I was going through my camera roll and found some shit that I never documented because June really got away from me. Let’s go through them, shall we?

First of all, DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED. I FUCKING KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN:

TO PURCHASE THE WHOLE SET OF 8?? Oh, go fuck yourselves, Penn Brewery.

Meanwhile, in our front yard this shit was developing:

Henry asked me if an animal threw up there, since he apparently thinks I am posted at the front door 24:7 on wildlife patrol (OK, I really am though for a good portion of the day). But after he hosed it off, IT GREW BACK EVEN BIGGER?? So, he did some RESEARCH and found out it’s a fungus called Dog Vomit?! We have never had this growing in our yard before so now I’m super fascinated and also wildly disgusted.

Megan and I met up with Debby and Mar two weeks ago at Fish Nor Fowl for an extremely overpriced dinner. Megan and I were trying to get out of it because we are not foodies and can’t get behind paying nearly $40 for a mushroom pasta but we gave up in the end and while it was actually good food, I was very pissed that my vegetarian version of the same dish Debby ordered was actually a much smaller portion (like, comically smaller) and still cost the same!?!?!

But, our server was very handsome and the focaccia (NOT COMPLIMENTARY, AND BTW WE EVEN PAID FOR THE FUCKING WATER) was honestly some of the best bread I have ever eaten. Would I go back there though? No, unless it was my birthday and someone else was paying.

Oh, also this was during a heatwave (over 90 degrees for like a week and my house has no AC downstairs) and they sat us in the loft which was so stifling I wanted to scream. I had been looking forward to leaving my house for an air-conditioned restaurant that whole day!

But in the end, all that mattered was that we got to catch up with Debby and Mar so it was still worth it. This was also the same day I bought G-Dragon tickets so I was extra focused on prices LOL.

OH HELLO how fucking accurate. Good one, Duolingo!

OK, you’re dismissed.

Our dear friends Chronica have just moved to Spain for three months (maybe permanently – this is a trial run for them!) and we went to their send-off gathering at Spoonwood on Sunday. First, let me get this out of the way – I have been clearly exposed as a beer poser because everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, in this damn city Qtips their dickhole over this place. Previously, we had only been there once in the past and coincidentally, it was also for a Chronica gathering – Monica’s 40th birthday! I must have had either cider or wine at that event because I know I sure as shit was not drinking a beer then.

Well….aside from the beer pictured above which was a “Brown” something, I didn’t like ANYTHING I tried. I kept getting tasters and sliding them right down to Henry. There was one that everyone was fanning themselves over. I had tried it before anyone got there and immediately gave it to Henry, but now I was getting caught up in the enthusiasm for this spicy brew and peer-pressured myself into getting another taster of it.

AND I STILL HATED IT.

Nate was also there and blamed himself for this because he was sitting next to me raving about it. BLAME NATE!

“Didn’t you already try this and hated it?” Henry asked when I slid it down to him.

“Yes.”

“THEN WHY WOULD YOU GET ANOTHER???” he cried.

(Chooch was sitting in between us so Henry was not privy to the events that led up to this moment.)

“And then the baby I helped birth during the Great Twizzlers Shortage of 2010 was this big,” probably is what Chris was saying. Chooch seems skeptical.

I also want to add that the Spoonwood people handled this low-key event very poorly. At first, our server was borderline annoyed that we didn’t know how many people were going to be joining us. We had just sat down at a 4-top inside to get drinks and then when she came back to take our food order, we said we needed to wait until the people of the hour arrived because we would likely have to move tables. She was like I WILL GET YOUR CHECK THEN and it was crazy watching how fast her demeanor changed.

Eventually, Chronica arrived, explained the sitch to the hostess, and we were given an area outside on the patio in the 90 degree heat. Sweat started to trickle down my back immediately, even in the shade.

As more people arrived, Chronica asked if they could pull more tables over and the server, the same one we had inside and who was back to being OK again, was like, “Yes, you can.” But then the manager came out and was a big bitch about it because, and I do understand why this was not great, they were pulling tables from other servers’ areas and I actually heard her say at one point, “If you had called and given us a heads up—-” to which Monica quickly and politely interrupted with, “I tried that weeks ago and was told we couldn’t make reservations for this and had to just show up.”

Get it together, Spoonwood!! I will not be going back there unless Chronica have another event there someday.

Chooch got asked a lot of “How’s college?” questions and he mumbled the same blurb each time like a telemarketer.

Beer and management and sweltering heat aside, I was happy to be there because I love Chronica a lot and am so excited for them to be embarking on this new adventure! Spain is to Chris what Korea is to me, but even deeper because she studied abroad there and lived there in her younger years and has been back a bunch of times. I really hope this works out for them because this country is trash and I do not blame them one bit for leaving!

Also, I want to add that I got to see Chris’s cousin Amber for the first time since our White Elephant party years and years ago – she sat across from us and started talking to us like she had just seen us last week and I loved that so much. I always feel like no one remembers us but she was like, “Wow Chooch, I can’t believe how grown you are!” and I was like, “O M G SHE KNOWS US!” I really like her a lot – she has actually become good friends with my brother Corey after they also met at the same White Elephant party and then reconnected years later when he helped her buy a house, so I was like “Next time you hang out with Corey, LET ME KNOW!!” I want to be a part of this club too lol.

And I met Sarah, their friend from WV who apparently used to do both of their hair but is no longer a hair stylist? I knew of her though and it was cool to meet her in person and she is WONDERFUL. So easy and casual to talk to and you know what it made me realize? You can tell how amazing your friends are by how amazing THEIR friends are. She was so fucking cool! (You can see her and her tattoos in the background of my first picture up there!)

We were there for about 3 hours and I felt like a dog dying in a desert by the time we left. I was so glad that I had brought a kimono-type coverup thing with me because otherwise, I would have put my soaking wet back and butt on full display when I finally peeled myself off the chair. It was so disgusting – sweat everywhere. Ugh.

We had planned on going to Kennywood that evening so Henry could use the rest of his Bites and Pints card since that was the last day for it, but I ended up feeling so sick and delirious that I hung back. Henry and Chooch went for about 90 minutes – long enough to get the rest of their food samples and ride Phantom:

LOL WTF????

Then Henry sent me a picture of a lady in front of them when we were leaving because she was wearing the Stray Kids DominATE tour shirt!!! I was like, “ASK HER WHICH ONE SHE WENT TO!!” and he said, “No I will not, that’s weird.” Ugh, I would have if I had been there.

I was so fucking wiped out from the heat that I ended up passing out in bed early. The next morning, I woke up, laid there blinking for about a minute before reality hit me and I texted Henry, “Wait, did you really book our flight to Romania last night???” and he was like, “Yes, we are going to Romania.” I was so out of it Sunday night that I couldn’t even remember if that was real or a sunstroke-induced hallucination, but it was true! We are going to Romania for 9 days in October for our belated honeymoon!

We’re doing a Transylvanian road trip! I have been trying to get here for actual decades but could never find anyone who was interested in accompanying me, and Henry and I couldn’t afford to both go back then. I can’t believe that this is almost a reality now.   I hope I’m not jinxing myself!

Henry’s birthday / Father’s Days gift finally arrived! It’s always a crapshoot ordering something from an Instagram ad, but I saw these fun things and immediately knew that it was yet another reason to resurface THE BIG DOPPELGANGER PICTURE. And “1212” likes because our least favorite cashier at CVS said our total was “twelve twelve” once in like….2019 and for some reason I was already recording her on the sly to send to Chooch who also dislikes her, and the way she said TWELVE TWELVE killed me on such a deep, personal inside joke with myself level that I have been referencing it ever since.  Henry didn’t even realize why I was doing it for a long time and finally broke down and asked me what it meant. Way to be present in my life, Henry.

OMG and this was from a cafe in Jeonju in 2019 where Henry and I shared bingsu and Chooch and I made fun of something that Henry did/said/looked like/who knows but whatever it was we kept mocking him and Henry lost his temper and said something like, “OK  YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAY IT TWICE THREE FOUR TIMES!!!!!!”

So then that became the thing that we said TWICE THREE FOUR times and he was so pissed.

Jeonju: Final Thoughts & Pictures 7/28/19

Anyway, he just looked at it when I gave this one to him and I said, “You know, the origin of TWICE THREE FOUR times” and he sighed, “Yes, I know.”

I love when his gifts are really gifts for me, lol.

Henry and I went to another 50501 event downtown, this one was pro-immigrants anti-ICE. I definitely didn’t want to miss this because it was organized with Case San Jose and their speaker at the No Kings protest last month (Jaime) was so powerful that I needed to hear him speak again.

It was mostly a peaceful – yet angry – gathering. There was one asshole who screamed YES THEY ARE when one of the speakers was talking about how pro-Palestine college students protesting on campuses are being labeled as terrorist organizations by this evil administration. It started to escalate a bit when the speaker engaged him but other protestors quickly surrounded the douchebag and pushed him back until the police intervened. He eventually stormed off like the sad sack that he is.

Anyway, here are some pictures. I feel so fired up and ready to sign up to join an ICE rapid response team even though I don’t know that I can handle these two duties: being a peacekeeper and helping to de-escalate. Henry was like “You can’t do that” and Chooch was like “good luck.”

FUCK ICE. FUCK TRUMP. FUCK ALLIGATOR AUSCHWITZ.

8:14am: getting ready to leave. I am feeling ok emotionally this morning! So happy that we got to see SKZ last night. It was phenomenal – aside from Coachella and Riot Fest, I have never seen a concert of that scale before and it was insane and amazing. I did feel like we had just spent the day at a legit music festival by the time we crawled into bed last night / this morning. It was a rough day but the pay off was worth it!

10:08am: At the border. We came through Niagara Falls this time to avoid truck traffic. Made it through in 30 seconds literally lol. The guy was like “Lol not even gonna try” when Henry said “Stray Kids concert.” Handed us back the passports and said “OK man have a nice day.”

Also stopped in the duty free shop and got chooch some maple shit. The bathroom had a Dyson hand dryer and they never work for me so I had to walk around with wet hands.

Also got a drink at Tim Horton’s just because I wanted the fun straw. “So what’s the deal with the straw?” Henry asked. “Nothing it’s just paper but everyone we walked past all weekend had their Tim Hortons drinks and I thought to myself ‘I want to drink out of that straw too,'” I saw matter-of-factly.

“Omg,” Henry muttered.

12:42pm: Just stopped at Sheetz in Erie for “lunch” – I always just get half of a veggie sub or a wrap, pretty fucking simple if you ask me, but they always find a way to screw it up! This time NO TOMATOES. Instead they tucked in some rock-hard jalapeño twig that probably would have broken a tooth had I bit down hard on it but I felt it with my tongue before any damage could be wreaked!!

Ugh!!

Meanwhile some older man was standing there trying so hard to figure out my shirt (wearing my SKZ tour shirt obv!!).

2:13pm: This is a dumb liveblog. We should be home in about 30 minutes and I’m so excited to tell Chooch all about the Stray Kids concert that he sincerely doesn’t care about. It was just so good!!

Other than dissecting our favorite parts of last night, we’ve been ranting about tRump as usual. Nothing new there.

Oh!! I just realized we were a part of two history-making events this month! The No Kings 6/14 protest and the inaugural event at the brand new Rogers Stadium! I didn’t even know until after I bought those tickets that it was going to be in a stadium that wasn’t even finished being built at the time.

OK BYE.

10:20am: Hello we are en route to Toronto for the weekend currently in Cranberry. Why haven’t we made it very far, you ask, Mary? Well because I threw a fit this morning and said I didn’t want to go anymore because I’m having a bad body image day. Like I hate the way everything feels on my skin. So I yelled IM NOT GOING and Henry was like “ok” and he started doing the dishes and I went for a walk. Then I calmed down eventually after having PB toast for breakfast and I said FINE I WILL GO so I finished packing and here we are. To be fair, I was still going to go tomorrow because that’s when the Stray Kids concert is. I just didn’t want to be stomping around Toronto today with my thunder thighs but even more than that I don’t want to waste the money for the hotel. Ugh.

11:20pm: Still in PA. I’m bored.

12:25pm: Finally crossed over into New York. I’m still bored. We stopped at GetGo in Erie to pee and that was also boring. We put new batteries in my SKZ light stick. Boring still.

Henry said just now, “we can go to Lake Chautauqua. Smrobly not.” UGH he’s not allowed to say smrobly??!! After decades of making fun of me for it??

1:36pm: Henry is driving so chaotically and now I feel car sick which almost never happens. Also we stopped at the rest stop in NY we always stop at with this iconic pedestrian bridge:

But they completely renovated it so now it’s basically like a mall food court and it was PACKED. I said NOPE and we left so now I have to pee and I’m starving. Standard for our road trips. Always disappointed in the food dept.

1:46pm: Wish us luck.

Also, Henry picked the worst / slowest line as usual.

2:13pm: OMG OMG OMG we just had the most amazing border experience.

When we said why we’re coming to Canada (“concert in Toronto”) the border guy laughed and said “Oh that kpop group right” and I said “Yeah actually – Stray Kids” (I was leaning over Henry and being the passenger seat mouthpiece, because this was my time to shine now) Border guy goes, “SERIOUSLY?? I was joking! You guys are…not the target demographic!”

He actually chatted with us about it for a few minutes, asking how we got into Kpop, etc which held the line up and everyone behind us probably hated us. I said “We like it so much that we got married in Korea” and he was like “GET OUT! OK you are blowing my mind!”

He told us he just saw AC/DC in Cleveland with a buddy and how Angus Young is still so awesome for his age etc. It was hands down the best experience we’ve had at the border lol.

Anyway, that was a fun and heartwarming interaction that I will think about a lot. Sigh. Canada, can we stay?

3:25pm: Update – i finally had “lunch” at Tim Hortons. They had a pretty good cilantro lime veggie wrap which felt moderately healthy and didn’t make me sick.

3:41pm: We lost service and I said “But how is the map still mapping?” Henry started to mansplain the FUCK out of that and I quickly cut him off to say, “ok great I don’t care anymore. Everything you say is sooo boring.”

“Yeah but you learn something from it,” he said smugly, like how cocky???

“No, actually, I don’t. I actively do not remember a single thing you tell me.”

4:08pm: fucking finally! Also I hate how it always says his name on the TV.

4:46pm/ train time.

5:46pm: other people stopped to take a picture so i had to as well.

7:12pm: Made it to Left Field Brewery on foot.

the beers – mid

Vegan Chicago dog was pretty good but not pictured is the absolutely exquisite vegan chicken sandwich that I gained in a food trade with Henry. (“That’s what a great husband I am, I order from the vegan menu so that I can share with you.” Oh here we go, martyrdom reaching.)

Apparently there is a soccer game happening right down the street so everyone came here in their matching shirts to pregame and it is LOUD.

Henry confirms that he thought the hot dog was good but they didn’t capture the essence of a true Chicago dog. I have never had one even in my non-veggie days so I can’t add to this commentary.

The Commodores “Lady” is on right now and this song has always made me feel a strong level of comfort because I relate it to my childhood at my Pappap’s house in case you care. I have had not even a whole flight (I didn’t like 2 of my beers and passed them onto Henry the Sink) but I’m kind of drunkish.

WOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOW

8:08pm: we’re here now:

The beers are significantly better than the last place and ironically one that we like a lot so far is a collab with the last brewery lol.

Also on the way here:

Accidental sloshy foot selfie.

8:48pm: wow what a shocker Henry trying to decode a trolley schedule.

Also we passed an Amazing Pride dance party under a bridge and I was so inspired. But I have Henry with me ughhh.

You guys I’m buzzzy.

8:52pm: We just got on the trolley and Henry’s phone got an error when he tried to pay so I stuck my phone over and it worked for me so I said GOODBYE and trounced away while he was left to struggle on his own. He thinks it was my fault though bc the error message said “multiple cards detected” and he said it was because I was standing too close lol ok bro. Keep white knighting yourself and your pubtrans trials and tribs.

9:17pm: at Union Station after taking a trolley where I tried to psychically latch on to a group of 4 fun people. HENRY NEVER LOOKS WHERE HE IS WALKING AND ALWAYS COLLIDES WITH SOMEONE HE IS SUCH AN OAF. I am so embarrassed.

9:26pm: He just had the audacity to tell me where to sit so I walked far away from him and sat somewhere by myself didn’t ever fucking tell me what to do bro. Dumb white man.

Also, I took this of Henry outside of Something in the Water.

9:34pm: this broad just ran over and stood RIGHT UP IN MY FACE LIKE WHAT. Henry noticed from his TIME OUT corner and took this picture:

Now he’s sitting next to me and I’m like “hi I didn’t invite you here?”

9:39pm:

11:09pm: Now we’re driving around in the car like idiots because Henry wants ice cream and every place is either super crowded or a SIT DOWN ESTABLISHMENT and we just want it to go, actually I don’t want it AT ALL, I just want to go to the hotel and sleep.

“What was Daddy Warbucks’ secretary’s name? I can’t believe I can’t remember!” I cried, to which Henry was like, “I certainly do not know and also, why??”

It was because right before that, he read out loud the sign on a restaurant that said something about Punjabi flavors which obviously made me think of Punjab from my beloved Annie and in my mind, I started replaying scenes and then blanked on her mane – it’s Grace, btw.

Anyway I googled Punjab and did you know that the actor who played him was apparently more well-known for being the voice 7Up’s “Uncola”?! Who cares that he won Tonys for his direction and costume design for the Wiz and something to do with Eartha Kitt, I already forget.

Ok I’m signing off. We’re almost to the hotel and I am exhausted. We walked almost 20,000 steps which isn’t a lot considering one time in Toronto, we walked over 40,000 which was my first time unlocking that foot-on-pavement level!

I don’t even want to talk about how stressed this made me and how I might have just sweat off 5 pounds from my body. But we’re going to see G-Dragon!!!

Edited to add: Aaaand a second show was announced 10 minutes into this show’s fan club presale and I ended up getting better seats for that show + VIP so now I am super in the hole and Henry is like the largest, grumbling walking frown you ever did see.

I have a full Kennywood post and a concert recap forthcoming but here are some of the in-between thingies that happened over the weekend:

When my starting word for the last 2+ years is finally the Wordle of the day. This was my second one-guesser! The other time was when I had just been looking at Amazon, opened Wordle, guessed “prime” without even thinking about it, lol. Chooch accused me of cheating.

Chooch is home for the summer as of Saturday night and Penelope is feeling very mid about it, lol.

I saw this on Instagram and thought, “Oh! I bet you can see Henry and me in there” because we were directly across from the middle of the steps where the speakers were….speaking. I spotted the Palestine flag and immediately knew that was our spot because the guy holding it kept dragging it across my shoulders every time he lowered it, haha. So, I zoomed in and staying true to every large group photo Henry and I have ever been present for at concerts, outdoor music festivals, etc. you can see Henry plain as day:

BUT I AM BLOCKED BY A FLAG!!!

My friend Lyda thought this was the funniest thing and honestly, fine, so did I lol. It never fails!!!

Speaking of the No Kings march, Henry and I walked to Sly Fox downtown afterward. I was sweating through my orange DICK PIC shirt but everyone else there had also come from the same place so we were all kind of grimy.

We had a late lunch and shared a fight – I really liked every beer we tasted but the Royal Weisse was the best! It was a nice way to calm down a bit and refuel before heading back home on the T….

….where we ran into Blake! I have only seen him once since he moved out from next door two years ago, not sure how many times Henry has seen him, so it was nice to catch up because I thought he hated us?! Anyway, we were halfway to our step when he asked, “Hey….why are you guys on the blue line, anyway??” because we live within a 5-minute walk from a red line trolley stop.

“Um….because we were trying to avoid someone,” I laughed and then filled him in on the person I have been playing “hide but please don’t seek” with unbeknownst to them. They had invited themself to tag along with us today and I didn’t want to deal with it (11:30 to 3pm – plus the time we spent at Sly Fox) was a long-ass day!) so I said we were no longer going and then we DROVE TO ANOTHER TROLLEY STOP on a different line and had to pay for parking but it eased our nerves knowing that we at least wouldn’t run into them on there.

And of course, because PGH IS SO SMALL, we ended up spotting them right before the march started, but it turned out to be a good thing because then it gave us better odds of not accidentally merging into them during the actual march. I was telling some friends about it and they were like, “JESUS CHRIST, HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.”

(Yes, it is the same person as mentioned here, too, lol ugh.)

This was the random screensaver that appeared on our computer the other day and I was like, “Weird, I don’t remember taking a picture of that tree without people in front of it?” and then realized that this wasn’t MY photo of Gyeongju burial mounds, but some random “places around the world” photo. It made me so happy to see it though! I loved our time in Gyeongju and for some reason, those blog posts still get views almost every day from visitors around the world and I love that so much! HAVE YOU EVEN READ MY GYEONGJU POSTS??

Well, I think that was really all that happened this weekend in between the big events. I will tell you right now that it is so awesome having Chooch home but I am trying not to get too used to it since it will likely be his last summer home, unless he graduates and moves back home with us which I don’t see happening but never say never!

OK, time to go watch the new JNJ video, lol.

I’m exhausted but I wanted to share some pictures from today’s 50501 NO KINGS march in Pittsburgh that Henry and I attended today. We got home late last night from a concert, woke up tired AF, I had a headache. But fuck you, Trump. We still put our asses on the T (adorably packed with protest-ready senior citizens and I loved that) and spent from 11:30am to 2:30pm chanting, cheering, booing, and being together with what has been estimated was between 7000-10000 GOOD-HEARTED, SMART, but PISSED OFF people downtown Pittsburgh.

Grateful that Henry (who always looks like a husband who has been dragged out of his man cave against his will even when he genuinely wants to be somewhere) accompanied me, grateful that it was a peaceful turnout with no intimidation from outside groups or the police so that Chooch doesn’t have to walk from the train station tonight to the county jail to bail us out, grateful that I live in a liberal city on the right side of history. I know I diss Pgh a lot but today I really loved it here.

I bought this shirt for Chooch during that orange cunt’s first term and was glad to have it as a backup because the TACO shirt I ordered for the occasion won’t be here until Monday.

“I’m sure you will have plenty of opportunities to wear the TACO shirt,” Henry assured me while also simultaneously UNASSURING me –  I just want this to be over, take the fucker out, lock him up, please do not let us have to endure 4 full seasons of the real American Horror Story. Cancel the show, someone, anyone.

There were a bunch of speakers and while they were all fantastic and brave with strong and smart messages, I was getting antsy because I wanted to do the march! You know me and walking! I love to walk.

The guy who was walking around with Trump’s smug head on a stake was the MVP.

Finally the march happened. It wasn’t a long march but I was totally all about it.

“That was the first time in my life I said ‘jagoff’ unironically,” I said later when we were walking through downtown to Sly Fox for a late lunch.

“It’s probably also the first time you carried an American flag,” Henry frowned.

It’s true. I am very meh when it comes to patriotism but Trump is forcing me to care.

We were somewhere in that circled area, if I had to guess. There weren’t many people there yet when we arrived and that at 12 when they blocked off the streets, everyone moved closer to the City County Building and there were suddenly so many more people! It wasn’t too overwhelming though – people were giving each other space and everyone was hyper-aware of their surroundings so I felt pretty calm.

Anyway, I just wanted to share these quickly. Just in case anyone stumbles across this and doesn’t already know where I stand, I am very much anti-MAGA, Fuck Donald Trump, Abolish Ice, Hands Off, BLM, and just genuinely believe in doing what’s right and putting humanity over everything else. Fuck that cult bullshit. Fuck anyone that voted for this with no regrets and no remorse.

I had another bad night of anxiety attacks / restlessness, which left me feeling so gross this morning that I had to skip my morning walk. I’m feeling mostly like myself now though! I don’t know why this happens out of the blue like this – I had a decent day yesterday. Lots of external things out of my control are probably affecting me while I’m trying to sleep at night though, like the constant shit show this country has been ever since PREZ TACO took office again.

Anyway, today is a new day and I’m not going to panic thinking about going to bed tonight lol. Here are some good things because otherwise this page is going to be filled with anti-ICE raging and FDTs but I will save that energy for Saturday’s protest!

Henry blended some fresh strawberries into my strawberry Nami matcha the other night and it was very delectable and I think I will order another one tonight. You don’t know my life.

I’m kind of annoyed though because I bought that glass from Etsy a few years ago specifically because the ghosts on it are supposed to change color once you fill the glass with cold bev but it stopped working and now it looks dumb.

This is the current state of the wardrobe/dresser thingie. Please excuse the messiness. The drawers aren’t painted because they are going to be covered in fabric so Henry was like I AM NOT PUTTING ALL OF THE DRAWER PULLS IN THERE JUST TO TAKE THEM ALL OUT AGAIN. Who knows how much longer this will take BUT all of my clothes are folded and put away, at least. And now we have to get another smaller dresser for Henry’s ugly shirts since there is no room in this one now hahaha.

Oh look guys! My “JnJ” shirt arrived yesterday, another shirt for Henry to fold haha. I wore it last night when I met Margie at Red’s and she didn’t even inquire as to what/who JNJ is!!!

Henry and I love them so much haha.

As previously mentioned, Margie and I went to Red’s Good News after work last night for beer and chats. Can you believe that Red’s has been open for…five years now?? Did it open before the pandemic?? I can’t remember anymore, but you might recall that Chooch and I used to love to go to this place on the blvd called Parker’s, which specialized in breakfast sandwiches and had the best vibe. the owner, Luke, would always treat us like we were co-mayors of Brookline, just me and Chooch, though – never Henry!! But then he bought the bar next door (the old Zippy’s, which was a true dive but also pretty great in an ironic way) and whipped it up real nice in the Parker’s fashion. I walk past it every day because it’s right on the blvd and I can verify that even while never having set foot inside, they put so much effort into gussying it up for each and every holiday. Even back to school! We never stopped by because we aren’t big bar-goers and their food menu doesn’t have much for the meatless set.

Anyway, we had a really great time – I have had some family crises going on (what else is new) that I had been bottling up and it all came spilling out of me as more beer went in, lol. I didn’t realize how much I needed to blabber, and somehow I got kind of drunk off 2 beers in the span of 3 hours, I really can’t stand myself. I actually felt hungover this morning and I’m sure that contributed to much of my restless night. UGH.

If they would add a simple grilled cheese to the menu, I would make a conscious effort to hang out here regularly. It’s just really hard for me to drink without also eating because I get drunk/sick so quickly.

Oh, and the thing I love the most about them is that for Halloween, they cover “Good” on their sign with a pirate-esque flag that says “Bad.” Their attention to detail is amazing and totally my style.

(WHOA WHOA WHOA, Henry just saw his circulars in the trash (courtesy of me) and huffed, “You can make your own dinner!” while stomping away in a pout. Lol, Henry and those fucking circulars, Jesus Christ.)

I’m feeling much better now though, especially after this beaute arrived:

I know everyone always q-tips their dickholes over Black Parade but Three Cheers was peak MCR as far as I’m concerned. I was so into them in the early 00s (even before this record) and feel grateful that I got to see them open for other bands in really small venues and I think I can accept the fact that I grew out of them after this album, but that doesn’t mean these songs will ever stop meaning something to me. Ugh, my MCR phase was a good one. I’m also at a stage in my life where I don’t give a shit about bragging about my past concert luck. I DID THESE THINGS, SO THERE. Lol.

I’m ending with this bad bitch of a Seventeen song, thank god they gave it to us uncensored because ON THE ALBUM IT’S CENSORED!!!!!

8:36am: We just left a Greensburg Sheetz, en route to Philly to get Chooch mostly-moved out. Henry’s breakfast sandwich is making the car stink of b.o. so bad and also I looked over right as he pulled a LONG onion tendril out with his teeth and I started gagging.

“Why are you laughing??” he demanded.

“I’m gagging, thank you very much.”

Anyway, I’m using this time in the car to also do a photo dump from the last week so I can stop being so behind on blogging.

Here are some pictures from our Sunday visit to our fave, Pink Box, for some pre-cemetery walk treats:

Seriously love this place so much, love supporting it, love their delicious treats! Please stay forever, Pink Box.

I got this giant pineapple croissant because I needed croissant redemption after that shitty bread-lump that I was served at Penn brewery the day before. Oh and while I’m at it, let me state for the record that I hate them even more now because I messaged them on IG re: the Kennywood edition of their (shitty) lemon shandy. I specifically said LEMON because there is a strawberry shandy that comes in the Kennywood six-pack. Whoever answered me said that YES the KENNYWOOD LEMON SHANDY was available at the brewery in the KENNYWOOD CANS. So Henry went out (twice because the first time he forgot to check their hours and they were closed lol) and that same shitty bartender lady tried to sell him the REGULAR six-pack and he was like NO, THE KENNYWOOD ONE PLZ and she said NO.

So I responded again and my message was SEEN but not replied to. Fuck you Penn Brewery.

Anyway, my Pink Box croissant was so satisfying.

Homewood Cemetery has the most beautiful pond. We come here all the time (miss not having Chooch with us) and just stand there looking at tadpoles, turtles, etc. like it’s nature porn.

P.S. I had to wear glasses for nearly a week because whatever allergies/sinus ailment I had made my one eye red under the iris. It didn’t hurt at all but it made me nervous. Not nervous enough to get it looked at by anyone other than Henry though. Haha.

—————-

9:21am: We still have 3:32 hours left ugh. And it’s raining. We’re listening to the Stray Kids DominATE set list now but this came up earlier and cracked me up:

10:14am: LOL I texted Janna and asked her to do me a HUGE FAVOR because that’s just the sort of text everyone wishes to receive out of the blue (갑자기) and after waiting AN HOUR for her respond, I asked her to message Penn Brewery about the cans and she said SURE.

LOL. I AM GOING TO SUE THEM FOR FALSE ADVERTISING.

In other non-on-the-road news, we are still in the process of getting the wardrobe and dresser set up. Henry spent all last weekend tediously trying to fold all of my T-shirts because I just ball them up and punch them into the drawers. He even ordered a T-shirt folder and taught me how to use it so I can fold my own shirts going foward lol. But anyway, everything is removed from the old dressers and they are currently bashed into pieces in the dumpster at Henry’s work. (Trust me, I’m all for upcycling but these were TRASHED. It was so bad & aggravating, trying to access clothes in the condition BOTH dressers were in.)

10:20am: Henry just gave me a quizzical look because he looked over and saw me crying.

I was thinking about G-Dragon. Lol.

12:31pm:

Me: Do I have to do anything when we get there?

Henry: like what?

Me: Help.

Henry: That’s hilarious. I just brought you along for company.

Lololol.

Speaking of Henry, did you know he moonlights as my inhouse matcha barista?

Of course this is Nami Matcha, their new strawberry-infused blend. It is sooo good. The strawberry essence is subtle and natural, but not artificial tasting at all.

And here’s some Penelope pics:

2:09pm: this is very tedious and frustrating lol.

2:30pm:

Me: I’m sweating!

Henry: from carrying that poster?

lol srsly that was pretty much the extent of what I did.

3:16pm: we had lunch with Chooch at GFG Cafe and it was delectable. Veggie mousakka!

And we finally got to meet FOUR of his friends finally, two of them he’s rooming with next year.

What a whirlwind day. Now we’re heading out. I let Chooch off the hug hook this time around since we’ll see him on Saturday!!

Bye Drexel!

5:31pm: Still in the car, trying not to have a heart attack while reading updates on the Orange Psycho’s war on Californians. Trying to balance it with G-Dragon content.

Speaking of, my fan club members only version of his mini-lightstick arrived on Friday :)

6:07pm: It’s really sad that we have made this trip so many times that we recognized the last working at the 7/11 at whatever rest stop we just left. (Blue Mountain or something.)

Also Henry bought a Mr. Beast Feastible because he was influenced by Jake Webber.

7:06pm: Just left this cutie rest stop:

We’re listening to Kurt Travis and getting so stoked to see him again next month and by we I mean me. “Isn’t his voice so pretty?” I said to Henry.

“I guess?”

Ugh.

9:42pm: We’ve been home for an hour. Byeeee!!

Henry and I had a drinking lunch date on Saturday with Amy and Dick and I always look forward to these! This time it was at Penn Brewery and I was excited about it because we recently got that Penn Brewery Kennywood-inspired six-pack and actually enjoyed all 6 varieties in spite of Henry’s prior mutterings about “never having had a single good beer from Penn Brewery.”

It’s evidently the oldest brewery in the city. These are things I’m learning, lol. I have never been there before even though it seems to be a beloved Yinzer institution. I will definitely give it all of the points for aethestics alone – I love old shit and this made me feel like I was being all historical and whatever.

I guess this was the tunnel where they stored the beer back in the day?? That’s what Amy told us. She and Dick were there a few weeks ago to pick up some special collab that the brewery had with our SUPER GREAT local chocolatier, Sarris. (Seriously, I get that Europe has the supreme chocolate but it irritates me when the American chocolate being put up against Cadbury and the likes is always Hersheys and Nestle. SARRIS IS SO MUCH BETTER!!!!)

Anyway, they made a limited-run stout conditioned with Sarris’ peanut butter meltaways and it sold out so fast that they made more for Easter so Amy and Dick headed out and grabbed a whole case because so many of their friends (they live in Ohio) also wanted to try it. Henry ended up finding single cans at our local beer distributor so he brought one home and we HATED IT. Like, I took one sip and decided right there on the spot that I never wanted that swill in my mouth ever again. Henry ended up dumping the rest of the can because he hated it too.

I figured Amy and Dick might have enjoyed it because they are more stout-adventurous than us, but they scrunched up their faces and said they thought it was awful.

“Did you guys taste ANY peanut butter?” Amy asked.

“No, and not any chocolate, either!” I cried. I also saw that it got a ton of bad reviews on Untappd so that made me feel validated.

But back to our experience at the brewery itself:

Apart from it being really cozy and German-y, we were off to a bad start immediately when we walked through the door and a semi-surly server barely greeted us and told us to sit anywhere. I was hoping she was just the hostess, but then she came over to get our drink order and made me feel so uncomfortable right out of the gate. We asked if they do flights there and she was like, “Yes, I’ll bring you a flight card” and then Henry tried to get two more for Amy and Dick who had yet to arrive, but it somehow complicated the whole process and I could practically see fire in her eyes. She ended up just bringing us two cards and we were like, “That’s fine, thanks” then Amy and Dick had to jump through the same hoops once they arrived.

It was just as bad when she came back for our food order – she was actually turning her head away from us the whole time while we were quickly trying to decide and I wanted to be like, “WHY DON’T YOU JUST COME BACK THEN IF THIS IS SUCH A NUISANCE TO YOU??”

We were being so polite too, way more so than she deserved. She made me feel like I was in trouble every time she came to our table and honestly just made the whole vibe awkward and uncomfortable. I really hate complaining about these things and it takes a lot, really. I’m 99% always on the server’s side but this broad needed to just go home.

The beers were just a’ight. We all got the lemon shandy I think and all had the same exact review: dafuq, where’s the lemon tho?

I dunno how Dick & Amy felt about their food, but Henry and I were not impressed with ours. I got a veggie sandwich on a croissant and what was served to me looked like it was from a kids menu. I’ve had bigger and better croissants from 7-ELEVEN (and I’m talking about the crappy American 7-Elevens, even – not the superior ones in Asia). It basically had a floppy portabella slice, lettuce, and a tomato on it. It was so lackluster and I was still very hungry afterward. Luckily, I swapped the fries for a side a spaetzle and that was actually good, just not as good as my Pappap’s.

I did try one of Henry’s fries though and it was really good so I guess if I ever go back, it’s “order a bunch of sides” or starve.

One highlight (aside from hanging with my sister!) is that there was an advertisement on the table for the Kennywood six-pack. But alongside the picture of the 6-pack, there were EIGHT different cans!?!? I quickly ran through them and found the two that there were not included in our six-pack. Henry was going to ask the server and I was like, “Bitch, best just go straight to the bar with this inquiry, come on now.”

He came back to our table with an entire six-pack of one of the different varieties (this one has Phantom’s Revenge on the can!!!!) because it was the only way to buy it. The one we’re still missing is just – ugh – the lemon shandy with a different name but it’s THEMED TO THE DEFUNCT LE CACHOT AND I NEED THIS CAN!!! Henry went round and round trying to explain to the bartender that we specifically want the Kennywood cans and they kept trying to push the regular Penn Brewery lemon shandy six-pack on him. UGH!

But then one of the bartenders did mention that some had been shipped out to various distributors and Giant Eagle so we spent the rest of the weekend sporadically looking to no avail.

There is really something wrong with my phone’s camera – all of my photos look like ass lately (and not just the ones I’m in lol).

OMG why he is stalking around like this??

Anyway, just look at how amaze this can is (the beer was so-so):

Phantom’s Revenge is one of my ult-favorite coasters and not just because of Pgh Pride. It is legitimately a world-class coaster! GO READ MY MYRIAD BLOG POSTS ABOUT IT!

Anyway, after leaving Penn Brewery, I needed a hot coffee and sweet treat so we parted ways with Amy & Dick and went to the nearby Yinz Coffee, one of the few local chains I genuinely support. It was more crowded than I have ever seen it because it was Pride weekend and a ton of people had wandered in from other events. Normally, I’d be like, “HELL TO THE NAH” when I see a line, but the energy was so positive there because of the LGBTQ+ love that I decided to stick it out. Godspeed to that barista though – he was killing it alone behind the counter! I bestowed all of the kindness I had in my daily reserves onto him, since I was given no reason to use it at the brewery. I always have so much respect for people who can handle the stress and pressure of a non-stop work flow like that, and he was doing it with PANACHE and a smile on his face. We had a nice and quick chat (I’m sure he was relieved to hear that my order was a simple drip coffee with a splash of almond milk) and he said, “Tomorrow is the parade so it will just as crazy!”

It was one of those brief interactions that leave you feeling good because the person on the other end was pure vibes, you know? Love you, Yinz Coffee!

Henry and I also got two cookies to share so we took it to the nearby Uniondale Cemetery (the one where “Henry wrecked” the car, definitely not me) but yo, I couldn’t believe how cold it was. I think it was like 50 degrees that day but it was windy with no sun so we didn’t last long.

And that was Saturday!

Short weeks are truly always the longest somehow,  but it’s finally Friday and I feel so good about that. Even though it’s chilly and rainy currently.

Here are some things that are currently making me smile, or smile-adjacent (smirk?):

1. Henry Loves Jake Webber

Dude, you guys I know I’m all aboard the Johnnie Guilbert Emo Train, but Henry has the man-hots for his counterpart, Jake Webber I think. Our new nightly ritual has been to unwind watching videos from both of their channels (the best are the ones where they’re together though!) and Henry will actually LOL at them. His favorite ones are where Jake decides to cook something for the viewers because Jake has the same cooking prowess as me.

I like to take stealth-photos of Henry laughing at these so that I can send them to Chooch, who will NOT sign off on this new hobby of ours, and thinks we’re too old to be enjoying 20-somethings act like feral animals while trying seasonal candy from Walmart, but you know what Chooch? LEAVE US ALONE.

I did get Chooch to watch ONE video though and he agreed that it was “kind of” funny and that he probably would have liked it years ago but now he only watches physics videos on YouTube. WOW. How exciting.

Oh, and you want to talk about someone being influenced by an influencer? Jake mentioned sugar-free Sonic water powder stuff and literally the next day, Amazon was delivering them to our house. OK Henry, you simp.

Meanwhile, I’m over here in my Johnnie Guilbert shirt like: 

We’re just Mr. and Mrs. Midlife Crisis over here, don’t mind us.

2. GOLD NECKLACE

My Spotify was like, “Oh  you’re listening to Pierce the Veil again? Let’s add some Swancore back into the mix too” which has been so pleasant and familiar to my ears, god I love me some Swancore (Dance Gavin Dance, etc.) but then this one song came on and I was like, “Whoa, hold up – what is this? It sounds like Kurt Travis?” It was a band called Gold Necklace and I WAS RIGHT – it’s another side project of Kurt Travis! Holy shit, this song nearly made me fall out of my seat – I have been out of the loop! Anyway, Henry had told me a few weeks ago that Anthony Green is coming to Pittsburgh with Geoff Rickley and Kurt Travis, so this was my cue to snag two tickets. Kurt Travis, you are brilliant. Anyway, I am trying to be more diligent with keeping up with my old music tastes too. I get FOMO bigly when it comes to music and I want to start going to smaller shows like I used to, in addition to the big Kpop concerts.

3. Stupid Memorial Day Parade + Twin Lakes

Not even worth making a separate post about it. I truly despise this parade so much, I wish I could better articulate my feelings but I guess all you need to know is that I don’t really have any neighborhood pride so I could really give a shit about seeing our local girl scouts trying to serve cunt or those idiotic war reenactors who INSIST on firing their guns in front of our house every year.

Anyway, I was giving Chooch a play-by-play so I’ll do the same here:

1. Larry (Chooch’s frenemy) is ready for the parade with his….sheriff hat I think and a flag.
2. Larry gave Henry a flag.
3. Some financial group drive by in a CYBER TRUCK with an accordion player on the back – I refuse to clap for that thing.
4. Some big military plane flew overhead – Henry’s favorite part.
5. No child has fallen, sadly.
6. I wondered out loud how I could get myself into the parade. Doing WHAT?? Henry asked. Promoting my blog, obvi, I said. Oh, your blog is the LAST thing this neighborhood needs to find out about. Wow.

Yeah, I just really hate it. I sit on my porch steps and say, “I’m not waving to these assholes” or I’ll wave facetiously just to be an asshole. I just get very angry! Maybe because I hate this country so much.

After the idiot parade (thanks to NO ONE for tossing us any candy – age discrimination!!!), Henry and I went out to a park called Twin Lakes that somehow, we have never visited. It was about an hour away and I didn’t feel like being in the car that long so I almost told him to forget it but then tried to just “go with the flow” which is something we’re working on in therapy, squashing my kneejerk need to fight myself and happiness. Really glad we did this! It was a super fun day even though I was wearing brand new Vans and ended up saying “ouch, ouch, ow, omg my broken toes” halfway into the walk.

I’d love to go back sometime this summer while Chooch is home and force him into having a family picnic with us haha.

4. Resting Penelope Face

She always looks so pissed! But she’s the sweetest, most loving cutie sweetie!

 5. Audra Took a Tumble

ok, yoooo – this is apropos of NOTHING but I was flipping through a stack of old photos just now and came across this one:

This was at my elementary school’s playground – sometimes we would go there during non-school hours because we lived right down the street. Anyway my first thought was “Shit I used to be so GOOD on the monkey bars” and then I immediately thought about the time my friend AUDRA fell off those same monkey bars and landed on her head!!!! She didn’t die or anything but I remember it being scary and her getting rushed off the playground and probably to the hospital I guess.

Then I flipped to the EXACT NEXT PICTURE:

AND AUDRA IS IN IT!!! She’s the girl right in the middle with the headband. See? She didn’t die and was apparently cleared to go to the pumpkin patch with our Girl Scout troop only a few mths later. (Interestingly I’m not in this picture but my brother Ryan is??!!!)

Oh well, that’s all for me.

Henry won me a new (to me) wheelchair at a local auction and brought him home yesterday morning – I named him Guilbert and I love him.

Chooch is annoyed that we put him in his attic (“Great now even more space is taken”) but hello Chooch, you technically don’t even live here anymore, sooooooooo.

That’s all I got for now. It’s been actually a very full and memorable weekend and I am exhausted but overall feeling pretty good and alive. This happens so rarely anymore that I have to cling onto it and take moments out of the day to be grateful. Life is so weird but weekends like this make me realize how glad I am that I keep pushing through the sad and dark times. If you’re feeling low, keep doggy-paddling. It is almost always worth it.

Weird ending for a post about a new addition to my antique/haunted wheelchair collection but you never know what you’re going to get on this blog lol.

I was on a work call Tuesday morning and OK so maybe I am partially to blame here for having the audacity to leave my front door open to let some fresh in, but some broad came stomping up to my porch and rather than knock on the screen door or RING THE DOORBELL, she shouted, “RUTH???” into my house.

Wendy, who I was on the call with, was like, “What is that…” and I had to whip around from my desk and gesticulate toward my computer in the universal, “HELLO RUDE ASS, I’M WORKING” sign. I angrily called back “WRONG HOUSE!” refusing to provide any further helpful information to this bitch who thought it was OK to SCREAM INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE. Hoo boy, this really had me BENT.

Then came Thursday morning. I had the door CLOSED on this day even though it pains me to do so because it makes my house so dark. Suddenly, THE DOORBELL.

Remember when I was so excited about the doorbell and thrilled every time it was rung? Well, those days are over. Back to WHO IS AT THE FUCKING DOOR anxiety.

I felt real indignant at the mo’, I’m not even going to pretend otherwise. I stood up, hands akimbo, and said to myself, “No. I’m working. I don’t have time for this shit and it’s probably just a canvasser trying to confuse me questions like, ‘Who’s your pick for something-something Judge?'”

That’s not to say I’m going to still neb-out and try to see who it is. YO. IT WAS THAT SAME LADY FROM TUESDAY! I saw her walking away, jabbing her rude fingers at her phone. I was PISSSSSED. What could she possibly need to come back for?

I went back to work and forgot about it. I mean, I do have a life, after all. And part of that life entails me feeding squirrels so I got up to take a “leg stretch” and walked over to the door to see if my furry kids needed a walnoot refill. That’s when I saw a COP CAR PARKED IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE AND A COP WALKING UP THE STREET WITH THAT LADY!!

WHAT THE HELLLLLL WAS GOING ON.

(Also, when you see me breaking out the CAPSLOCK I hope you know I’m over here yelling these parts out loud in an array of accents.)

I stayed at the front door like the concerned citizen that I am known for around these parts and noticed that the cop and broad had stopped near the driveway for the behavioral health in-patient house thing next to the house where Chooch’s friend Marky used to live. (His grandparents still lived there and for the record, I don’t like the grandfather, “PAP” if you will.) So, I knee-jerked hypothesized that A PATIENT ESCAPED FROM THE HOUSE and that lady is one of the staff members and she was going door to door to see if anyone was HARBORING THE ESCAPEE and my supporting evidence was that:

1. I have a naturally guilty complex and automatically think everyone suspects me of foul play;
2. the broad was making sweeping gestures toward my direction and the cop kept LOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER at my house.

The cop eventually retreated to his car, where he sat for a good 45 minutes probably lamenting that he hadn’t yet been able to abuse his power while looking under his seat for a Dunkin’ coupon. I was giving Henry a play-by-play via the tellyphone and urged him to go listen to his dorky wanna-be copper scanner to see what intel he could glean.

In the meantime, I did some work because this was, after all, during work hours and as much as I would love to say I’m getting paid to be the Neighborhood Crime Sleuth, I had engagement letters to review. :/

I checked about 10 minutes later and this time, I saw that the mom and stepdad of the aforementioned Marky were talking to the cop through his driver’s side window! I would have demanded that he get out of the car, but I guess that’s just me. Marky’s mom was casually eating a popsicle.

This is something I needed you to know.

I was standing inside the door still, and as much as I hate interacting with people on this street, I couldn’t stop myself from bursting out onto the porch after they began to walk away from the cop.

“WHAT’S GOING ON???” I panted.

“My dad’s piece of shit landlady WHO DOESN’T DO SHIT FOR THAT HOUSE is looking for Ruth because she wants that van moved from behind the house,” Marky’s mom scoffed.

“Oh, THAT is who that is?” Well, at least I won’t be busted for stowing that patient behind all of my shoes and string cheese in my closet. “She came to my house TWICE this week, asking for Ruth!”

“Because she doesn’t know what the FUCK she’s doing!” Marky’s mom shouted around the popsicle, catching sticky drips with her tongue. “My dad’s at work so I came here to move his car out of the driveway because she’s going to get the van towed.”

“They’re….on vacation,” I gulped, because Marky’s mom said that they assumed Ruth & HNC were just at work. Now Marky’s step-dad was frantically looking through his phone to see if he had HNC’s phone number.

Which I have. But didn’t feel like saying anything LOL.

To give a quick explanation of the van’s lore, HNC has THREE OF THEM. Two of them are rotting in our shared driveway. Every once in a while, he tinkers with one of them, lets it run, sometimes drives it around the block. The other one legit is a rat hostel at this point. Its tires are fused to the earth.

The third one used to be parked in the church parking lot across the street but a few years ago, the church threatened to tow it or something, not my van, not my problem, so PAP told HNC that he could park it behind “his” house. And by “his” house, I mean that house that has three units in it, one of which he RENTS. But, semantics, I guess.

Back to now – I was kind of like, “Oh” to find out that this was the cause of some fucking bitch coming to my house uninvited twice this week and then CALLING THE POLICE? Excuse me, ma’am but was this an EMERGENCY? That van has been for 3 or so years but NOW you want it towed? Maybe put that energy into protesting Trump or making Katy Perry space memes. Just seems like there must be something more constructive to do with your day than blowing a fuse over a van that is literally doing nothing and can be moved once HNC returns home from vacation? Unless she’s organizing a block party and has a small village of fancy bounce houses for adults being delivered for the backyard, I am officially not invested in this saga any further. Until it affects me and my livelihood and is relevant to my interests, stay the fuck off my porch.

(Although, now that I know how angry she is, I hope my doorbell pissed her off, lol.)

I came back in the house and called Henry to give him the lackluster update.

“Oh! I know that landlady,” Henry said after I described her as a bitchy troll with glasses, because he thinks he knows everyone like he’s Pittsburgh Santa or some shit. “Her dad actually used to live in that house too. Little guy with huge eyes.”

“I have literally no idea who you’re talking about,” I snapped, running out of patience. “The way you have this fucking random cast of characters seared into your memory…”

“It’s because I PAY ATTENTION TO PEOPLE, Erin,” Henry said, quite defensively too, if you ask me.

“Well anyway,” I quickly tacked on before hanging up, “I don’t feel like getting involved so you have to tell HNC. Byyyeeee.”

(The van hasn’t been towed yet, btw.)

(But for real though, why so many vans, HNC??? Never mind. Don’t answer that.)