Omg for this edition of Friday Fives, Henry is visiting to tell us about his fave reads of the year! Which* means he will tell me a botched title and then I will try to coax some descriptive words from him while he’s cooking shit for tomorrow’s Christmas dinner and then I’ll do all the typing too.
But sure let’s call it a guest post.
*(wtf I tried to spell this as ‘whitch’ THREE TIMES even though spellcheck was frantically trying to tell me I’m a big stoop.
Oh, just a heads up that Henry’s opinions are based off the audiobooks alone. He doesn’t have time to read physical books but he powers through the audio versions while working and I’m so happy that he has been doing this because it’s been so much fun having a built-in book club at home.
Fun fact: Henry’s favorite genre of book is THRILLER. (“Probably,” he added as an afterthought.)
“I just liked the story and the characters through all the books, I dunno.”
****
Well guys that was literally the most I could pull from his brain. He didn’t even want to do that much and I was screaming JUST GIVE ME ONE FUCKING SENTENCE FOR EACH BOOK THEN OMFG.
So there you have it. If you ever wanted to read like Henry, now you can. Merry Christmas.
Hi, it’s me. Erin. Since Pennsylvania schools are temporarily closed due to COVID-19, I gave Chooch some writing assignments because I’ll be damned if his mind is going to subsist on YouTube videos and Switch games during this time. But then the school provided assignment packets so I guess I’ll lighten up a bit. Today, he has written about his favorite Korean dish, bibimbap, and he actually didn’t complain!
Bibimbap (비빔밥). Where do I even start. The Korean dish filled with crispy rice, sauteed vegetables, meat, or meat substitute, gochujang, sesame oil, and the best part, in my opinion, the egg. Bibimbap, in Korean, means: bibim: mixed together; bap: rice.
Well, I guess we can start off with a little history lesson. It is estimated that bibimbap was created in the 10th century in the Koryo dynasty by the wives of farmers who were just too busy to serve a large traditional Korean meal. Now in present day Korea, many families eat this common dish by using leftovers and mixing it together to create this fantastic meal.
Now, I have had many bibimbaps, but the best one I ever had had to be the one we had on our tour to the DMZ, or demilitarized zone. I don’t know why I loved it so much. It could have been the crispy rice, or the just perfect egg, or maybe even the delectable seaweed. Whatever it was made it very easy for me to just devour the whole Dolsot bowl.
There are many kinds of bibimbap, but the two most common are bibimbap and Dolsot bibimbap. Bibimbap is served at room temperature, while Dolsot is served in a hot pot keeping it nice and crispy while you eat it. It also differs from the region you are in, for example in Busan, we got to crack our own egg into our bibimbap and it also wasn’t served with gochujang (spicy red pepper paste).
We also had another kind of bibimbap in Jeonju, or the hometown of bibimbap. The one I had was basically just the original bibimbap, but with cheese melting on the top. I thought it was very good, because prior to my consumption of it, I was totally hangry. There is a trick to eating the Dolsot bibimbap, though. If you stir the vegetables, but keep the rice at the bottom, the rice will be crispy by the time you eat all the vegetables and it will taste 200% better, or if you add gochujang it starts to taste otherworldly.
Here I am eating bibimbap on my last day in Korea, so sad. ;-;
I did like every bibimbap I had in Korea, don’t get me wrong, but nothing compares to the DMZ one. So, if I were to make a bibimbap, I would choose Maanchi’s recipe,
I’m still processing my thoughts (i.e. trying to piece my heart back together #sodramatic) so I’m handing this bitchblog over to Chooch, who is going to share his favorite part of the SuperM concert. HAVE AT IT, SONNY BOY.
*****
The tour was overall an astonishing concert, but there was one part, the one part that changed it all:
the main reason in particular that I enjoyed Lucas’ portion of the night was because of the cute background video of him dancing. Not only this though, but also because the song is just, in general, good. Now this song is stuck in my head…
Dark View’s theme this year was carnival, although every other year was a creepy house. We were the first ones here on this cold day, and by first ones I mean the first people to actually get in line. We got popcorn while we waited for a good time to get in line. I sat by the fire trying to warm up which helped a lot. We walked in line, making us the first in line. Not long after, the line started to fill up and more people came. We were placed in a group with a guy named Eddie and mum and him talked about horror movies and Conneaut, it was awkward. Eddie had 2 girls with him, they looked like they were the same age as me, 12. The old man that was there last year told us a story about how someone owned this carnival and had many freaks, but you can’t call them that anymore. He mentioned that there was a fat man, a sasquatch, and elastigirl. He said that people from all around the world came to see he because they liked to see her stretch her….then he motioned around the chest area. He then continued by saying that at least it wasn’t an elastiboy. He let us go and we went into a small shed, and sat down. Oh! I forgot, there were two other people in our group as well. When we sat down, a video started playing in front of us, it was a fat guy about to take our picture, but he was allergic to ugly people, so he had a rough time. He also kept farting and sneezing on us, so it held back the picture. He took 4 photos in total, and one of the was a jump scare behind us, and I wasn’t phased at all.
Then, onward we went into a showroom where some guy was doing magic. He said that he was going to make a clown doll disappear, then reappear. By disappear he meant throw over a wall, and by reappear he meant a giant clown was going to pop out from behind a wall. Then we enter the room where the animals were kept in cages. There was a sasquatch and a tiger, the sasquatch was farting and the tiger was growling. The next room was really cool because it was a closet type room with many clothes and then a giant teddy bear that turned out to be a real person. After a while, we realized that our group must be good because they went a decent speed and weren’t annoying. After the carnival, was a graveyard and the clown, Fatso, told us to call the caretaker stupid. The caretaker sighed and made us follow him through a crypt and then down a trail which had a house with an old lady sitting on the porch. When she noticed us, she started talking about how her mother made the best pumpkin pie and they had picnics in Parkview. Then she told us not to run in the forest because the trees will grab you by the ankle and trip you. Then I looked behind us and saw that there was a scarecrow walking slowly towards us. I was scared and wanted to go, then the lady told us to go and watch out for the tree people.
I quickly realized that the tree people were men dressed in a Ghillie Suit and they were creepy. Then there was a lady who did rituals or something and she wanted to save some girl who was going to get sacrificed by a demon. The lady asked if two of us would sacrifice ourselves, so I raised my hand and another lady in our group did, too. The woman said in order to avoid getting killed, we had to walk slowly, do not run, and do not look back. If we do, he will kill us. So we went in the front of the group and walked very slow. We avoided looking back, while we heard other members in our group get caught looking back. We didn’t know when we were allowed to look back and run, so we just kept walking slowly, until we reached a cabin. The cabin was a hunting cabin and the guy who was outside of it told us to hurry in. Apparently, there was a zombie outbreak and they were trying to get in, so we stayed inside. Then all of a sudden, the lights shut off, they must have cut off the power circuit. The guy told us to run and when the lights turned back on, a zombie appeared from the shadows and ate the hunter. We ran and made it to a foggy fence maze. There was a sniper tower flashing a light down on the maze. We kept going through the maze and we saw a guy, I looked down at his hands, and he was holding a chainsaw. I held my breath and knew better than to run from when we went to Hundred Acres Manor because he would chase me. So I just kept going and he followed us while his chainsaw revved. Mum screamed and pushed me into the guy. She ran full speed ahead, but the guy didn’t chase her, so we all ran and made it to the end.
My opinion of Darkview this year is very good because I liked the part where we had to be very quiet and move slowly.
Big Papa eating his Big Papacorn. <—ERIN WROTE THIS.
Crawford School of Terror is regarding a girl named Margaret who has a crush on her teacher, but he is dating another teacher in the building. Margaret gets jealous and kills the teacher he is dating. Now she haunts the school and targets anyone in the school.
To start, we, and by “we”, I mean my mom and me, walked down the steps into the gym which is where we get in line. Right of the bat I noticed a big black box in the relative corner of the gymnasium. We bought our tickets and walked into the line the crew members told us to enter. An older couple walked into the black box and all we heard was high-pitched screaming. We expected it to be very scary and jumpy in there, but it didn’t feel as nerve-racking as it was in line… We walked through the vast darkness of the “maze” while avoiding the sides because that is where the people jump at you and scream.
After the short maze, was an empty line in which we went through immediately. The person at the front of the line lead us into the teacher’s lounge, where we watched an overview of the Crawford School and also learned about Margaret’s doings. We were sorted into a group with the old couple who were in front of us and continued up the stairwell of many stairs. As we approached the very top of the stairwell, we were met by a creepy zombie-ish thing. This creature opened a door for us and we walked into the classrooms. For the most part, the beginning was the same as last year, there was a dark creepy room with a child sitting at a desk rocking back and forth. I expected her to jump up and scream, but she just sat there and kept rocking.
Then, we were sent to the principle’s office and he threw his book at the wall and screamed, “WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS VISITING ME!!!” He told us to leave immediately or else. He gestured towards an open cabinet that lead into a bathroom. The bathroom was very small and cramped, so I opened a stall door, and there you have it! An open stall that went into another room, a bathroom, again… This time though, a girl was staring at herself in the mirror and cried, “LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO ME!!!” There was blood writing on the mirror and the girl was all bloody as well.
Returning from prior years, was a hallway full of lockers. I remembered this part and dashed down the hall, not stopping to the loud sparks of the lights. At the same time though, we were light years away from the couple behind us, so now we were alone.
*RING* *RING* It is lunch time!!! The lunch menu for today is human flesh and brains! But not for me! I almost got sacrificed for the food! I escaped through the freezer and entered a hole in the wall. There was someone around the corner of the hole who scared us. There was another hall, it was boring and uneventful, until we saw into the next room. Inside was a pig man chopping up meat. Human meat? Mum was scared and tried to push me, but I told her to face her fears. We stood there for about a minute and a half, until I shoved mum inside. The pig man scraped his cleaver against a metal frame, which caused sparks to fly out.
Finally, we exited the building and I could feel the change in temperature as soon as we stepped out. Crawford School of Terror was amazing and I recommend it to anyone in our near the Connellsville area. Although, the real scary part was when Henry forgot how to drive and turned right into a one-way street. Not only a street, but a HIGHWAY!
The Scream Factory
As soon as we pulled into the creepy, abandoned factory, I realized that this was going to be a fun and quick haunted house. My reasoning is that there was no line and the factory looked real creepy. The one staff member walked over to us and following him was a small, white dog. In the line, I saw in the distance Michael Myers! At first, I was scared, but then I realized he seemed nice. He showed us where to go to enter the haunted house and then ran ahead to go in to get ready. As soon as we walked in, it was decorated very nicely with smoke and boards that blocked up entry ways. The first person that came out was Michael when we walked through a door. I asked him, “What do you think about the new Halloween movie that is coming out?” and he said, “I love it!”
We departed and I said goodbye! My mum’s favorite room was the next one. It was a dinner table with human limbs lying on plates and in bowls. The people in the room asked if we wanted to have dinner and I replied, “No, I already ate.” Michael was waiting for us in a stairwell and he stabbed the air with his knife. We followed him again and I tried not to lose him because he could protect us. My mum and I learned that no room was left non-decorated. Even the rooms with no actors were decorated.
Eventually, we started to get sick so we had to visit the hospital. The doctor was standing like a crab on the operation table. He warned us to leave because he will try to eat us, but we were too late because he started to follow us. It was getting towards the end and we were standing in a stair well. The doctor guy was telling us that we should go, or we would die. We saw him. A chainsaw guy, trying to get the chainsaw started. We ran for our lives and everyone was following us, but the chainsaw guy. I guess he couldn’t get the thing working.
When we were finally out of the haunted house, Michael approached us and asked if I wanted to get a picture with him. Of course I said, “Yes!” because he was pretty much my best friend.
As a wrap, that was Scream Factory and I recommend it if you want a quick scare!
Last Saturday we (mum and I) went to a haunted house, which is actually an Asylum, called Deviant. The whole way there, it was a two hour drive, I played Stranger Things: The Game (Not Spons) on my tablet and I ended up getting pretty far. We got there and there was still half an hour for it to even open. We waited in line and I had to go to the bathroom, so I got out of line and went to the nearest port-o-potty and I checked inside. What I found shocked me because I cracked open the door a little bit and saw plastic covering the entrance. I rolled my eyes and ducked under the line and waited. Some other guy wanted to see why I hadn’t went in and why I walked back disappointedly, so he went and opened it. He opened it all the way and an air-horn went off and he flinched and flew backwards. Everyone laughed and I just stood there and shook my head while mumbling, “At least that wasn’t me!”
We finally entered with a group of four when the guy called for a group of two and we (again mum and I) went up. Daddy got out of line and everyone laughed at him because they thought he was scared, which he was. Instantly we went in and there wasn’t a ray of light; it was pitch-black.
It was petty at the beginning. Nothing really happened. Boy, did that change quickly! We got into this one room and it was THE LONGEST passage of blue lights and we were surprised that no one scared us. They are smart because it made us more scared expecting something to happen. Then, there was a guy with a knife who followed mum for a VERY long time and I didn’t understand why she was trying to get in front of me. After a few rooms there was one that was probably even more sinister than the blue light room; a long hallway with DOORS! The doors were slamming open and shut and there was only ONE jump-scare in the whole hall.
My favorite part in the whole attraction was the dubstep room where it was just flashing, colorful lights and dubstep music in the background. In the part there was a GIANT TEDDY-BEAR!!! I sang, danced, and said, “Hi,” to the bear. Then I quickly realized that there were clowns. I don’t mind clowns, but they ruined the aesthetic of the room. But then the room ended and I was very sad. Now we went through dark, displeasing rooms with spooky people.
The final room contained safety fences that formed a path. I instantly thought, “Oh no. Zombies,” but there were only two people: one was screaming someone’s name, the other just spooking people. It was a very dark and scary room and I thought we would die. I saw light! A very rare ray of light! I walked towards it and I saw nature–the exit! I breathed in the fresh air and my eyes widened–chainsaw! I ran ahead of mum and pushed her back, but when I went to push her I hit her really hard. I didn’t realize it until I escaped, but I felt bad, which mum wouldn’t believe.
The way back was very eventful because … I beat Stranger Things: The Game! Also please note that I just recently started to understand semicolons so I will be using them very often from now on.
So this is it, the first haunted house review of 2017. So this place was about an hour away, and GOD was I bored. We got there but it ended up being the wrong place, it was some redneck festival or some kind of derby. We don’t know that for sure but the amount of middle-aged men and women in camo jackets and bandannas covering their bald head was immense. The actual haunted house was down the street a little more.
So we finally arrived at the actual haunted house and not some stupid festival. The place was somewhat crowded but yet again not really. It was also very frigid, but thankfully they had fires. Oh and also this photo was taken right after I saw this little witch and said,
“Don’t even ask-,”
“Go stand over there and I’ll take a picture.”
“Well, I expected this.”
,
We eventually got our tickets, after the ticket people asked why only two, so I said with no hesitation ,
“Because he is too scared,”
Then one of them asked, “Why are you too scared?”
“I’m not scared,” Dad groawled (my new word for groaning and growling at the same time)
Example: The tone of every word Henry Robbins says.
We got in and I instantly ran to the fire and warmed up.
We were bored and mom made me get a picture with her even though I was still warming up by the fire, oh and also we were waiting because the present hay-ride was crowded and we wanted space to ourselves so we waited till it left, and we were also waiting for it to get darker out. Somehow it got super dark in like 30 minutes, and I was confused how I didn’t see the night getting dimmer.
I asked daddy to be the killer because he has a beer-belly in real life and in the cutout, and also because daddy is a country man with a chainsaw.
We got on the hay-ride sooner or later, but it took forever because I guess the first one didn’t go until it was super dark out, and then while we were on the next one we had to wait for the first one to go through the whole thing just so we can get all of the people because while we were on, most of the guys followed us forever. While we were waiting, this dude was driving some like tractor thing with a coffin on the back of it and then some lady was like,
“Oh that’s a coffin ride, you pay $5 per person to ride in the coffin, and he takes you to the little cemetery and you get your picture taken.”
Then some lady said, “Oooooh, we have to do that! We have to do that after this, we are going to do it, right???”
The lady was way too stoked I thought maybe she was gonna push everyone out of the way to be first in line for it because she kept saying how fun it sounded and how she was going to do it.
So after like 20-30 minutes we finally started to go and move forward. We saw the fake cemetery that you drive past in the coffin. I thought it was real and you go a pretty far distance but, no. Also it was a pretty long while until the first guy approached us, and of course it was a fun house/show, but it wasn’t a clown like you would suspect, no it was a ring master type guy, he wore mostly all black with white stripes on most of what he was wearing. He also had white face paint with black eye shadow and outline around his mouth. Then some psycho patient guy was climbing on all of the bars and poles on the trailer and he was getting in everyone’s face and business. Then I saw Freddy, of course because he is a very popular choice at haunted houses, he started climbing and doing weird gymnastic type stuff all of the tractor and I could of sworn he was going to fall and break a leg or something, but no. He also jumped onto a hearse and started riding on top of it while it was moving, and it was some crazy stuff.
During the hay-ride, I didn’t want all of the monsters to stay all over me, so I told all of them that my mom was making fun of them even though she wasn’t.
Then, there were these chainsaw guys who made me cringe because they had they saws pressed against the bars and it was making a screeching sound and it started to vibrate the whole floor of the tractor, and he did it right next to me!
Then we came to a stop and we got off. Now we had to separate into 2 groups, I guess 5 to 5. We ended up with the two ladies who were talking about the coffin ride thingy. They were fine, they weren’t annoying. We had to go through a corn maze which was really simple and boring because the 1st group got every single chainsaw guy and we got through no problem what so ever. Then that was the end of the hay-ride/maze part. Now onto the actual haunted house! So mom and I went through by ourselves and she was like panicking and stuff and I held onto her so she didn’t get scared, but it made her even more scared because she kept asking if that was me holding her. Then every haunted house has to have a doll room, so we got into the doll room and the girl asked if we wanted to play and I said,
“Sure! What do you wanna play?”
Obviously, no one ever asked her what she wanted to play because most people run and scream. So she took a while to find something to play, and then she glanced at the dolls and then mum pulled me out of that room and I called,
“Sorry! Can’t play right now!”
Skipping ahead a little bit we got to one of those cushioned tunnel or in mum’s words, Birth Canal. Of course mum hates it so she zoomed through it while I fell behind.
She was running so fast that I had to keep up with her and then we caught up to the group that went in 10 minutes before us. Oh and she also kept going,
“What is THIS???”
“What is THAT???”
“Omg!!!”
Then there was this weird hearse road thing and there were two hearses that were like crashed and trashed. Then some pig guy jumped at us and mum left me behind.
After all of that there was a slaughter house type thing where a pig looking butcher dude was staring at me and I said,
“I don’t approve of what you do for a living,”
Get it? I don’t like how he chops up, you know? No? Whatever.
Then there was this man with a cattle prod and he was snapping it constantly and it was creepy.
Then yet again with the cringe there were these chainsaw guys using the saw on metal again! And it was very CRINGY!
So those were all of the important parts of the Hay-Ride and Haunted House part of Valley of Terror that I could gather for you all today, but there is still one more thing I need to add.
This was taken in the coffin ride because mum and I chose to do it together because she refused to do it without me, definitely not the other way around….
So she thought it was just going to be a plain old boring ride in a fake coffin but there was a twist. It took forever basically and when we got to the cemetery the lights in the coffin turned off, and there was this weird lullaby or chant sang by these creepy kids, and then the base of the coffin shocked us, and also mum would not stop talking through the whole thing.
So there you go, those are all of the important details that I could possibly gather up for this post. See ya!
Hi Guys! Chooch here and I am going to be telling all about my Injuries all over Chicago!
So this one is very much important and I am flipping off Trump Tower because long story short I fell down the steps on the back and twisted my ankle, but not that bad. :P Trump should leave America alone and worry about making his steps great again.
Next, this pho was taken directly after I had been slammed in the trolley door. So we were getting off at this stop and all of a sudden Daddy stops and I am tapped in between the doors and I can’t go anywhere. Then all of a sudden, the doors closed and I was stuck for a split second. But thankfully daddy started moving and I got out!
Another injury happened when we were walking to some pizza place and daddy stuck his hand down my pants “Accidently” and so I did it to him, and he put his elbow back to push me away but he ended up hitting me right in the mouth. So it looked like daddy abused me.
The last injuries that happened both in the span in 30 seconds, was at Rite-Aid and I got medicine because I was sick. But I also went into the bathroom because I had to, and I hit my elbow off the door, and I was like “Ow!” and then when I went into the stall I slammed my finger in the door on accident and it hurt for like 10 minutes.
So there you guys go, those are the 4… Oh hey! I missed one!
So the pizza place we were headed to, when I got hit in the mouth (See Sentence 3), we ended up not going to because it was crowded and I was kind of crying soooooo we didn’t go there, we went to another pizza place really close by. And I stopped crying so it was fine until we got a table and we were ordering and I banged my elbow of the edge of the table, I was fine but it stung for a second.
So there you go, that was the 5 injuries I had in Chicago, I hope you enjoyed! Make sure you SMASH that like button, and also Subscribe to Ohhonestlyerin and leave a comment telling what you liked and what you maybe thought was dumb that I added! PEACE!
The book was really well illustrated but one thing that I hated was how creepy she illustrated the teeth and how close she drew them, look closer. It’s hard to explain just look at it yourself.
The teeth were very crooked and deviously shaped and were very wide gapped.
The storyline was awesome, and there were five different stories that took place near the dark abyss also known as the woods, In most of the stories either the main character’s friend or sister/brother dies and it gets very creepy. Also Janna is in this story and I wont spoil the role she plays because you have to read it yourself to find out.
And honestly I recommend this to people who can handle horror I’m looking at you Janna and Mommy (Though I could just tell mommy because she’s beside me right now watching Big Bang videos, though I shouldn’t disturb her)
Next time maybe I’ll write about a book you recommend me to read… No history books plz!
Bonus here’s a book I’m reading that my mom and I made together. Most of you should have already heard of it because it was our gift to daddy for Fathers’ Day. But yeah just going through Memory Lane and looking at what we did in 2013!! Omg!
Signing off for now! Leave a suggestion in the comments for a next review. :P
FINAL WARPED TOUR 2016 POST, I FUCKING SWEAR TO GOD. YOU HAVE MY WORD! But I would be remiss to close the chapter without allowing Chooch to provide his side of the story. Really, he’s only doing this because he gets to use my laptop to answer the questions and for some reason, this is like a huge deal to him, I have no idea why. I guess it’s like when my mom used to let me use her typewriter?
Dear Chooch, this was your fourth Warped Tour. MUCH AWE! Do you feel like a pro at this point?
Yes, I feel like a pro because now that I’ve been there 4 times I know where everything is. So jokes on you, lazy people on your couch reading this piece of crap blog. I know what to do when you first get in, you run straight to the VANS tent and say a secret word to get free stuff! Stuff a beginner wouldn’t know.
Please tell us who Courtney is and why you’re so AFRAID OF HER:
Courtney is a girl who was in 7th grade when I was in 1st and she liked me, but I didn’t like her that much. So mommy bullies me and says I like her and I blush when I see her. BUT I DON’T (flips table). I’m also not scared of her so shut up with these mean questions.
THEN HOW COME EVERY YEAR WHEN WE SEE HER AT WARPED TOUR, YOU GET ALL STUPID AND GIGGLY WHEN SHE SWEETLY SAYS, “HEY RILEY! WHAT BANDS ARE YOU GOING TO SEE?” Lol-forever.
I’m not answering that.
Say your old as fuck 4th grade teacher has never heard of Warped Tour before. How would you explain it to her? (We are currently arguing because I’m “allowed” to swear on my blog and he’s not, lol.)
Well I would say to her that she doesn’t need to know because she can barely walk 1 mile, so to walk about 7 miles would be an instant heart attack for her. So maybe when you’re younger, OH WAIT!
How the hell did you manage to score a free shirt at the Truth tent?
Well it started when the TRUTH guys were calling for people to come over and play a game. So he said “Who wants some free shit!” so I said “WOOO” and he told me to come over and play the game. So we waited and waited for other people, there was already a couple people. So finally we started, and we played the floor is lava. So we had to jump on small bricks and the last person had to pick them up on the way across the lava pool. Our team won first so we got to go up to the free shirts at the tent then everyone else got to go up.
You had some dude make you a tshirt that said “Dick Pic” and featured a picture of Donald Trump. Obviously you CANNOT EVER WEAR THAT TO SCHOOL, but here is your platform to tell the Internet how you feel about the current presidential race:
Well I think Ronald Dump is a mother(bleeping) scumbag and he can go (bleep) himself. Why can’t Obama secretly run for president again and win so we can have him for 8 more years so we can live in peace and not have a stupid wall. Screw you Dump.
OK so Emarosa basically made all of our dreams come true. Pretend you’re Henry telling his WORK-HUSBAND DAVE about what happened:
Well first I would say: “Oh sup Dave my bruh. So me and my “girlfriend” be driving to da Warped Tour and be watching dis band who be singing the songs we be liking. Den we be walking up hill to der tent to meet Bradley. And me was out of breath because u know me old as hell.”
When did Daddy turn into a pirate? Anyway, next question. Remember when you ruined my life during Hail the Sun’s set? TELL ALL YOUR FANS ABOUT WHAT YOU DID.
Oh yeah. When I really wanted to play Pokémon Go but you wouldn’t let me because oh god forbid you couldn’t hear me even though I could hear myself. So yeah.
The PETA2 people successfully turned you into a vegetarian — for now, anyway. Tell everyone about the exhibit we saw there and how it made you feel, using the biggest words you know:
Well it was flabbergasting, the tent, it had clothes and shoes that was made out of anthropomorphic skin and flesh. But of course it wasn’t legitimate skin it was fraudulent skin. They had sorority girl uggs made out of humanistic skin and they even had leather jackets made out of bipedal skin. So yeah. It was weird. They had it because they wanted payback for using animal hide and skin for clothes and shoes.
What were some of your favorite merch booths there this year?
Some of my favorite merch booths would have to be….
5- The Twix Booth. The Twix Booth was a booth where you got to try Left Twix and Right Twix. Right Twix was the best because it was bigger and more rich with chocolate. Then you get to get a picture taken of you with your choice of Twix, so yeah.
4- The Peta2 Tent. This tent was cool because (see above)…
3- Choonimals Booth- The Choonimals booth was just a clothing booth, but had really cool looking tanks and shirts to wear at Warped Tour. The shirts have zombie animals and stuff that look cool.
2- TRUTH VAN- This was a cool van wear you play games or dance for free stuff. So it’s a win/win.
1- Vans Tent. So this tent was a tent you go to at the beginning of the day to get free stuff like a water bottle, glasses, and wallets. But you need a secret code Warped Tour posts on their Instagram.
How many Twix do you think you ate that day from the Twix booth?
Well I think I ate about 3 Twix, 2 when I first saw the tent then 1 when the were giving them at out for whoever passed.
Remember when we ditched Henry twice? Hahaha that was so great.
Yeah, it was funny. He just walks around like “Doyyyy, No ones watching me so I can scratch my butt and pick my nose and daydream about Dave.”
You met up with Bradley a second time that day, when I was off watching some other band. What did you talk about that time? AND STOP MEETING THE WHOLE ENTIRE BAND WITHOUT ME, YOU JERK-DICK.
Well, they were doing signings, so I went over and said hi. Then Bradley asked for our address so he can send us stuff, but we forgot to so now he can’t send us stuff. ): Also shut up! I do what I want.
I found out at Warped Tour that you’re apparently obsessed with Chunk! No, Captain Chunk. When did this happen and tell the kind people of the Internet what they’re like.
Well it started when I first saw it on my IPhone 3, mommy downloaded one of their songs on it so I wondered who are they. So when they were at the Ampitheater I was like “I want to see them!” So we did. They are a French Pop Punk band. So I like them because when Bertrand Poncet (The Singer/Vocalist) said Pittsburgh, he said “Peetsborgh” So yeah. I just really like them.
OK so you like Warped Tour, but you hated Bled Fest? EXPLAIN YOURSELF. Bled Fest was bae.
Well Bled Fest had no bands that I liked it was all like bands that you like, so I hate them. (except Emarosa, PTV, Chunk, No Captain Chunk! ETC.)
If you were making a Warped Tour 101 video, what would you tell people to expect about spending a whole day running back and forth between 6 stages?
Well I would say “Wear Tennis shoes not dress shoes or fancy shoes, you’re going to an outside concert with many people (most likely to rain) you’re not going to a ballet recital.”
What age do you think you’ll be when you start going without me and Henry? (I mean, obviously I’ll still be there because I’M NOT MISSING WARPED TOUR just to save you from being embarrassed in front of your dumb friends.)
Well I would be about 18-20 (If it lasts that long) but you’re not going with me and also I have no friends, so deal with it.
Oh shut up, you do have friends. They’re just cool enough yet to like good music, lol. Name 5 bands you hope will be at Warped Tour next year.
Ok easy! CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
5- Pierce The Veil.
4- Emarosa.
3- Chunk! No, Captain Chunkhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grOz8I2PKrE!
2- JuleVera
1- The Summer Set.
Well thanks for even reading this piece of crap blog. I’m surprised my mom has friends! Please if you read this don’t comment, just dislike this. It’s my moms blog for gods sake!
On Friday, we went to the Mr. Smalls Theatre for Carly Rae Jepsen’s Gimmie Love tour. So First, when we got in line and waited, mommy complained it was freezing. She had a coat on and I had a T-Shirt on, I didn’t complain. When it was finally 7:30, the doors opened and we got to go in. The first band was Fairground Saints. They played “Love Yourself” by Justin Bieber. They’re kind of country singers. They do covers mostly. But the songs they did at the concert was mostly their songs.
My Instagram is butt_jam, if you didn’t already know. You would see this video on my Instagram. It’s a video of them singing “Love Yourself” by JB. I also have many more videos on Instagram.
Such as this one: Carly Rae singing “Run Away With Me”. It was epic and could cause seizure, so warning if you are able to get seizures by strobe light don’t watch. 8-) While she was playing, I had many problems, such as: Being claustrophobic was one. This guy behind me had so much room but he chose to push me into the stage, I had about a foot of room. I threw up, because I chewed too much gum. My phone was at 1% and I couldn’t record anything or else my phone would die. There was a knot in my shoe and it bothered me. I hate everything!
At the end of the concert, we went to the merch table and I got a record, mommy got a shirt. We left and outside there was a line at the side of Carly’s tour bus. We waited and waited. During our wait we met a lot of gay guys. This one guy was so nice he showed mommy a picture of his grandkids. I tried to get the knot out of my shoe and it worked, all of a sudden I felt better.
When Carly came out of her tour bus, nobody screamed. I told mommy she came out, but she said everyone would’ve screamed. But I said people were taking pictures. She said they were probably taking pictures of each other. Then mommy heard Carly’s vice and got excited. We got up to the front and I got my record signed and got a picture. Mommy almost cried and fainted but I was calm. Carly was really nice. Daddy parked righted in front of her tour bus so when we got our picture, we walked to the car and left.
As you can see, I had a lot of fun. The concert was good, Carly has a good voice, and Fairground Saints is very good as well.
Chooch and I went geocaching last weekend and we are now, together, co-blogging about it. I’m not writing this with my hyperbolic plume either. This experience was particularly blood-boiling, and I have an extremely low boiling point to begin with.
Short-fused.
Tightly-wound.
Hot-headed.
I’m all of these things.
Hey its yo boy Chooch, I’m gonna tell you a little things about Geocaching. K, First things first, I learned about Geocaching in school in a book. Geocaching is basically a High-Tech Treasure Hunt Game where you get the app or go on a computer and look for a Gray, Blue, Orange, Light Green, or Dark Green dot and you click on it. It will tell you what the coords are and you just go look for it.
Erin here: I thought he learned about it from YouTube, so I am currently pleasantly surprised.
So I thought there wasn’t much to do, I thought me and mommy could go Geocaching. Daddy didn’t think it would go well, but I did. He said we would kill each other cause’ we’re so competitive. So we went on a Saturday and went to South Park. Because usually there is a lot of Geocaches in the park. As soon as we got there mommy flipped out. Two minutes in she just wanted to go home. I was in the wrong area the whole time.
Erin here: Geocaching with Chooch is terrible because he thinks he knows but HE DOES NOT KNOW. He took us to some area that had an older man like, DIGGING something or someone in the woods and we had to walk near him. That was incredibly unpleasant. Chooch was putzing around with the app and I kept screaming, “AREN’T THERE COORDINATES?! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHERE TO LOOK?!?!” and we were literally just standing there, walking in tiny circles, staring at the ground and toeing rocks. Chooch isn’t wrong — two minutes in, I completely flipped my lid and screamed (and I mean BELLOWED), “This is fucking ridiculous! I am going THE FUCK HOME!” Volaries of birds burst out of a nearby tree. The man with the shovel was like “…the fuck is that lady’s problem?” and according to Chooch, everybody hated me when this happened.
“Everybody.”
We were in the fucking park in January! There were not many people around!
Except for a biker who said hello to me RIGHT AFTER MY OUTBURST and because I’m a fucking psychopath, I switched on Sweet Erin and jovially bid him a fine afternoon in the fakest fucking baby voice I could muster.
OH, SUCH DEMURE.
Back to Unicorn Chooch: After looking for like… 7 mins or so I was just looking through rocks, and I saw some weird looking rock. I felt the bottom and it was flat. I turned it over and it was a sliding rock cache. I found the cache. We put some inappropriate mommy cards* in there. I mean like the cards she makes. I was so happy. But… I forgot to bring a pen to sign it. So I made mummy go check the car for a pen. No luck.
Me again: When I went to the car, some dumb elderly couple cheerfully said hello to me, as they were getting their idiot bikes out of their minivan. I said, “HI-YEEEEE!” in return and they kind of stepped back a little because I guess I sounded like I was being an asshole. BECAUSE I WAS.
I just put a card in and went on the app and said I found it. I wrote “Took forever I thought me and my mom would kill each other! My god”
So then mommy wanted to go home but I told her there’s one 0.3 miles away. We walked down a muddy trail next to a golf course. There was a tree tipped over so it was like a tunnel. I wasn’t going off trail I was totes on trail. We got to some torn down outhouse because I thought it was right there but nope. Farther down by a log. I was getting stabbed in the leg by tons of thorns almost dying. Then I tried to climb over a log but fell. I could’ve died. Mummy couldn’t see because she was in some crack. Lol sounds weird.
Me, with anguish: Hello, it was a GORGE and I was trapped in it, OK?
Erin’s turn: Chooch had us going totally off-trail and it was getting late in the afternoon. I felt like I was on some Blair Witch expedition and bitch, I wasn’t dying for no fucking Tupperware container in the woods.And then we get to these decrepit outhouse ruins and I thought for sure we were going to perish. I kept having future visions of tumbling into that hole and getting dragged down into Hell. Because that would be my luck.
So Henry and I used to occasionally go letterboxing back in the day, which was like the pioneer version of geocaching in that it didn’t give you GPS coordinates and you had to rely on good old-fashioned directions to find your booty. Like, turn right by the crushed Michelobe Lite can. The problem with this though is that most of the time, that fucking beer can wasn’t there anymore, you know? However, with this particular cache we were looking for, it said that it was near “an old source of water.” For some reason, Chooch felt that this meant “look for an ancient outhouse and try not to get murdered.”
Spoiler alert: it was not anywhere near the outhouse. Chooch fucking left me there and started scaling some mountain to get back to the trail that we had long-since abandoned and here’s something to add to the Erin Fact Book: I tend to get crippled with fear anytime I’m faced with walking down a steep hill. So it took a good five minutes of me standing millions of yards away from Chooch, screaming, “I CAN’T DO IT! I’M SCARED! WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME!?” before I finally ran at full speed down the hill and then let momentum carry me up the other side of the “crack” as Chooch effectively called it.
I was rewarded by finding the stupid cache literally as soon as I joined Chooch on the other side. I stubbornly spat, “The clue said that it’s by an old source of water and I don’t see AN OLD SOURCE OF WATER” and then a split second later, I said, “Oh, right there” and pointed to a rusty water pump a few feet away.
And let me tell you, all of my homicidal rage completely evaporated and I was suddenly a completely different broad, jumping up and down and screaming, “Yay geocaching!”
So Chooch, back from playing GTA-V: We opened up the cache and put a card in. I took tw bouncy balls and a picture of a cat. I replaced it with the card.
We saw there was a bridge on the way back to the car we completely missed. I walked up really easily but on the way back down mommy cried for help and I was so disappointed in her. I thought she could do it until I told just to jump and she whined even more. Eventually like 24hours later she jumped.
Erin, Terrified of Heights: I WAS HIGH UP THERE, OK!? And I didn’t jump down. I cautiously and slowly scooted down. Anyway, it’s amazing how much my attitude changed after winning at geocaching. I practically skipped the whole way back to the car with a crown of blue birds swirling around my dome. Also, I was completely shocked at how calm and patient Chooch was during our trying times. He never gave up! So there’s one quality he didn’t get from me: the endurance of a champion quitter.
Bootiful horse ass! So cute with the tail and riders! I was like neigh and they were like moo! Then I just started singing The Killers.
That was a fun day maybe we can do it again!
Me: Probably not. Except for right now, since this was how I got Chooch to write on here. Fuck.
Chooch and I decided to be such cool, very West Elm by posting a tour of his room, you know, like all the trendy bloggers do. Haha. So please, step inside the tiny box we generously call “Chooch’s bedroom,” WON’T YOU?
A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on
I am Riley, as you may know as The Internet Kid, because I am beautiful. Here is my room. Yeah. Sure.
This lamp is a lamp that my “ma-ma” got from the attic.
(Ed.note: I got it from some creepy lady at the flea market.)
It’s in the third corner on top of my bookshelf and it’s cree-PEE.
This is me reading a book that I just took out from my bookshelf because “ma-MA” told me to.
This is my tv I got for Christmas. I’m watching Shane Dawson because I like his videos. He swears but…I don’t care. He does challenges and taste tests.
This is me playing the piano because I like piano and…uh. I was playing nothing on it because it wasn’t plugged in.
This is me holding a lightsaber and pointing at my cat pictures made by Chuck Hodi. They all have odd eyes.
Um this is some pictureframe I made when I was in kindergarten. I’m so young and they made me do it and it’s all Catholic. I don’t know what’s Catholic about the hippo. This is a picture
This is a picture of an eyeball and peppermint bush forest. Because I was obsessed with eyeballs when I was a baby. I got that cat thing at goodwill.
This is Goodnight Mommy, I saw it in September. It’s a horror movie. You might have already read the blog post I wrote about it. So maybe go check it out after this obviously.
As you can see, this is my gallery wall where I have seven pictures. My favorite one is not the demon on the wall (Ed.note that’s what he calls the portrait I did of him lol), but the catstronaut one. It came from Riot Fest 2015 when ma-MA and pa-PA went.
This me doing my beautiful face, as always. Ma-MA likes it, DONT YOU.
THIS IS MY SUCCULENTS! I wanted the cactus because it was fluffy. And I also wanted the other non-sharp cactus because it was cute and it has a cute little flower. (Ed.note: he’s reciting this in the dumbest voice, I hate my life. Lawl j/k I love it.)
Things on a windowsill.
This Is me, my beautiful self, hanging from my ladder with some of my beautiful Never Shout Never gear on.
This is RileCena signing off! Peace out!
Don’t jump in front of trains!
Barb gave us tickets to go to the Hockey Game! We win every time I go to the game. We won 4-3! I always look for ICEBURGH because he is beautiful! Mommy told me Barb has “FEELINGS” for #9 “Pascal Dupuis”. I was like what do you mean “FEELINGS”?
Then when the game ended I wanted to take a picture with Iceburgh, but some lady took one first, SHE TOOK 2, TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Than another dude wanted a picture. So he asked mommy to take it, while she did that I tried to sneak over to get beside him. But apparently the way I snuck through was a PRIVATE Area. Some usher yelled at me and said I wasn’t allowed to be there.
But the game ended what would it matter? So then I had to go all the way around. SO I ended up not getting a picture with him except for the one at the end!
Mommy said that Iceburgh is a dick but I won’t say that because I still love him!
