Oh Honestly, Erin

• My Friday started off with me getting ready to take a shower only to discover that nary a trickle was coming out of the showerhead. At first, I thought Henry forgot to pay the water bill or something and I was full of rage, but then he called and was like THERE WAS A WATER MAIN BREAK AND SCHOOL IS CANCELED so then I wasn’t hateful anymore, but that didn’t change the fact that I desperately needed to wash my hair because I went to bed with a deep conditioner in last night UGH I can’t tell you how much anxiety greasy hair gives me! One time in second grade, I discovered a small rash on my chest before I took a shower so I slathered Vaseline on it and yes, I definitely scopped an entire fistful out of the jar because that’s logical when you’re in elementary school. But then I went straight into the shower and you know, ran my lubed-up hands through my hair a million times while shampooing, transferring all that jelly into my locks. It was SO BAD, even after numerous shampoos, that my mom had to keep me home from school so I wouldn’t have a legit emotional breakdown in front of my classmates because SOCIAL PRESSURE HAS ALREADY BEEN MY ACHILLES HEEL. So yeah, like 30-odd years later, here I was once again having a panic attack in front of my bathroom mirror because my hair had conditioner caked to it and I could barely wash it out with the weak trickle coming out of the faucet. I considered asking to work from home but then I remembered that I had to collect cookie order money from some of my co-workers (yeah, I did that again for Chooch) and I won’t be in the office on Monday and it’s due on Tuesday!!! So I sucked it up and went to work with my hair feeling all weird and oily but no one said anything because why would they, they’re not 2nd grade assholes.
• This one time in mid-90s, my brother Ryan was going to a birthday party so my mom took him to the mall to get a gift beforehand and I was like, “Let me catch a ride in that sick Eddie Bauer Explorer too, I need the new R.Kelly CD” and just a reminder, this was when we only kind of knew that maybe he was a fucking creep, and cancel culture wasn’t a thing yet, so we could still buy CDs and not feel shame knowing that we were supporting some dude who pisses on people or whatever. Anyway, my brother got his dumb friend a present too and then in the car on the way to the party, he needed to sign the card but of course there was no pen in the car, but then, and you guys, I couldn’t have planned this even if I tried, I realized that he could just use the label from my CD, the one you have to peel off and says the name of the artist and album, because my brother’s name is RYAN KELLY, you guys. R. KELLY. This has been the story about how my brother used an R.Kelly CD to sign a birthday card. *dab*
• Guys tell me if this is a good idea or a great idea: Margie was telling me today that her daughter bakes on the side and she showed me pictures of some of her cookies and she makes those really nice ones with royal icing and whatnot and I was like, “I WILL HAVE TO KEEP HER IN MIND THE NEXT TIME I NEED COOKIES” which, come on, is always, but then I started thinking and said, “Actually…..” Look, G-Dragon is getting released from the military on October 26th and I was tossing around the idea of doing something to celebrate but I don’t want to have a party because I have like, a friend who would actually care enough to come and then I would have to clean the house anyway, SO WHY DON’T I JUST HAVE COOKIES MADE TO MARK THIS OCCASION??? I told Henry and he was like, “Sigh” so that means yes. Margie told me to just draw something up and she will ask her daughter if she can do it SO MAYBE I WILL HAVE SOME FRESH G-DRAGON COOKIES TO TAKE TO WORK NEXT MONTH STAY TUNED.

• I’m still sad that Ric Ocasek died over the weekend. Henry and I both had the same startled reaction when we found out that he was 75! I honestly would have guessed 60, tops. Anyway, it got me thinking about how prevalent The Cars were on my “growing up” soundtrack. My dad was a big fan and I used to borrow his Cars CDs to add stuff to my mixed tapes until finally one day, I bought myself this fancy, purple-sparkly greatest hits set at Waves in Century III Mall and then Janna let me practice driving her car around the parking lot. But apparently I didn’t like them THAT MUCH because I literally just found out that there were TWO SINGERS?! No wonder “Drive” never sounded like The Cars to me!! This is really out of character for me because I generally know everything about music. CONSIDER ME HUMBLED.
• Last week my work pal Carrie mentioned that she was making haluski and bringing some in for Wendy and I was like I LIKE HALUSKI TOO so then Carrie said she would also bring some in for me and I was happy but Wendy was like ugh whatever because she doesn’t like it when people pander to me haha. So then we were talking about our heritage or whatever and I mentioned that before I was Korean, I was actually a little Polish and everyone groaned. Carrie pointed out that you can’t go wrong with cabbage (I mean, an entire race of dolls was born in a cabbage patch) and that my new heritage also has a big cabbage dish—kimchi, obvi duh. I was thinking about this over the weekend and said to Henry that I thought it was so cool how cabbage is such a pivotal ingredient in two popular foods from both of my ethnic groups and Henry said, “it’s different kinds of cabbage though.” OMG STFU cabbagesplainer. (This just reminded me of the time in 2015 or 2016 when I referenced cabbages in every blog post for an entire month and no one noticed.) Anyway, Carrie’s haluski was AMAZE – she used really big noodles and I liked that.

Well, that’s all I got for this Friday Five.

We had such a wonderful day at Holiday World and here is a big-ass photo dump to prove it!

You already know we were there for the VOYAHHHHHHGE, but the truth is, Holiday World as a whole is so much fun. Yes, there are lots of bad tattoos there, but the people are friendly and the employees are so happy to see you! I was having such a grand old time that I was only mad for a two seconds that Henry wore his dumb Creepy Uncle sunglasses and ruined our family picture.

Still hasn’t outgrown that mascot-love. Actually, later on in the day, he ran off to go to the bathroom but saw this mascot and another one (the Halloween cat) and got some employee to take a picture for him. I can never get him to post pictures of our family trips on Instagram, but he posted THAT one all on his own. And I wasn’t even in it! I CAN NEVER GET HIM TO POST PICTURES OF US ON INSTAGRAM!

HE’S ASHAMED OF ME.

Holiday World might be relatively unknown to the general population, but it’s pretty legendary in the coaster circle, and it’s racked up numerous awards over the years. In fact, the 2019 Golden Ticket winners were just announced last weekend, and it won Best Water Park Ride for Wildebeast and  2nd place for Best Wooden Coaster (The VOYAHHHHHGE, obviduh)!

Last year, Henry skipped out on the Raven but this year we dragged him on. I think he’s trying harder to keep up with Chooch and me because he rode EVERY ROLLER COASTER on this weekend trip except for T3 at Kentucky Kindgom.

And the kiddie coasters. He’s not cool enough to be That Guy on the kiddie coaster.

We had to st and in line for about 30 minutes and it was like the world was going to end for Chooch but Henry and I entertained ourselves by ogling the questionable tattoos. For instance, when we were in line for Thunderbird, a guy in front of us had “Volkswagen” tattooed on his forearm. Like, the actual word.

And it was BIG, too.

He seemed like a pretty normal guy, otherwise.

There was a young couple in line for the Raven playing Heads Up and the clues the guy was giving her for “bobcat” were “name of a machine company” and “wild animals found in Utah.”

He asked the guy in front of us if he had any better clues for her and the guy was all, “no, your clues were pretty darn good” and I was like, “NO THEY WEREN’T. IF THEY WERE PRETTY DARN GOOD, SHE WOULD HAVE GUESSED IT.” I would have said “wild feline with a popular man’s name.”

Or, you know, “Goldthwait.”

Stupid asses.

I was obsessed with the idea of eating at the Plymouth Rock Cafe because it’s…wait for it…THANKSGIVING STAPLES! And they have a vegetarian plate too which is a choice of THREE SIDES and A ROLL OR CORNBREAD.

Um, hello, cornbread.

Well, this was the only time we were disappointed with Holiday World. It was the only time we encountered ambivalent employees, they were out of half of the sides (it was only 1pm!) so instead of getting corn and broccoli salad, I had to get some kind of stewed cinnamon apples and macaroni and cheese in addition to the sweet potato casserole that I had my eyes on, and it was just…a lot. Like, it didn’t LOOK like a lot, but I honestly thought I was going to have to be part-time bulimic at one point afterward, just to get some relief.

But then sweet potato casserole WAS SO GOOD. I can’t even lie, it was really good. The corn bread was a big (actually small) dry wad of disappointment, but we also got pumpkin pie and it was way better than I expected! I thought it was going to be the firm, gelatinous kind but it was the smooth and creamy consistency that I love!

So, mixed bag for Plymouth Cafe.

Henry had some kind of meat and he liked it.

It was about $50 for three meals and three pies, plus Henry and Chooch both got drinks which seemed dumb since Holiday World has free drink stations all over the park just like Kentucky Kingdom. I think this was a pretty reasonable deal? I mean, we were all so full that no one wanted to eat dinner later on and we basically had to talk ourselves into getting ice cream before we left.

Oh, the challenges of being us.

Here we are getting that coaster cred! When we were in line, there was one mom in front of us and I was confused because why was she alone? I thought maybe her husband and children were already on and there was no room left for her, because before the operator closed the gate, the lady asked, “Would it be OK if I sat in the back seat?” and the operator asked the little boy in the back seat if he minded, and he very chivalrously said, “Not at all!” and so the lady dumped her purse in a bin and boarded the train and that is when I realized that she wasn’t with any of those people, she just wanted to ride the Howler with all of her fucks abandoned in a bin with her handbag.

That’s my kind of mom.

Also, we were relieved that she got to go on that train because that put us first in line and we wanted the back seat, haha.

I think it’s funny that Henry stands off to the side with all the other non-riding parents and takes pictures of his kids.

Not the worst kiddie coaster in the world!

I love our carousel selfies! I think it really captures our true family essence lol.

I called this a lion approx. 5x before the word “tiger” came to me and I felt like Barb mixing up zebras and giraffes.

Santa! He waved to me!! While we were having out nearby, another old man walked by in jeans and a white T-shirt and Henry, “Look there’s Santa!” And I said, “No dipshit, Santa is right over there with his elven handler.” But Henry said, “No, it’s the Santa from last year!” AND IT WAS! AN OFF-DUTY SANTA! I was devastated to learn that there were two different Santas! I really thought it was the same one.

We went inside the Christmas candy shop and Henry let Chooch make his own bags of taffy, a task that Chooch took extremely seriously. We were in there for a good long while too and it was kind of ridiculous and I was starting to get annoyed because it was the one place that was actually pretty crowded and no matter where I went, I was in someone’s way. Then after we paid for the damn bag, we started to leave when Chooch was like, “Oh shit, I didn’t even see all the taffy over on the other side” and one of the flavors was egg nog so I was mad because that sounded fun and he ruined my life basically by not including this so I grabbed an empty bag and said, “GET TO WORK” and this time henry and I helped him because apparently you can’t trust a kid to get the good taffy.

The Legend is such a rough ride, but it’s so much fun! A werewolf howls right before you go down the first drop and for some reason, this just tickles me.

One of the times we rode it, the ride attendant was going around checking our seats (he ended up groping me and then said something that sounded like, “Nice to see you again” which I’m sure wasn’t right but I was still stuck on the fact that he groped me) when a young couple appeared at the exit and told the ride operator that they left their bag in the shelf and described it as a “black crossbody that says Supreme on it” and I laughed to myself and was NOT surprised when The Groper was unable to locate such a bag. He kept holding up other bags and the ride operator was getting so pissed and reiterating that it was black and said Supreme.

When he held up some other thing, the ride operator screamed IT SAYS SU-PREME ON IT!!!! I was dying. Maybe he was describing boobs that Groper had brushed against during the day, it would be an easier game for him to win.

Anyway, I couldn’t believe they were holding our train back for this bullshit.

The one bad thing about coming here so late in the season is that they close at 7 during Labor Day weekend. Can you believe that?! Now, there’s still plenty of time to ride everything, but with the park closing before sunset, there is absolutely no possibility of night rides, and the VOYAHHHHHGE is best experienced at night. It just really is, sorry. It forcibly takes you back into the pitch black woods and I know this sounds like a set-up for horror porn but…ok it’s kind of like that. And you wake up the next day with the bruises to show for it.

With about an hour remaining, we decided it was now-or-never for some Udderly Blue ice cream. We were still full from lunch but I wasn’t passing this up.

While we were in line, we briefly lost Chooch (lol) but then I found him on the nearby carousel, riding alone peacefully.

There was a family sitting at a table near where we’re standing and when the husband brought the ice cream over, the wife said, “oh. I would have thought it would be blue” and the husband was like, “they do have blue ice cream but the kids just wanted vanilla, so” and she was like, “well I would have liked to try the blue” and then it started to get these because the line was really long and the kids were being ungrateful pricks to begin with and now Wife is being passive aggressive and Husband words were starting to sound strangulated like he was projecting his desire to throttle her in her sleep. I looked at Henry said “Wow that could be us.”

I made Henry share this with me and he was angry because he wanted to get his own and I said “then just get your own” but now he was moping and said JUST FORGET IT and I wondered if now we were the ones being watched by another couple saying to themselves “Wow, they’re just like us.”

Another, Udderly Blue over Dole Whip any damn day!

Chooch and I got one final ride on the VOYAHHHHHHGE before the line closed and we fought back tears on the way out. This park, man. It’s so good. Get yourself there.

*****

The next day, we were an hour outside of Cincinnati on the way home when I asked where the taffy was.

“Goddammit, I left it in the hotel fridge!” Henry cried. I was way angrier about this than I imagined I would be and I don’t even really like taffy all that much. So yeah, our fight-free weekend was definitely over by then.

Hello, good morning, or good evening, please adjust as necessary. It’s 6:06am and we have departed our shanty in Brookline after a solid 30 minutes of bickering because what else is new.

We were still on our street when Henry announced that he forgot his hat and now he’s threatening to buy a MAGA hat at a truck stop kill me.

He just turned on the GPS and Cookie Monster’s voice filled the car at full volume and now my heart is racing. “Put it back to the Korean lady!” I cried but he said he doesn’t know where he’s going with her. :(

Also, I’m wearing my Kpop Fitness shirt and Chooch, without knowing that, put on his KCON 2017 shirt so now we look like Koreaboos.

6:26am: Some light just came on in the car to tell us that the tire pressure is low and Henry that cocky motherfucker said, “No shit.” That’s news to me, but OK.

7:18am: UGH we just left Sheetz in West Virginia. We had the unfortunate timing of being there with an entire orange-vested road crew and it took forever to get our stuff and then while we were waiting I happened to glance at my receipt and noticed that HAM was listed as an ingredient on my breakfast flatbread and I threw a fit and Henry was like “Sweetheart* just pick it off” and I was like I HAVE SPENT 3/4 OF MY LIFE JUST PICKING IT OFF (wow gross) and so he went over to the counter and caught them right as they were starting to make mine after the conveyor belt of MEAT SUPREMES EXTRA MEAT PLUS A SIDE OF MEAT that were being assembled for the hick road crew and asked them not to put ham on mine and when he came back he said, “See? I take care of you” so ALL HAIL THE HERO I guess.

*(Lol yeah right.)

Obligatory Sheetz Road Trip Selfie. I’m fucking tired.

The car radio defaulted to Country when Henry turned it on and even just five seconds of it before my Spotify kicked in was enough to make me angry.

“HOW DO PPL LISTEN TO THIS” I angrily spat and Henry told me to go back in Sheetz and ask them.

Then Chooch and Henry were arguing and Henry yelled, “Last time I checked, I can do whatever I want!”

He must check a lot.

Also, do the police know this?

8:30am: Chooch recently discovered a love for 80s new wave so I put on a Spotify playlist for him as soon as we left the house but he’s had headphones on the entire time so far, watching his dumb YouTube videos so I put Taemin back on, fuck that.

Speaking of Taemin, Baekhyun from EXO did an InstaLive with SuperM and they were all eating BBQ and I was like THEY R SO LUCKY TO WATCH TAEMIN EAT IN PERSON and Henry scowled at me.

9:30am: So glad Chooch brought his shitty crossword puzzle book on this trip. 94 miles to Cincinnati. SOS.

“Is Sammy Lee Jones an actor?” – Chooch from the backseat. Ughhhhhh. I turned up SHINee and I can still hear him asking for help.

10:16am: We stopped at a gas station and before leaving, Henry got back out of the car to throw out a banana peel and the sound effects Chooch is making for this action is soooo grotesque and hilarious. Now Chooch is fat-shaming Henry for purchasing a 470 calorie Nutty Buddy.

10:34am: An hour ago, i made what some might consider a stretch of a comparison between Taemin and Anita Baker, then I was perusing Spotify playlists and Anita Baker’s “Angel” was the third song in one of them so of course we’re listening to Anita Baker now.

“I went through a heavy Anita Baker phase when I was in 10th grade,” I said to Henry who muttered that he wasn’t surprised because my music phases were all over the place. Anyway, anytime I would mention Anita Baker back then, my dad would ask, “What? You need a baker?”

EVERY.TIME.

11:07am: We just crossed over into Kentucky. Hello Kentucky, sorry you have to hear us all yelling at Henry because our phones haven’t been charging this whole time.

11:25am: UGH I JUST LOOKED AT HENRY AND HE HAS HIS CREEPY UNCLE SUNGLASSES ON.

12:32pm: We made it to Louisville! We have like 9 minutes until we’re at Kentucky Kingdom and we’re all fighting over the playlist.

I’m going to publish this worthless post now but I will probably add it to you after we leave the park and head to Santa Claus, Indiana!

8:14pm: Wow we just left the park and I am pleasantly surprised! What a great park – I’m excited to do a review sometime soon after I get home but right now we’re looking for some place to eat on the way to Indiana.

Here’s a sunset!

8:26pm: Ok we found an eating establishment with minimal bloodshed!

Jerry’s J Boy! And they’re hiring so I got to submit it to Job Spotter! And Mary J Blige was playing when we were seated and our waitress is nice!

BEEN AWHILE SINCE I SNAGGED A LIVE-ACTION COLE SLAW MASTICATION SHOT!

8:46pm: Guys. They just played KC & Jojo, Phil Collins, the Folk Implosion, and Oasis back to back.

Jerry’s J-Boy, you were super hospitable to us, thank you, we will come again.

9:29 (10:29EST): We’re all settled in our actually halfway decent Motel 6 room, same place we stayed last year when we came to Holiday World. I’m exhausted and annoyed with both of my travel companions and snapped out after we left Jerry’s because that fucking Cookie Monster GPS was on my last nerve and Chooch was being shitty because he was tired and I almost just rhetorically asked when that will end but I’m 40 and still act like a roiling nest of hornets when I’m exhausted. So.

Anyway, goodnight before I punch Henry in the face.

One of the most-asked questions I got when I came back from vacation was WHAT DID YOU BUY and my answers always disappoint people because I’m not a huge shopper. Last year, I got a pair of Gentle Monsters sunglasses as my “big” purchase, but this time around, I just picked up some little things that I liked. So, here are five of those little things which will probably be super disappointing but I LIKE THESE THINGS OK. (Don’t worry, I won’t make you look at all the kpop merch I brought back, lol.)

1. This mask from Harajuku, Japan

I collect masks, all sorts of masks, whether they’re cheapo vintage Kmart Halloween masks, masks that my kid made in school, or traditional/historical masks. I saw this one from several stalls away in Harajuku and needed it for my collection. The tag on it says “designed and sold in Japan” so that was good enough for my authenticity check!

Chooch came downstairs the other night in his “movie-watching” robe and I was inspired to do a brief photoshoot with the new mask.

HNC had his porch light on and I was like GO STAND ON HNC’S PORCH because I thought it would be cool but Chooch was like WHAT IF HE SHOOTS ME but I feel like HNC is always just buzzed enough that he would probably be like, “Oh hey stranger in a weird mask and robe standing on my porch at 10:30 at night, want a brewski?”

Chooch also peeked into Blake’s front window in hopes of scaring him but Blake just looked over and nodded. Tough crowd.

2. Holika Holika Milky Cushion

Everyone knows that k-beauty is the best beauty, and I had been putting off buying this latest Holika Holika /Peko collab online since I knew I would eventually be in Korea. The nicest salesgirl helped me find the right shade for me and even talked me into buying the same lip color she was wearing (I never thought I would be a coral-type of person until I started using Korean brand cosmetics!).

Anyway, look how cute the packaging is! A little milk carton! I almost hated to open it.

The compact is absolutely precious and the product is so wonderful and long-lasting! I only apply a very light layer to my skin because otherwise it makes me look absolutely ghostly. I also bought a bunch of Peripera lip color and that is my absolute favorite lip product ever. CVS even sells it now but it’s like double the price because America.

Anyway, also pictured is the crucifix I bought in Jeonju!

3. SNACKS

Come on, you don’t go to Korea and Japan and come home without snacks stashed in your suitcase. We brought back all kinds but my personal favorites were:

A boxed set of authentic choco pies from PNB in Jeonju. I will write more about that in my Jeonju recap but these choco pies were legit and now I’m sad that I have to settle for the Lotte choco pies we buy at the Asian markets here. NOT THE SAME.

We also brought back these banana milk Kit Kats from Japan and I’m sad that they’re all gone now. However, my favorite Kit Kats were strawberry tiramisu, which we found outside of Seoul in the small town of Ildong. They were so delicious!

I think my runner-up in the snacks category would be the yogurt almonds – no, not yogurt-coated like raisins or cranberries, but these are almonds that actually flavored after the Korean yogurt drinks. Sweet and tangy! Henry and Chooch were like, “eh…” More for me!

4. BABY HANOK!

There was a ceramics boutique in Insadong called Gallery Dan and they were selling these adorable little Hanok; I had to snatch one up. It has a little hole in the back to stick a flower too. I love it.

The woman who sold it to me was so precious, too. Even the bag it came in was beautiful.

I love collecting little pieces like this. I still have this small vase that I bought in Pompeii when I was little that was supposedly made from volcano ash. It has a chunk taken out of it but I’ve had it since the early 90s so it’s a miracle that’s all that’s wrong with it.

(Now that I wrote that, Drew will probably knock it off the fireplace mantel this weekend.)

5. LIQUOR

Ok so we brought back a nice collection of flavored soju and magkeolli but also wine from Jeonju that comes with this cool ceramic face that I think doubles as a glass (???) and a bottle of North Korean wine!

Haven’t cracked these open yet. Maybe tonight. I always feel the urge to drink after I finish up a Friday late shift.

*****

I also got some jewelry (nothing super expensive or glitzy – just cute stuff that suits my cheap style lol) and clothes, and some other assorted souvenirs like a bunch of coffee cups from various places, but these are just some of my faves and also this was my excuse to take a break from vacation recapping because as much as I love reliving every day spent over there, it is tedious to put it into words! I haven’t even bothered editing the pictures we took with the SLR so crappy iPhone pictures will have to suffice. Wow, I’d make a GREAT travel blogger, wouldn’t I?

Except my Jeonju/Day 4 recaps at some point this weekend, though!

The most cliche, basic thing to say in summer is WHERE HAS THE SUMMER GONE but like, maybe if summer would slow it’s fucking roll we wouldn’t have to be so damn trite.

August is halfway over, school starts in a little over a week, LIKE SAND THRU THE HOURGLASS…ETC ETC.

There are many pros and cons to working from home, but in the summertime, I am so thankful for the privilege to work from home on my late shift days because I get to enjoy being outside in the mornings, walking around the neighborhood, having my weekly breakfast seshes with Chooch…I really, really love these summer days!

And August in particular, for some reason, really makes me happy. There’s something about the way the air feels in August that reminds me of swimming at my Pappap’s pool and lazing around with no worries and nowhere to be. So I’m walking home from the post office the other day, appreciating this summer month, when tears started springing from my eyeballs?! That’s where I am in life right now. Just all emotional and grateful and hyper-aware of it all, man.

For this week’s Summer Breakfast Club, we went to the Dor-Stop ONLY because we’ve hit the bottom of the barrel for local AM eateries.

The Dor-Stop is like, ultra popular around these parts because fucking Guy Fieri ate there for his dumpster dives show, or whatever it was called, and gave it his greasy seal of approval and they’ve been riding that wave of C-list celebrity fame ever since.

I have lived within walking distance of this joint since 1999 and have only eaten there less than 8 times so that should tell you something. Every experience I’ve had there has been either SHITTY (hair in my food, abysmal service) or just completely unforgettable at best.

This time, we had an OK waitress and OK food but the people seated behind us were SO FUCKING DISGUSTING. The lady was sitting on the other side of my booth and kept body-slamming herself into the back of it to the point where I thought I was mistaken and there were actually children sitting behind me. Then her man-thing told her a joke and she was straight up bucking in her seat and stamping her feet on the floor and then he started blowing his nose in a fashion that would make a trucker disgusted and then he BURPED IN BETWEEN.

So gross.

But Chooch liked his raspberry French toast (one of their specialities and I will admit that it’s good but the bread is pretty puny) and we had good talks so I guess that’s all that matters, right.

In other Chooch news, he decided to start a book club at the teen center and the lady in charge gave him the green light so he made this flyer and I didn’t even hover and try to add Erin-flourishes, I AM SO PROUD OF ME!

Also in Chooch/Teen Center news, he was made an administrator which basically means he gets to NARC on other kids so this right up his alley.

Ok well I’m going to go now because Chooch and Henry are outside in a thunderstorm fixing Chooch’s bike which means they’re having some pass-the-popcorn levels of bickering and I need to pull my seat closer. Byeeeee.

I’m sad to be home, but the transition back to reality has been less painful this time around. Maybe because it’s still summer so life still feels vacation-y in a way? All I know is that we left the house moderately clean when we left and my mom kept it in great condition for us so we got to come home to a clean house but that lasted less than a day….so, things are definitely on the regular up here in the Pioneer Ave Shanty!

I worked from home on my first day back, but the next day when I went into the office, my group had my desk all decorated for my birthday and they passed out party hats – it was super adorable and made coming back to work way less painful – especially since I had been awake since 4:00am. I even let Margie hug me! She told me I’m not allowed to be gone this long again and you know what it felt nice to be missed, OK?!

And then there was a double-stabbing right down the street from my office.

(Plus what it was it, three??? mass shootings just in the two weeks I was gone? But yeah, South Korea is the scary place to travel to. Come on, America. We can do better.)

Meanwhile, Chooch got kicked out of the library on his first day home so things were REALLY back to normal for him. (It wasn’t his fault though, you guys. He didn’t do it. The librarians are bitches.)

Friday was my work-from-home late shift so Chooch and I happily resumed our Summer Breakfast Club! I’m sure one day Future Chooch is going to look back on this blog and be so fucking thrilled at all the unflattering chewing shots I have of him. On this day, we walked to Mt Lebanon and gave Simone’s a try. I guess it’s relatively new and the reviews were hit or miss, but we had a lovely experience there and our waitress was super laid back and made us feel like we weren’t n00bs and then she called me by my name when she came back with my credit card and I thought to myself, “Hey, Liza, that was a nice touch and right before I calculated your tip, no less. SMARTIE.”

Anyway, Chooch got the Yo Yo Burrito and I had ordering remorse big time when he let me have a bite because it was everything I want in a breakfast burrito – eggs, black beans and lotsa sour cream. I got an omelette which was good but I opted for grits as my side because I can never remember if I like them or not and they were just ok. Are they supposed to be watery? I added some butter to them and then didn’t know what came next so I dumped in some sugar and it was fine but the bowl was HUGE so I didn’t finish it all.

Henry the Grits Enthusiast wasn’t with us so I didn’t know what to do!

Chooch and I both agreed later that this was one of the few times we had a breakfast filling enough to tide us over until lunch. I’m usually hungry again by the time we get back home!

(Unless I have pancakes, then I’m done for the day.)

Back at home, we sorted through more of our luggage. I hate unpacking. Like, who doesn’t though. Actually, I think my luggage is the only one that still needs unpacked and now it’s like a silent standoff to see if Henry will finally cave and do it for me. Anyway, it was fun pulling out the souvenirs and gifts though, like this shirt that Chooch spotted from a mile away in Harajuku, thanks to his strong Corgi-radar. I made him try it on so I could take a picture because I think it’s the cutest, most Chooch-centric shirt ever, perfect for school picture day!

Henry had to work on Saturday and I had been up since like 5am again, so I didn’t do much of anything aside from sorting through pictures, catching up on coaster vlogs on YouTube, and I finally started watching “Dark” on Netflix.

Saw this on my Saturday stroll around Dormont – definitely back in Pittsburgh!

The next day, Henry and I were walking around Brookline when I said, out of nowhere, that my new way of living life is to do everything I want to do instead of just whining about not being able to do the things I want to do. Now, I just say, “I’m going to do this,” and then do it!

Henry just sighed, because he knows what this entails and it’s less of me making things happen and more of me snapping my fingers and cracking the whip until Henry makes the things happen.

“I’ve been so much happier since I started living this way!” I said gleefully, and I think Henry wiped away a tear, I’m not sure.

Later, we went to Sugar Spell Scoops for some after-lunch vegan dessert and my friend Kara happened to also be there with her family, so that was a nice surprise! I still felt like a zombie though so I was not much of a conversationalist.

Anyway, I splurged and had a scoop of blueberry lavender and coffee cake – look, on any other day, that blueberry lavender would have had be doing cartwheels down the street (in my head, anyway) but that coffee cake scoop was THAT GOOD that it overshadowed my beloved lavender.

Seriously, this place is wonderful and creative, and the people running it are just plain old NICE.

And they have cool coloring pages!

Anyway, I pulled the trigger and finally unfollowed Millie’s on social media. The love affair is officially dead, you guys. No longer my favorite scoop shop in the city.

So yeah, that’s the…scoop (OH! I WENT THERE! I’M OFFICIALLY A CORNY 40-YEAR-OLD MOM!) on what I’ve been up to since I’ve been back from the best vacation of my whole entire life! I’m a little less depressed about being home now because Henry is finally on board with going back to Holiday World (and Kentucky Kingdom!) over Labor Day so I have things to look forward to! Turning 40 has not me any more of an adult!

We came home last night around 10 and must have stood by this clown for a solid five minutes going through the mail before I noticed that it was new – so that tells you:

• How many clown things we have in the house that this was like ET sitting in a pile of Bertie’s stuffed animals,
• How desensitized we are as a household to clowns,
• How fucking exhausted we were

It was probably the worst travel day I ever had but in hindsight, it could have been a lot worse and we were still fortunate enough to at least get home on the same day. Having a mood-swingy teenager doesn’t help things though and he was actually angrier about it all than we were! He was like That Person in a long line who loves to state the obvious. “This is line is ridiculous!” “I just want to GET HOME.” And it’s like YES, EVERYONE DOES, YOU CRANKY WALLSTREET BUSINESSMAN. Jesus, Chooch!

On the express train to Incheon Intl :( Chooch got a new Apeach plushie (his favorite Kakao character that he calls Peachy Boi); he calls this one Bumble Boi.

Mostly he was fine though and we were giddy because on our Korean Air flight home, Henry had to sit in the first row of our cabin and we were in the last. It was actually the last row of the whole plane and was glorious because the bathroom area was so spacious and I took ample leg-stretching breaks back there.

Everyone in our entire row was awesome–Chooch has a Korean girl (about 9 or 10) and her dad next to him. I was on the aisle but the guy across from me was so quiet and inoffensive and I felt blessed. However, there was a family in front of us with three very young girls, I would say 6, 4, and 3 if I had to guess. Look, I’m not one of those people who shoots parents scowls and whatever when their baby is crying because that’s what babies do and I had a baby once and understand that it is not always easy to get a baby to shut it down. But these kids were fucking out of control, jumping off the arms rests, scream-talking to each other, watching videos on a tablet with the volume on and no headphones, putting their feet on the backs of the seats in front of them (god be with those people), dropping their shit constantly (I picked up pillows for them more times than I care to admit) while their parents slept and watched movies. It was so out of control that one of the flight attendants came over and shushed then because BOTH PARENTS WERE SLEEPING and they were using their playground voices x10. Korean Air, you guys are way nicer than I would have been if I was working on that flight. It was an absolute mess.

Also, Chooch bought one of those long fucking non-retractable umbrellas in Seoul because it was rainy while we were there and it didn’t fit in any of our luggage so GUESS WHO INHERITATED IT FOR THE 24+ HOURS OF TRAVEL BACK HOME? CHOOCH AINT IT YALL.

Also x2, I was mad because we saw them when we were boarding and two of the girls were fighting so I said, “LOL I hope they sit behind you, Henry.” He came back to visit us at one point (we told him not to because we didn’t want to be associated with him) and he was like “haha I see you guys got the kids” then he was in the flight attendant’s way and we were like GO AWAY YOU ARE SO EMBARRASSING!

He tried to make a joke when we were checking in because the seat he was assigned was one of the designated baby seats. “I’m not taking the seat from a baby, am I?” he dad-laughed and the Korean Air lady said “no” with no signs of getting his lame humor.

Our catchphrase on this trip was DEFINITELY “Oh my god, he is so embarrassing.”

Anyway, once we landed at shitty JFK (what a shock to the system after being in beautiful Incheon), we were told our flight back to Pittsburgh was delayed by three hours. That wasn’t great but whatever. We had just sit down at some Irish pub thing to eat and before we had a chance to order, we found out that flight was outright canceled. If I was a kid, I would have been like YAY MORE VACATION TIME GUYS! but I’m not a kid and both Henry and I had to work the next day because we’re crazy people who are like “fuck you, lol” to the face of jet lag and our only options were get a flight in the morning or go to an entirely different airport and fly out at 5:25. It was already after 2:00 but the Delta lady said it was an option and that we would “probably” have time which sounded super reassuring, let me tell you. I wasn’t about to sleep in shitty JFK airport or pour more money into a hotel in fucking NYC, so…we took that option. Of course, Delta couldn’t be expected to find our luggage fast enough so the guy at the baggage counter was like “Just go, don’t miss your flight over this. We’ll get the luggage to you” which hopefully doesn’t turn out to be Famous Last Words but we took his advice and got a Lyft to LaGuardia where we had to go through another security check in but at least this one only took 15 minutes as opposed to the nearly 90 minutes at JFK. (They’re going to be hearing from Chooch the airport critic.)

Anyway, in the bathroom at LaGuardia, two woman came not even that close to walking into me and both were like OMG EXCUSE ME SORRY! and I was actually startled because after two weeks in Korea and Japan, I had grown accustomed to being plowed over unapologetically.

Then that flight was delayed to the point where we took off at the time it was supposed to be landing – at 7:20pm. But…it was a short, safe flight and a lot of the people on there were in the same situation as us where they transferred from JFK, so the flight was like a college mixer – it was the chattiest flight! There was a total love connection blossoming behind me (good luck, Stephen and Kendra!) and it was kind of nice to be on a flight with so many people going home to Pittsburgh, Yinzer accents and all.

According to Delta, our luggage is supposed to be delivered to our house today (just checked the tracking and it’s in PIT customs as of 4AM so there’s that at least) which is great but then Chooch and I decided to walk to Dunkin’ Donuts because we obviously have very limited foodstuffs in the house right now and I wanted coffee and he wanted a breakfast sandwich but then I realized that I packed the little purse that has my credit cards in it because I didn’t think I would need it at the airports since I had my passport in my backpack and Henry had all his cash and credit cards on him. So we had to scrounge up all the cash and change we could find all around the house (I had $3 in my eyeglasses case for some unknown reason and Chooch found quarters in his room) so we had like $5 but somehow our total was over $6 because of bad math on our part so we had to redo our order like sad orphans with a line of people behind us and then slide over our crumpled monies and mound of change and it was so depressing. So depressing.

So now it’s 7am and I’m properly caffeinated (got to drink out of one of my new coffee mugs from Korea which somehow ended up in a carry-on, yay) and I’m just soaking it all in now, all the things we did and experienced and how much I appreciate it all! And how happy I am that I got to give Chooch this chance to see some of the coolest places and how we have so many new inside jokes and how Henry didn’t murder us in Tokyo and how the first order of business for Chooch today was to find Perks of Being a Wallflower on Roku after reading it in Korea and falling in love with it. (He’s watching it right now and is so happy lol.)

I have so many pictures and thoughts to organize but I’m excited to start recapping the trip on here because it’s like reliving it all over again and it was the best vacation of my life!

(Also, my mom spoiled the cats so much that they couldn’t care less about our return home. But they had no problems chowing down on the Korean cat treats we brought back for them!)