Jun 192022
 

Ever since I started thinking of Father’s Day gift ideas last month, I knew with absolute certainty that I wanted to do something with THE HENRY DOPPELGANGER, see also Mii Henry.

(I have referred back to THE PICTURE numerous times since it was captured last September, so you probably are like, “OK Erin we get it” but in case you are lost, please refer HERE.)

I considered getting a shirt made that had his head and the Mii head multiplied all over it but I also know that he would NEVER wear it. So, a gag gift-turned-rag, basically.

But then I remembered that I had seen an Instagram ad last year for this thing called Paint Gem, which is basically like a paint-by-number thingie but you use gems. I remembered that they offered custom portraits because I had considered getting one of Robert Smith for my beloved Cure wall but then got distracted and forget about it.

What a perfect gift, I thought! I texted Chooch and he was like, “IDK” when I asked him if he would help me do it. Love that response. Well, I was doing it regardless of Chooch’s participation. So I made my little photoshopped image, replacing the background with a rainbow splash, and placed the order. This was in mid-May.

What I didn’t know, and what the website didn’t disclaim, was that it was being shipped from China. I should have known this since I am a sucker for IG ads and I would say that 75% of what I purchase via Instagram comes from China. Which is fine, whatever, but it would have been nice to have some transparency. Because in most of the other cases, I know this going into it so my expectations of a quick shipping are low.

Then I started to Google the company and there are threads all over the internet about how it’s a scam, so even better.

BUT! I did get the product. And to be fair, it did have tracking too but if you have ever ordered anything from China, you know how frustrating the tracking can be. So, the product arrived on Monday and I was panicking because that gave me less than a week to complete it and hello, I had no idea it was going to be THIS LARGE:

Please excuse the mess: this is my old desk in the bedroom where I used to sit when I was a fake painter. It’s pretty much the only place in the house where I could work on this in privacy, and then throw a t-shirt over it in the interim. Basically, I had to be upfront with Henry and say, “DO NOT LIFT THAT T-SHIRT ON MY DESK” and basically I had to just trust that the honor system would work. Luckily, Henry isn’t a snoop and actually respects things of this nature so he never peeked.

This photo doesn’t even show all of the baggies of gems that came with this damn kit!

I’m about to send off a strongly worded email to the company too because their little Instagram videos are false. This isn’t relaxing. It’s frustrating!! They give you this pen-like tool which you dip into a plastic macaron-shaped container filled with super frustrating wax that only sometimes adheres to the pen, and then you use the tip of the pen to pick up one gem at a time to stick down on its designated spot on the adhesive-coated canvas.

But the video shows that you can attach a thing to the other end of the tool which allows you to pick up a line of multiple gems so you can theoretically apply five+ gems in a row. THIS IS A FALSEHOOD. That tool attachment does not work. Chooch, who came onto the scene four days in on Friday afternoon only because school is out now and he was “bored” while I was working (my actual job, not gemming), was like, “They lied. This attachment is a lemon.” Plus, even if it DID work, you would have to use the TWEEZERS they supplied to turn each gem over so they’re all facing the same way before trying to pick them up in a row.

Good fucking luck.

I love that I thought of this gift idea as a way to troll Henry but the whole thing ended up trolling ME instead.

One good thing is that this thing was very easy to transport – once the gems are pressed down, they don’t fall off – so I was able to bring it downstairs to work on it during downtime at my real job. I’d set out little blocks of like 5 minutes here and there, shake some gems into the tray, and power through.

The one good thing was that I was able to get through a few audiobooks!

I really thought that this was going to end up being a late gift; I mean, even by Friday night we were only about halfway done. But then I stayed up late, and Chooch took over after I went to bed, and we took shifts on Saturday too. I was up until 2AM on Saturday, giving myself a hunchback and forgetting to hydrate, and then Chooch stayed up even later after that. So by today, I was like WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO THIS.

It also helped that some of my friends knew about this and would ask for gemming updates, so that kept me motivated too. The downside was that it was sooooo frustrating and physically painful that I was starting to take it out on Henry.

I mean, this isn’t news to anyone, lol.

Today, around 1:30PM, I did like 87 eyeball scans of the damn thing and realized, “HOLY SHIT. WE DID IT, THERE IS ONLY ONE GEM LEFT” so I ran to get Chooch who was adamant about getting to put in the last gem, which was annoying since he left me do this all on my own from Monday – Thursday. But I’m a GOOD MOM at moments, so the maternal side of me took over and left him do it. Ugh. It was gem code “4” in case you were wondering. One of the billion shades of pink/peach/flesh gems that came with the kit.

And this is it! We made Henry leave the house so I would run it down to the dining room table and cover it with a dish towel. Then we called him back and he was actually SO SCARED to unveil it. All he knew was that we doing something that involved him and he was terrified all week, I’m sure.

It cracks me up that this stranger is just innocently living his life somewhere, maybe NY which is where we saw him, completely unaware that some creeps in Pittsburgh spent the week gemming his face. Glenn, after telling me that there is probably therapy or counseling I could get after I told him about this big PROJECT, wondered if Bizarro Henry in NY has a BIzarro Erin who tortures him…

I WONDER.

Anyway, Henry was actually impressed! He kept running his fingers over it and asking all these questions like we actually spelunked into a mine to dig for real gems and didn’t just order baggies of gem-shaped plastic from China.

“We were going to also frame it for you,” I said, “but this has all been too much so you can do that part yourself.”

“That’s fine,” he sighed, sobering at the reminder that my kindness only lasts so long. And then I spent the rest of the day crying about how bad my back hurts, etc etc because of ALL THE WORK I PUT INTO HIS PRESENT.

Happy Father’s Day to Henry, though, for real, the only guy I would give myself a hunchback over by spending 278293 hours gemming my life away. I love doing these things for him because he is a top-notch dad and really endures so much that we throw at him! I’m excited for him to frame this and hang in on the wall. I already know exactly where it’s going.

[PAINT GEM REVIEW: Would I recommend? I think so but only if you’re prepared to sink into the unknown abyss of China tracking numbers. I think that if you’re ordering something that has no deadline, and you’re able to work on it only when it’s convenient/you’re bored/it’s a rainy day, etc, then sure. This is a great project. Their tools could use a bit of tweaking but I do overall really love the final product. In fact, I was super impressed with how cool it turned out! This custom kit cost about $50 with free shipping. I think it does make an amazing and unique gift but please please please order well in advance so you’re not burning the midnight oil, flinging gems into the air because you accidentally pressed down into the GEM TRAY too hard. 

Another thing: I wish I had known from the get-go that they supply you with WAY MORE gems than you actually need; I wouldn’t have been on my hands and knees, frantically groping around for dropped gems using an iPhone searchlight. Once we realized that we had more than enough of every color of gem, it became a free-for-all for Chooch and he was basically just spilling them all over at his leisure.]

Feb 092022
 

You guys, it is in the low 50s today and partially sunny. All the shit-snow is melting and I was actually able to go for a lunch time walk without the threat of breaking my tailbone on an icy sidewalk.

To put it frankly:

I FEEL REBORN.

(Fun fact: when I was little, I was obsessed with saying “adult” things, like “to be frank,” and “I’ll sue you.”)

I mean, I’m still sitting here at my work desk shivering but yeah, I feel great. I even put real clothes on today like I actually had somewhere to go other than downstairs to my dining room-cum-office.

In an effort to keep up the good mood, I will now share some other things giving me life.

Like my Olive Young haul that came yesterday:

It’s amazing how fast shipping from Korea is. I only just ordered this stuff last Thursday! And shipping was FREE. God bless Korea, honestly.

Gotta have that big tiger energy for 2022.

Innisfree is one of my favorite Korean skincare brands in case you were thinking about getting into that K-beauty way of life. Their products use responsibly-sourced natural ingredients from Jeju Island (which I will one day visit) (maybe!) (GOD WILLING)!

Um, I’m interrupting today’s scheduled broadcast to tell you that Henry was standing here losing his mind because he found out I bought Chooch some mechanical pencils last night at CVS and starting ranting about “DON’T BUY PENCILS AT CVS! TELL HIM TO TELL ME IF HE NEEDS PENCILS!” and I calmly said, “He told me he didn’t want you to buy him pencils because you buy him cheap ones” and  that set him off even more. “I BOUGHT HIM A PACK OF TWO PENCILS THAT COST $9! HOW IS THAT CHEAP!? AND WHY DOES HE NEED PENCILS ANYWAY? I  JUST BOUGHT HIM PENCILS! I BOUGHT HIM REALLY GOOD ONES TOO AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT FUCKER DID HE GAVE THEM AWAY! DON’T HIM ANY PENCILS!!” And then he angrily opened the desk cabinet and gestured furiously at a box of approx. 50 #2 pencils and yelled “HE NEEDS PENCILS? TELL HIM TO USE THESE!!”

Wow. SUPER SORE subject. Reminder to BRING UP PENCILS around Henry EVERY CHANCE I GET.

In other “happy” news, look at my little chubby walnut bandit!

The other day, Henry showed me a DHL delivery update he received that said the package was undeliverable due to ANIMAL INTERFERENCE. Immediately, I had visions of a line of Buddys on the porch, guarding their nuts and flashing their teeth. Lol.

Here’s the monkey sweater I mentioned recently that I ordered from ModCloth! My track record with ModCloth is like, 50/50, but this sweater actually fits me properly and doesn’t give me insane body image breakdowns. Sometimes their sizing is bonkers, or things will be cut oddly, etc. I bought a really beautifull (beautiful has one “l” there, Erin) jacket from there two years ago and was so depressed when it arrived and the armpits were like halfway down my ribcage.

At least theire return process is easy, I guess.

But yes, this monkey sweater is a keeper! Also, don’t mind the dusty steps behind me. It’s because they haven’t been cleaned off yet since Henry FINALLY finished the iridescent cloud ceiling!

Here’s an action shot of Henry finally plugging all my Cure wall stuff back in – that corner has been so sad the last several weeks! Henry and his BOO HOO shoulder.

Here it is IRL:

It’s my official CALM DOWN ZONE. Bring your own pillow to scream into.

I posted it on IG and I’m sure a lot of people were like “MMMM better in yo’ house than my house, sweaty” – it’s definitely not everyone’s interior aesthetic and I can promise you IT AIN’T HENRY’S EITHER. (I dated a guy that said “a’neither” instead of “either” or “neither” and I would always be like, “That is not a word” and he would cry.)

OK BYEEEEEEE, SAID THE STY IN THE EYEEEEEEEE. (Shout out to a co-worker for mentioning a sty today in an email and giving me immediate phantom sty pains.)

Jan 192022
 

Why can’t we just have a normal house? – Drew, 1/15/21

Hello from the other side of yet another stupid house DIY project. For the last year, I have wanted to do some kind of wild lighting on the ceiling above the staircase. Originally, I wanted to do a cloud ceiling but then it got super popular on TikTok, so…pass.

Then I was going to try and go the “galaxy illumination” route with one of the thousand of celestial projectors that Instagram is always shoving in my face. I actually bought one even, but it was super terrible and not at all what I wanted.

Then we went to that 27 Club cafe in Cleveland and they had a small corner area decorated for Xmas with iridescent cellophane. The operative words here are “cafe” and “Christmas” but as you know, my main aesthetic is “instagramable cafe” so this got the interior design school flunkee wheels turning in my head.

(Honestly can you imagine if I had actually become an interior designer? Like who would my clientele be, aside from every cafe in South Korea and like, Lady Gaga.

Actually, this sounds very promising.)

So I told Henry, “Ok this is my vision and it’s what we’re doing so you have no say in the matter. I said we’re doing it and we’re doing it” and the next thing I knew, he had ordered a roll of iridescent cellophane and got to work on the small ceiling space at the top of the steps.

I knew I wanted strips of LEDs under it to provide some sort of illumination, but once he held the cellophane over top of the strip, it just looked really bad.

Immediately I thought back to the OG cloud ceiling idea and wondered what it would look like if we got some of that fluff/stuffing/batting whatever the fuck it is and covered the strips with that in order to mute the lights a bit.

So Henry ran to the store right before the Big Snow Storm started on Saturday and came back with a huge bag of that shit. “They didn’t have anything smaller,” he shrugged.

And it’s a good thing actually because once he started in with the cellophane, I realized that it would actually better if we just covered the whole ceiling with the stuffing first, not just the parts where the LEDs were showing.

LOL YOU CAN SEE HENRY’S UNDEROOS.

While Henry was doing all that, I managed to find 4 tickets stubs from various Cure concerts I’ve attended over the years. Sadly, I don’t have the one from the very first time I saw them, in Canberra, Australia, and this is something that haunts me to this day but I will share it with you:

The whole band, including ROBERT SMITH, signed my ticket that day when I got to meet them before the show. When I came home and went back to work at stupid WEISS MEATS, it was SUGGESTED TO ME that I LAMINATE the ticket to PRESERVE IT.

But instead of PRESERVING IT, it fucking TURNED THE ENTIRE THING BLACK because the ticket wasn’t some plain ol’ Ticketmaster bullshit. It was actually really fancy and had fucking gold foil in it which is what made it burn, I guess, I don’t fucking know. I have a VIVID MEMORY of falling to my knees on my office floor in a very dramatic fashion (even more dramatic than two years later when Henry would call me there to tell me that I wasn’t approved to get a Nissan Altima, but we could get a SENTRA instead – ughhhhh) and cried, “Nooooooo!” And then I had the  bright idea to stick the ticket in the freezer, because maybe it just needed “to cool off.” Like it was a fucking Hypercolor t-shirt.

Spoiler alert: that did not work.

Luckily, I have photographs and actual video footage to prove that I met The Cure, which is way better than a signed ticket stub, but still. That ticket stub was so fancy.

Oh well.

I also don’t think I have a physical ticket from when I saw them at Riot Fest in 2014, either.

But it was a true feat that I was able to find these 4 stubs in basically less than an hour. I’m an organized pack rat.

I will forever appreciate (even though he probably doesn’t think I do) that Henry takes me lofty ideas and puts them into fruition. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people say, “Oh, I would love to do this or that in my house but my spouse won’t let me” and I do totally understand that if you’re sharing a space with someone, you have to do a lot of compromising so that it’s something you both feel comfortable in. The fact that Henry just rolls with it never fails to amaze me. I mean, unless this is also his secret aesthetic??

Lol.

I have the LEDs set to a slow color fade and it just really alleviates the whole little corridor area up there. And it’s also functional because prior to the LEDs on the ceiling, we had a pink lightbulb in there so it was always super dim and moody and you couldn’t really appreciate all the stuff on the wall but I also knew that going back  to a plain white light would ruin the whole vibe.

So now it’s the best of both worlds!

This is my new chill zone to sit after video meetings, where I can just ooze into the chair and stare at the wall or ceiling or floor or MY FUCKING NAVEL IF I WANT TO and just let myself decompress and calm the FUCK down. Breathe, Erin. Just goddamn breathe.

This table is still my favorite.

I think what I like most about where I live is that nearly everything in it is DIY/customized. Literally no one else in the entire world has a table like this!

THE AFOREMENTIONED PINK LIGHTBULB.

I needed filler for this one spot on the wall where the spacing was off between two pictures, so Henry made me this little enamel pin display.

Oh shit, and this damn painting! It’s actually pretty sentimental to me and here’s why:

It was August of 2005. Henry and I were visiting Christina in Cincinnati and I was excited because we were going to King’s Island for the first time ever while we were there. However! There was an eBay auction that I was heavily invested in for a Robert Smith painting. It was literally someone’s art class project, but I loved it and knew that I needed it in my collection. The problem was that was obviously pre-smartphones, so I couldn’t stay abreast of the auction while at King’s Island, and actually wrote a reminder on MY WRIST (which proves how dire this situation was because I can’t stand even lightly grazing my wrist with a feather, let alone writing on it with a pen) to leave the park at a certain time that evening so I could go back to Christina’s and use their computer to hopefully emerge victorious as the highest bidder.

Well, I obviously won! But I remember it being very stressful. And this is also memorable because during that same weekend trip, I noticed that I was suddenly averse to all things sweet and was having mad cravings for condiments. This was when I started to suspect I might be pregnant and SPOILER ALERT, I was! So I always associate this painting with that weekend, which was a very weird weekend, indeed.

Back  to the present: now that Henry has found his groove with the cellophane/stuffing combo, he has ordered more supplies so that the cloud ceiling can spread its way along the ceiling above the steps. What a fucking clowntown shitshow this house is, lol!

Nov 232021
 

Remember how last year when I picked the paint palette for the dining room, it accidentally ended up being the same colors as a classic box of Popsicles? Well, I thought it would be cute to have one section of one wall decorated with popsicle art. I bought a popsicle neon sign. I stole from Chooch’s room a popsicle illustration I bought him when he was a baby. I put on display the stick from the “Designer” popsicle Chooch ate at the Gentle Monster / Fendi pop-up we went to in Gangnam. And then I couldn’t find anything else that appealed to me!

So I thought, “HMM I WONDER IF THERE ARE PICTURES OF G-DRAGON EATING A POPSICLE.” I know  that there are pictures of him enjoying a Baskin Robbins ice cream cone because that one has previously come in handy.

LO AND BEHOLD. I found one! So then naturally I knew that I needed to stock up on Korean popsicles in order to use the wrappers as a textured, collaged background. This project kept getting moved to the back burner but last night, with Henry’s help, it was completed!

You can’t really tell from the pictures, but we printed G-Dragon out on cardstock, sprayed and coated him a ton of times to make him all glossy and sparkly because it’s what he deserves. Then Henry glued him to chipboard and cut him out so he has a very 3-dimensional feel.

Yeah boi, I’m really happy with this!

Chooch is doing some mentorship thing at the Carnegie Science Center where he’s learning how to use various computer programs and 3D printers and I desperately want him to make a popsicle-shaped light switch cover for this wall too because that green one ain’t it, Timothy.

Nov 102021
 

You guys. It’s on the wall. The Seoul subway sign. It’s actually on the fucking wall!! Aaaaand Henry has decided he doesn’t like it and is going to tweak some things but whatever – it’s like 90% done I guess?? I’m happy with it!

The lights can also be solid but I really liked how festive it looks with the multi-colored blinking lol. Our house is an actual LED nightmare. Anyway, someone commented on that and asked if it was from a kit – yeah Henry wishes! This beast took nearly 2 years to make and Henry and I argued over it a million times to the point where it’s actually a miracle that it didn’t completely ruin – or kill – us. I gave him lots of grief for it but let’s be real here – dude literally had to design this and build it from fucking ground zero with NO REFERENCES because who the fuck has ever built one of these bitches before!? No YouTube videos, no…what the fuck is that thing that sponsors all of the influencers…SKILLSHARE. Yeah, there was none of that shit. It was trial and error. And a million times already he’s said things like, “if I had to build another one, I would do it totally differently.” Lol. I mean, it was a learning experience?!

Not too much of a backstory here – just that I REALLY FUCKING FELL IN LOVE with the Seoul subway system. Like, major love. Is it weird that Chooch and I have dreams of going back and choosing random lines we haven’t been on before and just….riding it out? Like, that would be a fun itinerary for us! Just exploring all the different stations?! Yes. I want to do this.

You would never how much I love Korea if you came to my house.

OMG my favorite subway station is Jongno Sam-ga. I know you were dying to ask me this question. I mean it’s practically right up there next to “what’s your sign?”

THE SEOUL SUBWAY SIGN. Duh.

I bought myself this keychain thinking that it would inspire me to actually take my house key with me when I leave the house. Um, so far I have been taking it with me but my paranoia of the key not working in the door even though I have tested it a thousand times keeps me from locking it lol ugh.

The first time we visited South Korea, we stayed in Jongno and that particular subway station was super close to our hotel. Shit Tom, we had some grand times in that area.  Please to enjoy a post from the last time we visited:

Giddy in Jongno

The cats are honestly just like “kill us” at this point.

I’m just glad to not have a gigantic blank space on the wall anymore. You know me, gotta fill all the walls and make the house as claustrophobic as possible!

I’m also very happy that you can see this from the sidewalk as you’re walking past our house so we have definitely had several lookie-lou’ers since Monday night.  Also, Henry is the best, in case I haven’t said that yet. <3

Sep 022021
 

Why have a bitchin’ kitchen if you’re not gonna use it for photoshoot backdrops, you know? I wanted to do a fun COUPLE SHOOT with Henry since we are never going to get married and therefore will never get to have CUTE ENGAGEMENT PORTRAITS taken. Listen Linda, it’s not like I used that as leverage to get Henry to agree to pose for these.

*WHISTLES AT THE CEILING*

(I can whistle, but I can’t finger-snap!)

Henry: WHAT ARE WE DOING AGAIN?

Me: WE’RE PRETENDING TO BE EXCITED ABOUT RECORDS FROM THE 80s! GOD!

My best look, to be honest.

I took some SOLO SHOTS too because I wanted to document my other NOOWORKS shirt that I may or not ever get to wear out of the house to the office. This was my best 1980s pose. I feel like if I had a leotard on, I could blend into the background of a Jane Fonda album cover because remember when aerobic workouts came on RECORDS?? My mom had a whole bunch, and I had a Mousercize one!

(I also was a big fan of the Get In Shape Girl exercise kits made to groom young girls into weight

Also apparently this is my new SIGNATURE POSE.

Henry was like, “LET’S LINK ARMS.” This is what I call the BEST COUPLE yearbook superlative shot. Did you know that we went to the same high school? WE DID.

Except he graduated in ’83 and I (would have) graduated in ’97. LOLOLOL.

I never would have dared to sit on the floor of our old kitchen, rug or no rug.

In case you were wondering what’s behind the fabric of the coffee cart, it is a plethora of SMOOTHIE BOWL MIX-INS. I am obsessed with smoothie bowls and have one almost every day, they are so filing and nutritious! Also, this is my favorite shot because my face is covered.

We enlisted Chooch to help us with some of the pictures and he was RULL THRILLED as he can imagine. He was in the middle of whatever idiotic game he was playing and had to tell his lame e-friends, “BRB GOTTA HELP MY EMBARRASSING PARENTS ACHIEVE THE NEXT LEVEL OF CRINGE.”

WHAM vs Whitesnake. I like both!

“Yeah but seriously, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOWARD JONES SONG?”

Oh look, what a fresh new pose.

Trapper Keeper! We use it to keep coupons and pizza menus in one convenient place, because what else would you put them in if you had a 1980s-themed kitchen??

This was Henry’s “nice shirt” that he brought to Korea to wear to the DMZ, lol.

Remember when I hand-drew the pattern on that door?? Still worth it.

Until we move. Then I will be very sad.

I was so excited to take this ULTIMATE CRINGE picture but what you don’t know is that while we were “pretend making out” I was screaming at him for breathing so loud. “Can’t you just hold your breath while we’re doing this?”

“OK LET ME JUST HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL I DIE,” he said, but then he held his breath, lololol.

A VERY EXCITING RECORD. Henry played the part way better than me, and it was my own dumb idea lol.

COME. LET ME SHOW YOU ALLLLLL AROUND MY KITCHEN.

You guys. I like him a little bit. (Even though he kept taking pictures of my butt when I wasn’t paying attention.)

But not as much as I like my shirt!!

Thinking about eating grilled cheese with G-Dragon, probably.

Chooch wanted to die right about here. Also that medal hanging off the door was won BY ME IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL for taking a picture or something, I can’t remember. It was for the Cultural Arts program that my mom made me enter every year.

It was all unraveling at this point.

You know what’s HILARIOUS is that our record player actually broke last year and we still have not bought a new/old one, but at least some of these records got some use!

OK, that’s all. This wouldn’t be happening if MY SON WOULD STILL LET ME TAKE PICTURES OF HIM. But now you’re stuck looking at the mugs of me and Henry.

Jun 292021
 

There was a Pride event happening in Millvale on Saturday and when I saw that Bitchy Vegan Homo from Cleveland was doing a pop-up there, I sent Henry out on a quest for vegan baked goodness. Selfishly, I stayed home because PEOPLE. Honestly, if it was just a Pride event with no vegan stuff happening, I would have gone, but you add vegan stuff to things like this and it draws out all the vegan assholes, ISTFG. Henry was so pissed too because he even left the house well before the thing started at noon, got a good parking spot, and he said just as he was walking over to the BVH booth, some vegan biotch came power-walking out of nowhere, beat him to the booth, and loudly declared that she HAD A LOT OF STUFF TO BUY.

Oh man, I’m glad I stayed home. It sucks because I have lived a meat-free lifestyle since the 90s but have never ever ever felt like I belonged in that community, ESPECIALLY the vegan branch.

Nevertheless, Henry powered through and brought home a bounty of delicious animal-free treats.

Maybe it’s because I grew up with Rainbow Brite in my life but you cannot convince me that a cake will not taste extra-delicious if it’s rainbow-colored. I’m sorry. This cake made me feel like Starlite was taking me on a stroll through a motherfucking meadow in spring, OK

Starlite-Rainbow Brite , a little wish in the moonlight, sunbeams sparkle and shine, you&#39;ll always be a friend of mine! : 80sdesign

There’s just something about a pretty cake. I’m not saying it’s because I ate some of this cake that I ended up having a fabulous Saturday, but I’m also not saying I don’t believe in CAKE MAGIC either. (Those brownies were the unsung heroes though, holy shit, make me a retainer out of these brownies and watch me not care about flashing poop-smiles.

It’s 87 degrees in my house  you guys sorry if I’m slurring.

Later, I saw someone tag this neon rainbow sign on Instagram and got excited because it’s from Target and I declared that I needed it right then and there because I really appreciated the uneven arches and I knew exactly where I wanted to put it and Henry was like, “I GUESS WE ARE GOING TO TARGET” and so we did and I bought it and then I also went to the Vans store and bought new Vans in the shade PINK LEMONADE and I felt like I had literally showered in the sun’s summer rays that morning because everything was JUST SO PLEASANT AND GOOD. BREATHE ERIN BREATHE.

Also the girl who helped me with my shoes at the Vans store had tattooed knees and the most perfect chill disposition (a prerequisite for working at the Vans store, which means I could never work there because I CAN BE TOO UPTIGHT AND PEOPLE-HATING) and can you really ask for anything more in a retail experience?

This is what the downstairs looks like at night, I love it so much, being awash in color and mood-lighting.

Basically, it is always Pride up in here and I hope that this is a place where anyone would feel welcome and comfortable! Just….probably not on 90 degree summer days.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go back to sticking my head in the freezer.

Jun 012021
 

We rearranged the back porch a bit and now it’s even cozier – I never imagined that my old, trusty chaise lounge would have a second life back there but it’s the perfect spot for it!

The wheelchair Henry got me for Xmas is soooo awesome but it was way too obtrusive to stay in bye living room. I kept clipping my shins off of it every time I exercised. But once we moved some stuff around on the porch, it was like it was made to fit back there.

I just love this view!!!

I decided that this is going to be the official FAMILY MEETING ROOM so I called Chooch down for a FAMILY MEETING then realized I had nothing to say.

Another development is that we moved my old Pier 1 wavy shelf back there. It used to be an awful catch-all on the upstairs landing but we took it down and replaced it with the neon-lipped CURE SPOT. I knew I wanted to keep it so I decided to (have Henry) paint it and afterward I realized that I subconsciously chose colors that matched the furniture in my teenage bedroom lol I’ll never grow up.

Penelope is NOT SO SURE about this.

Anyway, I styled it with some of my favorite things and hopefully it stays steady stylin’ and doesn’t turn into an open-air hoarder’s closet like before, yikes.

This Warped Tour book I made has been hidden on another shelf for so long that I forgot it existed! So now it gets to SHINE, bitches, SHINE.

Chooch used to gnaw on this Keith Haring top when he was a baby :/

See also: Chooch’s baby teeth in a lightbulb.

I still have way too much “stuff” in this house but…at least it’s somewhat organized now I guess. I mean, if Henry would ever get his shit out of the third floor, my collections of vacation journals and clowns and cameras and framed concert posters would have an entire extra room in which to spread!

Well, on that note, I’m going to bed – BYEEEEE

May 132021
 

I remembered I bought these pjs the last time I was in KOREA DID U KNOW I WAS IN KOREA I WAS IN KOREA.

KOREA KOREA KOREA.

Look don’t think I don’t already know I’m fucking obnoxious.

But anyway. The pjs. I bought them in HONGDAE and then promptly forgot about them but then I saw a picture in my KOREA PHOTO ALBUM on Flickr which I definitely only look at once a day and thought wow those pjs would look nice in my kitchen.

Unfortunately, no one else was home today to wear them in my stead. Sorry.

Apr 282021
 

My friend Katrina sent me these rad nail wraps because they reminded her of my kitchen and while I did a not-so-bang-up job applying them (I’m always in such a rush!), I think they’re so awesome and really do serve as an homage to my favorite room in the house!

I love the fact that my nails match the kitchen. So ridiculous!

In other kitchen news, I had this roller skate rug art custom made for one of the cabinet doors because I am bothered that the doors on that side are still blank (god forbid) and I think this is a good start! I was always skating in the 80s (I mean, me and everyone else except for Henry who was roller skating in the 70s and then too busy SERVING in the SERVICE omg I wonder if he ever attended any SERVICE sanctioned skate soirees then?! I’ll ask!*) so now when I look at this, T’Pau’s “Heart & Soul” immediately starts playing in my head because that was the song I chose TWO YEARS IN A ROW for my birthday skate at VIP in South Park, which was an OUTDOOR ROLLER RINK and POOL you guys. It was so fucking fabulous.

*(Aaaand that would be a no. I called him because I’m downstairs and he’s in bed,  and he LOVES those kinds of phone calls because he knows it’s not going to be good.)

Anyway, this is such a cop out blog post but hear me out! I was going to do a recap of our zoo trip but then I spent way too much time doing SQUIRREL STUFF because Girl Buddy BROUGHT HER BABIES OVER TONIGHT which is crazy because I actually thought she was pregnant (god I’m so fucking rude) but it turns out, she must have had the babies last year because they didn’t look tiny, more like pre-teens, and Henry’s google search results told him that baby squirrels don’t leave the nest until they’re old enough to live on their own so THIS MAKES SENSE and I will update you more about that later, and then also I had to exercise, and then also my brother Corey derailed me by bringing up the time my squirrel-hating neighbor had a complete psychotic break in the driveway and threatened to shove a metal pole up another neighbor’s ass until it came out of his throat, and I recorded it from the kitchen window and then he sent me the video which he’s kept on his phone since I sent it to him in 2016 and that cracks me up, and the first thing I noticed was how TRASHED our old kitchen was which brings me back full-circle to this post. Which is to say, I love you, Kitchen. I promise to keep psychotically fussing over you and cleaning you and keeping you all glowed up with LEDs and neon lights and I will tell you every day that you are my HONEY BUNNY.

I am clearly in a great state of mind, hahaha. Ugh.

Also, tomorrow I go for my second Pfizer shot and when I tell you I’m nervous, please understand it’s mostly because I’m concerned about parking – it was a pain in the ass the last time! OK I’M GOING TO WATCH SOME ROLLER COASTER VIDEOS NOW AND MAYBE READ WHILE TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT PARKING.

Feb 282021
 

Skip this if you’re 100% over reading about my dumb kitchen.

But look, I’m excited because it’s one of the few positive things that have come out of this past pandemic year for me, if we can even consider anything positive. I’ve considered it nearly 100% done for some time now but there are always little additions here and there can be done – for instance, I just put in an order for a custom roller skate rug to put on one of the blank cabinets & I’m really excited about it but the wait time is 6-8 weeks so catch me over here acting like I’m being patient while actually screaming to Henry WHY ISNT IT HERE YET three days later.

I would like to get a small neon flamingo for the wall by the fridge (not a $$$ custom one like the ramen bowl we have, but just a cheap one from Amazon or wherever), and Henry still has to do whatever to that conair phone to make it light up. So the state of the kitchen will probably just always stay in flux at this point until we move!

BUT! From the beginning, I knew I wanted a big conversation piece to go on the pink wall above the spice rack, rather than a bunch of little things. When I think of the 80s, video arcades always come to mind. Man, my brother Ryan and I spent A LOT of time at the ones in our local mall, and our Pappap was also super into them. He had several arcade games and pinball in his basement game rooms, and even gave my family two for our basement, too. I think he was friends with someone who dealt in arcade games, and I can picture that dude very clearly (I want to say his name was…Gary?) with his big-ass brown tinted eye-glasses and 1980s bowl cut.

Sorry, I’m not one to ever pass up taking the long way down Memory Lane, obviously.

Anyway, I definitely cannot fit a real life arcade game of any sort in my kitchen (or anywhere else in this house for that matter!) except maybe one of those tiny ones that were outside of Korean convenience stores in the 80s, where you basically sat on the ground and played. But I thought maybe it would be cool to get something similar to my Mouse Attack sign, and that’s how I fell down the pinball back glass rabbit hole last summer.

I hemmed and hawed over it for quite some time though because these things aren’t cheap – even the reproductions are pricey but I felt like if I was going to invest in something like this in the name of Art, then go big or go home, right? So I found an original back glass from the Coney Island pinball game, circa 1979, and I chose this one because it has something on it for all of us:

a roller coaster for Chooch and me;

a clown for me;

a bikini-clad for Henry.

I just really felt strongly about this one, so I bought it…

…and then it sat on the back porch for like 3 months, only to eventually move to the basement where it sat in a corner for another 2 months until Henry finally felt inspired to start working on.

And by working on it, I mean that it was our initial understanding that after I bought it, he would built a frame for it so it could be hung on the wall. Simple, right? Henry is Man! Man build Things! Wood, saw, rah rah rah!

But…then upon further consideration, I added, “But also make it light up. Like, with carnival lights. So it’s like a marquee.” And then Henry died inside a little, but he did agree! It took him FOREVER to find the lights though. Eventually he found some dealer on eBay who sells lots of used carnival lights so he snagged a box of them – my brother Corey thinks this is the best part of the whole story, the fact that Henry know has a plug for carnival lights, lol.

He started working on it, like REALLY working on it, over Valentine’s Day weekend, and finally finished it Friday night.

He’s really been putting his old electrician’s apprentice skills to use these days! I kept going into the basement to check on him and I would say things like, “How do you know how to do this” and the look he would give me in response would have made my weener wilt if I had one.

He hung it up on the wall yesterday and I honestly couldn’t be happier!

He is going to make a back for it that has white lights attached so that the glass will eventually be backlit, but the lights he ordered aren’t here yet. I told him to just hang it up now anyway because it’s still pretty perfect!

If you told me a year ago that one day the kitchen would be the best room in the house, I’d assume that something tragic must have happened to all the other rooms, seriously. The old kitchen was such a factory of sadness.

My whole brand is …”AND MAKE IT LIGHT UP” so having this new light feature in the house is making my mental state super leveled-out.

My decorating aesthetic might not appeal to everyone, but I just really would rather have large, crazy pieces that might not be worth much to most people, but are OOAK and possibly even made by Henry and myself, than something that I can just buy from a store. I’m luck that Henry is so willing to help me bring these ideas to life instead of being like, “Can’t you just hang a framed Marilyn Monroe quote like everyone else?”

But the best part about this getting finished is that now Henry has time to work on the Seoul subway sign that might never ever get finished but he refuses to admit defeat, so stayed tune AND HAVE A GREAT SUNDAY!

 

Feb 092021
 

I have always had a TON of Cure memorabilia strewn about my house, so many pictures of Robert Smith hung on my walls that I used to jokingly coo, “That’s your daddy!” when Chooch was but a wee baby.

During the pandemic, I’ve had a lot of time to, you know, STARE AT THE FUCKING WALLS, and I’ve been having some fun floofing the Cure wall downstairs while also slowly adding some more stuff to the new Cure wall upstairs. In my head, my decor makes sense, you guys.

I just think this corner is so cozy. Getting a church pew really added pizzazz (do people do say pizzazz or is that we’re calling people who believe in pizzagate nowadays? Pizzazzes?). I have several more of Chooch’s school pictures that need hung but we’re eventually repainting that wall so I’ve been holding off.

I do want to reframe the Robert portrait though!

That swag lamp was one of the best spontaneous purchases I’ve ever made and even though Henry hits his head off it a lot I think he is mostly ok with it. We got it at some fly-by-night junk store in Cleveland when we were killing time before seeing, I think, Artifex Pereo.

In “upstairs Cure wall” news, I’m starting to add some stuff to the adjacent wall, like these two pictures (one is me meeting Robert! I finally put it in a frame!):

We hung them low so they’re just above-level with the table. You know so when you’re sitting there for no reason, you can look at me handing Robert flowers in Canberra, Australia.

And I have a framed, signed album that also needs to go on that wall but I’m still mulling over the position.

It’s such a fun area! I’m looking for the perfect holy water font to also hang on that wall so I can fill it with candy/mints and then when you come out of the bathroom, you’ll see it on your way back downstairs and say, “Candy? Don’t mind if I do!”

I mean, if anyone is ever able to come over again. Sigh.

It’s also been serving as an exceptional backdrop for non compos product shots!

I am a firm believer of elevating your poster-pasted teenage bedroom walls into “grown up” interior design. If you are passionate about something, let it show! I remember this one time, I think it was 2015, we had to have an ambulance called for Henry’s mom (who thankfully was fine!) and one of the paramedics was looking all around and asked, “so, who likes The Cure?” I mean, the question could have been “who here is the Satanist?” had he looked down first and seen my Devil tarot card rug lol:

I wish we had done this a long time ago. I used to HATE being in this house because it was so dumpy and we don’t own it and I was always so depressed that I couldn’t really be bothered to do anything about it. But it’s been the only…bright side? of this terrible pandemic because being stuck at home has forced us to confront all the parts of this house that needed changed in order for us to stay sane and live comfortably. This is basically if my high school bedroom was a Mogwai that got fed after midnight. One day we will own an entire house and when that happens, I think I will be able to fully realize my outsider-artist interior design dreamscape.

(I actually wanted to be an interior design for a very hot minute when I was 19-20 years old can you imagine LOLOLOL.)

Anyway, I will be back with more updates as these spaces progress, I’m sure!

(Maybe I should turn the back porch into a forest?!)

Jan 262021
 

Are you sick of seeing the dumb shit we’ve been doing around the house? Sorry, but there is NOTHING ELSE GOING ON IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. Work. Read. Exercise. Think of shit to change around the house.

That’s it. That’s my life.

Anyway, I wanted to show the new addition to the Cure sitting area that literally no one will be using anytime soon!

We had this ugly side table from Goodwill – I can’t remember why we bought it but I guess at some point I really had to have it. We originally had it painted black with a red glitter top which was never actually finished so the top got all shitty and it was impossible to clean.

Henry sanded it down and we painted it red with a pink top and I knew from the get go that I wanted the top to have lips on it to match the Robert Smith lips theme. Originally I was going to try and find some type of scrapbook paper, and then I moved on to looking for lip confetti. But then!

I found!

The most glorious!

Sequined!

Lip!

Patches!

OH BABY. These patches turned out to be exactly what I didn’t know I needed. I ordered several sets, Henry fucked everything up several times, but then eventually we got to the epoxy-pouring part. This is Henry’s least favorite DIY thing. He’s worked with epoxy before, back when we used to make pendants for my defunct art shop on Etsy. He pretty much hates epoxy. And it wasn’t his friend this time, either but he persevered (in between long nights of making serial killer Valentines – what even is our life, I have no idea).

It’s not perfect, but it’s level and works as a functioning table top, and that’s all that really matters!

The space that the table is living in is so dimly lit that you can’t even see the imperfections, anyway, but I did want to be up front about the fact that this project was not 100% perfect. Epoxy is no fucking joke. Henry suggested doing one pour to try and even out the swirls from where the plastic covering dropped on it and I screamed, “NO!” because with our luck, it will just make it worse! You literally can’t even see (or feel) the swirls unless you move the table into a brightly lit room. We always have the hall light set on pink in this area so it’s fine.

It’s the perfect table to display my copy of Charlotte Sometimes, gifted to me several years for my birthday by Sandy! (If you know the Cure, you know that they wrote their song “Charlotte Sometimes” about this book. If Chooch would have been a girl, his name was going to be Charlotte, and I was of course fighting for his middle name to be Sometimes, and I’m sure I eventually would have won that battle and 14-year-old Charlotte would probably really fucking hate me right now.)

And of course I needed a lip planter to really nature up the spot.

On the adjacent wall, there will eventually be a small shelf and at least two more The Cure pictures. I have this one screenprint from the Cure concert my brother Corey and I attended in Philly back in 2008, which still needs framed, but I think that would look really nice there too?!

I need a different rug for this space, though. I currently have my a red shag heart in my cart, but I JUST DON’T KNOW.

Jan 212021
 

* I was going to originally say “spots around my pad” but…yeah. Good thing I stopped myself in time. This could have been a very different blog post. Whew.

Anyway, we’re in the throes of Valentine factory work (mostly henry although I have been getting better at helping him with packaging) so my nights are like: read, exercise, get huffy as Henry slides shipping labels over to me.

Between that and all the happy crying fits I had yesterday during all the inauguration festivities (an emotional cleansing 4 years in the making) I have been spending entire chunks of time just staring into space and there are some very soothing areas around my house for which I am thankful!

Henry still has to finish hanging up these concert prints that were taken down while the wall was being painted, but I’m so much happier with this little landing already. We used to have a broken bookshelf here that held card-making supplies and it was so junky. Now that’s in the basement. Bye bitch.

Look at how smug Drew is! She’s like, “Look at my fancy litter box, friendos. Don’t you wish you could piss inside a fake plant too?” I mean, no, I really don’t but I just smile and nod.

I bought this Robert Smith garland last year on Etsy and then promptly lost it. But then I found it! Obviously! Oh my god, I have such wonderful words to share, don’t I? My mind-muscle isn’t petrifying AT ALL.

(Honestly though I think I need to start doing Sudoku again or something because I am losing more and more of my mind. I can barely even spell anymore! I used to be a spelling ace! Now I could probably barely beat your average MAGAt at Boggle. Between that and my back, I’d like to return my thirties* now, thanks. Chooch imitates me by saying, “Ugh, I’m Erin. I’m 41. Ow, my back.”)

*(I typed “thirsties” at first! TAKE THIS BLOG AWAY FROM ME!)

Isn’t it perfecto??

I love G-Dragon. Taemin is bae. But Robert will always be my One True King.

I LIKE HOW MY NEON SIGN REFLECTS IN THE KITCHEN WINDOW.

Also, that neon sign is the best thing I spent money on in 2020, I swear to god. Designing your own neon sign and having it made by a reputable neon company is a game changer! I get so happy every morning when I say (often 5x times before she finally stops offering me facts on neon betas), “Alexa, neon on” and then she flips on the neon sign and says, “Taemin is the best dancer” and I said, “Duh” and then before bed when I say, “Alexa, neon off” and mumble “you dumb bitch,” under my breath, she pretends like she didn’t hear that, turns off the light, and says, “G-Dragon is king” and I sigh, “He really is,” never mind I literally just said earlier in this post that Robert Smith is my true king.

You know what they say: Erin, Erin, quite contrar—–in?

Adding LEDs below the spice rack almost inspires me to cook.

ALMOST.

Valentine Frown Town lololol.

OK, exercise time, a/k/a OW MY BACK time. And then I guess Valentine assembly line time.