Jan 142008

In her heyday, Florence designed corsages for potential prom queens (Carrie-like broads were turned away, though) and she did the occasional voice over for fiber product commercials.

But then there was The Scandal.

Florence was caught skinny dipping with Gary Lewis. Everyone in the world hated Gary Lewis because he owned every single television station, even Telemundo, and would interrupt the highest rating, top popular, most scintillating programs in order to air fifteen-hour-long telethons which didn’t even have the purpose of raising money for cancer or sickle cell anemia. The telethons had no benefit other than to showcase his daughter singing sour notes and shimmying with sequined hula hoops.

By the time the paparazzi stuck their lenses in between the ivy of Gary’s trellis, it was only a matter of minutes before scandelous photos of their naked pretzeled bodies were plastered over every gossip publication and Inside Edition and celebrity gossip blog.

The world hated Florence by association. Teenagers stopped wearing her corsages to dances, blaming her for the reason their beloved soaps were interrupted by four hour loops of Gary Lewis’s gardener pruning the petunias. Her contract with Fiber Fanatics disintegrated, because why bother making commercials when Gary will just hijack their time slots.

Florence never took another lover and spent the rest of her life plotting Gary’s death.

Acrylic and pastel on 5.5″x5.5″ canvas.

  11 Responses to “Florence”

  1. too cute.
    they get more and more awesome as time goes on though, so by the time i have money to buy one it will be the coolest painting you’ve ever done. haha.

  2. Possibly one of the best stories to go along with a painting you’ve done so far. Also, the painting is all too cute.

  3. I’ve wanted to buy something of yours for a long time, but I couldn’t wait any longer when I saw Florence. :)

  4. you’re overflowing with awesomeness on this one.


  5. I love the photos in your blog!

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