I woke up around 6:30, before my alarm went off, and instinctively reached for my phone. The first notification I saw was from Soompi saying that Shinee’s Jonghyun had passed away.

And then my Twitter feed blew up.

SHINee wasn’t my bias group but I do really like them a lot and even if I didn’t, this news still would have shattered me. And there was a SHINee song in my dream last night too! Which isn’t that unusual considering I have Kpop playing all night along – it helps me to wake up in a not-so-miserable mood, you guys.

Suicide is so jarring. I feel like I just want to hug everyone today and I hate hugs typically. Instead, I will just count down the hours until I can come home from work, bury my face in a pillow, and sob uncontrollably. And probably also drink some soju, you don’t know me.

Until then, I will spend all day dwelling on the whys of suicide, crying for his family, worrying about the remaining SHINee members.

Such a beautiful man. I hate knowing he was hurting so much. :(

ETA: Saw this on Twitter and ugly-cried my sad face right off.

https://twitter.com/frealuvsuga/status/942853540619411456