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Originally, we had plans to meet up with our new BIGBANG VIP friend Michelle for breakfast, but it was very last minute (we had JUST met her the weekend before, for god’s sake) and she ended up having plans change for her last minute. I was sad but also I knew that it would have been extremely rushed because we would have needed to get to Douglass Park by 11AM. I’m hoping we find ourselves back in Chicago soon with more free time so that we can arrange a proper hangout and not force her to come out on a rainy Saturday morning.

Yes, it was raining. SIGH.

Henry ran out to the nearby Paris Baguette for coffee and breakfast pastries since our lame hotel did not have breakfast (complimentary or otherwise!) and then we set off for the parking lot.

It actually wasn’t raining that much at all by the time we set off for the mile walk to the park. Also, the line wasn’t long at all by the time we got there and the gates opened super soon after that so it was the best of the three days, entering-wise. Honestly, I can’t complain too much because if I remember correctly, we never had any issues or delays getting into the park for Riot Fest. They are EFFICIENT.

We had an hour of free time before the first band went on the Radical Stage (another pick from Henry) so we walked around and looked at the arcade.

They had ICP animatronics, complete with bottles of “Spaygo” lol. I honestly can’t believe ICP is still…a thing.

I only took this picture because some guy was also taking this same picture. We got the Riot Fest Sucks beer and the people working in there were SO NICE. Everyone at Riot Fest is always so nice!!! It’s the most small talk I have probably engaged in all year.

Also, Henry got his Riot Fest hat that he was looking for on Day 1 but “couldn’t find” because he never bothered to ask. I was glad for that saga to have finally ended because I was sick of hearing him cry about it.

My Untappd check-ins were so good while we were at Riot Fest lol. One of the Riot Fest security ladies was standing off to the side and she goes, “Or maybe with you sipping it…” but I was like “nah I just need the beer in this one!”

(As I’m writing this, I’m missing Riot Fest a lot. I didn’t think the magic would still be there but….it was.)

Dark Matter time!!

If you didn’t know this about me, Dark Matter IS MY FAVORITE COFFEE EVER.  I was first introduced to it at our very first Riot Fest in 2014 and have made a point of stopping by their mothership shop nearly every time we have been in town since then, and I love buying bags of it as gifts for friends, too. It’s just REALLY SOLID coffee.

One of the times we were at Riot Fest, I was telling one of the Dark Matter baristas at their booth that it had become one my most anticipated things about going to Riot Fest and they gave me a free t-shirt. I JUST LOVE THIS COMPANY.

You should go get yourself some, I swear you won’t be sorry.

I got the Bad Religion iced coffee and it was EXCEPTIONAL.

One of many obligatory selfies as if everyone isn’t sick of seeing us as it is.

Also, I was wearing my Sound of Animals Fighting shirt that has an umbrella on it but then it stopped raining before the bands even started playing so I was taking credit for reversing the curse. (FORESHADOWING.)

The first band we saw was Aim High, a pop punk band from Chicago. This was Henry’s recommendation and his streak continued because I LOVED THEM and immediately started following them on IG so I won’t miss them if they come to Pittsburgh. I can’t think of a better way to start the day than with a really solid and FUN pop punk band.

I had the best time watching them!

Henry’s Opinion: “Um, I liked them. I would see them again.”

Right after this, Henry wanted to go to the Riot Fest General Store to get aspirin. I started to walk over with him but then I heard the most angelic voice fluttering across the Douglass Park grass, backed by melodic metal. I stopped in my tracks and did the whole “HARK?” thing that I do when something is luring me into the act of imprinting.

“I’m…..going to go over there and see who this is,” I murmured to Henry, not waiting around for his response.

TURNS OUT IT WAS ASAVA KISSING MY EARDRUMS but I did not even check the schedule until afterward because I was so enthralled and couldn’t take my eyes off the stage. I kept making my further up until I was practically at barricade.

Henry managed to find me though — Henry can always find me. He said he figured I was in a zone so he stopped by another vendor to grab another beer first. WE WERE ON VACATION. Also, we share.

Um, but yeah–holy shit. And the way the singer kept gradually unbuttoning and removing layers until he was shirtless by the end and his girlfriend had to come out barreling out from side stage to throw her arms around him in a super possessive “HE’S TAKEN, LADIES” performative showdown. Henry was cracking up.

“I IMPRINTED ON THEM,” I cried to him after their set ended.

“Yeah, I figured,” he muttered.

Henry’s opinion: “Um, I don’t know, they weren’t bad. I guess. Probably won’t listen to them again.”

W O W.

On the second main stage right after this was Yard Act, post-punk from Leeds. It’s weird but I didn’t get a very post-punk vibe from them, though I did think they were alright. We were pretty much just killing time though.

Henry’s Opinion: “When you’re not mad at me, I’ll talk to you,” he said with a sigh and the reason I’m mad is because I was about to buy tickets to see Greet Death on Friday and I didn’t like his noncommittal response to it AND I’M SORRY IF I HAD A FRIEND TO ASK TO GO WITH ME, I WOULD DO SO but no one likes the shit I like HENRY. You are IT.

UGH.

Whatever, after this was the LEGENDS Melt Banana! Bro, IT WAS SO EXCITING TO SEE THEM LIVE! Melt Banana is a Japanese noise rock band  from the early 90s and now that I think back on it, how did I ever first hear of them?? I know it was late 90s. I was influenced by someone, I’m sure.

Henry’s Opinion: “They were interesting. They were good….live.”

(I think this means he won’t be listening to them while busting pallets of Everfresh juice with his careless pallet jack maneuvering.)

Yay, we had some time after Melt Banana and before Angine de Poitrine to get some lunch! We went to Meet Stop, which is a vegan catering company, and decided to go hog wild and split the sampler platter.

HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.

It was insanely good and I am still talking about it. I talked about it on Tuesday on my call with my dietician and I talked about it yesterday with Wendy. First of all? The cheesesteak was to die for. It tasted just like a real one, I know I’m like 30+ years meatless at this point so what could my basis of comparison possibly be aside from the fact that carnivorous partner was tearing into it like it was shaved fresh from the spit. Henry is the ult judge for good vegan food.

But also—those nachos? What in the HELL was in that sauce?? Oh, it was so addictive. The collared greens? Actually delicious (those are hit or miss with me). The Mac & cheese tasted like real fucking cheese—I’m also picky with Mac & cheese. I HATE any version of it that tastes even remotely like Stouffers and also a lot of vegan Mac & cheese really miss the mark. But goddammit, this one actually tasted so thick and savory that it felt SINFUL.

Also, two “chicken” drumsticks which were also good and would have been the stars on a platter of vegan food from most other places, but everything was so god tier on this plate that I keep forgetting we even had them!!

Of course, Meet Stop doesn’t have a brick & mortar restaurant so who knows if we will ever get to indulge in this masterpiece platter again.

Then it was time for Angine de Poitrine! They’re a Canadian rock duo which, on paper, sounds boring. But then you see them…

I don’t have any of my own pictures for some reason (I did take a short video) but here is someone’s video from Riot Fest on YouTube – they were REALLY fun to watch and reminded me a bit of 1970s Euro horror instrumental soundtracks in a way – it’s that gonzo psychedelic sound like a more upbeat Goblin. Imagine a Gallo slasher rampage with all the bright fake blood and bouncing tits and this playing in the background.

Henry’s Opinion: “Uhhhhhh….they were fun to watch, but that was about it.”

OK CAPTAIN CRITICAL.

Immediately after this, we waded our way through the crowd and got a spot at the smaller main stage because Bright Eyes was about to come out. A man in front of me turned around, and you could see the desperate need to talk to a person practically oozing from him pores. “THEY’RE STOPPING EARLY TONIGHT BECAUSE OF STORMS!” he said, showing me Riot Fest’s update on his phone.

“WHAT??” I cried, looking up at the sky would looked FINE TO ME, SIR. But the statement said that in cooperation with the city of Chicago, they had agreed to shut it down early in anticipation of storms moving in later that night. A new schedule was posted (the one at the top of this post) and we could see that all of the headliners had been moved to earlier times so that it would end at 7.

AND BRIGHT EYES HAD BEEN MOVED TO THE LAST SPOT OF THE SMALL STAGE THAT NIGHT. I have NO idea why they didn’t just stay in their original spot—they were supposed to go on pretty much right then??? So instead, there left a big gap of nothingness on that stage and Public Image Ltd was forced to go one earlier than expected on the main stage.

And John Lydon (fka Johnny Rotten!) was PISSED.

He came out in a rage, putting Riot Fest on blast, complaining because none of their stuff was set up yet, and they had to play a truncated set. Plus, he was sick and blowing snotrockets all over the stage.

IT WAS EPIC.

Henry’s Opinion: “Um, I don’t know. They only played 3 songs so I can’t really form an opinion about them.”

Literally trying so hard to pull some actual opinions out of this guy, it’s a struggle.

NEXT WAS SUGAR!!! On the smaller main stage –  we were literally just ping-ponging back and forth between the two big stages most of the day. I was kind of heart-broken though because Thrice was playing during PIL and Sugar and I LOVE THRICE but I have also seen Thrice….way more than thrice (LOL I hate myself) and I had never seen PIL or Sugar AND I LOVE BOB MOULD. I have seen him solo but never with Sugar (I don’t think I have seen Husker Du but my concert memory is getting worse and worse which absolutely pains me).

I loved where we were standing for this — everyone was so chill and the view was perf.

In case you didn’t know, Henry and I have a super favorite song that happens to be a Bob Mould song so it’s always special to see him in any form.

Henry’s Opinion: “I don’t think I have ever listened to Sugar before. I mean, I have heard Bob Mould but—-” and then a bunch of word salad that not even the creamiest of Ranch can make better.

Some local weatherman that everyone seems to know and love made an appearance and I would have been scared if I was him because this was after the Great Shortening of the Band Sets.

VANA was about to play on the Radicals stage so we made our way over there and allowed ourselves to pop a squat for the first time that day.

I saw VANA for the first time last year opening for Honey Revenge and LOVED THEM so I was stoked to get to them again! Not stoked to be standing next to some lame ass bro and his bro-clan who yapped about how they’re Riot Fest pros and know the best spots to stand and then the main Bro was shouting into his watch VANA IS ABOUT TO START. VANA IS ABOUT TO START but he kept saying it like Vanna White instead of Vah-na. Go sit down, asshole.

So we moved closer to the stage.

I just love them. I love when a female singer can come out in a flouncy dress, giggle, and then gutturally scream her face off.

Henry’s opinion: “Um, VANA….VANA. Which one are they? If I can’t remember them then *HAS BIG KNEE SPASM AND CAUSES A SCENE; GIRL BUDDY IS AT THE WINDOW WATCHING LIKE WTF WAS THAT*….don’t write that part.”

We stopped for Gogol Bordello on our way to the main stage. I forgot how fun they are!

Henry’s opinion: “I DIDN’T SEE THEM ENOUGH TO KNOW! They sounded like something that would be fun.” Wow cry about it.

It might be true that we weren’t standing there long, but somehow “dance around the fire” was playing on repeat in my head for a solid week afterward.

Tool time!

We were super far back because the plan was to just watch half of their set and then walk over to watch Nas on the Rebel stage before heading out since all the headlining sets were supposed to end by 7 that night.

My all time favorite Tool song is Sober and I truly don’t give a shit if that is some basic white bitch shit. That cassette LIVED in my Eagle Talon in the late 90s and I would belt that song out while driving alone in the middle of the night, doing double the speed limit down River Road. This was a very specific time in my life and that song brings me back EVERY TIME.

I thought for sure I was going to miss it when we went over to Nas, but I looked at the set list later and saw that they didn’t perform it so that made me feel better!

Also, Maynard was recovering from hip surgery and was supposed to be resting but he told his doctor, “I gotta play Riot Fest, man.” Then Tool’s flight was delayed and when they got there, it was like, “Oh, btw, you guys are going on at 6 now, not 8, and you’re only playing for an hour.” So yeah, lots of annoyed bands (and fans) at Riot Fest that day.

Still, I’m happy that I got to hear some of their set. I love Maynard and all of his bands.

Henry’s opinion: “Mmmmm, not a big fan of Tool.”

Me: “REALLY????”

Henry: “Yeah.”

Learn something new (and dumb) about Henry every day I guess.

Henry says he does like “Sober” though.

He just said he’s not going to go out of his way to listen to it and if anything other than Sober comes on, he’ll turn it.

WOW???

He does like A Perfect Circle though.

Anyway, I took my Tool-hating husband over to the Rise Stage for Nas but the stage was dark. A big crowd was there but there was NO INDICATION that anyone was coming out. It was almost 7PM at that point, when Riot Fest was supposed to be ending due to ALLEGED STORMS, so people started to leave because it seemed pretty clear that Nas was NOT coming out.

I did think it was kind of odd that as we were walking down the street outside of Douglass Park, I could still hear Bad Religion playing on the Rebel Stage but OK….

We got back to the hotel around 8PM and it was POURING down rain but it never actually stormed. We ended up going into Chinatown, got some goods from a bakery, and then some boba at Oriental Tea:

Then we went back to the hotel and actually got some much-needed rest.

The next morning, I was looking at my phone and OH HO HO HO HO HO – Nas ended up coming out AFTER 7 and playing FOR A 90 MINUTES, essentially closing out Riot Fest, who determined that THE STORMS HAD PASSED OVER and decided to let Nas and Bad Religion play longer. But Tool was forced to end at 7 and most people LEFT BECAUSE RIOT FEST DID NOT ANNOUNCE THIS PUBLICLY.

Ugh, I’m annoyed but also not because it really did start POURING, like torrentially, and we would have had a long-ass walk back to the parking lot in that shit.

VIDEO RECAP OF DAY 3:

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Hello. You are now visiting “Second Half” of Riot Fest, Day 1. If you passed by “First Half,” please circle back to the last exit.

Sorry, that was just me trying to be “engaging.”

One of my absolute NON-NEGOTIABLES of this year’s line-up was Tricky. I HAD to see Tricky. It’s been years now but I was quite entrenched in trip hop for a good chunk of time. Did you know that Tricky was one of the pioneers of trip hop?! A legend.

Marta Złakowska is a current touring member, and there was also a man (they took turns singing on songs and it was really enthralling to watch because whoever wasn’t singing would stand facing Tricky and the other singer. Marta was wearing all black and the other guy (I have to search for his name but he reminded me of Leo Woodall) was wearing a loose tuxedo-like outfit without the jacket.

I literally cannot find the name of the other singer. Tricky’s website only mentions Marta, wtf.

Anyway, I don’t know how his live shows used to be but he barely sang at all – he almost whispered along with whichever one was singing at the time and I saw on Reddit that all of his shows on this tour have been that way and some people hate it but some people are like, “What’s the problem?” The music was INTENSE. Imagine being able to create an intimate sex-club kind of vibe when it’s still daylight and you’re playing outside at a giant music festival. Aside from the BIGMOUTH OLD WOMEN BEHIND ME who thought it was OK to stand THAT close to the stage and yap like it was a fucking coffee klatch, I thought this was exceptional and felt like I was really witnessing something legendary from a very specific musical timeline that I may never get to see again.

Henry’s review: “I don’t know. It was not my style.”

BRO WHAT STYLE.

Bayside was playing on the second main stage and I was so happy that we were able to catch most of their set after Tricky because it has been a MINUTE since I’ve seen them. I definitely fell off there for a while but there was a time when it felt like I was seeing Bayside at least once a year, including Anthony Ranieri’s solo run. I didn’t forget about how much I love them though and the way I felt like the softest blanket was wrapped around me during their set…you just don’t “grow out” of certain things.

Henry’s review: “Um. They’re not bad.” I thought there was going to be a “but” but he just drifted off.

Around this time, we decided to break for much-needed food. It would have been around 4PM and we had eaten since that morning at the Mexican cafe. As expected, every damn food line was crazy long EXCEPT for Ralphie’s Donuts, lol. I looked at Henry like, “I could eat a donut…”

Smoke Daddy pictured just for their themed food—I love a creatively relevant food name! However, upon at-home scrutiny, I’m kicking myself for not getting the Disco Tots.

I’m so far up the ass of my journaling era that I decided Henry and I would share the bucket of horchata latte donut holes simply because I wanted to put the cut bucket sticker in my dumb journal—and I HAVEN’T EVEN HAD THE CHANCE (read: energy/motivation) TO DO THAT YET! Anyway, the donuts were good though.

This was the first time sitting all day. Dumb Motion City Soundtrack was playing on the stage closest to us so that was annoying. I don’t like HATE-HATE them, but I also don’t enjoy them and I associate them with my ex-bff’s psycho sister who actually got in a fight with someone in line at King’s Island over them while we were also there and it was frightening because she is the type who could hone in on the closest scrap of trash on the ground and somehow work it into a shiv. Also I think one of their songs was her ringtone at the time. Also x2 I was pregnant while this was happening and didn’t know it and also have an aversion to a very specific type of Mexican soft cheese* that we bought at Jungle Jim’s because I was on a cheese and mustard/condiment kick (see also: IT WAS PREGNANCY CRAVINGS BUT I DIDN’T KNOW IT) which also happened on the same weekend. Aversions all around.

*(I just googled for accuracy since I am your favorite investigative reporter and nothing sounds familiar except for cotija but that apparently is crumbly…maybe me and all of my alter egos are Mandela’ing.)

Not pictured, but after the donuts I knew I was going to get sick if we didn’t get real food too and this was literally the only chance we had before resuming our stage dashing. First we were in line for this place called Uncle Remus’s or something because they had “plant-based” wings, yay. But as we got closer, I saw that there was VERY fine print underneath it that said it was cooked in beef something, and “not vegan.” HONEY THAT’S NOT EVEN VEGETARIAN AT THAT POINT.

I’m not vegan but I do have a line that I won’t cross and plant-based items being cook in animal juice or whatever is definitely that line. We moved down to some other place that had veggie empanadas and yuca fries. It wasn’t anything to write home about (which is clearly why I don’t have a picture and you know me and food fotos!) but it got the job done. I guess. We carried it over to another stage and started to eat under a tree but then Slick Rick was coming on so I left Henry, lol.

SLICK RICK!! Teenage Erin was poppin’ off.

My favorite is Lodi Dodi (obv) but there isn’t a music video for that one.

Henry’s review: “Yeah.”

Me: “Yeah what?”

Henry: “I guess for his age it was good.”

OK.

What?

After this, Henry was like, “You might like Deathbyromy” because for some reason he thought she was affiliated somehow with Tara Yummy, who I do love, but I googled and cannot find any connection. Either way, I’m glad he was mistaken because it got me over to the Radical Stage for her band and it was SO GOOD. Just the perfect amount of neo-gothic sleaze (I made that up) for a Friday evening.

Henry’s review: “Didn’t hate it.”

I wish you would have seen the strange body contortions and thinking faces he pulled for a full 10 seconds just to say he didn’t hate it.

Basically everything we saw on that stage all weekend was fire.

Five Riot Fests later and we still have never ridden any of the rides there. Some might think it’s because we’re smart, but really it’s because Henry is cheap and I have no time.

I caught a little bit of All-American Rejects while Henry was procuring our stuff from that artist we met earlier in the morning.

I was enamored by this balloon maybe because YELLOW BALLOON IS  MY FAVORITE SONG FROM THE SEMINAL ELEMENTARY SCHOOL MUSIC CLASS RECORD BY THE ILLUSTRIOUS LOLLIWINKS.

(This is a blatant lie, my favorite Lolliwinks song is HANDS UP. Is it a coincidence that BIGBANG also has a song called HANDS UP, or fate??)

While I was standing here alone, some elder-punk came BARRELLING AT ME and screamed something then ran away so fast I had whiplash. I turned around in delayed alarm and he had actually stopped running and was standing there looking at me in this weird “are you coming??” stance. I gave him my best, “huh?” face so he actually came back over and said, “The Sex Pistols are playing over there! The punk band, The Sex Pistols!”

“Oh! Yeah, I’ll be over in a little bit,” I said.

(I mean, that’s kind of true because we did have to walk past that stage to get to the Radical stage for Foxy Shazam, lol.)

hnnngggggghh.

You know I sent this  to Chooch whose response was, “ew don’t send me that.”

Seriously though AAR is just a really comforting, nostalgic band. I remember when Chooch was super little, he used to sing “Gives You Hell” in the car and it was so precious. So yeah, I did not mind standing here while Henry pissed around.

Henry’s review: “Did we see them?”

I mean, I did….

Bro, I used to LOVE Foxy Shazam back in the day! I can remember making mixed CDs for LiveJournal friends and slipping a Foxy jam on there from time to time but I honestly can’t remember if I’ve ever seen them!? They were at Warped Tour once but I don’t think we saw them. Nevertheless, I made sure we saw them at Riot Fest and it WAS SO GOOD. (I think Frankie Witch Fingers was right before this and we caught the tail end of that too.)

I vividly remember saying, “OK we can sit down for this one, I don’t care that much” but then as soon as they came on stage, I popped right up to my feet like a blow-up punching ball in the shape of Fred Flintstone.

Henry’s review: “Yeah I liked them.” And the way he said it WITH NO HESITATION and a slight uptick to his tone makes me know that this is true.

Oh man, there is something so romantic about Riot Fest once the sun goes down…

Moon over the Pixies.

OMG we almost got lost into the Riot Fest void forever right before this because I was like, “Let’s give us this perfectly good spot we have right now and move over to the other side of the stage” I can’t even remember why now?! BUT WE ALMOST PERISHED I SWEAR TO GOD because it was pitch black and we were trying to sidestep people sitting/laying more toward the back and it was just so panic-inducing.

I take back what I said about Riot Fest being romantic at night because it’s actually Hell for people with even the tiniest of speck of anxiety in their system. I think Henry sincerely wanted to kill me, because all that happened was that we ended up going BACK to where we were only it took like 15 minutes and the Pixies were already playing by then.

Henry’s review: “Um I don’t know I’m not a fan of the Pixies, so…..I saw them.”

He answers everything like I have a gun to his head.

Maybe I have a gun to his head.

I feel like everyone knows the Pixies, and we have seen them before, so I will not continue to junk this post up with more videos.

The main stage headliner for Friday night was Twenty One Pilots. I know nothing about them aside from the songs they have on the radio which never really snagged my attention one way or the other. Chooch really liked them back when they were AltPress darlings, I remember that much, because we bought him their first album on vinyl for Christmas that year. Also, I know that one of them is married to Deby Ryan and they live in Columbus or something.

Cool story, Erin.

Henry’s review: “I didn’t pay attention enough to care.”

Oh wait, I have something to add: I recognized two songs I think and also I was scared when the one guy climbed up a scaffolding thingie to a drum set on some platform thing and I was clutching my chest like he was my son. I think I included a clip of that in my Instagram Reel which is POSTED AT THE END SO PLEASE WATCH IT.

Iggy Pop – we did not stay to watch, we were on our way out. GWAR was playing on the Radical stage but I have seen them enough to last a lifetime (once, lol). No hate on them! I love that they beheaded Trump or whatever, but musically it’s not MY CUP OF TEA, as Old Timey Henry would say.

Then we left and finally checked into our hotel (Chicago Loop Hotel) and the front desk people were a little too chill and seemed like maybe they didn’t know the criteria for hospitality services, and also they purposely had the elevators turned off and didn’t tell anyone – no sign or anything – so when Henry went to get our stuff out of the car I took the steps up to the fifth floor and accidentally found the service elevator so that’s what we used all weekend, lol. It was so weird. The whole fucking hotel was so weird. BUT IT WAS CLEAN AND QUIET and that is ALL I care about.

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OK Erin, GET IT TOGETHER. Time to write this damn recap! We did the most on this day so it’s gonna be a two-parter because this bitch is getting tired all over again just from reliving it! (In a good way!)

I will be honest here – I hadn’t really missed Riot Fest since we stopped going. We had gone all three days in 2014, 2015, and 2016. I sold our 2017 3-day passes in order to buy one ticket to see TAEYANG from BIGBANG instead, which was also in Chicago two weekends before Riot Fest and Henry was being Mr. ONE OR THE OTHER!!! And after that, I was so fully submersed in Korean everything that I wasn’t even paying attention to any of the lineups after that.

We did return for one day in 2023 though, because The Cure was headlining the final night and come on. You knew I was going to pony up for that one.

When this year’s lineup was released, I thought it was pretty cool and after we decided to buy the 3-day pass, I started to get more and more stoked for it as the summer went on. But wow, I did NOT expect to be THAT HAPPY to be there again after so long? I’m not kidding, even the 30 minutes we stood in line waiting for the gates to open, I was feeling giddier and giddier. The Riot Fest lady walking back and forth like a prison warden screaming (in a fun way!) about having our tickets ready and bags opened gave me an extra jolt of excitement. I can’t explain it other than to be totally annoying and just default to “IT’S A VIBE” and “IYKYK.”

You know how much I loved Warped Tour (I refuse to shell out for this rebranded money grab bullshit they’ve been doing lately – make it a full summer multi-city tour like the old days OR KISS MY ASS) and this is basically that x3 and on steroids.

Bro, even Henry likes it there!

You know, the world is on fire. Some shitty personal things were going on too. Plus, the every day burdens of being adults. This was our way of checking all that shit at the door and just HAVING FUN. And we absolutely did. It was amazing – we did not argue once. Henry was being the best side-kick ever, keeping track of the schedule, finding me no matter how close to the stage I had wandered (Miss “I Don’t Need to Be Close, I’m Going to Be OK with Standing Way Back”), suggesting different stages to check out when there weren’t any of my must-sees playing at that time. Not to be corny, but Riot Fest weekend really brought us back together when I don’t think we had even realized how much the stress of real life had put a wedge between us.

I guess like how some couples might go to couples spa or therapy, we go to a multi-day music festival that is tough on our middle-aged / senior bodies and somehow still come out smiling.

S T O K E D!

I didn’t get any of these because I don’t drink much at these things (I had like, a beer a day), but if I were to get one, it obviously would have been the Peach the Veil.

One of the best things about getting there when gates open is that it gives you a good hour to walk around, get your bearings, grab merch and peruse the Riot Fest Mall which always has cool AF vendors.

At one of the Riot Fest’s, this artist was also vending and we got a giant cat print for Chooch! It’s still hanging in his room and if he doesn’t take it to back to Philly on his next trip home, then I’m claiming it.

We ended up buying a cool Lost Boys print from an artist in Michigan and I wish I could remember his name — of course Henry already framed it so I can’t check the back. But anyway, this guy was so cool and friendly. We chatted with him for a good while and the reason I was even drawn to his tent was because he had a GIANT Secret of NIMH painting hanging up. I LOVE SECRET OF NIMH. Not enough to spend almost $2000 on that though. I wasn’t there for this part—Henry went back later to collect our purchases because he was nice enough to not only hold the Lost Boys print but also our Riot Fest poster in a tube so Henry bought a capybara print for Chooch as an extra thanks, and that’s when he asked about the price. The guy told him that it had a certificate of authenticity from Warner Bros because they apparently used it for something? I mean, Henry said this guy was totally blitzed at this point of the evening so imagine him slurring this story to Henry who is already hard of hearing and now has to struggle to hear over the All American Rejects playing on the nearby main stage, and now Henry is relaying this story back to me. Lots of missing pieces, methinks.

UPDATE: Henry is here now and he has informed me that the artist’s name is Mark Lone Art.

Then I got Henry to agree to pose for $8 pictures in this old-timey photo booth! Henry was so amenable that weekend.

….except that he did the bare minimum with posing, as usual. Always plating the same face card. Then we literally tumbled out of the doors afterward, it was such a tight squeeze.

Henry is here now and he said, “It was tight and I think my soul is gone.”

Wow, great update.

Then Cardinals started playing on the mainstage so we made our way over. I always love the earlier bands because it’s the closest we’ll ever get to that stage, LOL. I had never heard of them before but they’re a Cork band with a very intense accordion player. I liked them, it was a nice way to ease ourselves into the weekend.

Henry’s review: “I don’t remember them. Let me see the picture.”

*looks at picture*

“I don’t remember.”

Immediately after them on the neighboring stage was Teen Mortgage – a punk rock duo from DC so right away, way more loud and in your face, immediately gave us the good old Free Palestine that is never said enough, IMO.  I was into it but we left during their set because Henry checked the band bios and said he thought I would like a band called Greet Death that was about to start on the smallest stage (the Radical Stage which ended up having some of my favorite bands of the weekend on it!).

Henry’s review: “Not my cup of tea, let’s go with that, let’s make it old.”

We passed the John Stamos butter sculpture on the way there and paid our respects. There was this long-running joke where Riot Fest tried desperately every year to get John Stamos to come to Riot Fest. Riot Fest finally found a loop hole and booked the Beach Boys last year, because John Stamos has been their touring drummer, lol. When I say that I did have some underground FOMO at that, I mean that I was actually kicking myself for not buying the damn tickets when I had the fleeting desire to.

He did have a list of demands, though, and they were all met: he wanted festival founder “Riot Mike” to get a John Stamos tattoo, a Greece-themed pizza from a local pizza shop, and a lookalike contest to be held. All demands were met before he took the stage and they seemed pretty reasonable, all things considered.

OB-TO THE-SESSED with GREET DEATH. Henry really knows me best of all because he read that description and thought, “Yeah, she will like this.” And he did too! He actually said numerous times over the weekend that they were his favorite.

Oh, who are they? A shoegaze / indie rock band from Michigan, that’s who! Oh, this is going on the “driving to the haunted house” playlist FOR SURE.

Henry, IMMEDIATELY just said, “I liked them.” (No seriously he really did.)

From there, we ran back over to the smaller main stage just in time to catch some of Fleshwater – the singer was rocking a Wish-era Cure shirt that told me ALL I needed to know. (That means I LOVED THEM, duh.)

Henry: “Mm, no.”

A really solid nu-gaze band from Boston, we love to see (hear) it. Henry said he didn’t like them very much but “wasn’t surprised” that I did, lol.

Violet Grohl was next on the main stage but Henry goes, and I thought it was so funny coming from him, “I don’t want to watch her. Nepo baby,” and suggested that we go over to the Rebel Stage for the first time that day to see Radio Free Alice, and that was the right choice.

But first Henry to do some HEAVY POINTING – you know I sent this picture straight to Chooch, who is the biggest STOP POINTING!!! advocate around. We have seen Henry nearly clothesline people with his arm because HE NEVER CHECKS THE SPACE AROUND HIM before aggressively throwing fingers.

I loved the nostalgic sound, like it was 2005 again. Australian indie rock, I guess? I heard that they are extremely pretentious and I can definitely see that! This is something that I enjoyed in a festival setting, getting warmed up for the day, an Aussie amuse bouche. But I don’t see myself going to see them on a headlining tour unless, like, Greet Death is the opener or smth.

Henry: “Um, I did like them. Weren’t they British? Yeah, Australian.”

Great review.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? I know,  you didn’t watch the video, it’s fine!

Bro, 3OH!3 for the nostalgia, let’s gooooo.

I forgot they have that hand sign.

I DIDN’T KNOW JESS BOWEN FROM THE SUMMER SET PLAYS DRUMS FOR THEM! I was so excited to text Chooch because The Summer Set was his shit for a while and Jess was so cute with him when he met them as a kid at Warped Tour.

“She drums for everyone lol” was his response. Ugh, he’s so annoying.

Henry: “They were entertaining as they always are.”

Anyway, they’re always fun to watch but also it’s funny that our standards are so low that this stuff ever became popular, kind of you know what I’m saying? LOL.

OK let’s end here because that’s where I ended my “part 1” Instagram reel (as follows!!):

View this post on Instagram

(LOL at the 2 likes, what a shocker.)

Henry’s recap of the first half of the day: “It was not raining. It was nice.”

We left our hotel (this weird-ass Wyndham that we stay at sometimes in South Bend when we don’t feel like driving straight through to Chicago—it’s so strange, just this big maze of hallways which the child in me LOVES and has a sports bar attached to it that had a legit bar fight spilling out into the parking lot when we arrived late Friday night) around 7:30AM on Friday morning. I feel like I was in a bitchy mood because NOTHING I BROUGHT WITH ME LOOKED RIGHT ON ME, I HAVE NO CLOTHES, I’M FAT, KILL ME, ETC. Typical “Erin in the AM” behavior. Henry used that time to dutifully slip away to fetch me coffee which definitely helped.

Did I mention that Chooch came home from Philly to hang out with our cat Penelope while we were away? Well, he did. And it was much appreciated and one less thing to stress out over except now we had the added misery of him texting us his demands the whole time we were gone. “I need money. I need food. I need clothes.”

We arrived at the Riot Fest parking lot around 9ish I guess (time goes back an hour between South Bend and Chicago). It sucked that we had to go straight there since it was way too early to check into our hotel, but IT IS WHAT IT IS. It gave us an opportunity to stop somewhere for a light breakfast on the 1.1 mile (Henry kept telling me the exact distance so when I’m in a memory facility as a senior, you can ask me “how far of a walk was it to Riot Fest 2026” and I hope this isn’t something that pushes better memories out of my head. Like, I can’t remember marrying Henry but I vividly remember the entire 1.1 mile trudge to Riot Fest and back, under piss-scented train trestles and past the small church catering a full spread of Black people cook-out staples to the Riot Fest crowd, including BANANA PUDDING.)

(NO, WE NEVER STOPPED TO GET ANY BUT I WANTED TO!!! Unfortunately, by the end of Riot Fest each day, we were just on a mission to get back to the parking lot. But I do regret it now. Those people were so damn nice.)

Originally, we were going to find a cafe and just get a pastry or whatever but then we found La Catedral which we thought was a cafe at first but ended up being a full-fledged Mexican restaurant. If there is one thing I learned from one of the earlier Riot Fests we went to is that you should never write off Mexican breakfast so we leaned into it.

I’d say the place 75% full of early Riot Fest attendees like us so it just felt super alive in there. I loved it.

Henry got a horchata latte which was so good but not as good as my cup of classic hot, black Mexican coffee. IT WAS SO SATISFYING.

(LOL THIS JUST IN: When we were there that day, I said, “I like it here because it reminds me of the place we had breakfast that one time we were here for Riot Fest” and then as I was googling this place to find a website, I realized THAT IS BECAUSE IT’S THE SAME PLACE, BUT A DIFFERENT LOCATION. It’s all coming together now. This time we were at the North Lawndale location and last time, it was the Little Village one. The Little Village one was definitely more aesthetic but they both had great food!)

We both had the breakfast croissant which was essentially what you’re imagining but then add pickled jalapenos. It was so good and the perfect sized meal that didn’t feel like a brick in my stomach. I did NOT want to waltz into Douglas Park with a stomachache, thank you. I barely can tolerate PEEING in a porta john. (This is actually, for me, the only downside to Riot Fest is that there is no way around having to use porta johns and I absolutely hate that so much. Thankfully, I managed to get by with only doing it once per day and it wasn’t bad either of those times.)

And then it was time to walk the rest of the way to the park and get in line!

I’m still on a major high from this past weekend (weather issues aside, it was pretty close to perfection and super bonding for Henry and me) and have so much to share music-wise! But right now I have to leave for the Black Queen show at SideQuest! THE BLACK QUEEN TWICE IN 6 MTHS, LET’S GO.

Sunday was off to a great start until we got to the park and Riot Fest put out an update that there was a gate opening delay—2PM instead of 11AM ugh. I’ll get into those deets when I do a proper update but it was annoying since we parked 1.1 miles away and couldn’t leave and come back, so we had to take the train to…somewhere. Anywhere. To kill time.

View from the pink line.

Now it was starting to rain. AND BASICALLY IT NEVER STOPPED.

Here we are off the train and I had no idea where we were going but Henry evidently did? He was taking us to the same bar we went to the last time we were at Riot Fest when there was THE SAME DELAY – literally 11am opening moved to 2pm. This was in 2023, also day 3. Boy, we have the best luck!

But yeah, I was like, “No, we’re not going to the same place, dum dum.” So we went across the street to some bar called Vintage instead.

The girl in the shorts back there was our server, Reeve, and she was HOLDING IT DOWN. Loved her.

Henry got some IPA and I liked the glass it came in.

Me looking cooked while posing with Henry’s beer. Legit was so exhausted but having the best time somehow???

Back at Douglass Park, in line!

Arm’s Length while we could stand without sinking.

They were hanging these out for free and were really refreshing! I loved the nectarine taste.

Had to get some Dark Matter because I was dragging.

Pretty Girls Make Graves while eating vegan nachos from Meet Stop (I REALLY miss those nachos).

It was raining very steadily and my Charmera is not about that soggy life.

So, Jejune was my last Charmera snap of Riot Fest. You held in there so strong, little buddy!

About to leave our Backrooms hotel after three glorious days at Riot Fest:

OK maybe yesterday was more muddy than glorious but it was a memorable end to a really excellent weekend and Henry and I actually didn’t argue at all can you believe it?! He was so accommodating!

We had to stop at Paris Baguette on the way out for breakfast foods because that place has been fueling us in the AM everyday this weekend.

I’m sad that it’s over but also so exhausted and we have to do this again on Saturday to a lesser extent at Four Chord. Plus a show in between now and then at Sidequest so Henry is internally fuming over this – he has been dreading September for a while now but we’re almost at the finish line!

Also, last night I wanted to read a little when we got back and there was an Alanis reference after we just saw her so I was excited about that – I love when relevant things show up in the books I’m reading, like a sign!

OK signing off. Bye, Chicago!

Here is a collection of Riot Fest Day 2 Kodak snaps all up in your face. Today is the last day and I’m hoping I finally catch another Charmera user in the act!

Saturday morning arrival! I love being at Riot Fest before the masses get there later!

Henry’s first pick of the day was Aim High on the Radical Stage. “You’ll like them,” he said, reading their description on his phone with his glasses raised up like he was reading the warning label on a prescription bottle and not a pop-punk band’s bio. Anyway, they’re a local Chicago band and he was right—they were fantastic and the perfect start to another Riot day. I hope they come to Pittsburgh because I would definitely go see them again!

Excuse me sir, I heard Asana start playing from clear across the field while Henry was going into the Riot Fest General Store to get a package of Tylenol ($6 for two pills LOL that’ll teach him to leave his stash in the console of the car) and I yelled, “I’LL BE AT THE MAIN STAGE.” I figured I would just linger toward the back so Henry could find me but this band was DRAWING ME TO THEM LIKE A MOTH TO A FLAME THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE THAT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO CONFIDENTLY USE THIS PHRASE. So Henry ended up having to search for me near the front of the crowd LOL.

BUT DID I JUST IMPRINT ON THIS MAN OR WHAT.

JFC.

The Yard Act was next on the Roots Stage. Very British and high energy!

Ew.

Excuse me MELT BANANA.

PUBLIC IMAGE LTD!

SUGAR!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU BOB MOULD.

Preparing for Vana!

Vana! Also want to add that some guy not only took a picture using some old ass digital camera BUT ALSO USED HIS NINTENDO SWITCH!!!! Truly around my people.

I think this was Gogol Bordello.

Ew Part 2

This was Henry trying to take a selfie with the Charmera.

I’m pretty sure he was saying, “WHICH BUTTON DO I PUSH?” here.

I took it back and actually got a semi-decent selfie. It’s tough to figure out where to aim the Charmera!!

Waiting for Nas who was 40 minutes late and Riot Fest was supposed to end at 7PM that day per an ordinance from the City because of impending storms so most people left only to find out that Nas eventually came out and Riot Fest let him play UGH we literally left at like 6:55.

Then we went to Chinatown in a torrential downpour for night snacks. We went to a bakery and then to this tea place called….China Tea, I think. Not very original but our teas were good! I got a milk tea with boba and cheese foam and Henry got a mango latte that he put lychee chunks in because he puts that in everything no matter what and it doesn’t always work but he won’t accept that he makes poor combination choices.

P.S. This is also how I learned that Phoenix Cookies have chicken in them, WARNING TO MY FELLOW VEGHEADS OUT THERE. I chewed chicken and then cried about it so you don’t have to.

Bro, I’m in the hotel right now after day 2 officially ended and my body is like “Knock knock you old bitch, give us a fucking rest” but I have so much adrenaline! So I transferred all of my Charmera pics onto my laptop and I will now spam the Internet with poor-quality digicam pics from the first day and let me just tell you that I have been with my people for sure because I watched some lady probably around my age come up to the barricade, pull out a full size Polaroid, snap a picture with that, and then pulled out some other new trendy analog camera that I get ads for all of the time on Instagram. Then today, some guy (in his twenties) take a picture with his Nintendo Switch then pulled out some tiny digital camera and also took a picture with that.

I felt so at home!

OK, here we go.

Had breakfast at La Catedral with basically a room full of other Riot Fest early birds. It was on the way to the Douglas Park from the parking lot we had a parking pass for and we had some time to kill so we got a delicious egg and cheese croissant.

I had super good Mexican coffee and Henry had a horchata latte. This place was really good. Mexican restaurants have such good breakfasts!

“Take a picture of me with my coffee.”

Mt first picture upon entering the Riot Fest grounds! We were there in 2023 but only for one day. It felt good to be back. 2023 felt weird being at Riot Fest after taking such a long break but this time, I felt that same old exhilaration when we made it through security. LET’S GOOOOO. (Also, Riot Fest staff has some amazing staff and that always helps.)

I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT.

We were in the Riot Mall area browsing when Cardinals went on, first band of the day on the main stage. I liked them!  (I will say more words about these things when I do a true Riot Fest recap.)

Greet Death on the Radical Stage which always ends up hosting the bands that end up being my faves.

“Take a picture of me with Soul Glo in the back so that I can look at it later and hate it.”

Fleshwater was SO GOOD, SUCH MY STYLE. The singer was a Cure shirt (Wish album art).

We skipped Violet Grohl (Henry was like, “I don’t want to see that nepo baby” LOL ok since when does he have these kinds of opinions??) so we went to see Radio Free Alice instead. It was the right choice.

STOP IT. WE SAW TRICKY YESTERDAY. THAT REALL HAPPENED.

All the food lines were too long at the time we decided to eat (at the universal time for dinner so le duh it was a madhouse over there in Food Alley) but the line for Ralph’s Donuts wasn’t long at all, so donuts for dinner! (We did end up getting empanadas and yuca fries later.)

We did NOT get this donut because it was giant-sized but I had to take a picture because it was adorable. We got a bucket of horchata latte donut holes. Horchata has been the theme of the weekend. Every food vendor there was offering horchata-something and I’m here for it because horchata is great.

Henry was like, “Let’s go see deathbyromy” I wonder why but seriously, they were so good and I was like, “OK Henry you’re on a roll with these picks!” I was trying to be less militant about drilling down a festival schedule so I went into this loosely, having a few must-see bands on the list but not investigating and researching the rest like I usually do. I’m old and kind of busy now. So Henry was checking out band descriptions on his phone and he would say things, “Go to the Radical stage, you’ll like this next band” and he was ALWAYS RIGHT. Can he maybe apply this to other areas of life?!?!?

Eh, they can’t all be perfecto.

Five Riot Fest, zero rides on the ferris wheel.

What? It’s Foxy Shazam, you can’t tell?

Well, I guess that was all for Friday. This wasn’t the end of the night but pretty close. I think we still had the Pixies and (some of) Twenty One Pilots after Foxy Shazam.

(OMG I just realized I get to use my Riot Fest blog category again!!!)

There’s a restaurant right outside of Rye Playland called Tiki something or other. We decided that we would just eat there rather than inside the park where the options would be, I don’t know, pizza probably. I had pretty low expectations for this place, figured it would overpriced because you’re paying for the waterfront location, but we wanted to have a sit-down dinner.

First of all, the hostess station was giving off the MOST unwelcoming vibes. The one hostess was being so dramatic about HOW BUSY they were but it didn’t really seem THAT crowded? While we were standing there, a server scootched past us and said, “Excuse me, ladies.” Chooch and I exchanged super quick eye contact and started cracking up because he and ESPECIALLY Henry could not look LESS lady-like but OK. At least she didn’t call me sir. Then it would have been way less funny.

Anyway, we were seated at a wobbly hightop with no view of anything but the bar and a tree so we definitely weren’t paying for the water views. 

My mood was starting to plummet quickly but then the server came over and she was so upbeat and personable and was lowk flirting with Chooch I think?? She said,” I love how you rock, let’s do it!” and said she was OBSESSED with him because he ordered some watermelon mocktail that was served in a goblet. She did warn him that it was like 60 ounces or something and he did hesitate but then ultimately went for it and her reaction was more on par with someone decided to go bungee jumping or to get some weird insane joke tattoo after doing several bumps in Tijuana. 

She was like the girl version of TRUMAN if you even read my birthday road trip from LAST SUMMER like a good little bog reader than you know!

So then we were all super hyped after that. I even got a beer even though I didn’t really want one! I also only drank half of it because I didn’t really want it! 

Chooch’s goblet. It was so big in person that it inspired the middle aged man at the table next to us to lean over and ask Chooch WTF it was. 

It had sour gummies in it too and this was Chooch’s face when I told him he had to let me have one because it was still my birthday. (It was August 1st at this point LOL.)

Then Henry and Chooch spent the rest of the dinner trying to guess how much the goblet was going to be since NO PRICES were listed on the drink menu (a common complaint based on the Google reviews I would see later when I left my own mid review!). My mom even weighed in via text.  I think Chooch was the closest – he said $25 and it ended up being $30, I think, Henry’s guess was $40.

I ordered a faro salad and it was so bad, you guys. I mean, I wasn’t expecting Michelin quality at this place but it was basically a heap of wilted lettuce (kind of a bad time for lettuce to begin with so that alone should have deterred me but I still wanted a dumb salad), like 4 servings of Craisins istfg, and a thimble’s worth of faro. 

YOU CAN’T NAME YOUR SALAD AFTER AN INGREDIENT THAT IS BASICALLY AN AFTERTHOUGHT? 

And then our server became moodier and moodier as the evening went on??? She actually never came back (the runners were handling everything after she brought our drinks) and Henry had to keep flagging her down for basic asks….like, napkins.

And she was giving him a tight-lipped smile but acting super huffy?? Like, what did we do!? I thought you were obsessed with us?!?!

Meanwhile, the bussers were trying so hard to take out plates away when we were still actively eating?? Henry said they must have a plate shortage. How do you have a plate shortage at a restaurant? Chooch’s hand was literally hovering above his plate, ready to grab one of the fries that remained, and had to say, “No, actually – I’m still eating” when some girl was like CAN I TAKE YOUR PLATE.

It was crazy. 

Then some band was supposed to be playing at some point. They sound-checked and then never came back.

Meanwhile, Henry had to flag down the server for our check and then when we realized the mystery of the goblet would continue because the check only had the total on it, he had to flag her down AGAIN and ask for an itemized copy not because he wanted to find a mistake to contest but because he and Chooch needed to know who was closest to guessing the goblet price, and I swear to god she gave him the biggest bitch face ever, worse than the time we were at a restaurant and the server was saying she was having a shitty day and Henry said,” Yeah you look like it” or something?!!? And Chooch and I were like WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT and Henry was like, “I DIDN’T MEAN IT THAT WAY” but it totally made our dinner so uncomfortable because she actively hated us and did the bare minimum for us after that, who can blame her. I remember Henry asking her for a straw or something and she stopped dead in her track and dramatically spun around to go back to the kitchen to get him one and I wanted to turn myself into jelly and pool into a puddle of embarrassment under the table.

Chooch was like, “Wow, why don’t you just tell her to smile more” and then had to quickly add, “I’m just kidding, don’t actually do that!!!” because you never know with Henry. 

Anyway, back to Tiki Beach – at some point we also noticed that there was a crack in Chooch’s goblet so Henry pointed it out to the server, like, “Hey, you might want to retire this goblet after this” and she was like, “Oh wow, ok” in a tone that suggested that she did not give a single shit that this happened. (THIS WAS PART OF MY GOOGLE REVIEW – which actually wasn’t even written in my Karen persona if you can believe it.)

Sometimes I think bad meals are worth it though when they give you something to laugh about because I can definitely see this coming up in the future like “remember Chooch’s cracked goblet” or whatever. 

“In the Air Tonight” was playing at one point and I KNEW someone from the table next to us would do the air-drum so I was ready for it:

Anyway, we went back inside the park after that but I had a headache at that point and Chooch was BORED AND MORE BORED and didn’t want to wait in line for the Dragon Coaster again so all we did was walk around and ride the Old Mill again. And get ice cream!

It was just OK. The sprinkles were the kind that are sort of soft and I like them to be crunchier. THAT IS MY PERSONAL PREFERENCE also do not ever call them jimmies.

Henry out there Ron Swanson’ing that cone. 

I don’t know, it was a very pretty park but not much to do there. We were going to ride the log flume but it was inexplicably closed on a 90 degree day.

“I’M NOT WAITING IN LINE FOR THAT AGAIN” – Mr. Important.

Oh one last thing to add! When we were first walking over to the Tiki Beach restaurant, we had to pass through the courtyard and there was a large family of—I hate that this is going to come off as profiling—what seemed to be Ethiopians having a picnic and their food smelled SO FUCKING GOOD that Henry and I both simultaneously moaned some version of, “Ugh, I want to have what they’re having.” And then after eating at the Tiki place, we were even more sad that we couldn’t eat what they were eating, fuck our lives. 

So, this basically concludes my birthday trip. We left around 9pm, stayed at some semi-nearby Hampton Inn for the night, then took Chooch grocery shopping at Costco outside of Philly the next morning before dropping him off and heading back to Pittsburgh. I was so sad and he was like YOU WILL SEE ME IN A FEW WEEKS GET OVER IT. Grateful that he humored me and joined us for this quick trip at all though! He could have been like, “I have 20-year-old things to do in college, hard pass.”

Nearly a full month has gone by at this point, but remember how we went away for my birthday? Well, the final stop of the trip was the historical Rye Playland in Rye, NY. It was about an hour away from Adventureland so after stopping a gas station Firehouse Subs for a quick lunch which actually took about 30 minutes, it felt like we were standing in that place for-fucking-ever to the point where the lady manning the Tim Horton’s counter was like EXCUSE ME ARE YOU LOST. I mean, not in so many words but her FACE said it all. We were IN THE WAY as usual.

Then we made it to Rye Playland and it was weird. Like, it wants to be uppity so badly I feel like? Because it’s on the water so it’s like, “Look at how idyllic we are, now you have to pay us $20 just to park.” And I think you also need to pay for a pass to go to the beach area too.

But! At least Henry didn’t have to pay to enter the park. The ticketing process was really frustrating and disorderly. We had already paid online and it wasn’t until we finally made it to the one of the ticket windows that we realized we might have been able to bypass that and go directly to the gate BUT THERE WAS NO INSTRUCTIONS OR SIGNAGE SAYING SO.

Anyway, we got into the park and the first thing we did was head straight for the iconic DRAGON COASTER. In case you haven’t seen me mention this like 7698679 times on Instagram (OK, twice), Mariah Carey rode this in her Fantasy video!

This was the best picture Henry could get of us riding this. A real Mom on Vacation would have tried harder. Bribed the line attendant to go up the exit ramp.

I’ll tell you what–this coaster was not memorable at all, LOL. And Chooch was so annoyed because it was one of the only times all weekend that we had—gasp—stand in a line like serfs. It wasn’t a terrible wait but there was a  young couple behind us and the guy was such a know-it-all and mansplainer and was on Chooch’s last nerve. He kept saying that they had to get the front row and we actually had the chance to get it first but I wanted to sit in the back and Chooch was pissed.

“I wanted to sit in the front so he couldn’t,” he mumbled. SORRY.

Also, they do not give a SHIT about personal items here. You could fucking ride with your goddamn Stanley and they would not give you a second glance. In fact, some dumbo held up operations because he came over to the entrance, when it was almost our turn to be let into the station, to say that he thought he left his phone on the coaster. They actually looked for it for him when most parks would (rightfully) say, “Oh well, you weren’t supposed to have your phone on you anyway, so.”

They couldn’t find it and Henry heard him tell his wife that he actually thought he left it in the car so they caused a ruckus for nothing and Chooch and I were pissed. WE WERE TRYNA RIDE THE FUCKING DRAGON OK.

This is what Henry looked all day. Michael Myers Goes to an Amusement Park.

ZombieCastle was OK! I just love a dark ride in general though so my standards are usually low.

Interspersing some Charmera shots in here in an effort to avoid 6 parts to this recap.

ISN’T THIS A GREAT SHOT.

Next was the Crazy Mouse. We were in line behind three guys – probably around Chooch’s age which I’m sure was awesome for him since he was there with MOMMY – who were talking about how some little kid DIED on the other dark ride there and I was trying to get Chooch to listen because they were CONFIRMING what I had previously told him and Henry.

Then three of their friends came over and were talking to them from outside of the queue (one of them did ask me and Chooch if it was OK if he joined them and I said yes because 1. it didn’t affect us since it’s 4 to a car so it didn’t add to our wait time, and 2. HOW FUCKING POLITE, OF COURSE YOU CAN CUT SINCE YOU ASKED NICELY!!

Seriously, I love a polite youth.

Meanwhile, one of the other guys who had come over to talk to them was legit scared to ride this? They kept trying to persuade him, like, “This is a baby coaster, bro” but he held his ground. He was with a girl and I think what was really happening was that he saw this as his opportunity to go off on his own with her with the other guy had joined the group in line.

After he walked away, his friends said the same thing!

“I can’t blame him for that,” one of them said. LOL.

Chooch had to help me tear off this part of my wristband so that I too could contribute to the WATCH YOUR STEP desecration.

I have nothing to say about this – it was a wild mouse and did the things that wild mice do.

I had my Charmera with me and got to take a great shot of the Dragon Coaster from the Crazy Mouse lift hill! Also, we thought Henry was talking to another Elder while he was sitting down in a chair waiting for us but we were wrong. :( We love to see Henry make other Purse-Holder connections at amusement parks.

Oh speaking of! I actually rode this WITH my purse. The ride attendant started to hand me a bin (they use basic Tupperwear bins there as their personal item storage!) and I said, “Is it OK to just take it with me?” because it’s kind of small. She shrugged and made a, “You do you” face, so I did me.

NEXT IT WAS TIME TO RIDE THE DARK RIDE THAT SOME KID DIED ON! It’s seriously true – he was riding alone and got out of the boat for some reason and ended up getting electrocuted or something on the track. No wait I Googled because I am all about ACCURACY and learned this: in August 2005, a 7-year-old boy, climbed out of his boat in a dark tunnel on the Ye Olde Mill water ride and was fatally struck and pulled under by the mechanism. 

Anyway, now there are NO SINGLE RIDERS allowed.

There were really annoying, screechy children in line with us. That’s really my only takeaway other than that I thought the ride was cute. Chooch said it was “boring.”

Chooch being bored.

That had some of these interactive fairy tale scenes like at Dutch Wonderland!

Look how cute this courtyard area is!!

WATER!

MARIAH CAREY ROLLERBLADED HERE.

FAMILY FOTO.

When we were in line for this kiddie coaster, the ride operator was like, “Excuse me how old is she?” and the lady was like, “SHE IS 4” with her full chest, thinking this was going to be the right answer, but this man was hiding his RYE PLAYLAND LAW STICKLER vest from her because he goes, “Oh well she has the WRONG wrist band on so I cannot let her ride this. That wrist band is for KIDDIELAND ONLY and cannot be used on rides outside of that section. She will need to upgrade her wristband.”

And the lady was all, “Oh well” and turned to get out of line but turns out, she wasn’t the mom! So then the MOM was like, “OH HELL NO MY KID IS GOING TO RIDE THIS” I mean she didn’t SAY those words, but her tone carried the sentiment loud and clear.

So she goes, “Can’t you just scan my wristband and let her ride it?” and everyone in line held their breath, like NOT A PEEP was to be heard, waiting to see if he was going to BEND THE RULES for this Long Island Karen.

He said NO.

So then she was like, “Can’t I just take my wristband off and put it on her?” but then realized she wouldn’t have her own wristband anymore and he was like, “I’m not entertaining this conversation any further” and everyone went about their day.

HIGH STAKES DRAMA.

Love a law-abiding amusement park employee!

Oh so also the movie “Big” with Tom Hanks was filmed at Rye Playland! This is not the same Zoltar that was in the movie though. The original “Zoltar Speaks” machine used in the movie was a special film prop rather than an actual permanent park attraction at the time. However, because of the movie’s legacy, an official modern Zoltar machine now sits in the park. (Thanks AI overview :/)

This is the carousel that pissed Chooch off so badly because the attendant walked around slowly, making sure everyone (even the adults) had their seatbelt on and then proceeded to slowly buckle all the vacant horses. We sat there for like 10 minutes before he finally started the damn thing.

Stupid ass Henry couldn’t ride this since he refused to get a wristband so he attempted to take his own carouselfie and completely cut Chooch out of it.

This is probably the one that Chooch would prefer us to hang on the carouselfie wall though LOL.

Look, I had all the time in the world to take these pictures as we sat there rotting on unmoving horses.

OK Part 2 forthcoming.

This apparently has been an all coasters, clown, and concerts content blog this summer and I’m sure that’s annoying to some people but we have been having the best time and, KNOCK ON WOOD, but I feel like I am finally starting to be myself again. LAST NIGHT I EVEN WENT AND GOT MY HAIR HIGHLIGHTED. Do you know when the last time I went to a salon was?? It was October 2023 – two days before the Afghan family moved next door, knocking over the first domino is a series of stressful events that included Barb dying, Drew dying, Chooch going to college + insane financial aid fuck-ups that literally had me aging into a sea hag seemingly overnight.

But this summer, I have let myself have fun again and it has been nice but there’s also that scary nagging feeling in the back of my mind, warning me not to get too cozy because who even knows how long it will last.

Anyway! All of this is to say that Henry and I have been living the lives of 20-year-olds all summer and it has been so much fun (and exhausting, admittedly). Let’s talk about that while looking at pictures from our last weeknight trip to Kennywood on Monday (the final weeknight of operations for the season — HATE that summer is coming to a close!).

When I started going to therapy, we talked about how finding a new hobby could help me during this empty nest transition. My therapist said it could be a good chance for me to finally start doing the things I couldn’t do when I was being a mom. But I never stopped doing the things I liked to do just because I had a kid. I’m not saying I put myself first! But I was always of the belief that a woman could have a kid and still maintain her own identity. So, I still went to concerts. I still went out to dinner with friends. I did art (I don’t anymore, but that’s not because of mom obligations).

I couldn’t think of ANYTHING “new” that I wanted to do. Anything I had been putting off trying. And I kept getting more and more depressed. Logging off from work and moving from my work desk to the couch, night after night. Then we had a series of events to go to around February and it kind of added life back into me. Forced me to get dressed and leave the house. So then I started thinking that perhaps the key is to just plan one work night a week to go out and do something because not only does it break up the week, it gives me something to look forward to when all I do is stare at engagement letters all day long.

But the best part of that is that we have accidentally found new interests in doing so! Because if there weren’t any bands that I liked coming to town in the near future, I started going directly to venue websites and clicked around on events pages, looked up bands I hadn’t heard of and if I liked them enough, we’d add that event to the list.

Same with movies/film/theater.

If it hadn’t been for this motivation, we never would have become Glitterbox fans!

After work Kennywood dates have been part of why this summer has been so much fun, too! Look at this cutie shot of my forever favorite, Phantom’s Revenge! God I would love to have a birthday party where we just marathon the shit out of this thing. WE COULD ALL WEAR MATCHING SHIRTS. I’ll come  up with something embarrassing for all, don’t worry.

(Look at me planning a pretend party in my peabrain.)

^^THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME ON THE PHANTOM!!

This view never gets old.

(Also, as I’m writing this, I just found out that Chooch got the co-op he wanted! It’s doing something with the UPenn football team. I don’t know but he’s very stoked and it’s the only co-op he had set his sights on for this year.)

(He applied to others, of course, but this was the one he wanted.)

I have good NEIGHBORHOOD NEWS to report for once!! Domestic Abuser a/k/a Landlord’s Son moved out!!! A really nice (so far) Filipino family has since moved in and they are a breath of fresh air. The mom has spruced up the front yard and is giving the Squirrel Hating Wife of HNC some competition in the green thumb arena! They have festive string lights up on their porch and the cutest t-shirt-wearing Chow!

I overheard HNC telling the mom all of his house-related woes, like how the kitchen ceiling leaks when it rains and the landlord won’t fix this and that and she was probably thinking, “Great, thanks for telling me this NOW.”

Henry said he couldn’t remember the last time he rode the Swings!? There was a young guy named JT who was manning the ride when we went on and I liked him because he asked, “IF YOU’RE HAVING FUN CAN I GET A WEEEEE” and you better believe I WEEEEE’d my face off.

We sat here and had a cookie break. This time I didn’t play games and got a chocolate chip cookie for myself. I was in a much better mood this time around!

I made Henry ride the cars with me and I waved to all of the kids we passed. I got snubbed once but I think they felt bad so they initiated a wave the second time we passed each other. “Happy now?” Henry muttered from the BACKSEAT.

Yes, actually.

The sky was doing some adorable things on this evening. It was so pretty but it was also making me sad because it was really feeling like it was out last Kennywood trip of the season even though we will probably try to sneak in a Sunday visit here and there. There’s just something so fun about going on a work night. It’s like, what are you doing at an amusement park on a random Monday night, don’t you have adulting to do??

Actually…no.

I can’t remember the last time I stood in an actual line for Thunderbolt. It’s always like this when we go!

OMG we were in line for the Turtles with the sweetest lady who was so stoked about everything at Kennywood. When we were in line, she kept asking me, Henry, and the young couple in front of her if we rode the Thunderbolt, the Old Mill, etc. She was very adamant about finding somewhere to get popcorn too and you know what? In all the years I’ve been going to Kennywood (i.e. MY WHOLE LIFE), I don’t think I have ever gotten popcorn there and actually couldn’t help her out with that inquiry! Somehow it came up that the guy in front of her is a cook at Jergel’s and I wanted to be like, “THAT’S WHERE I GOT THE SHIRT I’M WEARING, AT KURT TRAVIS’S SOLO SHOW THERE LAST SUMMER!” and Henry was like, “Damn, we should have asked him if he was there the night we had to evacuate when they smelled gas!”

Then all 5 of us were assigned to the same Turtle which was kind of awkward and uncomfortable and everyone avoided eye contact except for the Happy Lady who was “wooo!”ing and chuckling through the whole ride, living her best life. It was really sweet.

When the best ride in the park is a walk-on….

As I’m typing this, Chooch is on the train back to Pittsburgh with one of his Drexel friends! They’re going to the Dominic Fike show tomorrow night and staying at Chooch’s friend’s house (his friend Daniel’s parents moved to California after they graduated high school and gave the house to Daniel, who lives there with some friends who are all attending Pitt. WHAT A FREAKING DEAL!! Anyway, why would you choose to stay at your parent’s house with your college friend when you could stay at a parent-less Pitt house? I get it.

(I’m making him come here for a little bit though because I have been telling Penelope he’s coming home so he needs to see her!!!)

I just hate so much how quickly this summer has flown by. I still have one more park to recap from my birthday weekend and that was three weeks ago already!! On my walk this morning, I saw kids walking to school and it made me say “UGH” out loud. It’s just never long enough, especially when fall always feels like it’s only a week long and then WINTER.

Don’t think about it, Erin.

OK that’s mean—Adventureland wasn’t THAT bad but it was really small with very little to do. I don’t know why I had been clamoring to visit this place for years, but I finally got my wish, I guess. We left the hotel in Coney Island around 9am on Saturday, August 1st and drove the 90-ish minutes to wherever this place is on Long Island. Farmington or something?

East Farmingdale! Look at me, using Google.

I don’t have much to say about this place so this will be mostly a photo dump.

Oh! We parked next to a van from some Korean church and quickly realized that there was a Korean church group there that day so that was exciting for me!

Aside from that, it was not crowded at all for a Saturday in August.

Henry was irritated because he was trying to take pictures of us riding this surprisingly aggressive kiddie coaster but OTHER MOMS WERE ENCROACHING UPON HIM because they too wanted pictures of their children lol. This was one of 3 coaster credits that the park had to offer—well, technically 4 but their newest coaster is SBNO (standing but not operating) because there was an accident in June — it got stuck and a bunch of kids were stranded for like 4 hours. Neither Chooch nor I cared much because it’s not really something that we would consider a coaster anyway and looked kind of dumb.

As a darkride enthusiast first and foremost, I was excited for this Haunted Mansion thing with suspended cars but it was kind of lame and not memorable.

Chooch had to ride by himself. I don’t think he cared, lol.

I liked this part where the track came outside but other than that, it was 1980s K-mart caliber Halloween decorations.

I already talked about this boat ride in the VACATION INJURIES recap post, but here are more pictures because I truly feel like this was the best goddamn ride in the park. It was surprisingly thrilling!

I look ugly but at least not fat.

Had to get this Adventureland beer, of which I could only drink a few sips because it was only noon and like 100 degrees, plus I had a headache because I’m pretty sure I was dehydrated and should have been drinking water and not A BEER. Henry happily finished it for me and then had to carry the empty can around the rest of the time because I needed to keep the label for my vacation journal #DORKUSMCGEE

It was really good though and I wish I could have finished it on my own!

I also had a CHURRO which I never get but felt super inspired on this day and you know what? It was a basic churro like the kind the pretzel place at Century III Mall used to sell but IT HIT THE SPOT as the elderlies say when they get a cup of pickled beets at the buffet.

I don’t know if this was a bachelorette party or what but these bitches dressed as Guy Fieri was random and funny. Not hilarious, but I smiled.

Most of them took their wigs off which was lame Commit to the bit or go home, you know? If I had been the leader of this group, the wigs would have stayed the fuck on all day.

I didn’t like this carouselfie so I made them ride it again later and Henry was in charge of the picture-taking. They were both mad at me but it was STILL MY BIRTHDAY so they weren’t at liberty to express their displeasure with me and had to communicate it to each other through intense eye movements behind my back YES I COULD FEEL IT.

I loved Chooch’s cat, lol.

I made Chooch ride the balloons and he was annoyed but was unable to say no since it was STILL MY BIRTHDAY.

Probably complaining to his friends about me. TOO BAD THEY LIKE MY INSTAGRAM POSTS and think I’M COOL.

Fireball was the third stupid credit but it was being repaired for the first 2 hours we were there AND I REFUSED TO LEAVE until we got to ride it. I was stalking the fuck out of it and kept begging Henry to ask if it was going to open but he was like I AM NOT ASKING WHILE THE MAINTENANCE MEN ARE ACTIVELY WORKING ON IT THAT’S ANNOYING TO THEM!!

Wow, OK sorry I didn’t know he was a member of the theme park maintenance union and gets their monthly GRIEVANCES newsletter.

Ew, lol.

Oh I should note that Henry had no choice but to get a wristband for this place so he rode FOUR THINGS:

• the spinny coaster
• the dark ride
• the carousel
• the train

Henry really out there living large.

We even rode the swings while waiting for Fireball to open. Some old man was riding it every time I looked over and he was riding it when we went on too! Made me think of my precious Stanley of Kennywood’s Swingshot fame.

I kept yelling at Chooch to put his dumb Carrot crocs in sports mode before the swings started but he REFUSED.

ON MY BIRTHDAY!!

He was like, “THESE SHOES ARE NOT COMING OFF MY FEET, TRUST ME.”

I was having sweaty flashbacks to the time I was a kid and my sandal flew off on the Paratroopers at Kennywood and the ride operator was screaming at me afterward and made me cry so Amy Lackzo’s mom SCREAMED BACK AT HER.

Yeah, GET HER GIRL!

I mean, ma’am.

Mrs. Laczko.

I couldn’t ride this because my head hurt so fucking bad and Henry wouldn’t get me aspirin!!! What a great fucking caretaker he is.

I was excited because of the Korean church people were on the train with us and one of them was counting down in Korean before taking a selfie with her children and it was music to my ears.

Yeah but “Adventureland” was filmed at Kennywood!!!

Also I just realized the Chaka Khan reference up there, a day after the Chaka Khan subway concert!

The way I bided my time, you guys. Normal people were like, “Oh, it’s not running right now we will go ride something else like normies” while I was lurched forward on a bench, PANTING over this fucking thing. WRINGING MY HANDS. So stressed.

Eventually, they sent a test car through, and then one of the bored ride attendants grudgingly pocketed his phone, walked down to the entrance, MOVED THE GARBAGE CAN BLOCKING THE ENTRANCE, and then walked back to the station WITH NO FANFARE.

But I saw it and yelled, “RUN!!!!” to Chooch who walked like a NORMIE, like a FUCKING GENERAL POP, while I flailed full speed to the entrance before anyone else had a chance to notice that it was open now.

AND GOOD THING TOO because as soon as Chooch and me got belted into the first car, people started pointing and jogging over. THE LINE WAS LONG BY THE TIME WE GOT OFF because the thru-put of this type of coaster is so low.

The whole time we were on this boring-ass ride, I was gloating and yelling, “FIRST!!” like anyone gave a shit when in actuality they were happy we went first, little fucking guinea pigs. Test that ride out for us, dum-dums, they were probably saying.

This was 100% not worth the wait if you’re not a thoosie but!! If you collect credits, it’s a cool one because this is the only coaster of this model in North America.

You learn something new from me all of the time, admit it. Admit that you tell your dentist and pastor and census taker these SUPER COOL facts that you collect from my blog.

(Are census takers still a thing? I tried to be one years ago and never got called back. Probably because they made us take A TEST in the library and it had math problems on it!!!)

OK, I truly think that was all that happened. We got that credit re-rode Turbulence (it was an OK coaster) and then headed out to the next and last park of the weekend birthday trip!

I bought myself a plastic 35mm camera from Lomography earlier this summer and took it for a spin on our recent trip to Coney Island—oh you didn’t know we went to Coney Island based on all of the stupid ass posts on here over the last two weeks? Must be nice!

Anyway, a ton of the pictures didn’t turn out because I legit forgot that I was using a cheap film camera and was stupidly using it at night without a flash before I realized what I was doing so I wasn’t surprised when I got a bunch of black scans back. Anyway, here are the best ones. Please do enjoy yourself and don’t slam the door too hard on your way out.

Ew why is Henry standing so worm-y!?

This was a house on the street where we ate breakfast at Milk & Honey.

I don’t recall giving Henry permission to use my camera.

This one is my favorite. This camera was definitely made for gritty city photography.

On the Wonder Wheel! Wearing my Johnnie Guilbert shirt that Chooch hates!

Bored on the tea cups.

My stupidly taking a picture of fireworks from the teacups and expecting it to turn out, LOL.

OK that’s all. This was just using the pre-loaded film that came with the camera so I’m going to play around with different / better films. I have a Mr. Negative roll sitting here that I will probably try next and ONLY shoot in daylight unless I’m inside shooting someone in the face with the flash on.

(Maybe this will be good for Riot Fest?!)

Chooch was obsessed with this bagel place that was at the bottom of the station near our hotel.

Brooklyn pigeons.

On the walk back to Coney Island.

IF YOU READ MY LAST POST, YOU KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON HERE.

On the teacups.

Obviously.

Not paying attention to us riding the teacups.

The Charmera can only do so much, you guys.

And whoa-ho-ho-ho, here’s a bonus montage of us riding rides, etc. Mostly I just saved a bunch of photos as videos to achieve this. I am getting lazier and lazier.

After our chaotic pitstop in Times Square, we came back to Luna Park in time for some sunset and night rides. We still had two coasters to knock off the list in Luna Park, and then it was time to go to the Deno’s Wonder Wheel section for the first time! If you’ve never been to Coney Island before, there are actually two separate parks that are operating there–Luna and Deno’s Wonder Wheel. Both are free to walk around, but unlike Luna Park’s ride-all-day wristband, Deno operates on a pay-per-ride system, or you can buy credits to put on a card. That’s what we did and got just enough to make sure we could do all of the coasters.

But first, we had to ride this absolute piece of shit coaster called Thunderbolt at Luna Park.

Henry failed to take pictures of us even though he was STANDING RIGHT THERE as our car came out of the station and I was making the universal “CLICK CLICK MOTHERFUCKER” motion with my hands and fingers but he just continued to stand there blankly, holding my pink purse. FAILURE.

Anyway, some things to note about this experience:

• there was a full-ass extended family standing in a clump, with a discarded baby in a stroller blocking the entrance to the coaster. It was so weird! I was like, “Am I going to have to push this baby out of the way?” but we were able to just squeeze past, garnering nary a glance from even ONE member of the family. HELLO, YOUR BABY IS GOING TO GET STOLEN.
• I like that some of the rides here have a little “coat check” window type thing where I person sits there and you hand them your personal items in exchange for a number on an elastic wrist band. I mean, I assume this person works at Luna Park and you’re not just handing your phones and wallets to a stranger, willy nilly.
• Some kid was lost and an employee was walking him back through the queue line, BARELY calling out, “Is this your kid?” to everyone — he was probably the older brother of the discarded baby!!!
• Chooch and I didn’t get to ride together because we volunteered when they were looking for two extra riders to fill up the empty seats in the car that was about to be sent. I felt rushed because of this and as soon as I sat down, I SLAMMED my elbows down hard on the restraints. Just some pre-gaming for the pain that was to come!
• Literally, this ride was so terrible. The profiling of that track made no sense to me and it was jacking up my spinal integrity at every turn. I just yelled, “OW” and “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST” through the whole thing. Fuck this coaster forever. It looks so cool but it is the DEVIL’S SPAWN.

Lastly, we had to ride the Steeplechase ride. There were these two girls fucking CRYING behind us because they wanted to cut the line but their mom wouldn’t let them because Chooch and I had gone all the way to the actual entrance like you’re supposed to, even though there was no line, so their mom made them wait until we got to the front of the line before letting them dip under the railing. So they were like WE WANTED TO SIT IN THE FRONT AND NOW WE CAN’T.

In hindsight, and actually if we’re being honest, immediately after it happened, I hate myself so much for what I did, but I turned to them and asked, “Do you want the front? If so, you can have it” because Chooch and I always take the back anyway. But their little bitchy reaction was SO FUCKING ENRAGING that we should have just taken the fucking front row anyway because they didn’t even THANK US. Dumb fucking little bitch kids!!!!

Chooch was SO PISSED OFF AT ME, too. I was pissed off at myself too!! Why did I do that!?! I should have made them SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES.

The ops were so slow even though they were running two trains and Chooch was still mad at me and my hair was a fucking rat’s nest.

Then it was Wonder Wheel time! You have to pay for this separately and Henry actually bought himself a ticket too. The only thing he rode at Coney Island!!

I was so sad that we didn’t get even a torn off portion of the ticket because you know me and my journaling habits.

The line was really long but then some Wonder Wheel guy made his way through the line, calling out, “SWINGING? SWINGING?” and no one was saying anything but we were like, “YES! US! SWINGING!” and we got to completely cut the line because apparently no one wants to sit in the swinging cars. Well, we did because we’ve never been on a ferris wheel with swinging cars before!

It was a lot of fun and also legitimately scary. That was some violent rocking motion!

You can see the track of the one coaster that was actually SO GOOD—Phoenix. Just a little family suspended coaster that can sometimes be super head-bangy but this one was so smooth and legit. I loved the ride attendants too because they were so chill and had their skateboards laying in the station. They also got us super hyped to ride it too and I thought they were just psyching us out for the traumatic head-banging and lumbar bruising that was to follow. But no, it was actually so much fun and when we arrived back at the station, they were like, “DO YOU WANT TO GO AGAIN???” and we were all like, “YEAHHHHHH” and so they sent us again and when we rejoined Henry I told him they only did it because one of them said, “OMG are you wearing a Johnnie Guilbert shirt?? YOU GET TO RIDE AGAIN!” Chooch knew I was going to say this and didn’t support it.

Henry actually looked like he was about to believe it though!

The world’s largest!!

I loved this iconic dark ride! But first, when we were in line, some man in front of us picked something up off the ground and then asked me, “Did you drop this?” It was a $100 bill! I said, “Nooooo!” in a tone that was better reserved for someone holding a discarded syringe for some reason!? Like he was holding an envelope of anthrax??

Chooch was like, “WHY DID YOU SAY NO?”

Because it wasn’t mine!!!! I don’t want that bad karma hanging over my head on a weekend we’re going to be putting our lives in the hands of hopefully competent amusement park maintenance crews and ride operators!!

If I had lied and said yes, I would not have been able to sleep that night.

Although I could have put that toward my salon budget. JFC MY HAIR. This summer has bruised and abused it but don’t worry I’m finally getting it done this week. These pictures were the fire I needed under my ass.

LOL, this was SO AWKWARD. We only got on it because NO ONE ELSE WAS IN LINE. But as soon as we usurped the two front seats, suddenly EVERY PARENT IN THE BOROUGH was in line with their children, so many that they had to wait for the next train and it felt like everyone was GLARING at the two adults who took up two perfectly good seats meant for children. I was actually so embarrassed because the train just sat there forever, with more and more parents and children entering the line, it was just growing longer and longer and I was desperate for it to just START already so they could all stop staring.

Meanwhile, there was a Michael Jackson impersonator working double duty as a Tilt-a-Whirl operator. Chooch spotted him while our muscles were atrophying  from sitting in wait for so long on the Sea Serpent coaster so we decided that riding teh Tilt-a-Whirl after this was a must.

But first, we had to go and look at our Sea Serpent pictures at the kiosk and it just so happened that the lady who was behind me with her kid also were looking at the pictures and I was like OMG, OH SHIT because I was in EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEIR PHOTOS.

LOOKING LIKE A FUCKING CREEP.

Like the neighborhood hoarder recluse who comes out once a year to ride things meant for small children.

That was me. In every picture. Smiling like a deranged woman looking for a child to steal for tomorrow’s stew.

Chooch was like, “HOLY SHIT YOU RUINED EVERY ONE OF THOSE PHOTOS!” and the funniest thing is that SHE STILL BOUGHT ONE.

Actually, I’m kind of glad that I gave the most hideous photobomb of my life at this moment because she was encouraging her small kid to SCREAM AS LOUD AS YOU CAN even though the kid didn’t want to, so then finally the kid was like, OK HERE SHE BLOWS and by that I mean she was referencing the fact that she was seemingly to BLOW MY HEAD OFF with the force of her shrill AF shrieks. It was like military-grade auditory weaponry. I had an instant headache after that. Worse even than ANY kpop concert screaming I’ve endured.

We left the bubble of both parks to stroll the boardwalk for a bit (actually it was to walk down to the separate carousel that was included in our Luna Park wristbands BUT IT WAS CLOSED!!!) and we saw this totally random and exotic animal chilling with its person. I have no idea what this is—COMMENT DOWN BELOW IF YOU KNOW. (lol, comment farming)

This was supposed to be Milano cookie gelato and it was gross. Chooch ended up taking most of it off my hands (after making Henry use a spoon to scrape off the layers I touched. I AM HIS MOM AND THIS IS SO OFFENSIVE TO ME).

Not pictured because Grampa Henry wandered off somewhere with my purse and phone but Chocoh and I rode the Tickler again and some kid cut us!!! It was the only time all weekend that we experienced cutting. He was probably 9 or 10, and riding alone which was even more irritating because it meant he was going to take an entire 4-seat car to himself.

While we were in line, the fireworks started so I was trying to use that distraction as a way to edge past him and reclaim our rightful spots in line, but there was a group of Korean girls in front of him who were super engrossed in the taking pictures of the fireworks (WHICH I COULDN’T DO BECAUSE HENRY HAD MY PHONE) so they weren’t moving up in line and we had no room to try and squeeze past the cutter.

Long story short, he made it all the way to the station without us being able to cut him back. Chooch was cracking up because we were being so ridiculous and passive aggressive, playing petty mind games with a child. But you guys, why am I such a softie these days—when it was his turn, the ride attendant (A SUPER CUTE YOUNG KOREAN GUY) was like, “You’re back!” and the kid totally lit up and nodded. When he was sitting in the car getting ready to go, he looked so stoked and excited and then I looked at Chooch and said, “OK, now I feel bad. This kid clearly wants to ride this way more than we do. Ugh.”

OMG this cute little girl (and you know she was charming if I am saying that!!) was in front of us in line and kept telling her mom she wanted to ask someone if she could sit with them because she was riding by herself and kept eyeing us up but her mom was like, “Just chill.” I wanted to tell her she could sit with us in a car-thingie but didn’t for some reason, I guess I used my daily allotment of “being a good person” on those two spoiled bitches on the Steeplechase and didn’t want to get burned again!

But it worked out that she and some random guy who was also a single rider needed somewhere to sit so the ride attendant brought them over to us! I asked the girl if she wanted to sit in the front and she said YES with actual excitement so I sat in the back with the random guy. It was so adorable because she was chatting away with Chooch like they were old buds and he was pointing out that Xenobia flippy ride and told her that he rode that and she was like WOW.

Props to her for riding this alone though because it flips you upside down pretty aggressively!

We were over Henry by this point. Also, we were riding random shit at Luna Park to get the most out of our wristband before midnight.

I didn’t want the night to be over so I kept stalling and saying, “Let’s just do one more lap so I can take a few more pictures, guys…”

There’s nothing like carnival lights on a summer night by the ocean. It just instantly improves my mood.

OK. I’ll wrap up this portion of my birthday trip. Goodbye, Luna Park.

(SIKE! I have a photo dump of Charmera pics coming up next.)