bits & bobs & bullets

Some things that happened lately that I want to remember, so, bullet-time. Pow Pow.

• I went to the library last Saturday and my security guard pal, Robert, was very exhausted. He told me that he also works security at PPG Paints and had worked the Drake show the night before, and that he had to also work the Saturday night show too later that night. I asked him if he gets to experience the concerts at all when he’s working and he said that yes, he does, and also that his manager knows he isn’t star struck so he often gets to be UP CLOSE TO THE ARTISTS, providing security detail. (First of all, I was dying inside because Chooch wanted to go to the Drake concert so bad but the tix were $$$ and here’s Robert, getting to attend both shows by default.) Robert went on to say, for example, that when Lady Gaga is in town, she specifically requests Robert!!!! OK he might not be starstruck, but I was finding myself very starstruck of Robert in that moment. I love learning these things about people and you guys, Robert is such a wonderful person so this really tracks. He then said that Gaga is a true artist, so genuine, she cares about people and her fans, etc., and look – I figured this to be true already but it is really nice to hear someone confirm this. Robert and Gaga – what a duo!
  • I had mentioned Robert to Christina recently, for another reason, and they were like, “OK, you always have security guard friends” and I was like, “No I don’t…do I? OMG you’re right. I do.” Remember the time one of the security guards at the Tina & Eleanore Job got fired because he made an inappropriate comment to me that I didn’t even give a shit about but someone else overheard and took offense and REPORTED HIM and he had to APOLOGIZE to me and then NEVER CAME BACK? Well, that happened, and I know I wrote about it but that was 2007 and I gave up after a quick preliminary blog-search so you’ll just have to trust me.
• A few days ago at work, I was imagining myself having a conversation with some friends (this is weird, but I was seriously like Sim’img out a sitch in my head) and in that conversation, I had used the word, “swathe.” But then out loud, I said to my cat Drew, “Wait, I don’t even know how to actually pronounce this word? I have never heard this word said out loud?” But then I moved on with my day because ADD. About an hour later, I listened to the audiobook of Eliza Clark’s Penance and there was a paragraph where, I am NOT fucking around with your emotions here, someone said SWATHE three times!!! So since it was an audiobook, I got to actually hear it being said BUT the narrator was British SO CAN I TRUST THAT? But yeah, look, I’m not trying to make you jealous. I’m just saying it happened. Useless magick.

Random picture of my backporch

• A few days after the Superbowl, Chooch was playing me a video of some kid at the Superbowl he was at totally hulking out at the end of the game and I was like, “Wow, that’s not nearly as entertaining as the Wham! documentary I was watching on Netflix because the Superbowl has no room in my life. Of course he was like, “Wow that’s so cool, you’re so cool, no one cares” and then as he was retreating up to his room, he called down from the steps, “Wake me up before you go-go” and I said, I am so ashamed but I will share this on here because I trust you, “Why, where am I going?” I TOTALLY FELL FOR THAT SHIT, I HATE MYSELF.
• Henry and I haven’t even gotten married yet, but I am already doing research for our Romanian honeymoon which will happen regardless I don’t need a husband, I swear to god, I have had my Romanian dreams peed on too many times over the years so THAT ENDS NOW (well, maybe not now but sometime in 2025 GOD WILLING).

• ^^^This was from a few weeks ago but it made me laugh so I’m leaving it here whether you like it or not.
• It only took NINE YEARS of me being a pest but guess who might FINALLY be stanning a kpop group? JANNA!!! I *think* I got her into Seventeen. She seems to be getting cozy as a Carat and she even texted me last night that she has a preliminary bias (Vernon!). We’ll see if she can learn all 13 members. Only then will I believe her!

• We played Rummikub the night we went to Wonka’s a few weeks ago and I liked it so much that I immediately bought our own set. We finally played it with Chooch last weekend and he was, as expected, just as destructive with it as Wonka is (rearranging the sets beyond recognition in an effort to “make something stick” and then forgetting how to put everything back when they eventually hit a wall). Anyway, guess who won? THIS BROAD, THANK YOU.
• This is my second week of doing a 16:8 fast. It’s actually not that hard. I’ve only lost a pound so far (you’re really not supposed to be see real results until like 10 weeks) but I do feel more in control of my eating without having to micromanage my calorie count. Basically, my eating window is 9:45am – 5:45pm and I haven’t felt like I’m starved or anything. I feel less bloated and I seem to be sleeping better, so I’ll keep going for now I guess! I’m not using an app or anything, just, you know, a clock lol.

• ^^^ Um, hello what? I am FUMING. It might as well just say, “crooning that he’ll stop the world and melt with you.” (In case you are like wtf is she going on about, the author referenced a song by THE SMITHS, not THE CURE; additionally, Robert Smith of the Cure strongly dislikes the singer of the Smiths, Morrissey so GOOD JOB AUTHOR. This book might end up being one of the best books I read all year (it won’t) but I will still always remember it for this FATAL FLAW.
• In group chat the other day, someone asked someone else what kind of phone they have, and they said, “a green android.” Been thinking about that all week.
• Speaking of work, Chooch got written up / issued a FINAL WARNING or some bullshit threat from his asshole Chipotle manager because he told her months ago that he can’t work on Saturdays because he has a class at Pitt, yet she continues to randomly schedule him and then doesn’t tell him, so of course he doesn’t show up and then she screams about it I guess. So she said to him that IT’S NOT HER JOB TO KEEP TRACK OF HIS SCHEDULE and Chooch said he didn’t say it to her face because he doesn’t want to burn any bridges* but that in his head, he was like, “Yes, that actually IS your job??”
  • *He actually interviewed quite a while ago at Starbucks because they’re opening a new location right across from where he currently works; he got the job and will be starting in early March and said that he still wants to be able to go to Chipotle for food so he’s being nice and giving notice rather than knocking over some condiments before storming out with middle fingers up.
    • Blake is going to be the night manager of this new Starbucks so I imagine Henry will get conned into picking BOTH of his sons up from work. Lucky him!
• I started doing face yoga and Henry thinks this is the most hilarious thing ever. Mmm.

Well, thunder only happens when it’s raining.