Apr 292022
 

Henry and I went for a hike(ish) on Sunday because the weather was glorious and I needed to walk off Chooch’s birthday cake. We went to some trail in McKeesport called Dead Man’s Hollow or something and it was OK but not as dead or industrial as promised.

I’ve been watching Derry Girls (I only know one person who likes this show – an expat in South Korea who I follow on YouTube but for some reason I didn’t think I would like it based on her recommendation and yet, here I am!) so JOIN THE IRA felt relevant to me in the moment.

Still don’t fully understand that whole part of history.

But Derry Girls is fucking fantastic and I actually LOL for real numerous times in every episode which Chooch hates because everything I watch is so dumb, of course. But probably also because he wants to watch it but now can’t because I ruined it for him.

We passed a younger couple on the main trail and the girl-part of the couple said that my Marcy tattoo was adorable and asked who did it so I said ERIN HOSFIELD AT KYKLOPS and she gave me a knowing nod so I asked, “Oh, do you know her??” and she was like, “Yeah! I’m a tattoo artist too” and I meant to ask her where but A GANG OF FUCKING BICYCLYSTS came at us and edged me off the trail so than I was all distracted with trying not to die and it kind of killed the conversation so instead of continuing my new role of “functioning human exchanging logical words with another human” I awkwardly crossed back over to the other side of the trail where Henry was.

Every time I try to be normal, leave it to a fucking BICYCLIST to foil my progress.

I hate myself sometimes (a lot of the times) lol ugh.

To be honest, I didn’t know what to do with myself since there was no roller coaster station at the end of the trail. How can I made riding roller coasters job?? HELP. Something that doesn’t require me to be on YouTube, thanks.

We had a nice walk except that the trail incessantly criss-crossed over a stream and it was so fucking annoying so of course I blamed Henry and he was like HOW IS THIS MY FAULT but then on the way back, we ran into two families: one was coming down a path from a hill and had stopped abruptly because the other family was up ahead and the dad had PICKED UP A GARTER (gardner? I never knew!) SNAKE and was showing his family and the mom from the second family was basically standing on a rock, hugging herself, and screaming and the dad from Other Family was like DO YOU GUYS WANT TO TOUCH IT and the other mom was all NO WE ARE GOOD but her son was like I WANT TO

Afterward, we went to…hold please…Di’s Kornerstone Diner. Sorry, but that name is not memorable to me.

I was so proud of this shot, lol.

Fries: A (not an A+ because they weren’t “The Good Kinds” which I still, in all of the 42 years on this earth, cannot articulate what that means, but my MOUTH knows.)

Grilled cheese: A, as far as diners/family restaurants go. I like when the bread is substantial and not like they took discount Wonder Bread slices and stepped it on first.

I was pretty content with my post-hike lunch. The real testament was WHAT DO THEIR PIES TASTE LIKE but as mentioned earlier, I was walking off some rich birthday cake, PLUS we had a Sugar Spell Scoops pint pick-up later that day.

No room for pie, sadly. :(

Oh but Henry had room for cole slaw, lol.

More grilled cheese shots.

Di’s bathroom was nothing to write home about though, but it was clean!

Later that evening, after Chooch came home from work, we took some cake over to Judy’s. While there, she and Chooch started reminiscing about the games they used to play when she would babysit him.

“Remember that toy you got stuck in the tree?” she asked.

“Oh, my drone?” Chooch asked.

“Yeah! And then we called the firemen but they said they couldn’t help, and you were crying, ‘I want my daddy to get it’,” Judy said, and this seemed sus to me. Chooch crying for Henry?

Hmm….

Also, they called the fire company?!

Chooch flashed me a covert “this is news to me” look while Judy kept on talking about how “then your dad arrived and climbed that tree all the way to the top!”

Henry was sitting smug and snug on a chair, like the star of the fucking show that he is, with his mustachioed lips twisted into what I suspect was a slight smile. Meanwhile, I’m next to Chooch on the Sofa of Skepticism, wondering if this might have been your average rhododendron bush instead of a, you know, tree.

Judy went on about this for a bit longer, like she was giving a synopsis of her favorite Disney movie from the 1940s, Henry in warehouse coveralls wrenching a drone from the tallest tree in the kingdom like a sword from the stone, and I was ready to pop my top.

As soon as we left her apartment, Chooch and I opted to take the steps and I immediately blurted out THERE IS NO WAY HE CLIMBED A TREE.

“Oh I know!” Chooch agreed. “I feel like I would remember that.”

If this was drone-related, that would mean this happened about 6 years ago.

Once we reunited with Henry in the parking lot, I started pelting him with accusations.

“I can’t believe you just sat there and let your mom believe that you climbed a tree when she was clearly getting you confused with someone else,” I said, arms akimbo, foot tapping impatiently while waiting for him concede.

“I really did climb a tree, why is that so hard to believe,” he said huffily, getting into the car.

“Then why am I just finding out about this now? All these years later? I feel like if it was true, you would have told me THAT DAY. Like, GUESS WHAT I DID TODAY. I WAS A HERO. But no, you never said a word.”

“That’s because it wasn’t a big deal, OK!” Henry shouted in defense. TOO defensively, if you ask me.

“No, it just doesn’t add up,” I said, watching to make sure he didn’t rear-end any cars on the way home. He’s getting super bad at breaking for red lights these days. “Maybe if you hadn’t gone AWOL in the SERVICE, I’d buy it,” I added.

And then he did the I’M DONE HERE silent lip movement.

But don’t worry, it’s nearly a week later and I’m still poking him about it.

Choose Your Words Carefully

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