like he was finally leaving with the van! He had pulled it up the driveway a bit so it was next to not-his garage while he was presumably moving more stuff. I saw him get in the van and it looked like he was pulling it forward, like he was going to leave, but then he BACKED IT UP INTO HENRY’S SPOT JUST AS HENRY WAS COMING HOME FROM WORK. So now Henry had to park his car across the street because not only did ROB steal his spot, but his idiot minivan was farther up, blocking up the entire driveway to begin with.
You guys, I don’t know what came over me, stress in general, my body begging for a release, but for the second time that week you could find your girl BALLET-LEAPING over the porch steps, only this time I kept going, rounding the corner and storming down the driveway. THE MINIVAN was the first thing I came upon and Rob’s girlfriend was sitting in the drivers seat. I must have really come up on her like a wildwoman because she gasped, clutched her chest, and exclaimed, “What? What? Did I back into something??” and I fucking roared a string of obscenities about Rob and his fucking van etc etc and she goes, “Ok! Ok! Geez, I’ll tell him! Geez!”
(Honestly though, imagine you’re just calming sitting in your car playing Wordle or doom-scrolling thru Twitter and suddenly I pop up at your window, shrieking like a mad lady with absolutely no build up or provocation. Here I am, 갑자기!)
I stormed back up the driveway just as Henry was walking across the street looking nervous AF because he said he could tell something was HAPPENING and that I had just flipped out. IS MY MANIA THAT OBVIOUS?? COOL.
So now Henry and I are both in the house and my heart is racing because I honestly can’t explain what possessed me to do that. Like, it’s a van, yo. In a fucking driveway. It’s not bothering anyone. It’s not worth yelling about?? Potentially getting SHOT OVER?? People get shot for far less!
I guess the girlfriend relayed my message because I could hear ROB getting BACK into his van to move it out of Henry’s spot and back in front of HNC’s broken van, all the while shouting, “FUCK YOU!” at my house. So now I’m shouting passive aggressive shit back out the window, like, “OK YOU FUCKING WEIRDO” and Henry is nervously laughing with absolute fear in his eyes because is this going to turn into his moment to decide if he’s man enough to protect me?!
Especially when THERE WAS A KNOCK ON THE FRONT DOOR and he was just about to say, “Don’t—” but it was too late because by this point I was chomping at the bit for a fight so I marched over to the door and flung it open to see a totally strung out and shaking Rob pacing on my sidewalk. “WHAT???” I yelled and he was like, “I’M ALLOWED TO PARK BACK UNTIL THE 19TH JUST SO YOU KNOW” and I was like “I DON’T CARE, IT SHOULDN’T BE BACK THERE AT ALL, YOU DON’T LIVE THERE” and he was stomping furiously through the yard, into the minivan that whisked him away from THE HORRORS OF PIONEER. I literally heard his girlfriend telling some guy who had pulled in front of their house probably for a drug deal while blasting a religious sermon on his radio that “yeah, we’re moving, Rob is sick of the bullshit on this street.”
WELL MAYBE DON’T MOVE BACK (TWICE!!!) TO THE SAME STREET YOUR EX-WIFE WHO HAS A PFA AGAINST YOU LIVES ON? AND ALSO MAYBE DON’T OWE MONEY TO YOUR NEIGHBORS?? (He apparently owes LARRY money, from what HNC says. HNC is the TMZ of Pioneer.)
So, that happened. And then I couldn’t calm down. Like, he pulled away and I instantly felt like SHIT. The adrenaline wore off and I sat at my desk with my head in my hands and regretted every single moment of that interaction. Yes, it’s annoying that he’s parking there, but that didn’t give me the right to fly off the handle when there had literally been NO OTHER CONVERSATION between us about this van. It’s not like, “Well, I asked him nicely 6 times so now I guess it’s time to threaten to shove shit up his ass” oh wait, that’s HNC’s wife’s go-to.
I just didn’t feel good about this, and it honestly ruined my whole weekend because I don’t like being a bitch anymore. It does nothing for me. I don’t feel “cool,” I don’t feel “tough.” I just felt like an asshole. I felt small and embarrassed. I don’t know this guy! I don’t know his life, I don’t know if he’s going through rough times, I don’t know if he’s the type of guy to come back with a fucking shotgun.
So yeah, I was awash in a sea of regertz. Not only is it just shitty to treat people that way, but it’s also, frankly, unsafe.
People.
Get.
Shot.
For.
Far.
Less.
You know? I wasn’t being smart and I’m truly lucky that it didn’t end in tragedy.
And then the 19th came and went and his van was still fucking back there so I got mad all over again. LOL.
Just kidding. I mean, not really, but it was more like, “OK I’m now officially validated,” you know what I mean? Was I going to fucking call and have it towed? Yeah, no. Because again, at the end of the end, who fucking cares.
Earlier this evening, Henry said, “Look, Rob’s back and he moved his van!” I looked outside and saw that he had pulled it across the street in the church parking lot and was standing over there talking to his girlfriend, who was sitting in her parked minivan.
“Do you think I should go over there and apologize?” I asked Henry, but before he could answer, I had already abandoned my dinner and was crossing the street.
You guys, being a bigger person sucks. It felt like I was walking the fucking plank or something, but I did it – I went over there and I said, “Hey, I just wanted to apologize for the way I acted the other day. I was being an asshole and it wasn’t cool, you didn’t deserve that.” Of course, talking to Rob is an exercise in futility and there was not much emotion coming from him, and frankly, I’m not even sure if he remembered what happened, but his girlfriend did, because I also apologized to her face too and she said, “That really means a lot – god bless you, sweetie” which you know, kind of ruined the moment, but still.
And then I got stuck over there for a solid 15 minutes listening to Rob talk about how he used to work for the OG landlord since he was 13 (current landlord is that guy’s son and he is not great, Patty) and other Pioneer sundry, until a tow truck arrived because apparently the transmission on Rob’s van is bad and that is why he was keeping it in the driveway, because he was waiting to have the money to get it towed. HOO BOY, KICK ME IN THE ASS AND CALL ME AN ASSHOLE.
The moral of this story is that I lost control, but I got it back. These last few weeks were really emotionally draining and made me remember that madness is the most life-sucking out of all the emotions and I will happily go back to working on my anger management skills. Admitting that you’re wrong really sucks, especially when it involves an explosive situation, but owning it really made me a great wave of relief. I am ready to move on. How did I used to be like this all of the time?? Being a bitch is not a good look on me, I know that. I felt so fucking ugly after both of those screaming episodes.
Oh, one final thing – the guy I yelled at about the radio? Didn’t know it then but EVIDENTLY!!! he is the landlord’s son and he’s moving into Rob’s vacated side of HNC’s house. GREAT FIRST IMPRESSION HE HAS OF ME. Very fucking excited about that.
Wait, one more final thing – today also happens to be 143 Day in Pennsylvania, a day to commemorate Mister Rogers by spreading kindness. Mister Rogers used the code 143 to mean “I love you,” and it ALSO just so happens that Stray Kids have a song called Case 143 so let’s end this tense and uncomfy blog post on a high note! I already posted the official MV for this song when it came out, but here’s the performance video!
Not stoked about starting a brand new workweek, but here we are. Grinnin’ and bearin’ it! SMILE THRU IT. FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT. ETC ETC.
I don’t have anything pressing to discuss on here but sometimes the sound of my fingers tapping the keyboard can be therapeutic to me, like I’m self-soothing. So, let’s pretend like we’re on a hike somewhere beautiful and I’m just yapping away and you’re nodding “mmhhhmmm” to the beat of our boots hitting the ground and probably not really even listening to me but that is OK because I live with Henry, so I am used to not being listened to.
Speaking of hiking, my latest work-related stress dream was that I was on vacation, just coming back from a hike and I guess I had stopped in the restroom of the…resort? I was staying at. I remember being SO SWEATY, my face was all red and disgusting, my eyebrows had dripped off, etc. I did not want to be seen by anyone, probably why I popped into the lobby restroom in the first place. But when I came out of the stall, one of my co-workers who has been…punting a lot of extra work my way lately, was WAITING FOR ME WITH MORE WORK. And she was like pissed off at me for being on vacation!? Also, please note that she was waiting for me INSIDE THE RESTROOM, didn’t even have the decency to wait outside!
I woke up and was SO PISSED OFF. Grrrr. I REALLY GROWLED AS I TYPED THAT!!!!!!
In other news, I am still obsessed with watching all the Ke Huy Quan awards footage. I knew that Everything Everywhere All At Once was getting a lot of attention (and deservedly so, that movie was awesome, the themes were powerful, and I laughed and CRIED so much) but then because all of that Selena/Haley bullshit beef going on a few weeks ago, I started getting all kinds of Selena-related stuff in my YouTube feed, and one of those things was this year’s SAG Awards (she was a presenter, so I guess the algorithm thought I would be interested). I wasn’t paying attention and suddenly, Oh, OK, the SAG Awards is playing in its entirety. And you know, Henry and I sat there and watched the whole fucking thing? And Ke Huy Quan pulled on this bitch’s heartstrings so much that I haven’t been able to stop watching every clip I can find of him during the press circuit for EEAAO and the award season. He is a treasure. I am so happy that he won so many best supporting actor awards for his role in this movie, especially the Oscar!
ONTO THE NEXT TOPIC:
I found a good frame at Goodwill over the weekend for one of my favorite photos that I took last year! This is Chooch on the Magnum XL 200 at Cedar Point from May 2022. I knew I wanted to frame it for the attic and now it’s right where it belongs.
This wrecked copy of Girls Gone Wild has been chilling on a sidewalk in Brookline for at least a week now. Further down is the actual tape, all pulled out from the case.
#SEXYCOEDS #THETHINGSISEEONMYWALKS
Dude you guys. Somehow I got subscribed to the Pgh Reddit feed and I got an alert last Thursday that a vegan food truck was going to be slinging vegan fish sandwiches on Friday. In Lawrenceville. So Henry not only had to go to one of his least favorite areas where a bunch of his least favorite people would be crowding (vegans lol) but he also had to do this IN THE RAIN, LOL.
I was so excited though! My sign-off to group chat at work was, “HENRY WENT TO GET VEGAN FISH SANDWICHES SO NOW I NEED TO STAND AT THE DOOR AND WAIT FOR HIM LIKE HE’S A SAILOR RETURNING FROM THE SEA” and my work friends were like, “omg stop.”
Anyway, I’m sad to report that it was…just OK. Wait, let me explain. It tasted delicious. BUT. It also tasted like something I could have just made at home because it was very clearly just freezer section faux fish filets. Like, we have a bag of them in our freezer right now. And also, I added a slice of vegan cheddar to it so that really upped the taste quotient. The coleslaw was good BUT A VERY PALTRY PORTION.
The upside is that this food truck donates a portion of its proceeds to animal charity AND it’s a pay-what-you-can situation. Henry made the suggested amount because I have taught him over the years to not be a tight wad.
Chooch and his friend signed up for some bake sale a few weeks ago, which meant that Henry got stuck baking cupcakes. It made me laugh because I used to sign up for food fests all the time at work when we worked in the office and Henry would get stuck cooking or baking for that shit too. Anyway, at least Chooch and his friend, an elusive one at that and also the one that I think has been Chooch’s bff since he started high school and they worked together at McDonald’s but Chooch would never let me meet him because he is ashamed of me / scared that his friends will like me more than him because I’m the best and so fucking cool, etc etc.
Yeah, so that kid came over for the first time and was like OOOH LET’S LOOK AT ALL OF THESE PICTURES OF YOU, RILEY! and Chooch was seriously squirming. Then he was annoyed because his friend thought our house was cool and NO TEENAGER IS SUPPOSED TO THINK THIS WAY, OK.
ON THE SCIENCE OF SHOE’ING:
I had to call in Henry the other day for shoe untying assistance.
“I don’t understand how you tie your shoes!” Henry cried, because he’s a little bitch, like just do what you were called in here to do and save the tears for your mommy, you know? Not only that but he was red in the face from the grueling task of navigating the labyrinthine knot I had absentmindedly created with the lace. And I’ll tell you how: I was 100% reading something on phone instead of paying attention to which part of the lace I was tugging, IT HAPPENS OH WELL.
“I guess I just don’t understand how knots work,” I said in my best babydoll voice, shrugging innocently.
Not much else is going on but next weekend is pretty stacked (well, I have one social engagement for all three days, and that is an Erin R. Kelly definition of “stacked” considering I’m essentially a shut-in) so things are starting to pick up now that spring is officially here! My motivation is rising! My desire to leave the house has increased! I have a small block of stress knocked off my shoulders since today was MOVING DAY for the scream queens next door (god help us for what will move in next though)! I want to say things are looking up, but I know better than to tempt fate.
So for now, I will pretend that we have reached the apex of our hike or whatever it was that I told you to imagine we were doing and now we are on our way back down so it’s your turn to tell me things. Go ahead. JK IT’S TIME FOR ME TO LISTEN TO AN AUDIOBOOK LOL LEOS ARE THE WORST.
I left my brain somewhere between 2022 and 2023, I think. Literally feels empty up in there.
On that note, here is a dump of photos from my phone, thoughts salvaged from my hollow head, and some things I’ve been enjoying as of late like this Kdrama, The Glory:
Yooooo. This made me a legit Song Hye Kyo fan, honestly. She is incredible in this. It’s about a woman who was VICIOUSLY bullied by a group of classmates in night school. They show it in flashbacks and it is graphic and extremely disturbing so major trigger warning there.
Anyway, she drops out of school and buses her time FOR YEARS, plotting her revenge.
As an adult, she is very cold and guarded, but she crosses paths with a young doctor and a middle aged housekeeper, and the relationships she develops with them are so fun to watch and provide a tiny bit of levity but this show is a HEAVY DRAMA/PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER.
I especially loved it because unlike most Kdramas, this was only 8 episodes long and each episode was between 45-55 minutes which is perfect.
I watched the last one today and was screaming at the end but thankfully, there is a Part 2 coming in March!
Chooch took this picture of Girl Buddy lounging in a pine tree at the corner of our block. I love her so much. We had a nice talk on Monday when she came to the porch for walnoot time.
Color palette for the attic game room – yes, we finally got to the point where paint samples could be purchased! 90% or the stuff is out of the attic now, either tossed, donated, or stored away elsewhere for now. It was mostly books, CDs, old computer shit, and tons of Chooch’s baby stuff.
Oh and basically my entire middle school and high school career in the form of notes.
I’m really excited to get started on this for real! I need a project / something to “design.”
I took down all the Christmas decorations on Sunday (well, the temporary ones, anyway lol) and then bought this cutie sweetie Valentine heart garland thingie at Target. I love Valentine’s Day decorations sooo much. (Hate the actual day though because, you know, Henry is so unromantic. We had JUST come home from Target and I was already balancing precariously on a chair, trying to hang this in the Cure corner. I’m pretty sure I still had my jacket on, even.
I love it!
Chooch and Henry were like, “Mmm, great – more decor for us to get tangled in.”
I just barely snagged this photo of the sisters sort of sitting together. I think they’re still pouting because I moved most of their cat houses around the house in preparation for the Christmas party and never moved them back, but they seem to really love sitting inside this new table, so I guess it’s a reasonable trade-off for them.
On Sunday, I reached for the stars and added purple rice to my purple potato boba and at first sip, I sputtered, “OK THAT WAS A CHOICE” but then I felt compelled to go in for another sip. And then another, and then another. Yeah, turns out I was into it and will 100% choose this as an add-in again.
Is NewJeans my new favorite girl group?? OMG I THINK MAYBE? It’s a very close tie with Aespa and STAYC though, but every single New Jeans release has been an undeniable bop. This is their latest and it is in my head constantly. Also, I love how all of these newer girl groups have super distinct dance styles, and that NewJeans is so slinky and 90s-vibin’.
Another fave is Stray Kids’ Case 143 which I didn’t immediately love, but it’s been a slow-burn on my brain (is that where my brain went!?!?) and is in my head quite often. I shared it with Nate and Lauren today, and they both loved it also, but then hours later, Nate told me he couldn’t get it out of his head (much like when I sent him the Ame Bibabi classic, Chin Up High, which became an accidental department obsession that we randomly quote to each other out of context) and Lauren of course loved the visuals and the fact that she now knows what “no cap” means ever since we had a whole-ass GenZ slang conversation in group chat several weeks ago, which is still alarming to me when I think about it, knowing that we let Glenn loose on the streets with words like “bussin'” in his arsenal).
Anyway, Henry loves this song and will randomly sing the 143 part to the cats. Also, I had no idea that 143 meant I love you in olden lighthouse days and that Mister Rogers even did an entire episode about it!?
I’m so glad we went to see Stray Kids last year!!! While we’re talking about them, Chooch was so pissed several weeks ago when I was watching one of the Korean music award shows and he didn’t know who they were! He was guessing every boy group he could think of and I was like, “DANG, DANG, DANG.” Then I said, “Watch this” as I muted it and called Henry into the room.
“Henry, can you tell who this without hearing the song?” I asked, shooting Chooch a smug look while he folded his arms across his chest and responded with a “There’s no way” facial expression.
I’m off work today because I had time to use up and I’m bored and restless so let’s do a free-form memory dump. OK? OK.
Firs I want to talk about the Christmas dinner I had with some work friends! Debby and Marlene retired last year, so Megan and I occasionally meet up with them for dinner because keeping in touch is so important. There are quite a few people I have lost touch with over the years from past jobs. I HATED my job at MSA so bad, but I miss Collin, Bob, and Bill very much. I am still moderately in touch with Bill at least, mostly through his wife Natasha whom I had also become friends with. They used to come to all of my parties and were/are just such great people (and Bill is an amazing baker who, FUN FACT, baked the smash cake for Chooch’s first birthday to match the monster invitations that Henry and I had made!) but then they moved to Arkansas (whomp whomp). But!! Now they livein Harrisburg, which isn’t too terribly far away so perhaps we’ll make a road trip out that way and make them go to Vegetable Hunter with us.
ANYWAY. It was my turn to come up with a venue for our Christmas dinner. I gave three options and they one we all decided on was Zarra’s in Oakland. None of us had ever been there and all I knew was that it’s in the location of the old Electric Banana club.
I made reservations because you can never be too sure but you guys, we were the only people there. Like, the entire effing night. Just our table!! Well, there were two old guys at the table by the door when we arrived, but still.
This place reminded me like a cross between The Zenith and the Bayernhof? I personally loved it but…I’m not so sure about Debby and Marlene, lol. It did feel a bit like it was a front for…something? And our waitress was a young college girl who was TOO CHATTY and talked to us for a solid ten minutes about how she’s a camp counselor, going into great detail, and we were really just trying to order our food.
Also, our salads came after our meals because “he” whoever “he” was, had to go and buy tomatoes?
Also x2, we had to request a bread basket because we were fucking starving and why wasn’t it already provided to us?
Also x3, the waitress went through a painstaking process of telling us “how to eat the bread” (which we had to wait for as well because “he” was slicing it) with the oil she provided (le duh) and then said, “It’s like sex in your mouth” which was not something that went over well with some, lol.
Also x4, Michael Buble was BLASTING on the sound system which was located right behind Debby and we egged her on about turning it down herself, so she tried to but turned the wrong knob and ended up shutting the whole thing off, but then it randomly turned back on and our waitress ended up turning it down for us and said that she thinks “Johnny is going deaf,” the same Johnny that she also said might be in the mob, the same Johnny who evidently was one of the old men sitting at the front table when we walked in.
We heard a lot about Johnny that night.
I actually hate this picture of me so much, but what can you do?!!? Megan took some cute selfies of all of us after dinner that were so much better than this one which was taken before we had even ordered. I should have waited until we were at least one bottle in before asking for a photo op!
Weirdness of the restaurant aside, I thought the food was delicious. Megan and I both got JUDY’S FAMOUS RICOTTA NOODLES. I got mine with eggplant and practically licked the plate clean.
Our waitress (I want to say her name was Chloe, and she reminded me SO MUCH of Blake’s wife Haley but with blond hair; it was actually quite uncanny to me – it was the way she talked and her facial expressions, so similar) flat out quit coming back to our table halfway through, replaced by a man. At this point in the dinner, I hadn’t learned yet that the owner was the old man we saw earlier, so I blurted out, “ARE YOU JOHNNY??” and he said, “No, I’m Donny, his son.”
Nice guy! He did a good job putting up with our chaos.
After we ate and exchanged treat bags, we roamed around taking pictures of all the stuff, and each other, and each other with all the stuff. I mean, there was no one there to stop us…
The DUMBWAITER that the waitress referred to several times, with Electric Banana relics in it! It wasn’t until several days later that I found out that JUDY AND JOHNNY ZARRA were actually the proprietors of Electric Banana as well! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.
Anyway, it was a really nice evening with some amazing ladies. I’m already pressuring Henry to go back with me because it was SO WEIRD there plus the food was good.
Moving on….
Oh yeah, I failed to properly wrap up my Tennessee blog recaps because I forgot to tell you that after we left Dollywood that Sunday night, we went down the street to Rocky Top Mountain Coaster, which if you recall, we tried to do the night before and you couldn’t even get into the parking lot, that’s how crowded it was.
When we went Sunday night? There was one other couple ahead of us.
I’m not going to waste too many words on this but I just want to say for the record that mountain coasters are overhyped, not for me, and actually kind of confusing? First of all, I had some young mountain boy mumbling the instructions to me and actually felt scared and ill-prepared.
There were so many lift hills. It felt like every time you built up any speed and momentum, there was a sign that would tell you to brake for the lift hill, so I would do that but then a recording kept coming up saying NOT TO DO THAT and I was having a major crisis over this. BRAKE OR NO BRAKE?!!?
Anyway, when we were all done and met up in the…station, I dunno, Chooch said that those announcements were specifically directed toward me because I wasn’t doing it right (I dunno how he would know when he was in front of me, but cook on little bitch-chef) and I got REALLY DEFENSIVE and borderline flipped over so Henry had to try to diffuse the situation by saying it wasn’t true and that it was a recording that was meant to play on repeat but Chooch claims that it was a real person one of those times that had to make the announcement because of me.
NEVER AGAIN.
I didn’t realize this was Girl Buddy at first until after the picture was taken and then she climbed down the wall head-first like Dracula and met me in the driveway for a peanut because she saw that I was on my way to the backyard with my trick-or-treat pumpkin pail of peanuts. I am entirely too attached to this squirrel.
Well, I think that’s all for today. I was also going to tell you about how Chooch and I were on the radio last week but I’m not motivated enough so maybe later this week.
Here we have a collection of things that have been happening.
I’m in a bitter battle with a HAWK. We had a showdown two Fridays ago. Let me set the scene: I was sitting at my desk, dutifully doing my job, when I heard a weird animal cry. The squirrels will do a chitter every now and then, but this wasn’t that. This sounded like a distress call. I got up and went to look out my front window just as A HAWK came swooping down from across the street, straight at my window, at which point he dropped down at the last second to the area under my window. “OH FUCK NO!” I roared in my guttural battle voice and I went barreling out of the front door like one motherfucking pissed off Kool-Aid Guy.
The hawk looked at me like, “the fuck is this?” and he flew a few houses down and landed in Jackie’s (Jackie the Witch, if you’re Chooch) yard. I stomped my ass over there, hollering “Go! Get out of here!!” to this piece of shit predator. Some dumb old man (a random one, not Henry) interrupted my full-body SHOOING and STAMPING and asked me what was going on. I didn’t want to be like SQUIRRELS!!! so instead I cried, “PEOPLE LET THEIR SMALL DOGS AND CATS RUN AROUND OUT HERE AND I DON’T WANT THIS HAWK TO GET THEM.” This seemed more reasonable and less “I am the neighborhood squirrel protection society president.”
“He must be hungry!” the man laughed, rooting in his pocket for his ancient cell phone to take pictures of this stupid asshole bitch bird. “WELL HE CAN STARVE BECAUSE HES NOT FEASTING ON MY BLOCK!!” I hissed in response, but it was more like a wail in the key of Sally Struthers.
Oh, this man was PISSING me off. I just wanted him to fuck off so I could continue stalking the hawk who was now perched menacingly on a light pole across the street, but he was just doo-wah-diddling about, smiling at the dumb thing and struggling to work his phone.
My squirrels were DISTRAUGHT and I never want to have to see my favorite Girl Buddy cry and shake the way she was as she hid between HNC’s garbage cans.
This bitch fucked with the WRONG CRAZY LADY. I bought this ugly fake owl thing because hawks are stupid and supposedly will think it’s real and go somewhere else, and I’m about to hang several disco balls in the back porch because they hate…dance parties? Sike, I guess they hate reflective things.
COME AT ME NOW, BITCH BEAK.
(Henry, somewhere in the background, reminding me for the 87th time that they’re federally protected while Chooch is like “I swear to god if you end up in the emergency room…” This is my new life, in case you have been wondering what I’ve been up to. My Google searches are all variations of HOW TO FIGHT A HAWK at this point.)
I am now in the market for chain mail, a potato gun (to hopefully get it hooked on veggies) and a SHIELD. When I say that this has consumed my life…I mean, you read this dumb thing so you know how I am.
(Also: how do I get crows to live at my house. They came out at one point to help and all that was missing was KIM CARNES “I NEED A HERO” playing in the background.)
Henry and Chooch got me this kombucha when they were at the store together (I’m sure that was fun) simply because it has a squirrel on the bottle. I am a kombucha addict though so I would have drink/drank/drunken this even if it had a hawk on the bottle.
J/K, I have standards.
Chooch has been working at Dunkin’ for several weeks now and has still not been trained, lol, ok cook on Dunkin’. No wonder their coffee drinks taste different from one location to the next. No one even showed him how to work the register but he said it was similar to McDonald’s so he just started using it. At least we know that Chooch can persevere when left to his own devices.
Also! This is the kind of Dunkin’ that’s split with Baskin Robbins so I might be asking him to bring me a milkshake home at some point, even though I recently started Noom again. Did I tell you that, Blog Diary? It’s not a big deal but after so much traveling and eating amusement park food all summer, my jeans were starting to get a little tight. I have to go all in when it comes to “dieting” – I know, in the Year of Our Lord 2022 we should be celebrating our bodies and not dieting but look, my weight directly affects my mental well-being – so I can’t just “eyeball” it or whatever. I need to be honest with my food logging and you know what holds me the most accountable? Knowing that I paid for the goddamn program and hoo boy do I hate wasting money. So yeah, when I’m doing Noom, I am DOING NOOM. Plus, I like Noom because it’s realistic and doesn’t restrict or deprive you. It relied heavily on the psychological part of weight loss and teaches you how to identify and combat (or compromise with) triggers.
I’m doing it in tandem with my beloved Jillian Michaels’ Body Revolution and I’m already getting my muscle definition and waist back!
Oh and the best part about Noom is that it teaches (and ENCOURAGES) you to treat yourself so I was able to share this pumpkin cinnabun sundae from Sugar Spell Scoops with Henry yesterday without feeling like a failure. <3
This was not sponsored, lol. I just really swear by Noom! If you want to try it, I can send you a referral link thing!
I was thinking about when we saw some of Seoul Fashion Week the first time we went to Korea and looked it up on YouTube just for fun and found myself in the background of someone’s video LOL.
I’m positive people mock me behind my back. “Did you know that Erin Kelly has been to Korea?! *huge eye roll*” I can’t help that it’s pretty much all I want to talk about 24/7. It was never a “vacation” to me. It was like a legit pilgrimage, and I have never in my life felt this way about a place before, like I had been there extensively in another life or timeline. For instance, before we ever went there, I would (and still do) watch vlog and vlog on YouTube of people living in Seoul, or travel vloggers taking a train to Jeonju. I’d watch K-drama and variety shows and feel this really crazy sense of familiarity in my heart?? And I know it’s some special weird-ass thing because I have been doing research for our summer coaster trip (NOT in Korea, sadly) and while I am VERY EXCITED AND STOKED for this, everything obviously looks so, well, foreign, to me and I am very interested in everything I’m watching and reading into, but it doesn’t feel the same? It doesn’t feel like a warm, cinnamon-and-persimmon scented embrace?!
I don’t know what it means. But both times I left South Korea, I quite frankly felt I was going to die. OK that was dramatic, I just felt like someone cut into my chest, removed half of my heart, and left it in Seoul.
:D
You guys, I recently found out that Chooch not actually did academic shit in Mexico, but he did it well! Yay, Chooch!
Oh yeah speaking of Noom!! They color-code foods: green / yellow / orange f/k/a red but that made people feel like red meant STOP DON’T EAT or BAD BAD BAD but really it just means that it’s the most calorie dense food and should still be enjoyed, but just in moderation. I accidentally discovered that Kemps froyo (green food) and Olipop Root Beer (yellow food) makes the best “diet” root beer float! Of course after discovering this, every store Henry has gone to since then has not had Olipop in the root beer flavor, sigh.
The childs, enjoying one of the last warm days on the porch :(
What else have I been up to?! Here are some shows I watched:
Watcher (loved it)
Midnight Club (liked it)
Derry Girls final season (mildly disappointing, but love the show overall)
The current season of The Crown (almost finished, thoroughly depressing, Diana Forever)
OMG I have to go. NCT127’s Killing Voice (which I have seen 87x) just came on YouTube so now I need to go and watch this and smile like a deranged person.
It is COZY TOWN up in here these days and I’m alright with that even though I do really miss wearing shorts everyday. I’m not opposed to the shorts-n-hoodie look but it’s just a bit too nippy for my wussy legs to handle the exposure. As it is, I’ve been walking around the house with a throw wrapped around me like a toga, trying not to think about how it’s only going to get worse.
Anyway, it’s Monday and I’m feeling free-flowy, so let’s just talk about things that have been going on, etc. etc. tra la la la.
Such as, my new drawer pull! OK back up. So when we re-did the kitchen, we got this counter thingie from IKEA. Because it’s IKEA, it didn’t come with cabinet knobs or a drawer pull for the middle drawer. We took care of the cabinet knobs quickly by using the same style we used on our wall cabinets, adding pictures of Michael Jackson, Boy George, and Rick Astley to them, because of course.
But that motherfucking drawer. I knew I wanted to use something ridiculous as a drawer pull, and I kept looking on eBay for various 1980s relics. Nothing felt right though so we had to live with opening a cabinet first in order to pull open the drawer. Chooch flipped his shit a few weeks ago. “I’M SO SICK OF THIS DRAWER WHY CAN’T ANYTHING IN THIS HOUSE BE NORMAL” so I sidled up next to him and said, “I’m so glad you brought this up, Sonny Boy, because look what MOTHER just purchased on eBay!” and then I showed him this BANGIN’ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Burger King kids meal toy.
“I don’t know what that is,” he mumbled, brushing past me to return to his lair.
Henry attached it to the drawer the other day and I am so satisfied with it and my chintzy-ass fucking house that I don’t own. (LOL OK fine that’s a lie, I am decidedly not satisfied with this house as a whole, that’s for sure.)
I had dinner with Marlene, Megan, and Debby the other night at Bonfire, which I had never been to before and was pleasantly surprised when I walked in and was greeted by Chooch’s old piano teacher, Cheryl! I had a really nice chat with her, and was finally able to address the elephant in the room: her name change, which Chooch had randomly told me about years ago but I was never sure if he was trolling me or not, so as she was walking me over to my reserved table, I blurted out, “So I’ve been meaning to ask you, DID YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME TO LAVENDAR?” and when she confirmed, I said, “OK I wasn’t sure if I could trust my kid or not, so I’m sorry that I have been still calling you Cheryl for 80 years,” and for some reason she thought the “80 years” part was really funny so I think I’m forgiven.
Then I got to introduce her to my crazy work pals once they arrived. I miss the days of Chooch’s piano lessons, but I’m glad she’s back in Pittsburgh!
Anyway, she wasn’t our server though – we had someone named Amanda and I had a mild crush on her because she was very no-nonsense and firm with us which appealed to me. I like to be verbally rough-housed in restaurants sometimes. I mean, THERE’S A TIME AND A PLACE, etc.
It literally took us an hour to order, so I’m sure Amanda was motherfuckering us up and down in the kitchen. I had the mushroom and kale flatbread and let me just say that I have never actually had a flatbread that I felt writing home about but if I had a pen and paper and a stamp and envelope with me, this would have been the one. It was actually so wonderful that I am still thinking about it a little and wish that I hadn’t let Henry have my leftovers as payment for dropping me off and picking me up although it’s a good thing because I had too much to drink and actually had the spins that night :/
It was nice getting to witness Debby and Marlene’s sibling-esque banter again though! They both retired in 2021 and are living their best lives now. I took over some of the stuff that Debby was responsible for and let me just tell you, I am, on my best days, the dime store Debby knock-off. And on my worst days, aka today, I’m barely a Goodwill bin Debby. Sigh.
On my bill, I scribbled, YOU ARE SO AWESOME AMANDA in the scrawl of a town wino, and I wonder if she could pick up on THE FLIRTY UNDERTONES.
(Did I mention that the cheese on my flatbread was like FONDUE? Holy shit.)
Drew, chillin’ with Buddy. Everything was fine until I said, “Drew, do you wanna let Buddy in the house and you can share your toys with him?
Speaking of Buddy, Girl Buddy was visiting the other day and I had my hand out with walnOOts in it and before I had a chance to hand her one, she came over and, in an attempt to help herself from serving platter of a palm, she BIT MY FINGER. Well, “bit” is hyperbolic. But my fingertip went into her mouth! We made eye contact immediately and it was as if she realized what she was doing, that my fingertip was not FUDZ (that’s their word that they share with the cats for “food,”) and she released me with no damage done. Henry was like a fountain of frowns though.
I got this Suspiria shirt recently and it’s perfect to wear to haunted houses <3 Suzy Bannion forever. (I used to always spell her last name as Banyan and truthfully, I like that so much better, but whatever. It’s not *my* movie.)
We also worked on the new carouselfie wall this weekend. I decided months ago that I lowkey hated the first version of it. I hated the wall color and those stupid flowers were so, well, stupid. I bounced around several different ideas but then you know what? I went with my old tried and true: stripes. I fucking love a striped accent wall. Yeah, we have a lot of them in this piece, but oh well! (OK really only five, that’s not THAT many.)
I picked two colors at Home Depot almost immediately and then as Henry was taping off the wall later that day, he realized that my project had very quickly become “his” project. “It’s because you’re so good at painting stripes, sweetheart,” I mumbled while watching NCT content, probably.
Then I was like, “Oh and btw, now ‘we’ need to repaint the picture frames too.” LOL. I’m sorry, but now that the wall was changed to pink and green, the frames clashed! I chose solid white and he was actually happy about that. Like, when do I ever choose white for anything?? But in this case, I think it was the best bet, YOU KNOW?
The final touch was a strip of pink neon. We’re not done hanging frames yet, but you get the picture! The best part is that now that they’re spaced closer together, there’s room for more. And you know I have a lot of carouselfies planned for next year!
I like having themed areas, I dunno. Organized chaos, and all that.
In non-NCT127 KPOP news, I am beyond stoked that EXID is back!! I thought that they had disbanded for some reason but then they came out of nowhere with this banger and I am so pleased. They will always remind me of my early days in the KPOP scene, and Hani is one of my all-time favorite girl idols. I love her so much. And I just saw in the comments that they funded this comeback themselves?! Literal queens.
Well, that’s about all I had on my mind so I will see my way out now.
I made it through June, which ended way better than it began minus some trailer park-ish drama. Now summer really feels like it’s here and I’m thriving – until the end of my month when my bday rolls around and I will succumb to one-day depression maybe probably depending on how well I’m being paid attention to. I think it should be fine though because we’ll be visiting my long-time friend in Cure obsession & Tolhursting alone, ALYSON!
In an effort to break up the amusement park posts, here’s a photo dump from the last week or so.
Vans Crew! I was stupidly excited when I realized that I was wearing the same shoes as Henry’s grandkids, Calvin and Lily, so we needed a photo, stat. Obviously Henry was not invited to participate.
I got this cute Richard Simmons talking figure at The Rocket in Ypsilanti last weekend & he looks hot AF on my kitchen shelf of 1980s figureheads.
All of these cars belong to HNC, yes even the one that’s behind an entirely different house up there, and this does not include the car that he actually drives every day. (He doesn’t drive any of the other ones! And the one in the forefront is his wife’s and how that one is up on blocks suddenly?!
I don’t get it. Chooch’s nemesis Larry is the same exact way – his whole driveway looks like a junkyard!! Just an FYI for anyone new here, we actually live in the city and not like some rural area where this is more accepted!!
When we came home at one point on Sunday, we couldn’t pull our own car down the driveway because HNC had his one driveable car pulled down there too because he was WORKING ON IT!? I see a lot of dumb shit around here but I am just actually rendered speechless by this.
Here is me at work last week! It was a day that definitely drained some / a lot of the novelty out of the whole “BACK IN THE CITY” sensation thanks to sleazy ass motherfuckers on the street being sleazy ass motherfuckers. I have been trying to avoid this one part of town since I’ve been back because the pandemic really turned it into some Mad Max type of bullshit, but I had to get to the Heinz History Center’s gift shop that day to get Chooch’s homestay some local gifts, thus forcing me to walk a way I have been avoided. And, as though on cue, some Jonny Craig-looking motherfucker with a face full of prison tattoos called out to me, “HEY TAKE ME HOME WITH YOU” and threw his body into some repulsive throat-sloughing laugh.
Then he said something else and my ears did me a favor by going into survival mode and closing off so I thankfully avoided hearing what came next.
Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.
I never get hit on by any savory types!!!
This week at work, I treated myself to a strawberry matcha latte from Adda. Worth it.
Ugh you guys. On that note, it’s been a really weird week adjusting to a Chooch-less house. I know this month will blow past, summer mths always do, and obviously I’m so glad that he wanted to do this and that we were able to help make it happen (his academic scholarship only went so far, people!) but it’s been disorienting, and I have been off my game big time, especially at work I feel like.
Also, two nights ago my left eye started burning and when I took my contact out, it unleashed a whole ass world of hurt upon me. The pain flooded in so fast and hard that I couldn’t keep my eye open, like my eyelid was like, “LET ME DO MY JOB” and kept forcing my eye shut, like closing a curtain on the veritable fucking acid bath going on behind it. Holy fuck, I have no idea what happened, but it hurt SO BAD that I could barely sleep all night. My eye was watering so hard that my whole left side of my face was like a 1980s art deco penthouse water feature. The pain was medieval, like an eyelash-sized sword slashing my prized orbital parts and I was actually terrified that somehow I had ripped my eyeball maybe?!!?
Holy shit, I was miserable. Obviously I wore my glasses all day yesterday and then it felt like I had allergies, like really hardcore hay fever. I was a dripping, sneezing, eye-squirting mess all day. I actually thought I was being punished for something. Then! Because I hadn’t slept hardly at all that night, the last hour of work was excruciating because I was so exhausted that I kept doing “eyes rolling back” and “snoring-while-awake” routine. You guys, I was SO TIRED that I TOOK A NAP after work. Granted it was for less than an hour and then I woke up panicked about my step-count, because WHAT IS MY LIFE, but yeah – that’s how bad this whole thing was and Henry kept asking, “NOW do you want to go to the doctor?” and I’m like, “NO! IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN A WEEK SINCE I HAD TO GO TO LABCORP FOR A WELLNESS CHECK AND GET BLOOD DRAWN!” Bitch, I can only handle so much HEALTH CARE in my life, and there is still A BRUISE AND BAND-AID RESIDUE in the crook of my right arm from THE BLOODLETTING because I am too scared to wash/scrub it off since that area MIGHT STILL BE TENDER FROM THE NEEDLE. I cannot GO TO ANOTHER MEDICAL THING while I still have REMNANTS FROM THE LAST MEDICAL THING on my person!!!!
Anyway, my eye was fine all day until around 6:00 and then it got weird again but not nearly like it was the other night and it’s not even red this time so fingers crossed that it’s just some allergic reaction to who knows what because nothing has changed in my house and I fucking swear to god if I’m suddenly allergic to the squirrels….
That feeling when you wait all week for the weekend and then it’s just a freezing cold snowy day so why bother doing anything, you know? Ugh my spring anticipation is off the charts. I keep seeing these big fat ass robins around my porch and they are bringing me hope. We were also teased with two mild days earlier in the week which was like walking out into a dopamine wonderland.
We were going to get Korean food for lunch today but I am so unmotivated. Maybe?
In other It’s My Life So That’s What I Write About news, a Verizon salesman came to our house last week. Of course, henry was upstairs when dude knocked and I have a firm Anti-Door-Opening Policy, so I fled with the cats upstairs and panted, “Henry! Someone! Door! Knocking!” I then proceeded to eat my dinner (oatmeal, my winter smoothie bowl transition) on the steps with Penelope, both of us cowering in fear.
But yeah, just a Verizon guy, trying to get us to switch from Xfinity. I knew that Henry wanted to do this anyway at some point but I still figured he’d be like “go away.” Except that he talked to the dude for like a solid 15 minutes.
“That guy was really cool,” Henry said later. “He used to be a journalist in Afghanistan!” Henry was fixated on this. So much so that he told the guy to come back the next day and he’d sign up. Why he didn’t just do it then, I have no idea.
Of course, the dude didn’t come back the next day at the designated time. Henry paced back and forth by the window like a fisherman’s wife watching for the ship, until 7:00pm came and went. “I guess he’s not coming,” Henry sighed, and then left to go to Lowe’s.
OF COURSE thee came a knock upon the door (shout out to Janna who was helping me film a video in English class and couldn’t remember her line of “someone is knocking” and blurted out “there came a knock upon the door” instead like some Dickensian savant) thirty minutes after Henry left. It was his Verizon Buddy’s partner, making good on the promise to return. Now I was saddled with this responsibility of signing up for Verizon!!! FML. I shouldn’t have answered but the guy was knocking so jovially and I knew, presumably, that it wasn’t going to be a villain, so I put my Big Girl Pants on and dealt with it.
Long story short, I was entertained for nearly 20 minutes by the tweedle dee and tweedle dum of Verizon. It was like amateur mic night and my front porch was the little known comedy club The Brookline Bellylaugher. Super nice guys though! And they were like desperately trying to edge closer into my house to get a better look, it was hilarious. Every time one of them would finish giving me some VERIZON IS BETTER THAN XFINITY factoid, they’d interrupt themselves to say, “OMG that thing is so cool!!” and then I’d have to turn around and try to figure out what they were pointing at. They both really loved the Mouse Attack sign.
If I wasn’t home alone in the middle of a pandemic, I would have certainly invited them in. But also, it was 8pm in February in the middle of COVID uncertainty, so I stayed inside the house and they stood back on the porch, and this is how we conducted our business. I signed up and completely screwed up the deal Henry was going to get, but it’s fine! These are things you have to expect when you leave the most helpless member of the household in charge of decision-making.
Luckily, Henry came home while they were still sitting in their car so he stopped them, like, “ho ho ho! Here I am, you promised me a $200 gift thingie, let’s talk about this.”
Anyway, everything is all ironed out I guess. The Verizon tech dude came to my house on Tuesday to do the installation and he too was like *POPPING EYEBALLS* as he walked through the house to the computer. The thing he liked the best was the Seoul subway sign, in case you were wondering.
Poor Taemin got bumped around a lot, but we are now Verizon internet customers, after more than a decade of Henry desperately wanting to switch but being unable to because I was in BAD STANDING with Verizon from a bunch of years ago when I had a landline through them and racked up a HUGE phone bill when I was in Australia and never paid it because I switched some fly-by-night service and that’s a whole other story that I barely remember now because what’s a landline, wow.
The installation also conveniently happened right smack in the middle of a training call I was on, so I had to keep saying, “Dawn? Hey, Dawn? The Verizon guy is here again, can you give me a few minutes?” and I truthfully don’t think she gave a shit either way lol.
I forgot that I took this picture last Saturday when Henry and I were in Brownsville (which apparently was a big deal and numerous people on Instagram were like WHY WERE YOU IN BROWNSVILLE because I guess Pittsburghers aren’t allowed to be there who knows). There was an abandoned church that I wanted to have my picture taken in front of because I liked the door (you never know with me) and one of the windows was broken so we could see this creepy basement scene.
I also forgot to post this from last weekend! It’s my new necklace from The Idol Collective. I love her jewelry and pins sooo much. I found her years ago when I was looking for BIGBANG enamel pins because at the time, she specialized in Kpop pieces but has since branched out to other things and I just love it all.
Look at this boo babe!! He’s OOAK. I set a reminder on my phone so when her most recent shop update went live, I could swoop in and snag him. I love being A WINNER.
What else happened this week….
We were watching some kid do an unboxing of NCT albums while talking about her biases.
Henry: Wow. Who *isn’t* her bias?” Me: I mean it’s really hard to not have like 10 NCT biases. Henry: I don’t have any. So it’s really easy, actually.
Shut up Henry. Everyone knows his bias is Jungwoo.
Henry: He’s not my bias, though! You just assigned him to me because that’s your way of getting to have an extra bias! Through me!
This might be partially true. Here are my NCT biases even though you didn’t ask:
NCT127: Jaehyun. It used to be Haechan and Jaehyun was my bias wrecker, but then I decided to make Jaehyun my official NCT127 bias, and you’ll see why in a second. (Because you care.)
NCT Dream: Renjun. Bias wrecker: Jaemin
WAYV: Xiaojun
Overall NCT Universe bias: Haechan and Ten
Haechan was the first person in the NCT Universe who I really really really liked and latched on to. He has the most unique voice out of any of them. Honestly, he is so underrated as a vocalist in general.
Ten is a fucking dancing beast, and he is one of my most charismatic and fun to watch of all the members! Since he’s also a member of Super M, I got to see him in person back in 2019, where he also performed two solo songs and it was so fucking dreamy. He is one of the most mesmerizing dancers in the whole damn world. Also, he hates fruit to the point of being actually afraid of them which is hilarious to me.
There, now you know my NCT biases. I mean, there are 23 members overall! How can you have just one!?!?
In non-Kpop news, we finally got confirmation yesterday from the study abroad program that Chooch received *almost* a full academic scholarship for the summer program in Yucatan this July so what we actually to pay is minimal, thank god. We would have tried to make it work regardless because this will be a great experience for him and something that he can include on his college applications (do not want to think about this at all right now).
I asked Henry today if he thinks Chooch will be OK without us for 4 weeks.
“I mean, he’s never been away from us for that long! What if he can’t sleep at night because he misses us so much?” and the response I received from Henry was a silent “COME THE FUCK ON NOW” smirk. OK fine. Maybe it’s me who won’t be able to sleep hahaha ughhh.
More Chooch news: he showed me a slideshow presentation he did for school wherein he eschewed capitalization and used comic sans. “It was an ironic stylization choice,” he shrugged. And the other day when everyone was ballistic because the Wordle word was so fucking aggravating? He got it on THE SECOND TRY. I know this because I was sitting right next to him before we left for school and I was so fucking pissed.
I started having sporadic electrocutions in one of my knees last week and I am totally fixated and wigging out, much to Henry’s chagrin because I always pull him into the WebMD abyss with me. Me: Feel my knees! Do I need more fat in them? Should I be doing cartilage stuff?
Henry: Yeah. Let me know how that goes, doing ‘cartilage stuff.’
Ugh, I hope it’s OK. It only happens sometimes, like I’m not in constant pain but I’m also super babying both knees now to the point where I am afraid to kneel, squat, etc.
Me: What if I have to get a cast?? I can’t use crutches!!! I’ve tried!!!
Henry: WTF, now your leg is suddenly broken? Why would a doctor put you in a cast??
Too late, I’m spinning out. It’s bone cancer. My knee cap is popping off. I have water on the knee. (Fun fact, when I was 10, I was convinced that I had this affliction after reading about it in the Merck medical journal that I kept on my night stand and then I went on vacation with my grandparents right after and proceeded to write about it ad nauseum in my vacation journal and it was not meant to be taken lightly but when my grandma read it, she was like, “OH HONESTLY ERIN” and then laughed herself to tears.
OK but 30(ish) years later, here I am! With a knee ailment! A veritable swimming pool atop my knee! Probably! Who’s laughing now, Grandma?!
I was going to end this with an NCT Dream video but you guy(s) are probably sick of that so I’ll give you a break. (For now!)
I HATE WINTER. I HATE IT I HATE IT. I don’t trust people who like this shitty, depressing, bleak season. Not even taking spycam pics of Henry and HNC shoveling together has cheered me up.
It makes me feel very disoriented too, on top of everything else. Like, I know for sure it has been a big contributor to the shitty feelings I’ve been having about myself lately which is why I’m trying to just purge the thoughts on here and then hope for a better day. There’s a thing I like to tell myself that I totally made up on my own and it’s called THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Literally coined that phrase. You heard it here first folks. Like & subscribe for a chance to win an embroidery of that shit.
I also hate winter because when it snows like this, or drops below 25 degrees, my daily walks get completely hijacked. And we all know I am a person of perpetual routine so even that small change is enough to knock my mental orbit off course.
So I have been doing lots of walking workouts and also walking/jogging in place while watching Netflix but then I can never find anything that holds my attention!
Here are some things I liked recently, so please help me find new shows:
Archive 81
Maid
Lol ok aside from kdramas, I think that’s it! I need shows that are less than an hour per episode to watch before work while steady jogging, and kdramas are usually like 90 minutes an episode – I need to watch those at night under a blanket on the couch!
I started to watch The Serpent but wasn’t feeling it.
Ugh.
I want to watch Anxious People but have to watch it with Henry since we both read the book.
I need a good, solid CW show like In the Dark.
in other EVERYTHING SUCKS news, Henry slipped on ice and hurt his dumb shoulder AND BUTT lol which sucks for me because he was almost done with the ceiling project but now that’s on hold until he’s able to hold his arm above his head again. Ugh to the max!!!
So, life currently is just: wake up, eat breakfast, find a way to numb the mind while accumulating at least 6,000 steps before it’s time to log on to work at 9, work, dinner, exercise, kdrama or rollercoaster videos.
Sigh.
I was determined to leave the house on Sunday, even if it was just a trip to Target, but then it SNOWED ALL DAY.
So as of this writing, it’s been over a week since I’ve been out in civilization. No wait!!! I went to the library on Saturday. But my security guard friend Robert wasn’t there so I just popped in, grab my holds, self-checked out and that was that. I like when Robert is there because he says nice things like ITS ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE YOU, ERIN and it makes me feel SEEN you know? I have lived in Brookline since 1999 but never became a townie so Robert is the only one ’round these parts who knows me by name.
I wish I was the type of person who could just lean into winter weather and veg out on the couch with some wine and Kardashians (I dunno is that still a popular show for normal ppl??) and not give a shit about anything other that maximizing the cozy levels. But I can literally only do that if I have a fever :( (I mean, minus the Kardashian part.)
DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE U R STUCK ON THE PHONE WITH ME RIGHT NOW.
Oh!! Here’s a good thing that you have to pretend to care about to make me feel good: NCT127 won the Daesang award at the 2022 Seoul Music Awards, and that is the TOP AWARD. I am so proud of them!! I spent most of the weekend with their videos etc on in the background and I feel so inspired and motivated to whip out my credit card and buy the best ticket if they ever fucking announce a North American tour. I told Henry and he just nodded and whispered, “I know.” He won’t/can’t stop me either!! Imagining the possibility of seeing them this year actually fills me old school butterflies and it is great to be reminded that I still have some youth left in me.
Ideally, I wish SM would send the entire NCT conglomerate on tour so we could get all the subgroups on one stage, omg I would pay so much hard-earned money on that.
OK, I have to go and help Henry package the piles of Valentines that are currently accumulating on the dining room table. I’ll try to conjure more content for the rest of the week. I might have to tap into one of my alter egos, though, lol ugh oof.
As someone who really enjoyed the process of getting ready for work every morning, I have really been at odds with this never-ending WFH sitch. I know I have whined about this a million times since 2020 at this point but to summarize: I am ultra-grateful that I work at a place where our safety and health comes first and we have the capability of efficiently and seamlessly doing our jobs from home. I really do like that, I swear.
But I miss all of my clothes! I mean I suppose I could still wear them “to work” even though I’m not leaving the house but it’s not the same and also not conducive to my hourly five-minute jogging in place.
I keep telling Henry that he needs to start taking me on dates so I can wear my nice clothes (while he alternates between two flannels lol but who cares what he’s wearing when all of my clothes are so cute) or else I’m going to find other people to go on dates with. That definitely has not lit any fires under his ass lol.
Anyway, I was off on Monday and felt momentarily motivated to organize my closet but then within the first 2 minutes I spotted one of my favorite blouses that I definitely have not worn since probably 2019 at this point and then I also found a pair of jeans that I took to Korea in 2018 and thought I lost but no, they were balled up and punched into the back of a shelf on top of closet. So instead of organizing, I declared to the cats that it was PHOTOSHOOT TIME, starring Horsey shirt from F21 and guest-starring a striped thermal from H&M that I bought last year and have worn zero times.
Enjoy. Or don’t enjoy. It’s a free country. Um, I will also pepper this bitchin’ stew with some fun-ish facts about me, things that have been on my mind, dot dot dot?
Instead of butter, I spray popcorn with Pam. I picked that habit up as a child from my aunt Sharon and grandma, because they were always trying to cut calories (I still have a fondness for Melba toast crackers because of my grandma and also have a pretty chunky fear of food, lol). I’m sure I probably have tumors from this but I’m too afraid to google “does Pam cause cancer” so…Mmm, buttered aerosol!
I am off work today (it always gets to this part of the year and I’m racing to use my PTO) so I walked to Mediterra in Mt, Lebanon to get one of their exquisite pumpkin spice lattes. I had to wait at the bar area because it was shockingly bumpin’ for 10:15am on a Tuesday. I was only half-paying attention to the barista guy. He asked me if I was the to-go PSL, and that he had tow more drinks to make but then mine was up. I thought that was considerate of him to tell me, and then I went back to scrolling through Instagram. When he was done with my latte, he set it down without the lid on and said, “Because I wanted you to see that I gave you a heart because I care” and I AM SURE HE SAYS THIS TO EVERYONE but it was literally all it took to get me to have an instant crush because my self-worth is…where is it? Down there somewhere. You might be stepping on it. Anyway, so now I will be going to this place a lot. I called Henry immediately to tell him. “And he was totally my type!” I said breathily. “Korean?” Henry asked sarcastically and I said, “No. Actually, I don’t really know if he was cute because he was wearing a mask. But he was like, mid-20s. And looked like he might like Balance and Composure. So…”
When I was little, my dad was friends with this dude who had a daughter around my age named MANDY and MANDY was like TRES PERFECTIQUE. (Fun fact within a fun fact: I do not know French.) Anyway, I just remember that she was like blond and skinny and pretty and popular and I was fat and fat and fat and fat and sometimes we would get invited over to go swimming which was, woo hoo, so great for me, especially since she had an older brother who got to see me jiggling in my swimsuit. The one thing about MANDY in a list of SO MANY GREAT THINGS ABOUT MANDY (I accidentally typed “mandu” just then which is a Korean dumpling and far superior to MANDY) was that she was a Tamburitzen. I had no idea WTF a Tamburitzen was but her mother used to brag about her performances all the fucking time like OK we get it, MANDY is the Gen X MARSHA BRADY. Jesus Fucking Christ. ANYWAY, I just recently saw something about how the Mattress Factory – my favorite local art museum – hosted some kind of event in which the TAMBURITZENS performed and apparently even after all these years, I am still triggered. BRB going to google MANDY.
Did you know that before Henry and I were officially dating, I was still with my current boyfriend Jeff and all this shit went down where I was reunited with my bio dad’s mother and aunt for the first time since he died when I was 3 and they told me all this shit I didn’t know about him and I was having a fucking identity crisis having grown up not knowing my birth dad’s family at all, and I called Jeff all upset whose response was something super sweet like, “Well, if you’re going to be all upset about this stuff tonight, let’s just go out another time” OR SOMETHING SMILARLY CALLOUS so I went to the cemetery and sat next to my dad’s grave and didn’t know who else to call so I called Henry (OMG on my NOKIA cell phone #2001) and he came to the cemetery with a bottle of water knowing that I was probably crying and dehydrated and then I took a sip of water and it went down the wrong pipe and I started choking and he essentially saved me, almost killed me, and then saved me again all in the span of like 5 minutes and I guess that’s when I knew he was the one lol. OH MEMORIES.
Hey speaking of identity crises, can I take a second to bitch about HOW FRUSTRATING it is when people outside of my department at work call me “Kelly” in emails? I mean, I know it’s an easy mistake for people like me with two first names but it’s still annoying. However, there is this one lady who is a part of our sister department in Melbourne AND SHE HAS CONSISTENTLY referred to me as “Kelly” for as long as she has been here, which has been at least five years at this point. It is so fucking insulting!!! And just when I thought she couldn’t offend me any deeper, she copied me on email recently where she referred to me as KELLY ERIN. KELLY ERIN!!!!! I just really fucking can’t. It kills me. How hard is it to know the names of your COWORKERS?!?! We were even in the same GROUP in the department until recently.
My all time favorite grilled cheese is on pumpernickel bread with artichoke hearts and dill Havarti. I call it the “Adult Grilled Cheese.” My second favorite is gouda or cheddar and raspberry jam on any type of bread. I haven’t had either of these in YEARS though!
I’m not afraid of clowns because I spent a shit ton of my childhood at my grandparents’ house where my grandma had an entire room full of clowns and she would sometimes pay me to dust in there. I suppose this could have gone either way, though! The two clown paintings in the background are actually from the Gillcrest Clown Room!
This one time in 2002 when I worked at the REALLY SUPER TERRIBLE MEAT PLACE that left me a stutter and social anxiety, one of the drivers had apparently stolen money or something, I can’t remember the full details now, but DETECTIVES got involved and I had to sit in a conference room with them for THREE HOURS getting grilled (and the one detective was a super huge prick, I’m sure you’re shocked) because I was responsible for checking in drivers and also one of the salesmen was also getting interrogated with me and after all of that, one of the owners came in and asked the salesman if he wanted lunch from Lotus Garden but DID NOT ASK ME and that is so on brand for the way I was treated there for 4 years. FUCK YOU, WEISS MEATS. Also, I was one of only 2 women who worked there and was referred to universally as The Girl, so I guess being called “Kelly” at my present job isn’t the worst thing in the world BUT STILL.
OMG I am perusing LiveJournal entries from 2002 and apparently there was some salesman from the Pennysaver who used to come into Weiss Meats to do ad stuff with them and it turned out that we liked some of the same bands (I was really into hard rock and OMG nu metal back then) and he would sometimes borrow CDs from me but APPARENTLY on this one day as he was leaving, he said, “THANKS, KEL” and I was so angry. He really liked this band called Primer 55 and they were so shitty.
OK speaking of shitty bands, this is about to be the BIGGEST SECRET I WILL EVER TELL ON THIS BLOG, OK. I *liked* Nickelback for a hot minute AND EVEN BOUGHT A SHIRT AND HAD THEM SIGN IT when I saw them open for THREE DOORS DOWN in 2001. I ACTUALLY TALKED TO THAT CHAD DUDE AND HE WAS SUCH A CUNT. I KNOW THIS IS A SHOCKING REVELATION. But he was so impatient to sign my shit and move me along so he could get to the bitchin’ metal babe in a tube top behind me. OMG I don’t know what is happening in my head right now but everything is tying together because I just remembered that I WAS WEARING THAT NICKELBACK SHIRT the day referenced in an earlier FUN FAT where I went to meet my birth dad’s mom and then almost drowned on bottle water at Jefferson Memorial. Um, don’t worry. I donated that shirt to Goodwill a really long time ago, lol.
Speaking of NICkelback and EMBARRASSING LIKES, Con Air starring NIColas Cage was on TV the other night and I furiously shushed Henry who had the audacity to try and converse with me while I was watching that while painting my nails. “I’ll never understand how this is one of your favorite movies,” he mumbled to which I mumbled that I was going through a heavy John Cusack phase in the 90s, bro and also do I even need a reason and alsox2, I have never NOT CRIED AT THE END and trust me, I cried at the end last week too. You can ask Chooch who was standing there looking uber concerned because we were about to leave for a walk but I held up a hand and cried, “WAIT. I HAVE TO WATCH THE END FIRST” and he was like, “Wait…you actually like this movie?” OMFG houseful of Con Air haters.
I also really liked A Perfect Circle and Cold back then too but I have no shame or regrets with those musical choices at all, in fact, this just inspired me to bark, “HEY ALEXA, PLAY A PERFECT CIRCLE. YOU DUMB CUNT.”
Hey speaking of Echo/Alexa, Henry tried to program it so that Alexa (or whoever the dude is that talks on our kitchen Echo Show now) will call me a cunt in response, but THEY GOTTA STAY G-RATED APPARENTLY, SORRY HENRY.
Sometime in middle school, I found a copy of “Ghost Story” by Peter Straub in my grandparent’s basement and read it over the summer. I remember sitting in the rarely-used living room of my parent’s house and having legit goosebumps in broad daylight because that book scared me so much. I always say it’s one of the scariest books I’ve ever read but I have always been too afraid to re-read it in case it doesn’t hold up.
(Isn’t this fun?? It makes me feel like I’m having lunch with a real life friend and just chatting about life, or you know, sitting on a therapist’s couch.)
Since I’m on a 2002 LiveJournal entry kick, here is a riveting tale of PIZZA DAY at Weiss Meats:
Every Friday, my other boss, Elliott, runs up to me all excitedly and says ‘Pizza today!’ which means that I have to don a stupid baseball cap and trudge on down to the cutting room to see what the meat cutters want on their pizzas. Today was no different. Except I forgot to wear the hat, and the Federal Inspector, Dave, was down there. So i asked him if he could go in for me and get their orders. He said ‘C’mon, Erin, it’s me. You think I really care if you go in their with your hair exposed?’ Ha. Federal Inspectors have the easiest job. So I get the orders and John, the foreman, gives me $50. I was like ‘What’s this for? You know Elliott always pays.’ He insisted that I take it because HE wanted to pay. Why is beyond me. But then Pete, another meat cutter, pulled out $60 and said ‘No, I’LL pay.’ The two of them argued it out, and Pete won. Apparently no one wants Elliott doing them any favors. What do I care though? I still didn’t have to pay.
I go back upstairs to the offices and show Elliott the list, so he can calculate how many pizzas to get. This is really fun to watch. Not really. We then must decide where to get the pizza. Italian Village is the fastest, but they ‘really like Firinzi’s.’ Elliott tells me to get it from the latter and that he’ll have someone go and pick it up, so it’lll be faster. Aaron, Elliott’s son, says that HE will call. Which is fine by me, because I hate talking to that Italian woman.
Just when I think everything is over with, Eric comes upstairs with a menu for One Eyed Willie’s and starts getting orders. Joe and Elliott run into the kitchen, panicked, saying ‘The girl already got orders for pizza! What’s going on?’ They were quite literally ricocheting off walls. Eric explained that some people wanted to order from One Eyed Willie’s and that it had nothing to do with the pizza. Mass confusion subsides.
Until an hour later, when Elliott becomes antsy for his pizza, that is. I asked him who was going to pick it up, in which he replies ‘Yanno, I have no idea.’ So then erupts the search for Aaron. When Aaron is found, they find out that the pizza, is, in fact, being delivered.
Fifteen minuted later, pizza arrives. Everyone’s happy. My head hurts.
I only bought this splendid popcorn carrier from Everland in Korea because I immediately envisioned it having a second life as a purse.
Apparently on November 6, 2002, “I was so pissed off last night because I thought I taped Felicity, but my stupid Tony Little Gazelle tape was in there instead.” Wow, talk about telling me it’s 2002 without telling me, U NO. (Oh great, here I go on my Scott Speedman kick again.)
Well, this post is spiraling. I’m going to go and try to enjoy the rest of my day off, I guess, now that I have thoroughly depressed myself with skimming LiveJournal posts from 2002. I can honestly say that my life is a million times better at 42 than 23. Y-y-y-y-yikes. Also, how the fuck did Henry and I make it this long?? After reading some of that shit, I truthfully have no idea but thank god, man.
I just feel like doing a good ol’ fashioned free-form post today to clear my mind so that’s, that’s just what we’re going to do. Because I said so.
Chooch didn’t have school last Monday, and I was CONVENIENTLY off work (he was like, “YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE” – who? me?) so I woke his ass up early-ish because I wanted to go out for breakfast. We didn’t have a single BREAKFAST CLUB MEETING all summer because I didn’t feel like fighting to wake him up early and also because…apathy.
But I had been wanting to go to Mediterra Cafe in Mt, Lebanon for quite some time and Monday seemed like JUST THE DAY FOR IT. I already knew that I wanted the 4-Grain Porridge because I love feeling like a fairy tale bitch eating a hot bowl of sludge on a toadstool in the forest. And this shit always fills me up more than more decadent offerings.
Idiot Chooch was like, “I DUNNO, I GUESS THE BREAKFAST SANDWICH” because he is 15 and is unable to do more than just glance at a menu and pick the first meatless thing he sees. I’m surprised he was able to lift his face up from his stupid Discord chat long enough to get his eyes to focus on off-screen words.
Can we talk about this pumpkin spice latte, though? It cost the big bougie bucks and I initially blanched at that because I’m not the biggest PSL (ugh) fan, and I think that Starbucks’ is especially overrated. But this? HOLY. FUCKING. COW. (Literally have never said that in my life, btw, but this latte brings out the potty-mouthed farmgirl side of me I guess.) This was so rich and smooth, none of that synthetic syrup flavoring, with actual SPICES in it. I love a cafe that makes their own pumpkin spice lattes!
I literally have not been able to stop thinking about this cup of hot pumpkin-patched heaven since Monday. I gotta get back there. I’m off all this week so if anyone wants to meet me out there at any point, holler at me, she said into the void.
The only downside to this is that my company left much to be desired. 15-year-olds, man. You just never know what you’re going to get. Some days he can be so talkative and willing to share details of his life, like how some of his friends are having this really stupid feud, or he’ll show me the website he’s been designing for his coding class without me having to ask. Other days, you can’t even ask him a simple question, like, “Are you hungry?” without having your head lopped off with his scythe-tongued retorts. Woo hoo, these years are awesome! My mom was like, “This is payback” but joke’s on her because he’s not even a tiny bit as terrible and gruesome and volatile I was at that age, so.
I mean, I think 15 was the age my mom called the cops on me and tried to have me committed, and I haven’t had to do that to Chooch yet so I think I’m winning this game.
In other Chooch news though, he has been a work-horse for McDonald’s! Part of me can’t believe he’s so into this, but then I remember how money-motivated he is and all the years he spent playing games like Diner Dash and whatever, which has clearly prepared him for the real thing. Lol. He asked to work the max amount of hours allowed for a minor but you can bet your apple-bottomed ass that I am keeping a close eye on this and the second it starts to affect his schoolwork, Mommy’s stepping in.
Anyway, he was on Drive-Thru yesterday and asked us to stop by.
Why is he like this!??! Henry was like, “Doesn’t he know there are cameras everywhere? Idiot.” Lol. Anyway, he reminds me so much of how my brother Ryan was at that age, it’s almost uncanny at times, although I don’t remember Ryan having such a shitty attitude, lol.
Oh and for all that “independent son” talk I have been spitting lately, he lost his work visor (“I left it on my floor so I would know where it was!” he screamed, and like—oh well?) and that thing Henry handed him in the video is a one-time trolley ticket thingie because DUMB ASS lost his student ID which he also needs to ride public transportation for free, so that’s actually the whole reason we were visiting him because I said, “Look bud, MOMMY AND DADDY are going to a haunted house tonight so don’t be calling us to cart your ass home.” Parenting is a fun time.
In NATURE NEWS: We have been terrorized by a family of BLUE JAYS and now Henry is having to buy twice as much peanuts because it’s like fucking hunger games out there between these Blue Jay assholes and my beloved squirrels. Henry was like, “Maybe we should see what blue jays like to eat so they’ll leave the peanuts alone” and I was like OK LET ME RESEARCH THAT SHIT, HEY GOOGLE… and of course what I discovered was:
PEANUTS ABOVE ALL ELSE ARE IRRESISTABLE TO THE LITTLE FUCKERS.
I mean at first it was cool. Like, woo hoo there is a blue jay, wow, oooh. But now they come in trios and they scream bloody murder out there. Like good Lord, take the fucking peanut and leave, you greedy bastards.
So now we’re trying to devise an anti-blue jay feeder for the squirrels, literally the reverse of what people are usually trying to accomplish lol. I just love my squirrels so much! They have been a big bright spot in my life during pandemic times.
And the cats are just like FUCK OUR LIVES.
What else. I finished Season 3 of In The Dark. WHAT A RIDE. That show is so ridiculous and implausible but the cast keeps me coming back. And I just found out it was renewed for a fourth season!! I also started Season 3 of You yesterday so I’ll be dipping into that some more while I’m off for my annual HALLOCATION this week. I dunno what else I’m going to do with myself because the weather is supposed to be dreary and rainy so my plan to go on a million walks has a huge hole in it now. Maybe…mall walks? Lol OMG I’m such an Elder.
Really loving CL’s new music! Here is a great one for you to enjoy on this lovely October Sunday:
She is the fucking queen, legitimately.
My life lately just consists of work, squirrels, and haunted houses. My hand has been straight cramped this month from all the actual writing I’ve been doing in my haunted house journal. It feels so good to be doing this again after taking the 2020 season off because of Covid/not being vaccinated. It’s also been fun going to some with just Henry this season too because it makes me feel like Erin & Henry: The Early Years. We actually first started dating exclusively in the fall of 2001 and I wonder if he was just like, “OK cool, we will go to 2 or 3 haunted houses, I guess” when I was like, “Just an FYI, I am OBSESSED with haunted houses.” And then BAM, I’m presenting him with a list of haunted houses, prices, and dates found in my annual Internet haunt research, while I’m dusting off my haunted house journal.
Like no, dude. I don’t just “like” things. I FUCKING LIVE/EAT/BREATHE things or hate things. There is no in-between.
Well, on that note, I have some stuff to do around the house, things to recap in said haunted house journal, rainy walks to take, books to read, and a haunted house to go to tonight. So ciao for now!
I was so excited when I went to bed Friday night because we were going to Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson, New Jersey the next day. You know how when you’re a kid and you get that Xmas Eve bellyful of butterflies? That’s how I feel on nights before amusement park visits, lol.
“ONE MORE SLEEP UNTIL SIX FLAGS!” – says 42-year-old Erin, lol.
But then I woke up early as instructed by Road Trip Dad, and talk about WRONG SIDE OF THE BED times 18979312. To say I was in “a mood” is putting it mildly. I was basically on a rampage, prepared to have a terrible day, determined to shred my self-worth to shreds, refusing to let any rational thoughts or reasoning sink into my furious brain. So instead of leaving at 6am like Henry wanted, I threw a 2-hour-long fit, oscillating between I’M NOT GOING to WHY DON’T YOU CARE ENOUGH TO MAKE ME GO to I WISH I COULD RIP THE FLESH OFF MY BONES I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH.
I don’t know why I get this way.
Oh wait, yes I do. Bi-polar.
And an eating disorder/food phobia/body dysmorphia. Lol.
Anyway, two hours later and I had calmed down enough to put myself together and we set off (also because Henry already paid for the hotel and we were past the cancellation deadline lol). But my whole point in telling you all of this is that I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and even though the morning SUCKED and I hate feeling out of control, something good came out of it.
Because a few hours later, we stopped at a rest area near Bedford, PA and as we were walking across the parking lot, I heard someone say, “Erin?” At first it didn’t even occur to me it was actually me who was being addressed, but then when I noticed a woman walking toward me I went into FIGHT-OR-FLIGHT mode.
Then my eyes focused and I realized it was my friend Bridget, who left The Law Firm several years ago to move to Texas! It was honestly a really sad day when she left and I remember trying to avoid saying goodbye to her until the final hour when my friend Lauren came over to my desk and said, “OK look, you have got to tell her goodbye. I’ll go with you.” I might try to act like I’m all cold-hearted and partially agoraphobic, but I am a huge sap when it comes to saying goodbye.
Anyway, Bridget recently moved back to Pittsburgh and she and her husband were actually en route to Lancaster for the weekend, so it was a super happy coincidence that we happened to be traveling at the same time and in the same direction, and that we ran into each other at some rando rest stop!
Henry is angry at himself for missing the opportunity to harangue Bridget for endorsing Magic Spoon cereal because ever since she convinced me to give it a shot last spring, I have been hooked and that shit is not cheap (for cereal). Henry makes all kinds of sarcastic comments to Chooch, like, “No, you can’t get new shoes. Your mother has to buy her expensive cereal.” And “Wow, my cereal costs less AND I get so much more in a box.”
I don’t care, I love this stuff! The satiety factor is so good that I don’t want to eat my arm off an hour post-breakfast like I usually do with anything else. I even bought the official Magic Spoon spoon!
And from a design standpoint, the boxes are so eye-catching and fun! Here are the fall flavors that I am almost out of and just told Henry I need to buy more at which point he mumbled about IT’LL HAVE TO WAIT because this cereal is apparently A LUXURY EXPENSE and not like when Chooch needs milk and Henry drops everything to run to the store.
Ugh.
Wow sorry. This somehow turned into a SPONSORED POST. j/k I have no sponsors.
Anyway! It was amazing to see Bridget but it made me sad also because I miss the way things used to be at the law firm, but I guess even then I was missing the way things used to be EVEN BEFORE, because we’re never happy in the moment ARE WE?
This was also hilariously the second time I’ve run into a former LAW FIRM friend at a rest stop. The other time was my friend Mary at a rest stop in Ohio on the way home from Cedar Point. WHO WILL BE THE THIRD, AND WHAT AMUSEMENT PARK WILL BE INVOLVED??
After that, we continued on through Pennsylvania, where I was desperate to find a Sheetz before entering the dreaded Wawa Zone, but the only one that was close was smack in the middle of Ren Faire land and traffic off of the exit ramp was a disaster.
So, no Sheetz (or lunch) for me. Henry and Chooch bought snacks at pretty much every single rest stop 7-11 so they were fine but I was going back and forth between I NEED TO EAT and STARVE YOURSELF, FAT GIRL. Saturday was a really good day for me. Lots of self love.
The rest of the drive was completely boring. I went back and forth between listening to an audio book and telling Henry that I hate him which he knows translates into, “I hate myself so much that the hate is overflowing and splashing onto you, I will probably apologize to you for this tomorrow but right now: I HATE YOU AND THINK YOU ARE SO DUMB AND YOU HAVE RUINED MY LIFE, FUCK OFF. P.S. YOUR HAIR CUT IS STUPID.
I am so pleasant!
Then we got to Six Flags Great Adventure and I funneled all of my hateful energy onto the copious amounts of LINE JUMPERS we encountered, so Chooch and Henry enjoyed the several hour reprieve from being on the receiving end of my wrath.
I have always been a super emotional person, for example, if I have no choice but to return a cart to an empty stall, I will dwell on it for hours, feeling SO BAD that I left an INANIMATE OBJECT alone in a parking lot, never mind the fact that other carts probably joined it before I even pulled out of the parking lot. I’m just super sensitive I guess – but then I can also be super callous and uncaring toward people so welcome to my contrary universe.
However, I find that it’s definitely getting worse as I age. I woke up Thursday morning to what I anticipated to just be a normal day. I was working late shift, so I had some time in the morning to take a walk, read a little, watch some coaster videos on YouTube, etc. While I was doing the latter, I heard my neighbor Ruth call out, “Yinz guys cutting down that tree?” and I looked outside to see this piece of shit truck blocking the entrance to the church lot across from my house:
And oh yes, they were preparing to cut down that big, glorious, grandfatherly tree you see pictured to the right. This is a tree that I have spent the last 20 years of my life admiring in the spring, summer and fall (and ignoring in the winter, lol). I have taken pictures of Chooch next to that tree. Hid from Henry behind that tree. JUST THAT MORNING I WAS WAVING TO BUDDY THE SQUIRREL AS HE SAT IN THAT TREE!!!
Something in me snapped and I just lost my shit. I tried calling Henry multiple times but he didn’t answer so I proceeded to text him: 911!!! When he finally called me back in a panic, I straight up wailed, “HENRY THEY’RE CUTTING DOWN THAT TREEEEEEEEEE” and then I started SOBBING and couldn’t finish because my throat was doing that EMOTIONAL WOMAN BREAKING DOWN constricting thing.
I eventually managed to gurgle out, “Gary and Sons, whoever the fuck THEY are!” when Henry asked me WHO WAS CUTTING DOWN THE TREE.
Then he of course started to White Knight them, must be hard carrying around the weight of all that CHAIN MAIL constantly, isn’t it Henry?
“Well, they’re only doing what they were paid to do. It’s probably rotted,” he said in the calm tone of a white man who does not get bothered by anything because the world is his motherfucking oyster.
“NO YOU’RE ROTTED!” I cried and hung up.
Then I started pacing wildly. What could I do?! There must be something! Run across the street and throw my arms around the trunk in defense?! The one guy had a chainsaw and I did not want to get close to that (haunted house flashbacks) so instead I kept storming out onto the front porch and shooting them my patented DISGUSTED SCOWLS while flipping them off. But all the while, I could NOT stop crying. I’m not sure if this was something bigger, maybe I was subconsciously holding onto to some shit that needed purged by way of my tear ducts, or maybe I just really am the president of the Tree Huggers Club, but I was a legit MESS that morning. As they were packing up their forestry murder kit, I went out to get the mail and said loudly, “OH YEAH THAT LOOKS REAL FRUCKING GREAT. ASSHOLES!” They all turned and looked at me and I glared at them but they sadly didn’t burst into flames so I guess I am losing my touch.
I had a video meeting that afternoon at work and I was STILL doing the post-cry sniffle-shudder right before it started but luckily I am ace at smiling my way through this shit but you know how after you cry really hard for an extended amount of time, your face feels so heavy and swollen? Yeah, I had that, bigly. My head was THROBBING through the whole meeting and when it was my turn to talk, I very nearly almost blurted out SOME ASSHOLES CUT DOWN A TREE TODAY AND I’M SAD but I held it together and instead just talked about my squirrel obsession – was that really the less crazy route though? Maybe.
We drove past GARY AND SONS (I almost left them a terrible Google review but I had no energy left after all that crying) which is apparently run out of a house on the other side of the church WHERE THEY JUST FELLED THE TREE, and OF FUCKING COURSE they have a giant Trump 2020 flag proudly flying at full staff in their junk yard.
In addition to this TRULY TERRIBLE TALE OF TREESON (??), I was also angry because Henry got his first vaccination on Tuesday. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled that we are now both halfway to some semblance of immunity & normalcy, but his next shot is scheduled for two days BEFORE MY NEXT ONE, even though I got my first one the week before!! I was SO ANGRY about this that I sent an angry text to my work group chat – three of got the first shot at the same vaccination site, a day apart. Amber replied and said that for some reason, we were all scheduled to come back in 4 weeks instead of 3, even though we all got the Pfizer one. Then Nate said that his wife was also curious about this so she looked it up and they did it this way for “logistical reasons,” whatever that means and look, I know I should just be happy that I was able to get the damn vaccine IN THE FIRST PLACE but I am super competitive with Henry and this feels like TOTAL INJUSTICE.
When he came home that day, I was still very mad and pretended like I was going to punch him on his vaccine-spot, and that is when I noticed that not only is he going to be fully vaccinated TWO DAYS BEFORE ME, he also got a WONDER WOMAN BANDAID ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING?!!? All I got was some weird circular window sticker thing!!
The other day, I had this blast-from-the-past memory of biting some bitch on the face. I was pretty sure, like 90% positive, that this was a real event but still decided to text my mom to confirm. And yes, it’s true: when I was 3 or 4 and we lived in my step-dad’s house in Castle Shannon (HATED LIVING THERE*), I bit the little blond-haired bitch that lived next door to us and luckily it was not Connie, who was a girl I was actually friends with (there is a picture of us both in overalls, sitting with my step-dad at a picnic table in his backyard, and we actually look like we could be sisters).
*(For some reason, my dad had a blue lightbulb in the light at the top of the steps and there have been numerous times over the years when a light of that same shade has triggered me. My mom started dating my step-dad real soon after my birth dad died and I think even though I was still so young, moving into his house was still a big upheaval for me and I just never felt comfortable there. NOT EVEN WHEN CONNIE TAUGHT ME HOW TO MAKE MUD PIES. I’m really getting side-tracked here.
My mom can’t remember the girl’s name, but she is certain I bit her face because she dared to do something to my beloved stuffed dog, Purple. (To this day, YOU DO NOT FUCK WITH MY PURPLE, OK.) Because this was back in 1983, life went on with nary a Go Fund Me or passive aggressive Facebook post. Probably our moms yelled at each other over a fence for a minute and then went back in their kitchens in time to pull out the pot roast.
(OH EW OMG I HATED POT ROAST – ANOTHER REASON I WENT MEAT-FREE.)
My mom mentioned that my victim also had an older brother and something inside me snapped.
“WERE THESE THE SAME KIDS THAT LEFT ME TO DIE IN THEIR TREEHOUSE?” I asked my mom AND SHE SAID YES. OMG you guys I think about these motherfuckers a lot because I am still high-key afraid of heights because of them!! One time I was at a playground with Chooch and I became paralyzed with fear after I climbed up on some higher level and then needed to climb back down AND I LITERALLY COULDN’T.
I mean, obviously I eventually did. But it took a bunch of taunting kids to push me over the ledge (like, literally).
Oh shit, I am so glad that I bit that bitch’s face. I bet if she has kids now, they’re real big dicks.
So I was telling Henry about this biting incident and he was like, “Yeah that doesn’t surprise me at all” and I had the audacity to ask why. He gave me A Look while projecting a reel of “me biting Henry” moments into the space between us.
I CAN’T HELP IT, IT’S MY REFLEX OK I START CHOMPING LIKE A ZOMBIE. I bit his stomach the other night actually. We weren’t even doing anything, just watching TV and for some reason, my inner bully was like “MUST BITE HIS STOMACH” so I did.
Recently, he accidentally kicked Drew when he was walking through the kitchen and I was like I WILL AVENGE YOU, DREW so I got on my hands and knees and tried to bite Henry’s calves while he was cooking and he was like WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU STOP IT and I was like NO I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR DREW and he was like SHE’S NOT EVEN LOOKING!!
Wow, now that I’m typing this all out, it occurs to me that maybe I have a problem.
A BURN
The other night, I was changing into my PJs when Henry yelled OMG WHAT IS THAT. Naturally, I started to panic, wondering if my Devil tail was now visible to human eyes. “What?!?” I screamed, trying to look at myself over my shoulder.
“ON YOUR LEGS!!!” Henry yelled, coming closer to inspect. I’m starting to wonder if he’s found cancerous moles on me or something, and he was getting more concerned the more he examined me. “You have circles all over your skin. Are these….burns?”
And then it all made sense, and I started laughing. “Oh! It’s probably from the heating pad. I sit on it while I’m working.”
“YOU SIT ON THE HEATING PAD??” he cried.
“Yeah, because I’m cold and it keeps me warm.” Um, le duh, amirite?
“You sit on that all day??” he asked. “Do you realize how hot that is?” Then he looked at the circles again and yelled, “THESE ARE BURNS, ERIN!”
I dunno why but this cracked me up a lot. The heating pad has these circle thingies on it and now my butt and thighs do, too.
A BOP
Gotta love fan-made videos!
This song has been in my head for weeks. Wonho has quickly become one of my faves. OH TWIST MY ARM, here’s another song from his new album!
(I actually hate the word “bop” and prefer “jam” but FOR THE SAKE OF BLOG POST NAMING CONVENTIONS, I went there.)
