“Didn’t you just see them?” Chooch replied when I texted him from the City Winery last Thursday evening, as we waited for the Cold concert to start. Um yes, we did “just” see them back in the spring BUT this was a special, intimate tour in collaboration with the City Winery, and Cold was bringing SIERRA SWAN with them.

SIERRA SWAN!!!

As someone who was big into Cold during their earlier years, I was always sad to never get to see her perform any of the songs on 13 Ways to Bleed on Stage in real life. So when this tour was announced, I tagged my pal Shawn – we were little Cold groupies back in the day! – and he said that not only were he and his wife Jess down for this, but also his brother Dave and his wife Stephanie! I reserved a table for us POST HASTE. I was so excited to get to see Cold again with Shawn – the last time was probably in 2001 (!!!!) and for all of us to get to experience this together as “big” adults.

I did just see them last spring and did my whole emo “blood on the blog” thing after that concert so I will try to keep this short and sweet, but good Lord was it ever a magical night.

I sent this to Chooch, whose response was, “Wow he’s almost smiling.”

The opening band was Edisun and it turns out that not only did I see them open for Cold way back in 2010 (I went with Alisha, when she was still living in Pgh), but so did Shawn’s brother, Dave! Dave was also at the one they did with Evanescence, and so were Henry and me! So crazy, because I think prior to this I had only met Shawn’s brother once and it was forever ago when he was still a kid and I went to Shawn’s house for some reason?! Anyway, Edisun was really great but I felt weird because I was trying to take surreptitious bites of my kale salad (it was such a great salad!!). I’m sorry but it will never be normal for me to eat during a concert!? It’s weird enough having to sit during one. (This one was 100% a seated event.)

Plus, we were only one table back from the stage! The first row of tables were a tiny bit more $$ but honestly, they were TOO CLOSE and I would have felt so weird sitting down and eating that close to Scooter Ward, even though I was done with my (SUPER DELECTABLE*) kale salad by the time they came on.

*I cannot stress this enough – it had a spicy sunflower dressing! It was so good that it was a topic of conversation the next day when I had my check-in with my dietician!

They opened with “Ugly,” prompting the tears to fall from my eyes with no preamble or solicitation. Just a quiet and salty face waterfall. Nothing to see here.

Someone posted it on YouTube! Oh, please watch this.

The whole set was so beautiful and very “Storytellers”ish – even moreso than the last one which was where they played A Different Kind of Pain and 13 Ways to Bleed on Stage in their entirety. The best part though was that it was all different stories that Scooter told this time so it felt fresh and extra special. Scooter is so funny and interesting, and when he tells a story, I hang off of every word. I EVEN HEARD HENRY LAUGHING A FEW TIMES BEHIND ME! If someone can get Henry to take a time out from watching Instagram Reels, that’s pretty major.

There was one table in the front but over to the side full of people who had quickly gotten drunk and chatty, and Henry kept mumbling, “Shut up!” under his breath. Why would you come to this super intimate show and talk?? “Everyone enjoys concerts their own way” – OK, cool, but how are you enjoying it when you’re talking over the band and creating annoying background chatter for everyone else? Call me a Concert Karen if you want, but seriously. Go sit at the bar.

Sorry, this is a screenshot from the one lone video I took all night, but this is THE SIERRA SWAN.

Setlist: (There wasn’t one on Setlist.fm for the Pgh show but I’m confident the Philly setlist is the same)

1. Ugly
2. A Different Kind of Pain
3. End of the World
4. No One
5. Another Pill
6. Suffocate
7. Superstar
8. Bleed
9. Better Human
10. Delivering the Saint
11. The One that Got Away
12. You Got Away (Sierra’s song)
13. Welcome2MyWorld
14. Quiet Now (his story on this song’s background drew tears from the eyes of nearly everyone in that room – probably not Henry – and it of course made me think of Drew and how quiet the house is without her. I am so broken)
15. Trouble Is (Sierra’s song)
16. Strip Her Down
17. Check Please
18. Gone Away

After the show, we hung back at our table and chatted a bit, letting everyone clear out. I really enjoyed our company that night, so so so much! Especially Shawn’s anti-truffle rant which caught the attention of this lady who was there alone and seated at one of the empty seats at our table. So we started chatting with her in between sets and learned she is originally from Florida and moved here with her now ex-husband. She was so nice but I regrettably forget her name because I was drinking a wine flight and I am such a light weight.

I really wanted to say hi to Scooter, after years and years and years of getting so emotional that I would legit run out of venues after losing my courage. Yes, I have two super old pictures with him from 2001 but they are awful. With Jess’s encouragement and Shawn agreeing to accompany me, I decided to try for an updated photo.

Oh you guys. I am still a mess around this lyrical genius. The way he emotes such raw and visceral pain from his entire being just makes my heart race. Even when we first got to the venue and were standing in line to get our tickets scanned, Scooter walked over to the front of the line and my heart was beating so hard that it drowned out everything else in that room. “He needs to leave before we get up there or I’m not going to be able to do this!” I cried to Henry, imagining myself fumbling my phone when trying to show our tickets, dropping it on his foot, bursting into tears and running out of the City Winery.

Typical Erin moves.

Thank god Shawn and Dave took the lead with this one and made it super casual and normal while I was standing there blubbering on about the time Scooter gave me a Starburst in 2001 in Hershey.

“I still like Starbursts,” Scooter said in his cool and quiet way, and you know I have been holding that soundbyte inside the deepest pocket of my brain reserved for all the special shit. Like:

• my Pappap saying “doopah” instead of butt when warning me not to sit on the cold porch floor.
• G-Dragon saying, “I have something to tell you,” in Newark regarding THE BIGBANG REUNION.
• Baby Chooch saying, “You…motherFUCKER!” apropos of nothing.

I’m not saying this in a sexual / lusty kind of way at all, but Scooter had his hand on my lower back and adjusted it several times and I literally thought I was going to die just because he was touching me (NOT IN A STARSTRUCK WAY BUT IN A “THIS MAN’S MUSIC HAS GOTTEN ME THROUGH SOME SHIT AND NOW HIS  HAND IS ON MY BACK” KIND OF WAY I DUNNO I CAN’T EXPLAIN IT BUT SOMEDAY MY FRIEND ALYSON MIGHT READ THIS AND I KNOW SHE WILL GET IT).

“I know,” Henry said in a soothing manner when I cried, “AND I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE WHEN HIS HAND WAS ON MY BACK, HENRY!” on the way to the car afterward.

Scooter also liked Shawn’s moustache!

Yep, you know this signed poster has already been framed. Just gotta find a good spot for it!

Oh! Henry came back to the table with this special edition Cold wine bottle after going to the bathroom in between sets! However, when he was buying it he apparently struck up a convo with the opening back, Edisun, and after the show when we were waiting to see Scooter, one of the guys from Edisun walked by, PATTED HENRY’S SHOULDER AND SAID, “WHAT’S UP, BUD.”

Ew, the gloating smirk I got from Henry after that. Sickening!

LOL it’s OK. He bought me the signed version of the wine bottle so he earned that little moment in the spotlight, I guess. This is me being a grown-up. (Don’t worry, it won’t last long.)

What an absolute banger of a night that I will never forget.

OH! P.S.! The drunk lady that fell at the last Cold show at Craft House was there, and she was actually talking to Scooter right before us. She turned around and, in the true sense of the word, HOLLERED something to her husband, causing Shawn to recoil and say, “Oh my!”

Thankfully, she was sat at a table nowhere near ours. Yikes.

I started collecting magnets from all of our road trips years ago, mostly amusement park magnets adorn our fridge. I’m still a little kid about shit like this (although as a kid, I collected SPOONS from everywhere I went at the suggestion of my Grandma Kelly ❤️ and then my mom THREW THEM ALL AWAY) and I get super tunnel vision about this every time we go away. “I CAN’T LEAVE WITHOUT A MAGNET!” I’ll cry in the key of Sally Struthers Starving Kids Commercial.

I was going hog wild in Romania (even remembered to grab one in London since I wasn’t collecting magnets yet when I was last there) and as I was giddily sorting through them the other day, I realized that I FORGOT TO GET ONE IN BRAȘOV!!!

And we were there for two nights, too!! I vaguely remember saying, “no! I’m not getting a magnet from the first place I walk into. I will shop around” because I always impulse buy the first one I see only to find better ones later in other stores. Ugh. I can’t believe this oversight! Granted, I did get sick while we were in Brașov so that definitely impeded upon my desire to shop but still. I can’t believe this.

Does it count if you buy a magnet online?? I mean, I was truly in Brașov but is that cheating? What if I never make it back to get an authentic one? Only I would have restless nights over a magnet (OR LACK OF ONE).

Anyway, here are my new magnets for the collection:

WHAT SHOULD I DO?? Buy the one I found on eBay? Make my own out of one of the pictures I took while there? Maybe that’s the way to go. Calm down, Erin. No one cares.

25 years ago last week (missed the exact anniversary, I’m a failure) I went to Canberra, Australia alone to make my dream of seeing the Cure come true. You can’t ever say I’m not a go-getter.

It’s kind of eerie/cool but there were numerous Cure “Easter eggs” around Romania while we were there, like that poster I kept seeinglike that poster I kept seeing, another poster for a concert next summer that they’re headlining with 21 Pilots, and hearing The Last Day of Summer at a bookstore in Bucharest and that is actually one of the songs on the album that the Cure was touring in support of when I saw them in 2000. Such strange and delightful kismet!

OH AND THIS TRANSYLVANIA TCHOTCHKE I HAD TO BUY BC IT LOOKS CURIOUSLY LIKE ROBERT SMITH:

Henry recently digitized my old 8mm tape from that trip and it was my first time rewatching this in probably 20 years. The cringe session was intense. I know I’m going to regret this but here’s the clip of the actual meeting. Ugh I hate myself so much. The way Robert side eyes me and says “we just spent 6 weeks there…” when some radio person tells him I came from America to see them.

Henry just kept saying, “you were just a kid, it’s ok” instead of what I wanted to hear which was, “No! You were great! Look how…not frumpy and awkward you’re being! You made a…great impression! So much…personality! Robert probably still remembers this moment fondly and didn’t even notice the glaze of anxiety on your chubby face.”

Instead, when I said, “Oh…I was going to put this on Instagram but didn’t remember it being this cringy” Henry goes, “yeah I was gonna say, when I was pulling this off the camera I thought, ‘oh she will never want anyone to see this.”

WOW OK SUPPORTIVE.

I still have never properly written about this experience, just little pieces. Maybe Someday.

(THAT’S A CURE SONG BTW.)

Also, here’s a recording of when I was on a radio station in Canberra trying to weasel my way in to meet the Cure lol. It worked!

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Nobody asked. Nobody cares. But I even more happy with the progression of the dresser project! Way back in 2016 when THE GILLCREST TRAUMA was happening, I adopted one of my absolute favorite paintings from my grandma’s clown room. Sadly, it has lived in our attic closet since then because I just didn’t have a good spot for it. But when the dresser shit began, I knew that it had to go on the wall above which has always been bare because our old dressers that we had against that wall ALWAYS HAD CRAP PILED ON TOP OF THEM and it wasn’t very conducive to thoughts of, “Hey, what should I hang above these boxes of lightbulbs, wadded up t-shirts, and random tools that Henry refuses to put away?”

Yesterday, I started hounding Henry as soon as he came home from work and finally he hung it for me! As well as the neon cross that I also bought specifically as a dresser vibe-enhancer lol.

Oh imaginary friendos, I am so enchanted by this development. The best part is that our bedroom glows red now and from the street it looks like either a bordello or the scene of an exorcism.

The view from the other painting I inherited from Gillcrest <3.

Ciao for now!

Kurt Travis time!

On the way there, I had made some outlandish statement about how I’d be fine “just sitting at the bar” during this show since I’m so far-removed from this scene now, etc. But then as Kurt and his band (Zac Garron was there as his guitarist!! Love him) were about to start, I said, “Byeeee!” to Henry and ran out to the floor, getting a cozy spot at the side of the stage. It’s a pull, you guys. Like magnets. I can’t fight it.

Dude, what can I say that I haven’t already said a thousand times over the years about Kurt Travis? This show really brought me back, man. He is so incredible! He could go on a “Kurt Travis Sings the Alphabet Song” tour and I would be waiting for the presale.

We had a good 30 minutes to wait before it was Anthony Green time so we people-watched and I guess chatted, what do Henry and I even chat about. He wasn’t even sitting next to me at our table, but catty-corner!

“Do you think Anthony’s going to be chaotic?” I asked Henry, trying to make CONVERSATION.

Henry just gave me the “now THAT’S a stupid question” smirk in response.

Then it was Anthony Green time! Dang, I am so so so far-removed from this scene but it still felt like no time had passed since I last saw him. I think it’s been quite a while since I last saw Circa Survive, but I’ve seen him with Saosin, LS Dunes, the Sounds of Animals Fighting, and solo myriad times in the last decade at least. I’m fairly positive that every time we’ve gone to Riot Fest, he’s been there in some capacity. (The last time we went in 2023, LS Dunes and Thursday were both there!)

I know I’ve written about it a million times on here, but Circa Survive SPECIFICALLY was such a big part of my life. Juturna got me through my pregnancy to the point where I wouldn’t be surprised if Chooch was partially triggered by the opening notes of any song on that album.

And the first time we saw Circa was the summer of 2005 at the Grog Shop in Cleveland, which was my first time there, actually! And I patiently stood outside that night with a bunch of fanboys, literally the only girl  there, waiting for my chance to tell Anthony how much he means to me and could he please sign my CD. I was wearing my mom’s old Jacki Sorenson aerobics shirt from 1984 – that is the ONE THING that is seared into my mind.

That, and the guy I was standing with telling me that Anthony literally stopped him from killing himself. He had told the guy to reach out to him if he needed to, and he took him up on that and Anthony talked him down. I will never ever forget that. Anthony has always been a genuine person, through all of his own demons and struggles he has always cared about the people who love his music and that comes across so strong at all of his shows. No matter which band he’s with.

So, hearing him sing his solo work on top of some Saosin and Circa that night was so cathartic. It definitely put me in a weird headspace, but overall, it was healing. A merging of my past and present, in a way – a reminder that I can still hold on to pieces, the healthy parts, of my old self without it stunting my personal growth. Does that make sense? Because it made me realize how far I’ve come since those old days of seeing Circa at the Grog Shop, Warped Tour, Mr. Smalls — still loving music with my whole stupid heart but also being so much more stable now. And it’s nice to be able to go into it without feeling SICK TO MY STOMACH like I would get back then, that hyper-nausea of preparing to see a band that made me feel like I had just cut my wrists because I loved them on such a psycho-emotional level. Now, I can just chill out with Henry and enjoy it for what it is, feeling the feelings without it crippling me.

I don’t know what started this exploration of my past (oh yeah, therapy lol) but it feels like it’s doing good things for me.

Then this happened and FML honestly lol:

IT’S A SURPRISE YOU HAVEN’T CAUGHT ON YET IT’S NOTHING PERSONAL YOU’RE AN EMBARRASSMENT.

Ugh, I used to cry and sing that part out loud while walking in the cemetery in 2005.

We lingered a bit after the show because I was hemming and hawing about getting Kurt to sign  the vinyl I bought, and also because we were 99.9% percent certain that one of our Sugar Spell Scoops friends was in attendance and we wanted to say hello to him.

Yo, why am I such a baby when faced when speaking to bands?? Literally Kurt was standing there totally unbothered and I was still so weird about asking him for a minute of his time?? I walked up  to him, holding the vinyl against my chest like a 1950s school girl clutching onto her poety notebook with dear life, and asked, “Hi, will you sign this?” in SUCH A FAKE BABY VOICE WHAT IS MY ISSUE.

He was happy to do so and while that was happening, I said, “I saw you in Pittsburgh 10 years ago exactly playing a house show at some kid’s house. You thought you were the oldest person there, but nope! It was me.”

I feel like HE REALLY LOOKED AT ME at this point, maybe trying to remember, and whether he did or not, who cares because he said, “Damn, if that was 10 years ago, then I’m even OLDER now! And look at us both, we’re still out here!”

I loved that sentiment because, yeah really! Look at us! In our mid-40s and out late on a Tuesday night for the sake of amazing music.

Kurt then gave me an abbreviated version of what he’s been up to personally, including buying a house in N.California with his girlfriend and dog. “It has 4 acres!” he said, and I was genuinely so happy for him, for getting himself to a good, safe and happy place. For still making music.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop making music,” he said after I told him I’m so glad that he’s still out there doing his thing. It was just a really good and super real moment. I already love his music so much, but this really added a special sheen to that.

We ended the night by chatting with our Sugar Spell friend (Mychael – I hate myself if that is spelled wrong) at the bar about the future of Pittsburgh vegan ice cream (please come back soon Sugar Spell!) and I was laughing because we all recognized each other earlier in the night but, seeing each other out of context of an ice cream shop and out in the wild really threw us all off. He said he had texted Amanda at one point like, “I really think it’s them!”

Anyway, he was at the bar with Zac Garron! I guess they are friends! I didn’t want to be a creep and ask, lol.

I didn’t talk to Zac because he was mid-convo with another couple but what a small world.

Yeah, so that was a super action-packed night! I felt like my social battery was crazy-depleted as we walked through the parking lot but it was so worth it, even getting home way past my bedtime and being embarrassingly hung over the next day – AND I HAD A VIDEO CALL. Oh well.

_____________________

On the way home, I was musing about the night. “I can’t believe I’m at the age where musicians I have loved for years are now talking to me about how much acreage they have.”

Sigh.

OK OK OK this was such a fantastic night and probably I’m blowing this up in my head but I feel like so much happened that night that I am preemptively tired just thinking about recapping it so I’m splitting it up into two parts. Because it’s my blog, and that’s just what we’re going to do, OK.

When Henry told me a few mths ago that this show was happening, I wavered on getting tickets for some reason – complacency, laziness, etc. But then I got into Kurt Travis SO HARD again recently and I was like, “OK sold. Lessgo.”

I was so stoked all day at work about this and my pal Lyda from our Seattle office let me go off on Teams about my history with all three singers – Anthony Green, Kurt Travis, and Geoff Rickly. It was so much fun sharing music with her while also getting to retell some of my favorite stories, like the time I dragged Janna, who could give a shit about the bands I like lol, to some frat kids’ basement in Oakland for a Kurt Travis house show 10 years ago!

Anyway, the show as at Jergel’s in Warrendale, and at first I was annoyed that it was a bit of a drive outside of Pittsburgh when I should have just been grateful that this didn’t require us to leave the state as EVERY KPOP CONCERT does.

This is what I was wearing. Ignore my old-ass fugly face.

Idiot Henry.

We arrived a good hour or so before the show started so we had plenty of time to grab a table, get some drinks, and order food. I had a really good wheat beer from Troegs and Henry had who cares. Our food was mid, but our server was an actual delight – so attentive and friendly without being overhearing and her smile never seemed fake – EVEN AROUND HENRY. It was just good vibes.

Meanwhile, Henry had checked out all of the merch booths on his way to the bathroom and reported that not only was Geoff Rickly’s book available at his merch table—it’s been on my TBR list for a few years—but Geoff himself was up there selling his merch.

“Go talk to him,” Henry urged.

“And say what?” I sighed. “‘Your sweat got on me when I saw you play at Smiling Moose with United Nations and it was one of the greatest concert moments of my life’?” And then, “DO YOU REMEMBER THAT??”

“Yes, Erin,” Henry said. “How could I forget.”

Then I joked that I could ask him if he’s still friends with Robert Smith (Henry rolled his eyes) because FUN FACT/STORY TIME:

The first time I saw Geoff’s band Thursday was in 2004 at Coachella. Yes, back when Coachella was only moderately despicable and schmoozy. Influencers didn’t exist yet, after all. I really liked Thursday a lot back then so it was a bonus that they were going to be there, as we were there FIRST AND FOREMOST to see The Cure.

Henry was much less open-minded about 99% of the bands I enjoyed back in the 2000s and I remember he was very “……….” about Thursday so he does not remember this AT ALL but it was like 113 degrees that weekend in the desert if I remember correctly, and Geoff ended up passing out on stage. I was so scared and screamed when it happened! Clearly he ended up being OK but that always stands out in my mind.

Anyway, they were playing on the same stage that The Cure would be headlining on later on that weekend.

That summer, The Cure put together something called the Curiosa festival and toured around the US with it. Thursday was one of the bands they brought with them and when we went to the Cleveland stop, I’ll never forget Robert Smith telling the crowd that he loved Thursday so much when he saw them at Coachella and had become friends with Geoff, and personally invited them onto the Curiosa festival.

It was something that really stuck with me, all these years later. It was such a heartwarming moment because at the time, Thursday was still an up-and-coming band and to be taken under the wing by the actual Robert Smith? What a dream!

Anyway! Geoff went on first that night. Just him and his guitar.

He told us so many great stories, starting with that when Anthony told him about this tour, he thought Anthony meant that this was just a solo singer thing, so he was kind of surprised when he showed up alone and saw that Kurt and Anthony brought their bands with them. Just his deliver made this so funny YOU HAD TO BE THERE OK.

More Geoff anecdotes:

• He said when he was asked if he wanted to go on tour with “the singer from Dance Gavin Dance,” he hesitated and asked, “That depends….which one?” and everyone in the crowd laughed so hard. IYKYK! And when he found out that it was Kurt, he said, “Fuck yeah, best one!”
• Geoff said that while he is now clean, he used to NOT be and told us about how one time years ago when he was on tour with Anthony Green, he was so drunk at the airport that he couldn’t scan his boarding pass so the staff at the gate said that they wouldn’t be able to allow him on the flight, so Anthony stepped in and said, “It’s ok. I’m his dad.” And they let him on the plane. This even made Henry laugh – Anthony and Geoff are around the same age. WHY was this so funny to me?? I was thinking about it the next morning and laughing all over again!

Also, Geoff not only resembles Wendy’s husband (mostly just from afar because I have bad eyes) but their laughs sound nearly identical!

His set was phenomenal and already I was patting myself on the back for not skipping this show just because it was on a school night.

While Kurt’s band was setting up, I went over to buy Geoff’s book “Someone Who Isn’t Me.” While I was standing in line, I was watching the people before me showing him their Thursday tattoos and otherwise proving the longevity of their fandom by having him sign old concert tickets and setlists. I’ve always just been a more casual fan (although I was PISSED at the last Riot Fest we attended in 2023 because the gates didn’t open until late due to rain so as we were waiting to get in, Thursday started their set and we had to be content with just hearing it from a Chicago sidewalk, le sigh) so I wasn’t sure what, if anything, I was going to say when it was my turn.

I started by shyly asking if he had any books left and then after he retrieved a stack from a bag, I proceeded to ask—still in my shy voice—if he would sign it for me.

As he was signing, I said, COMPLETELY OFF THE CUFF I WAS SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR NOT LETTING MY SOCIAL IDIOCY TAMPER WITH MY WORDS, “I love your music, but I could listen to you talk all day. Your stories are so great.”

“Thanks!” he said. “Then hopefully you’ll like the book, too.”

And then something dumb came over me, and I stage-whispered (CHOOCH HATES WHEN I DO THIS BECAUSE I HOLD MY HAND UP TO THE SIDE OF THE MOUTH AND EVERYTHING FOR THE FULL EFFECT), “Can I ask you something weird?”

Geoff, still signing my book, glanced up. “Sure!” he said, doing a great job not letting hesitancy show in his voice.

“Are you and Robert Smith still friends?!?!?” I blurted out in such a dork-alert manner that even my shadow was trying to disassociate itself from me.

He definitely seemed a little caught off guard by this question, I don’t know what he was expecting, lol. But he said, “I mean, we exchange little notes here and there.”

I then felt compelled to explain why I was asking, briefly mentioning the Coachella / Curiosa 2004 thing and maybe my hyper-awareness was making me blow this out of proportion, but he did seem to relax after learning why I was asking and TOLD ME A STORY ABOUT THE CURIOSA TOUR!

“I don’t know if you remember this, but the NY Times wrote a review about Curiosa at the time,” he started. He said that his mom had come to one of the shows and met Robert. “She was very goth then, looked very goth, too,” Geoff said. So when the NY Times was looking for a picture of Robert to use, they somehow found a picture that Robert had taken with Geoff’s mom and wrote, “Robert Smith and his wife” in the caption!

Geoff said he was like OMG and apologized to Robert who said, and here Geoff did an impeccable impersonation of Robert’s accent, “I should be so lucky, your mother is a lovely lady!”

LOVED THAT STORY SO MUCH!!!

By the time I returned to our table, I had been gone for quite a while and Henry was like *eyeball emoji*

“I was chatting with Geoff,” I shrugged in a douchey “no big deal” manner. “I asked him if he was still friends with Robert!” I squealed.

“Omg,” Henry mumbled.

This was just the first part of the evening! So memorable and heartwarming, revisiting these old days with Henry. (Who is way more accepting of all of the music, new and old FYI. I wore him down, guys.)

I promised the spirit of Drew that I would not collapse into a crippling depression today. I’m trying! I really am trying! I woke up to a nice, supportive message from Henry reminding me to think of the good memories today; I had a good, long cry in the shower; and I had therapy, so I got to have the best kind of support there is on a day like this, right? I really, truly love my therapist. She is so easy to talk to and as soon as I said, “Well, today is….” she was like OMG!!!

The weirdest part for me was that as I getting ready for therapy, I looked outside and saw that HNC was blocking the driveway. I texted him like, HI PLZ CAN U MOVE THX. When he didn’t respond right away, I started to go over there and all I could think of was that this is exactly what happened one year ago – Drew dying in front of me and me having to bang on HNC’s door for a ride to the vet. I did not want to knock on that door again today, exactly one year later.

Luckily, he came opened the door right as I was walking up his porch steps and was like, “I’M SORRY! DON’T KILL ME!”  That was actually a much-needed comedic break.

I have been dreaming of her so often lately and it breaks my heart all over again when I wake up. I don’t know if my mind has been subconsciously anticipating this dreaded anniversary or what.

Last summer, I had a Drew Beringer tribute shirt made and haven’t been able to wear it  yet. Maybe I will challenge myself to wear it one day this month in her honor. (Crying just thinking about it, but it’s OK!)

So, this is where we are. Still mourning and missing her every single day but trying to still live life which is slowly getting more manageable.  (The whole “time heals” mantra isn’t really working with this one.)

P.S. Sometimes I still barge into the house, calling out, “GUYS! I’M HOME!” only to instantly remember that it’s no longer plural. :( I freaking micro-manage Penelope’s every movement, even worse than I have always done with my cats, and she is like, “OMG I LEGIT JUST SNEEZED, I AM FINE, PLEASE STOP MONITORING ME.”

*If I had excelled at Latin, maybe I would have been able to write that title in Latin. OH WELLZORZ. At least I am good at Internet speak.

Ever since our lunch with Todd & Brittany last weekend, I have been reminiscing about my old Latin class in high school. I knew I had a picture somewhere and I found it!! This must have been from sophomore year. That’s me bottom row, second.

Some interesting facts:

• The last girl on the bottom row is my friend Liz of LAKE CHAUTAQUA FAME!!! The girl above her is Kim, who was also there that weekend! We were super close in middle school. I’m still in touch with Liz but lost touch with Kim after I left Facebook.
• If this had been a group picture from freshman year, you’d have seen sophomore-at-the-time BECKY LEE, who I played tennis with as well BUT also was the first runner-up in Survivor history! She was a really great person from what I remember and it looks like she went on to do good, meaningful work in DC. I love that for her!
• I’m still social media friends with 6 people in this picture.
• The first guy in the back row convinced me to stick the foil part of a gum wrapper in an electrical socket that same year and it made the lights blow out in our homerun. HE GOT IN TROUBLE, NOT ME. He also signed my yearbook by saying something about teaching me about the flow of electricity. If you say so, Vince. He was also one of like a million valedictorians because our graduating class was so fucking smart.
• I also was smart (not that level, but I was in advanced math and sciences, against my will) but Latin was my achilles heel. I was so good at the vocab portion, loved those quizzes, loved the history aspect of it, but I was SO BAD AT THE DECLENSIONS. Literally, I sucked so bad, like I had a learning disability. It was actually bringing my GPA down because I struggled every time we had a test. At the end of every year, there was this big exam that we were required to take in order to…get something. At first I thought it was a membership to the Junior Classical League but I found two membership cards in my name for that, so it must have been something else because I failed to achieve this in 9th and 10th grade. Finally, at the end of 11th grade, knowing I wasn’t going to be taking Latin for a fourth year (barely anyone did!), the guy in the last row, 4th over was like, “JESUS CHRIST, HERE” and let me copy off of him :) I distinctly remember this because we took the test not in our regular classroom but a room that was used for study halls and whose real purpose is not remembered by this author, but it had long rows of tables on shallow steps that went up to the back of the room. I was sitting next to him in the back row and it was easy for cheatin’.

• Our teacher, Ms. Fiore, was actually teaching us at a college level. She was REALLY INTO LATIN, YOU GUYS. She was also very serious and we had a love/hate relationship. I think I was just too much for her. I remember this one time she had told us something, I can’t even remember what it was now but apparently it was told to us in confidence, and for some reason I had let it slip to the substitute teacher we had in English that year while the regular teacher was on sabbatical. Her name was Miss Ali, she was young, also worked as staff/security at concerts at Starlake Pavilion, and hated me because she fell off a horse that year and I parodied the incident in a group video.* Surprisingly, she did not find that cute! Anyway, whatever this was that Ms. Fiore had said, I repeated to Miss Ali and it apparently set her off and she confronted Ms. Fiore about it, which prompted Ms. Fiore to give me a stern “WHAT I SAY IN THIS ROOM STAYS IN THIS ROOM” talking to, like Latin Fight Club. I feel like it had something to do with an opinion related to women’s rights.
  • *Oh you better believe I still have that video –  it was about Longfellow and themed off of The Real World. I even went around and had random people in the wild read a line from the opening of the Real World, modified to fit our English video lol #dorkalert. The part where I was mocking Miss Ali’s accident was one of the Real World “confessionals.” I had bloody gauze wrapped around my head and was crying about how I was just trying to read some Longfellow poems when my horse threw me off. Then I’m clobbering down a hallway on crutches, crying, “SOMEONE GET ME MY LONGFELLOW, I NEED TO READ LONGFELLOW.” We also had a Longfellow birthing scene with me walking in the background with a sign advertising my favorite syndicated TV show on FX, Vega$. It was very irreverant. Everyone involved got an A but I got a vindictive C even though I brainstormed the entire concept and wrote the whole fucking script AND FILMED IT AND EDITED IT, BUT COOK ON, MISS ALI, WITH YOUR SMUG VENGEANCE GRADING SCALE.
• At the end of junior year, our Latin class had a cook-out at LARGE FIELD* or whatever it’s called and I have pictures somewhere but can’t find them. I just remember I looked totally shitty and had my hair in a ponytail which was a rarity because I LOOK SHITTY IN PONYTAILS but for some reason, I really thought…
  • *OK it wasn’t called that, but it was in the “Large” area of town off of Rt 885. I typed in JEFFERSON HOSPITAL and clicked on the little map that came up because I know it’s somewhere out there but nothing was showing up so Henry came over and peered over my shoulder to inspect my detective work once he realized it involved MAPS and DIRECTIONS. “What map are you even on? Stupid Maps dot com?? Go to Google Maps.” Wow, apologies Sgt. GPS. Jesus. Google maps is much more informative but it tells me that it’s called AE REILLY MEMORIAL PARK and honey booboo that is NOT what we were calling it back then??? That doesn’t even ring the rustiest, most distant bell in my head. Oh well, I don’t care anymore. 
• Lastly, and this is the best part, I decided that for senior year, I would take Spanish because all of my friends who took Spanish LOVED it and the teacher. GUESS WHAT. MS FIORE DECIDED TO ALSO TEACH SPANISH THAT YEAR SO I FUCKING HAD HER AGAIN AND DID NOT ENJOY SPANISH ONE BIT. It was fun being a senior in a class of freshmen though and I will say that after three years of Latin, Spanish was a cool walk in a park, stopping to sniff the flowers, eating berries out of the apron that I am inexplicably wearing in this daydream scenario.

Dear Blog,

It’s me, the Obsessive One. The Finnicky Fixator. The Alice Down the Rabbit Hole. Circling back on my ELUSIVE BEER CAN mission from several weeks ago.

You might remember that Henry and I had purchased a limited edition Penn Brewery six-pack in collaboration with Kennywood and I was so stoked on it. Not only did I LOVE the can art, but the beers were actually pretty good too. I liked ALL SIX varieties which was a big deal for this Picky Peggy (sorry, once I start, I can’t stop). I had a vision of cutting and flattening the cans to make a picture frame and was super excited about this. If you know me, you know I am a hugely sentimental person, I love souvenirs, mementos, memorabilia, etc. ESPECIALLY when it involves amusement parks!

But then a week later, we met my sister and her husband at Penn Brewery and this is where a wrench was thrown in my plans. First of all, we had a shitty experience as far as the server and most of the beers went. Maybe it was the Kennywood cans that were hyping up on the other Penn Brewery flavors in my mouth, but the ones we actually got on draft on there were mid at best. The lemon shandy especially was extremely bland, like Lysol without the lemon scent.

On the table was one of those little plastic stands with their “specials” slipped inside. On the other side was an ad for the Kennywood six-pack, with a picture of it in the middle and then all of the individual cans bordering it – 4 on both sides.

You might be thinking, “But 4+4 = 8, Erin. How is that a six-pack?” THAT WAS MY QUESTION TOO, YOU GUYS. I might hate math but I didn’t suck at it in school. I held the sign close to my nose so that I could really scrutinize it and saw that there were TWO BEERS not included in the six-pack: one called a Potato Smash and the other one I couldn’t see very well but could tell that it was themed on the now-defunct dark ride, Le Cachot. And unfortunately it was the dreaded lemon shandy, LOL. I didn’t care though – I NEEDED BOTH OF THESE NOW THAT I KNEW THEY EXISTED.

Henry was going to ask out server but I stopped him because she was seriously the worst and acted like she hated us, so god forbid we ask her to do more of her job. So, he went to the bar and had an equally abysmal interaction with the bartender, who did sell him a six-pack of the Potato Smash one, but basically gaslit him into believing that the other one didn’t exist in the Kennywood can. She kept trying to push their regular brewery cans of lemon shandy on him like we were actually buying this for the beer itself.

As.

If.

I was in a spiral and kept arguing with him the entire weekend that this couldn’t be true.

“WHY WOULD THEY HAVE THAT AD ON THE TABLE WITH 8 CANS IF THERE ARE ONLY 7???” I kept crying, and Henry was like, “Jesus Lord in Heaven, beam me up. I’ve put in my time and I wish to now clock out.”

Hey, Sus – you stay out of this.

We kept checking some local distributors thinking that maybe they would have it because another bartender said something about shipping them out, etc. But we came up empty.

Not one to be deterred that easily, I decided to send the brewery a message on IG, in hopes that someone who actually knows what goes on there would be the one to respond. I explained my dilemma, “lay awake at night thinking of this mystery can” etc. – I gave it my all. I laid all of my neuroses on the table. I’m just a girl, on the other side of your Instagram DM, freaking the FUCK out because now I have an UNEVEN NUMBER OF BEER CANS FOR MY ART PROJECT!!!

No, I have never been diagnosed as OCD but sometimes I wonder. I also think I am on the spectrum a ‘lil bit. (Aren’t we all??)

They replied a day later and said that YES! THE KENNYWOOD LEMON SHANDY CANS ARE AT THE BREWERY! I mean, I made sure to emphasize that I needed the KENNYWOOD CANS, THE ONES WITH THE LE CACHOT ART, and their response acknowledged this. .

I sent Henry out to get it.

And they were closed.

This was a fail on his part, though!! He should have checked their hours! I will give Penn Brewery a pass on this one.

But then he went the next day and the same lady bartender from the day we were there with Amy tried AGAIN to give him the basic cans and he was like, “No the Kennywood ones” and she told him they didn’t exist! AND HE WAS LIKE OK BYE AND LEFT!? No push back!?!!?!?!?

I was livid. I sent Penn Brewery a reply and told them what happened and they read my message and never responded!!!!!!!

SO THEN I MADE JANNA MESSAGE THEM ABOUT IT AND THEY NEVER RESPONDED TO HER AT ALL.

OK, I was really hating on this place at this point and I felt actual sickness in my stomach when I would think about how now my project was going to be lopsided and forever incomplete in my heart since I KNEW that there could be an 8th design out there!!!

HOW DID THEY HAVE A PICTURE OF SOMETHING THAT DIDN’T EXIST?!!?!?

THE MATH WAS NOT MATHING!!!!!

Eventually though I told myself that I had to let it go. I have never been more frustrated over something this small and non-life altering! This stupid beer can was living rent free in my head but I’m about to be charging this squatter back rent!!

2 weeks have since gone by since Janna messaged them with no response. I had actually given up. But this morning, I opened Instagram and one of my fave local cafes posted a picture of a guy painting a mural in one of their locations. I was like, “That looks nice” and then I clicked on the artist’s Instagram and didn’t have to scroll very far before I saw THAT HE IS THE ONE WHO DESIGNED THE KENNYWOOD CANS!!!!! (In hindsight, the cans DO say his name but it is VERY TINY and I only just noticed it now!)

He has a video where he is in the brewery watching them can the Jack Rabbit Wheeeeat and it says, “Get this and 7 others at Penn Brewery!”

SEVEN.

OTHERS.

I mean, he should know, right????

So I commented on his post and told him my sob story and he said that yes, the mythical 8th can is available AT THE BREWERY.

It just so happened that we were having lunch today with Todd and Brittany in the Strip so since we were already out that way-ish, I made Henry swing by the brewery on the way home.

“I WILL GO IN MYSELF AND HANDLE THIS,” I hissed, and Henry of course was like, “Thank god.”

“Yes, we have that,” the bartender replied, no hesitation, when I explained in CLEAR ENGLISH that I was looking for the KENNYWOOD CANS of the lemon shandy.

“OMG! Can I please have a six-pack?” I giddily asked, in disbelief of how easy this was panning out to be.

He came back WITH THE PENN BREWERY CANS.

“No….” I began to say, and he cut me off to explain that this was the same lemon shandy found at Kennywood, just in the Penn Brewery cans.

So, once again, I used my CIVIL, POLITE WORDS to explain that I was looking for the CANS WITH THE KENNYWOOD ART.

“Oh, you have to buy the variety pack,” he said. “You’ll only get one can of the shandy, but it will be the Kennywood art.”

“No, that’s not one of the ones in the variety pack,” I DEMURELY and CUTESY-ly argued.

He retrieves a six-pack to prove his point and immediately says, “….oh.”

“Yeah,” I said, relishing the moment he realized that the lemon shandy WAS NOT in the variety pack.

I then argued that I was told by THE ARTIST that this can exists and that it’s available AT THE BREWERY. I was NOT leaving until he went back and checked again. Like, bro – can I just come back there? Can you just let me look? Are you just like, glancing around? Opening the junk drawer halfway? What is going on here?!?

He did go into the back again and if I’m not mistaken, he retreated with a bit of ‘tude in his stride that I did not appreciate.

But guess what you guys? HE CAME BACK AND PLACED MY HOLY GRAIL ONTO THE BAR IN FRONT OF ME.

This was like my own version of the motherfucking DaVinci Code. The trials and tribs I went through! All that was missing was a pair of sphinxes asking me a riddle.

“This was the last one,” he said, explaining that the rest of the batch was sent off to the distributors. Are you kidding me? If I start seeing these everywhere, I’m going to lose my mind. Regular people be walking into Giant Eagle and snagging a six-pack of Le-mon Cachot Shandy not knowing what those before them went through to acquire this bounty.

The worst part is that THIS BEER SUCKS!! But yo—-that can design. Can you even believe it?  It is so good! I loved Le Cachot when it was still around! Paul Haggerty, you are a brilliant artist.

This was the other one that wasn’t available in the variety pack. If you have never been to Kennywood, they are famous for their Potato Patch fries.

I love that this one, named after the Thunderbolt, has a Golden Nugget ice cream on it!

RIP Log Jammer.

THIS shandy was actually really delectable.

And that’s my story about how I obtained all 8 cans and will never go back to Penn Brewery again. (Unless they do a Kpop series one day.)

Pierce the Veil – where do I even begin?? First of all, being back at Star Lake was so weird and disorienting since it was an actual concert and not Warped Tour (with Warped Tour, we’d spend most of our time in a huge section of the parking lot that was fenced off for the two main stages and very little time under the actual pavilion). I immediately went to the bathroom and of course chose a stall with a door that wouldn’t lock so I had to lean forward and hold it with an outstretched arm while I was peeing and it felt like I was going to pop my arm out of socket so that was a very Erin start to the evening. But then, after Henry paid $22!!!!!!!!! for a beer, we found our seats and settled in. Henry was happy because I specifically bought an aisle seat but then I sat in it instead of giving it to him, haha.

I’ve been getting Reddit notifications about people complaining about how shitty the crowds have been at whatever PTV date they attended, and I am relieved to say that I only saw this stuff AFTER our date so that it didn’t cause me any unnecessary stress prior to the show, and that the crowd in our section at least was very tame and maintained good concert etiquette.  Did I think the super tiny couple in front of me was annoying? You fucking bet your aunt Betty’s britches I did BUT that was just me being me, lol. They weren’t actually doing anything that I couldn’t just ignore if I needed to. I was just fixated on the fact that the boyfriend, in his MCR letterman jacket and the bizarre way of dancing, looked like he was cast as an sock hop attendee in a Happy Days episode. He and his babe were going to pop a squat at the mom and pop soda shop afterward for a motherfucking egg cream, gee whiz.

The upside was that they were both super short so I could easily just…not look at them if I didn’t want to. But Chachi kept turning around to record himself with the stage in the background.

Anyway, Daisy Grenade opened and they were fine. Upbeat girl power pop rock from NY.

Then Sleeping with Sirens came on and I even though I used to love them, I will be honest and say that I haven’t seen the best performances of theirs over the years. They still have the same singer (Kellin Quinn) but the rest of the band has changed so much that I didn’t even know NICK MARTIN was in it now! So that was a fun throw back for me. There was a time when I feel like I was seeing Nick everywhere.

It only took about 20 seconds for me  to get totally swept up in feelings though. Henry sat through the whole thing and scrolled though his phone. At one point, he was looking at the ground through his camera viewfinder??

What a total Herb.

In case one day this video is gone, here’s the caption:

A HENRY&ERIN MEMORY: Back when Henry still had me in the Proposal Waiting Room (9 years in and my number still wouldn’t be called for another 13 years unbeknownst to me) and I was at the height of my delusional Imaginary Never-Wedding planning, this song came out and I became OBSESSED with having a full choreographed contemporary “first dance” to it (I was also super into SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE back then too). I used to listen to it on repeat while walking a nearby high school track AND OPENLY WEEP because I wanted to get married so badly lol.

Last night, I looked over lovingly at Henry when Sleeping With Sirens was performing this song, and he was….sitting down & scrolling through Instagram.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin)

Anyway, turns out that SWS still has the ability to make me emotional; get it, Kellin.

And then finally – PIERCE THE VEIL! Before I get into that, I just want to say that Chooch was texting me before they came out, saying things like, “let me know if they play Fast Times at Clairemont High or Even When I’m Not With You” and “Wasn’t ‘If I’m James Dean…’ your alarm?” and I was swooning at the fact that he remembers this from…15 years ago??

F I F T E E N

Y E A R S

A G O

F M L

But wow, what an unexpected departure from the “wow” and “mm cool” responses that I usually get from him! It’s like he actually cared that I was at the PTV concert!

And then something else unexpected happened when the lights went out for PTV:

H E N R Y

S T O O D

U P

Can you even believe it?? Henry NEVER stands at concerts if there is an empty seat directly behind him! Does Henry….like PTV now? According to him, he never said he didn’t like them but I believe this to be a bald-faced lie.

BRB going to wake Henry from his nap to see if he wants to go see them again tomorrow night in Cleveland LOL.

We were pretty far back – actually it was the farthest back I have ever been for PTV; I have been “stage-hugging” close in the past but for this one, I wanted to be comfortable and I wasn’t disappointed in the seats at all – so I don’t have much to share on here media-wise. JUST THAT I FELT SO MUCH JOY. Not that I was ever “young” during my time as a PTV fan, but that night really did make me feel like I was in high school. I was already in my mid-20s when I first heard of them but it really does feel like I grew up with them. Just like, nothing else mattered but the music being played in front of us that night. It was incredible and I am so glad that I bit the bullet and got us tickets for this show, especially now that Henry has turned a new leaf and appreciates them like I always have! I called him two days later when he was on his way home from work and he legit answered by saying, “You interrupted ‘Pass the Nirvana,’ what do you want??”

You know I texted Chooch immediately and said, “Apparently your dad listens to PTV on his own time now.”

SETLIST (& no, they didn’t play the songs Chooch asked about, sadly)

El Rey / Jose Alfredo Jimenez used as their intro music

1. Death of an Executioner
2. Bulls in the Bronx
3. Pass the Nirvana
4. I’m Low on Gas and You Need a Jacket
5. I’d Rather Die Than Be Famous
6. Where Is My Mind? (Pixies cover) (Snippet which segued seamlessly into….)
7. Floral & Fading
8. Circles
9. Yeah Boy and Doll Face (FML SRSLY)
10. She Makes Dirty Words Sound Pretty (Partial) (WTAF??? I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HEAR THIS LIVE AGAIN)
11. Today I Saw the Whole World (acoustic)
12. Wonderless
13. May These Noises Startle You in Your Sleep Tonight
14. Hell Above
15. Caraphernelia
16. Emergency Contact
17. Bulletproof Love
18. Disasterology
19. Hold On Till May
20. King for a Day (with Kellin Quinn)

I guess I’ll share this one since evidently, it’s Henry’s favorite! (I love this song but hate the video, FYI.)

[Sadly, a few days before this concert, Dave Shapiro and several others from the music industry were killed in a plane crash. Vic especially seemed maudlin when the show first started, but they all seemed to feed off the energy of the crowd and pushed through. I can’t imagine how difficult and painful it has been for them to continue this tour when they are mourning the loss of such a close friend. Ugh.]

Sunday was such a glorious day! In therapy this week, I was saying that I know it might not always be healthy to do this but I can never help but compare the present to the past and this was one of the few times recently that it worked to my benefit – last Memorial Day Weekend (2024) was so bad. Chooch was in DC visiting his Mexico study abroad roommate so I was sad about that because we would typically do a family coaster roadtrip and then I remember (vividly!) having massive body image freakouts that weekend. We had planned to get some flowers for the yard and went to a nearby cemetery first where I had a major mental breakdown over how I felt inside my skin. I flipped out and said, “We need to go home NOW.” And that really set the tone for the whole weekend. I spent the whole weekend frantically searching for miracle diets, and then there was a huge storm that Sunday and our power was out all night and I was so miserable. The only good memory I have is that Bambi was still alive then. But yeah, it was such a bad “inside my head” weekend that I actually tried to block it out for a while there.

But this past weekend was the total opposite and gave me hope that maybe “life goes on” isn’t such a corny saying after all.

Most of Sunday was chill, just hanging out, reading, going for walks. But then around 4:30 we left for the Pierce the Veil concert and I was so giddy. You guys, I haven’t seen them since 2017 – a combination of many things: PTV having a sizeable gap between albums so they weren’t touring, Covid, me diving headfirst into Kpop. I actually think I only missed one of their Pgh shows during that interim though, maybe two. I almost missed this one too! I knew they were coming, I still follow them on Insta. But I saw the venue and wasn’t too inspired. (Star Lake, an outdoor pavilion that’s about 45 minutes outside of Pgh.) It’s always a disaster trying to leave there because there is only one exit so Henry was ultra-grumbly about having to go here again after such a long reprieve. I’m a passenger princess so what do I care?

We stopped at Sheetz and got an IPA to share in the parking lot since we had some time to kill and I was IN FULL ERIN FORM by then. As soon as I saw all of my fellow PTV fans, I was so stoked and felt like it was mid-2000s again. Do you have any favorite bands where you can remember exactly the first time you heard them? My Pierce the Veil origin moment is a perma part of my memories. It was 2007 and I was driving home from visiting Christina in Cincinatti. Back then, I used to make mix CDs of all of the recommended bands in Alt Press magazine. On this particular mix, I had both PTV and Dance Gavin Dance, among others. When I say I almost record-scratched the car (I think this was the Nissan Sentra era, hated that fucking lemon so much) off the highway when “Currents Convulsive” came on….and I had NO IDEA what it was either because I was driving and couldn’t look at my track list until the next time I stopped!

I just remember thinking that the singer’s voice sounded so familiar to me and it turned out that I had listened to Vic Fuente’s original band, Before Today, on PureVolume. I was so into PureVolume back in the day and it’s even how I knew of Panic! At the Disco before they even released anything other demos. Not a humble brag, just a fact! I was constantly on the prowl for new music back then (OK, that never changed lol).

The demographic of PTV fans seemed to still be sort of young. Maybe more young adult now as opposed to teenagers back when I was still regularly going to their shows. Henry even commented, “Why does it seem like I have gotten older but the fan base has stayed the same age?” LOL I mean, Henry was always old in comparison though. Even I was!

I will say, I supremely miss the scene kid era. I only saw ONE person who could have passed for a scene kid. Bring back scene kids! I feel like the music genre back then was referred to as “scene music” and now everyone just calls it emo but to me, emo is like, I dunno, midwestern sad boy rock like Appleseed Cast and Braid and Sunny Day Real Estate. Things have changed a lot when I wasn’t paying attention to American shit, I guess.

There was a merch truck in the parking lot, so I decided to grab my shirt there before we went into the venue. There were two girls behind me, probably mid-20s, and one was a kpop stan. I was going to turn around and try to make friends but she was talking waaaay too much about J-Hope and sorry but I don’t really want to deal with Army so I kept to myself. I swear though, the whole Warped Tour scene is such a natural gateway into Kpop land, I can’t explain it but it makes so much sense. It was like a natural progression for me to go from this to kpop, and I’m trying to make more room for both in my life because after this night, and my Johnnie Guilbert deep-dive, I realize now that I still have a blackened section of my heart and I have been depriving it of attention for 10 years now!

Standing in this line, in the dusty parking lot, brought back so many memories of Warped Tour. I’m tearing up all over again – those were the best days of my life. Henry and I even chatted about it a bit on the drive to Star Lake, how it was the ONE DAY a year where we did NOT argue at all. I was so blissed out for the entire day, start to finish, that it was nearly impossible to burst by bubble. I honestly can’t think of a single bad Warped-related memory, except for the time I went to Warped in Cincinatti with Christina and her sister Cynthia and MISSED CHIODOS because Cynthia was the one driving and we were at her mercy, so when she decided to stop at Walgreens for NO GOOD REASON, there was nothing we could do to stop this and I felt so out of control and anxious. Then she decided she wanted TO LEAVE EARLY so I missed PARAMORE. To this day, I still have never seen Paramore, and that would have been the era I wanted to see them the most. I don’t care too much for their mainstream radio bullshit.

But literally every Warped Tour after that was heaven for me. I loved the exhaustion, the sun burn, the music hangover, the joy of following Warped’s progression around the country all summer via social media, watching all of the YouTube content, getting obsessed with new bands. It was my Christmas in July. And Pierce the Veil was always the angel on top of the Christmas tree, every time they were a part of the lineup.

Getting inside was smooth sailing because some nice Star Lake staff member zoomed over in his golf cart to tell us that once we got our merch to NOT get in the line closest to us because it was packed in comparison to one of the other entrances behind us. He wasn’t wrong! We walked right in.

Henry bought a $22 (ughughughugh) beer to share and we found our seats where we proceeded to people watch and reminisce about old scene stuff. This season of life is so weird. I’m still trying to acclimate!

Anyway, I will end this here and save all the band talk for the next post, OMG CAN YOU STAND THE WAIT. Another OHE concert recap, how blessed are you.

I have been sitting with this one for a few days now. I listened to it when it first came out over the weekend but have REALLY listened to it more the last day or so and it has broken me. I knew that Jonghyun was somehow going to be featured on it but didn’t know the full details and hoped that it wasn’t going to be some weird, cold, tacky AI recreation of his voice.

But then I learned that this was something Jonghyun had been writing and composing for SHINee before his death. His family allowed SHINee to use it and Jonghyun’s guide vocals were incorporated into the chorus and also the bridge, which he hadn’t had a chance to write the lyrics for, so they kept his “scatting” in that part and, paired with the rest of SHINee dancing together in a circle, it just really sent me. I was crying (and still am lol) so hard that I was choking.

I think what I love the most about this song is that since it was written pre-2018, it has that nostalgic feel to it that makes me remember why I began to love Kpop so much to begin with. It’s light, airy, summery, totally SHINee-coded. I have been trying to spread the word about this because as usual, SM is doing a pisspoor job promoting it so it’s not getting the traction and attention that it deserves, especially not with the new gen Kpop fans who just haven’t learned about SHINee.

My love for SHINee is so stupid strong. I really hope that they come to the US some day!

Anyway, I have lots more fun Memorial Day weekend to recap once I stop crying over this haha.

Two weekends ago, Henry and I were having a conversation about the new Pope and I got super in my feelings about my Catholic past. I was VERY into it (not like, in culty way) and I actually enjoyed going to CCD every Sunday because to me, learning the Bible stories felt like history. It was entertaining, and also there were donuts in the basement afterward. When we got to the level of Sunday School where tests became a thing, I fucking aced them all. I’m telling you, I ate that shit up like Eve with apple juice dripping down her chin.

And even as a TEENAGER, I looked forward to going to church on Saturday evenings with my Pappap. I mean, 1. I was with my favorite person in the whole world, and 2. we would always go out to dinner afterward haha. My BFF (& Chooch’s godmother) Christy’s family also went to the same church so sometimes Christy would join us for dinner afterward and then sleep over my house and we’d completely unravel all of the church’ing by watching R RATED MOVIES OMG. My favorite was when we would go this Italian restaurant that was called ‘something di Napoli” but we all affectionally called it Naples and my Pappap of course was friends with the owner and the best servers so we got special treatment but the reason I liked it was because I had a HUGE CRUSH on one of the bus boys lol.

ANYWAY! This trip down a dirt lane in my mind’s Jerusalem resulted in me fondly telling Henry about my favorite priest at that Church – Father Salberg. He was AMAZING. He made church interesting and fun, and his sense of humor was incredible. Like a toned-down Robin Williams, if Robin Williams looked like GOD because he is totally how I pictured God to look – barrel-chested, an avuncularly booming voice, huuuuuge beard. This guy was a life-sized hug standing on the altar every week and I looked forward to Communion and then standing in line to shake his hand after mass.

I was surprised to find myself tearing up while I was telling Henry my Father Salberg mems. I started to Google him and, sadly, found his Obituary from 2018. I started to cry (???) but also was kind of shocked to see that my church wasn’t even referenced in any of the bios I found online about him. I remember vividly that he was also a priest at a state pen, and the years he did that overlapped the years he would have been a priest at my church. I think that he must have been doing both at once, and now that I realllly think about it, he may have actually just been an interim priest at my church because I do remember having other priests there and none of them came even close to matching his charisma. This actually is even more telling now that I realize he wasn’t there for more than a year or two, but still had such an impact on me. I will tell you right now, had he still been the acting priest at Nativity when my Pappap died, maybe things would have been different for me. Maybe I’d have actually had someone to talk to. Maybe I wouldn’t have found myself going down a very dark path.

When I saw that Father Salberg is buried in a cemetery about an hour outside of Pittsburgh, I wanted to go. So that is what we did on Sunday, drove to Butler and had actually a nice afternoon at a brewery (more on that later!) and then a walk through Father Salberg’s cemetery.

“This is going to be like finding a needle in a haystack,” Henry said when we got out of the car. I was just about to say that I didn’t necessarily need to find his grave, just wanted to be there, when Henry said, “Wait—-is that it??” Literally 15 seconds into our walk, Henry spotted it! We actually kept walking through because a man was tending to a nearby grave, but then on the way back he was still there, planting flowers. So, I figured I’d just snap a quick photo for my memories and right as I did so, the man’s dog started barking so then it looked like I was taking a picture of him and his dog and I mean, I typically always feel like a creep, but even more so in this moment, haha.

This man was top notch. Remembering all of this almost made me feel inspired to go back to church but I don’t feel like trying them all on to find the one that fits. I have shit to do, etc.

We had a nice little stroll. I made Henry take pictures of me in my new Johnnie Guilbert shirt to send to Chooch who was like, “What.” And then “Ugh.”

I got new Vans! My therapist suggested buying myself something new, like cute shoes or something, to make myself feel better because my self-esteem and vanity have been taking blows lately. I was like immediately *buying shoes, doctor’s orders, it’s prescribed*

It was a beautiful cemetery (Calvary/Northside Cem in Butler) and an even more beautiful day.

We also listened to Johnnie Guilbert and Pierce the Veil exclusively on this day trip and it was crazy nostalgic. I will say that the day didn’t start off great, I was being me (read: difficult/pouty/volatile) but everything turned out ok in the end.  It did make me miss my Pappap an awful lot though.

1. Accidentally Emo Again

OK guys I mentioned the other day that I fell down the rabbit hole thanks to WE WENT TO COACHELLA videos brainwashing me into subbing to Jake Webber. And I mentioned that I was also like Wait hold the phone is his friend Johnnie Guilbert from the Warped Tour / Bryan Stars YouTube days? Confirmed. So then I started watching videos from Johnnie’s channel too because he’s funny to me OK I have immature emo boy humor. I’ve seen his gf in some of the videos and one time he was wearing a CHRISSY from Stranger Things shirt and said, “I’m wearing my girlfriend.” I thought, “Yeah, she does look like Chrissy from Stranger Things.” Days went by and then I stumbled across her Instagram and said to Henry, “Oh his gf has a lot of followers too. She looks like she’s a model, I guess?” Then a few minutes later, “Oh, she’s an actor too.” Then another minute later, “OMG HIS GF LITERALLY IS CHRISSY FROM STRANGER THINGS.”

Anyway, I bit the bullet and listened to some of Johnnie’s songs on Spotify today and almost immediately sighed and said out loud, “Great. I’m a fan.”

I would have flipped out over this in like 2010 but it scratches that latent emo itch, I swear to god, I feel like I’m waiting in line to get into Warped Tour right now. No, it gives me that same giddy feeling from like, 2004 when Christina and I discovered From First To Last.

2. New Furniture to “ruin” or “beautify” depending on what camp you’re in

We bit the bullet and finallllllly bought a new dresser from Ikea (I don’t know why we keep buying shit there) and a wardrobe. There is a big reason why there are barely any pictures of our bedroom and it’s because there are clothes everywhere. I am a fucking clotheshorse, I can’t be stopped. But Henry and I both have our own broken dressers and they don’t match and are ugly (see also: they’re just wood, oh no). Anyway, Henry brought the new dresser/wardrobe combo home today and I’m giddily thinking up refurb ideas for it. I definitely want it painted a light pink to match the pink accent wall of our bedroom (the rest of the walls are hunter green) but I’m deciding on if I want to use wallpaper on the drawers or whatever. Need embellishment inspo.

Meanwhile, Henry is like, “Why can’t we leave it as-is?” I mean, that’s probably what he’s writing in his diary or the Mother’s Day Card he’s giving to his mom. “SOS mom, she’s making me inhale paint fumes again.” He doesn’t dare say this to my face.

I also have a plan for our OG beverage buffet which presently lives in the attic lounge. I think having projects will help me.

3. Pope Shit

In group chat yesterday, everyone was going on and on about the pope shit like this whole rigmarole was news to them? Like it hasn’t happened two other times in our lifetime?? I stayed quiet on the subject because I was about to drag out my cross and get super righteous up in Teams, so I instead turned my frustration on Henry.

“DON’T YOU REMEMBER ME FORCING CHRISTINA* TO WATCH THE WHOLE POPE BENEDICT DECISION WHEN THEY WERE VISITING SPRING OF 2005 AND I WAS OBSESSED WITH EWTN???” (That’s the ETERNAL WORD TELEVISION NETWORK, FOR YOU HEATHENS.)

“Yes,” Henry sighed. “How could I forget.

Oh, I just went poking around in LiveJournal to see if I actually wrote about that part of their visit and that was a time travel I didn’t need.

I do want to add that I was very concerned to learn that the new Pope is AMERICAN and started panicking that Trump pulled some strings, but now I’m ok after doing some non-fake news’ing and learning that the Pope is actually against everything Trump and Vance the Pope Killer stand for, so fingers crossed that it stays this way and that he does good things.

*(Two C-word mentions in one post; one more and they might pop out of a Mexican jumping bean.)

4. Catching Co-Workers in My Emo Web

I was telling Nate about #1 of this Friday Five (hopefully your memory isn’t so jacked that you don’t have to SCROLL UP for a refresher, but if so, now is the time to do that). I told him I need a YouTube detox and then went to lunch. In that period of time, Nate had done his own Johnnie Guilbert research so I came back to a Teams message from him alerting me to the fact that Johnnie’s girlfriend is not only Chrissy from Stranger Things, but the daughter of Casper van Dien. What a wild ride that was. Hope you were wearing your seatbelt for that.

5. Excuse me, but did you mean Dazee?

I have been pretty bitter in general lately about family stuff (OK that’s always) but my brother texted me and mentioned our old dog Dazee but called her Daisy because ofc he did. This seriously gets under my skin so much because Dazee was my dog. I was the one who went with our mom to pick her up and no one else knew about her yet. I named her Dazee. But he consistently refers to her as Daisy to this day and makes me feel so disrespected, like I was completely written out of family history after I moved out. I even corrected him by replying with “*Dazee” and he said “lol.”

She was my fucking dog.

I have so much anger in general haha. Ha.

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Let’s end this with some CHRISSY, WAKE UP:

Seeing Cold last week has set me adrift on a path of nostalgia. Granted, that path is laden with cigarette butts, scraps of stepped-on and worn-off denim from the bottoms of too-long jeans, and Mike’s Hard Lemonade bottle caps. So, tread carefully, etc.

This particular show marked the first time in 15 years that I had seen them. They were here a few times since then but it was a combination of having moved away from this scene and also not wanting to willingly put myself in an emotionally vulnerable spot, because there is something about this band that breaks me slowly. Scooter Ward is just….ugh. His voice and lyrics were the soundtrack to some of the most volatile years of my life (hey, early 20s, I see you).

But when I saw that they would be performing 13 Ways To Bleed on Stage in its entirety (as well as A Different Kind of Pain), I was like, “OK, let’s go. I can do this.” And then the day of,  that changed to “I can’t do this, I can’t do this.” LOL. Obviously, I did it. Albeit with a face slick with tears.

Instead of saying the same stuff I always say (“Ow, my heart” “Ooof” “This song, ugh”), I thought I would instead share some pictures I found in an old album from the time I saw them at Nick’s Fat City, 9/5/11. Less than a week before 9/11, so hard to even imagine that now.

My friend Wonka – he was my best concert buddy and co-Cold groupie back then – arrived at Nick’s Fat City super early. This was back when we were young and had the stamina required for arriving hours before doors in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the band. That’s Wonka in the middle, the rest were guys we befriended. I remember clearly going across the street at one point to get beverages at a store and freaking out over a…energy drink? called BALLZ. I’m pretty sure we all bought one.

The guy on the far right was on the street team for one of the opening bands, I believe. And the kid on the left, I’m pretty sure his name is Josh, ended up staying in touch with Wonka and me for a hot minute and I even gave him my ticket for Jane’s Addiction shortly after this because I ended up not being to go, so Wonka took him in place, lol. It’s so weird how this is a memory that my brain decided to keep.

Here I am flanked by Kelly and Scooter from Cold! This picture is so bad and I am thankful that whoever took it, took it with the sun behind us because I was such a hot mess back then. Thankful that you can barely see my face here.

Jeremy!

I TOTALLY forgot that my brother Ryan was also there with his friends! That’s Ryan standing down there in the green sweatshirt next to our new friend Josh. Ryan actually commented on this Instagram reel I posted after last week’s show saying that he contemplated on going!

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Ugh, Scooter. I believe this was the second time I saw them after first stumbling upon their stage at X-Fest earlier that summer. Wonka was with me there too and we were both ENRAPTURED. Like, WHO IS THIS? Stopped us dead in our tracks. Actually, now as I’m writing this I’m not sure if that is accurate – it could have been we already knew the song “Just Got Wicked” and intentionally checked them out based on that? I’m sure I have the hard facts written down in a journal somewhere for some Future Person to discover years after I expire.

Anyway, there are actually so many more pictures from other Cold shows that I found too, like I was their traveling historian or something, Jesus.

I know I said I wasn’t to recap this most show BUT there are some things I want to remember:

• Scooter is the only OG member which makes me sad
• BUT they have an amazing bassist – Lindsay Manfredi. I guess she joined four years after the last time I saw them, so she’s been with them now for about 10 years. Just “new-to-me”! I loved that she came out in this adorable back dress with a white peter pan collar for the first set, and then when they came back out to dive into the 13 Ways…set, she was wearing a black mechanic’s pantsuit with the Cold spider patches on the arms. She was so cool!
• AND their drummer used to be in this band called Lifer who COINCIDENTALLY was touring with them when we went to that 9/2001 show (Wonka and I also went to the Hershey, PA stop on that tour).l I had become obsessed with Lifer but then they broke up after one/some of them left to start BREAKING BENJAMIN. LOL remember that band??
• There was some middle aged broad and her husband standing in front of me and they were HAMMERED before the show even started. I am so sorry that I missed this, but when I was in the bathroom, Henry said she had gone up to the bar to get another drink (she was knocking back mixed drinks) and on her way back, she somehow FELL INTO THE VIP BOOTH?! Henry said she knocked everything off the table (luckily  nothing got on the people sitting there), landed UNDER THE TABLE, stood up and said OH SHIT and then shambled back to the bar to get a new drink. Then a few minutes after that, she was back in front of me telling some other middle aged lady who reminded me of my squirrel hating neighbor that she had just gotten out of the hospital that Friday afternoon. Drink up, baby. Cheers.
• Cold had the misfortune of touring with Weezer one year. It was just…bad. The Weezer fans were really shitty to  them and I want to say that they ended up dropping off the tour. But in  the meantime, they had befriended Rivers Cuomo and did a song with them called Stupid Girl and it remains my least favorite Cold song to this day. Anyway, it’s off the third album which was not being performed that night, yet some dodo in the front row kept screaming it like it was fucking Freebird. Scooter, who paused in between certain songs to tell stories about the song’s origins, kept having to pause to say, “No, we’re not going to play Stupid Girl, stop asking.” Then at one point, after maybe the 7th time, he stopped and was like, “Look, we’re not playing that fucking song OK?” and we were all cracking up. Scooter goes, “I gotta shut this shit down, this is starting to feel like a fucking folk show.” It felt so good to have that comic relief during a night of so many heavy songs though!
• The crying gave me a headache, but it was a perfect night.