self righteousness | Oh Honestly, Erin

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Office Rumors
Today was shaping up to be a pretty ordinary Thursday. I was in a so-so mood when I strolled over to Barb’s desk around 2:30 today for a visit. Nate and Debbie S. were there too, and what we were talking about wasn’t very note-worthy, just some mild banter. And then Glenn walked by. “We [...]
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Skating Without Supervision
I had plans to go roller skating this past Saturday with my friends Sandy and Elizabeth. This was monumental for several reasons: I hadn’t been skating since Chooch’s birthday party a year ago, what the fuck?! This was going to be my first time hanging out with Elizabeth, with whom I became blog-friends through Sandy. [...]
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SHUT THE DOOR
Friends: If you were at a restaurant with me and Chooch, and you realized our waitress was someone you went to high school with, would you tell us? I DIDN’T THINK SO. (It’s funny when I ask people this in person, their eyes get all big and they say, “Um, NO. God, no.”) But Henry [...]
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Chooch & Erin vs Redbox
Alternately titled: It Was All Henry’s Fault Redbox Warriors Chooch and I decided to be strong, independent humans Sunday evening, so we ordered a movie from Redbox (“Possession” — we also wanted to be scared independent humans) and then declared to Henry that we were going to walk to the Redbox a few blocks away [...]
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The Santa Claus Ordeal
The other day, I was wandering around the streets of downtown on my break. This is only slightly dangerous, as I’ve been learning a lot about my surroundings, i.e. how to find my way back to The Law Firm. I decided that I wanted to check out the Christkindlmarket in Market Square, which is basically [...]
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Return to Music Box Mountain: Part 3
I was actually able to pay attention to the rest of the tour now that Andrea’s picture was planted, but shit — I was tired of listening to organ music and Dick’s scripted adages. Furthermore, I realized that there was not a single wheelchair in Chuck’s collection. (Excuse me while I pause here and Google [...]
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Carnival Desk!
; Finally, we got the approval to decorate for Halloween again this year! I’ve known since last October what I was going to do this year. Last year’s was so graphic and murder-y, so I decided to go a different route: clowns. It seems like most of the department are coulrophobic! And it just so [...]
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A So-So Day Off: Lakemont Park
Knock, knock Toboggan. Mama’s home. Henry and I took the day off work two weeks ago with the intent of going to Idlewild. I was unnaturally stoked about this, even going so far as to make Chooch sit here with me and watch YouTube videos of various Idlewild rides. But then, the Monday before this [...]
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The Palace of Gold Series, Part 4: THE CAFETERIA
Nowhere inside the Palace of Gold lobby could I find even a footnote about the cafeteria. I thought this was pretty strange, because eating is important, especially since we were in the hills of West Virginia and would probably have to skin a groundhog or worse – a Miley Cyrus fan – if we wanted [...]
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Unicorn, You Suck.
Henry was gone all day on Saturday, helping out at Castle Blood. I thought, “Oh, this will be OK. Chooch and I can go off and have a cute little photo shoot, celebrate our independence, etc. etc.” But before Henry left, I called him back in the house to have him fetch the wheelchair and [...]
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Tuesday Night Craft Plight Redux
Andrea’s mom thought it was hilarious that I almost took my own life the last time Andrea and I crafted together, so she sent Andrea here with more projects: tissue paper art, to be exact. The sole consolation was that it didn’t involve glue guns or reading instructions. The glue that came with my kit [...]
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Blind Date: Wheelchair Edition
Back in the year 2000 P.H. (Pre-Henry), I was in the throes of dangerous encounters of the internet kind. I lived for the exhilaration of placing personal ads, even though I had a boyfriend, and cruising chat rooms for strangers to invite to upcoming parties. For as anti-social as I am now, I was precariously [...]
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Law Firm Walking Challenge: Week One Results
Somehow, someway, Team Apple is #11! I am astounded, to say the least. But this inspired Carey to increase her meandering to a steady gait! And she even found her pedometer! OMG I’m one of those 22 people! Actually, my grand total for the week was 152,075. I have the suntan and delirium to prove [...]
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Law Firm Walking Challenge: Part 2
Friday morning, Chooch had to follow me around the house just to have a conversation with me. Poor kid. But he knows that mommy is trying to win, you guys. So he doesn’t complain too much. Besides, he’s known me for 6 years. If he doesn’t know by now that his mom isn’t normal, then [...]
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Law Firm Walking Challenge
I almost never read the emails we get from the Firm; they’re usually just missives to make me feel like a guilty asshole for not ever giving blood. So if not for Amber asking me a few weeks ago if I wanted to join her team, I’d have no idea why half the department is [...]
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A Jonny to Cuddle
At work the other day, I said out loud, “I wish I had a Jonny Craig doll.” This of course was met with tons of groans and low-grade mumbling. But then I started googling, because YOU NEVER KNOW. Well, there aren’t any Jonny Craig dolls out there, at least none that Google is aware of. [...]
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So-So Friday
Got to leave work around 6:30 because it was so slow, but Henry and Chooch were at Chuck E Cheese for a birthday party, so I had to take the dreaded trolley home. Almost not worth getting to go home early. Sue kept trying to coax me into taking an entire box of pizza home [...]
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Awkward Last Words
The other day, I asked Henry why he stays with me and he said, “Because of days like this.” Then he told me not to post that on Facebook because he doesn’t want anyone to know he likes me, but I figured most people will just assume “days like this” means days where he barely [...]
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Easter Memories: A Thin Line Between Charity & Stupidity
Here is a tale from 2008 about how I was driving at night without my contacts in AND allowing strange men to get inside my car. Obviously my level of paranoia had not yet reached the crippling plateau it’s currently resting on. *** When I left my job Thursday night (technically Friday morning), my gas [...]
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Trolley Woes
Some fucker at Henry’s work had the nerve to take off Monday through today, which meant I had to take the goddamn trolley to work since Henry had to go make stupid Faygo deliveries. Everyone is always like, “Riding the T is not that big of a deal, Erin. There’s a stop directly across from [...]
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