Nov 062023

Yo, guys. You’ll never believe it. I think this might be the last of the Sweden series and then we can move on to a new locale! That being said, I will try to keep this snappy and concise.

As you can see from the photos, we had some more subway funway after lunch. I think Henry was scared that I was going to become obsessed with Stockholm’s subway system and ask him to re-design the Seoul Subway Sign, but Mona, I’m here to tell you that I don’t think anything will ever dethrone ANY part of South Korea from my heart’s top spot. Honestly.

I did enjoy exploring the public transportation in Sweden, though. It was clean and, not that any of this ever falls on me, but it seemed pretty easy to navigate? Henry? Chooch? You wanna weigh in on that*?

*(LOL as if they read this. Trust me, the last thing they want is to relive their life events through my blurry kaleidoscope* eyes.)

*(OK the way that I spelled that correctly on the first try, no hesitation, like it’s my middle name, but then I misspell common, everyday words in every single blog post. Got it.)

I could go for some Swedish chocolate bars right about now.

Subway shot.

We went back to Skeppsbron, where we had caught the ferry earlier, in order to have honest to god fika at Skeppsbron Bageri which evidently has the “city’s best cinnamon rolls.”

They were good! We got the OG cinnamon and also cardamom, which I have to say was my favorite roll variety everywhere we went. I just REALLY enjoy me some cardamom.

In a much better mood for photos after fika, that’s for sure. I have to laugh though because the whole point of fika is to take a break during the day to have coffee and a treat with family and/or friends. You’re supposed to slow it the fuck down, put your phone away (probably, I’m making the rules up as I go), maybe play some old school hangman on the back of a receipt, etc. But that’s supposing that you’re there with someone whose company you enjoy. I’m…not sure you can say that about the three of us, lol. So basically we chilled for about 20 minutes, probably didn’t talk – actually, I have a FAINT memory of verbally eviscerating Henry for preparing my coffee improperly and him saying THEN GET IT YOURSELF NEXT TIME.

Can you even imagine? The audacity. The sheer gall.

Walking around, walking around.

Literally every street is gorgeous in Gamla Stan.

You know what’s crazy and I just realized it while looking at a map? Gamla Stan is right next to an area (neighborhood?) called Norrbro which a Hipstamatic film pack is named after. I’ve also been to a place in South Korea that one of the film packs is named after (Hongdae)!

Also, yes, I still use Hipstamtic almost exclusively to edit my photos, how 2010 of me, I know. I actually created my own “favorite” action and named it Gamla Stan!

We took the subway back to a bigger, more modern area called Norrmalm because I wanted to continue my futile search for Beartown. We must have went to three bookstores and one salesclerk said, “Oh, another store has it – we can have it shipped here for you!” and I sadly said, “We’re leaving today.” :(

This was in one of the malls and I thought it was so smart and a great idea! Also in this mall, we went into a toy store to buy Pippi merch and happened to wander downstairs where I found a rack of name stickers and one of the names was Saga, which is the name of one of my friend’s daughters – I couldn’t believe it! What are the odds that I’d randomly spin a rack of stickers with no agenda, just kind of in passing, and it stops spinning on Saga?? I guess that name must be popular in Sweden?? Anyway, I totally had to buy it even though I have never met Saga! My friend’s other daughter’s name is Ophelia but they sadly didn’t have her name in sticker-form. I got her cute unicorn stickers though because I might be a jerk and lacking in a lot of areas, but I at least know that you can’t buy one little sister a present without getting something for the other too. Come on, now. You’re talking to Erin Kaleidoscope Kelly here.

We had a LITTLE bit of time left before we needed to return to the hotel to grab our luggage and get our asses to the ferry, which was scheduled to depart at 8PM with or without us American schmucks.  So we just strolled around and soaked up as much Stockholm vibes and vapers as possible.

I gotta cut that bitch out of the background. She looks so stern! I hate it.

Guys. You know what’s funny? I just realized, looking at this photo on the map on my phone, that this was Norrbro, lol. Nothing like getting your bearings two and a half mths after you left to come back home.

There is so much I wanted to do here, but with less than a full day, it was impossible to even scratch the surface.

Back at the Sheraton to claim our luggage and use the bathroom in the lobby real quick, where Chooch got to report a “poop incident” to the front desk and this time THANKFULLY it wasn’t his own. I didn’t see it because the restrooms weren’t unisex but Henry said it looked like someone opened the stall door and just bent over and sprayed the wall with their ass. So….similar to my story in the last post re: puking in the restroom of the science center after the viking movie gave me motion sickness! FULL CIRCLE.

Kind of.

Oct 162023

These kids have been so clingy lately! Especially Drew, my lemming. I’m not complaining!

I’m writing this from bed, with Drew laying on my legs. She was waiting for me to finish reading downstairs and then nearly did somersaults up the steps next to me when I came up to go to bed.

That’s all! That’s the update. Just a nice little kitty cat palate cleanser since all I have been doing is spraying this site with (probably at this point) misremembered vacation memories.

잘 자!

Oct 082023

All I want to say today on this strange Sunday in October, as the world continues to fall apart around us, is to just be chill. Remember that we don’t always know what’s going on behind the scenes with each other so let’s not jump to conclusions and be petty because I think as humans in general, we are all fucking doggy-paddling through neck-deep stress swamps. Let’s not add to each others stress and maybe go touch some grass and perhaps pick up some litter if we see it while we’re out there? Text old friends to say we’re thinking of them without any expectations in return? Make a donation to an animal shelter?

Me personally? I’ll be decompressing with the new NCT127 and screaming my face off in haunted houses. HEY WHATEVER WORKS YOU KNOW.

Sep 282023

Mr. “This Made-Up Holiday Is Stupid” Robbins must be secretly excited to celebrate my NEWLY INVENTED HOLIDAY because he’s been busy making batches of homemade vegan kimchi.

Ahjumma Henry is my Favorite Henry.

In other news, our new rackets arrived yesterday!!!

Mine is a Prince #PrinceGirlie4L

Chooch’s is a Babolat and literally so effing gorgeous that I want to hang it on the wall as an art installation when he’s not using it.

This was just a quick update. I’m going to see Moulin Rouge with Kara tonight and I’m excited because we’re getting drinks first and not to sound like I have a problem, but I need one, lol.


Sep 252023

When we last left off, I think I was telling you, Sir Blog, about our breakfast with my work pal, Vicki. God, that was a good time!! After breakfast, she was kind enough to drop us off at Douglass Park. It was around 11:30 at that point and the gates were supposed to open at 11. We said our sad goodbyes to Vicki and skipped across the street to the end of the line (well, I skipped; Henry stalked). As soon as we had claimed our spot in line (which wasn’t even that long), a couple walking past in the opposite direction began announcing to everyone in line that gate-opening was delayed until AT LEAST 2pm due to the downpour that had been happening all through the night and most of the morning. While it wasn’t raining anymore and the sun was blissfully shining, I can only imagine the park grounds were pretty saturated. And it’s already bad enough that the Douglass Park community really, vehemently does not want Riot Fest taking over the park every year, so I can imagine the powers-that-be behind the festival want to do everything within their power to ensure that the grounds don’t get absolutely obliterated like with what happened at the old location, Humboldt Park, in 2014. Phew, that was BAD. That was the last time Riot Fest was ever held there because they kicked out hard on their asses by THAT community.


That left us with a lot of time, and very little to do. I didn’t want to text Vicki and be like, “Come back and hang out with some more, come pay attention to me, come babysit me” because what if she had shit to do!? I didn’t want her to feel obligated. So, we found a cafe that was “right around the block” according to Henry but was actually pretty far away and then by the time we got there, it was like a ton of Riot Festers had the same idea, so the line was practically out the door AND there was nowhere to sit.

We ended up getting on the train thing and going back to the section of town where we had breakfast. We found a sports bar that was crowded but slightly less crowded than all of the other ones on that block and sat down to have a BEER while people were screaming about football. Mm. My favorite environment.

I don’t even remember the name of the bar, it was very standard. And everything was FINE until HENRY told me what beer to order (something called Gumballhead or something) and it was fucking disgusting. Even Henry was not hitting it off with this beer. “I’M SORRY, BUT THIS TASTES LIKE AN IPA, NOT A WHEAT BEER.”

Whatever that means.

It was supposed to have a “lemony finish.” Oh, they got that right. Because that shit tasted like I just licked a table polished with Lemon Pledge, honey.

I am gagging in hindsight.

DUDE. LOL – so I took a break to walk to Dunkin’ with Henry because I wanted to spy (or, if you’re a Pittsburgher, “neb”) on the work that is going on next door — the still-vacant unit that I am lowkey panicking about because I want it to stay vacant forever. The front door was open so I wanted to, you know, casually gawk and see what’s going on but I all I saw the was DIARRHEA wall color, which is….well, somehow less ugly than the color that was over there when Blake lived there. Some disgusting sea moss or something – it made me so uncomfortable. I hated going over there.

Anyway, were was I! Yeah, so we were walking to Dunkin’ but then stopped at the BEER STORE first because I am still desperate for the Jelly Donut bullshit, and well well well, look what I found stinkin’ up the place:


Back to Riot Fest day. I kept checking Instagram and it appeared that they were definitely going to open the gates at 2PM, so we left the bar around 1:00ish I think. My original plan was actually to just go there around 2:00 anyway, because I didn’t care about many of the earlier bands until 2pm. So, I wasn’t very broken up about this to be honest. I do feel bad for the people who were upset to see their favorite bands get cut from the schedule though :(

The line to get in wrapped around the block quite a bit and Henry had me panicking, thinking it was going to take over an hour to get in. It didn’t take an hour. I would say maybe 30 minutes because the Riot Fest staff was basically like FUCK IT and started waving people through without even searching most bags. Only one of our tickets was scanned. The guy was like, “It’s cool, I scanned one, just go ‘head in.”

Um. OK. If this wasn’t AMERICA, I wouldn’t have so felt so clenched about this, but spoiler aleart: It turned out to be fine.

The only downside is that we completely missed Thursday, who went on promptly at 2pm but we could hear them on the other side of the fence, at least. I’ve seen them a bunch of times over the years so I wasn’t too sad about it but I would have liked to have been inside to support them.


So surreal being at Riot Fest again after…how many years ago 2016 was. Most of the ground was dry but there was DEFINITELY some swampy areas and we came out of their with mud-spatter all over our legs. I’m glad I brought my plain black Vans!

My one main takeaway is that even though we hadn’t been there in so long, and even though I haven’t been in this SCENE for just as long, it was like everything was frozen in time. You could really say that the Riot Fest scene is timeless, and that’s not really bad. It’s nostalgic and comforting.

Henry felt neither nostalgia nor comfort.

I had to laugh though because really THE ONE BAND that I wanted to see that day aside from The Cure was the recently-reunited Balance and Composure. You might remember how deep my love was for them before I turned the way of South Korea. Actually, 2016 might have been the last time I saw them, now that I think about it. Their set started at 2:55PM and Henry conveniently was in line to buy the Cure’s Riot Fest tour poster, so once again I found myself alone in front of the scene, crying to B&C. Some things really DON’T change!! But before they came on, I got to hear the end of Cult’s set on one of the main stages. They ended with “Do You Know What I Mean” and it brought back memories of the Early Years at the law firm when this song was an inside joke for Kaitlin and me. That seems like an entire lifetime ago! God, Riot Fest was really doing it to me.


Oh! I almost forgot. For some inexplicable reason,  I packed my old Hotel Books t-shirt which I haven’t worn in years. I didn’t really think much of until that morning when I put it on. I laughingly said, “God, I hope no one wants to talk to me about Hotel Books because I literally can’t remember a single thing about them aside from that I liked them a lot for a minute!”

I’m not kidding, as soon as I staked out my spot at the stage before B&C started, some guy leaned over and said to me, “I like your shirt!”

“Thanks!” I said, like I fucking made it in my t-shirt factory. And then I got real fidgety, my eyes practically screaming, “IMPOSTER! IMPOSTER! SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THIS BAND!”

All I remember is going to see them at some defunct club on the Southside, getting kind of drunk, and hugging the singer/spoken-worder at the end of the night.

I really did like Hotel Books back then though!! I actually put them on in the car on the way home the next day and my chest got real warm like I just did a shot of Robitussin (Janna’s drug of choice) and I thought to myself, “Oh yeah. There it is.”

But FUCK MY LIFE, Balance and Composure still REALLY do it for me. Like, really really.

After this, I found Henry standing a safe distance away from the crowd. The next band I wanted to see was also on the same stage, but we had about 30-45 minutes to kill so we walked around, checked out The Bronx briefly (we’ve seen them numerous times over the years but it was like a homecoming hearing them live again, if only for a few minutes). Then we went and got some free samples of FUNNY WATER which was fine but I wasn’t ready to commit to a full can of it.

Henry kept asking me who were seeing next and I was like YOU WILL SEE and OH JUST WAIT so he was getting really paranoid, like it was going to be some fucked Jonny Craig side project revival bullshit set.

It was just LS Dunes, but it was funny to me because it’s the latest Anthony Green side project and literally every time we go to Riot Fest, Anthony is there in one form or another. Can you believe we (“we” lol) have been supporting him and all of his projects since 2004?? Staring with Saosin, but really getting in deep with Circa Survive in 2005. I had to actually google to see when it was that we saw Circa for the first time, and it was July 2005 at the Grog Shop, right before I got pregnant, and Anthony signed my Circa CD outside the venue. Say Anything was headlining and I didn’t like them (still don’t) so we must have ducked out before they came on and Anthony was just chilling on a wall outside, with a few fan boys jawing his ear off.

And now it’s 2023, he’s a dad of 3, been in and out of recovery, but continued to be obscenely prolific in the scene. Henry actually recognized his voice, but not his face. I mean, face it – we’re all ageing! It’s just so much more surreal when we see it happen to bands that we have been fans of for decades.

Anyway, LS Dunes – amazing. Frank Iero – amazing. Anthon Green – fucking ICONIC.

I really didn’t take many pictures. We were mostly there for The Cure and I felt pretty distracted all day because of that anticipation.

I got this crunchie vegan person bowl for dinner because my body was CRAVING vegetables. It was…ok. $18 worth of ok. :/

Meanwhile, Henry went off on his own, leaving me to eat alone under a tree a bowl of stuff that tasted like said tree, and came back with a vegan mac n’ cheesesteak. I was jel at first but after stealing a few bites, my final assessment was that eh, didn’t really like it that much.

I also was trying to keep myself from getting sick. I didn’t want to be standing for three hours at the main stage with a bloated stomach. You know?!

LOL JK I still felt like shit!!

Almost forgot to take a selfie. Yikes. Who am I.

Then Finch came on and can you believe it was the first time seeing them??!! I was obsessed with them in 2003? 2004? I just remember going on weekend drives with Henry and fucking blasting them and Thrice.

Henry stalking me. Lol I was sitting in the gross grass because MY STOMACH HURT from that stupid bowl.

The last band to play on this same stage, the only stage we were at all day which is insane because all of my past Riot Fests consisted of me SPRINTING from stage to stage, was the Used. Ugh. It was fine. I didn’t cry. But I also didn’t feel great in the heart.

“Now, which one dated Kelly Osbourne?” asked some guy behind us. “Oh the singer?”

Wow. That was a blast from the past lol.

I miss screaming-Bert. I get that he can’t scream anymore but man, I will never forget seeing them at X Fest on a tiny stage and seeing him puking all over the stage from intensity of his screams.

Those were the days, man.

I felt really fucking old at Riot Fest. Not because everyone was young, but because of all of these bands from my way-back years. I couldn’t handle it. It was a lot.

I’ll end this here. The Cure deserve their own post <3

Sep 182023

Good morning. It’s 10:04am and we just left Super H-Mart. I wanted to get a head start on alcohol for the Xmas party that I decided to have because it’s not actually a Xmas party but possibly A HOLIDAY THAT I INVENTED??!!

It’s hard to get good soju flavors in Pgh and makgeolli is non-existent.

Anyway!! Riot Fest was…surreal. It definitely didn’t give me as many feels overall as it has in the past so I guess I am firmly rooted in K-Town at this point. Obviously the bands still did it for me but as far as Riot Fest itself goes, eh. I was content with just doing the one day as opposed to all three that’s for sure. My body hates me enough for just the one day.

Aside from the Cure though, the best part of yesterday was seeing VICKI from our Chicago office!!! She’s part of my old group in the department and I have only gotten to see her once when she and another lady from Chicago came to our Pgh office for a few days. I LOVED hanging out with her then so I was determined to see her this weekend. I’m so happy she made time for us!!

We took the train in from where we were staying outside of the city. Henry the PubTrans expert was like WE NEED TO TRANSFER TO THE PINK LINE and when I told Vicki of these alleged plans, she said NO. DO THIS INSTEAD and told us to transfer to the ORANGE line and then she picked us up at whatever stop she told us to get off on and it was so easy – thanks Vicki! This is why we come to her at work with the hard questions haha.

Anyway, she took us to this breakfast place called STAX and poor Henry just sat there shoveling food into his mouth while Vicki and I chatted like long lost army friends. Actually this was preferable to Henry haha.

I changed my mind four times but then I saw LEMON LAVENDER pancakes and was like “gimme those NOW.”

As soon as we sat though, I took off my jacket and said VERY SERIOUSLY, “Vicki I have to tell you something that no one knows at work.”

I could sense Henry rolling his eyes because he knew what it was going to be, but Vicki was on HIGH ALERT and said, “oh my god what is it, Erin?”

Like I’m about to announce to her my pending resignation, but instead it was, “I think I may have invented a new holiday.”

“Oh Erin!” she said, letting out a deep breath and I’m over here like, what? This is a big deal worthy of a suspenseful announcement.

Anyway, she seemed skeptical but I will still invite her to the party because it will probably be worth traveling for.

(Future Henry reading this: *frowning, head shake*)

The only downside is that now that Vicki met Henry, she said she feels like she is going to side with Glenn more in group chat!!!!

Then she was kind enough to drop us off at Riot Fest afterward! What a great start to the day. It was definitely go downhill from there for a bit but then the Great Start made a comeback.

We’ll discuss separately.

It’s 10:58am and we’re in Indiana now if you were wondering.

1:33pm (the time went ahead an hour at some point here in Indiana): just ate a lunch of Kimbap and gyeongdan from Hmart in the parking lot of 7-11. I need to go back to Korea ASAP.

Now let’s look at some pictures from our Saturday ‘date’ night in Chicago (I guess it was like a date??? We held hands for like a minute):

I was wearing my Parker’s Maple Barn tshirt and it made me miss Alyson so much!

Anyway, after we ate at Chicago Diner (see previous post!) we went to Millennium Park – apparently Mexican Independence was being celebrated and the excitement was contagious!! A continuous parade of cars waving giant Mexican flags were cruising around in controlled chaos. I loved it. As someone who doesn’t really have a heritage, I’m always so interested in seeing other people celebrate their culture and history.

2:21pm: we were just a rest stop in Indiana. When I came out of the bathroom, I found Henry in line at 7-11 waiting to pay for an energy bar. Then he gets out of line, right, and comes over to me like some fucking Kevin Costner hero type and asks, “did you want something?”

Ok first of all, don’t act like a GALLANT GENTLEMAN when you were already in line to check out in the first place without a second thought about me! It was only because he saw me walk in and remembered that I existed!!!

More Chicago pictures:

I truly enjoyed walking around by the water! I think the ONE BEER I had at dinner was tampering my mood swings and making me an agreeable cutie sweetie.

I just typed that without thinking so I guess my subconscious assessment of myself is pretty generous.

There was a pretty decent public restroom along the River walk. Pittsburgh would never.

We stopped at a bar along the River walk and got another drink. I got a cider. I need you to know that this was two hours after I had a beer at dinner, and I was maybe a few more sips away from coming home with a public intoxication souvenir on my record. I was really trying to join a flash mob or facilitate a coups of some sort by the time we got up to continue walking.

I wanted Henry to take a picture of my nails but he took this in such a way that I look like I’m sniffing my fingertips?! So I made him take another but I wanted to try and cross my eyes in it:

“Were my eyes crossed??!!” I cried after he took this.

“Um, no,” Henry said, turning his phone to me so I could see.

“Oh shit OK HEAR ME OUT that’s because I was looking to the side to see if I could see myself crossing my eyes,” I said and Henry was like, “omg.”

I was definitely cut off after that. I just don’t drink very often so when I do, I’m an disaster waiting to happen. We were walking way too close to the river, if you know what I mean.

Then we walked to Firecakes, a donut place we’ve been to before while visiting Chicago. What a concept: a donut shop that’s opened until 11pm. Another thing that Pgh would never. Here you’re lucky if any bakery is opened until 2 and even then god speed if you there hoping for a full selection lol.

Anyway, it’s a very small storefront and I was trying to get a picture when some douchebag walked in along with his brigade of dick-friends and sucked all the air out of the space with their aggressive brand of toxic masculinity. As we were about to leave, the caboose of the cocktrain opened the door, which I stupidly thought was a gesture of chivalry, but instead he leaned out the door and called out to his BUDDY, “Hey Rob you want a donut??” Rob said no and then the asshole LET THE DOOR CLOSE ON ME.

“WOW! What a DOUCHEBAG!” I cried. “He totally let the door close on me! I should have stepped on his fucking Peter Pan shoes.”

He was always inside Firecakes but ROB WAS STILL STANDING THERE so I made sure he heard. Report back to your little buddy, brosef!

“Peter Pan shoes?” Henry repeated.

Yeah, you know. Those dicky leather dress shoes that are elongated and come to a point?! That’s what he was wearing. What a yuppie.

Henry got a chocolate covered banana cake donut which was basically just a donut with thin chocolate banana slices on top. I was like, “ugh you chose poorly” but then I tasted it and it was wettest-in-the-best-way donut I have ever had. So moist and delicious! I couldn’t believe it. Mine was just ok in comparison – a pistachio old fashioned which I had the last night but there was nothing else that stood out to me.

Anyway, I liked Henry’s idiot donut so much that I was just talking about it again this morning. You know what it tasted like??? Those hostess powered donuts without the powder and if they were made with better ingredients and you got to eat them that day.

But yeah, Firecakes. Try it sometime but don’t be a Peter Pan-Dick and shut the door on people, ok?

5:12pm: Holy shit this drive is boring. 1:49 left.

I’m still really giddy about this new holiday. Should I trademark it??!! I don’t want to say too much about it yet because ONE OF YOU PEOPLE MIGHT STEAL IT.

I wish I had counted how many times Henry has called me a dick this weekend. I’m starting to get a complex.

Lol @ “starting.”

I’m posting this now. Maybe I’ll be back later to say more. Who can be sure.

Sep 142023

Chooch actually let me play tennis with him and two of his friends tonight and it was so much but also exhausting so by the time I came home, all I wanted to do was eat popcorn and rot my brain with YouTube. So instead of part 2 of whatever my last trip recap was, here is Airtime Thrills’ video from the same day. We had managed to evade being caught on film but there is a moment where you can see Henry and me riding Juvelen though.

I’m so glad that there were YouTubers on this trip because it’s so much fun to have these videographic keepsakes of our days at each park, even though it was annoying at times trying to duck out of frame, but it’s also so cool to see all of the people who became our coaster family.

In tennis news, Chooch and I are demo’ing three rackets from Tennis Warehouse. In a plot twist, I actually don’t love the Prince one I chose but feel like I’m imprinting on the random Lacoste one that Chooch selected?! I didn’t even know Lacoste did tennis rackets…did I? Of course Chooch has gravitated toward the $300 Babolat one of his dreams and Henry told him he better get a jobolat. I think he’s maxed out his dad joke opportunities for the year with that one. Quota met.

Chooch’s friend’s gf was on my team and she was super delightful. I was scared because sometimes teen girls are intimidating and I always forget how old I actually am but they see my age STAT I feel like. Anyway, when I told her that I used to play in high school but only just starting playing again in June, she was SHOOK. “Omg I wouldn’t have guessed – you are SO GOOD!”

And just like that, Erin made a new BFF.

She also said that Chooch is always so sweet though so I’m questioning her opinion now.

Anyway, having a racket that isn’t one that cost $25 from Dick’s really makes a huge difference, in case you were wondering why playing with a toy racket isn’t helping you reach your full potential.

Sep 082023

On Sunday, August 6th, we checked out of the Tivoli Gardens Hotel after another immaculate breakfast spread (I miss the breads and the yogurts!) and set off for BonBon Land located about an hour away from Copenhagen in Holme-Olstrup in the South of Zealand. It’s a small family park opened in the 90s by the owner of a candy company called BonBon (I mean, obviously). BonBon candies were themed to gross things, like dog poop, ants pissing, wet diapers, you know – all these things synonymous with sweet delicious candy. Mmm mmm mmm. Mr. BonBon wanted to give kids (his biggest fans) a fun experience, and since he couldn’t offer tours of the candy factory because of sanitary reasons (allegedly – I think it was more that he didn’t want to give away any trade secrets related to how he was carmelizing seagull droppings and candying the essence of dog farts), he went the Hershey route and opened a theme park.

With only 4 coaster credits to scoop up, you might ask, why was this part of our itinerary?

Well, having a juvenile sense of humor that this place appeals to was a big reason.

It’s also the home of the first ever Gerstlauer Euro Fighter with a beyond vertical drop (beyond vertical drops are everywhere now but BONBON HAD IT FIRST, BITCHES).

But most importantly? It has a kiddie coaster themed to a dog farting.

You guys.

Are you even an enthusiast of you don’t have that dog fart cred??

Needless to say, we were all GIDDAY. I mean, look at all of us up there waiting for the park to open! A bunch of grown ass people clamoring to stuff their butts into a farting dog.

CASSIE TOOK THIS PICTURE OF US. In case you didn’t know, I made friends on this trip!! I’m so pathetic that I was even mailing postcards home to my non-coaster friends screaming about OMG I MADE FRIENDS, YOU GUYS, THROW ME A PARTY WHEN I COME HOME.

I probably could have earned a Girl Scout badge for this.

“Now let’s take one with your eyes closed,” said no one but somehow that’s what Chooch and I heard.

I have to laugh because this is ALL Coaster Crew back there. No one else came early. But we were like, “LET US IN. MUST GET THE CREDITS.”


It took so long to get this photo because Chooch kept letting actual children cut in front of him and I was so annoyed and trying to pantomime an elbowing motion but he ignored me and just let it happen.

Really wish this was in my front yard,

The famous FARTING DOG!

We immediately ran to the dog fart coaster, and that’s when I realized the dog’s name is….HENRY!!! Oh, how apropos!

At home, it’s only Chooch and me riding the kiddy coasters – and to be fair, sometimes I sit those ones out but ONLY if it’s a crowded day and Chooch and I can’t sit together. I might hate kids, but I hate looking like an asshole even more and I don’t want to be That Adult who takes a seat away from a dumb kid, you know? But hilariously, on this trip, Henry suddenly was all, “Me too” but only because it didn’t relate to supporting women, and was getting in line for every baby coaster because all of his idols on this trip were doing it. Wow, you’re so cool, Henry. “Oh, Marshall, Nick, Gooch, Jimmy and Dewey are riding it? MAKE ROOM FOR ME, GUYS. Can I get a shout out on YouTube now??”

And of course Henry didn’t take any pictures of Chooch and me when it was our turn!

I guess I didn’t take many pictures here for some reason? So, I don’t have any of the Gerstlauer which was SURPRISINGLY not terrible. But I really enjoyed the spinning wild mouse up there, Han-Katten! There was a group of 5 middle school-aged boys in front of us who were being moderately annoying – some of them cut in front of us which was annoying since there 5 of them and that meant it AFFECTED us directly since we would have to wait for an additional cycle to get on. Anyway, when we were getting off the ride, Robert was coming up the exit steps and said, “Hey be careful when you go down there, because some kid just threw up everywhere when he came down the steps” and I was like “YES, IT WAS ONE OF THOSE JERKS!” and I was gloating, but then the joke was on me because I accidently looked and then almost threw up myself.

This video is not great –  I had to screen-record it from the Coaster Crew event Facebook page. Anyway, this coaster was just some strange family coaster. It wasn’t too bad!

SNACK TIME. We ran into Larry and Jean outside of this cafe and they spilled the tea on some things for us and it was at the moment that I felt like we were truly part of Coaster Crew. The amount of stress I felt leading up to this trip, worrying that we weren’t going to fit in, were going to be the black sheep on the outside, were going to have a miserable time sitting alone, etc. All for nothing. I still can’t believe how amazing the people portion of this trip was. Sorry that I’m basically acting like an aging GIRL SCOUT again but these things are really important to me and honestly, for as amazing as this coaster trip was, it wouldn’t have been even a quarter this amazing if not for the quality of the people.

I’m getting so emotional!

I am also drinking moscato which is way too sweet and dangerous for me to be drinking alone while tip-tapping away at this keyboard, but you guys. The fucking people, man. I never went away to summer camp but I imagine it must have had similar vibes.

Coffee and donut time!

Our first of many rapids rides of the trip! We were in line behind two young boys who were horrifically slapping each other in the face for fun.  When we got off the ride, it emptied us into a gift shop where I bought bushels of BonBon candy (most of which was licorice so no one but me will eat it!) and then realized that one of those kids completely stood up and mooned the camera, the evidence of which was on full display on the On Ride Photo screen.

At some point, I accidentally used the men’s room. I don’t think anyone would have cared though but it was something I thought about numerous times throughout the trip because Henry and Chooch saw that I was about to walk right in with all the confidence of a dick-swinging construction worker, and they just sat back and let it happen.

It’s fine.


Isn’t that the big Karen Argument?

Well, I wasn’t.

The theming was so cute/weird/strange/perfect.

In line for the boat ride which took us around the world and was….interesting. Of course, in America Town, all the characters were cowboys and had guns.

Aside from the Dog Fart coaster, I LOVED the log flume. It was so fucking quirky. We went inside a big hunk of cheese and I swear to god, there were people whispering all around us and it was so goddamn creepy. I loved it so much.

And Chooch made me go on this dragon ride which looked like just a little kids’ ride that went in a circle but it went SO FUCKING FAST that it was actually painful and I thought we were going to be flung the hell out. We were SCREAMING for it to stop, but then it went BACKWARD too and I was like, “We are going to die. I can’t believe I’m going to lose my life at BonBon Land I hope someone knows to put that on my epitaph.”

The way I love this group so much, you guys….I have attachment issues.

Anyway, we were only here for a few hours before departing for the second park of the day, fourth park over: Tivoli Freheiden. What I loved was that Tim decided that the original amount of time he allotted was too much since the park was so dead and we were able to easily get the creds, so he changed the departure time and updated the even page on Facebook with the info. But everyone was passing it on, so whenever we would run into someone, they would give us the heads up and that was just one more thing that made me love Coaster Crew so much.

We bought a HENRY glass for Henry and a bunch of candy which I’m almost out of so if anyone wants to buy me candy for Valentine’s Day like suddenly that’s a thing to buy strange bloggers candy on Valentine’s Day, let’s make it a thing, please do ship some BonBon candy to me, or really any kind of licorice in general. I will eat it and thank you bigly.

Oh and in case you missed it, something TERRIBLE OH NO BOO HOO happened to Henry that day, which I already wrote about it while we were still on vacation!

P.S. Oh wow looks like Henry the Oaf actually did take some photos of us on the Dog Fart coaster.

Sep 042023

This was going to be a LiveBlog yesterday while we were at King’s Dominion and I did start it, I swear, but it was like 95 degrees out and I was swaying in and out of consciousness all day lol.

Here’s how it started:


We’re at King’s Dominion today! Got here around 1pm. Grizzly was our first coaster because it was recently retracked and soooo jackhammery before. I was interested to see if it was better. And it was!! Until we got to the part that wasn’t retracked. A jarring transition.

But the Bae, Twisted Timbers, made up for it!!

I305 – still the only coaster that sincerely terrifies me but goddamn I love it so much. This is the most I have ever grayed out, Jesus.

Apparently Henry took this of us standing in line for Tumbili, which was an annoying wait as usual for 4d free spins. Suddenly Henry has a new phone that takes decent photos. I’m shook.

4:04pm: been standing in line for this stupid rapids ride for like 45 minutes when everything else is practically a walk-on. Yay 93 degree day. Some lady in front of us started to pass out and her group had to take her out of line :( I saw her sitting down afterward and asked if she was ok and she said YES and thanked me for asking while rude-asses Henry and Chooch breezed past her with nary a well-wish.

This was the WORST ops I have ever seen a rapids ride. Usually the thru-put is so high because the rafts never stop moving on a conveyor belt but this one would have three rafts come to a complete stop while people would exit and then new people would board. It was frustrating, especially when you were done with the stupid ride but had to sit on an uncomfortable incline, waiting to be in the next group of three that got to exit.

We sat with a younger couple and Henry was like OH HO HO HO!!! when she and I both got pelted with water but he was ONLY looking at her because she was the younger, better model and acted like she was the only one who got soaked when I was sitting there scrunched up as my entire backside and part of my left side were drenched?!?! And he kept talking about it after the ride too and I was like “bitch can you not see that I am literally sopping wet?!” That whole experience was so frustrating. Just another day of being invisible to Henry. Can’t wait to get married 🙄

You guys I love Racer so much even though the dumb thing doesn’t race anytime we’re here!


Ok that’s as far as I got yesterday so I guess I will continue this while we’re making our way back home but first we are going to get breakfast at some place I’ve been Instagram stalking for years but it’s 20 minutes out of the way and the location that had the French toast special I wanted is closed and the other one has different specials but this fits with the theme of this overnight trip of Erin not getting what she wanted. Hoo boy you should have been there last night during the ICE CREAM FIASCO which always seems to happen when we’re in Virginia. Virginians, quick question be honest – why do you guys hate ice cream?! Every time we come here it’s like HELLO where do you people go for ice cream that’s not a fucking Rita’s or DQ?!

Anyway!! Here you can see some photos from SB’s LOVESHACK something or other! The location that had the FRENCH TOAST SPECIAL that I wanted was closed today and the other location just had plain French toast so I was sad BUT it at least came with blue whipped cream and glitter so that made me happy.

Chooch got a Lakeside Latte which was a caramel and maple delight so then Henry had to copy.

Anyway, we had a great waiter who was wearing a green furry cowboy hat and liked my Pee Wee shirt. From my KEEN OBSERVATION I would say we got the best waiter there.

Anyway, everything was B52’s themed. Imagine liking the B52’s so much that you open two restaurants dedicated to them.

OMG what if I suddenly was an expert at restaurant stuff and opened one themed to @nct ?????!!! And every time someone ordered a lemonade, an alarm would go off and NCT127’s Lemonade would come blaring out?! And I would have an entire section of NCT lemonade favors (they would all be dyed lime green obviduh) to greaten the odds of one being ordered?! DID I JUST REALIZE MY LIFE GOAL?!

Maybe I’ll enroll in college with Chooch so I can learn restaurant stuff.

Or maybe I should just grab a cardboard box and set up a lemonade stand.

Should we talk about more King’s Dominion stuff now that I am full of edible glitter and we’re headed back to Pittsburgh? Ok. Thanks for the permission.

We have never ridden the Ferris wheel here but in case you were wondering if one exists, it does.

The new section is really nice! Tumbili is not great (slow AF ops but these rides are notorious for being slow to load in general) but it’s really nice to look at – it’s themed on a monkey I guess? So the cars are supposed to be monkeys playing on vines in a jungle. The supports were even painted to look like bamboo which was a nice touch.

The second time we rode Intimidator 305 wasn’t *as* good as earlier that day but damn this ride. I can’t imagine riding this for the first time knowing nothing about it and then graying out and thinking you were going to die.

Chooch took this photo and the spots on the lens gave me a angry flashback to when my old DSLR had spots inside somewhere but I was too ambivalent to investigate and correct the issue. But yeah I made him take this picture when we were sitting on the brake run (HIS PHONE WAS SECURELY STOWED AWAY IN HIS ZIPPERED POCKET DURING THE RIDE, NICE TRY NARCS!!!) because of the crow flying by.

FLIGHT OF FEAR!!! Henry did not want to ride this but it’s air conditioned inside the queue (well, it’s supposed to be but this time the A/C seemed to be limited to station). I actually love this ride a lot. It might have been the first launched coaster I’ve ever ridden back when I first went to King’s Island in 2004? Could that be true though?? Maybe. I don’t know. Who can be sure.

I liked the ride op for this one because he was fucking with the riders so hard before the sending the train. For us, an alarm went off and I actually fell for it, I thought there was, I dunno, a security breach or something. But right when I started to say “What is th—-” to Chooch, the launch happened and I was the only person screaming like GP.


BACK TO REAL TIME: it is 1:23pm and we are at the Fairfax Coffee Co or something in Berkeley Springs, WV waiting for our lunch to go.

Cute vibes and good veg/vegan options!

And good bathroom selfie mirror!

Food quality TBD. I’ll get back to you on that, blog.

Some asshole child abandoned their sunglasses on the couch at the cafe because children do not value their possessions. I know this because I’m the owner of a 17-year-old child who does not value his possessions. Actually, here he is modeling the sunglasses in question.

Went next door to an antique mall while Henry was waiting for the food. I found nothing that spoke to me. Henry said “thank god.”

Ate our sandwiches (or “sandos” if you’re one of those pretentious Oak Hill Post pricks). Henry got the “Reubenesque” which was a Reuben (duh) with faux-whatever meat is on a Reuben. Chooch and I both got a PB&J. Henry and I shared ours and while his was good, I was the loser in that scenario because the PB&J was way more satisfying (or, as my phone’s autocorrecting wants you to believe: SATs dying.)

Jesus, Henry calm down. (This is out of focus because I was about to take a picture of my own half and saw him going in for the kill out of the corner of my eye and had to snap it up.)

This town is quaint. And only around 2.5 hours from home. Will I go out of my way to return? Maybe put a bingsu cafe in there somewhere and a Kpop shop. Watch me fly back.


Anyway, back to yesterday. King’s dominion was an alright time. I was fine until the very end (we left around 8:30) when I wanted soft serve and the only option at KD is Rita’s. Excuse me sir but there is a Rita’s 2 minutes from my house. I think Rita’s is overrated.

So yeah, Chooch and I rode Dominator as our last ride and then the Great Ice Cream Blowout of the Third Quarter happened which is nothing new. I was also PMSing heavily at this point so my actions should be excused as I am generally a precious Angel baby cotton candy loaf.

(The way I can picture Henry frowning at that entire statement…)

You know what we never fought about in European amusement parks? Ice cream. Because there were ice cream options on every corner I swear to Christ.

Also, the bathrooms were excelsior. Clean. Pretty. Private. Plus you could tell which stalls were vacant without having to pace like a panther in the wild, trying to peek under to spot feet.

Oh and our lunch at KD cost $77. 🤢 Granted, it was satisfying (for Chooch and me anyway, Henry was underwhelmed) but when you consider that Chooch and I had to choose three sides since all of the entrees were meat, plus Henry got a chocolate chip cookie in addition to his entree meal, and Chooch got a tiny strawberry shortcake, this still doesn’t seem like $77’s worth of food but what do I know, I took zero economics classes in school.

Take me back.


Hi, back to today. We are 1:23 hours from home so I will end this here.

Sep 012023

Janna came over last weekend to endure hours upon hours of Chooch and me recapping our vacation, even casting our photos and videos on the TV like a neo-film projector of yesteryear. I will say, Janna was a good sport about it! I had been dying to tell these stories – some of which cannot be posted here!!! – so thank you Janananama!

Anyway though, while she was here she said that her brother-in-law recently said, “did you know that there are people who are obsessed with roller coasters and they even travel to ride them??” Apparently he had read an article about thoosies and Janna was like “haha, actually…” She said this was even right around the time we drove to Atlanta from Pittsburgh just to ride one single roller coaster. Oh my god, I laughed! What timing.

And we aren’t even nearly as deep into it as some people. In fact, several people on Coaster Crew trip with us even have YouTube channels devoted to traveling for coasters. Two of them I am already subscribed to and one of those two – Airtime Thrills – is pretty popular “in the scene.” I’m not gonna lie, I was going out of my way to avoid being in the background (chooch and I had some dicey moments though and it’s yet to be determined how successful we were at making ourselves blend into the scenery) but it’s really cool knowing that we’ll have a video archive of our trip, basically!

I didn’t talk to Airtime Thrills even once on the whole trip, but he seemed pretty chill. Here is his video of Day One of the trip, which consisted of Bakken (already posted about this one) and Tivoli Gardens, which I finally finished organizing my photos for so I will get that recapped for you guys tomorrow (I imagined a bunch of stuffed animals lined up on my bed like a soft and plushy audience when I said “you guys”).

He does a much better job explaining the parks and coasters. For instance, Janna asked if there were any rides at Bakken when it first opened a billion years ago and I was like “I don’t fucking know, Janna, maybe wiki that shit!” But then later, I made her watch AirTime Thrills’ video and she was like “oh good, he answered my question.” Ugh shut up, Janna! I was too busy trying to get boost mode on Twister to visit the Bakken Historical Society!

Aug 242023

Henry in the lobby of the Tivoli Gardens Hotel. 

Oh my god you guys. Once we got to our room, I took a shower and a quick 60-minute nap and then felt like an actual new person and not like some possessed asshole about to spew pea soup from her dirty mouth.

Henry and I changed and went out for a pre-dinner stroll along the other side of the city near our hotel. Chooch wanted to sleep some more so we abandoned him as usual.

Views from the side of the road that our hotel was on.

Even  though I was almost flattened by a bicycle, I decided that my initial disdain for the city earlier that day was unwarranted and definitely could be attributed to me needing a shower and a major mood adjustment.

We walked for a good hour, taking it all in. In the end, I was back on the Copenhagen Love Wagon. Sorry for my earlier opinions, CPH. It wasn’t you, it was me.

I was really nervous for the 8PM dinner later that night with Coaster Crew and even at one point tried to drag my feet. We did end up going to the dinner and I am so glad I didn’t let my anxiety get the better of me because this truly set the tone of the whole trip for us. I wasn’t sure what to expect – would we be sitting at giant tables, banquet style, taking turns standing up and introducing ourselves? I was frantically rehearsing what I would say JUST IN CASE. YOU NEVER KNOW.

But it turned out it was in the hotel’s dining room, with a magnificent buffet set up, and even a chef grilling outside! Tim was really concerned that Chooch and I would have enough to eat, I  guess we were the only non-meat eaters in the group, but my guy – this was the best buffet I had ever grazed. I could have subsisted solely on the bread alone! SO MUCH GOOD BREAD. And apparently, the chef was even grilling up veggie burgers! Good ones, too! Made with beets and so fresh-tasting.

But wait!! The food part was great and all but something even better happened before we even got up to fill our plates. The three of us had snagged a table for 4 and mere moments after we sat down, a woman came over and asked if she could join us.


Was she dropped on us by the Roller Coaster Tycoon gods??

Of course, Chooch, being 17 and so completely surly, thought that this was going to be awful because going into this trip, he said to me, “I’m not doing this to make friends. I’m not going to learn anyone’s names. I don’t care.” But then by day three, he’d be coming back from the bathroom at a park or whatever and say things like, “I was just talking to Larry and <insert gossip>.”

*BRB, I’m crying again, missing all these awesome people, ugh*

Back to the woman asking to join us. You guys, her name is Pam, she lives in Philly, and she quickly became my favorite person on the trip! She gave BIG Barb Riley energy, for those who remmeber the golden years of the law firm when I worked with the greatest lady ever, Barb. Goddammit, I still her miss her so much. Pam was like if Barb was super into roller coasters. We had very easy conversation with her all evening, and even when Henry and I left Chooch at the table with her when we went back for more desserts like the pigs that we are, Chooch even managed to talk to her rather than sit in awkward silence! I was so proud of him, putting himself out there like that.

Look, these situations aren’t always the easiest, you know? A lot of these people already knew each other from other Coaster Crew events in America, and some of them had even gone on past international trips with the group. So, while we weren’t necessarily the odd ones out like I was so concerned about, we definitely had a bit of a disadvantage. Pam joining us that night gave me the confidence boost that I needed, and I vowed to talk to more people at dinner. So, during one of my buffet prowls, I ran into a woman with a Coaster Crew name tag who was also pacing the food alone. I totally launched myself on her. “Hi, I’m Erin and I don’t know anyone here!” I cried, just basically leaning into my desperation at that point.

I chose a good victim, because Cassie from Indy ended up being so kind and because of this initial interaction, she made sure to say good morning, etc. nearly every day after that. Cassie was there with her friend Sherry, who was also a great lady and I’m so glad to have met them!

Meanwhile, Henry came back to the  table with LICORICE ICE CREAM. “Where did you get that?” I cried, and he told me that some man from our group was standing near him at the ice cream bar and pointed it out, so of course I sent Henry back up to get  me my own bowl. Pam observed this and turns out, she’s a very quick study – she was saying “Poor Henry” by the very next day!

Near the end of the night, a couple from Columbus came over to introduce themselves – Larry and Jean. Evidently, Larry was the one who alerted Henry to the fact that LICORICE ICE CREAM was an option in the ice cream bar, so shout out to Larry! Anyway, it turns out that Larry and Jean are Coaster Crew vets and when I say they went out of their way to make us feel included, I’m not joking. Such great people!!

Can you believe I was so nervous about this?! Not even the first full day and we already made some really great connections. I was so giddy when we went back to the room later and totally rearin’ to go the next morning! I can’t wait to tell you (and maybe you too) about our first park, Bakken!

This is going to take me at least a month to recap everything, buckle up buttercup.

Aug 232023

Gotta put a hold on my vacation recaps for a second so that I can spiral out over the new NCT 2023 video!!!!

I’m still sad that NCT lost three members but I will just support the remaining 20 even harder now!

Ugh I love these full-NCT collabs so much. I can’t wait for the album and all the new NCT U units!!!

Also, I was screaming over this NCT Dream stage in a hotel room in Gothenburg- it’s everything!! Renjun shines in this!!

Aug 182023

After packing, Henry and I went out for one last walk around Helsinki. As with most places, I wish we had more time to spend here and I would love to come back one day! I mean, there *is* another park here that we didn’t make it to, so….lol.

Here are some photos I took during our walk.

We stopped at Fazer’s Cafe (the original location, apparently!) and I had an ACTUALLY GOOD chai latte and my last salty licorice (salmiak) ice cream fix. :( I know I’m in the minority here but goddamn I love that shit. Henry and Chooch think it’s disgusting and won’t come anywhere near it, haha.


Anyway, we’re at the Helsinki airport now, Saturday morning, 5:18am, waiting for our 7am flight to start our long trek home. This trip was so exhausting but in the best way. I say this all the time but I really want to make a scrapbook!!

Oh and I tried to actually record some stuff and Chooch allegedly is going to help me edit everything so maybe someday I will have something that I can share here?!

Aug 082023

Hello from a Tuesday evening on the bus! A lot has happened but in an effort to keep up with my micro-blogging of this trip, today’s small word bundle will be about Idiot Chooch’s 130 feet free fall on Sunday evening. Tivoli Friheden has a SCAD tower which I did know about going into this but didn’t really think much about it until that day when Tim said that it was included in the park admission for our group if anyone wanted to do it. Chooch was like, “what is it, I’ll do it” and I was like “oh great. I am so excited for my son to fall off a 50m tower into a fucking net, every mom’s dream.”

Love that the only thing he really has to say about it is that he hurt his knee again.

In “Now” news, we are in the midst of an itinerary shakeup. Starting yesterday, the weather has been real rainy and windy. Yesterday was mostly just a rain issue and luckily all the rides were open, but unforch, the forecast for the next several days were bad enough Re: wind that the ferries canceled their service so our ferry for Norway scheduled for tonight was canceled. When we got on the bus after Djurs last night, Tim broke the news to us and told us that we have two options: scrap Tusenfyrd, or drive 13 hours overnight by bus.

It was so dramatic and started to get semi-verbally hostile between some guys up on the top floor of the bus (where we are) and then some guys started shouting the pros of keeping Tusenfyrd and honestly I was in favor of the overnighter too because I want to go to Norway. Anyway, Tim had to walk around while everyone covertly showed him their vote on their phone and it felt like Survivor, like someone was getting voted off the bus. There was an overwhelming majority for OVERNIGHT so that is what’s happening and there are APPARENTLY at least two people who are very unhappy about this and are planning on leaving us in Copenhagen. (Yes, we were all the way super north in Denmark but have to drive all the way back to Copenhagen, get a new driver, cross the bridge to Sweden (which could be an issue depending on how windy it still is when we get there) drive up through Sweden to Tusenfyrd in Norway. Not the greatest but at least we’ll still get there.

Anyway, after we left todays park, Henry made some dumb joke to the bus driver about “can’t you maybe just fly us there? Maybe if we got some winged?” And it was SO UNCOMFY. i asked him to never do that again, his weird “flirting with another professional driver” voice, ugh. Then we stopped at IKEA so Tim could buy us pillows and everyone ate in the cafeteria.

Oh just 70 people unexpectedly storming IKEA 30 minutes before they closed. That was interesting. But it was so nice of Tim to get us pillows!!

Aug 062023

I am totally going out of order and have so much to recap here for my fairy tale lala imaginary friends, but I want to talk about all the shit that happened today to Henry that was no funny but also so incredibly funny that every time I thought about it today on the bus while mostly everyone was napping, I was trying so hard to contain giddy brays that my entire body was shuddering.

First thing this morning, Henry woke up on a mission to find a bank ATM before we left Copenhagen later that morning. Now, we were under strict instructions by Tim to be at the bus by 8:15 because we had to get an early start on the day due to traveling between parks. So he gets back and says, “Well, I can’t get to it because the street it’s on is under construction, I’ll just get to one later” and I panicked because we aren’t going to be in big cities after Copenhagen and we needed cash to give to Tim for the driver’s tip. Really not that big of a deal, but I hate how Henry is always putting shit off and not every taking my advice, etc. So I got RULL irritated about this and Henry snapped, “FINE I’LL GO TO THE ONE IN CENTRAL STATION” which is like, maybe a 10 minute (15?) walk from our hotel. Now, by this point, it was nearly 7am and that’s when it was suggested that we head to breakfast.

“Should we wait for him?” I asked Chooch, who looked at me and then we started cracking up because why would we ever.

So we totally went to breakfast without him and then our new friend Pam came in and asked if she could sit with us, like she even needs to ask! I was totally saving the seat next to me for her, anyway. But here’s the THING, the day before, Pam and this guy Kevin from our group pretty much buddied up and spent the whole day together at both parks. “I guess they’re an item now,” Chooch murmured when they strode past us at Tivoli Gardens last night.

So after we sat down at a 4-top, Kevin came over with a glass of OJ and asked, “Mind if I join you?” I happily chirped, “Not at all!” and Chooch gave me this look like, “WHAT” and I just shrugged like, “Oh well, you snooze you lose.”

So then Henry came in, got food before even coming over to our table, HOW PRESUMPTUOUS THINKING THAT HE HAD A SEAT, and then when he finally came over with his plate of morning slop, saw that he didn’t have a seat at our table, mouthed THANKS and went and found a table behind us ALONE.

Kevin noticed this and said, “Oh no!” and I waved him off. “Oh, he’s fine! We told him we weren’t waiting for him.” Then Pam came back from getting a plate, did a double take when she saw Henry sitting alone and said, “You wanna sit here?”

“NO I’M GOOD,” he said, and then continued to sulk. I was almost in tears, but then Chooch was like, “Now it’s going to look like there’s family drama. This is how rumors get started.”

And I started cracking up even harder.

Don’t worry, after we had eaten and were just sitting around talking with Tim, he came over and said MOVE OVER and scooted onto my side of the banquet seating. What a little bitch.

Then we went up to the room to get our luggage and I realized we only had TEN MINUTES until departure and Tim was very very very adamant about being punctual and said that you will get left behind if you’re not on time, and you’ll have to find your own way to the next park, understandably so.

I kept bitching about this because Chooch and I were all ready to go so Henry yelled JUST GO THEN so we left him, got our own luggage on the bus, and then claimed our seats for the day (same as yesterday because we’re suckers). Sadly, I saw Henry coming out of the hotel and said, “Damn, he made it” and then we started cracking up all over again.

We got to Bon-Bon Land. Had a great day. Then around 1:00PM we were chilling at the exit with Johnny (just another friend we made NO BIG DEAL), about to head back to the bus for our 1:15 departure when Henry realized he didn’t have his phone.

“Oh, did you not get it from the gift shop?” Chooch asked in a bored tone.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” Henry grunted.

“The gift shop at the end of the rapids ride,” Chooch said.

“WHAT RAPIDS RIDE,” Henry snapped.

“THE ONLY RAPIDS RIDE IN THE PARK??” Chooch clapped back. “You had your phone in my bag and I said, ‘why is your phone in my bag? I’m not carrying your phone’ so I was waving it in front of you saying, ‘Here take your phone, take your phone, take it.’ And you ignored me so I put it down next to the candy you were looking at.”


“It’s not my fault you didn’t pick it up,” Chooch said defensively.

“Oh boy,” Johnny said, caught in the middle of a typical Oh Honestly Family argument.

So Henry had to run (LOL ok that’s being generous – he speed-walked, kind of) back to the gift shop. Luckily, the park is very small, and Tim had said that the 1:15 departure time wasn’t strict for this one – we were actually leaving 2 hours earlier than scheduled because the park was so underpopulated that everyone was able to get their credits and still have time to do everything else.

“Should we wait for him?” I asked for the third time that day, and Chooch just started cracking up so we went back to the bus without him.

“He’s so embarrassing!” we both kept taking turns saying.

“What if he would have hit me in front of Johnny?” Chooch said, practically squealing with laughter.

“What if we have a reputation now of being That Family That Fought The Whole Time on the Coaster Crew Norden Adventure?” I laughed, but also I felt nervous about that too.

Back at the bus, most people were just standing around outside, talking. We saw Larry and told him what happened, but were trying not to bray like hyenas. Larry, however, was like, “OH NO! Did you let Tim know?”

We did not let Tim know but said that we would and then ran onto the bus in giggle-tears.

Thankfully (for us, because of embarrassment factors), we saw Henry walking down the sidewalk to the bus, and there were still A LOT of people who weren’t back yet so he wasn’t even close to doing the walk of punctuality shame. We saw him stop to talk to someone so Chooch ran out of the bus to see if he was able to get his phone. I’m watching from the upstairs window, and all I see if Henry pointed at Chooch while talking to someone than Chooch waves his hands and goes, “No no no” and starts telling his side of the story but I can see that he’s trying to not lose it and collapse into laughter. Then Chooch looked up at me and gave me the thumbs up that Henry was able to get his phone.

There were two people sitting a few rows in front of me (Robert and Dawn) and I was like, ‘They are probably wondering why I’m half-standing here, looking out the window and laughing alone at Henry and Chooch gesticulating wildly” so I had to fill them in and god only knows how many people know about this now.

I’m still laughing about this as I type this at 11:30 at night while Henry is snoring so loudly next to me which has sent Chooch to his breaking point (yo, I have to suffer through this every night!!)  so I suggested that we pretend Henry is a dead viking, put him in a boat, set it on fire, and push him out into the sea.

BECAUSE OUR HOTEL TONIGHT IS RIGHT ON THE WATER AND IT IS AMAZING. The sound of the waves is almost blocking out Henry’s animalistic snores.

This concludes a recount of Henry’s series of farty events.

P.S. the picture up there is a dog named Henry from Bon-Bon Land who is also the flatulent star of the DOG FART COASTER.