Yesterday was a long and eventful (kind of) day and I’m really feeling it today – driving to and from Philly in one day is exhausting. Even as a passenger!

But it was worth it to see Chooch, even for less than 2 hours. Here’s a closet mirror selfie of us in his room yesterday. He really seems to be loving his new living situation this year so far and I hope that doesn’t change and that he has a great sophomore year experience!

More tomorrow. The rest of today is for reading and relaxing. Byyyye.

Flipping through my vacation journal and found Chooch’s rules that he made for Henry when we were in Korea the last time and it made me laugh but also burst into tears because what if that was the last time we ever will be in Korea together as a family?!

I definitely felt abandoned a little bit when we took him back to school last weekend because as SOON as he was back on campus, it was like he completely forgot that Henry and I were there. And I get it – he has his own life there and we’re not part of that but it just hit different this time since he’s living with three friends and not just some random roommate so he was really rearin’ to catch up, hang out, forget about Pittsburgh, etc.

(STOP CRYING ERIN STOP IT NOW!!)

He’s still texting me every day – usually just his Wordle and Connections results, and a “wow” in response to my droll life updates. And we will see him on Saturday since we have to bring him more stuff. But – it feels more permanent this time I guess? Since he won’t be back for summers anymore. That is the part I’m struggling with. And time is just moving so much more faster now, it feels like.

The other thing that’s been on my mind is that in three weeks, Henry and I are going on our first ever real vacation just the two of us and I am oddly nervous about that. No Chooch acting as a buffer (though, he could often act as a catalyst too…). Even pre-Chooch, we never went away for more than 2 or 3 days at a time because we were so poor lol. I think Coachella was probably the longest trip we took together and that was only because we hadn’t fallen into the Pit of Destitution yet – that would come soon after once we were living off one income lol.

Ugh.

Anyway, hopefully we don’t come back separated!

*aka Chooch Moves Back to Philly Day :(

8:58am: Waiting for Henry to come back with the rental SUV – he hilariously thought that renting a larger car would mean only one trip but after seeing all of Chooch’s shit in the living room, it’s become quite clear that Henry and I will still be taking that second trip next weekend lol. How do other people do this without renting a Uhaul (Drexel says no Uhauls!)??

10:03am: We’re leaving :( Chooch was saying goodbye to Penelope and I started crying. This sucks and feels worse than last year somehow.

But hey some good news! So the whole draw of Drexel is that they have co-ops so graduates will already have 1 to 1.5 years of work experience in their field when they graduate. This is why Chooch chose Drexel over Pitt (and because he didn’t want to stay in Pgh). Anyway, they had three rounds of co-op applications or whatever starting in June. He got no interviews for the first round. Second round he had one and then didn’t get it. Third round JUST happened 2 weeks ago and brother when I say I have been stressed to the point of sickness this summer – basically if he didn’t get a co-op he’d have to take classes this quarter which means we’d have to take out another last minute loan, etc. just a lot of financial stress when we have been kind of doing ok.

All week we’ve been preparing for that. He had some calls with his advisor and it seemed like that’s what was going to have to happen. Then! He had an interview yesterday at noon and by 2::30 they offered him a position! Not trying to doxx my kid here but it’s at a museum (!!!) and he will be doing meta-data and archival work whatever that means. The weight that melted off my shoulders when he sent me a screenshot of the job offer (he was actually at our neighbor’s house cutting grass – the guy on the street behind us with the Corgi!) – I knew I had been carrying a lot of stress this summer but didn’t realize just how much until I read that email.

You guys I even prayed sort of in my own way over this! It was awkward but I did it.

10:40am: Pulled into a Sheetz. Chooch is bitching because he realized he brought one of the reusable straws in his Dunkin and doesn’t know what to do with it now that his drink is empty so he told Henry to throw it away and I piped up, “no!! It’s reusable! That’s the whole point of reusable straws so that you don’t throw it out!” And everyone is annoyed with me but you’re welcome, Straw, for living to be sucked on another day.

11:10am:

Here is Son, having backseat bitch fest because he doesn’t like the food at Sheetz but was forced to get something since Henry starved him all morning.

OMG HUGE FIGHT ALERT: when we were at Sheetz I tried to get a fork but got pissed bc people kept crashing into me. So I gave up and said to Chooch, “go get me a fork” so he walked over to the food pick up area while Henry and I went out to the car.

“I guarantee he doesn’t get me a fork,” I said as we got into the car.

Just now I turned around because I was ready to eat my watermelon snack. I made “fork” motions to chooch who got real annoyed and yelled “I don’t know what that means.” I kept trying to say fork but I was laughing because of how mad he was so that was making him even more mad until he finally understood me and said, “why would I have a fork??”

“Because I told you to get me a fork!”

“NO, you did NOT!” he yelled haughtily. “You told me to go get my food!”

“I said to get me a fork!!!!” I cried.

“Why wouldn’t you just get your own fork?? You were halfway there!” he yelled.

“Because people kept crashing into me!!” I screamed, feeling my eyes bulging at this juncture of the argument. The crux, if you will. The climax.

Henry was doing a silent laugh through this whole exchange, practically crying over it, while I’m yelling, “HOW WILL I EAT MY WATERMELON???”

“Use the stupid reusable straw!!” Chooch yelled and we all lost it at that point.

I’ll miss our car fights :(

2:57pm: at IKEA somewhere because chooch needs cups?? Henry called the two of us a “little bitch clique” bc we were whispering about him decomposing in a trunk. You had to be there.

1. Now that I have been to the bathroom in the Pgh IKEA and whatever IKEA this is, and the one in Denmark, I can safely say that the US IKEA bathrooms are far inferior.

2. HOWEVER!! The plant ball meal here was way better than the strange concoction they served up in the Danish IKEA 100%. I actually hated that meal so much but this one was nice.

I also split a rainbow cake with Henry but there’s no picture because he carved into it immediately and had it all in his beard ugh.

4:03pm: hello back in the car and I’m seriously about to puke my stomach hurts so bad from eating at IKEA ugh. Anyway we’re 40 minutes outside of Philly. I’m so sad even though Chooch has been mean to me all day. (Nothing unusual!)

4:43pm: we just pulled up and asked the move-in crew if this was where he needed to be for his apartment move in and she looked back and forth between me and Chooch and asked if he was the student, DID SHE THINK IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME LOL.

6:02pm: wow what an actual cluster moving him in but here is his view from the 20th floor:

Oh and excuse me look at what he tried to take????

I made him pose here and he did it haha. Also we had to walk up 20 flights up steps with his computer monitors and TV because we didn’t wait for the elevator again since the line is out the door with move-in activity. I’m cooked.

6:58pm: I feel sad. :( We will see him again next weekend to bring the rest of his stuff but still. This is a part of parenting that I was not prepared for.

7:37pm: ugh why is every experience at Wawa so mid. I got a gross fajita veggie bowl and the avocado I paid extra for was the tiniest squirt of guac. So underwhelming. Meanwhile Henry bought a pretzel and realized in the car that it was opened with a piece taken out of it and he was sure it wasn’t like that when he scanned it at the self-checkout but refuses to eat it now because he can’t remember opening it. I have no idea what’s going on but I’m pissed bc while I was hate-eating my bowl the only consolation I had was that I was going to eat some of Henry’s pretzel like the pigeon I am. Ugh.

8:40pm: here we are an hour later at a rest stop and Henry is still pondering the pretzel puzzle:

“It’s not hard though, you’d think it was opened before I bought it, it would be hard….”

9:39pm: did I mention that Henry rented a GMC SUV? He thinks it’s a Terrain? Never heard of it. It feels like something MAGA would drive and I actually hate it so much. Every 5 minutes I’m finding new things about it to hate but mostly it’s that I can picture these on Texan highways with LET’S GO BRANDON stickers on the back window. I always forget that GMC exists and prefer to keep it that way, which is particularly difficult when I’m sitting in one.

10:03pm: we saw the prettiest stray (?) cat at the last rest stop but Henry wouldn’t let me take her :( When we were leaving, there were workers from the rest stop food places outside feeding her so Henry thinks she’s a regular and “will be fine.” Well, he can sleep outside tonight too. I’m sure he will also be fine.

When we were walking back to the car, I was complaining about my distended stomach and said that I actually look pregnant so I started rubbing my belly while saying, “it’s ok baby, we’re almost back to the car.”

“Wow! I’m telling Chooch. You never talked to HIM like that,” Henry said in mock offense. I mean, kind of true. I never called him “baby.” Lol.

Ok I’m posting this now. I miss Chooch. Bye.

10:53pm: I lied. I’m back. We just stopped at this rest stop that has something called TRAILHEAD and Henry said it has something to do with the bike trail that goes to DC or whatever. I needed to get the rest of my steps for the day so we walked over to look at the pavilion that was built and apparently just opened today???-

I guess this is supposed to have a 3D effect but ok.

Oh! When I was in the bathroom, one of the girls working at Baskin was at the sink with me and she said she liked my shoes (just Vans) so of course I had to run back to Henry and tell him because it’s always news worthy when I get a compliment since I am attention starved, always. He didn’t care.

Anyway, this whole time I have been crying over my stomach pains which I have had ever since eating at fucking IKEA. My stomach is so bloated and distended that I could pass for a pregnant lady.

Henry was annoyed that he had to accompany me on my rest stop walk but I was like I DONT WANT SOME TRUCKER TO BE LIKE OOH LOOK AT THIS LATE-IN-LIFE PREGNANT BROAD WHILE LICKING HIS LIPS.

Henry thought this was hilarious and I was like THERE ARE MEN OUT THERE THAT I WOULD APPEAL TO YOU WILL BE SORRY WHEN I GET TAKEN.

Then I started spiraling out. “What if when they check CCTV to get the last known footage of me being seen alive they see me walking through that last rest stop parking lot when I was caressing my fake pregnant stomach and then the APB really does say I’m a late in life pregnant lady???” Henry was like, “omg plz stop.” But then he said that’s probably why the Baskin girl said she liked my shoes, she felt sorry for me being “old and pregnant” and I snapped, “I never said OLD I said LATE IN LIFE but thanks for speaking your truth.”

Then we argued over Trailhead some more because THE HEAD OF THE TRAIL CANNOT EVEN BE ACCESSED AT THIS REST STOP?! Henry said it’s like a mile and a half away. I am so irritated by this.

I mean….wow. Every day I start a new post to rant about this piece of shit admin and then I never post it because what’s the point. And you know, we have talked about the possibilities of one day being marked based on our party affiliation / voting history and I was even nervous about the two short trips we took to Canada over the summer. But now…I feel like we’re under the DARE TO DREAM admin except their DREAMS are our NIGHTMARES and everything is becoming a reality so there is no “waking up from a night terror” reprieve anymore.

Just wanted to say, if anyone is reading this who feels the same way, I’m with you. Trying to stay positive but Jesus Christ, all I do is rage-cry and shake with stress and anger these days. What even is 2025.

Remember when we thought he was dead?

ETA: ok that was depressing so I came back to add some things that cheered me up this week:

1. Jake Webber announced his new roommate and it’s BARRY I LOVE BARRY SO MUCH.
2. I ordered some cutie skirts for vacation and they arrived yesterday – I love them!
3. The Wordle from yesterday was TEETH and I guessed it while IN THE DENTIST’S WAITING ROOM. I excitedly told the hygienist after she called me back and she was like “ok.” This was the same one who asked me if I CHEW TOBACCO btw.
4. Haechan’s LONG-AWAITED solo album dropped recently and it did NOT disappoint. My favorite is Camera Lights:

This absolute cutie was chilling in the backyard the other day which was nice but also terrible because I have lots of backyard friends that could be considered FOOD for this owl so we had to have a conversation. Henry took this picture from the backporch window as I was trying to sternly reason with it to go somewhere else while being met with an “ok Karen” look. 😂 At least it acknowledged me though; the HAWKS just pointedly ignore me although Chooch said one day one one them is going to be like “this bitch” and attack me.

(Seriously though one of my bunny friends was in the driveway RIGHT BEHIND the owl so I had to run out back like a maniac until it hopped under a car. I’m always on backyard patrol, sigh.)

“I was going to write about G-Dragon Day 2 but I don’t want to write about G-Dragon while I’m so fucking pissed,” I said to Henry, on the tail end of yet another nightly rant about TRUMP AND THIS FUCKING COUNTRY, FUCK YOU MAGA!!!! “So, I’ll just write about you and Chooch instead.”

“Wow, thanks,” Henry muttered.

On Memorial Day of this year, Henry and I spent the day at Twin Lakes, a really pretty park about an hour outside of Pittsburgh. We had such a nice day but I was bummed that Chooch wasn’t with us, especially because he was ignoring all of my texts that day because he was playing football which is way less important than responding to Mother, but OK.

That day, I vowed to come back here while Chooch was home for the summer. I ALMOST forgot about it but he goes back to Philly in two weeks and I am scrambling to spend all of the time with him, so I decided that we would take a family day trip here on Sunday, and bring food for a PICNIC.

“Mmm, great,” Chooch sighed when I told him to block off time on Sunday for FAMILY. Like it was a threat??

We stopped at Sheetz and got sandwiches to bring with us. Not a very fancy or well-planned picnic but it’s us, The Oh Honestlys. We are known for half-assing these things.

Henry brought a small bag of pretzels – the nugget ones – and Chooch and I cried out in disgust when he started eating them. Chooch tried to make him move to a far away picnic table while I likened his pretzel-mastication to the sound of gravel being chewed.

Ugh.

Then it was walking-around-the-lake time! It’s so beautiful there. I was actually surprised that it wasn’t more crowded because it was an absolutely perfect day. Sunny and low 60s. We love to see it. Turns out there were some geocaches there so Chooch was mollified, at least while he was searching for said geocaches. But in between those times, I was annoying him with G-Dragon gushing (he actually lectured me recently on being irresponsible when it comes to blindly throwing money at fandoms like who is the parent here??) and requests for picture-posing.

He was acting completely put-upon because he had to carry the reusable straw with him for the whole walk after he threw away his Dunkin’. SORRY FOR CARING ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.

Chooch lurking like Michael Myers over there.

Chooch is wearing a Men I Trust shirt, having just gone to see them last week, but I am always going to relate them to THE DEAD LADY ON THE SIDEWALK, UGH.

(My sweatshirt is DANCE GAVIN DANCE in case you care. The battle of the bands, via shirts.)

“Wait why do you have BLUES CLUES SHORTS?” Chooch cried.

“Uh, because I bought them last summer?” I shrugged.

“Why didn’t you get me any???” Chooch bitched.

“I dunno, because it’s not always about you??”

“You two fight over the dumbest shit,” Henry mumbled.

Geocaching.

“HOW MANY PICTURES DO WE REALLY NEED???” Chooch cried when I made them sit at a picnic table for this one.

“As many as it takes before I get one that I like,” I answered calmly, taking a second one with my sunglasses pushed up. (This one was the keeper though.)

It was a fun day of Chooch criticizing my every action. I’M GOING TO MISS HIM. :(

I love this place. And I love my dumb-dumb family.

After a solid hour-long stroll around the lake, we went to The Meadows for custard – I got peanut butter explosion which felt just like regular custard with some mini-Reese’s pieces sprinkled on top but both Henry and Chooch tasted it and said that the custard was very blatantly peanut butter too but it tasted like just vanilla to me, am I dying??

Ugh, what a good day. I am clinging on to these moments.

I’m an emotional dumpster fire post-GD concerts and trying to distract myself from that on the drive home today so let’s talk about what we did Saturday!

We planned on spending some time in Jersey City but first we went to the Prudential Center for early merch. Got there right before it opened at 10am and still spent a good 45 minutes waiting but it was worth it to avoid having to wait in the massive lines after doors opened later that night.

I’m embarrassed to say how much I spent on merch but we’ll just say that I could have bought another concert ticket for that price ugh G-Dragon makes me lose all common sense. But I got the US version of tour shirt & hoodie, a hat for Henry and a scarf for my lightstick lol.

In Jersey City, we stopped at Gregory’s Coffee (I think?) because I required caffeine after that merch throwdown. I got a prickly pear matcha which was super refreshing but the overall experience at the cafe was frustrating because the two baristas were fucking off behind the counter, chatting etc and the orders were piling up even though only one person was ahead of us (he had multiple drinks). So that was annoying plus the barista mixed my drink before handing it to me so it lost ALL AESTHETIC VALUE. J/k I was only marginally annoyed by that – it tasted great and that’s all I cared about.

Then we walked along the Hudson and it was such a beautiful day even though Henry took a series of pictures of me that accentuated my mongoloid affliction.

(I deleted those with a flourish, don’t worry.)

This statue was horrifying. Even Henry was like “yikes he should have went AWOL like me.”

I guess this is a thing that tourists are required to photograph so I did my duty.

There was a lot of really cool artwork on display around the walkway and I really enjoyed that.

If you can believe this, Henry and I did not fight once this whole weekend. I mean sure I got annoyed with him at times like when he wandered off with my bag of freebies as I was handing them out and I had to run after him like a stoop. But other than that it was such an all-around perfect weekend – that’s the Power of G-Dragon.

After an hour stroll around the river walk, we drove to Busy Bee’s Organics which started out kind of bad when some broad snatched a seat away from me as I was walking over to put our table number sign on it – the only available seats in the place were three stools at the window. She and her boyfriend hadn’t even ordered yet and GOT TAKE-OUT ON TOP OF THAT so they didn’t even need seats?! Luckily, two ladies were leaving right then so we were able to get their table. Not the biggest deal but sometimes the unawareness of others really baffles me. Like read the room.

Not worth fighting over but I did say in a regular volume voice, “Ok I guess I’m not sitting there, wow.” Like, while looking at her. I sincerely don’t even think she realized??? Total vacancy behind her eyes. So, I moved on with life.

I got a Buddha bowl which I had been craving and this one was perfection. I knew I probably wouldn’t be eating dinner because we had to be in VIP line at 4:30 and I was going to be passing out freebies before that, so I needed something sustainable that also wasn’t going to bother my stomach because EVERYTHING BOTHERS MY STOMACH NOW BEING AN ELDER IS SO FUN. Henry got a pulled mushroom burger and let me try it and it was an effing flavor explosion but had I order that for myself I would have been in a world of hurt during the concert. And my stomach was already gurgling nervously at the thought of seeing G-Dragon even closer that night!!

We got there around 1:30 and after we sat down, that place really started popping off. It’s very small inside and it seems like most ppl just order take out. I would definitely go there again!

After that, we made our way back to Newark and were back at the Prudential Center for night 2 of GD magic!

We’re on our way to Newark right now and I have spent the last however many minutes ranting Henry’s ear off and decided that I need to be fully transparent on here because YOU ALL KNOW HOW I MUCH I LOVED JILLIAN MICHAELS. I have gushed over her on here numerous times over the years.

However, the last few years she started putting out REAL WHACK takes on health and medicine, so I eventually unfollowed her on Instagram because not about that RFK Jr poison pond life.

I would admittedly still do her workouts though – I already own them and actually the one I do the most is pirated so she is making no royalties or anything off me – but after her recent DISGUSTING out of pocket remarks on slavery, I will NEVER do another workout of hers again. I never want to see her face on any screen. She can have the fucking small-minded and pathetic cuckoo MAGA life she voted for.

Biggest Loser FOR REAL.

That is all. You’re dismissed.

We bought this dresser / wardrobe set from Ikea last May and then proceeded to barely be home for Henry to make my very specific vision come to fruition.

Let’s just say what I thought was a simple “slap some fabric on it” idea morphed into Henry dusting off the sewing machine and relearning how to sew fabric.

I really have to hand it to Henry – he went above and beyond on this one and probably has an entire leopard faux fur hair ball in his stomach now.

I know it appears that the dresser juts out past the wall and block the doorway but that is an illusion. It actually lines up perfectly to the edge of the wall.

The wardrobe is still in process. I have an idea of what I want to do but have to do some searching!

I made chooch come in and look. He actually said it was nice!

“It’s not done yet – I still have a bunch of rosaries I need to incorporate into it—” I started to say, but he was like “omg bye” and walked away. I’m sure he’s so excited about yet another gaudy piece of furniture he’ll someday inherit.

I do think that I will repaint the angel knobs with a lighter/brighter pink so they show up more.

Tomorrow we will hang up a clown painting from the Gillcrest clown room and a red neon cross. Get stoked for those updates I guess.

My travel journal tells me that after leaving Six Flags that Sunday afternoon, we had our first experience at a coffee chain called SCOOTERS where our drinks were screwed up and Henry had to jump through verbal hoops trying to explain the mishap to the guy at window who kept saying, “Yes” when Henry read back our orders and Henry was like, “No what I’m saying is that these are not that” and it was very awkward but finally he had us pull over and then another guy brought us the correct drinks which were actually very good so no hate to SCOOTERS. Also I like how they tell you to “SCOOT ON AROUND” after you place the order. It’s the little things you guys.

My travel journal also tells me that sometime after this, Chooch yelled to Henry from the backseat, “I’m actually curious how you’re always chewing something. We haven’t even stopped anywhere in a while so what could you possibly be eating?!”

Answer: a hard licorice candy.

Then we stopped at Uranus Fudge which has expanded into much more of a tourist trap since we were last there. Now they have all kinds of photo ops set up, an ice cream shop, a sideshow museum…I certainly don’t remember any of this from 2019, just that the fudge store had TRUMP candy and I was repulsed. As one should be. The only way I would ever buy Trump-themed candy is if he one day chokes on a butterscotch and dies – I’d happily buy a commemorative bag of those sweet saviors.

The lady at the sideshow shop won us over with her charlatan act and we ended up paying $18 (total not each!) to enter the museum which was mostly just a bunch of jars of animals floating in formaldehyde. :(

Left the fudge store unimpressed. I did buy a postcard there for Alyson though because who better to send a postcard to from Uranus?? I have to note that I came prepared this time with a sheet of postcard stamps.

#dorkalert

Couldn’t leave without partaking in this photo op.

We made it to Branson sometime around 6:00 I would say, checked into our hotel (Grandview) which was the same one we stayed at in 2019. It was a decent enough hotel. Very quiet and that’s all I really care about to be honest. I mean, I want it to be clean too! But silence is key.

For being a Sunday in a tourist town, most of the restaurants closed around 7pm so our options were pretty much pizza or GTFO. We found a place called PAPPO’S in downtown Branson and it ended up being such a vibe. This was basically the start of a week of referencing our waiter – TRUMAN. I keep wanting to call him Landon for some reason. He was Blake-ish in that he talked like he was sleepy/high, and he was wearing some great jewelry. Every time he came to our table, I would just stare at his hands because of his accessories.

Truman was very patient while Henry and I hemmed and hawed over our flight choices and had to keep going to the bar to get answers to our questions – they had a QR code that brought up their beer list but it was just the names of the beers and not the types???

My favorite was Monk’s Communion – as soon as Truman reported that it was a Belgian I yelled, “my favorite!” And he said in a very surfer manner, “Let’s do it!” But disclaimer, he said that after EVERYTHING. Chooch jokingly replayed one of the scenes the next day: “Can we have more napkins?”

“Let’s do it!” And then he never brought the napkins.

We were flipping out because after this we kept seeing so many references to Truman. Street names, shopping plaza names, a LAKE. Then I realized, “Oh it’s because Harry S Truman was from Missouri.” LOL. I wonder if Truman’s parents were presidential history buffs??!! Is he distantly related to Harry Truman??? I should have asked this when I left a Google review of PAPPO’S and specifically called out Truman for amplifying our experience to god tier lol. Someone from PAPPO’S replied and said “good job Truman!” MAYBE IT WAS TRUMAN.

Got a stain immediately.

Two downsides: the veggie sandwich I was eyeing couldn’t be done because they didn’t have eggplant anymore. UGH. So I got a regular veggie sandwich. It was ok but a lot smaller than I anticipated which sucked because I had already promised half of it to Chooch in exchange for some of his white pizza which came with chicken and Truman was like “Uhhhh….” but it was Chooch’s fault for not reading the menu!

Food mishaps aside, the pizza was actually good (once the chicken was picked off) – I loved the crust, my sandwich was good – I loved the bread, the beer was REALLY good – I liked all of my picks, and the vibe was on point – mostly because I was obsessed with Truman lol.

I forgot his name the next day though briefly and accidentally called him Sherman, which made me ask Chooch if he remembered our server Sherman from the first time we went to Dollywood and he got really annoyed.

“How could I forget? You bring him up literally every time we visit Bill.”

Lol. True. Sherman really impacted our lives.

After dinner, we walked along this – lake? It was right next to the shopping center where PAPPO’S resides. It was a nice little walk but chooch was pissed because there was a geocache he couldn’t access because some creepy guy was “fishing” where he needed to go.

Since Henry and I had each had a flight of beer, Chooch was our DD. This was one of my favorite moments of the whole trip – Chooch taking us on a frantic joy ride thought Branson at night. Henry was fuming from the backseat while I was flat out cackling in the passenger seat. Chooch is so scary.

I made him take us to Hurts Donut, a small Missouri chain that I had known about from my days of following A Beautiful Mess because I believe it started in their hometown of Springfield.

We took them back to the hotel and sampled some before leaving again. I believe we got:

– glazed old fashioned with chocolate drizzle?

– coconut with coconut cream in the middle

– Tang!!

– a cake donuts with sprinkles and a frosted animal cookie, this was my favorite. It tasted like childhood.

– churro, second fave

– chocolate covered cherry. This was chooch’s and I didn’t try it.

Then we walked up the street to one of the many amusement parks so Chooch could get a +1 on an SBF Visa Spinner (thoosie lingo, nbd). I think I already mentioned this but there was a really pretty hotel at the top of the street called Hotel Victorian and Chooch, who hated our hotel just because the gym sucked, said, “Just a reminder that if we stayed at the Victorian, we wouldn’t have had to walk up this hill.” This was probably the 5th time that Chooch had thrown Henry’s poor hotel picking skills in his face and we had only been in Branson for about 4 hours at that point. Henry was ready to slug him lol. Ok fine I was also contributing to the Victorian narrative lol. I was obsessed with the huge chandelier in the lobby that you could see from the road. The only thing our lobby had was a Dolly’s Stampede ticket counter and a bland front desk clerk who sat there with headphones on all night.

$13 for this stupid credit. They at least sent it around about 15 times though. That’s 14 times too many in opinion.

Then we went back to the not-Victorian, watched some Game Show Network (I liked it better when it showed all old shows, not all of these modern day remakes!!!) and went to bed. We had a LONG day ahead of us, lol ugh.

9:17am: we’re almost to Ohio, just stopped at Sheetz in WV for breakfast foods and Henry is mad because I always get a fruit cup and then pick around the fruit I don’t like and try to pass it onto him while he’s driving because I can never get the lid back on and he screamed IF WE END UP IN THE HOSPITAL ONE DAY ITS GOING TO BE BECAUSE OF THIS!!! and angrily shook the fruit cup then passed it off to Chooch in the backseat. “You do this! I can’t do this while driving 70mph!” And then Chooch was crying about “why can’t she do it??!!” Meanwhile I was laughing so hard I almost choked.

Then Chooch was bitching about Henry leaving trash (specifically candy wrappers) in the side of car door. Then Henry turned around and put his breakfast trash in the empty Sheetz bag next to Chooch, which made Chooch deadpan, “wow. I’m surprised you didn’t shove that into the car door. Muscle memory” and I lost it.

You guys, these road trips are chaos but I freaking treasure them lol.

Oh also we were listening to the Kpop Demon Hunter soundtrack and I burst into tears. “This song makes me cry,” I shakily laughed, dabbing my eyes with a napkin lol ugh.

9:42am: I’m mad that Henry doesn’t have a military ID thing because he could be getting mad discounts at parks but he is now mansplaining this to me. He legit just said “I’m pretty sure they took that from me when I left” and I said, “I believe the word is CONFISCATED. They CONFISCATED your ID because you went AWOL and had a dishonorable discharge.”

He’s done talking about this now, suddenly.

Chooch, telling me, “you’re so annoying! You’re actually so annoying!”

Oh yeah I forgot he was also bitching as soon as we left this morning because I always have to get a full birthday week when everyone else gets a day. Well, when you’re forced to take birthday matters into your own hands because no one else cares, you too can drag it out for a week. More if you want! Go hog wild, honey bear.

11:02am: LETS JUST STOP, DROP EVERYTHING because Henry just admitted that the classic 2005 Chiodos track “Baby, You Wouldn’t Last a Minute on the Creek” is ICONIC.

12:46pm: KENTUCKY!

1:05pm: I just had the most satisfying pee of my life at a rest stop after chugging a liter of water. Ahhh. Henry and Chooch were grateful for this update so I thought you might also appreciate it, Blog.

1:41pm: Just left Love’s and Henry is being a big bitch baby because we apparently “rushed” him out so he didn’t get any food for himself and is being a huge martyr about it like look at Henry, willing to STARVE in order to get his family to the amusement park faster. Get over yourself! It’s not like I’m dining on a lavish lunch – I got a protein bar and a Cracker Barrel cheese and cracker thing. Thanks, Loves.

Also I wanted everyone in that place to get the fuck away from me. Welcome to Kentucky.

Lol Henry gets to buy the old person ticket at Beech Bend, love this for him.

3:02om: Just left RaceTrac whatever that is where Chooch made Henry buy an air freshener for the car so now there is strong stench of vanilla wafting through this bitch.

Anyway, obligatory bathroom selfie:

And an extravagant froyo section:

3:17pm: Lots of bickering later, we made it to Bowling Green! 12 minutes to Beech Bend Park from here.

3:52pm We’re in line for our second coaster! Will probably do a full recap tomorrow but here’s us!

I highkey love it here already.

6:15pm: Just left! They close at 7 but we got to do everything we wanted. I forgot that we’re in Central time so we actually got here at 3:30. We didn’t fight at all! It was delightful and I will definitely be posting about it separately probably tomorrow.

The downside is that it’s about 90 degrees and blazing sun – there was very little shade there.

We’re at Farm Boy in Morgantown KY after pulling into the lot of KUNTRY KITCHEN and leaving bc it looked sketch but now I wish we had stayed because this place is creepy but at least our waitress is super nice. We tried to order breakfast though and she got the ALAMO TOUR GUIDE tone real quick when she said they stop serving breakfast after 11 on weekends.

Chooch and I had to order grilled cheese from the kids and senior menu.

7:11pm: Chooch literally has no idea what parks we’re going to and just realized we’re going to be gone for a week and probably didn’t pack enough. He’s so annoyed lol.

Also the waitress seemed like she was trying to suppress her “taken aback-ness” at my request for tomato on my grilled cheese. Is that not common in Kentucky?!

7:28pm: Ugh one of the reasons we left KUNTry Kitchen was because some creepy old guy was slithering through the parking lot and I said, “oh hell no I don’t want to eat with that guy” and Chooch was like, “you’re so judgmental” but seriously ugh.

Then Henry just started laughing and I was like WHAT and he was like “look at who is sitting over my the door” and ITS HIM ugh. Chooch was cracking up – he has actually sort of letting himself laugh these days lol.

7:36pm:

Omg now he’s sitting outside talking to himself lol.

8:27pm: Some bridge over the Ohio River, now we’re in Indiana I guess.

Ugh:

Indiana Michigan Power apparently.

10:25pm: In bed at whatever Super 8 this is in Evansville IL apparently. I don’t understand geography so I don’t know how Illinois factors in.

The lady at the front desk told me she liked my shirt and turns out she likes Pierce the Veil. “I like my music angry so I don’t have to be” so said and then just kept going with the bit and it was starting to get unhinged.

Then the key didn’t work while Henry was out in the car so I thought he gave me the wrong room # and I kept calling him repeatedly and the dumb fuck wouldn’t answer so then Chooch and I just stood in the hallway listening to the screechy sounds of our temporary neighbors and I am not happy right now.

(Yes it was the right room and miraculously the key worked as soon as Henry got off the elevator and joined us. Ugh.)

Good night!!!

Our annual poorly planned amusement park road trip for my birthday week starts tomorrow! This one is pretty ambitious: lots of states, SUPER GLAMOROUS, no hotels booked yet, and honestly probably not enough effort was put into this. But hopefully there will be many pockets of fun tucked into the chaos!

Henry has changed the route numerous times and even tried to change it AGAIN the other night but I snapped and said JUST LEAVE IT!!

The most solid plans are as follows:

1. Beech Bend Park in Bowling Green, KY
2. Six Flags over St. Louis
3. SILVER DOLLAR CITY, THE REDEMPTION TOUR in Branson, MO
4. Worlds of Fun in Kansas City, MO
5. Adventureland in Altoona, IA (our first time in Iowa and I am bizarrely stoked for this! I WANT A CORN MAGNET)
6. Lost Island in WATERLOO, IA
7. Arnolds Park Amusement Park in….Arnolds Park, IA
8. Bay Beach in Green Bay, WI (you might remember that we were supposed to go here a few summers ago when we went to Wisconsin Dells but the forecast was BIG RAIN and it was quite a bit out of the way so we dumped that plan.

I am sure there will be TONS of arguing, crying, stressing (hate leaving Penelope BUT my mom will be staying with her so that gives me some peace), and general bitch fests. But it’s gotta be better than last summer’s emotional disaster of a birthday road trip. I won’t discredit the memories because there were some good moments but the fact of the matter was that I was not emotionally stable enough to be able to go on a healthy vacation like that. I was deep in the throes of grief over the loss of Bambi, and consumed with daily stress and fear over Chooch leaving for college. PROBABLY should have stayed home, but can’t change that now!

I am lowkey hoping that this one turns out to be as memorable and fun as our Spring Break Coaster Road Trip of 2022 – that one was AMAZING and we actually barely fought. Please wish this for us, lol.

Anyway, I’ll be liveblogging and microblogging along the way because it’s legit my favorite thing to do AND I EVEN GOT A NEW VACATION JOURNAL so I can write down my BIG FEELINGS every time Henry and Chooch hurt me. I anticipate lots of closed-quarters gaslighting. We’ll see.

What I’m most looking forward to:

• getting to (hopefully) ride the coasters that weren’t running the last time we were at Silver Dollar City
• A BRAND NEW RMC JUST OPENED LAST WEEK AT LOST ISLAND!!!
• legit just being in Iowa, I’m so oddly fascinated
• Mamba at Worlds of Fun
• hopefully finding quirky and old diners to eat at and potentially purchase merch! (I love collecting t-shirts from diners we eat at, it’s dumb but I don’t care)
• sending postcards! I was prepared this time and bought postcard stamps to take with me and by that I mean Henry sent to Chooch to the post office to buy postcard stamps for me
• spending time together because this might be Chooch’s last summer home while he’s in college and after that, I do not anticipate him wanting to vacation with his parents lol.

Well, that’s it. Catch me on my exotic road trip for the next week. In the middle of MAGAland. Yee haw.

In case you didn’t know, Chooch is oddly obsessed with Ibuprofen. Not the “taking ibuprofen” part, but just the…idea of it? The concept of the pill? I have no idea how this started. I’m sure there is some inside joke / back story that I’m not privy to because I’m a MOM.  I remember back when he started high school, shit was still virtual because of the pandemic and I got a CALL FROM ONE OF HIS TEACHERS because he jokingly said something about snorting Ibuprofen in the class chat???? I mean, OK , I get it – it was stupid on his part, but like…he wasn’t talking about coke or Angel Dust?? Anyway, his IG handle and email address both have Ibuprofen in it, and this is actually a crime against me because I have the hardest time pronouncing that word and he and Henry drag me so hard for it. Then a few weeks ago, I saw this shirt in an IG ad and was like, “Finally, a shirt that I know he will want” because he usually says NO THANKS every  time I try to buy him shirts so that he can stop wearing all of the free shirts he won on campus by doing stupid challenges or spinning a wheel or signing a petition, etc.

Yo, he wore it all day before realizing that it’s misspelled and the misspelling is actually the way I pronounce Ibuprofen!!!!

I hate AI and who knows who much energy this expended but Henry made this dumb picture of us from the Stray Kids concert and I begrudgingly have to admit that it’s adorable. LOOK AT MY LIGHT STICK!

Ugh, Chooch is so rude and takes picture of Penelope when she’s in vulnerable states, I swear to god he is so rude to her!!

Well, I think that’s all I got. To sum up my life lately, one of my work friends messaged me and said she dropped her lunch when she took it out of the microwave and asked how my day’s going and I said that every day is basically one big metaphorical dropped lunch.

Noroc!!!

(That’s one of the only Romanian words I know so far, along with copil – child, lol.)

This past weekend was pretty chill. Another hot one though, that’s for sure! Henry has finally started on the fabric-portion of the bedroom dresser refurb which required him to dust off his sewing machine and “practice” on scraps of fabric, lol. He is such a little Henrietta Homemaker.

I let him take a break in the afternoon and we went to Duffy’s for some Saturday night beers. I think I am mostly over IPAs now, and actually not really excited about beer in general anymore (I’m so hot and cold, anyone will tell you that!!) but we did get two varieties from the local brewery Lolev. We went there over the winter with Amy and Dick and it’s kind of become the benchmark for me as far as local breweries because we had such a great experience there. I’m just going to go on record here and say something that is probably considered contentious by Yinzers, but I think Lolev is a million times better than the overhyped Spoonwood. I SAID WHAT I SAID. I won’t be going back to Spoonwood unless Chronica have another large gathering and that’s the venue. Then I will go. But I will probably just drink water!

This was absolutely delightful.

The next day, I went to Sally Ann’s for brunch with Sandy, Lauren, and Amber. Always nice to chat with them! I miss Lauren and Sandy a lot – and even though I still chat with Amber weekly at work, I miss seeing her IRL!

Brunch was really nice but PICKLESBURGH was gearing up right as we were leaving so downtown was turning into pickled pandemonium. I guess this was the 10th anniversary of Picklesburgh so the city went all out and expanded it to various bridges and streets. I only went to the first one, which was contained to one bridge and even then it was way too much for me. Chooch and I had only gone to see our friend Bethany and her band Balloon Ride Fantasy perform at the end of the bridge and I distinctly remember that this older woman from the mail room, BETTY, was there and I was like, “OMG Betty sighting in the wild!” She was a crazy character, but very beloved by people in the firm.

Anyway, I was hoping to check out the little vendors’ square near Heinz Hall to see if there was anything fun to get my friend Lyda from our Seattle office as a housewarming gift. Amber and Sandy accompanied me and Amber said, “Lyda’s really taken a liking to you,” and I said, “I know.” Super smug, as usual :) I’ve been training Lyda at work and we had already had a good rapport before that but now we chat even more frequently and my absolute favorite thing is that she will come to me for song recs to listen to during her afternoon “strut.” She said that she likes asking me for music because I’m so passionate about it and always give her back stories and I said, “Yo, THANK YOU” because it genuinely seems like most people find this to be on the long list of my most annoying traits! On Tuesday, I introduced her to  the Dance Gavin Dance lore and she was all in. (She’s Team Kurt Travis, in case you were wondering.)

(You weren’t.)

I was extremely disappointed in the pickle wares on display so I parted ways with Amber and Sandy and continued out of the boundaries of Picklesburgh to a cute little shop called Love, Pgh. I go here often when I’m looking for Pgh-centric gifts for friends. It’s so cute and the people working are always extremely friendly. On this day, the cashier immediately said she loved my kimoni-esque coverup when I walked in, and then when I was paying she said she loved my purse too and I was like, “I know.”

No, I’m kidding, I’m not that cunty lol. I just shyly said thanks.

But yeah, I should have just come there first because it had so many things that made great options for a housewarming gift.

I mean, I had to walk there with a sketchy older gentleman panhandler who I could NOT shake until he dropped his plastic cup of donations at which point I said the classic, “Op!” paused for a second to show concern, then swiftly walked on.

I can only be so people-y before I get burnt out.

Later that afternoon, Henry and I walked to Potomac Station because I wanted to try this new Cherry Coke espresso drink they have?? Apparently, they have buddied up with local influencers (ugh) and let some of them create new drinks for them. The first 30 people to get this one after it debuted on Saturday got it served in a cherry tumbler. Well, I guess they overestimated the hype for it because we went a full day later and I got it in the tumbler too. It was just OK.

The smoothie bowl Henry made me for dinner later on was definitely more write-home-about-able.

Jeez guys, I think that was all I have to say about the weekend! I did stuff but it was just very mid overall. There is some action on the calendar for the coming weeks so I should be appreciative of slower weekends – they can’t all be amazingly memorable! Nice to see my friends on Sunday though!

P.S. I just realized that every picture in this post is a drink + a drink in a bowl. What a fascinating weekend recap, you are so very welcome.

Just a quick post to share Chooch’s OOTD from one day last week and to share an exchange we had today that literally made my heart feel so full after missing him this past year while he was at school:

He came downstairs around 1:00pm or so and went into the kitchen to make lunch. That was my signal to also go into the kitchen and make some protein coffee.

“Really? Every time I’m in the kitchen you suddenly also need to be in the kitchen. Ugh you’re so annoying! You literally had all day to do whatever it is that you suddenly need to do now!”

Then when he was trying to get something out of the fridge and when he turned around I was waiting all up in his face and said, “oh good get my creamer while you’re in there”

I love torturing him and invading his space so much. It’s like the sole reason I was put on this earth. <3