Aug 092022
 
Oh man, after the Red Arrow, we went to Newbury Comics and spent a good hour there. I went straight for the kpop section and Alyson came with me! I thought she was just humoring me at first, but she stayed with me the whole time and asked me questions about various groups and why some albums came in big boxes while others didn’t, and I was beside myself with excitement to be sharing this part of my life with a friend! And Henry was in such a good mood that he was like, “I don’t care,” when I ran over and asked, “CAN I GET STRAY KIDS,  TOO??”
Anyway, here’s my haul! (Plus the GOT7 album that Alyson gifted to me!)

On the way back to Alyson’s, she asked me to put on Taemin and I was like OMG GLADLY. You guys, no one has requested that I put on kpop before so this was…it was just a good feeling. I felt truly happy and seen! And then back at Alyson’s, I unboxed everything and she was like WHO DID YOU GET? because photocard anticipation is contagious!

I was really just in the most happiest zone all weekend, I swear to G-Dragon.

Later that afternoon, it was ICE CREAM TIME. We drove across the border to Massachusetts for some homemade Dr. Davis Ice Cream.

They had “frozen pudding” as a flavor and I homed in this immediately because I had never heard of such an ice cream combination before. I was going to make Henry order it in case I didn’t like it, but then he asked if he could sample it. Thank god, because he let me try it and it was NOT what I was expecting, so he didn’t order it. I was anticipating something akin to a Pudding Pop only not shilled by a serial rapist, but it was more like a muted vanilla with a hint of cherry? It wasn’t bad by any means, but also not what I was in the mood for.
I ended getting birthday cake because that’s totally my signature flavor tied with red velvet, and also a scoop of Grahamtastic, which was in fact extremely graham and tastic. I loved both of my picks so much, but Alyson’s was the most visually pleasing out of all of ours and now I regret not snapping a pic, but she had bubblegum in a cone with chocolate sprinkles, and it was just had THE LOOK of SUMMER FUN to it.

And then Ryan got a banana split which made me have major ordering remorse because maybe it was actually a sundae that I was craving after all?? UGH I should have made Henry order a SUNDAE!!

Henry ended up getting pineapple coconut or something and it tasted fine but it didn’t HIT my SPOT. Maybe he planned it that way so I wouldn’t be stealing bites?? But then he went back and got a second scoop of butter rum or something, I can’t remember but it was definitely a nursing home flavor and also, it was delicious.

In my zone, my ice cream zone.

Next, we went to Brookdale Fruit Farm! Henry and I had a quiet fight (mostly through flared nostrils and dagger eyes) over my want of a jar of CARROT CAKE SPREAD which Henry thought was OVERPRICED and then asked, “What would you even eat this with?” and I scoffed, “OATMEAL OR WHATEVER I WANT, ALSO NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS” and then I said, “JUST FORGET IT” and put it back but he snatched it back off the shelf and then we had a tug of war in front of an old guy and I never want old people to think I’m a jerk so I let Henry take it but then when we was in line to pay, I grabbed it and put it back on the shelf and then spent the next five minutes mouthing, “DIE, I HATE YOU” to him when Alyson and Ryan weren’t looking but then I was OK once we embarked on our ORCHARD WALK.
I think I just needed to be walked.
We had so much fun walking around all the baby apples and posing for Alyson!

Alyson, looking for frogs.

And now for some LOG PORTRAITS…

I love this picture because Henry looks like he’s hoping to be abducted by orchard aliens, like, “GET ME OUT OF HERE, PLZ, I’LL TAKE ANAL PROBES ANYDAY OVER THIS LOG PHOTO SHOOT.”

Did somebody say….”individually-wrapped prunes??”

My repertoire of poses is very sparse.
I knew this was Queen’s Anne Lace but I never knew that the black dot in the middle was supposed to be “blood” from when she pricked her finger making the lace! Alyson was basically like an orchard tour guide!

Muskrat Watch.

(Also this is how I learned that in Alyson’s region of America, groundhogs are called woodchucks! I never knew they were the same thing!

I so badly want this to be a Ludacris-branded Honeycrisp.

Ryan was taking pictures of a butterfly so then I had to do it too because I’m a follower.

We walked so much! I appreciated that they knew I needed steps and placed me in a scenario where I could achieve my goal. And also that they’re both FitBit users as well and understand the compulsion of counting steps. I love being outside so much and this was such a nice vibe. We did lose Ryan for an extended amount of time though because we got sidetracked by MUSKRAT WATCH.

By the time we made it back to the parking lot, the actual farm store had closed and we were the only car in the lot.

Then it was CEMETERY TIME, which I already posted about and a quick tour of downtown Nashua, where I learned that this fancy restaurant used to be a whore house:

…and that Stephen Tyler’s mom is in a nearby nursing home and he’s sometimes spotted around town!

Eventually, it was time to say goodbye since Alyson’s work days start really early and we had a long drive ahead of us the next day. It was so hard to leave though! Relaxing on their back porch & chatting was so much fun and it really sucks that there is nearly 10 hours of driving time between us. I hope it’s not another nine years before we get to see each other again!

I feel really #blessed that I got to see Bill and Jessi, and Alyson and Ryan, all in the same month. They are all on my very short list of favorite people. Thank you for making time for us, Alyson and Ryan, and for making my birthday so memorable and sweet!

Aug 072022
 

Sunday morning, we picked up Alyson and then went to meet Ryan at his mom’s condo, which is in an old shoe factory and super trendy. I would consider dumping Henry and moving to Manchester, NH to live the single life in a swanky industrial condo.

The building kept some of the original factory things, which made it even more awesome. I am all for retaining history while repurposing a thing.

We got to briefly meet Ryan’s mom while Ryan was finishing up her breakfast – their relationship is adorable and is GOALS for me – although I’m not sure if being in a position where Chooch is my caregiver is something that I should really strive for.

Actually, I just started to clench up at the thought.

But the banter that Ryan and his mom was actually precious and entertaining!

After listening to some music Ryan is working on and dying over the in-progress track list of his and Alyson’s metal album about NOTARY THINGS, we drove to the nearby Red Arrow Diner, which is FAMOUS and real-life presidents have dined there! This is one of my favorite things to do when visiting a new place – dine at famous establishments!

Being scolded by Ryan!

“Now just so you know, this is a FAMOUS diner that ADAM SANDLER has frequented, so don’t go embarrassing me in here, you two!”

The Red Arrow is very very very tiny so we sat at the counter rather than waiting for one of the handful of booths to free up, and that actually turned out to be a great decision because it made me feel like I was a part of things. The two waitresses (Robin, pictured above, was ours and she was FANTASTIC and NO-NONSENSE) had some kind of fake-beef going on with the kitchen crew and it was pretty entertaining.

Henry sat on the same stool that once supported GUY FIERI’S diner-hopping buttocks so I had to immediately text my friend Bill, avid Fieri-hater, who responded with, “That is a cursed seat. I can only imagine the burden Sandra Bernhard carries.”

I brought a mug home with me!

Robin over there giving the kitchen crew a piece of her mind, probably.

J/K! Both Robin and the other lady would always say APPRECIATE YOU after yelling, “CAN I GET A MAPLE SYRUP?!” Also, it was such a tight and narrow space back there that observing both servers maneuver around each other was almost like watching a well-choreographed dance.

I look so tired here but I was extremely content – and hungry!

I had to send this to Chooch because when Romney ran against Obama, Chooch was a staunch hater. I remember being at work one night and Henry texting me that Chooch had popped off in Kmart about how he hoped THAT MITT ROMNEY would lose, lol – he was like 6 or something at the time but had a very firm politcal stance.

OK, I was teetering back and forth between sweet vs savory breakfast but I knew we were going to get ice cream later, so I went with the caprese omelet and RYE TOAST which ended up being the star of the show for me, Bob. It was the type of rye I crave – the thick, fresh, marbeled variety! I was talking about this toast for a solid three days afterward and Henry was just like BEAM ME UP SCOTTY.

I have no idea why my fingers typed those words with absolutely no prompt from my brain because I have never actually watched Star Trek nor do I remember the last time I even heard someone say that? Sometimes I think I become briefly possessed by people I have nothing in common with when I’m writing in here.

I love these pictures so much. Great food and meaningful conversation with awesome friends – the best combo!

ROBIN!

Oh yeah! Then the servers went around and asked if it was anyone’s first time, and if so, where were we from. I was super excited about this – WHAT DID IT MEAN? WOULD THERE BE A CEREMONY?? Especially when Robin ripped several stickers off a roll, held them against her chest, and said DON’T LOOK!

Then the other server RANG A BELL and made an announcement, calling out the locations of the first-timers! She forgot Pittsburgh though and I was sad, but then she remembered and went back and gave us a separate shout-out which was really exciting until I remembered that we were in a region of Pittsburgh haters (THANKS, STEELERS) so then I was trying to hide my face, lol. Anyway, Robin made us put on the stickers and I did so happily. This is also when I realized that there was another roll of CLEAN PLATE AWARD stickers and from then on, I was on a mission to clean my damn plate to get the AWARD.

Of course I succeeded and I was so smug about it, since Henry’s plate wasn’t clean.

BUT THEN HE GOT A STICKER TOO?? I was incredulous over this!

“You still have beans on your plate!!!” I cried, but he tried to legitimize it by saying that they were on “the saucer” portion of the bowl and “were served that way” and that he wasn’t going to “eat them off that plate.”

Um, OK? Seems ridiculous to me, but cook on.

Alyson later commented on Instagram that some people’s awards were won fraudulently, and now FRAUDULENT, FAMOUS BAKED BEANS is part of our TOLHURT repertoire.

My sticker, which was won fairly.

Thank you.

Oh man, we also nabbed one of these for the road, which we ate later that night and I wish we had opted for the bulk package that they offered.

My verdict is that the Red Arrow delivers. I can see why it’s famous and I already can’t wait to go back and try some pie with a side of RYE TOAST.

Thank you for taking us here, Alyson! Good call!

Aug 052022
 

Please allow me to get a little out of order here and skip ahead to our Sunday evening in Hollis, New Hampshire, where we stopped to stroll about an old ass cemetery. In Pittsburgh, we don’t have any that are *this* old obviously so I was glad for this chance to ogle some 18th century tombstones, after a full day of Famous Diner’ing, Kpop shopping, ice creaming, apple orchard walking – all of which I will get to soon!

1743!!!!

Blending in!

We all split up and quietly observed the history. I was looking for either mine or Chooch’s birthdates because that’s what we do when we go on walks in cemeteries here and whoever spots theirs first wins. I didn’t see any 7/30 or 4/25, sadly :(

We were obsessed with the fact that GEORGEHENRY’s headstone was bigger than his parents and his dad was A DOCTOR! Probably the ONLY DOCTOR, even!

“What’s that finger-pointing symbol mean? I’m #1?” I asked, only moderately joking.

Hennry googled it and it apparently means that he’s going up to Heaven so I guess he’s the only one, because no one else had that.

Michael Myers in the Cemetery stance.

This one was my favorite.

I love how thin the headstones were back then.

Henry and I actually bonded a little over our shared disgust at the FONT that some of these headstones used, where the S looked like an F. HIDEOUS.

DISGUSTING!

Repulsive.

We were obsessed with this one because there was a 40-something age difference between these two.

Abigail and Ebenezer – classic.

DEATH BY ACCIDENTAL CANNON DISCHARGE, zzzzzzoinkers.

Lydia is such a great fucking name. Lydia and Enoch. I wonder if they were a fun couple, getting drunk on boot juice and spreading rumors about who has syphilis.

Man, this was a really peaceful, quiet interlude to an excellent weekend. I’m glad that it’s something we call could experience and appreciate together!

Aug 042022
 

I posted a bunch of these pictures on Insta and my friend Maya said, “Lots of genuine happiness showing through in these…” The Internet and social media definitely have so many negative contributions to life, but without it, I may never have made such true, real friendships, like with Alyson, and Bill & Jessi who we also had the opportunity to spend time with earlier this summer. It sucks that there is so much distance between us but when we get the chance to reunite, it’s literally a party and Maya is so right – you can tell that my smile is real in these! And Henry is, well, Henry.

Alyson and Ryan are both FitBit users so they understood my need to meet my step count for the day and suggested that we take a stroll through the nearby Greeley Park. I kept thinking of the metalcore band Greeley Estates and it was making me nostalgic for Warped Tours of yesteryear. Anyway, this park was so beautiful and forest-y.

Henry looks exactly the same in both shots lol.

I was really this happy all weekend!

The main attraction was the FAMOUS BATHROOM that serves as a backdrop for wedding portraits and the like. I can confirm that, for a public restroom, it really had the most majestic facade. Here’s a picture of NO PICTURES, PLEASE Henry.

Alyson snapped this one – we tag-teamed him and he was not pleased, lol. Two people obsessed with taking his picture? Oof!

I mean, I was drunk, but I didn’t think Henry was – this picture says otherwise!

Serious contemplation.

You guys, I love them so much, lol!

Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube People.

We had such a fun time running around like dummies, watching Ryan climbing a tree (Henry, alleged Tree Climber Extraordinaire according to his mom, suddenly “didn’t feel like” climbing the tree. SUSPISH.), and sitting on cannon things!

Henry found one of his beloved TOBY TREES so we all pretended to be pre-teen Henrys, tokin’ on Tobys. (I still don’t really know how/why anyone would smoke these?? I surely never did as a kid?!)

When we came back to the Wilson abode, Ryan and Alyson got to work on some clandestine dinner which turned out to be 순두부찌개 (soondubu jjigae)!!! I could NOT believe it and came very close to crying because it meant so much to me that they were willing to cook something Korean for me (ugh, apparently Henry was their consultant on this matter, but I give Alyson and Ryan all the credit!). I actually haven’t had any kind of 찌개 in quite some time so it tasted extra good and heart-warming!

Honestly, it turned out so great and was the perfect “I’ve been drinking all day” dinner!

And then a FRUITY PEBBLE CUPCAKE! It was so rich, a real chunky boy! Bigger than my fist! The cake itself was lemon, which is my second favorite cake flavor, next to almond, so I was super content. Korean food and a cupcake? The perfect birthday dinner!

As if that wasn’t enough, I was then gifted with the most recent GOT7 album and I screamed, especially when I pulled my bias Youngjae’s photocard! This was Ryan and Alyson’s first time watching a Kpop album unboxing and they were like WHOA.

“No one buys it for the actual CD,” Henry mumbled.

“Yeah, it’s all about the photobook and other surplus items they throw in,” I explained, holding up a sheet of stickers.

Ryan admitted that this was pretty smart marketing and now I want him and Alyson to do a whole boxed set with a photobook and stickers when they record their metal album about the notary stuff. (Alyson let me see her song list and it is EPIC.) She said she wants one of the pictures to be her angrily stamping papers.

I’m high-key obsessed with this album coming into fruition now.

Day One was so much fun! In honor of my new GOT7 album, I will end this with their member Jackson Wang’s new solo song, Cruel, which just came out last Friday and I watched it before we left for the weekend while Henry was doing all the work packing the car, and maybe this is why he forgot our entire toiletry bag and therefore had to make an early-morning Rite Aid run the next day.

 

Aug 022022
 

Ahhh I’m so excited for these upcoming recaps but also sad because it means the weekend is over. OK, lemme set this shit up for:

I always get depressed on my birthday – not because of AGING, although that’s NOT GREAT. I feel like I whine about this every other year so we’ll skip the history of my birthday depression this time and go right into the remedy: planning something fun so that I have a thing to look forward to. This year, Chooch would be missing my birthday because he chose Mexico over me, so I decided that I wanted to go somewhere for the weekend just to get away and have All of the Fun. I can’t remember why but my friend Alyson and I were engaging in our patented giddy texts – probably something about Hot Naybor Chris or Henry crossing the street, who even knows with us! And it got me thinking that I haven’t seen her in way too long! I had to go back in my blog to find the exact year, and I’m pretty sure it was the winter of 2014 when she was in Pgh to see a band she loved/was friends with and I hung out with them later in her hotel room, where we drank good wine and ate chocolate made by BOBBY BLITZ’S wife.

That was her third time here in Pittsburgh, visiting, and we had only gone to visit her in New Hampshire ONCE so it was definitely our turn. I asked her if she’d be up for it and she said YES and when my birthday weekend was one of the options she suggested, it felt like it was meant to be!

We’ve known each other since 2005, where we met on LiveJournal and I am so thankful that our long-distance friendship has managed to stay solid over all of these years. It’s not often that someone else scream-laughs over the same senseless shit as me!

We left Friday morning and the plan was to get to our hotel in Nashua around 9pm that night and meet for breakfast in the morning, but if you read my liveblog, then you know I managed to stretch Friday out until near-snapping point and we didn’t arrive until 1AM. LOL, sorry Henry.

When we got to Alyson’s Saturday morning, I ALMOST cried. ALMOST. I was just so emotional! Every year, I would write, “MAYBE <INSERT NEXT YEAR> WILL BE THE YEAR WE SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN!” and finally, 2022 was the magic year. YEAH. BOI.

The only request I had for the whole weekend was BREAKFAST AT PARKER’S MAPLE BARN. Alyson took us here in 2013, where she famously grilled Henry about TED NUGENT. 

I was irrationally mad that Henry and I both wore purple. Especially since his shirt is the shade of purple I like most. Ugh.

First we had to sit in the quarantine room and wait for a table. The hostess even came and SHUT THE DOOR and I started to panic because there was no handle on our side of it!! But then Alyson got the TABLE READY text and Henry strode right up to the door like he had built it himself with tools he carries around in his trunk, and wrenched it right open. We were so in awe.

J/K, no one cared.

But then as one of the hostesses was gathering our menus, she was talking on the phone / bluetooth the whole time about what sounded like personal matters. I was like, “Wow, I don’t want to say this out loud and bring down the mood, but this broad is being super rude.” When we got to our table, Henry kept going on and on about “was there in a hole in the floor?” and finally I snapped, “OMG what are you talking about??” and he was shook that we didn’t see the other hostess behind the register, laying on the floor.

“Oh, was that who our hostess was talking to?? I thought she was on the phone. I was going to say, wow she’s so rude” and Alyson said she was thinking the same thing!

I dunno, I just asked him about it again and his story is awfully convoluted. I have no idea what was happening. “Maybe there was a downstairs,” I don’t know,” he just said exasperatedly so now he has the hostess standing on steps to a storm cellar instead of laying prone on the wooden floor.

We saw SAID HOSTESS a few minutes later, walking about like she hadn’t just been allegedly lying on the floor, so I’m not sure what the hell Henry thought he saw. But now I’m obsessed with knowing.

The main reason I wanted to come here was for the maple coffee – I had never even *heard* of or considered the possibility of maple coffee before  my first visit to Parker’s and scoffed a few years later when STARBUCKS came late onto the maple scene.

It was just as divine as I remembered!

We all had delicious breakfasts but I think Henry won the fast breaking game by choosing DEEPFRIED over grilled when the waitress asked him how he wanted his side of French toast cooked. Holy shit I never want non-deepfried French toast ever again after tasting that.

Henry, post-bathroom emergence.

Henry took this so it is v. unflattering toward me but I need every picture of Alyson and me together so I did not delete! Also, one of the signs is in Korean! It’s the one on the righthand tree, all alone.

Basically the same picture but this filter always tickles me.

Alyson took this of Henry exiting the gift shop, where we bought maple syrup for Chooch and some candy.

After breakfast, we went the long way back to Alyson’s so that we could stop at a nursery called The House on the Side of the Road, I think? It was so cute! They give you small bags of freshly popped complimentary popcorn to eat while plant-perusing!

I bought these two babies and Henry said he was surprised that was all I walked away with. Trust me, I was eyeing up so many more!

Back at the Wilson Residence, we finally met Ryan, who put mimosas in our hands and we proceeded to have the most relaxing / sloshy afternoon, chatting about everything, watching Alyson angrily highlight a misspelling in her cocktail recipe book, and watching the wildlife in their backyard. Also spying on their neighbors, so you know I felt right at home!!

I brought Alyson some Narcisi wine because she was the only person who thought my brother Corey’s and my obsession with this place was funny. She and I alone killed this bottle, plus I took copious swigs of all the delicious frozen drinks she was serving up to Henry.

Yoooo, I was plastered! I drink so infrequently these days that even one drink hits me hard. But, it was my birthday and we weren’t going anywhere, so I kept drinking!

Then, and I can’t even believe this happened and Henry swears he didn’t tell him to do it, but Chooch Facetimed me from Merida!! He was at the beach with his friends and he even let one of them talk to me! I was probably slurring but he’s used to me being weird on the phone so he probably didn’t notice. Alyson got to talk to him too!

This is a good spot to end Part 1!

Aug 012022
 


Today was all car, all the time. We left Nashua around 8am after splitting a leftover birthday cupcake (thanks, Alyson!), agreed on an audiobook, and settled in for the long-haul drive. (A bit over 9 hours, plus all the inevitable stopping.)

I didn’t LiveBlog since we were audiobooking but I probably should have because the book was a ZERO STAR for me, son.

(It was “All I Want” by Darcey Bell, in case you care. I will probably have lots of mean things to say about it in my August book wrap-up.)

Anyway, that picture is from a NY rest stop. I thought the flowers were pretty, because I am 43 now and these are things that delight the Elder Eyes.


For lunch, we went to Apple Valley Restaurant in Milford PA (?). This was after we stopped at a Pilot where some tractor trailer had the audacity to block the exit and one of the Pilot guys had to continually get on the loud speaker to call out the truck # and chastise the driver in an overly friendly tone about how it’s rude to do so and other truckers are now blocked in and he is GOING TO HAVE HIM TOWED IF HE DOESNT COME OUT AND MOVE HIS DAMN TRUCK. Then he went back to showers today look for him there! The other guys working the counter were weighing in on this, how they can always tell which driver it is by the guilty look on their faces but how they will never come forward, and it was really quite something. Trucker drama. Wow.

I actually didn’t understand what the guy had done and Henry explained it to me but it sounded stupid aka I still didn’t understand.

But yeah Apple Valley was not our first or even second or third choice but the one place looked permanently closed, the other made me feel uncomfortable when we pulled in the lot (it was fast-foodish but there were a lot of people eating outside and the inside was packed), but Apple Valley claimed to have a veggie burger so winner winner.

Immediately I was mad because Henry asked for a booth and the only one was right by the lobby so I didn’t get to see the bowels on this wood-paneled eatery. I pouted about this for some time and then pretended to act like I was balking at the prices just to see what Henry would say and when he was like “we can leave…” I snapped, “OH OK SO YOU THINK WE ARE TOO POOR TO EAT HERE THEN?”

We stayed and it’s a good thing too because my veggie burger (which I was expecting to be OUT OF STOCK because supply demands / economy stuff I don’t put attention to etc) was actually pretty delicious. It had avo and also some wonderful pesto mayo on it.


Thick Boi! It was thicker than Henry’s Real Meat Burger!

Also I loved the fancy metal plates.

Our waiter was a young guy named Derrick but Henry thought he said Dick. He was ok but kept disappearing and the hostess had to go looking for me because he was probably out back filming TikToks.

Afterward, we checked out the adjacent candy store where I ended up coming face to face with what is now known as Megan’s Birthday Present, and then I spotted a Mr Gray Guy outside who turned out to be a Mrs Gray Girl so Henry went to the car to get peanuts and I fed her!!

Flying J is next to PA mountains, therefore making it an ok place to stop.

Me in the bathroom looking haggard because I’m 43 now and road trips are now very tiring for me.

We only stopped at one (1) Sheetz if you can believe that!! But it was memorable because Siouxsie and the Banshee’s “Kiss Them For Me” was playing and I can’t remember the last time, if ever, I heard that in the wild?! This was after we getting gas at Pilot earlier and the gas pumps were ensconced in the synthy majesty of Running Up That Hill.

And not nearly as unexpected but equally as audibly delicious, S vussudio was playing at some point too today – maybe at a Love’s?! Henry clearly tries to hit them all.

We finished the book about 30 minutes outside of Pgh and ranted about it angrily until we got home. The end.

P.S. The lowlight was the book in case you couldn’t tell.

Jul 292022
 

Good morn’. It’s 9:00am and we’ve departed for our latest weekend adventure. It feels like we left the house an hour ago but we got tied up in a long Dunkin drive thru line and are currently only in Cranberry. Lame.

I convinced Henry to take a slightly longer route to our destination, which will take us through NY instead of across the entire length of Pennsylvania. I’m so sick of making that same drive over and over. I did have an ulterior motive though – this route takes us through Buffalo and I want vegan füdz for lunch.

I brought this book along for the ride. I can go either way with Riley Sager (Henry hates his books) so we’ll see where we land with this one. You care.

I just held the door open for someone at GetGo and as I was making a gloating face to Henry, I almost crashed into the guy I held the door open for so now Henry is clowning me.

Henry got a Krispy Kreme at Get Go and I took a small bite because I don’t often have these things. I think they’re fine but I still don’t understand why people hyperventilate over them. I remember when my hometown got its first location and my family, who had grown to love them thanks to all the car show road trips they went on without me, the Family Pariah, went fucking nuts. Mostly my dad, who was obsessed with these breakfast sweets that are neither crispy nor creamy. This was back when my dad and I hated each other so I think I probably intentionally went into it being a bitter Betty, pre-hating them because I refused to agree with my dad on anything then lol oh teenage Erin. You were a fucking delight.

11:06am: We’re almost in NY! Lake Erie has been on our left for quite some time. I have been quietly reading my book like a precious Princess while Henry houses palmfuls of trail mix.

Made the mistake of asking Henry why gas prices vary by state and now he’s droning on about taxes, totally ruining Taemin’s “IDEA” which is currently playing, so I said “I’m bored now” as I looked longingly out the window.

“Always nice talking to you,” he sighed.

11:40am: a gaggle of Hell’s Angels just puttered past us and I was tempted to flip them off to see if Henry would defend me once we pull into the next rest stop and see them waiting for us. He asked me to please not. Now we’re talking about who kills more people: them or the Pagans and Henry said probably them because they’re “more nationwide.” I wonder if he knows that from when he was studying them to pass the admission test that he ultimately failed because he has NARC written all over him.

“Their leader just died,” he said (why does he know this?!).

“Was he an out of shape slob like the ones that drove past?”

“Well no. He was very skinny because he had cancer.”

That killed the convo.

12:03pm: at my fave rest stop in New York.

He was made because I yelled HENRY just so I could take this lol. Some kid stood at the glass and got a passing by truck to beep and I cried I WANT TO DO IT TOO but Henry muttered “come on.”

LEAVING THE REST AREA AND SPOTTED THE HELLS ANGELS. this was the best shot I could get because Henry didn’t want to get killed.

1:24pm: Just left Sunshine Vegan!

Ok, I loved it. Black-owned vegan establishments just do it better. That’s facts. First of all, we walked in and the owner’s son joyfully greeted us with the announcement that it was his moms birthday and I was like Lord what’s it like to have a kid who cares about your bday?? It was just such a welcoming atmosphere.

I got a po’boy (I’m obsessed with vegan shrimp done right and this was it), Henry got some type of veggie sub (he thought it was a burger lol), and we got a carrot “tuna” salad dip to share. It was all so delicious and I didn’t feel like shit afterward.

And oh my LORD whatever that green sauce is, I wanted to lick every runaway drop off the plate.

This dog’s name is Dinero and he hated Henry! Yessss.

2:14pm: Made Henry detour to some village called OAKFIELD for donuts at some okay donuterie called Sweet Ally’s. I actually couldn’t finish my fruity pebble donut and gave it to Henry but the few bites I had were ok. Nothing to write home about except I guess that is what I’m technically doing??

The best part was this small park behind the donut place that gave walking prompts!! I won at it.

Actually the highlight of this was when Henry was struggling to get SIRI to understand that he needed directions to Sweet Ally’s. She had us going to Utah at one part. I was laughing so hard and he legit yelled at me which made laugh harder.

3:22pm: Stopped in Seabreeze Park land to do some Lake Ontario stuff!

The public restroom here was like a prison cell!

4:03pm: Back in the car. Here are some pictures from our LAKE ADVENTURE which wasn’t much of an adventure but it was still nice to get out of the car and sit on a large rock above splashing lake waves while pretending it was the ocean.

Ok, stay predominating, preDon’s.

Anyway, Henry and I are actually really enjoying each other’s company amazingly even though I did at one point snip: Why can’t you just do what I want and keep your mouth shut about it?” He was like WOW but then proceeded to do what I want hahaha.

Also!! I asked him if he got me something for my bday (tomorrow!!) and he said but that he can’t give it to me until Chooch is back and if that’s my present…I mean, yay! But also, can I have STUFF too? I’m a very STUFF-centric bitch.

6:39pm: We’re at Eddie’s in Sylvan Beach for dinner and regardless of how the food ends up being, this restaurant is MY STYLE. It got mediocre reviews on Yelp for being DATED and LIVING IN THE PAST and NO RENOVATIONS SINCE THE 60s which is how I knew it was the right choice.

That vinyl / carpet combo!

Also, our waitress’s name is Hannah and of course it is because she looks like every Hannah over ever known. (She is very nice.)

News flash: Henry chose PEPPERCORN as the dressing for his salad. I have never known him to select this?!

And then it looked like bleu cheese and he said no it’s peppercorn so I was like HOW DO U KNOW ITS PEPPERCORN and he said because he could taste the peppercorns?! What do they taste like?! Peppery corns?!

Before we ate, we bought some tickets because GALAXI was running this time! Sorry Chooch but we snagged a coaster credit that you don’t have. (Although, he got a country credit that I don’t have so I think he wins this round lol.)

I thought Henry was holding his nose because he too was bothered by the STRONG currents of B.O. being tossed around on this carnival coaster but I guess he just had an itch. It was a really strong stench. Anyway, we thought this was going to be tough and janky but it was surprisingly pleasant! I was a fan.

Couldn’t pass this up! Did it get worse than last year somehow? It just felt like we were mostly in the dark and the “scares” were barely lit. Oh well, I only ride it for that nostalgic aroma of must and grease, and the sound of the pretzel cars turning corners. It’s a vibe.

After eating, I demanded that we walk around some more to digest. Because of all this LOLLYGAGGING, our ETA in Nashua is now 12:18am lolololol.

Today is just “casual driving day” or as Henry calls it “Never Gonna Get There” day lol.

I can’t believe I got milquetoast Henry to do this.

The ride operator was oiling the track!

“I bet he had to sign waivers for that,” I said.

“I bet he didn’t,” Henry said in his I KNOW THINGS tone.

Same day, different lake. This is Lake Oneida! I fell in love with Sylvan Beach when we were visited last September and that love is still going strong. It is such a cute little vacation town! I’m already pining for it.

Anyway, when we left, Henry made me drive for almost TWO HOURS. Ok, 90 minutes. But that was annoying because he always sleeps when I drive so I’m basically driving alone. And I wanted to read my book some more but now it’s 9:23 and dark so thanks Hank.

Well, I’m going to post this now since it’s going to essentially be tomorrow when we check into our hotel. I’ll update if anything noteworthy happens!!

11:50pm: Still in the car as expected but I just realized who our waitress reminded me of:

HOLLY J from DeGrassi, also can a Look be any more early-2000s?!

1:00am: we’re here. Good fucking night.