Jul 312010

We’re in a typical disorganized frenzy to enroll Chooch into pre-school. Naturally, like any good parents, we can’t find his birth certificate so Henry was sitting in a pile of personal affects yesterday, hoping to find it. And to not get bit by something living amidst the relics.

Chooch was “helping,” as he does so well. Suddenly, he comes running into the living room where I’m sitting on the couch and shouts, “HAHAHA, LOOK WHAT I FOUND!” And then, “LOOK HOW BIG MOMMY’S BOOBS ARE!” and somehow I knew what it was going to be. I just knew.

And then I saw the flimsy purple plastic photo album in his hand and my fears were confirmed. Before I could steal it from him, he had flipped to the page he wanted me to see and held up, covering his mouth with his other hand and laughing.

Pictures from Henry’s 30th birthday party in 1945.

Pictures from Henry’s 30th birthday party in 1945 WHEN HE HAD A STRIPPER GRINDING ON HIS LAP.

Snatching it from his hand, I shouted, “This is not me!

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This is a STRIPPER!”

“No it’s not,” he chided. “It’s YOU!”

Maybe I might have been flattered if it was some hot piece of 20-year-old ass, but this broad looked past her prime, not to mention I’m pretty positive she was a Steve at some point in her life.

Besides, had this been me, I would have been SIXTEEN. I mean, I had a rough childhood, but it wasn’t bad enough to send me gyrating against poles and the laps of moustacioed creepers.

I was going to wait until later to post these  great retrosexual photos of Henry but I want to humiliate him while he’s still in the house. He’ll probably go AWOL here soon, because it’s Blogathon and he fears Blogathon Erin.

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She actually looks somewhat hot here. Like Kristen Bell a little! Must have been a good angle.

This is my favorite! What a fucking loser. “Oh mama, there is a female ASS in my face right now!

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HOOOOO BOY!” I bet he called all his old SERVICE friends to tell them about it. “And this time, I didn’t have to pay for it! Someone ELSE did!”

Seriously, I’m not convinced that’s not a man.

Also, I’m glad I didn’t get “Clean Shaven, Sleazy Henry.” I prefer “Bearded Woodman, Sleazy Henry.”

I bet Henry’s wife had sex with her later.