The cats (Drew & Penelope, or Bambi & Peenlop, or Drewburu & Splenis, or Jinjoo & Bora – whatever you want to call them!) love when the weather warms up because it means we start leaving the door to the backporch open and it’s like, the kitty cat lanei, but with less palm leaves, more Devil rugs.

Such exhaustion. Also, don’t mind the messy rug. Their scratch pad is next to it so scratch pad crumbs get everywhere.

They’re living their best back porch life, you guys. Get on their level.

They’ll be hissing at each other in 3…2…1.

In other cat news, I had the saddest dream about my best cat Marcy (R.I.P. Pretty Rainbow Sparkles). She had run away to this housing development very close to where I grew up, called Deer Park. For whatever reason, I walked the whole way there instead of driving and when I left my home in Brookline, it was spring, but by the time I made it to Deer Park, there was a considerable amount of snow on the ground. So really, in Pittsburgh, this definitely could have been plausible, lol.

Anyway, I was crawling around next to someone’s house, super early in the morning, like 4am or something ungodly, trying to get Marcy from under a bush or something, when the homeowner came out and I was like oh shit I swear I’m not a burglar please don’t call the police or exercise your right to shoot ’em up on your property.

But the broad was like “ok peace” and got in her car like it was no big deal to find someone laying on their stomach under a bush in her yard.

Meanwhile, Marcy had scampered away and she ended up in someone’s house and then I was there too without ever having knocked on the door or anything because MY DREAM MY RULES and the lady in the house was holding Marcy. I could tell she was really starting to get attached and panicked that she would want to keep her. I was scrambling to rip Marcy from this dumb bitch’s arms and I was begging her to be gentle because of Marcy’s tumor (which she had in real life).

Then, and this is the worst part, I said to the lady, “She actually died a few years ago; this is just a dream.”

FUCK. OUCH. NEEDLES IN THE HEART.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and miss her and convince myself that I can still feel her fur in between my fingers and hear that guttural growl she would slowly emit when she had had enough of my incessant cooing and groping.

I miss her :(

Chooch and I just went for a walk and he was telling me about how he cried at End Game (he conned my mom into taking him to see it and she didn’t find out it was 3 hours long until an hour in, lol) and I admitted that I found myself getting emotional just hearing other people talk about it even though I know nothing about Marvel and the only movie I’ve seen is Thor and I didn’t even know that was Marvel at the time.

Here’s an example of my super hero knowledge deficiency: Chooch told me Batman dies at the end of End Game and I believed him.

Anyway, I said, “Sometimes I think I’m an empath,” and Chooch cried, “OMG! Same!”

“Like, today on the way to work, I was thinking about how I called the Vortex trash on my blog the other day and I suddenly felt so bad! So I started to tear up! On the T! A lot of people worked hard to design and build that rollercoaster and probably felt so proud when they were done, and here I am, calling it trash!”

“Yeah,” Chooch said, gearing up for his turn. “And like, sometimes I feel bad after we make fun of Dad.”

“Oh, I never do,” I waved him off. And that was the end of Five Minutes of Empathy with Erin & Chooch.

I don’t know whose bright idea it was to make the 4+ hour drive home from King’s Island on Saturday (more on that later), but that’s exactly what we did and it’s insane how exhausting the simple act of driving a car can be (or in my case, being the passenger who stays awake out of solidarity). It was around 2:30AM when we made it home, which is nothing for all those people with heavy social lives, going to the clubs and bars, etc. But we had been up since 5:30AM in order to get to the park around the time it opened, so yeah wow, that was a near-24 hour day for us.

Don’t even get me started on the lack of Sheetz in Ohio. I know they exist in some areas because they have saved our asses plenty of times on the way home from concerts in Cleveland, but the area around Cincinnati sucks and we had to settle on, oh my god just thinking about this is making me gag—SPEEDWAY. I felt so uncivilized! The only option for me was a veggie sub which is NOT WHAT I WANTED, I WANTED A WRAP but all their WRAP OPTIONS had MEAT IN THEM and there was nothing on the menu for a CUSTOMIZED ONE. Ugh! The guy behind the counter could sense my ire and asked if I needed help but you know what, I didn’t like HIS TONE so I said NO I DIDN’T NEED HIS HELP!

Then Chooch slapped his receipt into Henry’s palm and said, “TELL THEM HOW I WANT IT TOASTED” before running off the bathroom. So Henry tried to tell THAT GUY to toast it and the guy was all, “YES, IT WILL BE TOASTED” but Henry was like, “No, I mean, he wants it toasted afterward” and the guy goes, “No that’s not how we do it. We just toast the bread first and then put everything on it” and Henry said, “Yes, but he would like it toasted afterward” and the guy said, “BUT IT WILL MESS  UP THE INGREDIENTS, LIKE THE PICKLES…” and Henry was like, “HE KNOWS. THAT IS HOW HE WANTS IT.” Jesus Christ! We were telling Chooch about this later in the car, as he was eating his fully-toasted sub, pickles and all, and he shrugged and mumbled, “The customer’s always right.”

Usually, Chooch handles this himself. He completes his order, grabs the receipt, marches up to the pick-up area with confidence and yells, “EXCUSE ME, I’D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT TOASTING MY SANDWICH.” Look, the kid knows what he wants, OK.

The one thing that kept me going was that my friend Veronica was sending me requests to her Instagram Lives from the Korea Times Music Festival in LA where LEE TAEMIN WAS PERFORMING. Guys, I was LIVING through her Instagram on that ride home, you have no idea. Henry thanks her too because every time one of her live videos would end, I would start screaming NO NO NO!! and the sheer volume of my voice did more for his alertness than any of those cans of energy drinks he was double-fisting.

When we got home, I barely brushed my teeth; kicked off my shoes; peeled the contacts from my eyes; collapsed into bed, still in my clothes and a face full of makeup. Did not even care.

Sunday was one of those days where I don’t even know why I bothered to change out of my pajamas because I felt like shit and pretty much figured I wasn’t going anywhere that day. I spent most of the day watching theme park vlogs on YouTube, still riding that high from the day before (Henry’s reading this and thinking, “Yeah right, she would be watching these videos even if we hadn’t just gone to an amusement park”–LOOK, IT’S HOW I RELAX, OK!?”) Having just ridden the Beast numerous times really reignited my wooden coaster (or “woodie,”  but you non-coaster fanatics wouldn’t understand, sigh) and so I started watching videos about that and then started pining for my old wooden love, THE VOYAGE in Holiday World. I began to wonder how the woodie aficionados compare the two, and then before I knew it, I had watched 19 POV videos of the Voyage (Chooch and I pronounced it “Voy-AHge”), at which point I launched into an impassioned speech about how much I love this ride and if I had to craft the perfect day in my head, marathoning this beefy grid of manly lumber (at night!!) would definitely make the cut.

Henry was giving back NOTHING in return, so I spat, “I’ll just wait for Chooch to come home. I can’t talk  to you about this. You don’t understand. You didn’t even ride it.”

“Yeah, but you’re not just talking about it. You sound like you’re talking about a boyfriend.”

Ugh, I wish.

BAE.

Meanwhile, I was getting sicker as the day went on. My body felt really weak and I was shivering, and my stomach had that I’M ON A BOAT feeling.

As the day progressed, I started to wonder if I had measles. Maybe it’s because it’s very Another Day, Another News Alert About Measles lately? So I started grilling Dr. Henry about all things measles. I can’t google things of this nature–medical maladies, curious symptoms–because I will throw up and fall into a spiral of obsession and paranoia. But I needed to know things like “will I know if I have measles? Will it hurt? Will I die right away?” And then Henry started to talk about rashes and I was like, NO STOP TALKING ABOUT IT I DONT WANT TO KNOW! and then Henry was like GOOD LORD, GO TO BED. YOU FEEL SICK BECAUSE YOU BARELY GOT ANY SLEEP AND YOU ARE EXHAUSTED.

Oh ok Dr. Henry.

(Ever since he mentioned rashes, I have felt universally itchy.)

The one thing I recently read was about how adults who think they are vaccinated or perhaps never got the second shot, travel to measles-prone countries and then BRING IT BACK WITH THEM.

“Thailand and India are two countries on that list and Lauren from work went to both of those countries last year!” I hysterically screamed to Henry, who calmly said if she brought home a souvenir rash, and I wasn’t vaccinated, I probably would have contracted it a long time ago and you know, died.

This fretting continued on this morning because I got another news alert on the way to work and I want to fucking line up anti-vaxxers and run past them swinging an orange-stuffed sock. Fucking assholes.

I sat next to some nice man on the trolley who said good morning to me (like, no one does that on the T) and I had to pretend like I was a normal lady and not someone melting internally from maybe-measles.

At work, Carrie was like, “You could just ask your mom if you have all your shots…” so I did that, I texted her and it took her like SEVEN MINUTES to respond and all she said was “I think so.”

THAT IS NOT A YES.

Then I saw Lauren and flipped out on her but she was like “I promise you I’m fully vaccinated!” But then I think she started to get scared too when I mentioned THAILAND AND INDIA.

I was still dwelling on this by the time Henry picked me up for work.

“What exactly do you from with measles? A big fever? Do your bowels fall out?”

“Yes Erin, your bowels fall out,” Henry sighed.

I think I’m just going to go to the doctor and double-up on some vaccinations. Is it possible to over-vaccinate?

We finally had our first legit spring weekend and it was wondrous. We went for walks and left our coats at home! I mean, I love my coat collection but it was really nice to walk down the street without being swathed in heavy fleece and tapestry, you know?

Here are some things that happened on this lovely first weekend of April. I love April. DON’T YOU LOVE APRIL?!

First, we kicked off the weekend Friday night with a viewing of “Annabelle” which I am ashamed to say I had not yet seen. I saw a preview for the newest one and had no idea that this is the THIRD in the series?! I am off my horror game, you guys. Anyway, I do love the Conjuring franchise so much, and I assumed I would love Annabelle as well, but it was kind of just OK. I mean, there were a few times when I jumped a bit, but the whole movie felt like it was missing something, like someone wrote it in a hurry. The highlight for me was when Chooch couldn’t remember the priest’s name and referred to him as “Mr. Father.”

Henry left halfway through because he can’t hang. Any horror movies about possessions or churches scare him too much, though he’ll deny it if you ask him. But I remember VIVIDLY that he told me this back when we were freshly dating and I wanted to watch Lost Souls.

So…

Then, I did a craft-thing. I had been looking for some type of glass pendant thingie to display the sea glass I collected last year from Songdo Beach in Busan. I found this perfect orb-thing on Etsy and I was so excited to put it all together, but then after I glued it, I realized that there was a streak of glue inside the orb, and also a cat hair, so then Henry had to take it apart and re-do it.

But by Sunday it was fully finished so I got to wear it to work on Monday! That night, I was admiring it and said, “I love this much. I can’t believe I made this.”

“You didn’t make it! You put it together sloppily, and then I had to take it apart and fix it. I made it,” Henry argued. God, he always has to have the fucking limelight.

Bottom line, now I can keep tiny pieces of Korea close to my heart. Actually, when you think about it, it’s really just Korean garbage. This sea glass was probably made from broken soju bottle. *shrugs*

Oh shit and then one of my favorite Kpop cardio instructors replied to me on YouTube and I was so excited!

I have such a big fat life, you guys.

Saturday night, we had dinner plans at Buca di Beppo with our Castle Blood friends – Ricky, Dawn, Kari, and Kate. Chooch was supposed to go with us as well (Kate is only a year older than him and we like to watch him writhe in her presence) but then Saturday morning, he mentioned something about going to a play with the Teen Center people and I was like, “Wait, what now?” and he was like, “Yeah, you signed the permission slip” and I was like, “You said you were going with us to dinner!”

“Oh that’s tonight too? Shit,” he said and I died a little knowing that we’re at the age where he has his own mini-adult plans that don’t include us and how did this even happen?!

I was OK with it though since it was a cultural thing he was attending (Doll’s House Part 2 at the O’Reilly Theater) and am just happy that he’s not out vaping, eating Tide pods, or being a destructive teenage shit.

Henry and I decided to be Responsible and took the trolley to Station Square in case we decided to drink like real life adults. It was annoying riding the trolley with Henry because he was trying to act all cool and metropolitan. I was like, “Bitch, this is Pittsburgh. Public transportation is lame AF in this hole.” Ugh and it took him forever to put the fare on his (see also: MY SPARE) ConnectCard because he kept hitting the wrong things.

Then we ended up getting down there way too early and there is really nothing to do in Station Square unless you’re a meathead or attending a wedding reception or possibly dumping a body in the river (you do you, bro) so we just wandered around inside the half-desolate “mall” area and I reminisced about the one time I went to see some comedian at the Funny Bone with MEAN CHRISTINE and I got really drunk and was screaming in the parking garage. Henry was like, “Wow, that doesn’t sound like you at all” and I thought he was being serious at first but no.

We walked past one bar that smelled like beer farts and then went into some other lame Pgh sports bar so that Henry could get a beer and I was pouting because I didn’t like the vibe of the place, although an Al B. Sure song was playing on the jukebox when we walked in, so that was cool. But otherwise, it just wasn’t my scene and I made Henry chug his dumb beer so we could leave, even though he was trying to be drunk and leisurely.

I think part of the problem is that I’m just unable to fucking relax anymore. I’m so on edge and ready to move on to the next thing!

So then I was in a bad mood for a little bit but we left and sat on a bench by the river and talked about Seoul and then Henry made fun of some girl who stumbled by in huge heels because one of his pet peeves in life is when girls wear shoes they can’t walk in and then he made fun of her makeup too but I white-knighted her because THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WEARING A LOT OF MAKEUP IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD. I can’t believe I defended her though. What is wrong with me. I must be dying.

She was wearing one of those stupid “dressy” rompers though and I hate stupid “dressy” rompers, mostly because they look stupid on me and I really want them to not look stupid on me.

Ugh.

Eventually, it was time for our reservation, and when the hostess took us back to our booth, in a restaurant that has three stories and a bunch of fucking rooms, we realized she had seated us RIGHT NEXT to our ex-neighbors (specifically HNC’s stepdaughter’s family, the son is in Chooch’s class) whom we have had not so great experiences with but the husband isn’t too bad so we exchanged pleasantries with him while the broad ignored us, but whatever.

Their party was large and celebrating a birthday, it appeared, and  there were numerous obnoxious children screaming and some Yinzer yapping to her kid to get her cigarettes, so that was awesome. Eventually, I was able to block them all out, but I was also sitting the farthest from their table, so…

In spite of that, and our waitress who had no personality and looked dumbfounded every time she came over to our table AND FORGOT TO PUT IN MY PIZZA ORDER, we had a great dinner with our friends! Usually, we only get to talk to them briefly as we’re exiting Castle Blood, so it was nice to be able to sit down and actually chill for a few hours with them.

Plus, Dawn is always saying super flattering things about this here blog, so I got to hear a lot more of that this time! Plus x2 – sangria! Plus x3 – she is such a good influence on me and was basically bullying Henry into taking me to Canada’s Wonderland. *prayer hands*

It’s not often that Henry and I go out without Chooch in tow, and most of our friends like him better than us anyway so they’d be disappointed if they were stuck with just us. So, after we left, I realized something.

I ACTUALLY GOT TO TALK.

Like, the real Erin got to come out and play!

I was able to start telling a story without Chooch cutting me off because he always thinks he can tell a story better than me and  then we start bickering with each other over who is going to tell the story that probably no one even cares about hearing about anyway and that’s good because in the end, usually NO ONE tells the fucking story because we’re both too pissed off at that point.

UGH.

Other notable “First April Weekend” events:

I got this new addition to my pin collection:

It stems from a speech Obama gave in 2017, in which he referenced SHINee and their global impact on the kids of America and even mentioned their love for In-n-Out, lol.

View this post on Instagram

New pin featuring two of my favorite things 💎💙 #shawols #obama #shinee

A post shared by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on Apr 6, 2019 at 9:21am PDT

And then Sunday, even though it was gloomily overcast, was 70 degrees so we had “family time” in the park which basically involves me mocking everything Henry says and Chooch screaming HI DOGGIE like a toddler to every last dog that trots past us.

View this post on Instagram

Being dicks on the exercise trail as usual.

A post shared by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on Apr 7, 2019 at 11:46am PDT

I nearly peed my pants 16 different times because the warm weather and my weird family had me in such a good mood! I’m so ready for winter to be in the rear view mirror.

This was what I’d call a Solid Weekend. More of these please.

Drew & Me on Saturday, a folk song.

Whenever I have Friday late shifts, even though I get to work from home, my weekend automatically feels cut in half. I mean, I’m only working until 8:30 but it takes a toll. So any weekend that follows a Friday late shift is almost doomed from the start.

I AM SO POSITIVE.

Nothing much happened over the weekend. I didn’t make any plans, had nowhere to go, IT RAINED AND SNOWED ON SUNDAY, and I was in a bad mood because of that.

However, there were two highlights and here they are:

1. TAEMIN WENT BACK TO BLACK HAIR YOU GUYS. Black hair Taemin is the best Taemin.

2. The Cure FINALLY got inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and that alone would be enough to count as one of my weekend highlights, but then Robert Smith had to go and ONE-UP the actual honor by giving this perfectly glib interview, the first ten seconds of which went viral but the whole fucking interview is worth your time, believe me. He is perfection. Where the fuck did they dig up that interviewer?? The face Robert makes when she says she’s been a fan since birth is me every twenty minutes at work and every 5 minutes at home when Henry is talking.

This band has been my #1 since childhood, Robert will always be my ult bias, and my walls will always be dotted with Robert’s face. But the fact that past members were also there, LIKE LOL TOLHURST!!, really made my heart swell and I was crying on the couch next to Chooch who said nothing because he expects this from his emo mom. Obviously Robert’s stance on getting inducted was more of a blase, ambivalent, who really gives a fuck attitude, but I appreciated that Lol thoughtfully said that he was happy for the fans, that the fans must have felt vindicated.

YES, YES WE DO, LOL.

The last time they were nominated, they didn’t get in and I wanted to burn garbage, that’s how pissed I was. And when they were nominated for a Grammy in 2000 and lost, I wanted to flip desks while school children were sitting at them.

It is a travesty, A MOTHERFUCKING TRAVESTY, that there are still people I encounter who have….never heard of The Cure. Or even worse – confuse them with [x] 80s band.

For instance, when Todd was like, “Yeah I know the Cure” and started humming a song.

“THAT’S NOT THE CURE, TODD! THAT’S A-HA!” I cried.

UGH!!

It breaks my dumb black heart.

I wouldn’t fly to Australia alone for any old band, people. Remember that.

So, that was my weekend. NOTHING MUCH TO SEE HERE. Things will get more peppy in the next couple of weeks though, prob.

You’re dismissed.

Oh shit goddamn you guys, Chooch and I did it! We made it through three months of grueling Jillian Michaels abuse! I am so proud of us! We worked out diligently 6 days a week, even getting up extra early on a day we were traveling to Toronto in order to get our scheduled Cardio in! WHO EVEN ARE WE.

I have always hated cardio, which is why I was so happy when I found KpopX because finally – enjoyable cardio! But this program somehow made it bearable since we only had to do the cardio routines every third day, and the strength training levels got so hard as we continued to advance, that I found myself actually being relieved when it was cardio day.

Yes, I dropped a pant-size, but I am honestly just feeling really good, physically and mentally, and that’s all that matters to me. It’s not about the number on the scale anymore. I can do all kinds of crazy pushups now and that is more rewarding to me than anything else!

No wait I lied – the most rewarding part is that Chooch finally gets it, exercising isn’t a drag to him anymore, and he has been so excited to see tangible changes. For instance, he texted me in all caps today because they had a fitness test thing in gym. The last time, he was only able to do three sit-ups.

HE DID SEVENTY-FIVE TODAY.

How amazing is that??

We’re current looking for a new routine to start (Chooch said it had to still be Jillian though which is good because I love her) but in the meantime, we decided to do one last run-thru of Body Revolution, so like each level one last time over the next two weeks. We did level one tonight and were cracking up at how easy it was for us now. I toned muscles that I didn’t know I had, you guys.

This is the first time I ever made it to the end of an exercise program – I would usually get bored, lazy, or frustrated when I got to something I couldn’t do – and I owe it to Chooch. Partially because I was trying to set a good example but also because it just made it more fun….er, tolerable...having a workout buddy. We cried and swore at the TV together A LOT.

Jillian for life!!

(I’m trying to get Chooch to start a fitness YouTube channel with me, lol. So far he’s a hard no.)

(But c’mon guys can’t you just picture it? Trudy the Mannequin could be one of the backup work-outers. We could put a pretty leotard on her, some sweat bands, vintage LA Gear hightops? YOU WOULDNT SUBSCRIBE TO THAT??)

Post pictures of cats? Sure why not!

Penelope rests in her signature face-smash position after a strenuous round of screaming at her toys. (I have never before had a cat who flat out yells at their toy mice and twist ties.)

Drewzilla. Her latest obsession is jumping on top of the fridge and it is driving me nuts.

Also, why does the tiniest bird in the yard gain her undivided attention but the biggest, wolfiest dog walking by with his owner gets a disinterested glance?

Cats, man. Amirite.