I am still fully immersed in my Neo Zone, Dream-Edition. I needed this night so much, I have been swimming in stress and general weirdness for far too long with no release, no relief. Seeing NCT Dream healed me, at least a little, like being with a best friend* I don’t have – but six of them. (Renjun wasn’t on the US tour for health reasons and that part DID make me sad because he is my favorite!)

*(I guess this is where I’m supposed to say that Henry is my best friend lol. Fine.)

You basically had to take a number to get your picture taken in this area because the lights were so Neo. There were two girls taking pictures of each other while I waited and then they approached me and asked if I could take their picture with their Instax and then proceeded to explain to me how to use it as if I didn’t grow up in the fucking Polaroid generation of the 1980s.

Seriously though! This couldn’t be any more NCT vibes unless, I dunno, Mark and Chenle did a dance challenge video here for Instagram.

Those lime green lights! That perfect sunset! I’m dead. This night, man. And it hadn’t even started yet.

These girls and their Instax. I’m laughing but….I WISH I WAS THERE WITH A BFF AND OUR INSTAX.

About 45 minutes before the show started, I went with Henry to check out his seat. This was his view. He purposely got a seat at the very very very top, like Henry does.

Getting a feel for it, lol.

With 20 minutes or so to spare, I made my way to my seat. It wasn’t too bad! I was row 11. Rows 1-9 were blocked off in Ticketmaster because it was some sort of “suite,” but basically just a block of seats that some corporation must own, because right before the show started, a horde of people came in at once and they had these little paper tickets. The usher just had them fill in the seats however they wanted and I was laughing because some of the people looked like they had no idea what was going on, so I guess they won the tickets or were given them from work, who knows. But I was cracking up because one guy reminded me of my brother Ryan finding himself alone at a Kpop concert, having previously known nothing about it. He looked confused, but also kind of interested!

I was in between two pairs of friends. They were fine! We didn’t talk much, but the girl to my right complimented my Renjun shirt and had an ongoing struggle with her platform boots all night which was kind of adorable.

The show opened with the audio of “icantfeelanything” blasting through the space—it was completely bombastic and dramatic. It definitely raised the energy, and then when the NCT dropped to reveal the Dreamies on their bleacher-thingies, I screamed my throat raw as they went right into “Box.”

I could start at the very first song and tell you my thoughts on each one, but I don’t think my words matter—if you are someone who relies on music to heal your heart, you know. You understand what I was going through that night. The pure bliss, the tugging of the heartstrings, the teenage-y hysteria, having your “aw!” join the “aw!”s of 1000s of other NCTzens during the Ments, the collective laughs at the inside jokes—it feels like being with family.

I will note that this concert was completely different from last year’s Dream Show. Obviously Renjun wasn’t there and I will say that their energy seemed a bit off without him, they had to have been feeling his absence and it was sad. But you can just tell that they truly enjoy performing together, they’re not just “co-workers,” they’re friends.

FUCKIN’ HAECHAN. My ult bias of NCT. Watching him perform in person again (my 5th time if you count the times I have seen NCT127!) was everything. The Power of Haechan. His duality is incredible.

Chenle, as the kids say, eats CDs.

My pictures are trash obviously but it’s not about that. I just needed to capture the ambiance of the night. The lightsticks. The outfits.

Mark announced that a new NCT Dream album is in the works! He said it’s a little cute, a little sexy, and a little “stuff like Hello Future” and I am here for it, also as the kids say.

Here is the setlist, I’ll add notes after my faves!

SET 1

1. icantfeelanything (VCR)
2. BOX
3. SOS (I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY DID THIS ONE!!! THE LAST 15 SECONDS OF THIS SONG IS SOME OF MY BEST SECONDS OF MY LIFE.)
4. GO (!!!!! I SCREAM-SANG THIS ONE!!)

I was so hyped up by the time we parked in the UBS Arena garage, Joanne. The nerves were sizzling, the heart was horse-racing, I was so ready but also I WAS SO NOT READY. I still can’t believe that I was given another opportunity to see NCT Dream, just over a year after seeing them for the first time in April 2023.

2023 was a really nice year. Well, 3/4 of it was anyway.

I’ll get into all of the FEELS in my actual concert post, but today I just want to post pictures of pre-entry stuff because I haven’t sorted through my thoughts yet. And you guys thought that I had moved on from my emo / sad boy music era, LOL.

You.

Thought.

Still in the parking garage. Wearing my DIY NCT Vans and Renjun shirt – CRUSHED that Renjun is still on hiatus but so grateful that he is taking the time he needs to heal and recharge. We love you, Renjunnie <3

(IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW, RENJUN IS MY DREAM BIAS.)

When we got in line, I immediately felt comfortable and a strong sense of belonging. I never feel like anyone gives me the “dafuq is this old bitch doing here” once over. No one even gives Henry a second glance. NCTzens are wonderful.

Much to Henry’s relief, no one was dressed like goth cowboys for this show. That’s just ATEEZ! NCT’s colors are lime / neon green so you see a lot of that, and there were also groups of people dressed like Candy-era NCT Dream which was fucking adorable and Henry said he regertz not cosplaying as such:

It could have been an opportunity for Henry to wear his Chanel visor. :(

The facade of UBS Arena was shockingly pretty!

I am so sensitive in my midlife crisis era that just looking at these chalk messages is making me fucking weep. I’m also half into a can of a Hitchhiker beer and the alcohol content of those is really high according to Megan was scared when I said I was going to drink some before a presentation we had to do and said, “PLEASE DON’T GET DRUNK – YOU SLUR WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK!”

NCT Dream completes me – I feel that.

ch

I think the reason why the recent ATEEZ concert didn’t resonate with me (again, I did enjoy it! But it didn’t make me emote, and it didn’t stick with me after it ended) is because while I have a casual bias, I don’t really watch a lot of their content so I don’t know their personalities all that well. But with NCT Dream (all of the NCT units, in fact), I have been so invested in their chaotic content for years and it makes me feel like I know them. I am sure some of that is embellished for idol purposes—it’s their career, after all—but it’s hard for me to believe that that is not actually the real charisma of Mark Lee, or that Jeno isn’t such a soft & unfunny puppy dog, or that Renjun isn’t the spiciest angel of the pack.

Plus, the duality of Haechan. Jisung touching plants and being the perfect naive maknae. Jaemin’s fucking demented personality. Chenle pulling off that smug rich kid agenda with aplumb.

I treasure these 7 dreamies with my whole heart. Their music and chaos have gotten me through so much, and this night was going to be the true testament – am I broken, or would being under the same roof as these powerhouses make me finally feel something other than gut-punching grief?

Here is a short video that breaks down NCT Dream in case anyone actually cares lol. (Hey, I’m forever trying! I recently got my metal friend Alyson to stan Renjun!)

You guys, some really good new music has been released recently (some today, some over the summer when I wasn’t in a no-music-zone because of crippling grief) and since I am still recovering from and processing the events of the weekend (all good, if you can believe it!) I decided to just do a music round-up and pretend like I’m some popfluencer or something.

Anyway, in no particular order, here are some non-NCT, un-Seventeen jams I’ve been into:

Kang Daniel forever, you guys. You know that’s right.

ONEW. I’m so glad he’s back.

I always say I’m going to fully stan Enhypen and I think now is my cue to hunker down and start learning names.

Girl groups haven’t been doing it for me much lately, but I do love this song by Kiss of Life bigly.

….and New Jeans in general. They are probably my favorite girl group if I had to answer with a gun to my head and everyone should go and support them IYKYK. (Seriously, just google them and you’ll see. Fuck HYBE. Support artists, not sinister conglomerates.)

I think FIVE is a solid number.

Happy fucking Friday.

Last Sunday, Henry and I went to some theater in Monroeville to see the Seventeen Seoul concert film – it REALLY got me even more stoked for their actual concert in October and also? I was so emotional through the whole thing which was good because now I know I’m not dead inside like I thought I was after seeing ATEEZ. Maybe Henry was right and it’s just that I don’t connect with that group on an emotional level like I do with some of the others.

But yeah, SVT had me feeling all of the feels 100%. Of course, it had the OPEN WOUND element to it too because of Drew, but it was good to have some of the old Kpop emotions back. I lost it when Seungkwan was saying that he was so sad to have missed the last concert in Seoul, because it was when he was resting after Moonbin’s death. UGH. That was so painful to see him cry, and as someone who recently lost their best friend as well, it stung extra hard.

Also, I have been so estranged from everyone/everything these last few mths that it is nice to have that comfort back of watching kpop content with Henry, who truly likes Seventeen – so don’t even. It’s like, a tiny slice of normalcy back into my life. (As I sit here spontaneously weeping re: Drew, and also I would like to thank my phone for putting together a “recommended slideshow” for me today of picture of me and Drew and titling it “Best Friends.” I mean, of course I watched the whole thing and it was precious but also OUCH MY FUCKING STUPID PIECE OF SHIT HEART. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.)

Anyway, in true Friday Five fashion, here are 5 of my fave SVT songs that I hope they’ll perform in October! You should watch every single one of these and then COMMENT BELOW which one you liked, and if you didn’t like any of them, just pretend because I can’t handle it right now lol.

1. ANYONE

2. DARL+ING

3. READY TO LOVE (I have shared so many versions of this song over the years and I do not care, it is just that good. I could listen to this song on repeat all day long.)

4. GOD OF MUSIC (This is just so joyful.)

5. LALALI!!!!!! (Hiphop team)

Well, that’s all I have for today. This heatwave and the daily cries have me zapped of all energy.

Last May? June? I bought cheap(ish) tickets to the last night of the ATEEZ North American tour. I can tell you that my life wasn’t that unhinged then so I had the requisite amount of excitement involved in seeing a kpop group that is mid-tier for me. They are one of those groups where I like all of the songs by them that I have heard but I don’t make a point of watching all of their music show stages or other content, but I do follow a majority of the members on IG and I have a bias.

So, I really should have been more excited about this but as it was, I was just going through the motions and as previously mentioned in the grilled cheese post, I even said I wanted to go home before the show and we really did start to drive out of Chicago but then ended up going back. I hate this for me, you guys. I don’t like feeling this way and I am truly wading through mental quicksand trying to get to the other side of this extended grieving period. (If you had been in our house about an hour ago you’d have seen how I completely lost it over the opening notes of a retrowave song that I haven’t been able to listen to since Drew died and was like, “Let’s experiment and see if I can do it” and then I felt like my body was caving in on itself with how intensely I was shuddering in grief and  then I had to run away from Henry because I was a total snot faucet. Man, it hurts so much still.)

Luckily, I don’t relate ATEEZ to her at all so I didn’t cry AT ALL during their concert which is also concerning though because I usually emote in some way at all concerts no matter what but I just stood there like a zombified husk.

Don’t get me wrong, I genuinely enjoyed it and I’m glad we went because I know in my heart that I would have regERTed it bigly had we actually gone home without seeing them. But it felt weird. I felt uncomfortable, slightly anxious, I was super hot in the entire time, and everything just felt disorienting to me. I can’t explain it. But ATEEZ themselves were incredible performers, the whole show was very theatrical and high-energy, and good lord Jongho has some fucking pipes on him, no wonder why he was my natural bias selection.

Henry texted me from the beer line: “Why is everyone dressed like goth cowboys?” LOL. He knows enough ATEEZ songs to be able to hold his own but knew nothing about their fandom (“What are the fans called??” he asked the next day when I finally started speaking to him at that Ohio diner and he began peppering me with questions about the show that he had stuffed in his back pocket until I was ready to be a functioning human again.) and I’m not sure if he would consider himself an Atiny now but he did say he enjoyed it.

Also, while he was off getting his beer (AND PIZZA, wow, treat yo’self, Kpop Dad), the girl in the….slacks (lol) and silver shirt arrived with her friend and was commenting about how she loves how diverse the ATEEZ fandom is and in my head, I was like, “LOL wait’ll you see who’s sitting to you, hon. The oldest dad’liest fan in the building!”

Goth cowboys.

I don’t really have much else to say about it. Everyone around us was fine. Since I don’t hard-stan ATEEZ, their ‘ments were kind of boring to me but overall, I enjoyed it. Hongjoong has such G-Dragon vibes but in a natural way and not in the sense that I feel like he is consciously trying to be the next gen GD or anything. I would go see them, I think, hopefully when I’m in a better mindset!

SETLIST:

ACT 1:

VCR

• Crazy Form (legit started with my fave!)
• Say My Name
• WIN

Hongjoong + Yunho + San acts

ACT II

• This World
• Wake Up
• Guerilla (Jongho’s parts in this song give me BIG Artifex Pereo vibes, funnily enough) – this started with Hongjoong’s guitar solo which I was not expecting!

MENT 1

• Cyberpunk
• Halazia (this was nuts)

Seonghwa + Yunho + Hongjoong act

ACT III

• It’s You (Yeosang, San, Wooyoung) – I really was all about this

VCR

• Youth (Yunho, Mingi)

VCR

• Everything (Jongho – “Kpop idols can’t sing”)

Wooyoung dance solo

ACT IV

• Silver Light

Crescent Part 2

VCR

• Wave

MENT 3

• Dancing Like Butterfly Wings

VCR

ACT V

• MATZ (Seonghwa, Hongjoong)
• Work (!!!)

MENT 3

• Arriba
• Django
• Bouncy (!!!)
• Wonderland

ENCORE

• Eternal Sunshine / Fireworks / The Real

MENT 4

• Turbulence
• Dreamy Day
• UTOPIA

Now that I have typed out the setlist, I can see how few songs were played without being broken up by VCRs, acts, ments, etc. That’s fine I guess but again, I don’t hardstan them so it didn’t always hold my interest.

But here are some videos from other people of my fave parts of the night!

OK, I’m done. I just bought tickets to Seventeen (that was hunger games, frfr) and I have to go back to my immersion therapy because I am still so sad since I turned Drew into a Carat and this was our group to hard stan together and now she is gone so I can’t go see them and come home to tell her all about it unless I say it to her urn. FML.

FULLY obsessed with the latest Red Velvet comeback, the song itself is majestic, the Midsommar-concept of the video is haunting and perfect for the song, and of course I love seeing the RV girls back in action. SM needs to care more about them, I fucking swear to god. This video is so aesthetically pleasing.

Now I want to go and watch Midsommar again – it’s been too long. (It came out in 2019?!)

I’m not myself lately. What even is myself, though. The weekend was a strange one, I felt uncomfortable for most of it, sluggish, depressed, stressed. I know it’s growing pains, preparing for that next “SEASON OF LIFE” god I really hate that phrase like I’m barefoot in a meadow in bell bottoms. (Relatedly, the Zombies “Time of the Season” was on the radio the other morning when I was sick and already in a delirious half-lucid state and really listening to the lyrics of a song you’ve heard a hundred times over your life time can be really jarring, and this time was no exception. It actually made me so uncomfy and gross-feeling. Not for the first time I thanked god that I wasn’t around in the 60s, specifically a teen or young adult because I don’t think I would have fared well, as in, I could see myself getting swept up by the first gross man in Jesus sandals who asks me, “Who’s your daddy?” and waving at my parents from the back window of a LOVE VAN as it whisks me off to the compound.)

Anyway, today I’m sharing some mellow, moody, morose songs that get lumped in the Kpop category but are the perfect hand-holders for times like this.

Damien – Cassette

I actually forgot that this song existed until over the weekend when a KVille “songs that should have gone viral” video came on and this was included. It was a punch to the gut – I loved this sone when it came out! And fun fact, the scene where the cassettes are hanging from the ceiling is what gave me inspo for the “accent wall” that I originally wanted to do in the kitchen which then morphed into the 80s theme! (Originally it was just going to be the spice rack made from cassettes but from there I said, “But only albums from the 80s. Let me find a good 80s color palette too because we should just also paint all of the walls. Actually, let’s do the whole thing an 80s theme, brb logging into eBay for the first time in 5 years.”

Ryeowook – Drunk in the Morning

I know Super Junior is like UNKNOWN to all these new Kpop people because BTS or GTFO, but the fact that more people aren’t talking about how Ryeowook is one of the best voices in Korea (and beyond) is kind of gross to me. I have definitely posted this on here before but everyone needs to hear it again.

Also, don’t ask me to ever pronounce his name. My friend Jiyong once tried to get me to send her a voice message of me struggling to pronounce it so she could help me and I was like NO I WON’T DO IT AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME.

Wonho – Losing You

I prefer the Korean version but there’s only a official video for the English version. I still remember the first time I heard this – we had taken a day trip to Erie and were driving around country roads and screaming at MAGA signs, then this song came on Spotify and tears spontaneously sprung forth.

God, I love Wonho.

Jang Dong Woo – News

Same with the Wonho song, I remember the first time I heard this one too, and it was on the way home from Kings Island in 2019. I remember thinking, “THIS VOICE IS FAMILIAR” and immediately realizing he’s from Infinite, which was one of the first Kpop groups I ever knew about when I first got into this lifestyle. (“Eye” haunted me!!) But yeah, this song came super late at night, driving down the highway in the dark. What a vibe.

Woosung – Phase Me

Woosung is from The Rose and has one of the most recognizable voices. Fun fact, The Rose just performed at Coachella and it looked like they fucking killed it.

Onew – No Parachute

https://youtu.be/mcLrcISkw4k?si=0twj3D9b8v0c5sSD

Onew is OOAK. I sent my friend Nate one of the videos of Onew singing opera, to which Nate said that Onew has the voice of a 7 foot angel. It is so true. Whenever people say “Kpop idols can’t sing, Kpop idols are tone deaf, Kpop idols are manufactured,” I happily direct them to ANY of SHINee’s members solo works.

***

Well, I’ll stop here even though I could go on and on and on like it’s my day job. Speaking of, so stoked to enter a new work week.

Every so often, I remember that I like the Kpop group Seventeen (I always associate them with the Kpop aerobics I did back when I was like “I don’t know what these songs are but they’re fun”) and then I fall down the rabbit hole, watching live stages etc., and saying, “I gotta spend some time learning about the members.” Over the years, there are only really 3 or 4 (out of 13!) that I have become familiar with, but then one of the sub-units did an amazing performance of one of my current fave cardio dance routine songs on one of the award shows, and I remembered that at one point, I had chosen one of those guys as a bias, so then I started re-crushing on him and next thing I knew, my YouTube feed is all Seventeen and I know ALMOST all of them now, after 4 days of studying.

I’m getting there.

Anyway, today for Friday Five I will share five of my faves. They debuted in 2015 so there is quite a lot to choose from!

(My bias is Seungkwan, btw, and my cat Drew’s is The8.)

1. Ready to Love

You guys,  this is my top #1 SVT song and the one that pulls me back in every time I hear it. It’s perfection.

2. Don’t Wanna Cry

The first Seventeen MV that REALLY caught my attention back in the day. That choreo!!

3. FIGHTING

This song from Seventeen’s subunit BSS (BooSeukSoon) is the anthem we all need to get through another work day. (Fun fact from your friendly Korea liaison: “fighting” is a way to say “you got this!” or “you can do it!” in Korea, it doesn’t literally mean anything aggressive!)

4. _WORLD

Just a total feel-good jam, Bruno Mars-vibes, lil bit.

5. ROCK WITH YOU

Every time I hear this, I want to get up and start doing the Give Me Five Thailand dance workout for it. I kicked the coffee table really hard one time doing it though, I just got too stoked!

***

OK, it’s been a weird week of snow days and Chooch maybe having a girlfriend and starting a countdown and uncomfortable TV shows (American Nightmare was so frustrating and upsetting!!!). I’m freaking tired, man. But I can’t go to bed until Henry chooses a Seventeen bias lol. (“I don’t know any of them!” he cried. Yeah, he said that once upon a time about NCT too and now look at him, Father NCTzen over here.)

Actually, the only surprising thing is that WayV’s On My Youth didn’t make it in the Top 5 Songs because I feel like I listened to it an absurd amount of time over the last month, however, now that I think about it – a lot of those listens were on YouTube, same with Taemin and NCT DJJ. And retrowave and The Black Queen playlists lest you think I’m only kpopping.

Plus, I use Henry’s Spotify account a lot too because that’s what is connected to our Echo, so I guess this UNWRAPPED isn’t really all that scientifically accurate IS IT.

Wow what a boring fucking post. But here’s a live video for THE BAT so maybe you can see why it’s my #1 song lol.

Wow, wowee wow wow. Two  blogs in one day but I couldn’t hold back from sharing Taemin’s comeback MV, I tried, I made it almost all day.

LORD HELP ME.

MY GOD.

Taemin-ah, we missed you. Thank you for feeding us. You are TRULY a living legend, not just an idol but a motherfucking ICON.

And he has looked so happy and healthy in all of the interviews and shows I’ve seen him on so far during this promotion cycle. I worry about him so much, especially when he was enlisted, but he seriously looks like he’s thriving, back in his element, eating the stage. He is the BEST dancer in the world and no one can change my mind.

(UM BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS T-SHIRT CHOREO???)

(NEVERMIND, I’M NOT READY TO TALK ABOUT IT YET.)

a/k/a Erin’s Redemption Era

Me, before Riot Fest: We don’t even have to be near the stage. We can just stay way back on the fringe, sit down and relax, etc.

Also me, 30 minutes the Cure’s set: *TRUDGING THROUGH THE MUD AND CROWD WITH ARMS AKIMBO, ELBOW-JABBING THROUGH HORDES OF PEOPLE, TRYING TO GET AS CLOSE TO THE STAGE AS COMFORTABLY POSSIBLE*

We ended up decently close, on the right side, surrounded by a pretty good cluster of Cure fans. It was 10000x better than the crowd at the Blossom Music Center, I will tell you that much right now. I really liked the older couple next to us – the woman was so short, I felt awful for her. There was a very tall guy, like Corey-height if not taller, with his friends in front of her and he was trying so hard to duck out of her way. She was like, “Listen, I’m short – I’m not going to be able to see no matter what! You’re fine!” and for a split second I considered trying to be like her, not giving a shit about seeing, just enjoying the music, etc etc but then they came on stage and I was on my tip toes, craning my neck, bobbing and weaving. It’s so futile, lol. I could actually see, mostly, but also the screens at Riot Fest are EXCELSIOR, way better than the ones that they have at most of those dumb ampitheaters, so it was almost impossible to not see.

The Mars Volta finishing up on the other stage. I think they had everyone in a trance by the end. I haven’t listened to them in YEARS, probably actually since their first album, and I know I saw them at least once back then, maybe twice, so the nostalgia was there for me. Not so much for Henry though. He was acting like his ears were bleeding.

And then magic happened for the next 2.5 hours. You guys. YOU GUYS. It was so nice to just enjoy the concert and not wonder if SOMEONE was going to ask me SOMETHING, etc. etc.  And I think Henry can also attest that the night was a lot more fun for him too, not having any expectations. When they performed “From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea,” Henry grabbed my hand and pulled it into the air and I was like “YOU’RE SO DUMB I HATE YOU” but on the inside I was like *rainbows and grilled cheese*.

I love this aerial shot so much, credit to Riot Fest, obviously. I left my drone at home.

This was 100% worth coming to Riot Fest. I love the Cure so much, and I guess Henry is up there too, just not as high. And not as unconditionally.

***SET LIST***

1. Alone
2. Pictures of You
3. High
4. Lovesong
5. And Nothing Is Forever
6. Cold
7. Burn
8. Fascination Street
9. A Night Like This
10. Push
11. In Between Days
12. Just Like Heaven
13. At Night
14. Play For Today
15. A Forest
16. Shake Dog Shake
17. FTEOTDGS
18. Endsong

ENCORE:

19. Lullaby
20. The Walk
21. Friday I’m In Love
22. Close To Me
23. Why Can’t I Be You?
24. Boys Don’t Cry
25. 10:15 Saturday Night
26. Killing An Arab

And Dumb Henry bought me this beautiful poster to add to the collection!

It’s already frame and on the wall going up the steps, right next to the one of the entire Riot Fest lineup <3.

Incredible night. The weather was wonderful. The Cure was perfection as usual. (They are physically unable to put on a bad performance, I swear to god.) The company was….eh. Decent. The only annoying part was waiting for Henry to pee afterward and then the stressful process of catching the train back to the hotel, which actually wasn’t that bad except that I got stuck talking to some guy about my posters and he was definitely one of those guys who asks you questions about music just so he can not listen to your response because you’re a dumb dumb silly goose girl and then before you even finish he’s already on his mansplainin’ podium. He wasn’t THAT bad, just moderately annoying and I was fucking tired and didn’t want to exert energy needed to form sentences.  I was actually kind of praying that he would try to throw down some Cure facts on me just so I could take him to school but he eventually set his sights on the guy behind me who was wearing a band shirt that he could relate to, I don’t know what was going on, I was trying not to fall asleep while standing erect.

There was a line going down the sidewalk just to get INTO the train station thing and by the time our group was the next to get herded through, there was a public transit worker guy who was trying to usher everyone down as far as they could go by hollering, AND IT WAS REALLY COMPLICATED SO YOU HAD TO REALLY PAY ATTENTION, “Everyone keep walking down the track as far as you can go!”

But….they didn’t go as far as they could go. They just…stopped halfway. So, then the train came and everyone just stood there, and Henry and I were like, “Um, we’re going ALL THE WAY DOWN, peace out motherfuckers” and that is how Henry and I got to snag a completely empty car and secure any fucking seat we wanted, while all the other cars were packed to the gills with Riot Festers who were too dumb to FOLLOW DIRECTIONS. Jesus Christ. And people have the nerve to say that Kpop stans are dumb. Mmm.

I’ll end this with one of my favorite Cure songs of all time. When I first moved into this dumb house in the fall of 1999, I used to watch the music video for Fascination Street over and over and over and over and over and…..ugh.

OK now I’m crying. Goodbye.

When we last left off, I think I was telling you, Sir Blog, about our breakfast with my work pal, Vicki. God, that was a good time!! After breakfast, she was kind enough to drop us off at Douglass Park. It was around 11:30 at that point and the gates were supposed to open at 11. We said our sad goodbyes to Vicki and skipped across the street to the end of the line (well, I skipped; Henry stalked). As soon as we had claimed our spot in line (which wasn’t even that long), a couple walking past in the opposite direction began announcing to everyone in line that gate-opening was delayed until AT LEAST 2pm due to the downpour that had been happening all through the night and most of the morning. While it wasn’t raining anymore and the sun was blissfully shining, I can only imagine the park grounds were pretty saturated. And it’s already bad enough that the Douglass Park community really, vehemently does not want Riot Fest taking over the park every year, so I can imagine the powers-that-be behind the festival want to do everything within their power to ensure that the grounds don’t get absolutely obliterated like with what happened at the old location, Humboldt Park, in 2014. Phew, that was BAD. That was the last time Riot Fest was ever held there because they kicked out hard on their asses by THAT community.

So…

That left us with a lot of time, and very little to do. I didn’t want to text Vicki and be like, “Come back and hang out with some more, come pay attention to me, come babysit me” because what if she had shit to do!? I didn’t want her to feel obligated. So, we found a cafe that was “right around the block” according to Henry but was actually pretty far away and then by the time we got there, it was like a ton of Riot Festers had the same idea, so the line was practically out the door AND there was nowhere to sit.

We ended up getting on the train thing and going back to the section of town where we had breakfast. We found a sports bar that was crowded but slightly less crowded than all of the other ones on that block and sat down to have a BEER while people were screaming about football. Mm. My favorite environment.

I don’t even remember the name of the bar, it was very standard. And everything was FINE until HENRY told me what beer to order (something called Gumballhead or something) and it was fucking disgusting. Even Henry was not hitting it off with this beer. “I’M SORRY, BUT THIS TASTES LIKE AN IPA, NOT A WHEAT BEER.”

Whatever that means.

It was supposed to have a “lemony finish.” Oh, they got that right. Because that shit tasted like I just licked a table polished with Lemon Pledge, honey.

I am gagging in hindsight.

DUDE. LOL – so I took a break to walk to Dunkin’ with Henry because I wanted to spy (or, if you’re a Pittsburgher, “neb”) on the work that is going on next door — the still-vacant unit that I am lowkey panicking about because I want it to stay vacant forever. The front door was open so I wanted to, you know, casually gawk and see what’s going on but I all I saw the was DIARRHEA wall color, which is….well, somehow less ugly than the color that was over there when Blake lived there. Some disgusting sea moss or something – it made me so uncomfortable. I hated going over there.

Anyway, were was I! Yeah, so we were walking to Dunkin’ but then stopped at the BEER STORE first because I am still desperate for the Jelly Donut bullshit, and well well well, look what I found stinkin’ up the place:

P-U.

Back to Riot Fest day. I kept checking Instagram and it appeared that they were definitely going to open the gates at 2PM, so we left the bar around 1:00ish I think. My original plan was actually to just go there around 2:00 anyway, because I didn’t care about many of the earlier bands until 2pm. So, I wasn’t very broken up about this to be honest. I do feel bad for the people who were upset to see their favorite bands get cut from the schedule though :(

The line to get in wrapped around the block quite a bit and Henry had me panicking, thinking it was going to take over an hour to get in. It didn’t take an hour. I would say maybe 30 minutes because the Riot Fest staff was basically like FUCK IT and started waving people through without even searching most bags. Only one of our tickets was scanned. The guy was like, “It’s cool, I scanned one, just go ‘head in.”

Um. OK. If this wasn’t AMERICA, I wouldn’t have so felt so clenched about this, but spoiler aleart: It turned out to be fine.

The only downside is that we completely missed Thursday, who went on promptly at 2pm but we could hear them on the other side of the fence, at least. I’ve seen them a bunch of times over the years so I wasn’t too sad about it but I would have liked to have been inside to support them.

THAT’S JUST THE MOM IN ME.

So surreal being at Riot Fest again after…how many years ago 2016 was. Most of the ground was dry but there was DEFINITELY some swampy areas and we came out of their with mud-spatter all over our legs. I’m glad I brought my plain black Vans!

My one main takeaway is that even though we hadn’t been there in so long, and even though I haven’t been in this SCENE for just as long, it was like everything was frozen in time. You could really say that the Riot Fest scene is timeless, and that’s not really bad. It’s nostalgic and comforting.

Henry felt neither nostalgia nor comfort.

I had to laugh though because really THE ONE BAND that I wanted to see that day aside from The Cure was the recently-reunited Balance and Composure. You might remember how deep my love was for them before I turned the way of South Korea. Actually, 2016 might have been the last time I saw them, now that I think about it. Their set started at 2:55PM and Henry conveniently was in line to buy the Cure’s Riot Fest tour poster, so once again I found myself alone in front of the scene, crying to B&C. Some things really DON’T change!! But before they came on, I got to hear the end of Cult’s set on one of the main stages. They ended with “Do You Know What I Mean” and it brought back memories of the Early Years at the law firm when this song was an inside joke for Kaitlin and me. That seems like an entire lifetime ago! God, Riot Fest was really doing it to me.

FML.

Oh! I almost forgot. For some inexplicable reason,  I packed my old Hotel Books t-shirt which I haven’t worn in years. I didn’t really think much of until that morning when I put it on. I laughingly said, “God, I hope no one wants to talk to me about Hotel Books because I literally can’t remember a single thing about them aside from that I liked them a lot for a minute!”

I’m not kidding, as soon as I staked out my spot at the stage before B&C started, some guy leaned over and said to me, “I like your shirt!”

“Thanks!” I said, like I fucking made it in my t-shirt factory. And then I got real fidgety, my eyes practically screaming, “IMPOSTER! IMPOSTER! SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THIS BAND!”

All I remember is going to see them at some defunct club on the Southside, getting kind of drunk, and hugging the singer/spoken-worder at the end of the night.

I really did like Hotel Books back then though!! I actually put them on in the car on the way home the next day and my chest got real warm like I just did a shot of Robitussin (Janna’s drug of choice) and I thought to myself, “Oh yeah. There it is.”

But FUCK MY LIFE, Balance and Composure still REALLY do it for me. Like, really really.

After this, I found Henry standing a safe distance away from the crowd. The next band I wanted to see was also on the same stage, but we had about 30-45 minutes to kill so we walked around, checked out The Bronx briefly (we’ve seen them numerous times over the years but it was like a homecoming hearing them live again, if only for a few minutes). Then we went and got some free samples of FUNNY WATER which was fine but I wasn’t ready to commit to a full can of it.

Henry kept asking me who were seeing next and I was like YOU WILL SEE and OH JUST WAIT so he was getting really paranoid, like it was going to be some fucked Jonny Craig side project revival bullshit set.

It was just LS Dunes, but it was funny to me because it’s the latest Anthony Green side project and literally every time we go to Riot Fest, Anthony is there in one form or another. Can you believe we (“we” lol) have been supporting him and all of his projects since 2004?? Staring with Saosin, but really getting in deep with Circa Survive in 2005. I had to actually google to see when it was that we saw Circa for the first time, and it was July 2005 at the Grog Shop, right before I got pregnant, and Anthony signed my Circa CD outside the venue. Say Anything was headlining and I didn’t like them (still don’t) so we must have ducked out before they came on and Anthony was just chilling on a wall outside, with a few fan boys jawing his ear off.

And now it’s 2023, he’s a dad of 3, been in and out of recovery, but continued to be obscenely prolific in the scene. Henry actually recognized his voice, but not his face. I mean, face it – we’re all ageing! It’s just so much more surreal when we see it happen to bands that we have been fans of for decades.

Anyway, LS Dunes – amazing. Frank Iero – amazing. Anthon Green – fucking ICONIC.

I really didn’t take many pictures. We were mostly there for The Cure and I felt pretty distracted all day because of that anticipation.

I got this crunchie vegan person bowl for dinner because my body was CRAVING vegetables. It was…ok. $18 worth of ok. :/

Meanwhile, Henry went off on his own, leaving me to eat alone under a tree a bowl of stuff that tasted like said tree, and came back with a vegan mac n’ cheesesteak. I was jel at first but after stealing a few bites, my final assessment was that eh, didn’t really like it that much.

I also was trying to keep myself from getting sick. I didn’t want to be standing for three hours at the main stage with a bloated stomach. You know?!

LOL JK I still felt like shit!!

Almost forgot to take a selfie. Yikes. Who am I.

Then Finch came on and can you believe it was the first time seeing them??!! I was obsessed with them in 2003? 2004? I just remember going on weekend drives with Henry and fucking blasting them and Thrice.

Henry stalking me. Lol I was sitting in the gross grass because MY STOMACH HURT from that stupid bowl.

The last band to play on this same stage, the only stage we were at all day which is insane because all of my past Riot Fests consisted of me SPRINTING from stage to stage, was the Used. Ugh. It was fine. I didn’t cry. But I also didn’t feel great in the heart.

“Now, which one dated Kelly Osbourne?” asked some guy behind us. “Oh the singer?”

Wow. That was a blast from the past lol.

I miss screaming-Bert. I get that he can’t scream anymore but man, I will never forget seeing them at X Fest on a tiny stage and seeing him puking all over the stage from intensity of his screams.

Those were the days, man.

I felt really fucking old at Riot Fest. Not because everyone was young, but because of all of these bands from my way-back years. I couldn’t handle it. It was a lot.

I’ll end this here. The Cure deserve their own post <3

Now that I wrote 3000 words about the Cure concert without ever actually talking about the Cure concert, here are five things about that night that don’t involve me flipping out over a ring.

1. burn

Honestly one of my favorite songs, not just by the Cure, but of any artist of all time. Henry said that this was one of his favorite songs of the night too. I am trying not to cry right now.

This is not my video, I didn’t record hardly at all because I was too in the zone and as usual, I figured there would be a plethora of videos online afterward. But the audio is really great and you can totally hear how on point the whole band – it was on this level the entire night. The Cure is honestly one of the best bands I have ever seen in my whole life – they always seem to be 100% into it. It makes me wonder how I would feel if I was at one of their concerts, knowing nothing about them, only there to accompany a friend. Would I leave as a fan? I really can’t imagine how I wouldn’t – like, how do you witness something like this in person and not be affected? They even manage to permeate Henry’s thick-walled dork-heart.

2. Kpop fans v everyone else

Ok listen Brenda. You know that the Cure is tops in my heart. La Supreme. Bae. And this is nothing against them at all, but can we talk about the crowd? Shoooooo….it was not great. I mean, also not AWFUL but just not what I would have expected for a Cure concert. With the exception of the ABYSMAL, RUDE crowd at Coachella in 2004 since that was a festival, this might have been the worst vibe I’ve sensed out of all the times I’ve seen them.

Now, this is not a blanket statement – I’m not trying to say, “OMG I was the only true fan there” because it wasn’t at all, so if you were there and disagree do not come for me!! I’m just saying that my observation from where I sat was that it felt like many – not all – people were there for the novelty of it. These people were all middle-aged, white, and mostly drunk. Maybe they were reliving their goth college years, or wanted to hear the handful of radio hits that they know, who knows. But a lot of the people there made me uncomfortable and distracted me with their constant need to fidget, chat with their neighbors, leave to buy more beer. It was a lot of letting people in and out of the row, you know? And I noticed this at Genesis too so I think it’s really a demographic thing. Like, these are elder fans who perhaps have expendable income and/or just go to concerts to party / relive the golden years / get drunk off of nostalgia. And OK that’s fine, but there are also people who pay money they don’t really have to see a band in real life that they love with their whole hearts and have so much appreciation and gratitude…

That’s 99.9999999% of the fans you see at kpop concerts, you guys. It is legit. No one is there because they just know one song. They are there because they know every member’s name, know the inside jokes, know the choreo.

I realized that night that while I still love non-kpop music, I prefer kpop concerts in general now.

(For instance, I’m watching another video from the Cleveland show and there is a broad in in who hasn’t stopped talking to someone three people over her for the entirety of Disintegration. Like bitch, sit down then. You’re bothering us.)

But I will give big props to the Tallest Guy in the Land who was standing in front of Henry. (Originally me but I switched seats with Henry lol.) He glanced behind him at one point and when he realized how much taller he was than Henry and the guy next to Henry, he sat down on the back of his chair so that he wasn’t fully sitting but also was at the height of an average standing man, and said, “Is that better?” Henry and the guy next to him were both like, “Oh, you’re fine!” because Henry, for all the bitching he does when BOO HOO HE CAN’T SEE AT THE NCT CONCERT BC GIRLS ARE STANDING UP AND DANCING, actually is content just being there and doesn’t need to see the stage at every single second of the night like some of us do.

Anyway, I thought that guy was really cool. Him and a bunch of people in front of him were really decent and seemed like genuine fans, but then the three women next to him (and directly in front of me) chatted like fucking mothers at a neighborhood watch meeting, checked their phones, texted, got up to pee, got up to get beer, looked everywhere but the stage unless one of the more popular radio songs were being played. It was so annoying. They did seem into it at some points so I think the bigger issue here is that Americans in general are just one gigantic attention deficit.

3. Toxic Masculinity in Row N

Sometime before the opening band started, a group of people practically fell into the seats right behind Henry and me. I mean, they made such a commotion as they skirted their way down the row, it was almost comedic if it hadn’t been so goddamn annoying. Loud AF. CLEARLY drunk. Total middle-aged trash with zero boundaries or awareness.

It was two married couples – the one woman had the most annoying voice, high-pitched voiced (fuck, Henry compared her to someone and it was so spot-on but now I can’t think), the other woman was actually fine but of course she was sat the furthest away from me, and the two husbands were disgusting, loud-ass pig-slobs who didn’t just speak, they SHOUTED, the type of toxic ageing bro-men who purposely talk loud because they think that what they’re saying is SO FUCKING FUNNY AND IMPORTANT, that they want EVERYONE AROUND THEM TO HEAR. Fucking crass assholes, honestly. The one kept stretching out his legs so his disgusting sandaled foot would jut out from under Henry’s seat and I was burping back bile, for real.

4. If you can’t beat ’em….

I told Henry that the only way I was going to be able to survive with those loud asses sitting behind us would be if I made contact somehow. Finding a way to civilly butt into the conversation of problematic people sometimes helps humanize them for me, if that makes sense. Lucky for me, the MEN had departed on their third alcohol refill run during the storm delay, when the couple next to the people started talking to the wives. At one point, one of the wives said that they were from Pittsburgh and I was like “I’M IN” and the way I spun around so fast in my seat to finally play the role of Erin Buttinsky, well, Henry was laughing about it for days afterward.

(“Jesus Christ, you turned around so fast and started talking,” he laughed but it didn’t sound like a HAHA I LOVE YOU NEW-FIANCEE, YOU ARE SO CUTE AND FUNNY laugh but more of a disgusted “I hate when you do that shit” scoff.)

“We’re from Pittsburgh too!” I cried out so loud that several people from the row behind them also turned to look at where the manic talking was coming from.

The wives looked a bit caught off guard initially at my enthusiasm for sharing a city, but then they quickly abandoned the other couple and talked solely to me about various Pgh things that you wouldn’t understand if you’re not from here so I won’t bore you, but I will say that Henry REFUSED to turn around, not even ONCE, just bristled silently in his seat like the stand-offish lump that he is, so that was exciting to have them see that I was attending a Cure concert with a serial killer.

After I said that I was originally from “Jefferson Hill, you know, by Century III Mall,” one of the ladies said, “Oh did you hear about that boy that recently fell through the roof of the mall??” and I was like, “OMG NO?!” and she said something else about it, to which I didn’t know how else to respond aside from saying, “Oh wow” and then turning back around in my seat without a goodbye or enjoy the show or fuck off or anything. Just quietly and awkwardly cut the cord on the convo and peaced out. That’s how I do. Hi, I’m Erin. Nice to meet you, ok bye.

Anyway, my plan worked because I was able to tolerate them so much more after that, except for once the concert started and I found out quickly and painfully that one of the husbands was a WHISTLER. Hooboy, the why those whistles broke through my skull like a buckshot.

5. The Set List

• Alone
• Pictures of You
• Lovesong
• And Nothing if Forever
• If Only Tonight We Could Sleep

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• Burn
• Kyoto Song
• A Night Like This
• Push
• At Night
• Play for Today
• A Forest (Henry’s fave Cure song, FYI)
• Shake Dog Shake
• From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea (LOL ughhhhh)
• Endsong

ENCORE #1

• I Can Never Say Goodbye
• It Can Never Be the Same
• Want
• Plainsong
• Disintegration

ENCORE #2

• Lullaby
• Six Different Ways
• The Walk
• Friday I’m In Love
• Close To Me
• Whay Can’t I Be You?
• In Between Days
• Just Like Heaven
• Boys Don’t Cry

OK, that’s it. I was hoping for The Caterpillar, Charlotte Sometimes, The Kiss, Same Deep Water As You among others but I was still happy with the set list because it’s the fucking Cure. The fucking Cure.

Sorry if you’re only here to get the SCOOP because today’s post is just photos from our early parking experience. Of course I was being a psycho about everything related to this day because it’s THE CURE and it’s not very often they come to the US and also the weather forecast was ABYSMAL for that day and I was panicking about the rain and merch lines, and GIVE THIS BITCH A PILL, WILL YA. Anyway, the option to pay $20 for early parking was available and the only reason I agreed that we should do it was because they said that merch booths would be set up in the lots and honestly, the convenience of not only snatching up what I want ahead of time but also being able to take it back to the car rather than keeping it with me all fucking night long was worth it.

This meant that we had to hang out for over 2 hours in the parking lot, but whatever. At least I was able to get my daily steps in, lol.

Here we are, sitting in the grass after securing my merch. I got two posters (one was show-specific and the other was for the entire tour) and a shirt. I was extremely content, especially since we didn’t have to wait in line. Oh, and all three of those things together cost the same as ONE SHIRT at a Kpop concert. Jesus.

(I still you, Kpop. You are still worth it to me.)

We went back to the car after awhile, making it just before the skies opened up and dropped torrents of rain on us. I’m glad that I’m obsessed with checking the weather constantly because we brought umbrellas and ponchos from home just in case. Henry was all, “We will probably be fine.” HE THOUGHT.

Me walking into the Cure concert with my happy Korean umbrella, LOL.

A FOREST.

Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised with how smoothly entrance into the plaza was. I NEVER bring a purse to concerts anymore so we were able to skip right on ahead to the empty NO BAG line and made into the place in record time. But then then we still had another hour to kill before the rest of the pavilion opened up so that we could get to our seats. But one of the perks of being there early was that we got to hear soundcheck. We couldn’t see the stage because of the hillside but just hearing Robert’s voice and knowing we were in the same goddamn vicinity – holy shit, it made me tear up so bad.

OK on that beautiful note, I’m going to piss off and peace out. More on the actual concert, and “the thing that happened,” in my next post maybe possibly. I’m tired. :/

(BUT OMG I SAW THE CURE.)

Hey just when you guys were like “I literally do not care about this NCT bullshit and will never care to learn about the sub-units or whatever this bitch keeps calling them,” a brand new sub-unit was formed! This one is called NCT DoJaeJung (for Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Jungwoo from NCT127).

They recently debuted with the song Perfume which I have been obsessing over and it also made me think about how during the whole life thus far, I have had three very distinct signature scents. I mean, after I graduated from the Avon roller scents in middle school thanks to my friend Cara who used to bring in her mom’s Avon books all the time – my favorite scene is on the tip of my tongue but I can’t think of it!! I just tried to Google and none of those roller ones are even coming up – did I dream it? That’s what my mom would say. Anyway, it was something beachy/tropical and it was the only one I ever ordered.

In high school, I was BIG INTO Versace, so his Red Jeans scent was definitely my jam. I think I mentioned this recently, but Henry found a bottle of it for me, and I have been happily spritzing myself with nostalgia ever since.

I also was very attached to YSL’s Champagne (I think it’s called Yvesse now) also in high school. I haven’t smelled that in decades, but I just closed my eyes after looking at the bottle online on my nose remembered.

But the one that most recently was my signature, and I really should get some more of it, was Dior’s Hypnotic Poison. I used to wear it religiously in my early years at The Law Firm and people would always recognize my presence because of it – it is very unmistakable and unique.

Cool, now put on some red jeans, drink some champers, and watch this hypnotic poison of a video and then tell me what your signature scent is while I do a deep-dive into the Avon archives looking for that stupid cheap-ass perfume that now I suddenly need to sniff again.