Mar 202008

There’s this really annoying phenomenon where kids act like having their face washed is akin to being splashed with acid and asparagus-steeped urine. WHY IS THIS? Do little girls pull this shit, too, or is just asshole boys like my son? He bucks and screams like he’s being shivved in the prison yard over a stolen eight-pager.

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My job would kind of not be so bad if it weren’t for him acting like he’s being exorcised every time a wet washcloth contacts his cheek.

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Or maybe he really is being exorcised. Then that’s pretty cool.

  17 Responses to “Simple Acts Gone Awry”

  1. I tried to read “The Gas We Pass” to Sadie, but she wasn’t having any of that. She did like “Everybody Poops,” though.

    She hates having her face wiped after a meal, but is fine with a face washing in the tub.

    And what a cute picture of Riley that is!!!!


    There, I said it. I think a child is cute. Ugh!

  3. I call wet washcloths “toddler bane” but I think I need to revise that, as Peanut is no longer technically a toddler but still, well, you put it best, acts like I’m exorcising demons from him every time one gets within a few feet of his face. “Nooooooooooo!” he howls, “don’t wash my faaaaace!”

    Have you tried applying lotion to Chooch’s face afterward? Cause that’s the REALLY fun part! :)

    • Toddler bane! That’s the perfect term.

      Chooch is WEIRD about lotion, in that he LOVES it. I have this jar of body butter stuff, and if he sees it, he will blow the roof off the house if I don’t slater some on his face and head. WEIRDO!!

  4. Nah, I think it’s all kids.

    We bought the 4-pack of those books at Cosco. I like the booger one. :)

    OMG, I just reminded myself that they came with a Everyone Poops bumper sticker. I need to find my Republicans For Voldemort sticker and put them both on my car.

    OK, stream of consciousness over now.

    • The gas book was my little brother’s from back in the day. My aunt found it a few mths ago and I was so proud because after the first time I read it to Chooch, he quickly learned to differentiate between fart and burp sounds. SO PROUD. Lol.

  5. Dylan HATES having his face washed but not as much as having his hair washed in the tub. Christ. You’d think I was putting his little thing through a pasta machine the way he screams. He never stands/sits still and it takes 10 or 15 minutes or more and when we’re done I have to mop the floor and change MY clothes.

  6. Maybe he got soap in his eye? And associates the washcloth with stinging eyes?

    I remember hating shampoo for that reason.

  7. if he wasn’t such a handsome, i’d say it mattered.
    but- i’m down with choochie.
    mexicans don’t wash their faces either.

    his smile there— what was he up to@?!??!!?
    too happy! it’s creepy.

    i think you’ve almost got me as scared of you kid as you are.

    • Having his picture taken is a new game for him. He’ll cooperate for the first one, he’ll even say “Cheese!!” but then he darts around the room. And when we put the camera away, he screams in anger.

  8. he thinks EVERYTHING is a game!

    i wonder why?

  9. my kid hates being messy. during a meal she will wipe her hands after almost every bite she takes and clean off her own face at least five or ten times. it’s pretty crazy. she enjoys having her face and hands washed with a rag, too. well… she might not enjoy it, really, but she doesn’t mind.

  10. I just want to read that book!

Say it don't spray it.

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