Bro. When I saw that Honey Revenge was coming back to Pittsburgh this summer, I was all in. I accidentally fell HARD for them last year when they headlined a show I went to specifically for the opening band. I love when that happens. They are one of my non-Kpop regular listens — in fact, we listened to them a lot in the car last summer when we were on our dumb midwest roller coaster road trip for my birthday and Chooch was very annoyed.

Specifically, Honey Revenge was headlining the idobi Radio Summer School Tour and at first that meant nothing to me because I wasn’t familiar with any of the other bands but I loved that it was giving “Warped Tour Lite” in a way. I mean, there was even a Peta2 street teamer passing out stickers and bracelets to everyone standing outside in line. It really felt so nostalgic.

(Did you guys know that Chooch became a vegetarian after visiting a Peta2 tent at his second Warped Tour? I had no influence over that at all!)

Standing in line was actually one of the low points of the evening because not only did it start pouring—and while we were blessedly under a tent for that, we also happened to be under a tent with some very loud and angry woman who, after snapping at the Peta2 volunteer, proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes reading out loud from her phone all the terrible things about Peta and I was just like, “OH FOR THE LOVE, PLEASE SHUT UP.” I’m not super gaga over Peta either but I have been a vegetarian since 1996 and donate to the ASPCA monthly so please go away. She seemed SUPER FUN.

Another low point was the fact that this was at the Roxian. Truly do not care for this venue. The pit is SO TINY and the rest of the standing room area is obstructed by so many things, it’s just fucking annoying. And I knew that this show was probably going to get a little more spicy than my brittle old broad bones can withstand so being in the pit was not something that I was willing to risk. Plus, I knew if I went down there, the first time Henry had to leave to go to the bathroom would be the last time I’d see him until the show was over because no way was he going to bother to fight his way back to me, LOL.

We did manage to get a spot at the barricade directly behind the drink rail at least. The downside of this was two fold:

• now we were standing with Older People who love to yap during the bands;
• once the people who bought seats at the drink rail arrived, there was some minimal obstruction. It wasn’t too bad but the two bitches who were right in front of me reminded me of Christina and her idiot sister and the idiot sister one of the two was REALLY ANNOYING at times.

The people next to me ended up revolving as the night went on. The one couple bolted after the third band because that was all they cared about and I was like THANK THE LORD because the woman literally COULD NOT stop talking. She turned around constantly to say stuff to the guy, like she was on a swivel, and it was so distracting. He was super chatty too, they both were talking to anyone and everyone around who would engage. They quickly lost interest in me, lol.

But yeah, I was surprised how many couples were there together, especially older couples, considering this was a mostly female-fronted lineup (ONE band had a guy singer and it really fucked with the vibe) and very young bands in general.

Anyway, let’s get into the bands!

The great thing about Summer School is that they chose a local band from every city the tour came to, and Pittsburgh’s winning band was Carmela Donna….Band? Creatures? I still have no idea what their official name is because THEY NEVER SAID IT and also their Instagram has it listed as just Carmela Donna, Carmela Donna Band, and Carmela Donna’s Creatures. Or something.

I was skeptical at first because they came out guns blazing but it didn’t feel cohesive. But then then they really jelled and found their footing and I ended up really enjoying their set. Especially when they introduced a green beachball to the crowd and look, I have been to a hundred summer music festivals where beach balls abound, but for some reason, I was very entertained. I guess because it was such a small space and people were COMMITTED. I kept hoping it would make its way to me but the closest it came was to one of the people at the drink rail in front of me (not Christina and her idiot sister, but a normal couple to the left of them who were very unbothersome).

Carmela reminded me of Chooch’s first crush/mentor Courtney.

That means nothing to you.

But someday when I’m 76 I’ll come back and read this, smile….and ask Chooch, “Who the fuck is Courtney?”

Anyway, this is my style and I’m excited to see them again. Hopefully soon, since they’re local??

Next up was Chase Petra. OK. This band ended up being my favorite. I can’t explain it but there was something Sundays / Billy Bragg-ish about them that transported me back to a very specific time in the 1990s. And the singer, Hunter, was SO FUNNY. She picked one girl out of the crowd – Molly – and said that everyone had to dance and if we didn’t, Molly was going to have to die, sadly. Afterward, she spared Molly but told her that the people in the back did not care about her so if she had to come back here, to just “watch out.” SHE WAS JUST SO CHARMING! And she had fish on her tights!

Oh also? She was very FREE PALESTINE AND FUCK TRUMP and we are HERE FOR THAT. This is why I love going to these kinds of concerts! It makes me feel so safe.

This was my favorite one!!

Winona Fighter was up next (I have to say that everyone worked SO HARD to get the stage ready extremely quickly between each band so there was minimal downtime) and this was the band that Chatty Cathy next to me was there for so she suddenly got super energetic and then immediately left after their set. Byeee.

Anyway, WOW. I had listened to some of their songs in preparation of this night and I will say that nothing really stuck out. This is TRULY one of those bands that you HAVE TO SEE LIVE.

They ended up being Henry’s favorite of the night (although his final review was: Everyone was good. I liked it. I know what you’re thinking – if only I could be that succinct, right? LOL NEVER) and I can’t argue with him there–SUPER HIGH ENERGY and the singer Coco WAS SICK — never would have noticed with the way she riotgrrrled her fucking face off up there.

“I’m a little stressed out, just a little stressed out, is anybody else stressed out” IS ALL OF US THESE DAYS. So fucking relatable.

South Arcade from Oxford, England was next and I was really forward to them, being the only other band there that I was moderately familiar with. They are just good, fun, summer pop punk. Basically, fuck Gwen Stefani, who needs her when Harmony Cavelle exists??

HER RASP. I love it so much.

OMG the late 90s/early 00s aesthetic is killing me in the best way.

I REALLY like them.  

Games We Play was the outlier here, the only band not fronted by a woman. I was…not here for it. Of course most of the men there were like “yay” when it was their turn. I just, I don’t know, I wasn’t really into it. They were very gimmicky and sound-wise, they were fine but it wasn’t anything groundbreaking. I was actually pretty annoyed through most of their set because it was like more skit than singing. I did eventually warm up to them, and I especially appreciated the singer’s Obama shirt, but I would not go out of my way to see them again.

It’s whatever.

Oh! He did ask him someone at the barricade to tie his shoe for him and I was THANK GOD HE DIDN’T ASK ME because I totally still tie my shoes with bunny ears.

“Yeah really,” Henry said with a smirk when I screamed this into his ear that night.

Henry palate cleanser.

Plus my frizzy hair from standing in the rain.

BUT THEN HONEY REVENGE!!!

MY FAVES! The people next to me had left (the girl part of the couple was so drunk that she was resting her head in her arms across the barricade and her boyfriend/husband was PISSED when she wanted to leave—bro, take care of your girl, you fucking shithead!! THIS IS WHY I PREFER SHOWS WHERE MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE UNDER 21!!!!!!!) so I was able to move over to the left a little and not have Christina and her idiot sister in front of me anymore. Idiot sister had spent the entire night chair-dancing these very interesting seemingly choreographed dances that looked like if a referee became a wrestler and then had to do a dance off in the ring. I have no other way to explain it. But it was very strange and METHINKS a lot of it was probably TikTok moves.

Anyway, OFC there was one point when she decided to eschew the seat she paid extra for in order to stand up right in front of my face and do a more pronounced version of her TikTok compilation dance, now with feet stomping.

It was fine. It was whatever. It was one song so I allowed it. But sheesh, was she an interesting specimen.

Ugh, that time I really regretted not standing in the pit. :(

Oh! And Devin picked someone to come up and sing during one of the songs AND GUESS WHO GOT PICKED? Molly! She was really having the best night. There was also a little girl who was desperate to get picked so Devin picked both and told them to share the mic and as soon as Devin turned around, Molly snatched the mic from the kid LOL

MY FOREVER FAVORITE:

I really have no words other than I JUST REALLY ENJOY HONEY REVENGE. They’re fun, their stage presence is fantastic, they are good, inclusive people, and I just genuinely REALLY like their songs. Like, not a skippable track in the list.

And lastly here’s my little shitty collection of clips I recorded throughout the night:

I can’t wait to wear my Summer School Tour shirt the next time I see Chooch, LOLOLOLOL.

In keeping up with the theme of “if it looks even mildly cool, we’re doing,” I bought us tickets to this…clown show? at the Glitterbox. Ever since we went there for that film screening, I have been pressed to go back. It is just such a cool vibe, exactly what has been missing from my life all these years. This clown show ad popped up on their Insta and I was like, “Ooh, I love clowns. And he’s from Philly! We’re going.”

I did absolutely NO RESEARCH into this after that.

OMG and as soon as we got there (ofc we were FIRST), we passed a tall guy in the parking lot who said, “I think you can just go in, the door should be open,” and Henry was like, “I THINK THAT WAS THE CLOWN” because unlike me, he actually clicked and dicked around the Internet in an attempt to understand what dark corners he was accompanying me to.

As soon as we went inside and had our tickets scanned, I immediately grabbed two seats in the front row. We were the FIRST PEOPLE IN THERE so I don’t know why I was being so maniacal about claiming seats. It wasn’t that deep.

I love Glitterbox Theater so much, have I mentioned that? The same guy who was there filling in for the concession stand person was scanning tickets at the door and I was happy to see him because he reminds me of Kurt Travis a little bit and has such a nice, chill aura. He gave me a free sticker this time! I’m hoping that by the 3rd or 4th visit, we’ll start to become recognizable to the GBT peeps and maybe Henry can even volunteer to work the concession stand, doling out Pirate Booty and cans of Athletic.

Pre-show view from our front row seats LOL. Henry was like WHY DID YOU PICK SEATS IN THE FRONT THIS IS GOING TO BE BAD. I said, “Oh god, I hope there isn’t going to be audience participation” and he was like THIS IS A CLOWN SHOW YOU KNOW THERE WILL BE.

Henry even knew where the plastic cups were located behind the concession stand—see? He could totally work there. It would probably end up being all Faygo and Arizona for sale though.

OK, I have learned so much about this blossoming scene since Tuesday so while I was like, “Who is this and what is this that they’re doing?” in the moment, I can now tell you that the opening act was Sara Cantner who I now know is really big in the local fringe comedy scene (I also just learned about this too! I had been calling it avant garde up until now but I guess “fringe” is the word) so to have her do an impromptu 5 minute crowd warmer was pretty cool, it turns out! She came out, barefoot in jean shorts and a black tank top, guns blazing in the form of comedic interpretive dance. While she was really funny, there were two women behind us HOWLING and egging her on. Honestly, they were being so over-the-top that they were actually making me laugh even harder. It was very infectious like parasitic produce!

I later learned that Sara is an instructor at the Glitterbox’s clown classes, has toured the country with her own one-person shows, and is also an instructor at the Arcade Comedy Club in Pgh. Her bio also says “award-winning” but I’m not sure what award she has won although I can tell you it was deserved! She gave Molly Shannon vibes.

THEN IT TURNED OUT THAT AT LEAST ONE OF THE WOMEN BEHIND US IS ALSO A CLOWN. We eventually realized as the night went on that pretty much everyone in attendance was a clown, a clown-in-training, or related to a clown. And then there was us, the outliers! Just like at the Sandy Loaf film screening, LOL! We are slowly infiltrating one underground scene at a time, you guys. Henry had no idea this is how he’d be living out his Empty Nest Years yet here we are!

Next, we had local clown O’Ryan the O’Mazing. Out of all three performers that night, he is the most “traditional” clown and according to his website, he does do a lot of performances for children. However! His skit this night was a little more adult-themed, starting off with snorting lines of confetti out of his palm with a noise maker. It was really funny!

The fingers!

Anyway, he was very funny and my face was starting to hurt from laughing. Meanwhile, there was a lady next to Henry who has RBF through the whole thing, I was so confused!

During the intermission, the headlining clown, Mitchell, began readying the stage for his performance, which involved him setting up a prop table RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

OK…I truly don’t even know where to begin with this one but I am obsessed. At first, of course, I was like GIANT WTF. He came out from behind the curtains wearing, I don’t even know, just layers of clothing with a babushka type thing on his head, yelling in a very theatrical 1920s actress drawl and somewhere along the way it was revealed to us that he was an octopus and he was trying to get to Hollywood, and honestly I HAVE NO IDEA and had whiplash from the chaos splayed out before me, but it was A GOOD TIME.

Then there was an entire “horse doctor” segment and the pregnant lady’s wife got picked to be the doctor and then three other volunteers had to get up there and neigh, trot, and gallop. It was so FUCKING STUPID but incredibly hilarious and I was in tears.

Then there was this bizarre and hysterical Little Red Riding Hood skit with the line “better for slurping and derping and sucking and fucking” and the woman he picked from the audience to play the role of the grandma who had that line said, “Oh, you’re KIDDING me” in an exasperated “anyone but me” tone.

One of the clowns-in-training had to hold a pool noodle and pretend that it was the boom but was told firmly “not to be weird with it” and Mitchell’s mom got to be the camera person. THEN HENRY WAS HANDED A SPRAY BOTTLE OF WATER and was instructed to “make sure they get wet and I mean SOPPING wet.”

Oh, my stomach hurt so bad from laughing. Literally the whole night was pure chaos and I was so there for it.

I don’t have any pictures of this but actually my favorite part was when he came out from behind the curtain with a piece of cardboard held in front of his face. It had two holes cut out – one was a small square and another was a larger rectangle – and the way he was able to drag out a skit with no words and just peering out from the holes in this piece of cardboard was commemorable, honestly. It was SO FUNNY – he had someone (actually it was O’Ryan the O’mazing, now back in street clothes as an audience member) feeding him an apple? a lemon? through one of the holes and I was dying.

YOU HAD TO BE THERE.

I am NOT afraid of clowns by any stretch of the imagination but there was something about the vibe and theme of the night that was very nightmare fueling. In a good way, though. I felt uncomfortable and nervous at moments, but it was also so fucking ridiculous and hilarious. I really can’t explain it and trust me, I have tried to tell people about it since this night and they are always like “????”

We both had such a fantastic time and, having been thrown face first into the raging waters of clowncore, have already bought tickets for the next clown night at Glitterbox later this month!

But real quick, some more stuff about Mitchell Ryan: he’s from Philly and I have learned that there is a thriving clown scene there. He was telling us after the show to look up the Philly Clown Slams where a bunch of local Philly clowns and some visiting guest clowns as well get together and just perform these incredibly fringe, off-the-wall skits. Of course I told Chooch that he should go to one and he did not respond. I think he is so confused every time Henry and I go out and do something because it’s like we’re regressing rather than sitting at home watching our shows and getting old. (I mean, we also do that, too, don’t worry.)

Also, Philly was designated the “national center for clowns.” This is amazing. I am learning so much. Like, clowns don’t even have to dress like Bozo in order to be a clown. My friend Bill commented on my IG post and said that he too has noticed that the idea of “clowning” has really morphed into this cool and alternative (I think he also used the term sexy!) thing and it is TRUE. Mitchell’s set was definitely racy and a huge departure from your typical “twisting up balloon animals at Becky’s birthday party” that we tend to think of at the mention of clowns (or, you know, John Wayne Gacy).

When we were last with Shawn and Jess at the Greek food festival, I was lamenting over the fact that while I have a lot of interests, I have never really found my “group of people,” you know? Like, yes, I have my scenes (kpop, post-hardcore, horror) but the community/group aspect is not there. I don’t go to shows and make friends. I love horror and have gone to some horror events and have never felt like I belonged. Things like that.

But now I’m wondering – DID I JUST FIND MY PEOPLE?? I mean, I’m not saying I’m going to be signing up for clown classes anytime soon or ever, but I feel like I want to be friends with these people and I want to go out and make a conscious effort to support them. (Also, I suggested that Henry and I secretly train to become clowns and surprise Chooch with a public appearance when he’s home for the holidays but Henry frowned at that idea, and then when I was on the Glitterbox website and bluffed that I signed him up to volunteer for “any performances” he freaked out and yelled, “YOU DID NOT.”)

:)

I got an early start to my downtown solo day on Friday because Penelope woke me up during her witching hour and I never went back to bed. So I was basically killing time all morning before leaving at the reasonable hour of 8:15AM. It was basically like leaving for work but without the stress. And let me tell you, I would have been PISSED if I really was going downtown for work because it was already in the high 80s with humidity you could choke on. Honestly, it was choking a bitch out and I was that bitch.

Ugh, that brought back traumatic memories of walking into the office looking like a fucking swamp monster, face slick with a layer of oily sweat.

Now I was just walking into cafes looking at that, like a fucking greasy rat.

But…at least I got to cool off a bit on the T which was blessedly nearly empty thanks to most office people having the day off.

Anyway, I was excited to be on my own with my Charmera and a book. I usually just stay home when I have the day off and Henry has to work, so I’m glad that I committed to this plan because it turned out to be a pretty memorable day (BUT HOT AF).

Some Liberty Avenue snaps. Anthrocon was starting so downtown was actually pretty lively with furries arriving in droves. Most of them were no fursuited up though, and just had their lanyards on. But I did catch a handful of tails and ears! This is one of the things I miss most about not working from the office anymore. We used to get so collectively stoked for the furries. Most of the businesses down there do too, which is just so heartwarming—Pittsburgh can be so inclusive and welcoming when it wants to be.

And….segue to the killer killer killer graffiti lol. I appreciate that it looks like someone was practicing their cursive.

The fire station in the Strip has been putting out this sign for as long as I can remember. It’s so Pittsburgh.

This bar isn’t open anymore. It’s really crazy how much things in the Strip have changed since I used to work downtown. I walked down there quite often and now there are giant empty lots where buildings have been torn down and I can’t even remember what used to be there.

I do think it’s an actual crime that there is no music venue in this area anymore. (Well, the City Winery I guess but I mean a legit local venue like Metropol, Rosebud and Altar Bar. So weird to me.

Anyway! My first stop was Novaria. It’s a Syrian cafe and I was excited to get something, anything, iced. In fact, just skip the cup and dump that ice right down my shirt, please.

I got the “back home latte” which had date paste and cardamom. It was really good but the best part was the little chat I had with the barista whose name I later learned was Russell when some tech bro with a booming voice was jawing his ear off and bellowed, “Don’t take this the wrong way but you look like a Russell. Historically—” and then he went off some tangent about famous Russells but I couldn’t hear the rest because the two fucking obnoxious “we’re the main characters here” Gen Y ballet bun bitches started cackling over whatever basic conversation they were having.

All of this is to say that this place–or at least, the timing–was not conducive to getting any reading done. Especially not once Tech Bro sat at the table in front of me and then immediately proceeded to take a Very Important Business Call.

But back to Russell! We had a nice chat about physical media because he asked me what else I was planning to do on my “My House Has No A/C So I Don’t Want To Sit There All Day on My Day Off” adventure and I mentioned the possibility of browsing the records at Eide’s. He said he and his roommates just started a CD collection, and that he bought his boyfriend Miss Congeniality on VHS which I thought was cute. (Not the movie, but the gesture, I hate Sandra Bullock a lot.)

I told him about Chooch starting a DVD collection and my mom unhauling several boxes of them on him, and how these younger generations are really fighting back against digital media which I think is really admirable honestly. Also unexpected because these young kids seem, in general, so detached and incapable of caring about preserving ownership.

But yeah, speaking of! I went to Eide’s after that. They don’t have the greatest selection of vinyl but I was at the mercy of my own two feet and had to pretty much stick with the area the trolley dumped me off in. (I don’t do buses.)

I used to come here A LOT when I worked downtown and the same guy who was always on the vinyl floor then was there on this day too. It’s so wild to me because I definitely used to go there way more than Henry, but Henry is the one who is occasionally saying, “Hey it’s the guy from Eide’s” when we’re out and about. I felt like he just said this recently too but I couldn’t remember at the time.

So, he was there talking to someone who seemed like he was a regular customer, about Trump’s slush fund. I mean, they were like SCREAMING about it in disgust and while typically angry men would make me tense up, I instead felt like, “OK, this is a safe space.” Anytime I overhear strangers ranting about Trump, it’s like, “Good, these are my people. Let me have a go, too.”

Then their convo segued into one of them talking about their older female cat not eating that much and going from being chubby to skinny, and it was so bizarre because it could have been me saying those exact words about Penelope.

These were all the things I overheard while browsing the new vinyl section.

The one guy ended up leaving so the guy working there started watching MSNBC videos and again, I felt safe.

Eventually, I took my three picks up to the counter.

“Gunship!!! Great pick. You have excellent taste,” he said, obviously happy about this. “You know who else you might like, and I think we have it here—-” he started to say as he flipped to the next record in the stack I handed him. “Yep, you know!” he said, smiling and shaking his head as he held up The Midnight’s new record.

You guys!!! We had the lengthiest conversation about synth wave and he said he was at the Midnight show AND THAT IS WHERE HENRY SAID HE THOUGHT HE SAW HIM! He just kept shaking his head in surprise every time I knew of a band he was referencing and I felt so seen. When I say no one gives a shit about the music I like, I truly mean that. So to have this record store man validating me, I actually wish I had a video of it to rewatch every night before bed.

The conversation naturally segued into him talking about how he is normally into industrial and how his record label puts out these really compilations to benefit cancer research. He pointed to a display on the counter that showed the logo and said I could go to the website to learn more and I did a double take.

“That actually looks really familiar, like I was just on this website—-you’re not selling tickets to The Black Queen show, are you?” I asked, squinted at the display.

“Yes! I booked that show!” he exclaimed. I told him I bought tickets and he high-fived me! So then we talked about The Black Queen and I was like THIS IS THE BEST DAY I HAVE HAD IN A LONG TIME! Just the whole social connection aspect of it. Working from home—well, you know. I’m starved for these kinds of real life interactions. I hate “chatting” on Teams. I want to TALK for real. And not about work!! I feel like people ask me how my weekend was, etc and I just give vague wrap-ups because I know no one is genuinely going to give a shit about how we went to see Dance Gavin Dance and ran into our Sugarspell Scoops friend or how Henry was standing next to Danny Lohner during one of the opening bands for the The Black Queen. (Literally tried to excitedly tell someone and they were like “Sorry, I don’t know how that is.” Ugh. I am LONELY, lol.)

Anyway, we formally introduced ourselves —his name is Jim, I can stop calling him the Eide’s guy now!— and he even showed me some formatting issues he’s dealing with on his website and, I don’t know! It was just a really moment in my little “Erin Spreads Her Wings and Flies” day. I am so glad I decided to go out by myself. When I am by myself, I can small talk like I’m 1998 Erin again. I can’t explain it.

I left Eide’s with my new records in a paper bag which I had to tuck under my arm because it didn’t have a handle and it soaked up my sweat REAL QUICK. It was disgusting. The air was disgusting. I was disgusting. But I still one more stop on my list so I navigated through the hordes of furries (things were really start to rev up down there!) and made my way to Market Square. But first, I waved to my work. Hi, law firm!

The Boredom Set was my last stop. It was definitely not there when I used to work downtown – we had very little options back then outside of Starbucks. We used to have Crazy Mocha which was a local chain and I LOVED THAT PLACE but it got ran into the ground. That’s neither here nor there!

I was DOUBLY SWEATY by the time I made it here, as the temps were definitely well into the 90s at this point, so me and my Krispy Creme complexion crashed through the entrance of this…very un-Burgh-like cafe. The interior was cute at a glance but then I quickly began to scrutinize the furniture positioning and the fact that there is a huge goldenrod curtain that runs down the middle of the space—what are they hiding back there. I don’t know, it was an oddly designed space and that made me uncomfortable not to mention the barista had NO PERSONALITY and high-key made me feel like I was a nuisance for giving her work to do.

“Just so you know there is oat milk and whole milk in this,” she monotoned in the style of THAT GENERATION after I ordered the banana milk matcha latte, no eye contact, yes annoyance. I just said yes, because I know, banana milk is milk.

I was obsessing over her rudeness for a good portion of the day, and clearly into the next day.

It was good but that’s probably because of the banana milk, who knows if the matcha itself was any good, but judging by their Instagram, they seem SUPER INTO BEING COFFEE SHOP PROS so I’m going to assume it was OK even though I didn’t clock what matcha they use there.

I sat next to a table of four furries. They weren’t in full-fur but one of them did have his head on the table.

One of the tables was RIGHT in front of the door to t he restroom which seemed incredibly awkward. Please read an article on Feng shui and fix this, I don’t know, the whole seating arrangement just felt so off to me.

BUT! Other than that, it was somehow quite comfortable vibe-wise. I was actually able to read some chapters AND journal AND send Chooch pictures of my vinyl haul in between eavesdropping on the barista talking to some older man about friend drama she was going through, which softened me to her because a lot of what she was saying was HASHTAG RELATABLE GIRL, I FELT THAT.

I was looking at their Instagram today because I do want to go back (they have another location in a clothes shop in Shadyside so maybe that one…) and try just their drip coffee since they seem to really do a lot of flexing on how INTO THE SCIENCE OF COFFEE they are. Anyway, in my Insta travels, I found the barista who is engaged to the owner, so that tracks. It’s not like she’s going to get fired.

It was around noon by this point and Henry was leaving work, so I walked around the area a little bit to get some more pictures before catching the T back home.

Half-furry.

As mentioned, downtown businesses REALLY lean into Anthrocon and I have always loved that. Unlike the stupid draft, they probably do benefit from this crowd! I mean, furries gotta eat.

And then I was pretty much down for the count for the rest of the day. Exhausted. My body felt like melted rubber. I was COOKED.

Next time I do this, hopefully it won’t be during a heatwave, lol.

Saturday was a whirlwind. I stupidly scheduled an appointment at Quest in Mt. Lebanon because Nourish was paying for me to get updated panels. (Side note: if you’re interested in getting your diet and nutrition in check but need a real person to talk to in order to hold yourself accountable, I highly recommend looking into the Nourish app. Most insurance will fully cover it—mine does, surprisingly–and you can choose a real dietician to schedule check-in calls with. I love mine—Amanda—with my whole heart and I think it’s incredible that Nourish pays for labwork.)

Anyway! I had originally planned on just walking there but then it was raining so Henry drove me. I ended up getting a guy phlebotomist and he was nice enough (saw my Bambi and Marcy tattoos and commented that I was the second “cat arm” he had in a row so that was nice small talk but literally nothing helps me in these situations because I hate hate hate getting blood drawn so much) but he put the rubber band thing on so fucking tight and it ended up being one of the most painful (and longest!!!) blood draws of my life, yet he left NO BRUISE and I barely bled afterward?! I was so fucking confused. I was expecting my arm crook to be FUCKED after that. You couldn’t even see where the needle ruthlessly penetrated me, though!

Of course, I didn’t know this at first because I kept the cotton ball and tape on it for as long as it lasted.

I guess the dude could tell that I was wrecked because he asked if I needed to sit for a while and I said no because I just wanted to go home and eat breakfast so bad. It’s hilarious because I had been fasting and 1. I never eat at night; 2. I don’t usually eat breakfast until 9am-9:30am and it wasn’t even 9am yet, so I don’t know why I was acting like I had just emerged from a fortnight in the desert. But you know me, should have gone into theater they always said.

As soon as I got in the car, Henry attempted to start it and IT WOULDN’T TURN ON. We never have issues with the car so it was super unexpected. And of course, it happened a day after we started actively talking about trading it in (for another Kona, though! We love our Kona and just want a new one because we put MILES on our cute little Jinki.). While Henry was messing with AAA, I said I was just going to walk home, and slid out of the car.

I was walking with a drunken gait, gauze on my arm (the tape was now half un-stuck and flapping in the breeze), looking like a regular local druggie. So of course I would have THREE small-talk moments with other pedestrians. One guy was SUPER chatty, the living embodiment of a bitch with pep in their step, and crossed the street with me, matching my stride, yapping about the weather while I was swaying from blood loss.

“I didn’t realize it was going to rain so much!” he said, and I mumbled something moderately comprehendible about “it’s supposed to be like this all day.”

“Oh no, I hope not! We’re going to downtown tonight!” Cool. Bye.

Then I passed another guy who had just stood up from tying his shoe. We made eye contact so I slurred, “Good morning” and he said, “Good morning, babe!” And then we performed a mutual horrified doubletake as he realized what he said. It was actually really funny, the way it just slipped out like that and I didn’t mind because it’s been a minute since I was called babe by someone that wasn’t Henry being sarcastic.

I made it to our block and then passed one of my Brookline walker friends while I was on the phone with Henry and of course he was like WHO WAS THAT when he heard me say hi to someone. God, calm down, master. Anyway, it turned out it was the battery so that was a fun way to hemorrhage $250 first thing in the morning. Speaking of hemorrhaging, my perimenopause periods have been so demonic lately that I had bled through an ULTRA tampon (thankfully I was wearing black jeans!!!) and didn’t realize it until I had been sitting on the bed while changing clothes and stood up to see THAT I BLED ALL OVER THE BARE MATTRESS because Henry had JUST stripped the bed that morning. I lost my mind and started sobbing and called Henry to tell him and he was like, “It’s OK, I’ll take care of it!” and he came home and cleaned up my Carrie’s prom scene recreation and not that I needed a reason to be reminded that he is amazing, but come on. He literally cleaned up my blood while I sat on the couch, eating my toast and crying.

Talk about a morning of bloodletting. If it hadn’t been for that pesky daylight, I’d have been a beacon for neighborhood vampires.

I guess this is my payback because I had always had super regular and normal periods and now it’s a Greek tragedy.

Speaking of Greek! Later that afternoon, we met Jess and Shawn in Oakmont for some Greek church’s food festival! Luckily, I did not bleed out while there.

But first, I had to take this picture to send to Chooch because Henry was really excited to show off the new shirt he bought himself that is actually nice and not just some oversized T-shirt in a hue that falls somewhere between dirt and puke on the color wheel.

I was excited to take my new Charmera with me! This is part of the Millenium collection. The first thing I did when I saw Jess and Shawn was shove it in their faces and yell LOOK I GOT A NEW ONE I HAVE TWO NOW!

Greek church bathroom selfie!

Post-bloodletting.

And then the Charmera version! Selfies are challenging to take with this tiny babe of a camera.

Mini photoshoot while waiting for Shawn and Jess, lol.

Once Jess and Shawn arrived, we immediately began procuring food. I was so excited! I haven’t had Greek food in a minute and I was READY. Mostly for the baklava and other honey-laden sweet treats.

This was part of Jess and Shawn’s meat haul.

Henry and I got dolmas, spanakopita and a REALLY DELICIOUS rice pudding to share. I was in heaven.

Henry and Shawn both got this deluxe assortment of Greek cookies and baked goods, and Henry and I also had a baklava sundae (made with Glen’s frozen custard!) to share. It was so satisfying.

We occupied this table for so long that we probably toed the line of squatting. But we always have so much to talk about! Jess suggested that we find an amusement park to road trip to and I almost lost my mind in excitement! Ever since Laura moved out west, I haven’t been able to get anyone hyped to join us even just at Kennywood, so this suggestion made my whole day.

A pensive pose.

We learned that “vespers” means “prayers.” We did not join in.

We eventually parted ways around 5PM because it was POURING* so our plan of going for a walk at a neighboring park was definitely drowned out. That was a bummer, but we still had such a great time hanging out and beasting a buffet of Greek goods. I can’t wait until the next hang (which is up to me to plan this time so I gotta start researching interesting things to do around here this summer)!

*(Is it weird that I immediately thought of the guy I crossed the street and hoped that his evening downtown wasn’t ruined?)

On the way home, we stopped at Old Thunder so I could get a stamp in my idiot book. I had a 1/2 pour of some kind of Czech lager and it was nice.  I took pictures until my Kodak died (Henry rejoiced).

The bartenders were really nice and the beer was good but GOOD LORD were there a lot of children there! Like, really young, screaming brat children. I absolutely hated it. Also, watching parents drink multiple beers knowing that they’re (probably!?) going to get behind the wheel and drive home with their children in the car is just baffling and scary.

Here’s my Charmera video with the Cure playing in the background, good luck hearing it!

Aside from the car and my traumatic double-blood loss, it was a really excellent day!

Memorial Day Weekend is off to a great start! We spent most of Saturday with Shawn and Jess and it was, as expected, an awesome day! We started off at the main Troy Hill Art House – La Hütte Royal – which just reopened this month after being under refurb for the last year and a half. I was there many years ago with Corey and Kara so I was interested to see what all had changed.

They don’t allow any pictures or video, and usually I will try to be sneaky but we had the same docent as we did a few weeks ago when Henry and I toured Lighthouse Darkhouse (Zach I think is his name?) and I really like and respect this guy so I left my phone in my purse which was hung on a hook as soon as we entered the house.

There were two other people on the tour with us – a quiet couple who seemed cool – and a new docent-in-training who was so cute and cool, I loved him and his calming presence. He was wearing really cool patchwork pants which I feel is necessary to add, it’s an important detail that I must remember always.

I also had to laugh though because before we left the house, I jokingly said, “Maybe I can sneak pictures with my little Kodak!” which was hanging off my purse.

“That makes a shutter sound though, doesn’t it?” Henry pointed out. And then as we were all standing on the porch waiting for Shawn and Jess, Zach goes, “Is that a camera?!” so then he and the other docent were marveling over it as I explained that it came in a Blind Box but yes it actually works and it takes video too! Seriously, this thing is so hilariously fun to me for such a simple object.

OK, so the house was ALMOST the same but there were some new rooms, including one that used to be the private room that they used as a office (“We moved it down the street to one of the other houses,” Zach explained and I almost added, “Yeah the one that you let HENRY PEE IN.”) but now is completely covered in records – floor, walls, and ceiling – with an entire kitchen counter/sink tilted in the air with mechanical arms bowing some crazy kitchen sink-cum-string instrument. It was incredible and I whispered to Henry, “We need one of these.”

“WHERE?” he asked incredulously.

And there is a basement now which I don’t think there was previously! The upstairs was mostly the same but I feel like it might have been rearranged, I don’t know, I can’t remember. But here is the post from when I was first there with Corey and Kara maybe 10 years ago!

Troy Hill Field Trip!

I really enjoyed the experience this time because Zach is such a knowledgeable and friendly docent — you know he’s basically there to make sure people don’t get unruly, desecrate the art, steal things, get hurt, etc. — but his presence is never looming or intrusive. He’s very easy-going and I felt like asking him if he wanted to grab some coffee with us afterward but he was already on to his next tour at one of the other houses.

And the other docent is going to be great too! We had some great convos with him in the sculpture garden, talking about the Bayernhof and experimental French bands. I told him about my doorbell playing Kraftwerk and how recently two people came to my house trying to shill windows and they were VISIBLY ALARMED / NOT AMUSED by the doorbell tune and that pissed me off. Like, no I can’t buy windows from your un-fun ass because I don’t own this house but even I could, I WOULDN’T due to your obvious disdain!

Afterward, we went to the Modern Cafe for an early dinner + LOTS OF YAPPING.

Henry was so focused on taking this selfie that he forgot to smile.

I’m still getting the hang of this Kodak, OK?!

The music they were playing at Modern Cafe was god tier. Yes, Howard Jones, The Cure, Crowded House – it was just a wall of jams!

We totally overstayed our welcome there but I didn’t feel too bad because it wasn’t crowded (at one point, aside from some bar flies, we were the only people taking up a table) but it did get to the point where I could have ordered dinner part 2 – chatting makes me hungry!

I swear we could never run out of things to talk about with Jess and Shawn. And the crazy part is that I don’t feel emotionally or mentally spent afterwards like I often do after having to “be on” for any length of time out in the wild and I think it’s because…I’m not being “on,” I’m just being “me.” That’s all I ever want!

I’m so glad that we are doing a better job at hanging out more regularly! I have a bad habit of only seeing a lot of my friends just when I have parties, but then I don’t get to talk to everyone like I want to so while it’s great to “see” people, the actual connection isn’t there.

This midlife crisis has me reassessing and adjusting everything in my life, I swear! I never thought I’d be pushing 50 and over here trying to break out of comfort zones and routines ON PURPOSE. But it’s been so fun and fulfilling!

We met up with Amy and Dick yesterday at the Hazelwood Brew House. It’s a pretty cool place with three different breweries in one space so I was able to get three stamps and also hit my wall where I have decided I don’t like drinking and that OCD over these stamps is putting me down a path I don’t like. So, that’s cool.

But there were two highlights from the day that I want to talk about, aside from hanging out with Amy and Dick obviously and having a random guy take the below picture of us and completely cutting off the “Hazelwood  Brew House” sign which was the whole reason we asked a stranger to take the picture for us (AFTER HENRY WAS GOING TO PRECARIOUSLY PROP MY PHONE UP ON A RAILING!!!).

Highlight #1:

I was at the Abstract Realm bar by myself, asking the guy there about the different beers. I was still focused on making a decision so I didn’t quite hear what he said next but it sort of sounded like “Dance Gavin Dance.” I looked up at him dumbly and asked, “….huh?” and he goes, “Your shirt? That’s Dance Gavin Dance?”

BRUH. No one ever knows DGD out in the wild! (Well, at least not back when I was super into them but I have realized that they are definitely a bit more popular now since the pandemic.) We ended up having a LONG chat about post-hardcore. He has never seen DGD live and I was like, “NO, YOU GOT TO” and then told him that they’re coming to Stage AE next month and he didn’t know that! I actually JUST bought our tickets for this show on Friday, and then found out right after that it was also the 19th anniversary of Downtown Battle Mountain so it felt like kismet that that was the day I pulled the trigger and bought the tickets!

Then the Abstract Realm guy unbuttoned his shirt a little to show me that he was wearing a Circa Survive shirt (!!) so then we started chatting about Anthony Green and Sounds of Animals Fighting and the whole time I could hear myself like I was hovering up in the rafters and I realized, “Hey, she’s being herself! She’s talking in her real voice!” and then I double-realized that it was because I finally had someone to talk with about music. Fuck, it was invigorating. Especially to not be mansplained in the process.

HIGHLIGHT #2:

My Aunt Susie randomly (not so random, really – she and her husband go to breweries every weekend it seems!) came in right around the time we were getting ready to leave. It was kind of weird though because Amy has never met her and was JUST asking me if I have talked to her recently. I actually have not, it’s probably been since around my Aunt Sharon (Susie’s sister) died in 2016 aside from some Instagram likes here and there. And then – poof. Susie appears, lol.

I hoped she didn’t feel ambushed but I wanted to say hi and also give Amy the opportunity to meet her aunt. It was really nice to see her again — we used to jokingly call each other “brat” when I was growing up and spending a lot of time at my Pappap’s house and she was still living there until she got married so we were actually around each other a lot back then. My childhood BFF and I were even in her wedding!

Susie has always been super cool (and normal, which speaks volumes if you know my family) and I really hope that we get to hang out for real at some point now that we ran into each other.

I think I was overstimulated though because I was up almost all night, just laying in bed with my mind racing. I don’t know why this happens to me now–it’s like my social anxiety is mad at me for ignoring it in the moment so it rears its obsessive head right when I’m trying to fall asleep. So rude.

I’ve been following this little local theater on Instagram for a few years now and have been dying to go to something, anything, there everything they do feels so me-coded that I honestly couldn’t imagine anyone I know wanting to go to anything there with me. I know, I could go alone, but I don’t always feel secure enough for solo outings!

But then a few moths ago, I saw a post from Glitterbox about an upcoming film screening from local artist Sandy Loaf and it looked EERIE and definitely reminded me of something that Henry and I would have rented at Incredibly Strange Video back in the day. So I figured, a film screening! That’s a good way to indoctrinate myself into the Glitterbox scene, and something that I thought Henry wouldn’t be too opposed to.

When I tell you I have been LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS EVENT! I was so giddy yesterday (well, until my neighbor pissed me off and killed the vibe) that it was everything I could do just to get through work.

This was one of the poles near Glitterbox, a good sign.

Meanwhile, Chooch the Film Buff was like, “Wait, what movie are seeing??” and then, “Sandy Loaf better get on Letterboxd.”

FINALLY!!

Of course, we were too early because I misread the info and thought that the movie started at 7PM but doors opened at 7PM and it started at 8PM. The door was locked but some people were coming out so I asked if it was open yet and they were like, “Um, not sure but it’s probably fine to go in!” so we were going to but then the door locked behind them and I was like, “I AM NOT KNOCKING ON THIS DOOR” but!! That gave us a little taste of how friendly the people were going to be that night! I got good vibes immediately. This will mean nothing to anyone reading this but I texted Chooch, “Basically everyone here seems like they could have been Cheryl’s roommate at one point in their lives.”

Cheryl was Chooch’s piano teacher for many years but she taught in a very avant garde, non-traditional way, using a keyboard and punk aesthetics, having been in bands for years. She moved around A LOT and had the coolest rotating array of roommates, all very artistic, non-binary, queer, trans, awesome. I loved that while Chooch was learning a musical skill, he was also hanging out with very cool and awesome people so there was no way he was going to grow up to be anything even slightly resembling MAGA. To this day, I credit Cheryl with teaching him so much more than keyboard, whether she knew it or not!

We eventually went back, after chilling in the car to kill time, once we saw people turning the corner toward the theater. Bro! Immediately, I was obsessed. It’s a small space, and the lights were dimmed and intimate. And there was a living room set up off to the side with the big face thing from “Smoker’s Lounge”!

Even the concession stand experience was wonderful! The person manning the counter was actually the projectionist and filling in for the regular concession person and kept apologizing to us but 100% there was no need! First of all, I want to shoutout the fact that they had TWIN PEAKS playing on a tiny TV. The whole fucking vibe of this corner screamed my name. DOES MY HOUSE NEED A CONCESSION CORNER?!!?

OMG HENRY DOES IT?!!? CAN WE?

I got a SPICY Jackworth Ginger Beer. Not-the-Concession-Person raved about it and said it was their latest obsession so I was sold. Hoo boy, it really did have a KICK, and not a quick kick either, but a rapid-fire punting that lasted even after I drained the can of the last fire-spitting drop. Delectable! It’s also made right in Homestead, which is wheee Glitterbox is located! Love the local support.

I kept the can because I wanted to put the label in my journal and now that I’m looking at it in daylight, I see that HABANERO is a listed ingredient. Well, that tracks!

I also got a snack-sized pack of Goldfish! And a Glitterbox sticker!

Before the event started,  the MC for the night (Dolores) was experiencing technical difficulties getting her telephone microphone to work. The Not-Concession-Stand guy and someone else (Sandy Loaf, I think? My eyes are so bad and it was dark in that piece and I actually thought that the MC was Sandy Loaf the entire time until today when Henry was like, “I…don’t think that was her?” I’m so blind and stupid) were trying to fix the issue and this might have been Henry’s favorite part of the whole night, trying to identify the issue from his hemorrhoid-inducing seat. The envy he must have felt when the man in front of us eventually succumbed to the same desire and got up to troubleshoot the issue. I don’t think he ended up being any help though so Henry probably wrote something smug about it in his imaginary diary after we got home last night.

Before “Smoker’s Lounge,” the evening started with:

16mm Projection by Flea Market Films

• There was lengthy footage of a forest fire with someone plucking at out-of-tune guitar which added an incredible amount of dread and tension to an already panic-inducing visual account of preventable devastation and tragedy. (It started with someone tossing a lit cigarette out of their car window.)
• Some pretty hilarious vintage commercials too, including one for Kent cigarettes (it was a whole theme, you guys–not only was Sandy Loaf’s film called Smoker’s Lounge, but the entire event was billed as The Smoker’s Lounge, with Sandy Loaf hosting it as “Dolores,” a chain-smoking, Peggy Lee-loving MC from another dimension. LOVED HER.) There was also a commercial for some headache medicine and I asked Henry if he used to take it when he was a kid – you know, since he’s an elder – and he was like, “WHAT? NO! That probably had MORPHINE in it.”

EDENISTIX ‘STRANDGORE’

• OK. This is exactly what I have been…craving? Oddly? It was so fucked, so chilling, the reverb, demonic soundtrack is stuck in my head and I will be haunted for life. It reminded me of when Chooch was little and OBSESSED with making me watch “the scariest videos on YouTube” compilations, like the one with a walrus person and some fucked footage of someone eating cereal that sounds so banal but it was somehow one of the scariest things ever. That was this. I was so clenched and tensed watching it that if someone had sneaked over to me and gently placed even just their pinky on my shoulder, I’d have invented a new version of “jump scare” that involves not just jumping but SOMERSAULTING out of their skin.

SPEED DATING IN MONSTERBURGH By Olivia Cunnally

• This was such an unexpected highlight! Turns out the person who checked our tickets at the door was the filmmaker! She came up onto the stage in a mask (made by Sandy Loaf, I assume!) and acted as the host of the interactive speed dating portion of the night. You guys, I got really nervous because I legit thought this meant that the audience had to speed date with each other and I started to sweat a little, because SOCIAL ANXIETY. I felt like I was in a class with strangers and was just told we had to find a partner to work on a project together, or worse—we had to READ OUT LOUD. I a still traumatized from the time I had to read one of my essays out loud in my creative non-fiction class at Pitt, ugh, I hated it so much. But no – it was just a film a various monsters talking about themselves and what they want in a partner and then the audience had to vote by cheering for each one. The one I loved the most – Jackie – was also the audience’s favorite so that was exciting! Even Henry said he thought it was “good.”

And here’s a short video from the intermission, just to catch the vibes:

And then finally, it was time for “Smoker’s Lounge”! It is allegedly based on true unsolved cases from 1988-1990 in Pittsburgh and focuses heavily on the steel mills and the long-standing, lingering pollution they created in this area. It was haunting, disjointed, confusing, artistic, creepy, alarming…I honestly can’t explain it but again — this felt like a student film we would have rented from Incredibly Strange Video and then I would have obsessed over it for months. This is exactly like that. I loved it and it was extra special to experience it with an audience AND the filmmaker. I am obsessed with Sandy Loaf.

On the way home, I was whining to Henry about how desperately I wanted to make new friends there and he was like, “Well, you should have talked to people.” Wow, thanks, genius. Can’t wait to read your upcoming self help guide to making friends, you fucking Girl Scout.

I always feel so uncool around cool people because I’m so plain on the outside. Like what should I do, go up to people and start showing them pictures of my house, like, “This is what my house looks like and I think you would like being in it, wanna be friends?” Henry just shrugged like, “why not?” OK I’ll try this tactic next time. Then maybe I can host stuff here for Sandy Loaf!? AFTER PARTY AT THE APPLEDALES?!

The mind is reeling.

P.S. Henry and I are in this photo!

Many moons ago, I went to the OG Troy Hill Art House (La Hutte Royal) with Corey and Kara. Since that time, three additional houses were added to the mix so I added it to the list of THINGS HENRY AND I CAN DO INSTEAD OF SITTING AT HOME IN REPOSE list. The best part for Henry is that touring the art houses is free (music to his ears), you just have to schedule an appointment. We’re actually going to La Hutte Royal in two weeks with Shawn and Jess (it just reopened this month after being revamped and I’m excited to see the changes!) so I picked “Lighthouse Darkhouse” for just the two of us to explore on a random Thursday night in an effort to get out of the house.

I was so excited to log off work at 5:30! We went to Allegheny City Brewing for beer and light dinner from the La Palapa food truck. It was a really good start to the evening, especially when one of the bartenders tried to fake me out by asking, “What is that?” when I slid over my stupid beer passport and asked for a stamp. He immediately was like JK! when he saw that my face was probably contorting into “embarrassed school girl” right before his eyes BECAUSE IT DOESN’T TAKE MUCH TO MAKE ME FEEL STUPID. So  then we chatted about how many stamps I had collected so far and I told him about my faux pas that nearly put me on the SHE’S GOT A PROBLEM path when I thought I had to complete the book by the end of 2025.

“Yeah, these books don’t expire,” he said. Thanks, guy, I know this now. But that’s why I had to take an extended break from stamp-collecting!

I liked this one was called Hullaballoo because that’s been a favorite word of mine since the BATTLE OF THE NETWORK STARS days. It was OK.

This is blurry because I was trying to take pictures without looking weird, which just made me look weirder.

This place was nice – the people behind the bar were very friendly, there seemed to be some regulars sitting at the bar (one guy had his dog in his lap and that was precious), La Palapa was satisfying. It did get super crowded and loud pretty quickly after we arrived though, plus a band was setting up and they were supposed to start at 7. I really didn’t want to walk out during a band again like we did in Columbus, so I was like, “Yo, we gotta SPLIT before 7.” This just meant we still had nearly an hour to kill before our 8pm appointment in Troy Hill so Henry suggested going down the street to another brewery in my dumb passport.

Before I move on to that portion, I just wanted to mention that the last time I had La Palapa was when Chooch and I ate at their Southside location after I went to Kyklops to give my down payment on my Marcy tattoo. I always associate those two things now!

Henry and I both small pours at Late Addition –  mine was a Scottish thing and I really liked it! I think I’m figuring out that in addition to Belgian (real Belgian), I am leaning toward Irish and Scottish things. And some German. MAYBE I AM A TRADITIONALIST.

It was just us and the bartender, and one couple in a booth. Then an older woman came in, presumably a regular because she immediately started talking to the bartender like she knew him on a “you serve me beer regularly” level. The couple left, so then it was just us listening to this older broad tell the bartender the most mundane shit, like the chicken parm lasagna she made for her kids in college and how that made her the most popular mom that weekend. “This is the sauce I made,” she said, thrusting her phone in his face. I had to hand it to the guy, if he was actually disinterested, I certainly could not tell.

Oh! They were selling the Pgh Beer Week glass thingies that I had wanted to get at the time but was also too ambivalent about going out to a brewery in search of one. But the broad bought one which made me squint to get a better look and I hissed to Henry, “They have the glasses here! I’m going to pee, buy one for me.”

And when I came back, it was sitting in front of my seat – yay! I like getting things.

Then it was nearly time for our Troy Hill Art House appointment! We did have a few minutes to kill so we walked around a bit after parking in front of the house – Henry kept saying, “This can’t be it” because truly it just looks like a regular house that you’d see in a city neighborhood. We circled back around 7:55PM and Henry was like, “WHAT ARE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO?” Well looking at my appointment confirmation on my phone, I was saying that I thought when I went years ago with Corey and Kara, we just stood outside and waited for someone to come out, and just when I got to the part that said ATTENTION – DOCENT RULES: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO OPEN THE DOOR OR KNOCK and was reading it out loud, Henry went ahead and JIGGLED THE DOOR KNOB and then RANG THE DOORBELL.

“Why did you do that?” I cried.

“It didn’t say not to ring the doorbell,” Henry shrugged.

“IF IT SAID DON’T ATTEMPT TO OPEN THE DOOR OR KNOCK, YOU SHOULD ASSUME RINGING THE DOORBELL IS ALSO OFF THE TABLE!” I wheezing in embarrassment at this point. It was a Ring doorbell and rang kind of loudly – I was expecting a tinny voice to come through chastising us, but the silence was almost worse. Henry was like OH WELL and went back to sit in the car, leaving me alone to look like the culprit! Thank god Ring cameras don’t lie.

While Henry was cowering in the car, acting like he felt no shame for breaking the rules, a group of 4 college girls came barreling at me out of nowhere. It was actually alarming how they seemingly just appeared out of thin air–like, it was a super quiet street and then suddenly: the signature sounds of a group of giddy girls. BOOM. BANG. BRAY.

I stepped out of the way to let them pass and then realized that they were looking for the Lighthouse. Four different versions of “This can’t be it” all at once, surround sound.

“You’re at the right place,” I buttinsky’d. “We’re waiting too!” And there was a collective sigh of relief from their group. Then I proceeded to tell them about Henry ringing the doorbell and they were like, “OH MY GOD HEE HEE” but like, for real and not sarcastically so I loved them from this moment on.

(I’m obsessed with wanting college aged kids to think I’m cool, but like not the sorority types—the cool, grungy, mom jeans-wearing kinds. That’s what these girls were like!)

A tinny voice came out of the Ring camera letting us know that he’d be right there, and about a minute later, the docent approached us from the other end of the sidewalk. No one was in the house when Henry rang the doorbell! Thank god. I was nervous that another tour was in progress. After we signed waivers and the docent opened the door for us (and it wasn’t even the door that Henry was trying to open!!!), the first thing Henry said was, “IS THERE A BATHROOM?” Oh for god’s sake I wanted to kill him. There wasn’t a bathroom, but there is one in one of the other adjacent art houses so the docent had us go in and wait for him while he called whoever was still at that house to tell them NOT TO LOCK UP YET BECAUSE SOMEONE’S GRANDPA HAD TO COME BY AFTER THE LIGHTHOUSE TO PISS.

!!!!!!!

Goddammit, Henry.

I don’t have any pictures of the rest of the evening because the Troy Hill Art Houses really stress that no photos and videos are permitted. I definitely broke the law at La Hutte Royal because the docent wasn’t following us around BUT I only posted three of them to my blog because I feel like Kara made up a loophole that was like, “You can probably take pictures as long as they’re not being shared publicly” so I took that for scripture.

It was a quick 30 minute tour and without giving anything away (because everyone should go and experience this – IT’S FREE!), it was just so incredible to behold, legitimately. Two people came into a house that had burnt so badly in a fire that it had no structural integrity and built a freaking lighthouse in the middle of it. The docent said that lighthouse is the only thing holding the house together. And yes– you get to go inside of it, because the actual house is not really accessible. The top has an actual lighthouse bulb thingie in it, and it works. And it’s blinding.

Embarrassment aside, I was impressed that Henry was interested enough to ask the docent legit questions about the artifacts and whatever inside. I asked about a feather that was hanging from the ceiling, wondering of its significance but apparently the artists just added it for the whimsy of the shadow it produced, lol.

Very near-future me: “Hey Henry, here’s a box of a 1000 neon-dyed feathers for you to tack to the ceiling, chop chop.”

After the tour, the girls giggled their way home and the docent told us to hang tight while he locked up and I blurted out, “BY THE WAY, HE’S THE ONE THAT RANG THE DOORBELL IN CASE YOU COULD HEAR THAT EARLIER” and then I felt so CLEANSED and FREE of that burden I was carrying. The docent just laughed and waved it off. “Oh no worries! I actually have the app on my phone because I live right down the right, so I can monitor it from there,” he said, WHICH WAS BASICALLY SAYING THAT HE KNEW HENRY RANG THE DOORBELL. I wanted him to be angry about it so Henry would feel like shit but he really seemed like he didn’t care after all – UGH. If it was that guy from the Bayernhof, he’d have passive aggressively woven references to it into his script for the whole 2 hour tour.

“And here’s our REGINA CORONA 27″ AUTOMATIC CHANGER DISC MUSIC BOX, it knows not to ring the doorbell.”

Anyway, he let us PEEK IN THE DOORWAY (the one Henry tried to act like was entitled to enter when we first arrived!) to see some “behind the scenes” magic. It was a chaos-tangle of lamps and chandeliers; I don’t even know what we were looking at but I felt so privileged for that sneak peek! Then we walked around the corner to one of the other houses, where idiot Henry got to pee. In addition to being one of the art houses, it also doubles as their office space and the artists’ housing. There was the super cool art fixture in the background, a bunch of bugs in Jello molds. Even just that part of it was super cool so I’m excited for when we hit that house up in the (near) future.

In sum: the tour was splendid, the docent was informative and friendly while giving us our space to explore, and those girls were so adorable! It’s nuts to me that these artsy gems are in some random neighborhood of Pittsburgh, hidden in plain sight (they are all inside legit houses that don’t have any signs or neon lights beckoning stragglers in off the street), and they ARE FREE. It’s like stepping inside someone’s crazy altered reality for an hour and forgetting the actual crazy reality you left on the doorstep.

It was a really good Thursday night!

We were really flying by the seat of our pants with this one. When I first bought the concert tickets, I was excited because it was on a Saturday and thought, “Oh, we can turn it into a weekend trip!” but then as it got closer, I was like, “Or we can just get there early, spend the day hanging out, and then drive back after the show.” And then it was the day before and I was like, “Fuck it, let’s just leave at noon, eat dinner there, go to the show and come home.” I just hate leaving Penelope, even for a full day or overnight, ever since Drew died. It seriously is the worst and I feel so guilty, and now she’s going through this extreme picky phase with her food so I feel like I spend most of the day offering her different things, hand-feeding her treats, it’s a whole thing. (Yes, she’s being actively checked out by the vet and we have an appetite stimulant for her now too. All of her bloodwork came back fine, it’s just that she lost 2 pounds since her visit last year and as of the beginning of the year has decided that she doesn’t like dry food anymore and will only eat wet food but only certain kinds and then when she finds one she likes and we buy more, she doesn’t like it anymore. It’s been a whole thing and while she is eating, drinking water, peeing and pooping like normal, the vet put me in panic mode.)

Well, that was a lot to say that I didn’t feel very inspired to leave super early and I didn’t do my usual cafe and vegan food investigation like I normally would when we roadtrip. Sigh.

But! On a happy note, it all worked out anyway. We decided to just drive to the venue and find a place to park, because it’s street parking or GTFT (get the fuck towed) in this area. We got super lucky and found a spot RIGHT OUTSIDE of the venue. It was only 3PM, too early for dinner, but there was a place called Caca Cacao that I saw right around the corner so without consulting Yelp for any alternatives, that is where we went. And it was amazing! Good people, good vibes, good drinks. Sorry to keep using the word “good,” but that’s just how it made me feel DEEP IN MY SOUL.

We ended up just sitting at the bar after we ordered. I didn’t realize at first that there was an outside patio—it was chilly and raining off and on that day, but there was a covered portion that looked cozy so I suggested that we just take our drinks out there once we got them. But then! One of the baristas commented on my Ouija planchette bracelet which inspired a lengthy convo about divination and spirits. I felt like a fraud a little bit for wearing that in the name of fashion when I have really only used an Ouija board maybe…twice? (My friend Evonne had a spirit board though and we used that several times over the years which was always goosebump-inducing.) So, I felt obligated to tell the barista that my mom was into that stuff when she was younger, and how my grandma blamed her Ouija board usage on the fire that legit burned down the house while my grandma was in Florida.

It actually turned out to be an electrical fire caused by a record player that someone left on. No one was hurt and then the house was rebuilt into the 116 Gillcrest that was my refuge and sanctuary growing up (wow, two references to Gillcrest in back-to-back weekend recaps, it must be heavy on my subconscious).

I also told her about how ALLEGEDLY one time my mom was driving at night—this was also during her Ouija days—and said that it felt like something was yanking the steering wheel in the opposite direction and she either DID wreck or she ALMOST wrecked. I can’t remember now how the story went but I know I was scared when she told me, but not too scared that I didn’t actively try to summon Satan for a large swathe of time when I was in high school because I wanted to be taken, LOL I was such a living, breathing After School Special, it wasn’t even funny. (I was trying to think of when this would have been but it could have been anywhere between 10th and 12th grade, honestly, I was such a psychotic case study.)

Then we were talking about being from Pgh and she was telling us about her friend who is something of a famous busker there. “He wears a mushroom hat and raps,” she said, but the only person I could picture was Downtown Jesus and thank god that’s not who she was referring to. Anyway, he’s supposed to be performing at some Draft-related event happening here and then today, he came up in a video in Henry’s feed. “He’s the Guinness secord holder for longest freestyle rap,” Henry said, “50 hours!”

I got a Froot Loops matcha latte and it was delectable and also, we ended up just staying at the bar since it was such a friendly and safe space!

And thank god we stayed because when the other barista came over to get Henry’s payment, there was about 3 seconds of silence while he was struggling to tap his card, and suddenly she goes, “You have really great hair.”

To me!!

She said that TO ME!

You have no idea how annoyed and self-conscious I am about my hair in this shitty stage of life, and for someone to tell me that it’s GREAT?? I almost cried.

“Your tattoos and rings are really cool, too,” she continued. “You’re just cool in general!” she added. And then to Henry, “And you’re cool for being with her!”

I was like, “OK is there a camera somewhere? Is this real? Did my therapist set this up to give me a self-esteem boost so she can have one session with me where I’m not like, “I’m just an NPC. Wah.”

And then I felt tongue-tied because I wanted to return the compliments but everything that ran through my mind seemed like it would be weird to say, like, “I love the shape of your face!” which is what I was thinking before this even happened because she had that perfectly adorable heart-shaped face and a blunt chin-length cut that looked perfect on her. But when I say things nice things to other women, it always ends up coming off as either lowkey sexual harassment or borderline boundary-crossing because something happens to my words on their way down the chute from my brain to my mouth where it’s like, “Wait did I just sound like I was coming on to that person?”

Anyway…

Then Henry was looking at the menu again and asked her what kava is because there was a whole section for it. It turned into a whole thing, like an actual history lesson, and it was so informative and interesting! Basically, it’s a non-alcoholic liquid made from the root of some type of pepper-like plant or something that relaxes the body, and recovering alcoholics will actually drink it because it gives you the same sensation without putting actual alcohol in your body.

Then she gave us a free shot of it to try!

It tasted unlike ANYTHING I had ever tried before. Very…earthy and dirty. Muddy. Not the most pleasant thing but I was able to finish the shot without needing to dramatically spit it out or anything! And after awhile it leaves a slight numbing sensation on the tongue. Super intriguing, and there are actual drinks that they make with it there so maybe next time we visit, I will bit the bullet and try something fancy.

They also have kind of simple syrup made with a plant that I have never heard of and both baristas were trying to explain it to a man seated next to me. They finally settled on it having a slight “date” taste and then they let him try a spoonful of it and he agreed and said it was delicious so now I definitely have to go back and try a drink with that syrup too!

That place was just way too cool. And also very calming. As we were getting up to leave, I called out “goodbye!” down the bar to them, and the heart-face girl was all, “Have fun tonight, guys!” and it felt so nice, like we were regulars there instead of legit strangers passing through from Pittsburgh. I wish more places were like that. I always say that I hate small talk but I DIDN’T USED TO. I used to know someone everywhere I went back in the day, from gas stations, diners, pool halls…now the only people I “know” are the other daily walkers and joggers in Brookline who give me head nods and half-waves every time we pass each other.

What a great start to our short time in Columbus! After this, we walked to a place on High Street for a quick dinner, but I will save that for the next post because the Penguins are losing their second playoff game in a row and I am too stressed and angry to give this blog my full attention UGH.

After our afternoon getting music boxed at the Bayernhof, we reconvened at the nearby Starlite Lounge in Blawnox. Henry and I had never been there before, but Shawn and Jess were there once for dinner and said it was completely dead on that day, so they were surprised to see that this place was poppin’ off at 5pm.

Turns out, there was some local music festival going on called Punkapalooza, and the Starlite was one of the venues.

It was a super lively atmosphere, and I was THERE FOR IT. Especially when some man ran up to us as soon as we walked in and asked for our IDs. I was like, “Oh! Ok…” because that never happens anymore  (obviously).  I started to root around for my wallet and goes, “I’m just messing with yinz! I don’t even work here.”

YEP. I had a feeling I was going to love it there!

They’re apparently known for their world famous pierogies, so I was stoked to try that and also get a GRILLED CHEESE, which I have not had in way too long, now that I think about it. Maybe Henry and I need to start doing our weekend diner dates again.

Our server was this young girl with blond braids and piercings who was pleasant enough but also just the amount of “don’t piss me off” to be employed at a dive bar. She reminded me of Tara Yummy’s friend Sophia and if this means nothing to you it’s because you probably have age-appropriate interests and aren’t subscribed to a bunch of young LA vloggers on YouTuber. I waited until after we left to mention this to Henry because I didn’t feel like explaining the whole thing to Shawn and Jess – I always get so in the weeds when explaining who obscure people are that I’m talking about that half the time I end up on a completely tangent and never do circle back to the person in question. Like, spit it out, Erin. It’s not that deep and also: no one cares.

I’m a terrible storyteller.

Speaking of the server, though: Shawn ordered a Screwdriver with Titos (and also Confidence^TM ) and I guess it was just because it was 5PM at this little dive bar filling up with hippies (we were very confused when punks started dressing like hippies but Starlite was swathed in tie dye) that the idea of ordering a Screwdriver made me crack up.

The server looked up from her order pad. “Ok. I’ll have to make sure they have the stuff for that,” she said in the underwhelmed tone of a certain generation.

“I wanted to get a Screwdriver in honor of Chuck,” Shawn mumbled, like he felt an explanation was in order. I thought that was a great idea but Henry and I had already ordered beer. :/

When she came back with the rest of our drinks, she relayed to Shawn that THEY DIDN’T HAVE ORANGE JUICE AND SOMEONE HAD TO GO OUT TO GET IT. Shawn very quickly tried to recall his order but it was too late, some poor go-fer was already sent on Shawn’s screwdriver side quest.

Obviously we all felt bad about this but I couldn’t stop laughing because this is usually the shit that happens to me, accidentally ordering things that put me in the hot seat.

Meanwhile, I made Henry order the Polish platter so he could share the pierogi and haluski with me.

“You can have the sausage, though,” I said diplomatically.

“Wow, thanks,” he muttered, because I guess this is one of the few annoying things I do – tell him what he’s going to order so that it can benefit me.

About a half hour later, Shawn stopped our server and very nervously asked, “I hate to bother you, but….screwdriver?”

“She hasn’t come back yet,” she said, and we were like BITING OUR FISTS IN SECONDHAND ANGUISH OVER THIS.

And then Henry, King of Local Grocery Stores, started running through his mental Rolodex of nearby stores where this person likely could have gone, unable to understand why this OJ acquisition was taking so long.

But then – Screwdriver! Shawn was basically to the point where he was going to present his back to the server for some flagellation.

After his first sip, we asked him if it was worth it and he said he didn’t know because he had never had one before! OH, I WAS HOWLING.

Meanwhile, our food was so good! An older woman was in charge of checking the Punkapalooza goers at the door helped serve our food and Shawn asked, “Are you the one who got the orange juice?”

SHE WAS.

He was several seconds away from throwing himself at her feet, I think, totally groveling, but she was just laughing about it and said it was no big deal. But it was to us! It didn’t even happen to me but I will always think fondly of the Starlite now because of this. What nice people!

Um, and the pierogi? FUCK ME IN THE MOUTH, HOT BOIS. I think it might actually have been the best pierogi I’ve had in this city. Just a classic potato pierogi but it was absolute perfection. Moist on the inside and chewy on the outside with just the right amount of crisp around the edge. Yes. Oh yes.

And the haluski!! Also some of the best I’ve ever had. I’d love to be able to compare it to the haluski that I bought probably 20 years ago from a lady and her young daughter going door-to-door but I WOULDN’T KNOW BECAUSE THEY NEVER CAME BACK WITH IT. One of the many times I’ve been scammed.

Coleslaw – bangin’.

Grilled cheese – they forgot my tomato but it was otherwise very classic and satisfying. I know it seems like grilled cheese is an easy order but you’d be surprised (or maybe not) at how many bad g’cheeses I’ve had.

Shawn ended up getting a second Screwdriver because he felt like he had to at that point. Meanwhile, we ended up totally overstaying our welcome (no one made us feel pressured to leave though!) and chilled in that booth for HOURS after our plates were cleared. It was 9PM by the time we finally called it a night and it honestly felt like old times – hanging out in a dive bar with good friends and talking until I started to lose my voice. Yes, more of this please!!!

We really were perplexed at how different the punk scene had become these days. Like, why did everyone look like Dead Heads, you know? So I finally decided to google “punkapalooza” and realized that it was actually spelled “pUNKapalooza” – not sure what the significance of the capital letters is, but it’s billed as Blawnox’s annual JAM BAND FESTIVAL.

THAT MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE.

If you were coming to visit Pittsburgh and asked me for an itinerary, you bet your soggy-ass bottom dollar that I’m rec’ing the Bayernhof Music Museum and also probably inviting myself along. I have been there three times over the years, with different people each time, but never Henry! Can you even believe that? He’s always happily sat these jaunts out, but now that we’re in our “cultural” season of life, I have been big-nagging him to go.

I was texting with my buddy Shawn the other day about how we need to schedule a hang-out soon and he said, “Hey, what about that music box museum you mentioned a while back?”

DONE. SCHEDULED. ON THE BOOKS.

I woke up Saturday morning so stoked!

Our tour was led by Lisa, who recently swapped roles with the old guide because he wanted to spend more time with his grandkids. I was actually going to ask her if he was still there and thank god I didn’t because I would have 100% referred to him as “Dick,” which is what Andrea kept calling him the first time I ever toured the place (YOU HAD TO BE THERE) but his name is actually Jim. That was all the way back in 2011, and then I went again a year later with Corey and Kristy. The last time I visited was with Kara and Chooch in 2018!

All of those times were in the winter so it was nice to see a beautiful springtime view from this window finally! Because this is my 4th visit, this will be more of a photo dump and less informational. You can click on those links up there for a deep dive but I will warn you that my first two visits were chaotic and giddy for no good reason so…enjoy that shit.

A brief overview though: The Bayernhof was built in the 70s/80s by the man in that painting up there, one Charles B. Brown III. He was a local businessman and eccentric who knew exactly what he wanted, eschewed the proper housebuilding channels and architects and basically went DIY. The kind of DIY one might be able to achieve with lots of $$$$$ though. As Lisa would tell us in that sitting room, it was built by three old men, two kids, and a blue station wagon.

One of the “old men” was Dave, a banker who gave him a $60,000 loan. They became friends and after Charles died in 1999, Dave and Charles’s longtime secretary / assistant spent the next 5 years getting the Bayernhof up and running as a museum, which was Charles’s dying wish. (Lisa referred to Charles as “Chuck” through the tour so we will do that too!)

One of the quirkiest things about the Bayernhof isn’t the music box collection itself, but the fact that Chuck purchased them from a museum that was closing in Florida. No, he had no interest in them prior to this but when he found out that they were going to be trashed, he said he couldn’t stand to know that good all-American products were going into the dumpster (never mind that they were mostly made in Europe!) so he bought them all, as-is, and put them in his house. Shawn asked if he ever got to. hear any of them in action while he was alive and Lisa said she wasn’t sure that he did – it was until his death that Dave & Co. started to get them refurbished so that they would have a reason to turn the house into a museum.

I was going to insert an aside here about my antique wheelchair collection but then got nervous about jinxing myself!

SQUIRREL.

You know, I can’t remember if this came up on any other tour I was on but Lisa said that one of Chuck’s quirks was that when he hosted dinner parties, which he often did!, he would ask what everyone wanted to drink and then would serve everyone a screwdriver no matter what, because that was his standard drink of choice at his parties.

My favorite part was when Lisa asked the room if anyone knew the name of the RCA dog and Henry very confidently said, “VICTOR” but he was WRONG. I forget what the answer was now because I was too busy sneering at Henry for being wrong in front of a group of 12. (Speaking of our group – everyone was very pleasant! No know-it-alls or anything, great questions were asked, and there was one elderly lady who I really loved – she was outspoken in the way old people are, talked about old-timey things,  and I really liked her.)

The organ thing that Lisa is standing by is one that was used in theaters back when movies were silent. In addition to playing a score, it was also used to make “train approaching” sounds, “baby crying,” etc. Shawn asked if they ever host silent movie nights there. Lisa paused and said, “No, but that is actually a great idea. Write it down on the suggestion card at the end, because they won’t listen to me if I suggest it.”

LOL. Relatable, Lisa.

(Did I mention that she was an amazing guide? Super knowledgeable, a great story-teller, and very friendly!)

Oh, there’s my old lady friend to the left! And that’s Shawn and Jess admiring whatever music thing is playing. It had violins in it and sounded feral. Lisa did warn us that it sounded like that sometimes. She reminded us that the house wasn’t built to be a museum and so the humidity levels can be a nightmare when trying to maintain the quality of the pianos, organs, etc. They have humidity measurers in every room so they know when they need to keep doors open, run humidifiers, etc. Because of this, not every music box runs smoothly all of the time.

It reminded me of our house. We have all of these DIY art things everywhere and the humidity warps plexiglass, accordions paper…this ain’t a museum, bruh.

I kept whipping my head around to see if Shawn, Jess, and Henry were having a good time. I was obsessed with them loving it there. I kept whispering, “Gillcrest vibes, right??” to Henry and he was actually whole-heartedly agreeing with me so it was felt like a bonding afternoon.

(Gillcrest is what I call my Grandparent’s house, RIP to both of them and the house.)

After the song on this organ thing finished, Lisa asked if anyone knew what it was and I practically dislocated my shoulder shooting my arm up to the ceiling and shouting, “BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY!”

I was right, so I hissed “yessssss” and pumped my fist like a fucking loser. Henry was so proud.

This harp one was cool too. I will tell you, there were definitely things here that were new-to-me, which means I should definitely keep touring the Bayernhof with new victims because who knows what other new/old things they’ll acquire?!

I liked the stained glass AND DISCO BALL on this one!

OMG AND THEN SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENED! DAVE WAS THERE!!! He was coming down the stairs after everyone took a turn looking at the organ with the disco ball and he stopped for a few minutes to chat with us about his friendship with Chuck – IT WAS AMAZING. I was sincerely geeking out, having been there so many times and hearing stories about how he helped Chuck with so much that went into the Bayernhof.

Dave asked if any of us had been there before. I shot my hand up AGAIN (so did the two people who were there with the old lady – I think one of them must have been her adult kid and their spouse) but Dave only looked at ME and asked, “And were you good?”

I fucking froze. I could feel the heat blossoming in my cheeks, like, “WHAT DO THEY KNOW, IS MY PICTURE PRINTED OUT FROM A SECURITY CAMERA AND POSTED IN THE OFFICE??” I mean, I actually wasn’t “good,” two of the times I was there! But I cleared my throat and in a high-pitched whine I said, “I was…nice.”

But then he went on to talk about how I knew then that every time it seemed like, “Wow, this place is crazy, it can’t get any crazier than that” it absolutely will. I was like YES, HELLO GROUP, ‘TIS I, ERIN-IN-THE-KNOW.

I felt so special, I’m not going to lie. DAVE PAID ATTENTION TO ME!!!

The wallpaper in the bathroom was Gillcrest vibes for sure.

I will never forget my first time here when Jim made Andrea get a fortune from this machine and she DID NOT want to participate. OMG we don’t talk anymore (me dragging her here was probably the beginning of the end for me) but this will always be one of my most cherished memories and every time I think about it, I start laughing alone. I kept pointing these things out to Henry. “That’s where Andrea told me she fucking hated me,” and “That’s where I had to stand and face the corner because I was laughing so hard that I was in tears.”

No one should have THAT much fun in a music box museum, but I surely did. Turns out it doesn’t translate very well into a story though because when I regaled Shawn and Jess with my history here afterward, they looked confused/unamused LOL. To be fair, Henry looks that way all the time when it comes to me, so I guess I’m the problem.

Kind of like that time years ago when Janna hit her head on the train at Kennywood and the next day at work, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and laughing hysterically alone at my desk, and at one point I tried to tell the story out loud to Barb and ended up having to run and I mean FUCKING FLEE to the bathroom because I was in so much pain from wheeze-laughing that my face was drenched with tears and I was in a pants-peeing emergency.

Henry was obsessed with the tangle of legs in that painting.

Some war artifacts or something. I always lose interest in those things. This was in the observatory, which is accessible by a very steep spiral staircase in Chuck’s room. “Anyone have a guess what we’ll find at the top of the steps?” Lisa asked.

No one was saying anything so I grunted, “Ooh! A wet bar?” because that’s the running joke of the Bayernhof is that while Chuck wasn’t even much of a drinker, he had a wet bar in nearly every room. In fact, when Dave & Co. took over after his death, they quickly found out that all of the soda guns were actually still connected and in workable condition, except that they didn’t know where the lines were so they had to go around and shut them all off lest they find syrup pouring out of the ceiling one day.

“Correct!” Lisa said, and my old lady friend said, “Hey, you’ve been here before!”

True! But the amount of things I forgot was astounding. I actually didn’t know for sure if that was what was up there, it just seemed like the most likely guess!

There’s one of those humidity things!

Not gonna lie, the Gillcrest master bathroom was cooler than this one:

Henry agreed and mentioned it a few times afterward! It made me sad the next day when we were rehashing the tour and making comparisons to Gillcrest because imagine what could have been if we tried harder to save the house. We could found a gimmick and tried to get some historical designation slapped on it! It actually makes me sick to my stomach knowing that some jerk house flipper bought the house in…what, 2017? 2018? Pretty much gutted it and then just let it sit there. I think Corey said the person ran out of money. So now my mom has to drive past it everyday when she leaves her house, this shell of her childhood home. It’s honestly why I avoid even going back to that street.

It hurts.

OK quick back story! After the first time I was there, I swore that I was going to go back with a framed picture of Andrea and leave it behind because she 100% thought I wouldn’t do it. I got Corey and Kristy to accompany me for a tour (I mean, this was real – I wanted to go back for non-nefarious reasons too!) and I kept panicking in every room because I never had a good shot at setting the frame anywhere. But then we got to the CANNING ROOM and I was like, “Ahoy, could this work??” because it was a very small space and Jim never came all the way in with us. So, after he turned and walked away, I pulled the frame out of my purse, slid it across the counter, and did my patented “there’s something wrong with that lady” giddy bray. This also made my brother crack up too because we have a laughing condition when we’re together.

It was so stupid, honestly, but it still cracks me up to this day. When I texted her this picture, well, I can’t remember what she said but she probably burned haunted herbs that night and cursed me.

(I truly miss her.)

“IS THIS NEW??” I asked Lisa, and she said they only just acquired it in 2022 I think she said? So it definitely wasn’t there for my last visit. “Buy me one!” I whispered to Henry, who frowned deeply.

Anyway, this thing plays off of books.

Lisa, holding one of the OG AUDIO BOOKS. Get it?

Because it’s a book.

Used to play music.

Audiobooks!

There was also another music box in this room. Lisa asked the lone kid on the tour with us to pick a number between 1 and 24. Immediately, I thought, “20” to myself and that’s what he chose!!!

I was so excited about this.

Anyway, the song for #20 was actually terrible, almost like a dirge, and Lisa said, “Well, I’ll have to remember not to play #20 again!”  I couldn’t wait to tell my group afterward that I was thinking “20” before the kid said it.

“I know you’re not lying,” Shawn said, “because that song was so bad, why would you want to pretend like you thought of that  number??” Exactly!

The infamous “horse-shoeing” depiction LOL! I was so obsessed with that I actually made pendants out of the first picture I took of it years ago. Kristy has one!

While Jess was taking this picture of me, the docent lady (not Lisa but the other lady who trailed behind us, closing doors and turning off lights, came over and said, “That’s the horse’s hoof in between his leg,” in a tone that implied that she thought I was being very immature. Le duh!

What an absolute banger of a day! Afterward, we went to dinner but I will save that for a separate post because Little Miss I’m Not Going to Write Much Since I’m a Quadruple Bayernhof Visitor just wrote over 2500 words. Sigh.

I love Mae Martin. Like, lovelovelove Mae Martin. Ever since watching their show “Feel Good” on Netflix several years ago, I’ve been enchanted by their nervous comedic delivery and pure adorability. When I saw they were coming to Pittsburgh on their The Possum* comedy tour, I was all in. Originally, I was going to go alone, but then Henry watched “Wayward” with me and I sent him some of their late night show interviews, and he was on board too.

*(SPOILER, THERE WERE NO POSSUMS AT THE SHOW.)

I thought I lost this jacket!

Having Chooch home this week has been so great – for us, anyway, LOL. It’s been pretty annoying for him, like when I made him take pictures of Henry and me before we left.

LOL, what faces.

Then, to further Chooch’s annoyance, we made him drive us downtown to the Byham Theater so that we wouldn’t have to either take the T or pay exorbitant parking prices. This was actually almost as funny as the Mae Martin show because Chooch was SO PISSED IMMEDIATELY when I put on NCT127 at high volumes and then Henry was nagging him for driving too fast through the church parking lot across from our house, and then!! Henry was digging around the backseat of the car (we make him sit in the back when Chooch is driving, LOL) for his hat and Chooch was like, “Oh well, I’m not going back” but then Henry was like, “NO, I THINK I HAD IT ON THE ROOF OF THE CAR!!!!” and then I realized it was his Canada hat, so I said, “Oh, you HAVE to turn around then!”

So, Chooch grudgingly looped around Brookline and went back to the parking lot.

“THERE IT IS!” I screamed, while Chooch was breaking his fingers in his intensity to get NCT127’s “Sticker” off the radio.

You can hear a clip of my unhinged cackling in the background, but it actually went on for so much longer – that irate flourish with which he snatched his lost hat SENT ME.

“Anything else you’d like to report missing?” Chooch said drolly after peeling out of the parking lot before Henry even had the car door shut.

“YOU,” Henry spat.

This of course made me lose it all over again and after another full minute, Chooch side-eyed me and said, “OK, it wasn’t that funny, you can stop now.”

AND THAT JUST MADE ME LAUGH LOUDER as I reached over to crank the volume on NCT’s 2 Baddies (another of Chooch’s most hated songs).

It was only about a 10 minute drive to downtown, with Henry and Chooch bickering the entire way over directions. Oh, I was wheezing. I missed this so much.

I’m surprised Chooch actually let the car come to a complete stop before booting us out at a curb.

I realized that I hadn’t been to the Byham since pre-Covid when my pal Michelle and her daughter were in town and invited me to the TROCKADERO BALLET with them!

It was such a great night, even when Henry the Doof dropped his phone under the seats in front of us (thankfully it was during intermission) and made me hold his beer while he gently tapped the shoulder of the woman in front of us to tell her he had to retrieve his phone which had landed near her purse and didn’t want her to think he was trying to rob her. She was super impressed by his politeness and commented on the gentleness of his shoulder tap, which irritated me because I hate when Henry’s inner feminist is on display and stealing my spotlight.

Sigh.

Her partner seemed equally impressed and I was like OMG WE GET IT, HENRY IS AN ALLY.

I wanted to pop into the conversation with a reminder that I have had to correct Henry’s misuse of pronouns when referencing Mae Martin all night, BUT THEN HIS BEER SPILLED ON MY LEG AND PULLED ME AWAY FROM THE SCENE.

Aside from Henry shifting uncomfortably in his seat all night, miming his discomfort and earlier diatribe of how poorly-designed theater seats are (maybe it was because people weren’t fat asses back then who ate king-sized Twix during shows, HENRY), it was a really great night. We had good balcony seats, everyone was respectful, and there were lots of laughs! Mae Martin is a treasure. Canada,  you produce the best people, I swear to god. I am fully in my Canada-era right now, I think. I mean, we came home and I forced Chooch to watch more episodes of the Nirvana the Band web series, which he said I’ve ruined for him and made it feel like homework, LOL.

The first half of Mae’s show was stand-up (I could have listened to them talk all night – they have such a nervously hilarious vibe that I am so attracted to!), then after intermission, their friend Matt came out for some improv (this was Henry’s favorite part of the night) and then Mae ended the show by performing several songs. Yes, they can act, make people laugh, do improv, sing, play guitar, AND they just taught themselves how to play harmonica after getting inspo from the Bob Dylan biopic.

I need, need, need Mae Martin and Matt Johnson to work on something together. PLEASE. My two favorite Canadians. <3

Anyway, it just felt really good to laugh so genuinely all night, starting with the drive down there courtesy of Chooch’s surliness and Henry’s rooftop hat mishap. This was almost one of those events that come up in my feed and I go to myself, “That could be fun” and then take no action. I’m glad that I bought tickets though! I had that niggling sensation that I would get FOMO if I didn’t. I think I was right to trust the niggle! I think I’m doing pretty good in my mission to “get out there more,” as prescribed by my therapist.

Afterward, Chooch was waiting for us in the parked car a few streets over, sitting there reading a book (The Martian) like a real dad. He went to the bookstore and visited his friend at work and then grudgingly came back (in time!) to retrieve us. What a sweetheart.

My God-tier Pittsburgh brewery posted on their IG story a few weeks ago about an event they were hosting with Self-Reliant Seitan (a woman-owned purveyor of vegan deli meats). Basically, a small bites pairing with small pours of Lolev beers. I immediately showed Henry and said, “We’re going.” Not a question. Not seeking permission. Tickets purchased straight away.

So, that’s where we were this past Thursday and it was the best time. (Ignore Henry’s blank face here; he was probably still mad because my new thing when he tries to sass me is to say, “Calm down, Pam Bondi.” I was going to say ‘if the shoe fits’ but hers are probably custom-made for her devil hooves.)

The spread! Do you know how hard it was to sit with this in front of me, waiting for the first pour to arrive? It was extremely hard for me but apparently the lady next to us had even less will power because she devoured the whole plate before it even started. But my resistance paid off because it was really fun and interesting to taste how complementary each beer was with the bite it was paired with. I guess this is how all of the normal people felt all those years ago at the Bigelow Grille vegetarian dinner with East End Brewery beers while I was dramatically gagging and acting like my palate was being dissolved by acid.

LOOK HOW FAR BABY HAS COME.

Aside from Henry and me, there were 7 other people there, so it was a nice, small group and allowed us ample time to talk to Emily of Self-Reliant Seitan, and the host, Amani who I recognized from the other times we’ve gone to Lolev and it was so nice chatting with her! Not to brag but I feel like she came over to our table more than the others AND she gave us two extra pours at the end of the night; I felt like teacher’s pet!

And Emily was very sweet and informative – the seitan really sells itself once you taste it, but she me even more inspired to buy some before we left. She doesn’t have a brick-and-mortar store yet but sells at various farmers markets and pop-ups so I told her that we will for sure be seeking her out while Chooch is home for spring break because I know he would also love this and I would like to send him back to Philly with some food anyway so why not super delicious locally-made seitan by a woman-and-queer-owned business?! Love to support ventures like this.

LOL. He mumbled “thanks” when he glanced over and saw that I’m including this picture. Cry about it, P-Bondi.

OK, now let’s get into the beer and bites! I am going to tell you right now that I can’t choose a favorite bite – I was obsessed with all of them. But there was a clear winner with the beer.

First up, we had Edo – a Japanese rice lager, paired with a chicken cordon bleu bite. Bro, I could have done with a chicken cordon bleu plate-sized serving, but am grateful for the bite. It was freaking delicious – I asked the resident meat-eater here and he said that taste-wise, he could barely tell it wasn’t real, except for the texture. For me, having not eaten meat since 1996, I was actually nervous that I was eating real meat.

(Henry just said, “Obviously I liked her products, or I wouldn’t have bought any!” This is true – he was pretty gung-ho to buy some that night!)

Also, Henry was laughing because we got there early so we each got a half-pour to nurse while waiting and I was like, “UGH what if I ending up getting one of the 4 that are going to be served later?” and of course the beer I chose was literally the first one on the list for the night, lol. Good thing I liked it!

Kara and Chris ended up not being able to make it, so I zoomed in on their plates, sitting sadly on a counter. :( We missed them!

Next, Kamo II and a sausage & mustard cream pastry. I swapped out one of my halves for one on Henry’s plate that was bigger LOL. You know when you’re left wanting more, it’s freaking good. Henry said this one definitely tasted real to him.

THIS WAS MY FAVORITE BEER! Zeus, a sweet IPA thing. I liked every beer that night (because, Lolev) but this one seriously sent me. It’s what I want in an IPA. And this salami and cheese cracker thing made me want to have a get-together in the worst way because I’d love to wait for my friends to start chewing and then scream IT’S ALL VEGAN, BITCHES!

I’m a light-weight.

OK this was the show-stopper. The ultimate pairing – a wrapped stuffed date and Demeter, a maple bourbon-y barely wine that had me feeling like I could breathe fire. Strong AF and not something I could drink on its own on a normal day, but it legitimately was perfecto with this wrapped date. Such a smart duo!

Henry has referenced this wrapped date bite numerous times since then so I think it’s safe to say we know who he’s thinking about as I write this on this Valentine’s Day, lol.

Of course, we had to take a picture to send to Chooch who was like, “wow you’re so cool” lol.

Amani told us that she’s organizing a local Mexican chocolate and beer pairing next month so I will be on the lookout for that one too!

Also! When I was in the bathroom, there was a CALL TO ACTION poster in the stall because Iroh, the MATCHA LAGER, is no longer in production and there was a QR code to scan to help bring it back. I didn’t have my phone in there with me, so when I came back to the table, I asked Amani about it and she said she was the one who made that poster because she’s adamant about getting the brewers to bring it back! When we were there in October, the bartender said that it was seasonal and usually comes back around St. Patrick’s Day since it’s green, so I was really anticipating that happening this year since that beer seriously had me considering changing my name to Iroh, startin an Iroh cult, writing an Iroh manifesto. I was obsessed. Anyway, I will actually cry if it doesn’t come back, but Amani said she thinks she’s making progress and that hopefully it will be back in action for the chocolate event. PRAY FOR US, EVERYONE.

What a nice evening! Of course, I was just drunk enough to trauma-dump on Henry the whole way home but he’s used to it. I have a few drinks and start ranting about my family. Who doesn’t!?

Everything sucks but carving out time to do things like this is worth it. Otherwise, we’d have been sitting at home, fuming over Pam Bondi, the Epstein Files, ICE, and that fucking piece of rotten shit jackhammering our country to hell. Sorry, it’s just always heavy on my mind.

Anyway – if you live in or near Pittsburgh:

• go to Lolev and knock back a Zeus
• buy Self-Reliant Seitan, make a sandwich, and eat it while reading my blog lol

My friend Kristy invited me to this cool Black History Month Beer Release at Burghers last night and I think an Erin from another time would have found a reason to flake because it was one day notice and on a work night and honestly what goes on up there in my head, the mental gymnastics I perform sometimes to make stupid excuses to not do things.

But I haven’t seen Kristy in years and our last plans were legitimately postponed because it was the day after I had that stomach bug  two weeks ago and I genuinely still felt like shit plus, was I contagious?? Maybe! And also, I had to do a presentation yesterday at work for a semi-large group of people and I knew that having something to look forward to later (that involved alcohol, which I would definitely be wanting) would help me get through it. I’m just no good with these types of things (don’t worry – I had therapy an hour afterward and my therapist was prepared to talk me off a ledge lol).

God, it was so nice to sit with an old friend and drink a beer that I ACTUALLY REALLY ENJOYED! It was a Black IPA called Roots & Resilience, and it was dedicated to all the impactful Black Pittsburghers. I also got to meet Kristy’s friend Marcus who is the first Black licensed brewer in the city!

Kristy writes for Pittsburgh Magazine and asked me some questions about my road to beer-liking for an article she’s writing, and that was so exciting for me! It also made me realize that the narcissistic Leo in me could do a presentation at work with NO WORRIES OR STRESS at all if the subject matter was ME. How pathetic am I.

Anyway, we talked about EVERYTHING bugging us and hoo boy, was it cathartic while also still being really fun. It has always been easy to talk to her, no walls, and it didn’t feel like it had been 10 years (??!!) since we last saw each other. I have to be better.

I came home feeling so happy and like a giant weight was lifted – I guess I didn’t realize how much I really needed deep, soul-baring conversation and I hope it helped her too.

P.S. she made me this adorable little Jeeter from Kennywood holding a beer!

P.P.S. the second beer I had last night was an Italian thing that Kristy recommended and it was totally refreshing. I think now that I have been here twice, I’m putting Burghers in my top 3 local brewery!

P.P.P.S. we were talking about the first time we met in person and it’s worth sharing on here again because it was so random and sums up our friendship perfectly, LOL.

How to Die in the Event of a Rape

Not much happened over the weekend other than acquiring the elusive beer can, us just trying to survive this gross heat wave with no A/C, and cowering in fear at the thought of WWIII thanks to that motherfucker who is unilaterally in control of America, and, in his pea-brain, the world.

However! We did meet Todd and Brittany for lunch at Novo Asian Food Hall and that was a definite highlight of the weekend! Obviously, I have known Todd for 10+ years now but this was only the second time I have hung out with Brittany and both times felt like the complete opposite of a first time meeting! We have so much to talk about! Even Henry sort of piped up here and there, lol.

I was sad though because the place I had my heart set on – Lolo – looks like it’s closed forever. So I settled on a veggie chicken sandwich from Kungfu Chicken and made Henry also order a side of FRIED MILK which I then forced upon Todd and Brittany, lol. I thought it was delicious! The general consensus from the rest of the table was that it was fine, but I was lowkey obsessed with it. I loved how jiggly the inside was! It definitely had the texture of tofu which I refrained from saying until I finally managed to get Todd and Brittany  to try it because I know that tofu has a reputation of being off-putting for some people but really, it’s just so misunderstood.

But still…..

Don’t Ask Me About Tofu

Our beloved Sumi’s Cakery also has a stall here now, and ended up closing their flagship bakery in Squirrel Hill because of it. This is actually dreadful because the bakery was so much better – more authentic, more real Korean flavors, just all-around MORE. They had some food-food on the menu too so Henry ordered rose tteokbokki and proceeded to sit at our table for over 30 minutes (he had food from Kungfu Chicken as well, so don’t cry for him like Sally Struthers) before the pager finally buzzed and he was given a refund because no one knew that they were out of tteok.

On the way out though, we did grab some bbang to go, and a slice of ube cake, and everything was delectable as usual but it just didn’t hit the way it did when it came from the actual bakery in Squirrel Hill :(

But regardless!! It was a terrific afternoon and we sat around for a LONG time after we had finished eating because there was so much to chat about. For instance, Brittany mentioned that she took Latin in college and I was like YO I TOOK LATIN IN HIGH SCHOOL and then we talked about languages and how it’s good to be forced out of your comfort zone when traveling in foreign countries where you don’t know the language. It made me think about a time recently where someone said in convo that they really think English is going to be the universal language soon and they were excited about this concept but I was NOT. Brittany agreed with me that it would be awful and part of what makes the world so great is that there ARE so many languages. I am super passionate about this topic to the point where I often regret not going to college for real and majoring in linguistics or something. (Oh, I know – it’s not too late except that I am tired and am already back in debt putting Chooch through college, let’s not add more tuition to that lol.)

Anyway, I feel like this happens every several years but I went down memory lane HARD re: Latin class. It was my worst class yet the one that has stuck with me the most into adulthood I swear to god. I was so bad at Latin but I loved being in that class at the same time.

I feel like a Latin Memories post is long past due.

Penelope, splooting on a Saturday night.

Other than that, the rest of the weekend was quiet. Henry spent most of Sunday running a new electrical line or something, I wasn’t paying attention, from the basement to Chooch’s room so that a window A/C unit can be turned on without blowing a fuse. Oh, the joys of renting an old piece of shit house! And in between that task, he took breaks to work on the crucifix drawer pulls for our dresser. I spent all day doom-scrolling and panicking and then I tried to distract myself by looking for quirky diners to stop at on our July roadtrip but all that did was make me panic even harder because who knows what will be going on in the world then and I’m over here watching a YouTube video about an Iowa diner that inspired “Roseanne”???

Ugh.

SHOULD I SAY IT AGAIN, LOUDER FOR THE MAGA IN THE BACK??

UGHFUCKYOURPRESIDENT.