8:09am: we just left to drive Chooch back to Philly :( Running behind schedule because

1. He wasn’t fully packed
2. He “lost” his wallet (it was on his bed but he didn’t realize he didn’t have it until we were getting in the car

Anyway, I didn’t plan this but my nail polish perfectly matches my windbreaker so then I had to swap out my shoes and purse to complete the coordination. Not seen – pendant that also got the memo.

8:40am: Sheetz update! Henry is bitching because we spent over $40 like we just went to a restaurant for breakfast. Then Henry thought he was a hero because he held the door open for a man exiting with a case of Mountain Dew but I ALSO HELD A DOOR OPEN FOR HIM?! Then right as Henry was getting ready to start the car, the Mountain Dew guy pulled up alongside of us in his white stallion truck to signal that Henry’s DRINK WAS ON THE ROOF OF THE CAR. It was a real wholesome moment like a scene out of Donna Reed or some shit. Henry did the “another mans is talkin’ to me” hyuk hyuk, his standard response.

9:52am: CHOOCH IS/WAS READING A BOOK. Apparently I disrupted him by telling Henry I need to pee so that drew attention to him at which point I started bombarding him with questions and then Henry was like HE IS READING A BOOK! and I almost broke neck trying to turn around to see. It’s a Brandon Sanderson book and I said “I want to read his books but they’re like 800 pages.”

“I know,” Chooch grunted.

“That doesn’t look like it’s 800 pages,” Henry said.

“That’s because it broke and the other part is in my dorm,” Chooch said. Sounds about right. It’s also not his book but his friend Ben’s in case anyone needs to note that in the log.

10:13am: First rest stop of the drive in Bedford and Chooch realized that he forgot something.

“My Rubik’s Cube!” he cried. Oh to the well.

Then it took him forever to decide what snack he wanted from 7-seven and Henry was so annoyed and ughhhh I’m going to miss this. :(

12:57pm: In traffic outside of Philly. Chooch and I slept most of the ride haha. But now he and Henry are arguing because chooch put the window down. “THE AC IS ON!” Henry bellowed. And chooch mouthed off back and then Henry angrily twisted the AC knob to OFF and is pouting now. Welcome us, Philly! We’re here!

Also this was happening during the Jennie / Dua Lipa “Handlebars” song and I yelled at them for ruining it for me.

“I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS!” chooch yelled. Wowowowow.

I can’t remember if it was our flight to Korea but on some recent long-haul flight I listened to a Dua Lipa playlist on the inflight entertainment thing for nearly the whole flight while playing some number game and Chooch was disgusted.

1:27pm:

1:51pm: We’re here! First Henry to go back to get his phone in the garage because he’s an idiot so Chooch and I ditched him because we had to pee.

In that building back there! There are also bunnies roaming the grounds everywhere over there which is cute but weird.

College bathroom selfie!

Now we’re waiting for gross SEPTA to take us downtown.

2:25pm: well no one was paying attention and we passed the stop (to be fair no one told me where we were going) so we ended up having to walk a bit which was a big Lost in Korea mood with Henry and Chooch bickering. It warmed my heart.

But anyway we had to put our name in at Bae Bombon so we came next door to Black Turtle Coffee where the most agitated girl waited on us but whatever. We have iced drinks and are sitting peacefully in wait.

5:56pm: Henry and I are on our way home now. :( Another lackluster goodbye from our son lol.

We did finally eating at Bar Bombon and it was good but S H E E S H getting a table was an ordeal and I said no less than 17 times that I wanted to just go elsewhere. We did attempt to go to a place across the street called The Love or something but they had just closed for the between brunch / dinner time.

I got really mad because it appeared that the hostess gave our table to some old bitches who came straight from yoga, rolled mats and all, but Henry the White Knight of Hostesses because it reminds him of the packaged baked goods mmm Ho Hos, insisted that they were ahead of us on Open Table. Ok Henry. You know everything.

Then they tried to give us the lone table in the front right smack in the busy sidewalk after saying that they would seat us inside and I was like NO THANK YOU.

They promised Henry if we could wait a few more minutes they’d have a table for us inside. Overall our 30 minute wait in the beginning turned into over an hour and I was very displeased about that because it was after 3pm and none of us had eaten since around 9 and I especially was getting hangry. Ok I had bypassed hangry and was firmly planted in much mad starving zone.

Henry was all THANK YOU THANK YOU when the hostess finally summoned us and it was so annoying.

But we had the best seat in the place at all – corner table just the way I like it.

I will say this: ambiance was great. Our server was wonderful. The hearts of palm “fish” tacos I ordered were incredible.

However! We also ordered two starters but our tacos came first (and actually surprisingly fast) and we were told like 3x that our starters would be out soon, then our server was like “let me go check on those starters.” Approx 15 minutes after we finished our tacos, the starters came and Henry joked that they were finishers now but Chooch and I didn’t laugh because that was dumb so you better not have laughed either.

We got some kind of yuca sticks on a pool of nacho (?) sauce which was really good but now what I was expecting. I thought the yuca would be like fries and crispy but they were soft.

And a plate of sweet plantains. I love plantains so much.

Overall it ended up being a good meal but kind of not worth the wait and probably won’t be going back.

We opted to walk back to Drexel after that because I always like to walk after eating a big (to me) meal. MAYBE THAT IS JUST ME. And it’s a really nice walk too. Flat, scenic, and only about 20 minutes.

7:01pm: Checking in to say I’m on my biannual Danity Kane nostalgia tour. This time it’s because Henry said that one of Jennie’s new songs reminds him of a Danity Kane song and I said WILD BC JISOO’S EARTHQUAKE REMINDS ME OF DANITY KANE. (Jennie and Jisoo are both from Blackpink for any anti-kpop person who might themselves reading this).

So now we’re listening to Danity Kane. Fuck you, Diddy. Truly.

Anyway back to Philly – here are some pics from the walk:

I sent this to Corey and he asked me if I wrote that? I mean I’m a Stay but I don’t like them THAT much lol.

The sidewalk was closed at one point and Henry and Chooch were arguing about this. I thought I heard Henry say something about having to go underground so I screamed “we get to go understand?”

Chooch said to him, “Great, now you have her saying that.”

LOL wow.

But seriously I kept asking “when are we going underground though?” And they’d yell in tandem, “We’re not!!”

Then we split up so Henry could go back to the garage to get the car while Chooch and I continued on to his dorm. We were sitting outside when he causally said that I might be able to meet his ROMANIAN friend Bianca!!! She had just made it back to Philly. “Actually there she is right there” and then I fucking spazzed out. “WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HER??!”

“Oh my god please don’t make this weird. I shouldn’t have said anything,” he groaned as she was quickly approaching.

Turns out it didn’t matter because she came over and they briefly chatted about who else was back and then she went inside.

“Wow she didn’t even look at you,” Chooch laughed.

“Yeah thanks for introducing me!” I cried.

“Maybe she thought you were just another student,” he shrugged.

“OMG REALLY!” I squealed, mood instantly brightened. I mean, we really weren’t sitting that close and I was swinging my legs like a kid on a playground with my telephone purse on my lap. Just ignore my gray hairs and crows feet lol.

Then Henry came back and we had to take Chooch’s shit up to his room and he yelled at Henry repeatedly for stepping on his purple shag carpet which is remarkably clean I must say.

Before we left, I wanted to see the place he’ll be living next year. We couldn’t do much other than go on in the lobby but it’s this tall bitchin’ building behind him:

the final stop was the 7-Eleven near his dorm because he spent all week talking about how they have the best croissants – this location specifically. I mean I’m sure the entire country of France would like to weigh in on that but OK. I wanted to try for myself.

I mean, it was better than the one I had that morning but that was from Sheetz, so. For $1-ish (and for a convenience store) it was decent?

Anyway, it is. Ow 9:46pm and we have another hour left in this drive. Ugh. Signing off.

On our way back to Chicago for another concert! NCT127 this time and I am so excited – their last time in the US was 2022 and even though they’re down 2 members due to military enlistment and 1 due to being a garbage human, I gotta go and support the rest of them.

1. Corey Haim 2.0

G-Dragon’s return has made me feel alive again. The pure joy and excitement I have felt this past week after his new album dropped is reminding me of…well, what it used to feel like to be me before 2024 came and terrorized my soul. But with this has also come the ADMITTEDLY DELULU dream of GD being my soulmate (lol I can’t even type this without cracking up at how much of an asshole I am). Since Henry is my best friend, I told him that I have two fantasy scenarios in which I meet GD and he falls in love with me:

• 1. We meet TOTALLY BY RANDOM at the Warhol Museum where I pretend to not know him and we instantly imprint on each other probably in the cloud balloon room if that’s even still there after making eye contact in a balloon’s reflection and then we both smile at each other and for some reason he really likes my Sloth face. Then he comes to my house because he’s hiding from sasaeng fans and I have to run around hiding all of my kpop stuff when he’s not looking and then everything is going fine until he sees the pictures of Korea on the wall (I do tell him that I’ve been to Korea but not bc of Kpop) and he’s really impressed and happy that I admire his country’s culture but then he’s like “why do you have a picture with my dad.“

• 2. Pretend that I do know him but I’m very respectful and address him as Jiyong-ssi and speak to him in my jilted Korean and even though I’m a fan he can tell I’m NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS and we imprint on each other and then Dispatch announces on January 1 of the next year that G-Dragon has been secretly dating AN AMERICAN WHITE GIRL who is also kind of fat but love is blind to quote a classic GD track. Then we get married and Taeyang performs at our reception. I guess somewhere along the way I divorce Henry (I think we actually have to go back to Korea if we ever need to get divorced haha).

I mean to be fair this COULD happen because I have been sporadically commenting “Come to Pittsburgh – we have the Warhol Museum” on his IG posts since 2017.

(In case you didn’t know, GD is a big art enthusiast. Duh.)

I was just telling Henry that I haven’t felt this crazy maniacal desperate obsessed with a celeb since I was a kid and only had eyes and room in my head for thoughts about Corey Haim. I had it BAD and that is what this is. This is Corey Haim Syndrome, Adult Years.

And then:

“Wow, GD likes so many posts he’s tagged in on IG. Maybe that’s how I can bait him. What should I post a picture of though?

“You at the Warhol,” Henry mumbled.

2. Priestley Pillow

Piggybacking off the Corey Haim reference, when 90210 first came out I obviously was all about it. I mean, I was in middle school, come on. My dad INSISTED that I “had the hots” for Jason Priestley?! This boiled my blood because hello, Luke Perry?!

One day, of my idiot parents came home with a fucking heart-shaped pillow with Jason Priestley’s face on it and they would take turns whaling it at me.

It was so annoying to me BECAUSE I LOVED LUKE PERRY so I eventually gave the pillow to our German shepherd Rama who did his thang with that effer.

3. PARKING DRAMA REVISITED

There’s always some element of parking drama going on in my neighborhood but last year, the Catholic church across the street brought us all together by becoming our common enemy when they pounded a sign into the ground like a crucifix warning that NO OVERNIGHT PARKING WAS ALLOWED AND ALL VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED.

I thought I had bitched about that on here when it happened last winter but I guess not – all you need to know is that it threw a lot of in a tailspin because we live in duplexes with garages that are old and narrow so no one actually parks in them, and street parking is not recommended on our block because our street is basically a speedway and accidents happen A LOT.

So we had to work with our neighbors to basically Tetris our cars into one shared driveway. It was fine in the end but annoying.

Eventually, everyone started ignoring the sign and parking over there again with no consequences lol. What are they doing to do, sic God on us.

Anyway!!!! Last Friday I went out for my morning walk and noticed all the cars (mind you, there are only a handful of people who park over there and also the employees from the behavioral health house on our block and the lot is HUGE) had bright orange notices on the windshields. I threw ours out but it said something about NEW MANAGEMENT and NO PARKING WITHOUT A PERMIT IS ALLOWED.

Ok so now no parking AT ALL?! I will tell you right now that I do not like pulling our car down the driveway and parking next to the house because I’m so afraid I’m going to scrape it. One of my many issues.

HNC’s wife was like I WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS because we all decided that if there was an option to just pay for a permit, that would be preferable. I mean not that I want to be giving money to CHURCH but I’d rather that than have my car sideswiped if I park on the street. Plus, it alleviates the future feuds that are bound to materialize with the neighbors while trying to share space.

Guess what the church said?? THAT THEY HAD NO IDEA WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

Turns out, it was the SMALLER EPISCOPAL CHURCH NEXT DOOR!! And it’s not their lot, it’s the Catholics’!!! They lease part of it to them I guess?! So the Catholic Church was like we don’t care if you park there, we’ll get the bottom of it. So now we created a religious turf war! This is so exciting. I wonder if they will stand in the parking lot and shout holy spells at each other.

Fucking Episcopalians. Also you can see the ignored “no parking” sign in the bottom left lol.

Hopefully when G-Dragon takes me back to Korea with him, I’ll never have to worry about these dumb things again.

4. When Henry Found Out Our Car’s Name

We were just talking about how we have to come back out this way again next month because I bought us tickets to see Onew (from SHINee) in Detroit.

“Do you even like Onew?” I asked Henry because I don’t think I ever actually asked him this before??!!

“I guess I do now,” he mumbled and I didn’t like his lack of enthusiasm.

“Well, I like him a lot!” I huffed. “I mean, our car is even named after him.”

“….it is?” Henry asked in a mumble deep fried in confusion.

“Um hello? Yes? I named the car Jinki the day we bought it?!” (Jinki is Onew’s real Korean name.)

So then I had to look up the blog post where the nomenclature was so declared along with a picture of an Onew poca with the car in the background. God!!!

Anyway, a little while later I put on an Onew song and Henry knew it was him so there’s that at least.

________________________________________

INTERLUDE: we’re discussing the upcoming G-Dragon tour and how it’s going to be scary trying to get tickets etc and for some reason Henry used the word “minuscule.”

“WOW, that’s a big word for you. Did you just learn it from one of your lame podcasts?” I instigated.

“I learned the word ‘cunt’ a long time ago and I’m fixin’ to use it,” Henry muttered. LOL WOW SLOW DOWN BUD.

________________________________________

5. ROADTRIP OREO SUCCESS

Our group chat at work yesterday was named after National Oreos Day and someone shared a picture of some new limited edition Post Malone flavor which sparked debate over classic v. Seasonal flavs. Now, I’m no Posty fan by any stretch of the imagination but when I saw that these are salted caramel & shortbread, I decided I could forget the Post Malone part.

My review that I sent to Nate to pass on to group chat:

I’m glad we didn’t have to buy a full pack. They’re not TERRIBLE but the salted caramel creme is an overwhelmingly powerful flavor and the smell of it was almost off-putting when I opened the package. One cookie is OG chocolate, the other side is shortbread. Worth trying once, will never buy again.

So, that’s that!

Also while we were at the rest stop, we were in line at Dunkin and two moms and their daughters got in line behind us and were practically hanging off my back they were so close AND LOUD. I even sidestepped around Henry to get away from them while saying “Jesus Christ those people are so close” – turns out they were DANCE MOMS with their teenaged DANCERS. Figures. I was like “Can you please not??!!” as they jostled me around in an effort to touch and manhandle every bejeweled coffee tumbler on display next to us.

Ok that concludes this edition of Friday Five.

9:08am good morning – we are currently in the Liberty tunnels attempting to leave Pgh for the third time this morning. First, we only made it down the street when I wanted to go back and say goodbye to Penelope (hate leaving her even for just overnight now that she’s an Only :/).

Then we made it about 10 minutes away when I realized I left my purse/wallet at home. Between me and Chooch, we are hopeless with our wallets!

Henry ran back into the house to get it and right as we were pulling out of the driveway, I shouted “WAIT! My poca holder!” So he had to go back in and get that too and now it is attached to my hip where it belongs.

Then just now it occurred to me that I should check to see if my light stick works and the batteries are DEAD. So now we have to do that before the concert at some point. Glad I checked! (I also emailed the venue to make sure lightsticks are allowed since this isn’t a kpop-specific concert and they said YES. I saved the email in case there are ISSUES.

10:49am: obligatory rest stop selfie

Looking haggard, my signature style for 2024.

Nothing much has been going on except for spending an hour trying to get today’s Spotle which was FOLK ugh. I did eventually get it but it was an annoying process of elim.

12:54pm: I thought we were there because we crossed a bridge and I saw a city but it’s just TOLEDO ugh fml.

2:32pm: Just left Brooklyn something where I had one of the most mediocre vegan meals of my life.

Vegan oyster mushroom po boy, no thank you. There was something weird about the sauce, I dunno. I did not enjoy it.

Henry got a house made veggie burger and it was also mid.

The servers were annoying. Our original server forgot about us. This was after she tried to offer Henry FAYGO who was like “yeah that’s just what I want to drink” (HE WORKS FOR FAYGO IN CASE U DIDNT KNOW.)

However, on the way inside, I made friends with a black squirrel and then the cook resembled Henry so all was not in vain.

However, I will never dine here again if ever in Detroit.

2:41pm: Now we’re checking into some Motor City casino hotel thing. It’s a vibe.

The lady checking in the people next to us asked if they were going to a concert and they said Justin something and she goes oh I thought maybe you were going to Jingle Ball and I legit leaned over the counter and , my arm shot up into the air, yelled, “We’re going to Jingle Ball!” And she was like “oh yay!” But our check in lady was like mmmmm. But then she explained the shuttle to us so there’s that.

3:10pm: view from the parking garage.

3:16pm: view from the elevator ceiling

We need batteries for my lightstick and Henry said he is going to ask at the front desk where is close by to get batteries and I was like NO THEY MIGHT THINK WE NEED THEM FOR A VIBRATOR because that is the first place my mind went obviously so why not the front desk people too.

UGH he still asked anyway and did it while LEANING into the counter toward the lady and paired it with the creepiest WINK WINK grin whyyyyy. She said the store in the hotel should have them but they’re sold out because everyone else needed them for their vibrators too.

3:46pm: Went to Walgreens where Henry had to push a CUSTOMER SERVICE button for someone to COME TO ELECTRONICS and unlock them for him and somehow I have actually convinced myself that we really are procuring batteries for some disgusting XXX action wtf is wrong with me lol.

4:52pm: the hotel and casino

We are currently walking to the venue because the casino bar is dumb.

5:16pm: Now we’re at Harry’s and Henry is being so annoying.

I’m an IPA girlie in case you didn’t know.

5:25pm: I made Henry check-in his beer with my lightstick in the background hahah.

He’s trying to be an IPA boy but it’s a struggle. He just has the palate of a plebe.

You guys. Why do I think coming to bars is ever a good idea I’m such a dumbo.

6:32pm: Got in line for Jingle Ball and immediately met other NCTzens and they gave me a Renjun pin <3

Effortless entry. Great venue so far.

6:58pm: Um hello

Signing off!!!!

Hi! It’s 8:36am and we’re on our way to take Chooch back to Philly :( But wouldja look at his COAT??!! He went to the mall with his friends last night and actually found one he liked and I was like USE MY CREDIT CARD I DONT CARE HOW MUCH because I was so happy. Then I found out it’s an Eddie Bauer so say hello to your early Christmas present, son.

10:45am I have spent most of the ride so far arguing with Henry because he put me in charge of looking for somewhere to stop for lunch and you know how much I hate that chore. We just drove past some restaurant in a place called LICKING CREEK and they had a sign hanging that said WELCOME HUNTERS so I flipped out about that because FUCK A HUNTER. “Why do people treat them like heroes when they’re just hick barbarians running wild in the woods with guns??”

And would you believe Henry attempted to “NOT ALL” hunters to me??? Yes, yes you can believe that. Ugh I am so irate.

11:56am: Ugh Henry woke me up from a deep I-might-be-getting-sick sleep because he HAD to stop at Mr. Ed’s candy emporium and then proceeded to only buy stuff for himself. Truly is the worst

Stupid Pez room where I got blocked in by a bunch of feral kids. I really don’t like kids.

Miserable.

Me yelling at him for being miserable and then I yelled at Henry for taking bad pictures as usual.

Henry bought a bag of “9 Variety Pretzels” and first of all 1/4 are disgusting and second, I’m hard pressed to understand how they get 9 varieties when most of them are just different shapes but the same pretzel flavor?! “They should sell these at House of 1000 Beers,” I capped off my seething review.

2:18pm: just ate a place called Root – a vegan place in downtown Lancaster – and Chooch who is suddenly into football was crying because his phone died and he couldn’t watch it and then he was muttering and being a general nuisance so I flipped out and said I was no longer sad to be taking him back to college and he was like WOW and then Henry came back from the bathroom like “what did I miss” while I was in the middle of breaking up with the whole family. Then some brat kid arrived with his dad who was wearing an ironic Xmas sweater and had a hand tattoo of a clock and was probably into, I dunno, sad boy music, came in and sat next to us and the kid was sooooo screechy in his booster seat and the dad must have been on a date because Henry didn’t think she seemed like the mom and Emo Dad totally focused all his attention on her.

Hated them.

What I didn’t hate was the food and the service. We had two servers tag teaming us and they were awesome and friendly.

I got a “Reuben” with avocado, Chooch got an impossible burger, and Henry got a “shrimp” bowl which was very delicious. #beasted

Cool art too!! Featuring the top of my head – my part is really weird today.

2:33pm: “I already know what’s going to happen,” I said. “Chooch is going to move on and never talk to us just like Blake.”

“Do you want to be right?” Chooch asked dryly.

3:12pm: Just left Dutch Haven! Their shoofly pie never disappoints. Unforch, there were two carfuls of a super invasive and rude family who descended upon the shop, causing a commotion and letting their brood run amok. I really just can’t deal with that shit. The screeching. The small feet running through the store and knocking things over. The one kid whacked a row of wind chimes and her dad was like “kids do be, right?”

Also this family had “Rather be at Disney” stickers on their cars and I can’t even imagine the levels of assholeness and entitlement they reserve for Disney.

But it was still ok because we got our pies and pretzels and Chooch got two pencil sharpeners – a slot machine and the Liberty Bell lol ok. They’re made out of pewter or something, I dunno.

oh also I uninvited Chooch to Chingumas when we were at lunch, he had me spiraling out in anger. “And I’m not texting you anymore either!!!”

“Oh no,” he sang with emergency jazz hands.

5:05pm: Chooch is back in his dorm:(

Actually no, strike the frown! I’m still mad at him lol. I tried to make him apologize but he wouldn’t.

I helped him carry stuff into his dorm and wanted desperately to write SEVENTEEN RULZ on someone’s white board but he wouldn’t let me.

Now it’s just me, Henry, and Henry’s nose whistle in the car. :( For the next 5.5 hours.

7:46pm: Henry and I are back on speaking terms after he finally apologized for not being able to read my mind three rest stops ago. This ride is so boring. Especially when we’re not talking lol.

9:32pm: I couldn’t wait until I got home – I had to watch Seventeen’s Disney performance on YouTube and it was so pure, as were the comments on ABC’s Instagram post, which is always scary when an American TV channel is promoting Kpop because that tends to bring the racists out in droves. But it was all good and supportive <3

Well I guess on that note, I’ll just publish this. We have 40 minutes left and most of that will probably just be us talking about Seventeen because, #CaratCouple

9:21am: Yo! It is Sunday morning, the day after NCT Dream and I am in that weird limbo state of being both happy and also having post-concert depression which I have to say hits different as a Kpop Stan. I have gone through many phases of music so I can say this with confidence and as if I have a PhD in these matters of the heart. We stayed at some Marriott in Cranbury, NJ after the original hotel in Wood-something NJ canceled the reservation during the concert last night so Henry had to scramble – RUDE! And then they still charged him so he had to fight with them while I was sleeping I guess to get our money back. (He did.)

Now we are stopping at Dunkin’ and heading out to Philly to give Chooch his TV and other crap he either forgot or wasn’t immediately needed last weekend. We drive a Kona so we couldn’t fit everything in one trip and knew we’d back out this way the next weekend much to Chooch’s delight lol.

Yesterday was pretty great, I have to say. Henry and I didn’t fight and I didn’t have any bad feelings and then we had amazing vegan food and saw NCT DREAM and for the first time since Bambi died, I almost feel like it’s going to be ok except that now I am crying because I mentioned her so…maybe some more time is needed haha 😩.

10:31am: we’re in Philly but Chooch just woke up and isn’t ready for us yet. Typical.

11:24am: Hilariously, we are now at Choochs dorm and Henry went to go park the car after unloading everything but then I couldn’t get into the dorm because I left my wallet at home and have no ID lllolol. I told the girl at the desk that I am the most irresponsible adult ever and she laughed in a way that said “don’t talk to me.” ;)

Anyway, now we’re waiting for Chooch to come back down so we can go get lunch I guess, I have no idea but I’m sad bc I was counting on using the bathroom in the dorm and now I have to hold it for the unforeseeable future.

11:45am :)

Guy in front of just licked Cheetos dust off his small child’s fingers and I almost vomited.

12:06pm: At Reading Terminal Market!

Henry spiraling out at the options. Sadly, the pretzel place was closed because Amish / Sunday. Luckily, we were aware of this in advance so there were no sudden disappointments to be had.

Stoked to have his photo taken again while he’s eating! It’s what MUM is best at.

Chooch and I got vegan deli sandwiches from LUHVS Deli – Chooch’s is the cubano and mine is corned beef. Obsessed. I loved the bread on mine especially. Chooch ate here earlier in the week and sent me a picture and said “I will take you here” and then when I asked him to take me there today he was like UGH FINE – wtf.

I don’t know what meaty thing Henry got but he also got ube fries!

This was so much fun and we actually didn’t fight!!

1:19pm: Now we’re at the art festival in Rittenhouse Square and this is chooch’s third and he apparently knows some of the artists at this point.

chooch and one of his artist friends who just exclaimed HEY YOURE BACK!

Apparently this guy’s roommate is from Pgh. Chooch is really making the rounds.

2:45pm: stopped for overpriced lattes at Le Pain Quotien and then some guy who has a table set up with a COME CHAT WITH ME sign interrupted a convo he was having with a young couple to tell me, “I just love your purse! I wanted to say it when you walked past before too” and then the couple sitting with him were like OMG and chooch was like WHY DOES EVERYONE LIKE THAT DUMB PURSE AND NOT MY CROCS?!” Also a man at 4th St Cookies also liked it!!!

You guys why am I loving this dumb rival city so much.

2:58pm: Chooch is taking us on the trolley for the first time!

3:04pm: Henry being obsessed with mastering a new public transit thingie now:

3:23pm: OK we just walked him back to his dorm and said goodbye and I am ok!! He even said “wow why were you sadder last week?” And I said, “because I realized now that I will be back to visit often so I’m ok” and he said “no. You won’t.” This is my new fave city, guys!

4:30pm: Stopped at a rest area and when Henry was collecting trash to throw out he “spilled Red Bull” on himself and when I saw it I burst out laughing and said, “I am NOT walking in there with you” while he was looking for pants to change into.

“Just go, asshole!” he said, as he was still getting the garbage (and the can of alleged Red Bull offender) together.

LOL I was cracking up alone on my walk through the parking lot so who looks more embarrassing, really.

4:44pm: Still at this fucking rest stop because Henry not only had to change pants but also “GO TO THE BATHROOM” aka POOP and now we’re waiting for our coffee. He tried to hold my hand and I said, “Ew people probably think you trafficked me, get off.”

4:49pm: On the way out, Henry said that not only did he have to change but he also had to TAKE OFF HIS UNDERWEAR bc they too were wet and he didn’t have an extra pair to change into!!!! I AM SO DEAD.

Meanwhile, an old man & youngish girl got out of a car and Henry said, “Did she get out of the backseat?”

“Maybe she’s being trafficked too. DO YOU KNOW THAT GUY? Is he a part of the same RING as you?”

But then as we drive past we saw that an older lady was in the passenger seat so I guess the more plausible explanation is that was a dad and daughter. Stand down.

6:56pm: Nothing cool or exciting has happened since my last check-in aside from me ranting about racist Americans and Karens complaining about people dancing at concerts.

7:45pm: An hour left. My throat hurts from last night. I’m calling this live blog. PISSSSSS OUT.

It is 7:46am and the start of the first full day of this hectic road trip. We arrived at Little Falls after midnight as our first sleeping point. I was so scared because Henry booked us a RODEWAY room and those places can be mmmmm and it certainly looked mmmmm from the outside and even the hallway was mmmmm. But turns out they’re renovating and the room was very clean & updated, the bed was so comfortable, the TV was huge for Olympics-viewing, and the bathroom had a glorious smart mirror.

Henry is being SUCH A DAD already and Chooch and I are like STFU OMG. First of all, he got in the car and started angrily rifling around my feet “LOOKING FOR [HIS] CABLE” and I was like “THIS IS SO INVASIVE” which made Chooch laugh but Henry had already gotten out the car and was rummaging through the trunk at the point so he missed it and kept barking WHAT? WHAT?

Literally 2 minutes after getting in the car and now we’re at a rest stop so HE CAN PUT AIR IN THE TIRE.

Anyway, last night was such a chaotic drive because we let Chooch drive the last 3ish hours with me in the passenger seat and Henry banished to the back so we were just cackling like hyenas.

Anyway x2 since the last time we drove through this part of NY (whatever part that is) they’ve upgraded their rest areas to some magical thing called APPLEGREENS and I approve greatly.

“Ridin’ Dirty” is on the radio and I told Chooch that was his “dirty diaper” song when he was a baby and now I wish I had included this info somehow at his grad party.

9:16am: Me, not knowing where we are but thinking this is pretty:

I think we are almost to Vermont. Henry can’t find the border on the map haha. Imagine not being able to read a map.

9:29am: OK we’re passing through Hoosick NY and then I think Vermont happens. New state credit for us! #dorkalert And “Come Undone” by Duran Duran just came on so I’m really feeling a type of way.

9:52am: At the Blue Benn Diner! This came up on Bernie Sanders’ YouTube channel lol so I was like “This is where we will eat” and then put my blinders on for everything else.

Henry actually is with us but he’s not doing anything notable.

Chooch wanted to play the Chipmunks’ version of Achy Breaky Heart but didn’t have a quarter and then I was like “whoa they have Volare that’s one of my favorite songs!” And he said “no that’s dumb” and then a group of college kids came in speaking Italian (we think??) and sat behind us and they played it!!!

I got curry tofu scramble and it was so good and didn’t make me feel sick!

This place was sooo tiny – we were lucky to get there right as they were cleaning off the only empty booth. Our server was so nice too!

We got two homemade donuts too – Henry and I split one and Chooch had his own. They were awesome!

10:50am Well my fucking blog broke again so I’m writing this in Notes. Nothing in my life is right these days. Anyway, ate at the Blue Benn Diner in Bennington and then saw Robert Frost’s grave at a nearby cemetery.

11:08am: Leaving the gift shop at the Bennington Museum – super nice guy working in there! Got some local chocolate and maple syrup. Saw a weird Lincoln statue with nude children.

11:29am: at the Bennington Monument which is the tallest structure in Vermont and the 6th tallest MONUMENT in the US.

This post would have so many photos but only one out of every 10 pictures will upload because WordPress is a fucking piece of shit.

Henry got FREE ADMISSION since he is a “veteran” but didn’t even go with us. His loss because the elevator guy was the best part – we had a delightful chat with him about Pgh and his recent train ride to San Fran which was 68 hours.

12:21pm: Chooch has been driving us thru the mountains of Vermont while Henry slept in the back. He woke up long enough to scream ICE CREAM when we drive past an ice cream place though.

1:00pm: Just left Hogback Mountain scenic overview. There was a store there and we got our first authentic creamee! I got a baby maple with maple crunch and it lived up to the hype.

1:09pm: Chooch is still driving but he makes Henry put gas in the car lol.

1:22pm: Now we’re in NH and Henry and Chooch are fighting over directions and chooch started laughing so hard he gave himself hiccups and then Henry incorrectly told him to stay in the right lane going around a round about and he was WRONG because the right lane was a turning lane and Chooch basically had to cut off the car in the left lane to stay in the round about and Henry was like “it’s ok” ONLY BC IT WAS HIS OWN FAULY IT HAPPENED. PERFECT HENRY. But then Henry yelled WELL IM TRYING TO DO THIS FROM THE BACKSEAT AND YOU HAVE THE WORST NAVIGATOR NEXT TO YOU and Chooch goes OH I KNOW SHE WONT EVEN PLUG HER PHONE IN TO BRING UP THE MAP and hey no, how did I get dragged into this??

3:31pm: Made it to Maine!! The state line happened while we were on a bridge which was cool/weird. Nothing much else to report. Chooch is still driving and Henry has been asleep the whole time so I joked that it’s like Weekend At Henrie’s instead of Bernie’s because he looks dead but Chooch didn’t laugh.

3:36pm: OK weird a few minutes ago some Eminem song was on where he samples Abracadabra and Chooch was like OK COOL and then I changed stations a few minutes later and ABRACADABRA WAS ON.

7:22pm: Just leaving Funtown now and wow, it was something. There was a covered Scrambler that was hands-down the most bizarre versions of one of those I have ever experienced. Separate post will be happening for this portion of the day lol.

Henry was being SO ANNOYING on the way here though good lord. He wasn’t giving Chooch directions at all and then was yelling when Chooch went the wrong way and we were like THEN GIVE US DIRECTIONS! Ugh. Also I ate French fries and it was the first time in over a month that something so greasy hit my stomach so I am not a happy girl right now and also Henry is AGAIN trying to change the itinerary and I am ready to just cry because I tried to get him to sit down and plan this with me and he was being such a fucker “we don’t need a plan” bitch boy about it and now I’m stressed and not having fun because he has to be in control and when he is in control all promises of fun are flushed.

7:47pm: now we’re at Old Orchard Beach was supposed to be a tomorrow thing but whatever. Henry pissed off two middle aged people on thick-wheeled bicycles and then he yelled FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU TOO! out the window all over a stressful parking situation.

10:29pm: we’re at our airbnb in somewhere, Maine. It’s fine but I am not. We left Old Orchard Beach around 10 after arguing over food and then I was like, you know, this was supposed to make me feel better but I don’t feel better. I feel the same. And then I quiet-cried in the car the whole way here and now I’m going to bed. I’m posting this and I know it’s going to be fucked up just like everything else haha yay. Bye. 

P.S. our airbnb is a converted attic of a house and it has certain vibes for sure. Glad this is a one-night deal because the bathroom and kitchen are the same room.

(8:07am) Good morning party people, we’re currently en route to Allentown, PA to spend a few hours at Dorney Park. They have a new dive coaster and we need that cred. It takes a bit over 4 hours to get there so I really had to plead my case to Henry on this one haha.

We were just listening to one of the writers of St. Elmo’s Fire talking on WDVE in the wake of the Brat Pack doc and now I am desperate to watch that movie again – one of my faves when I was a teen!! Henry just admitted that he doesn’t think he ever watched the whole thing, oh my godddddd. Guess that’s what we will be doing this weekend.

(8:36am) Since my last check-in, we grabbed morning sustenance at Dunkin, Henry went the wrong way and denied it, then almost went through a redlight RIGHT IN FRONT OF COP and acted like it was NBD even though he did a HARD STOP that threw me forward and if it had me driving, Henry would have lambasted me and revoked my license because I’m a WOMAN.

(10:28am) Just stopped at a restaurant area in Sideling Hill whatever that means and Henry is being so annoying and also breathing heavy.

(11:51am) Welcome back to The Rest Stop Report. Just stopped at one outside of Harrisburg. Bathroom was clean. Came out to some weird hullabaloo at the vending machines where Henry was standing with a fistful of dollars like he was in the pit at a strip club, while Chooch was like GET ME THIS GET ME THAT. The vending machine had TUNA AND CRACKERS. I wanted Henry to get it for an experiment (a Will This Kill a Man experiment, specifically) but he ended up getting nothing so I don’t know what all that singing and dancing was for.

Apparently a package of Veggie Sticks was half sticking out and Chooch wanted Henry to shake the machine to see if he could knock it loose but Henry’s excuse was that “someone was working there” – bitch where? We saw no such employee. This was just his excuse to not have to be exposed for WEAKNESS.

(1:06pm) we made it!

(1:27pm) Iron Menace, the new one, down for maintenance ugh!

So we came to Steel Force and had to wait for them to clean a seat that someone puked in!

Also Chooch was a bitch about this picture. God forbid I’m trying to collect MEMS of our last summer together before he sets collegiate sail ugh.

(2:36pm) Hello from a table after eating cheese flatbread and witnessing Henry having a shit fit because he ate more than his share of a fried tasty kake krinkle (??) and we called him out on it. My least favorite thing about him is when he gets all high and mighty and gaslighty, wherein he acts like he’s this PERFECT MAN who never does anything wrong.

“You have a Saint complex!” I cried. “And I’ll tell you exactly who gave it to you – your mother!”

It’s true. He can do no wrong in her eyes and she makes sure everyone knows it. If only she knew the Henry we know!!

Anyway, Iron Menace was chefs kiss! Chooch’s 351st credit!

Also, it’s this babe’s 100th bday and she is riding gloriously like a young lady!

Still pouting lol.

(2:45pm) LOL HE WONT EVEN SIT NEAR US ON THE TRAIN.

(3:09pm) FORGOT HOW TERRIFYING THIS IS.

(3:28pm) Slowest log flume ops.

(5:32pm) We just pulled out of Dorney so I will do little recaps here and there on the 4.5 hour drive home (ugh) but wow what a nice day except for when Henry threw his little bitch fest earlier over lunch. He’s sort of ok now.

Look at this cute shirt I bought!!!! I was going to get a Steel Force shirt but then I saw this and had to snatch it because CLOWN LOVE.

(5:44pm) At Trivet Diner whatever that means. Our server is very nice so far and is sorry that they don’t have almond milk for the cold brew that I am about to regret ordering.

Also our server likes my sunglasses and the cold brew is good so this is going well :)

Better than listening to Chooch recount all the times I acted like a baby in Stockholm. Ugh. When I pointed out that it was because he ruined my life because I wanted to go to the Vasa museum but we went to the Viking museum instead, he put on this really slow, drawl of condescension and said, “And we could have gone there too. You looked in and suddenly you said we couldn’t go because you wanted to eat instead, so then we had to go and eat. Remember.”

Um wait. Hahah hold up now hunny. What now?!

(6:26pm) one of the servers called over another server when I was paying because she wanted her (Crystal apparently) to see my phone case and Chooch mumbled “wow are you happy now, it’s all you ever wanted.”

We just left and I’m lamenting that I didn’t leave a big enough tip (more than 25%) and Henry and Chooch yelled in tandem, “it was plenty!” I’m sorry but NORA was NICE.

(6:42pm) At Sheetz and the power went out! A bad storm is on the horizon and I’m lowkey terrified because we’re going to be driving into it. :/

Here are some dreamy pictures from Dorney <3 the only slight downside was the ops on talon. Literal station wait yet it took us so long to get on and sent that Henry looked like he forgot who we were when we rejoined him. Also on the way there, a guy running one of the games kept yelling “Win your mom a prize! Hey, win your mom a prize! Where are you going?! Your mom wants a prize!” And then to the two boys behind us, “Hey win that kid’s mom a prize.” Lol.

Ok thoughts – loved it in the back/middle. Did NOT love it second row/last seat on right. I felt like a rag doll in a bad way. But overall what a great addition. I love the industrial makeover that whole section of the park got.

Steel Force Club Forever!! Chooch ride it two back-to-back times before we left. The second time, there was barely anyone waiting in the station so we just jumped up a few rows. The guy who got in behind us was like “Ooh you guys skipped the line! I saw what you did! Don’t worry I won’t tell” and then to Chooch he said “Your mom cracked the code!” But it was totally Chooch who chose to do this after seeing another girl do it on the first ride we were on that round. I remember the last time we were there in 2019, it was similar low crowds and we asked if we could stay on and the line attendant was like NO U HAVE TO GET BACK IN LINE and it was RIDIC because they were sending trains with like four people in them.

Anyway. Steel Force is so good. After we ride it the first time today, we did go all the way around and got back in line, only to get on a train and then have the ride attendants yell EVERYONE OUT because someone puked. The ride op in his little hut yelled AGAIN?? into his microphone because it had legit JUST happened before we rode the first time and we had to wait for them to clean it and send it empty. But yeah, happened again less than 10 minutes later! This time they had to wait for more cleaning supplies so they asked everyone to leave the line.

The real question: WAS IT THE SAME PERSON.

There was a ride attendant named OMAR on Talon and he was nice but slow AF and everyone was like OMAR! when our train was on the brake run while the slow-ass ops were preparing to send the train in the station. Omar seemed like he liked the attention but I don’t think the kids calling for him had good intentions.

Chooch hating life.

Telling me I can have some of his dippin dots if I could find a spoon on the ground because he’d rather a dirty floor-spoon go into his dippin dots than one that had already previously been in my mouth how sweet.

I love the color palette of the enterprise!!! Also I miss the enterprise at Kennywood and hate the replacement they put in.

Somehow we missed the kiddie cred in 2019. This was one of the most jerky/janky kids coasters I’ve ever ridden. I hated it lol.

There was almost someone who puked on the Tilt a Whirl too and that someone was me lol. Whoooo this was a doozy on a hot-ass day. Look at creepster Henry on the wall.

(8:42pm) Ugh Henry is making me drive. BRB.

(10:10pm) UGHHHHH at a rest stop finally – it was / is raining so hard with lighting everywhere and I was silently screaming as I white-knuckled the steering wheel, trying not to hydroplane on the fucking turnpike, while Henry relaxed in the passenger seat. I hate him. Now he’s inside the rest stop probably treating himself to some snacks from 7-eleven fucking asshole.

Also I wish our 7-elevens were like Asian ones and were actually fun to stop at.

I’m publishing this now because my muscles hurt from being clenched for the last hour and I want to do some calming breathing exercises or something (sometimes I miss my smoking years because this would be one of those CALLS FOR A CAMEL moments of yesteryear) but maybe I’ll stop back with one or two more updates, who knows.

(11:19pm) just checking in to say we passed through the Squirrel Hill tunnel and I want everyone to know that Henry got to drive the last leg home in perfectly dry weather MUST BE NICE.

6:30am: at some dumb Sleep Inn in Harrisburg, getting ready to continue on to Philly for admitted students day at Drexel. Chooch just told us that he forgot to pack socks and underwear. College-ready, you guys.

Mom to a soon-to-be-18-yo and (maybe, debatable) college student.

The stress I have been under over this, whoooooooooweeeeeeeee.

We’re staying down the road from Capitol Diner and Henry has pointed out 6x that we have eaten there before and I was like OK! We get it! God! Move on! But then as we left the hotel this morning he pointed it out again and I snapped and had to consult my blog because he sent me down a rabbit hole of misinformation about when we had eaten there. Anyway, it was in 2010 when we went to Lancaster with Tommy and Jessy and ditched them on the way home and ate there without them lol. It was when I was heavy into my Weener Phase:

I remember posting my Henry Weener art on Facebook and getting reported by someone, probably Henry.

7:31am: Just stopped at a rest area in Bowmansville for Dunkin in case you were wondering and now Henry is muttering about how they’re always out of something. It was just what he and chooch wanted so it didn’t affect me.

I wish US Dunkin would get the injeolmi lattes!! Someone find out how to make me one and then make it for me. I’ll wait. Almond, soy, or oat is fine! I’m not picky with non-dairy milks.

8:39am: I mean I like that it’s a dragon.

9:00am: When I told Nate I wasn’t sure if this was a fly-by-night college or what, he said “founded in 1891 by Anthony J. Drexel, a financier and philanthropist”

“I don’t think it’s fly-by-night, Erin.”

I saw him!

Tony!

9:08am: Standing here waiting to register and some student ambassador came over and asked Chooch what events he’s looking forward to attending and he was like “…mm I’m just really looking forward to seeing the campus in general” and she was like, “blah blah dorm tours blah recommend.”

And then something about a free shirt which sounds cool.

“I was afraid that was going to happen,” Chooch said when she walked away. “I literally just went to the website yesterday” and then did his signature maniacal giggle.

This is going well.

9:20am:

We were the first ones to register and the first ones to make it to wherever we are now and every ambassador very cheerfully greeted us and pointed out that we were first which fed my ego and made me feel like I was about to get in line for FIRST ROW OF FIRST RIDE OF THE DAY on Steel Vengeance or something.

Shit we’re getting giddy now. Thirty more minutes until this starts.

9:33am: all of a sudden Dua Lipa’s Levitating came on FULL BLAST like way louder than all the songs before it bc they know her super fan Erin R. Kelly is here. Chooch is annoyed. I feel like I’m on the plane to Korea again because I listened to a Delta-sanctioned Dua Lipa playlist on repeat for approx. 6 hours by accident and Chooch was disgusted.

10:48am OK that presentation is over (um I cried IMMEDIATELY when it started) and now we’ve been ushered off to the College of Computing & Informatics for that presentation. I have to pee really bad and am also nervous about Chooch becoming a Flyers fans. I don’t care about the other sports teams. But NO FLYERS OR NO CHRISTMAS, SONNY BOY.

11:31am: the girl in front of me (sister of admitted student I guess) is watching a Chinese drama on her phone and I’m trying to watch too because I tried to pay attention to this presentation but I’m bored.

12:39pm: finally back outside. I broke the paper towel dispenser in one of the bathrooms. Some girl said “just leave it” which is why I’m able to update with a picture of these beautiful trees and not my view from the underneath of the paper towel dispenser as I’m trying to fix it with the bubblegum I’m not chewing.

1:20pm: at the dining hall eating a salad and vegan chicken tenders.

Also we did a dorm tour if you could call it that and Chooch got some interior design inspo.

1:34pm Henry just came back to the table with an ice coffee which he STIRRED WITH HIS FINGER and then STUCK HIS FINGER IN HIS MOUTH and when he removed his finger, coffee droplets flung onto his shirt and I cried U R SO EMBARRASSING and then Chooch started laughing so hard that he spit his drink out all over the table.

Also here is Chooch asking a fake question about college nutrition in order to get free stuff SPECIFICALLY a squeezable fruit stress ball but he picked the wrong thing and grabbed a heart by accident lol.

Lol he just went up and took a grape and is very smug now.

1:52pm:

2:01pm: Just visited the study abroad table lololol

3:56pm Done with Drexel finally and walking to a cafe. Look how green! No filter!

Now we’re at Black Turtle Coffee, coffee finally.

Back to Drexel stuff, we took a really awkward campus tour with a freshman named Sam from Ghana. He was very nice but we had NO questions. Chooch was going to ask, “When was that tree planted?” just to have something to ask. We did make friends with the mom of the other kid on the tour with us. They’re from Connecticut and he has also not committed.

This was in the science building and it is allegedly the tallest whatever-this-is in North America.

And this is modeled after DNA!

We were going to go here but it reminded me of the place in Stockholm where we were charged $25 for two lattes that some old man basically made out of his house. Scammed.

Also we’re sitting in the basement of this cafe and it’s giving “hiding from the Red Coats.”

Henry: the fuck are you talking about.

Me: look at that corner over there!! That doesn’t remind you of like, the Revolutionary War?

He said something dumb about thinking back to when he lived through that war.

This was the best picture I could get on the fly bc there were people all around. Ugh people.

Decent place I guess! It’s no Seoul cafe but that’s fine. Ugh.

4:46pm: I just flipped out and said that there has to be a family out there who would appreciate me and my joyful presence and witty candor etc and Chooch started to list off the traits that I apparently “forgot” such as how I am supposedly “emotionally manipulative” and Henry started yelling about how I’m treated like a princess while meanwhile I was trying to remember what else I had said about myself and Chooch said “maybe if you weren’t listing off lies, you’d remember.”

5:19pm: It’s not Seoul :(

In the middle of trying to dodge my surprise snaps.

5:51pm: at Monster Vegan and Hall & Oats was playing when we walked in and everyone is so awesome and cool here!

7:10pm: We opted to walk back to the car which we left parked on the Drexel campus rather than take the subway again because we need to digest this dinner – shoooooo, it was so good but heavy.

Henry cutting my Argento chicken parm because I didn’t feel like it haha.

7:28pm: Ugh just left the parking garage what a long ass day.

I’m going to end this here because we’re just driving back to our hotel which is in Harrisburg – we wanted to:

1. Not have to drive all the way to Philly after work yesterday;

2. Be close to Hershey Park which is what we’re doing tomorrow.

I can’t foresee anything exciting happening between now and then so see you later, Mary. Give Peter and Paul a kiss for me, etc.

Good morning. It’s 10:04am and we just left Super H-Mart. I wanted to get a head start on alcohol for the Xmas party that I decided to have because it’s not actually a Xmas party but possibly A HOLIDAY THAT I INVENTED??!!

It’s hard to get good soju flavors in Pgh and makgeolli is non-existent.

Anyway!! Riot Fest was…surreal. It definitely didn’t give me as many feels overall as it has in the past so I guess I am firmly rooted in K-Town at this point. Obviously the bands still did it for me but as far as Riot Fest itself goes, eh. I was content with just doing the one day as opposed to all three that’s for sure. My body hates me enough for just the one day.

Aside from the Cure though, the best part of yesterday was seeing VICKI from our Chicago office!!! She’s part of my old group in the department and I have only gotten to see her once when she and another lady from Chicago came to our Pgh office for a few days. I LOVED hanging out with her then so I was determined to see her this weekend. I’m so happy she made time for us!!

We took the train in from where we were staying outside of the city. Henry the PubTrans expert was like WE NEED TO TRANSFER TO THE PINK LINE and when I told Vicki of these alleged plans, she said NO. DO THIS INSTEAD and told us to transfer to the ORANGE line and then she picked us up at whatever stop she told us to get off on and it was so easy – thanks Vicki! This is why we come to her at work with the hard questions haha.

Anyway, she took us to this breakfast place called STAX and poor Henry just sat there shoveling food into his mouth while Vicki and I chatted like long lost army friends. Actually this was preferable to Henry haha.

I changed my mind four times but then I saw LEMON LAVENDER pancakes and was like “gimme those NOW.”

As soon as we sat though, I took off my jacket and said VERY SERIOUSLY, “Vicki I have to tell you something that no one knows at work.”

I could sense Henry rolling his eyes because he knew what it was going to be, but Vicki was on HIGH ALERT and said, “oh my god what is it, Erin?”

Like I’m about to announce to her my pending resignation, but instead it was, “I think I may have invented a new holiday.”

“Oh Erin!” she said, letting out a deep breath and I’m over here like, what? This is a big deal worthy of a suspenseful announcement.

Anyway, she seemed skeptical but I will still invite her to the party because it will probably be worth traveling for.

(Future Henry reading this: *frowning, head shake*)

The only downside is that now that Vicki met Henry, she said she feels like she is going to side with Glenn more in group chat!!!!

Then she was kind enough to drop us off at Riot Fest afterward! What a great start to the day. It was definitely go downhill from there for a bit but then the Great Start made a comeback.

We’ll discuss separately.

It’s 10:58am and we’re in Indiana now if you were wondering.

1:33pm (the time went ahead an hour at some point here in Indiana): just ate a lunch of Kimbap and gyeongdan from Hmart in the parking lot of 7-11. I need to go back to Korea ASAP.

Now let’s look at some pictures from our Saturday ‘date’ night in Chicago (I guess it was like a date??? We held hands for like a minute):

I was wearing my Parker’s Maple Barn tshirt and it made me miss Alyson so much!

Anyway, after we ate at Chicago Diner (see previous post!) we went to Millennium Park – apparently Mexican Independence was being celebrated and the excitement was contagious!! A continuous parade of cars waving giant Mexican flags were cruising around in controlled chaos. I loved it. As someone who doesn’t really have a heritage, I’m always so interested in seeing other people celebrate their culture and history.

2:21pm: we were just a rest stop in Indiana. When I came out of the bathroom, I found Henry in line at 7-11 waiting to pay for an energy bar. Then he gets out of line, right, and comes over to me like some fucking Kevin Costner hero type and asks, “did you want something?”

Ok first of all, don’t act like a GALLANT GENTLEMAN when you were already in line to check out in the first place without a second thought about me! It was only because he saw me walk in and remembered that I existed!!!

More Chicago pictures:

I truly enjoyed walking around by the water! I think the ONE BEER I had at dinner was tampering my mood swings and making me an agreeable cutie sweetie.

I just typed that without thinking so I guess my subconscious assessment of myself is pretty generous.

There was a pretty decent public restroom along the River walk. Pittsburgh would never.

We stopped at a bar along the River walk and got another drink. I got a cider. I need you to know that this was two hours after I had a beer at dinner, and I was maybe a few more sips away from coming home with a public intoxication souvenir on my record. I was really trying to join a flash mob or facilitate a coups of some sort by the time we got up to continue walking.

I wanted Henry to take a picture of my nails but he took this in such a way that I look like I’m sniffing my fingertips?! So I made him take another but I wanted to try and cross my eyes in it:

“Were my eyes crossed??!!” I cried after he took this.

“Um, no,” Henry said, turning his phone to me so I could see.

“Oh shit OK HEAR ME OUT that’s because I was looking to the side to see if I could see myself crossing my eyes,” I said and Henry was like, “omg.”

I was definitely cut off after that. I just don’t drink very often so when I do, I’m an disaster waiting to happen. We were walking way too close to the river, if you know what I mean.

Then we walked to Firecakes, a donut place we’ve been to before while visiting Chicago. What a concept: a donut shop that’s opened until 11pm. Another thing that Pgh would never. Here you’re lucky if any bakery is opened until 2 and even then god speed if you there hoping for a full selection lol.

Anyway, it’s a very small storefront and I was trying to get a picture when some douchebag walked in along with his brigade of dick-friends and sucked all the air out of the space with their aggressive brand of toxic masculinity. As we were about to leave, the caboose of the cocktrain opened the door, which I stupidly thought was a gesture of chivalry, but instead he leaned out the door and called out to his BUDDY, “Hey Rob you want a donut??” Rob said no and then the asshole LET THE DOOR CLOSE ON ME.

“WOW! What a DOUCHEBAG!” I cried. “He totally let the door close on me! I should have stepped on his fucking Peter Pan shoes.”

He was always inside Firecakes but ROB WAS STILL STANDING THERE so I made sure he heard. Report back to your little buddy, brosef!

“Peter Pan shoes?” Henry repeated.

Yeah, you know. Those dicky leather dress shoes that are elongated and come to a point?! That’s what he was wearing. What a yuppie.

Henry got a chocolate covered banana cake donut which was basically just a donut with thin chocolate banana slices on top. I was like, “ugh you chose poorly” but then I tasted it and it was wettest-in-the-best-way donut I have ever had. So moist and delicious! I couldn’t believe it. Mine was just ok in comparison – a pistachio old fashioned which I had the last night but there was nothing else that stood out to me.

Anyway, I liked Henry’s idiot donut so much that I was just talking about it again this morning. You know what it tasted like??? Those hostess powered donuts without the powder and if they were made with better ingredients and you got to eat them that day.

But yeah, Firecakes. Try it sometime but don’t be a Peter Pan-Dick and shut the door on people, ok?

5:12pm: Holy shit this drive is boring. 1:49 left.

I’m still really giddy about this new holiday. Should I trademark it??!! I don’t want to say too much about it yet because ONE OF YOU PEOPLE MIGHT STEAL IT.

I wish I had counted how many times Henry has called me a dick this weekend. I’m starting to get a complex.

Lol @ “starting.”

I’m posting this now. Maybe I’ll be back later to say more. Who can be sure.

This was going to be a LiveBlog yesterday while we were at King’s Dominion and I did start it, I swear, but it was like 95 degrees out and I was swaying in and out of consciousness all day lol.

Here’s how it started:

****

We’re at King’s Dominion today! Got here around 1pm. Grizzly was our first coaster because it was recently retracked and soooo jackhammery before. I was interested to see if it was better. And it was!! Until we got to the part that wasn’t retracked. A jarring transition.

But the Bae, Twisted Timbers, made up for it!!

I305 – still the only coaster that sincerely terrifies me but goddamn I love it so much. This is the most I have ever grayed out, Jesus.

Apparently Henry took this of us standing in line for Tumbili, which was an annoying wait as usual for 4d free spins. Suddenly Henry has a new phone that takes decent photos. I’m shook.

4:04pm: been standing in line for this stupid rapids ride for like 45 minutes when everything else is practically a walk-on. Yay 93 degree day. Some lady in front of us started to pass out and her group had to take her out of line :( I saw her sitting down afterward and asked if she was ok and she said YES and thanked me for asking while rude-asses Henry and Chooch breezed past her with nary a well-wish.

This was the WORST ops I have ever seen a rapids ride. Usually the thru-put is so high because the rafts never stop moving on a conveyor belt but this one would have three rafts come to a complete stop while people would exit and then new people would board. It was frustrating, especially when you were done with the stupid ride but had to sit on an uncomfortable incline, waiting to be in the next group of three that got to exit.

We sat with a younger couple and Henry was like OH HO HO HO!!! when she and I both got pelted with water but he was ONLY looking at her because she was the younger, better model and acted like she was the only one who got soaked when I was sitting there scrunched up as my entire backside and part of my left side were drenched?!?! And he kept talking about it after the ride too and I was like “bitch can you not see that I am literally sopping wet?!” That whole experience was so frustrating. Just another day of being invisible to Henry. Can’t wait to get married 🙄

You guys I love Racer so much even though the dumb thing doesn’t race anytime we’re here!

****

Ok that’s as far as I got yesterday so I guess I will continue this while we’re making our way back home but first we are going to get breakfast at some place I’ve been Instagram stalking for years but it’s 20 minutes out of the way and the location that had the French toast special I wanted is closed and the other one has different specials but this fits with the theme of this overnight trip of Erin not getting what she wanted. Hoo boy you should have been there last night during the ICE CREAM FIASCO which always seems to happen when we’re in Virginia. Virginians, quick question be honest – why do you guys hate ice cream?! Every time we come here it’s like HELLO where do you people go for ice cream that’s not a fucking Rita’s or DQ?!

Anyway!! Here you can see some photos from SB’s LOVESHACK something or other! The location that had the FRENCH TOAST SPECIAL that I wanted was closed today and the other location just had plain French toast so I was sad BUT it at least came with blue whipped cream and glitter so that made me happy.

Chooch got a Lakeside Latte which was a caramel and maple delight so then Henry had to copy.

Anyway, we had a great waiter who was wearing a green furry cowboy hat and liked my Pee Wee shirt. From my KEEN OBSERVATION I would say we got the best waiter there.

Anyway, everything was B52’s themed. Imagine liking the B52’s so much that you open two restaurants dedicated to them.

OMG what if I suddenly was an expert at restaurant stuff and opened one themed to @nct ?????!!! And every time someone ordered a lemonade, an alarm would go off and NCT127’s Lemonade would come blaring out?! And I would have an entire section of NCT lemonade favors (they would all be dyed lime green obviduh) to greaten the odds of one being ordered?! DID I JUST REALIZE MY LIFE GOAL?!

Maybe I’ll enroll in college with Chooch so I can learn restaurant stuff.

Or maybe I should just grab a cardboard box and set up a lemonade stand.

Should we talk about more King’s Dominion stuff now that I am full of edible glitter and we’re headed back to Pittsburgh? Ok. Thanks for the permission.

We have never ridden the Ferris wheel here but in case you were wondering if one exists, it does.

The new section is really nice! Tumbili is not great (slow AF ops but these rides are notorious for being slow to load in general) but it’s really nice to look at – it’s themed on a monkey I guess? So the cars are supposed to be monkeys playing on vines in a jungle. The supports were even painted to look like bamboo which was a nice touch.

The second time we rode Intimidator 305 wasn’t *as* good as earlier that day but damn this ride. I can’t imagine riding this for the first time knowing nothing about it and then graying out and thinking you were going to die.

Chooch took this photo and the spots on the lens gave me a angry flashback to when my old DSLR had spots inside somewhere but I was too ambivalent to investigate and correct the issue. But yeah I made him take this picture when we were sitting on the brake run (HIS PHONE WAS SECURELY STOWED AWAY IN HIS ZIPPERED POCKET DURING THE RIDE, NICE TRY NARCS!!!) because of the crow flying by.

FLIGHT OF FEAR!!! Henry did not want to ride this but it’s air conditioned inside the queue (well, it’s supposed to be but this time the A/C seemed to be limited to station). I actually love this ride a lot. It might have been the first launched coaster I’ve ever ridden back when I first went to King’s Island in 2004? Could that be true though?? Maybe. I don’t know. Who can be sure.

I liked the ride op for this one because he was fucking with the riders so hard before the sending the train. For us, an alarm went off and I actually fell for it, I thought there was, I dunno, a security breach or something. But right when I started to say “What is th—-” to Chooch, the launch happened and I was the only person screaming like GP.

***

BACK TO REAL TIME: it is 1:23pm and we are at the Fairfax Coffee Co or something in Berkeley Springs, WV waiting for our lunch to go.

Cute vibes and good veg/vegan options!

And good bathroom selfie mirror!

Food quality TBD. I’ll get back to you on that, blog.

Some asshole child abandoned their sunglasses on the couch at the cafe because children do not value their possessions. I know this because I’m the owner of a 17-year-old child who does not value his possessions. Actually, here he is modeling the sunglasses in question.

Went next door to an antique mall while Henry was waiting for the food. I found nothing that spoke to me. Henry said “thank god.”

Ate our sandwiches (or “sandos” if you’re one of those pretentious Oak Hill Post pricks). Henry got the “Reubenesque” which was a Reuben (duh) with faux-whatever meat is on a Reuben. Chooch and I both got a PB&J. Henry and I shared ours and while his was good, I was the loser in that scenario because the PB&J was way more satisfying (or, as my phone’s autocorrecting wants you to believe: SATs dying.)

Jesus, Henry calm down. (This is out of focus because I was about to take a picture of my own half and saw him going in for the kill out of the corner of my eye and had to snap it up.)

This town is quaint. And only around 2.5 hours from home. Will I go out of my way to return? Maybe put a bingsu cafe in there somewhere and a Kpop shop. Watch me fly back.

****

Anyway, back to yesterday. King’s dominion was an alright time. I was fine until the very end (we left around 8:30) when I wanted soft serve and the only option at KD is Rita’s. Excuse me sir but there is a Rita’s 2 minutes from my house. I think Rita’s is overrated.

So yeah, Chooch and I rode Dominator as our last ride and then the Great Ice Cream Blowout of the Third Quarter happened which is nothing new. I was also PMSing heavily at this point so my actions should be excused as I am generally a precious Angel baby cotton candy loaf.

(The way I can picture Henry frowning at that entire statement…)

You know what we never fought about in European amusement parks? Ice cream. Because there were ice cream options on every corner I swear to Christ.

Also, the bathrooms were excelsior. Clean. Pretty. Private. Plus you could tell which stalls were vacant without having to pace like a panther in the wild, trying to peek under to spot feet.

Oh and our lunch at KD cost $77. 🤢 Granted, it was satisfying (for Chooch and me anyway, Henry was underwhelmed) but when you consider that Chooch and I had to choose three sides since all of the entrees were meat, plus Henry got a chocolate chip cookie in addition to his entree meal, and Chooch got a tiny strawberry shortcake, this still doesn’t seem like $77’s worth of food but what do I know, I took zero economics classes in school.

Take me back.

***

Hi, back to today. We are 1:23 hours from home so I will end this here.

Hey-heaux it’s live blog time! We just had a lively Quality Inn breakfast. Some heavily-Southern accented man came in with big intensity and immediately started fucking with the waffle maker with major confidence. I mean, the way he approached this, it was the air of a man who had made many complimentary hotel waffles in his time. But then it started beeping and he screamed for his wife to help. She came over quietly, did not look alarmed at all even though I was CLENCHED in my seat, and calmly said, “you have to flip it. It’s telling you to flip it.” He tried to argue that this couldn’t possible be the case because he JUST STARTED IT but then she swiftly flipped the thing over and voila, beeping stopped.

“Oh. Ok thanks!” he said, mood shifting back to pleasant morning sunshine mood. But then as we were walking out, HE COULDNT FIND THE BUTTER!!! She was trying to help him rifle through the condiment tower and he was getting angrier and angrier, which brought back memories of 5 minutes earlier when I also could not find the butter after being TICKLED to see biscuits on display (I always want biscuits on these southern road trips obvi) so I said, “Are you looking for the butter? Because it’s in the cooler over there. I couldn’t find it either!” First, they had both whipped around to look at me with this expression of WHO IS THIS YANKEE HARLOT THAT DEIGNS INFILTRATE OUR EARS WITH HER NORTHERN DIALECT but then they quickly softened when they realized I was HELPING so they gratefully thanked me.

Chooch said that he was in there alone with the guy before we got there and the guy yelled “where’s the fucking creamer??” to Chooch, and then screamed for the “coffee girl” to come help, but it wasn’t a girl, it was a man, and Chooch said the same thing, that once the hotel employee pointed out the creamer to him, he apologetically said, “oh my bad!”

We actually walked in on the tail end of this confrontation and I could tell we had JUST missed the heated climax. There was tension sizzling as the man retreated with his coffee.

Anyway, it’s 7:35am and we are making our way out of Georgia after a FANTASTIC evening at Fun Spot last night. Seriously, it was everything I hoped and more, worth driving 11 hours from Pgh for one coaster, but then the little park ended up being very pleasant overall and the experience was worth it.

9:03am: ugh just stopped at Buc-ees. This place is so intense and overwhelming – I can’t tell if I like it or hate it.



Babe, wake up. #followmeto Buc-ees for beef jerky, “world famous restrooms,” and diabetes. And…candles.





This place is fucking ridiculous. But I guess if you like big meats and freedom, it’s for you! And you’ll know if one is in a 200 mile radius because you’ll start seeing billboards every mile.

11:27am: oh where have I been, you ask? Just reading this novella-length article about Chris Evert and Martina Navratilova’s friendship-turned rivalry-back to friendship and how their life has had so many parallels that they even got cancer at the same time. You guys, I’m crying. Their history is insane and knowing that they supported each other through cancer recently is so pure and amazing but also I know feel like I have cancer running all through my body and am paranoid, panicked, petrified.

Also, we are apparently in Tennessee because Henry made the unilateral decision to take a different route home.

2:10pm:



At Lucky Dog Cafe in Winchester, KY after fighting for a solid hour over where to stop for lunch. It always a point of contention. Anyway, look at how cute this town is!





2:32pm: Chooch just said he’s going to use the bathroom so I said please don’t do anything weird in there, and Henry thought I said, “why are you an inbred American?” So now I laughed myself to tears.

This place is nice but they have HUNTS KETCHUP. I question any establishment that chooses to put HUNTS on their tables over HEINZ.

SHUDDER.





2:50pm: Back in the car after a short walking tour of downtown Winchester, home to Ale81 (some white bitch was waiting for her Ale81 DOORDASH when he walked by and then we saw like two other references/ads for it immediately after so I’m just assuming here) and this really disgusting mural:





So gross.





4:11pm: I guess we’re still in Kentucky because we stopped at a Love’s that had Kentucky merch. Anyway, I got tired of waiting for Henry to finish his shit session (ugh) so I went back out to the car RIGHT AS CHOOCH WAS OPENING HIS DOOR BC HE FARTED SO BAD EVEN HE KNEW THE CAR NEEDED AIRED OUT. This made me flip out and go back in the store, where Henry was now roaming around after completing his DISCHARGE, and demanded that we buy air freshener. We got a can of Glade so now our car stinks like vanilla lavender and the stench of Chooch’s lies as he swears he didn’t fart.

4:24pm: Wow finally in WV. This is allegedly the first time we’ve taken this particular route and I don’t know how I feel about it. Kentucky was very boring.

6:55pm: Still in WV. Stopped at one of the worst Sheetz ever – small, no traffic flow, super annoying. Apparently the line for the men’s room was really long because a Coach tour bus had rolled up so King Henry came over to the neighboring BFS, aka Big Fuck Stick, to pee. So high maintenance.

7:52pm: just entered PA!! 58 more minutes, supposedly.

11:13pm: So my blog was hacked again, woo hoo! I wrote this whole ass post on Notes and I’m waiting for the blog police to call Henry back after my blog is restored so I can post this idiocy.

But anyway, we got home around 9pm RIGHT BEFORE A STORM BLEW THRU and idiot Henry couldn’t find the housekey. He started rummaging in the console for it when we were about 5 minutes away from home and it was CLEAR that it wasn’t in there but he just KEPT RUMMAGING and finally I snapped, “OK guy, it’s not in there! Give it up! This isn’t Mary Poppins’ bag, there is a bottom” and for some reason, Chooch thought this was so funny and couldn’t stop laughing and then this pissed off Henry even more.

“It’s probably in your fucking purse,” Chooch scoffed, thus making it my turn to crack the fuck up because Henry has this stupid sling thing that he takes on trips and of course Chooch calls it his purse which makes Henry seethe.

Anyway, it ended up being in his other shorts in his suitcase which he didn’t discover until after we got home and he practically dumped the contents of his purse on the front porch and then I said, “I thought you said earlier that they were probably in your black shorts” so then he started to rifle through his overnight bag in the trunk and there they were, lololol.

Good morning from Cedar Point! Expecting it to be packed today as usual but at least it’s something to do.

Walking to SteVe, immediately.

Visiting Daddy on Father’s Day! Love you Papa SteVe!!

11:13am: Literally the best experience we had on SteVe. Wait was estimated at 40 min and it took less than that, no breakdowns while we were in line, and they let Chooch and me have the back. I love this stupid fucking psycho coaster so much!

Henry got front row and is so smug about it.

Now he’s making us wait in line for Maverick which is broken down and I hate this gamble!!! It almost never works out well for us.

me: new thing! Since I’m liveblogging let’s take a selfie in every line we wait in.

Thanks Chooch.

11:38am: Fuck you, Maverick. Moving on because I couldn’t take hearing the bitch in front of me talk about her basic bitch interests anymore.

11:54am ditched Henry, now in line for Iron Dragon 🐉

ALSO, Chooch hates my new selfie rule.

iron dragon was way FUNNER than I remember FYI.

12:45pm: got lunch at the new pavilion and the service was TRASH. the roll was the best part of the meal. Views are nice though!

They’re playing retro ragtag covers of shitty pop songs though and a Taylor Swift one is on now so that dragged down the lunch review.

Chooch bonded with a guy in the bathroom over the awful music. “I didn’t think they could make Taylor Swift worse.”

12:54pm Gatekeeper selfie!

everyone hates me!

That was the best Gatekeeper ride I’ve ever had!

1:29pm: Carousel line selfie!

1;51pm: Choochs phone just died and he wants to go home because now he will either have to talk to “us guys” or look at the sky LOLOL.

Waiting for out old car thing! Henry can’t hear.

We got the slowest car here and people are on our asses. Chooch is so pissed. He just said he feels like Janna lol hi Janna!

2:03pm: RAPTOR’S LINE IS LIKE 10 MINUTES!!

Ok I’m saying it: Raptor is my favorite B&M invert. I SAID IT.

now we’re in line for the new Wild Mouse which is an HOUR wait and the guys in front of me are wearing patchouli and chooch is being pissy.

Pissy “I wouldn’t be in a bad mood all day if I had a belt” Chooch.

3:08pm: Still in line. Some little kid the next row over tapped me on the shoulder and said excuse me you have a bug on your shirt and of course I always think I’m the butt of a joke so I panicked but I did indeed have a MAYFLY on my shirt so Henry got it off for me which then turned into me blaming Henry for not doing a better job guarding my person from bugs and other harmful things.

3:14pm: Still in line but maybe another 15? At least people here aren’t assholes like at Canada’s Wonderland.

I asked chooch if he is immediately going to add this to his spreadsheet and he said I CANT MY PHONE IS DEAD. lololol. Also “Call Me Maybe” is on right now!!

3:53pm: that was the best Wild Mouse I’ve ever been on! It was trimless! Henry bit his lip lol. We got the pink car!

Now we’re in line for Gemini which only I am excited for!

The way I have to beg for these selfies though.

ugh stupid Henry has to treat himself.

5:01pm:

Rode MaxAir, it was fine.

Now Chooch is spending money. He won a medium sized prize!

5:11pm: We left! Bye bye Cedar Point!

Some thoughts from the car:

• Raptor was a big highlight – from the delightfully enthusiastic dad & 2 kids in front of us to the overall fantastic ride, I declared that it was my second favorite ride in the whole park.
• SO MUCH TAYLOR SWIFT WAS HEARD TODAY.
• This was the first time we didn’t ride Millie and that felt kind of weird. We were actually only in that area once, even.
• This was the best ride I’ve ever had on Gatekeeper. I even grayed out!
• I got stapled on Gemini so that wasn’t very enjoyable.
• We didn’t ride Magnum! I will only ride it if it’s a station wait bc I do like it but it hurts!
• I thought the addition of Wild Mouse to the revamped boardwalk area was really cute and fits nicely with the theme. It just sucks that it’s such a short ride and will probably always have a long wait because even the shittiest Wild Mouses in other parks get notoriously long waits. But I thought the theming was super eye-catching and I also liked that they were playing legit beach music in that area. I did suggest to Chooch that they should play the Back to the Beach soundtrack and he rolled his eyes at me.
• Only lowlight really was MAVERICK (so sick of that one breaking down constantly) and the service we experienced at the new Grand Pavilion. The cashier was nice though, I should specify that the coldness was reserved for the people behind the food counter thing. Not a single person made eye contact with us or smiled. It made me so uncomfortable and I almost didn’t even want to order anything from there.
• The cookies were back to being good!! I feel like the last time we got them from the bakery they were really dry and stale. The snickerdoodles were sooooo MOIST today.
• Overall, it wasn’t really crowded there at all for a weekend. I wish we were had been staying over though so we could have stayed until close because I can only imagine how many more rides we could have made it on. Every time I checked the ride times, SteVe had never gone past 60 minutes which is unheard of. But I was content with the one ride we got on it this morning, especially since we only had to wait about 30 minutes!
• Maybe someday, someone will actually want to come with us?? I tried to get my brother to come with us but he promised our dad he’d go over for a visit and, oh yeah, I guess it was Father’s Day after all lol.

The end.

(I should put this disclaimer in all of my blog posts but please be advised that I write most of my posts from my phone and sometimes words get autocorrected answers* I don’t notice, or I just create typos all of my own volition but I’m a stoop in that way. Apologies in advance. Bueno bueno.)

*(SEE???? Just swerving by a month later and noticed this. I guess that was supposed to be “and”??)

Hello good morning sweateeees I wasn’t going to LiveBlog but now I feel like it. It is currently 9:27am and we just had a fun stop at Sheetz in Wheeling. Some broad came rushing over to me and legit cried, “I JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT I LOVE LOVE LOVE UR SWEATER. ITS FANTASTIC!” And it was a really nice Sheetz moment, you know? Chooch came slithering around the corner and hissed, “WHAT did she say?” Because as you know, Chooch hates it when I am the recipient of compliments.

Then as we were walking away from the check out, someone came up behind us and fucking ROARED their cigarette order in a marbled slur, making us all whip our heads around to see TO WHOM THE VOICE BELONGED. As expected, it was a very large (in height and girth) truck driver.

11:02am: at a rest stop somewhere in Ohio and I just screamed out the name of a coaster enthusiast that I have been trying to think of since last night and no one cares lol. (It is SLOAN by the way – I kept saying “it’s an ambiguous name and also the name of a character from a popular 80s movie” like I knew the name the whole time but was just trying to get other ppl to guess??)

All you have missed so far is me bitching about social media attention-grabbers.

11:29am: Chooch just asked if we were going outside anywhere, like…we didn’t just drive all the way to Columbus to sit in the car, so…?

I asked why and he said, “because somehow* I got Dunkin all over my shirt.”

*SOMEHOW. Because he is still a child!! Henry just said, “I guess we need to start bringing the diaper bag with us in the car again.” Honestly!! 17 years old but some things never change.

He just asked for an I Love Ohio shirt to change into lol.

Waiting for our fooooood!

Lunchin’ with Mikey!

Ok, this has got to be top 3 best vegan places I’ve eaten at, now that we’ve had two experiences I feel like I can safely and confidently say that. I got the fish sandwich and nearly wept into it.

General Tso’s wings – amazing. Chunky bois. Lotsa umami. Chooch got the sandwich version, and Henry got the Buffy Mac which is a chicken sandwich with Mac and cheese on it.

We were all satisfied. And also happy that we got there within five minutes of the lunch time rush, phew.

Meanwhile, since seventeen year old still travels like a toddler and ended up arriving in Columbus with stains and spills all over his shirt, we had to buy him a shirt from the place we’re eating lunch at and now it’s like he’s That Guy who wears the band’s shirt to their concert OMG no lol.

1:12pm: we just left some rose garden thing and it was a nice way to digest after that filling lunch.

We managed to not fight once! Chooch was mostly distracted by the online auctions he’s bidding on.

1:51pm: SOUND THE BUZZER! Henry finally managed to ruin my day!!!!!! We went to Belle’s Bakery because they presumably have shaved ice which I stupidly thought was the Americanized way of saying they have kakigori. Since the bingsu place is closed on Sundays, I figured the Japanese version would suffice.

It was REALLY crowded so Henry said he would wait in line and then me and Chooch walked over to a Japanese gift store, at which point I lost him, but then found him again when he texted me and said he never left the store??

Anyway, when I saw Henry walk out of the bakery with literally just a cup of shaved iced a la Rita’s, I was sooooo mad. He at that point went back in and got the matcha soft serve that I had specifically asked for, in a separate cup, but it just wasn’t it, dawg.

I really thought it was going to be the GOOD “shaved ice” and not “actual shaved ice” so I poured bigly but now we are going to a vegan bakery to salvage the day.

Meanwhile, Chooch has been bidding on a “smart oven” all day, whatever that means, and keeps giving us updates.

2:12pm: just stopped here for spoiled son to get a game:

It was actually less creepy inside.

Healthcare send Heidi phone why need like cell? I have Spotify I don’t know why you talking about quiet woman here this time I think you would like that I thought of you like to wait for you little while 70s hits really put its way.

^^^^^ UM my phone auto-typed that based on the convo Henry and I were just having. Definitely leaving it in haha. 

2:37pm: Happy Little Treats!

Lady working here was very nice and the bakery itself is a delight! Interior design inspo….???

I got the cherry almond Poptart and it righted the wrongs created by Henry and Belle’s Bakery. It was JUST RIGHT.

3:59pm: We’re finally making our way home after taking a detour to NEWARK, OHIO which I am here to confirm is basically as a smaller but still shitty version of Newark, NJ. We went there because they had a gaming place but their board game selection was really slim so we walked in and basically walked right back out and Chooch was embarrassed about this for some reason.

I made Henry drive us through “downtown” and it was pretty shitty but the courthouse was pretty.

Then we passed the Longaberger Basket building!!

True story: I dated a guy briefly in high school whose mom was a Longaberger salesperson and every time I would call their house, the machine would say YOU HAVE REACHED BARB* FROM LONGABERGER BASKET” and it always sounded wrong to me, like she had meant to say “longberger” without the “a.”

*I actually can’t remember her name now just that she really didn’t like me which is on brand because none of my boyfriends moms ever liked me. Most of my friends moms don’t like me either so I guess it’s a “me” problem.

5:07pm: at a rest stop in Ohio somewhere between Zanesville and Wheeling. When Henry and I were getting out, Henry was being deaf as usual so Chooch said, “OMG I said it twice…three four times” harkening back to our second time in Korea when Henry flipped out on us at a cafe in a Jeonju (while sharing bingsu, coincidentally!!) because we were moving him and he said something about how “OK! You don’t have to repeat it twice three four times!” Of course, Chooch and I latched on to this and STILL reference it. So today in retaliation, Henry said, “fuck off two three four times.” OOH OK TOUGH GUY.

After peeing, Henry proceeded to do some weird ceremonial circling around the car and he was making us so nervous. Chooch kept yelling WHAT ARE YOU DOING I WANT TO GET HOME (apparently “getting the circulation flowing”) and at this same time I noticed that Chooch had a bag of HOT MUSTARD Doritos in the backseat with him so I exclaimed “Ooh I want to try it!” Chooch got real triggered by this and snapped I DONT WANT TO OPEN THE BAG so I said, “Wow, OK. It’s Mother’s Day but whatever” and he shouted OH MY GOD and threw the bag at me.

Hot mustard Doritos are good, you guys!!

7:50pm: Hello, checking in from home. Henry pretty much IMMEDIATELY went upstairs and collapsed into bed which is making me really scared to get old(er) because this was just a day trip? We didn’t do that much? He went to be bed at 11pm last night and we didn’t wake up to start getting ready to leave until around 7am. I was up until after 2am chatting with Janna and trying to teach her the names of THREE NCT members. Just three! I’m the one who should be passed in bed but mmm. Cook on, Henry.

To summarize, today was really good aside from the SHAVED ICE incident!

Hello it’s 8:12am and we’re leaving our dumb hotel in Toledo-ish to start the second leg of our Chicago journey. I’m glad I didn’t live blog last night because it was extremely uneventful unless you consider me having my dinner hopes and dreams dashed twice in a row before finally settling on Sheetz which is what I should have just done when we were still near home but I said NO, MAYBE WE CAN STOP SOMEWHERE BETTER ON THE WAY but then Oath pizza had a confusing menu and a worker who was too busy fucking around with ingredients to pay attention to us and then another rest stop has a Freshens which excited me because I wanted something healthy and was eyeing up the rice bowls but, as if reading my mind, a surly worker emerged from the back and mumbled, “Just so you know, we’re out of rice bowls” extremely eventful.

FUCK YOU.

(Not you!! The food places.)

We’re at Flying Joe. I got a BLUE BIRD latte (white choc/lav) even though I came in here just wanting a regular coffee. Sigh. Henry got a lemoncello cold brew which sounds disgusting.

We’ll see. I liked the woman who waited on us.

I also got a kombucha because my stomach is begging for it.

ok Henry’s has a lemon cold foam on it which is delicious. I didn’t taste it with the coffee itself though. I dunno, it was a fine experience except that one of my fave NCT Dream songs came on RIGHT when we got there and I was sad to get out of the car.

9:56am: just stopped at PETRO in Somewhere, Indiana because I had to pee so bad but first I had to walk past a rack of NOT GUILTY Trump shirts (mmm) and a hunting knife kiosk. Ugh. I hated it there except that Demi Lovato’s “Heart Attack” was playing (love that song) and the bathroom soap smelled nice.

Hi.

Then Henry drove right down the road to Pilot to get gas and I screamed WHY DIDNT WE JUST COME HERE TO BEGIN WITH and he said “I dunno” with a mouthful of pretzels. Ugh.

Lolololol.

12:59am: Dude.

12:34: oh fuck I am fully stuffed you guys. What a great experience!!

Fish sandwich!! I have been craving a good vegan fish sandwich ever since the not-great one we recently got in Pgh. I really do not understand the Pgh vegan scene at all. Every other city we go to has it locked down, but Pghs over there having vegan restaurants that only open when they want and, as Henry pointed out, caters to only one demographic: white hipster assholes. With the exception of Sugar Spell (and Zenith, which is not fully vegan) I have always felt like an interloper at these establishments.

Henry got a po boy but my photo sucks:

Also, their chocolate chip cookies were bus.

12:38pm: Henry just performed a series of weird nose noises and I asked him to please calm down. “CALM DOWN WHAT??? WHAT AM I DOING??” Clueless.

1:24pm: we’re back in the car after doing a WALK ABOUT at some small park near where we ate lunch. I can’t eat and then sit in the car – I need to digest, Fran.

Henry loves when he’s about to take my picture and I say “wait! Should I pose?” and then activate my signature floppy limb stance. (Also, 6.5 hours until NCT Dream!)

There were a lot of different birds at this park because it was surrounding a lake, and it made me miss Chooch because he loves ducks, geese, and seagulls, and this spot had them in abundance.

Chooch, in case you’re wondering, is home with the cats, not even remotely caring that we’re gone.

3:56pm: in case you’re wondering, we checked into our room at the Wyndham for about 90 minutes now. We drove past the Allstate Arena on the way here and NCT Dream was already there and I was SWEATING.

Our hotel is decent. Henry napped off and on the whole time and I did a Grow With Jo workout and watched Friends. Then I got dressed for tonight (a preliminary run) and made Henry take pictures of me which is his favorite thing to do. But now we’re on our way to this vegan Korean restaurant for a light dinner before the show!!

5:01pm: We swung by Amitabul for some vegan Korean fare and lemme tell you something: if I lived in this area, I would be a regular. So peaceful and the food felt fully nourishing!

Spicy kimchi maki roll!

(Wait hold on we’re in the car going back to the hotel now and Henry said I BET THESE TINY HOUSES COST $300,000 AND THEY DONT EVEN HAVE DRIVEWAYS and I said “they’re cute but this area seems congested” and then immediately second-guessed myself because sometimes when I try to say adult things, I’m exposed, but Henry said “that it does” – I constructed an adult statement and it was correct, you guys!)

Back to dinner:

I got the Buddha Bop and it was delectable. I ordered the spiciest version and it was a gochujang explosion of ecstasy in my mouth-space. Ugh I love the taste of gochujang and sesame oil.

Meanwhile:

Chooch would have been THRU THE ROOF if he was here to hear Henry’s wet mastication of his meal with the soundtrack of a monk chanting “Om” on repeat playing from a speaker. It was actually making me twitch a bit.

We both only ate half because we were still full from lunch but now we’ll have food for after the concert at least!

6:01pm: we just came back to the hotel after getting some of the best lattes I’ve had at:

It’s inside a train station. I got an ube latte (hot) and Henry got an iced pistachio donut latte. We are both in agreement (I tried so hard to make agreeance a word) that they are quality.

“It’s because they’re handcuffed,” I said, AN INSIDE JOKE because I saw a sign that said their coffee drinks are hand-crafted and my shit eyes read it as “handcuffed.” Because that makes sense.

Some girl was in the station with her NCT lightstick!!!!

ITS ALMOST TIME so I have to change back into my concert clothes and say BYE.

(Bye!)

I’m starting a live blog just in case things heat up but so far, it’s just us in the car listening to WDVE and eating a pathetic Sheetz breakfast. (Mandarin orange slices in a cup and unbuttered toasted croissant for me; some gross meat stick and a cookie for Henry. Mm.)

It’s 10:13 and we’re in Erie, only Erie ugh. There is snow everywhere up here and I’m not used to it!! We had been having such mild weather in Pgh!

You haven’t missed anything aside from us having a heated argument over why I get emails for other Erin Kellys- I’m telling you, it has something to do with the dots in gmail addresses but Henry keeps saying it’s an issue with all the places that are sending emails to other Erin Kellys, for instance, one of them recently signed up with Duolingo and I kept getting her PRACTICE YOUR IRISH reminders so I UNSUBSCRIBED her and Henry blamed Duolingo.

I actually got annoyed that I snapped, “I AM ENDING THIS CONVERSATION NOW BC YOURE GOING TO MAKE ME BREAK SOMETHING” and bitch, it’d likely be his glasses.

10:46am: Literally if I didn’t start conversations we would just drive in silence forever. The only time Henry ever talks out of turn is to say something stupid like, “look at the plane” and I’m not going to look. I’m just not.

Now we’re arguing about the border already and we’re still like 60 miles from it. I said that he’s going to get all nervous and stammer like he does every time when they ask us what brings us to Canada (NEVER FORGET WHEN WE GOT SEARCHED BC HE WAS BEING SO SHIFTY) and he said, “IM SORRY BUT I WOULD PREFER TO BE IN CHARGE WHEN IT COMES TO TALKING TO AUTHORITIES BECAUSE GOD FORBID YOU SNAP OUT AND LAND US IN JAIL.”

Wow. Actually I did have a scenario play out while I was washing my hands in the GetGo bathroom back in Erie where the border person asks us why we’re going to Canada and Henry says “UH UM C-C-Concert” and when they ask who we’re seeing and Henry wipes the words “Kang Daniel” from his lips along with all of his panic perspiration, they go, “oh is that one of the members of BTS?” and I get out of the car and flip it over in rage.

That’s the scenario.

11:04am Ugh I just opened the Ticketmaster app to double check the start time for tonight and SAW THAT NCT DREAM TICKETS ARE GOING ON SALE THIS FRIDAY and now my nerves are sizzling. Please pray for me on Friday.

11:26am: pee stop at what used to be my fave rest area in NY but now everything but the convenience store is closed??!!

Struggled with the sink as per yuje.

11:55am: here we go!

Henry did it! That took less than 4 minutes total! We had a nice lady who asked us rapid fire questions, which Henry answered with hesitation yet somehow she felt that he wasn’t hiding explosives up his asshole so she said ENJOY and now here we are in Canada, eh.

1:07pm: at Odd Burger!! We chose the location in HAMILTON because I knew I couldn’t make it to Toronto without lunch.

ok what a great experience!! First of all the Odd Burger guy walked me through the whole menu when I excitedly blurted out ITS MY FIRST TIME HERE which wasn’t necessary but a nice touch! I made Henry add a tip because of that and he grumbled but did as I said.

Anyway, I made Henry order the Famous Burger because it’s what I really wanted but knew it would be too much. It’s supposed to be a vegan take on the Big Mac and I would say that they succeeded. That shit was GOOD and actually made me realize that I must miss McDonald’s on some subconscious level.

I ordered the Chikun Cordon Bleu because I can’t say no to fake chicken sandwiches.

It was like a 1/3 of the size of Henry’s burger but just right for me. The chicken was so crispy!! I really liked it a lot.

We also split an order of the wingalings with Korean sesame sauce and those were a delight (also the odd burger guy’s favorite menu item – he told me so while Henry was in the bathroom; we really had such a great, deep convo).

Ugh I wish Pgh had anything like this. Pgh sucks.

We’re back on the road and Henry just said that he liked the wings. “The sauce was good too.”

“IT’S MADE IN HOUSE,” I screamed and Henry said, “Yes you told me that like three times already.”

Sorry. That was my big takeaway from the personalized tour I got of the menu.

2:58pm: at hotel. Should I wear this to Kang Daniel?? It’s very cold out and this is cozy. I’m leaning toward YEA vs NAY.

4:45pm: fought for an hour, parked near the venue, took a subway, and now we’re on a streetcar. Henry is on my last nerve.

6:12pm: we’re at Fresh having apps before Kang Daniel because everything else was an epic disaster (fine, hyperbole) but nothing worked out so we came back to where we started (LONG STORY SHORT) and Henry is still annoying but at least Fresh is nice. Gonna post this now because it’s almost time to get in line for Kang Daniel who will undoubtedly save this dreadful evening.