Apr 272024

When we got the invitation to admitted student’s day at Drexel, of fucking course the first thing I did was go to Hershey Park’s website to see if they were open yet in April. Henry was like, “Please be closed, please be closed” because Tight Wad Dad hates spending additional money. Lucky for me, they were open so a “quick weekend away” turned into more of a mini-vaca, much to Henry’s chagrin.

Look – it’s not even that I LOOOOOVE Hershey Park, OK? In fact, I wouldn’t even say we’re frenemies. We just…know each other casually but less casually than acquaintances. We work for the same company, different departments.

I need a nap.

But! Last summer, the park got it’s very first RMC and you know that RMC is my ult bias in coaster manufacturing land. And not only that but the new coaster – Wildcat’s Revenge – also had the distinction of being the first RMC in all of Pennsylvania!

(Petition for Kennywood to have RMC turn Steel Curtain into a single rail.)

We didn’t make it out to Hershey last year to ride Wildcat’s Revenge in its inaugural season, opting to head south for a jaunt on ArieForce One instead and I stand by that decision! But I was having big time FOMO being on that Norden Coaster Crew trip last August and hearing everyone comparing Arie to Wildcat, that’s for sure.

So, it was time! If we were going to be THAT CLOSE to Hershey, why not – right? Henry’s made of money – right??

First off, we went on a Sunday and even though the plaza looked super packed before the gates opened, it ended up being not too bad that day! Still, we had major coaster thoosie anxiety and half-jogged all the way to the other side of the park as soon as the rope dropped, expecting a huge line to have already been formed…

Yo, it was a STATION WAIT. Actually, it would have been a walk-on if we weren’t back row elitists, and even then we only had to wait one cycle.

My first thought  – the locker area is REALLY SMALL. It wasn’t bad for us since we were there on a slow day, but I can only imagine how jammed up it must get on busy summer weekends. And I’m sure this is a NO NO but there were no signs that I saw stating so, but since it was such a low-crowd day, we were leaving our stuff in the assigned locker and running around for re-rides. We didn’t do this more than twice in a row though, because we’re not total assholes. But there is no way we were taking up a locker that someone else could have been using because the crowds just turning out for Wildcat that day. Even later in the afternoon, it was STILL A STATION WAIT.

My thoughts? I loved it. I love all of RMC’s coasters. They’re insane, they defy logic, they push the limit. After the first ride, I initially said that I liked it better than Arie, but I retract that statement. It’s fun, but I think after several more rides, I decided that it would be “upper-middle tier” for me. Wildfire in Sweden is Chooch’s current RMC bae and he said that he wouldn’t rank Wildcat above that.

But you guys, it’s still a solid fucking coaster. If you live in PA and have never been on an RMC, this is a great introduction to the sorcery that is Rocky Mountain Construction.

So that was a highlight!

Ugh, Henry and his man-purse.

More highlights: not having to wait 90 minutes to ride Fahrenheit, which I’m sorry – this coaster is NOT THAT GREAT?! I mean, it’s a lot more fun when you only have to wait 15 minutes to get on it, that’s for fucking sure. But I could definitely skip this one:

Other than that though, we rode Lightning Racer which….wasn’t racing. It was also a walk-on. I enjoyed it! It was only my second time riding it but I think this would be one that I would try to get on every time I was there, if the line wasn’t outrageous. It is rough, but not intolerable. As Henry said, “It didn’t give me a headache. It was alright.”

The longest line we stood in was for Skyrush and that was only about 30 minutes. I actually hate this one a lot, definitely in the camp of haters who call it Thigh Crush. BUT over the off-season, they got new trains with different restraints and even the most vocal haters were changing their tune.

Is there something wrong with me? Because while I can agree that it no longer hurts to ride it, I still just think it’s that great of a coaster! Even Chooch was like, “It’s fine.” I don’t know, there is just something about this ride that is not enjoyable to me, even without the thigh-crushing.

Additionally, we rode Great Bear (still love it, this might be my fave in the park still, even with Wildcat’s Revenge) which was a station wait and Candymonium which was a walk-on but we got stuck on the brake run for about 10 minutes and it was a chilly day, so that was a great end to the day!

I don’t know – is this a me problem? Am I missing something? Because Hershey just doesn’t do it for me! I think also what irritates me is that the layout is stupid and it’s just not, in my opinion, a beautiful park. Yes, Cedar Point is fucking annoying, crowded, unreliable, etc. BUT Cedar Point is fucking beautiful. It’s just PRETTY. The landscaping is nice, it has that sweet fucking lakeside setting. You could spend a day just sitting on a bench and it would be….well, a fucking waste of time but at least the surrounding area would probably be nice to look at.

Other things to note real quick:

  • There was some dance championship happening that weekend so we were treated to a horde of rhinestoned bitches that stunk like AquaNet and Target perfume.
  • Chooch got a piece of a napkin in his eye (?!?!?!?!) while we were eating soft pretzels (their soft pretzels taste weird) and there was a bit of drama over that. I said, “Do you remember recently when we went to a park and I immediately got a bug in my eye?” and Henry and Chooch both said NO because they don’t pay attention to me.
  • DOES HERSHEY NOT SELL THE BUCKETS OF HOT CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES ANYMORE?!?! We couldn’t find them anywhere and that was honestly the best thing they had going for them.
  • We stopped at Chocolate World afterward so Henry could stock up and Chooch and I could go on the free chocolate factory ride, which still excites. Obviously my favorite part is getting the free mini Hersheys bar at the end. I do which they would add a trick track, a little drop somewhere in there like OH NO WE’RE GOING DOWN THE CHOCO-FALL NOW! HOLD ON, KIDS!
  • Witnessed some entitled brat having a fucking meltdown in the checkout line and her dad quietly carrying her out under his arm like a newspaper. I would have made the bitch walk. Look at me, with my 18 year old kid who is so past all of the meltdowns and tantrums haha. (Future Henry is reading this like, “ok but when will YOU be so past all the meltdowns and tantrums…”)

Yeah, that was our day (eh…half day) at Hershey. Overall – the best out of the three visits but still didn’t WOW me. I want to be DAZZLED. I’ll go back the next time they get a new coaster, I guess.

Say it don't spray it.

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