Jun 112024
 

Petition to make “smorg” the new cool slang to mean BUFFET OF ANY GENERALIZED THING.

Anyway, here are some bulleted things that have been happening or whatever.

  • I had a memory last week of this kid that I met in a Sunoco parking lot back in….1999 probably. It must have been shortly after I moved into my place here in Brookline, I’m guessing. I think that also, and this is bad, he was still in high school and I was 20?! NOTHING HAPPENED, IT WAS NOT THAT KIND OF “MEETING” but still, even if he was 17 or 18, I should not have befriended him. But that’s neither here nor there because as you can probably guess, we became friends after this chance meeting in a gas station parking lot, especially after realizing that we both lived in Brookline. We exchanged numbers and he came over several times to hang out – JUST TO HANG OUT AND ALWAYS WITH OTHER PEOPLE HERE, OMG. I already regret starting this story but now I have typed all of these words and don’t want them to go to waste and also perhaps Janna will read this and it will bring back loving memories for her. OK OK OK, back to my story. So this kid’s name was Carl and he was Goth, so of course I called him Gothic Carl. Most notably, he came over one time with his cousin who was a big derelict and of course immediately got a crush on Janna (JANNA: 1. Do you remember his name and was it JUSTIN; 2. didn’t he invite you to the movies??). While here, Gothic Carl SENSED an ominous, paranormal presence in my basement and gave me a ROCK OF PROTECTION which actually sat on my fireplace mantel for quite a few years.
    • One of Gothic Carl’s hobbies was slowly ambling about Brookline. He’d sometimes stop at my house so often that I would have to hide and my neighbors at the time would be like SHE DIED just to get him to stop coming over because it was getting W E I R D if you know what I mean. Several years later, when I became friends with Christina and she came to visit me from Cincinatti for a long weekend but I wasn’t able to take any time off work so she had to stay at my house and entertain herself. I had just recently told her the tale of Gothic Carl and how he would sloth around the neighborhood, so that day she went for a walk to kill time and then wrote in her LiveJournal that she had walked around “a la Gothic Carl.” Meanwhile, she was dating this broad who was O B S E S S E D with her and also laughably jealous, so she reads this and freaks out thinking that Christina was loafing around town with some goth man. Because she thought “a la” meant “with” like “apple pie a la mode” means YOU’RE GETTIN’ YOUR PIE WITH ICE CREAM, FRENCHIE. OK this seemed funnier at the time, and also when I texted Christina, she said “Gothic Carl” sounded familiar but turns out she didn’t remember this at all and I had to put every single puzzle piece into her fucking swiss-cheesed brain.

Chine.

I got this from the Post Gazette website, DO NOT SUE ME. 

  • The owner of Pitaland recently died and I just found this out the other day. I wasn’t bros with him or anything but during my early morning walks, he was often sitting at a table outside of the store, smoking his hookah, and we would always exchange pleasantries. Plus, Pitaland is just a really great local Brookline store that we frequently buy from and it’s sad. WE ARE ALL GETTING OLD. I FUCKING HATE IT.

  • Remember when I told you, Internet Secret Chest, that my Coaster Crew friend Pam has bought a house in Brookline, courtesy of realtor extraordinaire My Brother Corey? Well, it’s true. That happened. She asked me, Henry, and Chooch to swing by on Sunday to check out her new digs so that was exciting in and of itself, BUT! While we were there, Henry goes, “Pam, there is some lady standing at your front door.” And it was true – some older broad was straight peering in, not even making any moves to knock or ring the doorbell. Pam goes to answer the door while the rest of stay in another room. Last time I checked, it only takes one person to answer the door, right? The lady doesn’t even say hello, she just goes, “I live across the street and saw that you were painting your door red and came over to stop you.” 

Like, her tone was immediately harsh and combative.

Is it a crime to paint your door red?!

Pam is like, “Well, I did go back and forth on colors, but I really do love this red” and this byotch continued to be such an asshole about it that I couldn’t stand behind a wall anymore and had to go over to        mediate. (When I told group chat this story, Glenn was like “Erin standing by with a can of gasoline” lololol.) Broad was like, “WELL, I THINK YOU’RE GOING TO REGRET IT. IT DOESN’T EVEN MATCH YOUR HOUSE NUMBERS.” (Pam made a little mosaic sign with her house numbers on it) So Pam is like, “…………..” 

And the broad is like “…………..”

          And I’m like “…………..”

The broad, btw, is CHRISTINE FROM ACROSS THE STREET, in case you care. Christine says, “I’m actually about to repaint my whole house so PLEASE before you start painting anything else, come talk to me and my mom. My mom is AN EXPERT WITH COLORS. PAINT HAS TO FLOW. IT. HAS. TO. FLOW.” And I’m just over there like, “Jesus, this broad would literally die just from my living room alone….”

So then Pam goes, “Well, as you can see, I have some paint swatches taped to the wall over there, because I’m trying to plan it out…” and the lady was like “MMMMMMMMMMM” and started criticizing the door again!! Pam told her the name of the paint color (I forget what it was now) and then said, “That’s French” and the lady snaps, “YEAH I KNOW I SPEAK FRENCH!!!!” so Pam, who is still staying super friendly and calm thru this while I’m wanting to fling myself out a window, goes, “Oh really me too! *says something in French*” and now the neighbor has steam coming out of her nostrils, she’s so pissed, like she’s about to HOLD MY BEER every Viral Video Karen of the last 5 years, because I DON’T THINK SHE COULD ACTUALLY SPEAK FRENCH. 

Anyway, this weird paint push-and-pull went on for a solid 10 minutes, culminating with Pam’s stroll down interior design memory lane as she recalled the yellow and green walls of one of her old houses  – you could see Christine gnawing away at the inside of her cheeks and hiccuping with tangible distaste – and sort of ended OK I guess because Christine HUGGED HER AWKWARDLY, said she was GLAD to have her as a neighbor (suddenly? on what grounds??) and then said to me, “And Erin, you rock.” Me, who had said nothing up to this point, but the mention of my name inspired Pam to tell Christine that I also live in Brookline, so now we can add “I live on the other end of Pioneer Ave” to the only words I said to Christine. It was so bizarre. I hope Pam keeps the door red. I hope she also lines it with red neon. That’s what I would do, to the surprise of no one.

The weirdest part to me,  though, was how Pam seemed completely unbothered by this. Christine left and Pam goes, “OK where did we leave off? Oh, yeah! The upstairs!” as if she hadn’t just had her design choices dragged to Heinz Field (or whatever it’s called) and back. So, we go upstairs and find Henry and Chooch up there hiding like little bitch boys. Chooch was like, “Yeah, I didn’t want any part of that.”

  • We went for a walk in the cemetery over the weekend and Henry was dressed like a middle schooler and then I had another body dysmorphia meltdown so we left and I came home to cry about. What is my fucking problem!? I am so blah lately. Nothing amuses me. Nothing excites me. Books are boring me. Boo hoo.

The end.

May 172024
 

Hi real quick here are five of my favorite things that have happened so far in May that I would like to not forget.

  1. I GOT A TICKET TO SEE NCT DREAM IN SEPTEMBER!!

This happened today. I tried to stay calm during the ticket-procuring process because I can’t handle much more stress currently – I know my threshold, and I kept saying, “You know, I saw them last year and I had a good seat so it doesn’t matter this time – just as long as I’m there.” And then it was “my turn” (fuck you, TicketMaster) to look for a ticket and I grabbed the first one that was not on the floor but decent and then that was it. No screaming in anger, no panicking. Just quietly added to the cart and purchased while Henry stood behind me and chanting, “Calm down, calm down” which – OK? I am? YOU CALM DOWN?

And then I started crying about 30 minutes later, a delayed reaction, and woke Henry up from his nap, wailing, “I’M JUST SO HAPPY THAT I GET TO SEE THEM AGAIN!” He looked alarmed, but it’s fine. I’m fine.

2. A $5 Brulee’d Ruby Red

Um, this was not worth it, but the rest of the brunch at 40North with my pals Megan, Debby, and Mar made up for it! (Don’t worry, that’s not all I got – I actually got one of the best omelets I’ve ever had, and now I know that next time I should forgo the “healthy” option and just get the smashed potatoes*.)

*(Which btw come with chimichurri which is how Marlene came to find out exactly what chimichurri is and while Debby was explaining it to her, Marlene interrupted to say, “Ok tell them I don’t need any of that.”)

We had the same server that Lindsey and I had when we met here last year who was, from what I remember, a chronic whisperer but I’m happy to report that he spoke much louder this time, upped the volume. Actually, all of the staff there was pretty freaking great and memorable even though we completely overstayed our welcome – we got nary a side-eye.

Anyway, that was last Saturday, and then the Sunday before that….

3. I Had Beers with My Sister!

I know it seems like I’m not doing anything but curling up in the fetal position in a dark corner, crying about Korea, and OK that is largely my life now. I admit it. But I have been getting out and socializing here and there too, lol.

Amy wanted to try Strange Roots in Millvale and I who knows nothing about breweries said YES LET’S DO THAT. I think it’s safe to say that I am still mid-at-best when it comes to liking beer, but it was still an excellent afternoon with Amy and Dick and fine, even Henry. We always have the best convo with Amy and Dick when we get together and I always leave there saying, “We need to do this more than just once or twice a year.” I mean, we do live a little over an hour away from each other but that’s no excuse. I grew up with such a small family and the fact that I was given the chance to have a relationship with a sister that I didn’t meet until I was an adult is actually a pretty big deal. (Especially since we like each other, even!)

I had a wheat beer which was ok, and then I got a “slamgria” which was 100% MY STYLE. I guess because, you know, it wasn’t beer. But shit, I could have sat around all afternoon slamming these OMG IS THAT WHY THEY’RE CALLED SLAMGRIAS??

I sat here for a solid three minutes wondering to myself what the fuck that Teletubby-shaped thing is at the bottom of this picture and then I realized it was the hand sanitizer that I had with me that day – the kind that is encased in the rubber carrier thing, lol.

Oh! I also want to give a shoutout to whoever at Strange Roots played an entire Neutral Milk Hotel album while we there, transporting me back to high school so fast I almost got whiplash. <3

4. This Stray Kids Song That I Want to Curl Up Inside and Live In Forever

First of all, I truly love Charlie Puth’s music don’t @ me, and second of all I IMPRINTED ON HAN JISUNG ALL OVER AGAIN WITH THIS ONE. SKZ just announced a world tour too, dates TBA, so I am going to be in Kpop debt this year. (Because Seventeen too I think!?!?) I think if I ever don’t get completely consumed by music, that’s when you know that I’m officially dead inside because I’m almost 45 and music is still the one thing that never fails to make me feel like my full, complete self. Kpop especially really changed my life for the better though. <3

5. HNC Has a Friend!

The other day I was dying because HNC had a friend over and I was crawling on the floor, trying to get a covert picture through the dining room window without being seen. I’m not posting it here because I’m wildly paranoid about everything these days, but this guy had some type of modified ginger mullet – it was straight and flowed like a river of Schlitz to his shoulders. He was wearing bitchin’ Lennon shades and a fitted t-shirt and jeans, looking like he could be in Bread or Ambrosia or some other food-named 70s band.

I woke Henry up from his nap, totally giddy, and asked him if he was jealous. He said NO and I said, “Wow, not even that HNC invited him to his CAMP??”

Henry just frowned, which means I was right – he’s jel.


OK, I’m going now.

 

May 032024
 
  1. ChoochEnroe & Other Tennis Stuff

It was a slow start to the season, practices and matches getting canceled because of weather, etc. but Chooch finally got to play some high school tennis! His school (well, his school and another city school combine forces when it comes to sports because they’re such small magnet schools) won whatever the PIAA District 8 Championships are on Wednesday and then he came in 2nd for singles yesterday! He had previously that day won his doubles match, another singles match, and then when it came time to play the “final boss,” it turned out that kid had just arrived, fresh and relaxed having played NO prior matches that day. So, Chooch lost to him and got the silver medal. He didn’t seem too broken up about it because as much as he’s my son and loves to win, he’s also a dead-inside sociopath. J/K but honestly he didn’t really seem to care.

So when the coach asked him today if he could stand in for the #1 guy on Monday who can’t play because of a test he has to take, Chooch was like, “Eh.” I told him he should do it though! He said, “I’ll get crushed!” because it’s a higher…division? Is that right? And honestly, he hasn’t even been playing for a year yet but he is pretty damn good regardless!

That’s because, as mentioned previously, he’s my son.

:D

I screenshot this from IG and I’m laughing because you can see that I was listening to the new Seventeen album haha of course I was.

I took these pictures on Wednesday when we went to our HOME COURT (lol) in Settlers Cabin to play tennis after work now that spring has sprung – I’m so happy to be playing again!

I’ll tell you what, aggressive rallies are so cathartic.

However, now in addition to PICKLEBALLERS, we apparently have to contend with people hogging TWO COURTS for BATTING PRACTICE. Yeah! I know! What pricks! Some dad and his idiot kid were honestly using two side-by-side courts to hit baseballs, while the dad’s pickup truck was backed all the way up to the court with country music BLASTING. That was actually more rude, in my opinion.

Then these two young women rolled up in their tennis skirts and I expected them to make us look like recreational pickleball players at the nursing home, but they spent most of the time taking selfies and recording themselves and the one girl kept doing weird swan lake leaps and panting DO I LOOK ATHLETIC.

It was really something.

Once Country Dad and his dad retreated in the pickup truck to go, I dunno, eat wild game probably, the Skirt Sisters moved over to the courts that they abandoned and brought out their own speakers so of course we were like, bracing ourselves for Taylor Swift Karaoke Hour, but they ended up playing a very palatable mild-club playlist that was reminiscent of swimming at my Pappap’s house in the mid-90s, actually. I liked it.

Meanwhile, Henry was our ball boy but he is SO SLOW and doesn’t pay attention – like, we’ll catch him looking off into the woods, or staring up at MILITARY PLANES that are flying overhead (the same one flies by every time we’re there and I hate it because it’s so low and looks like it’s bring the end of the world with it).

It’s that classic “I Married My Ball Boy” fairy tale ending.

But yeah, super into tennis and I’m trying not to think of who I’m going to play with after Chooch goes to college :(

(This was after he came in second place for singles yesterday!)

2. ‘Bout to get Bouncy in Chicago!

 

I convinced Henry to go see ATEEZ with me in August! We got the cheapest seats available because they are just mid-tier faves and I don’t need to be put on another payment plan for a concert, you guys, I’m sick of it (she says, until the NCT Dream and Seventeen tickets go on sale, FML). But yeah, I like them enough to just want to be there in general so nosebleeds it is! Henry is happy that we will be sitting together because the last Kpop concert we actually sat together was Stray Kids in 2022 lol.

3. Chooch’s Birthday Dinner

We were originally going to go to Tillie’s but for the first time ever, there was an actual WAIT (45 minutes!). I was pissed because there is no way (that I could see anyway) to make reservations which I had tried to do previously. Anyway, Corey wasn’t there yet so we stood outside trying to figure out what to do. Then Corey called me and said, “Hey, you have a Kona don’t you?” and I was like, “….yes?”

“Well, your drivers door is like WIDE OPEN.”

So I ran around Tillie’s into the parking lot and sure enough, Corey was standing behind our car with the drivers door not just AJAR, but actually WIDE OPEN as previously billed by Corey. I was so pissed. WTF Henry?!?!?! So, I slammed it shut and then screamed, “I FUCKING SWEAR TO GOD HE WAITED FOR ME TO MARRY HIM BEFORE SHOWING SIGNS OF COGNITIVE DECLINE!!”

THEN!!! After we decided that Tillie’s could fuck right off, Janna was BEGGING to hitch a ride with someone even though we were only going about a mile down the road?! I knew our backseat was likely messy from the previous weekend’s roadtrip because HUSBAND just quit doing all of his chores as soon as he locked me down, so that’s awesome.

And a rant for another day.

Then she started nagging Corey and he was like “OK?” but then wondered where the fuck she was going as she walked past his car.

“Is Janna—-yep, Janna’s about to get into a stranger’s car,” Chooch said, on high alert and calling it like it was a college sports game. “SHE’S DOING IT! OH, I KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO DO THAT!” he squealed, as Janna went to open some random old man’s passenger side door – while he was in the car!!

I guess the car was running and she assuming that it was Corey’s, that he remote-started it, I don’t know but between her and Henry I felt like I was on a nursing home field trip. SPAGHETTI NIGHT! FOLLOWED BY JELLO AND BINGO BACK IN THE REC ROOM!

Chooch’s birthday dinner crew featuring the sign that Henry tripped over but sadly missing the man whose car Janna accidentally tried to get into.

(Henry said that the man at the booth next to us kept whipping his head around to look at us every time Corey laughed so apparently we were THAT TABLE as usual.)

 

Mar 012024
 

This week was wack so here are five positive things because maybe going thru the motions of typing it out might train my brain yanno?!

1. Had dinner with my Coaster Crew BFF Pam and her friend Greg tonight at Industry Public House and it was soooo fun! Pam also met my brother Corey earlier today because he’s going to be her realtor since she has decided to move here from Philly, which I already mentioned but it’s worth mentioning again! Anyway, she was saying that even thought Corey and I don’t look like she could totally tell we’re brother and sister because of our personalities & mannerisms, and Henry muttered, “Try being around both of them at once.” LOLOL. I was also glad to meet Greg – totally chill and easy to talk to so I’m looking forward to finally having people to go to Kennywood with!

2. Speaking of Pam, I was telling Group Chat that she’s moving here from Philly and Wendi, who lives Philly sports, said “Go Birds” and Amber said she name her baby-to-be (is that the right term??) Phillie so I was like “and she could have an orange nursery!”

“Orange fur wall with googly eyes,” Wendi said and I was like I HAVE A FUR WALL WITH GOOGLY EYES IN MY HOUSE I CAN HELP!

I dunno it made me laugh and I need that so.

3. Speaking of Pam part 2, Corey said that during their meeting today she had mentioned being from New Orleans and that I’m one of kind and “belong in New Orleans” whatever that means?? I have never been there so I wouldn’t know. Henry went there ON HIS HONEYMOON with first wife, so.

4. Speaking of first wife, I found the perfect shoes to wear with the outfit I picked out for when/if I become Henry’s NEXT WIFE. “Aren’t those kids shoes?” Henry asked when we were at Target tonight. “Yes, and? They fit me so I’m getting them?” God. Step off. So catch me wearing my new Cat & Jack metallic purple boots at some point I guess.

5. Speaking of getting married, we finally snagged our appointments at the US Embassy in Seoul for the date we needed. I’m still not solidly convinced that this will happen but of all else fails, Wildwood here we come.

Ok that’s all for now. I broke my fast to eat a veggie burger at dinner tonight and my stomach is like “remember when you were pregnant? Here let me remind you” *expands greatly*

Feb 242024
 

Some things that happened lately that I want to remember, so, bullet-time. Pow Pow.

  • I went to the library last Saturday and my security guard pal, Robert, was very exhausted. He told me that he also works security at PPG Paints and had worked the Drake show the night before, and that he had to also work the Saturday night show too later that night. I asked him if he gets to experience the concerts at all when he’s working and he said that yes, he does, and also that his manager knows he isn’t star struck so he often gets to be UP CLOSE TO THE ARTISTS, providing security detail. (First of all, I was dying inside because Chooch wanted to go to the Drake concert so bad but the tix were $$$ and here’s Robert, getting to attend both shows by default.) Robert went on to say, for example, that when Lady Gaga is in town, she specifically requests Robert!!!! OK he might not be starstruck, but I was finding myself very starstruck of Robert in that moment. I love learning these things about people and you guys, Robert is such a wonderful person so this really tracks. He then said that Gaga is a true artist, so genuine, she cares about people and her fans, etc., and look – I figured this to be true already but it is really nice to hear someone confirm this. Robert and Gaga – what a duo!
    • I had mentioned Robert to Christina recently, for another reason, and they were like, “OK, you always have security guard friends” and I was like, “No I don’t…do I? OMG you’re right. I do.” Remember the time one of the security guards at the Tina & Eleanore Job got fired because he made an inappropriate comment to me that I didn’t even give a shit about but someone else overheard and took offense and REPORTED HIM and he had to APOLOGIZE to me and then NEVER CAME BACK? Well, that happened, and I know I wrote about it but that was 2007 and I gave up after a quick preliminary blog-search so you’ll just have to trust me.
  • A few days ago at work, I was imagining myself having a conversation with some friends (this is weird, but I was seriously like Sim’img out a sitch in my head) and in that conversation, I had used the word, “swathe.” But then out loud, I said to my cat Drew, “Wait, I don’t even know how to actually pronounce this word? I have never heard this word said out loud?” But then I moved on with my day because ADD. About an hour later, I listened to the audiobook of Eliza Clark’s Penance and there was a paragraph where, I am NOT fucking around with your emotions here, someone said SWATHE three times!!! So since it was an audiobook, I got to actually hear it being said BUT the narrator was British SO CAN I TRUST THAT? But yeah, look, I’m not trying to make you jealous. I’m just saying it happened. Useless magick.

Random picture of my backporch

  • A few days after the Superbowl, Chooch was playing me a video of some kid at the Superbowl he was at totally hulking out at the end of the game and I was like, “Wow, that’s not nearly as entertaining as the Wham! documentary I was watching on Netflix because the Superbowl has no room in my life. Of course he was like, “Wow that’s so cool, you’re so cool, no one cares” and then as he was retreating up to his room, he called down from the steps, “Wake me up before you go-go” and I said, I am so ashamed but I will share this on here because I trust you, “Why, where am I going?” I TOTALLY FELL FOR THAT SHIT, I HATE MYSELF.
  • Henry and I haven’t even gotten married yet, but I am already doing research for our Romanian honeymoon which will happen regardless I don’t need a husband, I swear to god, I have had my Romanian dreams peed on too many times over the years so THAT ENDS NOW (well, maybe not now but sometime in 2025 GOD WILLING).

  • ^^^This was from a few weeks ago but it made me laugh so I’m leaving it here whether you like it or not.
  • It only took NINE YEARS of me being a pest but guess who might FINALLY be stanning a kpop group? JANNA!!! I *think* I got her into Seventeen. She seems to be getting cozy as a Carat and she even texted me last night that she has a preliminary bias (Vernon!). We’ll see if she can learn all 13 members. Only then will I believe her!

  • We played Rummikub the night we went to Wonka’s a few weeks ago and I liked it so much that I immediately bought our own set. We finally played it with Chooch last weekend and he was, as expected, just as destructive with it as Wonka is (rearranging the sets beyond recognition in an effort to “make something stick” and then forgetting how to put everything back when they eventually hit a wall). Anyway, guess who won? THIS BROAD, THANK YOU.
  • This is my second week of doing a 16:8 fast. It’s actually not that hard. I’ve only lost a pound so far (you’re really not supposed to be see real results until like 10 weeks) but I do feel more in control of my eating without having to micromanage my calorie count. Basically, my eating window is 9:45am – 5:45pm and I haven’t felt like I’m starved or anything. I feel less bloated and I seem to be sleeping better, so I’ll keep going for now I guess! I’m not using an app or anything, just, you know, a clock lol.

  • ^^^ Um, hello what? I am FUMING. It might as well just say, “crooning that he’ll stop the world and melt with you.” (In case you are like wtf is she going on about, the author referenced a song by THE SMITHS, not THE CURE; additionally, Robert Smith of the Cure strongly dislikes the singer of the Smiths, Morrissey so GOOD JOB AUTHOR. This book might end up being one of the best books I read all year (it won’t) but I will still always remember it for this FATAL FLAW.
  • In group chat the other day, someone asked someone else what kind of phone they have, and they said, “a green android.” Been thinking about that all week.
  • Speaking of work, Chooch got written up / issued a FINAL WARNING or some bullshit threat from his asshole Chipotle manager because he told her months ago that he can’t work on Saturdays because he has a class at Pitt, yet she continues to randomly schedule him and then doesn’t tell him, so of course he doesn’t show up and then she screams about it I guess. So she said to him that IT’S NOT HER JOB TO KEEP TRACK OF HIS SCHEDULE and Chooch said he didn’t say it to her face because he doesn’t want to burn any bridges* but that in his head, he was like, “Yes, that actually IS your job??”
    • *He actually interviewed quite a while ago at Starbucks because they’re opening a new location right across from where he currently works; he got the job and will be starting in early March and said that he still wants to be able to go to Chipotle for food so he’s being nice and giving notice rather than knocking over some condiments before storming out with middle fingers up.
      • Blake is going to be the night manager of this new Starbucks so I imagine Henry will get conned into picking BOTH of his sons up from work. Lucky him!
  • I started doing face yoga and Henry thinks this is the most hilarious thing ever. Mmm.

Well, thunder only happens when it’s raining.

Feb 162024
 

Another boring-ass week of February. Let’s see if I can scrounge up five things from my extremely uneventful life.

1. RetroWaving from Pgh

“Hey Erin, what are you listening to when you’re not kpopping?” asks no one.

Well, No One! I’m so glad you asked because for the last year or two, my runner-up has been retrowave. It’s better than the next best thing to 80s synth because it sounds like it *is* 80s synth, but it fell through the cracks. It is reminiscent of the music that would pad the soundtracks of 80s movies like Better Off Dead, etc. – it sounds like it COULD have been played on the radio yet it never was and you never heard of it ever again.

That’s retrowave. It triggers memories of summer pool parties and seeing your crush at the roller rink on a Friday night, yet these songs didn’t exist back then. And this is my current favorite one, which has made me spontaneously cry on numerous occasions.

2. Baby Carat’s First SVT Album

Henry came home from work in Valentine’s Day with a hot pink gift bag full of Kpop! My cat Drew and I have recently become huge Carats after years of just liking them on the fringe and Henry is along for the ride. I didn’t even ask for this, or the NCT127 winter single! #blessed

I pulled my bias Jaehyun from the NCT album (on his birthday, no less!) and I got S.Coups, Jun, and DK in the Seventeen unboxing. I have joint SVT biases right now – Seungkwan and Jeonghan (remember this, Janna!!) – but there is so much to love about all of the 13 members so a Carat really can’t be disappointed. (As Drew paws away a tear triggered not pulling her bias The8, lol.)

Anyway, this song can be my reciprocal Valentine gift to Henry, I guess.

3. PITTSBURGH PAM?

YOU GUYS OMG. Pam from our Coaster Crew trip called me yesterday after work and said that she is thinking of moving to Pittsburgh and asked if I know any realtors!! OH BOY, DO I! I happily gave her my brother’s contact info and he is so hyped to help her look for a house here! I’m also very smug about this because after the Coaster Crew portion of our vacation ended in August and I was in my “I MISS PAM” feels, Chooch sniped, “You know she’s never think about you again, right?”

In your FACE, Chooch.

4. Henry Being Annoying

 He’s been on a kick using these dumb emoji things and Chooch and I hate it. Tell him to stop.

5. It’s paczki time in Brookline

Yo I took this picture at one of the bakeries in Brookline Blvd back when I was into using toy cameras in 2008, wow I was so cool, what a hipster photog.

Anyway, it’s paczki season, bigly. Every five years or so I get the urge (I hate the word hankering btw) to have one but I’m always so underwhelmed. Like, it just tastes like a jelly donut to me? I saw a reddit subthread recently where the overwhelming majority said that Party Cake was the reigning champs of paczki. Well guys if that is the case, then maybe I’m just not the targeted audience for paczki because that is where I have gotten all my past paczki.

Thoughts? If you are local to Pittsburgh, do you like paczki and where do you get it?

If you are not local, is this a thing where you live too?

Could I Google “paczki regions”? Sure probably. But am I trying to bait people to comment? Absolutely.

*****

Well, that’s all I got. I’m so bored!! It’s snowing, I’m doing an intermittent fast so I can’t distract myself with snacks, and I’m mindlessly watching travel vlogs on YouTube. What a Friday.

Feb 092024
 

Another month-long work week has come to an end! For this installment of Friday Five, let’s give our eyebulps (that’s how my cats say it) a rest, put a moratorium on the excessive words, and just look at five pictures from my phone with brief captions I guess.

See Chooch, on the phone with the bank after having to cancel his debit card for the third time since December. It was very entertaining for me because I have decided that I just don’t care.

Henry made “salmon” from tofu and it was delectable!


Cats suddenly realizing that they can burrow under the blanket on the church pew and acting super weird about it afterward.


The unseasonably balmy weather has allowed the cats to hang out in their favorite room of the house – the back porch!

Trudy being a saucy dish.

***

That’s all for me. Back to watching travel vlogs on YouTube because I have no attention span for anything more in depth.

Jan 262024
 

In my NOSTLAGIA BOX rummaging (I used RIFLING in my last post, so gotta mix it up because once upon a time I was a kinda-writer, remember), I unearthed this old picture of me from 1986 (love that my mom had a camera that lasered the dates on the photos – I bet that was super high-tech back then) doing my favorite thing ever: reading a book. This was taken when we lived in our old house on Sylvania Drive in South Park, and here are some facts about that house:

  • This is the house my mom was living in with my birth dad back when I was born. Then my dad died, my mom started dating who I consider my actual dad, things got serious so we moved into his house in Castle Shannon. I actually hated that time in my life, every memory is bad (it’s where the neighbor kids abandoned me in their tree house and I was too scared to come down on my own and I just sat up there and cried until my mom realized I was missing, to name ONE of the bad memories). Anyway, after those two married, we moved back to the house on Sylvania Drive! I should probably ask my mom about this because I have no idea if she put the house up for sale originally and no one bought it so we moved back? Or if we moved out with the intention of eventually moving back? Was anyone living there while we were gone!? I feel like we were gone for at least a year.
  • I met my childhood BFF Christy on this street – she and her family on the cul-de-sac. We were BFFs up until the end of high school when I became a huge disappointment by dropping out of school and not going to college, opting to slum it with Psycho Mike instead. Christy was probably the only one who cared enough about me to actually try to stop this and get really fucking pissed and then we eventually grew apart. I was salty about it for years but being so far removed from that and actually in a good place in my life now, I can’t blame her one bit. I was so stupid. Everything happens for a reason, etc, but I can’t help but wonder if I still would have eventually ended up with Henry even if I had opted to NOT throw away those formative years of my life. For years I said I didn’t regret those idiotic decisions, but hoo boy, ask me again now. Anyway, Christy and I are still friends and she’s also Chooch’s godmother. We just don’t really hang out that much which is sad.
  • Little did I know then that a girl I would meet almost – omg this kills me – forty years later was probably not yet born BUT her family was also living on this same street!
  • After my brother Ryan was born, my parents started building a house on a plot of land on the street my Pappap lived on – it was actually my Pappap’s plot of land and I was so fucking sad to leave Sylvania Drive when I was in 2nd grade, but the house that was being built on Gillcrest is still to this day the house that I consider my childhood home. My mom still lives there but I honestly can’t remember the last time I was inside it. Probably not since Chooch was like, in preschool??
  • There was a huge ass maple tree in the front yard and I have no idea the origin of this game, but Christy and me, and sometimes this other girl Michelle who was kind of an auxiliary member of our friend group would sit in my yard and wait for cars to drive past. Then we would glare at them and point the leaves at them, funneling all of our wicked petulance through the stems and then – what? – killing them? I can’t remember what we thought the outcome would be but I will say that I drove past this house not too long ago with Chooch and the tree was still  there! I told him the story and he was like, “That’s a stupid game.” WELL, WE HAD TO USE OUR IMAGINATIONS BACK IN THE 80s OK!?

Oh well, I was also going to drop the names of 5 books I loved as a kid but then I got sidetracked and now I’m bored with that idea and also today was terrible. Bye.

Jan 192024
 

Every so often, I remember that I like the Kpop group Seventeen (I always associate them with the Kpop aerobics I did back when I was like “I don’t know what these songs are but they’re fun”) and then I fall down the rabbit hole, watching live stages etc., and saying, “I gotta spend some time learning about the members.” Over the years, there are only really 3 or 4 (out of 13!) that I have become familiar with, but then one of the sub-units did an amazing performance of one of my current fave cardio dance routine songs on one of the award shows, and I remembered that at one point, I had chosen one of those guys as a bias, so then I started re-crushing on him and next thing I knew, my YouTube feed is all Seventeen and I know ALMOST all of them now, after 4 days of studying.

I’m getting there.

Anyway, today for Friday Five I will share five of my faves. They debuted in 2015 so there is quite a lot to choose from!

(My bias is Seungkwan, btw, and my cat Drew’s is The8.)

  1. Ready to Love

You guys,  this is my top #1 SVT song and the one that pulls me back in every time I hear it. It’s perfection.

 

2. Don’t Wanna Cry

The first Seventeen MV that REALLY caught my attention back in the day. That choreo!!

3. FIGHTING

This song from Seventeen’s subunit BSS (BooSeukSoon) is the anthem we all need to get through another work day. (Fun fact from your friendly Korea liaison: “fighting” is a way to say “you got this!” or “you can do it!” in Korea, it doesn’t literally mean anything aggressive!)

4. _WORLD

Just a total feel-good jam, Bruno Mars-vibes, lil bit.

5. ROCK WITH YOU

Every time I hear this, I want to get up and start doing the Give Me Five Thailand dance workout for it. I kicked the coffee table really hard one time doing it though, I just got too stoked!

***

OK, it’s been a weird week of snow days and Chooch maybe having a girlfriend and starting a countdown and uncomfortable TV shows (American Nightmare was so frustrating and upsetting!!!). I’m freaking tired, man. But I can’t go to bed until Henry chooses a Seventeen bias lol. (“I don’t know any of them!” he cried. Yeah, he said that once upon a time about NCT too and now look at him, Father NCTzen over here.)

Jan 092024
 

Here’s a picture of that kid who never hangs out with us anymore, + 5 random facts because it’s January and I am feeling it already. I hate hate hate hate hate winter so much.

  • I was obsessed with the reboot of Dark Shadows only because MICHAEL T WEISS was in it and if you don’t know, he played MIKE HORTON on Days of Our Lives. So of course I had to watch it. However, no one else in my family was interested in watching it and it also must have coincided with something that THEY (aka my dad and Ryan) watched, so I was relegated to the kitchen to watch it. We had a small kitchen TV on the counter, and I would pull up one of our heavy-ass wooden kitchen chairs to the counter and then open one of the drawers (there were four large drawers on the other side of the kitchen counter that were mostly junk drawers but also my mom kept cookbooks in there) to rest my legs on and then my legs would always end up falling asleep, but that’s the risk you take. Anyway, I truly thought I was so motherfucking cool and like, advanced for my age watching Dark Shadows because no one else in my grade did!! I’m only telling you this because just recently I was reminded of its existence and started watching videos about it on YouTube and now I want to watch the OG and the reboot again.

Image result for michael t weiss days of our lives

<3

  • I will always choose lemon, pistachio, matcha flavors over chocolate. I also love earl grey and cardamom flavored desserts. Henry brought home an earl grey scone from Potomac Station Coffee one of the days when I was still queasy after Christmas and it was delightful.
  • I have two older half-sisters, one older half-brother, and two younger half-brothers. I have zero full siblings.
  • When I was dating the guy before Henry, I was bored and created a stalker for him and he fell for it. One time he came over and was like I THINK SHE WAS FOLLOWING ME HERE and he was so concerned for my safety so then I inexplicably* used it to start a fight with him just because I thrived on fighting with him, to the point where I actually forgot during the fight that the stalker was actually me. I never told him it was me and wow that is pretty fucked up I guess LOL. Eh, oh well.
    • *lol inexplicably? More like “because I’m* a toxic-ass bitch.”
      • *was? nah, I am.
  • Wait now I’m on a memory roll about that guy and thinking about the time we went to this place called Hambones (RIP) for dinner with my friend Brian, and one thing you should know is that Brian and me in a restaurant was a….recipe (ugh sorry I had to do) for disaster because we would get so giddy and loud and embarrass everyone with us. Anyway, the ex was annoying me and being a big bitch boy as usual so when he said something about getting dessert, I snapped, “How about you get a glass of Shut the Fuck Up for a nightcap” and it wasn’t even that funny but Brian was like OH SHIT and then I burst out into my signature “Is she drunk or psychotic?” bray and then the ex literally started quietly crying (he cried a lot). Brian referenced this night for years. If anyone asked me what my toxic trait was back then, the only answer would be, “Me. Myself. It’s all of me.”

Hambone's reopened after paying over $13,000 in delinquent drink taxes ...

Wow. I think I need to get some sleep, lol.

Dec 292023
 

Lessgitit.

  1. Ladies Christmas Dinner

I had a nice little Christmas dinner with Megan, Marlene, and Debby earlier in the month at Alta Via in Market Square. It definitely lacked the quirkiness, charm, and Kermit of last year’s dinner spot, Zarra:

but our server also didn’t have to “run out to get tomatoes” for our salads, so at least our food came more expediently. I had a delightful beet salad and the pumpkin ravioli. Both were nice but the bread stole the show for me: homemade, warm salty rosemary focaccia? Yeah boy.

I sometimes have a really hard time being around people when it comes to conversation participation. For instance, I really like dining with this group but more often than not, I feel like I cannot hang verbally, like I am so socially stunted. At one point during dinner, the conversation took a hard left into health insurance talk and do I seem like someone who has ANYTHING to contribute to that topic swerve? The worst part was that this whole time, Ozark Mountain Daredevil’s Jackie Blue was gently wafting from the speakers like aural angel dust and I was DYING for a lull in the Medicare discourse to tell them my Barb Riley / Roller Skating Birthday Party / Jackie Blue story, like actually sitting on my hands and internally squealing. But they were still talking about benefits and Cobra well after the song ended while I helped myself to another piece of really delicious focaccia just to give my mouth something to do. I am subsisting alone in some weird adult limbo where I can only half-relate to most other adults but I mostly have nothing to contribute to the conversation.

I guess this is just who I am though and I need to accept that! Also, what a horrible but at least the waiter got the Christmas tree in the background?

2. Of 90s R&B Heart Throbs

    1. This is a two-fer!! Last night, my friend Veronica DMd me and was like, paraphrasing here, “Do you remember the group Debarge?” and then proceeded to reference EL DEBARGE SPECIFICALLY at which point I was like, “Imma just stop you right here, Veronica, because I was EL DEBARGE’S BIGGEST MOTHERFUCKIN’ FAN IN 1994!” And then it got even more exciting because she wasn’t aware of the specific El album that I was obsessed with (HEART MIND AND SOUL) so then I got to share my fave tracks with her and she told me that she saw Debarge when she was 7 and that they serenaded her aunt!!! Honestly though, the only bad thing about this album is that it makes me remember how fucking psycho I was over  A DUMB BOY and how I listened to this CD so much that I wore out TWO COPIES OF IT and the copy I currently own is #3.
    2. Today in Group Chat (I love that it sounds like it’s my weekly group therapy session and honestly, it actually kind of is) we were talking about 90s jams and then this happened:

 

And then I got to tell them MY PSYCHOTIC OBSESSION STORY and they were like, “Aw.” It felt good to tell them about “Susie from Clairton” though.

I wonder how many people from my life back then would be totally fucking triggered if they heard this song right now. I was a complete fool over this and probably Janna is the only one who supported it lol. I definitely have a home video of Evan scoffing HARD when I was like, “BUT FIRST!” and then pushing play on the cassette that I had slid into the tape deck in Lisa’s Jeep, queueing up my comfort jam. I terrorized a lot of people with this song. A LOT OF PEOPLE. Don’t worry, I totally don’t do that anymore. (Side note: for years, I could only find some alternate version of this on YouTube and Spotify, but this one is the real one!!!!) Enjoy!

3. HAECHAN CANDLE

I got a Haechan candle for Christmas from Megan! That’s all, I just wanted to share it:

4. Missing the Office

I know I have cried about this a zillion times in here since 2020, but man I really do miss seeing my work friends every day. I don’t miss the commute or getting ready, but I miss the crazy antics and shenanigans we’d have back in the day. It’s fun in group chat to recount these memories and make new virtual ones (like today when Nate reminded us that it’s the One Year Anniversary of Doug), but it’s not the same! Today, I was looking for something in my blog and came across this old post from 2018 that was all work-related and it made me laugh but then I was just kind of deflated, realizing that these days are definitely in the past, man.

And then it was a big love fest as we all wished each other a happy new year and said we appreciated each other before logging off. I dunno, it’s got me all maudlin, man.

(DREW, DON’T WORRY, YOU ARE STILL MY #1 CO-WORKER!!)

5. FREE WEEKENDS

Now that Henry finally finished the Seoul subway sign, we can start actually hanging out on weekends again! It’s going to be cold tomorrow, but I had a brunch that was cancelled so my day is wide open, and I want to go for a cemetery walk like we used to do before he became overwhelmed with chores. (Don’t get it twisted, he still has chores, just not super intense and intricate ones that require tons of labor like that sign did.)

I was sick almost all week and was watching travel vlogs from Lancaster, PA to comfort me (some people like hot tea, naps, and hot baths but I take solace in making fun of random travel vloggers on YouTubers and as luck would have it, A LOT of them choose Lancaster as a content destination) so now I want to do a day trip soft pretzel tour of Lancaster because that was one of the only foods I could think about and eat this week while sick. So maybe that will happen sometime in early 2024 and Chooch will likely POLITELY DECLINE the invite.

I ALSO WANT TO DO A DAY TRIP TO COLUMBUS TO EAT AT SEITAN’S REALM AGAIN.

***

Well, that’s all I have. Drink your water.

Love,

Susie from Clairton.

Dec 122023
 

Let’s free-form the shit of this thing.

Last Wednesday night, Henry and I went to see the NCT Nation concert movie in Robinson.

This time, there were way more people and even another “kpop husband” was in the crowd.  So, NCT Nation was the whole entire NCT conglomerate doing one huge concert together, all of the sub-groups, etc. They did several shows in Korea and Japan and fuck, do I wish I could have attended one of those.

Did I cry during this? Pfft, you know it, Miss Betty. The way NCT fills my heart after a long day of work and general life dread…it’s like when you take a shot of Robitussin (Janna’s #1 subject) and you can feel it heating up as it cruises through your body. That’s how NCT makes me feel. Like they are hugging me from the inside.

….that….OK that’s a weird visual.

Anyway, this wasn’t part of the movie, but I have watched this video from their concert so many times and it never stops giving me goosebumps.

All I want Janna to get me for Christmas is proof that she has learned all 20 of their names lol. (Only 19 were at these concerts because Taeil was/is recovering from surgery after a motorcycle accident.)

Bill and Jessi were in town for my party this weekend and thank god because I was so fucking stressed out. I don’t know why. Maybe it was all of the other stress that I kept trying to push out of the way, finally found a way back to the forefront and woo boy was I was mess. But having them here helped because they are two of my favorite people in the world and it’s been a MINUTE since they were last in Pgh!

Late Saturday afternoon, we left Henry at home cooking and went to Frank & Shirley’s for a late lunch after Chooch came home from his game design class at Pitt. It was SO FUCKING nice to sit still, eat a grilled cheese, bullshit, and watch Jessi follow my example of dunking the grilled cheese in a puddle of Ketchup and realize that, “OK yeah that’s good.”

It’s the only way I’ve eaten grilled cheese since I was a wee lass!

And I told them about how I used to LOVE going there in high school because there was A CIGARETTE MACHINE and wow, that’s something that I hadn’t thought about in forever, putting tons of quarters in those machines and then setting up a display on the table of all the different brands I scored. I remember getting a pack of Pall Malls and one of my guy friends being like JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, ERIN.

I have a picture of my cigarette collection somewhere. Maybe one day I will look for it and then post it here and you guys can be like, “Wow. You were so edgy. Brag some more about your dirty habit, Yellow Fingers.”

Here I am stalking Chooch at work last Thursday night. Turns out this was also the same night that the dumbass lost his wallet for approx. the 10th time in the last three years only this time, sadly it’s a goner for good. His luck hath run dry. Also, he had a tense conversation with a total BITCH of a middle aged broad with bleached hair looking like Real Housewives of Pgh reject because the sign on the Chipotle window said they’re open until 11 but that night they closed at 9. Like Chooch, a 17yo, has anything to do with that. He kept trying to walk around while her mouth was steady running.  Jesus Christ lady. Go look at the Ann Taylor website and calm down.

Drew, noticing that the Christmas decorations are back.

In other news, I have watched Queen Charlotte which I almost didn’t watch at all because she was one of my least faves from the Bridgerton series but then I got desperate for something to watch while walking in place (no, you have issues) and holy smutty fuck, no one told me that this was going to rip my stupid fucking heart out?? I don’t know if I’m just really at such a low point emotionally or if this really was that deeply sad, but I was full-body SOBBING. I can’t remember the last time I was so touched by an on-screen (and I guess moderately IRL depending on how historically accurate this was) romance/relationship. Jesus, I felt that, for Charlotte and George, and also Brimsley and Reynolds. I even started spontaneously sobbing in the shower about it.

At one point, Henry was sitting next to me and I was trying so hard to hold back my tears that I started choking and gagging, which made it worse and Henry was like, “OK as if I didn’t know you were crying.”

Damn, that hurt. A lot.

I also watched School Spirits which also felt like I was cutting, but on my psyche and not my skin?? I thought I had signed on for some light high school television but no, I got fully invested in every character and cried my contacts cloudy during THAT one too!!

Well, I’m going to go now. Coaster Kev from our trip (Chooch’s favorite of the 4 Kevins, in case you were wondering) just posted his Liseberg video and I would like to curl up under my blanket, maybe sip from kombucha, and relive the trip that I still haven’t finished writing about. #priorities

P.S. NCT DREAM CASUALLY MENTIONED IN AN INTERVIEW TO SOME AMERICAN MEDIA OUTLET LAST NIGHT THAT THEY PLAN ON TOURING AGAIN NEXT YEAR SO LORD HELP ME.

P.P.S. I have slowly been admitting to those around me that when I saw NCT Dream last April, it made me more emotional than when I saw the Cure those two times over the summer. I said what I said. That doesn’t mean The Cure has been dethroned!! But I think when I used to get emotional over the Cure, it was for different reasons. I was SO FULLY DEPRESSED (and suicidal, no use in hiding it) when I was REALLY getting into the Cure, so for a long time, when I would see them in concert, it felt like opening old wounds, most actually had never even started to close at all. So I would OF COURSE feel gutted and next-level emotional. But I am so far-removed from those years, from that dark part of my life, that I was eventually able to get to the point where I can listen to the Cure without laying in the fetal position on the floor with a bottle of Manischevitz.

But with NCT Dream, it’s different. It’s new. It feels more personal, like I know them, I care for them so much, I’m hugely protective and proud of them. So when I saw them last April, here for their first US tour, I was like out of my mind delulu. Like hysterical. And to this day, if I think about it, I start to cry because I feel so grateful to have been able to go and support them in person and see them on a stage so close up and watch them sing and dance to my favorite songs that have brightened my days for the last several years. It’s a different kind of emotional. I love being a Czennie <3

Nov 172023
 
  1. Remember two years ago when I wrecked our 6mth old car in the cemetery – literally crashed into an ancient road marker – and I was so terrified of my MEAN SON being MEAN to me so I told him Henry did it and then Henry had to go along with it (“Yes, I am a big dumb idiot man, I crashed the car because I am stupid and reckless.”) which meant also telling everyone he worked with that he did it because one of his co-workers at the time was the best friend of his OTHER son who was living next door to us at the time and if HE knew the truth it was possible that something would slip and Chooch would find out? PANT PANT. The WEB OF LIES! The spiraling fibs! Are you following??!!

Well, last weekend I decided I couldn’t keep the secret any longer and texted Chooch to come downstairs for a family meeting. He was like NO I AM COMFORTABLE IN BED, WATCHING TV so I had to go upstairs and tell him and he was like “ok and? Is that all? You actually wanted me to get dressed and come downstairs for THAT?” Also, he said he doesn’t even remember any of this so that’s nice. Good for me. Got that off my chest.

THE PILLAR THING.

2. Henry and I had an argument tonight because one time 20 years ago we were on a haunted hayride and I said something hilarious and he didn’t laugh and then some older woman said a discount version of my joke and he laughed so hard he was practically choking. I brought it up just now because it is clearly something that still PISSES ME OFF and he claims this never happened so I said LET ME PULL OUT MY HAUNTED HOUSE JOURNAL FROM THAT YEAR because I am sure I wrote about it while crushing the pen in my hand, imagining it was…OTHER THINGS. “Oh ok like I believe ANYTHING you write in your JOURNALS!” he just scoffed and now we will spend the rest of the eve arguing about THAT remark so let me get round 2 started with this unflattering photo of him trying to look unbothered while eating JARRED HERRING at the neighbor’s house last week!!! 😡

(Lowkey I just took both of those stories straight from my Instagram captions because I am too L-Z to rewrite it for this landmine of broken grammar.)

3. Speaking of the neighbors! We just came back from having tea and snacks with Tamanna and her older son. Well, he just sits there and tries to his best to watch things on his phone to block us out, but she often needs his assistance with translations so he is a good kid and sticks around. Anyway, I was honest with her and told her that I am attempting to diet – not really DIET per se, but I am back to food journaling because the stress of life and the world in general lately has been unraveling all of my hard work over the last 10 years. So, I’m just trying to stay on track with my nutrition. However! While we were there, my stomach was rumbling pretty bad and I mentioned that I wasn’t feeling too great. Probably GAS, but she asked me if I wanted something for it. I was like, “Yes please” thinking she was going to come back with Tums or something, but instead she had a large jar of honey, right? BUT IT WASN’T HONEY. It was a mysterious blend of spices that she ground up herself from an ancient recipe, I don’t know, and she was like, “Take one spoonful then drink water, my daughter and I love this, we lost 5kg.” OH THIS IS SOME KIND OF NATURAL WEIGHT LOSS WITCHERY? Lemme at it! I took that spoonful down like a fucking CHAMP because WEIGHT LOSS YOU SAY? Anyway, it was P O T E N T as expected but also very very very interesting. There was definitely ginger in it, but also a bunch of more savory spices that I couldn’t place because I’m not one of them there cookers, you know?  Anyway, she said I should notice a difference tomorrow and if I want, I can come back for another spoonful. OK watch me be knockin’ on her door every day. She found a hook me, you guys!

4. I found a way to incorporate one of my favorite clown pictures into a piece of furniture and I am very excited about it!

5. What do my fellow American friends reading this have planned for Thanksgiving? We go back and forth between sometimes having a “big”ish dinner to not giving a shit. This is one of the not giving a shit years. We were originally going to pre-order food from Onion Maiden, but true to fucking form, they had “issues” with their online ordering and then within 15 minutes the one thing that I wanted was sold out, which launched Henry into his THESE FUCKING ‘RESTAURANTS’ THESE DAYS rant which Onion Maiden ALWAYS has him pulling out the soapbox for, so we were like, “Fuck it, Zenith it is.” At least with Zenith, if you order during the window they provide, you know you’re going to have food on Thanksgiving Day. Henry said, “THIS IS IT, I AM DONE WITH ONION MAIDEN. IT WOULD BE LESS ANNOYING TO DRIVE TO COLUMBUS TO GET SEITAN REALM’S PRE-COOKED THANKSGIVING MEALS!!” I mean, also much more delicious too. But I’m happy that we get Zenith for Thanksgiving! The ol’ tried and true – and their cakes are the best so I’ll be content.

Chooch and I used to have a tradition of watching birthday party videos on YouTube and making fun of the kids. Maybe we will revive that trend this year. Who knows. He will probably tell us that morning that he has to work.

Dude, I have nothing else left in me. This Friday 5 is terrible but when aren’t they?!

Nov 142023
 

Here’s some quick 3 THINGS for you:

  • In a Herculean feat of Adulting, I made the unilateral decision to stay home Thanksgiving weekend. Our tradition since 2018 I think had been to choose an open amusement park and do a road trip ( with the exception of 2020 of course) and this time around we were going to go to Nickelodeon World or whatever inside the American Dream Mall in NJ. But when I say that Coaster vacation that I am STILL recapping left us living paycheck to paycheck here for a bit, wooo boy. So instead, we’re going to do a daytrip to an H-Mart in Maryland. So, like, destination grocery shopping you guys! The only kind of grocery shopping I can get behind.

  • The cats are still living on high alert thanks to the GUTTER GUYS who are taking forever. I don’t mind it too much but they are borderline derelicts and the leader is SO LOUD. It legit sounds like he is so pissed off but he actually isn’t?? At least twice an hour, I hear a HUGE COMMOTION/clattering and then “OH SHIT U AWRIGHT??” Pregnant pause. “...yeah. Yeah I’m good. Ow.” And there’s a broad who is part of the crew – Margot. The leader calls her BABE constantly. She doesn’t seem to mind though so I guess I don’t mind either, I dunno. Also before they made it to our house, they were at the next house over pulling out bushes and shit. They removed a lilac tree and I started to panic bc we also have a lilac tree, one that I have a love/hate relationship with, BUT it gives us some shielding from HNC’s house so I didn’t want it to be removed. I asked the leader one day, “you’re not gonna take my lilac tree are you?” I even used PRAYER HANDS which is a tactic I like to employ when I’m playing the role of ANTI-KERIN aka ANGEL BABY ERIN. “Yeah I’m sorry, I’m under orders to take it—Nah im just playing!! I won’t take your tree. That tree is too nice! I promise you’re tree is safe” and I was like “ok whew, close one amirite!” And then he proceeds to tell me every time I see him that my tree is safe. Ok guy, cool! Got it. Meanwhile I caught one of his workers pissing on HNC’s house and I want to NARC so bad bc I’m a grown up tattler but I also don’t want my tree to be felled in retaliation.
  • I took some more photos of chooch over the weekend to go into the consideration pile for senior portraits. He was so pissed off too because he had just come from this coding class he’s taking at Pitt (he’s getting paid $13/hr for it btw, and they gave him a brand new Surface Pro, why am I constantly so jealous of my kid) and it’s an all-day thing, 9-4, so he was “tired” and wanted “to relax” and even rationalized at one point that he will be senior until June so there is plenty of time to take pictures (I hate him lol) but then he eventually caved because I was a total manipulative mom (exactly what he always says that I am and I deny it but then prove him right within hours). So we went to our fave location, Jefferson Memorial, bc I thought it would be special to get some shots there. So, that happened. Got a few keepers!

OK BYE!

Nov 112023
 

Wow I was going to write this on Friday so it would be a Friday Five but then I forgot so here’s a Saturday (S)five I guess:

  1. HITCHHIKER BREWING CO OR SOMETHING

Dude, I’m sitting here having a Pineapple Upside Down Cake beer from this local beer joint and it is the 4th beer from this place that I have really loved. “I think this is my favorite beer personality or whatever,” I said to Henry and he knew what I meant because he has spent the last 20+ years decoding my dumbness.

Honestly though if you live in Pgh and you can procure for me their Jelly Donut one, I will love you bigly. That was my gateway beer into Hitchhiker Addiction and it’s my favorite so far. But of course I haven’t been able to find it since then and they don’t have it at their two locations. It’s legit all I want for Christmas. (OK that’s a lie, there’s a lot of things I want for Christmas, let’s be real.)

Henry and I went to Market District in search for other beers that I might like. Aside from this current Hitchhiker delight, I had a sip of some Doghead thingie pumpkin ale and it was OK. When Henry asked if I liked it, I said, “Yeah I guess but it tastes like beer so I don’t want to drink it again.” Like, if I had ordered this at a bar (or berr as I just typed), I would probably drink it down with only a light grimace but I wouldn’t be stoked about it. I tasted no pumpkin!!

Anyway, this Hitchhiker beer is a SOUR which I have been told that I LIKE but I had one in Chicago that I definitely did NOT like, so you tell me.

2. The Resort

Dude?! I am a bit behind the times on this one since I think it originally aired in 2022, but I remembered last week that we have Peacock on Roku and I needed a sitcom to watch while walking in place in the morning because the weather has not been inspirational for my AM walks and my pathetic life revolves around step counts since what, 2012? 2013? Wow, literally at least 10 years of That Pedometer Life. I hate myself.

Anyway, first I binge-watched Based on a True Story which was fun but then there is a thing that happens with a dog which, IYKYK, totally killed the spirit of the show for me.  I see no reason at all why that needed to happen, but OK. Cook on, show writers. So then I was like, “OK what is this now” and started watching the first episode of the Resort without reading the synopsis because “Oh the guy from the Good Place and Mother from How I Met Your Mother!” The first episode was very slow and I admittedly was looking at my phone a lot but then a turn was taken and just like that, bam, I was in. This show was SO GOOD. I was very sad that it was only 8 or 9 episodes and I zipped through it in like 3 days. That’s fast for me! I’m not a binge’r!!

Holy shit, this beer is getting me to me. Hello, are you still here? Am I still here?

3. That Damn WayV Song!!

I’m still on that WayV tip. “On My Youth” has taken over my life for the past week. It gives me that raw, inconsolable, “My heart is like a tooth with cavity and I’m going to keep swishing with this song like it’s hot tea spiked with bourbon, make it hurt more please!!!” feeling similar to Howard Hewett’s “This Love Is Forever” presented to me back in the 90s when I became obsessed with it after seeing the video probably on MIDNIGHT STORM or whatever BET’s late night love song video marathon was called. Quiet Storm?? No, that was on the local R&B radio station I think??

Earth to Erin!! God, this beer.

So, I used to listen to this Howard Hewett song on repeat AND WEEP. I remember vividly sleeping over my Aunt Susie’s house on NYE in 1994 because my BFF Christy and I were house-and-dog sitting for her and my uncle Mark, and I legit curled up in the fetal position and sobbed while listening to this song, totally torturing myself because I was going through probably the 17th breakup with JUSTIN KAIL, like he even rates anymore and shit I wish I had listened to Christy that night when she told me this sternly in 87 different ways, but I think on some level, this song hit me in ways where I was experiencing feelings that I didn’t understand, like I was mourning a loss that I couldn’t remember?! DOES THAT MAKE SENSE??

I told my friend Veronica this on IG because she is my only Sister from an Imaginary Korean Mister, and I knew she would GET IT and she GOT IT. She said the strings this song remind her of a movie from the 70s or 80s, a theme song from that movie, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. “Mahogany?” she suggested, and that sent me on a DIANA ROSS spiral because that damn song of hers from that movie made me feel like I had suffered the most incredible loss as I listened to it in my Pappap’s kitchen at the ripe age of 4.

Anyway, here is another version of the WayV song in question. The ending where all the different parts of the song merge together just KILLS ME DEAD. (I still prefer the Chinese version so much more but they seem to be predominately performing the English one so what can you do.)

Kun is such a bias wrecker.

4. HOWARD HEWETT IN THE HOUSETT

LOL here’s the Howard Hewett video too!

OMG the amount of mix tapes that contained that song, you guys. I had a sickness. A big one.

Ugh, I’m 15 again crying in my stupid purple bedroom.

J/K my bedroom wasn’t stupid it was fucking awesome. The predecessor to my very specific interior design tastes.

I wonder if Christy’s eye would start twitching if I sent her this song right now…

5.  Henry Wants Me to Say “Henry” for #5

I’ll allow it ONLY because he has been galloping toward the finish line re: SEOUL SUBWAY SIGN REDUX today and it is actually kind of attractive I guess. He did something cool with the audio portion of the sign this time around, which made me exclaim, “Hey so you could like, make a doorbell from scratch then?” and he was like, “Yeah, I could. Oh. Goddammit,” as he realized he just signed on to a second project when this one isn’t even done LOL j/k he’s already working on another project right now too so the doorbell would be project #3.

***

OK now I’m going to go and sample one more beer before it’s CUT-OFF time. My limit is like one full beer.

Wait I’m back. Here’s one thing I don’t like in November, like absolutely fucking despise:

UGH SO DISGUSTING!!! I almost spit it out everywhere and started to frantically cough in a way that it was scraping the taste from my throat. I hate this!!!! Roll off a cliff and die, Urban Artifact you sick fuck!!!

if I ordered this at a bar or restaurant, I would have shouted “THIS IS DISGUSTING!” to everyone within earshot and beyond as a public service.