Bob has been initiated into the bizarre world of interacting with Tina. Before she left yesterday, she stopped by and was holding two DVDs. They had a brief discourse about it, wherein Bob said, "I’ve never seen either of these." (I was only partially paying attention, but I believe they were Million Dollar Baby and one of them there low-brow comical pitchurs with lots of those hi-larious fart jokes.) And then Tina said, "They are really good. Here, you can look at them." (Tina never uses contractions.) Bob looked at them with mild interest and gave them back. I waited for her to say he could borrow them, but then I remembered that Tina has nothing to gain from being generous to males. Bob said she stopped by on her way out today. I didn’t want to try and recreate a scene I wasn’t a part of, because I’m all about accuracy (Collin laughed when I said that), so here it is in Bob’s own words:
T: Hey, ya watch the movie yet?
B: Uhhh, what movie?
T: Million Dollar Baby.
B: Oh, haha, give me a week or two and I’ll see it.
T: Oh, that’s fine. Take your time.
B: What do you mean?
T: I gave it to you yesterday. You were looking at it. I know because I only brought one DVD home with me.
B: Haha, you’re kidding. Right?
T: No I’m not.
I wasn’t there, but I like to imagine that Tina’s face was flushed with growing fury and that she had her arms akimbo with her pelvis jutted slightly; she hawked into a spittoon with her cracked lips all a-pucker. Initially, I also imagined that an ominous breeze blew back her mullet, but then I remembered that she sheared that motherfucker off a few weeks ago so now instead of looking like a sock-stuffed crotch ready to mingle with the Rosie O’Donnell impersonators at the weekend clam bake, she looks like a fifty-five year old man.
Bob confirmed that her face was, in fact, quite red, and that he was waiting for her to laugh and say she was joking, but she honestly believes that she lent him a DVD. I was there yesterday though, and I can vouch that she walked away with both movies. Bob even said he had no real interest in borrowing either of them.
He seems a little spooked by his run-in with her, but Tina likes me because I have boobs so I’ll snuff out any flames that might ignite on Monday. Although, she was in the military. Imagine how many kinds of knots she knows how to tie.