We’re on our way to Newark right now and I have spent the last however many minutes ranting Henry’s ear off and decided that I need to be fully transparent on here because YOU ALL KNOW HOW I MUCH I LOVED JILLIAN MICHAELS. I have gushed over her on here numerous times over the years.

However, the last few years she started putting out REAL WHACK takes on health and medicine, so I eventually unfollowed her on Instagram because not about that RFK Jr poison pond life.

I would admittedly still do her workouts though – I already own them and actually the one I do the most is pirated so she is making no royalties or anything off me – but after her recent DISGUSTING out of pocket remarks on slavery, I will NEVER do another workout of hers again. I never want to see her face on any screen. She can have the fucking small-minded and pathetic cuckoo MAGA life she voted for.

Biggest Loser FOR REAL.

That is all. You’re dismissed.

We bought this dresser / wardrobe set from Ikea last May and then proceeded to barely be home for Henry to make my very specific vision come to fruition.

Let’s just say what I thought was a simple “slap some fabric on it” idea morphed into Henry dusting off the sewing machine and relearning how to sew fabric.

I really have to hand it to Henry – he went above and beyond on this one and probably has an entire leopard faux fur hair ball in his stomach now.

I know it appears that the dresser juts out past the wall and block the doorway but that is an illusion. It actually lines up perfectly to the edge of the wall.

The wardrobe is still in process. I have an idea of what I want to do but have to do some searching!

I made chooch come in and look. He actually said it was nice!

“It’s not done yet – I still have a bunch of rosaries I need to incorporate into it—” I started to say, but he was like “omg bye” and walked away. I’m sure he’s so excited about yet another gaudy piece of furniture he’ll someday inherit.

I do think that I will repaint the angel knobs with a lighter/brighter pink so they show up more.

Tomorrow we will hang up a clown painting from the Gillcrest clown room and a red neon cross. Get stoked for those updates I guess.

My travel journal tells me that after leaving Six Flags that Sunday afternoon, we had our first experience at a coffee chain called SCOOTERS where our drinks were screwed up and Henry had to jump through verbal hoops trying to explain the mishap to the guy at window who kept saying, “Yes” when Henry read back our orders and Henry was like, “No what I’m saying is that these are not that” and it was very awkward but finally he had us pull over and then another guy brought us the correct drinks which were actually very good so no hate to SCOOTERS. Also I like how they tell you to “SCOOT ON AROUND” after you place the order. It’s the little things you guys.

My travel journal also tells me that sometime after this, Chooch yelled to Henry from the backseat, “I’m actually curious how you’re always chewing something. We haven’t even stopped anywhere in a while so what could you possibly be eating?!”

Answer: a hard licorice candy.

Then we stopped at Uranus Fudge which has expanded into much more of a tourist trap since we were last there. Now they have all kinds of photo ops set up, an ice cream shop, a sideshow museum…I certainly don’t remember any of this from 2019, just that the fudge store had TRUMP candy and I was repulsed. As one should be. The only way I would ever buy Trump-themed candy is if he one day chokes on a butterscotch and dies – I’d happily buy a commemorative bag of those sweet saviors.

The lady at the sideshow shop won us over with her charlatan act and we ended up paying $18 (total not each!) to enter the museum which was mostly just a bunch of jars of animals floating in formaldehyde. :(

Left the fudge store unimpressed. I did buy a postcard there for Alyson though because who better to send a postcard to from Uranus?? I have to note that I came prepared this time with a sheet of postcard stamps.

#dorkalert

Couldn’t leave without partaking in this photo op.

We made it to Branson sometime around 6:00 I would say, checked into our hotel (Grandview) which was the same one we stayed at in 2019. It was a decent enough hotel. Very quiet and that’s all I really care about to be honest. I mean, I want it to be clean too! But silence is key.

For being a Sunday in a tourist town, most of the restaurants closed around 7pm so our options were pretty much pizza or GTFO. We found a place called PAPPO’S in downtown Branson and it ended up being such a vibe. This was basically the start of a week of referencing our waiter – TRUMAN. I keep wanting to call him Landon for some reason. He was Blake-ish in that he talked like he was sleepy/high, and he was wearing some great jewelry. Every time he came to our table, I would just stare at his hands because of his accessories.

Truman was very patient while Henry and I hemmed and hawed over our flight choices and had to keep going to the bar to get answers to our questions – they had a QR code that brought up their beer list but it was just the names of the beers and not the types???

My favorite was Monk’s Communion – as soon as Truman reported that it was a Belgian I yelled, “my favorite!” And he said in a very surfer manner, “Let’s do it!” But disclaimer, he said that after EVERYTHING. Chooch jokingly replayed one of the scenes the next day: “Can we have more napkins?”

“Let’s do it!” And then he never brought the napkins.

We were flipping out because after this we kept seeing so many references to Truman. Street names, shopping plaza names, a LAKE. Then I realized, “Oh it’s because Harry S Truman was from Missouri.” LOL. I wonder if Truman’s parents were presidential history buffs??!! Is he distantly related to Harry Truman??? I should have asked this when I left a Google review of PAPPO’S and specifically called out Truman for amplifying our experience to god tier lol. Someone from PAPPO’S replied and said “good job Truman!” MAYBE IT WAS TRUMAN.

Got a stain immediately.

Two downsides: the veggie sandwich I was eyeing couldn’t be done because they didn’t have eggplant anymore. UGH. So I got a regular veggie sandwich. It was ok but a lot smaller than I anticipated which sucked because I had already promised half of it to Chooch in exchange for some of his white pizza which came with chicken and Truman was like “Uhhhh….” but it was Chooch’s fault for not reading the menu!

Food mishaps aside, the pizza was actually good (once the chicken was picked off) – I loved the crust, my sandwich was good – I loved the bread, the beer was REALLY good – I liked all of my picks, and the vibe was on point – mostly because I was obsessed with Truman lol.

I forgot his name the next day though briefly and accidentally called him Sherman, which made me ask Chooch if he remembered our server Sherman from the first time we went to Dollywood and he got really annoyed.

“How could I forget? You bring him up literally every time we visit Bill.”

Lol. True. Sherman really impacted our lives.

After dinner, we walked along this – lake? It was right next to the shopping center where PAPPO’S resides. It was a nice little walk but chooch was pissed because there was a geocache he couldn’t access because some creepy guy was “fishing” where he needed to go.

Since Henry and I had each had a flight of beer, Chooch was our DD. This was one of my favorite moments of the whole trip – Chooch taking us on a frantic joy ride thought Branson at night. Henry was fuming from the backseat while I was flat out cackling in the passenger seat. Chooch is so scary.

I made him take us to Hurts Donut, a small Missouri chain that I had known about from my days of following A Beautiful Mess because I believe it started in their hometown of Springfield.

We took them back to the hotel and sampled some before leaving again. I believe we got:

– glazed old fashioned with chocolate drizzle?

– coconut with coconut cream in the middle

– Tang!!

– a cake donuts with sprinkles and a frosted animal cookie, this was my favorite. It tasted like childhood.

– churro, second fave

– chocolate covered cherry. This was chooch’s and I didn’t try it.

Then we walked up the street to one of the many amusement parks so Chooch could get a +1 on an SBF Visa Spinner (thoosie lingo, nbd). I think I already mentioned this but there was a really pretty hotel at the top of the street called Hotel Victorian and Chooch, who hated our hotel just because the gym sucked, said, “Just a reminder that if we stayed at the Victorian, we wouldn’t have had to walk up this hill.” This was probably the 5th time that Chooch had thrown Henry’s poor hotel picking skills in his face and we had only been in Branson for about 4 hours at that point. Henry was ready to slug him lol. Ok fine I was also contributing to the Victorian narrative lol. I was obsessed with the huge chandelier in the lobby that you could see from the road. The only thing our lobby had was a Dolly’s Stampede ticket counter and a bland front desk clerk who sat there with headphones on all night.

$13 for this stupid credit. They at least sent it around about 15 times though. That’s 14 times too many in opinion.

Then we went back to the not-Victorian, watched some Game Show Network (I liked it better when it showed all old shows, not all of these modern day remakes!!!) and went to bed. We had a LONG day ahead of us, lol ugh.

9:17am: we’re almost to Ohio, just stopped at Sheetz in WV for breakfast foods and Henry is mad because I always get a fruit cup and then pick around the fruit I don’t like and try to pass it onto him while he’s driving because I can never get the lid back on and he screamed IF WE END UP IN THE HOSPITAL ONE DAY ITS GOING TO BE BECAUSE OF THIS!!! and angrily shook the fruit cup then passed it off to Chooch in the backseat. “You do this! I can’t do this while driving 70mph!” And then Chooch was crying about “why can’t she do it??!!” Meanwhile I was laughing so hard I almost choked.

Then Chooch was bitching about Henry leaving trash (specifically candy wrappers) in the side of car door. Then Henry turned around and put his breakfast trash in the empty Sheetz bag next to Chooch, which made Chooch deadpan, “wow. I’m surprised you didn’t shove that into the car door. Muscle memory” and I lost it.

You guys, these road trips are chaos but I freaking treasure them lol.

Oh also we were listening to the Kpop Demon Hunter soundtrack and I burst into tears. “This song makes me cry,” I shakily laughed, dabbing my eyes with a napkin lol ugh.

9:42am: I’m mad that Henry doesn’t have a military ID thing because he could be getting mad discounts at parks but he is now mansplaining this to me. He legit just said “I’m pretty sure they took that from me when I left” and I said, “I believe the word is CONFISCATED. They CONFISCATED your ID because you went AWOL and had a dishonorable discharge.”

He’s done talking about this now, suddenly.

Chooch, telling me, “you’re so annoying! You’re actually so annoying!”

Oh yeah I forgot he was also bitching as soon as we left this morning because I always have to get a full birthday week when everyone else gets a day. Well, when you’re forced to take birthday matters into your own hands because no one else cares, you too can drag it out for a week. More if you want! Go hog wild, honey bear.

11:02am: LETS JUST STOP, DROP EVERYTHING because Henry just admitted that the classic 2005 Chiodos track “Baby, You Wouldn’t Last a Minute on the Creek” is ICONIC.

12:46pm: KENTUCKY!

1:05pm: I just had the most satisfying pee of my life at a rest stop after chugging a liter of water. Ahhh. Henry and Chooch were grateful for this update so I thought you might also appreciate it, Blog.

1:41pm: Just left Love’s and Henry is being a big bitch baby because we apparently “rushed” him out so he didn’t get any food for himself and is being a huge martyr about it like look at Henry, willing to STARVE in order to get his family to the amusement park faster. Get over yourself! It’s not like I’m dining on a lavish lunch – I got a protein bar and a Cracker Barrel cheese and cracker thing. Thanks, Loves.

Also I wanted everyone in that place to get the fuck away from me. Welcome to Kentucky.

Lol Henry gets to buy the old person ticket at Beech Bend, love this for him.

3:02om: Just left RaceTrac whatever that is where Chooch made Henry buy an air freshener for the car so now there is strong stench of vanilla wafting through this bitch.

Anyway, obligatory bathroom selfie:

And an extravagant froyo section:

3:17pm: Lots of bickering later, we made it to Bowling Green! 12 minutes to Beech Bend Park from here.

3:52pm We’re in line for our second coaster! Will probably do a full recap tomorrow but here’s us!

I highkey love it here already.

6:15pm: Just left! They close at 7 but we got to do everything we wanted. I forgot that we’re in Central time so we actually got here at 3:30. We didn’t fight at all! It was delightful and I will definitely be posting about it separately probably tomorrow.

The downside is that it’s about 90 degrees and blazing sun – there was very little shade there.

We’re at Farm Boy in Morgantown KY after pulling into the lot of KUNTRY KITCHEN and leaving bc it looked sketch but now I wish we had stayed because this place is creepy but at least our waitress is super nice. We tried to order breakfast though and she got the ALAMO TOUR GUIDE tone real quick when she said they stop serving breakfast after 11 on weekends.

Chooch and I had to order grilled cheese from the kids and senior menu.

7:11pm: Chooch literally has no idea what parks we’re going to and just realized we’re going to be gone for a week and probably didn’t pack enough. He’s so annoyed lol.

Also the waitress seemed like she was trying to suppress her “taken aback-ness” at my request for tomato on my grilled cheese. Is that not common in Kentucky?!

7:28pm: Ugh one of the reasons we left KUNTry Kitchen was because some creepy old guy was slithering through the parking lot and I said, “oh hell no I don’t want to eat with that guy” and Chooch was like, “you’re so judgmental” but seriously ugh.

Then Henry just started laughing and I was like WHAT and he was like “look at who is sitting over my the door” and ITS HIM ugh. Chooch was cracking up – he has actually sort of letting himself laugh these days lol.

7:36pm:

Omg now he’s sitting outside talking to himself lol.

8:27pm: Some bridge over the Ohio River, now we’re in Indiana I guess.

Ugh:

Indiana Michigan Power apparently.

10:25pm: In bed at whatever Super 8 this is in Evansville IL apparently. I don’t understand geography so I don’t know how Illinois factors in.

The lady at the front desk told me she liked my shirt and turns out she likes Pierce the Veil. “I like my music angry so I don’t have to be” so said and then just kept going with the bit and it was starting to get unhinged.

Then the key didn’t work while Henry was out in the car so I thought he gave me the wrong room # and I kept calling him repeatedly and the dumb fuck wouldn’t answer so then Chooch and I just stood in the hallway listening to the screechy sounds of our temporary neighbors and I am not happy right now.

(Yes it was the right room and miraculously the key worked as soon as Henry got off the elevator and joined us. Ugh.)

Good night!!!

Our annual poorly planned amusement park road trip for my birthday week starts tomorrow! This one is pretty ambitious: lots of states, SUPER GLAMOROUS, no hotels booked yet, and honestly probably not enough effort was put into this. But hopefully there will be many pockets of fun tucked into the chaos!

Henry has changed the route numerous times and even tried to change it AGAIN the other night but I snapped and said JUST LEAVE IT!!

The most solid plans are as follows:

1. Beech Bend Park in Bowling Green, KY
2. Six Flags over St. Louis
3. SILVER DOLLAR CITY, THE REDEMPTION TOUR in Branson, MO
4. Worlds of Fun in Kansas City, MO
5. Adventureland in Altoona, IA (our first time in Iowa and I am bizarrely stoked for this! I WANT A CORN MAGNET)
6. Lost Island in WATERLOO, IA
7. Arnolds Park Amusement Park in….Arnolds Park, IA
8. Bay Beach in Green Bay, WI (you might remember that we were supposed to go here a few summers ago when we went to Wisconsin Dells but the forecast was BIG RAIN and it was quite a bit out of the way so we dumped that plan.

I am sure there will be TONS of arguing, crying, stressing (hate leaving Penelope BUT my mom will be staying with her so that gives me some peace), and general bitch fests. But it’s gotta be better than last summer’s emotional disaster of a birthday road trip. I won’t discredit the memories because there were some good moments but the fact of the matter was that I was not emotionally stable enough to be able to go on a healthy vacation like that. I was deep in the throes of grief over the loss of Bambi, and consumed with daily stress and fear over Chooch leaving for college. PROBABLY should have stayed home, but can’t change that now!

I am lowkey hoping that this one turns out to be as memorable and fun as our Spring Break Coaster Road Trip of 2022 – that one was AMAZING and we actually barely fought. Please wish this for us, lol.

Anyway, I’ll be liveblogging and microblogging along the way because it’s legit my favorite thing to do AND I EVEN GOT A NEW VACATION JOURNAL so I can write down my BIG FEELINGS every time Henry and Chooch hurt me. I anticipate lots of closed-quarters gaslighting. We’ll see.

What I’m most looking forward to:

• getting to (hopefully) ride the coasters that weren’t running the last time we were at Silver Dollar City
• A BRAND NEW RMC JUST OPENED LAST WEEK AT LOST ISLAND!!!
• legit just being in Iowa, I’m so oddly fascinated
• Mamba at Worlds of Fun
• hopefully finding quirky and old diners to eat at and potentially purchase merch! (I love collecting t-shirts from diners we eat at, it’s dumb but I don’t care)
• sending postcards! I was prepared this time and bought postcard stamps to take with me and by that I mean Henry sent to Chooch to the post office to buy postcard stamps for me
• spending time together because this might be Chooch’s last summer home while he’s in college and after that, I do not anticipate him wanting to vacation with his parents lol.

Well, that’s it. Catch me on my exotic road trip for the next week. In the middle of MAGAland. Yee haw.

In case you didn’t know, Chooch is oddly obsessed with Ibuprofen. Not the “taking ibuprofen” part, but just the…idea of it? The concept of the pill? I have no idea how this started. I’m sure there is some inside joke / back story that I’m not privy to because I’m a MOM.  I remember back when he started high school, shit was still virtual because of the pandemic and I got a CALL FROM ONE OF HIS TEACHERS because he jokingly said something about snorting Ibuprofen in the class chat???? I mean, OK , I get it – it was stupid on his part, but like…he wasn’t talking about coke or Angel Dust?? Anyway, his IG handle and email address both have Ibuprofen in it, and this is actually a crime against me because I have the hardest time pronouncing that word and he and Henry drag me so hard for it. Then a few weeks ago, I saw this shirt in an IG ad and was like, “Finally, a shirt that I know he will want” because he usually says NO THANKS every  time I try to buy him shirts so that he can stop wearing all of the free shirts he won on campus by doing stupid challenges or spinning a wheel or signing a petition, etc.

Yo, he wore it all day before realizing that it’s misspelled and the misspelling is actually the way I pronounce Ibuprofen!!!!

I hate AI and who knows who much energy this expended but Henry made this dumb picture of us from the Stray Kids concert and I begrudgingly have to admit that it’s adorable. LOOK AT MY LIGHT STICK!

Ugh, Chooch is so rude and takes picture of Penelope when she’s in vulnerable states, I swear to god he is so rude to her!!

Well, I think that’s all I got. To sum up my life lately, one of my work friends messaged me and said she dropped her lunch when she took it out of the microwave and asked how my day’s going and I said that every day is basically one big metaphorical dropped lunch.

Noroc!!!

(That’s one of the only Romanian words I know so far, along with copil – child, lol.)

This past weekend was pretty chill. Another hot one though, that’s for sure! Henry has finally started on the fabric-portion of the bedroom dresser refurb which required him to dust off his sewing machine and “practice” on scraps of fabric, lol. He is such a little Henrietta Homemaker.

I let him take a break in the afternoon and we went to Duffy’s for some Saturday night beers. I think I am mostly over IPAs now, and actually not really excited about beer in general anymore (I’m so hot and cold, anyone will tell you that!!) but we did get two varieties from the local brewery Lolev. We went there over the winter with Amy and Dick and it’s kind of become the benchmark for me as far as local breweries because we had such a great experience there. I’m just going to go on record here and say something that is probably considered contentious by Yinzers, but I think Lolev is a million times better than the overhyped Spoonwood. I SAID WHAT I SAID. I won’t be going back to Spoonwood unless Chronica have another large gathering and that’s the venue. Then I will go. But I will probably just drink water!

This was absolutely delightful.

The next day, I went to Sally Ann’s for brunch with Sandy, Lauren, and Amber. Always nice to chat with them! I miss Lauren and Sandy a lot – and even though I still chat with Amber weekly at work, I miss seeing her IRL!

Brunch was really nice but PICKLESBURGH was gearing up right as we were leaving so downtown was turning into pickled pandemonium. I guess this was the 10th anniversary of Picklesburgh so the city went all out and expanded it to various bridges and streets. I only went to the first one, which was contained to one bridge and even then it was way too much for me. Chooch and I had only gone to see our friend Bethany and her band Balloon Ride Fantasy perform at the end of the bridge and I distinctly remember that this older woman from the mail room, BETTY, was there and I was like, “OMG Betty sighting in the wild!” She was a crazy character, but very beloved by people in the firm.

Anyway, I was hoping to check out the little vendors’ square near Heinz Hall to see if there was anything fun to get my friend Lyda from our Seattle office as a housewarming gift. Amber and Sandy accompanied me and Amber said, “Lyda’s really taken a liking to you,” and I said, “I know.” Super smug, as usual :) I’ve been training Lyda at work and we had already had a good rapport before that but now we chat even more frequently and my absolute favorite thing is that she will come to me for song recs to listen to during her afternoon “strut.” She said that she likes asking me for music because I’m so passionate about it and always give her back stories and I said, “Yo, THANK YOU” because it genuinely seems like most people find this to be on the long list of my most annoying traits! On Tuesday, I introduced her to  the Dance Gavin Dance lore and she was all in. (She’s Team Kurt Travis, in case you were wondering.)

(You weren’t.)

I was extremely disappointed in the pickle wares on display so I parted ways with Amber and Sandy and continued out of the boundaries of Picklesburgh to a cute little shop called Love, Pgh. I go here often when I’m looking for Pgh-centric gifts for friends. It’s so cute and the people working are always extremely friendly. On this day, the cashier immediately said she loved my kimoni-esque coverup when I walked in, and then when I was paying she said she loved my purse too and I was like, “I know.”

No, I’m kidding, I’m not that cunty lol. I just shyly said thanks.

But yeah, I should have just come there first because it had so many things that made great options for a housewarming gift.

I mean, I had to walk there with a sketchy older gentleman panhandler who I could NOT shake until he dropped his plastic cup of donations at which point I said the classic, “Op!” paused for a second to show concern, then swiftly walked on.

I can only be so people-y before I get burnt out.

Later that afternoon, Henry and I walked to Potomac Station because I wanted to try this new Cherry Coke espresso drink they have?? Apparently, they have buddied up with local influencers (ugh) and let some of them create new drinks for them. The first 30 people to get this one after it debuted on Saturday got it served in a cherry tumbler. Well, I guess they overestimated the hype for it because we went a full day later and I got it in the tumbler too. It was just OK.

The smoothie bowl Henry made me for dinner later on was definitely more write-home-about-able.

Jeez guys, I think that was all I have to say about the weekend! I did stuff but it was just very mid overall. There is some action on the calendar for the coming weeks so I should be appreciative of slower weekends – they can’t all be amazingly memorable! Nice to see my friends on Sunday though!

P.S. I just realized that every picture in this post is a drink + a drink in a bowl. What a fascinating weekend recap, you are so very welcome.

Just a quick post to share Chooch’s OOTD from one day last week and to share an exchange we had today that literally made my heart feel so full after missing him this past year while he was at school:

He came downstairs around 1:00pm or so and went into the kitchen to make lunch. That was my signal to also go into the kitchen and make some protein coffee.

“Really? Every time I’m in the kitchen you suddenly also need to be in the kitchen. Ugh you’re so annoying! You literally had all day to do whatever it is that you suddenly need to do now!”

Then when he was trying to get something out of the fridge and when he turned around I was waiting all up in his face and said, “oh good get my creamer while you’re in there”

I love torturing him and invading his space so much. It’s like the sole reason I was put on this earth. <3

I was going through my camera roll and found some shit that I never documented because June really got away from me. Let’s go through them, shall we?

First of all, DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED. I FUCKING KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN:

TO PURCHASE THE WHOLE SET OF 8?? Oh, go fuck yourselves, Penn Brewery.

Meanwhile, in our front yard this shit was developing:

Henry asked me if an animal threw up there, since he apparently thinks I am posted at the front door 24:7 on wildlife patrol (OK, I really am though for a good portion of the day). But after he hosed it off, IT GREW BACK EVEN BIGGER?? So, he did some RESEARCH and found out it’s a fungus called Dog Vomit?! We have never had this growing in our yard before so now I’m super fascinated and also wildly disgusted.

Megan and I met up with Debby and Mar two weeks ago at Fish Nor Fowl for an extremely overpriced dinner. Megan and I were trying to get out of it because we are not foodies and can’t get behind paying nearly $40 for a mushroom pasta but we gave up in the end and while it was actually good food, I was very pissed that my vegetarian version of the same dish Debby ordered was actually a much smaller portion (like, comically smaller) and still cost the same!?!?!

But, our server was very handsome and the focaccia (NOT COMPLIMENTARY, AND BTW WE EVEN PAID FOR THE FUCKING WATER) was honestly some of the best bread I have ever eaten. Would I go back there though? No, unless it was my birthday and someone else was paying.

Oh, also this was during a heatwave (over 90 degrees for like a week and my house has no AC downstairs) and they sat us in the loft which was so stifling I wanted to scream. I had been looking forward to leaving my house for an air-conditioned restaurant that whole day!

But in the end, all that mattered was that we got to catch up with Debby and Mar so it was still worth it. This was also the same day I bought G-Dragon tickets so I was extra focused on prices LOL.

OH HELLO how fucking accurate. Good one, Duolingo!

OK, you’re dismissed.

Our dear friends Chronica have just moved to Spain for three months (maybe permanently – this is a trial run for them!) and we went to their send-off gathering at Spoonwood on Sunday. First, let me get this out of the way – I have been clearly exposed as a beer poser because everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, in this damn city Qtips their dickhole over this place. Previously, we had only been there once in the past and coincidentally, it was also for a Chronica gathering – Monica’s 40th birthday! I must have had either cider or wine at that event because I know I sure as shit was not drinking a beer then.

Well….aside from the beer pictured above which was a “Brown” something, I didn’t like ANYTHING I tried. I kept getting tasters and sliding them right down to Henry. There was one that everyone was fanning themselves over. I had tried it before anyone got there and immediately gave it to Henry, but now I was getting caught up in the enthusiasm for this spicy brew and peer-pressured myself into getting another taster of it.

AND I STILL HATED IT.

Nate was also there and blamed himself for this because he was sitting next to me raving about it. BLAME NATE!

“Didn’t you already try this and hated it?” Henry asked when I slid it down to him.

“Yes.”

“THEN WHY WOULD YOU GET ANOTHER???” he cried.

(Chooch was sitting in between us so Henry was not privy to the events that led up to this moment.)

“And then the baby I helped birth during the Great Twizzlers Shortage of 2010 was this big,” probably is what Chris was saying. Chooch seems skeptical.

I also want to add that the Spoonwood people handled this low-key event very poorly. At first, our server was borderline annoyed that we didn’t know how many people were going to be joining us. We had just sat down at a 4-top inside to get drinks and then when she came back to take our food order, we said we needed to wait until the people of the hour arrived because we would likely have to move tables. She was like I WILL GET YOUR CHECK THEN and it was crazy watching how fast her demeanor changed.

Eventually, Chronica arrived, explained the sitch to the hostess, and we were given an area outside on the patio in the 90 degree heat. Sweat started to trickle down my back immediately, even in the shade.

As more people arrived, Chronica asked if they could pull more tables over and the server, the same one we had inside and who was back to being OK again, was like, “Yes, you can.” But then the manager came out and was a big bitch about it because, and I do understand why this was not great, they were pulling tables from other servers’ areas and I actually heard her say at one point, “If you had called and given us a heads up—-” to which Monica quickly and politely interrupted with, “I tried that weeks ago and was told we couldn’t make reservations for this and had to just show up.”

Get it together, Spoonwood!! I will not be going back there unless Chronica have another event there someday.

Chooch got asked a lot of “How’s college?” questions and he mumbled the same blurb each time like a telemarketer.

Beer and management and sweltering heat aside, I was happy to be there because I love Chronica a lot and am so excited for them to be embarking on this new adventure! Spain is to Chris what Korea is to me, but even deeper because she studied abroad there and lived there in her younger years and has been back a bunch of times. I really hope this works out for them because this country is trash and I do not blame them one bit for leaving!

Also, I want to add that I got to see Chris’s cousin Amber for the first time since our White Elephant party years and years ago – she sat across from us and started talking to us like she had just seen us last week and I loved that so much. I always feel like no one remembers us but she was like, “Wow Chooch, I can’t believe how grown you are!” and I was like, “O M G SHE KNOWS US!” I really like her a lot – she has actually become good friends with my brother Corey after they also met at the same White Elephant party and then reconnected years later when he helped her buy a house, so I was like “Next time you hang out with Corey, LET ME KNOW!!” I want to be a part of this club too lol.

And I met Sarah, their friend from WV who apparently used to do both of their hair but is no longer a hair stylist? I knew of her though and it was cool to meet her in person and she is WONDERFUL. So easy and casual to talk to and you know what it made me realize? You can tell how amazing your friends are by how amazing THEIR friends are. She was so fucking cool! (You can see her and her tattoos in the background of my first picture up there!)

We were there for about 3 hours and I felt like a dog dying in a desert by the time we left. I was so glad that I had brought a kimono-type coverup thing with me because otherwise, I would have put my soaking wet back and butt on full display when I finally peeled myself off the chair. It was so disgusting – sweat everywhere. Ugh.

We had planned on going to Kennywood that evening so Henry could use the rest of his Bites and Pints card since that was the last day for it, but I ended up feeling so sick and delirious that I hung back. Henry and Chooch went for about 90 minutes – long enough to get the rest of their food samples and ride Phantom:

LOL WTF????

Then Henry sent me a picture of a lady in front of them when we were leaving because she was wearing the Stray Kids DominATE tour shirt!!! I was like, “ASK HER WHICH ONE SHE WENT TO!!” and he said, “No I will not, that’s weird.” Ugh, I would have if I had been there.

I was so fucking wiped out from the heat that I ended up passing out in bed early. The next morning, I woke up, laid there blinking for about a minute before reality hit me and I texted Henry, “Wait, did you really book our flight to Romania last night???” and he was like, “Yes, we are going to Romania.” I was so out of it Sunday night that I couldn’t even remember if that was real or a sunstroke-induced hallucination, but it was true! We are going to Romania for 9 days in October for our belated honeymoon!

We’re doing a Transylvanian road trip! I have been trying to get here for actual decades but could never find anyone who was interested in accompanying me, and Henry and I couldn’t afford to both go back then. I can’t believe that this is almost a reality now.   I hope I’m not jinxing myself!

Henry’s birthday / Father’s Days gift finally arrived! It’s always a crapshoot ordering something from an Instagram ad, but I saw these fun things and immediately knew that it was yet another reason to resurface THE BIG DOPPELGANGER PICTURE. And “1212” likes because our least favorite cashier at CVS said our total was “twelve twelve” once in like….2019 and for some reason I was already recording her on the sly to send to Chooch who also dislikes her, and the way she said TWELVE TWELVE killed me on such a deep, personal inside joke with myself level that I have been referencing it ever since.  Henry didn’t even realize why I was doing it for a long time and finally broke down and asked me what it meant. Way to be present in my life, Henry.

OMG and this was from a cafe in Jeonju in 2019 where Henry and I shared bingsu and Chooch and I made fun of something that Henry did/said/looked like/who knows but whatever it was we kept mocking him and Henry lost his temper and said something like, “OK  YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAY IT TWICE THREE FOUR TIMES!!!!!!”

So then that became the thing that we said TWICE THREE FOUR times and he was so pissed.

Jeonju: Final Thoughts & Pictures 7/28/19

Anyway, he just looked at it when I gave this one to him and I said, “You know, the origin of TWICE THREE FOUR times” and he sighed, “Yes, I know.”

I love when his gifts are really gifts for me, lol.

Henry and I went to another 50501 event downtown, this one was pro-immigrants anti-ICE. I definitely didn’t want to miss this because it was organized with Case San Jose and their speaker at the No Kings protest last month (Jaime) was so powerful that I needed to hear him speak again.

It was mostly a peaceful – yet angry – gathering. There was one asshole who screamed YES THEY ARE when one of the speakers was talking about how pro-Palestine college students protesting on campuses are being labeled as terrorist organizations by this evil administration. It started to escalate a bit when the speaker engaged him but other protestors quickly surrounded the douchebag and pushed him back until the police intervened. He eventually stormed off like the sad sack that he is.

Anyway, here are some pictures. I feel so fired up and ready to sign up to join an ICE rapid response team even though I don’t know that I can handle these two duties: being a peacekeeper and helping to de-escalate. Henry was like “You can’t do that” and Chooch was like “good luck.”

FUCK ICE. FUCK TRUMP. FUCK ALLIGATOR AUSCHWITZ.

8:14am: getting ready to leave. I am feeling ok emotionally this morning! So happy that we got to see SKZ last night. It was phenomenal – aside from Coachella and Riot Fest, I have never seen a concert of that scale before and it was insane and amazing. I did feel like we had just spent the day at a legit music festival by the time we crawled into bed last night / this morning. It was a rough day but the pay off was worth it!

10:08am: At the border. We came through Niagara Falls this time to avoid truck traffic. Made it through in 30 seconds literally lol. The guy was like “Lol not even gonna try” when Henry said “Stray Kids concert.” Handed us back the passports and said “OK man have a nice day.”

Also stopped in the duty free shop and got chooch some maple shit. The bathroom had a Dyson hand dryer and they never work for me so I had to walk around with wet hands.

Also got a drink at Tim Horton’s just because I wanted the fun straw. “So what’s the deal with the straw?” Henry asked. “Nothing it’s just paper but everyone we walked past all weekend had their Tim Hortons drinks and I thought to myself ‘I want to drink out of that straw too,'” I saw matter-of-factly.

“Omg,” Henry muttered.

12:42pm: Just stopped at Sheetz in Erie for “lunch” – I always just get half of a veggie sub or a wrap, pretty fucking simple if you ask me, but they always find a way to screw it up! This time NO TOMATOES. Instead they tucked in some rock-hard jalapeño twig that probably would have broken a tooth had I bit down hard on it but I felt it with my tongue before any damage could be wreaked!!

Ugh!!

Meanwhile some older man was standing there trying so hard to figure out my shirt (wearing my SKZ tour shirt obv!!).

2:13pm: This is a dumb liveblog. We should be home in about 30 minutes and I’m so excited to tell Chooch all about the Stray Kids concert that he sincerely doesn’t care about. It was just so good!!

Other than dissecting our favorite parts of last night, we’ve been ranting about tRump as usual. Nothing new there.

Oh!! I just realized we were a part of two history-making events this month! The No Kings 6/14 protest and the inaugural event at the brand new Rogers Stadium! I didn’t even know until after I bought those tickets that it was going to be in a stadium that wasn’t even finished being built at the time.

OK BYE.

10:20am: Hello we are en route to Toronto for the weekend currently in Cranberry. Why haven’t we made it very far, you ask, Mary? Well because I threw a fit this morning and said I didn’t want to go anymore because I’m having a bad body image day. Like I hate the way everything feels on my skin. So I yelled IM NOT GOING and Henry was like “ok” and he started doing the dishes and I went for a walk. Then I calmed down eventually after having PB toast for breakfast and I said FINE I WILL GO so I finished packing and here we are. To be fair, I was still going to go tomorrow because that’s when the Stray Kids concert is. I just didn’t want to be stomping around Toronto today with my thunder thighs but even more than that I don’t want to waste the money for the hotel. Ugh.

11:20pm: Still in PA. I’m bored.

12:25pm: Finally crossed over into New York. I’m still bored. We stopped at GetGo in Erie to pee and that was also boring. We put new batteries in my SKZ light stick. Boring still.

Henry said just now, “we can go to Lake Chautauqua. Smrobly not.” UGH he’s not allowed to say smrobly??!! After decades of making fun of me for it??

1:36pm: Henry is driving so chaotically and now I feel car sick which almost never happens. Also we stopped at the rest stop in NY we always stop at with this iconic pedestrian bridge:

But they completely renovated it so now it’s basically like a mall food court and it was PACKED. I said NOPE and we left so now I have to pee and I’m starving. Standard for our road trips. Always disappointed in the food dept.

1:46pm: Wish us luck.

Also, Henry picked the worst / slowest line as usual.

2:13pm: OMG OMG OMG we just had the most amazing border experience.

When we said why we’re coming to Canada (“concert in Toronto”) the border guy laughed and said “Oh that kpop group right” and I said “Yeah actually – Stray Kids” (I was leaning over Henry and being the passenger seat mouthpiece, because this was my time to shine now) Border guy goes, “SERIOUSLY?? I was joking! You guys are…not the target demographic!”

He actually chatted with us about it for a few minutes, asking how we got into Kpop, etc which held the line up and everyone behind us probably hated us. I said “We like it so much that we got married in Korea” and he was like “GET OUT! OK you are blowing my mind!”

He told us he just saw AC/DC in Cleveland with a buddy and how Angus Young is still so awesome for his age etc. It was hands down the best experience we’ve had at the border lol.

Anyway, that was a fun and heartwarming interaction that I will think about a lot. Sigh. Canada, can we stay?

3:25pm: Update – i finally had “lunch” at Tim Hortons. They had a pretty good cilantro lime veggie wrap which felt moderately healthy and didn’t make me sick.

3:41pm: We lost service and I said “But how is the map still mapping?” Henry started to mansplain the FUCK out of that and I quickly cut him off to say, “ok great I don’t care anymore. Everything you say is sooo boring.”

“Yeah but you learn something from it,” he said smugly, like how cocky???

“No, actually, I don’t. I actively do not remember a single thing you tell me.”

4:08pm: fucking finally! Also I hate how it always says his name on the TV.

4:46pm/ train time.

5:46pm: other people stopped to take a picture so i had to as well.

7:12pm: Made it to Left Field Brewery on foot.

the beers – mid

Vegan Chicago dog was pretty good but not pictured is the absolutely exquisite vegan chicken sandwich that I gained in a food trade with Henry. (“That’s what a great husband I am, I order from the vegan menu so that I can share with you.” Oh here we go, martyrdom reaching.)

Apparently there is a soccer game happening right down the street so everyone came here in their matching shirts to pregame and it is LOUD.

Henry confirms that he thought the hot dog was good but they didn’t capture the essence of a true Chicago dog. I have never had one even in my non-veggie days so I can’t add to this commentary.

The Commodores “Lady” is on right now and this song has always made me feel a strong level of comfort because I relate it to my childhood at my Pappap’s house in case you care. I have had not even a whole flight (I didn’t like 2 of my beers and passed them onto Henry the Sink) but I’m kind of drunkish.

WOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOW

8:08pm: we’re here now:

The beers are significantly better than the last place and ironically one that we like a lot so far is a collab with the last brewery lol.

Also on the way here:

Accidental sloshy foot selfie.

8:48pm: wow what a shocker Henry trying to decode a trolley schedule.

Also we passed an Amazing Pride dance party under a bridge and I was so inspired. But I have Henry with me ughhh.

You guys I’m buzzzy.

8:52pm: We just got on the trolley and Henry’s phone got an error when he tried to pay so I stuck my phone over and it worked for me so I said GOODBYE and trounced away while he was left to struggle on his own. He thinks it was my fault though bc the error message said “multiple cards detected” and he said it was because I was standing too close lol ok bro. Keep white knighting yourself and your pubtrans trials and tribs.

9:17pm: at Union Station after taking a trolley where I tried to psychically latch on to a group of 4 fun people. HENRY NEVER LOOKS WHERE HE IS WALKING AND ALWAYS COLLIDES WITH SOMEONE HE IS SUCH AN OAF. I am so embarrassed.

9:26pm: He just had the audacity to tell me where to sit so I walked far away from him and sat somewhere by myself didn’t ever fucking tell me what to do bro. Dumb white man.

Also, I took this of Henry outside of Something in the Water.

9:34pm: this broad just ran over and stood RIGHT UP IN MY FACE LIKE WHAT. Henry noticed from his TIME OUT corner and took this picture:

Now he’s sitting next to me and I’m like “hi I didn’t invite you here?”

9:39pm:

11:09pm: Now we’re driving around in the car like idiots because Henry wants ice cream and every place is either super crowded or a SIT DOWN ESTABLISHMENT and we just want it to go, actually I don’t want it AT ALL, I just want to go to the hotel and sleep.

“What was Daddy Warbucks’ secretary’s name? I can’t believe I can’t remember!” I cried, to which Henry was like, “I certainly do not know and also, why??”

It was because right before that, he read out loud the sign on a restaurant that said something about Punjabi flavors which obviously made me think of Punjab from my beloved Annie and in my mind, I started replaying scenes and then blanked on her mane – it’s Grace, btw.

Anyway I googled Punjab and did you know that the actor who played him was apparently more well-known for being the voice 7Up’s “Uncola”?! Who cares that he won Tonys for his direction and costume design for the Wiz and something to do with Eartha Kitt, I already forget.

Ok I’m signing off. We’re almost to the hotel and I am exhausted. We walked almost 20,000 steps which isn’t a lot considering one time in Toronto, we walked over 40,000 which was my first time unlocking that foot-on-pavement level!

I don’t even want to talk about how stressed this made me and how I might have just sweat off 5 pounds from my body. But we’re going to see G-Dragon!!!

Edited to add: Aaaand a second show was announced 10 minutes into this show’s fan club presale and I ended up getting better seats for that show + VIP so now I am super in the hole and Henry is like the largest, grumbling walking frown you ever did see.