Paul, I have been putting off writing about this because it sincerely upset me so bad.

So, after we spent the first half of the day at Luna Park and then rested a bit at the hotel, we walked to the nearest train station so we could go into Manhattan. However, the one we needed to get had a sign up that said it wasn’t servicing Manhattan that week until after 3:30PM because of track something or other. I stopped reading the sign. The alternative was to take the train the opposite direction to Coney Island and then transfer to another train that runs to Manhattan. It was either that or stand there for 30 minutes, which honestly would have been the smart thing to do.

But instead, we got off at Coney Island and then immediately crossed over the platform to another train that was just sitting there waiting. This station is the end of the line so it was really nice to get on empty trains every time!

Anyway, we had JUST sat down in the mostly empty car when there was a really loud and angry scream from outside on the platform. Then the owner of the scream came STORMING onto the train. Two people were like, “Nope, nuh-uh” and swan-leapt out of train just as the doors were closing.

Wish that had been us, but instead, we were now stuck in this car with a RAVING MAD PERSON who was screaming literal death threats at someone we couldn’t see. I don’t think he was on the phone. I think he was having an actual psychotic break.

There were two older men who were sitting near him and, after exchanging a look, got up and walked to the other side of the car. This left NO BUFFER between Mr. Manifesto and us. On the other side of us were maybe 10 other people. I kept making eye contact with a woman sitting cattycorner from Henry who had the misfortune of FACING the man. None of us made a move.  And at this point, after jumping reflectively each time he PUNCHED THE SIDE OF THE CAR WITH HIS BARE FIST, I was afraid of calling attention to myself by trying to move further into the car.

He also had a backpack which is never a scary thing. Nope, we’re not scared of screaming, furious men with backpacks.

I will say that he was a man of a certain religion based on his attire, and white, but from what I could piece together his raging didn’t seem religiously motivated, unless he was accusing Mother Mary of fucking someone else. Because that seemed to be the impetus here—someone had cheated on him and he was going to burn their fucking house down, kill them, kill himself, burn it all.

It was this, over and over again, while he paced up and down, back and forth, picked up his backpack, slammed his backpack onto the floor, punched the metal wall.

There was an MTA worker who kept a watchful eye on the situation from the window in between our car and the next, but like…was she calling the police? What was going to happen? My pulse was off the charts. Henry and I held eye contact from across the car and all I could think was, “Is this it? Is this how we die? Are we all going to be killed because I just HAD to come here for my birthday? I dragged them to Brooklyn and now we’re going to get gunned down?”

Of-fucking-course this train had ZERO STOPS for what felt like 15 minutes. I was staring out of the window  next to Henry’s head, thinking over and over inside of my head, “PLEASE DON’T KILL US, PLEASE DON’T KILL US, PLEASE DON’T HAVE A GUN. OR A KNIFE. OR A BOMB.”

OK look, pretend like Chooch is bigger than me or that this was 2016. My Mom Brain still pictures him as a 10-year-old.

This man NEVER STOPPED. I was jolted out of my cower from yet another loud punch or aggressive hurl of his backpack, like a kid hiding in their room from an alcoholic parent. (I always go right to that analogy even though my parents aren’t alcoholics but my birth dad—who died when I was 3—was, so maybe I have subconscious trauma stemming from that, 47 years later. And now this HAVING A BAD DAY guy on the New York subway was triggering THE FUCK out of me. I’m not going to pretend that I wasn’t on the verge of tears.

I didn’t even try to set my phone to record because I didn’t want to make any sudden movement that would draw attention to us. For the most part, it seemed like he didn’t notice the existence of anyone on our end of the car and I wanted to keep it that way.

Finally—F I N A L L Y—the train came to a stop and almost ALL of us in that car hurled ourselves out of the door and ran into the next car. I canNOT believe some people stayed on, but those of us who escaped all shared knowing looks with each other while sitting down in our new threat-free car. And then, maybe 8 stops later, another person from our original car got on and all I could think was, “GIRL, how did you last that long on there with him???”

I have no idea whatever happened to him after that. I hope he didn’t actually go and burn down someone’s house. But you know I am not exaggerating when even Henry and Chooch were like, “JFC.” Henry wasn’t concerned that we were going to die though. “I wasn’t going to let anything happen to you,” he said.

“OH WOW SO YOU WERE GOING TO TAKE A BULLET FOR US?!” I cried.

“He did not have a gun,” Henry said calmly. OMG you guys I can’t believe I have been with Henry all this time and didn’t know until now that he has x-ray vision and scanned the man’s backpack from a distance with nothing but his bare eyeballs.

Once we got closer into the city, the doors opened and a man walked on with a fifth of something or other in a bag and a speak blasting THE BEST 80s and 90s r&b. It was the complete opposite end of the spectrum from that other guy and I finally felt my shoulders sink a little bit because this guys BROUGHT THE VIBES. Granted, he was blitzed AF, but there were a few of us who were seat-dancing a little bit because he was playing the JAMS.

Please enjoy these two short Charmera videos with extra shitty audio quality:

I kept hoping he would spill his subway hootch on Henry LOL.

Come on, though—CHAKA KHAN!

While the other guy was hands down the lowest of lows on this trip, this guy was one of the highest (probably literally lol). I wish he knew how much he improved my day—I was so sad when he got off before our stop! I will always think of him when I hear this song now.

I mean, in the end, it felt like we had a very authentic NYC subway/train experience. So, there’s that!

We had such a nice start to Friday! I didn’t want to eat breakfast at the hotel because while we have been to NYC before, we’ve never been to Brooklyn (aside from walking across the Brooklyn Bridge like a bunch of corny tourists about 7 years ago), and in case you didn’t know, Coney Island is basically Brooklyn (I think). So, before going to bed the night before, Henry and I combed Yelp and Google and settled on a cafe called Milk & Honey. We had to take the train there because Henry was all, “I AM NOT DEALING WITH PARKING” but it was a nice ride, + we got to see Luna Park from above!

Also, this is basically  the end of the line so it was EMPTY when we got on. Love that for us. I don’t mind taking public transportation in other cities, and we usually do 75% of the time, but I still get that sick anxiety if we have to board a packed trolley/train/subway/street car. I just feel like we have TOURIST markers above our heads every time, lol.

(OK, that’s in every situation when traveling — we don’t even try to not look like tourists most of the time.)

After about 30 minutes on the train and then another 5 minutes on foot, we made it to Milk & Honey. Since it was a weekday, it wasn’t crowded AT ALL but they did have “reserved” signs on almost every table so that was cool.

I picked this place because they had a few granola/yogurt type things on the online menu and I really really really wanted to start my day off healthily since we were going to be out in the sun, riding puke-inducing rides, and probably not eating the best out there in the wilds of Luna Park.

“Oh….you brought that stupid camera again. Great.”

A Greek yogurt bowl with granola, berry compote, and honey? Yes, please.

STUPID HENRY AND CHOOCH ATE AT THE HOTEL LIKE LITTLE ASSHOLES AND CONVENIENTLY WEREN’T HUNGRY. I was so mad! I picked this place because it had healthy options for me and also full breakfast shit for those two and then all they got was a chocolate chip cookie each plus Henry got a croissant. And they both got froufrou iced lattes.

I got regular coffee because I actually like coffee unlike those two who only like it when it’s buried under almond milk, sugar, syrup and whipped cream or cold foam. Sissies.

So of course they were just sitting there not eating while I was eating more and more slowly because that yogurt was a THICC BOI and started to feel scooping up quicksand with a thimble. I was actually so full halfway through that Henry had to be a hero and finish it for me.

(Probably thinking, “THAT WAS $15 I’M NOT LETTING EVEN ONE SPECK OF HONEY GO TO WASTE.” Actually, I don’t remember exactly what it cost but I do remember thinking that it was reasonable even though later that Henry, after a full early dinner near Times Square, Henry spat, “BREAKFAST WAS ALMOST AS MUCH AS THIS!!” Um, yeah, welcome to Brooklyn latte economics, my guy! That bill was mostly their coffee milkshakes lattes, not my actual food, BUT NICE TRY.)

(We still react to these things like we’re starving artists sometimes, it’s like ingrained in us at this point.)

I mean, it wasn’t the most memorable cafe experience but it wasn’t BAD. I should have got a fucking smoothie though since I had to sit there looking at them listed on a giant chalkboard above our heads, UGH.

I will say though, on the way back a group of teen boys hopped on with a box of donuts and proceeded to tear into it and it looked IMMENSLEY better than what I had for breakfast. It was a true I’LL HAVE WHAT THEY’RE HAVING moment.

From there, we went STARIGHT to Luna Park to get our wristbands. OFC there were only 2 people currently at the ticket booth but then we got out of line because my Apple card declined the purchase while I was trying to buy it online to save some money, because Apple thought I was buying dark web tickets or something I DON’T KNOW. I was panicking because we were NEXT and I didn’t have the confirmation yet so then two women and their 8 respective kids got in front of us while I was finalizing the purchase, and YES we saved some money it this way but it defeats the purpose when you still have to stand in line to get the wristband and now we were behind these two bitch-moms who were soooo granola and annoyingly using shout-voices like no one else was around. Since they were paying separately, it was two of the most frustrating transactions to witness because they both asked the poor ticket girl a laundry list of questions AND THEN COME TO FIND OUT that the one mom and her kids COME THERE “ALL OF THE TIME.”

Like, they LIVE in New York but were asking questions like tourists on an old person bus tour.

“We’re going to see them ALL DAY now,” Chooch mumbled.

Anyway, we finally got wristbanded and it was OFF TO THE RACES. We confirmed that you could come and go as you please, having a wristband doesn’t marry you to the park, so our plan was to knock out as many of the coasters as possible, go into the city for dinner, and then come back for night rides. It was open until midnight and I just really wanted to be there for the night vibes. You know what’s up.

Unfortunately, we got the top level of the wristband package so that idiot bitch Slingshot thing was included, and that ended up being the first thing we did that morning (yes, morning still!) because a lot of the coasters were still testing. Actually, the ticket booth girl told us that two weren’t even supposed to open that day BUT THEN THEY DID. A birthday miracle!

Of course, I needed to ride Cyclone before it got crowded there, so we made our way there next.

This was the best picture Henry the Purse Holder got of us UGH. I should have just taken my phone up to the station with me and put it in the personal item box, because then at least I could have taken pictures while we waited an ungodly amount of time to get on the damn thing and I say ungodly because it was one train ops and not even a full train of people were waiting in the station. Holy shit, the amount of time it took for the people before us to (slowly) unload, (slowly) pick up their personal items, and then wait for the ride operator to (slowly) allow the train to inch its way forward for our group to board, it was insane.

Also, we didn’t know how this worked so we squeezed by the group of kids wearing matching shirts (and then us realizing, “Wait, is this a camp group? Hopefully the only one…” figuring we could just take the back seat. No one else was congregating back there so I didn’t think anything of it until I realized that the train had stopped with the back row blocked. “Are we able to ride in the back?” I asked the girl who looked like she was 15 with our lives in her hands.

“Yes…but we load front to back,” she said, so even though we didn’t have a full train, we were forced to sit in the middle because when they say front to back, they literally mean, “no skipping rows.”

THEN! We had to sit there and wait for more people to come so they could send a full train! Thankfully, there WERE people coming but there is no way to get to the station except to go through a winding queue that’s really not skippable and these people were really on a Sunday stroll, you guys. Chooch and I were so antsy, like PLEASE SEND THE FUCKING TRAIN.

It was actually not that bad considering its age (built in 1927!) but it gave me a HEADACHE. Well, that’s new. Elder age indicator? I was in no hurry to ride this again but very grateful that I got that one ride in at least!

As soon as we arrived back to the station, we quickly realized that the kids on the train with us had a multitude of counterparts roaming the park—ALONG WITH A MIXED BAG OF ADDITIONAL SUMMER CAMPS FROM AROUND THE CITY. School buses dotted the periphery of the park while clumps of same-shirted kids milled about in different-colored droves.

Chooch and I both groaned, “OH GREAT!”

But you guys! Somehow this did not make the place feel crowded AT ALL. And they were all so well-behaved! Their elder-teen chaperones were doing a good job from what I could see. No line-jumping!

I think what I loved a lot about this place is that, being part of NYC, it was a true melting pot of patrons and it just made it feel more vibrant and festive and also? Less room for Karens and their entitled brat-kids who LOVE to cut a line.

Oh you guys, that is THE pet peeve at amusement parks. I fucking hate a line jumper.

That being said, let’s look at pictures of more rides.

The Tickler was probably the longest line we stood in all day which was a given because these rides always have slow output. But even then, it was probably about 25 minutes tops — 24 of those minutes were spent grilling Chooch about his college life, if he misses us, etc.

Thinking of infuriating responses to my questions. Also, he was proud to announce that he gets all of his t-shirts from the local flea market that happens next to his dorm, but he has learned to wait until the very end when they’re given shit away for free, which is how he wound up with whatever sports shirt he was wearing that day.

I saw some guy do this finger thing on one of the cars before us, while posing for a picture. “I’M GOING TO DO THIS FROM NOW ON” I said to Chooch, who mumbled, “Please don’t.”

But guess who kept slipping  up and doing the finger waggle also??

For some reason, Henry never noticed, or he noticed but just didn’t care to ask us why we were doing that.

OMG there are more kiddie coasters there than anything else and there’s no age limit so Chooch and I rode all of them.

For some reason, Henry took 87 pictures of us riding this.

I have so many pictures of Grown Chooch riding kiddie coasters at this point that I could probably make a photobook for him.

This one was a little more “thrilling.”

And then this stupid fucking POS. The only other coaster like this we have ridden is in Canada’s Wonderland and I am here to tell you, if you count coaster credits, just skip these ones. Truly. Ride the kiddie coasters. Go out of your way for the +1 SBF Spinner inside some random family fun center. But these volare flying models are actual torture chambers. THEY PUT YOU IN  CAGE FOR GOD’S SAKE. It is very painful, obnoxiously so. I don’t really have any other words–just that after doing two of these now, I am comfortable going the rest of my life never riding another.

Also, the boarding process IS SO INVASIVE. You have to climb up a little ladder thing, put your chin on a chinrest thing, and then the ride attendant has to decide if you’re standing on the right rung of the step ladder thing in order to have the cage close up and literally go between your legs. Of course, I wasn’t up high enough but I kept skipping a step and going up too high and she was like, “No, there’s another step, you went over it” but I couldn’t look down to see what I was doing because my chin was already jammed down against that fucking rest and meanwhile Chooch was next to me muttering that I was embarrassing him.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s a lot of labor and public humiliation just to willingly put yourself through a car crash simulation.

^^^ Here’s my face when the dissociative amnesia from Canada’s Wonderland started to wear off just enough for me to realize I made a big mistake.

Then when it flipped us upside down the first time, IT WAS ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW in the key of Celine Dion.

Chooch: “It’s not THAT bad.”

LOL OK! You know what, I take it back—I want everyone reading this to RUN DON’T WALK to your nearest volare model and then let me know what you think after riding it once.

Chooch’s dumbass shirt matched the stupid flying coaster.

Then we rode this idiot bitch ride which took forever to get on even though there were only 4 people in front of us because it’s such low capacity. Also, the maintenance man was called over right before Chooch and I got on because god only knows why, maybe it’s best that I didn’t know, and then he PERSONALLY checked our restraints and then was DOING SOME MECHANICAL BEHIND ME. I made eye contact with Henry who shook his head and mouthed, “You’re fine” except his lips mimed the “your” spelling of it, and I was like, “Oh OK, since Henry went to death trap carnival ride mechanic school online and therefor knows precisely what this man is doing back there, I trust Henry’s judgment and will proceed to ride this in good faith.”

I used this random Hipstamatic filter because I have it and never use it so why not now. Why not.

Oh yeah, also whatever what was going on, they could only load two people on each side instead of 4, so that was not concerning at all.

There was group of some of the camp kids who got in line behind us—they were the same ones we rode Cyclone with. They were stoked to ride this thing but then their chaperone came over and yelled, “WE ONLY HAVE 30 MINUTES LEFT.  DO YOU WANT TO JOIN THE REST OF YOUR FRIENDS AND DO SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN ALL TOGETHER, OR DO YOU WANT TO BE

SELFISH

AND SPEND THAT TIME WAITING TO RIDE THIS?!”

They sadly got out of line and joined her and some kids from the group who weren’t even doing anything!? Like, none of them seemed in a hurry to find something to ride.

“I fucking hate her,” Chooch muttered in his calm and collected serial killer tone.

Then the one ride operator was like, “LET’S MAKE A DEAL” or something and basically said if they wanted to ride it, [insert indecipherable bargain] which I think was something about he would run it on a shortened circuit. Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s what was happening because we got to go around like 3 times and then suddenly it was over. I mean, not that I wanted to ride this any longer but it still was irritating that this affected us so I think we should have been a part of that discussion???

J/K it was nice that he did that for those kids.

I guess.

Even if it was during a mysterious maintenance issue.

Oh P.S. this was called “Zenobio” whatever that means.

UGH NOT PICTURED IS US RIDING TONY’S EXPRESS WHOEVER TONY IS!

This was like, my favorite coaster there too because it reminded me of the one in Tivoli Gardens that I screamed JANNA! the whole way through while all the Danes were like, “WTF IS A JANNA.”

Here’s a picture from the website. Curiously, Henry claims that he couldn’t take a picture of us on this because he couldn’t “see” us, and that there was “nowhere to stand to get a picture” but THIS PHOTO PROVES OTHERWISE. He probably fell asleep next to a garbage can or something!

Whatever, it was my favorite coaster there. Chooch thought it was “alright.”

Our last ride of the first session at Luna Park was this actually so much fun shoot-the-chute water ride called Leti’s Treasure that got us unbelievably soaked!

Ugh, you can see the track for Tony’s Express on the left :(

Chooch was so uncomfortable after this that we had to go inside the nearby Brooklyn Beach Shop where he bought new shorts and then proceeded to gush over how comfortable they were for the rest of the day. Literally he was so obsessed to the point where I suggested he go back and get another pair but then it was me who was being ridiculous.

It’s only a good idea when it’s his idea.

It was cool because that brand was doing a collab with Nathan’s so there was a lot of cute hot dog merch there. Also much better Luna Park merch than the actual Luna Park gift shop so I got some magnets and postcards. (Yes, I was a postcard psycho on this trip too. “WE HAVE TO FIND A MAILBOX!”)

As we left the park, there was this food stand with a good variety of Mexican refreshments. Chooch was sad because they didn’t have hibiscus thing that was on the menu and that his host family made every day when he was studying abroad in Mexico. So he opted for the chia lemonade, I got the horchata de fresa and Henry got plain horchata. We all liked it but Henry and Chooch the Economics Podcasters were laying out the cost of all of the ingredients compared to what they were charging per cup. That meant…absolutely nothing to me as someone who not only does NOT go grocery shopping (she says a day after writing on this blog about going grocery shopping with Henry) but also does not understand the value of a dollar. I’m the person who will interrupt to ask, “Oh, so is that a lot then? Or is it cheap?” typically followed by an awkward silence. Usually now I will just check for social cues and make throat sounds similar to everyone else.

We hung out in the hotel room for about an hour so we could charge our phones (and Henry of course immediately fell asleep) before heading back out to Times Square. (I don’t think I knew that Henry picked Times Square as the destination. “IT WAS JUST TO GET US INTO THE CITY AND THEN GO FROM THERE!” he cried, but like, I would have chosen somewhere better—IT’S FINE! WE HAD A GOOD TIME.) Um, getting there alone was probably the most….experience….we had the entire weekend. Yeah. “Experience” is all I can say about that. So, check back for that story lol.

Gah, Jodie and Tim-Tim, you guys know how long I have wanted to go to Coney Island. I don’t know WHY it took me so long to get my fat ass there but props to Henry and Chooch for, as usual, dropping everything to attend to my Birthday Girl Needs last week.

It worked out so perfectly that we could just swing by Philly and scoop up Chooch after his last class on Thursday (my birthday, bitches!) and that he doesn’t have classes on Fridays. So, no selfish impediment on his college education from Needy Mommy. (He was annoyed though because as usual he forgot the itinerary and had booked a ticket for an advanced screening of Spiderman for that night and had to miss it—if you don’t know this about Chooch, he is a HUGE fan of the Spiderman franchise. Sorry, Chooch! You can see that ANYTIME. Coney Island with MOMMY is once in a lifetime. OK, not really, but you know what I mean!!)

We got in around 7:30PM, checked into a Best Western that was mostly OK but had the WORST bathroom lighting so I felt like I was leaving the hotel looking a freak every time. Google maps said that it was a 30 minute walk to Luna Park from there, or a 26 minute subway ride (??). We decided to just walk and it only took us about 15 minutes past a ridiculous amount of autobody shops.

Our first order of business was eating. There is a very slim window before I turn into an asshole so we chose the first pizza place we saw and look—we are not foodies by any stretch of the imagination and weren’t looking for AN EXPERIENCE or whatever, but Chooch and I knew as soon as we all walked into a completely empty Pizzaria that perhaps this wasn’t going to be the best of the best. So, expectations were low.

I just got a slice of cheese and had immediate remorse when I tried the white pizza that I conned Henry into ordering because it was actually pretty good compared to the below basic slice I was saddled with. I mean, it wasn’t TERRIBLE. There are plenty of school cafeterias in the country churning out way worse pizza. Henry and I ended up splitting each other’s slices but I’m pretty annoyed with myself for not just going back up and getting my own full slice of white.

Still, it was a pleasant experience overall because we were all getting along, there was no attitude, I liked the grungy vibes of the place, and I had Chooch there to take pictures of me where I actually look like myself and not Jay Leno’s daughter. (Henry is terrible at taking pictures of me! I know that this is largely because I’m Queen Ugz but come on bro, use your words and direct me into poses and positions where I look at LEAST homely rather than something dragged out of the holler on a humid July afternoon after a rain storm.)

Oh look at my little Lomography half-frame film camera there! I used up a whole roll and anticipate 99% of it coming back as developed trash.

P.S. I had an eye doctor appointment two weeks ago and the new, young eye doctor who I instantly adored goes to me, “Erin, is your favorite color pink?” and with no hesitation I said YES with my whole chest but this is not actually true!? Purple is my favorite color! Anyway, she asked me that because I was wearing like 5 different shades of pink all the way down to my shoes and now looking at this picture I realize, wow, I actually do wear A LOT of pink A LOT of time.

He apparently still plays Pokemon Go. Not sure if that’s what he was doing here, but 9/10 times I nebbed at his phone screen, he was doing Coney Island Pokemon Go things.

This place definitely had a cool vibe. Just, you know, probably a tourist trap. Two people did come in while we were there to get pizza to go so maybe it was just a slow night? There weren’t a lot of people out in the park or the boardwalk either.

I like that the train runs right over it. Also, perhaps we should have went to Taoxi instead.

We weren’t going to be doing any of the rides until the next day but now I kind of regret not paying $10 to ride this that night when there was no one there. It was a station wait for us the next day but I wanted to ride it again at night and there was somewhat of a line—-not even an outrageous one but after riding it earlier that morning, we got a taste of the slow-AF ops so Chooch said, “No, I refuse to wait in that line, it’ll take hours with the rate they send the train.” Ugh, he’s more of a dad than Henry sometimes.

But yeah, even if you’re not a coaster thoosie like us, you perhaps still might know that Cyclone has a ton of historical relevance in the coaster scene. It’s a legend! One of the main reasons I wanted to get out there sooner rather than later because you just never know. Luna Park I feel like is “on the verge” of closing more often than not. Currently, it seems stable ever since the amusement ride manufacturer Zamperla bought it.

One of the Luna Park entrances! The great thing about this place is that like some other boardwalk parks, you don’t have to pay to enter. So, we were able to stroll around and check it out before coming back to do the actual riding the next day.

OMG Henry was obsessed with that apartment building in the building because there was some guy standing in the top balcony, the one with the light on, and he was dancing or watching whatever local baseball game was being played on the field down there, who even cares. Henry, apparently, because he was trying to use his phone to zoom in to see what the guy was doing and Chooch and I were like, “Get away from us, you creep.” I would NEVER do something so invasive!!!

NEVER!

Come on guys.

OK, maybe I do it less now than I used to. That has to count for something.

I loved the atmosphere so much.

It was the best of both worlds: the beach vs. a big city. I am so much more a “city vacationer” but so enjoy spending SOME time on a beach. I just can’t do the full week slow-living beach vacations. Not for me. I have too much energy and too many things to see and do! So Coney Island is actually perfect for me—I got to walk on a pier, a boardwalk, smell sort-of ocean air, ride a ton of rides, and then take a train into the city for urban stuffs. I was honestly really content and I think it was apparent in the way that NONE OF US ARGUED. And I’m not just talking that evening. I mean the whole long weekend. It was like we were a….happy family.

LOL LOOK HOW HAPPY!

We were on some pier with a bunch of old men fishing right before it started POURING down rain.

We kept goading Henry to get a hot dog from Nathan’s but he never did. Weird.

We decided to go back by subway (bro is it always called the subway or do you call it a train when it’s above ground?!?! It’s all above ground in Coney Island / Brooklyn it seems) because the walk there wasn’t too bad in the daylight but we are tourists and don’t know if it’s safe to be goofing around on foot there at night, you know?

I embarrassed Chooch by making him stop here for a picture lol.

UGH the first evening was so good. I mean, the sleeping part sucked because Hotel Henry somehow snores like 5 Home Henrys combined. Chooch piled pillows on his face in the middle of the night but not even that helped. Ugh.

Oh shit, we’ve been home for two days now and I am still so fucking cooked. It didn’t help that we also had a show to go to Monday night, and I hurt my back jumping and today I still feel so run down that I asked Henry to make me SOUP for dinner! On an 85 degree day!.

Happy belated birthday to me! 47! And feeling every year of it, LOL!

Anyway, the injuries I collected are as follows:

• slammed BOTH elbows down hard when I got into the seat for Thunderbolt at Luna Park
• sore thighs from being stapled on various rides
• wrecked toes from so much walking around Coney Island and NYC
• bruise on my knee from some weird boat ride thing at Adventureland (Chooch also hit his knee on the same part when he was getting into his boat!)
• kicked a pole really hard with my shin when I swung my leg over the horse on the carousel at Playland
• SEATBELTED MY FINGER on the same carousel because the ride operator ACTUALLY WALKED AROUND MAKING SURE EVERYONE HAD THEIR SEATBELTS ON. Even the adults. On a fucking carousel. Chooch was fuming—we literally sat there for what felt like 10 minutes before the ride actually started because the guy had to slowly walk around checking everyone and not only that but he was SEATBELTING ALL OF THE EMPTY HORSES, TOO.

OK but the injury Chooch got was worse than all of mine, in my opinion anyway. Of course he was trying to downplay it but here is what happened! Picture it:

Chooch and I are happily on board these dumb little rescue boats, fresh from busting our knees while getting inside

So happy! This ride was actually adorable!

After the ride ended, Chooch decided to be a jerk by trying to splash water on me. Except, when he turned around with his hand raised and splash-ready, he ended up smacking it knuckle-side off that metal bar.

It IMMEDIATELY bruised.

Of course, it gave me jelly legs. I can’t stand seeing even the mildest of injuries. I feel it in my legs every time. One time, Barb said this was because I’m an empath. Then, sometime later, I did a callback to that and she was like, “YOU? And EMPATH? Who would give you that idea?”

Bro, YOU did, Barb. YOU did.

God, I fucking miss her. Like, a lot. :(

Anyway, I convinced Chooch to go to first aid and get an ice pack, but every single person we talked to acted like the entire park had been rearranged that morning and we were given so many different directions. The one person at least said it was in the “City Hall” building by by the bumper cars, but she pointed in the complete opposite direction so we were just roaming around like we were on the lamest scavenger hunt ever.

Finally found it! This was actually on the second time Chooch has ever had to visit First Aid at an amusement park, if you a believe it.

(This was the first time, when he was just a little kid!)

He was super stoked to have to talk to the teenage girls manning the First Aid counter, like, “My mommy says I need to put ice on my boo boo.” Lol.

He acted like he didn’t need it but the Mom MD in me says otherwise.

Family portrait on the train, ice pack reppin’!

Well, I think this is all the injuries we sustained. Henry had no injuries because he did nothing but stand around, holding my purse. I’m excited to recap the rest of the trip, but I want to take many naps first.

Back in Pittsburgh and while I’m sad that the trip is over, I’m relieved to be back here with Penelope because I worry so much every time we leave her, and I’m also not too proud to admit that I have always overdone the itinerary in the past by trying to shove in too much and that three nights was the sweet spot for us to actually get along and not burn out. 

If we’re being honest, even THAT was a bit much since most of it was spent riding pukey thrills rides and janky coasters. Chooch and I were both crying like elders, we were so tired and sore. The only thing Henry rode was Deno’s Wonder Wheel, and then the train, one coaster, and a dark ride at Adventureland. And that was only because he had no choice but to pay to get in. 

Today was just driving back home for the most part. Long Island is only about 90 minutes from Philly, so that was nice! Of course we had to drive around looking for a mail box first so I could mail my idiot post cards aka the bane of Henry’s existence on every trip we take. 

I was just really happy to be together again. I think I am slowly adapting to not seeing Chooch regularly now but I can’t help but feel like everything is back to normal again when we’re all together. I feel like we’re maybe a little less annoying to him now too???

Hands down, the best part of the trip was Coney Island. That whole area was such a vibe. I would definitely go back!! Maybe not to ride the rides, but to just hang out on the boardwalk in Luna Park / Deno’s Wonder Wheel park in general, because both are free to enter and the energy is so good and positive. I have so much to recap and so many pictures, but I need to recharge.

I’m just so happy that we did this and that Henry and Chooch still go along with my dumb ideas when I’m sure they’d be happier doing something more chill and relaxing rather than have me (pantomiming) snapping my fingers and saying, “let’s go! we’re running out of time!”

Just checking in – we have had very little down time because this is an Erin R Kelly itinerary after all. 

We’ve been having a lot of fun and Chooch even pointed out that we managed to go an entire day yesterday – and we did A LOT yesterday – with actually no arguing which is a first for our family vacations. Maybe we’re growing up??!!

Anyway, I’m leaving this picture here of the first thing we did after getting to Luna Park yesterday. Usually this Slingshot thing is an upcharge so that’s always been my easy out but with the package we bought for just me and Chooch (Henry was being a lame non-rider), it was INCLUDED. It wasn’t even 11am yet and Chooch was like, “oh well I guess we’ll just have to do the Slingshot since it’s right here” because the first coaster we went to was still testing. 

Yeah, I had so many regertz while we were getting strapped in but the ride operators were so sweet so that helped. 

Henry didn’t get a video because he fails as Vacation Mom (I was pissed because I recorded him when he rode this at Wildwood with Chooch!!!) so I had to buy the $15 on ride video which is just me screaming bloody murder, muttering about hating Chooch, saying “ok this isn’t that bad” and then “why are we still up here though” and looking generally listless like a rag doll ready to bypass Goodwill and go straight into the trash. I literally could feel nothing after that launch. 

I have to go. Henry just got beeped at aggressively because I’m not paying attention on his behalf. Ugh. 

ETA: Now with video, LOL:

Hello from Coney Island! We’re winding down from a long day of driving so here are the pictures I took with my blessed baby Charmeras (I brought both!).

Vacation journal in the car. :)

We were early getting to Philly so we stopped at Madis for matcha and cold brew while Chooch was in class. This matcha was pretty good!

Henry didn’t like his cold brew, but he’s a bitch so who cares.

LOL this was after I went out a different door and he couldn’t find me.

CHOOCH SIGHTING!!

Chooch was embarrassed because I was taking pictures of “nothing special” from traffic, tourist that I am.

He was only smiling because he was laughing at whatever movie he was watching. Yes, he started watching a movie immediately after getting into the car. No, sorry—he devoted a few minutes to bitching about everything wrong in his life first (he lost his right AirPod, he broke his phone cord, etc).

Some bridge. I don’t know if we were still in PA or NJ at this point. Big apologies to my bridge fetishists out there. I’ve let you down.

STORM CLOUDS.

I dunno, I just thought this was cool and retro looking.

If you don’t have legs, you’re fine.

Henry almost wrecked on the bridge right after I took this because he didn’t realize traffic stopped. It was actually terrifying and he burned rubber.

Some gross ship.

I was trying to take a picture of this cute cat outside of our hotel that reminded us of Penelope but then he/she started to jump, lol. Chooch got a normal picture with his phone though:

Walking to Luna Park! We’re actually going there for real tomorrow but we wanted to get something quick to eat and possibly ride the Wonder Wheel at the other park to get that out of the way.

Every time Chooch tried to get out of a picture, I would remind him that it’s my birthday (and so is tomorrow and Saturday).

Bro, I remember when we went to Long Island for Enhypen, we saw Luna Park in the distance and I said, “That’s probably the closest I’ll ever get to it” because I have wanted to come here my whole life!

I can’t wait to ride this!!!

Then we came to some place called Surf City for a quick slice and knew it was going to be mid as soon as we walked in NO ONE WAS THERE but we didn’t care at that point. We were hungry and weren’t trying to be pizza snobs (although I did remind them that I had voted for taking the subway to somewhere better but no one wanted to do that, so…).

It’s amazing how Chooch is able to take normal pictures of me when Henry makes me look like chungus every time.

The mid pizza in question.  

There was some kind of baseball game happening.

Oh yeah, Deno’s Wonder Wheel park closed early because it was about to rain so we’ll have to do all of that stuff tomorrow. 

LOL this is supposed to be the water lapping against the beach, you didn’t know?

Then it started pouring so we had to stand under a roof thing for a few minutes.

Took the subway back to the hotel.

Well, that’s all for day 1, Charmera-wise!

Henry and I left the house around 11:30AM on Friday and headed out to Cleveland. The Black Queen was playing that night but I took the whole day off so we could spend some time that afternoon doing Cleveland things beforehand. We didn’t have any set plans, just: cafe and late lunch.

Our first stop was Atmos Cafe. I had the shaken honey espresso, and Henry got a tiramisu latte. They were both OK, the chocolate chip banana bread we split was good, but the overall vibe of the joint wasn’t doing it for me. Plus, they had a door propped open and it was NOT that warm out. I was sitting there shivering, and, as such, sitting there complaining that I was sitting there shivering.

Sitting there at a WOBBLY TABLE complaining about sitting there shivering at a wobbly table, I should add!

As much as I hate to admit it because – MGK – but the 27 Coffee Club was by far superior to this place YES I SAID WHAT I SAID. Not an MGK fan by any stretch of the imagination, but that cafe was pretty dope and the drinks were lit. What are: things an MGK fan would probably say.

We had planned on going to Happy Dog for an in between lunch/dinner before the show, but we had time to kill so we drove over to one of the parks along Lake Erie and went for a LITTLE STROLL.

Henry took hideous pictures of me.

Or is it more like: Henry took pictures of hideous me.

It was such a beautiful spring day. A cool breeze, warm sun, no humidity. Loved that for us.

This picture does nothing to illustrate the terror I felt as I tiptoed down this STEEP FOR ME path on shaky fawn legs down to the dog beach. The whole way down, I was a broken record of “OMG OH NO OMG OH NO HELP ME UGH OH NO”s–I’m tragically terrified of walking down trails. I was fine going back up though!

Lake Erie, everybody.

Idiot man.

Henry took forever to take this picture so then some guy biked over and started taking selfies behind me, thanks Henry.

(Also, how have we been to Cleveland a zillion times and have no legit touristy shots like this one!?)

We still had time to kill before Happy Dog opened at 4 (we even considered going somewhere else but I really had my heart set on Happy Dog because it’s been a hot minute since I’ve inhaled one of their veggie dogs) so we parked nearby and ended up stopping into Brewnuts for donuts. Do you know how hard it is to buy a donut when you’re starving but knowing that you’re saving it for the ride home after the show? OMG I wanted to eat one right then and there but I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat anything at Happy Dog after that without getting sick.

I ended up getting the vegan Churro (basically it was just a cake donut with cinnamon and sugar) and Henry, after agonizing over the choices like he’s not an adult with the free will to choose more than one fucking donut, finally opted with the Watergate salad donut, which was a powdered donut filled with the fluffy pistachio heaven & assorted fruit bits known as watergate salad. We definitely beasted the FUCK out of these on the way home and then the next day, Henry had to clean the car because he said it looked like we did coke in there on the way home lol.

They have super cute bathrooms* there and they know it too, which is why there are signs saying to please take your picture and go, no photoshoots, people need to actually use the bathroom lol. I can only imagine the influencer frenzy these bathrooms cause.

*(I was a lot cuter in 2022.)

*(The bathrooms actually ARE unisex, HENRY.)

I love me a good aesthetic and color palette, and this place fits the bill.

Henry got an iced carrot cake latte so that we could sit and kill some more time. I don’t know how he drank two iced lattes in one day, in the span of like 2 hours—I can’t even do that without getting the shakes and caffeine-induced nausea, and this motherfucker doesn’t even like espresso!!

It is just the coziest spot, exactly what I’m looking for!

I wanted Henry to stand in front of this wall, but he refused.

HAPPY DOG TIME. It was just us and a table with two bikers next to us who had vintage cameras with them so I was trying to get Henry to ask them questions about some of the cameras we have at home that I took from my Pappap’s house he just frowned at me and wouldn’t budge. I didn’t want to ask myself because I did not want my good mood to be ruined by a mansplaining seminar. They both put their helmets on at one point, like it was a visible, real world “OOO” message.

I always get the same thing at Happy Dog – veggie dog base with bleu cheese slaw and Froot Loops. The bleu cheese slaw tasted really weak this time and wasn’t as “saucy” as in the past, so my dog was kind of dry as a result. It was still good because FROOT LOOPS, but not as orgasmic as in past visits. Now I regret not venturing outside of my habitual nature and going for the vegan chili but also I try not to load myself up on questionable food items before a concert.

Like bleu cheese slaw and Froot Loops on a hot dog are not questionable, lol.

The other amazing thing about Happy Dog is that you can order a ton of different sauces and toppings for your fries or tots. We always get tots. Henry is a moron and selected Korean BBQ sauce after I already colored in the circle on my order form so we got two of them because Henry refused to cross his out and write in “OOPS, ERROR.” He sincerely ruins everything.

EVERYTHING.

We had some tots left over for the ride home, what a fucking blessing.

Ah! When I saw that Past Self was going on tour with Clan of Xymox, I legit yelped a little bit! I have been following them for about a year or so on Instagram, since my algorithm gives me all of the Korean stuff, it was thoughtful enough to be like, “Here is a Korean goth band for your consideration.”

It’s not a secret or even a fun fact really, but I did have a pretty extensive Goth phase in my late teens/early 20s thanks to accidentally discovering a Goth chatroom called Darkchat on WEBTV in my mom’s basement, LOL. I was so obsessed with it that I would go to her house constantly to use it until she finally bought me my own WebTV console thingie. (I was living in my first apartment at the time and didn’t have a PC or a laptop yet.)

I made so many friends on that damn website, many with whom I’ll still in touch to this day, and this was also the source of much drama and crazy meet-ups as well. I had already liked the Cure at the time, and even Robert will eschew any attempts at Goth pigeon-holing, but this was when I actually started to learn about GOTH-GOTH music.

And I LIKED it.

However, I never looked or dressed the part, and that’s not an easy scene to be a part of if you’re not skulking around white face powder and black lipstick. I always looked too bubblegum and while I had a lot of Internet Goth friends, I would tend to get sneered at when out and about at Goth functions, like the infamous Dracula’s Ball, LOL. God, they hated me there.

So, I eventually fell out of that scene and, aside from The Cure and peripheral Goth bands like Gary Numan, I haven’t had any recent exposure. But Clan of Xymox is an old band (formed in the early 80s) so I figured the majority of the crowd would be people my age and older and less likely to judge me and my blond hair and Vans.

I was right.

We got in line around 6:30PM and almost immediately, the woman in front of me said, “OK, I’m obsessed with your bracelet” and so I gave her the Etsy shop where it’s from and we started chatting a little bit about how cool the jewelry is (Martha Rotten, you make the best conversation starters!). I was excited because this woman was in a legit Goth gown and her husband even had a Gothic print button-down shirt, so I felt seen. Like, I belonged there too!

There were some younger people in line, like a couple of cyber goths a few people ahead of us. That brought back BIG nostalgia, seeing the coiled extensions in the one girl’s hair and the super high platform boots. If you’ve never seen Goths dance, it can be pretty stompy, so the boots are an essential piece of the wardrobe.

In general, it was one of the most peaceful lines I’ve stood in before a show. Everyone was polite. It was fun to see what everyone was wearing. It was exciting to know every band that was being name-dropped around me because it turns out, the scene hasn’t changed too much since I last paid attention! Lots of Skinny Puppy and Depeche Mode references. It definitely appeared that everyone was there for Clan of Xymox so I was curious how well-received Past Self would be.

Oh, one more thing – the guy in charge of checking IDs of everyone in line was so nice. Great first impression of the Rumba Cafe!

We were finally let in a bit after 7PM and I had to run straight to the bathroom because theater at Ramble House or whatever that bluegrass bar was called had gone right through me plus MY PERIOD WAS IN TOWN. (Henry reminded me last week of how I used to call my period “Maude.” I literally forgot all about that!)

Anyway, while I was in the bathroom, someone started trying to force the door open from the other side and I was in PANIC MODE. That is the worst feeling ever. First of all, bathrooms in small clubs like that usually have the dinkiest lock on the door so I was PRAYING to the Goddess Hela (I don’t know, what goddesses do the Goth girlies pray to these days?) that the lock would not give out and expose me in a full-on tampon insertion pose. I quickly finished up and when I opened the door to leave, an entire crowd had formed outside, JFC. Thank god I was the first one to make it back there, because I was not in any position to stand in another line.

We secured a spot at the corner of the bar and it ended up being mostly fine.

I liked the lady who was sitting next to me on a stool, and her husband was wearing a cool Goth tophat and pointed out my bracelet to her. I’m telling you, that fucking bracelet stole the show that day.

In case you were wondering what it looks like, there are pictures in this post:

Bangles & bengals & Bingle Bangle

I’ll try to keep this short and sweet, but Past Self came out and was exactly what I wanted. Dark synth is a motherfucking drug to me, I was IN A ZONE instantly. Their stage presence was haunting without being try-hard. The singer’s voice had that signature deep tone that I came to know and love during my Goth years.

They’re from Las Vegas and the singer is Korean American, so the lyrics are a blend of Korean and English. I was so stoked when I caught Korean words here and there that I knew!

Props to Henry for getting pictures for me since I am too short. (No one was behind us but the bar so he was able to freely hold his arms up, knowing that he wasn’t being THAT PERSON who was blocking the view of everyone behind him.)

Here’s one of their videos, please watch and enjoy. (DO IT. The song means “rusty knife” and I will cut you with one if you don’t watch!!!!)

(J/K.)

After their set, we moved to the back of the venue so I could get merch. I like Clan of Xymox but didn’t feel the need to be super close for them, so this seemed like a good spot. And it happened to be where my friends from the line were!

Clan of Xymox came out with a bang, ISTG. The whole room just exploded with energy and I was caught up in it immediately. Henry, not so much. He ended up ditching me and going to stand by himself near the door after awhile and I didn’t even notice at first, LOL Everything was fine until some young guy came out of nowhere and wedged himself in between me and the girl next to me. Turns out she was his friend and he then proceeded to have a full-blown conversation with her the entire time, with very little silence. It was absolutely annoying and rude. She seemed to have been enjoying the show before he arrived, too, so I’m not sure how she felt about Chatty Chad stealing the show, but I know how I felt. I kept glaring at him and he was NOT picking up on it. Had to have been in his early 20s, no couch, 눈치 없어.

READ THE FUCKING ROOM! Why why why do people go to concerts to talk?! Go to, I don’t know, fucking Denny’s! Get a fucking coffee and Grand Slam and talk until your lips chap. DO NOT DO THIS AT A CONCERT. It got to the point where my ears refused to hook onto anything but this guy’s whiny voice.

I had planned on only staying for part of Clan of Xymox’s set anyway since we had to drive 3+ hours home, and it was 10:30PM at that point so I figured that was my cue to call it. I wasn’t trying to get into verbal fisticuffs and ruin a perfectly good day. Because it really was a perfectly good day, all around.

This wasn’t from the Columbus show but I wanted to share it anyway because this is also how our Columbus show started and I was obsessed with laser gloves!!!!

And then this one was from our show:

On the drive home, I made Henry briefly listen to the Black Bible goth compilation (I have the physical copy as well and it’s out on display in the Cure corner of the living room – a nice conversation piece lol) until he was like, “OK I’ve had enough of this now, thanks.” It can get very funeral dirge-y, as you can imagine.

And then we arrived home a little after 2AM. It was exhausting but SO MUCH FUN. I’m glad that Henry still agrees to do these things with me. We definitely have some interesting adventures!

We were really flying by the seat of our pants with this one. When I first bought the concert tickets, I was excited because it was on a Saturday and thought, “Oh, we can turn it into a weekend trip!” but then as it got closer, I was like, “Or we can just get there early, spend the day hanging out, and then drive back after the show.” And then it was the day before and I was like, “Fuck it, let’s just leave at noon, eat dinner there, go to the show and come home.” I just hate leaving Penelope, even for a full day or overnight, ever since Drew died. It seriously is the worst and I feel so guilty, and now she’s going through this extreme picky phase with her food so I feel like I spend most of the day offering her different things, hand-feeding her treats, it’s a whole thing. (Yes, she’s being actively checked out by the vet and we have an appetite stimulant for her now too. All of her bloodwork came back fine, it’s just that she lost 2 pounds since her visit last year and as of the beginning of the year has decided that she doesn’t like dry food anymore and will only eat wet food but only certain kinds and then when she finds one she likes and we buy more, she doesn’t like it anymore. It’s been a whole thing and while she is eating, drinking water, peeing and pooping like normal, the vet put me in panic mode.)

Well, that was a lot to say that I didn’t feel very inspired to leave super early and I didn’t do my usual cafe and vegan food investigation like I normally would when we roadtrip. Sigh.

But! On a happy note, it all worked out anyway. We decided to just drive to the venue and find a place to park, because it’s street parking or GTFT (get the fuck towed) in this area. We got super lucky and found a spot RIGHT OUTSIDE of the venue. It was only 3PM, too early for dinner, but there was a place called Caca Cacao that I saw right around the corner so without consulting Yelp for any alternatives, that is where we went. And it was amazing! Good people, good vibes, good drinks. Sorry to keep using the word “good,” but that’s just how it made me feel DEEP IN MY SOUL.

We ended up just sitting at the bar after we ordered. I didn’t realize at first that there was an outside patio—it was chilly and raining off and on that day, but there was a covered portion that looked cozy so I suggested that we just take our drinks out there once we got them. But then! One of the baristas commented on my Ouija planchette bracelet which inspired a lengthy convo about divination and spirits. I felt like a fraud a little bit for wearing that in the name of fashion when I have really only used an Ouija board maybe…twice? (My friend Evonne had a spirit board though and we used that several times over the years which was always goosebump-inducing.) So, I felt obligated to tell the barista that my mom was into that stuff when she was younger, and how my grandma blamed her Ouija board usage on the fire that legit burned down the house while my grandma was in Florida.

It actually turned out to be an electrical fire caused by a record player that someone left on. No one was hurt and then the house was rebuilt into the 116 Gillcrest that was my refuge and sanctuary growing up (wow, two references to Gillcrest in back-to-back weekend recaps, it must be heavy on my subconscious).

I also told her about how ALLEGEDLY one time my mom was driving at night—this was also during her Ouija days—and said that it felt like something was yanking the steering wheel in the opposite direction and she either DID wreck or she ALMOST wrecked. I can’t remember now how the story went but I know I was scared when she told me, but not too scared that I didn’t actively try to summon Satan for a large swathe of time when I was in high school because I wanted to be taken, LOL I was such a living, breathing After School Special, it wasn’t even funny. (I was trying to think of when this would have been but it could have been anywhere between 10th and 12th grade, honestly, I was such a psychotic case study.)

Then we were talking about being from Pgh and she was telling us about her friend who is something of a famous busker there. “He wears a mushroom hat and raps,” she said, but the only person I could picture was Downtown Jesus and thank god that’s not who she was referring to. Anyway, he’s supposed to be performing at some Draft-related event happening here and then today, he came up in a video in Henry’s feed. “He’s the Guinness secord holder for longest freestyle rap,” Henry said, “50 hours!”

I got a Froot Loops matcha latte and it was delectable and also, we ended up just staying at the bar since it was such a friendly and safe space!

And thank god we stayed because when the other barista came over to get Henry’s payment, there was about 3 seconds of silence while he was struggling to tap his card, and suddenly she goes, “You have really great hair.”

To me!!

She said that TO ME!

You have no idea how annoyed and self-conscious I am about my hair in this shitty stage of life, and for someone to tell me that it’s GREAT?? I almost cried.

“Your tattoos and rings are really cool, too,” she continued. “You’re just cool in general!” she added. And then to Henry, “And you’re cool for being with her!”

I was like, “OK is there a camera somewhere? Is this real? Did my therapist set this up to give me a self-esteem boost so she can have one session with me where I’m not like, “I’m just an NPC. Wah.”

And then I felt tongue-tied because I wanted to return the compliments but everything that ran through my mind seemed like it would be weird to say, like, “I love the shape of your face!” which is what I was thinking before this even happened because she had that perfectly adorable heart-shaped face and a blunt chin-length cut that looked perfect on her. But when I say things nice things to other women, it always ends up coming off as either lowkey sexual harassment or borderline boundary-crossing because something happens to my words on their way down the chute from my brain to my mouth where it’s like, “Wait did I just sound like I was coming on to that person?”

Anyway…

Then Henry was looking at the menu again and asked her what kava is because there was a whole section for it. It turned into a whole thing, like an actual history lesson, and it was so informative and interesting! Basically, it’s a non-alcoholic liquid made from the root of some type of pepper-like plant or something that relaxes the body, and recovering alcoholics will actually drink it because it gives you the same sensation without putting actual alcohol in your body.

Then she gave us a free shot of it to try!

It tasted unlike ANYTHING I had ever tried before. Very…earthy and dirty. Muddy. Not the most pleasant thing but I was able to finish the shot without needing to dramatically spit it out or anything! And after awhile it leaves a slight numbing sensation on the tongue. Super intriguing, and there are actual drinks that they make with it there so maybe next time we visit, I will bit the bullet and try something fancy.

They also have kind of simple syrup made with a plant that I have never heard of and both baristas were trying to explain it to a man seated next to me. They finally settled on it having a slight “date” taste and then they let him try a spoonful of it and he agreed and said it was delicious so now I definitely have to go back and try a drink with that syrup too!

That place was just way too cool. And also very calming. As we were getting up to leave, I called out “goodbye!” down the bar to them, and the heart-face girl was all, “Have fun tonight, guys!” and it felt so nice, like we were regulars there instead of legit strangers passing through from Pittsburgh. I wish more places were like that. I always say that I hate small talk but I DIDN’T USED TO. I used to know someone everywhere I went back in the day, from gas stations, diners, pool halls…now the only people I “know” are the other daily walkers and joggers in Brookline who give me head nods and half-waves every time we pass each other.

What a great start to our short time in Columbus! After this, we walked to a place on High Street for a quick dinner, but I will save that for the next post because the Penguins are losing their second playoff game in a row and I am too stressed and angry to give this blog my full attention UGH.

I can’t explain fully what my deal is with Mama Steve’s, but I just really super love it so much. I was actually more excited about going here than Busch Gardens, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the food. It is all about the outdated ambiance for me. Please do not ever renovate, Mama Steve and Fam.

I was positively shaking with giddy anticipation. It was just as I had remembered!

Henry and Chooch were not even a fraction as stoked as I was. They’d have preferred the free hotel breakfast, I’m sure.

I’m not even going to pretend like this is the best food ever (although I’m the wrong person to ask since I’m very limited to what I can eat from this menu) but it’s just the fact that I truly get such frivolous joy from eating while swathed in a palette of baby blue. I mentioned this in my first ever Mama Steve’s blog post from…2021?? But it reminds me so much of my Pappap’s living room and dining room, color-wise. I feel instantly comforted every time I’m there!

Chooch was so over it before we were even seated, me taking pictures of everything like it was my first time there. But I was just so excited about everything in that moment! Chooch was back with us AND we were at Mama Steve’s!? Both of these things happening at once?!

I’m fairly certain that I took this exact picture the last time we were there but oh well. I love the coffee cups and I love the table tops and that’s that.

I became outrageously incensed because Henry’s meat-fists ruined this picture and you better believe I cried openly about it.

“Oh no,” Chooch said drily. “It’s too bad that nothing you wanted a picture of is still there. Like the tables. And that wall. Gone.”

NIRVANNA THE BAND THE SHOW THE MOVIE!!!!!!!!! Chooch said that I actually made him hate it with my zealous enthusiasm and wow, no one could have predicted that.

Anyway, in mock-excitement, Chooch blurted out, “Wow, 10 silver dollar pancakes?! Maybe that’s what I’ll get.” And then, “How big do you think they are?”

“Uh, silver dollar-sized??” Henry answered, incredulity pooling in the corners of his mouth. It was a whole thing. You had to be there.

That’s our server back there! Her name was either Lemon or Lenora. But she truly seemed to get a kick out of us and left our table chuckling to herself every time. When she took Chooch’s order and he hit her with the swerve of “vegetarian omelet,” she acted REALLY SHOCKED and goes, “OK! Vegetarian omelet….I thought you were gonna get the pancakes!” and then as she walked away, she said out loud, “I heard him say ‘10 silver dollar pancakes!‘” and then she chuckled so hard to herself. It was the cutest.

I don’t know what was going on behind my pancakes, but Henry clearly must have had the gall to ask Chooch to pass him the pepper and Chooch can’t complete any task without mouthing off in one way or another.

Anyway! I asked Henry if he would eat some pancakes if I ordered them because 4 p-cakes is too much for me. He said sure so I got a stack of blueberry and then immediately doused it with blueberry (or “blueberp” as it appeared on the carafe thing) syrup. “Wow, first you get my least favorite pancakes – blueberry – and then cover it with more blueberry,” Henry sighed. I almost peed my pants laughing because WHY WON’T MY BRAIN RETAIN THE FACT THAT HENRY HATES BLUEBERRY?!

Every time we go, we are usually only one of 2 or 3 tables. Lemon even told us not to hurry when she brought our check because, “as you can see, I don’t have any other tables,” she said with her patented chuckle. But then the hostess said, “The bus hasn’t come yet,” and Lemon chuckled some more so we weren’t sure if there really was a tour bus on the way or what? I mean, it’s freaking Williamsburg so I have to imagine that Mama Steve’s must get waves of crowds. I think every time we’ve been there, it’s been a weekday morning.

I look exhausted and my hair was wet. But I was so happy to be there! Henry looks like my prisoner.

And now for a series of pictures taken by Chooch which is always scary.

This was after Lemon busted us posing for pictures and did her “Pee Wee-watching-the-movie-about-himself-at-the-end-of-Pee Wee’s Big Adventure” chuckle.

Genuinely happy with a bellyful of blueberry pancakes from Mama Steve’s very own kitchen. Why does Henry look like he’s in the middle of psychological break, though. Like someone just put him out to pasture and told him to look at the flowers.

Oh! Speaking of the kitchen, we were desperately trying to figure out what they were listening to back there. It just sounded like the same several notes over and over. Chooch said it sounded like Nine Inch Nails because, “all I can hear is screeching and that’s what it sounds like.” I could see where he was coming from, but the cooks in the kitchen were a middle-aged black man and an old white lady. I mean, who I am to judge but they didn’t seem like the demographic for NIN.

My guess was that it was some sinister classical piece, something that would be used in an old horror movie. It was actually chilling. Henry even walked past the kitchen on purpose on his way to the restroom to try to get a better listen, but he said it only sounded worse the closer he got. We shouldn’t have sent the one person in our party who is hard of hearing.

(I actually really want it to have been NIN though because it just makes no sense, similar to my love for Mama Steve’s.)

Chooch always does this thing where he ultra-zooms on Henry when he’s supposed to be taking pictures of us, so I have a whole-ass collection of horrifying Henry close-ups on my phone. I sent this one to Alyson because it also happened to be her BIRTHDAY! She was excited because it was the live version of it, so she got to see Henry hee-hawing in motion.

And then we started our 6 hour drive home (well, first we had to stop at the Goodwill down the street from Mama Steve’s because Chooch’s latest obsession is starting a DVD collection). This was Henry whenever he was relocated to the backseat when it was Chooch’s turn to drive:

Wow. The end.

P.S. The last time we were at Mama Steve’s!

Williamsburg to Orlando: A Live Blog

Now that we’re into FEBRUARY, and this trip was in OCTOBER, I think it’s time to just blast through the rest of this or else my sentimental tendencies will just keep prolonging the inevitable.

I was finally feeling like mostly myself again so I was stoked when we accidentally walked by a famous bakery that I’ve been following on Instragram for years! We were actually starting to walk the opposite direction but there was YET ANOTHER “Fast Car” cover playing near the entrance and when I walked closer to Shazam it for Chooch (we hate “Fast Car,” all versions), I was like, “OH WAIT, it’s the bakery!”

Honestly, I wanted everything. But we specifically needed to get Prajitura cu Prune, which is like a cake-y dumpling thing with a whole plum inside. That’s what they’re famous for and there was ONLY ONE LEFT AND WE GOT IT. We were the only people in there at first, but as we were ordering, it started to fill up FAST and then a tour group came in too and I heard the guide telling them about the prune things and that sadly they were all out! I felt bad but also, we bought one, not dozens so not our fault!

We also got two pies – one was apple and one was cherry (I think??). I thought I was way more ready to pig out but once we took everything back to the room, I could only tolerate a small bite of each.

Honestly, it’s finny now being so many months on the other side of it, but those last few days there were wild for me. I can’t remember if I mentioned this, but I was having a really weird period too, where it was like, “Here I am, just kidding, no really, hello I’m here” for two days before ACTUALLY arriving in a deluge (sorry to any male / non-menstruating readers out there lol), then I got that stomach thing at the same time, so I was in some type of hell. At one point, we had passed some sketchy looking tattoo shop in an alley, so I motioned toward it and said, “Maybe I should try to add a staph infection to my growing ailments while we’re here.”

This area was so cute and quirky!

The rest of Saturday was spent shopping (I was on a mad search for something cool for Chooch) and looking for a post office / mailbox to mail the last three post cards I had. I think this was a 30,000+ step day because I was frantic to SEE EVERYTHING and NOT WASTE A SINGLE SECOND.

Henry was annoyed for the people who live here and have their windows blocked by a gigantic banner ad.

We finally stopped at an Eyfel to get some diffusers to bring home as gifts. I asked the girl working there which one is the most popular and she goes, in a VERY ANNOYED, CANNOT BE BOTHERED huff, “There is not just one.” Then she came out from behind the counter and silently pulled forward the 4 top scents and retreated without a word, LOL.

We ended up getting 4, one for both of our moms, Sue, and Margie. I instantly regretted not getting any for us. This stuff was EVERYWHERE in Romania and smelled so good. Our guest rooms had them, restaurant bathrooms, etc. Of course, then I came home and saw that you can buy it on Amazon, so….cool. Sigh.

We walked by a sidewalk flea market type thing happening and I was like, “Let’s just take a look…” It was mostly old jewelry and clothes, but there was one vendor selling KPOP PHOTO CARDS and I was so tempted to buy one (they had a bunch of Enhypen) but then I got distracted by the next vendor who had several racks of original streetwear-ish t-shirts. A Tyler the Creator shirt was in the front so that caught my eye and inspired me to start digging through the rack and that’s when I found THE GIFT for Chooch:

He loves Frank Ocean. You can’t tell, but the face is actually puffy, like it was sewn on separately. Plus, it was MADE IN ROMANIA and that was the most important thing. This picture was from a week after we came home and went to see him in Philly. <3 I would love to take Chooch to Romania someday! I’m glad that Henry and I took this trip as a duo because you know, we gotta learn to spread our wings and fly (lol) and we did have such a great time traveling together….but, I really missed Chooch.

Even though now we know he’s the catalyst, since Henry and I actually managed to get along 90% of the time in Romania. A MIRACLE.

More Bucharest facades.

View from our guest room. We stopped back to drop off our bags, eat our baked goods, and sit for a minute. I am happy to report that there was no more puking on the agenda for me.

Shared mirror in the hallway. My smile was a real smile and not a grimace for the first time in 2 days.

We went back in the evening, on the prowl for fries. Fries are a big deal in Romania and there are several really popular fast food chain options.

<3’d all the cats we saw along the way!

We settled on Cartofisserie (cartof means potato in Romanian, don’t say you didn’t learn anything from my wildly unpopular Romanian blog series) and it did not disappoint.

This is how I knew I was feeling better – I practically fought Henry to the death over the last fries in the box. I could have easily beasted the whole thing on my own, honestly. But yeah, hot and salty carbs after days of barely eating – nothing better than that.

Cartofferie also has a wide array of sauces you can add to your order and each one we chose was a hit.

I want to go back and eat these fries all over again, please and thanks. Ugh.

The famous Stavropoleos Monastery.

Super small and a tour group was filing in as we were trying to get back out so it was pretty claustrophobic. So beautiful though.

Creepy!

I loved the shape of this building.

We stopped at Vice Cream – another indication that I was feeling better! I had pistachio but then made Henry go back down and get a scoop of the rice pudding & raisin flavor to share – IT WAS SO GOOD.

There was a guy set up on the streets of Old Town taking pictures of people walking for this cute souvenir paper. Of course I was like WE HAVE TO DO THIS and were probably the only people who actually approached him rather than him trying to lure subjects over. I was like, “YES, US PLEASE, DO US NEXT” lol. I thought this was so cute!

We also went back to one of the gift shops from the day before because I was whining about the religious section that I wanted so desperately to buy something from. Henry was very “mmmmm” about this but I got my way. The hardest part was trying to choose just one to bring home, but I eventually settled on this one which is currently on display* in our religious bathroom:

*(This is a lie – after I took this picture, Henry went in and took everything off the walls in the bathroom because “we’re” painting the walls gold.)

One last look at the Parliament building while out scouting for a mailbox, lol. I am seriously so lame. Henry was just like, ‘YOU AND THESE FUCKING POSTCARDS.”

Our last Luca :( Then it was time to go back to the room so “we” could finish packing. We had to leave around 3AM the next morning and that was not great, and the whole travel day was exhausting with very little positive moments other than the most important one – making it home safely. Henry and I were not speaking at all by the time our last connecting flight happened lol.

We never did find a mailbox but our host told Henry that we could just leave the postcards on the table and they’d take them to the post office for us the following Monday – so nice! And they did it too because all of the recipients have since received their post card. :)

Aside from the health stuff & flight delays, the actual Romania portion of the trip was superb. 10/10. Renting a car was 100% the way to go. The countryside was the stuff dreams are made of. Most of the interactions we had with people were wonderful. Obsessed with the music. To be quite honest, it still doesn’t feel like we were really there and I am so grateful that Henry helped me make this happen after pining over this country for most of my life.

My favorite place was hands down Sighisoara. Wish we had more time in Cluj-Napoca. Need a Brasov do-over after getting sick! I’d love to go back and do a road trip in another region, see the Danube and the Black Sea. This was not a one-and-done for me!

Henry’s last words: “I enjoyed it immensely and would go back.” This is why we don’t have a YouTube channel, you guys. It would just be me jawing off with Henry grunting his annoyances in the background.

Here’s the last video compilation. Sigh. Thanks to anyone who followed along with these drawn-out recaps.

Slowly getting to through the camera photos from our Romania trip. I simultaneously am so relieved to almost be wrapping up these recaps but also – so sad. It really was one of the best times of my life and I will never forget it! (How can I with a vacation journal, 1000 pictures, and approximately 75 blog posts about it? Yes, I know – I’m exhausting. Try being me!!)

Anyway, these are the only pictures from Sighisoara we took with the camera, mostly just of the cemetery and the cafe where I got the best pie of my freaking life!

<3 you, Sighisoara!

We were just watching some travel YouTuber’s video the other night of the best/cheapest places to travel in Europe in 2026 and Sighisoara was on his list. I was happy but also like bro, don’t tell everyone the secret!

This was right outside the entrance to the cemetery.

The Scholar’s Steps from above! I loved those steps.

Cemeteries are basically my whole personality.

OK back to listening to the Pens game on my phone!

I’m so glad that my illness wore off in time to go to the Museum of Communism because this was one of the main things I was interested in seeing in Bucharest. This will mostly just be pictures.

Also, sex is life.

Blessedly, there were not many people there when we arrived, which was kind of crazy since it was a Saturday. The museum itself is upstairs from a cafe, and it’s pretty small – one hallway and three rooms. So I imagine it can be pretty claustrophobic on a crowded day.

The museum is very interactive – you’re encouraged to flip through pamphlets, turn on TVs, TRY ON CLOTHES (my favorite part!) so it was really nice to get to do these hands-on things without feeling like we were being pushed along.

Everything was fine until this young British couple (“young” to me since I am officially old now, but probably in their early 30s?) arrived and blew past us, skipping over the entire beginning section and then forcing us to have to change directions so we wouldn’t be behind them. The girl was fine but the guy was like a super snotty Robert Pattinson and I mean that both figuratively and literally – he was arrogant and also putting his post-nasal drip on full display to the point where it sounded like it was being aired over a loud speaker. The snorting and grossly intense sniffling and swallowing and wet coughing – OH MY LORD, GO AWAY.

The two sections of the museum featured many interesting artifacts from Communist Romania, such as military things, currency, and print advertisements.

Imagine how triggered MAGA would be if they went anywhere in a foreign country and saw that the British flag denotes English and not the ‘MURICA flag. Cry about it, fascists.

Henry really loved twiddling and diddling the dials.

These glasses were ALMOST as big as I need them to be!

The next room was set up to resemble a typical house back in Communist Romania and it was neat (I can’t believe I said “neat,” GOSH*) and made it extra fun to try on Romanian women ensembles.

*(I have noticed an uptick in grown ass adults eschewing “oh my god” for GOSH lately and I am not scared to say that it gets on my motherfucking nerves. Are you OPIE? Is this MAYBERRY?? Are you LEAVING IT TO BEAVER? I literally can’t stand it. I’m sorry, but taking the Lord’s name in vain is one of the few liberties we still have left, it feels like, so PLEASE DON’T TAKE THAT AWAY TOO. Especially at work! Why are you sending me Teams responses to my enflamed tirades that say GOSH?? I’m over here on the verge of self-immolation from all the stress and unhinged ire I feel on the daily and you’re going to hit me with a GOSH? GTFO.)

Anyway, I was happy in this moment.

I couldn’t get Henry to try anything on, but I went HAD 3 WARDROBE CHANGES. I couldn’t get enough. No one else was in this room yet so I was living my best Communist housewife life.

TENNIS.

I love this graphic design so much.

Henry was said he couldn’t diddle this one. :( Also, the museum staff at that time consisted of two college-aged guys who seemed like they couldn’t have cared less if someone touched this, although the music did turn up at one point (I think Henry jiggled something, I don’t know) and they came CRUISING over from the hallway to readjust the volume.

CONFIRMED: Henry said that yes, it was him that did this accidentally. “I wouldn’t say HE CAME RUNNING though. He was already on his way in.” Mmm. That’s exactly what someone would say when they want the readers to think it was less of a deal than it really was.

:/

As I’m writing this, ICE agents are reportedly following WHITE PEOPLE into grocery stores to see if they’re buying food for their neighbors of color and then attempting to follow them home, just saying. People never thought this shit would happen here, but sadly, we have lots of dumb ass motherfuckers who voted for it.

I did NOT want to part with these glasses.

Ending on an inspirational note.

So many important and uncomfortably close-to-home lessons to learn here.

No one asked, but I woke up feeling pretty refreshed and mostly human on Saturday morning! We got a really early start to the day since it was our last day and, well, you know how maniacal I get about SAND THROUGH THE HOURGLASS and so on and so forth.

We started off the day with a subway ride! You know I’m obsessed with subways and have to ride them in every city we go to, at least once.

Henry contemplating chucking his wedding band into a gutter for probably the 8796875th time since March 26, 2024 :) I think I was in the process of mocking him as he consulted the subway map. I love mocking him, it might even be what I was put on this earth to do.

Subway!

I didn’t take any pictures on the subway because it was pretty crowded, but it was otherwise a pleasant experience! So far, anything is better than Philly and Boston as far as I’m concerned.

And Pittsburgh, obviously. Though, I will say that ours at least isn’t too downtrodden and stinky but it definitely lacks in the convenience department because it barely goes anywhere! I have said for years that if it went to Oakland, Lawrenceville, Shadyside — I’d be getting out of the house way more often because those are all places that I hate driving to (because of parking!!!).

Arcul de Triumf! This is one of the reasons why Bucharest is called Little Paris, obviously. We saw this on our first “night” in Romania when we were driving to our hotel from the airport at approx. 3:ooAM, ugh. I remember being SO EXCITED to see it in the dark though, and thinking, “OK, we are IN ROMANIA!!”

From  there, we walked to King Michael I Park, which is also the location of a Michael Jackson tribute which you might think is odd but he actually had a very big cultural impact on Romania, as he was the first Western artist to perform in post-Communist Romania, after the revolution in 1989. It was a really big deal to Romanians and I get it! Hilariously though, Michael infamously stood on a balcony during his visit and yelled, “Hello BUDAPEST” instead of Bucharest. He wouldn’t be the first nor the last to make this mistake, and Bucharest really leaned into this and made it into a cute little campaign lol:

I had packed these jeans as back-up but they were admittedly a tight squeeze pre-trip. Happy to report that all my puking had me slipping into this pair with ease, LOL. Always looking for the bright side:) But sincerely, I went home weighing three pounds less than I did when we left Pittsburgh. Love that for me.

I felt so much better on this day!

This little plaza had 12 alarmingly giant bronze domes making up the Monument to the Founding Fathers of the European Union. Very creepy to a certain extent and I liked it.

EW. Lol.

EW. Lol.

Obsessed.

I was on squirrel watch the whole time we were there, having not seen ONE SINGLE SQUIRREL anywhere in Romania! Henry saw one in this park for a split second and by the time he told me, I could only catch the tail end of it slipping into the darkened tree boughs. :(

There was quite a bit of construction going on throughout the park during the off season; I can only imagine how nice it will be in the spring and summer! I will say our last day there was probably the warmest day of the whole trip, warm enough for Henry to be like, “YAY I’M WEARING SHORTS TODAY!” I mean, I didn’t think it was THAT warm, but OK. There were lots of people out jogging and walking their dogs (lots of leashless dog-walking in Bucharest, I observed) and there was some little kid obstacle course that was being set up too. It just looked like it was going to be a really nice day at the park.

Back to the underground!

Waiting for the subway to take us back to the Old Town area so we could find food!

December 21, 1989 was the day shit really hit the fan in Bucharest and the people fought back. Timely inspiration, if you ask me. Everywhere we went in Romania, we found nuggets of hope within their history that maybe America could fucking stand up and do the same. LET’S GO, USA. The Romanian dictator at the time – Nicolae Ceaușescu – and his wife Elena were swiftly found guilty and executed ON LIVE TV ON XMAS DAY.

DARE.

TO.

DREAM.

We found this trendy little joint called Nuba Cafe and it looked like a place that would have something wholesome and healthy for me, cautiously ready to finally eat. I can tell you how I knew I wasn’t fully 100% health reactivated – just Henry saying the words, “I’m going to get the shakshuka” made me burp up just a hint of acidic bile. JUST A DROP!

In my journal, I wrote, “Henry got shakshuka which is actually so repulsive to me right now, but cook on, Henry! Only thinking of himself!” I’m such a peach :)

Similar to the place we ate in Cluj, this was also run predominately by young men who looked very bored and disinterested in the roles they were playing, like they were just killing time before the beat drop at their popcorn DJ set later that night. They made zero eye contact with anyone, barely even looked at each other, left a table of GenZers to die at a back table (they were getting SO HUFFY, too, I was eating it up), generally acted as a Romanian Service Industry stereotype.

I think this was an iced chai??

Also, what the hell was going on outside the window behind me that had Henry peering so intently,  like he’s about to buy binoculars on Amazon and have them drop-shipped to his lap?

THIS WAS PERFECT. I ate it so slowly and savored every last scrape of honey that I could finagle. NOURISHMENT. In case you were wondering, they call berries “forest fruit” in Romania and I love that lots.

Another cool-ass building.

I’m getting really sad like I’m living this last day all over again even though it was 3 mths ago at this point. Over 3 mths ago. This is absurd. This will teach me to never again leave my laptop at home while traveling.

Next on the agenda was the Communism Museum! I took a lot of pictures in there so stop by another day and we will go through those together. Aw.