We have been doing a pretty good job keeping busy these days and I have definitely noticed an improvement in my mental standing! I’m starting to think of my therapist as more a life coach at this point because she has been clutch in helping me reinvent myself in this confusing season of life.

Here are some things from the last week!

We went to see The Drama at the Hollywood Wednesday night. So far, we have gone there at least once a month since December so I think we’re doing a pretty good being supportive patrons. I love the new rainbow lighting they put in since we were last there!

The Drama was fantastic, though! It was highly recommended by our son the movie critic. Aside from the kids shows she did back in the day, I haven’t really experienced Zendaya in “grown up” roles and she was pretty impressive. Also, I love how much Robert Pattinson has evolved since his Edward Cullen days. He’s incredible, and they both made this movie super engaging. (Also, it was not what I was expecting at all.)

Penelope could not care less.

I accidentally started watching vlogs on YouTube about people journaling and I felt so inspired to do more in my vacation and haunted house journals, especially when the one woman was printing out photo stickers from her phone – I cried, “I NEED ONE OF THOSE PRINTERS!!!” This was on Easter. By Monday, I had my own Canon mini printer because the Easter bunny heard me. 

I started using it immediately!  Here’s a picture of Tallin, Estonia that I printed out for this Finland/Estonia page of my old vacation journal. This is going to be so good for my haunted house journal too, I’m really stoked!

But these random, serendipitous vlogs also got me extra inspired to start sketching again too. Honestly, I don’t know what I did to get these things to start appearing in my YouTube feed but I’m not mad about it because I have been craving a new creative outlet and I think reviving something that I used to do as a teen/young adult definitely counts! I need to get a nice, compact sketch book ASAP.

Meanwhile, Henry was in Chooch’s room trying to gather things that can be donated when he called me over. “You will NEVER need to buy pens or pencils of any sort for your sketching,” he said with mild exasperation, Vanna White’ing his hands over Chooch’s HUGE stash of pens, markers, pastels, colored pencils, watercolor pens, regular pencils…most have never even been touched. This is something that we marvel over quite often: what is the catalyst behind Chooch’s secret hoarding of writing apparati? What is the origin story?? I will tell you that this has been happening for many years – he must take a pen from everywhere he goes, like a compulsion. Henry tried to get him take a box of them back to Philly the last time but Chooch left them here so it doesn’t seem like he is…ATTACHED to these things in any way. Maybe it’s more of the act of the acquisition than the actual “having.” He gets ’em and forgets ’em.

(You can imagine how much he wilded out at the college fairs in high school! PENS GALORE!)

Still crying over Mark Lee, not gonna lie. Using my Book MARK to honor him, LOL.

This weekend so far has been pretty fucking great. We spent almost all of Saturday with our friends Shawn and Jess (more on that in a separate post) and it made me realize how much time I spend alone because I talked SO MUCH that I barely had a voice left by the time we parted ways, and then I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat! (I’m not sick – it was just mad at me for talking so much!)

Anyway, here’s an eagle (so says Henry) that we saw while waiting for Shawn and Jess to meet us at the Bayernhof Museum.

We ended Saturday at home watching the Coachella livestream of Taemin’s set. He has officially become the first Korean male solo artist to perform at Coachella and he fucking crushed it.

There aren’t any full videos available yet from what I can see but here’s a clip of one of my favorite songs of his – Guilty.

Today was a more chill day. The weather is amazing so we got some iced match from Meccha Matcha and went for a walk at Homewood Cemetery. Again, I have to be a grumpy old person and complain about how cemeteries have been hot spots for walkers ever since the general masses “discovered” them during the pandemic. I miss the days when could go to the cemetery for a walk and be the only people there – NEVER HAPPENS NOW. Especially at Homewood. Call me a boneyard hipster, I don’t give a shit, but I have gone to cemeteries to walk since I was a teenager in the 90s and I hate that it’s no longer a quiet escape.

I sound like my neighbor, the most miserable woman in the world BUT I SAID WHAT I SAID.

And now I’m preparing to watch the Pens game on HBO, maybe look online for a sketchbook, feed the squirrels (one of the little boy Buddys let me touch his tail the other day, I love him so much), who knows where the rest of Sunday will take me!

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6:30am: On our way to Williamsburg for a quick overnighter! We left the house about an hour ago and I’m fighting to keep my eyes open out of solidarity for Henry as he drives in the dark.

Nothing eventful to report as yet. I finished an audio book that was mid at best (Single Player – not something I would normally choose but I needed it to complete a Goodreads challenge) and we stopped at Sheetz on 51 a while back for morning things. I only just got coffee because it felt too early for food and now of course, I’m hungry. Also, I was so tired at Sheetz that I didn’t realize I was pouring the creamer into the garbage instead of my coffee!!

But now we have a Romanian hits playlist on so I’m pretending like we’re cruising through the Maramures even tbough this is just dumb Laurel Highlands (I think? We just passed Laurel Caverns).

7:56am: in some rural part of Maryland rife with MAGA lawn ornamentation. Yes, even still.

Oh wait, we JUST crossed over to West Virginia somehow?! We’re in Paw Paw! I asked Henry if we’ve ever come this way before to Williamsburg and he doesn’t think so, he’s at the mercy of Waze. We just passed a sign for Berkeley Springs and I remembered that we came home this way from King’s Dominion in 2023 and now Henry (in his gross uncle Tay-Bans btw) just nodded knowingly like he knew this whole time when he had JUST SAID “I don’t think so” after I first asked?’ Friends, gaslighting in process. Sound the alarm.

8:18am: just got the welcome to Virginia announcement on Waze! Also, I need to add that yesterday Henry and I went for a walk around the neighborhood and he tripped THREE TIMES, and I mean TRIPPED, like “lurch into the air, Superman-arms” tripping. And all three times it was in front of witnesses like this was the new town spectator sport. I was at once horrified and embarrassed. He made excuses every single time too, refusing to admit to neurological damage. “These people need to straighten their sidewalks!” he cried and I was like, “Or you can just LOOK WHERE YOU ARE WALKING?!” Jesus Christ.

10:40am: Chooch just called out Henry for eating cashews grossly and it reminded me of when we were on the coaster crew trip and someone was trying to catch a bee on the bus and it was very action-forward so I was recording and ofc Henry is in the frame totally inhaling a Nordic cinnamon bun like a feral beast, using TWO HANDS and kicking his fingers to boot. I sent the video to chooch and we’re dying at the memory while Henry is like NEXT TIME YOU TWO CAN GO BY YOURSELVES and for those of you keeping count at home, yes he says this at least once on every trip, no matter how big or small.

11:32am: just entered Williamsburg! Can you believe we only stopped three times, and quickly? I really did not think we would make it here before noon but here we are!

5:02pm: Sitting in the Griffon pavilion area while Henry and Chooch are in because I had a headache that had gotten progressively worse as the day goes on because Henry refused to give me Tylenol in the car. I’m getting a little better but bro, when I was on Pantheon, that was the closest I have ever come to puking on a ride. More later!

7:13pm: we’re about to leave Busch Gardens and OUR HOUSE BY MADNESS is blasting in the England section FML.

7:25pm: just made it back to the car and I said that it’s hard to believe he’s going to be 20 next month when he still acts like a baby and he said “ok and you’re over 40 and still act a baby.” UGH TOUCHE.

7:55pm: just checked into our hotel – it’s a Homewood Suites and we got a suite so chooch has his own room and he is very happy about this.

Lobby things.

8:26pm: At Freddy’s Frozen Custard & Steak Burgers and the service has been DELIGHTFUL to the point that I don’t even care at this point if the food sucks.

They make their veggie burgers from black beans!!

OH AND THE CURE WAS PLAYING WHEN WE WALKED IN! (Just like Heaven.)

It was actually satisfying and they have good sauces. While we were sitting there waiting for our food the manager came over to see if we needed anything and he was so nice, and the kid who took our order was so nice, so I was inspired to thank them for mainframe our experience so nice before we left and they invited me back for bingo on Tuesday.

Anyway, I like telling people when I had a good experience- I’m more likely to let bad service/experiences go because complaining takes so much energy and just makes me feel gross afterward (I mean, depending on the severity of the situation then I crack the knuckles and get to work on an e-missive full of expletives). But telling someone they did a good job is nice because how often does that happen, in a world of Karens and Chads.

Actually! This makes me think of the last time we were at Busch Gardens when I stopped by customer service on the way out to sing the praises of the Pantheon crew and the two bitch ladies there were just like “ok and.”

9:36pm: back at the hotel after getting ice cream at Kilwins. Henry and I bought got a small scoop and it was $16! William & Mary will do that, I guess.

Mine was no sugar added caramel ripple. It was ok but I gave most of it to Henry because my disordered eating has my stomach on fire right now.

Chooch opted for a shamrock shake at McDonald’s where some man brought in his boombox and was acting like the resident DJ of his own accord. Granted, Chooch and I were just watching this from the car but Henry was excited to come out and tell us.

Well, on that note, I’m getting ready for bed. This 4am start to the day has me feeling like I’m about to pass out!

On the first day of training at Echostar in 1999, our trainer made us go around the room and say one word that described ourselves. When it was my turn, I punched my invisible pompoms in the air and exclaimed that I was EFFERVESCENT. Sadly, I probably super meant it too because I was 19, overconfident and ready to steal the show.

Now, at age 46, sitting on the couch in sweats with a cat collapsed across my chest, I’d say…what’s the opposite of effervescent?

Flat.

(Also, the amount of times I call back to that Echostar blog post is kind of concerning considering I was only there for less than a month.)

Ugh, Monday. We had a pretty nice weekend, weather-wise, and now it is dreary and rainy, and the temperature drops more and more as the day goes on.

Thankfully, we made time to get out yesterday while the sun was out there strutting. I wanted to take flowers to Barb’s grave since the last time we visited, there was snow on the ground and we couldn’t do much. That meant stopping at Market District on the way to Queen of Heaven cemetery, and I HATE GROCERY STORES ESPECIALLY ON SUNDAYS. But for Barb, I’ll do it. It was stupid-crowded there and we had to wait in a long line for the self-check out! I was like, “What is this madness??” but Henry was basically tilting his head back, eyes closed, basking in the audible chaos around us. He really has a sickness. I’m telling you. In fact, he stopped at a Market District Express after the cemetery (allegedly just to pee and get a drink, then why was he gone so long BECAUSE HE HAD TO WALK DOWN EVERY AISLE) and then he went to Giant Eagle after dinner!

He needs help!!!

(One of these days, I’m going to come on here crying about how I just found out that OMG all those times Henry was “going to the store,” he was actually GOING DOWN SOME BITCH’S PANTS and you guys are going to be like, “Yeah, no shit, you thought he was really just GOING TO THE STORE? OK wow. Stupe.”)

This is not where Barb is, but I just thought it was pretty.

But oh, Barb. It still sucks so bad. She was so special to me, and to so many others! I can’t believe she has been gone for two years now. 2024 was really just such a fantastically shitty year, I hate even thinking about it.

The rest of Sunday was pretty chill. We watched the Oscars and that was…a thing that happened. The only nominated things I had seen were Marty Supreme, If I Had Legs I Would Kick You, One Battle After Another, Hamnet, Kpop Demon Hunters, Weapons, and Sinners.

I thought for sure Sinners had best picture in the bag. Really thought it was more deserving, but I did enjoy OBAA too. I saw someone say on Threads that OBAA is a movie that you watch and enjoy and then forget about, but Sinners is a movie that sticks with you and makes you want to rewatch it for all of the layers and I agree with this.

And I used to like Jessie Buckley until she so grossly bragged about hating cats and making her now-husband get rid of his. Why, Jessie Buckley. Why. I liked you so much and wanted to be more stoked for you.

But overall:

• Conan was great
• the Sinners performance was incredible
• yay Kpop Demon Hunters (dying that TEDDY PARK has an Oscar)
• HOLY SHIT BARBARA STREISAND (if you didn’t know, I have had an 80-year-old woman living inside my eardrum since I was born and have always loved Barbara so much)
• the Bridesmaid thing was so awkward (plus I can’t stand Melissa McCarthy so I just wanted her off the stage)
• and basically, everything else was corny and weird plus the weird audio and waste-of-time audience interactions, cutting off the “Golden” songwriters and Kpop Demon Hunters writers during their acceptance speeches.

Honestly, watching the whole thing did not make me wish I had never given up awards shows, that’s for sure.

There was not enough speaking out against the administration though, I will tell you that much. Thank you, Conan, Jimmy Kimmel, Javier Bardem and the “Mr. Nobody Against Putin” crew who were the only ones with any balls to say anything against Trump, Free Palestine, No War. Disappointing, overall.

Oh, and I texted Chooch during it to see if he thinks Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie will be nominated next year and he said “lol” ugh.

Speaking of Dear Son, he comes home on Friday for Spring Break! I’m excited.

Bye.

I got it BAD. My NTBTSTM poster came today and Henry, supporter of all of my obsessions, tucked it preciously into its frame immediately, took a nap, woke up and made my dinner, went grocery shopping, came home and hung it in Chooch’s ex-room. I am so delighted! I can’t wait for Chooch to come home for spring break and see it LOL.

Another sign of Henry’s support: we originally had plans to see One Battle After Another at the Hollywood tomorrow night but Henry said, “OR. We can go see Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie again.” I think that’s what we’re going to do and I’m giddy about it! (Probably not tomorrow night thought because I loathe going to the Waterfront on a Friday night.)

In the meantime, I have spent most of my life these days consuming every Matt Johnson interview I can find on YouTube while gushing to Henry about how amazing I think he (Matt Johnson, not Henry) is and Henry calmly agrees with me every time.

I guess Henry’s got it bad too.

I saw a Thread recently where someone was saying that scientists should get into the lab and find a way to harness the collective rage from women and turn it into sustainable energy.

I laughed.

I cried.

I screamed.

*I can only type in Pittsburghese

In a continuing effort to not be old people rotting on the couch, Henry and I went downtown after work last night to see “Nirvanna: The Band, The Show, The Movie” which comes highly recommended by the imitable, hard-to-impress Chooch. The weather wasn’t too bad so we opted to just take the T downtown, and it was a very uneventful ride. However, we did NARROWLY miss having a bunch of Disney on Ice attendees jamming onto the same T as us – they came unprepared and were n00bs at the fare booth so they had to wait for the next one. See ya, suckers!

Dumb Henry thought the movie started at 7PM, so we got there around 6:30PM and the Harris Theater people were confused, and all like, “Yes? Can we help you?” and that is how we found out that it didn’t start until 7:30. We ended up walking to Market Square to kill time at The Space Bar.

It was OK. Gimmicky and Instagrammable, nice bartender, but I wasn’t really WOW’d by it, possibly because as usual I had order remorse.

OK what the actual fuck with this picture though?? I swear when I took it last night, it was a normal picture. Then I looked at it later and it had morphed into Foreigner’s Double Vision. Sadly, I HADN’T EVEN HAD A SIP OF IT YET, LITERALLY NO LIQUOR WAS IN MY SYSTEM when I snapped what looked like the 5th cocktail of a Thursday night bender.

But yeah, it was the Yogo Zogo and served legitimately like a boba, in a sealed plastic cup and all. It was good (I mean, it had yogurt soju which is one of my favorite soju flavors) but I dunno, for $15 I should have got something more Space Bar-ish I guess.

It did the trick though because I was fully buzzed.

The…bathMOON.

Sufficiently inebriated, we made our way back to the Harris where I proceeded to ask the concession stand person, “WHERE DO WE GO” like it would have been so hard to figure out but sometimes when I’m in public, it’s like I’m an alien here on secondment. I truly should not be allowed to leave the house, in all honesty.

I would like to add here that I didn’t watch the trailer for this. I just looked up a short synopsis and thought, “This is probably not something I’d go see on my own volition” but Chooch’s enthusiasm was very convincing.

The theater gradually filled up a good bit for a Thursday night in a downtown that generally has little after-6PM activity. I have to say, this may have been the most fun I have had in a theater, laughing with strangers?! The audience really elevated an already hilarious movie and I am so glad that I listened to Chooch and went to see it in the theater because it was exponentially more fun than watching it at home. I’m just saying, when your college-aged kid deigns to give you their recommendations, TAKE IT.

There was one part where I was simultaneously laughing and crying to the point that I started to shake and I was concerned I was having a nervous breakdown; it was so alarming. Maybe I just had that much stress built up and all the laughing was cleansing my head, I don’t know but I felt GREAT when we left!

Also, what a great little theater. I am ashamed to say that, even working downtown in the office for 10 years, I have only been to this theater ONE TIME and it was WHEN I WAS PREGNANT, so…2005 or 2006? Janna and I had gone there to see a Neil Gaiman movie (MirrorMask–I remember NOTHING about this except that Janna and I got on the wrong T coming home so Henry had to pick us up at one of the stations and then I accidentally slammed Janna’s hand in the car door when we got back to my house). The amount of times I’d look at the flyers in the window and say, “Oh, I should see that after work…” and THEN NEVER DID IT is actually so annoying.

Then we had to wait for-fucking-ever for the T to come (as usual, fuck you Pgh) and then the same fucking Disney on Ice families that missed the inbound T earlier WERE ON THE SAME ONE AS US ON THE WAY BACK AND IT WAS ABSOLUTE HELL. Yinzers would never survive in other countries that have SUBWAY SILENCE etiquette. Also, the cast of The Pitt could have really done some bigly accent studying on that T, Jesus Christ.

Overall, though? I AM SO GLAD WE WENT! And I’m even more glad that Chooch thinks I’m cool enough to give movie recommendations to.

Plus! We got to be serenaded on the walk home from the T.

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We were watching something where people were at a BBQ place in Buffalo and they got an order of hush puppies so I cried out in victory, “Hush puppies! I could get hush puppies if we ever went where.” Because you, vegetarians don’t typically fare well at bbq joints.

And just like that, a hidden memory was unlocked about the time in 1998 or 1999 when my then-friend Cinn and I went to some business in Forest Hills for a job interview (we both got it and on the day we were about to start, I was like, “Surprise! I quit” before even leaving the house hahahah, oh my lady of leisure days). On our way out of Forest Hills afterward, we stopped at a Long John Silvers because we both wanted hush puppies. I had no money on me but Cinn had a handful of Susan B Anthony coins for some fucking reason and that is how we paid for our hush puppies.

I told Henry this story and his only takeaway was, “Where was there a Long John Silvers out that way?” and even though I explicitly painted its location onto the imaginary map I was drawing in the air with my finger, he refused to take my word for it and had to do his own mental mapping before arriving at the same point as me, a full 10 minutes later.

Anyway, then we took the hush puppies back to my apartment and don’t quote me but I’m pretty sure it was the same day we took this dumb picture and I also have a vague memory of Cinn teasing my beloved cat Marcy with a hush puppy.

By the way has a hush puppy ever gotten so many shout outs in one blog post??

Checking in from a Thursday after Henry and I went out and did a social thing and both actually talked to people and I feel really drunk but also nice right now and also here is my cat Penelope stressing out because all of my library requests came in at once and what should we read first!! (There are also two I pictured books plus two audio books I’m drowning but I’m the best literary lake.)

(Image from Yahoo!Sports on Threads, dunno who else to credit hopefully not fucking AI)

Hey you guys – reporting from the other side of the Superbowl, the first one that I actually kept on my TV for its entirety! I truly tried to watch the actual football part out of solidarity for Chooch, who LOVES the Seahawks, but I admittedly lost interest repeatedly and returned to the book I was reading instead.

I have really nothing to say about the actual footballing except that:

• yay, Chooch’s team won!
• that one guy on the other team was #0 – how? I texted Chooch and he said, “because he asked for it nicely.”
• I still only know #11 from the Seahawks but they all seem like nice boys (I hope).
• I thought that someone could run after a bouncing ball, grab it, keep running. This is not so.
• Henry is very patient with me and my questions, even when I say, “never mind, I’m bored” in the middle of his explanations.

But yeah, like other normal, non-racist Americans who understand that this country is not exclusively for Caucasians, I came for Benito Bowl. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I’m a Bad Bunny fan, but I at least knew who he was well before this and have heard his music before and also think he is a pretty entertaining guy. Choosing him for the halftime show was such a strong statement, how could I not support that? I needed to be a part of that ratings tally, lol. Also, the whole “But it won’t be in English?!” argument does not work with me because:

• I started listening to Korean music (+ Jpop!) in the early 00s, again in 2015 and then almost exclusively since 2017
• Before that, I listened to screamo which was actually English but never had any idea what was actually being…scrummed. (Not to mention the lyrics for the screaming part of Dance Gavin Dance’s songs are in English but MAKE NO SENSE.)
• When Chooch was a baby, I used to buy these Putumayo Kids World Music compilation CDs because I wanted him to know non-English music and also this is how I became accidentally obsessed with Haiti.
• Lately, I have been listening to a lot of Romanian and Afrobeat playlists and realized that wow, I barely listen to any American music.

So, all of this is to say – the words don’t matter much to me as long as the music makes me feel something. It’s one thing if you’re annoyed because you’re a lyrics-driven music fan – OK, I get that – but if you’re bitching about the Halftime Show being in Spanish BECAUSE THIS IS ‘MURICA SPEAK ENGLISH then honestly, go touch grass, preferably a patch that a dog just pissed on. Imagine being served a vibrant 13 minute celebration of Puerto Rican culture orbiting an intelligent political statement yet opting to watch….KID ROCK? Lol, OK. These are the same motherfuckers who have no problem slithering their white trash asses on a cruise ship to Puerto Rico. And the same racist shits who openly hate Black people but love football – a sport with many Black athletes. MAKE. IT. MAKE. SENSE.

Bad Bunny’s performance gave so many of us a reason to be happy.  This was a cultural masterpiece, a part of history.

Between this and the eloquent statements put out by several Team USA Olympians, this weekend truly felt like being wrapped up in a warm blanket knit from sane voices, respect for other cultures, and the reminder that the US was always meant to be a melting pot. There are still so many normal people out there, you guys, we’re still out there!!

P.S. Chooch and I were texting about this today and I said that I cried. “Yeah, I knew you would lol,” he replied. Wow.

Hello, it’s Saturday. Here’s some things.

Earlier today, Henry and I went to see the Stray Kids’ DominATE concert film at the theater. I love love love that a lot of Kpop groups do this because it’s so fun to relive the shows, especially on an otherwise blah winter afternoon. And especially with no Kpop concerts on the horizon :( C’mon BIGBANG, don’t let me down!

Han is still 100% my bias but I unexpectedly walked out with a new bias wrecker – Changbin. That one came out of left field for me.

It feels like it was so long ago when we went to the Toronto stop of that tour!

Stray Kids DominATE, Part2

Enhypen’s concert film is coming out next month and you best believe I will be stuffing my ass into a theater seat for that one too.

In real life concert updates, I bought us tickets to see Clan of Xymox with Past Self in Columbus this April. I have been wanting to see Past Self for a good bit now, and annoyingly – Clan of Xymox will be in Pgh the next night but WITHOUT Past Self. So, road trip it is. Also, I have never see Clan of Xymox but used to enjoy them when I was in my goth phase from 1997-2000 so my old Darkchat persona, Ruby Red, is very much looking forward to this!

Henry is like, “Wait, what now?” LOL. He’ll be fine.

Speaking of Henry, here is a super zoom of him renewing our Coaster Crew memberships which is a good sign because I have been begging him to agree to register us (+Chooch) for their big 2027 trip. I even said that I will shelve my hopeful 2026 Korea trip for this one so…we’ll see, lol. He is constantly reminding me that we are not rich people. BUT WHY CAN’T WE PRETEND LIKE IT. YOLO, FOMO, etc.

Cozy Olympics Time.

This was all I cared about, lol. Hey speaking of Enhypen, one of their songs is being used as Korea’s cheer song for the winter Olympics and Sunghoon was one of the torchbearers. I’m a proud ENGENE <3

I like to send Chooch pictures every night of Penelope sitting with me just to stoke the rage within him.

A beer I had the other night that I really liked! I’m mostly over the beer phase (some of my phases just don’t stick, it’s OK – if ever there is one that I don’t want to stick, this would be one) but we do have that event on Thursday at Lolev and I’m even more excited for it now because Kara and Chris are going too! The first time Kara and I did a vegetarian food and beer pairing together, I was very adamantly anti-beer and now the main reason why I got tickets to this one is because I LOVE Lolev’s beer!

(Um excuse me while I gag myself but I just realized that the aforementioned veg/beer thing was NINETEEN YEARS AGO???)

 Additional thoughts:

This season of Bridgerton is my favorite

Ever since we went to that dumb WWE thing in December and I had to redownload the Penguins app to access the tickets, I started getting live notifications during the Pens games and immediately became obsessed with hockey again and they have a player who is younger than Chooch – I had to really let one sink in

I’m typing this during a particularly gruesome moment of Bring Her Back so I don’t have to look

Well, other than crying all weekend over the fascist state of America, ugh’ing at the gross amount of snow we got here on Sunday and waking up to a stomach virus at 5am yesterday (twice in three mths, how does one get so lucky?!) I have nothing to share today expect for this picture of Buddy braving the snowstorm for some walnuts – the Oh Honestly Bistro is open 24/7.

And as always, FUCK ICE.

Something interesting happened. I dragged Henry to the Hollywood Theater last night to see Hamnet. Yes, I know! Crazy – Henry willingly going to see to an historical fiction book adaption. But that’s not the interesting thing.

I read this book a few years ago and got really excited when I saw that there was a film adaption because in my head, this was a 5-star read. That’s how I sold Henry on it. “No really, I read the book and it was so good, you’ll love it.”

But then the night before, I checked Goodreads and I actually gave it 3 stars (lol) which is FINE, that doesn’t mean I hated it by any means, but it made me start to remember things, like it was “too descriptive” (god forbid! I’m in a hurry!) and “too Shakespeare-y” (LOL, obviduh?). But all of that said, I do remember that it made me cry and that is how I know that on a certain level, even for my eclectic / maybe pedantic taste, it was a good book.

We get there. STILL NOT SERVING BEER. But they say next week, they should have their renewed license. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or bad thing that I didn’t have a beer to nurse during what would become the most emotionally fraught 2.5 hours of my most recent years.

Not a spoiler as this is LITERALLY the premise of the book/movie, but when Hamnet convulses and dies in Agnes’ arms, my tear ducts nearly blew out. I was crying so violently that I had to cover my mouth and nose with a popcorn buttered napkin in an attempt to stiff back the audible wails that were threatening to burst out of me.

I sobbed as hard as I did the day Drew died because I felt like I was watching Drew’s death on the big screen. Drew was Hamnet. I was Agnes. I was shattered.

I have dreamt of Drew here and there since she died but she has appeared more frequently over the last few weeks, in such visceral and vivid vignettes that I wake up forgetting that she’s not here anymore. In my dreams, I can touch her. I’m carrying her. (That’s how I know it’s a dream because in real life she never let me pick her up lol.)

And then I remember she’s gone and I’m losing her all over again in real time. My Bambi. My Ursula’s Shoulder Pad. My Suez.

The trauma part isn’t as prevalent anymore – therapy did help with that – but I can’t help but wonder if the recent dreams culminating with last night was supposed to happen, like I’ve been “stuck” in a grief whirlpool and this pulled the plug. Because, I’ll tell you – when the final scene happened, where Agnes goes to London with her brother and sees that William has written a play about their son, and at first she’s like this is blasphemous but then she gets it, she really sees it and understands that it was William healing through writing and acting and it helps her get closure too and for the first time since Hamnet died, shes able to smile and laugh at the memory of him.

(I am so wrecked writing this.)

And I’m wondering, does Henry need to write a play about Drew? Is this what my takeaway was meant to be?! Just kidding, That would not be a good play, lol. Everyone would be talking in one word grunts. Like if a stick figure drawing was adapted to a script.

But honestly, for as emotionally spent I feel today, I think I needed that to happen. I think I needed to let myself cry THAT HARD again because I stupidly had myself convinced that I should be “over it” by now and “shouldn’t be” crying “that hard” anymore. No.

I’m still not over it. But last night made me realize that one day it really will hurt less and I will finally be able to look at pictures of her and smile and laugh, because brother I will tell you, that is not yet the case.

My therapist and I have some things to talk about next week, clearly.

But yeah, comparing the death of William Shakespeare’s son to the death of my cat and then opening the door when grief came knocking for the second time – that was an interesting thing that happened on a relatively normal Wednesday night.

—————-

Also, before I go, Jacobi Jupe MADE this character. JFC, he wasn’t even in HALF of the movie yet his performance ran circles around Timothee Chalomet in Marty Supreme. It felt like he was actually dying and I was like NO MAYBE IT WILL SWERVE FROM THE BOOK AND HE WILL LIVE PLZ DONT LET HIM DIE I CANT DO THIS AGAIN.

ugh.

Fantastic movie. Absolutely moving performances. (Jessie Buckley was possessed AF in this role.) Stunning cinematography. I’m glad I saw it. I hope it wins more awards. I will never watch it again.

We’re en route to Philly (BIG SAD FACE) and I need to record this for posterity: before we left this morning, OUR HOUSE BY MADNESS was playing on the radio in our bedroom. Ughhhhhh. (If you read my NYE post, then you know!)

It’s 9:54am and Henry just ate a full Tastykakes pack like there was no tomorrow. Probably didn’t even chew.

Lololol.

12:11pm: An hour left – I finished this book in the meantime which is why I have neglected this boring-ass live blog.

Here are some pictures from our late lunch at Tillie’s yesterday! Chooch requested that we go there and we never say no to a Tillie’s request.

During lunch, chooch made a comment about how Henry “always” leaves leftovers at the restaurant which is hyperbolic but he has definitely done this on occasion! More like leftovers-adjacent but there was this time where we METICULOUSLY curated a bag of taffy from the candy shop at Holiday World only for Henry the Stoop to leave it in the hotel room after we checked out the next morning. (He had put it in the mini fridge, making it out of sight, out of mind!)

And wouldn’t you know it, we were nearly out of McKeesport when Chooch goes, “did you bring the food?” NOPE. NO HE DID NOT. Henry decided to go back and I was like there is no way they kept it, that shits been trashed, but Henry insisted that since it had only been 10 minutes it would likely still be there?! Like there is some “10 minute” guarantee on left behind leftovers?!

No. It was gone. LOL. My friend Chris commented on my IG post and said leaving behind Tillie’s leftovers is a mortal sin – AGREED. You’re the worst, Henry.

12:18pm: Chooch doesn’t have his backpack. His laptop is in his backpack. Awesome!

1:38pm: on our way to a cafe and I think this is the best subway experience we’ve had in Philly ever.

Also some guy was playing Luther Vandross’ “here & now” on his saxophone while we were waiting and I originally thought it was Vanessa Williams’ “Save the Best for Last” – I think something is actually deteriorating (not dethroning like autocorrect assumed) in my brain. :(

2:13pm: Henry said it looks like he’s praying to get away from us wow.

Anyway we made it to Grindcore House!

Satisfying!

Chooch is being so annoying BTW.

3:11pm: made it back to whatever station this is.

Chooch is still being annoying. (Look at his hostage smile?!!) And Henry is complaining. I just look old and tired.

3:42pm: Chooch is looking for his wallet in the car before we drop him off because I can imagine that being another pertinent item he left at home. Henry said something about him being a dick. “Can you please not swear in front of him,” Chooch said before causally saying, “oh there’s my gum!”

Anyway he things his wallet is in his backpack in his room in Pgh lololol ugh.

3:51pm: We just dropped him off and he said “cool bye I’ll see you in Korea I guess.” Wow bye love you too.

oh here are pictures of the Grindcore House bathroom:

And now for the long drive home.

What a nice time with Chooch though, getting to revive our fake rivalry over who Penelope loves most, jokingly telling him to can it every time we fake bicker, watching Season 5 of Stranger Things over Thanksgiving and Christmas and seeing the finale together at the theater. That dumb WWE thing. Seeing Marty Supreme with him at the Hollywood Theater on Friday (such a fantastic but stressful film!!) and sharing Stranger Things memes and theories. I really love that kid. :(

5:06pm: Now we’re listening to the Pens game on iHeartRadio lol. I had to redownload the Pens app to access the WWE tickets from work and in doing so I started getting game notifications again and just like that, sucked back in. I haven’t actively watched since 2017 or so because we got rid of cable and I had no way to watch after that and considered it a blessing for my health because as you may know, hockey was such a blood pressure jacker for me. I have no idea who even anyone is on this team now aside from the mainstays.

5:39pm: Pens made it to overtime with like 14 seconds left!

Henry keeps asking me all these Pens questions and I’m like bro I haven’t paid attention to hockey for the same amount of time as you so how would I know?! Apparently he just wants me to google all of this for him for free. (I didn’t even know who their new coach was!!)

5:43pm: YOOOO PENS WIN IN OT! CROSBY! On that note I’m ending this live blog. 2 hours and 42 minutes left.

7:06pm: Remember when I mentioned I won suite tickets to a WWE event that I wasn’t trying to win tickets for? Well, that night has arrived.

I’m here with Henry, Chooch and three of Chooch’s friends who were way less annoyed about attending this thing than I was.

Will they come out of here with as much pyrotechnics as EriKa KirK???

All my work friends told me to at least come and take advantage of the free food. This is all I can eat. The meatless pierogies have kielbasa and bacon bits all over them. :(

YOU GUYS I TAKE IT ALL BACK THIS BROAD JUST ANNOUNCED WHO’S GOING TO BE HERE TONIGHT AND SHE SAID THE MIZ??

IM SUDDENLY EXCITED.

MY MTV REAL WORLD / ROAD RULES CHALLENGE HEART JUST SWELLED.

7:18pm: I’ve just learned that The MIZ is a villain. I’m rooting for him.

7:34pm:

Whoever this guy is. DONT POINT AT ME.

I like this guy though:

I think everyone else hates him though. He just left the ring like a baby.

7:44pm OK my guy lost. I hate wrestling.

7:56pm: I had to just ask Henry if the bad guys ever win because this feels RIGGED.

Fraxiom is dumb.

8:00pm: LETS GOOOOOOO

I think he’s going to lose. People are freaking out over this other guy.

Chooch just texted me “Carmelo is winning” stfu boy.

You guys I just cheered alone in a sea of boos lol.

OH MAN and he just derobed to reveal a Cleveland Browns jersey?!? I extra love him lol. Everyone here HATES HIM bigly.

OMG this other guy just did 6 7 and someone behind me said “I want him to lose now.” LOL.

R I G G E D

Now I don’t have to pay attention to the rest of this.

8:30pm I’m clearly not in the know.

Ok what wow:

What in the Hills Have Eyes is this.

8:38pm: I just took a bathroom break because I don’t care about anything now that The MIZ has lost.

Henry is just happy that I won’t be buying merch lol.

8:46pm: wow what a shocker the guys everyone wanted to win won.

That thing in the dress did nothing btw.

8:51pm: intermission. They just announced the main event or whatever and it’s some guy who is a champion. Never heard of him.

Apparently the Chex mix is the Pgh Penguins snack mix.

OMFG I just said that the MIZ should go back to doing The Challenge and Henry frowned and said, “His body is too beat up. He moves so slow.” W O W.

Dude the amount of times I’ve said, “this has got to be almost over, right?”

9:08pm: THERE ARE TWO MORE TITLES ON THE LINE.

Chooch and all his friends are recording this guy. I guess he is someone.

Wait everyone likes this guy more.

OMG:

Wait I think those guys are on a team never mind.

9:31pm: yay finally people I wanted to win won so I got to clap. Also WWE has lots of inside jokes I’m not privy to but they seem stupid so I don’t care.

I yelled THAT MEANS CRAZY IN KOREAN and Henry was like ok sure but then I googled her and that’s why her name is Michin so STFU to everyone who doesn’t listen to me.

questions:

Do ppl ever actually get for real hurt doing this?

And if so, how would anyone know it wasn’t part of the act?

Omg Henry is sending videos to his work friend.

THIS REF SUCKS.

9:46pm: THE MAIN EVENT IS STARTING. chooch and all of his friends have their phones up, recording lol.

The one guy is McIntyre. Never heard of him. I guess he will be wrestling the top guy whom I have also never heard of but Henry informs me I know his dad.

This McIntyre guy is like 50.

who???

Holy shit is hair plastic??? Is he from LAZYTOWN??

All the sadistic fans in the crowd wanted the table and now they got the table.

10:35pm: welp, waiting for the T with a bunch of unruly WWE fans. What a weird night.
Henry is bragging to Chooch about going to THREE OR FOUR WWF events as a child bc Judy knew someone and one time – HE GOT TO SIT IN THE FRONT ROW. Chooch and I both said “wow” in an our monotoned surly teen voice at the same time.

ETA: Home now – I just asked chooch if his friends had fun and he said, “yeah I’m pretty sure the only person who didn’t have fun was you.”

W O W. OK first of all, I was fine?? I just wanted more of THE MIZ. I thought at the end, they’d all come out for a goodbye parade like the idols do at KCON and other Korean music events and award shows but I guess not?? It just ended with that winning guy with the plastic Ken hair?!

Also one of the guys in the suite next to ours was so hostile but in a very PG way and kept screaming YOU STINK! and WE WANT THE TABLE!

I’m so ready for bed.

*******

ETA Part 2: It’s the next morning and I have had time to collect some sober, unstimulated thoughts. Here we go:

• I neither liked nor disliked the evening. The MIZ was fun, I was bored numerous times, it didn’t hold my attention but I also didn’t feel anger being there. So that’s something!
• I LOVED WWF as a kid in the 80s. There wasn’t a single wrestler there last night that gave me nostalgic vibes. In fact, I have already forgotten every single one of their names except for the Miz of course and MICHIN!
• That son of Rhodes guy is GENUINELY the best they’ve got??? That’s pa-THET-ic. That guy was so fucking lame and boring??!
• WWE by far has WAY more diversity than I remember WWF having back in the day so I will give them snaps for that for sure. (But also, how is TRUMP able to support this??!! lol)
• I liked that they gave love to the kids with disabilities down by the…rink? No, ring.
• I’m just happy that Henry, Chooch and his friends had fun. I can’t remember the last time I saw Henry laugh so much (????) and I kept looking across the aisle at Chooch & Co and they were taking pictures, cheering, and actually paying attention which was wild because I was way on the other side of the attention span, dangling, holding on with three fingers.