Sometime this week, hopefully tomorrow, I’ll be posting a review of My Pretty Zombie’s Bride eyeshadow. I’m just waiting for Henry to model it for me so I can get some photographical evidence of what it looks like on real human eyelids, as opposed to that alien’s nutsack I swiped it on last night.
So until then, please enjoy a log of the IP Relay conversation my deaf alter ego Manuel had with Andrea, the brains behind My Pretty Zombie.
Bayernhof Music Museum, Part 1
“We’re going to be so late!” I cried to Andrea, after she had purposely tried to sleep through our appointment at the Bayernhof Music Museum last week. She was against this part of the Pittsburgh itinerary from the get-go, especially after I had Wendy call and make us a tour appointment when we were hanging [...]
I’m not a crafter at all. Give me craft supplies and the end result will be nothing short of a horrific eyesore, with a trail of blood and tears in its wake. But when Brandy gave me her Santa Voodoo doll tutorial to post on my blog, I was inspired to make one myself, but [...]
(These are the companion photos to this post, which I wrote while still in Gatlinburg. I miss Gatlinburg. Also, I have not been able to go back and check out all my horrendous typos borne from a writing-derelict like myself using a PHONE to blog.) In the AM: It was all downhill from here. (Except [...]
When I launch a new obsession, I of course want to share this with my work friends. For example, the Wacky Worm. I was hoping it would become a wide-spread sensation, culminating in a department field trip to DelGrosso’s, which is a semi-local amusement that has A PERMANENT WACKY WORM, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. [...]
Many years ago, when I was friends with that crazy lady Cinn, she was dead set on making her own absinthe. “I found a place on the Internet where we can buy wormwood!” she squealed. She said “we” when she meant “you” because I was the one with mommy’s American Express. I was nineteen, extremely [...]
I wasn’t looking for love at Soul Skate. It was hotter than Snookie’s kooka in that joint and really all I was focused on was not melting into a flesh-puddle while rollin’ to Justin Timberlake’s “Summer Love,” which I never realized just how truly anthemic that song really is until I had quads laced to [...]
Henry’s Worst Idea To Date: Homemade Lollipops
Get fucked. All the pre-school kids get to bring in treats on their birthday. Since there was no school on Monday, Chooch is bringing shit in tomorrow. I thought perhaps Henry could bake some cupcakes; Chooch suggested cookies. But Henry went off on his own and decided to make chocolate lollipops. He bought three different [...]
A few months ago, someone was trying to get my work friend Kaitlin to buy a lamb-shaped cake pan that they didn’t need anymore. Included in the email he sent to her was a picture of what the finished product could conceivably look like, so she sent it to Barb and me because it was so [...]
There was a drowning today in the sea monkey tank. We tried to stop it, I swear. Pre-infant suicide, I caught one of the sea monkeys writhing around on the hood of one of the pink cars, like it was caught in some sort of Whitesnake video. The other sea monkeys didn’t seem very impressed at its poor [...]
Reverse Racism at the Roller Rink
I realized on Sunday that I miss football season. It kept all the idiots inside on Sundays and let me enjoy life without the promise of asphyxiating on humanity. And apparently, the skating rink is where all the people want to be when suffering football withdrawal, because that fucking rink has been packed tighter than [...]
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