Some things I’m thinking about today:

CARDAMOM BUNS

• Pittsburgh having no good places to get good cardamom cinnamon rolls (spoiled by Scandinavia).

THE BLACK QUEEN

• The Black Queen is touring for the 10th anniversary of Fever Daydream and I got tickets for the Cleveland date in May!

NIRVANNA THE BAND THE SHOW THE MOVIE

• Thanks to Chooch, I am fully obsessed with Matt Johnson and Jay McCarrol now. I can’t remember that last time I was THIS STOKED on a movie, maybe not since THE PUFFY CHAIR and if you knew me in my mumblecore era, you know that I wanted to wrap myself up in that movie and take it to bed with me. Nirvanna: The Band, The Show, The Movie is doing this same thing to me. I get easily swept up in music but it takes A LOT for me to practically want to join a street team for a fucking movie. This one just really got into that sweet spot of my brain and has been suckling away on my head juices ever since. It’s so niche. It’s such an odd vibe. It is NOT going to hit for everyone. But the jokes landed for me. Even without knowing anything about these guys and their web series from back in the day – I freaking CARED and was so invested.

GO TEAM CANADA

• Olympic hockey has me so stressed out. I am dreading the mens gold medal game tomorrow. I truly dislike the USA team (the Tkachucks can get Tkafucked) and want Team Canada to win so badly because as a Pittsburgher, I’m morally obligated to root for Sidney Crosby and also I just love their team more in general. I thought I would have a hard time rooting for American athletes this time around but so many of them were speaking up and out and I loved that, it was inspirational and made me feel like maybe the rest of the world will hate us less hearing from these athletes that they love their country but not the administration. That helped me retain some semblance of patriotism for the sake of the Olympics.

KID ROCK, INEXPLICABLY

• In the wake of all the Superbowl half time hullaballoo, Chooch was sending me reels making fun of the ToiletPaperUSA redneckpalooza which inspired me to tell him one of the many FUN FACTS about me which he definitely does not consider “fun” nor anything worthy of the definition “fact.” I’m pretty sure his response was just “wow” so I will share it with my ghost friends here on OHE. But all of this KID ROCK bullshit (literally, when has Kid Rock ever been in the news this much, it’s so fucking weird) sparked a shameful memory in me and I felt like I needed to confide in Chooch who clearly did not think this was anything that major….

  It was 1998. I was 18/19 and clearly struggling to find my identity as we all are at that age, sheesh! I was hanging out with guys who honestly fit the bill of date rapists but my red flag reader was not yet fully charged so all I thought was that they were cool and they listened to bands like KORN and LIMP BIZKIT so I did too by association. I actually genuinely liked Korn for a few years, I’m not too cool for school and can be honest about this.

  That autumn, I had gone to this tattoo shop out in Butler, PA (also known as the place where DONALD TRUMP SQUIRTED KETCHUP ON HIS EAR) and befriended (albeit briefly) the tattoo artist / owner and the piercer. They had invited me to the upcoming KORN FAMILY VALUES tour at the Civic Arena but for some reason, I was busy and couldn’t go (I didn’t have a job then so god only knows what my plans were).

  Anyway, when I told Chooch this, I was like, ‘I WAS SO CLOSE TO SEEING KID ROCK BUT LUCKILY I DODGED THAT BULLET, IT DIDN’T EVEN FAKE-GRAZE MY EAR’ but then out of curiosity, I looked up the tour info to see who else was there – AND KID ROCK WAS NOT IN THE LINEUP! I was telling Henry this and he goes, “Yeah, but he was at that one festival we went to in Wisconsin a long time ago” and, panic-stricken, I cried, “WE DIDN’T ACTUALLY SEE HIM THOUGH DID WE??” Henry laughed and said no. W H E W.

That was my Kid Rock story.

Well, that’s all for me today. Back to micromanaging Henry’s bathroom painting project. One of the paint colors is Pink Pout and every time I have complained or whined about something today, Henry has muttered, “You picked the right paint color” LOL. I pouted so hard in the cemetery today that I did my signature teenage brat fast-walking/stamping back to the car while Henry continued his casual gait yards behind me. (I’m also pms’ing so please leave your HENRY IS A SAINT comments to yourself. – Management.)

I just realized after my last book recap that I didn’t share my top books of 2025! I think I usually do 10 but I honestly don’t know if there were 10 clear picks for this past year.

As I probably mentioned before, I generally do not purchase books because I have TOO MUCH STUFF. But one day I hope to have enough space for a big ol’ bookshelf. That being said, one of the criteria for me giving a book 5 stars is: if I had a bookshelf, would I purchase this book? These are all big ass YESES. Other criteria:

• did the writing style itself blow me away while simultaneously making me jealous that I didn’t write it?
• did it have unforgettable characters?
• would I recommend this to anyone?
• did I completely crumble emotionally?

In no particular order, these all met that criteria:

1. Things Don’t Break on Their Own by Sarah Easter Collins

Big thanks to my friend Lindsey for recommending this one to me, it was fantastic. I love thrillers but very rarely do I find any 5 stars in that genre, but give it a literary fiction bent and now we’re talking. I thought this was beautifully written, with a dual timeline that kept me guessing.

2. The Wedding People by Alison Espach

I felt like I was INSIDE of this book the entire time I was reading it, found myself sneaking chapters when I was working, literally HEARING these characters speaking in my head. I never wanted it to end. It was authentically funny but also made me sob.

3. I See You’ve Called in Dead by John Kenney

I remember having no idea really what this book was about but the audiobook was available and I needed something to listen to on my walks. This book was so FUNNY and engaging right off the bat that I probably could have walked all day into the night until it was finished. Quirky, original, but also very heartbreaking and real. I laughed out loud while crying at the same time. That is talented writing.

4. My Friends by Fredrik Backman

I mean, it’s Fredrik Backman. If you don’t already know then you better teach yourself.

5. Heart the Lover by Lily King

So…Lily King. Her writing makes me feel so fanatical that I start getting really crazy thoughts, like, “I SHOULD GET THIS BOOK COVER TATTOOED ON MY RIBS” – these are the unhinged I NEED TO DO THE MOST type of ideas I generally reserve for bands of which I AM THE #1 FAN, NOTICE ME. I finished this book, was sobbing, and felt so frantic like I needed to send smoke signals or shoot flares into the sky to announce my having finished an incredible book AND I JUST GAVE IT 5 STARS, PITTSBUGH PEOPLE WONDERING WHY THERE ARE GAS STATION PARKING LOT-PURCHASED FIRECRACKERS EXPLODING ON PIONEER AVE.  I mean, I was practically PANTING AND RIPPING THE NECKLINE OF MY SHIRT, my need to wail about this book akin to a full moon for a lycanthrope. It is so – FUCK. It is just so good.

Anyway, those are my top 5 books from 2025. Let me know which ones had you howling at the moon last year!

I think I mentioned this already but we made Chooch sign up for a student HBO account so I could watch Heated Rivalry (lol it’s so good and I would like to add that those two actors have way more palpable chemistry than Emily* has had with ANY guy they pair her up with in Paris OR Rome!!) but then Henry and I started watching The Pitt because Chooch told us to and I am always doing what he says because I so desperately want him to think I’m cool and to have things in common with him.

*(Soft swerve, but I’m officially over with Emily in Paris. It’s the same shit, different city!)

I will admit – I HATED THE FIRST EPISODE. And not just because I’m queasy and have to spend most of the time looking away when it’s a medical show, but I thought the writing was corny AF. I think I was just hypercritical from the start though because this is a Pittsburgh based show and I was ready to sit on my throne and judge. But then after the first 2 episodes, I started warming up to some of the characters and became sucked in. It just wasn’t instant. Sometimes, you gotta let these things sink in organically you know?

Anyway, in honor of Friday, here are 5 things that I had to say now that we’re caught up and into season 2:

1. JESSE

Hi, hello. This is the best character on the whole damn show. I told Chooch and he said, “WHO” because if we’re being real, Jesse is kind of an NPC but if you really watch him in the background, he is generally the only one who is giving a believable medical performance. When I googled him to find a picture to send to Chooch after his rude “WHO” response, I learned that the guy who plays Jesse is actually a real nurse, so this makes so much more sense!

2. Posh McDonalds

There is this one storyline with a patient who is trying to hide the fact that she’s unhoused and she says something about McDonald’s who cares why, and the doctor (WHO IS ON TO HER, BTW) tricks her by saying, “Wow, the McDonald’s must be really nice where you live in Shadyside, huh?” because she has Shadyside as her address and that’s like, one of THOSE areas. I whipped my head around to gape at Henry and yelled, “AS IF SHADYSIDE EVEN HAS A MCDONALD’S!” I mean, correct me if I’m wrong any local readers, but I don’t think they do!? And even if they did, it would probably still suck. Maybe I’m just being bitch eating crackers over here, but that annoyed me. (Mostly because the doctor who says this is one of my least favorite characters on the show – SHE IS SO ANNOYING GO BACK TO ACTING WITH CHUCKY.)

3. EDGEFest

The first episode of the second season of The Pitt opens to a song by a local Pgh band called THE CLARKS. As far as local bands go, it could be worse. But they’re actually not too bad and have been around for—at least the 90s? In 1997, I was working at Olan Mills as a telemarketer and the morning shift manager always had our classic rock station playing so to this day, if I hear The Clarks’ “Penny on the Floor,” I immediately hear Linda singing it with robust bravado.

But The Clarks story I want to tell here today – it isn’t that great because I told a work friend on Teams the other day and she was like OK – is about the time in the early 00s when Henry and I went to Buffalo, NY for a music festival called Edgefest. (Their alt radio station was/is The Edge. Come on, guys, try to keep up.) I had gone several times and I want to say the big draw for me this particular year was The Tea Party. I had never seen them before and they alone were worth the drive. The Clarks were also in the lineup for that year’s Edgefest, so good for them! Always nice to see a local band getting some out-of-town love.

I bought an Edgefest t-shirt and had gotten some of other bands there to sign it (sadly, I’m not even sure I still have this shirt…), so I had it in my arms when Henry and I were walking up a hill only to run smack into Scott, The Clarks frontman. I wouldn’t really call myself a fan by any means but I felt compelled to show him some hometown love so as he about to pass by, I stopped him and said we were from Pittsburgh. I remember him being very nice and offering to sign my shirt because he misunderstood me and thought that we had come to Edgefest JUST for The Clarks. I didn’t have the heart to correct him though – he such a nice guy!

Before I close the loop on #3, I want to go back to that Season 2 opener because in addition to being soundtracked by The Clarks, the scene also has Noah Wyle riding a motorcycle to work behind a pick-up truck with American flags billowing in the breeze. UGH. “Great now everyone thinks Pittsburgh is MAGA,” I cried to Henry. We do have the distinction of being about an hour away from the site of the fabricated assassination attempt, though.

Anyway, this was the song that played in The Pitt:

4. Excuse me, what accent now?

The head nurse lady, Dana, is another one of my favorite characters and I think the actor that plays her is so great in this role. But….well. She has this accent, right? It was really bothering me all during season 1, and I would say out loud, “WHAT ACCENT IS THAT??” I eventually settled on fishing town in Maine. But then last night, I was like, “No, this is ridiculous, I need to know” because she doesn’t talk like that in real life. So I Googled “Dana The Pitt accent” thinking maybe her character’s backstory has her moving to Pittsburgh for college from Boston, I don’t fucking know, you know how they usually have backstories online somewhere. But instead, a Reddit thread came up and you guys.

Hold on, I have to compose myself.

You guys. According to the comments….

….it’s supposed to be….

…a Pgh accent. Like, a Yinzer dialect.

Um. As someone who was born and raised here, that is NOT that. Like, not even close. Henry sent me a video from her on the Today Show where she was talking about her struggle to learn it (I don’t doubt that it’s a struggle because as I mentioned, I was born and raised here but JUST FAR OUT ENOUGH IN THE ‘BURBS that I managed to avoid picking up one for myself and I cannot for the life of me imitate it) and whoever the fuck was interviewing her said, “Well, you nailed it.”

No, I’m sorry, no offense to this actor and her skills but she didn’t nail anything because whatever accent she came up with does not send chills down my spine like a true Yinzer accent does.

5. ADDITIONAL SUNDRY

• Guy who has a table tennis tournament in South Park doesn’t say South Park like how someone here would say South Park.
• A guy chokes on broccoli at PAMELA’S DINER which is one of my favorite places to have breakfast with Jeannie and Wendy. Really, they had to drag Pamela’s like that??
• DR. LANGDON
• I feel like they reference New Castle more than is necessary.
• Annoying Primanti’s shout out.
• I’m pretty sure they refer to the T as “the train” at one point too and we do not do that here. Trolley? Sure. Train or subway? Never.

OK, you’re dismissed. If anyone needs a Pgh expert to advise on Pgh projects, you know where to find me. (Unless it involves questions about the Steelers, the Pirates, the Steel Industry, the rivers, directions…)

Haven’t done one of these in a minute. Here we go.

1. FUCK ICE

2. FUCK ICE

3. FUCK ICE

4. F   U   C   K        I   C   E

5. FUCK ICE

After a miserable day of travel, we are home! And I have been wide awake since 2AM ofc. Just some quick thoughts off the cuff because I missed blogging so much but I didn’t bring my laptop with me and I absolutely hate trying to blog from my phone:

• I miss Romania but am so so so so so happy and content to be sitting here at 5:55AM with my precious Penelope purring on my lap <3
• Happy to have A CUP OF COFFEE – “long blacks” are not for me!
• My favorite Depeche Mode song – It’s No Good – came on in the rental car (I miss that car) at 3:30AM on the way to the Bucharest airport yesterday and now I will forever associate it with Romania. I have only ever heard that song out in the wild once before and that was a million years ago at lunch with Kara, Chris, and Christina at The Library.
• Henry dumped half of his chicken tikka masala all over him on the flight from London to DC and I was so embarrassed. He just sat there with a clump of it in his fist while he continued to shovel more in his mouth and then he stunk like a food truck for the rest of the day.
• “We” drove 1,111 miles through Romania!
• I can’t choose a favorite part but I truly fell in love with the Maramures region and Sighisoara.
• Rural Romania has a HUGE amount of stray dogs, alarming even. I wanted to take them all home. (Even the vicious ones that tried to attack our car from the road.)
• I came back weighing a few ounces less than I did when we left thanks to whatever food poisoning / stomach virus I contracted last Thursday – it’s always something with me! I am still not right.
• Turns out that Henry and I actually can travel without Chooch as a buffer and get along mostly OK! (I mean, there were moments, and let’s just say that when we were seated in different rows from each other on our last flight home last night, I counted that as a blessing, lol.
• The only thing I found actually super overrated on the MOST DO list from all the “travel vloggers” was this bookstore. I was so stoked to see it but it was just…I dunno. A bookstore. BUT!!! A non-radio song by The Cure came on while we were there and I was like, “OK, this the vibe.” But if not for that, I wouldn’t have stayed there for more than a few minutes.
• I would go back to Romania in a heartbeat – especially to explore some of the other regions we didn’t have time for. I’d like to see Timisoara and Constanta / the beaches. The Black Sea. And definitely do the Maramures drive again. It was absolutely breathtaking. BUT!!! Korea is still bae. Korea is still where I would live if I wasn’t a person lacking the ability to get rid of her  “things.” (You’re a pack rat, Erin. Call it by its name.) (OK thanks but I prefer MAXIMALIST.)
• I have never traveled somewhere before where both there and back flights were so incredibly botched. I know it could have been way worse and we could have been faced with full on cancellations, but it was a headache both ways and I am actually so glad Chooch wasn’t there because he and I would have easily feasted off each other’s frustrations and irritability, and it would have been so much worse.
• Romanian pop music is chef’s kiss. We went to bed every night with one of the music video channels on and there were times when a song would arouse me from a deep sleep because it was that good. My Shazam got a ton of use!
• 1,111 miles and probably 1,111 new photos on my camera roll now.
• We stayed in some of the most memorable guest houses ever and I’m so glad we went that route over hotels.
• I sent so many texts to Chooch that started with, “OMG you would be so embarrassed if you were right now – [insert one of the many embarrassing things Henry did here].”
• Gelato is huge in Romania. My favorite flavor that I tried was rice pudding with prunes from Vice Cream in Bucharest- DON’T HATE. It was delicious.
• Once again, every airport personnel / TSA agent we encountered both there and back were lovely EXCEPT  THE ONES IN PITTSBURGH. Literally some of the nastiest, looking-for-an-argument people I have ever encountered have been employed at the Pgh International Airport. They get our trips off on the wrong foot every single time. This time I got ridiculed by some asshole who, as I was waiting for my turn to go through the body scanner, opened a door and yelled at me to “slide over.” There was a person in a wheelchair to my right so I assumed she was asking me to move out of the way so that the person in the wheelchair could go through the door she opened, so I took a step back and she yelled, “NOW WHERE DID SHE GO????” because she evidently wanted me to move over and go through a different scanner instead of the full body one because the line was getting too long. MAYBE USE YOUR FUCKING WORDS THEN, BITCH because to me “slide over” meant “get out of the way of the oncoming wheelchair.” I feel sorry that these people are affected by the shut-down but the truth is, a lot of them are always this fucking rude. (In Pgh, anyway.) I still said HAVE A NICE DAY!! to every single one of them, though. And not even ironically.
• For as annoying as those “perpetually connected” bottle caps are in Europe, I was super annoyed this morning when I untwisted my bottle of American water and I had to chase down the cap after it frisbee’d out of my fingers and went rolling across the floor.
  • (My favorite water brand in Romania was BORSEC, by the way. I just let Henry know that he can buy me a 6-pack of the 50.7 oz bottles for $29.99 on Amazon.)
    • (But, fuck Amazon.)
• The agent we got at the MPC line in Dulles was so nice in a very laidback way. He asked questions about why we were in Romania (yes, I know, it’s his job but he made it feel like he was genuinely interested) and even asked, “Did you go to Castle Bran?” HELL YEAH WE DID. Henry let me answer the questions thank god and as we walked away, I said, “And that’s how you do it.” HE IS THE WORST AT ANSWERING THESE BANAL QUESTIONS!
• I don’t know what’s in the tap water in Romania and while it renders it unsuitable to drink, it was incredible for my hair. Every day was a good hair day, it was amazing. 11/10, would happily wash my hair in Romania again any day.

Get stoked for what will likely be several mths of dragged out vacation recaps, you know how I do.

Bullet point post? Sure, OK.

• I tried to be strong and ignore the fact that Wonho is doing a North America tour but even Henry was like, “I mean…” Granted, I still had to sweet talk him a bit because we are hemorrhaging money – but concerts are my life force. Even more so now than ever. I got very reasonably priced tickets during the fan presale on Monday and I guess now we’re going back to Toronto next month. But it’s Wonho! And he is worth it.
• In my dream last night – I know, I know, dream recaps are so lame – I had decided to go back to college. Like, at the age I am now, but I was literally living on campus in similar student housing that Chooch has this year but much older and dated. I had several roommates and I think it was coed. ANYWAY, prior to this, Henry had taken me out to get groceries and then we met our friend Brittany (sans Todd) at some place for lunch. There were other people there I didn’t know, but I had leftovers so I was stoked to have food for later. Because, college student. But then later that night after Henry left me for home, I realized that I left everything – the groceries and leftovers – somewhere AND HAD NOTHING. Oh, the way my panic was so palpable that the first hour of my morning was fucked today after I woke up. It was so bad. And on top of that, I was running away from a skunk that was unlike any skunk I have seen but when I got back to the apartment building, I heard the fire alarm going off and I was trying to stop one of my roommates from going in but it turns out she was mad at me because she allegedly heard me “talking about her” when she was in the room and I didn’t know it, so I had anxiety over that and was trying to back-pedal, and then she said, “Besides, the fire already happened.” Then it turned it out I was there for some undercover assignment, but I wanted to go home and I felt so lonely and trapped. I told Henry this and he said, “Yeah, I can see the food part totally happening IRL though, you depend on me.” Wow.
  • Cool story, Erin.
• Saturday night, Henry and I had finally* finished the final episode of Squid Game and I was so traumatized, then I opened Insta to a post of an empty cat bed and immediately knew that this cat I follow – Ella – had died. I started sobbing before I even read the caption. All of this happened in the minute it took Henry to go to the bathroom so he returned to find me crying on the couch. He looked so confused, so I wailed, “A CAT I FOLLOW ON INSTAGRAM DIED.” This is why I hate social media pet accounts! I mean, Chooch ran one for Drew and it’s just … there now.
  • *I could only watch one episode every few weeks because I’d have to mentally steel myself each time. That was one of the hardest shows I have ever endured.
  • Speaking of Drew, I cried big and hard over her this morning. Grief comes back to bite us when we least expect it. And for some reason, ever since she died, Foreigner’s “Waiting for a Girl Like You” and Cutting Crew’s “I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight” are impossible for me to listen to without feeling every ounce of my body ache with sadness. I don’t know why I relate these to her now but they used to be two of my favorite songs and the radio shockingly plays both VERY often. The Foreigner song came on around 5AM one day last week and rocked me out of a deep sleep. I just lay there in bed trying not to cry and feeling like I was trapped in the worst nightmare.
    • I still keep her food bowl next to Penelope’s. </3
• Speaking of Penelope! She is a very good girl, the best girl, and I am dreading leaving her for 10 days.

• My backyard friends have also been doing well. I think Girl Buddy 2.0 had babies but I don’t know where her nest is now! We haven’t had babies around here since spring so I’m hoping to see some little ones here soon. Additionally, I also have a bun-bun who follows me around now.
• Well, I thought I wasn’t going to have anything else to say tonight but then I went upstairs to start packing and saw that MOTHERFUCKING HENRY had taken the jeans that I FOLDED IN A REALLY COOL WAY THAT I LEARNED BY WATCHING A YOUTUBE SHORT YESTERDAY AND SAID TO HIM, “I FOLDED MY OWN JEANS IN A REALLY COOL WAY THAT I LEARNED BY WATCHING A YOUTUBE SHORT” only to see that HE TOOK THOSE JEANS, UNFOLDED THEM AND ROLLED THEM. WTF?? Yes, I lost my shit because:
  • It was hard for me to do!
  • I can’t just “do it again” because I ALREADY FORGOT HOW
  • the whole point is that ONCE AGAIN IT PROVES THAT HE DOES NOT FUCKING LISTEN TO ME. I stood in front of him so proud and told him that I had folded them!
  • I DON’T FUCKING CARE IF YOU THINK THIS IS PETTY. THIS IS A BATTLE THAT I CHOOSE TO FIGHT I AM NOT WALKING AWAY FROM IT.
  • He tried to get MAD AT ME for BEING MAD AT HIM and no hahaha uh uh motherfucker that’s not how this is going to work here.
    • I DON’T EVEN WANT TO GO NOW.

UPDATE: Henry apologized and watched the video on how to fold jeans and refolded them for me lol.

Another week down, yay.

Here are some things, if I can muster up 5 it will be a huge accomplishment as I have not left the house since Sunday haha. (I mean, I have gone outside for walks but that is it; even therapy was telehealth this week.)

1. THE PLAYLIST

My friend Lyda said that some of the songs I have sent over the last several mths have been coming up on her Spotify while she’s at the gym and she was inspired to get into Kpop (!!!) so she asked me to MAKE HER A PLAYLIST. Yo. Do you even know how excited this made me? The girl who used to make mixtapes and mix CDs practically as a side gig?? I giddily sat down the other night and started a Kpop 101 playlist for her, with all the old, the new, the in-between, the legends, the one-offs, etc. I was so in the zone, and even Henry was like, “let me see what you have so far” and then immediately said, “I’d remove Ko Ko Bop” because for some reason he has always hated that song – all the more reason to keep it.

Anyway, I sent it to her later that night and then yesterday at work, she messaged me, “THAT PLAYLIST IS ALMOST 8 HOURS LONG!” And I was like, “Oh god, here we go. I scared another one away.”

But then she added: “I love it.”

I mean, OK. I got carried away a little, but do you know how much that meant to me? For 10 years I have been living a lonely solo stan life (ok I have Henry as a co-stan, it’s not that dire), so I was so stoked to share this. Of course she lives in freaking Washington (as in, THE STATE on the OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY) so I still have only Henry to go to Kpop concerts with me, sorry Henry.

(Whatever, he loves it!)

2. SPEAKING OF FRIENDS

In therapy, we have been talking about my struggle with opening up to new people / putting up walls / and how that really impedes upon fostering deeper & more meaningful friendships out of acquaintances.  While on that subject, she asked, “You mentioned that an old friend from your past reached out recently. How is that going?”

Which made me realize I never talked about that here, oh dearest diary, doth thou forgive me, but I have been casually texting with my old friend Brian here and there since June and it’s been OK but I just don’t know. I will see how it feels when/if we eventually meet up in person (I haven’t seen him since…2015?? 2014??). Even Henry has been gently pushing this. I really want it to be like old times but realistically I am sure that’s not going to be the case because that is a lot time that has passed! I’m not the same person and I am sure he isn’t either. But thinking about all of the fun times we had as basically kids, it really hurts my heart. I want that back!

As it stands, he texted me some lamps he was interested in and asked for my opinion, and my therapist said that was a good sign that he was trying to involve me.

See also: SHOULD I START POSTING ON LIVEJOURNAL AGAIN AND LOOK FOR FRIENDS THERE??? I haven’t had any drama lately, might be time to stir the pot!

3. ESCALATORS

I have always had this huge fear of escalators – I mean, I will use them but I’m not happy about it and I get super clenched every time. This fear originates from when I was probably 4 years old and in Atlantic City with my family. We were going up on an escalator (probably in a casino) and my SHOELACE GOT CAUGHT YOU GUYS. I was fucking screaming but MY PAPPAP rescued me -he was always my hero, so many times during the 16 short years he was in my life. Anyway, I have never ever forgotten that moment.

And then there was the time we were at one of the two-level Kohl’s when Chooch was really little, maybe a toddler, and he fell on the escalator and thank god Henry was there (also a hero) because my legs went all Jell-O and my PTSD came back in full force. Thankfully Chooch was OK. (I forget the extent of the situation because obviously all I remember is how it affected ME, thank you very much.)

I get nervous watching people take strollers on escalators. Running on escalators. Doing pranks on escalators. Those things just scream DANGER!!! to me.

But suddenly…I now love escalators!

4. G-DRAGON MARMALADE

These Paris fancams have been giving me life this week ESPECIALLY his “Too Bad” dance break which had a mash-up of Lady Marmalade! I love this nod to Moulin Rouge! In the US, he used Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky” for his dance break, I assume as a shout out to his friend Pharrell. But this one is SUCH A VIBE. And his blue hair!!! And new Chanel suit! Jesus, I miss this man so much.

5. KASH PATEL IS SUCH AN UNEDUCATED DICKHEAD

And he talks like a middle school bully just popped him in the nose after stealing his lunch money and slamming his fingers in his locker.

This administration is full of caricature of comic book villains I fucking swear to god and if I didn’t worry about blood pressure I would be blogging about this shit every day but instead I just scream about it to Henry.

****

And with that, I’m going to watch some Haunted Hotel eps on Netflix and drink a thimble of beer.

In a weird state, what else is new, so here are some…uplifting?…things that are currently…uplifting?…me.

1. DORA MAAR!!

Every so often, this song will pop into my head and I run to YouTube to see if it’s still there. I can’t remember how I had originally heard of this song – probably MySpace or Purevolume – but Henry’s oldest son, Robbie, and I were obsessed with it back in the day. I honestly want to say this even pre-dates Chooch. I don’t have the mp3 anymore so when one of the band members uploaded this to YouTube 10 years ago, I was absolutely stoked. In fact, you can see my comment from 9 years ago just dangling there.

You know I love Kpop nearly exclusively these days but this stuff will always have room in my heart!

2. UPCOMING CONCERTS!

September was oddly devoid of shows (I mean, 2 back-to-back G-Dragon concerts + Enhypen in August was pretty good to tide me over though!), but we have some good stuff coming up!

• COLD in October with Wonka & Jess!
• JOHNNIE GUILBERT in November in Columbus!
• PVRIS – this one is a solo show for me in December, like the old days.
• KEY!!!!!!!! in Chicago also in December! I’m really stoked about this one. SHINee is right up there with BIGBANG in my heart and I have never seen them, and now will never get the change to see them as OT5. But I can now say that I have seen Taemin (twice if you count SuperM), Onew, and now Key so that only leaves Minho if we’re playing the “collect all the SHINee” game.

3. plantball update

On Saturday, Ikea plantballs impregnated me with gas, bloating, the feeling of invisible Viking swords piercing through me. It was awful. But happily, I returned to normal the next day (I announced to Henry that I “gave birth” to the plantballs and he was like, “Wha—-? Oh.”) Anyway, I am only bringing this up because Sunday morning I was in the bedroom and there was a fucking commercial for IKEA on the radio and they were like, “AND DON’T FORGET THE MEATBALLS” or something and I almost puked. Then later that day, I had YouTube on but wasn’t paying attention until someone said, “I’ve only ever had Swedish meatballs from IKEA” and I snapped to attention. WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN.

4. A Post Script to the Beer Can Odyssey

Click that hyperlink if you don’t know what I’m talking about because at this point, I am so over this Penn Brouhaha.

Back in I guess July, I got a new follower on Instagram and a comment on a picture I had posted from Kennywood earlier that summer. The commenter was a local guy named Brian and he was commenting to say that he stumbled upon my blog post recounting how difficult it was to obtain all 8 Kennywood beer cans from Penn Brewery and came to commiserate because he too was having no luck finding the two “secret” cans. He said after seeing how frustrating it was for me, he decided to just give up.

But! Because I am a nice person (some may have words about this), I offered to give him a can each from the two six packs I had to buy in order to complete the set. Luckily for this guy, Henry and I weren’t wild about the beers so we only drank one of each six pack to get the empty cans and put the rest in the fridge. Turns out this guy is a local historian who has written some books on Kennywood and other ‘Burgh things, and he also works at the Heinz History Center (which was voted #1 history center in the country, in case you need more confirmation that Pittsburgh is alright). He was actually  trying to get the full set of the Kennywood cans for the history center, and I was so happy to help him! Henry actually dropped them off though because it was during the week and easier for him to do it. He said the guy was really cool, and he gave us some of his books, a huge Kennywood banner for Aero360, and some passes to the history center! I was not expecting anything in return, was happy enough to just prevent someone else from going through the hairpulling search and having to engage with Penn Brewery  – who, I should note, found my blog post and sent me a DM on Instagram apologizing for the hassle and offering me a gift card, which I appreciated but I did not respond because:

1. I am moderately embarrassed that they caught me Karen’ing on the Internet (I always forget people sometimes read this trash!) and
2. I am not the type of person who complains about stuff just to get something free in return. I truly did not enjoy the beer I had there and would feel like an asshole going back for freebies. That makes me feel gross just thinking about it. So I guess don’t let my Negative Nancy review deter you from drinking their beer. And whoever is in charge of their social media is a lot friendlier than the staff they have at the bar, so there’s that too.

Oh! This is also funny because at the same time they responded to me on IG, Janna texted me and said that they had finally responded to her Instagram DM that she sent a month prior – I got her text and their DM at the same time and groaned because if they read my post, then they knew I TOLD JANNA TO MESSAGE THEM. Ugh, this was one of the dumbest situations I have found myself in lately, that has literally no impact at all on my life or your life or their life but it was still embarrassing to be in the middle of it.

5. Acetaminophen

EVEN I CAN PRONOUNCE THAT ONE. (It’s Ibuprofen that I struggle with lol.) What a fucking week and it’s only Tuesday.

OK, that’s all. Dismissed.

It’s been a minute since I’ve done a Friday Five and I’m feeling like that’s what I want to do today so that’s what I’m doing.

1. IS HE DEAD YET

Remember last weekend when the Internet thought that the orange dickheadtator was dead? Remember how fun and invigorating that was? I had the most fun online that weekend than I have had in years. That pre-celebratory, hopeful euphoria breathed life into me and I was positively giddy! The Weekend at Bernie’s memes were sending me. My mom came over on Monday and, knowing that at least during his first term she was a Trumpophant, I gleefully blurted out, “DO YOU THINK TRUMP IS DEAD???” She had a very neutral reaction so I don’t know where she stands.

I was just telling Henry last night that it was one of the happiest, most fun weekends I have had since everything started to tank for me in 2023 and then I started crying because WHY IS HE STILL ALIVE. Almost a full week of not seeing his orangeness and hearing his slurred sentence fragments rife with made-up words and not waking up to more infuriating news of what part of our country he’s shitting on next.  So, now I’m just back to being miserable, depressed, full of rage and frustration. I have NEVER hated someone so much in my life and it actually feels like it’s chipping away at my health. LET’S GO BLOOD CLOT. And I want that shit to happen on live TV too.

I did see a comment on Threads (where I live now) recently likening him to a cockroach – “he’ll survive a fucking nuclear fallout.” This feels so true and I hate it.

(I have been reading stuff about 1989 Romania and I am so fucking amped up. THE PARALLELS ARE SCARY.)

2. THE VERIZON PEDDLER

Last Wednesday while I was working, THE DOORBELL RANG. I had no choice but to answer it because the door was actually open and the bell ringer was actually staring right at me through the screen door. It was some young Verizon guy who could NOT make eye contact with me during his spiel, which I quickly interrupted to say that MY HUSBAND is the one who handles this shit. Chooch and I have AT&T and as soon as I said that, he was like “OH! HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY?” Dafuq if I know, bro. Again, I defaulted to “wife helpless, husband smart.” He asked to talk to Henry and I was like, “he’s taking a nap” so then he asked me when I expect him to wake up LOL. These Verizon peddlers, ISTFG. I was like, “Definitely 6pm” knowing that I wouldn’t be there because I was meeting Margie and Sue at Juniper Grill for dinner.

I was warning Henry about the visitor he could be expecting later and said, not like this meant anything to him, “He reminded me a lot of my friend Evan from high school.” Evan is also the one who owns the tattoo shop where I have gotten my last three tattoos so I do know the adult-version of him, but this kid reminded me specifically of high school-era Evan. Henry was like, “cool story” and continued oaf’ing around the house or whatever he was doing. Watching Instagram reels probably.

Anyway, while at dinner later that night, my jaw slowly dropped open as I saw THE AFOREMENTIONED EVAN stride past our table?! He was there with his family so I didn’t want to interrupt but I thought that was wild considering I haven’t seen him outside of his tattoo parlor since…the early 00s probably.

When I came home that night, Henry told me that not-Evan had come back to the house – twice! – but Henry didn’t answer the door. Rude!!

3. Vanity

I had to get my driver’s license renewed over the weekend and as usual, I was so tightly-wound over it because I hate having my picture taken –  that could make or break the entire weekend for not just me, but everyone around me.

Henry accompanied me to AAA because he needed to get his international driver’s license for our upcoming trip. I had already gone through the rigmarole of answering all of the questions and getting the dreaded photo taken – I don’t know if the DMV does this because I haven’t gone there in years to get my license renewed ever since I learned that AAA does it and it’s way more convenient, but AAA will retake your picture until you get one you like! – and was sitting next to a large white woman in her late 50s who acted like she and her equally-as-loud husband were the only ones in the waiting area and watched videos on their phones with the volume full blast while speaking loudly about the additions they want to add to their house and how much it will cost, like OK brag much.

“WHAT DID WE DO BEFORE CELL PHONES??” she shouted into the ether.

“STARE AT THE WALL I GUESS,” her husband responded in a booming voice to match her MIDDLE AGED WHITE WOMAN IN A WAITING ROOM energy.

Meanwhile, that is EXACTLY what I was doing = hands folded in my lap and staring straight ahead at a wall, willing this part of the day to pass quickly.

Then Henry joined me.

“For some reason, it completely slipped my mind that I would need to get my picture taken for this,” he whispered in a NORMAL WAITING ROOM VOICE VOLUME. But then he showed me his picture and I couldn’t fucking help it, I LAUGHED REALLY LOUD.

So loud that the AAA lady who was manning the numbers for the driver’s license area also started laughing.

I can’t remember what she said – something about it doesn’t matter if men’s license pictures are bad as long as ours are good or something, and then I couldn’t stop giggling and it was a trickle down effect with some of the people around us.

He looks like they pulled him out of a cave in the Ozarks, lol.

“I didn’t even take a shower yet this morning!” he said. “I would have if I have known!”

So his hair is all greasy PLUS he has hat hair big time, and a tuft of it is sticking out at the side. I love/hate it so much.

Oh, and he looks ANGRY. Like his moonshine operation was just busted.

Meanwhile, I got called back to get my license and I am so happy with the photo!

I mean, sure, my Leno chin is just as prominent as ever, but overall my hair looks nice and my smile looks un-fake so I’ll take it! Henry was like, “OMG stop” because I legit gloated over this the whole way home. I even got out all of my old driver’s licenses to compare and this one is definitely the best one. Then I pulled Chooch out of his room and made him look at all of them and he was like, “Ok.” and I said, “Tell your friends!”

“Tell my friends WHAT?” he scoffed.

“That your mom got a good driver’s license picture taken today!”

LET’S LOOK AT MY DRIVER’S LICENSE PICTURE HISTORY SHALL WE???

My last one was taken in 2017 and then reissued with the same picture during Covid, which was annoying:

I remember this next one was taken in 2014 on the day I met Janna to look at an apartment she was looking to rent above some dude’s garage! I was wearing my Cure shirt from their 2008 concert:

It’s about to get real ugly, literally. This next one was from 2009 ugh why did I dye my hair, also I was about 45 pounds heavier there than I am now oof:

This next one was from 2006, a few mths after giving birth:

A little bit slutty in 2001:

LOL and my first one, in 1998:

LOLOLOLOL. I was 18 here.

Thank you for joining me on this ride through my driver’s license history.

4. THE VERIZON PEDDLER’S RETURN

Last Thursday around 6PM, I had JUST glanced out the window in time to see the Evan-esque Verizon kid approaching the house. I ran onto the back porch just as the doorbell rang and told Henry, “It’s Verizon again! Just answer it so the poor kid can stop wasting his time coming here!” Henry was like GODDAMMIT and stomped over to the door while I hid on the steps.

I was sitting there for quite a while, wondering why “No” was taking so long??

BECAUSE HENRY FELL FOR THE SPIEL!

Apparently, Chooch and me switching to Verizon (Henry already has it but it’s through his job) will save us over $100 a month, who knew. Plus we get new iPhones and I have been dying for the iPhone 16! (Actually, I would love to divorce iPhone altogether but I am a sucker for Hipstamatic.)

Evan-ish had a girl with him this time, I think she was his supervisor, who can be sure but when I was still hiding, I overheard her ask him a question about how bricks are made and he was REALLY into explaining it to her and then she was asking him about ceramics and turns out he knows about things like this because of “engineering” so I’m not sure if this is his side-gig while he’s in college or what but my guy needs to not be doing this forever because he seems super intelligent. Henry must have been in the process of filling out paperwork or something so this is what they decided to talk amongst themselves about. Emma even asked Henry at one point where he got our doorbell and he was like, “I made it” in his typical staccato caveman grunts.

So, now I had also be involved in  this chat since they needed to look at my phone and ask me questions. The girl (her name was Emma) was like, “OMG WHERE DID YOU GET THAT PHONE CASE??” and I said, “Korea!”

“WAIT, YOU’VE BEEN  TO KOREA??” she squealed. I told her we’ve been there 3x and she was like “WHEN ARE YOU GOING BACK AND WILL YOU TAKE ME” so now Henry was creepily typing messages to me on his phone, things like, “ASK HER IF SHE LIKES KPOP” so I asked her and she said yes and started talking about Kpop Demon Hunters and then I went and sat back down so Henry texted me, “ASK HER WHO SHE LISTENS TO” like he was legit COACHING ME  TO MAKE A NEW FRIEND.

I didn’t ask her right away and he was getting antsy, like he was truly trying to be my friend matchmaker, bless him. Finally, I did ask her and she was like, “Well, BTS and Blackpink are the most popular ones…” like she was trying to give this old bitch a lesson in Kpop I guess? But then she ultimately said she’s been listening to Ateez lately and I said, “Oh! We saw them last summer” and she was like, “OMG really??” and then I told her that G-Dragon is my fave and we saw him the weekend prior and she said that he really is the best.

“I would drop this guy in a heartbeat for him,” I laughed, jutting my thumb over my shoulder at Henry. But no, really.

Anyway, that happened. No, I did not ask to be real life friends, but I did give her and Evan-ish an iced tea straight from Henry’s work, lol. Overall, they were here for TWO HOURS. Chooch kept t texting me, “How are they still here??”

It was really entertaining, though! And now he and I both have new phones.

5. Speaking of new friends….

I signed up for Nourish and had my first Zoom call yesterday with my new dietician. This disordered eating has to stop, I am in such a rut and tired of crying and freaking out at the thought of having to eat. How has this truly been my attitude toward food for most of my life? It’s so fucking pathetic. But I have been admitting a lot of shitty/embarrassing parts of myself to my therapist lately and the most prevalent one is definitely my fear of food and complete disgust with my body, like it fucking defines me and I can’t stand it. I should not be canceling plans because I don’t like how I look and then lying to people about “having a migraine” when really I am in tears in bed and wanting to carve into myself with a steak knife. I thought that maybe pairing therapy with a legit dietician can help me keep me on a stable path.

So, I met with my dietician, Amanda, yesterday and it was so nice! Informative (when she looked over my files she said that my daily calorie count I’ve been allowing myself is the same that a 2-year-old would need. So, there’s that. But then we started talking about YouTube workouts that we like, and then I was like DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A FUNNY STORY when she asked if I like doing dance cardio so surprise, it only took me 20 minutes into the call to tell her I’m obsessed with Korea. And then somehow I was telling her about my squirrels and after the hour call, I felt so refreshed and happy and ran upstairs to tell Henry. Then I realized, “Wow, I am fucking STARVED for real life conversation*. YOU CAN’T BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR DIETICIAN, ERIN.”

*(OMG the way I talked my face off at dinner last week with Sue and Margie, I was actually so embarrassed about it later that night when I was running through it in my mind which is what I do every time I come home from peopling because I am socially broken. The way my stories get so derailed, I hate myself. Spit it out, Erin. Pertinent details only. This is a no rambling zone.)

The Verizon girl, my therapist, a dietician who lives in Texas….meet my new friends, Blog. I guess it’s better than talking to myself like I normally do during the day, though, lol. Ugh.

Short weeks are truly always the longest somehow,  but it’s finally Friday and I feel so good about that. Even though it’s chilly and rainy currently.

Here are some things that are currently making me smile, or smile-adjacent (smirk?):

1. Henry Loves Jake Webber

Dude, you guys I know I’m all aboard the Johnnie Guilbert Emo Train, but Henry has the man-hots for his counterpart, Jake Webber I think. Our new nightly ritual has been to unwind watching videos from both of their channels (the best are the ones where they’re together though!) and Henry will actually LOL at them. His favorite ones are where Jake decides to cook something for the viewers because Jake has the same cooking prowess as me.

I like to take stealth-photos of Henry laughing at these so that I can send them to Chooch, who will NOT sign off on this new hobby of ours, and thinks we’re too old to be enjoying 20-somethings act like feral animals while trying seasonal candy from Walmart, but you know what Chooch? LEAVE US ALONE.

I did get Chooch to watch ONE video though and he agreed that it was “kind of” funny and that he probably would have liked it years ago but now he only watches physics videos on YouTube. WOW. How exciting.

Oh, and you want to talk about someone being influenced by an influencer? Jake mentioned sugar-free Sonic water powder stuff and literally the next day, Amazon was delivering them to our house. OK Henry, you simp.

Meanwhile, I’m over here in my Johnnie Guilbert shirt like: 

We’re just Mr. and Mrs. Midlife Crisis over here, don’t mind us.

2. GOLD NECKLACE

My Spotify was like, “Oh  you’re listening to Pierce the Veil again? Let’s add some Swancore back into the mix too” which has been so pleasant and familiar to my ears, god I love me some Swancore (Dance Gavin Dance, etc.) but then this one song came on and I was like, “Whoa, hold up – what is this? It sounds like Kurt Travis?” It was a band called Gold Necklace and I WAS RIGHT – it’s another side project of Kurt Travis! Holy shit, this song nearly made me fall out of my seat – I have been out of the loop! Anyway, Henry had told me a few weeks ago that Anthony Green is coming to Pittsburgh with Geoff Rickley and Kurt Travis, so this was my cue to snag two tickets. Kurt Travis, you are brilliant. Anyway, I am trying to be more diligent with keeping up with my old music tastes too. I get FOMO bigly when it comes to music and I want to start going to smaller shows like I used to, in addition to the big Kpop concerts.

3. Stupid Memorial Day Parade + Twin Lakes

Not even worth making a separate post about it. I truly despise this parade so much, I wish I could better articulate my feelings but I guess all you need to know is that I don’t really have any neighborhood pride so I could really give a shit about seeing our local girl scouts trying to serve cunt or those idiotic war reenactors who INSIST on firing their guns in front of our house every year.

Anyway, I was giving Chooch a play-by-play so I’ll do the same here:

1. Larry (Chooch’s frenemy) is ready for the parade with his….sheriff hat I think and a flag.
2. Larry gave Henry a flag.
3. Some financial group drive by in a CYBER TRUCK with an accordion player on the back – I refuse to clap for that thing.
4. Some big military plane flew overhead – Henry’s favorite part.
5. No child has fallen, sadly.
6. I wondered out loud how I could get myself into the parade. Doing WHAT?? Henry asked. Promoting my blog, obvi, I said. Oh, your blog is the LAST thing this neighborhood needs to find out about. Wow.

Yeah, I just really hate it. I sit on my porch steps and say, “I’m not waving to these assholes” or I’ll wave facetiously just to be an asshole. I just get very angry! Maybe because I hate this country so much.

After the idiot parade (thanks to NO ONE for tossing us any candy – age discrimination!!!), Henry and I went out to a park called Twin Lakes that somehow, we have never visited. It was about an hour away and I didn’t feel like being in the car that long so I almost told him to forget it but then tried to just “go with the flow” which is something we’re working on in therapy, squashing my kneejerk need to fight myself and happiness. Really glad we did this! It was a super fun day even though I was wearing brand new Vans and ended up saying “ouch, ouch, ow, omg my broken toes” halfway into the walk.

I’d love to go back sometime this summer while Chooch is home and force him into having a family picnic with us haha.

4. Resting Penelope Face

She always looks so pissed! But she’s the sweetest, most loving cutie sweetie!

 5. Audra Took a Tumble

ok, yoooo – this is apropos of NOTHING but I was flipping through a stack of old photos just now and came across this one:

This was at my elementary school’s playground – sometimes we would go there during non-school hours because we lived right down the street. Anyway my first thought was “Shit I used to be so GOOD on the monkey bars” and then I immediately thought about the time my friend AUDRA fell off those same monkey bars and landed on her head!!!! She didn’t die or anything but I remember it being scary and her getting rushed off the playground and probably to the hospital I guess.

Then I flipped to the EXACT NEXT PICTURE:

AND AUDRA IS IN IT!!! She’s the girl right in the middle with the headband. See? She didn’t die and was apparently cleared to go to the pumpkin patch with our Girl Scout troop only a few mths later. (Interestingly I’m not in this picture but my brother Ryan is??!!!)

Oh well, that’s all for me.

1. Accidentally Emo Again

OK guys I mentioned the other day that I fell down the rabbit hole thanks to WE WENT TO COACHELLA videos brainwashing me into subbing to Jake Webber. And I mentioned that I was also like Wait hold the phone is his friend Johnnie Guilbert from the Warped Tour / Bryan Stars YouTube days? Confirmed. So then I started watching videos from Johnnie’s channel too because he’s funny to me OK I have immature emo boy humor. I’ve seen his gf in some of the videos and one time he was wearing a CHRISSY from Stranger Things shirt and said, “I’m wearing my girlfriend.” I thought, “Yeah, she does look like Chrissy from Stranger Things.” Days went by and then I stumbled across her Instagram and said to Henry, “Oh his gf has a lot of followers too. She looks like she’s a model, I guess?” Then a few minutes later, “Oh, she’s an actor too.” Then another minute later, “OMG HIS GF LITERALLY IS CHRISSY FROM STRANGER THINGS.”

Anyway, I bit the bullet and listened to some of Johnnie’s songs on Spotify today and almost immediately sighed and said out loud, “Great. I’m a fan.”

I would have flipped out over this in like 2010 but it scratches that latent emo itch, I swear to god, I feel like I’m waiting in line to get into Warped Tour right now. No, it gives me that same giddy feeling from like, 2004 when Christina and I discovered From First To Last.

2. New Furniture to “ruin” or “beautify” depending on what camp you’re in

We bit the bullet and finallllllly bought a new dresser from Ikea (I don’t know why we keep buying shit there) and a wardrobe. There is a big reason why there are barely any pictures of our bedroom and it’s because there are clothes everywhere. I am a fucking clotheshorse, I can’t be stopped. But Henry and I both have our own broken dressers and they don’t match and are ugly (see also: they’re just wood, oh no). Anyway, Henry brought the new dresser/wardrobe combo home today and I’m giddily thinking up refurb ideas for it. I definitely want it painted a light pink to match the pink accent wall of our bedroom (the rest of the walls are hunter green) but I’m deciding on if I want to use wallpaper on the drawers or whatever. Need embellishment inspo.

Meanwhile, Henry is like, “Why can’t we leave it as-is?” I mean, that’s probably what he’s writing in his diary or the Mother’s Day Card he’s giving to his mom. “SOS mom, she’s making me inhale paint fumes again.” He doesn’t dare say this to my face.

I also have a plan for our OG beverage buffet which presently lives in the attic lounge. I think having projects will help me.

3. Pope Shit

In group chat yesterday, everyone was going on and on about the pope shit like this whole rigmarole was news to them? Like it hasn’t happened two other times in our lifetime?? I stayed quiet on the subject because I was about to drag out my cross and get super righteous up in Teams, so I instead turned my frustration on Henry.

“DON’T YOU REMEMBER ME FORCING CHRISTINA* TO WATCH THE WHOLE POPE BENEDICT DECISION WHEN THEY WERE VISITING SPRING OF 2005 AND I WAS OBSESSED WITH EWTN???” (That’s the ETERNAL WORD TELEVISION NETWORK, FOR YOU HEATHENS.)

“Yes,” Henry sighed. “How could I forget.

Oh, I just went poking around in LiveJournal to see if I actually wrote about that part of their visit and that was a time travel I didn’t need.

I do want to add that I was very concerned to learn that the new Pope is AMERICAN and started panicking that Trump pulled some strings, but now I’m ok after doing some non-fake news’ing and learning that the Pope is actually against everything Trump and Vance the Pope Killer stand for, so fingers crossed that it stays this way and that he does good things.

*(Two C-word mentions in one post; one more and they might pop out of a Mexican jumping bean.)

4. Catching Co-Workers in My Emo Web

I was telling Nate about #1 of this Friday Five (hopefully your memory isn’t so jacked that you don’t have to SCROLL UP for a refresher, but if so, now is the time to do that). I told him I need a YouTube detox and then went to lunch. In that period of time, Nate had done his own Johnnie Guilbert research so I came back to a Teams message from him alerting me to the fact that Johnnie’s girlfriend is not only Chrissy from Stranger Things, but the daughter of Casper van Dien. What a wild ride that was. Hope you were wearing your seatbelt for that.

5. Excuse me, but did you mean Dazee?

I have been pretty bitter in general lately about family stuff (OK that’s always) but my brother texted me and mentioned our old dog Dazee but called her Daisy because ofc he did. This seriously gets under my skin so much because Dazee was my dog. I was the one who went with our mom to pick her up and no one else knew about her yet. I named her Dazee. But he consistently refers to her as Daisy to this day and makes me feel so disrespected, like I was completely written out of family history after I moved out. I even corrected him by replying with “*Dazee” and he said “lol.”

She was my fucking dog.

I have so much anger in general haha. Ha.

__________________________________________

Let’s end this with some CHRISSY, WAKE UP:

I’ll tell you, it certainly does not feel like spring as some crazy snow storm thing is blowing in but whatever. Here’s a Monday bullet train of things!

• A new cafe opened down the street in Dormont! I already forget the name but it’s owned by the neighboring Vietnamese restaurant and they have boba, so when Chooch was home we walked there on one of my lunch breaks. It was delightful! I got a triple taro boba and Chooch got an iced Vietnamese latte or something, I can’t remember but the young guy working there was so friendly and I felt like I knew him from a TV show or something. Anyway, look at how cutely aesthetic this place is!

• Can we just take a moment to think about how amazing Cory Booker and his 25 hour filibuster was? Just in case you didn’t know, I have been his fan girl for many years and he was my presidential pick for 2020. I was so bummed when he dropped out of the primaries, and I couldn’t vote for him.
• Speaking of politics and being bummed (this could go in so many directions actually) I had big FOMO that I couldn’t attend the #HandsOff protest on Saturday. We had prior plans and I didn’t want to bail last minute on those but shooooo, watching the footage from all over the country (and parts of the world!) had me screaming in solidarity! I heard there might be another round on the 19th – we’ll be in Philly visiting Chooch so I asked him if we could do it if it’s happening and he said, “I guess.” That’s mommy’s patriotic boy.
• Mark (or MORK as Haechan would say) just dropped his first full length album today and it is perfection! I am so proud of him. Let’s watch this together, shall we?

• New Girl Buddy has babies! I’m not sure how many yet but they are living in HNC’s porch roof as usual lol and every so often I will see one of them poking their little head out of the hole in the roof, like a little sardine and it’s so cute! I keep telling Girl Buddy to bring them over but she always turns her back on me when I talk to her. She’s kind of bitch, just gonna say it.

• I started eating blueberries again, for the first time since Bambi died. I’m not exactly sure where the correlation is there but I just know that I used to snack on them daily and then she died in front of me and I never wanted to eat blueberries again. But now I’m reintroducing them into my life. I also started painting my nails again after having bare nails since November because I lost the will to do these miniscule things that used to be habitual. I am still very hollow in some sense, and I definitely still cry every day, but I consider these to be pretty successful baby steps. Although, Janna recently sent me pictures of kittens and then sent me into a downward spiral lol. Baby steps, more like in utero doggypaddling.
  • The dichotomy is nutzo though because usually when I am this depressed, I shut myself off but lately I have been more social than ever and even though I am still in this weird limbo, I am at least enjoying life in the moment so that is a relief to me because for many mths there I felt like I could die at any moment and not care at all.
• Ugh Henry is two rooms away and I can still hear him eating. Then we just made eye contact and he froze mid-chew and I am so annoyed. He is so annoying when he chews. It’s like he’s claymation, there is no need for a human to make such exaggerated facial movements.
• I never thought that after decades of pointedly ignoring economics I would be suddenly understand tariffs, by no choice of my own, way better than the “president” of the United States.Well, I really think that’s all that I’ve got to say for now. Be nice to your neighborhood squirrels. 

I have nothing left to give today so Henry suggested, “Hey SWEETIE why don’t you let me do a guest post today? I could tell your imaginary friends about my five favorite songs that NCT127 performed last Friday since you have been too lazy to do your own concert review.”

In so many words.

I’ll try to include live performances where possible if I can find decent quality, whether it’s from the Chicago show or not, who cares.

So I guess he will dictate the rest of this post to me. Bye.

1. GAS

Why, Henry? “Because I like the song.”

God OK, Henry, calm down.

2. Bring the Noize

Why, Henry? “All of my reasons are going to be I like the song, I don’t know.”

Great. I also like this song so much but it was sad without Jaehyun (he’s in the military).

3. 2 Baddies

Do you have anything to add, Henry? “I just like the song. It’s better live.”

4. Regular

Anything to add about Regular? “Um, not really. No.”

5. Kick It & Walk (tied)

Kick It is Henry’s favorite NCT127 song of all time yet when we were at the DDP in Korea last year and they had the video for it playing on a huge screen with no audio, he DID NOT KNOW WHAT IT WAS. I was actually sickened. The choreo for Kick It is super distinguishable!?

I’m not asking him any more questions because his non-answers are pissing me off.

What an absolute waste of time, but there you have it – Henry’s top 5/6 favorite songs from last week’s NCT127 concert where apparently, he added Mark as his co-bias with Yuta??!? He just told me this the other night! I was like, “Wow OK, Mark coming in out of nowhere.”

On our way back to Chicago for another concert! NCT127 this time and I am so excited – their last time in the US was 2022 and even though they’re down 2 members due to military enlistment and 1 due to being a garbage human, I gotta go and support the rest of them.

1. Corey Haim 2.0

G-Dragon’s return has made me feel alive again. The pure joy and excitement I have felt this past week after his new album dropped is reminding me of…well, what it used to feel like to be me before 2024 came and terrorized my soul. But with this has also come the ADMITTEDLY DELULU dream of GD being my soulmate (lol I can’t even type this without cracking up at how much of an asshole I am). Since Henry is my best friend, I told him that I have two fantasy scenarios in which I meet GD and he falls in love with me:

• 1. We meet TOTALLY BY RANDOM at the Warhol Museum where I pretend to not know him and we instantly imprint on each other probably in the cloud balloon room if that’s even still there after making eye contact in a balloon’s reflection and then we both smile at each other and for some reason he really likes my Sloth face. Then he comes to my house because he’s hiding from sasaeng fans and I have to run around hiding all of my kpop stuff when he’s not looking and then everything is going fine until he sees the pictures of Korea on the wall (I do tell him that I’ve been to Korea but not bc of Kpop) and he’s really impressed and happy that I admire his country’s culture but then he’s like “why do you have a picture with my dad.“

• 2. Pretend that I do know him but I’m very respectful and address him as Jiyong-ssi and speak to him in my jilted Korean and even though I’m a fan he can tell I’m NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS and we imprint on each other and then Dispatch announces on January 1 of the next year that G-Dragon has been secretly dating AN AMERICAN WHITE GIRL who is also kind of fat but love is blind to quote a classic GD track. Then we get married and Taeyang performs at our reception. I guess somewhere along the way I divorce Henry (I think we actually have to go back to Korea if we ever need to get divorced haha).

I mean to be fair this COULD happen because I have been sporadically commenting “Come to Pittsburgh – we have the Warhol Museum” on his IG posts since 2017.

(In case you didn’t know, GD is a big art enthusiast. Duh.)

I was just telling Henry that I haven’t felt this crazy maniacal desperate obsessed with a celeb since I was a kid and only had eyes and room in my head for thoughts about Corey Haim. I had it BAD and that is what this is. This is Corey Haim Syndrome, Adult Years.

And then:

“Wow, GD likes so many posts he’s tagged in on IG. Maybe that’s how I can bait him. What should I post a picture of though?

“You at the Warhol,” Henry mumbled.

2. Priestley Pillow

Piggybacking off the Corey Haim reference, when 90210 first came out I obviously was all about it. I mean, I was in middle school, come on. My dad INSISTED that I “had the hots” for Jason Priestley?! This boiled my blood because hello, Luke Perry?!

One day, of my idiot parents came home with a fucking heart-shaped pillow with Jason Priestley’s face on it and they would take turns whaling it at me.

It was so annoying to me BECAUSE I LOVED LUKE PERRY so I eventually gave the pillow to our German shepherd Rama who did his thang with that effer.

3. PARKING DRAMA REVISITED

There’s always some element of parking drama going on in my neighborhood but last year, the Catholic church across the street brought us all together by becoming our common enemy when they pounded a sign into the ground like a crucifix warning that NO OVERNIGHT PARKING WAS ALLOWED AND ALL VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED.

I thought I had bitched about that on here when it happened last winter but I guess not – all you need to know is that it threw a lot of in a tailspin because we live in duplexes with garages that are old and narrow so no one actually parks in them, and street parking is not recommended on our block because our street is basically a speedway and accidents happen A LOT.

So we had to work with our neighbors to basically Tetris our cars into one shared driveway. It was fine in the end but annoying.

Eventually, everyone started ignoring the sign and parking over there again with no consequences lol. What are they doing to do, sic God on us.

Anyway!!!! Last Friday I went out for my morning walk and noticed all the cars (mind you, there are only a handful of people who park over there and also the employees from the behavioral health house on our block and the lot is HUGE) had bright orange notices on the windshields. I threw ours out but it said something about NEW MANAGEMENT and NO PARKING WITHOUT A PERMIT IS ALLOWED.

Ok so now no parking AT ALL?! I will tell you right now that I do not like pulling our car down the driveway and parking next to the house because I’m so afraid I’m going to scrape it. One of my many issues.

HNC’s wife was like I WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS because we all decided that if there was an option to just pay for a permit, that would be preferable. I mean not that I want to be giving money to CHURCH but I’d rather that than have my car sideswiped if I park on the street. Plus, it alleviates the future feuds that are bound to materialize with the neighbors while trying to share space.

Guess what the church said?? THAT THEY HAD NO IDEA WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

Turns out, it was the SMALLER EPISCOPAL CHURCH NEXT DOOR!! And it’s not their lot, it’s the Catholics’!!! They lease part of it to them I guess?! So the Catholic Church was like we don’t care if you park there, we’ll get the bottom of it. So now we created a religious turf war! This is so exciting. I wonder if they will stand in the parking lot and shout holy spells at each other.

Fucking Episcopalians. Also you can see the ignored “no parking” sign in the bottom left lol.

Hopefully when G-Dragon takes me back to Korea with him, I’ll never have to worry about these dumb things again.

4. When Henry Found Out Our Car’s Name

We were just talking about how we have to come back out this way again next month because I bought us tickets to see Onew (from SHINee) in Detroit.

“Do you even like Onew?” I asked Henry because I don’t think I ever actually asked him this before??!!

“I guess I do now,” he mumbled and I didn’t like his lack of enthusiasm.

“Well, I like him a lot!” I huffed. “I mean, our car is even named after him.”

“….it is?” Henry asked in a mumble deep fried in confusion.

“Um hello? Yes? I named the car Jinki the day we bought it?!” (Jinki is Onew’s real Korean name.)

So then I had to look up the blog post where the nomenclature was so declared along with a picture of an Onew poca with the car in the background. God!!!

Anyway, a little while later I put on an Onew song and Henry knew it was him so there’s that at least.

________________________________________

INTERLUDE: we’re discussing the upcoming G-Dragon tour and how it’s going to be scary trying to get tickets etc and for some reason Henry used the word “minuscule.”

“WOW, that’s a big word for you. Did you just learn it from one of your lame podcasts?” I instigated.

“I learned the word ‘cunt’ a long time ago and I’m fixin’ to use it,” Henry muttered. LOL WOW SLOW DOWN BUD.

________________________________________

5. ROADTRIP OREO SUCCESS

Our group chat at work yesterday was named after National Oreos Day and someone shared a picture of some new limited edition Post Malone flavor which sparked debate over classic v. Seasonal flavs. Now, I’m no Posty fan by any stretch of the imagination but when I saw that these are salted caramel & shortbread, I decided I could forget the Post Malone part.

My review that I sent to Nate to pass on to group chat:

I’m glad we didn’t have to buy a full pack. They’re not TERRIBLE but the salted caramel creme is an overwhelmingly powerful flavor and the smell of it was almost off-putting when I opened the package. One cookie is OG chocolate, the other side is shortbread. Worth trying once, will never buy again.

So, that’s that!

Also while we were at the rest stop, we were in line at Dunkin and two moms and their daughters got in line behind us and were practically hanging off my back they were so close AND LOUD. I even sidestepped around Henry to get away from them while saying “Jesus Christ those people are so close” – turns out they were DANCE MOMS with their teenaged DANCERS. Figures. I was like “Can you please not??!!” as they jostled me around in an effort to touch and manhandle every bejeweled coffee tumbler on display next to us.

Ok that concludes this edition of Friday Five.

Every week I’m like yeah boi, Friday Five, let’s get it. And then I quickly realize that I do not have five things to talk about. I am going to realllly try hard today though because Henry just left to go to Joann since they’re all closing and he’s trying to stock up on his crafty girl supplies.

1. Onew (!!!) announced a US tour for this spring and I am so stoked about it because you know how much I love SHINee but also, Onew’s solo work is to die for. You know I must really love him because I named our car Jinki which is his non-stage name! Anyway, tickets go on sale next Friday but we’ll be en route to Chicago then and I really don’t want to eff around with Ticketmaster on my phone in the car. Then! I saw that there is a Citi presale on Thursday so I signed up for a Citi credit card just for this. The way Kpop has a death grip on my life, yo. Anyway, wish me luck. We’re hoping to get tickets for the Detroit show at the Filmore!
2. I found out yesterday that DIANE WARREN – songwriting legend – wrote “Drama” with G-Dragon and I am speechless. It made me fall down the Diane Warren rabbit hole last night though because I knew some of her song-writing credits but there were a ton of songs on her “top 10 charting” songs that I loved and had no idea she wrote. “SHE WROTE LOVE WILL LEAD YOU BACK!!!” I screamed to Henry last night, who responded with a group of question marks Double Dutching above his head. “UM, TAYLOR DAYNE??” I scoffed, and then immediately put on the video. “There’s only one Taylor I listen to and that is DAYNE,” I said smugly and considered posting that on Threads but was too tired to deal with Swifties coming for me. Then I just got really pissed because how did she peak so long ago and not go on to be one of the leading Divas of our time!? Also, when I dated Jeff, he mentioned several times that he thought I looked like her (??? I don’t but OK???). And also, a lion. Which, OK. I can see that because I do get angry quite often.

2.5. I am still obviously really riding this G-Dragon wave hard. I can’t tell you how good it feels to wake up every day with G-Dragon in my feed, making TV appearances, smiling, radiating charisma, BEING A FUCKING KING. Ugh, I am still just as obsessed as I was in 2016.

3. OK this is probably somewhat dark but I found the below picture the other night and started laughing (it’s not funny at all actually but also it really kind of is) because I am fairly certain this was from my dad’s birthday in May 1995, after he and I had one of our signature knockdown drag-out fights and he slammed me into the ground in the backyard and then later, my mom was like, “Carry your dad’s birthday cake to Pappap’s house.” UM OK? Are you stupid? Why would you ask me to do that?? Anyway, we had a path that went from our backyard, through the woods (literally) to my Pappap’s backyard so that we wouldn’t have to cut through our neighbors’ backyard to get there. While walking on that path with my brothers, barely holding the cake box, I go – and I remember this V I V I D L Y – “Ooops” as I accidentally-on-purpose dropped the cake onto the ground. LOL Classic Erin, as they’d say! Anyway, I BELIEVE this picture is THAT DAY after everyone sat around to eat the smashed cake and TO BE FAIR only one side of it got ruined as I recall. I showed Henry and got to retell the story that I know I have told him before but he’s almost 60 and doesn’t remember anything. I was cracking up and he just frowned. Also, what was I thinking with that hair color?!!

(WAIT DID I LOOK TAYLOR DAYNE ADJACENT IN THE MID-90s??? I guess I’d have to see a picture of her after she intentionally spite-drops her dad’s birthday cake.)

4. Peenlop Time!!

5. I bought myself this jacket from Unlogical Poem as a Valentine gift to myself (and then I spammed Henry with a link of something else I wanted from Lala which was very annoying to him but he got the hint) and I love it! I wore it to the Abbey last week for our ladies lunch and the early 20s hostess LOVED IT and I was like YEAH YOU DO.

 But these are things I have been allowing myself to do lately – splurge a bit on clothes. When we were coming home from Chicago last week, I was wearing this fuzzy coat I have from Delia*s that has flowers on it and kind of looks vintage? We were at a really crappy Speedway outside of Toledo (I felt like JACK GRIFFIN from AP Bio) and some lady called out, “I LOVE YOUR COAT!” as I was getting back into the car. I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT. I had to immediately text Chooc to tell him this because you all know how much he loves it when strangers love things about me:

Some lady outside of TOLEDO told me she liked my coat today. // In a Speedway parking lot. // You would have been mad. // Maybe someday you’ll have a daughter. // And when I die she’ll be like ‘I want all grandma’s coats and purses.” // And then they’ll all be in your house again.

I know this is an unexpected response, but Chooch said, “Wow” to all of that and then “no” to the last part.

Here’s the aforementioned Delia*s coat from last March!

Welp! That was 5, I did it. I squeezed it out. Let’s end with my new favorite G-Dragon song??