McGoogle loves Nutter even in the mornings when she has gray encrustations in the corners of her eyes. He loves her even when she emanates a “straight-from-the-docks” aroma on those not so fresh days. He even still loves her after she had to get her stomach pumped of an entire football team’s love yogurt.

And Nutter, she loves McGoogle too. Maybe not his breath after a night of Snakebites and cigars with the union guys.

Maybe not the way he can make the duvet rise and billow with the sheer force of his flatulence. And maybe Nutter doesn’t so much love the way his visage can morph from rugged lumberjack into that of a convicted molestor with the simple act of shaving*. But McGoogle, damn if he doesn’t make the best crepes with fresh strawberries and cream on her birthday, and God love him for not beating her with a belt when she wrecks the car swerving to miss a caterpillar.

That’s love, for real.

—————–

* This part was inspired by Henry, who makes me feel sad and also worried for small children every time he shaves. Some men should not be bare-faced! Happy new year to me, I guess.

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 12:45 Got to spend a few hours with Lisa before sending her back to Colorado. Colorado is so lucky.#
• 12:49 Going to tell my Etsy customers that I have my paintings packaged at a handicapped house so my poor wrap jobs will seem more endearing. #
• 14:11 iCould watch iCarly all day long. #
• 18:01 I can’t imagine what life would be like if I had to cook dinner every night. Likely a lot of ER visits. Thank god for Henry. #
• 18:31 I’m mostly certain my son just said “you’re at the jackass awards.” And earlier he was chanting “psychopath” quietly to himself. #
• 23:13 McGoogle Schlepper ejaculated in my Schweppes. #

• 00:59 I feel like someone is in the house but my bitch boyfriend won’t go look!!! I’m calling 911. Or not, according to Henry. #
• 13:50 Janna and I have a movie date tonight and that ho better bring me flowers! #
• 19:02 Its been so long since I’ve been to a theater that Janna just asked, “did you KNOW that they play commercials now?” #
• 23:07 Judging by tonight’s experience, I think it might take another three years for me to see a movie at a theater. #

• 11:20 The very thought of the Where’s the Band? Tour makes me salivate. #
• 11:27 With the exception of Tickle Me Elmo, I’ve never hated a toy as badly as I do this airport playset. It disgusts me. #
• 11:30 Its so poorly made that a simple glance in its general direction will cause pieces to fall off. Like it has leprosy or some shit. HATE. #
• 15:23 Friendship is a crock of shit. #
• 16:44 Of course no one here has tylenol. I work with all men. #
• 18:15 I might start puking now, which would be a new New Years Eve record for me. #
• 23:41 OMFGJONASBROSWOO! #
• 10:05 You better bring me a pony, 2009, or I’ll dynamite you. #
• 10:32 Henry shaved off his beard so now I’m looking for a new boyfriend. Preferrably one who doesn’t look like he has molestation priors. #
• 11:47 I guess I just don’t understand how a 28 year old “adult” still needs to get permission from mommy to go to parties. #

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