Somehow I never posted my Charmera snaps from Four Chord a few weeks ago so here they are!

Henry’s like, “why am I at another music festival….”

Heading North!

Don’t Panic!

Patent Pending! (This band, Heading North, and obv. Pierce the Veil were my favorites that day.)

Eternal Boy’s singer is the founder of Four Chord, FYI!

I loved that downtown Pgh was the backdrop for this festival, and that also Pgh has a pop punk music festival to begin with! When I first went to this thing, it was in its second year and held in a now-defunct club with a 600 person capacity.

Hit the Lights were pretty good.  I have never been a fan per se but they were enjoyable. Luckily there were a ton of legit fans in the crowd because the mic quit working right when the last song started and the crowd carried it. I for one did NOT know the words, LOL.

Driveways had some Michael Myers footage going on in the background. I also thought that it was interesting that they’re from Boston and YOU CAN TELL – the singer does NOT  lose his accent in song. Also, they mocked us because their dumb team beat our dumb team and I was like “Well, joke’s on you because I don’t care for ANY team.” (Football can suck it.)

Meanwhile, later that night, Boys Like Girls said that they were also from Boston, mocked us similarly, but displayed nary an accent. JUST INTERESTING IS ALL.

I was attempting to catch Henry in the act of awkwardly sitting down – it was a slow and painful descent for him each time LOL. I shouldn’t laugh, my back still feels busted from carrying the entire month of September on it. (But was it worth it? OF FUCKING COURSE.)

EW, lol.

One of my beloved beachballs in the sunset.

What a great day, honestly.

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In an effort to stop myself from getting even more behind with life recaps on here, I am going to attempt to liveblog from Four Chord today. Should be super annoying!

We have to leave here around 11 to take the T to Station Square so Henry should be at least happy that we don’t have to deal with parking or driving or getting a hotel. He’s being super curmudgeonly about this though and I guess who can blame him, bro is 61 and just spent three full days at Riot Fest with little to no sitting down, then got dragged to a late show on a work night, and now another all day music festival today, all within the same week not to mention the “there and back” trip to Columbus last week for another show the night before we left for Chicago for Riot Fest.

I guess that’s a lot. Lol. But it was kind of cute because when I was upstairs getting ready, he was in Chooch’s room folding laundry with music blasting and I go, “are you….listening to bayside?”

“I don’t know, it’s a Four Chord playlist,” he muttered, walking past me with an armful of my freshly folded concert shirts lol. I mean props to him for trying to prepare!

11:08am: Well we’re off to a great start – we turned back so I could get my Jean jacket and Henry realized he brought the wrong keys so now he is attempting to break into the house. And HNC is out here making it worse. Never mind he is supplying Henry with a hammer to break into the basement lol.

FYI I haven’t had a window here since 2001 when some kids broke into my house and stole CDs and the landlord never fixed it.

11:36am: on the dumb T now and my stupid barcode thing didn’t scan at first – I hate that they switched from ConnectCard to whatever this newfangled thing is!!! And these annoying bros decided to stand right behind out seats when the whole fucking T is empty and they can kindly park their asses away from us.

One of us is happier than the other.

12:24pm: inside now and immediately lost Henry to the bathrooms. Srsly where is he???

12:29pm JFC he was waiting by the bathrooms because he thought I was in there too ughhhh.

1:05pm: Heading North! My friend Wendi is friends with them!

super good female fronted pop punk!

Shark fact from Heading North! Sharks favorite music is death metal.
also I just hit the beach ball into some guy and knocked his glasses off.

I am an absolute menace with these beach balls. I just kicked one really hard into the back of some kid and Henry was like JFC.
1:28pm: OK fully obsessed with Heading North now. Even when Henry wouldn’t dance with me. Girl pop punk forever leading the way.

now I’m standing alone at the Smartpunk Stage waiting for Don’t Panic and for Henry to look for a hat to buy. His new thing is buying a hat at every concert we go to. FYI.

2:14pm: Don’t Panic was great but I lost my picture because my blog crashed yay.
now it’s Keep Flying and Henry is being annoying.
wait I found it!

and here is Keep Flying.

2:36pm: just stood in the longest bathroom line because men have it easy and women have to suffer. Now it’s time for Patent Pending.

PATENT PENDING I FORGOT I LIKED THEM

 

 

Rishi from Eternal Boy / founder of Four Chord!

 

 

3:09pm Eternal Boy!

 

Why was I crying during Rishi’s DIY speech. Also I have never seen security encouraging crowd surfing.
3:41PM henry is back from resting in the bleachers.

 

 

 

HIT THE LIGHTS!

 

4:16pm Mic broke during last song and the crowd held it down it was awesome.
4:21pm: Driveways!

they’re trying to get rid of tote bags and they’re making ppl crowd surf for them. Henry wouldn’t do it for me lol.

Someone got hurt so they had to stop their last song while security helped them. :/

4:54pm:

FINCH JFC CRYING

 

omg these two little girls next to me went FERAL at one point, shrilling all high pitched and waving to someone on the side of the stage?? They had PTV shirts on and Vic written on their faces so I was like…is it Vic?? But I couldn’t see anyone?! It was so annoying – they were shrieking and waving at what??

5:30: Cartel!

5:47pm food time!

6:10pm my least favorite band Motion City Soundtrack is playing now so we’re taking a rest on the bleachers – my first time sitting since we got off the T at 11:30am lol.
We had to sit through MCS at Riot Fest last weekend while we were eating and that was enough for me.

6:22pm: Henry just sat down so dramatically Jesus Christ.

this girl is walking around asking people if they want glitter and Henry is pissed that they snubbed him.

 

also this beer is not good.

I think I’m so annoyed about MCS because they had like 3 LAST CHANCE TO SEE US WE’RE BREAKING UP tours and then the inevitable REUNION TOURS and it’s just like OK that’s nice but sit down.

6:54pm: Mom Jeans!

obsessed with beach balls today for some reason.

yeah I’m just really in my beach ball sunset era.
7:29pm: strategy is to just stay over at the main stage from this point on because the field is filling up so we can’t see State Champs but we can hear them! Also Mom Jeans was throwing burgers into the crowd so that was gross and I’m glad I wasn’t in direct proximity of that!!

Oh my GOD it feels amazing to sit.
8:03pm: OK I forgot how good State Champs are, bro. Also Henry is currently navigating though the dark crowds to the bathroom. Will he make it back to me?! It could be a Hallmark movie.

Hi I just took a picture with the flash on and that was embarrassing.

8:33pm: Boys Like Girls!

 

I liked them! I thought I didn’t know any of their songs but then I knew the last one. They had a really epic stage presence but there was a lot of filler and he did the whole “You sing this part” crowd engagement but it went on for so long and then the song became like 8 minutes long. But overall, it was really cool to see them and they had a lot of pyrotechnics which permeated my nose with the comforting stench of a kerosene heater while also providing bursts of warmth. (It’s cold now!)

9:03PM: Mayday Parade is playing their headlining set on the smaller SmartPunk stage and then PTV is at 9:50 LET’S GO RIOT FEST DO-OVER!! (But Erin, we don’t know what that means because you have not recapped Riot Fest yet. UGH I KNOW, STEP OFF!)

9:18pm: I think those little girls during Finch were shrieking because the Mayday Parade singer was standing on the side?? I did see him there but forgot that is what he looked like and now that I’m seeing them for the first time in years it’s all starting to click. But it was still super feral – not really necessary to scream like you’re seeing Michael Jackson play in Japan in the 80s.
9:28pm: Mayday Parade just said that they’ve been a band for 21 years WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

11:25pm: We just got on the T with a bunch of annoying Four Chord attendees but omg PTV was magical. This was RIOT FEST REDEMPTION – for one thing, I could actually SEE THEM not to mention I was standing on dry and clean turf and not sinking in thick sludgy mud.

 

Henry actually clapped at one point when Vic told us to and that is the first time he has ever gone along with crowd participation?! And he was tapping on my shoulders. Henry was feeling stuff, you guys. We’re finally breaking him.

well I’m going to post this now and I’ll clean it up + add more band info tomorrow I guess because god only knows how fucked this post is since I used the shitty WordPress app.

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I have no idea what is even happening anymore but Henry and I are not acting our ages at all and it’s so much fun and exciting and also extremely exhausting and painful, LOL. We still haven’t recovered from Riot Fest (all day on Monday I was at the “Sat down to pee at a rest stop and couldn’t get back up” levels of post-festival pain and it’s only gotten moderately better from there) but then last night we had tickets to The Black Queen show at SideQuest which, Henry has to admit this was a great consolation, at least was in our own goddamn city for once. A nice, breezy 15 minute drive to Lawrenceville, woo! It’s been so long since I have been to this venue that it was something completely different then (Cattivo) so I was glad to be back after so many years. It was probably 2016 or 2017 since I was last there?? And I think I was by myself too.

Doors were supposed to open at 7PM but on the way there we drove past a sidewalk sign for the venue that said doors were at 8PM. We parked across from the venue and figured we would just walk up to Butler St. and get a drink to kill time but then, you know me, I started panicking so Henry called and whoever answered inside the venue said doors were at 7PM! So, we walked around for a few minutes and went back closer to 7PM where we almost immediately found out that doors were indeed at 8PM.

There were three women already lined up and I recognized one of them from the Cleveland show in May! Turns out they’ve all become friends from going to so many shows and even have become friends with the band. (I won’t call them groupies because I think that has such a bad connotation and these women did not seem to have any type of agenda, you know?) One of them was from NY and she had The Black Queen friendship bracelets that she was passing out!! I have never been given a freebie at a non-Kpop event so I was eating this up. Henry passed on one when she held out the bag to him, like he didn’t even consider that he could take one and give it to me!? THEY WERE ALL DIFFERENT.

I ended up talking to Cleveland Show girl for nearly the whole hour we waited outside – her name is Sam, she’s from DC, and she travels for these alone because her husband isn’t into it. I love that for her. It was fun getting to talk to someone who also travels for shows (though I don’t and have never followed a band around on their whole tour, if I could do so with BIGBANG, you know that I would!) and she was very cool when I told her that I also like Kpop—you never know, this particular music scene that The Black Queen is a part of attracts a lot of Tool and NIN fans and from my experience you can run into some music snobbery there but Sam was not like that at all. She was so funny, too! Just a very dry sense of humor which I like.

There was also a dicey situation where a big truck was coming down the street – mind you, SideQuest is on a residential road with street parking – and a car was coming up and refused to back down so there was a moment of time where we all stood watching and holding our breath while Sam freaked out about the truck potentially taking off the side of her car that was parked right across from us. Henry relished the chance to dive into Professional Driver Mode and assured Sam that there was enough room on the truck’s right side and it should be fine. Thankfully, it was, otherwise I’d have been embarrassed at Henry’s false declarations!

At one point, we were all sharing our dead pet memorial tattoos with each other, it shouldn’t have been as funny as it was but we were all cracking up at how morbid we were being and I just realized that it might have been the first time I showed someone my Bambi tattoo without getting the swollen throat of sorrow. <3

Then! Jim from Eide’s came out! He was the promotor for this show and came out to assess the line situation and thank everyone for coming out. It was really awesome of him. And then he goes, “Hey, I know you!” and said it was nice to see me :) YOU CAN’T SEE ME BUT I AM BIG SMILING RIGHT NOW.

Finally, after doors got pushed back another 5 minutes, we got to inside around 8:10ish. The time actually kind of went quickly though since people actually talked to us, like Sam’s friend Sarah who reminded me of, and this will mean nothing to anyone reading this, a combination of my retired work friend Debby and my other friend Evonne whom I have not talked to in over 5 years and perhaps this is my sign to reach out??

Inside wall of SideQuest. Also want to remember that the guy checking IDs was super nice and was wearing a TMNT shirt.  You HAVE to have a good personality if you’re wearing a TMNT shirt!! And his looked like it had been THROUGH it.

The bartenders were also super nice. SideQuest was pretty much what I remembered Cativo to be like, I think? I thought perhaps there was a downstairs, I really can picture myself walking down steps there but maybe I’m dreaming as usual.

I had some Sierra Nevada IPA, I don’t know.

Line-standing friends! The one on the left is the one who was passing out the bracelets, I really wish I could remember her name. And then Sam and Sarah. This was before the show started and Steve, the Black Queen guitarist but also super cool human, was setting up. I told Henry that after being at the barricade for TBQ in Cleveland, I was good with standing further back at this show. I had so many nerves at that Cleveland show, you have no idea, it was almost hard for me to enjoy myself (plus I accidentally ended up RIGHT in front of Greg for that whole show and I was slowly dying).

But then Sarah saw me and motioned me over to stand in the space next to her. Of course my forever desperation to make friends won over and I obediently filled the space she saved for me. I could Henry cracking up behind me and then he walked over to say, “OK I thought you weren’t going to stand in front this time!” UGH.

But then I got to take these cool pictures though! OK let’s keep this rolling before I lose steam. The first band was aLoner which is ANOTHER Danny Lohner project, co-founded with vocalist and artist Hannah Vandermolen. How does he find the time?! They JUST debuted live earlier this month so I feel privileged to have caught them so early on. For their live sets on this tour, they have Chris Pennie of TBQ on drums. It was ethereal. I loved it A LOT. It’s a slippery slope between TBQ and goth and I’m not hating on that even a LITTLE. I love that goth music has started to creep back into my life this year. Next we had DILDOX, bringing their electro industrial party to the stage (and also, off!). They were SO GOOD and dancey but in the good, goth way.

Bro, why’d they kind of remind me of Borbo & Prism a little bit. God, I loved them. 10/10 would see again. Sarah and I chatted with the guitarist briefly and OK it was mostly Sarah with me just nodding and agreeing with everything and making me signature, “you were so good!” face.

Henry was still standing behind me for the first two bands but then I lost him during TBQ, because he went to the bathroom and then couldn’t get back to me but by that point I was too enthralled with watching Steve soundcheck for the whole band, who was missing.

It was after 10PM by now and this one total drunk Yinzer was getting PISSED. He kept screaming, “LET’S GO” in his grating Yinzer accent. His sister was with him and she was just as hammered (ask me again why I prefer Kpop concerts to this shit). He kept yelling, “GREG, YOU MOTHERFUCKER, YOU LITTLE BITCH, LET’S GO” like that’s going to make Greg, wherever he was, in some makeshift SideQuest greenroom, sit up and go, “Oh no, that entitled Steelers fan is getting impatient, let me hurry up.” If it were me, I’d be like, “Oh in that case, I think now is a great time to sit on the toilet and play some games on my phone.”

THEN!! Sarah turned around and in her best Ms.Rachel tone asked him to please lower his voice, that it was fine if he wanted to yell like that after each song ended, but that right then he was really hurting her head. “Yeah….I do have a very booming voice,” he said sadly, literally like a cartoon bully coming around, it was insane to watch her de-escalate this in a way that didn’t agitate him or make him want to instigate. So  then his sister started slurring questions to both of us about how many times we’ve seen TBQ (Sarah I’m pretty sure wins the Super Fan award) and/or Better Lovers. But then the brother got distracted again and started screaming things like, “AND HE’S UP THERE NOT DOING JACK SHIT!!!” about Steve, who was at one point OFF THE STAGE and standing behind the drunk guy, talking to someone, and the drunk guy kept yelling directly at him!! Sarah goes, “Um, you know he’s the guitarist, right?” and drunk guy whose eyes were mere glassy slits at this point, slurred, “No he ain’t!” “Yes, he is. That’s Steve, he’s the guitarist!” and then Steve turned around like, “Yes, it me” and drunk guy was suddenly Mr. Manners, shaking his hand and gushing. So ridiculous.

I was actually so embarrassed to be a local at this point. Like, please TBQ, this douche does not represent all of us. OK but finally the rest of the band came out, still without Greg though, and Steve was screaming, LET’S GO GREG!!!! I mean, when we were standing outside, one of the women did say that we were running on Greg’s time now. When you’re Greg Puciato, you can get away with making the crowd wait a little bit though, I’m just saying. The drunk guy called him an unsung hero and that was the only  time I will ever admit agreeing with a blitzed Yinzer who fell down flat on his back at one point during their set, by the way. I didn’t see it but I felt the sudden burst of wind as his body passed mine, and I don’t know if it was his hand or the person behind me reaching out to stop him, but something grazed my side. Henry got to see it and said he actually has no idea how he managed to fall the way that he did. Drunk people always find a way.

Um OK but THE BLACK QUEEN. I can’t believe I got to see them again so soon after my first time! Blessed that Pittsburgh made it onto their second leg because this show was even better than my first one. For starters, I was more relaxed now that those initial jitters were gone. I’m super sensitive about live music, maybe you understand or perhaps you think I’m sitting alone on some new area of the spectrum, but I get super emotional and sometimes I wish I could just be the type of person who goes to a concert and doesn’t care one way or the other but also I never ever ever want to grow out of this because even when it hurts, I love to go through the complete cycle of emotions at these shows.

But also, not just Greg but the whole band seemed so much more personable and chill! At the CLE show, no one talked. They came out, plowed through the Fever Daydream album, said thank you and left. there was no banter, no crowd engagement. Something definitely seemed off because I had seen videos from other shows and it was not like that at all. In fact, I want to say that they didn’t even post about the Cleveland show on their Instagram afterward, like what even….I want to know what was going on!

Meanwhile, drunk guy kept aggressively holding his arms over Sam’s head, trying to get Greg to slap his hands. Greg steady ignored him and that finally a few songs in, came over and punched both of his hands hard and I was dying.  But dude kept yelling shit like, “Yeah, Greg you bitch, let’s go!” and like….who does that??? Aside from drunk, attention-starved Yinzers?! I think this is the same guy I overheard talking earlier about how he went to see Dillinger Escape Plan at Mr. Small’s years ago and Greg jumped off the stage onto his head, so maybe there is some internalized beef there, who knows, but after the show, he had his picture taken with Greg. It was all very strange. Boys are all very strange.

Here are some clips from last night, audio is shit since I was practically on the stage:

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But yeah, as the caption says, HENRY BOUGHT HIMSELF A HAT! I was actually floored. Henry never buys merch for himself. Henry has not one single band tee. But now he has G-Dragon, BIGBANG, and The Black Queen hats!

Oh, can I just casually tell you one more thing? After the show, I was still standing at the stage and Greg came over to say hi to Sam and Sarah and to ask them what other shows they were going to on this tour. I was just like, “OK, I’m going to leave, I’m not about this life,” but then he came over to me too, took my hand and said, “Thanks for coming out, I appreciate you.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

I don’t even think I said real words, just uttered some type of demure mush and then turned around to find Henry.

“I saw,” he said with a LAUGH HELLO THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER.

Anyway, there are no videos online from our show, but this one from the first leg of their tour last spring is so good so just watch it, thank you.

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Passing this cherry fry pie from some weird tiny gas station in Ohio called FuelMart (creative) in the car on the way to Columbus back and forth with Henry like it’s our version of a joint. We had decided on cherry and then idiot Henry who hates blueberry grabbed blueberry and didn’t realize until we left and he had to go back in and ask to exchange it. Anyway this pie was baked by some place called Whispering Pines Bakery which sounds like a Netflix series. When we parked there was an Amish person cruising by in their buggy so I’m imagining the pies were baked by them. It was pretty good!

In case you wondered what Henry and I talked about for 3 hours on this drive it’s been all BIGBANG and FREE PALESTINE.

It’s 5:17pm and we’re at Ethyl & Tank for dinner. Henry tripped SO HARD on the OSU campus that he went soaring through the air and I am so embarrassed.

Henry is sitting facing the window and goes, “I just saw him.”

OK Judy Just Pronouns. Who??

Turns out it was Brian the singer from The Home Team.

”I mean you could have SAID who it was,” I said, annoyance boiling over.

”I didn’t know his name!” Henry said defensively.

”OK you could have said the singer from The Home Team!”

”I COULDNT REMEMBER THEIR NAME EITHER.”

Jesus Christ.

Wow true to form for this area, that place was ridiculous. Kept us waiting forever only for the server to finally come over and tell us that they couldn’t make any of the veg options on the menu. AWESOME! A full thirty minutes wasted. Also the bathroom had a full swarm of flies in it. Disgusting.

So now we’re at Playa Bowl and at least we know we’re getting here. I hate OSU. Michigan FOREVER.

I ate the chocolate and then traded with Henry because the apple butter was weird with açaí.

But now we’re in line for Newport Music Hall (6:21pm) and I have nothing further to report.

10:44PM and we’re standing in this absurd line to pay for parking at the garage which is annoying but holy shit that show was incredible!

This was outside the parking garage which we finally paid our ticket for and are now en route to Pgh, ETA 2:00AM LOL UGH.

But wow, what a great show! I mean BIGBANG has certainly ruined concerts for me for life now but going by pre-BIGBANG standards this was a good show! Brian from the Home Team can SANG.

Henry out here never changing his face no matter what Henry Emotions he’s feeling. FWIW he does like The Home Team. But the drive, not so much!

ZOA attends her first non-kpop concert! She liked it.

Meanwhile I was absolutely OBSESSED with this staff member who I think was the guardian of backstage access while also sharing Henry’s face card. I sent this to Chooch said, “Ew. You can’t convince me that’s not actually him.” Henry was like I DONT SEE IT but then I was laughing myself silly imagining that dude down there looking up at the balcony like, “…Brother?!”

One thing I was meh about was that there wasn’t enough (see also: any) FREE PALESTINE or FUCK TRUMP but the first band, Unity TX, did give us an angry FUCK ICE. I’m sorry but I want — nay, expect, everyone to use there platform now and I will be side-eying those who don’t.

They were so good and got me real belligerent-feeling like let’s go flip over a cop car.
Oh! I forgot add that the last time I was at Newport Music Hall was in 2001 when Shawn and I went to see COLD and someone jumped off the balcony! I just remember being upstairs and sitting all the way at the back of the risers and no one else really was back there.

Henry down there creeping from his cave.

Heart Attack Man was next and I liked them! They reminded me of Citizen or Joyce Manor, that kind of band. So basically three very different bands on this tour which we love to see.

The girl next to Henry REALLY liked them. My throat had sympathy pains.
Speaking of the girl next to him, everyone around us on the balcony pretty much kept to themselves and maintained a good level of spatial awareness. During the second band some people arrived behind us and I worried at first that they were going to be TALKERS but they weren’t annoying at all and one of them had a big Victorian-like fan that she was using to fan herself and her friend but we were also benefitting from it.

12:04am We’re driving through a wicked lightning storm and I hate it so much.

We got home around 2:15AM after shockingly only making ONE stop at a Love’s outside of Columbus. Henry just powered through the whole 3 hour drive, fueled by whatever energy drink du jour he was chugging and a loud BIGBANG playlist. I did the Lord’s work by staying awake out of solidarity. 

I’m a real peach like that.

Anyway! Here is a video of the two openers, Unity TX and Heart Attack Man:

 

And some snippets of (some) of my favorite The Home Team songs:

Well, that’ll do it. I fear this is going to turn into a music blog for the next several weeks/mths because we have Riot Fest coming up this weekend + too much more all in a short span of time and I’m concerned about my age showing up because even just after last night, my back was SCREAMING at me on the walk to the parking garage, ughhh. But was it worth it? OH GOD YES. This band has been on constant rotation for me since last spring after having a moderate level of appreciation for them but then hearing an acoustic version of Walk This World and I was like, “Oh, it’s like THAT, is it?” So yes, 100% worth it to see them live. Even after Chooch was like, “Why are you guys coming home after that and not just going to Chicago?” and I was like….wait….yeah, why didn’t we plan it that way, we’re so stupid. But then I remembered that I originally only took off Friday & Monday from work but then later requested off yesterday and today and Henry has the whole week off so yeah, we could have done that. Idiots.

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SETLIST:

• • • • • ACT I BIGBANG
          • • FANTASTIC BABY
            • HANDS UP
            • TONIGHT
            • BLUE
            • LOSER
            • IF YOU
            • BAD BOY
            • BAE BAE
            • HARU HARU
            • LIES
              • Band interlude with “La La La” “Fxxk It” “Flower Road” “Alive”
        • ACT II CHAOS
          • • UNIVERSE (Daesung solo)
            • WINGS (Daesung solo)
            • HANDO-CHOGUA (Daesung solo)
            • LOOK AT ME GWISUN (Daesung solo)
            • BAD (Taeyang solo)
            • RINGA LINGA (Taegyang solo)
            • LIVE FAST DIE SLOW (Taeyang solo)
            • POWER (GD solo)
            • CRAYON (GD solo)
            • CROOKED (GD solo)
        • ACT III COSMOS
          • • BANG BANG BANG
            • STUPID LIAR
            • SOBER
            • WE LIKE 2 PARTY
            • BiiiG
            • HOME SWEET SWEET (GD’s song featuring Daesung and Taeyang)
        • ENCORE
          • • MY HEAVEN
            • SUNSET GLOW
            • LAST FAREWELL
            • FEELING
            • FLOWER ROAD
            • STILL LIFE

OK, it’s now or never. This is going to be a mess because I’m still in the *SCREAMS IN HANGUEL* stage of my post-concert depression but what better time to do a recap I guess?

First of all, I have never been to a stadium concert before. I don’t think the Stray Kids one last year counts because that venue in Toronto was weird and didn’t seem nearly as big as MetLife. Once we got to our section and started walking down the steps, I was like, “WHOA.” (Please also remember I do not go to football games, LOL. I have never even once set foot inside Heinz Field or whatever the fuck they’re calling it these days.) I never even really went to ARENA concerts before I got into Kpop. I’m a small venue girlie! I like my bands relatively unknown, I guess.

So, this was next level.

We were in section 115, row 21, seats 1 and 2. I had the presale code because I’m a true VIP (no literally, I pay to be in BIGBANG’s fan club because I’m a kid) but I refused to get floor seats. I did that for Stray Kids and we couldn’t see anything! I do highkey regret not splurging for one of the VIP packages but there was no soundcheck with any of them though!

Anyway, sometime after 8PM the video for BIGBANG’s new single BIIIG was playing on the screen and then suddenly the volume was jacked up and everyone was like LET’S GOOOOOOO!! This is my favorite thing about big shows (Again, never have seen non-Kpop concerts in big venues – aside from Bon Jovi and Phil Collins in the 1990s LOL – so I don’t know if this is a universal signal for “show’s about to start, people” or if it’s just a Kpop thing? Chat, comment and let me know lol). I started crying and mewling, “OMG OMG OMG” immediately. Nothing could have prepared me for this moment.

Ten years, you guys. Ten years. Because of course they were last in the US in 2015 when I was only equating Kpop to “fun workouts, yay!” If only I was one year sooner.

Once the opening VR ended, they came out to FANTASTIC BABY! EVERYONE WAS SCREAMING! I have never felt more connected to strangers ever in my life at a concert but you could just FEEL 50,000 people being healed at once. It was party vibes from then until 11PM.

My pictures and videos are shit because WHO CARES?? I WAS FANNING MYSELF OVER BIGBANG AND CRYING AND DOING FACE-SPLITTING SMILING AND PINCHING MYSELF AND JUST BEING IN ABSOLUTE AWE.

Henry even stood up the whole time! (Except during the breaks but even I was sitting down for those too.) I hate that I always have to stress this but Henry genuinely likes Kpop but even moreso he sincerely LOVES BIGBANG. He was folding clothes in Chooch’s room over the weekend blasting them! Right now as I write this, he’s singing BANG BANG BANG to Penelope!

Let’s ask him what his favorite part: “I don’t have a favorite part, I liked it all.” OK. Great talk.

I think for me, my favorite part was literally just being in the same place as them after ten years of fanatically watching their live performances on YouTube and wishing that someday I could see them and feel that energy. It is everything I imagined it would be plus so much more. Their charisma is unmatched. They are considered legends for a reason – they are effortless performers, our unsynchronized kings.

AND THEY ARE SO FUNNY! Their banter — OMG I finally got to see them fuck around with each other in real life and it was like 50,000 of us were in on inside jokes all night long. Daesung mocking us for mumbling the Korean parts. Taeyang saying, “No. Don’t tell me to take it off” and talking about being old. G-Dragon recognizing Those LED Girls and just looking like he was having the best time being back on stage with his brothers.

They ALL looked happy. Like BIGBANG never stopped. Like no time has passed.

AND DAESUNG BROUGHT THE TROT TO NEW JERSEY! Trot is like traditional Korean pop music, like easy-listening soft rock for old Korean people. But Daesung loves to sing trot and even PERFORMED HIS TROT SONGS AT COACHELLA. It was the first time trot was ever performed at Coachella and WE WERE FREAKING IT OUT! It was such a “OH HE DID THAT!!” moment.

I never thought I would get to see Daesung in real life!! And my favorite part is that his styling during this comeback is so similar to his look for the FXXK IT comeback era which is when he quickly my first BIAS:

This was 10 years and he still looks that good!

I feel like after every song, I turned around and mouthed, “HOLY SHIT I’M DYING” to Henry.

From finally hearing Daesung’s live vocals, watching Taeyang dance, and literally having religious moments over G-Dragon’s entire aura (THAT MAN IS TRULY ONE OF A KIND), the overstimulation was real.

Is this what Beatlemania was like??

“Lies” is one of my favorite songs of all time and I actually had to stop listening to it during the “dark years” for BIGBANG because it upset me too much. I am so happy to be able to enjoy it again and SEE THEM PERFORM IT LIVE!!

Taeyang’s solo set was majestic – “Bad,” “Live Fast Die Hard” and ofc “Ringa Linga.”

GD did “Power,” “Crayon,” and “Crooked” and I know this was a BIGBANG show but HOLY SHIT, seeing GD’s solo performances will never get old to me. He is mesmerizing. I follow a GF Fashion account and love to see them posting the designers and costs of everything he was wearing. Usually that stuff sickens me but with GD, I’m like, “YES KING” because he doesn’t seem like an entitled asshole about it.

I use this app called Minutiae and you get 5 seconds to take a picture of what’s in front of you, no filters, whenever the notification comes through. I’m usually ALWAYS AT HOME but this time I WAS AT BIGBANG!!!

I loved seeing Jiyong so happy and free.

I was texting my friend Lauren about this the next day because when we used to work in the office, I sat behind her and we would gush over GD’s fashion together. She was one of the few people who was genuinely nice to me about my…lifestyle transitioning lol and willing to watch Kpop videos, etc. Anyway, I was like, “Yeah and he was wearing an I <3 NY shirt that probably cost $5000.” But then the GD Fashion site was like, “Actually…” so I had to send it to her, like, “Well, I undershot that one.” LOL. It was like $7000+!!! KING.

 

Taeyang doing the full bow at the end. I’m crying.

Some of my favorite moments:

• GD remembering Those LED Girls from his Ubermensch solo concert last year in Newark. I love these girls – they’ve popped up at so many Kpop concerts I’ve been to over the years. I’m not sure if this is accurate but I feel like they started doing this at NCT concerts? Anyway, I love how GD says “stop it”!!

https://youtube.com/shorts/zMt3oGetrFU?si=-bdxBOtieZU8SIWf

• Daesung jokingly mocking us for mumbling the Korean parts LOL. Bro, the struggle is real though. I have been trying to learn Korean since 2017 and even though I can sing these songs in my head, my tongue does not want to cooperate when it’s time to belt out loud.

• OMG my stomach hurt from laughing – it was like a comedy show in between songs with these three:

G-Dragon’s Instagram story used a Backstreet Boys songs AND at one point, when he said something about carefully planning the comeback step by step, he paused and started singing NKOTB’s Step by Step:

Jeff Benajmin wrote a really great recap for Billboard: BIGBANG Celebrate 20 Years at MetLife Stadium Concert: Best Moments

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OMG Henry has decided to contribute! Here are his favorite picks of the night:

Henry is a super fanboy for BIIIG; anytime it comes on in the car he turns it up:

OMG I’m so happy he included this one because I loved it so much too – Daesung is such a shining diamond:

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I can’t believe it’s over. I have been having the best time commiserating with other post-concert depression afflicted VIPs on Threads, where all of my BIGBANG content actually gets engagement. I’m at LET’S GET BIGBANG TATTOOS levels of hysteria right now. (Henry and I have actually talked about getting a matching GD peaceminusone daisy on our hand so maybe we will do that at some point?!) I just want to run around my neighborhood and scream STAN BIGBANG but all my MAGA neighbors will be like, “Stan what now? Is this a new rifle manufacturer I should know about?”)

It’s crazy the amount of nostalgia I felt for something that I have only been into for 10 years. There is something about the older BIGBANG songs though that actually make me feel like I had experienced it in real time back in the early 2000s. Ugh, I really wish I had. You know, I always blame Henry for this because before he moved in with me, I used to have all of these TV channels and some of them were Asian so in like, 2000 and 2001 I was watching Kdramas and Kpop videos without even knowing it was Korean, just that I was obsessed with it. But then Henry moved in and eventually was like, “WE PAY TOO MUCH FOR CABLE, A LOT OF THESE CHANNELS ARE UNNECESSARY” and cut back on it but in doing so, all of my Asian channels were taken away. (He wasn’t talking about those ones when he wanted to cut back, but the Asian channels were a part of whatever deluxe packaging he wanted to get rid of. To be fair, we did not have much money back then, LOL.) But yeah, I think about that sometimes because what if I still had those channels and got to be there for BIGBANG’s debut in 2006??? (See also: The year of Chooch’s debut.)

I was desperate to see them and now I’m desperate to see them AGAIN. G-Dragon said that this is just the beginning and they have more new music coming so FINGERS CROSSED that this wasn’t just a once in a lifetime moment for me.

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I am sure I have written about this at some point but I thought it would be worth repeating before getting into the meat of the BIGBANG concert to give more context to what this meant to me. It’s so much more than just their music.

OK, PICTURE ME CRACKING MY KNUCKLES HERE REAL QUICK.

So, in 2015 I started accidentally doing Kpop cardio workouts, having no idea what it was, just that I was having so much fun. I liked the music but it was also the aerobic rendition of the dance moves and the instructors that kept me coming back. I wasn’t actively looking up the music videos or anything. This was STRICTLY AEROBIC.

Then, in early 2016, we had a ton of trauma involving my aunt Sharon and my grandparent’s house. She had basically become incapacitated and after years of not allowing anyone in the house, my brother and mom had to break in after she wasn’t responding to them. Long story short, she had been HEAVY HOARDING, ended up in the hospital and went from bad to worse to gone in the span of a several months. We also found out that the house was no longer in the family and belonged to the bank. Months and months of cleaning out the house (and it’s…not a small house) and trying to salvage what we could, plus a fallout with my brother and TONS of repressed grief flooding back sent me on a scary spiral. I was so depressed and stressed that even people at work were like, “No offense but you look really…tired.” I had TONS of gray hair sprouting out left and right on top of it all plus I had all but completely stopped doing my Kpop workouts and started stress eating.

By the end of 2016, I thought maybe it would help to have a Xmas party because in addition to my personal strife, TRUMP had just been elected for his first term and we were ALL going through it. I was making a playlist for it and Henry was like, “JESUS CHRIST, what kind of a playlist is this!? It sounds like funeral music!” because I was purposely filling it with goth and sad boy emo. To be a shit, I sneered, “FINE, I’LL ADD SOME KPOP THEN!” and threw on some stuff that I recognized from my workouts.

This essentially had me revisiting those workouts and then becoming mildly parasocial obsessed with this one girl—Jellybeannose. She made a few routines that I genuinely liked but admittedly most of her videos were too advanced for me because they weren’t the aerobicly watered down versions of choreo but the ACTUAL choreography from various Kpop videos. It turned out she used to go to various Kpop conventions and MC this thing called “random dance” where they play 20 – 30 seconds of popular Kpop songs and if you know the dance, you run out into the middle floor and do it. At some point she had won a dance competition or something which had her going to KOREA. Now look, I still at this point was not into Korea at all, knew nothing about it, had still never even watched a Kpop video. I was just ALL ABOUT THE FITNESS. So, now she’s in Korea and posting these vlogs on YouTube and I’m sitting here like, wow, I have never really paid attention to Korea before outside of horror movies….

At some point that December, she had a video where her and two friends were so excited because a new BIGBANG video had come out, so they filmed themselves reacting to it. Now, this was 2016, so unlike reaction videos today, you couldn’t see what they were watching, the camera was just showing them. And they were POPPIN’ OFF over this video. Rolling on the floor screaming about G-Dragon, who had what hair color. So after this, I said to probably just my cats, “Well, now I have to watch this video and see for myself.”

The song in question:

When I say I was hooked…

I don’t know where Henry was at the time but I distinctly remember him coming home (probably from THE STORE) and screaming at him, “YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS, I’M OBSESSED.”

And from there it was, “I wonder which one is G-Dragon?”

And then, “I wonder what’s so great about G-Dragon…..oh. I get it now.”

And then, “I will never learn their names.”

And then, “Kang Daesung was my first bias but now I love G-Dragon and his Korean name is Kwon Jiyong.”

It didn’t take long for Henry and Chooch to get on board. Soon we were watching variety shows that BIGBANG had appeared on, like Running Man and Knowing Bros. And then Henry’s looking up flights to Korea “just to see.”

But the thing is, I was at rock bottom in 2016. Maybe I was having suicidal ideations. I felt lost. Angry. Sad. Traumatized. Losing my grandparents’ house–the house I spent most of my childhood in and held only good memories for me–was gone. My aunt Sharon, who I was estranged from, was gone. There was no closure. Every day felt like one continuous nightmare.

Then this shiny group of Korean guys with pastel hair came into my life and opened up a whole new world to me, literally. I became so interested in Korean culture SO QUICKLY and felt this odd sense of comfort and familiarity which is crazy because I obviously had never been to Korea before and I had never even considered going there. But the language did some kind of magical massage on my brain (and heart) and suddenly I was a new person, with a new lifestyle and interests. I was so excited to come home from work every day, eat Korean food and watch K-dramas after doing K-cardio. I had 10 years worth of BIGBANG backlog to dive into on YouTube. Music shows. Award shows. Variety shows.

Maybe saying “BIGBANG saved my life” comes off as super melodramatic and eye-rolly, but at the very least, they CHANGED my life. I never want to go back to how I was prior to this.

Of course, right after I started “stanning” them (another thing I quickly learned about then!) I also learned about Korea’s mandatory military requirement and how Kpop idols aren’t exempt. And just my luck, one of the BIGBANG members was set to enlist early in 2017, so soon after I got into them.

From there, it’s been scandals and heartbreak galore, to the point where it seemed like BIGBANG was never getting back together. I would never get to see them. VIPs (their fandom name) were depressed but refused to give up. We kept holding on, even when BTS’s shitty and toxic fans tried to create more scandals and rumors, cyber bullied VIPs, etc. while their stupid  group rose up and took BIGBANG’s top spot during their hiatus.

It’s been a long and depressing 10 years, and to be honest, after awhile I couldn’t even listen to their music anymore because it hurt so much.

One of the members was involved in a scandal so big that actual documentaries were made about it (one of Chooch’s friends watched it and texted him like, “Hey isn’t G-Dragon that guy your mom likes?” and I was so excited that he was asking Chooch and Chooch goes, “Yeah but it’s because he watched something about the Burning Sun scandal.” UGH.) and another member literally had to go on military trial for MARIJUANA ACCUSATIONS and ended up in the hospital in a coma after overdosing because of the fucking stress of it all. Thank god he survived, but he left the entertainment industry after that, and only just recently came back (he was in season 2 of Squid Game!) and just put out a solo album too! Unfortunately, he officially left BIGBANG.

Last summer, G-Dragon did his solo tour and teased a BIGBANG reunion because this year is their 20th anniversary. We already knew that he is still very good friends with two other members—Daesung and Taeyang—but he kept dropping these little hints that it was going to be 4 of them. So, we all really thought he was going to get T.O.P. to come back.

But, it didn’t happen. And you know, I think most of us normal fans are at peace with that now. T.O.P. is thriving on his own and we’re happy about that, and BIGBANG is back as a trio and while that was hard to accept at first, it’s actually really awesome seeing them so happy together.

They made their official debut as a trio at one of the end of the year Korean awards shows when Daesung and Taeyang came out to perform Home Sweet Home with G-Dragon, a song on his solo album that features them. Then they also did two old BIGBANG songs together and it was UNREAL. The younger idols in the audience were freaking out so hard!

Anyway, when BIGBANG announced their world tour a few mths ago, I was so excited but also super emotional about it because HOLY SHIT WAS I FINALLY GOING TO GET TO SEE BIGBANG?! Even if it was just three of them, BEGGARS CAN’T BE CHOOSERS!

All of this should help you understand why I was legit SICK TO MY STOMACH on the drive to New Jersey Friday morning. Literally, I almost three up. Sure, maybe some of that was because I drank too. much coffee in a very short time frame, but I think nerves and crazy heightened emotions had a lot to do with it.

This was more than “Oh look, Erin is being fucking sappy about music again.” This was something that felt so unbelievable to me, something that I had resigned myself to accept was never going to happen. I was grateful that I had gotten to see G-Dragon and Taeyang solo, but hearing BIGBANG songs performed live was not in the cards.

Literally the whole drive there, I kept thinking, “This isn’t real, this isn’t real.” And yet….

*************

After a light lunch at some place called Third Wave Cafe (I had an acai bowl and who cares what Henry had, I was too busy ignoring the loud college baseball players next to us and watching the women’s doubles US Open finals) we were able to check in to our hotel, get ready, and then immediately go to MetLife Stadium a bit after 3PM. Henry had prepaid for parking and they said the lot was opening at 3:30, but it was already opened when we got there, AND there was already a huge line for early merch which was was the whole reason why we got there early. WTF MetLife.

But first! On our way through the parking lot to the merch line, WE HEARD DAESUNG SOUNDCHECKING ONE OF HIS SOLO SONGS – UNIVERSE! I started crying IMMEDIATELY. My first time hearing Daesung’s voice in real life?!

I’m going to keep this next part short and sweet but early merch wasn’t supposed to start until 3:30 but apparently opened early so by the time we got in line around 3:15 it was already outrageously long (though—it didn’t LOOK that long) and the line was cut off shortly after we got into it.

It ended up being THREE HOURS in that line, under a cloudless sky, the sun beating us while we were down. There was not one happy person in that line after the first hour passed, ESPECIALLY the girl right behind us who was basically standing on our backs she was so up in our space!

After hour two, Henry finally got out of line to fetch waters for us because I was legitimately starting to sway and my mouth was so gummy. Then some asshole MetLife white male yelled at him for trying to get back into line when EVERYONE was doing it. YOU CANNOT FUCKING DENY US WATER, YOU DUMB FUCK. So Henry went to the other side of the line and got back in that way. It wasn’t cutting! We were letting people back in the whole time because groups of people were sending one person out to get food and drinks. No one was being nefarious about it.

Long story short, nearly everything was sold out by the time it was our turn, but I got a shirt and Henry got the hat we wanted and we would never stand in line for that long for ANYONE ELSE. And trust me, you should have seen the merch lines inside so it was either get it out of the way with plenty of time to spare before the show started or wait for doors to open and risk missing part of the concert.

It was annoying but I don’t blame BIGBANG. This was equal parts the stadium and YG. Like, know the demand! Nothing should be selling out. Kpop fans in general are coming with $$$ to spend. We are prepared. I was ready to drop a ton on merch but in the end I had to buy some of the things I wanted online, so whatever. It is what it is! At the end of the day, I was still seeing BIGBANG so who cares if I couldn’t get the super amazing cool beautiful BIGBANG canvas jacket that I had my eye on. :/

Seeing the same people for three hours like cattle in a corral was wild. And yet we talked to no one somehow. Although this one girl was talking about G-Dragon’s dog and I was SO TEMPTED to whip out my phone and show her the picture I have of him when I was staying at G-Dragon’s pension in 2019, LOL. Henry was side-eying me because he really thought I was going to lose control and do it because she was really annoying but in the end I didn’t want to look like an asshole. (I am an asshole though.)

Finally out of the merch line! The gates had been opened for an hour by then so we had no problem getting right in, no line.

“Henry take a picture of me in front of the BIGBANG sign.”

Henry takes picture and doesn’t even say, “hey you can’t see the whole sign move over.” I REALLY want to keep bringing him to concerts because he’s my merch holder but I need someone else to come who can actually take a picture like a normal person with thumbs. I don’t understand what his issue is.

I made him take another one obviously!!

We got to our seats around 7PM, an hour before it was starting. I was so excited!! Actually being in our seats was helping me calm down.

Oh also, at one point when we were in the merch line from hell, Henry said all whinily, “Why didn’t you get VIP? Did you have the option to?”

Are you kidding me? This man is now begging for VIP tickets after frowning in the past about the cost of them!?

“I don’t know I was trying to not go in debt like I was last year with the G-Dragon tickets?!” Jesus Christ, Henry. YOU go through the Ticketmaster presale turmoil next time!!

You guys. This is me waiting to see BIGBANG IN THE FLESH. NOT ON YOUTUBE.

Henry failing to take a cute picture of me again but I kept this because I liked my hair (shout out Gemma at Bella Salon—KARA IF YOU ARE READING THIS I THINK SHE IS THE ONE WHO DID YOUR HAIR FOR YOUR WEDDING???).

And now perhaps some Charmera snaps??

Henry still hasn’t recovered from the merch line, LOL. It’s amazing how tiring just STANDING for three hours can really make you. I haven’t even stood in line for a roller coaster for three hours. Not even airport lines. BIGBANG, you really are something.

Their new 20th anniversary light stick was sold out at our merch booth and apparently most of the inside ones too but luckily I had my old BIGBANG bang bong. I brought my G-Dragon daisy bong for Henry to use too lol. (He actually held it through the whole concert but wouldn’t wave it.)

I was being so fucking annoying and I don’t care. I needed pictures of myself to document this monumental moment in my life. OMFG I SAW BIGBANG!!!!!!?!@@><

This was still a bit before it started but it was sold out. Usually they will say it’s sold out and then you look on Ticketmaster and there are still a ton of TicketMaster Platinum and resell tickets but this time there were just a small handful of resells and they ranged from $1500 to $5000. Fuck you.

So yeah, the number I saw was something over 50,000. That many VIPs all in one stadium, it felt like a homecoming. And what I loved about it was that it was an older crowd and almost seemed split 50/50 men and women. In fact, there were two guys next to Henry, lightsticks and all! I only mention this because I think Kpop in general has a reputation for being something that mostly only girls like but just like G-Dragon’s concerts, there were tons of men shamelessly wearing BIGBANG shirts and hats and waving their lightsticks. The man on the other side of me had a special edition BIGBANG Japan lightstick! I was so jealous!

There was a girl in front of us who turned around and smiled at us when we bumbled to our seats (Henry the oaf nearly trampled two girls in our row) so when Henry went to look for a lightstick (he failed that mission but came back with beer), she turned around and started chatting with me. WONDERFUL PERSON! And I know I called her a girl here but she was actually 45 years old and looked like she was in her 20s! Her name is Marina and she came there that morning from DC on Amtrak. She was actually born in France though and spent a lot of her childhood in Morocco because of her dad’s job so she knows Arabic too. This came up when she asked me if I knew Korean and my response was, “Yeah, in my head,” lol.

I didn’t get a picture of her because then Henry came back and killed the vibe, but here’s the back of her!

I’m sad that we didn’t exchange socials because she was super sweet, but she left right before the encore.

I can’t stress enough how magical it was to be under the same….sky? as so many VIPs. I know most of us have really been going through it because being a BIGBANG fan has not been easy these last 10 years. In fact, I remember standing in line for the Kang Daniel concert in Toronto, chatting with the person in front of me. When she asked me who my favorite group was and I said, “BIGBANG,” she gave me the most sympathetic purse of her lip and said, “I’m so sorry.” Thank you? LOL.

This was so healing and cathartic for a lot of us. I know it. CONCERT DETAILS FORTHCOMING!!!!!! IT WILL BE ANNOYING!

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I fear that I will never recover from last night you guys was that even real did I really actually see MOTHERFUCKING BIGBANG?? The EMPERORS of Kpop?! Your idols’ idols?! The pioneers of “paving the way”? The ones who walked so others could run? They are untouchable. True artists and I am AWESTRUCK.

We’re on our way home now, after stopping by Chooch’s Dunkin’ in Philly to drop some stuff off for him (not drugs, just a bicycle pump and jeans – boring) and I can’t stop thinking about last night.

It’s going to take me a few days to collect my thoughts on here but in the meantime here is what I wore! Nothing too flashy—I’m more comfort-concerned than fashionably creative (but goddamn there were some AMAZING cosplay outfits last night).

G-Dragon (and Taeyang) were born in 1988 and G-Dragon often wears Seoul 88 Olympics hats and is famously obsessed with the number 8. I bought this jacket on eBay last year in hopes of someday having the opportunity to wear it to another GD concert or BIGBANG (I was really high-hoping at that point!).

My shoes are GD’S Peaceminusone Paranoise Air Force 1s but I ended up not wearing them because they’re not broken in and good thing I swapped them for my Vans because we ended up standing in a merch line for 3 hours outside in the blazing sun before doors opened (this is not hyperbolic – it was probably actually longer than 3 hours but the sheer unbridled joy of the actual concert wiped that bad memory from the brain bank).

Also!! We made a friend. Well, Henry did. Her name is Michelle and she was staying ah our hotel. Henry was in the elevator with her earlier that day and they were talking about how they’re both going to BIGBANG and she was nervous about getting back so he offered to meet up after and give her a ride. Thank god she trusted him because when I finally met her after the concert, we started yammering on to each other like we were old friends and it was the most organic and natural conversation I’ve had with a stranger in a long time! We’re IG friends now and she said she is making me an honorary Korean which was the best end to an already incredible night. I am FLOATING today.

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I waited my whole Kpop life (10 years!) for this day and it is finally here – we’re on our way to see my ultimate #1 not-just-Kpop but all-time band (tied with the Cure). BIGBANG IS FINALLY HERE!

I’m not liveblogging because I just want to listen to them the whole there while looking out the window dreamily.

I CANT WAIT TO BE WITH 50,000 OTHER VIPS! I CANT WAIT TO SEE DAESUNG LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME! I CANT WAIT TO HEAR “LIES”! I CANT WAIT TO CRY WITH EVERYONE ELSE DURING “HARU HARU” AND “STILL LIFE”!!!

I’m a mess.

P.S. Henry said he is most excited for “BIIIG” and “Fantastic Baby” – he likes the anthems the most!

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I have loved all of the concerts we have gone to this year and how they have been in such varying genres that it’s almost whiplash-inducing. But I have been ACHING for Kpop. The last one we went to was Key in December of 2025!!! There just haven’t been any of the “big ones” touring this year that will make me shake my wallet out like a spiritual summoning and since NO KPOP CONCERTS ever happen in Pittsburgh, I can’t justify road-tripping for a nugu group that I only semi-stan just to get a Kpop fix.

But you guys!!! In two weeks, I am going to see my ULTIMATE GROUP, MY FOREVER #1s, THE GROUP THAT GOT ME INTO KPOP AND KOREAN-EVERYTHING TO BEGIN WITH:

THE LEGENDARY BIGBANG!!!

Oh, I am SICK TO MY STOMACH over this one. Even Henry is totally stoked for it. JFC I never thought I would get to see them in real life!!

I am going to be insufferable (even more than usual) when this happens.

Then, I just TODAY got tickets to see TAEMIN AGAIN!!!! This time he is performing at arenas, as he should. I am so excited for this. However, I only bought one ticket so Henry will be sitting alone wherever he is able to get a ticket for on the day of, lol. This one is in October. I’m so happy and grateful, my heart is filling more full just at the thought of being around Kpop stans again. (The normal ones.)

This fucking angel baby:

Prior to this, Ten (WayV / NCT / SuperM) announced a N. American tour and I got us tickets to see him in Baltimore! They were $60 each! Literally the cheapest Kpop concert tickets I’ve ever bought (this was artist presale but I think even face value is that cheap) which is CRAZY because Ten is my ult NCT bias (tied with Haechan). I had the privilege of seeing him with SuperM in 2019*  but never with WayV and never solo so I am SHAKING over this one! It’s three weeks after Taemin, in November!

Just knowing that these are all on the horizon has me feeling more myself than I have all year and I am READY to break out my lightsticks and scream my throat raw!

(Not Kpop but we’re also seeing the Korean band LEENALCHI at the Warhol in November, as well! I’m so happy! Remind me of this post next time I’m whining and complaining about something dumb.)

*I think this may have been the last Kpop concert went to with me. :( It was also my first time seeing Taemin!

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I almost didn’t get tickets to this play—bodybuilding isn’t something that appeals to my interests plus we had a show to go to on Saturday and I was like, “Well, back-to-back events probably won’t fly with Henry, oh well, I’ll wait for something else to come up at Glitterbox.”

But then they (Glitterbox) was hyping this HARD. Apparently, someone there heard about it and felt so strongly about it that they offered to produce it at GBX. Say less, GBX. Say less.

Henry said he was fine with doing both this and the show we already had tickets for at Bottlerocket the next night,  so YAY, I bought tickets for the Friday show and was stoked to have two things to look forward to!

I immediately felt so good being back (less than a week after the last event!). You know this is part of my identity now when my therapist was like, “I saw Glitterbox when we were driving home from Kennywood!” I like being there because no one looks at me like, “Why are you here?”

Anyway! There was a healthy crowd there for this show and I was happy about that! It made me hope that if I were ever to have some kind of “look at my art” event or something, I would have people who cared enough about me to come out and show their support. That must be a really special feeling!

Henry did tell me that he felt like I could write a play and that made me elbow him and roll my eyes but internally I was like AW SHUCKS.

Henry went to the concession stand to get beverages—my go to as you know is spicy Jackworth ginger beer and Henry always goes for an NA beer. A few minutes later, I sent him back up for Cheezits and the concession gal went, “Oh, back again!” and it was so cute. I was sitting pretty close so I heard that but then apparently they asked Henry his name and told him their name is Calliope and now I’m mad because he met a GBX person without me!!! They were also at the first clown show we went to, working the concession stand and also participating in some of the skits.

(THEY’RE ALSO A CLOWN!!!)

(THEY WERE ALSO WEARING THE CUTEST DRESS THAT REMINDED ME OF SWITZERLAND.)

Then it was time for the play!

The synopsis is: A bodybuilder named Michael is sent to court-ordered therapy. His therapist tells him to keep a diary, which leads him to confront his past and present while trying to figure out what it means to be a good person.

The MC of the night did warn us that while there were lots of funny parts, this play featured some very heavy themes. They weren’t kidding. Holy shit did we laugh but then there were parts that made me feel like I was punched in the gut and I realized that I wasn’t breathing because I was so stressed out.

Basically, Michael does not take therapy seriously at all but then finally is like OK FINE I WILL TRY TO WRITE DOWN MY FEELINGS (after saying that it was “gay” to do so) and slowly he starts to unravel childhood trauma perpetuated by his redneck homophobic abusive (in every sense) father.

The emotions!

The acting was incredible, the writing was SO BRILLIANT (there is a whole “bros before hoes” but make it about the gym monologue that had us dying—and an elderly woman in the front row was frowning SO HARD through it which made us crack up even more! It was so raunchy and contextually misogynistic – the type of humor that you feel like you need permission to laugh at because it’s 2026 and we don’t say these things anymore! But the super sleazy meathead mentality makes sense once all of Michael’s layers are peeled back and you find out that he has a trans sister in high school who he saves from his parents and now lives with Michael.

Gavin Carnahan really nailed it. I hope he gets the opportunity to travel with this because it needs to be seen by more people! I am so so so glad that we decided to go, thanks to GBX promoting it so well. And thanks to Henry for being up for whatever in this strange season of our lives.

And!!! Someone there brought it fresh veggies and was encouraging everyone to take some home! We took a tomato and two baby peppers.

Solid entertainment that gives us things to talk about for days later, and free veggies. That’s GBX for you. <3

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Bro, when I saw this posted on Instagram and noticed that Azizzy would be performing, I excitedly shoved my phone in Henry’s bearded grill and squealed, “We have to go!!!”

Just to clarify, that was me doing the squealing.

After witnessing Azizzy’s clown performance at the last Glitterbox event we attended, I declared myself their #1 fan. And then followed them on Instagram. And then fanned myself when they followed me back. I wrote the book on parasociology, OK child.

This wasn’t technically a clown show, but a variety show. As the flyer suggests.

Obviously.

We went into this knowing nothing.  I did tell Henry though that I wanted to get there later than we usually do—we always arrive RIGHT WHEN DOORS OPEN and sometimes the flyer is incorrect so we get there even earlier than the Glitterbox and their artists would like.

“I want to get there closer to 7pm so we don’t look so EAGER BEAVER like we have previously. I don’t want these people to think I’m like, obsessed or something,” I said matter-of-factly earlier in the day on Tuesday.

“But, you are obsessed,” Henry so kindly pointed out for the studio audience.

OF COURSE we still got there too early so we just chilled in the car which was probably even creepier than sliding through the front door like Joey and Chandler on a wheeled dog sculpture minus the dog sculpture and it’s actually just me barging through the door with HELLO I’M HERE frantic energy while Henry causally slumps in behind me.

We started seeing all kinds of people walking to Glitterbox and I was like, “Oh thank god, there are going to be lots of people in the crowd tonight!” and then Doris arrived too! I was like, “Yay, it’s Doris!”

But guess what!? ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE WERE GOING UPSTAIRS TO A CLOWN CLASS.

So, when we walked into the theater at 7PM, it was….JUST US. And then the performers (Skeeter & Kev + Matthew from the Saga of the Shining Emblem – we did not know that that was who they were at the time) arrived right after us. The guy who is normally there running the ticket booth and concessions wasn’t there that night, but a different person—Anna—was holding it down and she was super nice. Actually, I’m pretty sure Henry was sitting next to her at the first clown show we attended, where her wife got to participate in one of the skits. I had a feeling that night that they were both Glitterbox-affiliated.

Drinking a spicy ginger beer at the Glitterbox and sitting in anticipation of what we’re about to spectate has become my favorite thing over these last several months. It’s something different every time and it never disappoints!

Two more people arrived and eventually I realized that the audience was just going to be the 4 of us, plus the performers, one of the performer’s partner, and Anna. How does this happen!? I need to take it upon myself to be the street team for Glitterbox events. Unfortunately, this one was just posted a week prior to the show, super short notice for people who aren’t obsessive like me. I did have THREE friends say that they’re interested in future clown shows though so I you better believe this information is stored away in the steel trap that is my somewhere-on-the-spectrum mind.

Well, anyway—let me give a quick run-down of the evening because you TRULY HAD TO BE THERE.

Kev was the super chill and funny MC of the night. We had a fun little local beer discourse because he said when Anna was helping him stay hydrated at the concession stand, he asked for an Iron City Beer and she called it “shitty beer” so he was asking us if that’s true. Then he asked what local breweries to check out and no one else was saying anything so I yelled, “Hitchhiker” which I do like BUT WHY DID I NOT SAY LOLEV?!!? That is my BELOVED.

Anna suggested East End which is definitely the better answer because that is wildly considered the “standard” when it comes to Pgh beer I guess.

(Kev, Skeeter, and Matthew are from Brooklyn, BTW.)

The first performer of the night was a local stand-up comedian, Alex, and he was OK. I’m admittedly not a huge stand-up fan and this guy’s humor and delivery reminded me of someone I work with who I don’t find very funny.

Skeeter came out in between acts to get us politically riled up, perform some of his slam poetry, and read from his journal titled BREAST MILK & AGAVE. I loved their little in-between acts and banter!

Then it was Azizzy’s allotted 10 minutes on stage and this is when I was like OH SHIT WHAT IS THIS FAMILIAR YET UNFAMILIAR FEELING ALL AT ONCE,  I THINK I HAVE MY FIRST EVER CLOWN CRUSH????!!!  Later, Henry said, “Yeah, no shit.”

He always knows before I do.

You guys, Azizzy is so talented though. Their absurdist pantomiming makes me laugh so hard that I actually felt like I was hungover the next morning. And Henry enjoys it too which is crazy because he and I usually have VERY different tastes when it comes to comedy. I am super picky, but Azizzy checks all my boxes.

:)

They dropped the lid to their tin of hair gel, which was one of their props, and I was so excited when it rolled straight toward me. Henry made fun of me later for the overeager speed I snatched it up, like anyone else was going to lurch themselves toward it or fight me for it like a sticky wedding bouquet, but I was just so desperate to have the opportunity to interact with them by handing it back to them!!!

I kept saying, “Remember when I picked up Azizzy’s hair gel lid?” all week while Henry was hunkering down in the basement building a sailboat to float him away from FML Island.

The main act was the Saga of the Shining Emblem, which is a live-active improv version of a Choose Your Own Adventure book, led by Matthew. He took the stage in a vert dramatic fashion with a booming, mystical soundtrack and shrouded in a velvet cloak.

It was SO FUNNY and creative, and unlike ANYTHING I have ever seen performed in front of me before. It was awkward when he asked for someone to volunteer to be the HERO of the story. There were only 4 of us and no one was making a move, so finally Azizzy, now in their civilian clothes, volunteered. I am so glad because I would have been a disaster up there. I mean, you only had to answer a few questions to keep the plot going but unlike the book, THERE WEREN’T OPTIONS TO CHOOSE FROM and my brain would have surely short-circuited up there in the hot seat.

Azizzy did amazingly thought, OF COURSE!

Since this is Pittsburgh, the setting was THE PITT which made it extra funny. I wish there has been some reference to DANA’S TERRIBLE YINZER ACCENT though

Azizzy made it through to the end and was awarded AN ACTUAL SHINING EMBLEM — FOR KEEPS!!! — at the end, so maybe I had some regrets at that point for being a little wussy baby shy girl.

Skeeter came out with more performative activism at the end (but no sincerely FREE PALESTINE all day long!!) and Kev had us all sign his shirt! As a Leo, this was something that had me practically knocking over chairs to do. I fucking love writing my name.

Henry went to the bathroom before leaving and I saw a chance to talk to Azizzy SO I TOOK IT. God, why am I so socially awkward though. I was smiling like a lunatic, I could feel it, and saying the dumbest things. But! They said they were glad to see that we came out for this and I had to stop myself from saying IF YOU WILL BE THERE I WILL BE THERE. Meanwhile, Henry was coming back from the bathroom and was probably like, “Oh Jesus Christ, here we go.”

I said that I have always loved clowns, my house has clown art everywhere, and when I saw that these clown shows were a thing it felt like this was the next natural step which they took way too literally and started telling me about the clown classes that are held there, and maybe I should even consider improv, etc. Oh can you even imagine what a nightmare I would be in that environment?! The social anxiety and stage fright would kill me if the stress of even just THINKING about it didn’t get to me first.

I can’t even remember how the conversation ended because I am so awkward and don’t know how to wind things down but I think I stupidly said that I hoped to see them perform again and they were like “yes, please!” and I said, “I’LL LOOK FOWARD TO IT.”

UGH.

I hate myself so much, I’m such a fucking nerd.

But other that, it was an amazing night and I was so giddy the whole way home. I feel like Henry and I are really getting out there and doing new things which has helped my depression and empty nest syndrome TREMENDOUSLY. Highly recommend looking at the events pages of random local theaters and venues, finding one that sounds interesting, and just going for it. It’s opened up a whole new world of performance art for us that we didn’t know existed AND I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS SCENE. It has cured my boredom.

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“Didn’t you just see him like last month?” Chooch asked when I sent him his favorite text that goes like this, “GUESS WHO I’M SEEING TONIGHT??” And no, it was almost exactly a year ago when I last saw Anthony Green (and Geoff Rickly!), thank you very much, Chooch. And because of that close proximity to the last show, I ALMOST sat this one out. That would have been such a mistake. Don’t sit the shows out, guys. Go to the shows. I have been seeing Anthony in one form or the other since 2005 but I still felt like there might be a REGERT there if I didn’t go. Especially because I follow him on Instagram and was so excited to see the clips of him opening for MCR at WEMBLEY. THE WEMBLEY. So, he was starting this next leg of the tour right off the heels of that. Incredible.

This show was last Friday. That same week, we had the clown show at Glitterbox and Kennywood because I have us on a fast track for burn out. So when Henry was anticipating a quiet evening in, I reminded him, “We have Anthony Green tonight….” and he was like, “…fuck.” LOL. Then I had to remind him that HE was the one who actually told me about this show in the first place!!

I’m so glad that we got the leg of the tour with Geoff. <3

We had some time to kill, so we walked down to Burghers for a pre-show beer. I had a red ale there too and I’m telling you—that is my style! One is enough, it’s satisfying, they always taste good, I don’t feel like I’m drinking beer, and I don’t feel like shit afterward. Plus, I have also learned that I am a one-beer-and-time-to-go girl. Bars and breweries are “pre-whatever-event killing time” things for me, and not somewhere to waste an afternoon or evening—I can’t hang like that. This was my third time at a Burghers and I have not had a bad beer there yet. Plus, the people are always so nice! This time, we sat at the bar and talked to the Burghers people about Anthony Green so that was amazing since usually people are like “who” when I tell them who we are going to see, lol ugh.

Myrna, can you believe that I have not been to Mr. Small’s since pre-pandemic!? It’s crazy how much time I spent there over the years and then stepping inside last Friday felt so foreign to me.

Plus, it’s changed so many times over the years that I can’t even remember what it was like the last time we were there. Or even, when I was there. I think it was just Chooch and me, possibly to see Emarosa?!

Henry is always the holder of my merch.

Also, I had to bite my tongue the other day because I’m so sick of correcting people, but someone insinuated that Henry was going to a show to see someone he didn’t know and this is so infuriating to me. Henry has been there since the beginning, when I loved Saosin, then obsessed over Circa Survive and listened to them almost exclusively on my cemetery walks while pregnant with Chooch, when I shyly met Anthony outside of the Grog Shop in Cleveland summer 2005 and he signed my CD, all the different bands we saw him performing with at various Riot Fests, taking me to Philly to see The Sound of Animals Fighting—-come the fuck on. Give the man some credit.

My favorite was actually  the last Riot Fest we went to in 2023. We were standing by one of the stages waiting for the next band to come on and Henry was like, “Who are we waiting for?” and I said, “Just wait, you’ll see.” The band came out and he was like, “Wait….is that Anthony? But what band is this? Is he in ANOTHER BAND?” Lol, it was LS Dunes.

But no, you’re right, Henry has no idea who Anthony Green is.

The show opened with Keith Goodwin, of Good Old War and long-time Anthony collaborator.

Anthony came out and played drums on one song, and then came out again to sing on another.

It was a really nice, mellow opening.

After Keith’s set, Henry went to the bathroom and came back with our pal Jason Pettigrew! I was JUST lamenting earlier that night that we never run into anyone we know when we go to shows, like how is it possible that I have no friends who like anything I like, I don’t understand. (And of course after I said this, I remembered that we saw one of our Sugar Spell ice cream friends at two shows in the span of a year and actually one of those shows was the LAST Anthony Green show!).

It’s been A MINUTE since we last saw Jason and it was amazing timing because he and I had just recently been going back and forth on Threads about how needed to catch up soon. A loud venue wasn’t necessarily the best environment for a chat but it was still better than nothing! He hung out with us for Geoff’s full set and then we made tentative plans for an avocado pie night at our house in October. #fingerscrossed

But OMG, Geoff Rickly. Once again, I’m so glad that we decided to come to this show because he is just a gem, such a legend. And I said it last year too,  that he could leave his guitar at home and just sit on a stool telling us stories and I would be just as enthralled. He’s an amazing musician and songwriter, but his story-telling skills are also top notch. And he somehow super hilariously wove references to Charlie Kirk AND Taco Bell into the evening. Ugh, he is SO GOOD and I’m very grateful to his sobriety because he is someone we need on this earth for as long as possible. Just a genuinely cool guy.

And then Anthony. OK, so I don’t know what was going on with me last year when we saw him: maybe I was still depressed and dead inside, maybe it was the venue, maybe it was just weird timing. But it didn’t resonate with me emotionally. In fact, I kind of felt like an outsider, like maybe too much time had passed and I wasn’t meant for this scene anymore. I can’t explain it but this time, it felt like NO TIME had passed, like it was 2005 again, like I was listening to Circa on some shitty mp3 player and shitty headphones, tears mixing with sweat, cemetery groundsmen looking at me like wtf is wrong with this broad.

I FELT THINGS AGAIN. I clung to every little piece of information he shared with us between songs. I smiled like a fucking acolyte. Man, Anthony Green. I am so sorry that I fell off the wagon there for a bit. I’m sorry I missed even a single Pittsburgh performance. I’m extra sad that I didn’t even know The Sound of Animals Fighting played shows last fall!!

Henry took pictures too!!

Anthony posted on Threads that he felt this was the best show he’s played in “Pitty” and I was so glad to have been there. It really did feel like a very special show. The crowd was good. The venue was perf. Everyone, in all of the bands + Geoff, sounded SO GOOD. It just felt personal, like they wanted to be there performing their songs just as much as we wanted to be there listening to them. I really don’t have a single complaint about the night and I will end it by saying that I am fully back on the wagon and have been listening to all iterations of Anthony Green ever since that night and just absolutely FLOATING in nostalgia.

SETLIST:

1. So It Goes
2. I Don’t Want to Die Tonight
3. Babygirl
4. She Loves Me So
5. You’ll Be Fine
6. Trading Doses
7. East Coast Winters
8. Pets (Porno for Pyro cover)
9. Seven Years
10. Strange Terrain
11. Act Appalled
12. Reconcile
13. Don’t Dance
14. Dear Child / Like Magick / Fucks Me Up
15. This Song Won’t Save You
16. Get Out
17. Devil’s Song

 

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When I saw this being promoted on Glitterbox’s Instagram right on the heels of our first real clown show there, I was like, “ANOTHER CLOWN SHOW? SIGN US UP!” Henry, good sport that he is, was like, “OK, I will work on adapting to this latest swerve in our lifestyle.”

I was super stoked because a few days before, Jess texted me and said that she and Shawn were free that night and wanted to join us!! And Shawn ended up bringing his cousin Rachel as well! We had a cohort for the clown show!

But first! Henry and I got to Glitterbox around 6:30 when doors opened and I immediately saw a familiar face walking toward the theater — it was someone from the audience at the last clown show who also got to participate in the skit that Henry was involved in! They were the one holding the “boom,” if you feel like going back and watching the video on this post.

Desperate to braid myself into the local clown scene, I went right up to them and (hopefully not too maniacally) said, “Hi! Were you at the last clown show? I recognize you!” and they were like, “Oh! Yes, I was” and, like a cartoon talking with her jaw fully detached and jittering like a pair of wind-up teeth, I (CALMLY) squealed, “And you’re a clown too right?? I fell down the rabbit hole on Instagram after the last show….” and they confirmed that yes they are a clown but no, they would not be performing that night. Their name is Doris! I made contact with a clown and I am so happy. Doris is so pleasant and was a joy to chat with. Meanwhile, Henry had been trying to cross the street and witnessed this from afar, so he looked very tense when he made his way over to me and had a WHAT DID YOU DO look on his face. He is always so afraid that I’m going to embarrass him.

The poster said that doors were at 6:30 so we walked on in like we owned the place and the box office guy (I LOVE HIM, he is so nice) was like, “Oh! Hi!” because he thought doors were at 7 so it was kind of awkward and I said we could leave and come back but he asked BORBO AND PRISM, still in their civilian clothes and setting up the stage, if they minded if we stayed and they said no! Luckily, Doris came in soon after along with a few others. And then Shawn, Jess and Rachel! Shawn was in full on brag-mode because they were on time, lol. Then I introduced them to Doris! But really I was like, “GUYS WOULD YOU LOOK I MADE A FRIEND I THINK?” I’m trying so hard to be the old me and actually talk. to people in public. It’s….a work in progress. Check back later this year.

The show fully started around 7:30, with local clown AZIZZY. OK first of all—after we left the first clown show earlier this month and I started doing the late night Instagram click-throughs, I realized that this was the person sitting behind me that night who had the most INFECTIOUS laughter, so much so that they made the opening act that night seem exponentially more hilarious to me (that opening act was actually the person who teaches clown courses! I’m learning so much about this community after only just realizing it exists at all).

Their routine was about 30 minutes long and my face hurt was smiling so hard. This clown is A JOY. Hilarious. Endearing. Creative. And their sad face!! I kept murmuring, “Awww” and then looking to make sure Henry the Heartless was having the same reaction.

I am prepared to be the biggest AZIZZY groupie this city has seen.

Before the show started, I was trying to explain to Jess and Shawn about the last one we attended and how it’s not your classic Bozo at the Children’s Party mainstream clown stereotype and while it’s not overtly “scary” like those you’d encounter at a haunted house, there is something dark and sardonic about the characters these Neo-clowns create, and it can even be kind of provocative.

While AZIZZY embodied this description, Borbo and Prism came on the stage to totally flip that description on its head. While they were dressed clown-esque, this was more performance art than comedy.

While Borbo sat at a table and created a soundscape that at times felt like it was actually going to make me go inside (think: lots of repetitive industrial sounds and echoing squeaks of toys, etc.), Prism sat on the floor in front of a projector and played with colors and textures. It was one of the oddest, coolest, eeriest, cerebral shows I have ever sat through and it was completely unexpected. It wasn’t for everyone – one woman walked out. I guess I get it, the sounds were so hypnotic and intense at times that it did feel like we were part of some Clockwork Orange experiment. Like, how much can you handle before your mind explodes into a swarm of chittering plastic creepy-crawlies.

It was uncomfortable at moments and I think that was part of the process. This was meant to be something that you could discuss with your friends after and everyone has a different takeaway. For me, it was just interesting how the jarring soundtrack complemented the experimental shapes and colors projected on the screen. We were literally watching these people play with sounds and sights. Like a live Mattress Factory exhibit. Definitely not for everyone but luckily, we are all super weirdos and artists at heart so we all had positive takeaways, I think.

For me, the best way I can describe it is that I felt like I was sitting in a stationary haunted house—not so much the images, but the SOUNDSCAPE. It was very reminiscent to the sounds that are blasting throughout some haunted houses, meant to make you feel on edge or that you’re literally going insane. So, I felt like I was sitting in a chair while the haunted house was happening in front of me rather than walking through it. And you know how much I love haunted houses. I might not look like it on the outside, but I am 100% the target audience for this type of avant garde art.

The finale was a puppet show, and Prism made sure to offer the disclaimer that this was not going to be “clown” themed and that there might be images projected on the screen that could be considered sensitive to some. I was worried it was going to be animal-stuff but it wasn’t so I was OK!

BUT BRO, that puppet show was incredible.

Shawn’s takeaway was that it was a cautionary tale about beastiality, don’t fuck sheep, and Jess cried, “You needed a puppet show to tell you that beastiality is bad??” LOL.

OMG, I have been yammering on all week about this show. I wish I had better words to explain how completely captivated I am by this entire scene. Like, I’m giddy over it. All three clowns from that night followed me back on Instagram and I am so excited to stay in the loop and continue to support them! I even bought my first clown merch that night!

Borbo and Prism make all of their merch using repurposed shirts so no two are the same, and I love that. I got this long-sleeved shirt and it’s so cozy! I wore it in my work meeting on Wednesday on purpose because Wendy is so alarmed at these latest turn of events (she is th biggest clown hater I know) and she yelled, “NO! TAKE THAT OFF!” lol.

Anyway, I love clowns. I love the Glitterbox. I don’t want to do any kind of performing but I would love to get involved with between the scenes stuff at that theater, maybe volunteer Henry for set design or costume sewing. Who knows, but I have felt so lost since 2024 and this is actually making me feel kind of grounded, like have I maybe found a place where I possibly could fit in and make friends?

Sigh.

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Before I start: My journal pages for last Friday’s and Saturday’s back-to-back concerts make me so happy. I’m so glad that I started this!

Anyway. Last Saturday was the Armor for Sleep show at Preserving Underground. My love for AFS goes way back to my LiveJournal, pre-Chooch days. Sometimes I can’t believe it’s been that long and it makes me feel sick because I can’t think of this time in my life without thinking about Christina, who, if I haven’t mentioned, has ghosted me for the billionth time in our 20+ year “friendship” because they are married to some new broad that came out of nowhere conveniently after Christina and Katie broke off their engagement. I LOVED KATIE. I thought she was cute, funny, interesting – a real match for Christina who tends to date down. So, I was there for Christina during the breakup, then they met this new broad and VERY QUICKLY AND I DO MEAN QUICKLY, they perpetuate the lesbian “U-Haul” stereotype like you would not believe, they got engaged and that’s when suddenly Christina stopped calling and texting. So, that makes me feel amazing about myself to know that I am so easily discarded time and time again!!

But you know what, I’m not going to let go of these old bands that we loved together because fuck that. I knew it would make me emotional to see AFS but I wanted to go see them so Henry bought us tickets and fuck that dumb bitch, amirite.

Now that we got that out of the way (oh,  one more thing – #TeamKatie 100%, I wish I was still in contact with her but she blocked me after they broke up and I get it, she probably thought I was going to side with Christina but that’s a NO), we got to New Kensington a little too early last Saturday because Henry thought doors were at 6pm, so when we walked into the place, there was a small group of people lined up along the steps AND THEN BEN JORGENSON (AFS singer) walked over and I swear to god, we made eye contact and I almost died. But anyway, it turned out that this was the VIP meet and greet so that was awkward. We did the whole “whistle at the ceiling” thing while everyone followed Ben down the steps into the bowels of the church to do, I don’t, meetin’ and greetin’ line dances and whatever, and then we tried to play it off like we meant to do that by continuing up the steps into the record store portion of the venue.

You already know this part. I bought the horror movie record that Goblin scored and guess what I found out afterward? GOBLIN DIDN’T ACTUALLY WRITE THAT MUSIC FOR THAT MOVIE!!! It was something that they had already recorded and released and the….movie people….were like, “Yes, we will be stealing this for our nunsploitation flick, grazie*.”

*(Because it was an Italian movie, you see.)

Then we still had time to kill so we walked down the street to VooDoo to have a pre-show half-pour and the Norway-England game was on. WE WERE THERE WHEN NORWAY SCORED THE SECOND GOAL THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE GAME WINNER BUT FIFA IS CORRUPT AND STUPID. It was fun while it lasted though because the whole room erupted in cheers and everyone who had been sitting outside came running in. I was SO INVESTED. I get caught up in sports with my whole-ass heart and like the rest of the world, I was enamored with Erling Haaland. Yeah, I’m basic when it comes to these things and I’m not too proud to admit it either. Who wouldn’t love a GREEN FLAG VIKING. Honestly

We each got two 5 ounce beers. My first one was some brown ale which was annoying to me because I was rooting against England while sitting there drinking an old man English beer (it was so good though, I like brown ales!) and then I got the alcoholic version of Jackworth’s ginger beer which was just OK. Henry thought it was too strong and reacted super dramatically to it and I was like, “Calm down, pussy, go drink your little summer wheat ale you sissy bitch.”

God, Henry.

After about 30 minutes of squatting in Voodoo, we walked back to Preserving and doors were now open—yay! Fun fact, since I have spent the last 10 years primarily going to Kpop concerts, this was our FIRST TIME at this venue! I was aware of its existence, and had been to the record store portion of it, but since I was so out of the loop with bands of my old life, it wasn’t hard on my radar. I was excited that Armor for Sleep was playing here AND even better is that Preserving recently opened a second record shop down the street from us (actually, on the same street as the Hollywood Theater), and they sell FEE-FREE tickets to their shows there! So, on Henry’s own birthday last month, he walked there and bought us tickets to AFS and Royal Coda which is in a few weeks.

For as much as I love to slander him, Henry is actually pretty obedient sweet.

Chooch and I used to compete to see who could keep their wristbands on the longest and since we were always going to concerts AND amusement parks, we typically had at least one wristband rotting on our wrists at any given time. I was stoked to have accumulated two in one weekend, especially now that I have a journal to paste them into!

The show didn’t start until 7:30 so we were able to chill on a church pew and people-watch for a bit. I immediately imprinted on this venue. It was giving what Mr. Smalls THINKS it is. For as often as I went to Smalls, I never felt comfortable there, probably because it was always changing. We’re actually returning there next Friday for the first time since before the pandemic so I’m interested to see how terrible it is now because I heard it got even worse.

All of that is to say that I felt at home here immediately. Staff was great. Space was superb. Ambiance was immaculate. I was ready for a religious experience.

As soon as the first band was about to come on, I said SEE-YA to Henry and made my way to the stage. I always have it in the back of my mind that maybe I will go to a show and just sit and relax through the whole thing but then the music starts and I’m all, get me closer to the stage, lest I am consumed by FOMO.

Flycatcher was the opener and they were having some indeterminate issue/drama/crisis with one of the guitarists who was unable to make it so their merch guy / photographer was filling in on some songs after scrambling to learn them.  

Guy in the middle was the guitar sub—he did a great job!

And then they had Ben come out for one of the songs toward the end and I was screaming like I hadn’t just seen him in the hallway 2 hours prior to this. But honestly, BEN JORGENSON. Even when I got into Kpop, I still followed him on Insta.

Actually! We had tickets to see their 15-year anniversary tour for What To Do When You’re Dead but it was in….spring of 2020. So, that of course got canceled and was rescheduled for the next year—for some reason, we couldn’t make it to the rescheduled Pgh date though, so actually the last time I saw them was in 2015 at the Trocadero in Philly. That is a long-ass time ago even though it doesn’t feel like it! I saw them with this girl Terri who I was good friends with at the time and now she doesn’t talk to me anymore either so it’s either me or Armor For Sleep, who is the problem here?!

After this set, I went back to sit down to Henry. There was also a woman sitting there as well, so I had to squeeze in between them.  Her young teen son came over to check in with her and I asked if he wanted to take my seat. They both said no and thanked me though, and then he flitted back off to the crowd. The mom started chatting with me after this about how she takes her son to any concert he wants to go, even if she doesn’t like the bands, because music is so important, and last year the went to 30-some concerts in 7 different states. Relatable! I loved hearing this from another mom because I really truly believe that going to concerts is such an important part of life. I didn’t go to very many when I was in high school because I just wasn’t friends with anyone who went to shows. That is INSANE to think about now, looking back at my friend group because they were so concert-coded from the outside that you’d think they’d be at local punk and alt-rock shows every weekend. And then when I dated Psycho Mike, he never “let” me go to concerts with him. To THIS DAY I am so pissed that he saw motherfucking Radiohead at Metropol.

What I’m getting at is that I made sure Chooch had concert experiences. Now he does have friends that go to shows and anytime he sends me an ad for an upcoming concert, I sign up for the presale and get him the ticket. Or the vinyl. Or the band shirt. He knows that these are the three things I will never say no to.

So, it was really nice to hear these sentiments from another mom, but I did have to laugh because it was oftentimes Henry and Chooch sitting under a tree at Warped Tour or Bled Fest while I was in front of a stage somewhere getting sweat and spit on.

Oh. Spanish Love Songs. Holy shit. Speaking of Bled Fest, hearing this band put me right back in that headspace. This is my kind of band, you guys. I’m already waiting for them to come back because I NEED to see them again. Also, they slipped in a FUCK ICE lyric to one of their songs and WE LOVE A BAND THAT FIGHTS THE GOOD FIGHT. I love that these bands create such safe spaces while we’re all internally combusting along with the country.

Loved them!

Then it was Armor For Sleep, and I actually got Henry to stand with me! Well, he lasted for half and then took some giant steps back away from the stage and wallflower’d it for the rest of the set. But I didn’t care, no offense Henry, but he could have fully left and sat in the car and I wouldn’t have noticed because I was in another world. And that world was 2005.

Of course, I love all of their songs but the ones from the album What To Do When You’re Dead are the ones that really punch me in the gut. First of all, that was a concept album about death. It was also the album that Christina and I obsessed over together. But now, some of those songs, hearing them for the first time in years, made me think of Drew. And it didn’t help when Ben dedicated one of their songs to, “anyone who has recently lost a pet.”

Some might say that “2 years ago” is not “recent” but my heart has not healed yet, people. It is still gaping and raw. And I am still a mess 9 out of 10 times when I think about Drew. I can at least (mostly) look at pictures of her now without collapsing into choke-hazard sobs, but I am still not well.

Oh god, this song, my heart was in my throat:

I don’t know what else to say aside from that it felt so cathartic and also like absolute torture all at once. This band is so important to me, they were a big part of the soundtrack of a very shaky time in my life where I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted, where I belonged. It was also around the time I became a mom, so throw that into my basket of already crazy emotions.

FML.

Yes, it hurt hearing some of these songs again (Basement Ghost Singing had tears streaming down my face and my throat burning, thanks for the emotional support, Henry, wherever you were LOL) but I am so glad that we went. Like Cold, it’s kind of weird when you fall out of the loop with a band that you once loved so much and you feel kind of out of place at first, but then suddenly, you’re right back there again without even realizing it. That’s how it felt that night. Great crowd, great venue, and most of all, great bands.

I didn’t record much that night, but here’s some clips from Flycatcher (with Ben), Spanish Love Songs, and then Armor For Sleep:

I was in a haze for the rest of the weekend after this, in a good way though. And it helped that I had therapy that week because my therapist also likes Armor For Sleep so it was nice to be able to talk about the night and my feelings with someone who knew what I was talking about.

There was a part of me that almost told Henry to forget it when he went to buy the tickets because I was admittedly scared of seeing them again. But I’m glad that I did it. I’m glad I went and got to not only confront that stupid part of my past (a person who doesn’t even deserve a single thought from me yet here I am letting them get to me) and most importantly I’m happy that I got to support a band that was once such a big part of my life by showing up for them and buying merch.

Go to the shows! Support the bands you love. As I get older, I realize more and more what limited time we have, so don’t do the whole, “I’ll go see them next time” or “I already saw them once, I’m good” excuse because you’d rather just stay home. I GET THAT! Sometimes I’m like, “Should I just blow this off” but then I go and I’m always glad I did.  Aging really has me so hyper-aware of everything these days. And I am SCRAMBLING.

Anyway, the set list wasn’t posted for Pittsburgh, but it seems like it didn’t vary between cities and this looks accurate to me:

• Dream to Make Believe
• Remember to Feel Real
• The Outer Ring
• My Town
• Stay on the Ground
• In this Nightmare Together
• Chemicals
• Slip Like Space
• Williamsburg
• Hold the Door
• In Another Dream
• Awkward Last Words
• Basement Ghost Singing
• Being Your Walls
• The More You Talk, The Less I Hear
• The Truth About Heaven
• Car Underwater

And on that note, I urge anyone reading this to PLEASE listen to the album What To Do When You Are Dead non-shuffled. It is actually such a perfect album in my opinion. A masterpiece.

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Bro when I say that I feel like a brand new person straight out of an isolation chamber ever since I got BIGBANG tickets….I mean, it’s really pathetic that concert-goers need to feel this level of anxiety when a band they love (especially if it’s Kpop) announces a tour. It just shouldn’t be like this, we have enough stress on a daily basis thanks to this fucking orange rapist and his gang of degenerates putting us in the crosshairs and obliterating basic human rights, let us at the very least have a normal, non-panic-inducing experience when purchasing tickets to a concert that we deserve to attend in order to restore our sanity and give us a small moment of joy before we head back into the reality of this corrupt world.

YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING?

Here are some more little moments of joy that I have curated over the last week or so.

For the last year or so, I’ve used this photo app called Minutiae where you get a notification at a different time each day and you only have 5 seconds to open the app and snap a picture of what’s in front of you. Most of the time, I miss the notification. Most of the times when I DON’T miss it, I’m sitting at my work desk so my pictures are always of my house, depending on how fast I swivel to capture a new corner, lol. It happened when I was at DGD last week so I was really excited to have a picture that illustrated me actually having a life outside of the house.

ANYWAY!! While Chooch was home last week, I got a notification right as he walked out the front door to go see his friends. I screamed CHOOCH WAIT and took this through the screen door, lol.

Also, if you read my Waldameer post, the lady who was forcing her kid to ride Chaos WAS WEARING THIS SAME SHIRT which inspired Chooch to wear his the next day. I can’t believe he still wears it. He got it in some dorky gamer subscription box years ago, I think!?

Earlier that day, I made Chooch go for a walk around Brookline with me because I was bored. Here are some pictures I took with my Charmera, much to Chooch’s chagrin:

Lemonade we bought from two siblings on the corner of our street (I don’t know where they came from). The brother was the one we made the transaction with and there was not a lick of enthusiasm to be found on him.

It was $1 each so Chooch slid him a dollar bill and 4 quarters (we had to go back into the house to get cash when we saw the stand right at the start of our walk, and the two kids stood shoulder to shoulder, holding their lemonade sign, glowering at us like the Shining twins as we walked back down the sidewalk to get the money, it was scary).

“I don’t have change,” the kid said dourly, scooping out the lemonade with a ladle.

“Uh…that’s OK we don’t need it,” Chooch said, like BOY DO BETTER AT MATH CLASS. Sheesh.

“Do you want ice?” he asked in a monotone.

We did not.

The lemonade was actually pretty bad but we still sipped on it as we walked away. “That was an interesting serving technique,” Chooch laughed and I mean, really! It took him forever to scoop two small cups’ worth of liquid out of the pitcher.

I couldn’t believe how many people were actually PULLING OVER to support this local business. I’ll tell you why – BECAUSE THEY WERE WHITE KIDS.

The Teen Center’s lemonade was so much better (and the operation was diverse!).

This also made me think about how shocking it is in hindsight that Chooch never got into the lemonade slinging trade, but that’s probably because he was too busy diabolically banning people on the Minecraft servers he was in charge of.

The Moonlite Cafe redid its facade and it’s super cute. I have lived in Brookline since 1999 (!!!) and somehow have only eaten here twice and have no recollection of liking it or not.

Back on our block, the kids were still doing the lemonade thing. “Hi again,” the boy said to us like we were regulars.

I haven’t mentioned this much because the process has been so slow since we haven’t been home much for Henry to work on it, but we’ve reached the “accoutrements” portion of the record player buffet that we’ve (“we” lol) been refurbing. It’s exactly the same style cabinet as the one we clownified for the living room, but this one is purple and green. The doors will (hopefully) be a mosaic made from CD shards, with halved toy dinosaurs attached. The sides, which is what we’re currently working on, will be made from old cassettes and 8-tracks. (The theme here is prehistoric media, if you haven’t noticed.)

I’ve had these 8-tracks in a box in the basement for over 20 years. Freaking JOE gave them to me back when I worked at Weiss’s. I don’t even know why I took them, I did not have an 8-track player nor did I have any intention of purchasing one on eBay in order to listen to Lawrence Welk and Elvis albums. But, because Henry tends to just push things into the dark recesses of the basement, he found them a few weeks ago when he was looking for something else, and said, “Hey, can you think of anything to use those old 8-tracks for?” Well, it turns out, just using the cassettes won’t work, dimension-wise, but alternating between cassettes AND 8-tracks makes for a better fit on the sides of the cabinet!

So, here is a picture of Henry cleaning them the other night while we watched FROM.

Also, it’s super annoying because they wrote “WEISS” on a bunch of them like a mom tagging her kids’ underroos, so some of them can’t be used. (Sorry, it’s already bad enough that I have tangible evidence of this family’s existence in my house, I don’t need to see their names as well — this cabinet is already going to be haunted since we’re using these!)

Here’s the journal page from Father’s Day in Philly. Henry was not pleased with my depiction of him (mostly because I was using a picture of him as reference and he was insulted that I can’t draw him from memory, like bro calm down, I can barely draw a stick figure from memory anymore).

I fucking love my journal so much!!

All of these things have been keeping me afloat lately. Once I finally admitted that my life needed to shift, even if just the slightest, everything sort of fell into place and every day gets a little better. It’s not perfect, I still have sad days (ok, sad moments every day), I am still stressed, I’m still worried about Penelope constantly, I still have panic attacks reading the news. But these little things are my liferaft!

(+ HOLY SHIT I’M GOING TO SEE BIGBANG, BREATHE ERIN.)

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