Oct 122019
 

I don’t know why but I’ve never once gone to the Beacon Haunt in all of my haunting years. I’m not sure how long it’s been there but I definitely know that I’ve seen ads for it every year seemingly since the beginning of time. So I made the unilateral decision that this is where Janna, Chooch, and I would be spending our Friday night. I also made the unilateral decision that Janna would be driving.

The Beacon Hotel is an hour north of Pittsburgh and even with Janna’s shaky navigational abilities (lol) we managed to arrive with only one turn-around and no crashing into tractors crossing the dark country roads. Miracles.

I won’t get into the nitty gritty details about this haunt but I will say that if you’re operating a haunted house/hayride/corn maze and charging $20 for this racket, then at the very least you could mention somewhere on your crappy website that it’s CASH ONLY. Or maybe get with with the times and realize that 90% of the population never carry cash and some people don’t even carry WALLETS anymore now that you can pay with YOUR PHONE.

Luckily, the adjacent hotel/restaurant had an ATM but I was still annoyed because the ATM fee almost negated the fact that we had a coupon!! I AM SO CHEAP.

Anyway, it was a decent haunt! The main event is the corn maze and it’s a little misleading that they even advertise anything other than that, and some older dude in our group who was clearly drunk pissed in the cornstalks and I kind of wanted Isaac and Malachi to pull him further into their den of crunchy husks with the sharp end of a sickle.

The most important takeaway from this though is that I didn’t imprint on any of the scare actors which is always an incredible let down.

I made Janna listen to Super M on the way home and after every song, I would scream, “JANNA DID YOU LIKE THAT SONG” and she would calmly reply, “Yes, Erin.”

Then Chooch piped up from the backseat, “Taemin’s voice is like a loud whisper.”

WHOA. So much accuracy!

We stopped for ice cream at some joint in Evans City (where Night of the Living Dead was filmed for all my horror film buffs out there) called Zimmerman’s.

ANOTHER CASH ONLY ESTABLISHMENT.

Luckily, we had change from having to pay cash at the haunted house.

There was an old lady running the cone operation and she was less than thrilled to have to get up from her chair and serve us. She let us stand out there long enough to memorize all the rules that they have taped up everywhere.

NO PETS.

NO SITTING ON THE TABLES.

TABLES FOR CUSTOMERS ONLY.

NO CARDS. NO CARDS. NO CARDS.

NO U-TURNS IN PARKING LOT.

God Zimmerman’s, get a zimmergrip.

STRICT ICE CREAM.

I just had a twist with sprinkles. It was…a twist with sprinkles. Satisfying. I was going to say it’s hard to fuck up soft serve but then I remembered Millie’s nosedive into the soft serve realm.

I made Chooch sit on the table. We half-expected Mrs. Z to come flying out of a window on her broomstick and then a new ice cream flavor would be added to the window tomorrow: Chocolate Chooch Chunk.

I was like “Aw is that supposed to be a cherry?” And Chooch and Janna thought this was absurd, like why would there be a cherry on the roof and I was like “CHERRY ON TOP OF A SUNDAE? AND THIS IS AN ICE CREAM SHOP?”

Jesus Christ!

The end.

Oct 112019
 

Super M performed this on Ellen the other day and I really think I like it better than Jopping. Taemin dances like such an angel in this one. #swoon

Sorry for the double-post on a Friday but this needs to be shared and I already spent the last hour in Janna’s car talking her ear off about Taemin and Super M so now it’s your turn to be terrorized by my hysteria.

Oct 042019
 

I am in tears right now! The Super M video dropped at midnight last night and I forced myself to stay awake even with a fever (Henry said I don’t have a fever but I have a fever), watched the live press conference beforehand, and then sobbed in my tuffet if Kleenex and blankets while I watched the video.

THE STRESS!

I love it–they’ve received so much hate from respective fandoms who want SM Entertainment to only focus on the main groups but I think this collective talent works so well together, it gives them something fresh to do. Taemin’s entire group is in the military so he’s alone, and some members of EXO have started enlisting too, and it gives some of the NCT guys an opportunity to collaborate with their sunbaes– what a dream that must be for them!

The other day, they announced their US tour and instead of feeling joy, I felt the dread coat my whole body because now I have to try and fight for tickets and this is my least favorite thing in the world that doesn’t involve bodily harm or death.

Henry is an efficient oppa.

I wanted to wait for my preordered album to arrive in the mail today but I couldn’t resist and listened to it on YouTube already haha. And I’m so happy that the entire Super M album isn’t in English, as rumored. The songs being in Korean is like 75% of the reason I was drawn to Kpop in the first place!

OK, now I have to go and pass out and hopefully feel better before I have to log on to work at noon. What a great day.

P.S. I think this one is my favorite so far:

Sep 292019
 

Hola. We’re currently driving back to Pittsburgh after a weekend in Sandusky, OH and a pit stop in Cleveland to see our pall-io Jason.

We’re listening to Samantha Fox, not that it’s any of your business, BUT THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING.

I’m bored, so here are some visual aids from some quaint place in Sandusky where we got ice cream yesterday after I threw a fit and stormed out of Cedar Point (haha that’s not really how it happened but ok it’s how it happened).

We arrived behind a family of 4 or 5 who were really making the process of ordering ice cream into something way too complicated and they had all kinds of questions and requests and then Mommy (that’s what these grown-ass women called their mother when she rolled up) arrived and wanted a banana split but she hates pineapples so they had to make sure they told the SUPER PATIENT guy at the counter this but then they joked that they should order her something with pineapple and bitch I wish they would have because Mommy did not look like the type to spare the rod (Jillian Michaels says that in one of her workouts which I do often and I always say it out loud with her so it was only a matter of time before I found a way to slip this in a blog post).

Anyway, normally my patience would have been done near depleted by a family like this but I had a good feeling about this place from the moment I saw it while we were at red light and I already had one shit fit that day, actually two because I was a REAL SWEETHEART before we left the house too mmkay, so I felt like I needed to stay and wait my turn like a big girl.

Turns out, on this day the establishment was donating all of their proceeds to St Jude’s and was letting the patrons pay what they wanted! God only knows what Complicated Order family paid but Henry hooked the place up because he reasoned that we would have paid that much or more had we got ice cream at Cedar Point so why not do a good thing.

I had butter pecan flavorburst because back home, the vegan ice creamery that I love had butter pecan and I don’t normally get homesick but seeing their weekend menu definitely gave me a bit of FOMO!

It’s amazing how much better a decent ice cream cone & a change of scenery can make a bitch feel, ya know?

Bonus information:

Afterward, Henry went to check into our “hotel” but when I saw it, I was all N-O-P-E in the style of the Village People.

So he pulled into a parking lot, canceled that piece of shit murder shack, and booked a normal “brand name” hotel and I was happy until I saw this monstrosity on the desk in our room:

When I declared that I was going to the front desk to remedy this fuck up, Henry was like, “OK but please be nice to the girl at the front desk. She’s really nice, she has friends from Pittsburgh” and he had very nervous eyeballs in this moment but apparently he wasn’t concerned enough to put his pants back on and take care of this himself.

“Yeah her name’s Emily and she’s nice!” Chooch chimes in. He ended up coming with me I guess to supervise.

Made the coffee exchange without verbal violence but when I came back to the room, I yelled, “EMILY IS REAL CUNT!”

Henry looked SO SCARED for what was about to come next but then I said “j/k. She was nice. She liked my nail polish.” And I caught Chooch’s reflection in the mirror swiping sweat from his brow.

Then we ordered pizza from some place called Cameo and when it was delivered I discovered that Henry ordered half with MUSHROOMS INSTEAD OF OLIVES WHEN EVERY LAST MOTHERFUCKER KNOWS THAT I LIKE MY PIZZA BLACK WITH OLIVES. Henry and Chooch held their breath, but I grabbed a piece and mumbled, “You’re lucky that these aren’t those slimy canned ones.”

I was having a real…day. Emotions were running high, you guys. But we ate pizza and then went back to Cedar Point which was fine until it wasn’t and then it was cool again until it wasn’t but then the night ended on a good note. It was a real… ROLLERCOASTER OF A DAY, #DadJokeDab

Then I realized that the toothbrush in the travel bag was from our guest house in Seoul and I started crying because I wished I was back in Korea and not brushing my teeth in OHIOOOOOsobsnifflehic.

Sep 212019
 

I can’t even handle this. SM has been dropping individual teaser videos for each member of Super M over the last several weeks and today the last one came out – TAEMIN’S.

My friend Veronica sent me a message on IG to tell me it had dropped and I screamed for Henry to come out of the kitchen (#HousewifeHank) and watch it with me and then before I knew it, I WAS CRYING. I am so excited for this group to debut!! Taemin is going to lead them well, I know it!

Also, I signed up to receive text messages from them (I lied about my age by 10 years so they’re not like “WHY IS THIS AJUMMA LIKING US” lol) and now they’re in my phone as a contact and I’m like junior high-levels of giddy over this!

If you call the number, one of the members says thanks for calling but this number is set up for text only and I said, “That’s Mark!”

Henry mumbled, “Yeah, I know who it is.” Lololol. Kpop Dad knows all the members!

Their album is released on October 4th and I might have to take that day off work, not sure yet. I preordered it but it’s possible that I will need to be confined to a safe space where I can flail around, do ballet moves, and cry my ugly face off all day. Sorry, cats.

Sep 202019
 
  • My Friday started off with me getting ready to take a shower only to discover that nary a trickle was coming out of the showerhead. At first, I thought Henry forgot to pay the water bill or something and I was full of rage, but then he called and was like THERE WAS A WATER MAIN BREAK AND SCHOOL IS CANCELED so then I wasn’t hateful anymore, but that didn’t change the fact that I desperately needed to wash my hair because I went to bed with a deep conditioner in last night UGH I can’t tell you how much anxiety greasy hair gives me! One time in second grade, I discovered a small rash on my chest before I took a shower so I slathered Vaseline on it and yes, I definitely scopped an entire fistful out of the jar because that’s logical when you’re in elementary school. But then I went straight into the shower and you know, ran my lubed-up hands through my hair a million times while shampooing, transferring all that jelly into my locks. It was SO BAD, even after numerous shampoos, that my mom had to keep me home from school so I wouldn’t have a legit emotional breakdown in front of my classmates because SOCIAL PRESSURE HAS ALREADY BEEN MY ACHILLES HEEL. So yeah, like 30-odd years later, here I was once again having a panic attack in front of my bathroom mirror because my hair had conditioner caked to it and I could barely wash it out with the weak trickle coming out of the faucet. I considered asking to work from home but then I remembered that I had to collect cookie order money from some of my co-workers (yeah, I did that again for Chooch) and I won’t be in the office on Monday and it’s due on Tuesday!!! So I sucked it up and went to work with my hair feeling all weird and oily but no one said anything because why would they, they’re not 2nd grade assholes.
  • This one time in mid-90s, my brother Ryan was going to a birthday party so my mom took him to the mall to get a gift beforehand and I was like, “Let me catch a ride in that sick Eddie Bauer Explorer too, I need the new R.Kelly CD” and just a reminder, this was when we only kind of knew that maybe he was a fucking creep, and cancel culture wasn’t a thing yet, so we could still buy CDs and not feel shame knowing that we were supporting some dude who pisses on people or whatever. Anyway, my brother got his dumb friend a present too and then in the car on the way to the party, he needed to sign the card but of course there was no pen in the car, but then, and you guys, I couldn’t have planned this even if I tried, I realized that he could just use the label from my CD, the one you have to peel off and says the name of the artist and album, because my brother’s name is RYAN KELLY, you guys. R. KELLY. This has been the story about how my brother used an R.Kelly CD to sign a birthday card. *dab*
  • Guys tell me if this is a good idea or a great idea: Margie was telling me today that her daughter bakes on the side and she showed me pictures of some of her cookies and she makes those really nice ones with royal icing and whatnot and I was like, “I WILL HAVE TO KEEP HER IN MIND THE NEXT TIME I NEED COOKIES” which, come on, is always, but then I started thinking and said, “Actually…..” Look, G-Dragon is getting released from the military on October 26th and I was tossing around the idea of doing something to celebrate but I don’t want to have a party because I have like, a friend who would actually care enough to come and then I would have to clean the house anyway, SO WHY DON’T I JUST HAVE COOKIES MADE TO MARK THIS OCCASION??? I told Henry and he was like, “Sigh” so that means yes. Margie told me to just draw something up and she will ask her daughter if she can do it SO MAYBE I WILL HAVE SOME FRESH G-DRAGON COOKIES TO TAKE TO WORK NEXT MONTH STAY TUNED.

  • I’m still sad that Ric Ocasek died over the weekend. Henry and I both had the same startled reaction when we found out that he was 75! I honestly would have guessed 60, tops. Anyway, it got me thinking about how prevalent The Cars were on my “growing up” soundtrack. My dad was a big fan and I used to borrow his Cars CDs to add stuff to my mixed tapes until finally one day, I bought myself this fancy, purple-sparkly greatest hits set at Waves in Century III Mall and then Janna let me practice driving her car around the parking lot. But apparently I didn’t like them THAT MUCH because I literally just found out that there were TWO SINGERS?! No wonder “Drive” never sounded like The Cars to me!! This is really out of character for me because I generally know everything about music. CONSIDER ME HUMBLED.
  • Last week my work pal Carrie mentioned that she was making haluski and bringing some in for Wendy and I was like I LIKE HALUSKI TOO so then Carrie said she would also bring some in for me and I was happy but Wendy was like ugh whatever because she doesn’t like it when people pander to me haha. So then we were talking about our heritage or whatever and I mentioned that before I was Korean, I was actually a little Polish and everyone groaned. Carrie pointed out that you can’t go wrong with cabbage (I mean, an entire race of dolls was born in a cabbage patch) and that my new heritage also has a big cabbage dish—kimchi, obvi duh. I was thinking about this over the weekend and said to Henry that I thought it was so cool how cabbage is such a pivotal ingredient in two popular foods from both of my ethnic groups and Henry said, “it’s different kinds of cabbage though.” OMG STFU cabbagesplainer. (This just reminded me of the time in 2015 or 2016 when I referenced cabbages in every blog post for an entire month and no one noticed.) Anyway, Carrie’s haluski was AMAZE – she used really big noodles and I liked that.

Well, that’s all I got for this Friday Five.

Sep 172019
 

Hello hello hello. Here are some pictures and whatever to memorialize this past weekend, which was a nice one, no complaints.

First, we went to the Pittsburgh magnet school fair thing and I’m not great at things like this because I never come prepared with questions like the one dumb bitch mom with mini-Princess Leia braids who rudely cut in when Chooch and I were talking to the admissions/Japanese teacher from one of the magnet schools Chooch has his eyes on. Yeah, this stupid C-U-NEXT-TUESDAY totally sidled on up and interrupted to tell this guy that they moved here from California and her dumb daughter, who is in 5th grade, used to be fluent in Spanish but since moving to this dump of a city, she has not had the opportunity to use it and can his school help, blah blah blah.

I was just glared at her. Like, are you fucking kidding me? Maybe in California dumb coozes like you don’t wait in line, but here IN MY CITY, WE WAIT OUR GODDAMN TURN.

Jesus!

Anyway, I want Chooch to go to this school and take Japanese.

Afterward, we went straight to Monroeville to attend Wendy’s daughter Summer’s 4th birthday party at Sky Zone. I have never been to one of these trampoline park things before, but I decided that I would also be jumping along with the party-goers so I made Henry pay for me and Wendy was like, “I hope Henry signed a waiver for you!”

Anyway, aside from Wendy’s husband and his one friend, I was the only other adult jumping so that was kind of weird, and I have to admit that I was SUPER HESITANT about this at first because I am an old hag now as of July 30th, and I was so afraid of breaking a bone or 8. I basically clung to Chooch and he was getting angry because he wanted to go and do the obstacle course stuff but I didn’t want him to leave me alone in the big basic trampoline area and then I kept getting paranoid that one of the bored-looking referee boys were going to police me for doing something wrong, maybe for hogging the same trampoline in the corner, and I hate getting yelled at in front of people but thank god I made it through the full 90 minutes without having a whistle blown at me.

The only other things I tried was the foam pit because Chooch said I could practice doing flips there and that was fine but I LOST ONE OF MY SKY ZONE SOCKS IN THERE and I was making Chooch search for it when Henry came shuffling over like he was the Sky Zone Sheriff and said, “Why don’t you just ask for a new sock?” so I went over to the sock counter and cried, “I LOST A SOCK!!!” and the nice boy said, “It’s OK!” in a soothing tone and gave me a new pack of socks and then I had an extra sock which I tried not to fixate on.

I made Henry keep my spare in his back pocket.

I also attempted to play dodgeball but it was just Chooch and me with three kids across from us and none of them would throw the ball at me because I think they were afraid of breaking the old hag.

Chooch eventually talked me into doing a flip, and I did one but then I folded forward really hard when I landed and felt things shift in my back so that was exciting.

Also, I made friends with a preteen girl who was trying to coax me into trying new things but her peer pressure didn’t work on me because I didn’t want this to be how I find out if my medical insurance is meh or shit.

But oh, for God’s sake, did I have so much fun! I jumped for nearly the full 90 minutes and I was a FUCKING SWEATBALL by the time our session ended and we went up to the party room for pizza and cake. Wendy thought it was hilarious and she told our boss about it at work on Monday—I don’t care, I want everyone to know that I am a JUMPING SUPERSTAR.

Rolling skating what? I’m a trampoline queen now.

Immediately after the party, Henry took me straight to Commonplace Coffee in Point Breeze to meet Jiyong, whom I haven’t seen in several weeks because she was on vacation. It was so nice to see her again! She hadn’t heard about Super M yet, so I got to tell her about that and then we talked about k-dramas and then she laughed at me because now I’m following that Korean celebrity that I saw at Incheon Airport and she thought it was the funniest thing, but I was like, “What?!!? I’m obsessed with him now!”

I really do appreciate our friendship! My Korean still sucks so bad, but it’s really nice having a new friend!

When we came home, Calvin spotted us from his window so Henry had to go and get him or he will throw a fit because he’s currently obsessed with coming to our house.

Everything was going swimmingly in our nonsensical Lego project until Calvin inexplicably disagreed with the placement of one of the pieces I put on and flipped out. I’m such a disappointment!

Then it was the next day!

Henry made Kodiak pancakes!

They were OK!

Also, I was in Big Pain from my liaison with the trampoline. But it was, curiously, my SHOULDERS that were sore, not my legs. Then I realized it was because I spent the whole time throwing my arms up in the air to propel myself higher. “Yeah, you looked like a big idiot too,” Chooch said.

Started to type in Silver Dollar City in YouTube, Silver Spoons theme came up, clicked it, watched a Guess the 80s Sitcom by Theme Song video, started thinking about how much I loved Moonlighting, and that’s how I spent my Sunday morning watching Al Jarreau videos.

Later that afternoon, Henry and I went to visit our Original Four Cats, our (s)Quad if you will, at the pet cemetery because it was Chuseok (that’s kind of like Korean Thanksgiving, if you will, where they honor their deceased family members).

Admittedly, it’s been a minute since we last came out here, not because we forgot about the cats, oh for God’s sake, I talk about that little babies all the time still! Just…life, you know?

I was excited to see that they built an actual Rainbow Bridge since I last was there! So excited that I cried.

And then we couldn’t find the damn graves because the plaques had sunken into the ground (not just ours—most of them it seemed!) so Henry started stabbing the ground with a knife that he got from our car and the whole time I was like why does he have this weird hunting knife thing in the car is he hunting humans when he’s allegedly “at the store?”

Anyway, he found some other plaques but not ours so now we have to go back when the damn office is open and seek help and a map.

I was really upset about this and screamed THIS IS THE WORST CHUSEOK EVER and Henry was like OK but it’s not Chuseok for us because we’re not Korean so…

…and then that made me even more upset because thanks for the reminder!

We went to get ice cream at Al’s Cone Zone afterward and I got raspberry Dole Whip which tasted SOUR AND DISGUSTING so I THREW IT IN THE GARBAGE and stormed back to the car and MAYBE THIS HAD MORE TO DO WITH CAT SADNESS THAN ICE CREAM PICKINESS BUT OH WELL.

And this has nothing to do about the weekend but Chooch’s one teacher uses this stupid fucking app to give kids points for participation or whatever and I discovered the other day that parents can also add to this when the kid does shit around the house.

Chooch is obsessed with it because the more GP or whatever it’s called that you collect, the more powers your stupid character has. I don’t know. It seemed dumb to me but I gave him 10 points for washing the dishes so whatever.

Anyway, just now Henry was bitching because no one ever turns off the downstairs lights before going to bed and Chooch cried, “it wasn’t me! She was still down here when I went to bed!”

WELL THIS WAS ABSURD because I distinctly remembered walking past that little asshole when I went up to bed – he was still sitting at the computer to be exact!!

So we started arguing about this and I went into that dumb app and did a custom thing where I DEDUCTED TEN POINTS FOR LYING and he didn’t think I was going to do it BUT I DID and he’s lucky I didn’t go after 500 like I was originally threatening to do!

LOLOLOLOL.

“Great. Everyone can see that,” he said.

WELL MAYBE DONT LIE TO YOUR PARENTS, YOU BIG STOOP.

“You shouldn’t have told her about that app,” Henry said before going up to bed.

And do you think any of us will turn the lights off tonight? LOL.

Sep 132019
 

We had such a wonderful day at Holiday World and here is a big-ass photo dump to prove it!

You already know we were there for the VOYAHHHHHHGE, but the truth is, Holiday World as a whole is so much fun. Yes, there are lots of bad tattoos there, but the people are friendly and the employees are so happy to see you! I was having such a grand old time that I was only mad for a two seconds that Henry wore his dumb Creepy Uncle sunglasses and ruined our family picture.

Still hasn’t outgrown that mascot-love. Actually, later on in the day, he ran off to go to the bathroom but saw this mascot and another one (the Halloween cat) and got some employee to take a picture for him. I can never get him to post pictures of our family trips on Instagram, but he posted THAT one all on his own. And I wasn’t even in it! I CAN NEVER GET HIM TO POST PICTURES OF US ON INSTAGRAM!

HE’S ASHAMED OF ME.

Holiday World might be relatively unknown to the general population, but it’s pretty legendary in the coaster circle, and it’s racked up numerous awards over the years. In fact, the 2019 Golden Ticket winners were just announced last weekend, and it won Best Water Park Ride for Wildebeast and  2nd place for Best Wooden Coaster (The VOYAHHHHHGE, obviduh)!

Last year, Henry skipped out on the Raven but this year we dragged him on. I think he’s trying harder to keep up with Chooch and me because he rode EVERY ROLLER COASTER on this weekend trip except for T3 at Kentucky Kindgom.

And the kiddie coasters. He’s not cool enough to be That Guy on the kiddie coaster.

We had to st and in line for about 30 minutes and it was like the world was going to end for Chooch but Henry and I entertained ourselves by ogling the questionable tattoos. For instance, when we were in line for Thunderbird, a guy in front of us had “Volkswagen” tattooed on his forearm. Like, the actual word.

And it was BIG, too.

He seemed like a pretty normal guy, otherwise.

There was a young couple in line for the Raven playing Heads Up and the clues the guy was giving her for “bobcat” were “name of a machine company” and “wild animals found in Utah.”

He asked the guy in front of us if he had any better clues for her and the guy was all, “no, your clues were pretty darn good” and I was like, “NO THEY WEREN’T. IF THEY WERE PRETTY DARN GOOD, SHE WOULD HAVE GUESSED IT.” I would have said “wild feline with a popular man’s name.”

Or, you know, “Goldthwait.”

Stupid asses.

I was obsessed with the idea of eating at the Plymouth Rock Cafe because it’s…wait for it…THANKSGIVING STAPLES! And they have a vegetarian plate too which is a choice of THREE SIDES and A ROLL OR CORNBREAD.

Um, hello, cornbread.

Well, this was the only time we were disappointed with Holiday World. It was the only time we encountered ambivalent employees, they were out of half of the sides (it was only 1pm!) so instead of getting corn and broccoli salad, I had to get some kind of stewed cinnamon apples and macaroni and cheese in addition to the sweet potato casserole that I had my eyes on, and it was just…a lot. Like, it didn’t LOOK like a lot, but I honestly thought I was going to have to be part-time bulimic at one point afterward, just to get some relief.

But then sweet potato casserole WAS SO GOOD. I can’t even lie, it was really good. The corn bread was a big (actually small) dry wad of disappointment, but we also got pumpkin pie and it was way better than I expected! I thought it was going to be the firm, gelatinous kind but it was the smooth and creamy consistency that I love!

So, mixed bag for Plymouth Cafe.

Henry had some kind of meat and he liked it.

It was about $50 for three meals and three pies, plus Henry and Chooch both got drinks which seemed dumb since Holiday World has free drink stations all over the park just like Kentucky Kingdom. I think this was a pretty reasonable deal? I mean, we were all so full that no one wanted to eat dinner later on and we basically had to talk ourselves into getting ice cream before we left.

Oh, the challenges of being us.

Here we are getting that coaster cred! When we were in line, there was one mom in front of us and I was confused because why was she alone? I thought maybe her husband and children were already on and there was no room left for her, because before the operator closed the gate, the lady asked, “Would it be OK if I sat in the back seat?” and the operator asked the little boy in the back seat if he minded, and he very chivalrously said, “Not at all!” and so the lady dumped her purse in a bin and boarded the train and that is when I realized that she wasn’t with any of those people, she just wanted to ride the Howler with all of her fucks abandoned in a bin with her handbag.

That’s my kind of mom.

Also, we were relieved that she got to go on that train because that put us first in line and we wanted the back seat, haha.

I think it’s funny that Henry stands off to the side with all the other non-riding parents and takes pictures of his kids.

Not the worst kiddie coaster in the world!

I love our carousel selfies! I think it really captures our true family essence lol.

I called this a lion approx. 5x before the word “tiger” came to me and I felt like Barb mixing up zebras and giraffes.

Santa! He waved to me!! While we were having out nearby, another old man walked by in jeans and a white T-shirt and Henry, “Look there’s Santa!” And I said, “No dipshit, Santa is right over there with his elven handler.” But Henry said, “No, it’s the Santa from last year!” AND IT WAS! AN OFF-DUTY SANTA! I was devastated to learn that there were two different Santas! I really thought it was the same one.

We went inside the Christmas candy shop and Henry let Chooch make his own bags of taffy, a task that Chooch took extremely seriously. We were in there for a good long while too and it was kind of ridiculous and I was starting to get annoyed because it was the one place that was actually pretty crowded and no matter where I went, I was in someone’s way. Then after we paid for the damn bag, we started to leave when Chooch was like, “Oh shit, I didn’t even see all the taffy over on the other side” and one of the flavors was egg nog so I was mad because that sounded fun and he ruined my life basically by not including this so I grabbed an empty bag and said, “GET TO WORK” and this time henry and I helped him because apparently you can’t trust a kid to get the good taffy.

The Legend is such a rough ride, but it’s so much fun! A werewolf howls right before you go down the first drop and for some reason, this just tickles me.

One of the times we rode it, the ride attendant was going around checking our seats (he ended up groping me and then said something that sounded like, “Nice to see you again” which I’m sure wasn’t right but I was still stuck on the fact that he groped me) when a young couple appeared at the exit and told the ride operator that they left their bag in the shelf and described it as a “black crossbody that says Supreme on it” and I laughed to myself and was NOT surprised when The Groper was unable to locate such a bag. He kept holding up other bags and the ride operator was getting so pissed and reiterating that it was black and said Supreme.

When he held up some other thing, the ride operator screamed IT SAYS SU-PREME ON IT!!!! I was dying. Maybe he was describing boobs that Groper had brushed against during the day, it would be an easier game for him to win.

Anyway, I couldn’t believe they were holding our train back for this bullshit.

The one bad thing about coming here so late in the season is that they close at 7 during Labor Day weekend. Can you believe that?! Now, there’s still plenty of time to ride everything, but with the park closing before sunset, there is absolutely no possibility of night rides, and the VOYAHHHHHGE is best experienced at night. It just really is, sorry. It forcibly takes you back into the pitch black woods and I know this sounds like a set-up for horror porn but…ok it’s kind of like that. And you wake up the next day with the bruises to show for it.

With about an hour remaining, we decided it was now-or-never for some Udderly Blue ice cream. We were still full from lunch but I wasn’t passing this up.

While we were in line, we briefly lost Chooch (lol) but then I found him on the nearby carousel, riding alone peacefully.

There was a family sitting at a table near where we’re standing and when the husband brought the ice cream over, the wife said, “oh. I would have thought it would be blue” and the husband was like, “they do have blue ice cream but the kids just wanted vanilla, so” and she was like, “well I would have liked to try the blue” and then it started to get these because the line was really long and the kids were being ungrateful pricks to begin with and now Wife is being passive aggressive and Husband words were starting to sound strangulated like he was projecting his desire to throttle her in her sleep. I looked at Henry said “Wow that could be us.”

I made Henry share this with me and he was angry because he wanted to get his own and I said “then just get your own” but now he was moping and said JUST FORGET IT and I wondered if now we were the ones being watched by another couple saying to themselves “Wow, they’re just like us.”

Another, Udderly Blue over Dole Whip any damn day!

Chooch and I got one final ride on the VOYAHHHHHHGE before the line closed and we fought back tears on the way out. This park, man. It’s so good. Get yourself there.

*****

The next day, we were an hour outside of Cincinnati on the way home when I asked where the taffy was.

“Goddammit, I left it in the hotel fridge!” Henry cried. I was way angrier about this than I imagined I would be and I don’t even really like taffy all that much. So yeah, our fight-free weekend was definitely over by then.

Sep 092019
 

I was sincerely pleased with this past weekend and wish to document it here for posterity.

HOWEVER, THERE WAS ONE TRAGIC OCCURRENCE.

I started my Saturday morning by walking to the post office to drop off some card orders. On the way there, I passed Parker’s and did a record scratch with my legs.

Backed up and got a closer look at the sign next to the door, which said THIS WAS THEIR LAST GODDAMN WEEKEND.

I actually felt panicked, wondering if we would have time to eat there at all this past weekend. I called Henry on my way home (after standing for a solid minute with some family, who I thought were waiting to cross behind the fire truck which had pulled out of the station; finally I asked “Are we not allowed to go?” and the mom was like “Oh you can! My kids are just watching.” Ughhhh. One whole minute, wasted!!) and wailed, “IM SO SADDDDDD PARKERS IS CLOSINGGGGGG.”

Luckily, he got home from work early enough (hate when he has to work on Saturdays) and we were able to grace Parker’s with our dumb faces for the last time.

They had a very limited Last Weekend menu, so I got the Wakey Wakey with no meat, and pasta salad. Chooch had to copy me, and Henry got something meat-y. While we waited for our food, “I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight” was playing and even though the place was full and upbeat conversation was being tossed about all around us, I still felt SO SOMBER. Then, when our food was served, the theme from St. Elmo’s Fire was playing and Parker’s Mom might as well have just taken that plastic sword out of the bagel and stabbed me in the heart with it before asking if we needed any ketchup.

OUCH. MY FEELINGS.

Luke came over to talk to us and explained that it was just too hard for them to keep Parker’s running while trying to get the new bar open. They will be serving food at the new place once it opens and it will be family-friendly during the day, so it’s not the end of the road—-but I just really loved this space and honest to god, I know it’s just sandwiches, but it was so much of an experience every time we ate there. Luke made us feel like we were regulars, and for as long as I have lived in Brookline (too long) I have never felt like I have fit in before. But Parker’s was SO CHILL and friendly without being fake.

It was like the closest Brookline could ever get to Stars Hollow.

Right before we left, “We Built This City” came on and I was like, “IS THIS AN ACTUAL HOUSE PLAYLIST? ARE THEY TRYING TO FUCKING MURDER MY EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW?” God fucking dammit!!!!

Anyway, the one hopeful thing that Luke told us was that they’ll be still running their catering business from the basement of Parker’s so that means they’re not actually getting rid of that place and maybe someday in the future they’ll make a comeback!

THAT IS MY HOPE.

Later that evening, Janna came over for Kpop Cardio Dance Night and it was a good one! I appreciate that she indulges me and has never once laughed off my obsessions. She even says things like, “This one is my favorite” and “I liked that last one” and doesn’t make fun of it at all! Afterward, Henry prepared a snack platter and I was like, “IS THIS CHRISTMAS OR HALLOWEEN” but who cares because cheese.

For the next three hours, I made Janna watch roller coaster and kpop videos and talked her ears off about the upcoming super group Super M and made her choose an NCT bias and then explained the concept of Produce 101 to her and she endured it ALL.

Janna is a real one.

Hey guys, here’s a shocker. The next day we were leaving the house to take Chooch to his piano lesson when there was a huge bang and when we opened the front door, lo and behold, a wrecked car was idling in the road in front of our house.

HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS NEED TO HAPPEN?! We live on a straight road! There are no obstacles or harzards! The last two times this happened, it’s been an elderly driver in broad daylight. When it happens at night, it’s almost always a drunk driver. Scary stuff.

Anyway, Henry the First Responder leapt into action. I felt really bad because the driver was this super old lady with big-ass hair and she was so shaken. She used Henry’s phone to call her husband and Henry was talking to her in his creepy fake-nice weird uncle voice and it was so cringey.

Chooch and I just stood on the sidewalk, me holding my huge jug of water and Chooch antagonizing his nephew Calvin who was watching from his front window. We stood there uselessly for a long time, but at least Chooch was the one who called 911 so he contributed more than me.

So the lady hit one of the neighbor’s cars, and unfortunately, his car was also one of the ones that got damaged last summer when some broad forgot that she was on Pioneer Avenue and not the Demolition Derby and sideswiped like four cars along the sidewalk. When he came out of his house and realized what happened, he started screaming angrily like this was such a shock, and then caught himself and asked, “IS EVERYONE OK THOUGH!?” Nice save, bud!

The worst part was that traffic didn’t even slow down even though there was clearly a car stalled out in the middle of the road. I was getting mad that Henry kept standing there because I felt like he was RISKING HIS LIFE which was unfair to me because I have things I need him to do around the house for God’s sake!!!

We were standing out there for like 20 minutes and the dumb ass cops still hadn’t arrived, so I made Henry call 911 again because I guess maybe they didn’t believe Chooch when he called, and the broad started to emerge from her car and Chooch and I were like, “OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD” because we didn’t want her to die from vehicular manslaughter but obviously not enough to actually voice our concerns, so we just stood there and watched as she slowly made her way to the other side of the car, where she saw the damage for the first time and started dramatically moaning like some rich Falcon’s Crest matriarch and I felt very uncomfy.

Cops still hadn’t arrived, but the tow truck was like “BEEP BEEP MOTHERFUCKER$$$$$$$$$$$$” so we were like, “OK, let this dude deal with it” and after we crossed the street to our car which we keep parked in a parking lot because the first rule of living on Pioneer Avenue is not to park on Pioneer Avenue, Hot Naybor Chris came out of his house with an orange traffic cone and placed it in the road next to the broad’s crashed Cadillac, like that was going to slow anyone down. Literally, some bitch sped past the scene, shaking her fist at Henry and the crashed car, which was hilarious to me. Like, what are YOU so mad about, you dumb bitch?

As we were pulling out of the parking lot, the broad’s husband had arrived and he was equally as frail, so that was cool. I’m glad these two are still getting behind the wheel.

Henry said that while he was standing at the lady’s car trying to keep her calm, she asked him what he thought about Antonio Brown. Wow, even in a car crash this city so fucking football-obsessed.

I bought peach mint KitKats at the asian market during Chooch’s lesson and Henry was being such a tightwad about it. YES, NOVELTY KITKATS ARE EXPENSIVE BECAUSE THEY ARE, YOU KNOW, A NOVELTY IN AMERICA. Christ!

Then we came home and hung out with Calvin, who is currently OBSESSED with coming over to our house because Henry brought up a big container of Chooch’s old toy cars so he acts like he wants to see us but it’s just a ruse. He’s a little user! When Blake or Haley come over to get him, he starts crying and says, “Leave!” and tries to push them out of the front door. And I’m just like, “Buddy, it’s not that exciting here.”

Anyway, we walked to Scoops for some ice cream and Calvin got his Spiderman popcicle all over himself because he’s a kid and I was dry-heaving. Ugh kids are so gross! Chooch still, at 13, can barely eat ice cream without becoming as sticky as a flystrip.

I dunno why that was the first sticky thing that came to mind.

He’s cute though!

Then Henry made me kimchi jjigae for dinner and I was like PRAISE BE because it was finally cool enough outside to enjoy that cauldron of bubbling Korean flava.

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Cooler temperatures mean 김치찌개 time!

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In other weekend news, I accidentally started watching Pose and stayed for the poppin’ 1980s urban soundtrack and we bought Platinum passes for the Cedar Fair parks and even though they’re for the 2020 season, we can start using them now! I had to upload a picture of each of us for the cards, so Chooch and I took each other’s headshot but Henry was like JUST USE A PICTURE YOU ALREADY HAVE OF ME and I was like AYE AYE CAPTAIN so this will be on the card that Henry will be using for the next year and it’s probably not funny to anyone else but when I chose it, I actually started crying because I was laughing so hard and Henry just muttered, “I TRULY DON’T CARE.”

OK, toodles my noodles.

Aug 312019
 

Hello, good morning, or good evening, please adjust as necessary. It’s 6:06am and we have departed our shanty in Brookline after a solid 30 minutes of bickering because what else is new.

We were still on our street when Henry announced that he forgot his hat and now he’s threatening to buy a MAGA hat at a truck stop kill me.

He just turned on the GPS and Cookie Monster’s voice filled the car at full volume and now my heart is racing. “Put it back to the Korean lady!” I cried but he said he doesn’t know where he’s going with her. :(

Also, I’m wearing my Kpop Fitness shirt and Chooch, without knowing that, put on his KCON 2017 shirt so now we look like Koreaboos.

6:26am: Some light just came on in the car to tell us that the tire pressure is low and Henry that cocky motherfucker said, “No shit.” That’s news to me, but OK.

7:18am: UGH we just left Sheetz in West Virginia. We had the unfortunate timing of being there with an entire orange-vested road crew and it took forever to get our stuff and then while we were waiting I happened to glance at my receipt and noticed that HAM was listed as an ingredient on my breakfast flatbread and I threw a fit and Henry was like “Sweetheart* just pick it off” and I was like I HAVE SPENT 3/4 OF MY LIFE JUST PICKING IT OFF (wow gross) and so he went over to the counter and caught them right as they were starting to make mine after the conveyor belt of MEAT SUPREMES EXTRA MEAT PLUS A SIDE OF MEAT that were being assembled for the hick road crew and asked them not to put ham on mine and when he came back he said, “See? I take care of you” so ALL HAIL THE HERO I guess.

*(Lol yeah right.)

Obligatory Sheetz Road Trip Selfie. I’m fucking tired.

The car radio defaulted to Country when Henry turned it on and even just five seconds of it before my Spotify kicked in was enough to make me angry.

“HOW DO PPL LISTEN TO THIS” I angrily spat and Henry told me to go back in Sheetz and ask them.

Then Chooch and Henry were arguing and Henry yelled, “Last time I checked, I can do whatever I want!”

He must check a lot.

Also, do the police know this?

8:30am: Chooch recently discovered a love for 80s new wave so I put on a Spotify playlist for him as soon as we left the house but he’s had headphones on the entire time so far, watching his dumb YouTube videos so I put Taemin back on, fuck that.

Speaking of Taemin, Baekhyun from EXO did an InstaLive with SuperM and they were all eating BBQ and I was like THEY R SO LUCKY TO WATCH TAEMIN EAT IN PERSON and Henry scowled at me.

9:30am: So glad Chooch brought his shitty crossword puzzle book on this trip. 94 miles to Cincinnati. SOS.

“Is Sammy Lee Jones an actor?” – Chooch from the backseat. Ughhhhhh. I turned up SHINee and I can still hear him asking for help.

10:16am: We stopped at a gas station and before leaving, Henry got back out of the car to throw out a banana peel and the sound effects Chooch is making for this action is soooo grotesque and hilarious. Now Chooch is fat-shaming Henry for purchasing a 470 calorie Nutty Buddy.

10:34am: An hour ago, i made what some might consider a stretch of a comparison between Taemin and Anita Baker, then I was perusing Spotify playlists and Anita Baker’s “Angel” was the third song in one of them so of course we’re listening to Anita Baker now.

“I went through a heavy Anita Baker phase when I was in 10th grade,” I said to Henry who muttered that he wasn’t surprised because my music phases were all over the place. Anyway, anytime I would mention Anita Baker back then, my dad would ask, “What? You need a baker?”

EVERY.TIME.

11:07am: We just crossed over into Kentucky. Hello Kentucky, sorry you have to hear us all yelling at Henry because our phones haven’t been charging this whole time.

11:25am: UGH I JUST LOOKED AT HENRY AND HE HAS HIS CREEPY UNCLE SUNGLASSES ON.

12:32pm: We made it to Louisville! We have like 9 minutes until we’re at Kentucky Kingdom and we’re all fighting over the playlist.

I’m going to publish this worthless post now but I will probably add it to you after we leave the park and head to Santa Claus, Indiana!

8:14pm: Wow we just left the park and I am pleasantly surprised! What a great park – I’m excited to do a review sometime soon after I get home but right now we’re looking for some place to eat on the way to Indiana.

Here’s a sunset!

8:26pm: Ok we found an eating establishment with minimal bloodshed!

Jerry’s J Boy! And they’re hiring so I got to submit it to Job Spotter! And Mary J Blige was playing when we were seated and our waitress is nice!

BEEN AWHILE SINCE I SNAGGED A LIVE-ACTION COLE SLAW MASTICATION SHOT!

8:46pm: Guys. They just played KC & Jojo, Phil Collins, the Folk Implosion, and Oasis back to back.

Jerry’s J-Boy, you were super hospitable to us, thank you, we will come again.

9:29 (10:29EST): We’re all settled in our actually halfway decent Motel 6 room, same place we stayed last year when we came to Holiday World. I’m exhausted and annoyed with both of my travel companions and snapped out after we left Jerry’s because that fucking Cookie Monster GPS was on my last nerve and Chooch was being shitty because he was tired and I almost just rhetorically asked when that will end but I’m 40 and still act like a roiling nest of hornets when I’m exhausted. So.

Anyway, goodnight before I punch Henry in the face.

Aug 262019
 

Hi guys, I’m not stoked about this at all and not just because OMG MY LITTLE BABY WABY IS GROWING UP but obviously because the first day of school is like the kiss of death for summer, like why do we even bother pretending it goes on into mid-September, come on now, today is Fall.

I’m even wearing a hoodie.

(No hate on fall AT ALL, love that season, but I hate its bastard brother Winter and I’m sorry, we were having the best summer and I’m just not ready to let go.)

Oh right, back to Chooch.

That little weirdo packed and repacked his backpack like 7 times yesterday, excitedly told me on a walk on Saturday how happy he is to be having homework again, and for the first time ever actually wanted to go shopping for a First Day outfit.

What a monster.

He’s just really happy to finally be at the top of the school, an 8th grade king, plus he has algebra 1 this year and dude loves him some math.

I worked from home today so I got to make him breakfast (would you believe me if I told you that I actually make really good scrambled eggs? Chooch hates all other scrambled eggs and it like, blows Henry’s mind) and then I made him give me a public hug goodbye in the front yard haha.

Oh well. Time flies, they grow up so fast, blah blah blah.

Aug 232019
 

One of the most-asked questions I got when I came back from vacation was WHAT DID YOU BUY and my answers always disappoint people because I’m not a huge shopper. Last year, I got a pair of Gentle Monsters sunglasses as my “big” purchase, but this time around, I just picked up some little things that I liked. So, here are five of those little things which will probably be super disappointing but I LIKE THESE THINGS OK. (Don’t worry, I won’t make you look at all the kpop merch I brought back, lol.)

  1. This mask from Harajuku, Japan

I collect masks, all sorts of masks, whether they’re cheapo vintage Kmart Halloween masks, masks that my kid made in school, or traditional/historical masks. I saw this one from several stalls away in Harajuku and needed it for my collection. The tag on it says “designed and sold in Japan” so that was good enough for my authenticity check!

Chooch came downstairs the other night in his “movie-watching” robe and I was inspired to do a brief photoshoot with the new mask.

HNC had his porch light on and I was like GO STAND ON HNC’S PORCH because I thought it would be cool but Chooch was like WHAT IF HE SHOOTS ME but I feel like HNC is always just buzzed enough that he would probably be like, “Oh hey stranger in a weird mask and robe standing on my porch at 10:30 at night, want a brewski?”

Chooch also peeked into Blake’s front window in hopes of scaring him but Blake just looked over and nodded. Tough crowd.

2. Holika Holika Milky Cushion

Everyone knows that k-beauty is the best beauty, and I had been putting off buying this latest Holika Holika /Peko collab online since I knew I would eventually be in Korea. The nicest salesgirl helped me find the right shade for me and even talked me into buying the same lip color she was wearing (I never thought I would be a coral-type of person until I started using Korean brand cosmetics!).

Anyway, look how cute the packaging is! A little milk carton! I almost hated to open it.

The compact is absolutely precious and the product is so wonderful and long-lasting! I only apply a very light layer to my skin because otherwise it makes me look absolutely ghostly. I also bought a bunch of Peripera lip color and that is my absolute favorite lip product ever. CVS even sells it now but it’s like double the price because America.

Anyway, also pictured is the crucifix I bought in Jeonju!

3. SNACKS

Come on, you don’t go to Korea and Japan and come home without snacks stashed in your suitcase. We brought back all kinds but my personal favorites were:

A boxed set of authentic choco pies from PNB in Jeonju. I will write more about that in my Jeonju recap but these choco pies were legit and now I’m sad that I have to settle for the Lotte choco pies we buy at the Asian markets here. NOT THE SAME.

We also brought back these banana milk Kit Kats from Japan and I’m sad that they’re all gone now. However, my favorite Kit Kats were strawberry tiramisu, which we found outside of Seoul in the small town of Ildong. They were so delicious!

I think my runner-up in the snacks category would be the yogurt almonds – no, not yogurt-coated like raisins or cranberries, but these are almonds that actually flavored after the Korean yogurt drinks. Sweet and tangy! Henry and Chooch were like, “eh…” More for me!

4. BABY HANOK!

There was a ceramics boutique in Insadong called Gallery Dan and they were selling these adorable little Hanok; I had to snatch one up. It has a little hole in the back to stick a flower too. I love it.

The woman who sold it to me was so precious, too. Even the bag it came in was beautiful.

I love collecting little pieces like this. I still have this small vase that I bought in Pompeii when I was little that was supposedly made from volcano ash. It has a chunk taken out of it but I’ve had it since the early 90s so it’s a miracle that’s all that’s wrong with it.

(Now that I wrote that, Drew will probably knock it off the fireplace mantel this weekend.)

5. LIQUOR

Ok so we brought back a nice collection of flavored soju and magkeolli but also wine from Jeonju that comes with this cool ceramic face that I think doubles as a glass (???) and a bottle of North Korean wine!

Haven’t cracked these open yet. Maybe tonight. I always feel the urge to drink after I finish up a Friday late shift.

*****

I also got some jewelry (nothing super expensive or glitzy – just cute stuff that suits my cheap style lol) and clothes, and some other assorted souvenirs like a bunch of coffee cups from various places, but these are just some of my faves and also this was my excuse to take a break from vacation recapping because as much as I love reliving every day spent over there, it is tedious to put it into words! I haven’t even bothered editing the pictures we took with the SLR so crappy iPhone pictures will have to suffice. Wow, I’d make a GREAT travel blogger, wouldn’t I?

Except my Jeonju/Day 4 recaps at some point this weekend, though!

Aug 192019
 

I got to some quality weekending and it was just what I needed to come back to earth a bit, or…come back to Pittsburgh, I guess.

Sigh. Pittsburgh. #ugh

Janna came over Friday night and endured FOUR HOURS of looking at our vacation pictures projected onto the TV while Chooch and I argued over minor details and Henry served us pizza and Korean booze.

Janna is a super good sport! I know I’ve been slowly blogging about the trip but it was really fun to sit down and actually tell stories for real and not just plunk out words and wonder if anyone is reading.

I know Janna was paying attention too because she asked lots of really good questions and I felt like a PROFESSOR giving a LECTURE that people actually SIGNED UP FOR.

The next day, I met up with Jiyong for the first time since before I left! We went to Bureau Coffee in E. liberty and I gotta give them a shoutout for not charging extra for milk alternatives. They’re the real MVP. However, their seating is mostly in shared space format and that’s really uncomfortable when you’re there to actually chat with a pal and not stare silently at a laptop.

Anyway, it was fun to talk to Jiyong about the trip and she seemed surprise at how many different places we managed to cram in, and also we gossiped about Korean news and gushed about the possibility that Heechul and Momo are dating and talked about how much we like Jinu’s solo debut.

I’ve never been the type of person who needs to have friends that are exactly like me but it’s really been nice having a pal here in the Burgh who I can talk to about my niche Korean interests! Usually after we hang out, I spend the next two days excitedly saying, “Oh yeah and Jiyong said…” to Henry.

Later that night, Henry and I drank some of our souvenirs while planning our next (hypothetical but hopeful) trip which is shockingly not to Korea this time but don’t worry I WILL RETURN TO THE MOTHER HANGUK the year after!

You know there was some Taemin action in there at some point too.

Sunday the 18th was G-Dragon’s birthday! So I busted out the GD socks I bought in Myeongdong on this past trip. MY KING!!

After Chooch’s piano lesson on Sunday, we headed on up to Butler where we met Tommy & Jessy for lunch at Reichholds.

Henry thought this book said “Born to Be White” and I mean, we were in the right (white?) area for that to be accurate. #yikes

Oh man, the service was sooooo slow and there seemed to be turmoil left and right but I had the roasted tomato omelette special and it was one of the best omelettes I’ve ever had, possibly because of that pesto smear on top.

Turns out that Tommy & Jessy are regulars here and the entire waitstaff knows them which made for a wildly entertaining experience and I felt like I was sitting with the In Crowd in the middle school cafeteria, you know?

Our waitress asked Jessy what my name was—twice–because Jessy mentioned at the beginning of the meal that this was my bday lunch, so the next thing I knew, everything got quiet and someone turned on some creepy old-fashioned recording of the Happy Birthday Song and then a birthday pancake was placed before me.

It was so sweet! I mean, the pancake was sweet but the sentiment too!

But of course Tommy couldn’t let Chooch and me have a peaceful meal. He antagonized Chooch from across the table the entire afternoon until Chooch was like THATS IT and made Henry switch seats so that he could sit across from Tommy and kick him. Meanwhile, Tommy overheard me telling Jessy that I met G-Dragon’s dad so he kept telling all the waitresses SHE HUNG OUT WITH GFUNK’S DAD and I was like ITS GDRAGON, STFU!

Ugh!!

We were the last people to leave after the joint closed at 2pm and even though the service was a hot mess, the waitresses were so freaking cool and obviously the company was the best (the Tommy-half of said company is questionable though) and the food was legit. (Chooch ate his strawberry crepes with the verve of a child who’s only fed lima beans at home.)

Tommy and Chooch had a parking lot brawl and then Chooch proposed that Tommy have his picture taken standing underneath the giant roof rooster.

“A dick standing under a cock,” he blurted out and then ran away before Tommy could retaliate with violence. It was an impeccable burn on Chooch’s part!

What a satisfying weekend!

Aug 172019
 

The most cliche, basic thing to say in summer is WHERE HAS THE SUMMER GONE but like, maybe if summer would slow it’s fucking roll we wouldn’t have to be so damn trite.

August is halfway over, school starts in a little over a week, LIKE SAND THRU THE HOURGLASS…ETC ETC.

There are many pros and cons to working from home, but in the summertime, I am so thankful for the privilege to work from home on my late shift days because I get to enjoy being outside in the mornings, walking around the neighborhood, having my weekly breakfast seshes with Chooch…I really, really love these summer days!

And August in particular, for some reason, really makes me happy. There’s something about the way the air feels in August that reminds me of swimming at my Pappap’s pool and lazing around with no worries and nowhere to be. So I’m walking home from the post office the other day, appreciating this summer month, when tears started springing from my eyeballs?! That’s where I am in life right now. Just all emotional and grateful and hyper-aware of it all, man.

For this week’s Summer Breakfast Club, we went to the Dor-Stop ONLY because we’ve hit the bottom of the barrel for local AM eateries.

The Dor-Stop is like, ultra popular around these parts because fucking Guy Fieri ate there for his dumpster dives show, or whatever it was called, and gave it his greasy seal of approval and they’ve been riding that wave of C-list celebrity fame ever since.

I have lived within walking distance of this joint since 1999 and have only eaten there less than 8 times so that should tell you something. Every experience I’ve had there has been either SHITTY (hair in my food, abysmal service) or just completely unforgettable at best.

This time, we had an OK waitress and OK food but the people seated behind us were SO FUCKING DISGUSTING. The lady was sitting on the other side of my booth and kept body-slamming herself into the back of it to the point where I thought I was mistaken and there were actually children sitting behind me. Then her man-thing told her a joke and she was straight up bucking in her seat and stamping her feet on the floor and then he started blowing his nose in a fashion that would make a trucker disgusted and then he BURPED IN BETWEEN.

So gross.

But Chooch liked his raspberry French toast (one of their specialities and I will admit that it’s good but the bread is pretty puny) and we had good talks so I guess that’s all that matters, right.

In other Chooch news, he decided to start a book club at the teen center and the lady in charge gave him the green light so he made this flyer and I didn’t even hover and try to add Erin-flourishes, I AM SO PROUD OF ME!

Also in Chooch/Teen Center news, he was made an administrator which basically means he gets to NARC on other kids so this right up his alley.

Ok well I’m going to go now because Chooch and Henry are outside in a thunderstorm fixing Chooch’s bike which means they’re having some pass-the-popcorn levels of bickering and I need to pull my seat closer. Byeeeee.

Aug 132019
 

Incheon is a city about an hour west of Seoul, and also the location of the international airport. But it’s also home to Korea’s largest (and only official) Chinatown. Why would you want to go to a Chinatown in Korea, you may be asking if you’re even reading this but you probably aren’t whoever YOU ARE.

Anyway, I wanted to go specifically because I heard through the grapevine also known as YouTube that this is like the premiere place to get ye a bowl of that good-good jjajangmyeon.

WHAT IS JJAJANGMYEON you might be asking and look maybe it’s time that you utilize that Siri or Google bullshit. And this is where Henry reminds me that I have chased all my blog readers away with  my poor attitude, so fine I’ll tell you what jjajangmyeon is….in another post. Because this post is about killing time before the jjajangmyeon.

It took about 2 hours to reach Incheon’s Chinatown by subway (several transfers were necessary and then there was that whole bit where Henry left me on a train platform) but overall, it was relatively easy to figure out how to get there (and by that I mean I let Henry and Chooch look at the maps and I followed them blindly with outstretched hands while wobbling to and fro with big dumb glasses on my big dumb face).

The gate is pretty much right outside the station (which I also believe was the last stop): so um, you really can’t miss it. Even I could see it!

The downside to this excursion was that it was raining off and on. Plus, we had arrived just a bit too early so nothing was really open yet, but we did find a nice little garden area to take refuge and get our bearings.

You can tell even from far away that my eye was jacked!

A tour group arrived as we were chilling here and at the same time, it stopped raining. Suddenly, everything came to life in Chinatown!

It was so gloomy all day, but I liked the vibe. It matched my eye-pain-inducing CLOUD ABOVE MY HEAD.

We did some lunch pre-gaming by swiping some Hwadok Mandu. The vendor seemed impressed when I ordered mine and said “hobak” instead of “pumpkin.” I KNOW MY FOOD WORDS, OK. Henry got red bean and I already forget which one Chooch got. Apparently, the lines for this vendor get quite long so I was no longer that mad about that rain. I expect things to be crowded when I’m traveling, but we had this whole little town almost entirely to ourselves and it was bizarre yet wonderful. Especially when we got to Fairytale Village!

If there is one thing Korea loves, it’s murals and cartoon kitsch. There was no rhyme or reason for this section of Chinatown, and it actually felt pretty out of place, but goddamn if we didn’t peruse every last street and alley and take those photo spots up on their offers!

At first, Chooch was kind of like, “This is dumb…” but then he kept finding random dog murals.

The freshly wetted paths and gray skies added an extra layer of creepiness! Like some unsettling Slovakian horror fantasy. At times, you could almost forget that you were even in Korea. I

Just, you know, straddling a giant Pinocchio in Chinatown, nothing to see here.

Now I kind of wish this was in my living room. I’ve been looking for years for an adequate couch-substitute and this might actually replace my strong desire for a vintage bumper car TV-watching vessel. Just put some throw pillows down on his legs and get cozy, friends!

I’m not sure Henry was very enchanted by this.

Brookline needs to jazz up the town with some whimsical fiberglass tree things. I’ll mention it at the next town hall.

Well, then Chooch found this Bambi thing and freaked out. I don’t know what it is with him and Bambi, but Korea is the perfect place for him because Bambi just happens to pop up everywhere?!

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I wish a truck selling soondubu stopped on MY street.

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All over Korea, you will see trucks peddling food (like eggs and produce) while announcing their wares in a trance-like cadence over a megaphone. This particular guy was vending tofu.

All those lifestyle Instagrammers would have a field day here with ALL THE WALLS OMG. SUCH CONTENT.

I allowed photos even though I was wearing my hideous glasses.

Even Korea’s sewer grate things are excelsior.

More Bambi, inexplicably.

동화마을 = Fairytale Village (Dong-hwa maeul)

I guess I can’t hate on Chooch’s Bambi fascination too hard because I am definitely into Alice in Wonderland. I was excited when we came across this but it turns out it was just a trick eye museum and we did one of those last year in Insadong.

And you know what they say about trick eye museums: if you’ve been to one…why? you’ve been to ’em all.

ANOTHER FUCKING BAMBI.

So many possible captions here.

Anyway, that was the first part of our visit to Incheon’s Chinatown. Oh! We also went to a little sock shop because Chooch and I are obsessed with Korean socks (THEY ARE FUCKING CUTE AND CHEAP AND ACTUALLY GOOD QUALITY). When Henry was paying, he noticed some old-ass cellphone on the counter and thought it belonged to the lady who had been in line in front of him so he grabbed it and called after her but the cashier was like “yo bro that’s a pop-socket display, put it down!” except he said that in Korean and Chooch and I were like, to each other, “omg he is so embarrassing.” That was the catchphrase of this trip, definitely.

Anyway, the next part will be about how we finally got our jjajangmyeon which will include an explanation of said jjajangmyeon in case you haven’t already googled that shit.