Dec 152021

I guess I’m just an ultra fan girl forever but I get so emotional for a variety of reasons when I think of BIGBANG that I often have to avoid listening to them. They are my ult bias group, the group that really shoved me hard down the rabbit hole of not just Kpop, but Korean variety shows, dramas, food, and South Korean culture in general. Maybe it sounds hyperbolic and we all know I can be super extra with the exaggerations, but I really feel like my life changed for the best at the end of 2016. I was really feeling my lowest, and I thank BIGBANG every day for breathing new life and excitement into me.

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(Just the other day, I told Henry that I feel like Kpop has turned me into the best version of myself and I could tell he wanted to say something stupid at first but then he sighed and said that he actually agrees, lol.)

Anyway, I’m just sitting here totally marinating in my feels, watching live BIGBANG performances on YouTube, wishing good vibes to Taeyang and his newborn baby, hoping G Dragon and TOP are happy, thankful that Daesung has found a new outlet through vlogging, and PRAYING that Seungri gets justice and stays safe. Because even though I don’t know these people in real life and will definitely never meet them, they are living legends that saved me and made me have fun again, inspired me to learn a new language and travel to a country that was barely even on my radar before but now feels more like home to me than Pittsburgh.

I think about meeting 승리의 아빠 하고 지디의 아빠 and I feel like I was blessed, I’m not even kidding lol. Those were amazing encounters for me and I think about them so often. I have to actually stop myself from talking about my BIGBANG feels constantly when I’m having conversations with people but it is REALLY hard. I just want to share my love for them all the time but I can tell that I sound like a fucking crazy lady (so then I talk about the squirrels instead, OMG I need help – I have so much stuff going on that I could talk about yet I’m just like HI GUYS SQUIRREL UPDATE or I THINK HENRY BOUGHT ME AN NCT LIGHT STICK FOR XMAS! Like who gives a shit, Erin?!).

Well, before I reach the point of no return, this is the performance I was watching tonight and remembering how it was my first experience with Korean end of the year awards shows and how I have yet to see another group blow it out of the water like BIGBANG did. Those live vocals. That stage presence. Their visuals. THIS TALENT. Sorry blog, for being all wistful and emo but my cats are getting tired of me crying into their fur and saying things like, “I liked G Dragon best with green hair.”

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Stop crying, Erin. Stop that.

Oh also apparently people are learning about light sticks because of the *** concert and I just need to point out that, ahem, BIGBANG was the first Kpop group to have their own lightsticks, so who paved the way?

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Literally came here just to post the video yet here we are, 2000 words later. Go to bed, Erin.

  One Response to “Feeling feely.”

  1. “Just the other day, I told Henry that I feel like Kpop has turned me into the best version of myself”

    This. You just nailed it. This is exactly what happened. It’s a gift, nothing crazy about it.

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