In an effort to stop myself from getting even more behind with life recaps on here, I am going to attempt to liveblog from Four Chord today. Should be super annoying!

We have to leave here around 11 to take the T to Station Square so Henry should be at least happy that we don’t have to deal with parking or driving or getting a hotel. He’s being super curmudgeonly about this though and I guess who can blame him, bro is 61 and just spent three full days at Riot Fest with little to no sitting down, then got dragged to a late show on a work night, and now another all day music festival today, all within the same week not to mention the “there and back” trip to Columbus last week for another show the night before we left for Chicago for Riot Fest.

I guess that’s a lot. Lol. But it was kind of cute because when I was upstairs getting ready, he was in Chooch’s room folding laundry with music blasting and I go, “are you….listening to bayside?”

“I don’t know, it’s a Four Chord playlist,” he muttered, walking past me with an armful of my freshly folded concert shirts lol. I mean props to him for trying to prepare!

11:08am: Well we’re off to a great start – we turned back so I could get my Jean jacket and Henry realized he brought the wrong keys so now he is attempting to break into the house. And HNC is out here making it worse. Never mind he is supplying Henry with a hammer to break into the basement lol.

FYI I haven’t had a window here since 2001 when some kids broke into my house and stole CDs and the landlord never fixed it.

11:36am: on the dumb T now and my stupid barcode thing didn’t scan at first – I hate that they switched from ConnectCard to whatever this newfangled thing is!!! And these annoying bros decided to stand right behind out seats when the whole fucking T is empty and they can kindly park their asses away from us.

One of us is happier than the other.

12:24pm: inside now and immediately lost Henry to the bathrooms. Srsly where is he???

12:29pm JFC he was waiting by the bathrooms because he thought I was in there too ughhhh.

1:05pm: Heading North! My friend Wendi is friends with them!

super good female fronted pop punk!

Shark fact from Heading North! Sharks favorite music is death metal.
also I just hit the beach ball into some guy and knocked his glasses off.

I am an absolute menace with these beach balls. I just kicked one really hard into the back of some kid and Henry was like JFC.
1:28pm: OK fully obsessed with Heading North now. Even when Henry wouldn’t dance with me. Girl pop punk forever leading the way.

now I’m standing alone at the Smartpunk Stage waiting for Don’t Panic and for Henry to look for a hat to buy. His new thing is buying a hat at every concert we go to. FYI.

2:14pm: Don’t Panic was great but I lost my picture because my blog crashed yay.
now it’s Keep Flying and Henry is being annoying.
wait I found it!

and here is Keep Flying.

2:36pm: just stood in the longest bathroom line because men have it easy and women have to suffer. Now it’s time for Patent Pending.

PATENT PENDING I FORGOT I LIKED THEM

 

 

Rishi from Eternal Boy / founder of Four Chord!

 

 

3:09pm Eternal Boy!

 

Why was I crying during Rishi’s DIY speech. Also I have never seen security encouraging crowd surfing.
3:41PM henry is back from resting in the bleachers.

 

 

 

HIT THE LIGHTS!

 

4:16pm Mic broke during last song and the crowd held it down it was awesome.
4:21pm: Driveways!

they’re trying to get rid of tote bags and they’re making ppl crowd surf for them. Henry wouldn’t do it for me lol.

Someone got hurt so they had to stop their last song while security helped them. :/

4:54pm:

FINCH JFC CRYING

 

omg these two little girls next to me went FERAL at one point, shrilling all high pitched and waving to someone on the side of the stage?? They had PTV shirts on and Vic written on their faces so I was like…is it Vic?? But I couldn’t see anyone?! It was so annoying – they were shrieking and waving at what??

5:30: Cartel!

5:47pm food time!

6:10pm my least favorite band Motion City Soundtrack is playing now so we’re taking a rest on the bleachers – my first time sitting since we got off the T at 11:30am lol.
We had to sit through MCS at Riot Fest last weekend while we were eating and that was enough for me.

6:22pm: Henry just sat down so dramatically Jesus Christ.

this girl is walking around asking people if they want glitter and Henry is pissed that they snubbed him.

 

also this beer is not good.

I think I’m so annoyed about MCS because they had like 3 LAST CHANCE TO SEE US WE’RE BREAKING UP tours and then the inevitable REUNION TOURS and it’s just like OK that’s nice but sit down.

6:54pm: Mom Jeans!

obsessed with beach balls today for some reason.

yeah I’m just really in my beach ball sunset era.
7:29pm: strategy is to just stay over at the main stage from this point on because the field is filling up so we can’t see State Champs but we can hear them! Also Mom Jeans was throwing burgers into the crowd so that was gross and I’m glad I wasn’t in direct proximity of that!!

Oh my GOD it feels amazing to sit.
8:03pm: OK I forgot how good State Champs are, bro. Also Henry is currently navigating though the dark crowds to the bathroom. Will he make it back to me?! It could be a Hallmark movie.

Hi I just took a picture with the flash on and that was embarrassing.

8:33pm: Boys Like Girls!

 

I liked them! I thought I didn’t know any of their songs but then I knew the last one. They had a really epic stage presence but there was a lot of filler and he did the whole “You sing this part” crowd engagement but it went on for so long and then the song became like 8 minutes long. But overall, it was really cool to see them and they had a lot of pyrotechnics which permeated my nose with the comforting stench of a kerosene heater while also providing bursts of warmth. (It’s cold now!)

9:03PM: Mayday Parade is playing their headlining set on the smaller SmartPunk stage and then PTV is at 9:50 LET’S GO RIOT FEST DO-OVER!! (But Erin, we don’t know what that means because you have not recapped Riot Fest yet. UGH I KNOW, STEP OFF!)

9:18pm: I think those little girls during Finch were shrieking because the Mayday Parade singer was standing on the side?? I did see him there but forgot that is what he looked like and now that I’m seeing them for the first time in years it’s all starting to click. But it was still super feral – not really necessary to scream like you’re seeing Michael Jackson play in Japan in the 80s.
9:28pm: Mayday Parade just said that they’ve been a band for 21 years WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

11:25pm: We just got on the T with a bunch of annoying Four Chord attendees but omg PTV was magical. This was RIOT FEST REDEMPTION – for one thing, I could actually SEE THEM not to mention I was standing on dry and clean turf and not sinking in thick sludgy mud.

 

Henry actually clapped at one point when Vic told us to and that is the first time he has ever gone along with crowd participation?! And he was tapping on my shoulders. Henry was feeling stuff, you guys. We’re finally breaking him.

well I’m going to post this now and I’ll clean it up + add more band info tomorrow I guess because god only knows how fucked this post is since I used the shitty WordPress app.

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Passing this cherry fry pie from some weird tiny gas station in Ohio called FuelMart (creative) in the car on the way to Columbus back and forth with Henry like it’s our version of a joint. We had decided on cherry and then idiot Henry who hates blueberry grabbed blueberry and didn’t realize until we left and he had to go back in and ask to exchange it. Anyway this pie was baked by some place called Whispering Pines Bakery which sounds like a Netflix series. When we parked there was an Amish person cruising by in their buggy so I’m imagining the pies were baked by them. It was pretty good!

In case you wondered what Henry and I talked about for 3 hours on this drive it’s been all BIGBANG and FREE PALESTINE.

It’s 5:17pm and we’re at Ethyl & Tank for dinner. Henry tripped SO HARD on the OSU campus that he went soaring through the air and I am so embarrassed.

Henry is sitting facing the window and goes, “I just saw him.”

OK Judy Just Pronouns. Who??

Turns out it was Brian the singer from The Home Team.

”I mean you could have SAID who it was,” I said, annoyance boiling over.

”I didn’t know his name!” Henry said defensively.

”OK you could have said the singer from The Home Team!”

”I COULDNT REMEMBER THEIR NAME EITHER.”

Jesus Christ.

Wow true to form for this area, that place was ridiculous. Kept us waiting forever only for the server to finally come over and tell us that they couldn’t make any of the veg options on the menu. AWESOME! A full thirty minutes wasted. Also the bathroom had a full swarm of flies in it. Disgusting.

So now we’re at Playa Bowl and at least we know we’re getting here. I hate OSU. Michigan FOREVER.

I ate the chocolate and then traded with Henry because the apple butter was weird with açaí.

But now we’re in line for Newport Music Hall (6:21pm) and I have nothing further to report.

10:44PM and we’re standing in this absurd line to pay for parking at the garage which is annoying but holy shit that show was incredible!

This was outside the parking garage which we finally paid our ticket for and are now en route to Pgh, ETA 2:00AM LOL UGH.

But wow, what a great show! I mean BIGBANG has certainly ruined concerts for me for life now but going by pre-BIGBANG standards this was a good show! Brian from the Home Team can SANG.

Henry out here never changing his face no matter what Henry Emotions he’s feeling. FWIW he does like The Home Team. But the drive, not so much!

ZOA attends her first non-kpop concert! She liked it.

Meanwhile I was absolutely OBSESSED with this staff member who I think was the guardian of backstage access while also sharing Henry’s face card. I sent this to Chooch said, “Ew. You can’t convince me that’s not actually him.” Henry was like I DONT SEE IT but then I was laughing myself silly imagining that dude down there looking up at the balcony like, “…Brother?!”

One thing I was meh about was that there wasn’t enough (see also: any) FREE PALESTINE or FUCK TRUMP but the first band, Unity TX, did give us an angry FUCK ICE. I’m sorry but I want — nay, expect, everyone to use there platform now and I will be side-eying those who don’t.

They were so good and got me real belligerent-feeling like let’s go flip over a cop car.
Oh! I forgot add that the last time I was at Newport Music Hall was in 2001 when Shawn and I went to see COLD and someone jumped off the balcony! I just remember being upstairs and sitting all the way at the back of the risers and no one else really was back there.

Henry down there creeping from his cave.

Heart Attack Man was next and I liked them! They reminded me of Citizen or Joyce Manor, that kind of band. So basically three very different bands on this tour which we love to see.

The girl next to Henry REALLY liked them. My throat had sympathy pains.
Speaking of the girl next to him, everyone around us on the balcony pretty much kept to themselves and maintained a good level of spatial awareness. During the second band some people arrived behind us and I worried at first that they were going to be TALKERS but they weren’t annoying at all and one of them had a big Victorian-like fan that she was using to fan herself and her friend but we were also benefitting from it.

12:04am We’re driving through a wicked lightning storm and I hate it so much.

We got home around 2:15AM after shockingly only making ONE stop at a Love’s outside of Columbus. Henry just powered through the whole 3 hour drive, fueled by whatever energy drink du jour he was chugging and a loud BIGBANG playlist. I did the Lord’s work by staying awake out of solidarity. 

I’m a real peach like that.

Anyway! Here is a video of the two openers, Unity TX and Heart Attack Man:

 

And some snippets of (some) of my favorite The Home Team songs:

Well, that’ll do it. I fear this is going to turn into a music blog for the next several weeks/mths because we have Riot Fest coming up this weekend + too much more all in a short span of time and I’m concerned about my age showing up because even just after last night, my back was SCREAMING at me on the walk to the parking garage, ughhh. But was it worth it? OH GOD YES. This band has been on constant rotation for me since last spring after having a moderate level of appreciation for them but then hearing an acoustic version of Walk This World and I was like, “Oh, it’s like THAT, is it?” So yes, 100% worth it to see them live. Even after Chooch was like, “Why are you guys coming home after that and not just going to Chicago?” and I was like….wait….yeah, why didn’t we plan it that way, we’re so stupid. But then I remembered that I originally only took off Friday & Monday from work but then later requested off yesterday and today and Henry has the whole week off so yeah, we could have done that. Idiots.

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8:03am: Just left to return Professor Pout to Philly :( He’s mad because there’s too much weight in the back of the car so we can’t take his bike back with us or something, whatever lame excuse Henry gave him in order to not have to deal with it.

He has literal boxes of DVDs that my mom gave him that he’s taking back with him because he collects DVDs now I guess. Here is a picture of him scanning them all last night – he made some QR code scanner thing so he could scan each one straight into an Excel spreadsheet that can be imported into Letterboxd. Or something. As soon as he started talking about code I shut down.

This week went by so fast. :(

Here’s another picture from yesterday. We had lunch at Mintt and made fun of Henry the whole time. A little slice of normalcy :(

(Or “Borlaug” which js what my phone kept trying to turn “normalcy” into.)

9:11am:

Minecraft pillow from the Children’s Hospital charity walk lol.

9:38am: Kpop Dad Observation: “they have enough songs about ice cream and lemonade.”

11:18am: Listening to Downtown Battle Mountain and feeling some type of way. :( Henry said it makes him feel nothing. No surprise there!!

12:35pm: if Henry didn’t have to stop at EVERY REST STOP TO PEE we would probably be there by now. He forced Chooch to get gas while he goes inside to pee and Chooch is so irritated.

1:52pm: after a weird subway ride, we made it to Silk City and then some old bitch swiped our booth so now we’re waiting. She and her husband said they were going to sit at the counter so the hostess gave them menus to take into the diner part of the place after checking to make sure there was a booth for us, and then when she came back out to get us, that old bitch took the only empty booth AND was bitching to her husband about how she said she didn’t want the drink menus “BUT SHE STILL GAVE THEN TO US,” she spat. What a miserable cow.

The hostess was like, “oh…” when she realized what happened. I don’t mind waiting bc we had a reservation for 2pm anyway and I don’t want to sit outside because it’s hot!

Anyway, here’s a picture from the last time I was here in 1998!

And today!

The bitch is behind him!!

2:54pm: Silk City photo dump!

My vegan breakfast sandwich was really good! Chooch had bananas foster French toast and Happy Father’s Day Man had birria hash.

Special shout out to the hostess there who really went beyond to make sure we were seated quickly and where we wanted to be sat. She was really nice and Henry said he wished he could have tipped her instead of our server but I was like HEY NOW because she was awesome too!!

The bathroom mirror made me feel like I was in a Deeelite video. Also, the floor had a healthy layer of still water on it.

3:07pm: now we’re back on dumb Septa going to Milk jawn and Chooch is being a baby because HE DOESNT WANT ICE CREAM.

Here’s Henry on the way to Spring Garden station after lunch:

LOL. Pretzel Man

Septa fun.

I loved these neon pillar things!

3:53pm: Made it to Milk Jawn!

Vegan earl Grey honeycomb photo series.

Henry got strawberry rhubarb or something, I don’t know. And then Mr. My Parents Force Me To Get Ice Cream got himself a whole pint of vegan mint stracciatella which meant we couldn’t walk back to Drexel like I wanted to because his stupid pint would melt!!

4:38pm: we’re sitting outside of Chooch’s place now waiting for him to answer us because he left his mustard and Carrot Crocs in the car and apparently HE DOESNT WANT THEM.

OMG we just a skateboarding crew and one of them almost fell down the subway steps but caught himself as his skateboard went all the way down. All his friends were like o.O and he was nervously laughing and saying “hoo!!! Hoo!!” You had to be there I guess.

5:00pm: Thoughts on the day: it was a lot of fun traveling around Philly and we were all in a good mood (well, Chooch was neutral) so I feel really happy right now but also sad because we won’t see Chooch until the end of July :(

Also, I took a lot of pictures with my Kodak Charmera so I’m excited to get home and put them on my laptop to see how they turned out. I love that idiot camera. I told Henry today that it’s the best thing he’s ever bought me and he was like “wow.”

8:11pm: bro, Henry made me drive for an hour and he was sleeping so soundly (an anomaly) that I was panicking, trying to feel his stomach moving and eventually resorting to sticker my hand under his nose to feel his breath. I was SCARED. (He’s alive and driving again, fear not.)

Aside from that, I felt really happy today.

9:37pm: just so you know, when I was driving, this was our ETA. Then Henry took over and now our ETA is 10. We could be home right now.

Anyway, I’m signing off.

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6:30am: On our way to Williamsburg for a quick overnighter! We left the house about an hour ago and I’m fighting to keep my eyes open out of solidarity for Henry as he drives in the dark.

Nothing eventful to report as yet. I finished an audio book that was mid at best (Single Player – not something I would normally choose but I needed it to complete a Goodreads challenge) and we stopped at Sheetz on 51 a while back for morning things. I only just got coffee because it felt too early for food and now of course, I’m hungry. Also, I was so tired at Sheetz that I didn’t realize I was pouring the creamer into the garbage instead of my coffee!!

But now we have a Romanian hits playlist on so I’m pretending like we’re cruising through the Maramures even tbough this is just dumb Laurel Highlands (I think? We just passed Laurel Caverns).

7:56am: in some rural part of Maryland rife with MAGA lawn ornamentation. Yes, even still.

Oh wait, we JUST crossed over to West Virginia somehow?! We’re in Paw Paw! I asked Henry if we’ve ever come this way before to Williamsburg and he doesn’t think so, he’s at the mercy of Waze. We just passed a sign for Berkeley Springs and I remembered that we came home this way from King’s Dominion in 2023 and now Henry (in his gross uncle Tay-Bans btw) just nodded knowingly like he knew this whole time when he had JUST SAID “I don’t think so” after I first asked?’ Friends, gaslighting in process. Sound the alarm.

8:18am: just got the welcome to Virginia announcement on Waze! Also, I need to add that yesterday Henry and I went for a walk around the neighborhood and he tripped THREE TIMES, and I mean TRIPPED, like “lurch into the air, Superman-arms” tripping. And all three times it was in front of witnesses like this was the new town spectator sport. I was at once horrified and embarrassed. He made excuses every single time too, refusing to admit to neurological damage. “These people need to straighten their sidewalks!” he cried and I was like, “Or you can just LOOK WHERE YOU ARE WALKING?!” Jesus Christ.

10:40am: Chooch just called out Henry for eating cashews grossly and it reminded me of when we were on the coaster crew trip and someone was trying to catch a bee on the bus and it was very action-forward so I was recording and ofc Henry is in the frame totally inhaling a Nordic cinnamon bun like a feral beast, using TWO HANDS and kicking his fingers to boot. I sent the video to chooch and we’re dying at the memory while Henry is like NEXT TIME YOU TWO CAN GO BY YOURSELVES and for those of you keeping count at home, yes he says this at least once on every trip, no matter how big or small.

11:32am: just entered Williamsburg! Can you believe we only stopped three times, and quickly? I really did not think we would make it here before noon but here we are!

5:02pm: Sitting in the Griffon pavilion area while Henry and Chooch are in because I had a headache that had gotten progressively worse as the day goes on because Henry refused to give me Tylenol in the car. I’m getting a little better but bro, when I was on Pantheon, that was the closest I have ever come to puking on a ride. More later!

7:13pm: we’re about to leave Busch Gardens and OUR HOUSE BY MADNESS is blasting in the England section FML.

7:25pm: just made it back to the car and I said that it’s hard to believe he’s going to be 20 next month when he still acts like a baby and he said “ok and you’re over 40 and still act a baby.” UGH TOUCHE.

7:55pm: just checked into our hotel – it’s a Homewood Suites and we got a suite so chooch has his own room and he is very happy about this.

Lobby things.

8:26pm: At Freddy’s Frozen Custard & Steak Burgers and the service has been DELIGHTFUL to the point that I don’t even care at this point if the food sucks.

They make their veggie burgers from black beans!!

OH AND THE CURE WAS PLAYING WHEN WE WALKED IN! (Just like Heaven.)

It was actually satisfying and they have good sauces. While we were sitting there waiting for our food the manager came over to see if we needed anything and he was so nice, and the kid who took our order was so nice, so I was inspired to thank them for mainframe our experience so nice before we left and they invited me back for bingo on Tuesday.

Anyway, I like telling people when I had a good experience- I’m more likely to let bad service/experiences go because complaining takes so much energy and just makes me feel gross afterward (I mean, depending on the severity of the situation then I crack the knuckles and get to work on an e-missive full of expletives). But telling someone they did a good job is nice because how often does that happen, in a world of Karens and Chads.

Actually! This makes me think of the last time we were at Busch Gardens when I stopped by customer service on the way out to sing the praises of the Pantheon crew and the two bitch ladies there were just like “ok and.”

9:36pm: back at the hotel after getting ice cream at Kilwins. Henry and I bought got a small scoop and it was $16! William & Mary will do that, I guess.

Mine was no sugar added caramel ripple. It was ok but I gave most of it to Henry because my disordered eating has my stomach on fire right now.

Chooch opted for a shamrock shake at McDonald’s where some man brought in his boombox and was acting like the resident DJ of his own accord. Granted, Chooch and I were just watching this from the car but Henry was excited to come out and tell us.

Well, on that note, I’m getting ready for bed. This 4am start to the day has me feeling like I’m about to pass out!

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We’re en route to Philly (BIG SAD FACE) and I need to record this for posterity: before we left this morning, OUR HOUSE BY MADNESS was playing on the radio in our bedroom. Ughhhhhh. (If you read my NYE post, then you know!)

It’s 9:54am and Henry just ate a full Tastykakes pack like there was no tomorrow. Probably didn’t even chew.

Lololol.

12:11pm: An hour left – I finished this book in the meantime which is why I have neglected this boring-ass live blog.

Here are some pictures from our late lunch at Tillie’s yesterday! Chooch requested that we go there and we never say no to a Tillie’s request.

During lunch, chooch made a comment about how Henry “always” leaves leftovers at the restaurant which is hyperbolic but he has definitely done this on occasion! More like leftovers-adjacent but there was this time where we METICULOUSLY curated a bag of taffy from the candy shop at Holiday World only for Henry the Stoop to leave it in the hotel room after we checked out the next morning. (He had put it in the mini fridge, making it out of sight, out of mind!)

And wouldn’t you know it, we were nearly out of McKeesport when Chooch goes, “did you bring the food?” NOPE. NO HE DID NOT. Henry decided to go back and I was like there is no way they kept it, that shits been trashed, but Henry insisted that since it had only been 10 minutes it would likely still be there?! Like there is some “10 minute” guarantee on left behind leftovers?!

No. It was gone. LOL. My friend Chris commented on my IG post and said leaving behind Tillie’s leftovers is a mortal sin – AGREED. You’re the worst, Henry.

12:18pm: Chooch doesn’t have his backpack. His laptop is in his backpack. Awesome!

1:38pm: on our way to a cafe and I think this is the best subway experience we’ve had in Philly ever.

Also some guy was playing Luther Vandross’ “here & now” on his saxophone while we were waiting and I originally thought it was Vanessa Williams’ “Save the Best for Last” – I think something is actually deteriorating (not dethroning like autocorrect assumed) in my brain. :(

2:13pm: Henry said it looks like he’s praying to get away from us wow.

Anyway we made it to Grindcore House!

Satisfying!

Chooch is being so annoying BTW.

3:11pm: made it back to whatever station this is.

Chooch is still being annoying. (Look at his hostage smile?!!) And Henry is complaining. I just look old and tired.

3:42pm: Chooch is looking for his wallet in the car before we drop him off because I can imagine that being another pertinent item he left at home. Henry said something about him being a dick. “Can you please not swear in front of him,” Chooch said before causally saying, “oh there’s my gum!”

Anyway he things his wallet is in his backpack in his room in Pgh lololol ugh.

3:51pm: We just dropped him off and he said “cool bye I’ll see you in Korea I guess.” Wow bye love you too.

oh here are pictures of the Grindcore House bathroom:

And now for the long drive home.

What a nice time with Chooch though, getting to revive our fake rivalry over who Penelope loves most, jokingly telling him to can it every time we fake bicker, watching Season 5 of Stranger Things over Thanksgiving and Christmas and seeing the finale together at the theater. That dumb WWE thing. Seeing Marty Supreme with him at the Hollywood Theater on Friday (such a fantastic but stressful film!!) and sharing Stranger Things memes and theories. I really love that kid. :(

5:06pm: Now we’re listening to the Pens game on iHeartRadio lol. I had to redownload the Pens app to access the WWE tickets from work and in doing so I started getting game notifications again and just like that, sucked back in. I haven’t actively watched since 2017 or so because we got rid of cable and I had no way to watch after that and considered it a blessing for my health because as you may know, hockey was such a blood pressure jacker for me. I have no idea who even anyone is on this team now aside from the mainstays.

5:39pm: Pens made it to overtime with like 14 seconds left!

Henry keeps asking me all these Pens questions and I’m like bro I haven’t paid attention to hockey for the same amount of time as you so how would I know?! Apparently he just wants me to google all of this for him for free. (I didn’t even know who their new coach was!!)

5:43pm: YOOOO PENS WIN IN OT! CROSBY! On that note I’m ending this live blog. 2 hours and 42 minutes left.

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7:06pm: Remember when I mentioned I won suite tickets to a WWE event that I wasn’t trying to win tickets for? Well, that night has arrived.

I’m here with Henry, Chooch and three of Chooch’s friends who were way less annoyed about attending this thing than I was.

Will they come out of here with as much pyrotechnics as EriKa KirK???

All my work friends told me to at least come and take advantage of the free food. This is all I can eat. The meatless pierogies have kielbasa and bacon bits all over them. :(

YOU GUYS I TAKE IT ALL BACK THIS BROAD JUST ANNOUNCED WHO’S GOING TO BE HERE TONIGHT AND SHE SAID THE MIZ??

IM SUDDENLY EXCITED.

MY MTV REAL WORLD / ROAD RULES CHALLENGE HEART JUST SWELLED.

7:18pm: I’ve just learned that The MIZ is a villain. I’m rooting for him.

7:34pm:

Whoever this guy is. DONT POINT AT ME.

I like this guy though:

I think everyone else hates him though. He just left the ring like a baby.

7:44pm OK my guy lost. I hate wrestling.

7:56pm: I had to just ask Henry if the bad guys ever win because this feels RIGGED.

Fraxiom is dumb.

8:00pm: LETS GOOOOOOO

I think he’s going to lose. People are freaking out over this other guy.

Chooch just texted me “Carmelo is winning” stfu boy.

You guys I just cheered alone in a sea of boos lol.

OH MAN and he just derobed to reveal a Cleveland Browns jersey?!? I extra love him lol. Everyone here HATES HIM bigly.

OMG this other guy just did 6 7 and someone behind me said “I want him to lose now.” LOL.

R I G G E D

Now I don’t have to pay attention to the rest of this.

8:30pm I’m clearly not in the know.

Ok what wow:

What in the Hills Have Eyes is this.

8:38pm: I just took a bathroom break because I don’t care about anything now that The MIZ has lost.

Henry is just happy that I won’t be buying merch lol.

8:46pm: wow what a shocker the guys everyone wanted to win won.

That thing in the dress did nothing btw.

8:51pm: intermission. They just announced the main event or whatever and it’s some guy who is a champion. Never heard of him.

Apparently the Chex mix is the Pgh Penguins snack mix.

OMFG I just said that the MIZ should go back to doing The Challenge and Henry frowned and said, “His body is too beat up. He moves so slow.” W O W.

Dude the amount of times I’ve said, “this has got to be almost over, right?”

9:08pm: THERE ARE TWO MORE TITLES ON THE LINE.

Chooch and all his friends are recording this guy. I guess he is someone.

Wait everyone likes this guy more.

OMG:

Wait I think those guys are on a team never mind.

9:31pm: yay finally people I wanted to win won so I got to clap. Also WWE has lots of inside jokes I’m not privy to but they seem stupid so I don’t care.

I yelled THAT MEANS CRAZY IN KOREAN and Henry was like ok sure but then I googled her and that’s why her name is Michin so STFU to everyone who doesn’t listen to me.

questions:

Do ppl ever actually get for real hurt doing this?

And if so, how would anyone know it wasn’t part of the act?

Omg Henry is sending videos to his work friend.

THIS REF SUCKS.

9:46pm: THE MAIN EVENT IS STARTING. chooch and all of his friends have their phones up, recording lol.

The one guy is McIntyre. Never heard of him. I guess he will be wrestling the top guy whom I have also never heard of but Henry informs me I know his dad.

This McIntyre guy is like 50.

who???

Holy shit is hair plastic??? Is he from LAZYTOWN??

All the sadistic fans in the crowd wanted the table and now they got the table.

 

10:35pm: welp, waiting for the T with a bunch of unruly WWE fans. What a weird night.
Henry is bragging to Chooch about going to THREE OR FOUR WWF events as a child bc Judy knew someone and one time – HE GOT TO SIT IN THE FRONT ROW. Chooch and I both said “wow” in an our monotoned surly teen voice at the same time.

ETA: Home now – I just asked chooch if his friends had fun and he said, “yeah I’m pretty sure the only person who didn’t have fun was you.”

W O W. OK first of all, I was fine?? I just wanted more of THE MIZ. I thought at the end, they’d all come out for a goodbye parade like the idols do at KCON and other Korean music events and award shows but I guess not?? It just ended with that winning guy with the plastic Ken hair?!

Also one of the guys in the suite next to ours was so hostile but in a very PG way and kept screaming YOU STINK! and WE WANT THE TABLE!

I’m so ready for bed.

*******

ETA Part 2: It’s the next morning and I have had time to collect some sober, unstimulated thoughts. Here we go:

• I neither liked nor disliked the evening. The MIZ was fun, I was bored numerous times, it didn’t hold my attention but I also didn’t feel anger being there. So that’s something!
• I LOVED WWF as a kid in the 80s. There wasn’t a single wrestler there last night that gave me nostalgic vibes. In fact, I have already forgotten every single one of their names except for the Miz of course and MICHIN!
• That son of Rhodes guy is GENUINELY the best they’ve got??? That’s pa-THET-ic. That guy was so fucking lame and boring??!
• WWE by far has WAY more diversity than I remember WWF having back in the day so I will give them snaps for that for sure. (But also, how is TRUMP able to support this??!! lol)
• I liked that they gave love to the kids with disabilities down by the…rink? No, ring.
• I’m just happy that Henry, Chooch and his friends had fun. I can’t remember the last time I saw Henry laugh so much (????) and I kept looking across the aisle at Chooch & Co and they were taking pictures, cheering, and actually paying attention which was wild because I was way on the other side of the attention span, dangling, holding on with three fingers.

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*aka Chooch Moves Back to Philly Day :(

8:58am: Waiting for Henry to come back with the rental SUV – he hilariously thought that renting a larger car would mean only one trip but after seeing all of Chooch’s shit in the living room, it’s become quite clear that Henry and I will still be taking that second trip next weekend lol. How do other people do this without renting a Uhaul (Drexel says no Uhauls!)??

10:03am: We’re leaving :( Chooch was saying goodbye to Penelope and I started crying. This sucks and feels worse than last year somehow.

But hey some good news! So the whole draw of Drexel is that they have co-ops so graduates will already have 1 to 1.5 years of work experience in their field when they graduate. This is why Chooch chose Drexel over Pitt (and because he didn’t want to stay in Pgh). Anyway, they had three rounds of co-op applications or whatever starting in June. He got no interviews for the first round. Second round he had one and then didn’t get it. Third round JUST happened 2 weeks ago and brother when I say I have been stressed to the point of sickness this summer – basically if he didn’t get a co-op he’d have to take classes this quarter which means we’d have to take out another last minute loan, etc. just a lot of financial stress when we have been kind of doing ok.

All week we’ve been preparing for that. He had some calls with his advisor and it seemed like that’s what was going to have to happen. Then! He had an interview yesterday at noon and by 2::30 they offered him a position! Not trying to doxx my kid here but it’s at a museum (!!!) and he will be doing meta-data and archival work whatever that means. The weight that melted off my shoulders when he sent me a screenshot of the job offer (he was actually at our neighbor’s house cutting grass – the guy on the street behind us with the Corgi!) – I knew I had been carrying a lot of stress this summer but didn’t realize just how much until I read that email.

You guys I even prayed sort of in my own way over this! It was awkward but I did it.

10:40am: Pulled into a Sheetz. Chooch is bitching because he realized he brought one of the reusable straws in his Dunkin and doesn’t know what to do with it now that his drink is empty so he told Henry to throw it away and I piped up, “no!! It’s reusable! That’s the whole point of reusable straws so that you don’t throw it out!” And everyone is annoyed with me but you’re welcome, Straw, for living to be sucked on another day.

11:10am:

Here is Son, having backseat bitch fest because he doesn’t like the food at Sheetz but was forced to get something since Henry starved him all morning.

OMG HUGE FIGHT ALERT: when we were at Sheetz I tried to get a fork but got pissed bc people kept crashing into me. So I gave up and said to Chooch, “go get me a fork” so he walked over to the food pick up area while Henry and I went out to the car.

“I guarantee he doesn’t get me a fork,” I said as we got into the car.

Just now I turned around because I was ready to eat my watermelon snack. I made “fork” motions to chooch who got real annoyed and yelled “I don’t know what that means.” I kept trying to say fork but I was laughing because of how mad he was so that was making him even more mad until he finally understood me and said, “why would I have a fork??”

“Because I told you to get me a fork!”

“NO, you did NOT!” he yelled haughtily. “You told me to go get my food!”

“I said to get me a fork!!!!” I cried.

“Why wouldn’t you just get your own fork?? You were halfway there!” he yelled.

“Because people kept crashing into me!!” I screamed, feeling my eyes bulging at this juncture of the argument. The crux, if you will. The climax.

Henry was doing a silent laugh through this whole exchange, practically crying over it, while I’m yelling, “HOW WILL I EAT MY WATERMELON???”

“Use the stupid reusable straw!!” Chooch yelled and we all lost it at that point.

I’ll miss our car fights :(

2:57pm: at IKEA somewhere because chooch needs cups?? Henry called the two of us a “little bitch clique” bc we were whispering about him decomposing in a trunk. You had to be there.

1. Now that I have been to the bathroom in the Pgh IKEA and whatever IKEA this is, and the one in Denmark, I can safely say that the US IKEA bathrooms are far inferior.

2. HOWEVER!! The plant ball meal here was way better than the strange concoction they served up in the Danish IKEA 100%. I actually hated that meal so much but this one was nice.

I also split a rainbow cake with Henry but there’s no picture because he carved into it immediately and had it all in his beard ugh.

4:03pm: hello back in the car and I’m seriously about to puke my stomach hurts so bad from eating at IKEA ugh. Anyway we’re 40 minutes outside of Philly. I’m so sad even though Chooch has been mean to me all day. (Nothing unusual!)

4:43pm: we just pulled up and asked the move-in crew if this was where he needed to be for his apartment move in and she looked back and forth between me and Chooch and asked if he was the student, DID SHE THINK IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME LOL.

6:02pm: wow what an actual cluster moving him in but here is his view from the 20th floor:

Oh and excuse me look at what he tried to take????

I made him pose here and he did it haha. Also we had to walk up 20 flights up steps with his computer monitors and TV because we didn’t wait for the elevator again since the line is out the door with move-in activity. I’m cooked.

6:58pm: I feel sad. :( We will see him again next weekend to bring the rest of his stuff but still. This is a part of parenting that I was not prepared for.

7:37pm: ugh why is every experience at Wawa so mid. I got a gross fajita veggie bowl and the avocado I paid extra for was the tiniest squirt of guac. So underwhelming. Meanwhile Henry bought a pretzel and realized in the car that it was opened with a piece taken out of it and he was sure it wasn’t like that when he scanned it at the self-checkout but refuses to eat it now because he can’t remember opening it. I have no idea what’s going on but I’m pissed bc while I was hate-eating my bowl the only consolation I had was that I was going to eat some of Henry’s pretzel like the pigeon I am. Ugh.

8:40pm: here we are an hour later at a rest stop and Henry is still pondering the pretzel puzzle:

“It’s not hard though, you’d think it was opened before I bought it, it would be hard….”

9:39pm: did I mention that Henry rented a GMC SUV? He thinks it’s a Terrain? Never heard of it. It feels like something MAGA would drive and I actually hate it so much. Every 5 minutes I’m finding new things about it to hate but mostly it’s that I can picture these on Texan highways with LET’S GO BRANDON stickers on the back window. I always forget that GMC exists and prefer to keep it that way, which is particularly difficult when I’m sitting in one.

10:03pm: we saw the prettiest stray (?) cat at the last rest stop but Henry wouldn’t let me take her :( When we were leaving, there were workers from the rest stop food places outside feeding her so Henry thinks she’s a regular and “will be fine.” Well, he can sleep outside tonight too. I’m sure he will also be fine.

When we were walking back to the car, I was complaining about my distended stomach and said that I actually look pregnant so I started rubbing my belly while saying, “it’s ok baby, we’re almost back to the car.”

“Wow! I’m telling Chooch. You never talked to HIM like that,” Henry said in mock offense. I mean, kind of true. I never called him “baby.” Lol.

Ok I’m posting this now. I miss Chooch. Bye.

10:53pm: I lied. I’m back. We just stopped at this rest stop that has something called TRAILHEAD and Henry said it has something to do with the bike trail that goes to DC or whatever. I needed to get the rest of my steps for the day so we walked over to look at the pavilion that was built and apparently just opened today???-

I guess this is supposed to have a 3D effect but ok.

Oh! When I was in the bathroom, one of the girls working at Baskin was at the sink with me and she said she liked my shoes (just Vans) so of course I had to run back to Henry and tell him because it’s always news worthy when I get a compliment since I am attention starved, always. He didn’t care.

Anyway, this whole time I have been crying over my stomach pains which I have had ever since eating at fucking IKEA. My stomach is so bloated and distended that I could pass for a pregnant lady.

Henry was annoyed that he had to accompany me on my rest stop walk but I was like I DONT WANT SOME TRUCKER TO BE LIKE OOH LOOK AT THIS LATE-IN-LIFE PREGNANT BROAD WHILE LICKING HIS LIPS.

Henry thought this was hilarious and I was like THERE ARE MEN OUT THERE THAT I WOULD APPEAL TO YOU WILL BE SORRY WHEN I GET TAKEN.

Then I started spiraling out. “What if when they check CCTV to get the last known footage of me being seen alive they see me walking through that last rest stop parking lot when I was caressing my fake pregnant stomach and then the APB really does say I’m a late in life pregnant lady???” Henry was like, “omg plz stop.” But then he said that’s probably why the Baskin girl said she liked my shoes, she felt sorry for me being “old and pregnant” and I snapped, “I never said OLD I said LATE IN LIFE but thanks for speaking your truth.”

Then we argued over Trailhead some more because THE HEAD OF THE TRAIL CANNOT EVEN BE ACCESSED AT THIS REST STOP?! Henry said it’s like a mile and a half away. I am so irritated by this.

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9:17am: we’re almost to Ohio, just stopped at Sheetz in WV for breakfast foods and Henry is mad because I always get a fruit cup and then pick around the fruit I don’t like and try to pass it onto him while he’s driving because I can never get the lid back on and he screamed IF WE END UP IN THE HOSPITAL ONE DAY ITS GOING TO BE BECAUSE OF THIS!!! and angrily shook the fruit cup then passed it off to Chooch in the backseat. “You do this! I can’t do this while driving 70mph!” And then Chooch was crying about “why can’t she do it??!!” Meanwhile I was laughing so hard I almost choked.

Then Chooch was bitching about Henry leaving trash (specifically candy wrappers) in the side of car door. Then Henry turned around and put his breakfast trash in the empty Sheetz bag next to Chooch, which made Chooch deadpan, “wow. I’m surprised you didn’t shove that into the car door. Muscle memory” and I lost it.

You guys, these road trips are chaos but I freaking treasure them lol.

Oh also we were listening to the Kpop Demon Hunter soundtrack and I burst into tears. “This song makes me cry,” I shakily laughed, dabbing my eyes with a napkin lol ugh.

9:42am: I’m mad that Henry doesn’t have a military ID thing because he could be getting mad discounts at parks but he is now mansplaining this to me. He legit just said “I’m pretty sure they took that from me when I left” and I said, “I believe the word is CONFISCATED. They CONFISCATED your ID because you went AWOL and had a dishonorable discharge.”

He’s done talking about this now, suddenly.

Chooch, telling me, “you’re so annoying! You’re actually so annoying!”

Oh yeah I forgot he was also bitching as soon as we left this morning because I always have to get a full birthday week when everyone else gets a day. Well, when you’re forced to take birthday matters into your own hands because no one else cares, you too can drag it out for a week. More if you want! Go hog wild, honey bear.

11:02am: LETS JUST STOP, DROP EVERYTHING because Henry just admitted that the classic 2005 Chiodos track “Baby, You Wouldn’t Last a Minute on the Creek” is ICONIC.

12:46pm: KENTUCKY!

1:05pm: I just had the most satisfying pee of my life at a rest stop after chugging a liter of water. Ahhh. Henry and Chooch were grateful for this update so I thought you might also appreciate it, Blog.

1:41pm: Just left Love’s and Henry is being a big bitch baby because we apparently “rushed” him out so he didn’t get any food for himself and is being a huge martyr about it like look at Henry, willing to STARVE in order to get his family to the amusement park faster. Get over yourself! It’s not like I’m dining on a lavish lunch – I got a protein bar and a Cracker Barrel cheese and cracker thing. Thanks, Loves.

Also I wanted everyone in that place to get the fuck away from me. Welcome to Kentucky.

Lol Henry gets to buy the old person ticket at Beech Bend, love this for him.

3:02om: Just left RaceTrac whatever that is where Chooch made Henry buy an air freshener for the car so now there is strong stench of vanilla wafting through this bitch.

Anyway, obligatory bathroom selfie:

And an extravagant froyo section:

3:17pm: Lots of bickering later, we made it to Bowling Green! 12 minutes to Beech Bend Park from here.

3:52pm We’re in line for our second coaster! Will probably do a full recap tomorrow but here’s us!

I highkey love it here already.

6:15pm: Just left! They close at 7 but we got to do everything we wanted. I forgot that we’re in Central time so we actually got here at 3:30. We didn’t fight at all! It was delightful and I will definitely be posting about it separately probably tomorrow.

The downside is that it’s about 90 degrees and blazing sun – there was very little shade there.

We’re at Farm Boy in Morgantown KY after pulling into the lot of KUNTRY KITCHEN and leaving bc it looked sketch but now I wish we had stayed because this place is creepy but at least our waitress is super nice. We tried to order breakfast though and she got the ALAMO TOUR GUIDE tone real quick when she said they stop serving breakfast after 11 on weekends.

Chooch and I had to order grilled cheese from the kids and senior menu.

7:11pm: Chooch literally has no idea what parks we’re going to and just realized we’re going to be gone for a week and probably didn’t pack enough. He’s so annoyed lol.

Also the waitress seemed like she was trying to suppress her “taken aback-ness” at my request for tomato on my grilled cheese. Is that not common in Kentucky?!

7:28pm: Ugh one of the reasons we left KUNTry Kitchen was because some creepy old guy was slithering through the parking lot and I said, “oh hell no I don’t want to eat with that guy” and Chooch was like, “you’re so judgmental” but seriously ugh.

Then Henry just started laughing and I was like WHAT and he was like “look at who is sitting over my the door” and ITS HIM ugh. Chooch was cracking up – he has actually sort of letting himself laugh these days lol.

7:36pm:

Omg now he’s sitting outside talking to himself lol.

8:27pm: Some bridge over the Ohio River, now we’re in Indiana I guess.

Ugh:

Indiana Michigan Power apparently.

10:25pm: In bed at whatever Super 8 this is in Evansville IL apparently. I don’t understand geography so I don’t know how Illinois factors in.

The lady at the front desk told me she liked my shirt and turns out she likes Pierce the Veil. “I like my music angry so I don’t have to be” so said and then just kept going with the bit and it was starting to get unhinged.

Then the key didn’t work while Henry was out in the car so I thought he gave me the wrong room # and I kept calling him repeatedly and the dumb fuck wouldn’t answer so then Chooch and I just stood in the hallway listening to the screechy sounds of our temporary neighbors and I am not happy right now.

(Yes it was the right room and miraculously the key worked as soon as Henry got off the elevator and joined us. Ugh.)

Good night!!!

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8:14am: getting ready to leave. I am feeling ok emotionally this morning! So happy that we got to see SKZ last night. It was phenomenal – aside from Coachella and Riot Fest, I have never seen a concert of that scale before and it was insane and amazing. I did feel like we had just spent the day at a legit music festival by the time we crawled into bed last night / this morning. It was a rough day but the pay off was worth it!

10:08am: At the border. We came through Niagara Falls this time to avoid truck traffic. Made it through in 30 seconds literally lol. The guy was like “Lol not even gonna try” when Henry said “Stray Kids concert.” Handed us back the passports and said “OK man have a nice day.”

Also stopped in the duty free shop and got chooch some maple shit. The bathroom had a Dyson hand dryer and they never work for me so I had to walk around with wet hands.

Also got a drink at Tim Horton’s just because I wanted the fun straw. “So what’s the deal with the straw?” Henry asked. “Nothing it’s just paper but everyone we walked past all weekend had their Tim Hortons drinks and I thought to myself ‘I want to drink out of that straw too,'” I saw matter-of-factly.

“Omg,” Henry muttered.

12:42pm: Just stopped at Sheetz in Erie for “lunch” – I always just get half of a veggie sub or a wrap, pretty fucking simple if you ask me, but they always find a way to screw it up! This time NO TOMATOES. Instead they tucked in some rock-hard jalapeño twig that probably would have broken a tooth had I bit down hard on it but I felt it with my tongue before any damage could be wreaked!!

Ugh!!

Meanwhile some older man was standing there trying so hard to figure out my shirt (wearing my SKZ tour shirt obv!!).

2:13pm: This is a dumb liveblog. We should be home in about 30 minutes and I’m so excited to tell Chooch all about the Stray Kids concert that he sincerely doesn’t care about. It was just so good!!

Other than dissecting our favorite parts of last night, we’ve been ranting about tRump as usual. Nothing new there.

Oh!! I just realized we were a part of two history-making events this month! The No Kings 6/14 protest and the inaugural event at the brand new Rogers Stadium! I didn’t even know until after I bought those tickets that it was going to be in a stadium that wasn’t even finished being built at the time.

OK BYE.

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10:20am: Hello we are en route to Toronto for the weekend currently in Cranberry. Why haven’t we made it very far, you ask, Mary? Well because I threw a fit this morning and said I didn’t want to go anymore because I’m having a bad body image day. Like I hate the way everything feels on my skin. So I yelled IM NOT GOING and Henry was like “ok” and he started doing the dishes and I went for a walk. Then I calmed down eventually after having PB toast for breakfast and I said FINE I WILL GO so I finished packing and here we are. To be fair, I was still going to go tomorrow because that’s when the Stray Kids concert is. I just didn’t want to be stomping around Toronto today with my thunder thighs but even more than that I don’t want to waste the money for the hotel. Ugh.

11:20pm: Still in PA. I’m bored.

12:25pm: Finally crossed over into New York. I’m still bored. We stopped at GetGo in Erie to pee and that was also boring. We put new batteries in my SKZ light stick. Boring still.

Henry said just now, “we can go to Lake Chautauqua. Smrobly not.” UGH he’s not allowed to say smrobly??!! After decades of making fun of me for it??

1:36pm: Henry is driving so chaotically and now I feel car sick which almost never happens. Also we stopped at the rest stop in NY we always stop at with this iconic pedestrian bridge:

But they completely renovated it so now it’s basically like a mall food court and it was PACKED. I said NOPE and we left so now I have to pee and I’m starving. Standard for our road trips. Always disappointed in the food dept.

1:46pm: Wish us luck.

Also, Henry picked the worst / slowest line as usual.

2:13pm: OMG OMG OMG we just had the most amazing border experience.

When we said why we’re coming to Canada (“concert in Toronto”) the border guy laughed and said “Oh that kpop group right” and I said “Yeah actually – Stray Kids” (I was leaning over Henry and being the passenger seat mouthpiece, because this was my time to shine now) Border guy goes, “SERIOUSLY?? I was joking! You guys are…not the target demographic!”

He actually chatted with us about it for a few minutes, asking how we got into Kpop, etc which held the line up and everyone behind us probably hated us. I said “We like it so much that we got married in Korea” and he was like “GET OUT! OK you are blowing my mind!”

He told us he just saw AC/DC in Cleveland with a buddy and how Angus Young is still so awesome for his age etc. It was hands down the best experience we’ve had at the border lol.

Anyway, that was a fun and heartwarming interaction that I will think about a lot. Sigh. Canada, can we stay?

3:25pm: Update – i finally had “lunch” at Tim Hortons. They had a pretty good cilantro lime veggie wrap which felt moderately healthy and didn’t make me sick.

3:41pm: We lost service and I said “But how is the map still mapping?” Henry started to mansplain the FUCK out of that and I quickly cut him off to say, “ok great I don’t care anymore. Everything you say is sooo boring.”

“Yeah but you learn something from it,” he said smugly, like how cocky???

“No, actually, I don’t. I actively do not remember a single thing you tell me.”

4:08pm: fucking finally! Also I hate how it always says his name on the TV.

4:46pm/ train time.

5:46pm: other people stopped to take a picture so i had to as well.

7:12pm: Made it to Left Field Brewery on foot.

the beers – mid

Vegan Chicago dog was pretty good but not pictured is the absolutely exquisite vegan chicken sandwich that I gained in a food trade with Henry. (“That’s what a great husband I am, I order from the vegan menu so that I can share with you.” Oh here we go, martyrdom reaching.)

Apparently there is a soccer game happening right down the street so everyone came here in their matching shirts to pregame and it is LOUD.

Henry confirms that he thought the hot dog was good but they didn’t capture the essence of a true Chicago dog. I have never had one even in my non-veggie days so I can’t add to this commentary.

The Commodores “Lady” is on right now and this song has always made me feel a strong level of comfort because I relate it to my childhood at my Pappap’s house in case you care. I have had not even a whole flight (I didn’t like 2 of my beers and passed them onto Henry the Sink) but I’m kind of drunkish.

WOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOW

8:08pm: we’re here now:

The beers are significantly better than the last place and ironically one that we like a lot so far is a collab with the last brewery lol.

Also on the way here:

Accidental sloshy foot selfie.

8:48pm: wow what a shocker Henry trying to decode a trolley schedule.

Also we passed an Amazing Pride dance party under a bridge and I was so inspired. But I have Henry with me ughhh.

You guys I’m buzzzy.

8:52pm: We just got on the trolley and Henry’s phone got an error when he tried to pay so I stuck my phone over and it worked for me so I said GOODBYE and trounced away while he was left to struggle on his own. He thinks it was my fault though bc the error message said “multiple cards detected” and he said it was because I was standing too close lol ok bro. Keep white knighting yourself and your pubtrans trials and tribs.

9:17pm: at Union Station after taking a trolley where I tried to psychically latch on to a group of 4 fun people. HENRY NEVER LOOKS WHERE HE IS WALKING AND ALWAYS COLLIDES WITH SOMEONE HE IS SUCH AN OAF. I am so embarrassed.

9:26pm: He just had the audacity to tell me where to sit so I walked far away from him and sat somewhere by myself didn’t ever fucking tell me what to do bro. Dumb white man.

Also, I took this of Henry outside of Something in the Water.

9:34pm: this broad just ran over and stood RIGHT UP IN MY FACE LIKE WHAT. Henry noticed from his TIME OUT corner and took this picture:

Now he’s sitting next to me and I’m like “hi I didn’t invite you here?”

9:39pm:

11:09pm: Now we’re driving around in the car like idiots because Henry wants ice cream and every place is either super crowded or a SIT DOWN ESTABLISHMENT and we just want it to go, actually I don’t want it AT ALL, I just want to go to the hotel and sleep.

“What was Daddy Warbucks’ secretary’s name? I can’t believe I can’t remember!” I cried, to which Henry was like, “I certainly do not know and also, why??”

It was because right before that, he read out loud the sign on a restaurant that said something about Punjabi flavors which obviously made me think of Punjab from my beloved Annie and in my mind, I started replaying scenes and then blanked on her mane – it’s Grace, btw.

Anyway I googled Punjab and did you know that the actor who played him was apparently more well-known for being the voice 7Up’s “Uncola”?! Who cares that he won Tonys for his direction and costume design for the Wiz and something to do with Eartha Kitt, I already forget.

Ok I’m signing off. We’re almost to the hotel and I am exhausted. We walked almost 20,000 steps which isn’t a lot considering one time in Toronto, we walked over 40,000 which was my first time unlocking that foot-on-pavement level!

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8:36am: We just left a Greensburg Sheetz, en route to Philly to get Chooch mostly-moved out. Henry’s breakfast sandwich is making the car stink of b.o. so bad and also I looked over right as he pulled a LONG onion tendril out with his teeth and I started gagging.

“Why are you laughing??” he demanded.

“I’m gagging, thank you very much.”

Anyway, I’m using this time in the car to also do a photo dump from the last week so I can stop being so behind on blogging.

Here are some pictures from our Sunday visit to our fave, Pink Box, for some pre-cemetery walk treats:

Seriously love this place so much, love supporting it, love their delicious treats! Please stay forever, Pink Box.

I got this giant pineapple croissant because I needed croissant redemption after that shitty bread-lump that I was served at Penn brewery the day before. Oh and while I’m at it, let me state for the record that I hate them even more now because I messaged them on IG re: the Kennywood edition of their (shitty) lemon shandy. I specifically said LEMON because there is a strawberry shandy that comes in the Kennywood six-pack. Whoever answered me said that YES the KENNYWOOD LEMON SHANDY was available at the brewery in the KENNYWOOD CANS. So Henry went out (twice because the first time he forgot to check their hours and they were closed lol) and that same shitty bartender lady tried to sell him the REGULAR six-pack and he was like NO, THE KENNYWOOD ONE PLZ and she said NO.

So I responded again and my message was SEEN but not replied to. Fuck you Penn Brewery.

Anyway, my Pink Box croissant was so satisfying.

Homewood Cemetery has the most beautiful pond. We come here all the time (miss not having Chooch with us) and just stand there looking at tadpoles, turtles, etc. like it’s nature porn.

P.S. I had to wear glasses for nearly a week because whatever allergies/sinus ailment I had made my one eye red under the iris. It didn’t hurt at all but it made me nervous. Not nervous enough to get it looked at by anyone other than Henry though. Haha.

—————-

9:21am: We still have 3:32 hours left ugh. And it’s raining. We’re listening to the Stray Kids DominATE set list now but this came up earlier and cracked me up:

10:14am: LOL I texted Janna and asked her to do me a HUGE FAVOR because that’s just the sort of text everyone wishes to receive out of the blue (갑자기) and after waiting AN HOUR for her respond, I asked her to message Penn Brewery about the cans and she said SURE.

LOL. I AM GOING TO SUE THEM FOR FALSE ADVERTISING.

In other non-on-the-road news, we are still in the process of getting the wardrobe and dresser set up. Henry spent all last weekend tediously trying to fold all of my T-shirts because I just ball them up and punch them into the drawers. He even ordered a T-shirt folder and taught me how to use it so I can fold my own shirts going foward lol. But anyway, everything is removed from the old dressers and they are currently bashed into pieces in the dumpster at Henry’s work. (Trust me, I’m all for upcycling but these were TRASHED. It was so bad & aggravating, trying to access clothes in the condition BOTH dressers were in.)

10:20am: Henry just gave me a quizzical look because he looked over and saw me crying.

I was thinking about G-Dragon. Lol.

12:31pm:

Me: Do I have to do anything when we get there?

Henry: like what?

Me: Help.

Henry: That’s hilarious. I just brought you along for company.

Lololol.

Speaking of Henry, did you know he moonlights as my inhouse matcha barista?

Of course this is Nami Matcha, their new strawberry-infused blend. It is sooo good. The strawberry essence is subtle and natural, but not artificial tasting at all.

And here’s some Penelope pics:

2:09pm: this is very tedious and frustrating lol.

2:30pm:

Me: I’m sweating!

Henry: from carrying that poster?

lol srsly that was pretty much the extent of what I did.

3:16pm: we had lunch with Chooch at GFG Cafe and it was delectable. Veggie mousakka!

And we finally got to meet FOUR of his friends finally, two of them he’s rooming with next year.

What a whirlwind day. Now we’re heading out. I let Chooch off the hug hook this time around since we’ll see him on Saturday!!

Bye Drexel!

5:31pm: Still in the car, trying not to have a heart attack while reading updates on the Orange Psycho’s war on Californians. Trying to balance it with G-Dragon content.

Speaking of, my fan club members only version of his mini-lightstick arrived on Friday :)

6:07pm: It’s really sad that we have made this trip so many times that we recognized the last working at the 7/11 at whatever rest stop we just left. (Blue Mountain or something.)

Also Henry bought a Mr. Beast Feastible because he was influenced by Jake Webber.

7:06pm: Just left this cutie rest stop:

We’re listening to Kurt Travis and getting so stoked to see him again next month and by we I mean me. “Isn’t his voice so pretty?” I said to Henry.

“I guess?”

Ugh.

9:42pm: We’ve been home for an hour. Byeeee!!

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8:09am: we just left to drive Chooch back to Philly :( Running behind schedule because

1. He wasn’t fully packed
2. He “lost” his wallet (it was on his bed but he didn’t realize he didn’t have it until we were getting in the car

Anyway, I didn’t plan this but my nail polish perfectly matches my windbreaker so then I had to swap out my shoes and purse to complete the coordination. Not seen – pendant that also got the memo.

8:40am: Sheetz update! Henry is bitching because we spent over $40 like we just went to a restaurant for breakfast. Then Henry thought he was a hero because he held the door open for a man exiting with a case of Mountain Dew but I ALSO HELD A DOOR OPEN FOR HIM?! Then right as Henry was getting ready to start the car, the Mountain Dew guy pulled up alongside of us in his white stallion truck to signal that Henry’s DRINK WAS ON THE ROOF OF THE CAR. It was a real wholesome moment like a scene out of Donna Reed or some shit. Henry did the “another mans is talkin’ to me” hyuk hyuk, his standard response.

9:52am: CHOOCH IS/WAS READING A BOOK. Apparently I disrupted him by telling Henry I need to pee so that drew attention to him at which point I started bombarding him with questions and then Henry was like HE IS READING A BOOK! and I almost broke neck trying to turn around to see. It’s a Brandon Sanderson book and I said “I want to read his books but they’re like 800 pages.”

“I know,” Chooch grunted.

“That doesn’t look like it’s 800 pages,” Henry said.

“That’s because it broke and the other part is in my dorm,” Chooch said. Sounds about right. It’s also not his book but his friend Ben’s in case anyone needs to note that in the log.

10:13am: First rest stop of the drive in Bedford and Chooch realized that he forgot something.

“My Rubik’s Cube!” he cried. Oh to the well.

Then it took him forever to decide what snack he wanted from 7-seven and Henry was so annoyed and ughhhh I’m going to miss this. :(

12:57pm: In traffic outside of Philly. Chooch and I slept most of the ride haha. But now he and Henry are arguing because chooch put the window down. “THE AC IS ON!” Henry bellowed. And chooch mouthed off back and then Henry angrily twisted the AC knob to OFF and is pouting now. Welcome us, Philly! We’re here!

Also this was happening during the Jennie / Dua Lipa “Handlebars” song and I yelled at them for ruining it for me.

“I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS!” chooch yelled. Wowowowow.

I can’t remember if it was our flight to Korea but on some recent long-haul flight I listened to a Dua Lipa playlist on the inflight entertainment thing for nearly the whole flight while playing some number game and Chooch was disgusted.

1:27pm:

1:51pm: We’re here! First Henry to go back to get his phone in the garage because he’s an idiot so Chooch and I ditched him because we had to pee.

In that building back there! There are also bunnies roaming the grounds everywhere over there which is cute but weird.

College bathroom selfie!

Now we’re waiting for gross SEPTA to take us downtown.

2:25pm: well no one was paying attention and we passed the stop (to be fair no one told me where we were going) so we ended up having to walk a bit which was a big Lost in Korea mood with Henry and Chooch bickering. It warmed my heart.

But anyway we had to put our name in at Bae Bombon so we came next door to Black Turtle Coffee where the most agitated girl waited on us but whatever. We have iced drinks and are sitting peacefully in wait.

5:56pm: Henry and I are on our way home now. :( Another lackluster goodbye from our son lol.

We did finally eating at Bar Bombon and it was good but S H E E S H getting a table was an ordeal and I said no less than 17 times that I wanted to just go elsewhere. We did attempt to go to a place across the street called The Love or something but they had just closed for the between brunch / dinner time.

I got really mad because it appeared that the hostess gave our table to some old bitches who came straight from yoga, rolled mats and all, but Henry the White Knight of Hostesses because it reminds him of the packaged baked goods mmm Ho Hos, insisted that they were ahead of us on Open Table. Ok Henry. You know everything.

Then they tried to give us the lone table in the front right smack in the busy sidewalk after saying that they would seat us inside and I was like NO THANK YOU.

They promised Henry if we could wait a few more minutes they’d have a table for us inside. Overall our 30 minute wait in the beginning turned into over an hour and I was very displeased about that because it was after 3pm and none of us had eaten since around 9 and I especially was getting hangry. Ok I had bypassed hangry and was firmly planted in much mad starving zone.

Henry was all THANK YOU THANK YOU when the hostess finally summoned us and it was so annoying.

But we had the best seat in the place at all – corner table just the way I like it.

I will say this: ambiance was great. Our server was wonderful. The hearts of palm “fish” tacos I ordered were incredible.

However! We also ordered two starters but our tacos came first (and actually surprisingly fast) and we were told like 3x that our starters would be out soon, then our server was like “let me go check on those starters.” Approx 15 minutes after we finished our tacos, the starters came and Henry joked that they were finishers now but Chooch and I didn’t laugh because that was dumb so you better not have laughed either.

We got some kind of yuca sticks on a pool of nacho (?) sauce which was really good but now what I was expecting. I thought the yuca would be like fries and crispy but they were soft.

And a plate of sweet plantains. I love plantains so much.

Overall it ended up being a good meal but kind of not worth the wait and probably won’t be going back.

We opted to walk back to Drexel after that because I always like to walk after eating a big (to me) meal. MAYBE THAT IS JUST ME. And it’s a really nice walk too. Flat, scenic, and only about 20 minutes.

7:01pm: Checking in to say I’m on my biannual Danity Kane nostalgia tour. This time it’s because Henry said that one of Jennie’s new songs reminds him of a Danity Kane song and I said WILD BC JISOO’S EARTHQUAKE REMINDS ME OF DANITY KANE. (Jennie and Jisoo are both from Blackpink for any anti-kpop person who might themselves reading this).

So now we’re listening to Danity Kane. Fuck you, Diddy. Truly.

Anyway back to Philly – here are some pics from the walk:

I sent this to Corey and he asked me if I wrote that? I mean I’m a Stay but I don’t like them THAT much lol.

The sidewalk was closed at one point and Henry and Chooch were arguing about this. I thought I heard Henry say something about having to go underground so I screamed “we get to go understand?”

Chooch said to him, “Great, now you have her saying that.”

LOL wow.

But seriously I kept asking “when are we going underground though?” And they’d yell in tandem, “We’re not!!”

Then we split up so Henry could go back to the garage to get the car while Chooch and I continued on to his dorm. We were sitting outside when he causally said that I might be able to meet his ROMANIAN friend Bianca!!! She had just made it back to Philly. “Actually there she is right there” and then I fucking spazzed out. “WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HER??!”

“Oh my god please don’t make this weird. I shouldn’t have said anything,” he groaned as she was quickly approaching.

Turns out it didn’t matter because she came over and they briefly chatted about who else was back and then she went inside.

“Wow she didn’t even look at you,” Chooch laughed.

“Yeah thanks for introducing me!” I cried.

“Maybe she thought you were just another student,” he shrugged.

“OMG REALLY!” I squealed, mood instantly brightened. I mean, we really weren’t sitting that close and I was swinging my legs like a kid on a playground with my telephone purse on my lap. Just ignore my gray hairs and crows feet lol.

Then Henry came back and we had to take Chooch’s shit up to his room and he yelled at Henry repeatedly for stepping on his purple shag carpet which is remarkably clean I must say.

Before we left, I wanted to see the place he’ll be living next year. We couldn’t do much other than go on in the lobby but it’s this tall bitchin’ building behind him:

the final stop was the 7-Eleven near his dorm because he spent all week talking about how they have the best croissants – this location specifically. I mean I’m sure the entire country of France would like to weigh in on that but OK. I wanted to try for myself.

I mean, it was better than the one I had that morning but that was from Sheetz, so. For $1-ish (and for a convenience store) it was decent?

Anyway, it is. Ow 9:46pm and we have another hour left in this drive. Ugh. Signing off.

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On our way back to Chicago for another concert! NCT127 this time and I am so excited – their last time in the US was 2022 and even though they’re down 2 members due to military enlistment and 1 due to being a garbage human, I gotta go and support the rest of them.

1. Corey Haim 2.0

G-Dragon’s return has made me feel alive again. The pure joy and excitement I have felt this past week after his new album dropped is reminding me of…well, what it used to feel like to be me before 2024 came and terrorized my soul. But with this has also come the ADMITTEDLY DELULU dream of GD being my soulmate (lol I can’t even type this without cracking up at how much of an asshole I am). Since Henry is my best friend, I told him that I have two fantasy scenarios in which I meet GD and he falls in love with me:

• 1. We meet TOTALLY BY RANDOM at the Warhol Museum where I pretend to not know him and we instantly imprint on each other probably in the cloud balloon room if that’s even still there after making eye contact in a balloon’s reflection and then we both smile at each other and for some reason he really likes my Sloth face. Then he comes to my house because he’s hiding from sasaeng fans and I have to run around hiding all of my kpop stuff when he’s not looking and then everything is going fine until he sees the pictures of Korea on the wall (I do tell him that I’ve been to Korea but not bc of Kpop) and he’s really impressed and happy that I admire his country’s culture but then he’s like “why do you have a picture with my dad.“

• 2. Pretend that I do know him but I’m very respectful and address him as Jiyong-ssi and speak to him in my jilted Korean and even though I’m a fan he can tell I’m NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS and we imprint on each other and then Dispatch announces on January 1 of the next year that G-Dragon has been secretly dating AN AMERICAN WHITE GIRL who is also kind of fat but love is blind to quote a classic GD track. Then we get married and Taeyang performs at our reception. I guess somewhere along the way I divorce Henry (I think we actually have to go back to Korea if we ever need to get divorced haha).

I mean to be fair this COULD happen because I have been sporadically commenting “Come to Pittsburgh – we have the Warhol Museum” on his IG posts since 2017.

(In case you didn’t know, GD is a big art enthusiast. Duh.)

I was just telling Henry that I haven’t felt this crazy maniacal desperate obsessed with a celeb since I was a kid and only had eyes and room in my head for thoughts about Corey Haim. I had it BAD and that is what this is. This is Corey Haim Syndrome, Adult Years.

And then:

“Wow, GD likes so many posts he’s tagged in on IG. Maybe that’s how I can bait him. What should I post a picture of though?

“You at the Warhol,” Henry mumbled.

2. Priestley Pillow

Piggybacking off the Corey Haim reference, when 90210 first came out I obviously was all about it. I mean, I was in middle school, come on. My dad INSISTED that I “had the hots” for Jason Priestley?! This boiled my blood because hello, Luke Perry?!

One day, of my idiot parents came home with a fucking heart-shaped pillow with Jason Priestley’s face on it and they would take turns whaling it at me.

It was so annoying to me BECAUSE I LOVED LUKE PERRY so I eventually gave the pillow to our German shepherd Rama who did his thang with that effer.

3. PARKING DRAMA REVISITED

There’s always some element of parking drama going on in my neighborhood but last year, the Catholic church across the street brought us all together by becoming our common enemy when they pounded a sign into the ground like a crucifix warning that NO OVERNIGHT PARKING WAS ALLOWED AND ALL VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED.

I thought I had bitched about that on here when it happened last winter but I guess not – all you need to know is that it threw a lot of in a tailspin because we live in duplexes with garages that are old and narrow so no one actually parks in them, and street parking is not recommended on our block because our street is basically a speedway and accidents happen A LOT.

So we had to work with our neighbors to basically Tetris our cars into one shared driveway. It was fine in the end but annoying.

Eventually, everyone started ignoring the sign and parking over there again with no consequences lol. What are they doing to do, sic God on us.

Anyway!!!! Last Friday I went out for my morning walk and noticed all the cars (mind you, there are only a handful of people who park over there and also the employees from the behavioral health house on our block and the lot is HUGE) had bright orange notices on the windshields. I threw ours out but it said something about NEW MANAGEMENT and NO PARKING WITHOUT A PERMIT IS ALLOWED.

Ok so now no parking AT ALL?! I will tell you right now that I do not like pulling our car down the driveway and parking next to the house because I’m so afraid I’m going to scrape it. One of my many issues.

HNC’s wife was like I WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS because we all decided that if there was an option to just pay for a permit, that would be preferable. I mean not that I want to be giving money to CHURCH but I’d rather that than have my car sideswiped if I park on the street. Plus, it alleviates the future feuds that are bound to materialize with the neighbors while trying to share space.

Guess what the church said?? THAT THEY HAD NO IDEA WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

Turns out, it was the SMALLER EPISCOPAL CHURCH NEXT DOOR!! And it’s not their lot, it’s the Catholics’!!! They lease part of it to them I guess?! So the Catholic Church was like we don’t care if you park there, we’ll get the bottom of it. So now we created a religious turf war! This is so exciting. I wonder if they will stand in the parking lot and shout holy spells at each other.

Fucking Episcopalians. Also you can see the ignored “no parking” sign in the bottom left lol.

Hopefully when G-Dragon takes me back to Korea with him, I’ll never have to worry about these dumb things again.

4. When Henry Found Out Our Car’s Name

We were just talking about how we have to come back out this way again next month because I bought us tickets to see Onew (from SHINee) in Detroit.

“Do you even like Onew?” I asked Henry because I don’t think I ever actually asked him this before??!!

“I guess I do now,” he mumbled and I didn’t like his lack of enthusiasm.

“Well, I like him a lot!” I huffed. “I mean, our car is even named after him.”

“….it is?” Henry asked in a mumble deep fried in confusion.

“Um hello? Yes? I named the car Jinki the day we bought it?!” (Jinki is Onew’s real Korean name.)

So then I had to look up the blog post where the nomenclature was so declared along with a picture of an Onew poca with the car in the background. God!!!

Anyway, a little while later I put on an Onew song and Henry knew it was him so there’s that at least.

________________________________________

INTERLUDE: we’re discussing the upcoming G-Dragon tour and how it’s going to be scary trying to get tickets etc and for some reason Henry used the word “minuscule.”

“WOW, that’s a big word for you. Did you just learn it from one of your lame podcasts?” I instigated.

“I learned the word ‘cunt’ a long time ago and I’m fixin’ to use it,” Henry muttered. LOL WOW SLOW DOWN BUD.

________________________________________

5. ROADTRIP OREO SUCCESS

Our group chat at work yesterday was named after National Oreos Day and someone shared a picture of some new limited edition Post Malone flavor which sparked debate over classic v. Seasonal flavs. Now, I’m no Posty fan by any stretch of the imagination but when I saw that these are salted caramel & shortbread, I decided I could forget the Post Malone part.

My review that I sent to Nate to pass on to group chat:

I’m glad we didn’t have to buy a full pack. They’re not TERRIBLE but the salted caramel creme is an overwhelmingly powerful flavor and the smell of it was almost off-putting when I opened the package. One cookie is OG chocolate, the other side is shortbread. Worth trying once, will never buy again.

So, that’s that!

Also while we were at the rest stop, we were in line at Dunkin and two moms and their daughters got in line behind us and were practically hanging off my back they were so close AND LOUD. I even sidestepped around Henry to get away from them while saying “Jesus Christ those people are so close” – turns out they were DANCE MOMS with their teenaged DANCERS. Figures. I was like “Can you please not??!!” as they jostled me around in an effort to touch and manhandle every bejeweled coffee tumbler on display next to us.

Ok that concludes this edition of Friday Five.

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9:08am good morning – we are currently in the Liberty tunnels attempting to leave Pgh for the third time this morning. First, we only made it down the street when I wanted to go back and say goodbye to Penelope (hate leaving her even for just overnight now that she’s an Only :/).

Then we made it about 10 minutes away when I realized I left my purse/wallet at home. Between me and Chooch, we are hopeless with our wallets!

Henry ran back into the house to get it and right as we were pulling out of the driveway, I shouted “WAIT! My poca holder!” So he had to go back in and get that too and now it is attached to my hip where it belongs.

Then just now it occurred to me that I should check to see if my light stick works and the batteries are DEAD. So now we have to do that before the concert at some point. Glad I checked! (I also emailed the venue to make sure lightsticks are allowed since this isn’t a kpop-specific concert and they said YES. I saved the email in case there are ISSUES.

10:49am: obligatory rest stop selfie

Looking haggard, my signature style for 2024.

Nothing much has been going on except for spending an hour trying to get today’s Spotle which was FOLK ugh. I did eventually get it but it was an annoying process of elim.

12:54pm: I thought we were there because we crossed a bridge and I saw a city but it’s just TOLEDO ugh fml.

2:32pm: Just left Brooklyn something where I had one of the most mediocre vegan meals of my life.

Vegan oyster mushroom po boy, no thank you. There was something weird about the sauce, I dunno. I did not enjoy it.

Henry got a house made veggie burger and it was also mid.

The servers were annoying. Our original server forgot about us. This was after she tried to offer Henry FAYGO who was like “yeah that’s just what I want to drink” (HE WORKS FOR FAYGO IN CASE U DIDNT KNOW.)

However, on the way inside, I made friends with a black squirrel and then the cook resembled Henry so all was not in vain.

However, I will never dine here again if ever in Detroit.

2:41pm: Now we’re checking into some Motor City casino hotel thing. It’s a vibe.

The lady checking in the people next to us asked if they were going to a concert and they said Justin something and she goes oh I thought maybe you were going to Jingle Ball and I legit leaned over the counter and , my arm shot up into the air, yelled, “We’re going to Jingle Ball!” And she was like “oh yay!” But our check in lady was like mmmmm. But then she explained the shuttle to us so there’s that.

3:10pm: view from the parking garage.

3:16pm: view from the elevator ceiling

We need batteries for my lightstick and Henry said he is going to ask at the front desk where is close by to get batteries and I was like NO THEY MIGHT THINK WE NEED THEM FOR A VIBRATOR because that is the first place my mind went obviously so why not the front desk people too.

UGH he still asked anyway and did it while LEANING into the counter toward the lady and paired it with the creepiest WINK WINK grin whyyyyy. She said the store in the hotel should have them but they’re sold out because everyone else needed them for their vibrators too.

3:46pm: Went to Walgreens where Henry had to push a CUSTOMER SERVICE button for someone to COME TO ELECTRONICS and unlock them for him and somehow I have actually convinced myself that we really are procuring batteries for some disgusting XXX action wtf is wrong with me lol.

4:52pm: the hotel and casino

We are currently walking to the venue because the casino bar is dumb.

5:16pm: Now we’re at Harry’s and Henry is being so annoying.

I’m an IPA girlie in case you didn’t know.

5:25pm: I made Henry check-in his beer with my lightstick in the background hahah.

He’s trying to be an IPA boy but it’s a struggle. He just has the palate of a plebe.

You guys. Why do I think coming to bars is ever a good idea I’m such a dumbo.

6:32pm: Got in line for Jingle Ball and immediately met other NCTzens and they gave me a Renjun pin <3

Effortless entry. Great venue so far.

6:58pm: Um hello

Signing off!!!!

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Hi! It’s 8:36am and we’re on our way to take Chooch back to Philly :( But wouldja look at his COAT??!! He went to the mall with his friends last night and actually found one he liked and I was like USE MY CREDIT CARD I DONT CARE HOW MUCH because I was so happy. Then I found out it’s an Eddie Bauer so say hello to your early Christmas present, son.

10:45am I have spent most of the ride so far arguing with Henry because he put me in charge of looking for somewhere to stop for lunch and you know how much I hate that chore. We just drove past some restaurant in a place called LICKING CREEK and they had a sign hanging that said WELCOME HUNTERS so I flipped out about that because FUCK A HUNTER. “Why do people treat them like heroes when they’re just hick barbarians running wild in the woods with guns??”

And would you believe Henry attempted to “NOT ALL” hunters to me??? Yes, yes you can believe that. Ugh I am so irate.

11:56am: Ugh Henry woke me up from a deep I-might-be-getting-sick sleep because he HAD to stop at Mr. Ed’s candy emporium and then proceeded to only buy stuff for himself. Truly is the worst

Stupid Pez room where I got blocked in by a bunch of feral kids. I really don’t like kids.

Miserable.

Me yelling at him for being miserable and then I yelled at Henry for taking bad pictures as usual.

Henry bought a bag of “9 Variety Pretzels” and first of all 1/4 are disgusting and second, I’m hard pressed to understand how they get 9 varieties when most of them are just different shapes but the same pretzel flavor?! “They should sell these at House of 1000 Beers,” I capped off my seething review.

2:18pm: just ate a place called Root – a vegan place in downtown Lancaster – and Chooch who is suddenly into football was crying because his phone died and he couldn’t watch it and then he was muttering and being a general nuisance so I flipped out and said I was no longer sad to be taking him back to college and he was like WOW and then Henry came back from the bathroom like “what did I miss” while I was in the middle of breaking up with the whole family. Then some brat kid arrived with his dad who was wearing an ironic Xmas sweater and had a hand tattoo of a clock and was probably into, I dunno, sad boy music, came in and sat next to us and the kid was sooooo screechy in his booster seat and the dad must have been on a date because Henry didn’t think she seemed like the mom and Emo Dad totally focused all his attention on her.

Hated them.

What I didn’t hate was the food and the service. We had two servers tag teaming us and they were awesome and friendly.

I got a “Reuben” with avocado, Chooch got an impossible burger, and Henry got a “shrimp” bowl which was very delicious. #beasted

Cool art too!! Featuring the top of my head – my part is really weird today.

2:33pm: “I already know what’s going to happen,” I said. “Chooch is going to move on and never talk to us just like Blake.”

“Do you want to be right?” Chooch asked dryly.

3:12pm: Just left Dutch Haven! Their shoofly pie never disappoints. Unforch, there were two carfuls of a super invasive and rude family who descended upon the shop, causing a commotion and letting their brood run amok. I really just can’t deal with that shit. The screeching. The small feet running through the store and knocking things over. The one kid whacked a row of wind chimes and her dad was like “kids do be, right?”

Also this family had “Rather be at Disney” stickers on their cars and I can’t even imagine the levels of assholeness and entitlement they reserve for Disney.

But it was still ok because we got our pies and pretzels and Chooch got two pencil sharpeners – a slot machine and the Liberty Bell lol ok. They’re made out of pewter or something, I dunno.

oh also I uninvited Chooch to Chingumas when we were at lunch, he had me spiraling out in anger. “And I’m not texting you anymore either!!!”

“Oh no,” he sang with emergency jazz hands.

5:05pm: Chooch is back in his dorm:(

Actually no, strike the frown! I’m still mad at him lol. I tried to make him apologize but he wouldn’t.

I helped him carry stuff into his dorm and wanted desperately to write SEVENTEEN RULZ on someone’s white board but he wouldn’t let me.

Now it’s just me, Henry, and Henry’s nose whistle in the car. :( For the next 5.5 hours.

7:46pm: Henry and I are back on speaking terms after he finally apologized for not being able to read my mind three rest stops ago. This ride is so boring. Especially when we’re not talking lol.

9:32pm: I couldn’t wait until I got home – I had to watch Seventeen’s Disney performance on YouTube and it was so pure, as were the comments on ABC’s Instagram post, which is always scary when an American TV channel is promoting Kpop because that tends to bring the racists out in droves. But it was all good and supportive <3

Well I guess on that note, I’ll just publish this. We have 40 minutes left and most of that will probably just be us talking about Seventeen because, #CaratCouple

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