This part of Saturday night was frustrating. I had a plan and as per usual Henry decided to wipe his ass with it and go rogue. We were supposed to go to Portland after Funtown, have dinner, look at the lighthouse, do fun and cool city stuff. But Henry was like WE WILL INSTEAD GO TO THAT BEACH PLACE YOU MENTIONED and like, yeah, I mentioned it but that was for Sunday night?! When it would probably be less crowded?

So, we get there and it’s crowded (surprise) and Henry was being so annoying about parking. I lost it and cried, “JUST FORGET IT, LET’S JUST GO TO THE AIRBNB” and he was like “AT 7:OOPM?? AND THEN JUST STAY THERE?!” because it was in the middle of nowhere with stuff to do. So then after he started to head toward that way, I was like FINE JUST GO BACK and so we did but it was annoying and crowded and honestly, I just didn’t like the vibes.

The actual area is called Old Orchard Beach, btw, and it is NO WILDWOOD, NJ, that I will tell you. I was hoping for Big Beach Energy but it wasn’t that. It felt like a county fair, but put it next to the beach.

We didn’t spend much time here. We had three coaster creds to scoop up – Henry opted out because we had to pay per ride and he is El Cheapo.

Thrilled.

This Orient Express was actually kind of forceful!?

I don’t know why Henry took so many pictures.

And a video:

Then we rode an SBF Visa Spinner. It was fine. Didn’t spin much and you can tell we are just so excited to be there riding a coaster model we’ve ridden 87 times.

This place was very crowded. It was like the Jersey Shore but with Maine accents and lots of French-Canadian tourists.

The main attraction was SEA VIPER:

I really enjoyed this! It was wild and not nearly as uncomfortable or janky as I had it pegged to be by scoping it out from line. And for one-train ops, the wait actually wasn’t that bad – maybe 25 minutes?

I loved this flat ride the most though!! YOU CAN TELL, BECAUSE I AM ACTUALLY SMILING!

Then we also did a realllllly lame funhouse (sorry, but Europe spoiled us with funhouses!!) and then walked down some pier thing with restaurants that had no food for vegetarians, and then we got coffee from some old woman at a snack counter. She was nice. The coffee was OK.

God, I was in such a foul mood though. I was hungry but not, I was sad but angry, I was tired but bored. Nothing was making me happy. I actually flipped out right after Henry took this picture because people were walking by and I was like HURRY UP AND TAKE THE PICTURE and then I decided NEVER MIND JUST FORGET IT and I walked away while Chooch was still sitting there, like, “I thought you wanted a picture here…?” and YOU KNOW WHAT, I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WANTED.

So then we left and started to make our way to the airbnb in Westbrook, Maine which was about 20 minutes away and I cried in the passenger seat while occasionally snarling shitty remarks at Henry in the stylings of Teenage Girl Possessed by the Devil, because that is just what I do now. Where is my Olympic gold for being the GOAT at crying on the spot while verbally eviscerating Henry. This bitch can multi-task.

OH I WAS ALSO PISSED BECAUSE MY BLOG WAS BROKEN AND I WAS TRYING TO LIVE BLOG AND WHY IS EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE BREAKING/DYING/LEAVING/ETC.

Look at these beautiful memories I’ve been making this summer.

Our first stop in Maine was a town called Saco where a small amusement park called FUNTOWN SPLASHTOWN lives. You gotta know we planned this trip around roller coasters! Originally, we were also going to go to La Ronde in Montreal, but that is infamously known as the WORST Six Flags park in their entire roster and we figured if we’re going to go to Montreal for the first time, we want more time to actually see the city AND we’d prefer going to the park on a weekday NOT a Saturday. Well, Henry decided this unilaterally, I should say. And then continued to change the itinerary every step of the way, BUT THAT IS NEITHER HERE NOR THERE, RIGHT???

Don’t mind me, sitting over here at my desk blowing piping hot steam out of my nose like your average pissed off cartoon bull.

I also want to interrupt myself here to say that I thought it was fun that the state line was in the middle of a bridge! Look at me, being positive and highlighting the little things. Whoop-de-doo.

Well, I guess I will try to leave my negativity re: trip planning at the door for this one because we actually did have a really nice time once Henry stopped screaming at Chooch for “following the GPS directions” which were taking to us to the destination that would come after this one, but every time Chooch asked him, “Then which way should I go?” Henry wouldn’t answer?!! Lots of screaming ensuing.

Then Henry was all controlling about where we parked and Chooch was like, “I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING” and Henry was like, “TURN DOWN THIS AISLE!” and like, bro, the parking lot was not even that big. It truly did not matter where we parked. I was about to open the door and barrel-roll onto the gravel just to get away from the backseat drill sargeant.

S H E E S H.

Can we talk for a second about the awesome lettering/font they used here? I love it so much. It has 90’s Nick-vibes, like Doug Funny might be here with Patty Mayonnaise and the gang on a school field trip.

Since we had arrived around 4PM, we were able to get the discounted evening tickets which was a pretty decent savings! This was especially good for us because we knew this wasn’t a full-day park and that we were not going to be staying that long. (Originally, we were going to go to Portland from here and spend the evening there, but don’t worry – Henry fucked that all up UNILATERALLY as he was wont to do on this entire road trip that was meant to celebrate my birthday and help cheer me up but then ended up doing none of those things, so, good job Henry. Hope you haven’t started that travel agency yet unless it’s specifically for people who want to punish themselves under the guise of “vacationing.”)

My very first impression was neutral, I guess. There isn’t a real defined “entrance” or anything – you walk through the gate and everything is just kind of there, no rhyme or reason. No defined sections. Go left for waterpark stuff. Shitter straight ahead. Everything else, to the right and good luck. Of course, Henry had to pee straight away so we walked in and came to an abrupt halt like lost tourists while he did his thing.

Almost immediately, we came upon the new for 2023 darkride, Whispering Pines. SO HERE’S THE THING: It appears that every fucking coaster YouTuber had the same idea as us and did some rando’ New England coaster tour in the weeks leading up to our own trip, so I was watching a bunch of content prior to this and people were straight up q-tipping their pee holes over this ride. “OMG it’s Disney-caliber!” “I can’t believe this ride is here in this tiny nugu* area of Maine!” “I rode it 4x because it’s so fucking good!” “USA Today ranked it #6 of the best new attractions for 2023!”

*(nugu in Korean means “who?” and it’s what people call rookie/unknown kpop groups when they’re trying to be derogatory. Like, “Wow, that nugu group really just became Gucci embassadors? Who is their company paying off?”)

OK so I went into this with my hopes way too high, like maybe my hopes could have tried a few drops of CBD oil first before going so hard, but OK. There were three pre-teen kids in front of us and they were REAL hype boys for this ride, telling me, “IT’S SCARY!” etc etc and I was like, “Mmm, I’ll be the judge of that.”

I mean, I appreciated the Shining-esque carpeting in the queue line! That whole vibe was great.

And OK honestly? It was cool for a new dark ride in some nugu park. For sure. But was I crapping my pants and buying postcards to send home about this? “I CRAPPED MY PANTS ON A DARK RIDE IN MAINE! WISH YOU WERE HERE.”

Like…no. No, I wasn’t. IT WAS A SHOOTER RIDE AND THE GUNS WEREN’T EVEN WORKING.

Also, I hate shooter dark rides. I just want to sit back and relax on a dark ride. And I’m not even that picky, either! Stick me in a Pretzel car and send me through a veritable walk-in closet full of 1960s K-Mart Halloween props, turn on some strobe lights, and splash some day-glo paint on a wall in harlequin shapes and I am golden. And make it stink of musty sweaters and fog machines.

Apparently, this bothered me on a subconscious level because I actually had a dream the other night that I was so let down by this dark ride that I MADE MY OWN that was so scary I couldn’t stop thinking about it when I woke up.

I’ve really been wanting to quit my job lately and maybe this is my calling!? DESIGNING DARKRIDES?! SALLY,, YOU HIRING? I have absolutely no industry experience but I have been going to haunted house since 1994 and watching horror movies since before I could even walk so I’m sure I have something to offer. Also, let’s not forget that I was a member of DAFE (Darkride and Funhouse Enthusiasts!) for like, two whole seasons.

OK, we have to move on from that topic. Next, we went on Wild Mouse. It was a standard Wild Mouse. Ops actually weren’t terrible. There was a straight-up carny running this piece and he was giving Kirk vibes. It was OK. I appreciated the color scheme.

But then oh what’s this, motherfucking Camelot? OK, I see you, Funtown. I see your fucking sword in the stone….or whatever.

I thought I could run back around (PUT ME IN THE DUNGEON, I DON’T CARE) to the “observation deck” or whatever so that I could take a picture of them while they were still in the station, but this fucking Sir Putzalot idiot got in my way and I kept doing the IN A HURRY shuffle behind him before finally gasping EXCUSE ME and shouldering past him. BUT IT WAS TOO LATE. I was unrealistically pissed off about this which I was going to blame on my current fucked up psycho mindset but honestly I would have reacted like this no matter what. That was just me being me.

This happened much later, but I want to say that I’m glad I decided to give this a second chance because I ended up loving it. I rode it with Henry third row from the back and it was so much better, except that we had to suffer through an entire family of line-jumpers – can’t stand you, mothercheffers!! But yeah, second time around was so much better and I actually wanted to ride it again but then line got really long after that for some dumb reason and no one wanted to wait with me so I pouted.

Longest, most boring carousel. There were kids that were actually begging to stay on. Gross.

Also around this time, we went to the gift shop which was STRANGE AND BIZARRE. There was what I can only describe as a CRYSTAL COUNTER with its very own CRYSTAL DEALER. She was…not a Funtown employee, I refuse to believe it. She used to have a crystals and windchimes shop in the mountains but was run out of the area by rogue maple syrup pirates and was forced to move her wares into a shared space with Funtown beach towels and magnets.

There was also a super screamy kid in the gift shop and its grandma pulled it outside but then stood with it at the door so we could all still hear it shrieking. It was so rude! Like, hello, crystal lady is trying to ring up my fucking magnet and Chooch’s Funtown collector’s pen while attempting to hide her disappointment that none of us opted to throw in a chakra marble, could you NOT let your grandthing wail like that?

It was in this line that I really started to notice the clientele here at Funtown.  I don’t know if I was expecting fishermen and like, the Kennedys-on-holidays or what, but that’s certainly not what we were seeing here. Henry texted me while we were in line and was like, “I feel like we’re like in rural Indiana.”  The people in this line in particular were really creeping me out. Lots of early 2000s nu metal aesthetic.

Then there was this uncomfortable interaction between two young boys behind us and another young boy that was far enough ahead of us that he was technically next to us on the other side of the railing. Anyway, I couldn’t really figure out what was going on but I think they must have met each other earlier in the day in another line and the kid in front of us was like, “Hello <name> do you remember my name?” and the kid behind us DID NOT so the other kid had to reintroduce himself and then the mom was like pretending to care about the things the kid behind us was saying and it was so fake, and then then kid behind us was like, “Hey <name> do you want to ride this with us” and that kid (I feel like his name was Joel) literally SNAPPED, “No, I promised my mom I would ride with her, so.” It was such an uncomfortable rejection and I couldn’t understand why that kid had changed his attitude so quickly when he was the one who initiated the conversation in the first place?? And then he saw some other kid he knew too and was acting like the mayor of Funtown and…no, kid, just no. You are not cool.

Anyway, he and his mom got to ride one cycle before us and when they got off the ride, they walked right past the kid behind me with NO ACKNOWEDGEMENT. I was Team Kid Behind Us. Joel was not that great and his mom seemed like a PTA mom who acts like she has lots of power but really she’s just the one that makes sure the bake sales are NUT & GLUTEN FREE.

We were fucking CACKLING the whole time and wheezing, “WTF IS THAT??” Clipart-palooza. Glad I bought a ticket, wish I had a commemorative shirt. 100% in the Top 3 best moments of the weekend. Amazing.

What a weird little park.

Hi. I remembered to use the “good” camera at one point during our weekend trip and here are some of the pictures I took that came out OK despite my poor eyesight. These are from Rockland Harbor and the iconic Portland Head Light. Of course, I have a million more photos from these places but they’re iPhone photos and will be posted later with like, more words and stuff.

I almost died climbing down here but I liked this spot a lot. And it was surprisingly not very crowded at sunset!

We went to three lighthouses on this day – am I now a lighthouse thoosie!?

Since my liveblog was half-broken, I couldn’t upload most pictures, things weren’t saving, I kept losing service in the mountains, here is a – hopefully – more cohesive account of how the first leg of Saturday went.

Blue Benn Bathroom Selfie.

I think breakfast at the Blue Benn was pretty much covered, but after that we went to this old ass cemetery specifically to see Robert Frost’s grave even though none of us collectively could name a single one of his poems. But at least we know who he is!!

It was a pretty quaint cemetery. No complaints here.

Then we drove right down the street to the Bennington Museum. If we weren’t on a schedule, I would have liked to pay for admission and look around, but instead I just ran in to check out the gift shop for magnets. I did not end up getting one, but I did buy a little tiny bottle of maple syrup (and as always immediately regretted not splurging for a biggun’) and Chooch and I got some local chocolates and maple candies while Henry sat outside with the weird Lincoln statue.

THEN, Chooch drove us up the street to the Bennington Monument and I am so glad we made time for this because it was COOL. As stated in my liveblog, it is the 6th tallest monument in the US and the largest structure in general in Vermont. It was very impressing (and imposing) in real life.

I truly had so much fun here.

Originally, I just wanted to get some photos and buy a magnet from the gift shop*, but then some guy walked by when we were leering up the monument, shrugged and said to us, “The view was pretty cool,” as though he knew we were deliberating whether to eat up more time in Bennington. I didn’t want to go back in the gift shop again so we sent in Henry, who came out with two free admission stickers because he’s a “veteran.”

“Yeah, but do they know you went AWOL?” I said.

“I DID NOT—-” Henry started defensively, then cut himself off with a sigh. This is his least favorite argument to have with me, probably :)

Anyway, I was sad because I wanted to walk to the top since I’m a sick fuck when it comes to steps, but the steps were blocked off. So we had to wait for the elevator to come back down. It had an operator which was cool because he rattled off some facts to us during our ascent, and told us which states we’d be looking at from each side of the tower, and you better believe I forgot as soon as we stepped out of the elevator. Luckily, it did say it above each window!

This was the direction we came from, and you can see the Robert Frost grave church in the distance. I forget what mountains he said those were.

Each view was so lush and stunning!

Then we spotted down below, standing like a creepy bouncer.

*(RE: THE GIFT SHOP! On Tuesday,  I was putting all of my new magnets on the fridge because this is one of the only small joys I have left in life PLEASE LET ME FUCKING LIVE, when I realized that my Vermont magnet from the Bennington gift shop was actually TWO MAGNETS STUCK TOGETHER. BUT I ONLY GOT CHARGED FOR ONE. A normal person would be like, “Yes, something for free!” but my absolute monster of an empathic self crumbled in guilt. I felt like I stole it even though I didn’t! I kept thinking about the two old AF people working the counter, probably had maple syrup coursing through their veins which is the only explanation for why they were so nice and sweet, and I was just frantic to make it right. So I scoured the internet until I found a contact for the woman in charge of Bennington Monument thangs and I emailed her with an explanation of what happened and asked if I could PayPal or Venmo the money to her, like this $4.95 + whatever VT tax is would be the reason the monument would be boarded up, lack of funding, etc. Anyway, the woman (Marylou!!) responded right away with “My gosh Erin! I really admire and appreciate your honesty” and then basically went on to say in so many words that the monument is not like destitute and they can just write it off. But then she signed it “your mother would be proud.” !!! This happened on my birthday and I lost my mind and proceeded to cry my face off because I am broken and hanging on by a thread, but don’t worry because while I was crying, I forwarded it to Chooch out of smugness – I can still multi-task while having a nervous breakdown.)

Proof that Chooch enjoys life sometimes even when he is with his lame mom.

Such a fun place. I still don’t really know what the monument is for, LOL. A war thing, I guess.

Then we had a really enjoyable drive through more of Vermont while en route to Maine. Although if you ask Chooch, he will tell you it was “so boring” and “took forever” because he is the one who was driving, but I loved it! It was so scenic – we were in the mountains and then there were lots of adorable little towns we cruised through as well.

We stopped at this Hogback Mountain scenic overview joint for some Vermont creamees, which I already mentioned but they were so good, it’s worth posting twice!

But first, Henry to be annoying at the beverage cooler.

I got a baby creamee because I’m a grief baby and still not eating like a full-grown human. But I still wanted a creamee, and make it maple, bitch! The crumbles on top were also maple! This was my lunch.

Chooch looks like he is posing for an ad.

Somewhere after this, we stopped for gas and Chooch immediately got in the backseat, so Henry drove the rest of the way to our next destination: FUNTOWN SPLASHTOWN in Saco, Maine. More on that next time!

Anyway, I genuinely really liked the first half of this day and was actually kind of happy “a lil bitz” which is what I would say to Drew if she were here right now.

We left the house around 4:30PM on Friday to start our roadtrip and in all fairness, I was in pretty decent spirits. The original plan was to drive to Sylvan Beach, which Henry alleged was open until midnight, so that Chooch could claim the Galaxi credit that he missed out on a few years ago when it was closed during a repaint, but that Henry and I smugly procured when we revisited while he was tromping around Mexico.

Once we finally passed through Erie and made it to New York, things felt more road-trippy. The last time we drove through this way was in 2022 I guess, and I don’t remember all of these cool APPLEGREEN rest areas, but I was enamored by them. They were just so visually pleasing, so bright and shiny! The snack selection wasn’t the best though and the prices seemed HIGH!

But then! Something amazing happened! For the first time ever, Chooch drove during one of our roadtrips! It was so much fun with Henry banished into the backseat! We found some local radio station that was doing weird rock/rap remixes (DJs Scratch & Sniff, apparently) and that entertained us for some time. Strangely, I have still not been able to listen to the normal things I would listen to, since Drew died. So, I have been defaulting to the radio every time we’re in the car. I can’t remember the last time I even opened Spotify.

We also learned that Henry can’t tell Sia and Rihanna apart?!

I really had so much fun on this drive.

At another Applegreen!

Henry being an illuminated creep in the backseat.

WE FOUND OUT ON THE WAY TO SYLVAN BEACH THAT IT CLOSED AT 10, NOT MIDNIGHT. This was Henry’s fault so we lambasted him mercilessly over his. Another fail served by Henry. We still went anyway though even though it was after 11, because I needed to get my steps in.

Sylvan Beach is such a weird little “resort” town. It feels so haunted at night, too.

It was v. creepy and I loved it – best way to get my daily step count in.

I love this wall so much! Here’s our 2021 pictures in front of this wall.

Then we continued on to our first pitstop – Little Falls – where Chooch fucked around in the mostly-empty parking lot, trying to do the perfect park while Henry who had been inside checking in, stood in the parking lot with his arms out and an exasperated expression on his face.

I think I already mentioned this, but we stayed in a Rodeway Inn and it looked like ASS in the hallway but goddamn, our room was so new and actually super cozy. And the mirror was a smart mirror with the good ring light effect, which is what I had prayed for in our room in Seoul, but alas – that bathroom came with the worst lighting ever which is insane considering how vain South Korea as a whole is.

But yeah, guess we gotta go back to Sylvan Beach for a 4th time here at some point so Chooch can finally catch that elusive Galaxi cred!

Recapping this trip is weird. There were lots of good moments but also an underlying sense of panic that time is running out. Going places with Henry and Chooch all these years has been my whole life, you know? I love going back and reading about all the roller coasters and roadside diners and bad hotels and wacky tourist traps we’ve accumulated as a family. What is it going to be like with Chooch in college? Will Henry and I still go places? Will we survive without our buffer?

I’m so freaked out.

Also, we heard Palaye Royale twice that weekend and I had to Shazam it both times (the same song!) because it sounded familiar from my Warped Tour years. I am losing my identity.

It’s currently 6:23pm and we’re in Massachusetts on our way home (NH – VT – MA – CT – PA, so many states on this trip). We spent the first half of the day at Story Land in Glen, NH which is in the White Mountains and when I say it was a harrowing ordeal getting to our hotel the night before from Portland, Maine…sheesh.

More on that separately!

Anyway I just wanted to post pictures of the adorable place we stayed – Swiss Chalet Inn. The rooms were decent – your standard two double bed motel room. Clean. TV for Olympics-viewing. The bathroom had a heat light on the ceiling which I appreciated!

(We’re passing thru Connecticut now as I type this.)

If you’re into quaint Swiss-ripoff facades, then I would highly recommend this place haha. I wish the rooms were miss Swissed out though. Like at least put a Swiss Roll on the pillows or something, I don’t fucking know.

Chooch, desperate to see the game room. He thought it was through the same door as the breakfast door, but that door was locked because breakfast was ending in a few minutes I guess. He jiggled the knob then started to retreat when someone ON THE INSIDE got up and opened the door for him (REMINDED ME OF OUR WEIRD BOJANGLES EXPERIENCE) so he went in and came right back out with a packaged muffin even though Henry had already brought us breakfast from a nearby cafe earlier.

“I felt obligated to get something since they opened the door for me,” Chooch muttered and dong worry because I’m sure he probably ate that in the car on the 5 minute drive to Story Land.

That’s all. Back to boring road stuff. My hands smell like autobody bathroom soap thanks to the Sunoco we recently stopped at to pee, by the way. Ugh.

Hello from Bath, Maine on another hectic leg of our road trip. We spent time with our friend Kristen this afternoon at her family’s farm so I will be recapping that once I’m home! It was so great to see her!

Then we did some lighthouse things and spent a lot of time looking for somewhere to eat because being on the SEAFOOD COAST makes it hard when you’re vegetarian. Finally, we found the Bath Brewing Co in, well, Bath that has a KELP BURGER.

Dang you guys. It was GÜD.

Of course, we were a family on edge after a day of arguing, etc. and even though we were “getting along” at this point, I think tension was oozing from our table and our server, EMILY WHO WAS GREAT, was picking up on it because every encounter with our table had her eyes glowing with anxiety. I was so irritated because no one can ever answer a question. Like, all she asked was “do you want me to bring some small plates out?” after she set down an appetizer and instead of one of us just saying yes, we all look at each in a panic like we’re trying to recall a script or something.

Why are we like this?!

“She probably thinks Henry kidnapped us and it was so long ago that we don’t remember it and now we’re just stunted,” I mumbled.

And for some reason this made Chooch lose his mind with laughter while he had a mouthful of food so Henry was like, “PLEASE DO NOT SPIT THAT OUT” and Chooch goes, “Oh ok when have I ever done that?!”

Henry immediately said, “MILKSHAKE.”

Hilariously, Chooch knew exactly what he was referencing and then began laughing even harder, almost shooting his kelp burger (copied me) across the patio.

Then I remembered that it was Henry’s COWTAIL MILKSHAKE from Sheetz. Henry had only had one sip before Chooch asked for a sip, at which point something made him laugh and he spit a LARGE WAD of milkshake back into the cup and all over the table because if I remember correctly we were sitting outside at a table for some reason?!

So then we went from being the shifty “out of the bunker for the day” family to just your basic annoying assholes.

And then I took a picture of Henry exiting the bathroom before we left.

Also my blog is still largely broken so if anything looks weird that’s why. It’s also defaulting to “comments off” so I’m not just being stand-offish.

It is 7:46am and the start of the first full day of this hectic road trip. We arrived at Little Falls after midnight as our first sleeping point. I was so scared because Henry booked us a RODEWAY room and those places can be mmmmm and it certainly looked mmmmm from the outside and even the hallway was mmmmm. But turns out they’re renovating and the room was very clean & updated, the bed was so comfortable, the TV was huge for Olympics-viewing, and the bathroom had a glorious smart mirror.

Henry is being SUCH A DAD already and Chooch and I are like STFU OMG. First of all, he got in the car and started angrily rifling around my feet “LOOKING FOR [HIS] CABLE” and I was like “THIS IS SO INVASIVE” which made Chooch laugh but Henry had already gotten out the car and was rummaging through the trunk at the point so he missed it and kept barking WHAT? WHAT?

Literally 2 minutes after getting in the car and now we’re at a rest stop so HE CAN PUT AIR IN THE TIRE.

Anyway, last night was such a chaotic drive because we let Chooch drive the last 3ish hours with me in the passenger seat and Henry banished to the back so we were just cackling like hyenas.

Anyway x2 since the last time we drove through this part of NY (whatever part that is) they’ve upgraded their rest areas to some magical thing called APPLEGREENS and I approve greatly.

“Ridin’ Dirty” is on the radio and I told Chooch that was his “dirty diaper” song when he was a baby and now I wish I had included this info somehow at his grad party.

9:16am: Me, not knowing where we are but thinking this is pretty:

I think we are almost to Vermont. Henry can’t find the border on the map haha. Imagine not being able to read a map.

9:29am: OK we’re passing through Hoosick NY and then I think Vermont happens. New state credit for us! #dorkalert And “Come Undone” by Duran Duran just came on so I’m really feeling a type of way.

9:52am: At the Blue Benn Diner! This came up on Bernie Sanders’ YouTube channel lol so I was like “This is where we will eat” and then put my blinders on for everything else.

Henry actually is with us but he’s not doing anything notable.

Chooch wanted to play the Chipmunks’ version of Achy Breaky Heart but didn’t have a quarter and then I was like “whoa they have Volare that’s one of my favorite songs!” And he said “no that’s dumb” and then a group of college kids came in speaking Italian (we think??) and sat behind us and they played it!!!

I got curry tofu scramble and it was so good and didn’t make me feel sick!

This place was sooo tiny – we were lucky to get there right as they were cleaning off the only empty booth. Our server was so nice too!

We got two homemade donuts too – Henry and I split one and Chooch had his own. They were awesome!

10:50am Well my fucking blog broke again so I’m writing this in Notes. Nothing in my life is right these days. Anyway, ate at the Blue Benn Diner in Bennington and then saw Robert Frost’s grave at a nearby cemetery.

11:08am: Leaving the gift shop at the Bennington Museum – super nice guy working in there! Got some local chocolate and maple syrup. Saw a weird Lincoln statue with nude children.

11:29am: at the Bennington Monument which is the tallest structure in Vermont and the 6th tallest MONUMENT in the US.

This post would have so many photos but only one out of every 10 pictures will upload because WordPress is a fucking piece of shit.

Henry got FREE ADMISSION since he is a “veteran” but didn’t even go with us. His loss because the elevator guy was the best part – we had a delightful chat with him about Pgh and his recent train ride to San Fran which was 68 hours.

12:21pm: Chooch has been driving us thru the mountains of Vermont while Henry slept in the back. He woke up long enough to scream ICE CREAM when we drive past an ice cream place though.

1:00pm: Just left Hogback Mountain scenic overview. There was a store there and we got our first authentic creamee! I got a baby maple with maple crunch and it lived up to the hype.

1:09pm: Chooch is still driving but he makes Henry put gas in the car lol.

1:22pm: Now we’re in NH and Henry and Chooch are fighting over directions and chooch started laughing so hard he gave himself hiccups and then Henry incorrectly told him to stay in the right lane going around a round about and he was WRONG because the right lane was a turning lane and Chooch basically had to cut off the car in the left lane to stay in the round about and Henry was like “it’s ok” ONLY BC IT WAS HIS OWN FAULY IT HAPPENED. PERFECT HENRY. But then Henry yelled WELL IM TRYING TO DO THIS FROM THE BACKSEAT AND YOU HAVE THE WORST NAVIGATOR NEXT TO YOU and Chooch goes OH I KNOW SHE WONT EVEN PLUG HER PHONE IN TO BRING UP THE MAP and hey no, how did I get dragged into this??

3:31pm: Made it to Maine!! The state line happened while we were on a bridge which was cool/weird. Nothing much else to report. Chooch is still driving and Henry has been asleep the whole time so I joked that it’s like Weekend At Henrie’s instead of Bernie’s because he looks dead but Chooch didn’t laugh.

3:36pm: OK weird a few minutes ago some Eminem song was on where he samples Abracadabra and Chooch was like OK COOL and then I changed stations a few minutes later and ABRACADABRA WAS ON.

7:22pm: Just leaving Funtown now and wow, it was something. There was a covered Scrambler that was hands-down the most bizarre versions of one of those I have ever experienced. Separate post will be happening for this portion of the day lol.

Henry was being SO ANNOYING on the way here though good lord. He wasn’t giving Chooch directions at all and then was yelling when Chooch went the wrong way and we were like THEN GIVE US DIRECTIONS! Ugh. Also I ate French fries and it was the first time in over a month that something so greasy hit my stomach so I am not a happy girl right now and also Henry is AGAIN trying to change the itinerary and I am ready to just cry because I tried to get him to sit down and plan this with me and he was being such a fucker “we don’t need a plan” bitch boy about it and now I’m stressed and not having fun because he has to be in control and when he is in control all promises of fun are flushed.

7:47pm: now we’re at Old Orchard Beach was supposed to be a tomorrow thing but whatever. Henry pissed off two middle aged people on thick-wheeled bicycles and then he yelled FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU TOO! out the window all over a stressful parking situation.

10:29pm: we’re at our airbnb in somewhere, Maine. It’s fine but I am not. We left Old Orchard Beach around 10 after arguing over food and then I was like, you know, this was supposed to make me feel better but I don’t feel better. I feel the same. And then I quiet-cried in the car the whole way here and now I’m going to bed. I’m posting this and I know it’s going to be fucked up just like everything else haha yay. Bye. 

P.S. our airbnb is a converted attic of a house and it has certain vibes for sure. Glad this is a one-night deal because the bathroom and kitchen are the same room.

OK let’s get this over with. The last part of the last day of the last trip to Korea. Sigh de la sighlalalalala ugh. I will try to make this one a short one.

We finished off the trip in Myeongdong. Henry wanted to get another small piece of luggage and Chooch and I wanted to do last minute shopping, so that’s exactly what we did.

I seriously wanted to buy everything in Butter.

We just don’t really have many cool shops like this in Pittsburgh and it kills me dead.

Finally got an egg bread! This is one of my favorite Korean street foods. It’s kind of reminiscent of corn bread, but then it has an egg baked inside of it. It’s so satisfying.

Not pictured, but I got a bunch of skin care at Innisfree and some gifts at Tony Moly and Artbox. Chooch bought a bunch of Seoul edition clothes at Adidas, including a pair of WHITE SWEATPANTS which he will obviously never be able to wear, as the reigning Stain King of North America.

LOL the very last night and Henry’s T-Money card had insufficient funds, so he was DENIED ACCESS. We had to wait for him to refill his card like old times. Why am I honestly tearing up at this memory.

I miss hearing these names being called out on the subway. I miss the subway. I miss the subway STATIONS. I miss the maps. I miss Henry and Chooch arguing in front of the maps.

Back at the hotel that night, we were supposed to be helping Henry pack but we were hindering and pissing him off bigly so we decided to leave him to it and we left for one last walk around the area. We stopped at two or three convenience stores for some farewell treats.

Saw this Japanese milk which cracked me up because that looks like Henry circa 2010 and we were like WE CAN’T ESCAPE HIM!!

Seodaemun – it was nice staying in this area! I’m pretty sure we had never been here on our previous trips but the location was very convenient. There was a subway entrance literally right outside of the hotel door.

Love you, Shilla Stay. You were good to us.

Korea, you’re amazing. You’re my second home. You are special and magical and gritty and shiny and historical and modern and creative and fun and and and….I could go on forever. I had such a wonderful visit, even though I was a little bitch baby at moments and having “departure date panic” in the back of my mind the ENTIRE time we were there. It was such a privilege to be back there, I am very grateful that we were able to get there, to accomplish our goal of getting married, and to bask in the beautiful Korean culture for as long as time allowed. Please, please, please let me make it back there again. It is never enough time. There is still so much I want to see and do. (I hope salt bread is still a thing the next time I go!!)

Sorry I was so annoying about these recaps. Did there need to be 187 posts for a 10 day trip? Nope, but this is me, Wordy von Doesn’tKnowWhentoStopenson. KOREA I FUCKING LOVE YOU.

I’ve been putting off recapping this part of the last day in Korea because I was such a CRA-BAPPLE and literally nothing made me happy (except for maybe that time when Henry tripped HARD on a sidewalk down there).

The plan was to go to Gentle Monster, Tamburins (Gentle Monster’s perfume brand) and Nudake (Gentle Monster’s bakery – lol, I’m a GM fangirl, OK? Leave me alone). So, off to Garosu-gil we went. This is probably Henry’s LEAST FAVORITE part of Seoul, just a super ritzy, uppity street lined with boutiques and haute couture and luxury brands, like walking down a lane of unattainable things.

It’s definitely not the same since the previous times we were there. Apparently, a lot of brands moved into the nearby Hyundai Mall, including Dr. Jart! This made me so sad because I LOVED THE DR JART FLAGSHIP STORE SO MUCH. It was like walking through a Mattress Factory exhibit but with samples of things to smear on your face. The one time we went and the top floor had turned into some crazy rest/lounge area with free samples of a vitamin drink.

Dr Jart has great products but I loved going there more for the experience.

And now there is only one Gentle Monster in this section of town, too! And it wasn’t even that fun or immersive, to be honest.

Tamburins was cool, though! Jennie from Blackpink is a brand ambassador so people were actually lining up to take pictures of this wall.

I…did not wait in that line, I just continued walking past and snapped this lol. Henry said that when I was in Tamburins, he walked outside and there was another large Jennie on another wall out there and he was given the collective death glare by a crowd of people when he dared to walk in front of it, lol.

Anyway, Tamburins was a great experience! I got really cool perfumed hand lotion for me and Wendy, who ended up REALLY liking it to the point where she was texting her perfume-aficionado friend about it. I have to say that the salespeople working there were very helpful, laid back, and pleasant. I was so clueless how to even work the applicator of the hand lotion and one of them very kindly took it from me and demonstrated in a way that somehow, against all odds, did not make me feel like a fat, stupid, ugly American. Glory be!

This is the one I got myself, BTW:

I wanted to go to the Haus Dosan Gentle Monster location after this to see if the aesthetics were better, but first, we went across the street to get some late lunch at Pizza Express:

Unlike the girls at Tamburins, the guy at Pizza Express was not as happy to fulfill his customer service role for us, lol. Maybe he was just disgruntled in general but he had a very “Please make this as quick and painless as possible” demeanor, haha.

This was my kind of pizza place, that’s for sure.

And the pizza was my style too! Thin and greasy! Sorry for the grotesque photo. I was hungry and snapping a visual memento came secondary here, fo’sho.

I love this place. I want chairs like this for my house!!

I love that Yoo Jae-Suk (the Nation’s MC) and the hilarious and talented rapper Jessi ate here!

On our walk to the Apgujeong area, we passed this big car wash so I had to talk a picture for Corey because there’s some weird cultural phenomenon in the local Facebook community for our hometown where anytime someone asks what’s being built in the area, a group of hecklers/trolls say “car wash” because the joke is that there are so many goddamn car washes in the area. But then it started to cause contention and the community SPLIT: there were the trolls and then there were the people who just wanted to have real talk without underlying carwash drama in the comments. Shit got real good when Corey discovered that OUR MOM was one of the car wash trolls!

Wow, that’s way less funny when I see it all typed out.

Anyway, it took us fucking forever to walk to this other multi-level Gentle Monster enterprise and we were all pretty les miz by then.

I found the sunglasses that I wanted and even had a salesperson write it up for me, but when I took it down to the other floor where you get them fitted and pay for them, I got REALLY FUCKING BIPOLAR. Like, out of the blue, just sat down on a couch and started pouting and then had a mild and quiet flip out where I said, “never mind, I don’t want these” because I was stressed out about leaving, bottom line. I wish I could be a normal person, haha. But instead, I let my impending sadness dictate how I was going to spend my last full day in my favorite fucking place in the whole entire world because I have the emotional age of a 13-year-old. MAYBE EVEN A 10-YEAR-OLD.

It ain’t cute, EK.

But I mean, I can sit here and pretend like everything was so magical and perfect and then you could be like, “MMM SURE IT WAS HUNTY.”

Of course, Chooch was mumbling, “oh my god here we go” while Henry was poking the bear by saying things like, “JUST CALM DOWN AND BUY THE GLASSES” because history sure has shown how much women love being told to calm down.

We did go all the way to the bottom floor to see Nudake Cafe which wasn’t even crowded but even that wasn’t enough to cheer me up and, feeling the need to punish myself even more, I said, “Forget it, let’s just go.”

Honestly, Henry was probably kissing his fingertips and offering it up to God because we left the entire Gentle Monster compound without spending a dime. (Don’t worry – I ended up getting the sunglasses I wanted at the Incheon airport the next morning LOLOL,)

We left and sat down on a bench at Dosan Park and watched several adorable dog interactions (I watched with a scowl still pasted on my face but my internal sane self was saying AWWWWWWWW) and then eventually made our way to Myeongdong for last minute shopping and streetfood, and can I just say that I used the public bathroom at the subway station in Gangnam and it was cleaner than some of the bathrooms in hotels I’ve stayed at? I know, I know, that might not be saying much considering some of the dumps Henry has had us stay in.

This portion of the last day was really nice, actually. After our Cari Cakes run-in, we continued walking to Bukchon Hanok Village. This time, we arrived there a different way, I feel like, because there were several moments when I felt super disoriented and nothing looked familiar?? It was a lot of walking uphill, I’ll tell you that much, with a quick stop inside a little shop to buy a hand-embroidered scarf off the cutest halmeoni.

Of course now I wish I had bought more.

After what felt like days, and lots of “SHUT UP YOU’RE SO ANNOYING”s being slung around liberally between our trio, we finally made it to the top of the hill/mountain and then LO! we started to recognize the area and eventually walked right into the hankok village. When Henry and I were there a few days prior, we didn’t venture into the heart of the hanok village but were just there for cafe-purposes. You understand.

Even though this area is EXTREMELY touristy, we have still included this on every one of our trips to Seoul. If you’re not going into it expecting a perfect Instagram picture with no one in the background, you’ll be just fine. And as luck would have it, when were there in 2019, it wasn’t crowded at all so we were able to get the “money shots” then. This time, I just wanted to walk through for old time’s sake.

This is the iconic street that everyone wants to get their picture taken on, usually dressed in hanbok.  As you can, ain’t happening on this day! Still, people were trying. Also, people live in these houses so there are signs posted everyone (like the one on the brick wall up there) reminding people to speak in a whisper, but you know that wasn’t being obeyed, sadly. Some tourists are monsters and give the rest of us a bad name.

There are also people patrolling the area in an effort to keep crowds quiet, kind of like docents. Would not want that job.

My favorite part of Bukchon is all the alleys! They are photo zones in and of themselves! I made Chooch stand here so I could show you an example. You’re welcome.

What you can’t see is the hordes of people on either side of us while I quickly snapped this.

And then we went to Granhand! I’m so glad that this is still there, nestled in one of the aforementioned alleys. Honestly, blink and you’ll miss it and you don’t want to miss it, especially if you’re looking for a nice gift to bring home for someone. And it turned out, I was looking for exactly that!

We came here in 2018, thanks to a glowing recommendation on Joan Kim’s daily vlogs that she was doing that year on her Joan Day YouTube channel. Granhand is a small local perfume shop and the really nice thing about them is that you can get the bottles personalized with the name of the recipient’s name. In my case, it was Sue! I just really appreciated that she reached out to the director of admin of our Seoul office to help me have a safety net in case things with the marriage details went awry. She didn’t have to do that! But she did because she is an amazing person and director who actually genuinely cares about the people in her department.

There was a really sweet salesgirl working who was helping me decide on a scent. She asked if we were there on vacation and I said that it was our third time there and that we came back to get married.

She was really taken aback, moreso than I expected.

“Here?!” she asked, and I explained that we just truly love Korea so much, it’s our favorite place and so special to us, and she said, “Oh my god, I don’t even know what to say! Thank you! Thank you for coming here!” and then she started to tear up so then I started to tear up, and Henry was just Henrying as usual.

This was one of the best moments of our whole trip. It felt so special, and I loved having someone there to share our story with! She was also surprised that this was not our first time shopping at Granhand and thanked us for coming back to there again, too.

I highly recommend this Korean scent line and am kicking myself for, once again, not buying something for myself here! The last time, I got something for my mom and regretted not treating myself then too. Ugh.

Anyway, I got Sue the CocoCay scent which was a limited edition seasonal offering, I believe.

(Sue loved it!)

Yo, then we came to Ossuloc for some tea! Previously, we had only been to the one in Insadong, but this one had a fabulous rooftop view.

Chooch grimacing at the view.

As opposed to my dreamily ogling the view.

I had to go for the matcha. I love matcha so much. I can’t remember what this other drink was and who ordered it. Milk tea latte of some sort?

The bathroom was impeccable.

View from the bathroom….porthole.

Then we went to Randy’s Donuts! Yes, apparently there is a Seoul location. This was also the first time during the whole trip that we ran into Korea’s strict “ONE DRINK PER SEAT” rule if you want to eat inside rather than take away. Originally, we were just going to get 2 donuts but the lady was like, “Oh no, you can’t eat here unless you get a drink” so Henry was like, “Oh maybe it’s because there are three of us and we’re only getting 2 donuts” so he tried to order a third donut and she pointed to the sign again, so we all ended up having to get a drink even though we just came from Ossuloc but if there is another thing that Korea does majestically, it’s their drinks. So it wasn’t that much of a punishment!

I shared this cronut with Henry and had regertz – it was delicious and I didn’t want to share.

If I remember correctly, Henry bought a bottle of water which appeased the Randy’s lady.

And then we set off for Gangnam because I was determined to buy a new pair of Gentle Monsters, so look forward to the next post where PSYCHO BRAT ERIN makes a reappearance. :/

I have been sitting here attempting to start this post for quite some time today but I keep getting lost in the photos. I really miss it. Even this particular day which was rife with “Last Day” sadness and panic. I was just telling Megan the other day that I am bored every day, nothing makes me happy lately and she goes, “Until you go back to Korea!” and that is so sad but also mostly true! I mean, obviously things here make me happy, don’t let me be completely melodramatic. But, it feels kind of like being in a long-distance relationship!? Which, that reminds me, the other day I heard “Slide” by the Goo Goo Dolls and even though I have heard that song a million times over the years, it was this exact time that gave me flashbacks to my FIRST LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP in 1998 with, and this is so stupid-dumb, a guy that I met the very first time I ever entered the goth chatroom called darkchat, lol. His name was “Misfit” (OMG I can’t even remember his real life name now) and he lived in San Diego I think. Somewhere in SoCal. Anyway, this song was new around that time and he was like, “THIS SONG MAKES ME THINK OF US” and me being the type of person whose whole damn life revolved around music, totally fell apart and was willing to give this guy ALL OF MY ATTENTION.

Anyway, then I called him one night and heard giggling in the background and I whispered, “Is that a girl??” and he was all, “HAHA no I’m, um, at a party” and then that was basically the beginning of the end of our 14-day long distance relationship.

Oh, don’t you worry, there’d be plenty more boys to be had in Darkchat over the next two years!

(No one asked, but I was curious who the man in the billboard is because Korea was in the middle of an election when we were there. Turns out it’s this guy, and he won! Something!)

After the disastrous early morning meltdown at Deoksugung Palace, things calmed down once I had coffee and breads. The plan for the first part of the day was to take Chooch to Tongin Market. I had asked him in advance to give me itinerary suggestions for this trip and that was one of the only things he explicitly said he wanted to because he had so much fun there on our last trip. So, Tongin Market is fun because you can either just buy stuff like you normally would OR you can go to the dosirak (lunchbox) cafe and buy yeopjeon and a school cafeteria tray w- the yeopjeon can be exchanged for portions of food at participating food stalls in the market so it’s a really great way to sample various types of Korean street/market food while also having a fun experience of paying with these old cash coins like you’re back in the Joseon Dynasty.

We passed this bar on the way so I had to take a picture for Megan, the biggest Beatles fan that I know! It was around 10:30am so we did not go in.

I was just desperately taking pictures of everything in the Tongin neighborhood while Henry was desperately looking for an ATM since we needed cash for the market.

I mean…Seoul is so special.

A secret selfie while waiting for Henry who was making a successful withdrawal inside a bank.

I just don’t want to ever forget it….

So then – LOL ugh – we made it to Tongin Market and um, the dosirak cafe is closed on Mondays.

You would have thought I did this on purpose, totally planned this out in order to sabotage Chooch’s last day in Korea. He was pissed. I mean, I was too, honestly, but we were trying to avoid going there on a weekend when it would be packed and with everything else we were doing, it just kept getting pushed and pushed until finally it was the last night AND SORRY FOR SCREWING UP!

Since we were there though, Chooch got some tteokbokki and then we had to find a secluded place to stand so that he could eat it. We were standing in sort of an alley off of a small back road when I saw in my periphery a girl with long red hair stride past, holding a camera. Now, anywhere else, whatever, but this is Korea and you don’t see many white women with red hair in Korea, lol. I did a massive doubletake because there is an American ex-pat YouTuber I watch occasionally and Chooch had been chiding me off and on during this trip, trying to make me look by blurting out “Look it’s Cari Cakes!” at random intervals, and then he even said he saw her the day he went off on his own in Gangnam. I don’t know why he was being so outrageous about this because yes, I watch her vlogs, but he was making me out to be a sasaeng or something, like I throw aside my entire life like a wet blanket every time I get a notification of a new Cari Cakes video.

I turned back around and looked at Chooch and Henry who both said, in tandem, “Was that—-”

Well, thanks Chooch, you appeared to have fucking manifested her!?

“You should go say hi!” Henry urged. I kept saying, “No, no, no” but eventually I was like, “OMG OK fine.” But by that point, she had gotten pretty far ahead of us and was now walking along a busier road so now, in true sasaeng fashion (thanks, Chooch) we had to essentially FOLLOW HER which was so awkward because I didn’t want to run up to her and be like, “OMG hi subscriber here” through pants and wheezes. I wanted it to be organic – or at least, organic SEEMING.

Basically, we crossed the street so that we could get ahead of her and then cross back over and, I dunno what my plan was – stop and tie my SLIP-ON VANS so that she could pass by and I could act surprised?! In the end, Henry had stayed on the same side of the street as her so that when Chooch and I crossed back over, we stopped and turned around like we were waiting for him, so then it was my excuse to “see her” and say, “OMG Cari?”

I FEEL SO CREEPY NOW THAT I AM RECOUNTING THIS which is rich coming from someone who has legit stalked people (pizza guys, middle school crushes – WHILE I WAS ALSO IN MIDDLE SCHOOL JUST TO CLARIFY – etc) and then intentionally documented it. Sometimes on film!! But look, that’s in my past.

Well, anyway, I did it. I said, “OMG, Cari?” and she was like, “…yes?” as if viewers don’t stop her all of the time. Henry was like, “I got you here but I ain’t sticking around” and shuffled over to some stoop where he creepily slurped down the rest of Chooch’s tteokbokki. So then it was just me and Chooch and I was like, “Hi, we’re subscribers!” and I wanted to tell her that this was my third time there and that we had actually come there to get married but I didn’t want her to think I married Chooch and I also didn’t want to point to Henry, hunkered down with his beard dripping in gochujang, so it was a pretty unremarkable chat from my end at least. Plus, the whole process of even getting to that point was so stressful and I felt like I was acting like a woman with a gun pressed against her back, just all wide-eyed and fake.

Whatever. Cari was very nice, though. “Are you guys also walking around in search of cherry blossoms?” she gushed and um, yep. That’s exactly it! So then she gave us some good cherry blossom spotting tips and I told her we’re from Pgh and she was like, “Oh my family is from the east coast! I’m actually going back for a visit in 4 days!” and I almost said, “I know!” because she had mentioned it in a recent video but I caught myself and just said, “Oh cool!”

Ugh, I hate how high-pitched and fake-sounding I can be.

So then when we parted ways, I had to immediately take pictures of the trees, lol.

But I mean come on. This tree is just ASKING FOR IT.

Meanwhile, as soon as Cari walked away, the first thing Chooch said shockingly was not “You’re so embarrassing” but “Why did you tell her we’re BOTH subscribers?? I’m not a subscriber!” Wow, like she fucking cares!! And then, “You’re so embarrassing.”

There it is.

This cutie!

Chooch after I told him to put his phone down so I could take a picture.

One of the side entrances to Gyeongbokgung Palace – this is *the* palace of Seoul. We didn’t go in this time, but we did walk around the walls on our way to Bukchon Hanok Village. It was such a perfect day for a walk, you guys. Absolutely bangin’ spring weather.

More palace wall.

Ugh, the beauty. This street leads up to the Blue House, which is where the President usually resides but this current one has opted to live off the grounds and now the Blue House is open to the public for tours.

Wow, thanks for smiling Henry.

OK the next post will be Bukchon Thangs. Stay tuned or tune out. IT’S A FREE COUNTRY.

P.S. here is Cari’s YouTube channel if anyone is interested (more like if anyone has read this far) in watching a lot of cafe hopping and book talking with mellow vibes. Sometimes we get cameos of her husband Kurt. Fun Fact: she has lived in Seoul for over 10 years I believe and used to be an intern at YG Entertainment (WHERE BIGBANG WAS SIGNED AT THE TIME). I actually found her channel back in 2017 when I was like, “Hmm, how hard is it for foreigners to move to Korea…” and then her “apartment tour” video from like 2016 or something came up, lol.

In the months leading up to our Korea trip, I had been stressing myself out over putting together a wedding-but-not outfit to wear for pictures. I didn’t want anything that resembled a wedding dress and I also didn’t want to do the whole hanbok get-up because I’m not Korean nor am I marrying a Korean so that feels a bit too much like cultural appropriation, you know? Some of my friends were asking me if I was going to do that and I was like “do you even know me though.”

In the end, I ended up buying a lavender tulle skirt with tiered-ruffles and Henry helped me make gold glitter stars to pin to them. I had an off-white fitted crochet sweater to wear on top and purple holographic CAT AND JACK boots from Target lol – yes, literal kids shoes but they were perfect.

Henry brought a button-down shirt that sort of matched my skirt.

I kept putting off this photoshoot while we were there until finally it was the last day. Henry and I woke up early that Monday and while I was getting dressed, I just knew it was a bad move, you guys. I could feel it in my bones – we were going to get dressed, leave the hotel room, go to wherever (I think I had wanted to go Bukchon Hanok Village) and then fight. I hate hate hate having my photo taken and even though I loved my outfit – it was cute and comfortable and completely my style – I just didn’t want to deal with photos

“Look,” I said to Henry, who had just put on the “regular-people jeans” I made him buy for this (his usual jeans are SO BAGGY). “If we do this, we’re going to fight and it’s going to ruin the day. I don’t care about the pictures. I don’t care what anyone else thinks either, I don’t want to do this.”

“THANK GOD,” Henry said, swapping out the jeans for his regular hobo pants.

I am pleased to say that it’s been two months now and I still have no regertz about that decision. We have the photos with our marriage license outside of the Jongno district office and that’s all I needed.

Speaking of, Henry had to go and pick the license up from wherever he left it for the APOSTILLE process. (I already forgot about this part since I wasn’t there for it but if you feel like it, you can read the whole Korean marriage odyssey here.) We decided to let Chooch sleep in and set off to walk to Gwanghwamun Square so Henry could get the license and he suggested stopping by Deoksugung Palace, which is one of the ones we have never visited before.  It’s the smallest of all the palaces but still something I had always wanted to see.

We knew it wouldn’t be open that early but that we could still walk around it so it was a nice detour on the way to get the marriage license.

Well, except that I was IN A MOOD. Gonna be real here, I was being stubborn, contrary, argumentative – all of the things. Just one big ass walking SCOWL. Because I am still a child in that I don’t know how to process my emotions. So, while I was acting like a big fucking brat-bitch, totally spoiled and never satisfied, my core emotion was sadness. I did NOT want it to be our last day, but instead of making the most of it, I was a complete asshole and the only reason Henry or Chooch didn’t push me into the Han was probably only because we were never anywhere near it that day.

I don’t know what kind of magic chokehold Korea has me in but I was an absolute monster on this day. (I mean, I had my moments because not even I have enough energy to keep up that kind of shitty attitude all day, but um, yeah my behavior was embarrassing a lot of times during this day.)

I’m pretty sure it was after this picture was taken where my mood totally turned on its head because HENRY JUST COULDN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT AND I HATED HIM EW WHY DID I MARRY HIM, etc etc. Luckily, it was still early enough in the morning that we didn’t have an audience and to Henry’s credit, he knew what the real issue was and was being very careful with his words, handling me with kid gloves, trying to make suggestions just for me to find ways to twist his words (“OH, SO YOU’RE SAYING I’M FAT” when he said, “Let’s keep walking this way” after I pointed to a cafe across the street that I wanted to go to because I was hungry and needed coffee and really he just didn’t want to cross the street (it was a busy multi-lane road) and knew there would be 87 more cafes coming up).

Basically, I was just being super cuddly and adorbs that morning.

Literally I’m probably mumbling death threats to him here.

I know for sure I was hissing, “JUST TAKE THE PICTURE, DID YOU FUCKING TAKE IT” and then openly raging because he didn’t get what I wanted in the background. When he offered to do it again, I told him to fuck off, demanded the room key, and walked back to the hotel alone while he went to collect the marriage license that he probably didn’t even want any more at that point, haha ughhhh.

As I walked away, I threw a covert glance over my shoulder to see if he was following me because he was supposed to, that’s secretly what I wanted, but then at the same time I would have thrown a fit if he HAD followed me and accused him of thinking I couldn’t find my way back on my own and I’m sure he was more afraid of the consequences of following me than NOT following me so in the end, he went to whatever building in Gwanghawmun Square to get the marriage license on his own and I walked back to the hotel and made Chooch – who was now awake and dressed – go out to get coffee with me.

Originally, we were going to go to a nearby A Twosome Place because it’s been a joke since the first time we were there in 2018 that we couldn’t go to A Twosome Place since there are three of us. “Now’s our chance,” I said to Chooch who probably said, “Wow you’re so cool” in response because when Henry isn’t around, all of Chooch’s surliness is directed toward me. It’s fine.

But then that particular location ended up being in the lobby of an office building adjacent to our hotel so they didn’t have the full menu which allegedly included meat-free breakfast sandwich options. Chooch didn’t really care and said he was fine just going to a GS25 or whatever, so we went to one rigt around the corner and got some small packaged things for breakfast.

I still wanted coffee though so we kept walking and found this really tiny cafe called Aze Coffee. Literally only had two tables but it was fine!

Chooch got a dalgona latte and it was topped with pieces of it so he let me have one without much arguing, probably because, as my loyal and caring son, he could intuit that I was having a bad day and not at all because I had whined repeatedly that I was HAVING A BAD DAY.

Ugh.

Anyway, that was a really nice experience though, getting coffee on our own without Henry who thinks we can’t survive without him.

When he eventually came back to the hotel though, he had a bag of salt bread from a bakery that he passed on the way back and I guess that was an OK peace offering even though it wasn’t as good as my precious salt bread from Ikseondong.

Stay tuned for more Last Day Mood Swings.

Hi. This is the final portion of our Easter day in Korea, which had us leaving Mullae, going back to the hotel for a quick reprieve, and then venturing back out to Hongdae. The plan was to go to Thanks Nature, a cafe that we went to in 2019 that draws you in with their pet sheep and keeps you in your seat with their awesome dessert menu. We had jinjja jinjja delicious melon bingsu on our last visit and Henry was craving it.

Hongdae is such a vibe at night.

First though, we stopped by Isaac Toast to get a small and quick dinner since we had eaten so much many pastries etc. all freaking day. Henry and I shared an egg/potato toast but I instantly regretted not getting a whole one to myself once I remembered how much I love these bitchin’ sandwiches. It’s the sauce, man. Some kind of sweet mustard, I don’t even know, but it just hits the spot and you know that must be true because that is not something I would ever typically in real life?! Same as “hankering,” as in, “I had a hankering for Isaac Toast.” I dunno why that gets under my skin like when someone says they’re “fixin'” to do something? I’m fixin’ to have a hankering for something that hits the spot.

For supper.

To really drive the nail under my skin! I hate word supper! You can say moist all day but supper is the one that launches me through the ceiling.

Probably doesn’t help that my ex-boyfriend Jeff used to say it. Ugh he was such a rural dork.

Isaac’s got him in a trance.

Ugh and then Thanks Nature was closed! It closed early that night :( So then we just walked around Hongdae while Chooch went in and out of various street clothes shops, trying things on and then not buying anything.

Gentle Monster!!! I immediately found a pair of sunglasses that I liked but hemmed and hawed and then ultimately decided I’d wait unti the next day when we went to the flagship store in Gangnam.

We ended up stopping in some small mall-esque thing on the main street of Hongdae. There was a clothing store called Wonderplace and I know for sure I was pouting at this point because I didn’t eat enough real food and was having a sugar crash and also I wanted something hot to drink, but more specifically, reality was setting in that we only had one full day left in Korea and I was low-key panicking, friends. I hate that I acted like a fucking asshole for an entire hour that evening but the emotions. I had them.

Anyway, there were all kinds of sales going on so every time Henry went up to the pay, the cashier would be like, “This is 1+1 so please find another thing from these special racks” and it was stressful – I got a sweater that I love a lot and it fits me so comfortably, and Chooch got more sweatpants I think, a t-shirt and purple Ocean Pacific shorts?! Really random.

Henry apparently made friends with the cashier since he had to go back up there 3x, and on one of his trips up there the guy asked Henry if he was there on vacation. When Henry said, “Yes, this is our third time here,” he said the kid said, “I hate Korea.” Wow, lol. I wonder if he was there studying abroad? Henry said he was Korean but his English seemed better than his Korean. I wish I had witnessed this alleged interaction.

After that, we walked through “Yongtral Park” to Holly’s Coffee. Holly’s is a Korea chain but it was open past 10PM and I needed warm liquids, you guys. It was a chilly March eve!

And this is how I ended up having my first (and so far – only) mugwort latte. Holy shit. Did this replace matcha in my heart? It may have. This had such a wonderful, earthy flavor – o b s e s s e d.

Just like I am with everything else in Korea. :/

We also got some type of banana dessert to share. Delicious. Korean cafes – chains or not – rarely disappoint.

Well, that’s a wrap for Sunday March 31st,  I guess. I can’t drag this out any longer. It’s time to start editing the pictures from our last full day. Le sigh.

Here’s a video recap of the day!

Literally no one cares but I was so excited about going to Mullae!! It’s a neighborhood of Seoul that, DARE I SAY, is a hidden gem. This isn’t something that I ever see listed on your standard “Top Things to Do in Seoul” itinerary lists and I only knew about it from the local vloggers that I watch on YouTube. It wasn’t on my radar AT ALL the first two times we were in Korea and I was stoked to explore a new-to-us area, especially because it’s supposed to be super artsy and industrial, being one of the least gentrified areas and still rife with various factories for metal and textiles, and one street has so many of the metal ones that it’s known as “Steel Factory Street” and as someone who was born and raised in Pittsburgh a/k/a The Steel City, I had to go here. Hometown pride? Eh. Hometown something.

There was a Starbucks right outside of the subway exit and Chooch was being a big baby about wanting, nay – NEEDING, to try some dumb thing that they had that I can’t even remember because I really can’t stand Starbucks, although I HAD to go to Starbucks, I would choose a Korean location all day every day.

Anyway, a big part of Mullae’s charm is its maze of alleys so we immediately ducked off the main drag and started to explore.

One of the gallery streets. The Artfield Gallery had lots of art that I wanted to buy but my bank account was in my ear, laughing, “Yeah you wish, sucker.” The artist whose work was on display while we were there is 조수정.

Obsessed.

Mullae has the best murals! I already posted this in real time from that day, but oh well mothercheffers. Cook on.

Shout out to Fårup!

This just in: Chooch verified that he ordered the choux cream latte at Starbucks.

Rust was recommended on every single Mullae vlog I watched prior to this trip. It was P A C K E D.

The process of choosing your treats and ordering drinks wasn’t too bad but it was the dreaded SEAT FINDING PORTION of the cafe visit that gave us anxiety. This place was multi-level and Chooch and I roamed around aimlessly looking for open seats. I bet this place is amazing on a quiet day because there were some really cozy nooks upstairs! Sadly, all taken.

We eventually found seats on the rooftop deck and that was fine by me because it was a beautiful day and it was quiet out there.

As you can see, we had to try their salt bread (it was good but you know, we have tasted the salt bread that was baked in Heaven’s oven and brushed with butter browned by Jesus Christ himself (I dunno what browned butter is or even if it is used on these but I just wanted you to know that I have heard of it and that’s only because Wendi mentioned it in regard to baking cookies one time in group chat at work and I quickly googled “the fuck is browning the butter.”) and then put on GOD’S MENU.

But yeah Jane, I’m not kidding – I am like skibidi* obsessed with these to the point that if we ever make it back to Korea, I am going to go straight there before the hotel after leaving Incheon.

*(I asked Chooch to help me learn how to use this and he said that I don’t need to ever use this because it’s not a word, it’s brain rot, and only elementary school kids use it and when I say that made me want to add it to my vernacular even more….)

Chooch really wanted that thing with the chives on it because it was the seasonal special, some green onion savory croissant thing, but a girl in front of him swooped in and took the last three from the case. He was crying about it in that bitch-boi way of his, but there was an entire cooling rack of them behind the counter so Henry asked the cashier if she could get one for him, and it was a whole thing because she had to first go out to the floor and check for herself that the case was empty, like Henry was trying to scam her into giving him the FRESHEST ONE. I mean, he does look like an entitled douche.

Anyway, all of that and then Chooch didn’t even like it.

My latte was GUD.

fire sex tech zzz, duh. That’s going to be my skibidi.

That was a really nice hang, even though Henry was with us.

And just when you thought we had enough drinks…I remembered that my new friend from our Seoul office – Tomie – had recommended a place that SONG MINO has visited, so I had it on my MUST DO list.

(And then promptly forgot – almost.)

Henry and Chooch were whining about not being able to drink anymore, but I refused to hear it. Cafe culture is a huge part of Seoul! And we were IN SEOUL. So…skibidi dibidi cafe hoppity.

Except that we couldn’t find the damn place. We’re not n00bs to Korea so we use Naver maps like we’re real, verified locals, but the block that it took us to was not it, fam.  There was a Mexican restaurant, a few other storefronts, a sketchy-ass stairwell.

“Maybe it’s down the steps,” Chooch shrugged. I walked closer and peeked into the doorway. It looked like it descended into a dank parking garage. Nope, not doing it.

So then I went back to the map that Tomie made me and clicked on the Naver page for the cafe.

“It says it’s open, and that it should be,” I glanced up from my phone, “RIGHT HERE.”

Henry was already starting to retreat, like, “Oh darn, one less cafe, boo hoo, let’s go get real food plz.” But then I started looking through the customer pictures on Naver and some PRECIOUS SWEETHEART posted a picture of the STAIRWELL and drew arrows to it.

“Chooch, I think you were right,” I whispered, and we tentatively tiptoed down the steps in case we were about to interrupt a scene from Saw Part 187.

Also from Naver:

And then at the bottom and to the left, we saw this ^^^!!

It led us into a small corridor and we could hear bass emanating from the other side of a door. However, it felt way too VIP. Were we too square to be here?! I was so nervous when opening the door, expecting a roomful of super edgy Koreans looking like they stepped off of a street fashion Instagram page to whip their heads around and glare at us.

Also from Naver:

But instead, we were greeted by a REALLY KIND AND COOL barista – he apologized for not having an English menu and asked if we could speak Korean – I said “a little” in Korean and it was actually OK because reading menus is what I excel at in Korea, lol. But then another barista came over and assisted as well even though I told Henry what it said – he had no faith in me.

I can see why Song Mino likes it here!

Loud hip hop was playing and it was a whole vibe. So dank and basement-y, it reminded me of this hidden bar / after hours club that this dude Freddy (Fredrick von Hamilton from Vampire Nation lol) took me to in the early 2000s, pre-Henry where even then, when I was way cooler than I am now, I felt like I was in over my head, lol.

LOL now I’m dying, thinking back to those days. HOW DID I EVEN MEET THIS GUY?? I remember going back to his apartment on the South Side (it was a really cool spot) and turning down his advances and how lucky I am that he was a nice (enough) guy to let it go. Jesus.

skibidi.

Our dranks!

Chooch, thinking my every action is so annoying and an embarrassment.

Anyway, it was a really – and I mean REALLY – cool time. I loved sitting there, listening to the music, drinking my good-ass ah-ah (iced Americano for you non-Koreans), and thinking about how Song Mino was once where I now was.

Life is so cool sometimes.

When we left, we had just made it out of the little corridor and back into the creepy garage when the first barista came running out after us. He wanted to give us stickers!!! I legit almost cried, I thought it was so nice and cool of him! Anyway, I started following the cafe on IG and they followed me back and liked a bunch of my photos from the trip!

What a great rec, I thanked Tomie profusely for that on KakaoTalk later.

We started to make our way back to the subway after this, totally jittery and in need of real food.

On the way, I spotted a little alley with some tables of jewelry set up. I immediately veered off to get a closer look and could sense Henry mouthing FML to the skies. While I was looking, a man came out of a nearby art studio and asked if he could help me. YUP, I wanted to buy all of the rings I saw! But instead, I chose two:

Fucking obsessed. The one on the left says, “My mom says I can’t play with you” – I was proud of myself for translating it on my own, and the guy was kind of struggling to explain the meaning. He said it’s a Korean joke and I was like, “OK great, I’ll take it!” Because regardless of the full joke getting lost in translation, that is definitely something snotty I used to say to other kids when I was trying to be a dick back in the day.

“Trying to be?” I can hear Future Henry saying out loud if he ever reads this.

But yeah, I cherish these rings, and they were handmade in the studio where I paid for them! I regERT not buying more.

And, that was Mullae. We only just got our toes wet on this quick little jaunt. If I ever make it back there, it will definitely be on the list of unskippable neighborhoods, right up there with Hongdae, Insadong, Ikseondong, and Jongno. There were a lot of brewery-type places there so maybe that will entice Henry to go back, because I can’t be certain he was sold on this neighborhood (too hipster for him probs) but he did agree that Geukrak was a really great cafe. So there’s that!

Oh, and he bought more salt bread from a bakery in the subway station as we were leaving, lol. Always room for salt bread.

I know you’re like, “Come on, this has to be the last post for Easter Sunday, right?” WRONG. We still have one more before we get to the saddest posts of this whole series: The Last Day Posts. :(