Another week down, yay.

Here are some things, if I can muster up 5 it will be a huge accomplishment as I have not left the house since Sunday haha. (I mean, I have gone outside for walks but that is it; even therapy was telehealth this week.)

1. THE PLAYLIST

My friend Lyda said that some of the songs I have sent over the last several mths have been coming up on her Spotify while she’s at the gym and she was inspired to get into Kpop (!!!) so she asked me to MAKE HER A PLAYLIST. Yo. Do you even know how excited this made me? The girl who used to make mixtapes and mix CDs practically as a side gig?? I giddily sat down the other night and started a Kpop 101 playlist for her, with all the old, the new, the in-between, the legends, the one-offs, etc. I was so in the zone, and even Henry was like, “let me see what you have so far” and then immediately said, “I’d remove Ko Ko Bop” because for some reason he has always hated that song – all the more reason to keep it.

Anyway, I sent it to her later that night and then yesterday at work, she messaged me, “THAT PLAYLIST IS ALMOST 8 HOURS LONG!” And I was like, “Oh god, here we go. I scared another one away.”

But then she added: “I love it.”

I mean, OK. I got carried away a little, but do you know how much that meant to me? For 10 years I have been living a lonely solo stan life (ok I have Henry as a co-stan, it’s not that dire), so I was so stoked to share this. Of course she lives in freaking Washington (as in, THE STATE on the OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY) so I still have only Henry to go to Kpop concerts with me, sorry Henry.

(Whatever, he loves it!)

2. SPEAKING OF FRIENDS

In therapy, we have been talking about my struggle with opening up to new people / putting up walls / and how that really impedes upon fostering deeper & more meaningful friendships out of acquaintances.  While on that subject, she asked, “You mentioned that an old friend from your past reached out recently. How is that going?”

Which made me realize I never talked about that here, oh dearest diary, doth thou forgive me, but I have been casually texting with my old friend Brian here and there since June and it’s been OK but I just don’t know. I will see how it feels when/if we eventually meet up in person (I haven’t seen him since…2015?? 2014??). Even Henry has been gently pushing this. I really want it to be like old times but realistically I am sure that’s not going to be the case because that is a lot time that has passed! I’m not the same person and I am sure he isn’t either. But thinking about all of the fun times we had as basically kids, it really hurts my heart. I want that back!

As it stands, he texted me some lamps he was interested in and asked for my opinion, and my therapist said that was a good sign that he was trying to involve me.

See also: SHOULD I START POSTING ON LIVEJOURNAL AGAIN AND LOOK FOR FRIENDS THERE??? I haven’t had any drama lately, might be time to stir the pot!

3. ESCALATORS

I have always had this huge fear of escalators – I mean, I will use them but I’m not happy about it and I get super clenched every time. This fear originates from when I was probably 4 years old and in Atlantic City with my family. We were going up on an escalator (probably in a casino) and my SHOELACE GOT CAUGHT YOU GUYS. I was fucking screaming but MY PAPPAP rescued me -he was always my hero, so many times during the 16 short years he was in my life. Anyway, I have never ever forgotten that moment.

And then there was the time we were at one of the two-level Kohl’s when Chooch was really little, maybe a toddler, and he fell on the escalator and thank god Henry was there (also a hero) because my legs went all Jell-O and my PTSD came back in full force. Thankfully Chooch was OK. (I forget the extent of the situation because obviously all I remember is how it affected ME, thank you very much.)

I get nervous watching people take strollers on escalators. Running on escalators. Doing pranks on escalators. Those things just scream DANGER!!! to me.

But suddenly…I now love escalators!

4. G-DRAGON MARMALADE

These Paris fancams have been giving me life this week ESPECIALLY his “Too Bad” dance break which had a mash-up of Lady Marmalade! I love this nod to Moulin Rouge! In the US, he used Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky” for his dance break, I assume as a shout out to his friend Pharrell. But this one is SUCH A VIBE. And his blue hair!!! And new Chanel suit! Jesus, I miss this man so much.

5. KASH PATEL IS SUCH AN UNEDUCATED DICKHEAD

And he talks like a middle school bully just popped him in the nose after stealing his lunch money and slamming his fingers in his locker.

This administration is full of caricature of comic book villains I fucking swear to god and if I didn’t worry about blood pressure I would be blogging about this shit every day but instead I just scream about it to Henry.

****

And with that, I’m going to watch some Haunted Hotel eps on Netflix and drink a thimble of beer.

In a weird state, what else is new, so here are some…uplifting?…things that are currently…uplifting?…me.

1. DORA MAAR!!

Every so often, this song will pop into my head and I run to YouTube to see if it’s still there. I can’t remember how I had originally heard of this song – probably MySpace or Purevolume – but Henry’s oldest son, Robbie, and I were obsessed with it back in the day. I honestly want to say this even pre-dates Chooch. I don’t have the mp3 anymore so when one of the band members uploaded this to YouTube 10 years ago, I was absolutely stoked. In fact, you can see my comment from 9 years ago just dangling there.

You know I love Kpop nearly exclusively these days but this stuff will always have room in my heart!

2. UPCOMING CONCERTS!

September was oddly devoid of shows (I mean, 2 back-to-back G-Dragon concerts + Enhypen in August was pretty good to tide me over though!), but we have some good stuff coming up!

• COLD in October with Wonka & Jess!
• JOHNNIE GUILBERT in November in Columbus!
• PVRIS – this one is a solo show for me in December, like the old days.
• KEY!!!!!!!! in Chicago also in December! I’m really stoked about this one. SHINee is right up there with BIGBANG in my heart and I have never seen them, and now will never get the change to see them as OT5. But I can now say that I have seen Taemin (twice if you count SuperM), Onew, and now Key so that only leaves Minho if we’re playing the “collect all the SHINee” game.

3. plantball update

On Saturday, Ikea plantballs impregnated me with gas, bloating, the feeling of invisible Viking swords piercing through me. It was awful. But happily, I returned to normal the next day (I announced to Henry that I “gave birth” to the plantballs and he was like, “Wha—-? Oh.”) Anyway, I am only bringing this up because Sunday morning I was in the bedroom and there was a fucking commercial for IKEA on the radio and they were like, “AND DON’T FORGET THE MEATBALLS” or something and I almost puked. Then later that day, I had YouTube on but wasn’t paying attention until someone said, “I’ve only ever had Swedish meatballs from IKEA” and I snapped to attention. WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN.

4. A Post Script to the Beer Can Odyssey

Click that hyperlink if you don’t know what I’m talking about because at this point, I am so over this Penn Brouhaha.

Back in I guess July, I got a new follower on Instagram and a comment on a picture I had posted from Kennywood earlier that summer. The commenter was a local guy named Brian and he was commenting to say that he stumbled upon my blog post recounting how difficult it was to obtain all 8 Kennywood beer cans from Penn Brewery and came to commiserate because he too was having no luck finding the two “secret” cans. He said after seeing how frustrating it was for me, he decided to just give up.

But! Because I am a nice person (some may have words about this), I offered to give him a can each from the two six packs I had to buy in order to complete the set. Luckily for this guy, Henry and I weren’t wild about the beers so we only drank one of each six pack to get the empty cans and put the rest in the fridge. Turns out this guy is a local historian who has written some books on Kennywood and other ‘Burgh things, and he also works at the Heinz History Center (which was voted #1 history center in the country, in case you need more confirmation that Pittsburgh is alright). He was actually  trying to get the full set of the Kennywood cans for the history center, and I was so happy to help him! Henry actually dropped them off though because it was during the week and easier for him to do it. He said the guy was really cool, and he gave us some of his books, a huge Kennywood banner for Aero360, and some passes to the history center! I was not expecting anything in return, was happy enough to just prevent someone else from going through the hairpulling search and having to engage with Penn Brewery  – who, I should note, found my blog post and sent me a DM on Instagram apologizing for the hassle and offering me a gift card, which I appreciated but I did not respond because:

1. I am moderately embarrassed that they caught me Karen’ing on the Internet (I always forget people sometimes read this trash!) and
2. I am not the type of person who complains about stuff just to get something free in return. I truly did not enjoy the beer I had there and would feel like an asshole going back for freebies. That makes me feel gross just thinking about it. So I guess don’t let my Negative Nancy review deter you from drinking their beer. And whoever is in charge of their social media is a lot friendlier than the staff they have at the bar, so there’s that too.

Oh! This is also funny because at the same time they responded to me on IG, Janna texted me and said that they had finally responded to her Instagram DM that she sent a month prior – I got her text and their DM at the same time and groaned because if they read my post, then they knew I TOLD JANNA TO MESSAGE THEM. Ugh, this was one of the dumbest situations I have found myself in lately, that has literally no impact at all on my life or your life or their life but it was still embarrassing to be in the middle of it.

5. Acetaminophen

EVEN I CAN PRONOUNCE THAT ONE. (It’s Ibuprofen that I struggle with lol.) What a fucking week and it’s only Tuesday.

OK, that’s all. Dismissed.

It’s been a minute since I’ve done a Friday Five and I’m feeling like that’s what I want to do today so that’s what I’m doing.

1. IS HE DEAD YET

Remember last weekend when the Internet thought that the orange dickheadtator was dead? Remember how fun and invigorating that was? I had the most fun online that weekend than I have had in years. That pre-celebratory, hopeful euphoria breathed life into me and I was positively giddy! The Weekend at Bernie’s memes were sending me. My mom came over on Monday and, knowing that at least during his first term she was a Trumpophant, I gleefully blurted out, “DO YOU THINK TRUMP IS DEAD???” She had a very neutral reaction so I don’t know where she stands.

I was just telling Henry last night that it was one of the happiest, most fun weekends I have had since everything started to tank for me in 2023 and then I started crying because WHY IS HE STILL ALIVE. Almost a full week of not seeing his orangeness and hearing his slurred sentence fragments rife with made-up words and not waking up to more infuriating news of what part of our country he’s shitting on next.  So, now I’m just back to being miserable, depressed, full of rage and frustration. I have NEVER hated someone so much in my life and it actually feels like it’s chipping away at my health. LET’S GO BLOOD CLOT. And I want that shit to happen on live TV too.

I did see a comment on Threads (where I live now) recently likening him to a cockroach – “he’ll survive a fucking nuclear fallout.” This feels so true and I hate it.

(I have been reading stuff about 1989 Romania and I am so fucking amped up. THE PARALLELS ARE SCARY.)

2. THE VERIZON PEDDLER

Last Wednesday while I was working, THE DOORBELL RANG. I had no choice but to answer it because the door was actually open and the bell ringer was actually staring right at me through the screen door. It was some young Verizon guy who could NOT make eye contact with me during his spiel, which I quickly interrupted to say that MY HUSBAND is the one who handles this shit. Chooch and I have AT&T and as soon as I said that, he was like “OH! HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY?” Dafuq if I know, bro. Again, I defaulted to “wife helpless, husband smart.” He asked to talk to Henry and I was like, “he’s taking a nap” so then he asked me when I expect him to wake up LOL. These Verizon peddlers, ISTFG. I was like, “Definitely 6pm” knowing that I wouldn’t be there because I was meeting Margie and Sue at Juniper Grill for dinner.

I was warning Henry about the visitor he could be expecting later and said, not like this meant anything to him, “He reminded me a lot of my friend Evan from high school.” Evan is also the one who owns the tattoo shop where I have gotten my last three tattoos so I do know the adult-version of him, but this kid reminded me specifically of high school-era Evan. Henry was like, “cool story” and continued oaf’ing around the house or whatever he was doing. Watching Instagram reels probably.

Anyway, while at dinner later that night, my jaw slowly dropped open as I saw THE AFOREMENTIONED EVAN stride past our table?! He was there with his family so I didn’t want to interrupt but I thought that was wild considering I haven’t seen him outside of his tattoo parlor since…the early 00s probably.

When I came home that night, Henry told me that not-Evan had come back to the house – twice! – but Henry didn’t answer the door. Rude!!

3. Vanity

I had to get my driver’s license renewed over the weekend and as usual, I was so tightly-wound over it because I hate having my picture taken –  that could make or break the entire weekend for not just me, but everyone around me.

Henry accompanied me to AAA because he needed to get his international driver’s license for our upcoming trip. I had already gone through the rigmarole of answering all of the questions and getting the dreaded photo taken – I don’t know if the DMV does this because I haven’t gone there in years to get my license renewed ever since I learned that AAA does it and it’s way more convenient, but AAA will retake your picture until you get one you like! – and was sitting next to a large white woman in her late 50s who acted like she and her equally-as-loud husband were the only ones in the waiting area and watched videos on their phones with the volume full blast while speaking loudly about the additions they want to add to their house and how much it will cost, like OK brag much.

“WHAT DID WE DO BEFORE CELL PHONES??” she shouted into the ether.

“STARE AT THE WALL I GUESS,” her husband responded in a booming voice to match her MIDDLE AGED WHITE WOMAN IN A WAITING ROOM energy.

Meanwhile, that is EXACTLY what I was doing = hands folded in my lap and staring straight ahead at a wall, willing this part of the day to pass quickly.

Then Henry joined me.

“For some reason, it completely slipped my mind that I would need to get my picture taken for this,” he whispered in a NORMAL WAITING ROOM VOICE VOLUME. But then he showed me his picture and I couldn’t fucking help it, I LAUGHED REALLY LOUD.

So loud that the AAA lady who was manning the numbers for the driver’s license area also started laughing.

I can’t remember what she said – something about it doesn’t matter if men’s license pictures are bad as long as ours are good or something, and then I couldn’t stop giggling and it was a trickle down effect with some of the people around us.

He looks like they pulled him out of a cave in the Ozarks, lol.

“I didn’t even take a shower yet this morning!” he said. “I would have if I have known!”

So his hair is all greasy PLUS he has hat hair big time, and a tuft of it is sticking out at the side. I love/hate it so much.

Oh, and he looks ANGRY. Like his moonshine operation was just busted.

Meanwhile, I got called back to get my license and I am so happy with the photo!

I mean, sure, my Leno chin is just as prominent as ever, but overall my hair looks nice and my smile looks un-fake so I’ll take it! Henry was like, “OMG stop” because I legit gloated over this the whole way home. I even got out all of my old driver’s licenses to compare and this one is definitely the best one. Then I pulled Chooch out of his room and made him look at all of them and he was like, “Ok.” and I said, “Tell your friends!”

“Tell my friends WHAT?” he scoffed.

“That your mom got a good driver’s license picture taken today!”

LET’S LOOK AT MY DRIVER’S LICENSE PICTURE HISTORY SHALL WE???

My last one was taken in 2017 and then reissued with the same picture during Covid, which was annoying:

I remember this next one was taken in 2014 on the day I met Janna to look at an apartment she was looking to rent above some dude’s garage! I was wearing my Cure shirt from their 2008 concert:

It’s about to get real ugly, literally. This next one was from 2009 ugh why did I dye my hair, also I was about 45 pounds heavier there than I am now oof:

This next one was from 2006, a few mths after giving birth:

A little bit slutty in 2001:

LOL and my first one, in 1998:

LOLOLOLOL. I was 18 here.

Thank you for joining me on this ride through my driver’s license history.

4. THE VERIZON PEDDLER’S RETURN

Last Thursday around 6PM, I had JUST glanced out the window in time to see the Evan-esque Verizon kid approaching the house. I ran onto the back porch just as the doorbell rang and told Henry, “It’s Verizon again! Just answer it so the poor kid can stop wasting his time coming here!” Henry was like GODDAMMIT and stomped over to the door while I hid on the steps.

I was sitting there for quite a while, wondering why “No” was taking so long??

BECAUSE HENRY FELL FOR THE SPIEL!

Apparently, Chooch and me switching to Verizon (Henry already has it but it’s through his job) will save us over $100 a month, who knew. Plus we get new iPhones and I have been dying for the iPhone 16! (Actually, I would love to divorce iPhone altogether but I am a sucker for Hipstamatic.)

Evan-ish had a girl with him this time, I think she was his supervisor, who can be sure but when I was still hiding, I overheard her ask him a question about how bricks are made and he was REALLY into explaining it to her and then she was asking him about ceramics and turns out he knows about things like this because of “engineering” so I’m not sure if this is his side-gig while he’s in college or what but my guy needs to not be doing this forever because he seems super intelligent. Henry must have been in the process of filling out paperwork or something so this is what they decided to talk amongst themselves about. Emma even asked Henry at one point where he got our doorbell and he was like, “I made it” in his typical staccato caveman grunts.

So, now I had also be involved in  this chat since they needed to look at my phone and ask me questions. The girl (her name was Emma) was like, “OMG WHERE DID YOU GET THAT PHONE CASE??” and I said, “Korea!”

“WAIT, YOU’VE BEEN  TO KOREA??” she squealed. I told her we’ve been there 3x and she was like “WHEN ARE YOU GOING BACK AND WILL YOU TAKE ME” so now Henry was creepily typing messages to me on his phone, things like, “ASK HER IF SHE LIKES KPOP” so I asked her and she said yes and started talking about Kpop Demon Hunters and then I went and sat back down so Henry texted me, “ASK HER WHO SHE LISTENS TO” like he was legit COACHING ME  TO MAKE A NEW FRIEND.

I didn’t ask her right away and he was getting antsy, like he was truly trying to be my friend matchmaker, bless him. Finally, I did ask her and she was like, “Well, BTS and Blackpink are the most popular ones…” like she was trying to give this old bitch a lesson in Kpop I guess? But then she ultimately said she’s been listening to Ateez lately and I said, “Oh! We saw them last summer” and she was like, “OMG really??” and then I told her that G-Dragon is my fave and we saw him the weekend prior and she said that he really is the best.

“I would drop this guy in a heartbeat for him,” I laughed, jutting my thumb over my shoulder at Henry. But no, really.

Anyway, that happened. No, I did not ask to be real life friends, but I did give her and Evan-ish an iced tea straight from Henry’s work, lol. Overall, they were here for TWO HOURS. Chooch kept t texting me, “How are they still here??”

It was really entertaining, though! And now he and I both have new phones.

5. Speaking of new friends….

I signed up for Nourish and had my first Zoom call yesterday with my new dietician. This disordered eating has to stop, I am in such a rut and tired of crying and freaking out at the thought of having to eat. How has this truly been my attitude toward food for most of my life? It’s so fucking pathetic. But I have been admitting a lot of shitty/embarrassing parts of myself to my therapist lately and the most prevalent one is definitely my fear of food and complete disgust with my body, like it fucking defines me and I can’t stand it. I should not be canceling plans because I don’t like how I look and then lying to people about “having a migraine” when really I am in tears in bed and wanting to carve into myself with a steak knife. I thought that maybe pairing therapy with a legit dietician can help me keep me on a stable path.

So, I met with my dietician, Amanda, yesterday and it was so nice! Informative (when she looked over my files she said that my daily calorie count I’ve been allowing myself is the same that a 2-year-old would need. So, there’s that. But then we started talking about YouTube workouts that we like, and then I was like DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A FUNNY STORY when she asked if I like doing dance cardio so surprise, it only took me 20 minutes into the call to tell her I’m obsessed with Korea. And then somehow I was telling her about my squirrels and after the hour call, I felt so refreshed and happy and ran upstairs to tell Henry. Then I realized, “Wow, I am fucking STARVED for real life conversation*. YOU CAN’T BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR DIETICIAN, ERIN.”

*(OMG the way I talked my face off at dinner last week with Sue and Margie, I was actually so embarrassed about it later that night when I was running through it in my mind which is what I do every time I come home from peopling because I am socially broken. The way my stories get so derailed, I hate myself. Spit it out, Erin. Pertinent details only. This is a no rambling zone.)

The Verizon girl, my therapist, a dietician who lives in Texas….meet my new friends, Blog. I guess it’s better than talking to myself like I normally do during the day, though, lol. Ugh.

Short weeks are truly always the longest somehow,  but it’s finally Friday and I feel so good about that. Even though it’s chilly and rainy currently.

Here are some things that are currently making me smile, or smile-adjacent (smirk?):

1. Henry Loves Jake Webber

Dude, you guys I know I’m all aboard the Johnnie Guilbert Emo Train, but Henry has the man-hots for his counterpart, Jake Webber I think. Our new nightly ritual has been to unwind watching videos from both of their channels (the best are the ones where they’re together though!) and Henry will actually LOL at them. His favorite ones are where Jake decides to cook something for the viewers because Jake has the same cooking prowess as me.

I like to take stealth-photos of Henry laughing at these so that I can send them to Chooch, who will NOT sign off on this new hobby of ours, and thinks we’re too old to be enjoying 20-somethings act like feral animals while trying seasonal candy from Walmart, but you know what Chooch? LEAVE US ALONE.

I did get Chooch to watch ONE video though and he agreed that it was “kind of” funny and that he probably would have liked it years ago but now he only watches physics videos on YouTube. WOW. How exciting.

Oh, and you want to talk about someone being influenced by an influencer? Jake mentioned sugar-free Sonic water powder stuff and literally the next day, Amazon was delivering them to our house. OK Henry, you simp.

Meanwhile, I’m over here in my Johnnie Guilbert shirt like: 

We’re just Mr. and Mrs. Midlife Crisis over here, don’t mind us.

2. GOLD NECKLACE

My Spotify was like, “Oh  you’re listening to Pierce the Veil again? Let’s add some Swancore back into the mix too” which has been so pleasant and familiar to my ears, god I love me some Swancore (Dance Gavin Dance, etc.) but then this one song came on and I was like, “Whoa, hold up – what is this? It sounds like Kurt Travis?” It was a band called Gold Necklace and I WAS RIGHT – it’s another side project of Kurt Travis! Holy shit, this song nearly made me fall out of my seat – I have been out of the loop! Anyway, Henry had told me a few weeks ago that Anthony Green is coming to Pittsburgh with Geoff Rickley and Kurt Travis, so this was my cue to snag two tickets. Kurt Travis, you are brilliant. Anyway, I am trying to be more diligent with keeping up with my old music tastes too. I get FOMO bigly when it comes to music and I want to start going to smaller shows like I used to, in addition to the big Kpop concerts.

3. Stupid Memorial Day Parade + Twin Lakes

Not even worth making a separate post about it. I truly despise this parade so much, I wish I could better articulate my feelings but I guess all you need to know is that I don’t really have any neighborhood pride so I could really give a shit about seeing our local girl scouts trying to serve cunt or those idiotic war reenactors who INSIST on firing their guns in front of our house every year.

Anyway, I was giving Chooch a play-by-play so I’ll do the same here:

1. Larry (Chooch’s frenemy) is ready for the parade with his….sheriff hat I think and a flag.
2. Larry gave Henry a flag.
3. Some financial group drive by in a CYBER TRUCK with an accordion player on the back – I refuse to clap for that thing.
4. Some big military plane flew overhead – Henry’s favorite part.
5. No child has fallen, sadly.
6. I wondered out loud how I could get myself into the parade. Doing WHAT?? Henry asked. Promoting my blog, obvi, I said. Oh, your blog is the LAST thing this neighborhood needs to find out about. Wow.

Yeah, I just really hate it. I sit on my porch steps and say, “I’m not waving to these assholes” or I’ll wave facetiously just to be an asshole. I just get very angry! Maybe because I hate this country so much.

After the idiot parade (thanks to NO ONE for tossing us any candy – age discrimination!!!), Henry and I went out to a park called Twin Lakes that somehow, we have never visited. It was about an hour away and I didn’t feel like being in the car that long so I almost told him to forget it but then tried to just “go with the flow” which is something we’re working on in therapy, squashing my kneejerk need to fight myself and happiness. Really glad we did this! It was a super fun day even though I was wearing brand new Vans and ended up saying “ouch, ouch, ow, omg my broken toes” halfway into the walk.

I’d love to go back sometime this summer while Chooch is home and force him into having a family picnic with us haha.

4. Resting Penelope Face

She always looks so pissed! But she’s the sweetest, most loving cutie sweetie!

 5. Audra Took a Tumble

ok, yoooo – this is apropos of NOTHING but I was flipping through a stack of old photos just now and came across this one:

This was at my elementary school’s playground – sometimes we would go there during non-school hours because we lived right down the street. Anyway my first thought was “Shit I used to be so GOOD on the monkey bars” and then I immediately thought about the time my friend AUDRA fell off those same monkey bars and landed on her head!!!! She didn’t die or anything but I remember it being scary and her getting rushed off the playground and probably to the hospital I guess.

Then I flipped to the EXACT NEXT PICTURE:

AND AUDRA IS IN IT!!! She’s the girl right in the middle with the headband. See? She didn’t die and was apparently cleared to go to the pumpkin patch with our Girl Scout troop only a few mths later. (Interestingly I’m not in this picture but my brother Ryan is??!!!)

Oh well, that’s all for me.

1. Accidentally Emo Again

OK guys I mentioned the other day that I fell down the rabbit hole thanks to WE WENT TO COACHELLA videos brainwashing me into subbing to Jake Webber. And I mentioned that I was also like Wait hold the phone is his friend Johnnie Guilbert from the Warped Tour / Bryan Stars YouTube days? Confirmed. So then I started watching videos from Johnnie’s channel too because he’s funny to me OK I have immature emo boy humor. I’ve seen his gf in some of the videos and one time he was wearing a CHRISSY from Stranger Things shirt and said, “I’m wearing my girlfriend.” I thought, “Yeah, she does look like Chrissy from Stranger Things.” Days went by and then I stumbled across her Instagram and said to Henry, “Oh his gf has a lot of followers too. She looks like she’s a model, I guess?” Then a few minutes later, “Oh, she’s an actor too.” Then another minute later, “OMG HIS GF LITERALLY IS CHRISSY FROM STRANGER THINGS.”

Anyway, I bit the bullet and listened to some of Johnnie’s songs on Spotify today and almost immediately sighed and said out loud, “Great. I’m a fan.”

I would have flipped out over this in like 2010 but it scratches that latent emo itch, I swear to god, I feel like I’m waiting in line to get into Warped Tour right now. No, it gives me that same giddy feeling from like, 2004 when Christina and I discovered From First To Last.

2. New Furniture to “ruin” or “beautify” depending on what camp you’re in

We bit the bullet and finallllllly bought a new dresser from Ikea (I don’t know why we keep buying shit there) and a wardrobe. There is a big reason why there are barely any pictures of our bedroom and it’s because there are clothes everywhere. I am a fucking clotheshorse, I can’t be stopped. But Henry and I both have our own broken dressers and they don’t match and are ugly (see also: they’re just wood, oh no). Anyway, Henry brought the new dresser/wardrobe combo home today and I’m giddily thinking up refurb ideas for it. I definitely want it painted a light pink to match the pink accent wall of our bedroom (the rest of the walls are hunter green) but I’m deciding on if I want to use wallpaper on the drawers or whatever. Need embellishment inspo.

Meanwhile, Henry is like, “Why can’t we leave it as-is?” I mean, that’s probably what he’s writing in his diary or the Mother’s Day Card he’s giving to his mom. “SOS mom, she’s making me inhale paint fumes again.” He doesn’t dare say this to my face.

I also have a plan for our OG beverage buffet which presently lives in the attic lounge. I think having projects will help me.

3. Pope Shit

In group chat yesterday, everyone was going on and on about the pope shit like this whole rigmarole was news to them? Like it hasn’t happened two other times in our lifetime?? I stayed quiet on the subject because I was about to drag out my cross and get super righteous up in Teams, so I instead turned my frustration on Henry.

“DON’T YOU REMEMBER ME FORCING CHRISTINA* TO WATCH THE WHOLE POPE BENEDICT DECISION WHEN THEY WERE VISITING SPRING OF 2005 AND I WAS OBSESSED WITH EWTN???” (That’s the ETERNAL WORD TELEVISION NETWORK, FOR YOU HEATHENS.)

“Yes,” Henry sighed. “How could I forget.

Oh, I just went poking around in LiveJournal to see if I actually wrote about that part of their visit and that was a time travel I didn’t need.

I do want to add that I was very concerned to learn that the new Pope is AMERICAN and started panicking that Trump pulled some strings, but now I’m ok after doing some non-fake news’ing and learning that the Pope is actually against everything Trump and Vance the Pope Killer stand for, so fingers crossed that it stays this way and that he does good things.

*(Two C-word mentions in one post; one more and they might pop out of a Mexican jumping bean.)

4. Catching Co-Workers in My Emo Web

I was telling Nate about #1 of this Friday Five (hopefully your memory isn’t so jacked that you don’t have to SCROLL UP for a refresher, but if so, now is the time to do that). I told him I need a YouTube detox and then went to lunch. In that period of time, Nate had done his own Johnnie Guilbert research so I came back to a Teams message from him alerting me to the fact that Johnnie’s girlfriend is not only Chrissy from Stranger Things, but the daughter of Casper van Dien. What a wild ride that was. Hope you were wearing your seatbelt for that.

5. Excuse me, but did you mean Dazee?

I have been pretty bitter in general lately about family stuff (OK that’s always) but my brother texted me and mentioned our old dog Dazee but called her Daisy because ofc he did. This seriously gets under my skin so much because Dazee was my dog. I was the one who went with our mom to pick her up and no one else knew about her yet. I named her Dazee. But he consistently refers to her as Daisy to this day and makes me feel so disrespected, like I was completely written out of family history after I moved out. I even corrected him by replying with “*Dazee” and he said “lol.”

She was my fucking dog.

I have so much anger in general haha. Ha.

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Let’s end this with some CHRISSY, WAKE UP:

I’ll tell you, it certainly does not feel like spring as some crazy snow storm thing is blowing in but whatever. Here’s a Monday bullet train of things!

• A new cafe opened down the street in Dormont! I already forget the name but it’s owned by the neighboring Vietnamese restaurant and they have boba, so when Chooch was home we walked there on one of my lunch breaks. It was delightful! I got a triple taro boba and Chooch got an iced Vietnamese latte or something, I can’t remember but the young guy working there was so friendly and I felt like I knew him from a TV show or something. Anyway, look at how cutely aesthetic this place is!

• Can we just take a moment to think about how amazing Cory Booker and his 25 hour filibuster was? Just in case you didn’t know, I have been his fan girl for many years and he was my presidential pick for 2020. I was so bummed when he dropped out of the primaries, and I couldn’t vote for him.
• Speaking of politics and being bummed (this could go in so many directions actually) I had big FOMO that I couldn’t attend the #HandsOff protest on Saturday. We had prior plans and I didn’t want to bail last minute on those but shooooo, watching the footage from all over the country (and parts of the world!) had me screaming in solidarity! I heard there might be another round on the 19th – we’ll be in Philly visiting Chooch so I asked him if we could do it if it’s happening and he said, “I guess.” That’s mommy’s patriotic boy.
• Mark (or MORK as Haechan would say) just dropped his first full length album today and it is perfection! I am so proud of him. Let’s watch this together, shall we?

• New Girl Buddy has babies! I’m not sure how many yet but they are living in HNC’s porch roof as usual lol and every so often I will see one of them poking their little head out of the hole in the roof, like a little sardine and it’s so cute! I keep telling Girl Buddy to bring them over but she always turns her back on me when I talk to her. She’s kind of bitch, just gonna say it.

• I started eating blueberries again, for the first time since Bambi died. I’m not exactly sure where the correlation is there but I just know that I used to snack on them daily and then she died in front of me and I never wanted to eat blueberries again. But now I’m reintroducing them into my life. I also started painting my nails again after having bare nails since November because I lost the will to do these miniscule things that used to be habitual. I am still very hollow in some sense, and I definitely still cry every day, but I consider these to be pretty successful baby steps. Although, Janna recently sent me pictures of kittens and then sent me into a downward spiral lol. Baby steps, more like in utero doggypaddling.
  • The dichotomy is nutzo though because usually when I am this depressed, I shut myself off but lately I have been more social than ever and even though I am still in this weird limbo, I am at least enjoying life in the moment so that is a relief to me because for many mths there I felt like I could die at any moment and not care at all.
• Ugh Henry is two rooms away and I can still hear him eating. Then we just made eye contact and he froze mid-chew and I am so annoyed. He is so annoying when he chews. It’s like he’s claymation, there is no need for a human to make such exaggerated facial movements.
• I never thought that after decades of pointedly ignoring economics I would be suddenly understand tariffs, by no choice of my own, way better than the “president” of the United States.Well, I really think that’s all that I’ve got to say for now. Be nice to your neighborhood squirrels. 

I have nothing left to give today so Henry suggested, “Hey SWEETIE why don’t you let me do a guest post today? I could tell your imaginary friends about my five favorite songs that NCT127 performed last Friday since you have been too lazy to do your own concert review.”

In so many words.

I’ll try to include live performances where possible if I can find decent quality, whether it’s from the Chicago show or not, who cares.

So I guess he will dictate the rest of this post to me. Bye.

1. GAS

Why, Henry? “Because I like the song.”

God OK, Henry, calm down.

2. Bring the Noize

Why, Henry? “All of my reasons are going to be I like the song, I don’t know.”

Great. I also like this song so much but it was sad without Jaehyun (he’s in the military).

3. 2 Baddies

Do you have anything to add, Henry? “I just like the song. It’s better live.”

4. Regular

Anything to add about Regular? “Um, not really. No.”

5. Kick It & Walk (tied)

Kick It is Henry’s favorite NCT127 song of all time yet when we were at the DDP in Korea last year and they had the video for it playing on a huge screen with no audio, he DID NOT KNOW WHAT IT WAS. I was actually sickened. The choreo for Kick It is super distinguishable!?

I’m not asking him any more questions because his non-answers are pissing me off.

What an absolute waste of time, but there you have it – Henry’s top 5/6 favorite songs from last week’s NCT127 concert where apparently, he added Mark as his co-bias with Yuta??!? He just told me this the other night! I was like, “Wow OK, Mark coming in out of nowhere.”

On our way back to Chicago for another concert! NCT127 this time and I am so excited – their last time in the US was 2022 and even though they’re down 2 members due to military enlistment and 1 due to being a garbage human, I gotta go and support the rest of them.

1. Corey Haim 2.0

G-Dragon’s return has made me feel alive again. The pure joy and excitement I have felt this past week after his new album dropped is reminding me of…well, what it used to feel like to be me before 2024 came and terrorized my soul. But with this has also come the ADMITTEDLY DELULU dream of GD being my soulmate (lol I can’t even type this without cracking up at how much of an asshole I am). Since Henry is my best friend, I told him that I have two fantasy scenarios in which I meet GD and he falls in love with me:

• 1. We meet TOTALLY BY RANDOM at the Warhol Museum where I pretend to not know him and we instantly imprint on each other probably in the cloud balloon room if that’s even still there after making eye contact in a balloon’s reflection and then we both smile at each other and for some reason he really likes my Sloth face. Then he comes to my house because he’s hiding from sasaeng fans and I have to run around hiding all of my kpop stuff when he’s not looking and then everything is going fine until he sees the pictures of Korea on the wall (I do tell him that I’ve been to Korea but not bc of Kpop) and he’s really impressed and happy that I admire his country’s culture but then he’s like “why do you have a picture with my dad.“

• 2. Pretend that I do know him but I’m very respectful and address him as Jiyong-ssi and speak to him in my jilted Korean and even though I’m a fan he can tell I’m NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS and we imprint on each other and then Dispatch announces on January 1 of the next year that G-Dragon has been secretly dating AN AMERICAN WHITE GIRL who is also kind of fat but love is blind to quote a classic GD track. Then we get married and Taeyang performs at our reception. I guess somewhere along the way I divorce Henry (I think we actually have to go back to Korea if we ever need to get divorced haha).

I mean to be fair this COULD happen because I have been sporadically commenting “Come to Pittsburgh – we have the Warhol Museum” on his IG posts since 2017.

(In case you didn’t know, GD is a big art enthusiast. Duh.)

I was just telling Henry that I haven’t felt this crazy maniacal desperate obsessed with a celeb since I was a kid and only had eyes and room in my head for thoughts about Corey Haim. I had it BAD and that is what this is. This is Corey Haim Syndrome, Adult Years.

And then:

“Wow, GD likes so many posts he’s tagged in on IG. Maybe that’s how I can bait him. What should I post a picture of though?

“You at the Warhol,” Henry mumbled.

2. Priestley Pillow

Piggybacking off the Corey Haim reference, when 90210 first came out I obviously was all about it. I mean, I was in middle school, come on. My dad INSISTED that I “had the hots” for Jason Priestley?! This boiled my blood because hello, Luke Perry?!

One day, of my idiot parents came home with a fucking heart-shaped pillow with Jason Priestley’s face on it and they would take turns whaling it at me.

It was so annoying to me BECAUSE I LOVED LUKE PERRY so I eventually gave the pillow to our German shepherd Rama who did his thang with that effer.

3. PARKING DRAMA REVISITED

There’s always some element of parking drama going on in my neighborhood but last year, the Catholic church across the street brought us all together by becoming our common enemy when they pounded a sign into the ground like a crucifix warning that NO OVERNIGHT PARKING WAS ALLOWED AND ALL VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED.

I thought I had bitched about that on here when it happened last winter but I guess not – all you need to know is that it threw a lot of in a tailspin because we live in duplexes with garages that are old and narrow so no one actually parks in them, and street parking is not recommended on our block because our street is basically a speedway and accidents happen A LOT.

So we had to work with our neighbors to basically Tetris our cars into one shared driveway. It was fine in the end but annoying.

Eventually, everyone started ignoring the sign and parking over there again with no consequences lol. What are they doing to do, sic God on us.

Anyway!!!! Last Friday I went out for my morning walk and noticed all the cars (mind you, there are only a handful of people who park over there and also the employees from the behavioral health house on our block and the lot is HUGE) had bright orange notices on the windshields. I threw ours out but it said something about NEW MANAGEMENT and NO PARKING WITHOUT A PERMIT IS ALLOWED.

Ok so now no parking AT ALL?! I will tell you right now that I do not like pulling our car down the driveway and parking next to the house because I’m so afraid I’m going to scrape it. One of my many issues.

HNC’s wife was like I WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS because we all decided that if there was an option to just pay for a permit, that would be preferable. I mean not that I want to be giving money to CHURCH but I’d rather that than have my car sideswiped if I park on the street. Plus, it alleviates the future feuds that are bound to materialize with the neighbors while trying to share space.

Guess what the church said?? THAT THEY HAD NO IDEA WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

Turns out, it was the SMALLER EPISCOPAL CHURCH NEXT DOOR!! And it’s not their lot, it’s the Catholics’!!! They lease part of it to them I guess?! So the Catholic Church was like we don’t care if you park there, we’ll get the bottom of it. So now we created a religious turf war! This is so exciting. I wonder if they will stand in the parking lot and shout holy spells at each other.

Fucking Episcopalians. Also you can see the ignored “no parking” sign in the bottom left lol.

Hopefully when G-Dragon takes me back to Korea with him, I’ll never have to worry about these dumb things again.

4. When Henry Found Out Our Car’s Name

We were just talking about how we have to come back out this way again next month because I bought us tickets to see Onew (from SHINee) in Detroit.

“Do you even like Onew?” I asked Henry because I don’t think I ever actually asked him this before??!!

“I guess I do now,” he mumbled and I didn’t like his lack of enthusiasm.

“Well, I like him a lot!” I huffed. “I mean, our car is even named after him.”

“….it is?” Henry asked in a mumble deep fried in confusion.

“Um hello? Yes? I named the car Jinki the day we bought it?!” (Jinki is Onew’s real Korean name.)

So then I had to look up the blog post where the nomenclature was so declared along with a picture of an Onew poca with the car in the background. God!!!

Anyway, a little while later I put on an Onew song and Henry knew it was him so there’s that at least.

________________________________________

INTERLUDE: we’re discussing the upcoming G-Dragon tour and how it’s going to be scary trying to get tickets etc and for some reason Henry used the word “minuscule.”

“WOW, that’s a big word for you. Did you just learn it from one of your lame podcasts?” I instigated.

“I learned the word ‘cunt’ a long time ago and I’m fixin’ to use it,” Henry muttered. LOL WOW SLOW DOWN BUD.

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5. ROADTRIP OREO SUCCESS

Our group chat at work yesterday was named after National Oreos Day and someone shared a picture of some new limited edition Post Malone flavor which sparked debate over classic v. Seasonal flavs. Now, I’m no Posty fan by any stretch of the imagination but when I saw that these are salted caramel & shortbread, I decided I could forget the Post Malone part.

My review that I sent to Nate to pass on to group chat:

I’m glad we didn’t have to buy a full pack. They’re not TERRIBLE but the salted caramel creme is an overwhelmingly powerful flavor and the smell of it was almost off-putting when I opened the package. One cookie is OG chocolate, the other side is shortbread. Worth trying once, will never buy again.

So, that’s that!

Also while we were at the rest stop, we were in line at Dunkin and two moms and their daughters got in line behind us and were practically hanging off my back they were so close AND LOUD. I even sidestepped around Henry to get away from them while saying “Jesus Christ those people are so close” – turns out they were DANCE MOMS with their teenaged DANCERS. Figures. I was like “Can you please not??!!” as they jostled me around in an effort to touch and manhandle every bejeweled coffee tumbler on display next to us.

Ok that concludes this edition of Friday Five.

Every week I’m like yeah boi, Friday Five, let’s get it. And then I quickly realize that I do not have five things to talk about. I am going to realllly try hard today though because Henry just left to go to Joann since they’re all closing and he’s trying to stock up on his crafty girl supplies.

1. Onew (!!!) announced a US tour for this spring and I am so stoked about it because you know how much I love SHINee but also, Onew’s solo work is to die for. You know I must really love him because I named our car Jinki which is his non-stage name! Anyway, tickets go on sale next Friday but we’ll be en route to Chicago then and I really don’t want to eff around with Ticketmaster on my phone in the car. Then! I saw that there is a Citi presale on Thursday so I signed up for a Citi credit card just for this. The way Kpop has a death grip on my life, yo. Anyway, wish me luck. We’re hoping to get tickets for the Detroit show at the Filmore!
2. I found out yesterday that DIANE WARREN – songwriting legend – wrote “Drama” with G-Dragon and I am speechless. It made me fall down the Diane Warren rabbit hole last night though because I knew some of her song-writing credits but there were a ton of songs on her “top 10 charting” songs that I loved and had no idea she wrote. “SHE WROTE LOVE WILL LEAD YOU BACK!!!” I screamed to Henry last night, who responded with a group of question marks Double Dutching above his head. “UM, TAYLOR DAYNE??” I scoffed, and then immediately put on the video. “There’s only one Taylor I listen to and that is DAYNE,” I said smugly and considered posting that on Threads but was too tired to deal with Swifties coming for me. Then I just got really pissed because how did she peak so long ago and not go on to be one of the leading Divas of our time!? Also, when I dated Jeff, he mentioned several times that he thought I looked like her (??? I don’t but OK???). And also, a lion. Which, OK. I can see that because I do get angry quite often.

2.5. I am still obviously really riding this G-Dragon wave hard. I can’t tell you how good it feels to wake up every day with G-Dragon in my feed, making TV appearances, smiling, radiating charisma, BEING A FUCKING KING. Ugh, I am still just as obsessed as I was in 2016.

3. OK this is probably somewhat dark but I found the below picture the other night and started laughing (it’s not funny at all actually but also it really kind of is) because I am fairly certain this was from my dad’s birthday in May 1995, after he and I had one of our signature knockdown drag-out fights and he slammed me into the ground in the backyard and then later, my mom was like, “Carry your dad’s birthday cake to Pappap’s house.” UM OK? Are you stupid? Why would you ask me to do that?? Anyway, we had a path that went from our backyard, through the woods (literally) to my Pappap’s backyard so that we wouldn’t have to cut through our neighbors’ backyard to get there. While walking on that path with my brothers, barely holding the cake box, I go – and I remember this V I V I D L Y – “Ooops” as I accidentally-on-purpose dropped the cake onto the ground. LOL Classic Erin, as they’d say! Anyway, I BELIEVE this picture is THAT DAY after everyone sat around to eat the smashed cake and TO BE FAIR only one side of it got ruined as I recall. I showed Henry and got to retell the story that I know I have told him before but he’s almost 60 and doesn’t remember anything. I was cracking up and he just frowned. Also, what was I thinking with that hair color?!!

(WAIT DID I LOOK TAYLOR DAYNE ADJACENT IN THE MID-90s??? I guess I’d have to see a picture of her after she intentionally spite-drops her dad’s birthday cake.)

4. Peenlop Time!!

5. I bought myself this jacket from Unlogical Poem as a Valentine gift to myself (and then I spammed Henry with a link of something else I wanted from Lala which was very annoying to him but he got the hint) and I love it! I wore it to the Abbey last week for our ladies lunch and the early 20s hostess LOVED IT and I was like YEAH YOU DO.

 But these are things I have been allowing myself to do lately – splurge a bit on clothes. When we were coming home from Chicago last week, I was wearing this fuzzy coat I have from Delia*s that has flowers on it and kind of looks vintage? We were at a really crappy Speedway outside of Toledo (I felt like JACK GRIFFIN from AP Bio) and some lady called out, “I LOVE YOUR COAT!” as I was getting back into the car. I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT. I had to immediately text Chooc to tell him this because you all know how much he loves it when strangers love things about me:

Some lady outside of TOLEDO told me she liked my coat today. // In a Speedway parking lot. // You would have been mad. // Maybe someday you’ll have a daughter. // And when I die she’ll be like ‘I want all grandma’s coats and purses.” // And then they’ll all be in your house again.

I know this is an unexpected response, but Chooch said, “Wow” to all of that and then “no” to the last part.

Here’s the aforementioned Delia*s coat from last March!

Welp! That was 5, I did it. I squeezed it out. Let’s end with my new favorite G-Dragon song??

First Friday Five of the New Year, what’s good yo.

1. My Top Nine of 2024

I had already checked out my Top 9 earlier in the month, but now you apparently have to pay to UNLOCK the middle picture? Too bad I already know that it’s the picture of my Bambi memorial tattoo, nice try Diddy.

I feel that these are pretty self-explanatory but:

1. Married in Korea
2. Chooch’s last day of high school
3. Chooch’s graduation
4. Chooch’s first day of senior (wow, a theme you say)
5.  :(
6. Chooch’s graduation party
7. Bambi’s memorial IG post :(
8. Making our wedding bands in Korea
9. A click-bait re: Chooch letting me buy him a jacket in Korea because it was March and chilly and he only packed t-shirts per his norm.

2. We Got a Rug

….we got a rug. It doesn’t fit the entire back porch but it covers most of the cold cement that wasn’t already covered by another rug. I like this. It was cheap and fits the bill. And so PINK! It arrived just in time for Chingumas which was nice because the weather was mild enough to use the porch as a “party annex” and the rug made it feel so cozy.

3. Suprise Package

My co-worker Amanda sent me this cute squirrel dish towel set for Christmas and I thought that was really nice. And speaking of my squirrels.

One of my neighborhood squirrels came to the porch last week, begging for walnuts. I started to open the door to put walnuts in his bowl (literally a small pet food bowl that I keep on a chair on the porch – they’re so spoiled) but one of my neighbors was outside so I didn’t want to get stuck talking. Instead, I opened the door a bit and tossed some walnuts onto the porch….

Buddy jumped off the chair, sniffed the walnuts, stood up at my front door with his paw on the window, gave me A LOOK (I swear to God) and then jumped back on the chair next to his bowl. He wouldn’t eat the walnuts off the ground because he wanted them in his bowl!! They have me wrapped around their creepy little fingers!

4. Petty Post-Christmas Feelings

Although, I have confirmed with several people and my therapist that my feelings are valid. But on Christmas Eve, I had taken a large bottle of Delirium Noel to Corey’s house so that we could all enjoy it with dinner. My mom didn’t have any of it, so I was surprised the next day when she texted me some questions about it, i.e. where I bought it, how much. I was so stoked about this because silly me, I thought she was showing an interest in something that I clearly based on my exuberant Belgian beer gushing at Christmas Eve dinner.

But no, she was just interested because her best friend’s daughter who she is like obsessed with and likes so much more than me “likes beer” – just “beer” in general I guess so presumably my mom is going to get her a bottle or tell her about it, or adopt her as her own daughter and turn the attic into one large bedroom for her with a slide that goes down into my old bedroom which will be converted into a walk-in closet/lounge area which was something that I wanted to happen when I still lived at home BUT NEVER DID probably because my dad intervened, who knows.

But yeah, I’m jealous of a girl I only met once when I was in my 20s and she was like, who knows, 5 or something and even then my mom was smitten with her and me, the 20-something year old, got so upset at my mom’s house when we were all over there one summer afternoon that I hid for hours underneath the antique roll-top desk in the living room and no one cared except for Corey, and Henry’s sons, who were all in elementary school at the time, and they were the only ones trying to find me.

Suddenly, a text message about Delirium had me wanting to hide under antique furniture all over again, age 45.

I talked about this in therapy yesterday because my therapist knew I was anxious about seeing my mom on Christmas Eve and I just started pouring it all out of my brain and heart and she was like, “This is really unfortunate because you live such a cool and colorful life and you and Henry are always going places and doing fun stuff, but she doesn’t show any interest in knowing this about you.” And that’s it for me, exactly. What else can I do? Nothing really. I have to just live the best life I can for myself, for Henry, and for Chooch and that has to be enough. I know this deep down and I know that with a lot of hard work therapy will eventually help me with that but everything still feels so raw like it was yesterday that I moved out of her house.

HAHAHA FAMILY AMIRITE.

5. End of a (sweet) era

Our Sugarspell Scoops friends are temporarily closing shop here soon because they were not able to come to an agreement with their landlord, so we stopped by last weekend to stock on some pints and give them some Kpop Dad’s (Vegan) Kimchi, haha.  I have loved supporting these guys over the years and am confident that once they find a new location, people will follow.

Anyway, we got a Ho-Hos pint and dammit if it doesn’t actually taste like frozen Ho-Hos in ice cream! It made me nostalgic because I can’t remember the last time I had a Ho-Ho (they were my faves as a kid until I discovered Zebra Cakes in the middle school cafeteria) and I attribute much of baby-fat to those delicious rolls of processed sugar.

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A BONUS PICTURE OF PENELOPE THROUGH THE CHRISTMAS LENS:

I woke up so happy as soon as I remembered it was Friday. It’s been another long week. We cherish the Fridays.  Let’s Friday Five it out!!

I.

Our friend Marlene is having hip replacement surgery next week, so Megan, Debby and I went to her house last night to hang out with her. I love Marlene so much. She is in a lot of pain and really anxious to get this surgery done and over with, yet she was still in good spirits and her humor was just as biting and sharp as ever! Marlene is honestly goals.

I even went to TRADER JOE’S the night before to get some snacks to bring but ended up so overwhelmed and angry (I hate grocery stores in general but this one really angers me plus one of the worker girls was in my fucking way every time I turned around and I ranted about it for a solid 10 minutes after we left, culminating in me shouting, “JUST GO IN THE BACK AND STOCK SOMETHING IN THE FUCKING DUMPSTER” which I didn’t think was that funny but Henry did and actually laughed out loud and then that annoyed me too.

Anyway,  I ended up bringing two loaves of the delicious bread that is freshly baked several times a day at JMart down the street from us. We love this bread – I think it might be Uzbek? Those in the know (WE ARE IN THE KNOW, IS WHAT I AM HUMBLY ALLUDING TO HERE) will arrive at JMart around the time the bread is baked because it usually sells out before they even have a chance to put it on the shelves. We just happened to be there once when there WAS a loaf of it out on display, devoured it like barbarians within minutes of bringing it home, and then obsessively tried to buy it again after that. Henry finally asked one time when were there buying walnuts for my squirrels (lol) when the bread would be available again and the owner’s son gave us a hush-hush pro tip. Anway, Henry stopped there yesterday on his way home from work, had to wait in line for 30 minutes, but ultimately procured three loaves – two for me to take to Marlene’s and one for him to eat at his leisure lol – and it ended up being a hit even though Marlene was scared when I started my explanation of the bread with, “OK, just hear me out—”

But yeah, it was such a nice, cozy evening. I always enjoy hearing stories of Marlene’s youth, and Debby was telling us about how she and some others used to watch The Young and the Restless on a tiny B&W TV in the law firm’s breakroom in the 80s (yes, Debby had been working here for that long!).

And we learned that even though Marlene HATES cheese (weirdo!) she does enjoy cheese popcorn.

“Because it’s not real cheese,” she shrugged.

Here’s hoping her surgery goes well and that she’ll be back on her feet in no time!

II.

I snagged two tickets for the Toronto date of the upcoming Stray Kids tour (and a complimentary stress headache from Ticketmaster) and I am so stoked!!

We saw them in 2022 and it was such an amazing show that even Henry, who didn’t know TOO much about them at the time, walked away a Stay. (Well, maybe – I think he will only commit to being a Carat. He doesn’t have the energy to multi-stan.)

III.

I lost my mind this afternoon over Drew and started crying so uncontrollably that I gave myself a grief headache on top of the stress headache from Ticketmaster. I am so depressed. Adding to this depression and free-fall into midlife crisis’ing, I was unable to thread a needle this morning and burst into tears because it was so frustrating and OMG my eyes.

IV.

Did I really frame a Polaroid of me when I was 4, my best year, wearing my favorite dress and looking my best before I mutated in a fat and frumpy doof and my chin finished developing into its final Jay Leno form? Yes I certainly did.

But the other side is my grandparents at least. I love this picture of them because my Pappap is playfully (trust me it’s playful) pretending to slap her and some unknown hand is holding him back. At least – this is what I have always assumed was happening here. And I have always loved this picture so much. I miss my Pappap.

I know Temu is a no-no-mu, but I sure love these acrylic frames they sell.

V.

Can we end with two new songs from G-DRAGON (FEAT. TAEYANG AND DAESUNG) AND WONHO???? Yes, yes, we can. Happy pre-weekending! I’ll be catching up on the MAMA Award performances, my traditional pre-Thanksgiving tradition!

*******

Well, I’d like to note that I might have woken up happy but it’s now 7:24pm and I’m the exact opposite of happy. I’m sick of the way my job makes me feel.

1. The Past Should Stay Dead: An Example

Chiodos is doing a 20-anniversay tour for their album All’s Well That Ends Well and anyone who knew early 2000s Erin knows that this album was SO IMPORTANT to me. I have lyrics from it tattooed on my dumbo arm for Christ’s sake. I really considered getting tickets for the Pgh show in April but you guys, the only OG member left is the singer Craig Owens, who actually had left the band because he is so freaking horrific to work with and the remaining members continued on with a new singer – OK you don’t care, it doesn’t matter, the point is that the band in its original context dissolved and when I heard that they had “reunited,” I was like, “Oh, it’s just Craig now and all new people. No thanks.” Because Chiodos was one of those bands where it wasn’t just the singer that you’d latch on to – all of the members were larger than life, disgustingly talented, personable, etc. So for me, it’s the OG crew or GTFO. That show ended up selling out super fast anyway, but then last night I got an email that a second Pgh show was added so I went to Ticketmaster and really was considering it to the point where I had two tickets in my cart. Then for some stupid reason I couldn’t log into Paypal which is odd because I used Paypal like every day with no issue, so after three tries, I threw my phone down on the couch and said, “You know what? No. I’m not doing this. It’s a sign.” Henry, from his dining room greeting card work station, said, “Well, there’s a 90% chance you would have hated everyone there anyway.” I scoffed. “Yeah – the main person there.” I think this is growth, you guys. I really am almost fully divorced from sad, emo scene kid Erin. Oh and don’t even get me started on the WARPED TOUR reboot cash grab. It feels so disingenuous and phony.

2. Me & My C-List References

Remember last month when I did my volunteering bullshit and I loved the landscaping lady? Well, one of the things I failed to note was that she talked in this particular way that I really love, it’s a certain way she would say her ‘r’s and the whole time I was like, “UGH IT’S THE SAME WAY THAT LADY FROM THAT SHOW DUET TALKS” but I couldn’t think of her name and also whoever references the show Duets?? Why was I watching that show in like, 2nd grade?? Anyway, last night I was sitting here and I kapchugi shouted, “MARY PAGE KELLER!!” and Henry was like, “Ok?” and then I had to explain all of this to him and, just as it was a waste of time to type all of this out, it was also a waste of time explaining it to him out loud because he obviously didn’t care. Why would anyone care. I must have REALLY liked that show as a young Erin though because to this day anytime I meet someone who talks like that, I feel instantly comforted??

LOL what even was this show about??

(Related – I was so stoked at the Zsa Zsa Gabor reference in the Netflix Menendez Bros series, and then the other night I was watching an episode of Only Murders in the Building from season 4 and there was another Zsa Zsa reference! And the reference was literally, “Zsa Zsa Gabor reference” and I was fucking dead. The way I love Zsa Zsa….)

3. We’re living in Weiss Meats’ world now

In my last therapy session, we talked about my abusive time at Weiss Meats, the sexual harassment I endured, the mediation. I was getting so upset that my heart was racing and I had to actually stop at one point, put my hand on my chest and tell her that I couldn’t get my heart to slow down. The re-election of Trump has triggered me in so many ways because it’s just another indication that instead of moving forward, we are being shoved backward. Like, violently. So many of us – women, immigrants, minorities, LGBTQ. How is our country lauded as this great nation when we are so fucking backward and refuse to allow a confident, capable, intelligent woman to become President (80 other countries have elected women to run their joints but ok cook on Dumberica).

(THAT’S WHAT I CALL AMERICA NOW IN CASE YOU WERE CONFUSED.)

Anyway, one of the things that came out of that session, that I had pushed into the dark and bleak recesses of my mind, is that back in 2004 when I first went to a lawyer about the things I had endured at Weiss Meats, and they read over my account, I was referred to a rep from the EEOC who then said, “No, this isn’t sexual harassment. Let’s go with…sex discrimination.”

Yo. I was QUITE LITERALLY GRABBED BY THE PUSSY by my boss’s son. I am not exaggerating. I was at the filing cabinet in my office and he ran over to me, grabbed and squeezed my crotch, and then ran away. I was stunned. I am still stunned every time I think about this and believe me you, I think about it a lot.

But…that’s not sexual harassment. (YOU’RE RIGHT – IT’S FUCKING SEXUAL ASSAULT, BUT I DIDN’T KNOW THAT THEN, I WAS 20 FUCKING YEARS OLD AND WORKING IN MY FIRST OFFICE AND MY MOM WAS TELLING ME SHE HAD THIS HAPPEN TO HER TOO ALL CASUAL-LIKE, LIKE OK  THIS IS A NORMAL DAY FOR A WOMAN IN THE WORKPLACE, GOT IT.)

I had a laundry list of the things that happened to me, and to have to sit in that mediation room, me against all these men, and the only person on my side was….another man? I still cannot believe that this was something I was able to get through. It feels like it must have been a bad dream.

But when Trump’s “grab them by the pussy” bullshit was going on, and it was dismissed as “locker room talk” and I saw other women on Facebook (thank god I left) agreeing that it was “just words” and that anyone crying about it was just a snowflake, it brought all that back. Was I overreacting? Was I not really abused? Was what happened to me normal? It wasn’t rape, so should I have just walked away and not fought back with my former employer?

The #metoo movement was so validating, and for a minute I thought that maybe the country was moving forward, maybe people like me who had gone through varying degrees of assault, harassment, discrimination, maybe this was our time to be recognized and to start really healing. But no, I was wrong, because the re-electing of this piece of shit just reenforced the notion that women don’t matter. This is truly Weiss Meats’ world, you guys. 20 fucking years later and our country is about to be lead – again – by someone who would pat the Weiss Bros on the back for the way they treated women.

Sorry, this is probably a mess of words, but I too am nothing more than a mess right now. Burn it all fucking down.

4. Chooch Can’t Escape Kpop

Got these texts from Chooch the other day LOL.

Also, someone on Chooch’s dorm floor wrote “Stream SVT Love Fame Money” on the RA’s whiteboard and he sent it to me like, “Did you break in here??” LOL. He was disgusted. When I say BTS and their fans ruined Kpop for him…

In other family kpop news, last night I overheard Henry saying “Seventeen right here” and singing Blackpink’s Pink Venom while rummaging through the fridge.

In other family kpop news, part 2: I just made Henry watch the latest NCT Dream music show stage and he said, “It was OK but I’m a Seventeen stan now.” WOW. He’s in deep. There’s no room for multi-stanning with this guy.

5. LET’S END WITH A RAINY-THEMED VIDEO BECAUSE IT’S RAINING TODAY

Hope everyone but Trump, the remaining Weisses, and anyone who condones/excuses/does sexual assault has a great weekend :) Goodbye from Trauma Town.

Literally can’t focus on much else today, ELECTION DAY, so I need to bulletpoint for therapy.

• I stayed up last night watching various livestreams of the Harris rallies. Some thoughts on the musical performances: Katy Perry – oh honey thanks for giving fodder to the MAGA set. I never liked her music but what in the actual fuck was that weird ass singing she was doing?? Of course this is the big star Pgh would get, sigh. Over in Philly, Ricky Martin was singing in a Dracula voice like he thought he was in Transylvania not Pennsylvania. Bon Jovi was somewhere and sounded like what happens when AI gets involved. I thought I was having a stroke while watching all of this! And the worst part is that I sat through all of this because I wanted to see Lady Gaga because I have a mild interest in her and all she did was sing some stupid America song from elementary school. But, at least she sounded good.
• I wish AOC would have been canvassing in my neighborhood because I bet she would love my interior design. I just get that feeling, you know? Like we’d girl-out over my sometimes questionable Party City decor.
• JAEHYUN ENLISTED IN THE MILITARY YESTERDAY AND I AM NOT OK. Let’s take a moment and enjoy his recent solo MV:

• Henry and I went to this JOKE OF A PLACE called House of 1000 Beers on Sunday to cruise the selection for more Belgians. OK first of all, honey, 1000 beers though? I don’t think so. There is absolutely NO WAY and I kept commenting on this while we were there and btw I felt immediately uncomfortable there too, it was an awkward set-up with people eating on one side and then a bar on the other side and the cook was LEERING AT ME from his little kitchen podium window thing and I kept muttering, “I hate it here, I want to leave” under my breath and then I was going to wait in the car but I didn’t want to leave the choices up to Henry because he is the worst at picking things that I will like, so I stuck it out but I bitched about it sporadically throughout the day. Like, we were watching TV later that night and I blurted out, totally kapchugi, “There is NO WAY that there were 1000 different beers there?!” and Henry just groaned because I was back on my “calling the BBB” kick again.
• Henry got an itch to clean out the closet-area at the top of the basement steps on Saturday because all he wanted to do was “hang up his one coat” but the hooks are completely usurped by my menagerie of coats and purses (I have a reallll fuckin’ problem). “Some of these coats probably don’t even need to be here, there is no way you wear all of these!” Henry huffed, but then after pawing through them, he mumbled, “OK maybe you do.” LOL.

This is only some of the pile! Here he is holding up the only two belongings of his that he wanted to hang up, lol. 

• Chooch texted me at 12:22PM with photo confirmation that he voted and I AM SO PROUD, I ACTUALLY STARTED CRYING. What a huge election to be a part of as a first-time voter. And he’s in that “young man” demo too, which makes it even better. (Yes, he voted straight Dem, let’s gooooo.)
• Henry came home from work and told me that his co-worker who is like a beer guru told him that he should have gone to a different place instead of HOUSE OF NOWHERE NEAR 1000 BEERS and he is actually the reason we went there in the first place?? But I guess Henry doesn’t talk to him often enough because this dude doesn’t go there anymore. Yeah, probably because of the false advertising! Anyway, Henry told him that I am a Belgian beer girlie now and the dude said, and I am so mad about this, that those are good STARTER BEERS. Did he mean to say, “Holy shit, your wife is HARDCORE, not liking beer and then bypassing all the sissy shit and going straight for the BELGIAN?? She is a KEEPER. She sounds like SHE IS NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS.”

• Hey speaking of, Henry, Scared of Irritating a Woman Voter, brought home a DELIRIUM NOEL GIFT SET for me last night so now I have a Delirium glass! Don’t worry I still complained because it’s not the OG glass with the curvy stem.

• Oh and nbd but this happened in the scene before the beer was poured:

And now, we wait 😬

What I wouldn’t give to be in Korea right now though fr fr. Watching Seventeen vlogs as a distraction but I know eventually the election shit is going to be put on. I can’t resist.

In my latest two therapy seshes we covered the Psycho Mike stuff, did I mention this? And I have to say, I didn’t realize that I needed to talk to a professional about this at this stage in my life but I feel EMPOWERED now. Like I didn’t realize what a big deal it was that I recognized at that young age that I was being treated abusively and took a stand and vowed to never let myself be treated like that again. “Sometimes aggressively so” I admitted when saying that I have worn the pants in every subsequent relationship and when I told Henry afterward he was like, “Wow can I talk to her for a few minutes?” LOL piss off and get back to the kitchen. You little bitch.

I don’t know why my bulletpoints disappeared and now that I have been drinking, IDGAF.

• I went for a walk around town to get the rest of my steps and because I can’t keep pacing around the house moaning. I was on the street behind my house when a man in a pickup truck blew through a stop sign as I was waiting to cross the street. In a calm and monotone voice, I called out, “Wow, don’t stop.” HE GOT THRU THE LITTLE INTERSECTION AND STOPPED HIS TRUCK LOL AND SAID, “WHAT DID YOU SAY?” so I repeated it with the same hearty dose of sarcasm and he just drove away. Henry was BIG FROWN ENERGY about this when I came back home and told him lololol.

Relatedly, in therapy today we also talked about how I have a huge problem with men and authority and she was like, “OK that makes sense” while adding to her notes that I would like to read some day.

Hey I’m going to peace out from this blog post for now. If anything exciting happens later during my live election coverage viewing, I shall update this bitch. I guess.

This week was actually so good, you guys. I can’t remember the last time I was able to say that. I’m still on a really weird emotional high after seeing Seventeen – in a good way, mostly, but I have also been sporadically crying so fat, hot tears because of Drew and it’s OK though. I know that now, that this is part of the process, I’m healing and sometimes scabs are pulled off too early and we have a little set back, right? SHOULD I BE A THERAPIST. SHOULD I WRITE AN ADVICE COLUMN. SHOULD I START NEEDLEPOINTING MY DUMB SAYINGS ON PILLOWS.

Anyway, here are five things that I want to remember from this week / life lately.

1. Henry’s Haunted Basement

When we were just getting into Chicago on Tuesday, we saw a big billboard for a haunted attraction called the Haunted Basement.

“I wonder where that is,” Henry murmured.

“UP YOUR BUTT,” I blurted, the violence of the words shooting out of my mouth somehow not knocking out any teeth.

Henry frowned deeply while I was fisting the air in victory. I love it when my answer-to-everything lands!

I posted this on Instagram AND ***SURPRISINGLY*** NO ONE SIGNED UP FOR MY MASTER CLASS IN COMEBACKS.

2. SEVENTEEN SWAG

I got so much stuff this time because we got there extra early to get in the early mech line (all for naught because everything was sold out before we even got to the front). The weird thing though is that everyone always passes me up and I have to follow them and ask pathetically, “Can I have one too?” IT IS NOT MY AGE OK because trust me – there are tons of broads at these shows that are grandmas. I don’t know what it is about me?? Is my RBF that bad?! Is it because Henry is standing next to me, glowering?!

Anyway, I was happy because I got some Seungkwan stuff :)

Also, I had to swap out my Dreamie pocas for SVT ones beforehand and I put Minghao in the window in honor of Bambi :/

And my SVT credit card was on the other side lol. I’m 16. It was especially peak when I paid for my Bambi SVT tattoo with it lol.

3. My Jerk Son

Just gonna leave this here.

I mean where’s the lie though honestly.

4. Late to the Game, or Early to the New Wave???

My Belgian beer obsession is going strong. Why am I like this? I can’t ever just moderately like things like normal people, I have to be so fanatical and obnoxious. OH WELL THAT’S WHY YOU LOVE ME.

I was lamenting the other night that this one restaurant we used to go to occasionally isn’t around anymore. It was called Sharp Edge and specialized in Belgian beers. There were a few locations but we always went to the CREEK HOUSE (Kristen if you’re reading this, it’s where we went when you and Matt were in town when Chooch was a baby!). I 100% wasn’t drinking beer when we went there, but I went for the ambiance, the vibes, the LAMBIC which I now know actually is beer and I never knew that.

Inspired to find out why they closed all locations, I googled and wound up on a Reddit page about it where 9 out of 10 comments said it was because no one cares about Belgian beer anymore LOLOLOL this is the story of my life! Always late to the game!

THAT’S FINE. Maybe there will be a revival and I can say that it was because of me.

Today at work Megan was telling me about a pumpkin beer she recently had and OK MEGAN BUT I DON’T DRINK PUMPKIN BEER ANYMORE THAT’S FOR BABIES! It’s Belgian or GTFO, OK?! #NOTLIKEOTHERGIRLS

Here is a picture of Baby’s Fourth Delirium! Still #1 in my heart. I like designer beer, don’t forget it. (A hostess gift to consider for future parties I may be hosting.)

We went to a bottle shop tonight and they did not HAVE ANYTHING BELGIAN and I walked out of there like a fucking snob, I’m not even kidding you, and then I shouted in the parking lot, “IT’S NOT MY FAULT THAT I DON’T LIKE ANYTHING AMERICAN THIS COUNTRY IS DUMB!”

Hello, welcome to the Beer Snob Erin era.

(I will tell you that I have also enjoyed every beer of Henry’s that I sipped while in Korea but it is harder to obtain that shit here in Pgh. Don’t worry, we acquired some in Chicago but I’m saving it for Chingumas the Sequel!)

5. Collegiate Chooch Being Involved

Chooch sent me this story from the Drexel Honors College Instagram and said, “YOU’RE WELCOME” because he knew I never would have seen it otherwise.

I just love seeing him thrive and participating in college things! I miss him lots but seeing stuff like this makes it all worth it.

He’s not even going to know who I am when he comes home for Thanksgiving and I’m walking around with a chalice of Trappist beer.

Reporting from the other side of a weekend that was actually OK and stable. Did I cry every day? You bet, but it wasn’t uncontrollable and soul-crushing. And it was in tandem with Henry sitting next to me and patiently listening to me parse through Drew’s passing for the 87000th time and it felt calming almost? It’s just that I need to talk about it and if I don’t, the sadness and anguish comes bursting out of me like I’m Mount St. Erin.

And you know what else helped? Making progress on the Drew memorial portrait. I am hoping it will be ready to frame and hang this week, across from Marcy. (OK, the tears are spilling again but it’s OK! It’s OK. I’m OK. It’s going to be OK.)

Things to remember:

• On Saturday, Henry and Chooch went to some bakery in Wilkinsburg because Henry saw that they had orange cardamon cinnamon rolls and somehow we have become weekend cinnybun thoosies I guess, so off they went to procure the goods. They returned with a surplus though – some blondie that Chooch didn’t like but I thought was pretty good if not a bit too sweet; an apple chai muffin which was SO POTENT that it tasted like how the old Wicks & Sticks candle shop at Century III Mall smelled, I did not like it at all; a pumpkin hand pie thing which I also did not like AT ALL because of the same level of “this should be a candle, not edible” spices; a lemon cookie that was bomb; an Earl gray cupcake WHICH WAS SO GOOD but very small, and even SMALLER since Henry the oaf took half of it; and the aforementioned cinnamon roll which I really enjoyed. So, a 50/50 experience for sure.
• Keeping with that theme, Chooch came home yesterday with a pumpkin spice bottled Frappucino and was like THIS TASTES LIKE HOW JOANN FABRIC SMELLS and against my better judgment, I took a little baby sip and yep. The autumn wreath material aisle at Joann, specifically. DEEEE-sgusting.

• Yesterday, I grabbed the purse that Debby made me for Xmas last year without realizing at first that it matched my OOTD perfectly (PURRRRFECTLY??). I was just lamenting over the impending end of summer even though this summer was historically  – just a reminder – one of the worst I’ve ever had, but it still felt great to wear jeans and a light sweater yesterday!
  • This was the only time I left the house all weekend (aside from going for walks and to play tennis), and it was because I was meeting Pam at Potomac Station for Sunday afternoon coffee (although, I had horchata with a shot of espresso, FYI). It was a nice reason to get me out of the house, and we ended up having a fun chat with a guy sitting near us who was working on one of those Woobles crochet projects. HE LOOKED SO FAMILIAR TO ME. (The guy, not the creature he was crocheting.) I dunno where I would have seen him though and I didn’t want to blurt out WHERE DO YOU WORK, BECAUSE YOU LOOK FAMILIAR like the dryest pick-up line ever.

• SugarSpell Beetlejuice flava-flavs! The Lydia one is black sesame….one of my fave eastern flavors!

• Penelope hasn’t jumped on the table in months yet here she was over the weekend and we were wondering if it was because the picture of Drew was laying there. :(
• Happy things: we got some beer from Hitchhiker specifically the pumpkin thing they have currently and I got accidentally drunk Friday night! It was a fun start to the weekend – stay-at-home alcoholism. :|
• We watched a lot of Seventeen content and I think Henry finally knows all 13 members?! Also, Seventeen had headlined Lollapalooza Berlin on Sunday and it was live-streamed on their YouTube channel so we watched that together and it made me really content but also a little sad because Jun wasn’t there (he’s doing China promotions) and this was Jeonghan’s last international performance before military enlistment so….bittersweet. I hate getting so attached.

• I bought a bunch of acrylic frames (from Temu, I deserve any clowning you throw at me) and got three of them used up so far, I love the look! I think I will eventually have a bunch of them hung in the attic, who knows.

Don’t mind how filthy the table runner is – I need to swap it out with another here soon, but I like that the frames are boxy so that I can also put stuff on them like a little shelf – I love that the wedding ducks from Sandy fit on this one of our wedding license photobooth fun time!

I had to keep this bill from Sweden because it features the author of Pippi Longstocking, and now I have the perfect way to display it because you can see the back of the bill in this frame too!

<3<3<3 I bought this at the DDP gift shop, sigh.

Well, I guess that’s really all that happened over the weekend that’s noteworthy, aside from the 47875278 walks I went on. I hope that the clouds continue to part for me, preferably at a faster pace, haha. Ha. Ugh.