*except that I was with Henry so define ‘shenanigans.’

We left the house bright and early Saturday morning for our drive to Long Island. I was excited because while we have been to NYC, we’ve never been to Long Island and I like going to new places. I had been researching vegan places to eat at before the show and had it whittled down to one winner, so I was excited about that too!

Surprisingly, the drive was pretty calm. I wasn’t being a raging asshole like I have been for the last several months. I felt calm (with an underlying sense of OMG NCT DREAM rippling through my nervous system) and we didn’t fight at all. I even kept my wedding band on!

At one of many rest stops. I just wanted to get a picture in my Renjun shirt! (It was already announced last month that Renjun would be continuing his health hiatus and not joining the Dreamies for the US leg of their tour. Of course, I was heartbroken over this because everyone knows he is my Dream bias but I am also glad that he was given the option and did what he felt was right for him at the same. I’m not sure what his current standing is but he seemed to really be going through mental and emotional duress last spring and I just really hope he has been getting the help he needs and that he is being kind and gentle with himself. I worry about him so much. :(

The first half of the drive was spent finishing a book – The Clinic, it was just “OK.” Actually, it was kind of stupid, I lied. Literally nothing notable happened. I had avocado toast for breakfast from Dunkin’ (I know, don’t hate me for being so fucking fancy) and then later, veggie wrap from Sheetz. Henry really knows how to wine and dine a bitch.

But then once we reached the end of NJ and started seeing signs for THE GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE, things got livelier. And by that, I mean that we hit grid-locked traffic and it took us 45 minutes just to get on the bridge. Henry was flipping out but everyone around us seemed calm like this was normal, but Henry was like, “WHAT ARE THOSE CARS UP THERE DOING?? ARE THEY CREATING THEIR OWN LANE?? THEY CAN’T DO THAT!” OK, highway patrol, calm down.

NYC! No time to mess around there, sadly.

I loved this NY Welcome sign so much. We have never driven into NYC before – always taken the train from either Newark or Jersey City so this was all new. I FELT LIKE A DISNEY PRINCESS. A WHOLE NEW WORLD BRIDGE.

We had several hours to kill once we got to Long Island and, after driving past UBS Arena and seeing the line of NCTzens that had already formed which got my heart racing a bit, we went straight to the vegan spot du jour – Toma-Tis. It’s vegan Caribbean cuisine! 

I’m just going to copy my Yelp review after this part, but I want to first talk about how relaxed and friendly the whole ordering process was. We were greeted by a super friendly lady who didn’t rush us – she was all smiles and didn’t make us feel like interlopers like sometimes will happen at vegan places, ugh. The pretension can be off the charts at times. But not here!

We placed our orders and then sat at a table by the window to wait. A woman who I assume is the owner came out front and started chatting with us – LOVED HER. We had a nice chat about being plant based and she was impressed that Henry, who still eats meat, cooks vegetarian / vegan food for me. And she and I both eschewed meat for the same reason – we didn’t like how our mothers cooked meat!

My favorite part was when the restaurant’s phone rang and it was a young kid calling from Jamaica! She kept saying, “Where’s your mother? Put your mother on the phone.” I guess he hung up and she goes, “That was a young kid calling from Jamaica!” and then she went in the back to tell the women in the kitchen too. LOL.

Then she asked where we’re from since I said we were traveling and I told her that we had come here from Pgh for a concert at UBS and she said, “Oh! You’re here for that concert?!” so I guess she knew about it!

NO WAIT I LIED. My favorite part was actually when she was asking us if we’ve ever had Jamaican food before. We said no (closest I would say is ShadoBeni here in Pgh which is vegan Trinidadian cuisine) and she exclaimed, “Oh my god! And this will be your first! What made you come here??” and I told her that we’re always looking for local vegan places when we’re traveling and this place stuck out to me when I saw it on Google. (“Thank you, Google!” she said.) She asked me if I ordered the jerk “chicken” and after I told her what I had ordered, one of the other ladies said, “He’s the jerk,” and pointed to Henry as she caught herself. “Oh no,  that’s not what I meant! I meant he ordered the jerk! I’m so sorry!” but we were all cracking up so bad and I kept saying, “No, it’s true, he is the jerk!” It was so funny.

YOU HAD TO BE THERE OK. YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND.

Anyway, the owner told me to call her and let her know what I thought and I was going to do except that I am averse to phone calls so I did one better and left a thorough review on Yelp and Google. :)

I was just as excited to come here as I was for the concert!

First of all, the service was SO PERSONAL. Everyone there was so friendly, chatting with us about veganism, etc. The owner especially was so sweet and made us feel like we were really being taken care of.

We didn’t want to go crazy with ordering since we were going to be going to a concert right after and tried to order light by sharing the jerk chicken sandwich, a pumpkin patty and a jackfruit/chickpea patty, cassava fries, and a slice of pie which I think they said was some type of potato “pudding”?

Everything was so delicious, substantial, and satisfying! The cassava fries were light and not greasy at all but still had so much unique flavor, I was swooning over them!

The jerk chicken was out of this world and I regret not getting a whole one for myself! The seasoning, the crisp of the “chicken,” even the bread it was on was perfect.

Both patties were warm and savory, a perfect handheld snack. AND THAT PIE! Unlike anything I have ever eaten – it was just the right amount of sweet, loaded with spices and flavor, dense and chewy. One of those things that you eat and then can’t stop thinking about. We had half of it saved and I’m not going to lie – I thought about it a few times during the concert and then immediately dug into it in the car afterward!

I don’t want to come back here, I NEED to come back. The menu is so extensive, and I want to try some of the entrees – hoe many places do you know that serve vegan oxtail?? I need to try it.

I am so happy that we found Toma-Tis and I will be recommending it to all of my friends, vegan or not! (FWIW, Henry is not vegan and he devoured everything happily!)

pumpkin patty!

We drove a few minutes down the street to some state park (Valley Stream State Park – there, I’m a good blogger and I checked the geotag on my photos, HAPPY?) and stuffed our fucking faces at a picnic table while numerous family picnics were going on around us. It was F E S T I V E. Music was playing, people were grilling, a middle-aged Black dad was doing the cabbage patch and I wanted to join their party bigly. It was a lively park!

The picture does not do it justice but this is the jerk chicken sandwich that Henry split with me. It was so satisfying right down to the bread it was on. RegERT not getting my own, you know that’s right.

I really think the cassava fries were my favorite though! They were so light, not greasy at all, and the texture – well, if you’ve had anything made with cassava then you know, but it’s so pleasing. I don’t know what the sauce was – it was thick, creamy, and had a slight spicy tang to it. Made the cassava fries that much better which I didn’t think was possible!

THIS EFFING PIE! Just looking at it gave me a tastebud flashback in the best way possible. It was unlike anything I’ve ever tried. It had a very distinct spice that was definitely dominating the rest of the flavs – Henry said he thought it was nutmeg. Whatever it was, it left a very enjoyable aftertaste in my mouth that kept this pie on my mind for some time. We only ate half of it between us because it was so dense, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t craving it here and there during the concert later. (Yes, I ate some in the car on the way to the hotel afterward, LOL.)

After we ate, we had a really nice stroll around the park because:

1. I needed to get my 10,000 steps;
2. IT’S CALLED “NEEDING TO DIGEST,” MY FRIENDS.

This park was so nice and wooded! We saw many Mr. Gray Guys, and even a Cousin Bun Bun:

We left around 6pm to head back to UBS Area and begin what would become one of the best nights of 2024 (I mean, that’s not a hard title to take since this year has sucked so hard, but still!).

9:21am: Yo! It is Sunday morning, the day after NCT Dream and I am in that weird limbo state of being both happy and also having post-concert depression which I have to say hits different as a Kpop Stan. I have gone through many phases of music so I can say this with confidence and as if I have a PhD in these matters of the heart. We stayed at some Marriott in Cranbury, NJ after the original hotel in Wood-something NJ canceled the reservation during the concert last night so Henry had to scramble – RUDE! And then they still charged him so he had to fight with them while I was sleeping I guess to get our money back. (He did.)

Now we are stopping at Dunkin’ and heading out to Philly to give Chooch his TV and other crap he either forgot or wasn’t immediately needed last weekend. We drive a Kona so we couldn’t fit everything in one trip and knew we’d back out this way the next weekend much to Chooch’s delight lol.

Yesterday was pretty great, I have to say. Henry and I didn’t fight and I didn’t have any bad feelings and then we had amazing vegan food and saw NCT DREAM and for the first time since Bambi died, I almost feel like it’s going to be ok except that now I am crying because I mentioned her so…maybe some more time is needed haha 😩.

10:31am: we’re in Philly but Chooch just woke up and isn’t ready for us yet. Typical.

11:24am: Hilariously, we are now at Choochs dorm and Henry went to go park the car after unloading everything but then I couldn’t get into the dorm because I left my wallet at home and have no ID lllolol. I told the girl at the desk that I am the most irresponsible adult ever and she laughed in a way that said “don’t talk to me.” ;)

Anyway, now we’re waiting for Chooch to come back down so we can go get lunch I guess, I have no idea but I’m sad bc I was counting on using the bathroom in the dorm and now I have to hold it for the unforeseeable future.

11:45am :)

Guy in front of just licked Cheetos dust off his small child’s fingers and I almost vomited.

12:06pm: At Reading Terminal Market!

Henry spiraling out at the options. Sadly, the pretzel place was closed because Amish / Sunday. Luckily, we were aware of this in advance so there were no sudden disappointments to be had.

Stoked to have his photo taken again while he’s eating! It’s what MUM is best at.

Chooch and I got vegan deli sandwiches from LUHVS Deli – Chooch’s is the cubano and mine is corned beef. Obsessed. I loved the bread on mine especially. Chooch ate here earlier in the week and sent me a picture and said “I will take you here” and then when I asked him to take me there today he was like UGH FINE – wtf.

I don’t know what meaty thing Henry got but he also got ube fries!

This was so much fun and we actually didn’t fight!!

1:19pm: Now we’re at the art festival in Rittenhouse Square and this is chooch’s third and he apparently knows some of the artists at this point.

chooch and one of his artist friends who just exclaimed HEY YOURE BACK!

Apparently this guy’s roommate is from Pgh. Chooch is really making the rounds.

2:45pm: stopped for overpriced lattes at Le Pain Quotien and then some guy who has a table set up with a COME CHAT WITH ME sign interrupted a convo he was having with a young couple to tell me, “I just love your purse! I wanted to say it when you walked past before too” and then the couple sitting with him were like OMG and chooch was like WHY DOES EVERYONE LIKE THAT DUMB PURSE AND NOT MY CROCS?!” Also a man at 4th St Cookies also liked it!!!

You guys why am I loving this dumb rival city so much.

2:58pm: Chooch is taking us on the trolley for the first time!

3:04pm: Henry being obsessed with mastering a new public transit thingie now:

3:23pm: OK we just walked him back to his dorm and said goodbye and I am ok!! He even said “wow why were you sadder last week?” And I said, “because I realized now that I will be back to visit often so I’m ok” and he said “no. You won’t.” This is my new fave city, guys!

4:30pm: Stopped at a rest area and when Henry was collecting trash to throw out he “spilled Red Bull” on himself and when I saw it I burst out laughing and said, “I am NOT walking in there with you” while he was looking for pants to change into.

“Just go, asshole!” he said, as he was still getting the garbage (and the can of alleged Red Bull offender) together.

LOL I was cracking up alone on my walk through the parking lot so who looks more embarrassing, really.

4:44pm: Still at this fucking rest stop because Henry not only had to change pants but also “GO TO THE BATHROOM” aka POOP and now we’re waiting for our coffee. He tried to hold my hand and I said, “Ew people probably think you trafficked me, get off.”

4:49pm: On the way out, Henry said that not only did he have to change but he also had to TAKE OFF HIS UNDERWEAR bc they too were wet and he didn’t have an extra pair to change into!!!! I AM SO DEAD.

Meanwhile, an old man & youngish girl got out of a car and Henry said, “Did she get out of the backseat?”

“Maybe she’s being trafficked too. DO YOU KNOW THAT GUY? Is he a part of the same RING as you?”

But then as we drive past we saw that an older lady was in the passenger seat so I guess the more plausible explanation is that was a dad and daughter. Stand down.

6:56pm: Nothing cool or exciting has happened since my last check-in aside from me ranting about racist Americans and Karens complaining about people dancing at concerts.

7:45pm: An hour left. My throat hurts from last night. I’m calling this live blog. PISSSSSS OUT.

I can’t remember how much I mentioned in my quick post from Friday and don’t feel like looking but I can tell you in a nutshell that Friday was a whirlwind of emotions even though the Actual Day of Dread was Saturday. I think I was so focused on having “a good, perf day” that I got in my head and way too in my feelings and actually made myself sick and miserable off and on for the whole day (also Henry’s presence in general exacerbated my bad mood but that is a whole other that we don’t care to get into now, right?).

We left the house around 8am and after making what felt like a zillion stops along the way, got to Drexel around 2pm I think? The plan was to go to the bookstore and get that financial damage out of the way and just sort of get the lay of the land. When we were there last April, Chooch hadn’t committed yet so this time it was for real. AND I NEEDED A PICTURE OF HIM WITH MARIO THE DRAGON STATUE! He refused to indulge me in April but now that he’s an actual Drexel student, I think he realizes that there were certain bones he has to throw to mom during these fragile times.

WOMAN. ON. THE. EDGE.

I really like that he chose a college in a big(ish) city. He will never be bored, that’s for sure! We have been to Philly a generous handful of times at this point and have barely scratched the surface so while I’m sad that he will be 5 hours from home, I’m excited to have a reason to get to know Pittsburgh’s rival city in greater depth! (I will say right now that my greatest takeaway after this particular visit is that the stench of pot is so strong here that it’s like it permeated the lining of nostrils because I cannot shake that scent, 24 hours later.)

After sorting out the textbook sitch, we walked to Hip City Veg which was a much farther walk than Henry had advertised and I was HONGRY so this was not ideal. I somehow managed to keep the Big Fits tucked away for future use though and only dealt a moderate verbal evisceration.

Anyway!!! I had wanted to check out Hip City Veg for a bit so I was stoked to finally be there and that there’s a location near the Drexel campus (we could have been lazy and taken the subway – I think they call it the L in Philly – one stop so I will keep this in mind for next time). With all the veg-friendly dining options in University City alone, PLUS the great dining plan he’s on at Drexel, Chooch better never tell me he’s hungry.

Henry got the vegan cheesesteak which made me LOL because Megan’s bf Eric wrote a list of cheesesteak recs in Chooch’s grad party guest book even though Megan was like, “Eric, he doesn’t eat meat!” and then the one who DOES eat meat got a vegan one! Anyway, he let me try it and it was OK.

I got the grilled fake chicken baddie and it was DELECTABLE but also made my stomach REVOLT. I need to get tested for food allergies. I have a sneaking suspicion that I have a moderate gluten thing going on, either that or I just have my stomach so trained to not want to accept anything other than protein shakes and PB toast and other bland pantry staples like saltines. My current diet is so nursing home bad that almost every time I eat outside of the house I feel like my stomach is going to explode, like you can actually see a noticeable bloat like I’m pregnant with a helium balloon.

But even still, this fucking sandwich was worth it, it was so good. And the sweet potato fries were delicious too and I have to admit that I almost said “delish” which is something I would NEVER say, I am going through some terrible changes and fighting it every step of the way.

THEN WE TOOK THE L OR WHATEVER TO CHINATOWN, YAY! Specifically, because I wanted to go to MATCHA PANDA. Love me some matcha.

My stomach was so mad at me and I had no business putting anything additional into it but boy, I wanted a matcha latte and a fucking cake, ok. Also, I had a killer caffeine headache because some douchebag screwed me over at a rest stop and was already paying for his shit by the time I joined him after peeing and then AS AN AFTERTHOUGHT, turned to me AFTER HE SWIPED HIS CREDIT CARD and asked, “Oh, did you want something?”

I said, “Ha, guess not” AND STORMED OUT AND ON MY WAY TO THE EXIT I TOOK OFF MY WEDDING BAND AND THE ONLY REASON I HAVEN’T CHUCKED THIS INTO A LARGE BODY OF WATER BY NOW IS BECAUSE I MADE THIS RING IN KOREA AND FOR THAT REASON ALONE, IT STAYS.

So then, get this, he stops at the NEXT REST STOP and gets me coffee at 7-11 which I proceed to not drink out of principle, and that is how I ended up with a caffeine headache – NO, NOT BECAUSE I’M A STUBBORN CUNT, WHO SAID THAT? Because Henry is SELFISH and OBLIVIOUS! is the correct answer.

Thank you.

OMG all of the booths were so spacious and had giant stuffed animals at each other. I felt like VIP.

The matcha barista was super friendly and the vibes were vibing, totally immaculate. There was lo-fi r&b playing and yo, I felt like we were in a cafe in Korea and now as I am typing this and remembering the serene atmosphere, my eyes are tearing up. It burns. The memories of Korea sting my eyeballs.

Earl Grey and Pistachio millecrepes. D I V I N E. Asian desserts / flavor profiles are my faves.

And this matcha was magnificent. I love matcha so much. There was very little sweetness to this so the matcha really shone through boldly. Loved it for me. Henry did not like it and said it tasted like the earth but also, Henry does not like matcha in general. This is not the matcha that you get at somewhere shitty like Starbucks. This was legit.

Henry got a banana milk latte and he said, “Ehhh….it wasn’t terrible, I’ve had bet—-I mean, it wasn’t terrible. Let’s go with this.”

Chooch got a Spanish latte and didn’t like it. I don’t know what to do with these critiques because they’re coming from two people who, at the end of the day, do not like any type of coffee or espresso drink unless it comes from Dunkin’ and even then – do they really?!!? They load their drinks up with so many pumps of flavor syrups! How would they even know!?

Excuse the messy table, but I just loved the emerald / jade green color palette going on here. It was so soothing. Especially paired with the music.

I think this will become a place I visit regularly when I’m in town. (Much to Henry’s chagrin lol.)

Took the L back, got the car from the parking garage, and finally went to check in to the hotel which was a generic extended stay next to the airport so that made me nervous but the room was nice and it ended up being fine noise-wise too.

Chooch was pissed because he was relegated to the pull-out couch haha.

We rested for about 90 minutes and then I was being a bigmouth about wanting go AND DO SOMETHING. I mean, it was 7pm on a Friday night and Henry was content with just rotting away in the hotel room but I wanted to go out and live my life. I suggested Penn’s Landing (and by suggest I mean that I screamed I DON’T FUCKING KNOW, PENN’S LANDING MAYBE!? IDIOT!!!) and this entailed us driving back into the city when I thought we would just Uber or take pub-trans but Henry Knows Best, and then we saw pretty immediately that Penn’s Landing is under construction but by now, Henry was determined to park so that I could walk BY THE WATER which is what I kept crying about. I don’t even LIKE water that much but when I’m a different city it’s like WE HAVE TO BE NEAR THE WATER OR WE’RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT. I have no idea, don’t look for my travel guides anywhere anytime soon, that’s all I’m saying.

Henry finally found somewhere to park after AT LEAST AN HOUR of driving in circles with me and Chooch screaming “YOU COULD HAVE FIT THERE!” at him every 5 minutes, causing him to fire back with I’LL TELL YOU WHAT, ONE OF YOU TWO ASSHOLES CAN FEEL FREE TO DRIVE THEN! and we were like LOL NICE TRY.

Anyway, once we did park and then walk over to the water pier thingies, it was nice. We didn’t do anything aside from watch a dance-off and see some rats scurrying out in the open, but it was still better than sitting in the hotel room and whatever part of town this (old town??) was really fucking cute.

And then we went to Wawa and got back to the hotel around 11 which is an acceptable time to go to bed while out of town. If you ask me, anyway.

Full disclosure, I forgot to finish writing about this. Life is so fucking stupid anymore! Anyway, let’s just quickly looks at these leftover pics and I will maybe write some words where applicable. Like here for instance, where we ended up riding this rapids ride with a thoosie dad and his daughter who invited us to join them on their raft after we chatted in line about coasters. Chooch, wearing an actual coaster group shirt, offered nothing and I was left limping my way through the convo because even though I am always whining about having no one to talk to about coasters, as soon as I do have someone I clam up?? Anyway, Henry took an entire album’s worth of photos of us on this for some reason.

We didn’t eat lunch here, but did get a pretzel and it was just OK. But I will not judge the food at the park on that alone!

We were trying to push Henry toward Cinderella and Chooch yelled, “He’s your biggest fan!” YOU CAN RIDE A HORSE-DRAWN PUMPKIN CARRIAGE TO HER CASTLE, BTW. We sadly did not do this, Chooch refused after seeing the line and the low capacity of each carriage.

This place in a word: enchanting.

In two words? Add “charming.”

When I saw this castle on the website, I screamed, “I WANT TO TAKE HENRY’S PICTURE THERE!” and by “scream” I mean that I sent Megan a CAPSLOCK message on Teams. She was like, “Oh that’s a must!” and then when Henry tried to scratch this off the itinerary, I cried, “BUT MEGAN WANTED ME TO TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU BY THE CASTLE!!” and he was like, “OH FOR GOD’S SAKE.” Lol, thanks, Megan :)

If Henry hadn’t needed to stand in line for A PRETZEL we could have made it to the castle before people started to line up for Cinderella but whatever.

Some nice man took a picture for us – if we use this one on the wall, does it even count as a CAROUSELFIE though??

Also, Henry is wearing his wedding band but as you can see, my ring finger is bare. I took my ring off at the airbnb the day before and I don’t think I put it back on for 2 or more weeks after that LOL. I also took it off in Chicago too. Our fights are so much more meaningful now that I have an actual wedding band to take off in a fit!

I loved the nursery rhyme walk-thru area!

So did Chooch!

The attention to detail really tickled my soul.

Before we left, Chooch got his drivers license, LOL. Unlike Liseberg, where we both got our boating license FOR FREE, this cost $12! Worth it though.

Only other thing to note is that when we were in the candy shop waiting to buy a whoopie pie, we saw a cute little mole scurrying about! I don’t think I have ever seen a mole in real life before! That just added to the charm.

What a nice day and not a single fight. With that,  I think we can finally put this New England Birthday Trip to rest because honestly, I kind of don’t want to think about it anymore for a while.

I still have another Storyland photo dump as if anyone was worried about that. But here are some stray photos from my camera roll from after we left and started our drive home. I didn’t live blog because if I remember correctly my blog was down that day, what else is new anymore, so these are just kind of chilling with nowhere to go.

Henry wanted to GET STRAIGHT HOME, NO STOPS, NO DETOURS because we had a realllly long drive ahead of us and weren’t slated to get home until midnight. Well, it ended up being almost 3AM in reality because we did stop a lot and also it stormed at one point when we were in NY, and it was just a really long and aggravating drive – and yes we all took turns driving.

Almost immediately after leaving Storyland, I saw this cute covered bridge gift shop and Henry was like JESUS CHRIST when I made him pull over and then I didn’t even buy anything haha.

Chooch and I were competing with each other to get the best pictures from the car. Honestly though this whole White Mountain area was so beautiful and I am so sad that we didn’t have more time to stop and be leisurely (well, we could have had more time if Henry had taken the next day off which was MY BIRTHDAY but his job is more important than my happiness – UNDERSTOOD).

We stopped here for coffee but I got WEIRD VIBES so we walked out, which Henry hates doing but why would I still buy something if I wasn’t feeling it? Then he’d have just bitched about me wasting money SO I CANT WIN. Do not give me that “poor Henry” bullshit!

We ended up stopping in WOODSTOCK NH which is apparently 10.5 hours away from Pgh lololol.

The coffee was fine but they didn’t have pie??!!

Aside from 87 gas stations, 45 rest stops, and 1 Dunkin’ for a green goddess wrap (chooch and I are obsessed), I really can’t think of anything else worth talking about because I was still depressed and rearin’ to fight at every juncture. I think Henry had finally just opted to not make eye contact with me after a while to preserve the un-bitten state of his head.

This was one incredibly dysfunctional road trip. I don’t necessarily regret it but I currently associate it with manic mood swings and uncontrollable sobbing. One day maybe I will be able to compartmentalize that part and look back “fondly” (lol) on the good moments!

We spent the day in southern (?) West Virginia yesterday. I think it was southern. I don’t feel like looking at a map but I think we were at the bottom-ish of the state in Huntington. The main….attraction? was Camden Park which I’ll recap later in its own post, but afterward we had a late lunch (linner, really) at a nearby fastfood joint called Frostop. I saw it on Roadside America last week when I was scoping out the area around Camden Park and this was on there all thanks to the large, rotating mug of root beer that sits atop the snack shack like a crowned jewel of fastfood royalty.

I also saw that they have grilled cheese on the menu so it was a must-do at that point. Plus, I like root beer just fine.

Because I’m a fucking doof, I always search YouTube for videos on places that we are going to visit so I thought outloud, “I wonder if anyone made any Frostop videos?” Oh Erin, babe. Honey bunny with the half brain. Of course people have made videos about visiting Frostop. This is 21st century America. We the people have nothing better to do and there is an audience for anything. So, I found a video filmed last year and in that video, the girl working there that was being “interviewed” (ACTUALLY MIGHT HAVE BEEN OUR SERVER FROM YESTERDAY) said that the mug was not currently spinning because of some mechanical issue that was being looked at. So, that was a concern we had! I ONLY WANTED TO GO TO THIS PLACE TO SEE THE SPINNING ROOT BEER MUG! I WAS PROMISED A SPINNING ROOT BEER MUG!

As we drove down the road closer to its location, Henry spotted the mug on the horizon and HOLLERED, “It’s spinning!!!” I mean, great, but let’s not shout about it!?

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I guess Frostop is actually a brand of root beer and other “grandpa’s favorite” adjacent bevvies. For instance, I am 100% certain if I texted my dad right now and asked if he knows what Frostop is, he will fire back with an entire history of the brand alongside a picture of one of his pop machines with a row of Frostop for the taking. My dad LOVES pop, especially old-fashioned types.

But Frostop also has several “Drive-ins” in certain states, and the one in Huntington happens to be the closest one to us here in Pittsburgh so I really felt like we needed to stop here (even though Hillbilly Hot Dogs several miles away looked waaaaay cooler and actually veg options?!).

First impression: the girl who was working there yesterday was very friendly and personable and determined immediately that we were city folk who needed extra guidance. She explained that we could either stay in our car for CAR SERVICE (I didn’t realize this was a legit “drive-in”!) or we could sit at one of the umbrella’d tables and she’d be with us in a minute.

Second first impression: I LOVED THE AMBIANCE. Brown and cream is so ugly together but somehow it just works in these types of situations.

So honestly, this place could have had shitty food and I would still have enjoyed my time there. It was just my style. Add it to the list with Pal’s Sudden Service and Mr. Happy’s. 

And Mama Steve’s and Mr. Pancake.

The expressions.

I would like to note that Mush Brain struck again when the server asked what I wanted to drink and I confidently said, “Mountain Dew.”

“Sorry, we only have Coke products,” she said, and I was like, in my Mush Brain, thinking that was weird considering this was literally named for its root beer and that’s when I realized that MOUNTAIN DEW inexplicably came out of my mouth instead of root beer?!

“Oh! I meant to say root beer,” I corrected myself. “I don’t know why I said Mountain Dew,” and then I glanced at Henry who was looking at me with “are you having a stroke?” eyes. You guys, Mountain Dew was my drink of choice for pretty much all of my teens and into my early 20s until I basically quit drinking pop / soda cold turkey so I can’t even remember the last time I actually ordered a Mountain Dew at a restaurant or pulled one out of a cooler in a gas station, yet for some reason it rolled so effortlessly and familiarly off my tongue like I blinked and it was 2001 again.

Bizarre.

But yes, I know I said I never drink sodas anymore but I had to make an exception and get the root beer that they are famously named for! You can’t go to Frostop and not get a Frostop, or so I hear!

Chooch got a lemonade and we both opted to get our drinks in mugs. Henry got his in a to-go cup for some reason.

OK, HERE’S THE REVIEW: The root beer tasted like ordinary root beer to me (also, I’m glad that in the video we watched, the guys got root beer floats because prior to watching that I had grand designs to float it up but then I saw them and they are MASSIVE. It would have knocked me out for the day, and I might have had to puke at some point on the way home, not trying to be vulgar for once, just honest!!!). The grilled cheese was a big time meh. The bread was meh, it was barely “grilled,” and the cheese was soooo bad, like something you’d expect to be served up in a nursing home. Like, if my brain was cheese – mushy, but less melted. It was very strange cheese.

So, don’t get the grilled cheese. If you eat meat, Henry ordered BOTH the burger AND weiner and said they both good.

BUT YO.

THE ONION RINGS.

Wooooooo baby. Those were some of the BEST onion rings I’ve ever had. Also, note that I am super picky re: onion rings and onions in general. I hate when the onion is still practically raw and crunchy, and I also hate when you bite into it and the entire strand of onion is pulled out.

This was the PERFECT medium – not raw, but just crisp enough that one bite would sever the onion AND it didn’t have that slimy worm feel to it. I was so happy with these onion rings, but my stomach was NOT. Even without indulging in a root beer float, I still ended up down for the count and actually thought I was going to have to throw up before we even left the place. My bitch baby stomach just cannot handle anything greater than peanut butter toast these days, it’s so pathetic.

I did not end up puking, you’ll be pleased to know, and was able to last long enough at the table to BUY A FROSTOP SHIRT. The last 5 or so years, I have been in my commemorative diner/restaurant t-shirt or mug era. It’s so random and Henry doesn’t even hesitate anymore when I say, “I have to get a shirt.”

So, I now happily own a Frostop shirt just like the ones the employees wear!

“Aren’t you excited to inherit all of my diner and fastfood t-shirts when I die?” I asked Chooch.

“Yeah, I am so excited. I can’t wait,” he said in a monotone slick with onion ring grease.

“And my haunted house journals!” I added gleefully.

“I’m excited to burn those,” he said.

WOW.

And that was our memorable time at Frostop. SHOULD I TRY TO VISIT ALL OF THEM NOW?!

The last part of our New England Bi-Polar Road Trip was a half-day romp through the most precious, adorable, wholesome, charming amusement park I think I have ever seen – StoryLand in the White Mountains of New Hampshire! I knew a little bit about this park from my friend Alyson who lives in NH, but other than being familiar with its fairy tale aesthetic and the fact that it has a pretty intense wooden coaster for a children’s park, this place was a mystery to us. I kind of thought that we’d just run in, grab the 2 coaster creds, then head home.

But yooooooo, boiiiii. Hold up. This place exceeded expectations immediately upon entry. I really wasn’t expecting it to be such a whimsical oasis in the mountains of NH. I mean for god’s sake, the first thing we encountered was this little show!

WOW THE JOY ON CHOOCH’S FACE AS HE POSES FOR YET ANOTHER PHOTO WITH MOMMY.

OBSESSED ALREADY. THIS IS MY STYLE!!!

Are we back in Norway, though?? I’m kind of glad it has taken me so long to recap this day because seeing these pictures with fresh eyes is so much. I can’t get over how actually enchanted this place is. And it was kind of cool because in the early morning portion, it was overcast and drizzly, which added even more ambiance if that’s even possible. It did get sunny later on though so we got to experience the park both ways!

Did you know I’m obsessed with cuckoo clocks?! One of my  plans for either this shitty house or a future one if we ever fucking move (oh god, please let us be able to buy a house someday while Henry is still spry enough to carry out all of the projects I have packed in the dark recesses of my mind) is to have an entire wall of cuckoo clocks set at different times. Not annoying AT ALL.

OMG this really has to be the cutest themed teacups I have ever seen. I’m obsessed. Bavarian Norwegian crossover of my dreams.

Dude, it definitely felt like being in Norway again!

The ride operator said she loved Chooch’s Minion Crocs and that opened up membership to some kind of bizarre Croc Compliment Club because he started getting comments on those fuckers all the livelong day after this. He was so happy about it, to the point where he even started eavesdropping on people around us to see if they were talking about his Crocs.

Ugh. Now he knows what it’s like to be COOL LIKE ME.

Wow, thanks for the great video Papa H.

Then we went on the cutest little log flume that was PANDA THEMED. One of the ride attendants was named CHEESE and she was so cute! Also, we got in a “pre-line” for this baby because it didn’t start running until 10am and Chooch was like, “I can’t believe we’re lined up for a baby log flume” but it was part of the experience because we got to stare down the little girl in front of us who kept turning around and looking at us LIKE WHAT, WHY? BECAUSE TWO BIG PEOPLE WANT TO RIDE THIS DUMB LOG THING WITH NO CHILDREN??

LOG FLUMES ARE FOR EVERYONE.

When we were coming back into the loading area, there was a baby squirrel trying to cross over the trough!!! We had a moment with the ride attendant over it lol.

After we got off this, we ran to another section of the park because ROARASAURUS was now open! It’s a crazy intense woodie in a children’s park!! The thoosies LOVE this bitch.

It’s one-train ops but the line was just a station wait so it really wasn’t too bad. Chooch and I rode in both the front and back and TBH I wanted to ride it more times but Chooch and Henry were like, “let’s move on.”

The train is so cute!!

Henry said, “Look it’s Splash Battle Mountain” and I realized he was trying to make a Dance Gavin Dance joke and this KILLED Chooch and me. At first, I slipped and genuinely laughed but the I realized that I was giving him credit for landing a joke so I quickly started to criticize him and then gave him examples of how he could have made it make better sense.

Ugh. Obsessed.

I loved the Dutch-ass section too!!!

The second coaster cred was this polar bear coaster thing that was actually pretty fun for a small scale family coaster! Also, many comments on the Minion Crocs in this line.

This is what the station looks like from the brake run! The theming here was immaculate. I would have been in heaven if I had gone here as a child. Now I’m pissed. DID MY PAPPAP NOT LOVE ME ENOUGH??

OK, that’s all for now!

The hotel we had booked for the last night of our New England Disaster / aka A Prelude to Divorce was in Intervale, NH. This was about a 90 minute drive from Portland, Maine, and it was dusk by the time we set off (after stopping at some chain coffee place outside of Portland because I was firmly settled into my CAFFEINE WITHDRAWL OR DEMON POSSESSION insufferable mood.

I can’t remember the name of this cafe but BLESS UP to them for being open past 7pm.

(Found it! Aroma Joe’s. I can’t even remember what I got now, but it must have been fine because I don’t have any knee-jerk reaction to this name, etc.)

Anyway, the whole entire reason I’m even devoting a blog post to this otherwise boring drive is because once we got to New Hampshire, GPS told Henry to turn left onto what appeared to be a trail – it was fully night by this point, and we weren’t on a highway but just a regular 2-lane road with no street lights and house here and there. Henry flipped out because there was a sign that said the road was closed so he reversed back onto the other road and kept going straight. Now, I did not see where this other road was allegedly roped off or whatever, but as we all know, Henry knows everything and is the best driver in the world so no one questioned this. However, we were now in an area where the reception was sparse so the map froze.

Henry was like, winging it and just putzing along in a direction that could have been leading us off a cliff, who knows. Suddenly, we saw what appeared to be flashing police lights up ahead, and it turned out to be some man standing on the side of the road next to his truck, shining a flashlight at us. I was like, “Wow you didn’t even slow down, he may have been in distress” but Henry was convinced that it was A TRAP.

THEN!! After about another minute, we came upon ANOTHER SIGN that said the road was closed or gave some type of warning. I asked Henry if he remembered what it said and he goes, “No, just that it gave the impression that it was a road we didn’t want to be on.”

So now we had a frozen GPS and two routes that were supposedly blocked off. It gave me a flashback to that horror movie Dead End with Ray Wise?! Were we going to get stuck in a loop on some dark rural road only to find out we’re already dead?!

Anyway, Henry was like, “Fuck this” and turned around and then some truck went flying past us. “I think that was that guy!!!” Henry cried, and we were certain at that point that it really was a trap. Maybe we were supposed to pull over next to that sign to figure out what to do next and then the deranged man would catch up to us in his truck and shoot darts at our tires, impairing our ability to turn around and then we’d all get separated in our frantic dash through the woods to escape him and I’d probably die first and Chooch would survive only to be the next DERANGED TRUCK GUY in the sequel.

DASHCAM FOOTAGE:

OK so now we were headed back the opposite direction and Chooch goes, “Why don’t you try to turn where the GPS wanted you to turn, let’s test it” and Henry was big-mouthing off about this suggestion but then ended up doing it and OH MY FUCKING GOD, it was the entrance to THE MOUNTAINS, essentially and the main road was fine but it was a small side trail that branched off to the left that was gated off. Henry is such a moron!

This drive ended up being such a fun part of the trip though based entirely on the scary factor – it gave big “when the drive to the haunted hayride is scarier than the haunted hayride” vibes and it was exciting. The whole time, Chooch and I were like, “WHAT IF THE GUY IN THE TRUCK IS WAITING FOR US AT THE END??” I mean, nary a car passed us the entire time we were on this road and it wasn’t until near the end when we started seeing signs/entrances for lodges and resorts. So, if anyone wanted to hide in the woods and shoot at Pennsylvanians doing their best to make it to their hotel, this would have been the perfect spot for it.

Don’t worry, this is the last Maine post. After eating dinner at that one brewery in that one town, we finally made our way to Portland. In one of my initial iterations of the itinerary, I had so much more time allotted for Portland. I wanted to actually, you know, do stuff there. Eat a meal. Drink a beer. Do a thing on the water, maybe. Almost buy things then put them back. Go to an aesthetic cafe for the ‘gram.

But then Henry shook down my carefully considered checklist so that all that was left was the Portland Head Light at sunset. Also, this was now happening on a completely different day too.

Why.

Do.

I.

Bother.

More of these things that I liked. Teeny tomatoes, I don’t even know.

We got there with about an hour to spare and there was only a very light crowd there so we love that

This is like the quintessential lighthouse, right? Like, when you think of lighthouses, this is the one that pops into your mind like it was preloaded into your brain’s ViewFinder from birth.

Some facts:

• it’s the oldest lighthouse in Maine;
• it was first lit in 1791!!!
  • it is home to 5676845674 ghosts (probably)
• it is built of rubblestone, whatever that is;
• it is a NATIONAL HISTORIC CIVIL ENGINEERING LANDMARKS, in case any of engineering g33k5 are reading this

As previously stated when I posed the photos from “the good camera” a few weeks ago, I almost died climbing down the cliff thing to  take these pictures. There were all kinds of old people down there though so I figured, if they found a way, so could I.

(We joked that if this was in South Korea, they’d have a funnicular with a cute character face on it to safely cart people up and down.)

(And then I joked that this could be his post-senior picture session and he was like PLEASE CAN WE MOVE ON FROM SENIOR PICTURES ALREADY.)

Those fucking Crocs.

He spotted Henry (he stayed above) and probably was laughing at something disparaging that we said about him in tandem. We are always on a shared wavelength when it comes to Henry Bullying.

I have a series of shots of him doing weird things with his hand and I thought that he was suddenly inspired to wave to the camera but it turns out he was pretending to “balance the lighthouse on his hand.”

Have you ever seen a series of photos where he smiled so much??

Remembering that he “hates” being photographed.

You can see here that there actually were other people down there with us, which sort of made it feel less treacherous…? A couple was also getting what appeared to be engagement photos taken.

I loved spending time here! It was also notably about an hour out of the day where we didn’t argue. But don’t worry, that would come as soon as we left this park and I started crying about not getting to see Portland and Henry was like THEN TELL ME WHERE TO GO. Um, to hell, obviously?!

I got so fed up and yelled IF YOU WOULD JUST FUCKING PAY ATTENTION WHEN I PUT ON TRAVEL VIDEOS, THEN YOU WOULD GODDAMN KNOW WHERE TO GO WHY DO YOU PUT THIS ON ME and then we ended up just heading out to our hotel in the mountains of New Hampshire which ended up being one of the highlights of the whole trip because it felt like we were in a found footage horror movie where a bickering family TAKES THE WRONG TURN IN THE MOUNTAINS and meets a GORY FATE.

Dude OK just stop, slow down – I took these top two snaps from the car window as Chooch was taxiing us to our second lighthouse of the day. Just so serene! Was I in a surly, snurfly, sniffly mood still? Hundred percent! But even that screen of psychological disdain I was lurking behind like the silhouette of an 80s star slasher wasn’t so opaque that I couldn’t appreciate nature’s beauty!

Sometimes I think that I could be a boat person, just sitting on a pouf on whatever the deck is called, a starboard or whatever, sipping a bellini and reading some trash novel. But then I remember who I am and how I am unable to unwind and relax like a normal person and I would likely go stir crazy and freak out in the middle of a body of water which will culminate in me belly-flopping off the side of the boat and then having a nervous breakdown because I am terrified of THE THINGS in the SEA. And lakes. And rivers. And ponds. I’m not even too thrilled about public swimming pools, if we’re going all in here.

But I dunno, maybe an hour or two would be nice.

(And then I watch YouTube videos of whales flipping over boats and revert to my original anti-boat stance.)

Yes, I’ve seen beaches and oceans before but Maine just hits different, OK? (I think this was technically Penobscot Bay?)

(Penobscot is amazing to say. Love the mouthfeel.)

We had to park in a little lot and walk through a trail in order to access the lighthouse and it was a very enjoyable walk. Look at these views!

Why can’t I look as loose and cool as Chooch?

I’M ALWAYS TIGHT AND COILED INSTEAD.

Also this Hipstamatic filter makes me look like I have a skin condition.

I want to go back to Maine and just do slow tourism, which is really against everything I believe in, but being here honestly made me wish we had more time so we could just slow down and be outside at our leisure. I just don’t know how to plan trips around … “nothing.” The pain purpose is always amusement parks or concerts, sometimes both.

He was super annoyed with me because there were all these little, treacherous paths that went down to the water and he wanted to go down them but I was having jelly-legs and wouldn’t let him. Jelly-legs is how I know I’m truly a mom. (YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME WATCHING THE OLYMPICS, THEY WERE ALL MY CHILDREN.)

I don’t know man. I just kept envisioning him tumbling down there in Instagram reel-format with Culture Club playing on 2x speed.

I realize now that we probably should have been finding people to take a picture of us with Henry too  (LOLOLOL) but I really have been so desperate to get as many photos with Chooch as possible at the risk of making him totally averse to any type of photographical situation for the rest of his life, eschewing family photos with his future family much like my own mother has for her entire adult life.

Taken from lighthousefriends.com: Owls Head Lighthouse is number one on Coastal Living magazine’s most haunted lighthouse list, and there are said to be at least two ghosts at the lighthouse. One is known as the “Little Lady” and is most frequently found in the kitchen or looking out a window. Doors slam, silverware rattles, but people say her presence brings a feeling of peace. The other is thought to be a keeper from beyond the grave.

Of course, we were there on a sunny, blue-sky day in July and nary a spirit was felt. I think in general, lighthouses at night are such a haunting, forlorn presence – ghosts or not!

I saw some old guy standing up here with his good-good camera so then, monkey see monkey do, obviously.

This flag made me mad.

Bitching about me being annoying, I’m sure.

UGH I love nature! I know everyone is like knocking each other out of the way to go to New England in the fall, but the summer!! THE GREENERY!! I loved it. Even though I was/am in such a bad place, I think it was at least a little bit healing for me. The fresh ocean air and sunshine was a lot better than being at home in shitty Brookline, I guess (Although, I missed Penelope terribly and was so concerned about her even though my mom was there because it was the first time leaving her since Drew died.)

Then we went into the gift shop and this is when Chooch gasped at the realization that a LIGHTHOUSE PASSPORT exists and that would have been good to know and a fun family activity (mmm, maybe strike “family”) if we had more time but also I think there are like 50+ lighthouses in Maine so I feel like that would have to be the actual theme of a vacation. Lighthouse Lunacy, or whatever.

I did buy some magnets and a really pretty sea glass pendant that has the Owls Head lighthouse hand painted on it by a local artist (allegedly).

Before heading to Portland, we stopped at a general store so I was able to take a picture of the adjacent, adorable Owls Head post office. Shit, this town was so presh!

One of the coolest things about taking a trip with 70+ coaster enthusiasts is that there were bound to be a handful of YouTubers in the group. At first, I was not stoked about this because I am, in fact, a SHRINKING VIOLET which is something I was called once about 15 years ago and you know how sometimes when you’re called something that you know you’re not, it sticks with you? This was one of those things, in addition to Christina once saying that I was stand-offish. These are some factors into why I think that in addition to all of my other issues, I think that I am also having an identity crisis and we have added it to the list of goals in therapy: TO BE ME AGAIN.

Whoever that is.

J/K I know she is. She is THAT BITCH and I want her back.

ANYWAY. Where was I?

Oh yeah, bumping (bruised from coasters) elbows with these YouTubers ended up being a blessing because we now have several different POVs of our trip and even a year later, the vlogs are still coming out! GP Coasters just posted their Tusenfryd and Gronalund vlogs and I am here for it.

I was so happy to see our ascent up the iconic Tusenfryd escalator! Especially because I didn’t make it in Tim’s final shot that he posted on the Coaster Crew Instagram so I snagged a screenshot from GP Coasters’ vlog. What makes me even happier is that Kevin and Pam are in the shot! (Also in the shot is that guy in front of me who acted like he hated me for some reason oh yeah because I’m a woman who likes coasters. So threatening.)

Chooch walking without us, as usual.

Henry and me riding Storm for the first time! Looks like Jean and Larry are behind us and Arnold is in front of us with some blurry man I cannot identify. Possibly Eamon?

I can’t believe this was a year ago. Little did I know then that we’d come home, have one decent month, and then the first domino would fall. Goddammit, will I ever have fun again?

Kristen’s brother Randall gave us some lighthouse recommendations to hit up after leaving his farm on Sunday, and while I would not consider myself a lighthouse thoosie by any means (although my aunt Susie was heavy into the lighthouse-as-interior-design lifestyle in the 90s so maybe I had a dormant maritime beacon gene in me?) but I really felt like we’d be remiss to blow through Maine on our manic road trip without fixing our eyeballs on at least one sea cliff landmark.

It was Chooch’s turn to drive and he did a good job getting us to the Rockland Breakwater Lighthouse, although I will say that we should have stopped to eat lunch first because we needed it. Picking at our leftover Holy Donut breakfast was just not cutting it and my late afternoon hanger + constant grief + inability to enjoy the little things in life x Henry in general = big explosion on the 7/8 mile ankle-snapping breakwater.

But, enough of Eeyore Erin. Eeyorerin. Let’s just look at some pictures because it was a beautiful day and if I was myself, it was a walk that I would have really enjoyed although I’m not saying that the skipped lunch wouldn’t have presented itself as a mood swing back in “normal times”. I think I still would have snapped out to some lesser extent.

By the time we made it to the actual lighthouse, I was just kind of going through the motions. There was a couple sitting on the rocks with their dog and that made me sad. I mean, obviously we weren’t ever going to be taking Drew to a lighthouse for a family picnic or whatever, but I can’t help but feel resentment every time I see people out in public with their beloved furry family members. So,

I didn’t even get a picture of the actual lighthouse portion of this bitch. Here’s what that part looks like:

Walked the whole way back in silence because Henry and Chooch pissed me off when I tried to act like we were a happy family and attempted to take a group selfie but they were both little bitches about it so I screamed LET’S JUST GO HOME THEN and stormed off ahead of them, weeping quietly behind my sunglasses.

Chooch eventually caught up with me and then we walked together in silence. I wish Henry had fallen into the water.

It really was a dangerous walk though. You had to be very cognizant and aware of each step you took because those rocks were treacherous and there were so many large gaps. Chooch tripped at one point and it gave me hardcore Jello legs.

Me and my wrinkled shirt took our own selfie once we made it back to solid ground, thank you.

We kept seeing these plants everywhere and I was really into them.

The next lighthouse was about 20 minutes away and Chooch continued driving so I was glad to have Henry stuffed in the backseat where he belongs for a bit longer.

My blog is still periodically dying so I’m going to post the next two lighthouses separately because god only knows how long this will still alive.

After the morning turmoil simmered down and I got my sads out, we finally got to see our friend Kristen for the first time since 2013! She and her husband Christopher are currently staying with her brother on his alpaca farm on the coast of Maine and since we were going to be somewhat in the area, I asked her if she’d be free for a visit and she was!

I will tell you, being around Kristen and in such a tranquil setting was very therapeutic and cathartic. This place was a legit sanctuary and Kristen has such a down-to-earth presence that I finally felt like I was able to get out of my head and out of my own way for the few hours we were there.

First, we got to feed the alpacas and llamas while Kristen explained to us the ins and out of farm life. It was fascinating and definitely something that we were all interested in learning about, as animal lovers.

Chooch got to drive Kristen’s beloved Truckie!

This is the view from the house. Gorgeous! Maine is enchanting. I can’t believe it took me 45 years to get there.

I was cracking up a little a few days before our visit, thinking back to the first time Kristen and I met. I had been friends with her then-boyfriend Matt first (whom I have since fallen out of touch with since I am no longer on Facebook). He and I had become LiveJournal friends back when I was a member of the most pretentious, hifalutin, you-can’t-sit-with-us “Lj Review” group. Basically, you would submit your LJ for review and the community members, an ELITE SOCIETY of linguistic snobs, would rip you to shreds….

….or collectively appreciate you and invite you to join them.

For some reason, these total assholes (and, if we’re being real, cyber bullies) actually liked me and I became one of the few broads invited into the frat house. Matt was one of those frat boys.

Hilariously, there was only one guy who didn’t like me and he said, and I STILL QUOTE THIS TO THIS DAY, “I don’t know why all of you are q-tipping your dickholes over her.”

Yeah, really. Y tho?

Anyway! Flash forward to a few years later, I had just had Chooch (I remember Matt was H O R R I F I E D when I made my pregnancy announcement on LJ, and for good reason if you had known me back then!) and Matt said that he and his girlfriend Kristen were going to be passing through Pittsburgh and asked if Henry and I wanted to meet up! They even brought Chooch some Boston sports baby clothes! So, Henry and I, and this other local LJ guy – Lin – who we were all friends with but honestly his LJ was SO BORING and NARCISSISTIC, went to dinner at The Sharp Edge which was a really cool place to get fancy beers before breweries took over the world. Now, I only drank those fruity Belgium lambic things back then and ALWAYS ordered that when I went to Sharp Edge, so that night was no exception. Matt happily announced that he was going to pay for everyone, and I was like, “Good thing I’m a one-and-done drinker” but then the check came and I happened to glance at it and I saw that my drink was like $30 or something ridic?! Apparently, I had accidentally ordered some special Lambic that was made with limited edition ingredients from some protected fantasy land and sealed with a kiss from God’s lips. I don’t even know what happened there, but Henry muttered, “good job, Erin” which was the alternate title for this blog, by the way.

But yeah, I just remember even then thinking, “Wow, Kristen is amazing and so cool and smart and pretty yet REALLY NICE and easy to talk to!?” That never had been my experience with other people’s girlfriends in the past. Then Kristen and I became friends too so she wasn’t just “Matt’s gf” and even though we only got to hang out once more after that, she and I remained in touch through the years and friendships like that are so cool, aren’t they? Kristen has been such a big support for me over these last few mths, especially through the college process. Having a friend that cares about my kid’s future and education is so amazing!

THEY HAVE YAKS!!

AND DOGS! And a “barn” full of cats! I say “barn” because those it’s luxury digs for those kitties. They are probably living more comfortably than us!

We also got to meet Kristen’s brother who is beyond chill and welcoming, just a cool guy with an incredible eye for design; her niece and nephew; and her husband Christopher who was in a Gatorade commercial with Sidney Crosby and yes that was my big take-away from the day!

I look like a total shrub as usual, but I’m so glad to get this photo together! I can’t believe we got to see Kristen after all this time! Thank god for LiveJournal, honestly. Anytime I tell Chooch about some friend I have in another city, he says, “Let me guess, LiveJournal.” I mean, sometimes it’s Twitter or Instagram or even in some cases, Etsy! But yeah, 90% of the time, it’s gonna be LJ.

I hope that next time, we have more time to hang out. There was so much activity and action going on around us and it was so exciting! But we still had more poorly-planned things to cover on this road trip, so we parted ways in early afternoon and headed off to the first lighthouse of the day. COME BACK LATER FOR THAT.

Also, Kristen, if you ever come back to Pgh for a visit, I’ll let you feed my squirrels!

We survived our night in the creepy, country Maine air bnb! I think I mentioned it in the liveblog, but it was the attic floor of a multi-tenant house and it was actually pretty cute, not gonna lie, but also awkward. The bathroom and kitchen were in the same room, which would have been a problem if we were staying here for more than just one night’s sleep. But it also really creeped me out. After we settled in Saturday night, Henry and Chooch left to find a nearby Taco Bell and I was in there alone. The TV wasn’t working (maybe it worked and I just didn’t care to figure it out) and whoever was living downstairs was very quiet, so I walked around silently, getting ready for bed. It was a bit much because, at home, it is never quiet. There is always the TV on downstairs, the radio on upstairs, plus we live on a busy street. So, I asked, “What kind of New England Ghost Story am I about to star in here?” Especially after Henry and Chooch came back – Henry was in the bathroom brushing his teeth, so, two rooms away, and I had just closed my eyes and rolled on my side when I swear to you, I swear on the box of Drew’s ashes that are right next to me here, I heard someone hoarsely whisper from what sounded like the doorway, “Erin!” I quickly rolled around and said, “What? Henry!?” but no one answered. I really thought it was Henry trying to get my attention without yelling through the house since it was “quiet hours” but he said it wasn’t him.

And then as I drifted off to sleep, my last thought was, “I wonder if any of us will survive the night.”

I thought that, if not some supernatural entity, an ax murderer would find his way up our fucking creeptastic attic staircase and slaughter us all.

A corner of our bedroom.

Our haunted bedroom that I tried to post a picture of in the liveblog but my blog was being a picture-rejecting dick that night.

Anyway, we left around 8am that morning and all I wanted to do was stop somewhere to get a small breakfast. “A cafe,” I said. “Surely they have cafes in this town.” And they did, because Henry had gone to one much earlier that morning to get me coffee while I was showering because Henry is my fucking PA in case you didn’t know, also he knows that the sooner I oral-surf the hot waves of caffeine, the less of a sunrise cunt I will be.

Oh, you guys. Oh ho ho ho ho ho why did I think this would be an easy feat? We drove around for what seemed like an hour but wasn’t, it was just that excruciating that time was appearing to stretch like Laffy Taffy but less Laffy and more Stabby. We went to one cafe and the line was long and the cafe was small so it was packed. We went to a bakery that was seemingly being praised by fucking Macron himself for their croissants that rivaled Paris’s own offerings.

BUT IT WAS CLOSED FOR “SUMMER BREAK.”

We followed two elf cosplayers into another spot down the block, but it was mostly bevs with a barely-there pastry counter.

Lots of fighting. Lots of huffing and puffing. And then finally I said, “Let’s just go back to Holy Donut” even though I didn’t want donuts and we had planned on going to one of these places in Portland later that day but honestly, with all the time we wasted looking for a “quick AM snack” so as not to “waste time,” we could have just fucking sat down at a restaurant somewhere. If someone made a Venn of the things we—collectively! not just me and Henry!—fight about, best believe “Food Fights” but more specifically “Breakfast Bickering” is going to take up the most real estate on that bitter pie.

Holy Donut, in case you didn’t know, is a famous Maine donut establishment. There are multiple locations and they are known for making their donuts with potatoes. I’m not the biggest donut connoisseur but these did seem appealing to me. I also appreciate classic flavors and not like, “How many different desserts can we stuff into one donut?” types of offerings, and Holy Donut seemed to lean toward less is more.

We ended up getting a box of 6 because they were buy 5 get 1, and the cashier almost robbed us of this but then someone came out from the back and was like THEY GET A FREE ONE and don’t worry, because I saw the sign and was getting ready to open my big fat Karen mouth anyway. (J/K I’m usually not a Karen unless I’m butting heads with authority and no offense, donut counter guy but I DIDN’T SEE A BADGE.)

The ones I was most interested in was “blueberry glazed” which was a blueberry donut with blueberry glaze, a vegan lemon, and a blueberry donut with LEMON glaze. Can you tell what my favorite flavors are.

Sadly though, and this is kind of hard to explain, but I am currently averse to blueberries? I am suddenly associating them with Drew and I literally feel a punch to the gut when I think of blueberries. I don’t know if it’s because, right up to the morning of her death, I was regularly making blueberry smoothies for breakfast and she would always stand in the kitchen and cry-meow because she wanted her treats, or trits, or T-R-I-T-Ses which she knew was just me spelling “trits” so even then she would start meowing because she wanted them. And then I was always snacking on either fresh or frozen blueberries throughout the day and in fact, there are still two cartons of frozen blueberries in the freezer which have gone untouched since July 1 because I just feel like my stomach is coming up my throat every time I see them.

Anyway.

This is all to say that the blueberry ones were just not bringing me happiness.

But the lemon vegan one? OUT OF THIS GODDAMN WORLD. If they had served it after the Astrosphere ride at Funtown,  that would have been all the incentive I needed to sign my name in blood on whatever Scientology sign-up sheet they pushed under my nose. My soul for a lemon vegan donut? You got it. You can have my 401K too, Alien Drummer.

Anyway, this opinion wouldn’t be formed until much later in the day because I was still IN A MOOD and only took a small bite out of the blueberry² donut before tossing it back in the box and declaring that I didn’t even want a donut and then proceeding to silently cry the whole way to our friend Kristen’s brother’s alpaca farm on the coast of Maine, which is what we’ll talk about next time.

This part of Saturday night was frustrating. I had a plan and as per usual Henry decided to wipe his ass with it and go rogue. We were supposed to go to Portland after Funtown, have dinner, look at the lighthouse, do fun and cool city stuff. But Henry was like WE WILL INSTEAD GO TO THAT BEACH PLACE YOU MENTIONED and like, yeah, I mentioned it but that was for Sunday night?! When it would probably be less crowded?

So, we get there and it’s crowded (surprise) and Henry was being so annoying about parking. I lost it and cried, “JUST FORGET IT, LET’S JUST GO TO THE AIRBNB” and he was like “AT 7:OOPM?? AND THEN JUST STAY THERE?!” because it was in the middle of nowhere with stuff to do. So then after he started to head toward that way, I was like FINE JUST GO BACK and so we did but it was annoying and crowded and honestly, I just didn’t like the vibes.

The actual area is called Old Orchard Beach, btw, and it is NO WILDWOOD, NJ, that I will tell you. I was hoping for Big Beach Energy but it wasn’t that. It felt like a county fair, but put it next to the beach.

We didn’t spend much time here. We had three coaster creds to scoop up – Henry opted out because we had to pay per ride and he is El Cheapo.

Thrilled.

This Orient Express was actually kind of forceful!?

I don’t know why Henry took so many pictures.

And a video:

Then we rode an SBF Visa Spinner. It was fine. Didn’t spin much and you can tell we are just so excited to be there riding a coaster model we’ve ridden 87 times.

This place was very crowded. It was like the Jersey Shore but with Maine accents and lots of French-Canadian tourists.

The main attraction was SEA VIPER:

I really enjoyed this! It was wild and not nearly as uncomfortable or janky as I had it pegged to be by scoping it out from line. And for one-train ops, the wait actually wasn’t that bad – maybe 25 minutes?

I loved this flat ride the most though!! YOU CAN TELL, BECAUSE I AM ACTUALLY SMILING!

Then we also did a realllllly lame funhouse (sorry, but Europe spoiled us with funhouses!!) and then walked down some pier thing with restaurants that had no food for vegetarians, and then we got coffee from some old woman at a snack counter. She was nice. The coffee was OK.

God, I was in such a foul mood though. I was hungry but not, I was sad but angry, I was tired but bored. Nothing was making me happy. I actually flipped out right after Henry took this picture because people were walking by and I was like HURRY UP AND TAKE THE PICTURE and then I decided NEVER MIND JUST FORGET IT and I walked away while Chooch was still sitting there, like, “I thought you wanted a picture here…?” and YOU KNOW WHAT, I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WANTED.

So then we left and started to make our way to the airbnb in Westbrook, Maine which was about 20 minutes away and I cried in the passenger seat while occasionally snarling shitty remarks at Henry in the stylings of Teenage Girl Possessed by the Devil, because that is just what I do now. Where is my Olympic gold for being the GOAT at crying on the spot while verbally eviscerating Henry. This bitch can multi-task.

OH I WAS ALSO PISSED BECAUSE MY BLOG WAS BROKEN AND I WAS TRYING TO LIVE BLOG AND WHY IS EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE BREAKING/DYING/LEAVING/ETC.

Look at these beautiful memories I’ve been making this summer.