Jan 14

Florence

Category: art promo,super dumb stories

In her heyday, Florence designed corsages for potential prom queens (Carrie-like broads were turned away, though) and she did the occasional voice over for fiber product commercials.

But then there was The Scandal.

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Florence was caught skinny dipping with Gary Lewis. Everyone in the world hated Gary Lewis because he owned every single television station, even Telemundo, and would interrupt the highest rating, top popular, most scintillating programs in order to air fifteen-hour-long telethons which didn’t even have the purpose of raising money for cancer or sickle cell anemia. The telethons had no benefit other than to showcase his daughter singing sour notes and shimmying with sequined hula hoops.

By the time the paparazzi stuck their lenses in between the ivy of Gary’s trellis, it was only a matter of minutes before scandelous photos of their naked pretzeled bodies were plastered over every gossip publication and Inside Edition and celebrity gossip blog.

The world hated Florence by association. Teenagers stopped wearing her corsages to dances, blaming her for the reason their beloved soaps were interrupted by four hour loops of Gary Lewis’s gardener pruning the petunias.

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Her contract with Fiber Fanatics disintegrated, because why bother making commercials when Gary will just hijack their time slots.

Florence never took another lover and spent the rest of her life plotting Gary’s death.

Acrylic and pastel on 5.5″x5.5″ canvas.

11 comments

11 Comments so far

  1. cynthia January 14th, 2008 11:56 am

    too cute.
    they get more and more awesome as time goes on though, so by the time i have money to buy one it will be the coolest painting you’ve ever done. haha.

  2. Tart January 14th, 2008 3:05 pm

    I <3 you Cynthia. Maybe I'll have a surprise for you when you visit. MAYBE.

    (OK, I will.)

  3. Janna January 14th, 2008 1:36 pm

    Possibly one of the best stories to go along with a painting you’ve done so far. Also, the painting is all too cute.

  4. Tart January 14th, 2008 3:16 pm

    THANK YOU DOLLY.

  5. sinndar January 14th, 2008 3:16 pm

    I’ve wanted to buy something of yours for a long time, but I couldn’t wait any longer when I saw Florence. :)

  6. Tart January 14th, 2008 3:54 pm

    I <3 you! I like it when my paintings go to people I know. Thank you!

  7. Michelle January 15th, 2008 2:17 am

    So you’re the one!

    Delia kept staring at the picture so I tried to buy it for her but I was too late. Alas!

  8. Bueno Mexicana January 14th, 2008 7:09 pm

    you’re overflowing with awesomeness on this one.

    FUGL!!!!!

  9. Tart January 14th, 2008 7:13 pm

    FUGL for real! God, what an asshole.

  10. katie lyn January 15th, 2008 1:31 am

    I love the photos in your blog!

  11. Tart January 15th, 2008 10:13 am

    Thank you!

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