Nov 122019
 

It snowed today in Pittsburgh and I’m low key pouting it hahahaha j/k when am I ever low key with my pouts.

Seriously though, the weekend was so nice and autumnal, and yesterday was straight up gorgeous and 60 degrees for my Monday lunch time walk.

Then today was full of miserable FUCK SNOW Instagram posts from all my local peeps.

But hey, who am I to dwell on misery (lol that is JUST who I am, actually)? Instead I will just recount on all the nice things that happened that PRE-SNOW.

(Come on-hahahahahahaha-nnnnnn, it’s only just the beginning of November!!)

Here’s Chooch matching a church that may be abandoned I couldn’t tell?

Sometimes when I text Henry/Janna/the FBI about Chooch, it autocorrects to Church.

Remember when Chooch sold cookie dough a million years ago? It came in two weeks ago (remember when Blake some of it when it didn’t belong to him??) but we just finally delivered the last of it over the weekend: a box of oatmeal raisin to some single guy named Matt who was like, “Thanks guys! I forgot I ordered this!” so I guess we could have kept it. And then a box of white chocolate macadamia for JEN who IS LIKE NEVER FUCKING HOME and I was getting RULL TIRED of seeing this gargoyle in her front yard. Anyway, she was finally home on Sunday – well, actually her husband was. Chooch knocked like 18 times, taped a SORRY WE MISSED YOU note to her door, and knocked once more for good measure when her husband actually opened the door and Chooch was stunned into silence for the first time in his life. He just stood there holding the cookie dough staring at Mr. Jen (who was holding a tape measure) until he finally sputtered, “Cookie dough. Jen ordered it.”

It felt like a major victory, I’m not going to lie. Fucking cookie dough. So sick of it.

Henry got us these totally apropos Philippine snacks from the Asian market and they are SO GOOD.

^^^ This slut.

Sometime on Sunday, we went to the mall because I wanted to buy clothes but everything I saw was trash and I was a big pouty baby about it, but oh shit Henry treated himself to two flannels and then Chooch was hanging out in some little arcade and the guy in charge was like “hey bud you wanna help me clean up in here and I’ll pay you” and that’s how Chooch wandered off and earned $5 when we weren’t paying attention to him.

I ended up going to Target later and I bought clothes there so I felt whole again DONT WORRY ABOUT ME.

On the way there, “Lies” by BIGBANG came on and I pointed out this one part near the end, literally a two-second line, that reminds me of “Because I Love You” by Stevie B., which made me nostalgically regale Henry with the story of how I used to call the local soft rock radio station constantly in high school to request “Because I Love You” by Stevie B.

“My poor friends were probably brainwashed by all of my obsessions,” I said and Henry mumbled, “Literally nothing has changed.”

“It’s weird that you don’t hear more about Stevie B,” I mused as we drove down 51 to West Mifflin.

“Is it though?” Henry asked.

Speaking of Henry, I learned this weekend that he hates girls who wear tight jeans with frayed/torn cuffs and high-heeled boots, and if he calls you a “Dicknose” he’s very mad.

Then Drew puked because she ate too many treats out of her Christmas mouse treat-dispenser and I yelled upstairs for Chooch to clean up his cat’s puke but he sent some guy named Vorshkoff in his place, and while Vorshkoff mopped up the cat spew efficiently, he also grabbed a box of matches off the table and, with fire-lust in his eyes, whispered that he’s a pyromaniac so I don’t know how credible Vorshkoff actually is. Also, his Russian accent was a bit sketchy.

Also at Target we bought this quaint Christmas chalet cat scratcher for Drew & Penelope but they won’t both go in/on it at the same time because they low-key hate each other (sometimes high-key).

To cap off the weekend, I watched The Walking Dead in real time for the first time in two years because I spent all week getting caught up and I have to say, I AM HERE FOR IT.

On that note, here’s my jam:

(The versions on Spotify are incorrect!!! He must have re-recorded it at some point and I HATE IT.)

(Also, when I would call to request it, I ALWAYS said that I was Susie from Clairton, a neighboring town, and then I would hurry and push record on my tape deck because I couldn’t find the CD at any music store for the longest time and I would just record it off the radio over and over and it always starts with ‘BECAUSEILOVEYOUBYSTEVIEB. SUSIE. FROM CLAIRTON.” My friends were traumatized with the amount of times they had to listen to this song in their cars, and there is all this footage from my camcorder days where you can hear me screeching MY HEART’S AN OPEN DOOR in the background. Oh, those were the days.)

(Also again, my aunt Sharon eventually found his greatest hits CD for me and it came in the mail – I don’t know how she found it since this was pre-Internet Times, but she realllllly loves getting on the horn and calling companies so for all I know, she found out what record label he was on and called ’em up. Sharon was MASTERFUL at getting things.)

(I miss her.)

Nov 112019
 

Whenever I say, “OMG I MISS KOREA” I can promise you that Chooch has probably already said it three times more than me that day already. Don’t get it twisted though – I’m still Korea’s #1 stan up in this Brookline hanok, but Chooch is some kind of homesick for Hanguk.

I think it’s primarily the bibimbap though. He talks about the bibimbap he had during the DMZ tour at least three times a week like it’s his religion.

Since I didn’t have any plans Saturday afternoon, I decided that we should have a family lunch at Nak Won Garden so that Chooch could finally satisfy his bibimcraving. Nak Won is a traditional Korean restaurant and not some fancy/trendy Asian fusion joint,  so eating there kind of sort of feels a little tiny bit like being back in Seoul and my heart actually stung. I just want more than anything to be back there, you have no idea.

I also want to have the confidence to speak in Korean to the woman who owns this place, but I always end up just smiling like a dumb mute and mumbling, “Thank you” in English instead. I am literally the worst.

Chooch is such a bibimbap hipster. He was all, “I mean, it was ok, but it wasn’t nearly as good as that bibimbap I had at the DMZ….” and then he got all dreamy-eyed and caught up in a gochujang flashback.

Afterward, we went to Squirrel Hill to see “Parasite.” I didn’t think Chooch would want to go but then he really didn’t have much choice because we didn’t have time to take him home first.  In the end, he ended up being obsessed with it and watched YouTube videos about it that night.

It was just awesome seeing familiar faces from some of our favorite k-dramas here at home, in the theater. It was SO GOOD. Please go see it and try to avoid spoilers. I don’t see many movies in the theater, so you know it has to be something special.

Afterward,  I suggested continuing the theme of Korea Day by getting some 빵 at Sumi’s Cakery, a Korean bakery down the street from the theater. 

“Is it really Korea Day?” Chooch ask, slurping on his bubble tea.

“I mean, yeah, I declared it,” I shrugged.

“Oh I thought it was like actually Korea’s independence day or something,” Chooch said.

When we came home, Drew and I watched our favorite Korean cat YouTube channel, CreamHeroes. Henry doesn’t like when we watch it because he thinks it encourages my manic cat personality.

Then I followed along on Instragram as Taeyang and Daesung were discharged from the military so now we have 4/5 BIGBANG members back! (Seungri has yet to enlist but he’s retired from the entertainment industry because of the accusations/witchhunt against him but I have hope that his name will eventually be cleared and maybe in time he will be ready to come back and BIGBANG can be five again.)

One of the hashtags was #dope_discharge_congratz because Taeyang is notorious for wishing people a happy birthday by saying “dope birthday congrats” and I just can’t stand it, the most adorable hashtag ever.

And then Henry and I finally finished watching the k-drama “Romance is a Bonus Book” which we started months ago and was SO GOOD but I am terrible at finishing things in a timely manner.

OH! And I did an hour of Kpop cardio. It was an A+ day. Super daebak. Let’s end this with a BIGBANG video because I need for them to come back, you guys. I need it.

I just want to be back there already. Someday, I hope!

Nov 062019
 

It’s definitely that point in autumn where winter is thrusting its pelvis on the horizon, because all I want to do is come home from work, put my cozy clothes on, and watch TV.

I had the day off on Monday which wasn’t that awesome because I also had my consultation with the periodontist and if you are a regular reader or like, talk to me in real life, you know that this is the reason I had been struggling to get my most recent X-ray from my former dentist which never happened even though they called me at work on Friday (the audacity!) and basically said it kept bouncing back with a tone that insinuated they felt this was my current dentist’s problem? Like, bro, maybe send a smaller file?

Whatever. I couldn’t stand the back-and-forth anymore so I just gave up and went to my appointment Xray-less.

My appointment wasn’t until 11:30 so I had all morning to pace around my house, wash dishes while staring out the window into a flashback sequence of my days skipping through meadows and splashing in babbling brooks while having healthy gums, wailing at the cats about how I’m dying of gum disease…you know, the usual things that people do before leaving for whatever appointments.

When I arrived, I immediately felt OK with the receptionist. She was normal and didn’t talk down to me like the broad at Former Dentist. I was taken back almost immediately (another thing that never happened at Former Dentist – I used to sit there for over 30 minutes, reading shit magazines) and within minutes of sitting down in the exam chair, the periodontist came in, asked me how I was doing (“Well, I’m here, so….not great” I answered while wringing my hands and he laughed), told me to call him Bob, did an exam and assured me that I was not dying and that he was going to get me all fixed up with another deep cleaning that will be done right this time. He promised me that the condition of my gums isn’t as bad as I thought so I immediately relaxed and WOW was I carrying a lot of tension over this in my shoulders!

Oh! And he took a brand new Xray, free of charge, and told me that he’s had problems in the past getting Xrays from FORMER DENTIST and I thought this was interesting because she rudely recommended other periodontists when she found out I was going to him. THERE IS SOME OF KIND OF DENTAL DRAMA GOING ON THERE.

So that part of my day off ended up being OK but now I have to wait for them to talk to my insurance or whatever behind-the-scenes bullshit happens before I can get anything scheduled so now I’m back to panicking again and dreading what’s to come because I’ve had one deep-cleaning already and it was AWFUL. However, it was a hygienist that did it and not to knock her because she was actually the only good thing about visits to Former Dentist, but I feel like having an actual gum specialist doing it this time has got to be better right? RIGHT?

Anyway, back at home, I was now doubled over in pain with cramps which I hardly ever get but that’s how you can tell that I was genuinely super-stressed out that day because wow, did it exacerbate it. So I laid on the couch and started watching last season of the Walking Dead, because I stopped at the first episode last year because my cable is dumb and was like, “Sorry, you have to pay to watch these episodes On Demand even though AMC is included in your cable package” but now the whole season is on Netflix so fuck off, Comcast.

Goddamn, I’m really glad that I didn’t fully give up TWD like I kept threatening because I fucking love Season 9! I’m almost done with it (how you know I’m ready to hibernate – I start binge-watching things) and now Henry is craning his neck and trying to see what’s going on while he’s sitting at his work bench (a/k/a the dining room table) making greeting cards, which is hilarious because he stopped watching this show way back in season 4, I think. But now it’s all, “Who’s that, where’s Rick, look out.”

I had been craving a viewing of Bram Stoker’s Dracula ever since we were at Cedar Point in September and that score was playing at one point during their Halloween event and I felt SO NOSTALGIC. I kept telling Chooch that he should watch it, that he love it, it’s so good, Winona Ryder’s in it, etc etc. He made it approximately 30-45 minutes into it because declaring, “This is boring” and peacing out. I was so offended, like I was Francis Ford Coppola himself. Or Bram Stoker.

When this movie came out, I was the same age as Chooch and I loved IT SO MUCH. I still have the soundtrack! Annie Lennox’s “Love Song For a Vampire” still gets me all choked up! I know this because I made Henry keep the movie on for the duration of the ending credits so I could hear it and see if it still made me cry. YEP. YEP IT DOES.

I thought Gary Oldman was THE GODDAMN SHIT because of that movie.

What else.

Oh! Super M collaborated with Korean Air and made a new safety video for them and now I am desperate to go back to Korea because we used Korean Air both times and loved it but now it’s clearly even better!!

That plane!! Ugh I miss Korea. I really hope I get the opportunity to go back again. ON THAT PRETTY BOY PLANE.

I’m also still kind of tired from the weekend, what with the time change, and also because we drove like 7 hours to go to Lake Compounce in Connecticut and then Dorney Park on the way home on Sunday, and this is how I can tell I’m no spring chicken anymore, because I was all whip-lashed and after that and still feel drowsy just thinking about it.

It’s fun doing these road trips with Henry and Chooch though. Henry actually slipped the other day and said that he likes going places with us so I quickly started firing off suggestions for other places we can do and he was like THAT WAS NOT AN INVITATION TO PLAN MORE TRIPS.

Don’t worry – I haven’t stopped fighting for Silver Dollar City. I am determined to get there during Thanksgiving!

I made popcorn earlier and burnt it so bad that giant tufts of smoke came billowing out of the microwave when I opened the door, and Henry started bitching about the stench as soon as he walked through the front door when returning from The Store.

(Honestly, how often do housewives go to The Store? Because this motherfucker goes like every other day! Shouldn’t he just spend the week clipping coupons and then getting everything in one fell swoop during one trip?! How does it work?! I have no idea! I used to get my groceries at the gas station down the street before Henry moved in with me!)

Nothing that exciting has happened this week aside from the news that my teeth aren’t going to fall out. Work has been quiet. The trolley commute has been uneventful. Today on my lunch break walk, I briefly thought a baby tree was a dead lumberjack being held up by a stick and I screamed a little while on the phone with Henry and he was like, “…………???????????????” so I sent him a picture of the tree and then he was like, “??????????????????????????????????????????????????

Look, my eyes are very strange, OK.

When I came home today, I happened to glance at Instagram and saw that one of the girls from KpopX – Rachel – passed away and I am really sad about it even though I didn’t know her personally. She was in all the old KpopX workouts back from 2015/2016 when I first started following their YouTube channel, and she was my favorite instructor. She was so pretty and seemed like she had a great personality. A few years ago, the leader of KpopX posted on Facebook that Rachel had leukemia, and she stopped showing up in new videos. I’m really sad but I am glad she isn’t suffering anymore. :(

This was one of my favorite routines that she’s in. She’s the one with long hair and bangs (in the video’s thumbnail, she’s the one in the middle):

 

And now it’s after 11PM and I wish to go to bed, so goodbye.

Nov 022019
 

Wow hey hello ok—let’s try something new here. It’s 6:07am and we just left the house for Connecticut and normally I would have the unbridled desire to live blog but I am also behind in recapping my totally not-that-exciting life so I thought, hey, let’s just combine the two. Henry’s being an angry mute right now and Chooch has his headphones on so chances are I won’t have much to live blog about anyway so let’s just jump right into last weekend’s roundup.

On Saturday, I met up with Jiyong and gave her some cookies from our G-Dragon Military Discharge Event at work and she was like O-M-G and immediately took a picture of them. I mean come one they were pretty spectacular!

We talked about nicknames at this language session. She has a great nickname (JangJong) but mine is just either ERINKELLY (ugh) or EK (this one is OK).

We have been meeting at this one Panera lately because it’s the most study-friendly but I think I am going to have to suggest a new place soon because their staff is just not great and the process of getting a coffee drink is tedious now that they hired this older woman who has no clue what’s going and talks loudly about the eye surgery she just had.

While I was with Jiyong, Chooch was at home spectating the local Halloween parade and conning candy off the shopowners.

When I got home, he started rapidly talking about his favorite part of the parade. “The dad was Hopper, the mom was Joyce, the daughter was Eleven, AND THE DOG WAS A DEMOGORGON. IT WAS SO CUTE AND I DIDNT TAKE A PICTURE BC IM DUMB.”

He’s distressed about this.

LIVEBLOG: we just left the Holy Sheetz at 6:50am and I’m now properly roadtrip breakfasted. Also, Sheryl Crow is a person I never really cared for.

I’m trying to stop saying “hate” with so much wanton abandon because I have realized over the last three years that there is really only person I actually hate in the whole wide world and that would be Donald Trump (not my President) so I should really reserve that word for just when I’m talking about him.

Speaking of not saying hate…

After my meetup with Jiyong, Henry, Chooch and I went to the Sewickley Haunted Church which has become our tradition over the last 5 years now I think? We just really like it: it’s cheap ($8), fun, and actually kind of scary too but the kind of scary that makes you crack up afterward.

It’s always interesting to see how they’re going to handle the line-formation, because it seems to change every year. This year, they had a giant U-shaped line of chairs set up, with three large tables in the back of the room. When we arrived, all the chairs were filled so the line coordinator (?) placed us at a table with another family. Then, as more groups were being let into the haunt and seats were freed up, we were moved into the chair queue. It was bizarre but perfect for anyone who hates standing in line, except that 75% of the people there could not grasp the concept of moving down as chairs were freed up. IG was hilarious but Henry was so aggravated about it. There was some vampire lady who was attempting to maintain order but she had her back turned when new people walked into the room, breezed right past the other line coordinator and took four empty seats near the entrance to the haunt?!?!?! All because a bunch of morons didn’t move the fuck down!! I was so mad about it but honestly we only waited for like 20 minutes anyway so whatever.

As usual, we had a good time and keeping with the theme of being behind on blogging, I am woefully tardy with my haunted house journaling today. It’s pathetic how much hand-writing cramps my hands these days!

LIVEBLOG: Henry just flipped out because GPS said we had 8 hours and 57 minutes until our arrival but I said, “I looked it up like a million times and I swear it’s only like 6ish hours away” so then he realized he had selected “no toll route” – 6 hours and 18 minutes to go!

The next morning we woke up early and drove to Sandusky, OH because I had the brilliant idea that we should go for the last season so that Chooch could try to get Maverick as his 100th coaster. I kept checking the forecast and it said it was windy so I did research and it was like “here are rides that usually close in these conditions” so I was prepared for some shit to not be running that day except that we got there, waiting for early entry, were let in with the general riffraff because the staff wasn’t even looking at passes and people were literally squeezing around the barricades like goddamn escaped circus animals, so that was great but ended up being a moot point because nothing was running for early entry, and then 90% of the coasters weren’t running all day, so…

Someone on Twitter was like “what’s open for early entry?” and someone replied “the gates.” Accurate!

I know CP can’t control weather but their public relations is pretty shitty and they were giving no updates as the day went on. I put a moratorium on it after about two hours, when only a handful of flat rides and Wicked Twister were running, and some jerk ride op watched Chooch and I standing in line for the kid coaster for like 15 minutes and waited until we were next in line to be like SORRY U NEED A KID TO RIDE and we were like WOW ET TU, KID COASTER?! Everything was letting us down! The dumb candy store didn’t even have the good sugar cookies.

Thankfully, we didn’t have to pay to be there so we decided to just leave and make the most of the otherwise decent day. I mean, it wasn’t raining or anything and once the sun came out, it was a really lovely day to drive around and enjoy the fall foliage assuming that we are the type of the family to do such a thing.

We stopped in some little Ohio town (Vermillion) to eat lunch and of course everything we found on Yelp ended up being closed because all humans but us fast on Sundays, but then we spotted this place called Old Prague Inn that looked visually pleasing to me because I love old world European bullshit. The menu outside said that had:

LECZO

Locally grown vegetables slowly sautéed with European seasonings and finished with poached eggs. Served over dumplings or spätzles.
Yes. Sign me up. Make it a double. I was fucking GIDDY over this possibility because it’s rare to find anything meatless in a restaurant serving old school European cuisine.
We go inside and it’s a dark and perfect and there’s a pool table so Chooch is stoked. Then the waiter comes over with menus and immediately says they’re out of leczo.
Oh.
We asked the waiter if there was any other vegetarian option and he was like, “Ehhhhhhh. I mean, we could make you a pretzel?”
I DIDNT WANT A PRETZEL, MARK.
I dunno if that was his name.
We rarely do this, but Henry was like, “I’ll just pay for the drinks and we’ll leave” and that is what Big Man Henry did. We got in the car and I almost cried because this day was so frustrating!
I kept trying to find other places to eat but by now my hunger was awakening my dormant explosive anger disorder and it was started to look grisly and red-tinged.
I found one diner and it had PAPRIKASH on the menu just like Prague place so I got angry and said NO and then Henry found another place but it was in a strip mall and I hate strip mall diners for some reason, I can’t remember why, but I know at some point I had a reason.
*lots of screaming & empty threats*
Eventually we settled on a place called Midway’s Oh Boy and it was DELIGHTFUL and also I’m the one who found it, so.

They had veggie burgers – not great ones, but the kind you expect from a small town diner, and I was just grateful they had the option at all because all the other places I found didn’t even have grilled cheese without meat and yes I’m aware I could have ordered it sans meat but the point is that I was angry and you can’t reason with a hot head.

Also when things like this happen and I fly off the handle, I realize that wow I must really be bottling a lot of shit in during the week when I’m busy being “Professional Erin.”

We had a really good waitress, and the joint had one of those fancy jukeboxes that can play almost anything and it had free credits on it so Chooch was tripping over himself to get to it before any of the other patrons…none of which showed any signs of interest in requesting songs.

I was a little nervous, wondering what he was up there so thoughtful requesting, because you never know what weird shit 13-year-olds listen to on their own time when their moms aren’t funneling Kpop down their ear-pipes.

As he slid into the booth, the opening notes of Cyndi Lauper’s “Time After Time” filled the diner and he looked so pleased.

“Is this what he requested?!” I asked, and he smugly nodded. So random. The next song was “Come On Aileen” which he also requested because he’s obsessed with it now thanks to “Perks…”

The we gorged on strawberry shortcake and caramel apple pie and it was soooo satisfying and completely turned the day around.

Thank you, Oh Boy. I don’t really understand your secret Oh Boy sauce, but everything else really had it going on. I would be a regular if we lived in whatever town that was.

You guys. PAPRIKASH. I guess we were in a big Czech-populated area of Ohio?! I have never seen the word “PAPRIKASH” so much in my life!

LIVEBLOG: It’s 7:40 and we just passed a billboard for Penn’s Cave. I blurted out, “Are we ever going to go there?!” because it’s tradition for me to ask and tradition for Henry to murmur, “I don’t know” before going back to contemplating how to get out of the next road trip.

Creepy vending machine broad.

We stopped at approximately 27 rest areas on the way home and at every single one, Chooch was panhandling for quarters.

“I told you I don’t have any! Do you think they just generate in my pockets?!” Henry cried and then we had a sidebar conference with the sole agenda of: When Will Our Child Outgrow Claw Machines.

Somehow, Henry’s pants did generate quarters though because at one of the stops, he was like, “Actually…” and that’s how Chooch ended up with three bouncy balls which he hurled against the wall while we waited for Henry to go to the bathroom. He was doing it so aggressively though like he was playing racquetball and passersby were glaring at me for not being a better parent but sorry, that’s because I was in the process of stalking some guy who looked like if our Castle Blood friend Ricky was a big Willie Nelson fan.

“Ok let’s go,” Henry said, back from the bathroom.

“We can’t. Mom’s waiting for some guy,” Chooch said, slamming the bouncy ball off the wall.

“What guy?” Henry questioned, but by then I was too giddy to respond in anything more than Bobcat Goldthwait barks so Henry just sighed and attempted to steal the bouncy ball from Chooch he was actually starting to get sweaty that’s how hard he was playing with this dumb toy.

Yeah Boy!

Then we went to another rest area and he was there too!

On the way out of that one, we were walking through the parking lot when I heard someone cheerful call out, “ERINKELLY!!” Now look, only people from a certain era of my current job call me this, because it stems from when there were two Erins and an Aaron in the office. Some people from that time still work there so it’s inevitable that I still get called that, but there were other people from that time that weren’t so great and I still twitch at times when I’m called “ERINKELLY” because I can hear those other people saying it in their condescending tones and it always reminded me of “Cinderelly Cinderelly!” If that makes sense.

So I got kind of tense, wondering who it was that was calling me ERINKELLY in the middle of a rest stop parking lot in Ohio, but it ended up just being my friend Mary! She used to work in our department but moved to a different department several years ago (Jesus, actually about 7 years now I think?!). Anyway, it was a pleasant surprise! That Sunday had really shaped up to be something good.

Oh, and apparently none of the coasters started to run at Cedar Point until around 4 or 5. What a terrible way for them to end the season. :( I only found that out from irate tweets from people who were there. The official Cedar Park socials were too busy announcing various sales at the gift shops.

I think that about wraps up last weekend so now we can just focus on RIGHT NOW oh boy!

8:27am: Let it be known that I just offered to drive for an hour and Henry stoically waved me off like I just suggested that I join him on the battlefield but that is no place for a woman.

I got coffee at Sheetz (second Sheetz of the day) and usually I tolerate it but it’s not great; however, this cup of coffee tastes super reminiscent to Mister Donut so I began lamenting the fact that they all turned into Donut Connection and now I don’t even think they’re around anymore?! I hated Donut Connection because it was so modern (well, for the 90s) and one of the best parts of Mister Donut was that old, 1950s orange dinette feel it had plus it reminded me of my Pappap.

One time in high school, Psycho Mike took me to Donut Connection for Valentine’s Day. He had a coupon for a free coffee and donut which he used for himself and I had to buy my own, so that was really cool.

11:40am: Guys you’ll never believe it – Henry actually let me drive for 2 hours. I kept offering and he would say NO like a big whiny bitchboy because that way he can complain later on about how I never drive. Anyway, he slept for the first hour and it was glorious because I got to fly along like I used to in my youthful days when I wasn’t dating a professional driver who refuses to be a passenger. Then he woke up and was all OMG SLOW DOWN THE SPEED LIMIT IS 55 YOU ARE DOING 80 GOOD LORD THIS IS A DOUBLE FINE ZONE DO U KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS THE FINE WILL BE $1000 AND YOU WILL PROBABLY GET ALL OF THE POINTS ON YOUR LICENSE!

God, go soak your hemorrhoids, Hank.

Anyway, I just pulled over at an Exxon somewhere past the Promised Land which I thought was going to be a BibliCOOL theme park but it’s just a regular state park I guess. Henry used the unisex bathroom before me and left the seat up so that was cool. When I yelled at him he was like, “It was already up!”

“well you could have put it down when you were done!” I screeched.

And he said, “I wasn’t touching that thing.”

Wow, so leave it for me. Awesome. Maybe next he can procure himself some donuts and eat them in front of me, too.

OMG henry is trying to explain exit numbers to me and I kept saying OK COOL I GET IT COOL but he just kept talking and it’s hard to believe sometimes that he doesn’t teach drivers ed at the community college.

We’re in some town called Port Jervis which is apparently entirely under construction and Henry almost hit a kid on a scooter and then pulled out into oncoming traffic so I was like WOW MAYBE I SHOULD GO BACK TO DRIVING but Chooch said he was more scared when I was driving bc I kept asking what the speed limit was and still did 90.

12:02pm: At this place for lunch and STEELY DAN is playing. Also, Henry dropped his phone on the waitress’s foot.

Chooch just sent our friend Alyson a message to see if she wants to meet us at Lake Compounce tonight because it’s like 2 hours from her. She recently posted on Instagram that she ate a cinnamon roll so he said, “She just ate a cinnamon roll so she should be good to drive.” OK, Chooch.

STAHP. This place actually had a really delicious veggie burger and PURPLE SLAW and now America’s You Can Do Magic is on and I’m in love with this town. Also, bathroom decor on point:

I’m fairly certain our waitress hated us. I tried to compliment the place on their hearty veggie burger (lol) and she was like NO when I asked if it was made there, and then THANKS when I said it was really good.

I could have eaten it plain without a bun or anything.

Our Meanyburger visiting his home.

Of course Arlene & Tom’s has a babbling brook behind their restaurant.

1:48pm: The town of Newburgh, NY is really under Henry’s skin. He saw a CASH ONLY sign for the toll road and panicked that it won’t take EZ pass so he detoured through this town to use an ATM and people here could definitely stand to enroll in Henry’s driving school, also we’re back on the highway and there’s a big MUST HAVE EZ PASS sign so Henry is ready to explode. Lol.

But look how pretty!

Also:

Lol.

2:47pm People are passing us on both sides because Henry is driving below the speed limit. He is the worst.

3:18pm: After a million years, Henry finally brought me to the Holy Land, which is this dilapidated religious “theme park” from the 50s on a hillside of Waterbury, Connecticut.

I’ll do a separate photo dump of this another day. Right now we’re sitting in the car at the gate of it while Henry looks for a hotel and Chooch is crying because he can’t find a stupid geocache and also because he slipped on a rock but is denying it.

Well, I guess I will hit PUBLISH on this piece of shit blog post because we’re almost to Lake Compounce!

Oct 202019
 

We went to King’s Dominion last weekend and I really wanted to do a recap of that this weekend but time got away from me as usual and now I’m finding myself with a short window of nothingness to finally sit down and let my fingertips do some word-retching. So instead, here’s a quick rundown of my weekend so far, in pictures, which has been really great and why can’t October just be 90 days long already, ugh.

FIRST, my weekend was off to an incredible start when I came home from work on Friday to a huge box of kpop goodies from my friend Veronica! It was the motherlode of Korean memorabilia and I honestly didn’t deserve it – she even included tshirts for Chooch and Henry! I will always appreciate our long-distance Instagram connection and it is a blessing to have someone to fangirl with! In addition to a ton of kpop stickers and photocards, she also sent me a Taemin dogtag, a Red Velvet compact mirror, a SHINee “Married to the Music” pin, k-beauty products, and two kpop coffee cups, like this beautiful Taemin one:

!!!!

She also sent me the Taemin version of the Super M album because she knew I panicked when ordering mine and got the group version instead. I hope that I get to meet her someday! (Henry just casually said, “Sure why not” because he appreciates the fact that she absorbs some of my kpop mania so his life is a bit easier, lol.)

On Saturday, we did our usual “post office and Pitaland” routine. I’m not recognized as a “regular” anywhere aside from the Brookline and two downtown post offices, Pitaland, and a handful of non-Starbucks cafes downtown. Anyway, we always get pita, yogurt, and Medjool dates (theirs are soooooo soft and fresh OMG) but sometimes we get something from the dessert display too and this time I made the rash decision of choosing the pomegranate Turkish delight with rose petals, and then immediately regretted it because sometimes things that are too rose-flavored can be off-putting.

BUT BOY, THIS WAS THE LEGIT JAM. Literally the best Turkish delight I’ve had in my life. It was refreshing.

Later that afternoon, I met Jiyong for the first time in three weeks and it was so good to see her! She had friends visiting last weekend and she brought me a little treat bag of various Choco Pies that they gave her and I was so thankful! She taught me how to talk about horror movies in Korean and then we talked about Asian horror movies and I told her how I decorated one of my co-worker’s offices for Halloween one year as “Ju-On the Grudge” and she thought it was so funny, and I was like, “THIS IS SO GREAT THAT SOMEONE FINALLY GOT IT!”

Because everyone else was like, “…..?” when they saw his office, lol.

MEMORIES. I actually just sent a bunch of old “work Halloween decorations” blog posts to my co-worker Margie and she was like, “SUE LET YOU DO THIS?!”

Anyway, I like hanging out with Jiyong because even though my Korean sucks, we can at least talk a lot about the various k-dramas and new kpop releases (she likes Super Junior and they just had a comeback). I told her about the mini-comeback celebration I’m planning for G-Dragon (he gets discharged from the military next week!!) and she cracked up, lol.

Speaking of, I think I’m going to make GD photocards to go along with the cookies so my coworkers can all have a picture of GD for their desk. I AM REALLY THE MOST THOUGHTFUL.

Right after that, I came home and we went right back out to a haunted house in Connellsville. We’ve been going to this one every year since it first started 4 years ago, and this was the first time we have ever had to actually stand in a long line, so that was annoying for us but great for Crawford School of Terror!

While we were in line, Chooch found a piece of a popped balloon on the ground and it became his new toy. He ALWAYS manages to find some kind of trash on the ground that he creepily bonds with. When we went to Busch Gardens 5 years ago, he found a piece of plastic from a bottle cap or something and carried it in his pocket the whole day and then nearly had a panic attack when he thought it fell out on Apollo’s Chariot.

Anyway, he kept subconsciously snapping it while we were in line and accidentally hit the man in front of us on his back, so the man turned around and said, “Do you mind?” and Chooch sheepishly said sorry and it was so embarrassing and of course we ended up being in the same group with that guy’s family so that was great, especially when Chooch told me later that he maybe hit the guy more than once.

Ugh.

But the haunt was great! They expanded this year so now there are two additional floors, one of them being the Basement where they blindfold you and even though we’ve already done this at Rich’s Fright Fest, it’s so damn scary but I love it.

Henry waited for us the whole time in the car, watching Netflix. What did parents do in the old days when they waited for their kids? Crossword puzzles? Affairs in the bathroom of the corner pub? Anyway, when Chooch and I got in the car, we were crying about being starving and needing snacks so we wanted him to stop at the Sheetz that was across the street but he said NO! and we were like WHY THE FUCK NOT and strong-armed him into stopping and then when we got to the register, the cashier said to him, “Oh, back again?” and Henry mumbled, “Yeah.” So I guess in addition to watching Netflix, he also went to Sheetz WITHOUT US and bought HIMSELF SNACKS. Wow Henry, the truth comes out.

And that brings us to Sunday, a/k/a today! We dropped Chooch off at his very last piano lesson with Cheryl (*cries*) and wen to the Asian market. Henry bought actual food but I went right for the candy and found these cute Taiwanese Halloween lollipops for my International Pumpkin of Horrors at work.

Then we picked up Chooch and said our goodbyes to Cheryl, who has taught him piano for….6 years? I can’t even remember, it’s been so long! She and her wife are moving to Hawaii at the end of the month and Chooch is pretty sad to be losing not only a great piano teacher, but a friend. She has been such a big part of his childhood and she told me today that he’s the only student she had who genuinely enjoys music and understands it, and that the others were there because their parents made them. But, I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that she took such a punk-rock, alternative approach to teaching, and he really vibed so well with her. We will miss her dearly but I know that she is a going to have a great life in Hawaii and I’m happy for her!

And that brings us to now! I’m going to do some exercising and then work on some G-Dragon photocards, and then Chooch and I are going to Demon House tonight with Janna, so congratulations, now you know my agenda.

I will leave you with a video from Miss A. I’ve been listening to a 2nd generation Kpop playlist on Spotify and realized that I like the older girl groups SO MUCH MORE than the new ones. I wish Miss A was still together! This song is so good. Plus, Bae Suzy.

Oct 172019
 

I’m still trying to process this one. It’s maddening and depressing that another beautiful life is lost and I still feel numb about it so I will just say this: be nice to people. If you don’t like someone, walk away. Stop creeping on their socials. Realize that this is someone’s son or daughter. Words matter. Hate hurts. Life is fragile.

RIP Sulli. I’m so sorry.

Oct 132019
 

It’s 3:13pm and we’re on our way home from King’s Dominion in Somewhere, Virginia. We came here for the weekend because amusement parks are our favorites and also because we’re on a quest to get Chooch to 100 coaster credits by the end of the year. I think this visit put him into the 90-count so we might be able to do it!

Anyway, it was an awesome weekend, our first time at King’s Dominion & it really redeemed the Cedar Fair brand in my eyes. But I will get to that another day! This post is just going to be a live blog thing for our drive home because it’s a five hour trek which means it will take us like 8 hours probably and I finished my book on the way there (“Emergency Contact” by Mary H.K. Choi – loved it) so I will need entertainment.

We left the park around 2 and stopped at the Four Seasons Family Restaurant for lunch because we didn’t pay the big corporate Cedar Fair $$$ food prices – seriously insane how much they charge for a flimsy piece of pizza there.

Good plant vibes here, and our waitress was nice BUT the French fries were crinkle cut which is not my style. Also, Chooch and I both gave our salads to Henry so then when he got his burger, he removed the lettuce because he said he had too much already lol. The trials and tribulations of Henry J. Cry for him.

Then Chooch started being Chooch-esque and slammed back into the booth not knowing there was someone behind him so I was like SAY YOURE SORRY and he held up the stuffed dog he won there in the claw machine and made it do the apologizing for him and then started crying from laughing so hard so henry was like CHECK PLZ.

4:42: I keep nodding off because a weekend of running from one ride to another is more exhausting than it sounds but I have to stay awake because I’m so afraid that if i fall asleep so will Henry and then we’ll die in a fiery crash.

Also, we’re going to be out this way again in a month for the Super M concert which is weird because it’s been three years since we last came out this way and I was recently like, “we never go south anymore” and basically I’m just typing words to stay awake.

5:14pm: When Paula Abdul says, “now I’m caught in a hit & run” wtf she even mean? I never really thought about it until now.

We just left Sheetz and are currently fighting over a cookie so things are back to normal. The amusement park feelings forcefield has worn off, out of radius.

6:16pm: At some rando rest stop in Maryland that’s pretty for some reason!

Henry has his creep-o uncle Raybans on and I feel so offended.

7:09pm: Just stopped at a Pilot so Chooch could look for a book light. They didn’t have that but this is the place to go if you need a Bible, designer hunting knives, George Jones CDs, or starchy attire to subtly let people know who you voted for.

8:02pm: We just passed one of this “runaway truck” ramps coming down the mountain into Uniontown and I regaled Henry with the time I was driving home in the middle of the night from hanging out at the airport with my friends Heather the Ken and Justin Blair (back when you could hang out at airports and we would sometimes go just to get an ice cream cone from McDonald’s and watch planes land, god that sounds so fucking romantic lol) and I mistook one of those runaway truck things for the road and drove onto it.

“of course you did,” Henry sighed.

8:23pm: HENRY IS RIDICULOUS WITH THE CAR A/C. HE TRIES TO FREEZE US OUT.

8:50pm: I think that Elvis is like super overrated. THERE I SAID IT.

Some bullshit Ronnie McDowell song is on whatever old person radio station put on and apparently he was like an Elvis super fanboy and sang JUST LIKE HIM and I can’t understand a SINGLE WORD he’s saying so when people ask me why I listen to Kpop when I don’t speak Korean I will be sure to reference this motherfucker who is singing in ENGLISH (allegedly!).

Casey Kasem just told us a FUNNY STORY about how Barry Manilow found a song called Brandy by “some guy” and wanted to record it but there was already a hit song at the time called Brandy (the Looking Glass one) so he changed the name to MANDY.

I DID NOT KNOW THIS. Henry’s old person station taught me a thing. I’m going to tell Glenn tomorrow at work, see if he knows. He might have already learned this fact organically just by being old though.

Now Crystal Gale is on and I was like, “that’s what we used to call—oh, what’s that?!” I yelled as we drove over something on the road.

“I dunno, plywood I think,” Henry said.

“Oh! I thought it was a piece of glass. Anyway, that’s what we used to call the waitress at McCoys.”

“A piece of glass??” Henry and Chooch said in unison.

“No! Crystal Gale.” God.

Anyway we’re home now, just in time for Stephen Bishop’s “On & On” to end. I mean, it’s not the Tootsie theme, but as far as Stephen Bishop songs go, it’s not the worst.

Oct 122019
 

I don’t know why but I’ve never once gone to the Beacon Haunt in all of my haunting years. I’m not sure how long it’s been there but I definitely know that I’ve seen ads for it every year seemingly since the beginning of time. So I made the unilateral decision that this is where Janna, Chooch, and I would be spending our Friday night. I also made the unilateral decision that Janna would be driving.

The Beacon Hotel is an hour north of Pittsburgh and even with Janna’s shaky navigational abilities (lol) we managed to arrive with only one turn-around and no crashing into tractors crossing the dark country roads. Miracles.

I won’t get into the nitty gritty details about this haunt but I will say that if you’re operating a haunted house/hayride/corn maze and charging $20 for this racket, then at the very least you could mention somewhere on your crappy website that it’s CASH ONLY. Or maybe get with with the times and realize that 90% of the population never carry cash and some people don’t even carry WALLETS anymore now that you can pay with YOUR PHONE.

Luckily, the adjacent hotel/restaurant had an ATM but I was still annoyed because the ATM fee almost negated the fact that we had a coupon!! I AM SO CHEAP.

Anyway, it was a decent haunt! The main event is the corn maze and it’s a little misleading that they even advertise anything other than that, and some older dude in our group who was clearly drunk pissed in the cornstalks and I kind of wanted Isaac and Malachi to pull him further into their den of crunchy husks with the sharp end of a sickle.

The most important takeaway from this though is that I didn’t imprint on any of the scare actors which is always an incredible let down.

I made Janna listen to Super M on the way home and after every song, I would scream, “JANNA DID YOU LIKE THAT SONG” and she would calmly reply, “Yes, Erin.”

Then Chooch piped up from the backseat, “Taemin’s voice is like a loud whisper.”

WHOA. So much accuracy!

We stopped for ice cream at some joint in Evans City (where Night of the Living Dead was filmed for all my horror film buffs out there) called Zimmerman’s.

ANOTHER CASH ONLY ESTABLISHMENT.

Luckily, we had change from having to pay cash at the haunted house.

There was an old lady running the cone operation and she was less than thrilled to have to get up from her chair and serve us. She let us stand out there long enough to memorize all the rules that they have taped up everywhere.

NO PETS.

NO SITTING ON THE TABLES.

TABLES FOR CUSTOMERS ONLY.

NO CARDS. NO CARDS. NO CARDS.

NO U-TURNS IN PARKING LOT.

God Zimmerman’s, get a zimmergrip.

STRICT ICE CREAM.

I just had a twist with sprinkles. It was…a twist with sprinkles. Satisfying. I was going to say it’s hard to fuck up soft serve but then I remembered Millie’s nosedive into the soft serve realm.

I made Chooch sit on the table. We half-expected Mrs. Z to come flying out of a window on her broomstick and then a new ice cream flavor would be added to the window tomorrow: Chocolate Chooch Chunk.

I was like “Aw is that supposed to be a cherry?” And Chooch and Janna thought this was absurd, like why would there be a cherry on the roof and I was like “CHERRY ON TOP OF A SUNDAE? AND THIS IS AN ICE CREAM SHOP?”

Jesus Christ!

The end.

Oct 112019
 

Super M performed this on Ellen the other day and I really think I like it better than Jopping. Taemin dances like such an angel in this one. #swoon

Sorry for the double-post on a Friday but this needs to be shared and I already spent the last hour in Janna’s car talking her ear off about Taemin and Super M so now it’s your turn to be terrorized by my hysteria.

Oct 042019
 

I am in tears right now! The Super M video dropped at midnight last night and I forced myself to stay awake even with a fever (Henry said I don’t have a fever but I have a fever), watched the live press conference beforehand, and then sobbed in my tuffet if Kleenex and blankets while I watched the video.

THE STRESS!

I love it–they’ve received so much hate from respective fandoms who want SM Entertainment to only focus on the main groups but I think this collective talent works so well together, it gives them something fresh to do. Taemin’s entire group is in the military so he’s alone, and some members of EXO have started enlisting too, and it gives some of the NCT guys an opportunity to collaborate with their sunbaes– what a dream that must be for them!

The other day, they announced their US tour and instead of feeling joy, I felt the dread coat my whole body because now I have to try and fight for tickets and this is my least favorite thing in the world that doesn’t involve bodily harm or death.

Henry is an efficient oppa.

I wanted to wait for my preordered album to arrive in the mail today but I couldn’t resist and listened to it on YouTube already haha. And I’m so happy that the entire Super M album isn’t in English, as rumored. The songs being in Korean is like 75% of the reason I was drawn to Kpop in the first place!

OK, now I have to go and pass out and hopefully feel better before I have to log on to work at noon. What a great day.

P.S. I think this one is my favorite so far:

Sep 292019
 

Hola. We’re currently driving back to Pittsburgh after a weekend in Sandusky, OH and a pit stop in Cleveland to see our pall-io Jason.

We’re listening to Samantha Fox, not that it’s any of your business, BUT THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING.

I’m bored, so here are some visual aids from some quaint place in Sandusky where we got ice cream yesterday after I threw a fit and stormed out of Cedar Point (haha that’s not really how it happened but ok it’s how it happened).

We arrived behind a family of 4 or 5 who were really making the process of ordering ice cream into something way too complicated and they had all kinds of questions and requests and then Mommy (that’s what these grown-ass women called their mother when she rolled up) arrived and wanted a banana split but she hates pineapples so they had to make sure they told the SUPER PATIENT guy at the counter this but then they joked that they should order her something with pineapple and bitch I wish they would have because Mommy did not look like the type to spare the rod (Jillian Michaels says that in one of her workouts which I do often and I always say it out loud with her so it was only a matter of time before I found a way to slip this in a blog post).

Anyway, normally my patience would have been done near depleted by a family like this but I had a good feeling about this place from the moment I saw it while we were at red light and I already had one shit fit that day, actually two because I was a REAL SWEETHEART before we left the house too mmkay, so I felt like I needed to stay and wait my turn like a big girl.

Turns out, on this day the establishment was donating all of their proceeds to St Jude’s and was letting the patrons pay what they wanted! God only knows what Complicated Order family paid but Henry hooked the place up because he reasoned that we would have paid that much or more had we got ice cream at Cedar Point so why not do a good thing.

I had butter pecan flavorburst because back home, the vegan ice creamery that I love had butter pecan and I don’t normally get homesick but seeing their weekend menu definitely gave me a bit of FOMO!

It’s amazing how much better a decent ice cream cone & a change of scenery can make a bitch feel, ya know?

Bonus information:

Afterward, Henry went to check into our “hotel” but when I saw it, I was all N-O-P-E in the style of the Village People.

So he pulled into a parking lot, canceled that piece of shit murder shack, and booked a normal “brand name” hotel and I was happy until I saw this monstrosity on the desk in our room:

When I declared that I was going to the front desk to remedy this fuck up, Henry was like, “OK but please be nice to the girl at the front desk. She’s really nice, she has friends from Pittsburgh” and he had very nervous eyeballs in this moment but apparently he wasn’t concerned enough to put his pants back on and take care of this himself.

“Yeah her name’s Emily and she’s nice!” Chooch chimes in. He ended up coming with me I guess to supervise.

Made the coffee exchange without verbal violence but when I came back to the room, I yelled, “EMILY IS REAL CUNT!”

Henry looked SO SCARED for what was about to come next but then I said “j/k. She was nice. She liked my nail polish.” And I caught Chooch’s reflection in the mirror swiping sweat from his brow.

Then we ordered pizza from some place called Cameo and when it was delivered I discovered that Henry ordered half with MUSHROOMS INSTEAD OF OLIVES WHEN EVERY LAST MOTHERFUCKER KNOWS THAT I LIKE MY PIZZA BLACK WITH OLIVES. Henry and Chooch held their breath, but I grabbed a piece and mumbled, “You’re lucky that these aren’t those slimy canned ones.”

I was having a real…day. Emotions were running high, you guys. But we ate pizza and then went back to Cedar Point which was fine until it wasn’t and then it was cool again until it wasn’t but then the night ended on a good note. It was a real… ROLLERCOASTER OF A DAY, #DadJokeDab

Then I realized that the toothbrush in the travel bag was from our guest house in Seoul and I started crying because I wished I was back in Korea and not brushing my teeth in OHIOOOOOsobsnifflehic.

Sep 212019
 

I can’t even handle this. SM has been dropping individual teaser videos for each member of Super M over the last several weeks and today the last one came out – TAEMIN’S.

My friend Veronica sent me a message on IG to tell me it had dropped and I screamed for Henry to come out of the kitchen (#HousewifeHank) and watch it with me and then before I knew it, I WAS CRYING. I am so excited for this group to debut!! Taemin is going to lead them well, I know it!

Also, I signed up to receive text messages from them (I lied about my age by 10 years so they’re not like “WHY IS THIS AJUMMA LIKING US” lol) and now they’re in my phone as a contact and I’m like junior high-levels of giddy over this!

If you call the number, one of the members says thanks for calling but this number is set up for text only and I said, “That’s Mark!”

Henry mumbled, “Yeah, I know who it is.” Lololol. Kpop Dad knows all the members!

Their album is released on October 4th and I might have to take that day off work, not sure yet. I preordered it but it’s possible that I will need to be confined to a safe space where I can flail around, do ballet moves, and cry my ugly face off all day. Sorry, cats.

Sep 202019
 
  • My Friday started off with me getting ready to take a shower only to discover that nary a trickle was coming out of the showerhead. At first, I thought Henry forgot to pay the water bill or something and I was full of rage, but then he called and was like THERE WAS A WATER MAIN BREAK AND SCHOOL IS CANCELED so then I wasn’t hateful anymore, but that didn’t change the fact that I desperately needed to wash my hair because I went to bed with a deep conditioner in last night UGH I can’t tell you how much anxiety greasy hair gives me! One time in second grade, I discovered a small rash on my chest before I took a shower so I slathered Vaseline on it and yes, I definitely scopped an entire fistful out of the jar because that’s logical when you’re in elementary school. But then I went straight into the shower and you know, ran my lubed-up hands through my hair a million times while shampooing, transferring all that jelly into my locks. It was SO BAD, even after numerous shampoos, that my mom had to keep me home from school so I wouldn’t have a legit emotional breakdown in front of my classmates because SOCIAL PRESSURE HAS ALREADY BEEN MY ACHILLES HEEL. So yeah, like 30-odd years later, here I was once again having a panic attack in front of my bathroom mirror because my hair had conditioner caked to it and I could barely wash it out with the weak trickle coming out of the faucet. I considered asking to work from home but then I remembered that I had to collect cookie order money from some of my co-workers (yeah, I did that again for Chooch) and I won’t be in the office on Monday and it’s due on Tuesday!!! So I sucked it up and went to work with my hair feeling all weird and oily but no one said anything because why would they, they’re not 2nd grade assholes.
  • This one time in mid-90s, my brother Ryan was going to a birthday party so my mom took him to the mall to get a gift beforehand and I was like, “Let me catch a ride in that sick Eddie Bauer Explorer too, I need the new R.Kelly CD” and just a reminder, this was when we only kind of knew that maybe he was a fucking creep, and cancel culture wasn’t a thing yet, so we could still buy CDs and not feel shame knowing that we were supporting some dude who pisses on people or whatever. Anyway, my brother got his dumb friend a present too and then in the car on the way to the party, he needed to sign the card but of course there was no pen in the car, but then, and you guys, I couldn’t have planned this even if I tried, I realized that he could just use the label from my CD, the one you have to peel off and says the name of the artist and album, because my brother’s name is RYAN KELLY, you guys. R. KELLY. This has been the story about how my brother used an R.Kelly CD to sign a birthday card. *dab*
  • Guys tell me if this is a good idea or a great idea: Margie was telling me today that her daughter bakes on the side and she showed me pictures of some of her cookies and she makes those really nice ones with royal icing and whatnot and I was like, “I WILL HAVE TO KEEP HER IN MIND THE NEXT TIME I NEED COOKIES” which, come on, is always, but then I started thinking and said, “Actually…..” Look, G-Dragon is getting released from the military on October 26th and I was tossing around the idea of doing something to celebrate but I don’t want to have a party because I have like, a friend who would actually care enough to come and then I would have to clean the house anyway, SO WHY DON’T I JUST HAVE COOKIES MADE TO MARK THIS OCCASION??? I told Henry and he was like, “Sigh” so that means yes. Margie told me to just draw something up and she will ask her daughter if she can do it SO MAYBE I WILL HAVE SOME FRESH G-DRAGON COOKIES TO TAKE TO WORK NEXT MONTH STAY TUNED.

  • I’m still sad that Ric Ocasek died over the weekend. Henry and I both had the same startled reaction when we found out that he was 75! I honestly would have guessed 60, tops. Anyway, it got me thinking about how prevalent The Cars were on my “growing up” soundtrack. My dad was a big fan and I used to borrow his Cars CDs to add stuff to my mixed tapes until finally one day, I bought myself this fancy, purple-sparkly greatest hits set at Waves in Century III Mall and then Janna let me practice driving her car around the parking lot. But apparently I didn’t like them THAT MUCH because I literally just found out that there were TWO SINGERS?! No wonder “Drive” never sounded like The Cars to me!! This is really out of character for me because I generally know everything about music. CONSIDER ME HUMBLED.
  • Last week my work pal Carrie mentioned that she was making haluski and bringing some in for Wendy and I was like I LIKE HALUSKI TOO so then Carrie said she would also bring some in for me and I was happy but Wendy was like ugh whatever because she doesn’t like it when people pander to me haha. So then we were talking about our heritage or whatever and I mentioned that before I was Korean, I was actually a little Polish and everyone groaned. Carrie pointed out that you can’t go wrong with cabbage (I mean, an entire race of dolls was born in a cabbage patch) and that my new heritage also has a big cabbage dish—kimchi, obvi duh. I was thinking about this over the weekend and said to Henry that I thought it was so cool how cabbage is such a pivotal ingredient in two popular foods from both of my ethnic groups and Henry said, “it’s different kinds of cabbage though.” OMG STFU cabbagesplainer. (This just reminded me of the time in 2015 or 2016 when I referenced cabbages in every blog post for an entire month and no one noticed.) Anyway, Carrie’s haluski was AMAZE – she used really big noodles and I liked that.

Well, that’s all I got for this Friday Five.

Sep 172019
 

Hello hello hello. Here are some pictures and whatever to memorialize this past weekend, which was a nice one, no complaints.

First, we went to the Pittsburgh magnet school fair thing and I’m not great at things like this because I never come prepared with questions like the one dumb bitch mom with mini-Princess Leia braids who rudely cut in when Chooch and I were talking to the admissions/Japanese teacher from one of the magnet schools Chooch has his eyes on. Yeah, this stupid C-U-NEXT-TUESDAY totally sidled on up and interrupted to tell this guy that they moved here from California and her dumb daughter, who is in 5th grade, used to be fluent in Spanish but since moving to this dump of a city, she has not had the opportunity to use it and can his school help, blah blah blah.

I was just glared at her. Like, are you fucking kidding me? Maybe in California dumb coozes like you don’t wait in line, but here IN MY CITY, WE WAIT OUR GODDAMN TURN.

Jesus!

Anyway, I want Chooch to go to this school and take Japanese.

Afterward, we went straight to Monroeville to attend Wendy’s daughter Summer’s 4th birthday party at Sky Zone. I have never been to one of these trampoline park things before, but I decided that I would also be jumping along with the party-goers so I made Henry pay for me and Wendy was like, “I hope Henry signed a waiver for you!”

Anyway, aside from Wendy’s husband and his one friend, I was the only other adult jumping so that was kind of weird, and I have to admit that I was SUPER HESITANT about this at first because I am an old hag now as of July 30th, and I was so afraid of breaking a bone or 8. I basically clung to Chooch and he was getting angry because he wanted to go and do the obstacle course stuff but I didn’t want him to leave me alone in the big basic trampoline area and then I kept getting paranoid that one of the bored-looking referee boys were going to police me for doing something wrong, maybe for hogging the same trampoline in the corner, and I hate getting yelled at in front of people but thank god I made it through the full 90 minutes without having a whistle blown at me.

The only other things I tried was the foam pit because Chooch said I could practice doing flips there and that was fine but I LOST ONE OF MY SKY ZONE SOCKS IN THERE and I was making Chooch search for it when Henry came shuffling over like he was the Sky Zone Sheriff and said, “Why don’t you just ask for a new sock?” so I went over to the sock counter and cried, “I LOST A SOCK!!!” and the nice boy said, “It’s OK!” in a soothing tone and gave me a new pack of socks and then I had an extra sock which I tried not to fixate on.

I made Henry keep my spare in his back pocket.

I also attempted to play dodgeball but it was just Chooch and me with three kids across from us and none of them would throw the ball at me because I think they were afraid of breaking the old hag.

Chooch eventually talked me into doing a flip, and I did one but then I folded forward really hard when I landed and felt things shift in my back so that was exciting.

Also, I made friends with a preteen girl who was trying to coax me into trying new things but her peer pressure didn’t work on me because I didn’t want this to be how I find out if my medical insurance is meh or shit.

But oh, for God’s sake, did I have so much fun! I jumped for nearly the full 90 minutes and I was a FUCKING SWEATBALL by the time our session ended and we went up to the party room for pizza and cake. Wendy thought it was hilarious and she told our boss about it at work on Monday—I don’t care, I want everyone to know that I am a JUMPING SUPERSTAR.

Rolling skating what? I’m a trampoline queen now.

Immediately after the party, Henry took me straight to Commonplace Coffee in Point Breeze to meet Jiyong, whom I haven’t seen in several weeks because she was on vacation. It was so nice to see her again! She hadn’t heard about Super M yet, so I got to tell her about that and then we talked about k-dramas and then she laughed at me because now I’m following that Korean celebrity that I saw at Incheon Airport and she thought it was the funniest thing, but I was like, “What?!!? I’m obsessed with him now!”

I really do appreciate our friendship! My Korean still sucks so bad, but it’s really nice having a new friend!

When we came home, Calvin spotted us from his window so Henry had to go and get him or he will throw a fit because he’s currently obsessed with coming to our house.

Everything was going swimmingly in our nonsensical Lego project until Calvin inexplicably disagreed with the placement of one of the pieces I put on and flipped out. I’m such a disappointment!

Then it was the next day!

Henry made Kodiak pancakes!

They were OK!

Also, I was in Big Pain from my liaison with the trampoline. But it was, curiously, my SHOULDERS that were sore, not my legs. Then I realized it was because I spent the whole time throwing my arms up in the air to propel myself higher. “Yeah, you looked like a big idiot too,” Chooch said.

Started to type in Silver Dollar City in YouTube, Silver Spoons theme came up, clicked it, watched a Guess the 80s Sitcom by Theme Song video, started thinking about how much I loved Moonlighting, and that’s how I spent my Sunday morning watching Al Jarreau videos.

Later that afternoon, Henry and I went to visit our Original Four Cats, our (s)Quad if you will, at the pet cemetery because it was Chuseok (that’s kind of like Korean Thanksgiving, if you will, where they honor their deceased family members).

Admittedly, it’s been a minute since we last came out here, not because we forgot about the cats, oh for God’s sake, I talk about that little babies all the time still! Just…life, you know?

I was excited to see that they built an actual Rainbow Bridge since I last was there! So excited that I cried.

And then we couldn’t find the damn graves because the plaques had sunken into the ground (not just ours—most of them it seemed!) so Henry started stabbing the ground with a knife that he got from our car and the whole time I was like why does he have this weird hunting knife thing in the car is he hunting humans when he’s allegedly “at the store?”

Anyway, he found some other plaques but not ours so now we have to go back when the damn office is open and seek help and a map.

I was really upset about this and screamed THIS IS THE WORST CHUSEOK EVER and Henry was like OK but it’s not Chuseok for us because we’re not Korean so…

…and then that made me even more upset because thanks for the reminder!

We went to get ice cream at Al’s Cone Zone afterward and I got raspberry Dole Whip which tasted SOUR AND DISGUSTING so I THREW IT IN THE GARBAGE and stormed back to the car and MAYBE THIS HAD MORE TO DO WITH CAT SADNESS THAN ICE CREAM PICKINESS BUT OH WELL.

And this has nothing to do about the weekend but Chooch’s one teacher uses this stupid fucking app to give kids points for participation or whatever and I discovered the other day that parents can also add to this when the kid does shit around the house.

Chooch is obsessed with it because the more GP or whatever it’s called that you collect, the more powers your stupid character has. I don’t know. It seemed dumb to me but I gave him 10 points for washing the dishes so whatever.

Anyway, just now Henry was bitching because no one ever turns off the downstairs lights before going to bed and Chooch cried, “it wasn’t me! She was still down here when I went to bed!”

WELL THIS WAS ABSURD because I distinctly remembered walking past that little asshole when I went up to bed – he was still sitting at the computer to be exact!!

So we started arguing about this and I went into that dumb app and did a custom thing where I DEDUCTED TEN POINTS FOR LYING and he didn’t think I was going to do it BUT I DID and he’s lucky I didn’t go after 500 like I was originally threatening to do!

LOLOLOLOL.

“Great. Everyone can see that,” he said.

WELL MAYBE DONT LIE TO YOUR PARENTS, YOU BIG STOOP.

“You shouldn’t have told her about that app,” Henry said before going up to bed.

And do you think any of us will turn the lights off tonight? LOL.