This song, which I have heard 100 times and while it does typically make me moderately emotional, came on the other evening and it CRIPPLED ME with the heaviest sorrow I have felt in a while. Totally punched me in the gut out of nowhere and I started sobbing while washing the dishes.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about life these last few years since Drew died and Chooch left for college and I think I have a way to explain it now, thanks to this song. I think that the years 2017-2023 were so good for me, that they could be considered the summer season of my life. Like, I peaked during those years. I got my shit together. I started having genuine fun. We started traveling more as a family and doing the whole roller coaster thing.

But then everything came to a screeching halt in 2024. Even before Drew died, really, things started to not feel right anymore. And I think that was my summer ending. I’m not saying my life is OVER now, but it’s different. It’s new terrain to navigate.

I was telling my therapist earlier this week that I have started finding joy in new things AND in old things again and even though Henry and I have been doing really fun and cool things and I have felt good about myself and life in general, I can’t help but notice that there is still that nagging void and I finally said it: I feel like all these things would be even better if Drew hadn’t died. That is the thing that is holding me back from fully enjoying things. And now I’m also living on the precipice of panic with Penelope, like I’m subconsciously counting down her days since she is an “older” cat and I’m so scared to go through this again.

Life is so fucking weird. It’s always something! And this is WITHOUT including the “outside of my personal bubble” bullshit going on in this country and the world. Sorry to get all doom and gloom and weirdly introspective, and I promise I’ll be back tomorrow with some disparaging things to say about Henry at the Armor for Sleep concert, but this was just really hitting me hard again today and I needed to think about it while typing it out. I am the type of person who needs to talk and talk and talk, no matter how cyclical, when I am upset or grieving or mad or sad. It might be annoying to those around me, but you will never catch me holding in my feelings. My therapist reminds me EVERY SESSION that I am emotionally sensitive, and she will get no pushback from me there.

And maybe this can help some future empty nester / mourner of a pet because lord knows, this was not in the parenting manual.

But god, this song, this fucking song. This was one of the encore songs they played when we saw them last spring and it broke me. In fact, when my new friend Jim from Eide’s was telling me that his mother died recently and that seeing The Midnight really helped him on an emotional level, my eyes immediately started burning with hot salty tears because RELATABLE, JIM. I will never not associate synthwave with Drew. (I still can’t listen to Kalax.)

Anyway, go listen to this song. It’s beautiful. So is the video.

Bro. When I saw that Honey Revenge was coming back to Pittsburgh this summer, I was all in. I accidentally fell HARD for them last year when they headlined a show I went to specifically for the opening band. I love when that happens. They are one of my non-Kpop regular listens — in fact, we listened to them a lot in the car last summer when we were on our dumb midwest roller coaster road trip for my birthday and Chooch was very annoyed.

Specifically, Honey Revenge was headlining the idobi Radio Summer School Tour and at first that meant nothing to me because I wasn’t familiar with any of the other bands but I loved that it was giving “Warped Tour Lite” in a way. I mean, there was even a Peta2 street teamer passing out stickers and bracelets to everyone standing outside in line. It really felt so nostalgic.

(Did you guys know that Chooch became a vegetarian after visiting a Peta2 tent at his second Warped Tour? I had no influence over that at all!)

Standing in line was actually one of the low points of the evening because not only did it start pouring—and while we were blessedly under a tent for that, we also happened to be under a tent with some very loud and angry woman who, after snapping at the Peta2 volunteer, proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes reading out loud from her phone all the terrible things about Peta and I was just like, “OH FOR THE LOVE, PLEASE SHUT UP.” I’m not super gaga over Peta either but I have been a vegetarian since 1996 and donate to the ASPCA monthly so please go away. She seemed SUPER FUN.

Another low point was the fact that this was at the Roxian. Truly do not care for this venue. The pit is SO TINY and the rest of the standing room area is obstructed by so many things, it’s just fucking annoying. And I knew that this show was probably going to get a little more spicy than my brittle old broad bones can withstand so being in the pit was not something that I was willing to risk. Plus, I knew if I went down there, the first time Henry had to leave to go to the bathroom would be the last time I’d see him until the show was over because no way was he going to bother to fight his way back to me, LOL.

We did manage to get a spot at the barricade directly behind the drink rail at least. The downside of this was two fold:

• now we were standing with Older People who love to yap during the bands;
• once the people who bought seats at the drink rail arrived, there was some minimal obstruction. It wasn’t too bad but the two bitches who were right in front of me reminded me of Christina and her idiot sister and the idiot sister one of the two was REALLY ANNOYING at times.

The people next to me ended up revolving as the night went on. The one couple bolted after the third band because that was all they cared about and I was like THANK THE LORD because the woman literally COULD NOT stop talking. She turned around constantly to say stuff to the guy, like she was on a swivel, and it was so distracting. He was super chatty too, they both were talking to anyone and everyone around who would engage. They quickly lost interest in me, lol.

But yeah, I was surprised how many couples were there together, especially older couples, considering this was a mostly female-fronted lineup (ONE band had a guy singer and it really fucked with the vibe) and very young bands in general.

Anyway, let’s get into the bands!

The great thing about Summer School is that they chose a local band from every city the tour came to, and Pittsburgh’s winning band was Carmela Donna….Band? Creatures? I still have no idea what their official name is because THEY NEVER SAID IT and also their Instagram has it listed as just Carmela Donna, Carmela Donna Band, and Carmela Donna’s Creatures. Or something.

I was skeptical at first because they came out guns blazing but it didn’t feel cohesive. But then then they really jelled and found their footing and I ended up really enjoying their set. Especially when they introduced a green beachball to the crowd and look, I have been to a hundred summer music festivals where beach balls abound, but for some reason, I was very entertained. I guess because it was such a small space and people were COMMITTED. I kept hoping it would make its way to me but the closest it came was to one of the people at the drink rail in front of me (not Christina and her idiot sister, but a normal couple to the left of them who were very unbothersome).

Carmela reminded me of Chooch’s first crush/mentor Courtney.

That means nothing to you.

But someday when I’m 76 I’ll come back and read this, smile….and ask Chooch, “Who the fuck is Courtney?”

Anyway, this is my style and I’m excited to see them again. Hopefully soon, since they’re local??

Next up was Chase Petra. OK. This band ended up being my favorite. I can’t explain it but there was something Sundays / Billy Bragg-ish about them that transported me back to a very specific time in the 1990s. And the singer, Hunter, was SO FUNNY. She picked one girl out of the crowd – Molly – and said that everyone had to dance and if we didn’t, Molly was going to have to die, sadly. Afterward, she spared Molly but told her that the people in the back did not care about her so if she had to come back here, to just “watch out.” SHE WAS JUST SO CHARMING! And she had fish on her tights!

Oh also? She was very FREE PALESTINE AND FUCK TRUMP and we are HERE FOR THAT. This is why I love going to these kinds of concerts! It makes me feel so safe.

This was my favorite one!!

Winona Fighter was up next (I have to say that everyone worked SO HARD to get the stage ready extremely quickly between each band so there was minimal downtime) and this was the band that Chatty Cathy next to me was there for so she suddenly got super energetic and then immediately left after their set. Byeee.

Anyway, WOW. I had listened to some of their songs in preparation of this night and I will say that nothing really stuck out. This is TRULY one of those bands that you HAVE TO SEE LIVE.

They ended up being Henry’s favorite of the night (although his final review was: Everyone was good. I liked it. I know what you’re thinking – if only I could be that succinct, right? LOL NEVER) and I can’t argue with him there–SUPER HIGH ENERGY and the singer Coco WAS SICK — never would have noticed with the way she riotgrrrled her fucking face off up there.

“I’m a little stressed out, just a little stressed out, is anybody else stressed out” IS ALL OF US THESE DAYS. So fucking relatable.

South Arcade from Oxford, England was next and I was really forward to them, being the only other band there that I was moderately familiar with. They are just good, fun, summer pop punk. Basically, fuck Gwen Stefani, who needs her when Harmony Cavelle exists??

HER RASP. I love it so much.

OMG the late 90s/early 00s aesthetic is killing me in the best way.

I REALLY like them.  

Games We Play was the outlier here, the only band not fronted by a woman. I was…not here for it. Of course most of the men there were like “yay” when it was their turn. I just, I don’t know, I wasn’t really into it. They were very gimmicky and sound-wise, they were fine but it wasn’t anything groundbreaking. I was actually pretty annoyed through most of their set because it was like more skit than singing. I did eventually warm up to them, and I especially appreciated the singer’s Obama shirt, but I would not go out of my way to see them again.

It’s whatever.

Oh! He did ask him someone at the barricade to tie his shoe for him and I was THANK GOD HE DIDN’T ASK ME because I totally still tie my shoes with bunny ears.

“Yeah really,” Henry said with a smirk when I screamed this into his ear that night.

Henry palate cleanser.

Plus my frizzy hair from standing in the rain.

BUT THEN HONEY REVENGE!!!

MY FAVES! The people next to me had left (the girl part of the couple was so drunk that she was resting her head in her arms across the barricade and her boyfriend/husband was PISSED when she wanted to leave—bro, take care of your girl, you fucking shithead!! THIS IS WHY I PREFER SHOWS WHERE MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE UNDER 21!!!!!!!) so I was able to move over to the left a little and not have Christina and her idiot sister in front of me anymore. Idiot sister had spent the entire night chair-dancing these very interesting seemingly choreographed dances that looked like if a referee became a wrestler and then had to do a dance off in the ring. I have no other way to explain it. But it was very strange and METHINKS a lot of it was probably TikTok moves.

Anyway, OFC there was one point when she decided to eschew the seat she paid extra for in order to stand up right in front of my face and do a more pronounced version of her TikTok compilation dance, now with feet stomping.

It was fine. It was whatever. It was one song so I allowed it. But sheesh, was she an interesting specimen.

Ugh, that time I really regretted not standing in the pit. :(

Oh! And Devin picked someone to come up and sing during one of the songs AND GUESS WHO GOT PICKED? Molly! She was really having the best night. There was also a little girl who was desperate to get picked so Devin picked both and told them to share the mic and as soon as Devin turned around, Molly snatched the mic from the kid LOL

MY FOREVER FAVORITE:

I really have no words other than I JUST REALLY ENJOY HONEY REVENGE. They’re fun, their stage presence is fantastic, they are good, inclusive people, and I just genuinely REALLY like their songs. Like, not a skippable track in the list.

And lastly here’s my little shitty collection of clips I recorded throughout the night:

I can’t wait to wear my Summer School Tour shirt the next time I see Chooch, LOLOLOLOL.

Guess what? To the shock and awe of absolutely no one, Henry caved and agreed to go see The Home Team in Columbus with me! I know what you’re thinking: “Erin go by yourself you’re a big girl” or “Erin just ask a friend.”

Well, I don’t want to drive at night because I have the eyes of an octogenarian looking through a kaleidoscope.

And…who would say yes to that, LOL.

But I kept pouting and begging and finally Henry was like, “Oh for god’s sake, fine.”

Here is why he was really horrified when I first asked, may I present to you a very professional calendar page of our concerts this September:

I know, it doesn’t look all that bad! Like, there are so many empty boxes with no obligations! But the reason Henry is proactively exhausted is because three of those are out of town, one is a three day festival, and one is a one day festival (it’s actually two days but I spared him and only bought tickets for one day, I am the most considerate!).

9/11: BIGBANG in New Jersey! (I’m the most amped for this one CLEARLY)

9/16: The Home Team in Columbus (a week night, no less!)

9/18-9/20: Riot Fest in Chicago (+ driving Thursday and Monday)

9/24: The Black Queen (in Pgh, calm down Henry!)

9/26: Four Chord (also in Pgh but it’s all day long and he’s annoyed about that)

So basically what this calendar is telling me is that I need to fill it up with more local shows, probably ones I’ll be attending alone!

Oh and at some point we have to go to Philly to help Chooch move into his new apartment.

I’m so excited for Riot Fest and also Four Chord to a lesser extent but I will tell you one thing: nothing has ever been able to fill the void left in my heart by Warped Tour. Oh I know “it still happens!” blah blah. But that is NOT Warped Tour. Not the one I used to know and love.  When we were out over the weekend, I got REALLY sentimental and choked up talking about how it just hasn’t been the same since Warped Tour as AN ACTUAL SUMMER TOURING FESTIVAL hung up the towel. I never had a bad experience at Warped Tour. We never fought at Warped Tour. It was always the best day of the year for me, 100% my Christmas in July. I would go to bed on Warped Tour Eve so fucking giddy and barely able to sleep, then wake up positively rearin’ to go.

I just know that if I went to one of these “new” Warped Tours, it would break my heart. I mean, Hoobastank was at the one this year, and that feels wrong on so many levels.

But anyway, The Home Team reminds me of the stuff I used to go so fucking apeshit over at Warped Tour. It makes me feel kind of young again and excited, GENUINELY EXCITED, for a non-Kpop concert. And I think Henry gets that, because he knows me better than anyone.

OK I have to go. because I’m genuinely crying again, thinking about Warped Tour and how special it was to me. (You know, in case some stranger just came here after thinking to themselves, “I wonder if that Oh Honestly bitch I used to hate read ever grew up” and then landed on this post, the answer is NO, SHE HAS NOT. Emotionally still 15, block me.)

Bro when I say that I feel like a brand new person straight out of an isolation chamber ever since I got BIGBANG tickets….I mean, it’s really pathetic that concert-goers need to feel this level of anxiety when a band they love (especially if it’s Kpop) announces a tour. It just shouldn’t be like this, we have enough stress on a daily basis thanks to this fucking orange rapist and his gang of degenerates putting us in the crosshairs and obliterating basic human rights, let us at the very least have a normal, non-panic-inducing experience when purchasing tickets to a concert that we deserve to attend in order to restore our sanity and give us a small moment of joy before we head back into the reality of this corrupt world.

YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING?

Here are some more little moments of joy that I have curated over the last week or so.

For the last year or so, I’ve used this photo app called Minutiae where you get a notification at a different time each day and you only have 5 seconds to open the app and snap a picture of what’s in front of you. Most of the time, I miss the notification. Most of the times when I DON’T miss it, I’m sitting at my work desk so my pictures are always of my house, depending on how fast I swivel to capture a new corner, lol. It happened when I was at DGD last week so I was really excited to have a picture that illustrated me actually having a life outside of the house.

ANYWAY!! While Chooch was home last week, I got a notification right as he walked out the front door to go see his friends. I screamed CHOOCH WAIT and took this through the screen door, lol.

Also, if you read my Waldameer post, the lady who was forcing her kid to ride Chaos WAS WEARING THIS SAME SHIRT which inspired Chooch to wear his the next day. I can’t believe he still wears it. He got it in some dorky gamer subscription box years ago, I think!?

Earlier that day, I made Chooch go for a walk around Brookline with me because I was bored. Here are some pictures I took with my Charmera, much to Chooch’s chagrin:

Lemonade we bought from two siblings on the corner of our street (I don’t know where they came from). The brother was the one we made the transaction with and there was not a lick of enthusiasm to be found on him.

It was $1 each so Chooch slid him a dollar bill and 4 quarters (we had to go back into the house to get cash when we saw the stand right at the start of our walk, and the two kids stood shoulder to shoulder, holding their lemonade sign, glowering at us like the Shining twins as we walked back down the sidewalk to get the money, it was scary).

“I don’t have change,” the kid said dourly, scooping out the lemonade with a ladle.

“Uh…that’s OK we don’t need it,” Chooch said, like BOY DO BETTER AT MATH CLASS. Sheesh.

“Do you want ice?” he asked in a monotone.

We did not.

The lemonade was actually pretty bad but we still sipped on it as we walked away. “That was an interesting serving technique,” Chooch laughed and I mean, really! It took him forever to scoop two small cups’ worth of liquid out of the pitcher.

I couldn’t believe how many people were actually PULLING OVER to support this local business. I’ll tell you why – BECAUSE THEY WERE WHITE KIDS.

The Teen Center’s lemonade was so much better (and the operation was diverse!).

This also made me think about how shocking it is in hindsight that Chooch never got into the lemonade slinging trade, but that’s probably because he was too busy diabolically banning people on the Minecraft servers he was in charge of.

The Moonlite Cafe redid its facade and it’s super cute. I have lived in Brookline since 1999 (!!!) and somehow have only eaten here twice and have no recollection of liking it or not.

Back on our block, the kids were still doing the lemonade thing. “Hi again,” the boy said to us like we were regulars.

I haven’t mentioned this much because the process has been so slow since we haven’t been home much for Henry to work on it, but we’ve reached the “accoutrements” portion of the record player buffet that we’ve (“we” lol) been refurbing. It’s exactly the same style cabinet as the one we clownified for the living room, but this one is purple and green. The doors will (hopefully) be a mosaic made from CD shards, with halved toy dinosaurs attached. The sides, which is what we’re currently working on, will be made from old cassettes and 8-tracks. (The theme here is prehistoric media, if you haven’t noticed.)

I’ve had these 8-tracks in a box in the basement for over 20 years. Freaking JOE gave them to me back when I worked at Weiss’s. I don’t even know why I took them, I did not have an 8-track player nor did I have any intention of purchasing one on eBay in order to listen to Lawrence Welk and Elvis albums. But, because Henry tends to just push things into the dark recesses of the basement, he found them a few weeks ago when he was looking for something else, and said, “Hey, can you think of anything to use those old 8-tracks for?” Well, it turns out, just using the cassettes won’t work, dimension-wise, but alternating between cassettes AND 8-tracks makes for a better fit on the sides of the cabinet!

So, here is a picture of Henry cleaning them the other night while we watched FROM.

Also, it’s super annoying because they wrote “WEISS” on a bunch of them like a mom tagging her kids’ underroos, so some of them can’t be used. (Sorry, it’s already bad enough that I have tangible evidence of this family’s existence in my house, I don’t need to see their names as well — this cabinet is already going to be haunted since we’re using these!)

Here’s the journal page from Father’s Day in Philly. Henry was not pleased with my depiction of him (mostly because I was using a picture of him as reference and he was insulted that I can’t draw him from memory, like bro calm down, I can barely draw a stick figure from memory anymore).

I fucking love my journal so much!!

All of these things have been keeping me afloat lately. Once I finally admitted that my life needed to shift, even if just the slightest, everything sort of fell into place and every day gets a little better. It’s not perfect, I still have sad days (ok, sad moments every day), I am still stressed, I’m still worried about Penelope constantly, I still have panic attacks reading the news. But these little things are my liferaft!

(+ HOLY SHIT I’M GOING TO SEE BIGBANG, BREATHE ERIN.)

I haven’t seen Dance Gavin Dance in A MINUTE. Probably not since before the pandemic, if I’m remembering correctly without looking it up on the blog because I’m too lazy. I was still keeping up with them on the periphery, enough to know that Tilian was kicked out for SA accusations, allowed back in when the accusations were allegedly disproved. I always default to siding with the accuser/victim and this one was extra weird so I thought it was kind of strange when everything was “cleared” and swept under the rug.  Anyway, then he left (whether on his own or by force, I don’t know) again in 2024.

Tilian had actually become their most stable singer, lasting longer than Jonny and Kurt’s years combined. (Probably—I’m just doing that amazing blog-journalist thing I do where I’m making sweeping speculations without bothering to research but as someone who has been a fan of DGD since 2007, this seems like it’s plausible.) I remember when Tilian replaced Jonny (after his second reign as DGD vocal king)–fans were skeptical at best. I knew Tilian from Tides of Man so I was happy about the decision and he quickly won me over. In fact, even though Downtown Battle Mountain with Jonny Craig remains my favorite DGD album, Tilian actually became my favorite frontman.

The new singer is Andrew Wells, formerly of Eidola, but he had already been in DGD for 10+ years, even the last time I saw them live, he was there as the touring guitarist. So, it makes sense that DGD would be like, “OK Andrew, you’re up” rather than going through the process of bringing in a new singer from the outside again.

I listened to some of the newer stuff with him doing vocals and actually kind of thought he SORT OF sounds similar to Tilian. It’s not a jarring change. And when I saw that they’re currently touring with a Pittsburgh stop, I felt inspired to get tickets. I mean, I have seen them with every singer up until now so I have to keep the streak going, right?

Henry in the merch line, lol

Show was at Stage AE. I haven’t been there in a long time and it felt completely foreign to me. Chooch dropped us off and door hadn’t opened yet so we had to stand in a long-ish line that had snaked around the building. People-watching was interesting—a mix of old and young fans. It kind of felt like standing in line for Warped Tour again so that felt nice, but there was also something making me feel awkward, like I was a n00b. I guess I have just been away from the scene a long time at this point.

Meanwhile, I knew the answers to questions that were being asked in two different conversations around me and had to step on my toes to keep from being a Mrs. Buttinski, Paging Mrs. Buttinski.

Anyway, the guy right behind me was SNORFLING BIGLY and I was so anguished by this, like how was this happening to me at two back-to-back events?! Luckily, once we got inside, we were nowhere near him again.

Let’s go through the rest bulletpoint-style because I’m going to get too wordy/weird/emotional and no one has time for that.

• I was standing at the railing on the main level above the pit. I’ve been to enough DGD shows to not need to do barricade or risk getting elbowed in the head
• The two women next to me were…OK. The one didn’t speak to me even once but her friend was relatively cool. It was almost the perfect spot until some broad arrived with her idiot bitch 6-year-old. Apparently it was his bday and DGD is his favorite band, so she asked the other two women if he could slide in next to them and get a spot at the railing. I was NOT going to let this bump me from my spot, so now I had to stand sideways in the corner of the railed area. It was really uncomfortable and then MOM wanted to chat with the women the whole time and as soon as they all started talking about how much they love Falling In Reverse, I knew all I needed to know.

• The opening band was Novelists from France. HOLY. SHIT. Yes to this. Yes to the dress. Yes to all of it. Camille is a breath of fresh air! Beautiful vocals and then seamlessly dips right into monstrous growling. I loved it. New fan alert.

• Wolf and Bear was next. I liked them a lot too! I did know who they were prior to this though. Women next to me chatted liberally (have a feeling they’re not liberals though) through the whole set.
• After this, Henry went to check out the food sitch and was gone for an eternity. I kept looking back for him like A WEAK WOMAN LOST W/O HER MAN (j/k I was just getting pissed because he claimed he was going to get a pretzel and I wanted some), Anyway, then I noticed that he was talking to Mychael from Sugarspell Scoops! I had to laugh because it’s been about a year since the last time we ran into Mychael at a show (the Anthony Green / Kurt Travis / Geoff Rickley show at Jergel’s last summer). He gave Henry the scoop (OH, A PUN) related to the future of Sugarspell (it’s looking bright!) and then told him that he has actually never seen DGD but was there because he booked the next band’s (Horse the Band) first show in Pgh 20 years ago! It was a house show in Castle Shannon. Then he invited Henry (hopefully me too but people usually only remember Henry’s existence and not mine) to a show he and one of his bands are doing next week at the Shred Shed. I asked Henry if he said we’d go and he said he didn’t commit to anything but I would totally go.
• Then Henry came back with a DGD poster :) I also got TWO shirts because I’m spoiled.

• Horse the Band was crazy and I loved it. They have a hype man in booty shorts who plays the triangle and does the actual most with what God has given him. That man was in the crowd almost constantly!  He ran past us twice but I missed him on video both times—he was just too fast.

• And then DGD. Sigh. Thoughts:
  • I wasn’t AS emotional as expected but I did get choked up with they did some DBM throwbacks and at one point I turned to Henry for emotional support and he was nowhere to be found. He told me later that he was leaning against a wall and “wasn’t that far” from me OK GREAT but the point is that he wasn’t where I needed him to be!??!?!
  • I still love Jon Mess with my whole fucking heart.
  • Matt Mingus is still one of the most underrated drummers in the world.
  • Will Swan <3
  • Andrew is…good. He can perform the old stuff well. But, something was missing. Charisma? He kind of felt game show host-y to me?  Is this a sign that my DGD days are over?
  • There was some short bitch behind me with the most blood-curdling scream and look, I HAVE BEEN TO MANY KPOP SHOWS. This bitch gave some of those vocal cords a run for their money. I wanted to hit her—literally kept visualizing it in my mind.
  • I have actually never had a bad experience with fans at DGD shows before but something about that night was off-putting to me. Between feeling like it was a brand new scene, like I got left behind, and the unfamiliarity of Andrew Wells on vocals, I just felt WEIRD. I was actually like 0.O when they came back out for encore and said they had 3 more songs because I kind of….just wanted it to be over. Do you know how nuts it is for me to say that? ME?? STRAWBERRY GIRL?! It’s interesting, because I was out of the loop for Cold even longer and yet, I don’t feel like this with that band, those fans. It kind of feels like it’s still 2001, in the very best way. I guess things change and you either adapt or move on. Sigh.

Ugh, this was one of my favorite songs of 2008, but with Kurt Travis and Nic Newsham* singing it, obviously.

*(Gatsby’s American Dream reunited and ofc aren’t coming to Pgh.)

• OMG Camille came out to sing Inspire the Liars and killed it. That’s one of my absolute favorite DGD songs. LET’S START A RELIGION.

I love that Henry immediately frames my posters when he get home from concerts.

So yeah, that was my first time seeing DGD in at least 7 years. I feel so strange. Obviously it always conjures recessive Christina sadness too since she was the only friend I had who loved DGD with me and I associate so much Jonny Craig stuff with her dumb ass. I hate that I let this get to me.

I was opening up to Chooch about this in the car on the drive home from Waldameer last night, how I had talked to my therapist about the weird combination of emotions I felt while watching DGD, like one part of me was the gatekeeper, looking around and wondering, “Yeah, but were these people at the 2008 show at Mr. Smalls?” (NOT EVEN THEIR FIRST SHOW, FYI!! Just the first one I ever went to in Pgh, so STFU Erin). Meanwhile, another part of me felt like I didn’t belong there anymore, like I was a poser. Of course, my therapist was like, “No, you’re not a poser! If anything, you have been a fan longer than most of the people there, most likely!”

Meanwhile, my blunt, “supportive” son goes, “Well yeah, you can’t just, like, come back in like that after being away for so long.”

WOW.

THANKS FOR ALWAYS REAFFIRMING MY FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY, DEAR SON.

I know,  I know – we just saw Cold twice last year but when I saw that they were coming back around again and performing the red album in its entirety, I couldn’t sit this one out. I have been having the best time reliving my old Cold Army days and it’s been so cool to see how happy and chill Scooter seems these days. We have all come so far!

It’s also been interesting doing these deep dives into my musical past. This year has been pretty stagnant so far for Kpop — at least for the groups I like — so I have not a single Kpop concert lined up on the horizon! Holding out for BIGBANG (OK SON DATES WERE JUST ANNOUNCED A FEW HOURS AFTER I TYPED THIS PART!) and maybe-hopefully SHINee?! But other than that, there hasn’t been anyone I like enough to throw down that kind of cash and travel for. In the interim, I’ve been kind of throwing myself back into the old stuff I liked, finding new stuff, even going to shows that I only moderately care about just to have something to do. I’ve been having the best time with it!

The only downside is that it’s putting me back into some unsavory crowd situations. Luckily with Cold, it’s a mostly older crowd—the kind of people that like to get to a show early and eat dinner, LOL. I guess that was us that night because Henry paid extra for early entry so we could get to Jergel’s at 5, grab a table and eat dinner beforehand. And like typical elders, we bitched about the traffic the whole way there!

Well, we already discussed the EVACUATION in real time – that happened before the show started. One of the Jergel staff guys got on stage with a mic and was like, “At this time we ask that everyone please leave the building”–no further explanation. But then we were passing firemen on the way out so that was A REAL FUN SURPRISE.

I mean, I guess it was OK because they let us back in after about 15 or 20 minutes. It was pretty exciting. I felt bad for the couple next to us because they ordered nachos and those were some soggy bitches after that.

We had so much time to sit there and people watch. There was one guy who knew everyone it seemed, and he was super LOOK AT ME about it too so I decided I didn’t like him, especially once I clocked that he had Henry Hair and the face of Cliff the Plumber who lives on our block now, in case you weren’t keeping track. I started calling him the Mayor of Jergels.

Well, guess what?? Turns out he was in the local band that was opening for Sierra Swan and Cold.

That’s him in the middle with his Henry coif. I liked him less and less as their set went on. He just really irked me, as did the two tables worth of entourage he had with him WHO CHATTED LOUDLY DURING SIERRA SWAN’S SET AFTER THIS. Total disrespect. I can’t with that shit.

Apologies for the super zoom but I had to do it.

I always want to like opening bands, especially when they’re local, but I did not like this one. I wanted to! Love a female-fronted hard rock band but it just felt kind of cheesy to me. JUST BEING HONEST.

But holy shit, Sierra Swan came on next and saved the vibe. She is INCREDIBLE. I love that she and Scooter have such a long and storied and friendship,  that she has featured on numerous Cold songs, Scooter has collab’d with her on her own album, and he brings her out on tour with them. She has one of the most bad-ass throwback voices I have ever heard—I don’t know how else to describe it but she makes me want to drink whiskey and smoke Pall Malls.

I was so stoked when I saw this! Back when I used to follow Cold around like a puppy, they occasionally toured with a band from Wilkes-Barre called Lifer. I LOVED THEM SO MUCH!! They were kind of short-lived (one of them actually left and joined Breaking Benjamin, also from Wilkes-Barre). Anyway, one of the members is now the drummer for Cold! I had no idea about their current lineup when we saw them last year but as soon as I saw him last year at the Crafthouse, I yelled to Henry, “IS THAT THE GUY FROM LIFER??” Of course Henry had no idea. But I was right! Anyway, it was cool to see that little piece of history on the side of the stage!

I don’t know what this was but I like it.

Anyway, when it was getting close to Cold’s set, Henry and I secured a spot over on the right side of the stage. There was one small woman in front of me, one woman to our right, and a guy to our left and this was the line-up during the whole show. It was THE BEST SPOT. The woman in front of me was so concerned about me being able to see and I had to laugh because he height was the exact reason I chose that spot!

The guy next to us had SUPERB spatial awareness and kept looking over to make sure we were OK—I could write an entire post just about this but I was absolutely floored at the politeness of this crowd. The woman in front of me (her name was Rhonda—we chatted a bit before I left, she was very wine-drunk LOL) actually moved away from the stage at one point during the show and insisted that I take her spot. It was INSANE.

Cold Army, man. What an amazing fan group.

25 years later and I am still so enthralled by Scooter Ward. He is definitely more chatty now than he was back then, that’s for sure! He seems like he’s in a good place, this current iteration of Cold seem super solid and happy together, the bassist Lindsay Manfredi is an actual joy to watch on stage—she looks like she is having a blast every time—and also they have the SWEETEST tour photographer–Amanda–who geeks out watching them on the side of the stage.

It was Angelo’s 30th birthday! A BABY!

Sierra came out to sing some songs with them!

TONY!

Afterward, I got a guitar pick! The guy who was standing near Rhonda and me all night was happy for me and not a pushy jerk like that one bro-dude was at the Black Queen show the week before! I LOVE YOU, COLD ARMY. I’m sorry that I went away for a while! I’m back now.

Here’s a little compilation of video clips I snagged that night – I’m watching it right now as I write this and am overcome with emotions all over again. All these years later and they still slap.

The only downside is that I’m too wild about how drunk people get though. The lady who was so drunk that she fell into a VIP booth at the show last year was there again, just as drunk! I made sure we were standing on the opposite side of the stage as her. I always worry that a fight will start when I see that amount of drunkenness.

Oh well, this has been my Cold recap!

I’m still out here having a grand ol’ time with this tiny Kodak digital camera. It was one of the best surprise gifts Henry has ever given me! IT’S SO STUPID AND SIMPLE BUT SLAPS.

I bought it with me to the Cold concert on Thursday at Jergel’s and now I will show you the pictures I took with it even though I have not officially recapped the actual show yet (that will be coming soon—rest assured it was simply magical).

I already posted about this IN REAL TIME on Thursday (actually fun fact it was NOT in real time because I ended up having no service inside Jergel’s so I couldn’t get the post to publish. I tried connecting to Henry’s hotspot but that didn’t work. Then our waitress was supposed to give us the card with the Jergel’s wifi password but never did probably because she got distracted by the guy who looked like an actual child sitting next to me ordering his 7th Moscow mule (probably not 7th but he was throwing them back like water and he and his gf were getting giddier and giddier as the night went on—cute at first but OMG who was gong to drive home?! Horrifying…). Then Henry was tired of me crying about it so he went and asked the lady at the door for the password so then I was able to finally publish it.

Don’t worry—all of this was transpiring before the show started. I’m not THAT pyscho about blogging.

But you better go back and read that if you haven’t already, knowing now the trial and tribs behind posting it!!

Anyway, please also enjoy this short video from the evac.

I’m still getting the hang of where to aim the camera when taking selfies so I always end up looking like I’m concentrating bigly.

Jergel’s is the epitome of older person venue. You can pay extra for early entry in order to snag a table and eat a mediocre dinner pre-concert. That’s what we did. You can even bring your knitting gear. That’s what the lady in the gray shirt at the table on the right did.

I actually wish I had brought a book—there was so much time to kill before the first band came on.

My non-alcoholic beer, lol. Not that we were ever big drinkers at concerts but when you’re specifically NOT drinking it makes it so much more apparent how much everyone else IS drinking and it’s horrifying. Especially at these older shows.

COLD!! I loved that this camera makes it look like I took this picture in 2001 when I was basically a part-time groupie for this band. (If you ignore the fact that Scooter is the only original member left.)

It is stupid how much I love this dumb little camera.

Once the doors opened to the actual stage area, Henry went straight to the merch table and I grabbed a spot at the barricade AS PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED if you even read this slop. (And not even AI slop, just regular old lazy human slop.) Above, please observe a photo of us after he rejoined me.

Because the Mercury is so chill, Henry was able to take my merch out to the car so that he wouldn’t be bogged down by it all night. He managed to get me a shirt AND THE TOUR POSTER!!! But said that the vinyl was sold out — even the one that has 1000 pressings. I was bummed but happy that I at least got the poster which was SUPER IMPORTANT to me.

The ladies who were behind us in line ended up standing to the left of me. One of them had gone to the merch table around the same time Henry did and she also sadly reported that the albums were sold out. I figured with the super limited quantities, they were probably only bringing out so many to each show.

OK I’ll try to keep this snappy because who cares about Erin’s concert recaps, but sheesh, this was one was SO GOOD. Here’s a video of the openers:

• I am very sad to say that I cannot remember the DJ’s name but he was SO GOOD, the music fit the vibe and he played the Sneaker Pimps which I have not heard out in the wild in one seriously long ass time.
• Next was Trace Amount who actually blew my face off when his set started because I wasn’t paying attention and thought he was a crew member setting up for the next band, but then he picked up the mic, did a few “CHECK CHECK”s and then LAUNCHED into a high-decibel aural assault that legit snapped my head back. He was just one guy, a drum machine, synth, and one “with his full chest” screaming ability.
• CLUBDRUGS!!! I fucking adored them. This was 100% my style and the fact that they were playing CLUB KIDS AND MICHAEL ALIG FOOTAGE during the first song really gave their music a sinister bent. I would totally go see these two again.

Henry was popping back and forth, going to the bar for another Athletic, going to the bathroom, just your basic dad-at-a-concert meandering. But at one point when he rejoined, he casually mentioned that Danny Lohner was standing next to him during one of the opening bands. Ugh, I hate him.

Eventually, it was time! Danny Lohner, Chris Pennie (we were so blessed to be one of the shows that happened after he came on as the touring drummer!!!), and Steven Alexander came out, followed by Greg Puciato. You guys, I had gradually been moved down to the right father and farther as the night went on, putting me RIGHT SMACK IN FRONT OF GREG DURING THEIR SET. I am very much a “stand close to the stage but off to the side” kind of concert goer so I was SHOOK. Part of me felt trapped, part of me felt absolutely stunned to be so close to him, and the rest of me was just like FUCK YEAH LET’S GOOOOOO BOYYYYYY.

Fucking incredible show, incredible musicians, incredible performance, everything was incredible. I was in AWE and felt like I  must have looked like a fish with a gaping maw all night, I couldn’t help it.

10 years = 100% worth the wait. This band has soundtracked years of drives to haunted houses, my go-to music to listen to while I’m working every fall, and single-handedly keeps that dark wave side of me alive.

The best part is that there was a family with two young young kids standing behind me for the entire set which kept all the bro-dudes from rushing the stage. This was actually a double-edged sword though because Henry was standing behind me and over a little so that the kids were the ones that were standing directly behind me and the youngest of the two was right next to Henry. He said she kept stepping on him the whole time, wasn’t paying attention to the show, and kept swishing her hair around and hitting him with it. Why is this so fucking funny to me?!

After the show (Fever Daydream in its entirety so no need for set list!), Steven started handing out his guitar picks, but only to the people over to the right side of the barricade. My friends to the left and I hung around in hopes that he would make his way over to us because he kept going back for more picks. This was the ONLY lowlight of the night for me, when a bro-dude (one of the ones who had arrived shortly after us and was slamming back Miller Lites with his other bro-dudes and one bro-broad so I know this guy had to have been blitzed) came out of nowhere and shoved himself in between me and the guy to my right, totally burying me with his gigantic bare ape arm. FUCKING MEN.

EVERY FUCKING TIME.

I hate them so much. People wonder why I like Kpop so much and a huge reason BECAUSE WE DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MOTHERFUCKING BRO DUDES AT THE CONCERTS!!!

Anyway, Steven did eventually give me and my lady friends each a pick and we were so stoked!

Oh, I was on cloud nine, you guys. Absolutely so in love with that whole day. Cleveland. The Mercury. The Black Queen. I guess even Henry, ugh. Yes, the drive home was rough (also, I had a very weird “FROM” moment when we stopped at one of the rest areas when I heard someone whistle and I looked over and it was the smiling man walking toward me and I was convinced he was one of the things from FROM and then I went into the rest room and panicked when I shut myself in a stall, thinking for sure he was following me and it was like 1AM and now I was going to fucking get ripped apart by some monster. But then I saw him in 7-Eleven after I peed and he was just a truck driver, talking on his bluetooth in not-English while getting coffee, and seeming to be in a happy mood so I felt dumb) but wow, this was worth it. Every part of the day was worth it.

We got home after 2AM and Henry immediately put the poster in a frame! 379/400!! I will cherish this always. DESIGNED BY ROB SHERIDAN!!!!

My Asian Steven pick!

And you guys? After we got home, I noticed that on the dining room, Henry had set these precious treasures:

HE GOT ME BOTH ALBUMS?!!?

DUDE. I can’t even. Why is Henry the best concert buddy / husband ever?! HENRY KNOWS WHAT’S UP.

OMGOMGOMG I have anxiety pee twinges just remembering this! We got to the Mercury Music Lounge around 5:00 and sat in the parking lot for a bit, listening to SOUND CHECK I WAS FUCKING DYING. Then around 5:30, we went inside because the lounge itself opens at 4PM,  and chilled at the bar with some diet Cokes and n/a beers. I was FREAKING OUT. The last few shows we went to were low stakes for me so I felt completely calm but this one…this was different. This was a band I’ve been dying to see live for the last 10 years. A band that I fall back on every autumn.

Additionally, the collector in me was panicking because there was going to be some limited edition merch for this tour and some of it was in such limited quantities that I felt almost no hope. I guess they must have only been bringing out a certain amount for each date otherwise this stuff would have sold out immediately in the beginning of the tour. The thing I REALLY wanted was a limited edition tour poster, DESIGNED BY ROB SHERIDAN!!!! and signed by the band. 1000 made.

If you didn’t know, I am a little dirty whore for tour posters. I have a bunch framed and hanging around the house and there is not a day when I don’t pause on the steps to admire one or two of them. Concerts are everything to me and some of them truly warrant the collectible art poster!

There were also two versions of new pressings of the Fever Daydream vinyl. One was 1000 copies, and the other super sought-after one was only TWO FIFTY COPIES. I pretty much had no hope whatsoever for that one, but the other vinyl would have been nice to have.

So, because of this, and the fact that I wanted to get there before all of the BRO DUDES took all the good spots inside the venue, I was a nervous wreck. But I will say—the bartender was super chill, there was some amazing music playing, and the vibes were just GOOD in this place. I also liked that the front bar and connecting pizza joint were open early so you could chill inside rather than lining up along the sidewalk like most shows. There weren’t too many people who arrived as early as us – one older goth-y woman at the end of the bar was the only other person who got there before us. She was the one playing all the good shit on the jukebox thingie, too. (I found out later that her name is Natasha. That’s what happens when you’re a NEBBY YINZER. At one point she had to go outside to take a call and asked the bartender to keep her drink behind the bar which made me so sad that women have to do this and then I started ranting about it to Henry who LUCKILY FOR HIMSELF did not insert any IN DEFENSE OF MEN / NOT ALL MEN / CAN HAPPEN TO MEN TOO bullshit reasoning.)

Doors were set to open at 7PM – there was a second set of doors leading into the actual venue from the bar area but no one had actually started to form a line yet. I did NOT want to be the first person, and had a feeling this one solo woman would end up doing it. It ended up being her and a concert photographer that eventually broke the seal, so the rest of us joined.

What a strange entry process into a concert though. The ticket scanner person came out and set up shop in front of the doors and had us all show her our IDs while she scanned our tickets. There were just 6 people in front of us, but more and more people were starting to come into the place so she asked us to move over so that she could continue scanning tickets. Me, Henry, and two older women in front of us did as she said, but then realized that the other four people who were in front of us had simply moved over to the side instead of back, so they were still directly in front of the doors, leaving a large gap between us that ANYONE COULD STEP INTO. I immediately started to picture scenarios where we got pushed back farther and farther, and then one of the women was like, “Whoa whoa whoa, why do they get to stay up there? That’s not cool!” so the four us mutually decided to move back up because FUCK THAT. We had been there way longer than any of the people who were now getting scanned in and I’M SORRY but I wasn’t losing my spot in the merch line!

Moving up put us into this little corner by lottery machines which you would think wouldn’t matter but TWO OLD MEN came over and had two women behind us move so that they could play their numbers. The first guy took forever because he was making one of the women give him numbers, and then TOOK A CALL while this was going on and I kept distracting myself by eavesdropping on the 4 people in front of us (they all came separately but started chatting about concerts etc) so that took me out of it for awhile but I swear every time I tuned back into my own surroundings, that man was STILL behind me at the machine. He better have fucking won SOMETHING that night.

Meanwhile, the ticket girl noticed our presence and did not look pleased so when one of the security guys walked by, she stopped him and said, “Hey, ask <forgot his name already> if this is OK that they’re standing here like this.”

He either didn’t ask whatshisname, or whatshisname didn’t care because no one told us to move. I get what she was doing – she just wanted to keep the line moving so that she could everyone scanned and wristbanded before the doors actually opened but I was NOT fucking around with my spot in line, Fran.

Also? I can’t remember the last time I was at a venue that didn’t check bags. This was my kind of venue – gritty and old school LET’S GOOOO.

So, that lady Natasha was telling some wild stories and kind of reminded me of my old friend Cinn where they were either full of shit or JUST SO CRAZY that they had to be true. I mean, I genuinely thought she was pretty cool and after hearing her tell the others about how she doesn’t fuck around when people try to push her out of the way at concerts, I started to think, “OK, stick with this lass*, she knows what’s up.”

*(I have NEVER called anyone lass before but my fingers were DYING to type that so I let them do their thing. I’ll talk to them about it later. So weird.)

THEN!! Just when I was doubting everything I was hearing, THE DANNY LOHNER walked through the venue doors, HUGGED HER, and then continued on his way.

My jaw dropped.

She looked just as stunned.

“That DID just happen, right? Danny Lohner DID just hug me?” she asked all of us (well, OK, she only asked those three people in the FIRST IN LINE clique, but she was facing me and we made eye contact so I NODDED IN AWE.

Guys, if you don’t know who Danny Lohner is, the ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME INDUCTEE DANNY LOHNER, then please google him. He is a living legend and when The Black Queen announced that he would be a touring member, I seriously was so stoked. NIN is one of the few “I can’t believe I have never seen them!” bands on my list. He is a GIANT TALENT  in the music industry.

Finally, around 7:15PM, the doors opened and we rushed on in. Henry went straight to merch and I claimed my spot at barricade. I was more toward the left side a little because I knew Danny would be over there after seeing videos on Instagram. I was happy with my spot, and the two women we commiserated with in line were to my left. A decent seeming younger guy filled the space to my right and, as long as the BRO DUDES didn’t start elbowing their way through to barricade as the night went on, I felt pretty good about my location!

I’ll come back hopefully tomorrow to talk about the MUSIC.

Remember last year when I went to see Pierce the Veil and a band called Daisy Grenade opened for them and I said in this here blog that they were fine but I wouldn’t go out of my way to see them again? Hilariously, I just saw them Tuesday night for the 3rd time in a year. Life is so funny haha.

But look, Leslie: a few months ago, I heard Vienna Vienna for the first time and immediately gasped because I liked it so much. And when I looked them up, imagine my pleasure when I saw that they were coming to Pittsburgh in May! And then I laughed when I saw that DAISY GRENADE was headlining, LOL.

I think that our introduction to them being on a big amphitheater stage was not the right scenario. After I saw them for the second time last year when they were one of the opening bands for Honey Revenge, I changed my tune and admitted that I genuinely liked them after seeing them perform in a small club. You gotta see these girlies up close to get the real experience. So, I was going into this as a “third time’s the charm” kind of thing, open-minded and ready to stan for real.

Spotted on our walk to Thunderbird after work on Tuesday. 

I’ll try to keep this short n’ sweet. I love Thunderbird so much as a venue. I feel super cozy there. The people are great too. The woman at the box office had a Cure shirt on and we chatted briefly about how they’re our favorite band and Robert Smith is amazing, obvi.

After our day at the brewery last Saturday with my sister, I have vowed to not drink anything for awhile – the whole summer if needed – and not because I think I have a problem, but because of VANITY. I have been stuck on the same number on the scale forever now and I truly think I am sabotaging myself. So, this was the true test for me – not that I think I can’t have a good time but it’s become like a social tic where it’s basically just “doing it to have something to do.” So, I got two NA drinks and exactly as expected, I learned that it’s not the alcohol I need, it’s the “something in my hand.” And hilariously, the picture I took of my dumb drink is so blurry, you’d think I *was* drinking!

Anyway, I had my check-in with my dietician today and we had a good talk about this so now it’s basically an experiment at this point to see if the scale will budge now. I’m excited for this experiment!

I brought that little Kodak with me and Henry was like immediately ruing the day he bought it for me. :)

WHY DO MY PICTURES LOOK LIKE I WAS DRUNK!?

OK moving right along – Vienna Vienna was up first and I was so stoked! Henry actually came out of the bar cave to stand (sort of) with me!

I was ENTHRALLED by this set. They’re considered glimmer rock and I went into this having seen NO live videos – blown away. J can shred!  Henry actually liked it too and even asked me to put them on in the car the next day on our drive to Cedar Point!

Something I observed during this set though was that a crazy amount of people kept coming and going through the whole thing. Like it’s one thing if you have to pee so bad you can’t hold it, but I’m talking about these people leaving to go get another drink and then pushing their way back to their original spot. It was kind of outrageous! The person in front of me left three times (during a 35 minute set!!!) and the last time they came back in it was literally during the final note of the last song. I was like “Cool, are you happy that you shoved your way back in, drink all a’slosh, just in  time for them leave the stage??”

Dummy.

(Truly, they weren’t really bothering me, but it was definitely a spectacle to behold. I’m the type of person that goes to a concert, gets a spot during a band’s set and then stays in that spot unless a better spot opens up closer to the stage.)

I got to briefly make contact with J at the merch table – super great guy, v. talented!

Killing time back at the bar before Daisy Grenade!

Yeah, so I am fully smitten by Daisy Grenade after the third time. They sound so unique, dress like they climbed out of a Delia*s catalogue, have a killer band, vocals like whoa, and they are ENTERTAINING. And I had no idea about this until that night, but not only was this their first headlining tour, it was the first headline SHOW of the tour, right here in Pittsburgh! I felt like we were a part of history! After that, I was like, “OK I definitely need to get a shirt then” so when Henry slithered up beside me near the end of their set (and after someone in front-ish of me threw up?!?! I think that’s what happened, but a huge space was cleared out and staff members came over with the yellow caution sign and cleaning accoutrement, hilariously during a song that has “spill your guts on the floor” as lyrics) I said, “Oh good, you’re here, go get me a shirt.”

This is one of their just-released tracks:

Overall, it was a really glorious night – great music, great vibes, decent crowd, cozy venue. I am so glad that I got tickets to this on a whim! I am fully on the Daisy Grenade train now and so proud of them for securing their first headlining tour!

We met up with Amy and Dick yesterday at the Hazelwood Brew House. It’s a pretty cool place with three different breweries in one space so I was able to get three stamps and also hit my wall where I have decided I don’t like drinking and that OCD over these stamps is putting me down a path I don’t like. So, that’s cool.

But there were two highlights from the day that I want to talk about, aside from hanging out with Amy and Dick obviously and having a random guy take the below picture of us and completely cutting off the “Hazelwood  Brew House” sign which was the whole reason we asked a stranger to take the picture for us (AFTER HENRY WAS GOING TO PRECARIOUSLY PROP MY PHONE UP ON A RAILING!!!).

Highlight #1:

I was at the Abstract Realm bar by myself, asking the guy there about the different beers. I was still focused on making a decision so I didn’t quite hear what he said next but it sort of sounded like “Dance Gavin Dance.” I looked up at him dumbly and asked, “….huh?” and he goes, “Your shirt? That’s Dance Gavin Dance?”

BRUH. No one ever knows DGD out in the wild! (Well, at least not back when I was super into them but I have realized that they are definitely a bit more popular now since the pandemic.) We ended up having a LONG chat about post-hardcore. He has never seen DGD live and I was like, “NO, YOU GOT TO” and then told him that they’re coming to Stage AE next month and he didn’t know that! I actually JUST bought our tickets for this show on Friday, and then found out right after that it was also the 19th anniversary of Downtown Battle Mountain so it felt like kismet that that was the day I pulled the trigger and bought the tickets!

Then the Abstract Realm guy unbuttoned his shirt a little to show me that he was wearing a Circa Survive shirt (!!) so then we started chatting about Anthony Green and Sounds of Animals Fighting and the whole time I could hear myself like I was hovering up in the rafters and I realized, “Hey, she’s being herself! She’s talking in her real voice!” and then I double-realized that it was because I finally had someone to talk with about music. Fuck, it was invigorating. Especially to not be mansplained in the process.

HIGHLIGHT #2:

My Aunt Susie randomly (not so random, really – she and her husband go to breweries every weekend it seems!) came in right around the time we were getting ready to leave. It was kind of weird though because Amy has never met her and was JUST asking me if I have talked to her recently. I actually have not, it’s probably been since around my Aunt Sharon (Susie’s sister) died in 2016 aside from some Instagram likes here and there. And then – poof. Susie appears, lol.

I hoped she didn’t feel ambushed but I wanted to say hi and also give Amy the opportunity to meet her aunt. It was really nice to see her again — we used to jokingly call each other “brat” when I was growing up and spending a lot of time at my Pappap’s house and she was still living there until she got married so we were actually around each other a lot back then. My childhood BFF and I were even in her wedding!

Susie has always been super cool (and normal, which speaks volumes if you know my family) and I really hope that we get to hang out for real at some point now that we ran into each other.

I think I was overstimulated though because I was up almost all night, just laying in bed with my mind racing. I don’t know why this happens to me now–it’s like my social anxiety is mad at me for ignoring it in the moment so it rears its obsessive head right when I’m trying to fall asleep. So rude.

Hey you guys, allow me to be incredibly out of touch for a minute! When I saw that Pierce the Veil was headlining one of the days of Four Chord, I really tried to talk myself out of caring. But I love PTV so so so much and regret the several times over the last few years that I didn’t go to any of their concerts because I was too busy taking out loans for Kpop concerts. But, 2026 has been awful for Kpop concerts here in the US. There hasn’t been anything I’ve been been interested in going to, especially when even the smaller groups require traveling. So, in an effort to fill the void, I have been trying to go to just ANY concert, things I used to like, things I sort of know a little about but am interested enough to stand in a dark room with sweat people, things that I have recently become obsessed with…it’s been a lot of fun, no regrets!

So I was like FUCK IT I will get tickets for just the day that PTV is headlining. I mean, a music festival that’s in the same city, no travel, no hotel? Can’t beat that. We don’t even have to drive there & bother with parking!

I missed out on the early bird tickets because Henry wouldn’t commit, so I had to wait until tickets went on sale yesterday. I was not happy with the cost – $263 for two tickets for just one day. IMMEDIATELY upon completing the purchase, I happened to glance down and realize…

I bought tickets for the wrong motherfucking day.

I started texting Henry in hysterics. I mean, I wouldn’t MIND going both days because I like most of the bands, but I DO MIND opening that much money on some little music festival. These are practically Riot Fest prices, I feel like. (OK not that much but almost!!)

That’s when I realized that the day I wanted was also MORE EXPENSIVE because there are several more bands than the day before. Fuuuuuuhahahahahahahauck.

I found a customer service number and was on hold for quite some time, to the point where I was about to hang up and go have a stroke in the quiet darkness of my bedroom closet, when a woman answered. Woman, MORE LIKE ANGEL. You guys, she was fucking wonderful. I explained to her, in tears, my snafu and she was like, “OK, we can fix this. Don’t worry, let me see….” while my heart rate matched the sound of her fingers tap-dancing across a keyboard. Basically, she had me purchase two tickets for the correct day while we were on the phone (thank fucking GOD for PayPal credit, yo, I could NOT justify paying for 4 tickets up front even when 2 of them were going to be eventually be refunded), give her the new order # to verify that I did it, and then she swiftly canceled my first order.

JUST LIKE THAT.

AND DO YOU KNOW WHY THIS WAS SO EASY?

BECAUSE IT WAS NOT TICKETMASTER.

So, just what to give a hearty shout out to Front Gate Tickets in Austin, you saved my ass.

I called Henry with the great news afterward and he seemed very relieved that I was able to get my money back from the wrong order, but then remembered that this still means he has to go to Four Chord, lol.

I’m super stoked to be going to this but here is where I need to be an out-of-touch Gen X crybaby:

$345 for two tickets to a music festival in Pittsburgh that only has 15 bands in the lineup, when THREE OF US used to go to Warped Tour every summer for half of that price with 3x as many bands. What the fuck is this Kpop economy crossover into the American midtier band world?? ET TU, POP PUNK??? There is no reason for these prices to be so high!

Here’s a great example: the other day, I saw that Turnover is coming to Spirit (small local venue). Turnover is not a big band (at least, they weren’t when I was super into them!) and I thought, “Ooh, I’d go see Turnover, it’s been a minute!” so I clicked on the ticket link, and first of all, it went to TICKETMASTER and tickets start at $50 before fees.

$50?? To see Turnover at SPIRIT? No. Hard pass on that one.

My friend Wendi and I were chatting about this at work yesterday and she said that this makes it impossible to casually go to shows just to go to shows, like the old days, and I 100% agree. Basically, the cheapest way to see live music these days is to randomly walk into a walk that has bluegrass bands playing and cough up the $10 cover.

I’m really anguished over this! Time to start researching local bands, I guess

One other thing before I go, it pisses me off doubly that the last time I went to the Four Chord festival was in 2016 when my work friend Debby called in a favor and had me put on the guest list because her niece’s boyfriend’s band was playing! Ugh, I wish he was playing this one too so I could be all, “HEY DEBBYYYYYYY….”

You guys, I think I am finally leaning into this empty nest life. Things have settled down in my head and I’m finally allowing myself to enjoy DOING THINGS again. I do not recommend going through a traumatic loss of a pet and your kid leaving for freshman year of college simultaneously though, and then have that compounded a few mths later by the re-election of a psycho fascist dictator. It’s all too much for anyone. Therapy has helped, writing in here has helped, crying to Henry has helped, reconnecting with old friends and having soul-baring vent sessions over IPAs has helped!

One of the things I have been adamant about doing this year, and have been actually holding up my end, is just getting out more generally. ESPECIALLY ON WEEKNIGHTS. The one night recently, we just went to the mall because I had something to pick up at the Vans store and even just something as simple as that made a difference and broke up the monotony. But also, on weekends where we don’t have anything planned with friends, concerts, etc., I have been trying to do one small thing. Usually it’s just us going to one of our favorite cemeteries for a walk, sometimes it’s going to a new-to-us cafe, etc. This past weekend, Sunday was going to be the warmer, sunnier of the two days so we planned our walk for that day and since Saturday was gross and dreary, we picked a little indoor activity. Since I’m still attempting to get all of the stamps in my dumb Pgh brewery book, we chose Hop Farm in Lawrenceville and had a nice little afternoon date where we rehashed the movie MOTHER MARY which we had seen the night before, which I DO NOT RECOMMEND. And, also, I have been reminded during our last several movie dates why I stopped seeing movies in the theater years ago — I CAN’T STAND BEING AROUND PEOPLE WHILE I’M TRYING TO WATCH A MOVIE. The crunching. The rustling of wrappers. The sibilant whispering of nearby patrons. Go fuck yourselves!!! I will have to go back to my “weeknight only” rule of theater-going if I’m going to continue down this road. (It gives me something to talk to with Chooch, which is why I have been seeing movies again in the first place!)

Anyway, JFC do I go off on tangents or what. The whole point is that on Saturday, we went to Hop Farm for the first time, had an AMAZING experience at the bar with the bartender who was SO YINZER FRIENDLY (IYKYK) that I almost felt like I was being filmed for some local tourism spot on the Sunday morning news. The moment he found out we had never been there before, he started chucking (in the gentlest way) sample pours at us until we had essentially tasted their entire liquid oeuvre. There was one lone regular sat at the end of the bar, weighing in on his faves as well, and I ended up getting the one he was currently nursing: The Cheeseman of Dusseldorf. It was really good! I am still learning what I like and have begun to settle into traditional German styles, I guess. Basically, beer that tastes like beer. My other thing is that I don’t drink to get drunk–I am really trying to appreciate the flavors and all that nerdy stuff. No more flights for me either because I learned that they make me feel like shit. I like to get a small pour of two different things when we go out and that is working for me so that I don’t feel like I’m on a slippery slope to alcoholism. (I HATE BEING DRUNK.)

Anyway, this place is actually huge. Aside from the bartender and his pally at the bar, we were the only ones there so it was really nice to sit back and bitch openly and loudly about everything on my mind and hearing my shrill voice bounce off the floor and walls like I was in Laurel Caverns.

Can I also be gross and say that I’m glad my fear of being an Older Couple with nothing to talk about has not come to fruition and that we actually have such fun conversations these days when we go out?!

My second half-pour was their flagship IPA, Dinosaurs in Space. I’ve been growing more and more picky with IPAs but this one was nice. What a nice little rainy Saturday side quest!

The weekend also included lots of cuddle time with Penelope who, KNOCK ON WOOD, has randomly decided to start eating her dry food again!? Maybe she was just going through a phase, trying to see if  there was anything else out there, who knows. I’m still also putting out various wet foods just in case and she has been half-heartedly grazing on those but it’s the dry food she seems to be really eating. I’m just happy she IS EATING. The vet had me so panicked.

Buddypalooza.

Saturday after lunch, we went to Pink Box for some Asian buns which we promptly ate at the cemetery. IT WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY!!!

Mausoleum bathroom selfie.

In between all of this  stuff, I somehow fell down the FURTHER SEEMS FOREVER rabbit hole after having not thought of that band for over a decade at least. I started thinking of my old Zen and wishing I could charge it because I can only imagine the random shit that’s on it. Also — do I really want to revisit that time in my life though? Lol. I had a shitty job and a toxic BFF. I did realize that I had some of those songs saved to an old Spotify playlist though, which saved me because I could NOT remember who sang this song:

Here’s what I just learned as I write this blog post:

• Blindside is a Swedish band?? Did not know this.
• THEY ARE STILL TOGETHER and played shows as recently as spring 2025?!

And that was basically the gist of the weekend!

Mono no aware (物の哀れ) is a Japanese phrase that loosely translates to “a sense of nostalgic wistfulness and the awareness that nothing lasts forever.” This is also the motto of the synthwave band The Midnight and it perfectly explains how I feel when listening to them and this whole genre of music.

I was trying to remember how this new generation of synth found me, and I think it was over the summer of 2020 when we were in the midst of Project 1980s Dream Kitchen. We were constantly soundtracked by 80s music that summer for inspo, primarily YACHT ROCK. I think YouTube picked up on that algorithm and started to slip in some “retrowave” playlists into the mix. I had no idea there was this new evolution of synthpop / synthwave / futurewave / retrowave /whatever wave as long as it’s backed by synth going on! I was hooked. It became something that comforted me during the pandemic and continued to provide happiness even afterward while I adjusted to the new norm of working from home.

I am constantly nostalgic for the 80s, I loved my childhood, I loved being with my Pappap, at his house, swimming in the pool, eating grilled cheese in the kitchen or at the Blue Flame. I loved going on errands with my mom in her old Pontiac Grand Am, Rick Astley or Michael Jackson on the radio, her yelling at me for spilling McD’s sweet and sour sauce on the car seat. LOL. The 80s were the best. And this music touches on that sweet spot in a way that I cannot get enough of! Get me an abandoned department store to roller skate through in the middle of night, STAT.

The Midnight is arguably one of the pioneers and heavy hitters of this synth renaissance so when they announced their tour last November, I bought two tickets ASAP. April 25th finally arrived (Chooch’s birthday, no less!) and I had butterflies in my stomach all day—I WAS SO STOKED FOR THIS! So far, Ollie Wride has been the only synthwave artist I’ve seen live. I guess because I got into this through YouTube playlists, and there aren’t official videos showing the bands/artists, it never occurred to me that these were touring musicians, if that makes sense? Like, it has always been my comfort background music during the day, and every time I turn around, the TV is usually showing an illustration of a 1980s Ferrari cruising into the Miami sunset. You know the ubiquitous retro 80s scene.

The Ollie Wride show was very small, at the Crafthouse, well under 500 people I would say. And the crowd was mostly older and pretty much what I would expect.

The Midnight is on another level though, which I had NO IDEA because again – I have been appreciating this music in my own little bubble and had no idea what the scene was like, or that there even WAS a scene. Well, there is. Enough of a scene that The Midnight sold out the Roxian. And the crowd was very diverse. Way more dude-bros than I would have thought, but we’ll leave that for the next post! This one is just to appreciate the Midnight and the whole scene they represent because it is a breath of fresh air. The perfect balance of throw-back and current.

But first – New Constellations!

They’re from Portland, OR and immediately proved to be the perfect complement to the Midnight. Harlee Case can SANG. For just two people, they were super high energy and got us all going immediately – I loved them! I always give the opening bands my full attention but even if I wasn’t one of those people, I don’t see how anyone there could have ignored them. They were so good!

But OMG, the Midnight. It was SURREAL seeing them in person, on a stage, right in front of me! The Midnight is technically just two people—Atlanta-based singer-songwriter Tyler Lyle and Portland–based Danish producer, songwriter, and singer Tim McEwan. Did I straight up copy that from Wiki because I am a tired Elder working from home with a cat on my lap while having a tough time stringing together full sentences without typos? Affirmative.

But they have a full touring band that includes Justin Klunk on sax (my FAVORITE member of the Midnight’s touring band!). He was AMAZE AMAZE AMAZE. (Sorry, this show came one day after we say Project Hail Mary and three days after I read it, so…lol.)

There was a cluster of sax fans in the pit and every time there was a sax solo, they would thrust these mini blow-up saxes into the air – it was fucking PRECIOUS. And at one point, Justin jumped off the stage into the crowd and I thought he was just going to go over to his fan club, but then he ended up continuing around the floor and walked past where I was standing too!

And OBLYVN on synths!!

She has this nasty keytar when she performs with the Midnight and I was obsessed.

Harlee came out to sing on “Jason”! Henry, who wasn’t standing near me, but was all the way against the wall to the left side of the stage, was tasked with video duty for me. I found out later that he had three beers (he was standing right next to the bar) and it shows in some of the videos he took, LOL!

My all-time favorite song of theirs’ is Sunset and that was the last song they performed – everyone went feral over it! That song IS SO GOOD. It makes me feel so alive while also missing Drew so much—she was always with me in the beginning stages of my retrowave phase so I can’t help but associate this music with her. In fact, there is one song by Kalax that I 100% cannot listen to at all anymore because it makes me crippled with hysterical, messy sobs thinking of her.

But this song, though, it screams 1980s summer vacation to me.

I loved that they began and ended with this background which is so similar to the images used in the retrowave playlists on YouTube IYKYK.

SETLIST:

1. Sanctuary / Love Is an Ocean
2. Friction
3. Gloria
4. Lost Boy
5. Deep Blue / River of Darkness
6. Energy Never Dies, It Just Transforms / The Comeback Kid
7. Shadows
8. Jason
9. The Right Way / Explorers
10. Heartbeat
11. Change Your Heart or Die
12. Heart Worth Breaking
13. Los Angeles
14. River of Forgetfulness (Medley) / Endless Summer / Lonely City / Synthetic / Crockett’s Revenge / Kick Drums & Red Wine / Crystalline
15. First Night In Paris
16. Good in Red
17. Vampires
18. Days of Thunder

ENCORE:

1. Summer’s Ending Soon
2. Sunset

I was so sweaty by the time it was over! What a workout.

Reunited with Henry, lol.

Some quick afterthoughts:

• I hate the Roxian for real
• Henry actually really enjoyed it and said he knew a lot of the songs (I mean, he lives in a house where this stuff is played on a loop, how could he not)
• I saw someone here that was so hilarious to me, it warrants a separate post
• There was such a random convergence of demographics in the crowd that it’s made me uber curious how others discovered the Midnight / the genre
• What a fun way to celebrate the anniversary of my C-Section incision!

Ah! When I saw that Past Self was going on tour with Clan of Xymox, I legit yelped a little bit! I have been following them for about a year or so on Instagram, since my algorithm gives me all of the Korean stuff, it was thoughtful enough to be like, “Here is a Korean goth band for your consideration.”

It’s not a secret or even a fun fact really, but I did have a pretty extensive Goth phase in my late teens/early 20s thanks to accidentally discovering a Goth chatroom called Darkchat on WEBTV in my mom’s basement, LOL. I was so obsessed with it that I would go to her house constantly to use it until she finally bought me my own WebTV console thingie. (I was living in my first apartment at the time and didn’t have a PC or a laptop yet.)

I made so many friends on that damn website, many with whom I’ll still in touch to this day, and this was also the source of much drama and crazy meet-ups as well. I had already liked the Cure at the time, and even Robert will eschew any attempts at Goth pigeon-holing, but this was when I actually started to learn about GOTH-GOTH music.

And I LIKED it.

However, I never looked or dressed the part, and that’s not an easy scene to be a part of if you’re not skulking around white face powder and black lipstick. I always looked too bubblegum and while I had a lot of Internet Goth friends, I would tend to get sneered at when out and about at Goth functions, like the infamous Dracula’s Ball, LOL. God, they hated me there.

So, I eventually fell out of that scene and, aside from The Cure and peripheral Goth bands like Gary Numan, I haven’t had any recent exposure. But Clan of Xymox is an old band (formed in the early 80s) so I figured the majority of the crowd would be people my age and older and less likely to judge me and my blond hair and Vans.

I was right.

We got in line around 6:30PM and almost immediately, the woman in front of me said, “OK, I’m obsessed with your bracelet” and so I gave her the Etsy shop where it’s from and we started chatting a little bit about how cool the jewelry is (Martha Rotten, you make the best conversation starters!). I was excited because this woman was in a legit Goth gown and her husband even had a Gothic print button-down shirt, so I felt seen. Like, I belonged there too!

There were some younger people in line, like a couple of cyber goths a few people ahead of us. That brought back BIG nostalgia, seeing the coiled extensions in the one girl’s hair and the super high platform boots. If you’ve never seen Goths dance, it can be pretty stompy, so the boots are an essential piece of the wardrobe.

In general, it was one of the most peaceful lines I’ve stood in before a show. Everyone was polite. It was fun to see what everyone was wearing. It was exciting to know every band that was being name-dropped around me because it turns out, the scene hasn’t changed too much since I last paid attention! Lots of Skinny Puppy and Depeche Mode references. It definitely appeared that everyone was there for Clan of Xymox so I was curious how well-received Past Self would be.

Oh, one more thing – the guy in charge of checking IDs of everyone in line was so nice. Great first impression of the Rumba Cafe!

We were finally let in a bit after 7PM and I had to run straight to the bathroom because theater at Ramble House or whatever that bluegrass bar was called had gone right through me plus MY PERIOD WAS IN TOWN. (Henry reminded me last week of how I used to call my period “Maude.” I literally forgot all about that!)

Anyway, while I was in the bathroom, someone started trying to force the door open from the other side and I was in PANIC MODE. That is the worst feeling ever. First of all, bathrooms in small clubs like that usually have the dinkiest lock on the door so I was PRAYING to the Goddess Hela (I don’t know, what goddesses do the Goth girlies pray to these days?) that the lock would not give out and expose me in a full-on tampon insertion pose. I quickly finished up and when I opened the door to leave, an entire crowd had formed outside, JFC. Thank god I was the first one to make it back there, because I was not in any position to stand in another line.

We secured a spot at the corner of the bar and it ended up being mostly fine.

I liked the lady who was sitting next to me on a stool, and her husband was wearing a cool Goth tophat and pointed out my bracelet to her. I’m telling you, that fucking bracelet stole the show that day.

In case you were wondering what it looks like, there are pictures in this post:

Bangles & bengals & Bingle Bangle

I’ll try to keep this short and sweet, but Past Self came out and was exactly what I wanted. Dark synth is a motherfucking drug to me, I was IN A ZONE instantly. Their stage presence was haunting without being try-hard. The singer’s voice had that signature deep tone that I came to know and love during my Goth years.

They’re from Las Vegas and the singer is Korean American, so the lyrics are a blend of Korean and English. I was so stoked when I caught Korean words here and there that I knew!

Props to Henry for getting pictures for me since I am too short. (No one was behind us but the bar so he was able to freely hold his arms up, knowing that he wasn’t being THAT PERSON who was blocking the view of everyone behind him.)

Here’s one of their videos, please watch and enjoy. (DO IT. The song means “rusty knife” and I will cut you with one if you don’t watch!!!!)

(J/K.)

After their set, we moved to the back of the venue so I could get merch. I like Clan of Xymox but didn’t feel the need to be super close for them, so this seemed like a good spot. And it happened to be where my friends from the line were!

Clan of Xymox came out with a bang, ISTG. The whole room just exploded with energy and I was caught up in it immediately. Henry, not so much. He ended up ditching me and going to stand by himself near the door after awhile and I didn’t even notice at first, LOL Everything was fine until some young guy came out of nowhere and wedged himself in between me and the girl next to me. Turns out she was his friend and he then proceeded to have a full-blown conversation with her the entire time, with very little silence. It was absolutely annoying and rude. She seemed to have been enjoying the show before he arrived, too, so I’m not sure how she felt about Chatty Chad stealing the show, but I know how I felt. I kept glaring at him and he was NOT picking up on it. Had to have been in his early 20s, no couch, 눈치 없어.

READ THE FUCKING ROOM! Why why why do people go to concerts to talk?! Go to, I don’t know, fucking Denny’s! Get a fucking coffee and Grand Slam and talk until your lips chap. DO NOT DO THIS AT A CONCERT. It got to the point where my ears refused to hook onto anything but this guy’s whiny voice.

I had planned on only staying for part of Clan of Xymox’s set anyway since we had to drive 3+ hours home, and it was 10:30PM at that point so I figured that was my cue to call it. I wasn’t trying to get into verbal fisticuffs and ruin a perfectly good day. Because it really was a perfectly good day, all around.

This wasn’t from the Columbus show but I wanted to share it anyway because this is also how our Columbus show started and I was obsessed with laser gloves!!!!

And then this one was from our show:

On the drive home, I made Henry briefly listen to the Black Bible goth compilation (I have the physical copy as well and it’s out on display in the Cure corner of the living room – a nice conversation piece lol) until he was like, “OK I’ve had enough of this now, thanks.” It can get very funeral dirge-y, as you can imagine.

And then we arrived home a little after 2AM. It was exhausting but SO MUCH FUN. I’m glad that Henry still agrees to do these things with me. We definitely have some interesting adventures!