Last Tuesday evening, Henry and I went to Crafthouse to see one of my old favorite bands, Cold. I was wavering on buying tickets for this because I knew it was going to be an emotional rollercoaster – it had been FIFTEEN YEARS almost exactly since I last saw them. Two mths before I started working at The Law Firm, actually! Sometimes it’s hard to believe that there were pre-Law Firm times in my life.

I finally sucked it up though and bought us tickets and I am so glad that I did. Yeah, it’s a drag to do these things on work nights at this age, but really it was so worth it.

I had to laugh though because as we were standing outside waiting for the doors to open, the people behind us were talking about health insurance. “The conversations happening in line now are wayyyyy different from when we used to go to see Cold back in the day,” I laughed and Henry did too but I don’t know why because he was old back then too??

Once we got inside and settled into a table, I started giggling which always makes Henry scared.

“I just realized that I didn’t change out of my NCT shoes,” I cracked up, raising my legs up and wiggling my feet. Henry groaned.

“AND I HAVE MY G-DRAGON LIGHTSTICK ON MY PURSE!” I pointed out. “And my Seventeen credit card!”

I had to get a picture of the full trifecta and Henry mumbled, “You’re so dumb.”

I am really leaning into the Empty Nester Lifestyle. I mean, not that this isn’t something we would have done with Chooch still in the house, because obviously we were still going to concerts back then too but it just feels…different somehow? Like, fresh? Like almost as though we ARE DATING? I dunno man, it’s weird.

Also, it felt kind of wild being around this certain demographic again. Cold is hard rock (actually they were even considered nu-metal adjacent there for a time) and I haven’t been in this scene in A LONG FUCKING TIME. I mean, this was my pre-Chooch life, really. This predated the Warped Tour and screamo and post-hardcore season of my life.

I have to say, on one hand I felt very comfortable and confident in this environment, it felt natural and familiar, I felt like my old out-going self. And it’s probably the only type of man that still CHECKS ME OUT, lol. I came back from the background and bragged to Henry about that. He just frowned.

But on the other hand, looking around at the majority of these people – especially the women – I am very thankful that I got out of this scene. I was always getting drunk back then off gross things like Smirnoff Ice and chain-smoking Camel Wides. I can only imagine how gross my voice would be today, how old I would look, how FUCKED my health would be in general. Hard Rock Erin was not it.

Literally, though, this one “rode hard & put away wet” woman came falling into the bathroom and Skeletor’d, “DO YINZ KNOW IF I CAN VAPE IN HERE??” Calm down, sis. Also, NO????

I took this to send to Chooch. He lowkey hates that his parents go out together I think, lol.

That guy’s face, though lol.

I just want to say that this was only our second time at Crafthouse and both times we had wonderful servers. I enjoyed my food a lot more this time – I went with the margherita flatbread and it was just right. Also, I Like Beer Now^TM and their selection is pretty good. Henry and I both had two different IPAs and both were good. Specifically, I had an Aslin Clear Nights and an Appalachian Brewing Co. Hop Offering. I don’t remember what Henry had because he refuses to update Untapped.

Good music aside, I just want to say that I really enjoyed this night so much. It was a tough decision to come out, but I’m glad I did and that Dumb Henry was with me. JUST LIKE OLD TIMES when it felt like we were seeing Cold several times a year for a while there. But be prepared for the show recap because it’s going to be so stupid-emo.

My attention has been monopolized by G-Dragon and his recent comeback concerts in Seoul last weekend. Oh my Christ what I would have given be in attendance, especially day 2 where Daesung and Taeyang made guest appearances.

I’ve just been so thrilled that he is back in the public eye as an entertainer because it really seemed so hip in the air there for a while, but he’s back and has proven once again that he is more than just a “kpop idol” in Korea. He really is so much more than that, literally Korea’s treasure.

Anyway, I was inspired to do something with this picture of the first outfit he appeared in at his concerts, crown and all because he is THE KING AND KNOWS IT. I sent the picture to my friend Lyda at work – I was FIXIN’ to dish about it but have no one around me who cares so I have to force this upon people sometimes lol. I told her I was obsessing over his concert looks and she admitted to googling him and then was like, “Now I’m obsessed with G-Dragon.”

THAT’S RIGHT GIRL JOIN ME.

I needed to DO SOMETHING with this picture of him so I made a background of his signature daisies and then Henry’s Crafty made it into a pin for me, complete with black velvet backing.

The picture in the background was given to us by GD’s uncle the day we checked out of Dolce Bita in Pocheon and his uncle drove us back to the Ildong bus station while blasting GD’s music, literally one of the wildest and most memorable moments of my life, that actually had me saying, “Did that really happen??” to Henry and Chooch for approx. a year.

I love this so much and wore it out yesterday like a shiny badge of honor when we met friends for lunch (more on that separately!).

Jesus. Much like Robert Smith and Scooter Ward before him, I don’t think I can ever fully explain how much I admire and idolize this man. He is such a genius. There is no one to compare him to either – he is one of a kind. Ughhhhhh I love you, Jiyong.

OH MY FUCKING GOD. My G-Dragon lightstick and mini-keychain lightstick just arrived about an hour ago from Korea and I am so stoked! The sales of these items were so chaotic because it’s G-Dragon and everyone wanted it. The first round sold out within minutes but I managed to snag all three items without issue. G-Dragon’s company put out a statement promising to release more, and then that sale sold out immediately as well. I know it’s dumb but I feel so grateful that I was able to get these and can only pray that I can also get tickets to one of his upcoming US concerts so that I can use these IRL!

Being a Kpop stan is stressful. I got into this because my life was so depressing and full of sadness and while on the outside it seems like the Kpop life is so fun and happy, THERE IS THIS STUPID STRESSFUL UNDERBELLY OF FIGHTING WITH OTHER FANS / RESELLERS FOR CONCERT TICKETS AND MERCH. Lol.

But dude would you look at this light stick cradle?? G-DRAGON IS A FUCKING CREATIVE GENIUS. A functional and cute way to display your lightstick? GD’s got you. I love that this is something I would just already have in my house too, regardless of Kpop-association.

What a nice way to end a stupid work week.

I promise I won’t do this every year, but this is our FIRST anniversary as a married couple and I am feeling nice about that today and was in my feels looking through pictures from our Korean Marriage Mission.  So, here are some (the only, actually) pictures of me and Henry from that trip! Most of the pictures were of Chooch, or of all three of us. Not too many of just me and Henry together probably because he IS SO ANNOYING to take pictures with.

(Henry. Yes, you are.)

In Gyeongju!

Our handmade wedding bands that we made in Hongdae!

LOL us with our marriage license; Chooch was SO PUT OUT that we asked him to CROSS THE STREET and come over to us to take this picture. He gave literally zero fucks about this whole thing because his life did not change at all.

I loved loved loved this place. 

Buddhist Food in Insadong!

Cheonggyecheon <3

We actually came here to take Chooch’s senior pictures, but he snapped some of us too, grudgingly.

I love this picture so much, thanks Chooch! I should probably get this framed.

Henry’s dumb face lol.

One of the BEST places to walk and a great place to watch the sun set. 

I hope that we get to go back to Korea again someday. I feel more alive there than I have anywhere else in my life and the fact that Henry was willing to marry me there means so much more than any traditional wedding we could have had here. It was no frills. Just us, in jeans. I actually couldn’t imagine doing this any other way and would not change a thing.

(OK, maybe I’d have eaten more salt bread. Lol.)

Ugh, I’m crying as usual.

I woke up today to a gift bag full of Totally Erin gifts:

I was cracking up because these could easily pass for a middle schooler’s birthday presents.

Speaking of…Henry said that he talked to his mom today. She said something along the lines of how it’s too bad he didn’t meet me before “that other one” and married me first. Henry was like, “Mom, I’d have gone to jail.” I mean, considering I was IN MIDDLE SCHOOL when he was marrying “that other one.”

So, then she said that he could have “waited for me” and I screamed, “EW, SHE WAS SUGGESTING THAT YOU GROOM ME?!”

That was such a sobering moment on The First Anniversary of Ruby & Hoover’s Marriage Fit for an LJ Post.

Anyway, baby’s first Enhypen album!

We started to make our way over to the Allstate Arena around 6:30 so I could pass out my freebies to people in line. The arena has a plethora of hotels around it so usually when we go to a concert there it’s just a short walk across the street which is so convenient. Especially afterward when all you want to do is go lay down (maybe that’s just us elders) without the struggle of trying to fight your way out of the parking lot. We had to actually drive there from a hotel near the airport when we saw Seventeen because all the close hotels were sold out and I will tell you that it was very annoying.

I ended up having way more NCT freebies than I did for the Taemin concert and it took me so much longer to pass these out which quickly drained my social battery!

Here’s a small selection of what they looked like ^^^

It was fun though hearing people squeal when they saw which member they got! And the lady behind me in line traded me two Haechan pocas after I gave her a pin! She was there with her husband/boyfriend and I did notice that there were guys there than usual. It was funny because I would always tentatively hand a pin to the guys while asking, “Do you want one too?” and they ALWAYS said yes with a quickness except for one dad who was there with his daughter, lol.

I’m dying, imagining going to this kind of a concert with my dad back when I was a teenager.

It was one of the speediest concert entrances I’ve ever experienced since getting into Kpop. Doors opened on time and the lines moved efficiently. No hold ups whatsoever. We had a good hour to kill though once we got inside so we walked around, Henry got a beer, I tried to decide which shirt I wanted – all the merch lines were crazy long but Henry said he would get in line during one of the VCRs.

Anyway, this was the first time I noticed that Robert Smith is on this wall! He caught my eye when we were walking past and I had to circle back against foot traffic to get a picture.

Also, I needed a picture of Henry’s beer for Untappd. It was OK. I didn’t love it so much that I desired a full can for myself. A few sips of his was fine.

First, we went to find Henry’s seat and I was cracking up because he purposely bought a ticket for the very last row of the upper section and even lucked out with an aisle seat. I was all the way down below, three rows back from the floor to the left of the extended stage, similar to where I was for NCT Dream too – same section but I was first row for that one :(

Henry said he actually STOOD UP at some points! He NEVER stands at concerts but I guess there were some songs that he really wanted to see not just hear for NCT127. I’m shook.

This was my view, not too bad at all. I was surround by super unobtrusive and inoffensive NCTzens. I had no trouble seeing even when the rows in front of me filled up and everyone stood. No one was being an asshole. Levels of screaming were normal. Small talk was friendly. There was a single girl to my left and she loved my Haechan shirt and had me take picture of her before the show started. The girl to my right gave me this funny picture of Haechan:

Then the girl was RIGHT next to me was there with her mom and was also very chill. It was just a great experience overall, crowd-wise!

And then the concert started and let me just tell you, I guess enough time had passed between NCT127 concerts because I fucking forget how much they bring the noise for real. They MIGHT be the loudest groups I have ever seen, between the chaos of their music and choreo and the guttural roars of the crowd – there were legit times when I couldn’t tell what song was starting because the droning cacophony of the fans around me were drowning it out. It gets THAT loud for NCT127! I will never forget the first time Chooch and I saw them at KCON 2017 – it sounded like the roof of the Prudential Center was going to collapse from the intensity of the bass during Cherry Bomb. Chooch was just like, “GOOD LORD” and talked about it for days.

I almost didn’t get tickets for this show. Usually I’m waiting on Ticketmaster for the moment tickets go on sale but for NCT127, I tried to reason that I just saw them in 2022, it would mean going back to Chicago two weeks after seeing Taemin, and Taeyong and Jaehyun (my 127 bias!) are in the military.

But you know what, I realized that last bit was exactly WHY I needed to go, because between military enlistments and one member allegedly being a rapist (hasn’t been officially charged yet but it does seem pretty damning), the remaining members need our support. What kind of fair-weathered NCTzen would I be if I skipped this?

Plus, it is very hard for me to rationalize passing the opportunity to see my ult NCT bias, Haechan. I just REALLY adore him!! His voice is so unique and I love watching him dance.

You don’t care but: Johnny, Haechan, Mark, Yuta, Jungwoo, Doyoung.

Previously, Henry’s bias was Yuta but after this concert, he has officially added MARK to the list of not just NCT127 biases, but TOP 5 BIASES ACROSS ALL GROUPS! He really put a lot of thought into it too:

1. G-Dragon
2. Mark
3. Yuta
4. Hoshi
5. Taemin

COMING OUT CASKET FRESH.

My favorite moments of the night were finally seeing Walk, the inclusion of a recording and video of Jaehyun during Lemonade and Touch, WHIPLASH!!!!!!!!!!, and the fucking powerhouse vocals during No Longer. I was screaming, literally – my throat was HURT.

And Chain!!!!

I am so glad that we went to the Chicago stop because it’s Johnny’s hometown and that just made it feel more special, like when we saw NCT Dream in Long Island and Mark had actually spent a good portion of his childhood living there.

I felt that the ending ments were very emotional, particularly Mark, Haechan, and Johnny. Haechan seemed to be alluding to the fact that he or maybe others might be performing with injuries or their bodies just not in the best condition, Mark seemed to be hard on himself and worried that his voice didn’t sound good, and Johnny – who is now 30 years old and I can’t accept this – was very sentimental and focused on time passing so quickly and the panic about remembering the important moments. It was….so relatable. The fact that this group was less than a year into their debut when I first saw them in 2017 – Jungwoo wasn’t even a member yet – and now two of them are in the military…it makes me feel old too.

Time is so scary. Mortality is depressing.

But, as long as I have music in my life, and concerts to look forward to, and comebacks adding fanatical excitement to my days, I will stay young at heart. People say they don’t understand this and I feel sorry for those people. It doesn’t have to be Kpop, it could be classic rock, it could be metal, it could be Broadway shows or sports or beer. As long as we have that one thing that inspires joy, who needs the validation of people who don’t understand it.

SETLIST

1. Gas
2. Faster
3. Bring the Noize
4. 2 Baddiess
5. Skyscraperr
6. Chain
7. Designerr
8. Orange Seoull
9. TOUCHH
10. No Cluee
11. Pricey
12. Regular (English version)
13. Sticker
14. Whiplash
15. Lemonade
16. Rain Drop
17. Can’t Help Myself
18. Gold Dust
19. No Longer
20. Far
21. Kick It
22. Fact Check

Encore:

1. Intro: Wall to Wall
2. Walk
3. Meaning of Love
4. Dreams Come True
5. Promise You

As always, I’m so grateful that I was able to go to this, that Henry is also a fan so that we could dish about it the entire drive home the next day, and that moments of happiness like this still exist in a world that is in flames.

We had a few hours to kill before the NCT127 concert so like true homebodies we went to a nearby beer store and got some IPAs to drink in our hotel room while eating HMart snacks and I walked back and forth forever to get steps after sitting in the car all day.

What extravagant lives we lead.

In all honesty though, I still get pre-concert gut gurgles even at this old and wizened age. You’d think I was the one going on stage.

If Henry is sitting with me, there’s much less anxiety but we typically DON’T sit anywhere near each other at Kpop concerts because I like to get the best seat as possible within reason and it’s just too much $$$ for us to get two tickets together. So, Henry will usually wait until the day-of and get the cheapest seat he can find which always puts him way in the back row of the upper level. He’s fine with that but I always have to get myself pumped up knowing that I’m going to be sitting alone and may need to make small talk with those around me.

This is part of the exorbitant price I pay to see my Kpop faves though. Worth it.

Anyway, we stayed at an Extended Stay near the Allstate Arena and it was OK. The room was outdated but clean. I hated the people in the room next to us who kept banging into the wall but Henry, in my interpretation of his non-action, was like YOU ARE OVERREACTING. OK, cool, whatever. I did feel guilty for a second because what if it was other NCTzens next door, but the thumping was still going strong when we came back that night too so I don’t think they were there for the concert.

Also, the fact that I am sitting here a week later, at 7:56am, typing furiously about a faint and sporadic thumping that bothered me really illustrates how neurotic and unreasonable I am.

Ugh. Moving on, here’s what I wore to NCT127: The Movement!

1. I am so happy that my Neobong has gotten so much use over the years! I know lightsticks can seem like a ridiculous splurge and my collection is growing to an embarrassing size, but it really is such a huge part of the concert culture! Shout out to my king, G-Dragon, for starting the trend.
2. I decided to go Haechan-biased this time. For NCT Dream, I lean toward Renjun, but Haechan is my overall bias across the whole NCT universe. I was so stoked to see him again that night! Twice in 2024 with Dream, and now this year with 127? Fuck yeah.
3. Also, this was the 4th NCT concert I got to wear my DIY NCT shoes to! And THE FIRST TIME someone complimented them, thank you for noticing, person in line to get into the arena!
4. Henry is getting better at taking pictures of me ever since I sent him a tutorial on Instagram where some young photographer was like, “Watch me teach my dad how to take photos of me.” I sent it to Henry and now he remembers to take the appropriate steps so that I don’t look like a mongoloid.
5. I wore my homemade Haechan pendant which is super outdated (look at baby Haechan!!) but I love it still. The other NCT necklace was made by my friend Danielle from The Idol Collective and it is the perfect neo-accessory.
6. The shirt features Haechan from the “Favorite” comeback special “The Vampire House” and this one of my favorite comeback cycles.

I’m sure I have posted so many versions of this in the past but this is one of my top NCT songs ever and it reminds me of fall 2021 which was a really nice time in my life as opposed to now which feels like life is flipped on its head but that’s ok, we’ll get through it one Kpop concert at a time, haha.

The moment the lights went out in the Chicago Theater, I knew I was cooked. Done for. Stick a fork in me, sir.

(Blog Post Interlude: Henry, being the respectful Kpop Dad that he is, was standing at first and then realized that the girl behind him was v. smol, so he apologized and remained seated for the whole concert. Sure, call him courteous, praise his nunchi, but I believe this was his excuse to sit and drink his beer while admiring Taemin’s abs in comfort.)

Taemin opened with Deja Vu and my heart was palpitating at dangerous levels. Taemin.

LEE TAEMIN.

!!!!

UNDER THE SAME ROOF AS ME!

This is from the Bangkok stop because I couldn’t find any good quality videos from Chicago, but this is a classic example of going from “liking a song” to “FUCKING OBSESSING OVER A SONG” after seeing it performed live. It expanded its real estate in my heart.

I have been struggling with how to effectively encapsulate the swirling feelings of this night into a blog post, but if you have ever seen one of your God Tier artists, you know how it is. It’s impossible. You just have to know that I was hyper-aware of the riotous thumping of my heart the whole entire night. The mask may have been stifling my maniacal screaming, but I was IN DEEP. I could not take my eyes off of him (except for when the broad in front of me would start to lean out of the aisle, forcing me to have to move into the aisle too – she was pissing me off so much because she HAD SO MUCH ROOM between her and the girl to her right and if she would have just fucking stood within the area of her actual seat, I would have had the perfect view that I paid for BUT WHATEVER. That was the only less than perfect part of the whole night.)

I just want to post ever live video from the concert that I can find but that would be ridiculous so I will just keep watching those on my own time and tell you that this one of the best nights of my life. Taemin is art in motion. I know he is not a machine but D A N G, I wish he would have performed for another 2 hours. It felt so short.

Set 1:

• • Intro video
• Deja Vu
• Guilty
• Advice
  • Ment 1
• Goodbye
• IDEA
• Heaven

Set 2: Ballads

• • VCR (Henry went and bought my shirt during this!)
• I’m Crying
• Clockwork (!!!!!!!!!! I never thought I would hear this live!!!!)
• Not Over You
  • Ment 2 (with snippets of a cappella fan-requested songs, including LOVE!!!!, Flame of Love, Pretty Boy – he gave Kai a shout out here, welcoming him back from the military!)
• The Unknown Sea
• Blue

Set 3:

• • VCR
  • Dance break with dancer intros (I thought this was so cool of him to give them props!)
• G.O.A.T.
• The Rizzness (!!!)
• Sexy In the Air
  • Ment 4
• Move (!!!!! LEGENDARY)
• Want
• Criminal (I died)
• Horizon

Fan-led Singalong organized by ChiWols – The Unknown Sea

ENCORE:

• Danger
• Crush
  • Ment 5
• Hypnosis
  • Ment 6
• Say Less

I started crying as I typed that last song, haha.

These pictures are trash because they’re basically just screenshots from my videos but I don’t care.

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I go to concerts fairly often but this was the first time in quite some time when I actually had friends texting me the next day, and messaging me when I got back to work, asking me how it was because they knew what a major deal this was for me, and that made it even more special.

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OH LORD HELP ME.

I was texting Chooch like a maniac during the VCRs and when we got back to the hotel.

“Yeah, but did he even glance* at you?” he asked because he is such a little bastard lol.

*(I tried so hard to get VIP for the opportunity to “make eye contact” with Taemin, literally that was how one of the perks was described, and Chooch thought it was the funniest thing ever that 1. I was willing to pay $250 for this perk and that 2. VIP packages sold out in seconds.)

Songs I would have given up my blood to hear live:

• Love (he did sing a verse!)
• Rise
• Nemo
• Press Your Number
• Artistic Groove

But honestly, he could have sung nursery rhymes to us all night and I would have been happy.

And then the lights came on. I did not want to leave. :(

All I remember after this was walking back to the hotel in a daze, then being body-slammed by adrenaline and unable to fall asleep. I just lay there in bed, watching the video snippets I took on my phone, “Friends” playing on the hotel TV as is hotel tradition for us, feeling this insane mix of euphoria and a deep aching, which of course would grow legs by the next day and turn into full-fledged post-show depression.

On the drive home (which was actually pleasant, no fighting!) I just kept whispering, “I can’t believe we saw Taemin. He is so perfect. DID YOU SEE HOW PERFECT HE IS??”

My favorite part about him is his divine duality – when he is performing, he is this dark, sultry angel telling a story with every move he makes. right down to the intentional flexing of his fingers. No move is wasted, even the slightest twitch of his elbow matters. But then the music stops and he is LEE TAEMIN-AH, exuding precious innocence, being a dork, mocking us and himself – I can’t stand him, lol!

Ugh, it was so good. Taemin is a living legend and if you don’t know him by now, why?!

Our hotel (StayPineapple!) was a block away from The Chicago Theater and I kept looking out the window to see if people were lining up yet. There was a scary moment around 5PM when a bunch of firetrucks rolled up with their sirens on and parked directly across from the theater. I was like, “I SWEAR TO GOD, IF TAEMIN IS IN A BURNING BUILDING…..” but then they went into the building across from the theater. I don’t know what was happening but there didn’t appear to be a fire anywhere and hopefully it was nothing serious.

Yo, I was sooo paranoid and superstitious about this concert. Like, Lord just let me see Taemin tonight, Amen.

We left the hotel around 6 – doors were supposed to open at 6:30 and I wanted to have some time to pass out my freebies to my fellow Taemates. Dude, that took all of 10 minutes. My pins were gobbled up so quickly! It was fun getting to have some interactions with people in line and trading freebies with other people who also brought stuff – I got some fun bracelets :) And Henry, my placeholder in line, was also accumulating some swag for me too, what a dork lol.

I just want to say that this theater’s staff and security were so efficient with getting us inside quickly and safely. They had a side entrance opened as well so we were herded into that line, which then split into more lines for the security check points. Isn’t it sad that this is the world we live in, where we have to be searched before entering a theater? I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, especially after seeing Ollie Wride at the Crafthouse where we walked right in and I can’t remember the last time I went to a concert where we could just “walk right in.”

Anyway though, it’s usually pretty quick with kpop concerts because these people know what not to have on their person but of course we managed to pick the ONE LINE that had the slug-slow security agent sifting through every item in every bag. Meanwhile, I WAS SO SICK TO MY STOMACH WITH PRE-TAEMIN JITTERS. I was so ready to see him / no, I’m not ready / OMG I can’t wait to see him / no, this isn’t real, I’m going to puke.

And so on and so forth, the internal angst went.

Once we were inside, it was mayhem. First order of business was merch procuring. This theater was not made for Kpop, lol. The merch line wrapped all the way down the first floor and up the steps to the balcony level, so Henry said he’d take one of the team and go back out to snag me a shirt during one of the VCRs — that’s the part of the concert where the artist/group leaves the stage to do a wardrobe change and pre-recorded videos play. To this day, the ones at the Winner concert in 2019 were the best because they were hilarious skits.

Our seats were OK. I can’t complain because I was able to get in as soon as they went on sale, managed to buy two before it sold out / went to premium prices. I want to say it was around $150 a seat, and almost immediately after that, all of the seats around our that were still available were triple that price. Fucking Ticketmaster. This whole tour was such a ticketing cluster. So many people missed out because they couldn’t afford the resale prices which of course dropped significantly days before the show (for the LA one at least, so I hear) but when so many people have to travel for Kpop concerts, it was gut-wrenching to see the disappointment in fans who just couldn’t viably drop everything and make that trip with less than a week’s notice.

I really fucking hate you, Ticketmaster.

Henry immediately left his seat to go to the bathroom and told me later that when he went to get my shirt, he wanted to use the bathroom again but the staff apparently realized that there were way more women there than men so they closed the mens rooms on the first floor and Henry had to go all the way upstairs to find an open one, lol. Anyway, he came back with this beer and it was pretty good! I was excited to post it on Untappd, haha.

He also got POPCORN for some idiotic reason (YOU DON’T EAT POPCORN AT A TAEMIN CONCERT HENRY) and this is him masticating his moustache into a twist while I attempted to take our picture. Ugh. Also, I wore a mask through the whole concert because I was on the tail end of a nearly two week illness and didn’t want to infect any fellow Taemin fans. I was also concerned for Taemin’s health too because I kept hearing about how many different flus and viruses were going around at the time, how it was the worst flu season we’ve had in decades, and all I kept thinking about was how now Taemin was here in the land of anti-vaxxers and mask-haters, and he was doing some VIP group pictures with fans. I really hope he was able to stay healthy and uninfected while he was here in fucking Dumberica.

This theater was so beautiful! And matched Taemin’s majestic aura.

The fans were a wide range of ages and ethnicities, and I will say that there were more men there than I have seen at most Kpop concerts. (Most of them were there with female counterparts but most of them seemed to also be fans, like Henry!)

Since doors opened earlier than 6:30, we ended up having to sit there for an hour waiting, and I will tell you that it was fucking FREEZING in that theater. Plus, I was wearing a thin blouse that billowed and fanned me every time someone walked by. And my legs wouldn’t stop shaking because of N E R V E S so Henry kept putting his hand on my knee to make me stop but I was sincerely about to catapult myself right out of my seat and through the ceiling, into the midwestern sky. It was really like that, I’m not exaggerating. The anticipation, the constant checking my phone for the time, trying to distract myself by texting Chooch who of course was just like “mm cool,” being annoyed by Captain Popcorn. It was all too much.

But then, finally, 7:30PM came and the lights went out…

I can’t do anything now that G-Dragon is back. Every time I sit down to update this thing, I am just like, “No….must watch G-Dragon’s new videos again. Must watch other people watching his videos. Must hound Chooch to watch his videos. Must throw my head back dramatically while hyperventilating thinking about the upcoming tour.”

I would throw myself down on the line for this man. I have no problems saying it.

Crying again. I missed his voice so much. I feel this song in every cell of my body.

I will sit in the very last row if I have to, Lord just help me get a ticket to see him.

Sorry, I am all-consumed. Cannot focus on anything else.

I have been driving my friends at work nuts with this too. They even changed the name of our group chat to this the other day and I love it:

All I want to do is talk about this album!!! Thank god Henry is into it because I have no one else, lol.

NEVER FORGET, ONE OF THE BEST BIRTHDAYS OF MY LIFE (only thing that topped this was when I got to spend my birthday in Korea!):

Act III:Motte, Part 2: Where I Left My Body On Earth & Wafted Up to the Heavens

Remember when he was mere feet away from me, Jesus Christ, how did I ever get that lucky.

Back at the start of the pandemic, I had somehow come across retrowave playlists on YouTube. Actually, I’m pretty sure the algorithm did its thang and my obsessive listening to the Black Queen organically planted me in the lap of this beautiful synth movement. I tend to not listen to Kpop while I’m working because it distracts me (I will start to try and translate what I’m hearing and then I need to stop what I’m doing to check if I’m correct, or I want to get up and jump around, or I will start daydreaming about Korea, etc etc etc) but there is something magical about retrowave because it’s soothing, nostalgic and it puts me in the right zone for working.

HOWEVER.

I accidentally began to associate this with Drew. I guess it’s natural since she was always with me while I was working, and I’d say things to her like, “OMG IT’S OUR JAM!” and try to make her dance lol.

Some of this stuff hits on a very emotional level to begin with – it itches the nostalgic side of my brain, you know? But, after she died, all of it became like that to me and I have not been able to listen to any of it since then. Which is sad because this was my happy place during the work week. Now, I’ve been struggling to find something else. Norwegian pop. Russian pop. Afrobeats. Romanian Club Hits.

But nothing hits like retrowave.

Then a few months ago, I saw that Ollie Wride was coming to PITTSBURGH on his US tour. Ollie Wride is one of the PRESTIGE singers in this genre. His voice sounds like he’s soundtracked the 80s high school coming-of-age movie from your dreams. He did a song with FM 84 several years ago and that song is basically at the top of the retrowave leaderboard of my heart. Probably the one I have listened to the most, and the first time that I really stopped and started looking more into these singers and bands. I found a version that was recording for a livestream during COVID and at that moment, I swore that I had to see Ollie Wride live if ever presented with the opportunity:

Please watch this and tell me it doesn’t plant you firmly into a pair of Jellies during the spring of 1987.

When I hear this song now though, I imagine Drew here with me, sitting on my work laptop because she liked the warmth. I am so broken over this, just the most pathetic sad sack.

Anyway, my likeminded retrowave friends Shawn and Jess were down to join us at this show so I felt good about it, like this could be a healthy step in the healing process. It’s either face it head-on or keep sitting here crying alone like a fucking maniac.

Shawn and I were dying because the show was held at the Crafthouse, which is a small venue across the street from a bar we used to be regulars at back in the early 00s, plus we were best concert buds back then too so this was such a fun “reliving our youth” moment.

And so, on Sunday evening, Henry and I arrived at the Crafthouse a bit before doors opened because we wanted to secure a good table. However, due to technical issues, the doors were delayed by about 45 minutes. We stood outside with a handful of other early birds and chatted about retrowave, darkwave and then bands I didn’t care about and then A LOT of stuff about the college where three of the people work and that stuff bored me so I lulled off into a happy place in my head – j/k the place in my head was where I retreat so that I can scream into a psychic pillow and start thinking about all the ways my life is being inconvenienced by things not starting on time. This is…who I am, you guys. I am working on it, and will probably talk about it tomorrow in therapy lol.

I do want to put out these things for remembering though:

• one of the guys mentioned Kraftwerk so I RAISED MY HAND and said, “My doorbell plays a Kraftwerk song.” Henry said later, “Yeah, I knew that was coming.”
• someone mentioned king gizzard and the lizard wizard and Henry and I chuckled to ourselves because Chooch likes that band too.
• I got to give The Black Queen a much-deserved promotion and was actually surprised that these guys hadn’t heard of them and simultaneously shocked that I wasn’t mansplained or talked over. The one guy even showed me his phone later and said, “Is this them? Cool, I’m adding them now – thanks!”

Anyway, we finally got to go inside around 6:20. We were in the third group that went in but there were VIPs who were already inside so all the good tables were taken. Then I was like, “NOPE” when we chose a table and a group with A BABY sat down at the next one. I just didn’t want to sit next to a baby, maybe I’M A MONSTER. So, we switched tables and it was much better.

I was excited to drink IPAs, who am I.

We were the coolest table in the house, except for maybe the one table that had a guy wearing a fitted leather jacket with SYNTH RIDER spelled out in studs on the back. I told Henry to get out the Bedazzler and do that to my pleather jacket.

I dunno what to say about my dumb pose other than I had two beers at this point and that is so many beers for me.

Henry went to the bathroom at one point and when he came back, I said I had to go too and asked him where it was. He told me and then said, “And say hello to your friend Bethany on the way there. She’s leaning against the wall.”

“Bethany??” I asked.

“Yeah, she said to me ‘your Erin’s husband Henry, aren’t you?’ and said she recognized me from Instagram.” That’s Henry’s most favorite thing to hear, btw. “Erin’s Instagram.” “Erin’s blog.” LOL.

Anyway, it was my friend Bethany from Balloon Ride Fantasy! I haven’t seen her since pre-pandemic when we met up for Korean food at Nakwon Garden (she used to live in Korea years ago as an English teacher!). She was there for the second opener, Vacances and came over to sit with us for a bit before Ollie Wride and it was so nice to catch up with her!

Speaking of openers, I’m not used to this because kpop concerts don’t have openers and it’s actually…nice lol. But that night, there were two and the other was Caleb Kopta. It was OK. I made eye contact with him a few times and tried to brag that we imprinted.  Henry was like, “That’s nice.” I did really like Vacances though and would be up to see them again since they’re local!

And then it was time for OLLIE WRIDE. “Sorry, Henry,” I said as I bolted for the floor by the stage. Jess quickly joined me and it was so nice to have a friend at a show with me! (Sorry again, Henry lol.)

I just want to say that Ollie Wride’s live vocals are immaculate. The high notes were done HIT, y’all. Sheesh. And the energy he brought onto that stage with him.

This jacket didn’t stay on long!

These pictures are so awkward because I was snapping them while recording but what can you do?! It was also amazing to be AT THE FRONT OF THE STAGE like in my other lifetime of going to shows. I’m always like, “no it’s fine, I don’t mind being back far” but then the show starts and I’m like SEE YA and I run to the front. It’s the FOMO in me, I’m a true Leo. And also not cool enough to just casually slink against a wall in the back and watch while texting. I can’t pull off that amount of effortlessly cool.

I don’t have the set list but I can tell you that he performed Back To Life and that was the first time during the night when I thought to myself, “Am I going to be OK? I’m OK…right?” I mean, I was screaming along and doing when Henry called my “happy sort of dance thing” because apparently, he was spying on me from the table like a creeper. And I can tell you for certain that I was very happy that night. Henry wasn’t being dumb, we had good beer, I was with two of my amazing friends, saw another friend….talked to strangers, even! If I can only make this a habit, maybe I’d feel less lonely on every other day.

Earlier in the night, I had made an offhanded remark about how I’m not outgoing and Jess stopped me.

“Yes, you are,” she said firmly.

“No, I’m not really,” I said, face scrunched.

“You are definitely outgoing, come on!” she argued. And you know what? I am fucking outgoing. I just let situations and people stifle me and I think it’s because I’m just too tired to fight it. But Jess is right, at my core, I am an extrovert and I am going to work on making that dominant trait again. (I’m also very obnoxious too which goes hand-in-hand with me being an extrovert so toning that down is a bridge I’ll cross when I get to it I guess.)

OK, the last song was, of course, Running In the Night which is when I did fully break. This fucking song.

I would have paid so much more just to hear this one song. But the entire night was so sublime. He performed Victoria too! And his band was incredible to watch, too. This night. Man.

We rejoined Henry at our table afterward. Most of the crowd had cleared out but we stayed and chatted some more, no one in any hurry to leave.

“Hey, there’s Ollie!” Shawn pointed over my shoulder, where Ollie was one table away with a tiny group of people. “He’s signing stuff! Go ask him to sign your record!” he urged. I didn’t even hesitate. I grabbed my record, purchased as soon as we arrived because I do not wait for merch, and waited my turn.

“What’s your name?” Ollie asked me when it was my turn.

“Erin,” I said, and then, “Can I tell you something weird?”

“Sure!” he said as he was signing my record.

“I associate your music with my cat,” I started, to which he said, “Oh, I have animals, too.”

“She died.”

He stopped signing.

“And tonight was really healing for me. Thank you,” I said as I was on the verge of tears all over again.

And he fucking hugged me.

“You got an Ollie Wride hug!” Shawn squealed (lol) when I came back to the table! And apparently, I hadn’t stopped recording after the last song, so there is a 20 minute long video of the ceiling of the Crafthouse with us chatting post-show. Sadly, I was a bit out of range for my phone to pick up my convo with Ollie but you can hear a hushed, “Aw!” from my table when he hugged me.

Unfortunately, you can also hear how fucking annoying I am talking about kpop scandals for 10 minutes straight but whatever – I’ll be keeping that ceiling rafter video for posterity!

I know everyone is so sick of hearing my cry and lament about my dead cat but I am really trying here. Tonight was a big step for me. I feel so emotional but in a good way because not only did I get to spend time with good friends, but I got to catch up with Bethany and also experience the fantastic Ollie Wride as the cherry on top. I’m really glad I didn’t pass this up. When I saw ten tour announcement last summer, I was scared because of what retro wave has become to me, but – safety in numbers. And I needed to rip the Band-Aid off so I can eventually go back to enjoying this amazing genre of music that used to be such a comfort to me.

And then maybe this can happen:

OK BYE I’M CRYING LOL.

I stayed up until midnight for G-Dragon’s new album drop – there are two MVs and I am fucking dead. “Drama” – are you fucking kidding, Jiyong? Chills, goosebumps, feels, etc etc. I am feeling this in MY BLOODSTREAM. “Untitled 2025” for real.

AND THEN THIS BANGER?! Anderson . Paak AND Karina?? Karina who once got to dance with Taemin and now GD? But also Karina who is a brilliant idol in her own right?! I can’t believe this. We have waited so long for Korea’s King to return and it was worth it, he delivered, he has STILL GOT IT. No one does it like G-Dragon.

HOW AM I GOING TO SLEEP NOW!!!????

I am still collecting my thoughts on the Taemin concert so I can spew them all over this page like pea soup from Regan’s mouth but I wanted to post this picture that Henry took of me pre-concert in our hotel room with the Chicago Theater behind me because I never want to forget how I felt in that moment: the pre-concert jitters but also pure happiness and that has been such a rare feeling for me lately. I mean, look at all the whining I do here weekly – you know!

But sheesh – not only did it feel so good to be out and about after being sick, but I just FELT good too. I wasn’t worried about how I looked. I wasn’t depriving myself of food that day. I had some beer! I was..living. To put it bluntly. Living.

It was so cold that night in Chicago but I felt sincerely warm.

I still can’t believe we saw THEE 이 태민. Grateful for the opportunity and privilege to make the trek to Chicago for this beautiful, special, majestic night under the same roof as the most ethereal dancer and angelic singer I have ever known in my lifetime

Today I am going to talk about some of my latest obsessions because if there is one thing synonymous with Erin Rachelle Kelly it’s “obsessions.”

1. Marching band jackets

G-Dragon recently performed at Taeyang’s concert in Korea and he was wearing this DARLING and REGAL cropped  marching band-esque jacket which probably cost something akin to a down payment on a house.

So, I started searching eBay for marching band jackets which sent me on a spiral Saturday night.

I found one from some high school in California that is also apparently RON HOWARD’S alma mater, I guess. I said the size out loud which was very foreign to me (36L).

“Is that a big size?” Henry asked.

“I dunno! I wasn’t in band. Well, I was but I quit before I got that far because I chose tennis. Which I also quit. Because all I do is quit. I’m like the opposite of DJ Khalid.”

2. FUNERAL CAKES

I’m back on my Romania kick – we are tentatively planning our belated honeymoon Transylvania tour for hopefully sometime late summer. To prepare, I have been trying to read some books that take place in Romania. In the one I just read set during the 1970s Communist-era, there was a reference to something called COLIVA and the footnote said that it was food prepared for and associated with funerals in Romania.

In a nutshell, it’s described as a “sweet pudding made from boiled wheat” and it’s traditionally feasted upon during ST LUCY’S DAY celebrations. Now, this is appealing to me as well because as saints go, St. Lucy is one of the coolest. I was talking about this in group chat and Glenn was acting like I had made her up? He was like, “if you say so” when I said she’s the saint that holds eye balls on a platter, as if this hasn’t been something depicted in artwork for centuries?

IF YOU SAY SO?

I was really mad for like 1/3 of the day when he said that. YES, I DO SAY SO, GLENN.

Look, it’s a statue of St Lucy that was made BECAUSE I SAID SO:

Anyway, we’re now going to start celebrating St. Lucy’s Day in our household because I want to eat coliva but I want to EAT IT FOR THE RIGHT REASONS, if you know what I mean. I already added a reminder in my phone.

3. Being a beer snob

I don’t know who this new Erin is but I am very confused by her. I spent my whole teenage and adult life up until recently despising beer so much and now I am obsessed with trying all the different kinds. I look forward to the weekend because sometimes we go to the beer distributor and build our own 6 packs which is exciting and fun for me (see also: life is meaningless with Chooch in college, so on and so forth).

Sometimes I made Henry watch beer videos on YouTube.

“What if all of a sudden I became a brewer? And I was real serious and wore a lab coat? NO –  I WORE A MARCHING BAND JACKET.”

Full circle.

Anyway, I think for our ANNIVERSARY lololololololololol we are going to Cooperstown, NY to visit Ommegang Brewery which specializes in BELGIAN BEER and are also a sub from one of my fave Belgian brewers, Duval. I mean, this is assuming that I’m still into beer by the end of March. You know me and whims and how they blow freely with the breeze.

This was the beer that got me on the ol’ Google Horn. I mean, the can alone is ADORBS and I actually still have it sitting in the kitchen because I can’t bear to pitch it and I want to do art with it.

Which will inevitably require metalcutting tools which means I will be delegating the art to Henry.

4. CLIVE PEARSE

This is a blast-from-the-past obsession from a younger Erin with greener infatuations, but remember a few years ago when I posted about finding this AUTOGRAPHED HEADSHOT OF SOME BRITISH TV/RADIO PERSONALITY when we were cleaning out a closet or something?

Well, that was in 2018 and this bitchin’ piece of history has been floating from one junk drawer to the next before eventually finding a home between the pages of a notebook. BUT DRIFT NO LONGER, SWEET CLIVE PEARSE – you finally have a home:

Why am I seriously such a loser.

There is a dumb story behind nearly everything in my house but no one ever asks when they come here and boy, are they missing out.

On that note, I just yelled, “WHAT ARE YOU GETTING ME FOR VALENTINE’S DAY, YOU CUNT?” to Henry and now I shall close my laptop and try to find something productive to do. Like, search for more marching band jackets. Janna if you’re reading this and you still have your band jacket, give me it.

I know some people were UP IN ARMS when the craft conglomerate MICHAELS did an early release of Halloween decor last year right before summer and it was OMG in a retro summer palette. But shooooo, I was into it. I love orange and pink as complementary colors, and I loved the 1960s mini-skirt floral print that was used on some of the decor too. LIKE THIS COFFIN SHELF, for instance. I had been bitching about we need to have more knick knack shelves because I am hoarder-adjacent. I love souvenirs and things like that! I can’t help it.

It’s so perfect for my needs and aesthetic. I love death-stuff but also colors. And vintage floral!

Henry was stoked to see that I moved this Pal’s Styrofoam cup from the top of the fridge where it had been living for approx. 3 years to the shelf. I just really wanted a memento from Pal’s OK?? It was a very sentimental part of one of our past road trips and I refused to let Henry throw it out!! Originally, I wanted to turn it into Art somehow but Styrofoam is weird to work with and also, isn’t this Art enough on its own?

Speaking of that hyperlink, this is such a sad glimpse into my life currently but I have putting myself to sleep at night by reading old road trip liveblogs and then dozing off on a pillow of nostalgia. I’m so sad that those days are likely over, at least for the three of us, because this summer coming up will be his last summer home from school since Drexel does Co-Ops. I have been on this kick lately where I daydream about him graduating and eventually having a family and then we all drive off into the sunset together on crazy road trips, destination: random amusement parks.

I don’t know if you can tell, but I am struggling over here lol. I’m not as weepy as I thought I would be but I definitely feel like he took half of my heart with him to Philly. I never really considered myself the type of person who identified solely as a “mom,” but I think it’s more that in addition to being my son he was/is MY BEST FRIEND. I miss hassling Henry together, getting on each others’ nerves, arguing over the last word, having stupid adventures and inside jokes.

It’s stupid (it’s not stupid) but this cup is kind of a symbol of that.

Random lighters! I used to be a HEAVY SMOKER in my late teens right up until I got pregnant at 25. I am so grateful to pregnancy making me flat out averse to cigarettes for obvious reasons. But I still have these two remnants of my past nicotine-clouded life (and two cigarette cases!!!). Also, my second cat was named Nicotina – that was how idiotic of a smoker I was.

Anyway, I bought that first lighter at a smokers (and also bondage lol) den on the South Side called Slackers. And the Robert Smith one was an eBay purchase back when all I did was scour eBay for Cure memorabilia. (Never forget when I threw myself down prostrate on my mom’s kitchen floor because I wanted her to give me like $5000 to purchase a ROBERT SMITH AND LYDIA LUNCH SHARED JOURNAL and I was even prepared to sell my car but it was in MY MOM’S NAME and she said NO.)

The infamous bottle of Bela Lugosi’s grave dirt that I had saved on Etsy because I wanted to purchase it for my friend Alyson who’s LJ name is “gravedirt” and then Henry the Goof saw it and thought it was something I wanted and got it for me for Christmas. I was so confused. IT WAS ON YOUR WISHLIST he said. And I was like YES FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Joke’s on me ‘cuz I just assumed bro never looked at that shit. It still cracks me up when I look at it because THE ONE time Henry tries to “do the right thing” things go awry.

Anyway, I used to keep this on my desk at work for years and it was a great conversation starter.

(And conversation killer.)

Um, this frog…I honestly can’t remember where he’s from?!?! He could have been purchased from some shop of handmade wares while on some grand vacation.

Or…Pier One.

In either case, I’ve had him since high school so he has been a consistent part of my home decor for possibly 30 years. Yikes. An heirloom.

(OMG DO YOU THINK THE PALS CUP WILL BE AN HEIRLOOM ONE DAY TOO.)

Oh, this one makes me cry for several reasons.

1. I bought this on our last day in Korea last year, from a halmoni who hand embroiders them. That is her name on it too – Hoon Jae. She was so sweet and I am kicking myself for not buying more. I love it so much that I won’t even take it out of the organza bag because I want to keep it clean and protected forever.

2. It used to sit on my home desk and Bambi would always jump up, sniff it out, and start chewing on the bag. I miss her so much that if I could go back in time, I would just let this be hers only. Bambi’s halmoni hanky.

Well, that’s it for this edition of Things Around My House.

Oh shit, P.S.!! That crow that looks ancient was gifted to me this past Christmas by my brother Ryan! He was like, “I dunno, it just seemed like something you would like” and boy howdy, do I ever. I have a big appreciation for crows because we are on the same side when it comes TO GETTING THE HAWK TO FUCK RIGHT OFF.

….straight from my head to here.

We’re in the middle of a cold nap here in Pittsburgh and my motivation and drive are both definitely frozen along with our pipes. It’s days like these when I am extra grateful to be working from home but I am so lonely and feel on the verge of cabin fever.

I had a therapy sesh yesterday and we were technically supposed to be gathering more information for our next EMDR session which is going to focus on my childhood and growing up as the stepkid in our household, not feeling like I belong, etc. You know, typical shit. But then I started ranting about how I’m 45 and still in a sick cycle with dieting and food phobia and weight obsession and it all can be pinned on ONE PERSON in my life – my fucking grandmother. It’s so much a part of me that sometimes I don’t even realize how much it controls my life, how many times I have canceled lunch plans with friends because my food-fear and obsession with weighing myself is unhinged. I told my therapist that, unless we’re away, I legit weigh myself every morning and that stupid number can and does set the tone for the day. It can be the difference between having a pleasant day with Henry or blaming everything on him (accusing him of sabotaging me, not caring how I feel, not holding me accountable, etc.). I can be a downright monster. I have ruined entire days, road trips, holidays, you name it – all because I’m afraid of just letting myself live my life and eat the things I want to eat and not care about how I look or, god forbid, admit that NO ONE ELSE FUCKING CARES EITHER. LITERALLY NO ONE IS GAPING AT ME WHEN I WALK INTO A ROOM AND EVEN IF THEY WERE, THAT’S ON THEM NOT ME, RIGHT.

Yeah, easier said than done.

You guys, I can vividly recount numerous times, too many to detail individually, where Henry and I (I have tried not to do this anytime Chooch was with us, he already knows I’m psycho) would get as far as being seated in a restaurant, maybe even putting in our drink order, when I suddenly cannot stand being in there for one second longer, I’m panicking over the menu and what fits into my diet, everything is closing in around me, that one person might have glanced at me I’m not sure, and next thing Henry knows, I’m abruptly absconding from the establishment. Except maybe less “absconding” and more “causing a scene in my chaotic haste to get outside.”

Also, I have spent almost my whole existence feeling like the ugliest girl in the world thanks to my grandma, please refer to this post for background and actual handwritten evidence from my vacation journal:

Some Things Sunday

Also, when my therapist asked me if I have specific memories to use during EMDR, I was shouted, “OH BOY DO IT!” Again, I refer you to the above (I did tell my therapist and she made a face which I knew to mean, “Jesus Christ”) and also the times my grandma would make my underarm fat swing while making disappointed clucks.

Oh and also when she had my mom put me on Slim Fast when I was in, wait for it, 6th grade so that I wouldn’t ruin my aunt Susie’s upcoming wedding by being a fugly blimp in a junior bridesmaid dress and boy did I have news for her when I did end up losing weight but still had BAD HAIR AND BRACES.

Boo hoo, Erin. Right? Get over it.

You don’t think I have been trying!? It has nearly ruined my relationship with Henry and sometimes I feel like I have been holding myself back so much in life because of this stupid control my grandma has over me even from the grave.

(Yes, I was sad when my grandma died. No, I did not cry nor did I mourn.  I even tried to reject bereavement leave when my manager at the time tried to get me to take time off. I truly didn’t want it.)

Life is so weird. My childhood had way more joy in it than not (mostly thanks to my pappap) but these are some of the bad things that stand out more in my mind sometimes. When people are like, “You’re lucky that you grew up rich”* and I’m like, “Yeah but was I really lucky though?” Lol look at the neuroses I inherited!

*(Literally no one has ever said that except for Chooch, lol.)

Anyway, I’m going to end this here, eat some low-calorie soup and then do Kpop cardio later in an effort to burn it all off because I am still fully stuck in the cycle!