Passing this cherry fry pie from some weird tiny gas station in Ohio called FuelMart (creative) in the car on the way to Columbus back and forth with Henry like it’s our version of a joint. We had decided on cherry and then idiot Henry who hates blueberry grabbed blueberry and didn’t realize until we left and he had to go back in and ask to exchange it. Anyway this pie was baked by some place called Whispering Pines Bakery which sounds like a Netflix series. When we parked there was an Amish person cruising by in their buggy so I’m imagining the pies were baked by them. It was pretty good!

In case you wondered what Henry and I talked about for 3 hours on this drive it’s been all BIGBANG and FREE PALESTINE.

It’s 5:17pm and we’re at Ethyl & Tank for dinner. Henry tripped SO HARD on the OSU campus that he went soaring through the air and I am so embarrassed.

Henry is sitting facing the window and goes, “I just saw him.”

OK Judy Just Pronouns. Who??

Turns out it was Brian the singer from The Home Team.

”I mean you could have SAID who it was,” I said, annoyance boiling over.

”I didn’t know his name!” Henry said defensively.

”OK you could have said the singer from The Home Team!”

”I COULDNT REMEMBER THEIR NAME EITHER.”

Jesus Christ.

Wow true to form for this area, that place was ridiculous. Kept us waiting forever only for the server to finally come over and tell us that they couldn’t make any of the veg options on the menu. AWESOME! A full thirty minutes wasted. Also the bathroom had a full swarm of flies in it. Disgusting.

So now we’re at Playa Bowl and at least we know we’re getting here. I hate OSU. Michigan FOREVER.

I ate the chocolate and then traded with Henry because the apple butter was weird with açaí.

But now we’re in line for Newport Music Hall (6:21pm) and I have nothing further to report.

10:44PM and we’re standing in this absurd line to pay for parking at the garage which is annoying but holy shit that show was incredible!

This was outside the parking garage which we finally paid our ticket for and are now en route to Pgh, ETA 2:00AM LOL UGH.

But wow, what a great show! I mean BIGBANG has certainly ruined concerts for me for life now but going by pre-BIGBANG standards this was a good show! Brian from the Home Team can SANG.

Henry out here never changing his face no matter what Henry Emotions he’s feeling. FWIW he does like The Home Team. But the drive, not so much!

ZOA attends her first non-kpop concert! She liked it.

Meanwhile I was absolutely OBSESSED with this staff member who I think was the guardian of backstage access while also sharing Henry’s face card. I sent this to Chooch said, “Ew. You can’t convince me that’s not actually him.” Henry was like I DONT SEE IT but then I was laughing myself silly imagining that dude down there looking up at the balcony like, “…Brother?!”

One thing I was meh about was that there wasn’t enough (see also: any) FREE PALESTINE or FUCK TRUMP but the first band, Unity TX, did give us an angry FUCK ICE. I’m sorry but I want — nay, expect, everyone to use there platform now and I will be side-eying those who don’t.

They were so good and got me real belligerent-feeling like let’s go flip over a cop car.
Oh! I forgot add that the last time I was at Newport Music Hall was in 2001 when Shawn and I went to see COLD and someone jumped off the balcony! I just remember being upstairs and sitting all the way at the back of the risers and no one else really was back there.

Henry down there creeping from his cave.

Heart Attack Man was next and I liked them! They reminded me of Citizen or Joyce Manor, that kind of band. So basically three very different bands on this tour which we love to see.

The girl next to Henry REALLY liked them. My throat had sympathy pains.
Speaking of the girl next to him, everyone around us on the balcony pretty much kept to themselves and maintained a good level of spatial awareness. During the second band some people arrived behind us and I worried at first that they were going to be TALKERS but they weren’t annoying at all and one of them had a big Victorian-like fan that she was using to fan herself and her friend but we were also benefitting from it.

12:04am We’re driving through a wicked lightning storm and I hate it so much.

We got home around 2:15AM after shockingly only making ONE stop at a Love’s outside of Columbus. Henry just powered through the whole 3 hour drive, fueled by whatever energy drink du jour he was chugging and a loud BIGBANG playlist. I did the Lord’s work by staying awake out of solidarity. 

I’m a real peach like that.

Anyway! Here is a video of the two openers, Unity TX and Heart Attack Man:

And some snippets of (some) of my favorite The Home Team songs:

Well, that’ll do it. I fear this is going to turn into a music blog for the next several weeks/mths because we have Riot Fest coming up this weekend + too much more all in a short span of time and I’m concerned about my age showing up because even just after last night, my back was SCREAMING at me on the walk to the parking garage, ughhh. But was it worth it? OH GOD YES. This band has been on constant rotation for me since last spring after having a moderate level of appreciation for them but then hearing an acoustic version of Walk This World and I was like, “Oh, it’s like THAT, is it?” So yes, 100% worth it to see them live. Even after Chooch was like, “Why are you guys coming home after that and not just going to Chicago?” and I was like….wait….yeah, why didn’t we plan it that way, we’re so stupid. But then I remembered that I originally only took off Friday & Monday from work but then later requested off yesterday and today and Henry has the whole week off so yeah, we could have done that. Idiots.

SETLIST:

• • • • • ACT I BIGBANG
          • • FANTASTIC BABY
            • HANDS UP
            • TONIGHT
            • BLUE
            • LOSER
            • IF YOU
            • BAD BOY
            • BAE BAE
            • HARU HARU
            • LIES
              • Band interlude with “La La La” “Fxxk It” “Flower Road” “Alive”
        • ACT II CHAOS
          • • UNIVERSE (Daesung solo)
            • WINGS (Daesung solo)
            • HANDO-CHOGUA (Daesung solo)
            • LOOK AT ME GWISUN (Daesung solo)
            • BAD (Taeyang solo)
            • RINGA LINGA (Taegyang solo)
            • LIVE FAST DIE SLOW (Taeyang solo)
            • POWER (GD solo)
            • CRAYON (GD solo)
            • CROOKED (GD solo)
        • ACT III COSMOS
          • • BANG BANG BANG
            • STUPID LIAR
            • SOBER
            • WE LIKE 2 PARTY
            • BiiiG
            • HOME SWEET SWEET (GD’s song featuring Daesung and Taeyang)
        • ENCORE
          • • MY HEAVEN
            • SUNSET GLOW
            • LAST FAREWELL
            • FEELING
            • FLOWER ROAD
            • STILL LIFE

OK, it’s now or never. This is going to be a mess because I’m still in the *SCREAMS IN HANGUEL* stage of my post-concert depression but what better time to do a recap I guess?

First of all, I have never been to a stadium concert before. I don’t think the Stray Kids one last year counts because that venue in Toronto was weird and didn’t seem nearly as big as MetLife. Once we got to our section and started walking down the steps, I was like, “WHOA.” (Please also remember I do not go to football games, LOL. I have never even once set foot inside Heinz Field or whatever the fuck they’re calling it these days.) I never even really went to ARENA concerts before I got into Kpop. I’m a small venue girlie! I like my bands relatively unknown, I guess.

So, this was next level.

We were in section 115, row 21, seats 1 and 2. I had the presale code because I’m a true VIP (no literally, I pay to be in BIGBANG’s fan club because I’m a kid) but I refused to get floor seats. I did that for Stray Kids and we couldn’t see anything! I do highkey regret not splurging for one of the VIP packages but there was no soundcheck with any of them though!

Anyway, sometime after 8PM the video for BIGBANG’s new single BIIIG was playing on the screen and then suddenly the volume was jacked up and everyone was like LET’S GOOOOOOO!! This is my favorite thing about big shows (Again, never have seen non-Kpop concerts in big venues – aside from Bon Jovi and Phil Collins in the 1990s LOL – so I don’t know if this is a universal signal for “show’s about to start, people” or if it’s just a Kpop thing? Chat, comment and let me know lol). I started crying and mewling, “OMG OMG OMG” immediately. Nothing could have prepared me for this moment.

Ten years, you guys. Ten years. Because of course they were last in the US in 2015 when I was only equating Kpop to “fun workouts, yay!” If only I was one year sooner.

Once the opening VR ended, they came out to FANTASTIC BABY! EVERYONE WAS SCREAMING! I have never felt more connected to strangers ever in my life at a concert but you could just FEEL 50,000 people being healed at once. It was party vibes from then until 11PM.

My pictures and videos are shit because WHO CARES?? I WAS FANNING MYSELF OVER BIGBANG AND CRYING AND DOING FACE-SPLITTING SMILING AND PINCHING MYSELF AND JUST BEING IN ABSOLUTE AWE.

Henry even stood up the whole time! (Except during the breaks but even I was sitting down for those too.) I hate that I always have to stress this but Henry genuinely likes Kpop but even moreso he sincerely LOVES BIGBANG. He was folding clothes in Chooch’s room over the weekend blasting them! Right now as I write this, he’s singing BANG BANG BANG to Penelope!

Let’s ask him what his favorite part: “I don’t have a favorite part, I liked it all.” OK. Great talk.

I think for me, my favorite part was literally just being in the same place as them after ten years of fanatically watching their live performances on YouTube and wishing that someday I could see them and feel that energy. It is everything I imagined it would be plus so much more. Their charisma is unmatched. They are considered legends for a reason – they are effortless performers, our unsynchronized kings.

AND THEY ARE SO FUNNY! Their banter — OMG I finally got to see them fuck around with each other in real life and it was like 50,000 of us were in on inside jokes all night long. Daesung mocking us for mumbling the Korean parts. Taeyang saying, “No. Don’t tell me to take it off” and talking about being old. G-Dragon recognizing Those LED Girls and just looking like he was having the best time being back on stage with his brothers.

They ALL looked happy. Like BIGBANG never stopped. Like no time has passed.

AND DAESUNG BROUGHT THE TROT TO NEW JERSEY! Trot is like traditional Korean pop music, like easy-listening soft rock for old Korean people. But Daesung loves to sing trot and even PERFORMED HIS TROT SONGS AT COACHELLA. It was the first time trot was ever performed at Coachella and WE WERE FREAKING IT OUT! It was such a “OH HE DID THAT!!” moment.

I never thought I would get to see Daesung in real life!! And my favorite part is that his styling during this comeback is so similar to his look for the FXXK IT comeback era which is when he quickly my first BIAS:

This was 10 years and he still looks that good!

I feel like after every song, I turned around and mouthed, “HOLY SHIT I’M DYING” to Henry.

From finally hearing Daesung’s live vocals, watching Taeyang dance, and literally having religious moments over G-Dragon’s entire aura (THAT MAN IS TRULY ONE OF A KIND), the overstimulation was real.

Is this what Beatlemania was like??

“Lies” is one of my favorite songs of all time and I actually had to stop listening to it during the “dark years” for BIGBANG because it upset me too much. I am so happy to be able to enjoy it again and SEE THEM PERFORM IT LIVE!!

Taeyang’s solo set was majestic – “Bad,” “Live Fast Die Hard” and ofc “Ringa Linga.”

GD did “Power,” “Crayon,” and “Crooked” and I know this was a BIGBANG show but HOLY SHIT, seeing GD’s solo performances will never get old to me. He is mesmerizing. I follow a GF Fashion account and love to see them posting the designers and costs of everything he was wearing. Usually that stuff sickens me but with GD, I’m like, “YES KING” because he doesn’t seem like an entitled asshole about it.

I use this app called Minutiae and you get 5 seconds to take a picture of what’s in front of you, no filters, whenever the notification comes through. I’m usually ALWAYS AT HOME but this time I WAS AT BIGBANG!!!

I loved seeing Jiyong so happy and free.

I was texting my friend Lauren about this the next day because when we used to work in the office, I sat behind her and we would gush over GD’s fashion together. She was one of the few people who was genuinely nice to me about my…lifestyle transitioning lol and willing to watch Kpop videos, etc. Anyway, I was like, “Yeah and he was wearing an I <3 NY shirt that probably cost $5000.” But then the GD Fashion site was like, “Actually…” so I had to send it to her, like, “Well, I undershot that one.” LOL. It was like $7000+!!! KING.

Taeyang doing the full bow at the end. I’m crying.

Some of my favorite moments:

• GD remembering Those LED Girls from his Ubermensch solo concert last year in Newark. I love these girls – they’ve popped up at so many Kpop concerts I’ve been to over the years. I’m not sure if this is accurate but I feel like they started doing this at NCT concerts? Anyway, I love how GD says “stop it”!!

• Daesung jokingly mocking us for mumbling the Korean parts LOL. Bro, the struggle is real though. I have been trying to learn Korean since 2017 and even though I can sing these songs in my head, my tongue does not want to cooperate when it’s time to belt out loud.

• OMG my stomach hurt from laughing – it was like a comedy show in between songs with these three:

G-Dragon’s Instagram story used a Backstreet Boys songs AND at one point, when he said something about carefully planning the comeback step by step, he paused and started singing NKOTB’s Step by Step:

Jeff Benajmin wrote a really great recap for Billboard: BIGBANG Celebrate 20 Years at MetLife Stadium Concert: Best Moments

OMG Henry has decided to contribute! Here are his favorite picks of the night:

Henry is a super fanboy for BIIIG; anytime it comes on in the car he turns it up:

OMG I’m so happy he included this one because I loved it so much too – Daesung is such a shining diamond:

I can’t believe it’s over. I have been having the best time commiserating with other post-concert depression afflicted VIPs on Threads, where all of my BIGBANG content actually gets engagement. I’m at LET’S GET BIGBANG TATTOOS levels of hysteria right now. (Henry and I have actually talked about getting a matching GD peaceminusone daisy on our hand so maybe we will do that at some point?!) I just want to run around my neighborhood and scream STAN BIGBANG but all my MAGA neighbors will be like, “Stan what now? Is this a new rifle manufacturer I should know about?”)

It’s crazy the amount of nostalgia I felt for something that I have only been into for 10 years. There is something about the older BIGBANG songs though that actually make me feel like I had experienced it in real time back in the early 2000s. Ugh, I really wish I had. You know, I always blame Henry for this because before he moved in with me, I used to have all of these TV channels and some of them were Asian so in like, 2000 and 2001 I was watching Kdramas and Kpop videos without even knowing it was Korean, just that I was obsessed with it. But then Henry moved in and eventually was like, “WE PAY TOO MUCH FOR CABLE, A LOT OF THESE CHANNELS ARE UNNECESSARY” and cut back on it but in doing so, all of my Asian channels were taken away. (He wasn’t talking about those ones when he wanted to cut back, but the Asian channels were a part of whatever deluxe packaging he wanted to get rid of. To be fair, we did not have much money back then, LOL.) But yeah, I think about that sometimes because what if I still had those channels and got to be there for BIGBANG’s debut in 2006??? (See also: The year of Chooch’s debut.)

I was desperate to see them and now I’m desperate to see them AGAIN. G-Dragon said that this is just the beginning and they have more new music coming so FINGERS CROSSED that this wasn’t just a once in a lifetime moment for me.

I am sure I have written about this at some point but I thought it would be worth repeating before getting into the meat of the BIGBANG concert to give more context to what this meant to me. It’s so much more than just their music.

OK, PICTURE ME CRACKING MY KNUCKLES HERE REAL QUICK.

So, in 2015 I started accidentally doing Kpop cardio workouts, having no idea what it was, just that I was having so much fun. I liked the music but it was also the aerobic rendition of the dance moves and the instructors that kept me coming back. I wasn’t actively looking up the music videos or anything. This was STRICTLY AEROBIC.

Then, in early 2016, we had a ton of trauma involving my aunt Sharon and my grandparent’s house. She had basically become incapacitated and after years of not allowing anyone in the house, my brother and mom had to break in after she wasn’t responding to them. Long story short, she had been HEAVY HOARDING, ended up in the hospital and went from bad to worse to gone in the span of a several months. We also found out that the house was no longer in the family and belonged to the bank. Months and months of cleaning out the house (and it’s…not a small house) and trying to salvage what we could, plus a fallout with my brother and TONS of repressed grief flooding back sent me on a scary spiral. I was so depressed and stressed that even people at work were like, “No offense but you look really…tired.” I had TONS of gray hair sprouting out left and right on top of it all plus I had all but completely stopped doing my Kpop workouts and started stress eating.

By the end of 2016, I thought maybe it would help to have a Xmas party because in addition to my personal strife, TRUMP had just been elected for his first term and we were ALL going through it. I was making a playlist for it and Henry was like, “JESUS CHRIST, what kind of a playlist is this!? It sounds like funeral music!” because I was purposely filling it with goth and sad boy emo. To be a shit, I sneered, “FINE, I’LL ADD SOME KPOP THEN!” and threw on some stuff that I recognized from my workouts.

This essentially had me revisiting those workouts and then becoming mildly parasocial obsessed with this one girl—Jellybeannose. She made a few routines that I genuinely liked but admittedly most of her videos were too advanced for me because they weren’t the aerobicly watered down versions of choreo but the ACTUAL choreography from various Kpop videos. It turned out she used to go to various Kpop conventions and MC this thing called “random dance” where they play 20 – 30 seconds of popular Kpop songs and if you know the dance, you run out into the middle floor and do it. At some point she had won a dance competition or something which had her going to KOREA. Now look, I still at this point was not into Korea at all, knew nothing about it, had still never even watched a Kpop video. I was just ALL ABOUT THE FITNESS. So, now she’s in Korea and posting these vlogs on YouTube and I’m sitting here like, wow, I have never really paid attention to Korea before outside of horror movies….

At some point that December, she had a video where her and two friends were so excited because a new BIGBANG video had come out, so they filmed themselves reacting to it. Now, this was 2016, so unlike reaction videos today, you couldn’t see what they were watching, the camera was just showing them. And they were POPPIN’ OFF over this video. Rolling on the floor screaming about G-Dragon, who had what hair color. So after this, I said to probably just my cats, “Well, now I have to watch this video and see for myself.”

The song in question:

When I say I was hooked…

I don’t know where Henry was at the time but I distinctly remember him coming home (probably from THE STORE) and screaming at him, “YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS, I’M OBSESSED.”

And from there it was, “I wonder which one is G-Dragon?”

And then, “I wonder what’s so great about G-Dragon…..oh. I get it now.”

And then, “I will never learn their names.”

And then, “Kang Daesung was my first bias but now I love G-Dragon and his Korean name is Kwon Jiyong.”

It didn’t take long for Henry and Chooch to get on board. Soon we were watching variety shows that BIGBANG had appeared on, like Running Man and Knowing Bros. And then Henry’s looking up flights to Korea “just to see.”

But the thing is, I was at rock bottom in 2016. Maybe I was having suicidal ideations. I felt lost. Angry. Sad. Traumatized. Losing my grandparents’ house–the house I spent most of my childhood in and held only good memories for me–was gone. My aunt Sharon, who I was estranged from, was gone. There was no closure. Every day felt like one continuous nightmare.

Then this shiny group of Korean guys with pastel hair came into my life and opened up a whole new world to me, literally. I became so interested in Korean culture SO QUICKLY and felt this odd sense of comfort and familiarity which is crazy because I obviously had never been to Korea before and I had never even considered going there. But the language did some kind of magical massage on my brain (and heart) and suddenly I was a new person, with a new lifestyle and interests. I was so excited to come home from work every day, eat Korean food and watch K-dramas after doing K-cardio. I had 10 years worth of BIGBANG backlog to dive into on YouTube. Music shows. Award shows. Variety shows.

Maybe saying “BIGBANG saved my life” comes off as super melodramatic and eye-rolly, but at the very least, they CHANGED my life. I never want to go back to how I was prior to this.

Of course, right after I started “stanning” them (another thing I quickly learned about then!) I also learned about Korea’s mandatory military requirement and how Kpop idols aren’t exempt. And just my luck, one of the BIGBANG members was set to enlist early in 2017, so soon after I got into them.

From there, it’s been scandals and heartbreak galore, to the point where it seemed like BIGBANG was never getting back together. I would never get to see them. VIPs (their fandom name) were depressed but refused to give up. We kept holding on, even when BTS’s shitty and toxic fans tried to create more scandals and rumors, cyber bullied VIPs, etc. while their stupid  group rose up and took BIGBANG’s top spot during their hiatus.

It’s been a long and depressing 10 years, and to be honest, after awhile I couldn’t even listen to their music anymore because it hurt so much.

One of the members was involved in a scandal so big that actual documentaries were made about it (one of Chooch’s friends watched it and texted him like, “Hey isn’t G-Dragon that guy your mom likes?” and I was so excited that he was asking Chooch and Chooch goes, “Yeah but it’s because he watched something about the Burning Sun scandal.” UGH.) and another member literally had to go on military trial for MARIJUANA ACCUSATIONS and ended up in the hospital in a coma after overdosing because of the fucking stress of it all. Thank god he survived, but he left the entertainment industry after that, and only just recently came back (he was in season 2 of Squid Game!) and just put out a solo album too! Unfortunately, he officially left BIGBANG.

Last summer, G-Dragon did his solo tour and teased a BIGBANG reunion because this year is their 20th anniversary. We already knew that he is still very good friends with two other members—Daesung and Taeyang—but he kept dropping these little hints that it was going to be 4 of them. So, we all really thought he was going to get T.O.P. to come back.

But, it didn’t happen. And you know, I think most of us normal fans are at peace with that now. T.O.P. is thriving on his own and we’re happy about that, and BIGBANG is back as a trio and while that was hard to accept at first, it’s actually really awesome seeing them so happy together.

They made their official debut as a trio at one of the end of the year Korean awards shows when Daesung and Taeyang came out to perform Home Sweet Home with G-Dragon, a song on his solo album that features them. Then they also did two old BIGBANG songs together and it was UNREAL. The younger idols in the audience were freaking out so hard!

Anyway, when BIGBANG announced their world tour a few mths ago, I was so excited but also super emotional about it because HOLY SHIT WAS I FINALLY GOING TO GET TO SEE BIGBANG?! Even if it was just three of them, BEGGARS CAN’T BE CHOOSERS!

All of this should help you understand why I was legit SICK TO MY STOMACH on the drive to New Jersey Friday morning. Literally, I almost three up. Sure, maybe some of that was because I drank too. much coffee in a very short time frame, but I think nerves and crazy heightened emotions had a lot to do with it.

This was more than “Oh look, Erin is being fucking sappy about music again.” This was something that felt so unbelievable to me, something that I had resigned myself to accept was never going to happen. I was grateful that I had gotten to see G-Dragon and Taeyang solo, but hearing BIGBANG songs performed live was not in the cards.

Literally the whole drive there, I kept thinking, “This isn’t real, this isn’t real.” And yet….

*************

After a light lunch at some place called Third Wave Cafe (I had an acai bowl and who cares what Henry had, I was too busy ignoring the loud college baseball players next to us and watching the women’s doubles US Open finals) we were able to check in to our hotel, get ready, and then immediately go to MetLife Stadium a bit after 3PM. Henry had prepaid for parking and they said the lot was opening at 3:30, but it was already opened when we got there, AND there was already a huge line for early merch which was was the whole reason why we got there early. WTF MetLife.

But first! On our way through the parking lot to the merch line, WE HEARD DAESUNG SOUNDCHECKING ONE OF HIS SOLO SONGS – UNIVERSE! I started crying IMMEDIATELY. My first time hearing Daesung’s voice in real life?!

I’m going to keep this next part short and sweet but early merch wasn’t supposed to start until 3:30 but apparently opened early so by the time we got in line around 3:15 it was already outrageously long (though—it didn’t LOOK that long) and the line was cut off shortly after we got into it.

It ended up being THREE HOURS in that line, under a cloudless sky, the sun beating us while we were down. There was not one happy person in that line after the first hour passed, ESPECIALLY the girl right behind us who was basically standing on our backs she was so up in our space!

After hour two, Henry finally got out of line to fetch waters for us because I was legitimately starting to sway and my mouth was so gummy. Then some asshole MetLife white male yelled at him for trying to get back into line when EVERYONE was doing it. YOU CANNOT FUCKING DENY US WATER, YOU DUMB FUCK. So Henry went to the other side of the line and got back in that way. It wasn’t cutting! We were letting people back in the whole time because groups of people were sending one person out to get food and drinks. No one was being nefarious about it.

Long story short, nearly everything was sold out by the time it was our turn, but I got a shirt and Henry got the hat we wanted and we would never stand in line for that long for ANYONE ELSE. And trust me, you should have seen the merch lines inside so it was either get it out of the way with plenty of time to spare before the show started or wait for doors to open and risk missing part of the concert.

It was annoying but I don’t blame BIGBANG. This was equal parts the stadium and YG. Like, know the demand! Nothing should be selling out. Kpop fans in general are coming with $$$ to spend. We are prepared. I was ready to drop a ton on merch but in the end I had to buy some of the things I wanted online, so whatever. It is what it is! At the end of the day, I was still seeing BIGBANG so who cares if I couldn’t get the super amazing cool beautiful BIGBANG canvas jacket that I had my eye on. :/

Seeing the same people for three hours like cattle in a corral was wild. And yet we talked to no one somehow. Although this one girl was talking about G-Dragon’s dog and I was SO TEMPTED to whip out my phone and show her the picture I have of him when I was staying at G-Dragon’s pension in 2019, LOL. Henry was side-eying me because he really thought I was going to lose control and do it because she was really annoying but in the end I didn’t want to look like an asshole. (I am an asshole though.)

Finally out of the merch line! The gates had been opened for an hour by then so we had no problem getting right in, no line.

“Henry take a picture of me in front of the BIGBANG sign.”

Henry takes picture and doesn’t even say, “hey you can’t see the whole sign move over.” I REALLY want to keep bringing him to concerts because he’s my merch holder but I need someone else to come who can actually take a picture like a normal person with thumbs. I don’t understand what his issue is.

I made him take another one obviously!!

We got to our seats around 7PM, an hour before it was starting. I was so excited!! Actually being in our seats was helping me calm down.

Oh also, at one point when we were in the merch line from hell, Henry said all whinily, “Why didn’t you get VIP? Did you have the option to?”

Are you kidding me? This man is now begging for VIP tickets after frowning in the past about the cost of them!?

“I don’t know I was trying to not go in debt like I was last year with the G-Dragon tickets?!” Jesus Christ, Henry. YOU go through the Ticketmaster presale turmoil next time!!

You guys. This is me waiting to see BIGBANG IN THE FLESH. NOT ON YOUTUBE.

Henry failing to take a cute picture of me again but I kept this because I liked my hair (shout out Gemma at Bella Salon—KARA IF YOU ARE READING THIS I THINK SHE IS THE ONE WHO DID YOUR HAIR FOR YOUR WEDDING???).

And now perhaps some Charmera snaps??

Henry still hasn’t recovered from the merch line, LOL. It’s amazing how tiring just STANDING for three hours can really make you. I haven’t even stood in line for a roller coaster for three hours. Not even airport lines. BIGBANG, you really are something.

Their new 20th anniversary light stick was sold out at our merch booth and apparently most of the inside ones too but luckily I had my old BIGBANG bang bong. I brought my G-Dragon daisy bong for Henry to use too lol. (He actually held it through the whole concert but wouldn’t wave it.)

I was being so fucking annoying and I don’t care. I needed pictures of myself to document this monumental moment in my life. OMFG I SAW BIGBANG!!!!!!?!@@><

This was still a bit before it started but it was sold out. Usually they will say it’s sold out and then you look on Ticketmaster and there are still a ton of TicketMaster Platinum and resell tickets but this time there were just a small handful of resells and they ranged from $1500 to $5000. Fuck you.

So yeah, the number I saw was something over 50,000. That many VIPs all in one stadium, it felt like a homecoming. And what I loved about it was that it was an older crowd and almost seemed split 50/50 men and women. In fact, there were two guys next to Henry, lightsticks and all! I only mention this because I think Kpop in general has a reputation for being something that mostly only girls like but just like G-Dragon’s concerts, there were tons of men shamelessly wearing BIGBANG shirts and hats and waving their lightsticks. The man on the other side of me had a special edition BIGBANG Japan lightstick! I was so jealous!

There was a girl in front of us who turned around and smiled at us when we bumbled to our seats (Henry the oaf nearly trampled two girls in our row) so when Henry went to look for a lightstick (he failed that mission but came back with beer), she turned around and started chatting with me. WONDERFUL PERSON! And I know I called her a girl here but she was actually 45 years old and looked like she was in her 20s! Her name is Marina and she came there that morning from DC on Amtrak. She was actually born in France though and spent a lot of her childhood in Morocco because of her dad’s job so she knows Arabic too. This came up when she asked me if I knew Korean and my response was, “Yeah, in my head,” lol.

I didn’t get a picture of her because then Henry came back and killed the vibe, but here’s the back of her!

I’m sad that we didn’t exchange socials because she was super sweet, but she left right before the encore.

I can’t stress enough how magical it was to be under the same….sky? as so many VIPs. I know most of us have really been going through it because being a BIGBANG fan has not been easy these last 10 years. In fact, I remember standing in line for the Kang Daniel concert in Toronto, chatting with the person in front of me. When she asked me who my favorite group was and I said, “BIGBANG,” she gave me the most sympathetic purse of her lip and said, “I’m so sorry.” Thank you? LOL.

This was so healing and cathartic for a lot of us. I know it. CONCERT DETAILS FORTHCOMING!!!!!! IT WILL BE ANNOYING!

I fear that I will never recover from last night you guys was that even real did I really actually see MOTHERFUCKING BIGBANG?? The EMPERORS of Kpop?! Your idols’ idols?! The pioneers of “paving the way”? The ones who walked so others could run? They are untouchable. True artists and I am AWESTRUCK.

We’re on our way home now, after stopping by Chooch’s Dunkin’ in Philly to drop some stuff off for him (not drugs, just a bicycle pump and jeans – boring) and I can’t stop thinking about last night.

It’s going to take me a few days to collect my thoughts on here but in the meantime here is what I wore! Nothing too flashy—I’m more comfort-concerned than fashionably creative (but goddamn there were some AMAZING cosplay outfits last night).

G-Dragon (and Taeyang) were born in 1988 and G-Dragon often wears Seoul 88 Olympics hats and is famously obsessed with the number 8. I bought this jacket on eBay last year in hopes of someday having the opportunity to wear it to another GD concert or BIGBANG (I was really high-hoping at that point!).

My shoes are GD’S Peaceminusone Paranoise Air Force 1s but I ended up not wearing them because they’re not broken in and good thing I swapped them for my Vans because we ended up standing in a merch line for 3 hours outside in the blazing sun before doors opened (this is not hyperbolic – it was probably actually longer than 3 hours but the sheer unbridled joy of the actual concert wiped that bad memory from the brain bank).

Also!! We made a friend. Well, Henry did. Her name is Michelle and she was staying ah our hotel. Henry was in the elevator with her earlier that day and they were talking about how they’re both going to BIGBANG and she was nervous about getting back so he offered to meet up after and give her a ride. Thank god she trusted him because when I finally met her after the concert, we started yammering on to each other like we were old friends and it was the most organic and natural conversation I’ve had with a stranger in a long time! We’re IG friends now and she said she is making me an honorary Korean which was the best end to an already incredible night. I am FLOATING today.

I waited my whole Kpop life (10 years!) for this day and it is finally here – we’re on our way to see my ultimate #1 not-just-Kpop but all-time band (tied with the Cure). BIGBANG IS FINALLY HERE!

I’m not liveblogging because I just want to listen to them the whole there while looking out the window dreamily.

I CANT WAIT TO BE WITH 50,000 OTHER VIPS! I CANT WAIT TO SEE DAESUNG LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME! I CANT WAIT TO HEAR “LIES”! I CANT WAIT TO CRY WITH EVERYONE ELSE DURING “HARU HARU” AND “STILL LIFE”!!!

I’m a mess.

P.S. Henry said he is most excited for “BIIIG” and “Fantastic Baby” – he likes the anthems the most!

Saturday night had us doing another “Who knows what this even is” event that I found a month ago when looking up local shows to check out. As usual, I did the bare minimum research, enough to determine that I liked what I heard, and then bought tickets. (Ah, these $15 non-Kpop local shows have had me spoiled! You should see my PayPal Credit balance now that Kpop concerts are picking back up, UGH). Four small bands promoting a 4 way split release? In the words of the great Truman from Pappo’s, “LET’S DO IT.”

We got to Bottlerocket a bit before doors and chilled at the bar. This place is AMAZING. The 70s vibes are chef’s kiss! The wood paneling made me feel swaddled in a cloth cut from my childhood. The old school game shows playing on the vintage TVs around the bar were fantastic alone but when it switched to BATTLE OF THE NETWORK STARS I was wigging the fuck OUT. You guys, that was my SHIT. I can’t remember what TV station played a weekend long marathon of this in the early 00s but I watched it all until my eyes turned bloodshot and I walked away with a concerning crush on ROBERT CONRAD and the addition of “hullaballoo” to my already stupid lexicon.

Coincidentally, one week before this, we were at that Sleazy Femme Film Fest at the Glitterbox. In the Kentucky drag queen documentary from the 80s, he referenced BATTLE OF THE NETWORK STARS!!! Granted, it was in a disparaging sense, but still!

This Kennywood poster is fucking outstanding.

Too much Steelers stuff though.

Gays for Carter!

My hair looks nice now at least (Thanks, Gemma!) but my face still looks old and haggish. Can’t have it all. (Not on MY salary, anyway!)

Bottlerocket’s thing is hotdogs. First, Henry was like, “ME NO NEED DOG-DOG. ME ALREADY EAT DIN-DIN.” But members of some of the bands were sitting across from us, openly and heartily enjoying a buffet of hotdogs so Henry’s will power eventually crumbled faster than his face whenever I’m doing something that makes him frown.

“That one kid just ate like 5 hotdogs in a row,” Henry frowned, and then ordered his own shortly after. Color him inspired.

I had to send action shots to Chooch who responded: “Ew don’t send me this.”

I felt super comfy here. Woman at the door was really nice, bartender was really nice. Ambiance was nice. It was just NICE.

After our recent Roboto experience, we were heavily scrutinizing every person that walked in, trying to determine if they were connected to any of the bands and if we were, once again, going to be the outliers. There was a healthier crowd this time overall but I do think we were still the outliers LOL.

OK, enough small talk! Let’s get into the bands because I am now obsessed with all four.

First up was Kwarter Zip from right here in Pittsburgh! They introduced us to their brand new drummer, Josh, who had to learn all of their songs in like 2 days when their original drummer quit. They said the only bad thing about Josh is that he’s from Philly and a Flyers fan, “so that sucks.”

Then Josh said he needed a second to fix something before they started the next song and the singer goes, “Our new drummer, Josh, everyone. He’s from Philly and he needs a second.” I don’t know why this was so funny to me but I’m also the same person who has been obsessed with ringer tees and the word “hullaballoo” ever since one weekend watching Battle of the Network Stars.

I really liked them! Good, solid Pittsburgh emo.

The next band was Lofting (from Lancaster!) and the singer was the “kid who just ate like 5 hotdogs in a row” LOL. I laughed to myself over this then quickly grew concerned and hoped he wouldn’t barf up there.

He did not.

And they ended up being my favorite band of the night (all of the bands were so good though!!).

I sent Chooch one of the videos I took of them and he goes, “Wow, they’re allowed to do that in Lancaster?” LOL.

One thing I will say, since there were so many hotdogs being doled and ingested by all, the hotdog stench was unhinged in the area around the stage. At the bar where it was actually being cooked in a gas station-style rotating box thing? No stench. Near the stage? Smelled like fermented Ballparks. Like everyone at their hotdogs and then collectively sweat the juices out through their pores. It was incredible to witness, in a Biblical, 1000 ft tsunami wave sense. Like three-day old cookout garbage left out to fester in humid conditions, only the odor was being emitted from concert-sweaty armpits.

MMmm.

I was holding my breath a lot.

Third band was Be Safe from Frostburg, Maryland and their style of emo is the kind that breaks hearts but then kindly helps you sweep up the pieces. Did that make sense? Do you even come here expecting sense, though?

This evening was giving me such mini-Bled Fest vibes and I was loving it so much.

In between each band, I rejoined Henry at the bar. He never moved once except to use the bathroom. Every time I came back, he had a new war story for me (“I don’t know what this lady is doing but she keeps standing so close to me and it’s bothering me!” or “That one girl has been walking around talking to everyone.” Incredible updates, truly.)

Last but not least, Short Fictions from Pittsburgh! This was Henry’s favorite band of the night although he did say, “They were all good. I liked them all. It was good.” They had a video of hamsters playing in the background, and the singer was talking about how his hamster (“Hammy, because kids are so fucking creative”) died when he was in third grade and not only did his mom go to the school and have him called to the office to tell him, but she also brought Hammy’s corpse with her. This made me think about how I had two hamsters in high school and then one ate the other because the pet store people didn’t think to tell me, a teenager, that hamsters shouldn’t cohabitate. I think that’s a trauma I haven’t properly processed.

(One of my hamsters was a girl and I named her Bizzette after Bizzy Bone from Bone Thugs n Harmony which is a detail I need you to know.)

The singer reminded me of my friend Wonka in a way.

Anyway, they’re playing at Bottlerocket again on 11/15 so maybe Henry will be inspired to go see his new favorite band again and beast another hot dog??

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Of course I bought the split release too! What a great night at a great venue with great bands.

And real quick, we’ll end with my Charmera snaps from the night:

HENRY’S HOT DOG. It had coleslaw and “bottlerocket” sauce on it.

Hot dog mastication in progress.

Kwarter Zip.

Lofting.

Be Safe.

Short Fictions.

No bad moments, no complaints, not a bad seed in the crowd.

The infamous four-way split!

I have loved all of the concerts we have gone to this year and how they have been in such varying genres that it’s almost whiplash-inducing. But I have been ACHING for Kpop. The last one we went to was Key in December of 2025!!! There just haven’t been any of the “big ones” touring this year that will make me shake my wallet out like a spiritual summoning and since NO KPOP CONCERTS ever happen in Pittsburgh, I can’t justify road-tripping for a nugu group that I only semi-stan just to get a Kpop fix.

But you guys!!! In two weeks, I am going to see my ULTIMATE GROUP, MY FOREVER #1s, THE GROUP THAT GOT ME INTO KPOP AND KOREAN-EVERYTHING TO BEGIN WITH:

THE LEGENDARY BIGBANG!!!

Oh, I am SICK TO MY STOMACH over this one. Even Henry is totally stoked for it. JFC I never thought I would get to see them in real life!!

I am going to be insufferable (even more than usual) when this happens.

Then, I just TODAY got tickets to see TAEMIN AGAIN!!!! This time he is performing at arenas, as he should. I am so excited for this. However, I only bought one ticket so Henry will be sitting alone wherever he is able to get a ticket for on the day of, lol. This one is in October. I’m so happy and grateful, my heart is filling more full just at the thought of being around Kpop stans again. (The normal ones.)

This fucking angel baby:

Prior to this, Ten (WayV / NCT / SuperM) announced a N. American tour and I got us tickets to see him in Baltimore! They were $60 each! Literally the cheapest Kpop concert tickets I’ve ever bought (this was artist presale but I think even face value is that cheap) which is CRAZY because Ten is my ult NCT bias (tied with Haechan). I had the privilege of seeing him with SuperM in 2019*  but never with WayV and never solo so I am SHAKING over this one! It’s three weeks after Taemin, in November!

Just knowing that these are all on the horizon has me feeling more myself than I have all year and I am READY to break out my lightsticks and scream my throat raw!

(Not Kpop but we’re also seeing the Korean band LEENALCHI at the Warhol in November, as well! I’m so happy! Remind me of this post next time I’m whining and complaining about something dumb.)

*I think this may have been the last Kpop concert went to with me. :( It was also my first time seeing Taemin!

“What kind of bands are these, now?” Henry deigned to ask when we were on our way to Mr. Roboto for that night’s Casa San Jose fundraiser show. It’s almost like he’s  afraid to ask so he just waits until the last possible minute.

I was only able to find stuff from 90 Seconds til Midnight and The Give & Take online, but I liked what I heard and knew that Henry wouldn’t object to any of it once it started. But, Brenda…when we got there, one of the bands was sound-checking to an empty room. It was 7:30 at that point.

And it was just us and the sound guy in there. We sat down on a bench against the wall and I immediately felt so awkward. But then another person arrived!

And it turns out he was the friend/photographer of the first performer and would end up leaving right after that. But it was still nice to have someone sitting next to us so we looked less fish out of water.

Eventually, 4 girls and a guy came from the back of the venue so I was like, “Oh thank god, people were just chilling out there until now,” and felt less cooked. UNTIL I QUICKLY REALIZED THAT THEY WERE ALL FRIENDS / GIRLFRIENDS OF 90 SECONDS TIL MIDNIGHT.

It was almost 8pm at this point and nothing was happening except for the band fucking around on stage and getting photos taken. So I joined in with the photo taking session.

“Where are the other people?” Henry hissed uncomfortably.

This was around the point where I admitted to Henry that when the ticket guy was checking us off the list, I glanced at what appeared to be only 4 names on it but I didn’t want to say anything because THIS HAD JUST HAPPENED TO US earlier that week at another event — why do I keep choosing these random events that no one knows about?!

Really definitely 100% positively not fitting in at all but still being so happy to be there LOL. (Well, one of us was happy to be there. Henry is wearing his, “Why do you keep doing this to me?” face.)

Henry being like, “WHAT EXACTLY IS THIS THAT WE’RE HERE FOR AGAIN?”

Soundcheck photoshoot.

My aunt Susie also loves shelties and had two of them when I was a teenage: Coco and Pebbles! She had Coco first and when she got the second one and asked for name suggestions, I said, “Pebbles!” and was only moderately joking, but she liked it and kept it! And that has been the story about my aunt and her Shelties.

Eventually, The Give and Take arrived and mentioned something about car issues. I really enjoyed their set, but it was just me, 90 Seconds + their entourage, and the Give and Take’s photographer that were standing in front of the stage. Henry was like, “I’mma stay sat for this” and there were two youngish girls also sitting down as well. Plus some tall random guy who was giving me The Crow vibes kind of but in a 2026 sense. I can’t explain it.

After The Give & Take, the Crow guy got on stage!!! I had no idea he was one of the performers.

Um…

I don’t know what to say about his set aside from that it was pretty uncomfortable to watch. He rode the backing track like a life boat through the entirety of the first song and then afterward said his live vocals don’t do it justice. I was fighting for my life to hold it together, Steve. There was no one blocking me from his sight—it was still just me, the other band and their small entourage.

I was trying not to film or take pictures of him because I could feel the girlfriends of the other band side-eying me, not in a catty way, but like they were genuinely wondering why I was there. Like, “someone bought tickets to this show, holy shit?!” and I didn’t want it to look like I was making fun of this guy who they were all clearly bros with. He seemed troubled, to say the least, and after the first song, he launched into a 4 minute monologue about how he suddenly fell ill last summer out of nowhere, flu-like symptoms, bad headaches, no one could figure it out.

Eventually, he found out he had Lyme disease and now part of his face is partially paralyzed.

Afterward, Henry was like, “Who was that story for, if everyone else there knew him? Was that story just for us?!”

Maybe?!

Then he said he has been compared to MGK but that he doesn’t need to copy him or anyone else because he’s 24 and has “lived a life.”

Oh Francis, I was screaming on the inside. I had to grab my sides with curled fingers because sometimes inflicting pain upon myself is the only way to curb the chuckles. It was like being in church again.

I just filmed a short snippet but honestly, props for this guy for having it in him to get up there on a stage and he did have some good beats. It just wasn’t for me, no hate.

Henry remained seated during this set and was actually hunched forward with his head in his hands for most of it but he sat up as soon as I snapped this. There was one teenage girl remaining and she was also sitting in the same position. I think she left before it was over though.

The one nice thing about the evening was that each band got on stage immediately after the last one so there was little to no down time. Whoever the next band was on the flyer, they weren’t there that night, so after Skyrah was done doing the mashed potato on stage, 90 Seconds Til Midnight came on. You guys, I liked them! They were energetic and fun. They had some covers but their original songs were what I liked the most.

Henry actually stood with me for this, amazing, what energy, give this guy a participation trophy.

In between songs, the singer goes, “I know pretty much everyone in this room. I know you, and you, and you….I don’t know YOU guys though, nice to meet you.”

So I WAVED TO HIM AND YELLED, “Hello!” like a FUCKING SOCCER MOM WAVING TO HER KID ON THE FIELD I AM SUCH A FUCKING DORK.

And when that happened, EVERYONE TURNED AND LOOKED AT US. It was so embarrassing but also one of the funniest things that has ever happened to me at a show and I was squealing, trying to keep it together. It was all I could do not to immediately text Chooch and tell him. (Don’t worry, I spammed the fuck out him afterward and he was like WTF WHERE EVEN WERE YOU.

Like, “why can’t you just stay home and knit like other moms!?” Lol!

I sincerely can’t remember the last time I felt this much of a DORK ALERT at a show or anywhere in public for that matter. I mean, I was wearing jeans and an old t-shirt from my brother Ryan’s pee wee soccer team (yes, I stuff myself into Youth t-shirts, is that a crime) yet somehow I felt like I looked to them like I had just popped in on the way to go grocery shopping. I could have been the mom to pretty much anyone there that night except for the first singer who said he was in his 40s (BRO, WHAT’S UP!) and the soundguy.

“I COULD HAVE BEEN THEIR GRANDFATHER!” Henry cried, but honestly I don’t think these people were that much older than Chooch, calm down, Henry.

“Go to local shows,” they said. “Support local music,” they said.

I genuinely enjoyed them, though, and would like to come out and support them again but maybe I will try to bring like 10 people with me!?

Also, I was glad to be supporting Casa San Jose because FUCK ICE FOREVER. FUCK DONALD TRUMP AND HIS REGIME. FUCK FASCISM TIL THE END OF TIME.

Anyway. We bolted out of there as soon as it was over. Part of me wanted to stick around and say hello or whatever, but I was so giddy and also suffocating from the awkwardness of it all, that I think we both wanted to just get the fuck outside. And once we were on the sidewalk, we started cracking up.

“Jesus Christ, Erin!” Henry laughed. “Why do you keep putting us in these situations??”

I’ll tell you, I hate a crowd as much as the next antisocial person, but there is something even worse about being one of the ONLY people in a crowd at a performance, because it’s almost like YOU are the one being observed. When there are only like 5 or 8 people standing there, the eyes are going to land on you at some point, ESPECIALLY when you’re the only one that the people on stage DON’T KNOW.

I actually felt like I was under a spotlight and it was exhausting. Like, I was hyper aware of my facial muscles – was I doing resting bitch face? Did I look critical? Were they worried I wasn’t enjoying it? So instead, I overcorrected and I think I looked like I was auditioning for the next installment of SMILE.

What’s even funnier to me is that usually when something like this happens, you’re not noticed at all, you know? You’re just a blurry face in the crowd so you might walk away with some funny memory of something that the rest of the people there had no idea was happening. But in our case, while we might reminisce about this years later, like, “Remember that one time we looked like NARCs at that Roboto show?” the band might also have their own side of it that comes up someday, like, “Remember when those random parents showed up at our show for no reason and no one knew who they were?!”

I don’t know, it feels less funny now that I’m typing it out but Henry and I fucking laughed about it for days afterward. I never thought I would find myself in a more awkward concert situation than the Kurt Travis house show but this one was EXCRUCIATING. Hilarious (and with mostly good music) but so painful. If it hadn’t been for the the pre-show beer lubricating my nerves, I think I might have left. Glad I didn’t though! Even when Henry was shooting, “I hate you” daggers at me from his eyes, lol.

The next one is this Saturday and hopefully there are more people there, pray for us.

”Guess who I’m seeing Monday night,” I said to Chooch while we were still away last weekend, collecting bruises at amusement parks.

“I don’t know, is it something retrowave, clowns, Anthony Green again?” he guessed with more sarcasm and annoyance than actual interest, but it made me crack up because my interests have been so chaotic and Sybil-certified this past year.

”Royal Coda!” I cried, and then seeing his confusion, “Kurt Travis? Will Swan? SWANCORE?!”

The guy at the Preserving Records location down the street from me let me take this out of the window on Saturday since the show had already passed!  Henry was like, “Are you happy now, you big baby?” because I had been whining about wanting it ever since we passed the window on the way to the Hollywood Theater on Thursday. WHEN I WANT SOMETHING, I WANT IT BAD.

OK, so I will admit that maybe going to a concert right after coming home from a three-day weekend of relentless walking, roller coaster riding, navigating New York subways, and just being in the car in general wasn’t the smoothest move. But you guys, it was fucking Royal Coda, a Blue Swan band founded by guitarist Sergio Medina of the bands Stolas and Sianvar,  fronted by THE KURT TRAVIS, with THE INIMITABLE WILL SWAN ON GUITAR, Steffan Gotsch on bass (he was also with Kurt on his solo tour last year), and Joel Turcotte on drums (replacing Joseph Arrington of A Lot Like Birds, who has retired from music).

This probably means NOTHING to you but to me, it’s a powerhouse of swancore superstars and I thought it was just my fault that I had never seen them live, but then it turns out they had never come to Pittsburgh before until this night!

So, I mean, yeah—I was fucking exhausted and had to power through work that day with nothing but sheer will power and coffee guiding the way, but by 5:30PM, I was practically grand jeté-ing out the front door.

I mostly only used my Charmera for pictures that night. I find that it’s so much less invasive than holding up a phone and plus, I love the grungy “at a show in 1991” vibe it gives.

Anyway, that night’s show was held downstairs on the smaller stage which was whatever. I do really like the upstairs church room area so much more but I guess they must base it off ticket sales, I don’t know. I’ll just tell you that it got hot and sweaty in there FAST.

A cursory glance around the place was all I needed to know that these were the legit fans, the ones who probably also like Dance Gavin Dance but have been around longer than some and genuinely love post-hardcore and swancore. It felt like the kind of crowd that USED to be at DGD shows back in the day so I was already feeling comfortable. I can’t describe accurately the way that last DGD show made me feel other than: unbelonging. on the periphery. out of touch.

Like, way too much time had passed and they had somehow gained a ton of new very mainstream fans and it felt so inauthentic to me, but also maybe I was just in a bad spot in the venue. EVERYONE around me talked their tongues

I will just say that you know you’re at a show with people who TRULY like the music when everyone is in it 100% from opener to headliner. There is no chitty-chatty amongst friends while bands are playing. The lights go off before each set and everyone’s attention is turned toward the stage. It made me feel so content.

LOL. Henry actually likes Royal Coda but wasn’t a fan of any of the openers. Or the small space. Or the fact that he forgot this venue is cash only and used most of it on merch for me so he only had enough left to get a can of Coke and a bottle of water, LOL.

Oh man, first up was Amarionette—I was already familiar with them prior to this night but I fell IN LOVE after seeing them live.

In a scene that is predominantly white, I love that swancore bands tend to have so much diversity (still would LOVE to see more women in this niche scene though!!).

Next up was Strawberry Milk Cult. I really liked them! They brought a fun, indie rock sound to the line-up.

And then was Dwellings. It seemed like a lot of people were there for them. I know I have heard them on posthardcore playlists before because their name was definitely familiar and even now as I watch some of their videos, I don’t mind them. But live was a different story. I wasn’t sold. Plus I had a large man loudly singing along against the back of my head and I get it—sing your heart out bro–but can you save SOME of the song for the actual band? I would have liked to have heard their version of the songs as well.

See, like I’m watching this video here like, “OK I like this” but this is NOT the feeling I had when seeing them live. I kind of couldn’t wait for their set to end and that hasn’t happened in a while.

I just want to say that as the night progressed, the girl I was standing behind NEVER MOVED and was standing stalk still with her arms straight down and rigid. Not the slightest move of her head. Her boyfriend (brother? friend?) was with her and I thought that maybe she just didn’t want to be there but she did take some pictures during Royal Coda so she perhaps just wasn’t feeling the other bands. I only bring this up because there was a big-ish pocket of space in between her and the guy in front of her who also happened to be standing against the stage. So, if she would have JUST MOVED UP A LITTLE BIT, it would have been perfect. But instead, she kept letting other people slip into that space and it was infuriating. I SHOULD HAVE JUST STEPPED IN FRONT OF HER. I DON’T KNOW WHY I DIDN’T. It wasn’t the worst thing ever but by the time Royal Coda came on, she had let some dumb mom and her tall, curly-haired son squeeze in and I had no choice but to move further to the right which essentially prevented me from being able to see Will Swan during most of Royal Coda’s set.

And the only reason I’m mentioning this AT ALL is because there was something about this girl (from the back, anyway) that reminded me so much of this one broad from the Coaster Crew vacation that fucking hated me because I attempted to talk to her since she was there alone. When I mentioned this to Chooch, he goes, “Which one was Michelle, the one that hated you?”

Yes, Chooch. That’s the one. Sigh.

I was in heaven. There is something about this kind of music that tickles some part of my brain that does not get enough attention. I love that it’s melodic and frenetic in tandem, I love that Kurt goes from singing to screaming to his signature rapping, I love Will Swan’s and Sergio’s Medina’s chaotic guitars, I love the stage presence in general (yes, even Will Swan and his obligatory unmoving statue-stance, lol). I just loved the whole night, tiny annoyances and all.

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But yeah, who cares about anything else because Royal Coda came out and it was amazing, awesome, etc etc etc. I LOVE KURT TRAVIS SO MUCH.

When we got there, I was freshly showered with 10,000 steps on my FitBit. When we left, I was a stinking, sweating mess with 25,000 steps on my FitBit, LOL. That’s an indication of a good-ass evening.

And then I spent the rest of the week feeling LIKE SHIT. Totally run-down and exhausted and feeling every year of my age. Worth it, man. Going to shows is somehow way more fun now than it ever was.

(Henry probably has a different opinion.)

Saturday morning, when we were doing all that boring running around, I had on Royal Coda in the car.

“You know,” I said, getting ready to launch into Erin the Music Professor Mode, “every time I listen to anything with Kurt Travis in it, I feel so bad for not appreciating him more when he was in Dance Gavin Dance and do you know what that is, Henry? Maturity.”

Henry was appalled, gaping at me like I just told him I had switched over to MAGA. “You and ‘maturity’ do NOT go together,” he said.

WOWOWOWOW.

Also, Henry (who said he ‘enjoyed’ Royal Coda’s set but that was all), got me the signed poster – they were only selling 10 per show and you know how I love me some music memorabilia!

“Didn’t you just see him like last month?” Chooch asked when I sent him his favorite text that goes like this, “GUESS WHO I’M SEEING TONIGHT??” And no, it was almost exactly a year ago when I last saw Anthony Green (and Geoff Rickly!), thank you very much, Chooch. And because of that close proximity to the last show, I ALMOST sat this one out. That would have been such a mistake. Don’t sit the shows out, guys. Go to the shows. I have been seeing Anthony in one form or the other since 2005 but I still felt like there might be a REGERT there if I didn’t go. Especially because I follow him on Instagram and was so excited to see the clips of him opening for MCR at WEMBLEY. THE WEMBLEY. So, he was starting this next leg of the tour right off the heels of that. Incredible.

This show was last Friday. That same week, we had the clown show at Glitterbox and Kennywood because I have us on a fast track for burn out. So when Henry was anticipating a quiet evening in, I reminded him, “We have Anthony Green tonight….” and he was like, “…fuck.” LOL. Then I had to remind him that HE was the one who actually told me about this show in the first place!!

I’m so glad that we got the leg of the tour with Geoff. <3

We had some time to kill, so we walked down to Burghers for a pre-show beer. I had a red ale there too and I’m telling you—that is my style! One is enough, it’s satisfying, they always taste good, I don’t feel like I’m drinking beer, and I don’t feel like shit afterward. Plus, I have also learned that I am a one-beer-and-time-to-go girl. Bars and breweries are “pre-whatever-event killing time” things for me, and not somewhere to waste an afternoon or evening—I can’t hang like that. This was my third time at a Burghers and I have not had a bad beer there yet. Plus, the people are always so nice! This time, we sat at the bar and talked to the Burghers people about Anthony Green so that was amazing since usually people are like “who” when I tell them who we are going to see, lol ugh.

Myrna, can you believe that I have not been to Mr. Small’s since pre-pandemic!? It’s crazy how much time I spent there over the years and then stepping inside last Friday felt so foreign to me.

Plus, it’s changed so many times over the years that I can’t even remember what it was like the last time we were there. Or even, when I was there. I think it was just Chooch and me, possibly to see Emarosa?!

Henry is always the holder of my merch.

Also, I had to bite my tongue the other day because I’m so sick of correcting people, but someone insinuated that Henry was going to a show to see someone he didn’t know and this is so infuriating to me. Henry has been there since the beginning, when I loved Saosin, then obsessed over Circa Survive and listened to them almost exclusively on my cemetery walks while pregnant with Chooch, when I shyly met Anthony outside of the Grog Shop in Cleveland summer 2005 and he signed my CD, all the different bands we saw him performing with at various Riot Fests, taking me to Philly to see The Sound of Animals Fighting—-come the fuck on. Give the man some credit.

My favorite was actually  the last Riot Fest we went to in 2023. We were standing by one of the stages waiting for the next band to come on and Henry was like, “Who are we waiting for?” and I said, “Just wait, you’ll see.” The band came out and he was like, “Wait….is that Anthony? But what band is this? Is he in ANOTHER BAND?” Lol, it was LS Dunes.

But no, you’re right, Henry has no idea who Anthony Green is.

The show opened with Keith Goodwin, of Good Old War and long-time Anthony collaborator.

Anthony came out and played drums on one song, and then came out again to sing on another.

It was a really nice, mellow opening.

After Keith’s set, Henry went to the bathroom and came back with our pal Jason Pettigrew! I was JUST lamenting earlier that night that we never run into anyone we know when we go to shows, like how is it possible that I have no friends who like anything I like, I don’t understand. (And of course after I said this, I remembered that we saw one of our Sugar Spell ice cream friends at two shows in the span of a year and actually one of those shows was the LAST Anthony Green show!).

It’s been A MINUTE since we last saw Jason and it was amazing timing because he and I had just recently been going back and forth on Threads about how needed to catch up soon. A loud venue wasn’t necessarily the best environment for a chat but it was still better than nothing! He hung out with us for Geoff’s full set and then we made tentative plans for an avocado pie night at our house in October. #fingerscrossed

But OMG, Geoff Rickly. Once again, I’m so glad that we decided to come to this show because he is just a gem, such a legend. And I said it last year too,  that he could leave his guitar at home and just sit on a stool telling us stories and I would be just as enthralled. He’s an amazing musician and songwriter, but his story-telling skills are also top notch. And he somehow super hilariously wove references to Charlie Kirk AND Taco Bell into the evening. Ugh, he is SO GOOD and I’m very grateful to his sobriety because he is someone we need on this earth for as long as possible. Just a genuinely cool guy.

And then Anthony. OK, so I don’t know what was going on with me last year when we saw him: maybe I was still depressed and dead inside, maybe it was the venue, maybe it was just weird timing. But it didn’t resonate with me emotionally. In fact, I kind of felt like an outsider, like maybe too much time had passed and I wasn’t meant for this scene anymore. I can’t explain it but this time, it felt like NO TIME had passed, like it was 2005 again, like I was listening to Circa on some shitty mp3 player and shitty headphones, tears mixing with sweat, cemetery groundsmen looking at me like wtf is wrong with this broad.

I FELT THINGS AGAIN. I clung to every little piece of information he shared with us between songs. I smiled like a fucking acolyte. Man, Anthony Green. I am so sorry that I fell off the wagon there for a bit. I’m sorry I missed even a single Pittsburgh performance. I’m extra sad that I didn’t even know The Sound of Animals Fighting played shows last fall!!

Henry took pictures too!!

Anthony posted on Threads that he felt this was the best show he’s played in “Pitty” and I was so glad to have been there. It really did feel like a very special show. The crowd was good. The venue was perf. Everyone, in all of the bands + Geoff, sounded SO GOOD. It just felt personal, like they wanted to be there performing their songs just as much as we wanted to be there listening to them. I really don’t have a single complaint about the night and I will end it by saying that I am fully back on the wagon and have been listening to all iterations of Anthony Green ever since that night and just absolutely FLOATING in nostalgia.

SETLIST:

1. So It Goes
2. I Don’t Want to Die Tonight
3. Babygirl
4. She Loves Me So
5. You’ll Be Fine
6. Trading Doses
7. East Coast Winters
8. Pets (Porno for Pyro cover)
9. Seven Years
10. Strange Terrain
11. Act Appalled
12. Reconcile
13. Don’t Dance
14. Dear Child / Like Magick / Fucks Me Up
15. This Song Won’t Save You
16. Get Out
17. Devil’s Song

It’s been a minute since we did a Monday Music post up in this bitch! And it’s a good day for it because I am still recovering from the weekend and my mind keeps circling back to my current faves on rotation in my head, in the car, on YouTube, everywhere there’s a speaker.

1. Royal Coda – We Slowly Lose Hope for Things to Come

My appreciation for Kurt Travis grows annually. I’m so stoked to see Royal Coda next Monday!

2. WONHO – Don’t Wake Me Up

I’m still bereft that Wonho’s fall North American tour was canceled last year. :( But this comeback is cheering me up!

3. Minelli x INNA

I still fall back on Romanian pop when I need comforting background music. Who knew I would love Romanian music so much after visiting there? OK, you knew. We all knew.

4. Hayley Williams – Kill Me

OK her most recent solo album has made her THAT GIRL to even more people but the live version of this song especially makes me FEEL SO MUCH and I just scroll through Instagram reels watching and liking and rewatching and spamming Chooch with every live version of this from her current tour IT IS SO FUCKING GOOD. Ugh, I have loved Hayley and Paramore since way before they blew up but always knew, I fucking knew and said it all the time back then when I used to listen to their debut album on my freaking ZEN mp3 player, that they were going to be huge. I am so happy that I get to live in the same timeline as Hayley Williams. I don’t care, I will argue anyone on this, but my opinion is that she is one of the greatest singers of our generation.

5. Picheolin – Love Sick

Carats (Seventeen fans, come on, Betty, please keep up) were divided when it was announced that Dino would be releasing a solo album under his fictional trot singer/producer character Picheolin but I was like, “SIGN ME UP, BROTHER.” I love love love Dino’s Picheolin. But then when this song dropped, I was extra shocked because it doesn’t have the tongue-in-cheek, jokey vibe that I was anticipating. OMG I love this so much! It’s like, if LiteFM played Korean slow jamz in the 80s. THIS SOUNDS LIKE THAT. Like something that could have been playing right after Gino Vanelli in my Pappap’s kitchen while I sat at the counter eating a late night grilled cheese made for me by Aunt Sharon after a long day of swimming and Saturday night Golden Girls / Empty Nest / Hunter watching in the den.

Wow, I just made myself burst into tears, LOL.

6. Maye – Yours

This came up on one of my synth playlists and it just feels like the perfect summer night, I don’t know. I just loved it immediately and had to save it for future reference.

7. Moxy the Band – You Feel It Too

I heard of this angelic band because of Michael Franzino (seriously WHAT is in the water in Sacramento? The BEST music comes out of there not to mention an ENTIRE GENRE #swancore) and wish they were still together (I don’t think they are??).

8. Hyolin – Check

OK but is it even summer if our summer queen Hyolin hasn’t released a new song?!

Well, 8 is a random number to stop on but I’m cooked. L8R!

Before I start: My journal pages for last Friday’s and Saturday’s back-to-back concerts make me so happy. I’m so glad that I started this!

Anyway. Last Saturday was the Armor for Sleep show at Preserving Underground. My love for AFS goes way back to my LiveJournal, pre-Chooch days. Sometimes I can’t believe it’s been that long and it makes me feel sick because I can’t think of this time in my life without thinking about Christina, who, if I haven’t mentioned, has ghosted me for the billionth time in our 20+ year “friendship” because they are married to some new broad that came out of nowhere conveniently after Christina and Katie broke off their engagement. I LOVED KATIE. I thought she was cute, funny, interesting – a real match for Christina who tends to date down. So, I was there for Christina during the breakup, then they met this new broad and VERY QUICKLY AND I DO MEAN QUICKLY, they perpetuate the lesbian “U-Haul” stereotype like you would not believe, they got engaged and that’s when suddenly Christina stopped calling and texting. So, that makes me feel amazing about myself to know that I am so easily discarded time and time again!!

But you know what, I’m not going to let go of these old bands that we loved together because fuck that. I knew it would make me emotional to see AFS but I wanted to go see them so Henry bought us tickets and fuck that dumb bitch, amirite.

Now that we got that out of the way (oh,  one more thing – #TeamKatie 100%, I wish I was still in contact with her but she blocked me after they broke up and I get it, she probably thought I was going to side with Christina but that’s a NO), we got to New Kensington a little too early last Saturday because Henry thought doors were at 6pm, so when we walked into the place, there was a small group of people lined up along the steps AND THEN BEN JORGENSON (AFS singer) walked over and I swear to god, we made eye contact and I almost died. But anyway, it turned out that this was the VIP meet and greet so that was awkward. We did the whole “whistle at the ceiling” thing while everyone followed Ben down the steps into the bowels of the church to do, I don’t, meetin’ and greetin’ line dances and whatever, and then we tried to play it off like we meant to do that by continuing up the steps into the record store portion of the venue.

You already know this part. I bought the horror movie record that Goblin scored and guess what I found out afterward? GOBLIN DIDN’T ACTUALLY WRITE THAT MUSIC FOR THAT MOVIE!!! It was something that they had already recorded and released and the….movie people….were like, “Yes, we will be stealing this for our nunsploitation flick, grazie*.”

*(Because it was an Italian movie, you see.)

Then we still had time to kill so we walked down the street to VooDoo to have a pre-show half-pour and the Norway-England game was on. WE WERE THERE WHEN NORWAY SCORED THE SECOND GOAL THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE GAME WINNER BUT FIFA IS CORRUPT AND STUPID. It was fun while it lasted though because the whole room erupted in cheers and everyone who had been sitting outside came running in. I was SO INVESTED. I get caught up in sports with my whole-ass heart and like the rest of the world, I was enamored with Erling Haaland. Yeah, I’m basic when it comes to these things and I’m not too proud to admit it either. Who wouldn’t love a GREEN FLAG VIKING. Honestly

We each got two 5 ounce beers. My first one was some brown ale which was annoying to me because I was rooting against England while sitting there drinking an old man English beer (it was so good though, I like brown ales!) and then I got the alcoholic version of Jackworth’s ginger beer which was just OK. Henry thought it was too strong and reacted super dramatically to it and I was like, “Calm down, pussy, go drink your little summer wheat ale you sissy bitch.”

God, Henry.

After about 30 minutes of squatting in Voodoo, we walked back to Preserving and doors were now open—yay! Fun fact, since I have spent the last 10 years primarily going to Kpop concerts, this was our FIRST TIME at this venue! I was aware of its existence, and had been to the record store portion of it, but since I was so out of the loop with bands of my old life, it wasn’t hard on my radar. I was excited that Armor for Sleep was playing here AND even better is that Preserving recently opened a second record shop down the street from us (actually, on the same street as the Hollywood Theater), and they sell FEE-FREE tickets to their shows there! So, on Henry’s own birthday last month, he walked there and bought us tickets to AFS and Royal Coda which is in a few weeks.

For as much as I love to slander him, Henry is actually pretty obedient sweet.

Chooch and I used to compete to see who could keep their wristbands on the longest and since we were always going to concerts AND amusement parks, we typically had at least one wristband rotting on our wrists at any given time. I was stoked to have accumulated two in one weekend, especially now that I have a journal to paste them into!

The show didn’t start until 7:30 so we were able to chill on a church pew and people-watch for a bit. I immediately imprinted on this venue. It was giving what Mr. Smalls THINKS it is. For as often as I went to Smalls, I never felt comfortable there, probably because it was always changing. We’re actually returning there next Friday for the first time since before the pandemic so I’m interested to see how terrible it is now because I heard it got even worse.

All of that is to say that I felt at home here immediately. Staff was great. Space was superb. Ambiance was immaculate. I was ready for a religious experience.

As soon as the first band was about to come on, I said SEE-YA to Henry and made my way to the stage. I always have it in the back of my mind that maybe I will go to a show and just sit and relax through the whole thing but then the music starts and I’m all, get me closer to the stage, lest I am consumed by FOMO.

Flycatcher was the opener and they were having some indeterminate issue/drama/crisis with one of the guitarists who was unable to make it so their merch guy / photographer was filling in on some songs after scrambling to learn them.  

Guy in the middle was the guitar sub—he did a great job!

And then they had Ben come out for one of the songs toward the end and I was screaming like I hadn’t just seen him in the hallway 2 hours prior to this. But honestly, BEN JORGENSON. Even when I got into Kpop, I still followed him on Insta.

Actually! We had tickets to see their 15-year anniversary tour for What To Do When You’re Dead but it was in….spring of 2020. So, that of course got canceled and was rescheduled for the next year—for some reason, we couldn’t make it to the rescheduled Pgh date though, so actually the last time I saw them was in 2015 at the Trocadero in Philly. That is a long-ass time ago even though it doesn’t feel like it! I saw them with this girl Terri who I was good friends with at the time and now she doesn’t talk to me anymore either so it’s either me or Armor For Sleep, who is the problem here?!

After this set, I went back to sit down to Henry. There was also a woman sitting there as well, so I had to squeeze in between them.  Her young teen son came over to check in with her and I asked if he wanted to take my seat. They both said no and thanked me though, and then he flitted back off to the crowd. The mom started chatting with me after this about how she takes her son to any concert he wants to go, even if she doesn’t like the bands, because music is so important, and last year the went to 30-some concerts in 7 different states. Relatable! I loved hearing this from another mom because I really truly believe that going to concerts is such an important part of life. I didn’t go to very many when I was in high school because I just wasn’t friends with anyone who went to shows. That is INSANE to think about now, looking back at my friend group because they were so concert-coded from the outside that you’d think they’d be at local punk and alt-rock shows every weekend. And then when I dated Psycho Mike, he never “let” me go to concerts with him. To THIS DAY I am so pissed that he saw motherfucking Radiohead at Metropol.

What I’m getting at is that I made sure Chooch had concert experiences. Now he does have friends that go to shows and anytime he sends me an ad for an upcoming concert, I sign up for the presale and get him the ticket. Or the vinyl. Or the band shirt. He knows that these are the three things I will never say no to.

So, it was really nice to hear these sentiments from another mom, but I did have to laugh because it was oftentimes Henry and Chooch sitting under a tree at Warped Tour or Bled Fest while I was in front of a stage somewhere getting sweat and spit on.

Oh. Spanish Love Songs. Holy shit. Speaking of Bled Fest, hearing this band put me right back in that headspace. This is my kind of band, you guys. I’m already waiting for them to come back because I NEED to see them again. Also, they slipped in a FUCK ICE lyric to one of their songs and WE LOVE A BAND THAT FIGHTS THE GOOD FIGHT. I love that these bands create such safe spaces while we’re all internally combusting along with the country.

Loved them!

Then it was Armor For Sleep, and I actually got Henry to stand with me! Well, he lasted for half and then took some giant steps back away from the stage and wallflower’d it for the rest of the set. But I didn’t care, no offense Henry, but he could have fully left and sat in the car and I wouldn’t have noticed because I was in another world. And that world was 2005.

Of course, I love all of their songs but the ones from the album What To Do When You’re Dead are the ones that really punch me in the gut. First of all, that was a concept album about death. It was also the album that Christina and I obsessed over together. But now, some of those songs, hearing them for the first time in years, made me think of Drew. And it didn’t help when Ben dedicated one of their songs to, “anyone who has recently lost a pet.”

Some might say that “2 years ago” is not “recent” but my heart has not healed yet, people. It is still gaping and raw. And I am still a mess 9 out of 10 times when I think about Drew. I can at least (mostly) look at pictures of her now without collapsing into choke-hazard sobs, but I am still not well.

Oh god, this song, my heart was in my throat:

I don’t know what else to say aside from that it felt so cathartic and also like absolute torture all at once. This band is so important to me, they were a big part of the soundtrack of a very shaky time in my life where I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted, where I belonged. It was also around the time I became a mom, so throw that into my basket of already crazy emotions.

FML.

Yes, it hurt hearing some of these songs again (Basement Ghost Singing had tears streaming down my face and my throat burning, thanks for the emotional support, Henry, wherever you were LOL) but I am so glad that we went. Like Cold, it’s kind of weird when you fall out of the loop with a band that you once loved so much and you feel kind of out of place at first, but then suddenly, you’re right back there again without even realizing it. That’s how it felt that night. Great crowd, great venue, and most of all, great bands.

I didn’t record much that night, but here’s some clips from Flycatcher (with Ben), Spanish Love Songs, and then Armor For Sleep:

I was in a haze for the rest of the weekend after this, in a good way though. And it helped that I had therapy that week because my therapist also likes Armor For Sleep so it was nice to be able to talk about the night and my feelings with someone who knew what I was talking about.

There was a part of me that almost told Henry to forget it when he went to buy the tickets because I was admittedly scared of seeing them again. But I’m glad that I did it. I’m glad I went and got to not only confront that stupid part of my past (a person who doesn’t even deserve a single thought from me yet here I am letting them get to me) and most importantly I’m happy that I got to support a band that was once such a big part of my life by showing up for them and buying merch.

Go to the shows! Support the bands you love. As I get older, I realize more and more what limited time we have, so don’t do the whole, “I’ll go see them next time” or “I already saw them once, I’m good” excuse because you’d rather just stay home. I GET THAT! Sometimes I’m like, “Should I just blow this off” but then I go and I’m always glad I did.  Aging really has me so hyper-aware of everything these days. And I am SCRAMBLING.

Anyway, the set list wasn’t posted for Pittsburgh, but it seems like it didn’t vary between cities and this looks accurate to me:

• Dream to Make Believe
• Remember to Feel Real
• The Outer Ring
• My Town
• Stay on the Ground
• In this Nightmare Together
• Chemicals
• Slip Like Space
• Williamsburg
• Hold the Door
• In Another Dream
• Awkward Last Words
• Basement Ghost Singing
• Being Your Walls
• The More You Talk, The Less I Hear
• The Truth About Heaven
• Car Underwater

And on that note, I urge anyone reading this to PLEASE listen to the album What To Do When You Are Dead non-shuffled. It is actually such a perfect album in my opinion. A masterpiece.

This song, which I have heard 100 times and while it does typically make me moderately emotional, came on the other evening and it CRIPPLED ME with the heaviest sorrow I have felt in a while. Totally punched me in the gut out of nowhere and I started sobbing while washing the dishes.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about life these last few years since Drew died and Chooch left for college and I think I have a way to explain it now, thanks to this song. I think that the years 2017-2023 were so good for me, that they could be considered the summer season of my life. Like, I peaked during those years. I got my shit together. I started having genuine fun. We started traveling more as a family and doing the whole roller coaster thing.

But then everything came to a screeching halt in 2024. Even before Drew died, really, things started to not feel right anymore. And I think that was my summer ending. I’m not saying my life is OVER now, but it’s different. It’s new terrain to navigate.

I was telling my therapist earlier this week that I have started finding joy in new things AND in old things again and even though Henry and I have been doing really fun and cool things and I have felt good about myself and life in general, I can’t help but notice that there is still that nagging void and I finally said it: I feel like all these things would be even better if Drew hadn’t died. That is the thing that is holding me back from fully enjoying things. And now I’m also living on the precipice of panic with Penelope, like I’m subconsciously counting down her days since she is an “older” cat and I’m so scared to go through this again.

Life is so fucking weird. It’s always something! And this is WITHOUT including the “outside of my personal bubble” bullshit going on in this country and the world. Sorry to get all doom and gloom and weirdly introspective, and I promise I’ll be back tomorrow with some disparaging things to say about Henry at the Armor for Sleep concert, but this was just really hitting me hard again today and I needed to think about it while typing it out. I am the type of person who needs to talk and talk and talk, no matter how cyclical, when I am upset or grieving or mad or sad. It might be annoying to those around me, but you will never catch me holding in my feelings. My therapist reminds me EVERY SESSION that I am emotionally sensitive, and she will get no pushback from me there.

And maybe this can help some future empty nester / mourner of a pet because lord knows, this was not in the parenting manual.

But god, this song, this fucking song. This was one of the encore songs they played when we saw them last spring and it broke me. In fact, when my new friend Jim from Eide’s was telling me that his mother died recently and that seeing The Midnight really helped him on an emotional level, my eyes immediately started burning with hot salty tears because RELATABLE, JIM. I will never not associate synthwave with Drew. (I still can’t listen to Kalax.)

Anyway, go listen to this song. It’s beautiful. So is the video.

Bro. When I saw that Honey Revenge was coming back to Pittsburgh this summer, I was all in. I accidentally fell HARD for them last year when they headlined a show I went to specifically for the opening band. I love when that happens. They are one of my non-Kpop regular listens — in fact, we listened to them a lot in the car last summer when we were on our dumb midwest roller coaster road trip for my birthday and Chooch was very annoyed.

Specifically, Honey Revenge was headlining the idobi Radio Summer School Tour and at first that meant nothing to me because I wasn’t familiar with any of the other bands but I loved that it was giving “Warped Tour Lite” in a way. I mean, there was even a Peta2 street teamer passing out stickers and bracelets to everyone standing outside in line. It really felt so nostalgic.

(Did you guys know that Chooch became a vegetarian after visiting a Peta2 tent at his second Warped Tour? I had no influence over that at all!)

Standing in line was actually one of the low points of the evening because not only did it start pouring—and while we were blessedly under a tent for that, we also happened to be under a tent with some very loud and angry woman who, after snapping at the Peta2 volunteer, proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes reading out loud from her phone all the terrible things about Peta and I was just like, “OH FOR THE LOVE, PLEASE SHUT UP.” I’m not super gaga over Peta either but I have been a vegetarian since 1996 and donate to the ASPCA monthly so please go away. She seemed SUPER FUN.

Another low point was the fact that this was at the Roxian. Truly do not care for this venue. The pit is SO TINY and the rest of the standing room area is obstructed by so many things, it’s just fucking annoying. And I knew that this show was probably going to get a little more spicy than my brittle old broad bones can withstand so being in the pit was not something that I was willing to risk. Plus, I knew if I went down there, the first time Henry had to leave to go to the bathroom would be the last time I’d see him until the show was over because no way was he going to bother to fight his way back to me, LOL.

We did manage to get a spot at the barricade directly behind the drink rail at least. The downside of this was two fold:

• now we were standing with Older People who love to yap during the bands;
• once the people who bought seats at the drink rail arrived, there was some minimal obstruction. It wasn’t too bad but the two bitches who were right in front of me reminded me of Christina and her idiot sister and the idiot sister one of the two was REALLY ANNOYING at times.

The people next to me ended up revolving as the night went on. The one couple bolted after the third band because that was all they cared about and I was like THANK THE LORD because the woman literally COULD NOT stop talking. She turned around constantly to say stuff to the guy, like she was on a swivel, and it was so distracting. He was super chatty too, they both were talking to anyone and everyone around who would engage. They quickly lost interest in me, lol.

But yeah, I was surprised how many couples were there together, especially older couples, considering this was a mostly female-fronted lineup (ONE band had a guy singer and it really fucked with the vibe) and very young bands in general.

Anyway, let’s get into the bands!

The great thing about Summer School is that they chose a local band from every city the tour came to, and Pittsburgh’s winning band was Carmela Donna….Band? Creatures? I still have no idea what their official name is because THEY NEVER SAID IT and also their Instagram has it listed as just Carmela Donna, Carmela Donna Band, and Carmela Donna’s Creatures. Or something.

I was skeptical at first because they came out guns blazing but it didn’t feel cohesive. But then then they really jelled and found their footing and I ended up really enjoying their set. Especially when they introduced a green beachball to the crowd and look, I have been to a hundred summer music festivals where beach balls abound, but for some reason, I was very entertained. I guess because it was such a small space and people were COMMITTED. I kept hoping it would make its way to me but the closest it came was to one of the people at the drink rail in front of me (not Christina and her idiot sister, but a normal couple to the left of them who were very unbothersome).

Carmela reminded me of Chooch’s first crush/mentor Courtney.

That means nothing to you.

But someday when I’m 76 I’ll come back and read this, smile….and ask Chooch, “Who the fuck is Courtney?”

Anyway, this is my style and I’m excited to see them again. Hopefully soon, since they’re local??

Next up was Chase Petra. OK. This band ended up being my favorite. I can’t explain it but there was something Sundays / Billy Bragg-ish about them that transported me back to a very specific time in the 1990s. And the singer, Hunter, was SO FUNNY. She picked one girl out of the crowd – Molly – and said that everyone had to dance and if we didn’t, Molly was going to have to die, sadly. Afterward, she spared Molly but told her that the people in the back did not care about her so if she had to come back here, to just “watch out.” SHE WAS JUST SO CHARMING! And she had fish on her tights!

Oh also? She was very FREE PALESTINE AND FUCK TRUMP and we are HERE FOR THAT. This is why I love going to these kinds of concerts! It makes me feel so safe.

This was my favorite one!!

Winona Fighter was up next (I have to say that everyone worked SO HARD to get the stage ready extremely quickly between each band so there was minimal downtime) and this was the band that Chatty Cathy next to me was there for so she suddenly got super energetic and then immediately left after their set. Byeee.

Anyway, WOW. I had listened to some of their songs in preparation of this night and I will say that nothing really stuck out. This is TRULY one of those bands that you HAVE TO SEE LIVE.

They ended up being Henry’s favorite of the night (although his final review was: Everyone was good. I liked it. I know what you’re thinking – if only I could be that succinct, right? LOL NEVER) and I can’t argue with him there–SUPER HIGH ENERGY and the singer Coco WAS SICK — never would have noticed with the way she riotgrrrled her fucking face off up there.

“I’m a little stressed out, just a little stressed out, is anybody else stressed out” IS ALL OF US THESE DAYS. So fucking relatable.

South Arcade from Oxford, England was next and I was really forward to them, being the only other band there that I was moderately familiar with. They are just good, fun, summer pop punk. Basically, fuck Gwen Stefani, who needs her when Harmony Cavelle exists??

HER RASP. I love it so much.

OMG the late 90s/early 00s aesthetic is killing me in the best way.

I REALLY like them.  

Games We Play was the outlier here, the only band not fronted by a woman. I was…not here for it. Of course most of the men there were like “yay” when it was their turn. I just, I don’t know, I wasn’t really into it. They were very gimmicky and sound-wise, they were fine but it wasn’t anything groundbreaking. I was actually pretty annoyed through most of their set because it was like more skit than singing. I did eventually warm up to them, and I especially appreciated the singer’s Obama shirt, but I would not go out of my way to see them again.

It’s whatever.

Oh! He did ask him someone at the barricade to tie his shoe for him and I was THANK GOD HE DIDN’T ASK ME because I totally still tie my shoes with bunny ears.

“Yeah really,” Henry said with a smirk when I screamed this into his ear that night.

Henry palate cleanser.

Plus my frizzy hair from standing in the rain.

BUT THEN HONEY REVENGE!!!

MY FAVES! The people next to me had left (the girl part of the couple was so drunk that she was resting her head in her arms across the barricade and her boyfriend/husband was PISSED when she wanted to leave—bro, take care of your girl, you fucking shithead!! THIS IS WHY I PREFER SHOWS WHERE MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE UNDER 21!!!!!!!) so I was able to move over to the left a little and not have Christina and her idiot sister in front of me anymore. Idiot sister had spent the entire night chair-dancing these very interesting seemingly choreographed dances that looked like if a referee became a wrestler and then had to do a dance off in the ring. I have no other way to explain it. But it was very strange and METHINKS a lot of it was probably TikTok moves.

Anyway, OFC there was one point when she decided to eschew the seat she paid extra for in order to stand up right in front of my face and do a more pronounced version of her TikTok compilation dance, now with feet stomping.

It was fine. It was whatever. It was one song so I allowed it. But sheesh, was she an interesting specimen.

Ugh, that time I really regretted not standing in the pit. :(

Oh! And Devin picked someone to come up and sing during one of the songs AND GUESS WHO GOT PICKED? Molly! She was really having the best night. There was also a little girl who was desperate to get picked so Devin picked both and told them to share the mic and as soon as Devin turned around, Molly snatched the mic from the kid LOL

MY FOREVER FAVORITE:

I really have no words other than I JUST REALLY ENJOY HONEY REVENGE. They’re fun, their stage presence is fantastic, they are good, inclusive people, and I just genuinely REALLY like their songs. Like, not a skippable track in the list.

And lastly here’s my little shitty collection of clips I recorded throughout the night:

I can’t wait to wear my Summer School Tour shirt the next time I see Chooch, LOLOLOLOL.

Guess what? To the shock and awe of absolutely no one, Henry caved and agreed to go see The Home Team in Columbus with me! I know what you’re thinking: “Erin go by yourself you’re a big girl” or “Erin just ask a friend.”

Well, I don’t want to drive at night because I have the eyes of an octogenarian looking through a kaleidoscope.

And…who would say yes to that, LOL.

But I kept pouting and begging and finally Henry was like, “Oh for god’s sake, fine.”

Here is why he was really horrified when I first asked, may I present to you a very professional calendar page of our concerts this September:

I know, it doesn’t look all that bad! Like, there are so many empty boxes with no obligations! But the reason Henry is proactively exhausted is because three of those are out of town, one is a three day festival, and one is a one day festival (it’s actually two days but I spared him and only bought tickets for one day, I am the most considerate!).

9/11: BIGBANG in New Jersey! (I’m the most amped for this one CLEARLY)

9/16: The Home Team in Columbus (a week night, no less!)

9/18-9/20: Riot Fest in Chicago (+ driving Thursday and Monday)

9/24: The Black Queen (in Pgh, calm down Henry!)

9/26: Four Chord (also in Pgh but it’s all day long and he’s annoyed about that)

So basically what this calendar is telling me is that I need to fill it up with more local shows, probably ones I’ll be attending alone!

Oh and at some point we have to go to Philly to help Chooch move into his new apartment.

I’m so excited for Riot Fest and also Four Chord to a lesser extent but I will tell you one thing: nothing has ever been able to fill the void left in my heart by Warped Tour. Oh I know “it still happens!” blah blah. But that is NOT Warped Tour. Not the one I used to know and love.  When we were out over the weekend, I got REALLY sentimental and choked up talking about how it just hasn’t been the same since Warped Tour as AN ACTUAL SUMMER TOURING FESTIVAL hung up the towel. I never had a bad experience at Warped Tour. We never fought at Warped Tour. It was always the best day of the year for me, 100% my Christmas in July. I would go to bed on Warped Tour Eve so fucking giddy and barely able to sleep, then wake up positively rearin’ to go.

I just know that if I went to one of these “new” Warped Tours, it would break my heart. I mean, Hoobastank was at the one this year, and that feels wrong on so many levels.

But anyway, The Home Team reminds me of the stuff I used to go so fucking apeshit over at Warped Tour. It makes me feel kind of young again and excited, GENUINELY EXCITED, for a non-Kpop concert. And I think Henry gets that, because he knows me better than anyone.

OK I have to go. because I’m genuinely crying again, thinking about Warped Tour and how special it was to me. (You know, in case some stranger just came here after thinking to themselves, “I wonder if that Oh Honestly bitch I used to hate read ever grew up” and then landed on this post, the answer is NO, SHE HAS NOT. Emotionally still 15, block me.)