Jun 18

Student discount disappointments

Yo, you guys, I haven’t had a LIVEJOURNAL REPOST on here in years upon years but today, I randomly had a memory of this broad that I befriended in some really boring class at Pitt that I made Janna take with me (THE SAME ONE WHERE SHE WAS ACCUSED OF PLAGIARISM BECAUSE SHE PLAGIARIZED) and Janna was like, “You’re wrong, this person doesn’t exist, I think you’re birthing imaginary friends again, Erin. Get help” but I was like, “No, look – we even went out with her once to Doc’s Place and even Henry was there, remember?” And Janna was like, “Nope” so then I started to scour old LiveJournal posts in an effort to ease my decrepit mind. I got sidetracked though and started reading everything (which is…not great because holy shit you think I’m annoying now?? Did you know me in 2004!?) and then found this post about not only my short-lived COLLEGE DAYS but also BLUE FLAME which as you may know is now shuttered.


Wow, I thought my life couldn’t get any worse.

Today, Hoover and I took advantage of his day off for a little wining (except not) and dining at Blue Flame, which is a family-run restaurant that I’ve been frequenting since I was a baby. 

The last time we were there was in June, when I was still on the fence about enrolling in college. It was that fateful visit that cinched the deal, because I discovered that Blue Flame offered student discount cards. What better reason to go to college? I had visions of eating there everyday with the aid of my discount card. It wouldn’t even matter if I got fat, because being a student, I’d still be better than most people. 

Before we left the house this afternoon, I checked and double checked for my Pitt ID. I didn’t want to get all the way out there and be denied my rightful discount card. 

I had butterflies in my stomach when we arrived, and I couldn’t wait to ask our waitress for a card. When she came to get our drink orders, I decided that I would pose it as a question, because I didn’t want to come off sounding too self-righteous and arrogant. She seemed taken aback at my inquiry and after an awkward silence she said, “Oh, no. Those are for Thomas Jefferson High School students.” She was obviously trying to contain her laughter, and she quickly turned and scuttled away.

I now know how Pee Wee felt when he asked about the Alamo’s basement.

Now, I’m sorry, but I really need someone to explain to me why high school students deserve a discount card. Especially the spoiled ass cake eating yuppies-in-training from Thomas Jefferson. I’m not being categorical – I went to that high school, and I was one, too. There was no such discount card in existence when I was a student at TJ. In fact, when my friends and I would congregate there, we were glared upon and treated as solicitors by the wait staff, who would all collectively sigh in relief when we exited. But now they’re bribing students to patronize the place with the promise of discount cards?! 

I’m pissed. I really am. I sat there and stewed over it throughout the lunch’s entirety, while Hoover sat there and laughed. I’m sure our sub par service would have bordered on excellency had I been a TJ student. So when Hoover was slightly upset that BEV (I hate that fucking old whore) hadn’t fetched him a new napkin, I mused that if he were a TJ student, he’d have procured a cloth napkin with his initials embroidered in gold thread. A white gloved maitre d’ would have been on hand to properly tuck it into Hoover’s collar, too.

Later on into the luncheon, Hoover proclaimed that I wasn’t picking the celery from my potato soup. But you know, when you’re in a state of such disappointment, it numbs all senses. I could have been eating bacon and it wouldn’t have mattered. Nothing matters without that discount card.

The final twist of the knife was on our way home, when we drove past another restaurant that boasted well wishes for the TJ Jaguars on their sign. This will sound unbelievable since I’m known around these parts as the Keeper of the Even Temper, but I lost control and motherfucked TJ and their discount cards all the way home. 

I’m a college student now and I want perks, I want fringe benefits, I want freebies, and deservedly so! I’ve earned this shit. Where are all of the doors at that are supposed to be opening for me, now that I attend a real life university? Where’s the balloons and confetti and lifetime supply of Fudgesicles?

And then Hoover reminded me that I’m only taking two classes, and to shut the fuck up. 

They haven’t heard the last from me.*

*Well except they’re closed now so I guess they HAVE heard the last from me.
**OMG I miss adding the music I was listening to at the end of every LJ post!!!!! ;(
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