Jun 052024
 

Here are some things that happened around and about the last week. So exciting.

On Friday, something went down at that behavioral health house thingie a few houses up from me. One of the newer residents was being interrogated across the street by the popo. First just one, then two, then three, THEN A FOURTH. I couldn’t tell what was going on but I did hear him say at one point, “I was in Western Psych” and “So wha’ happened was…” and something about him being in the living room and someone got punched and then a girl walked in, I don’t know. They did end up cuffing him and taking him away though. Don’t worry, I was watching the whole thing from my window, doing my civic duty to make sure no BRUTALITY went down. I am so triggered by cops. Especially the while male ones! They all look the same to me, like someone said “paper dolls, but make the cops” with a finger snap.

Anyway, while this was going on, HNC’s wife came home and went COMICALLY out of her way to maneuver around that one cop car so that she could still park in “her spot.” I was like ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. Park somewhere else! They are conducting an investigation!

Wait, that makes it sound like I’m siding with the cops. AND I AM NOT. But I was just a full-fledged embodiment of an eyeroll at that point.

Um…Chooch is back to learning how to drive. He had a big set-back last year when he injured his knee, then he lost interest and his permit expired. Then he regained interest and got his permit renewed and has been driving with Henry every day. Here, you will find Henry instructing him on how to parallel park, which I imagine has got to be a lot easier than it was for us, back in the days of NO CAMERAS. Interestingly, and whether or not you want to believe this is entirely up to you, but I was actually REALLY excellent at parallel parking. I haven’t had to do it in years at this point so I’m probably not great at it now. But still! It was the one good takeaway from my dating Psycho Mike. He was a good parallel parking teacher.

During one of Chooch’s STUDENT DRIVER cruises, he and Henry went to Giant Eagle (GROCERY STORE if anyone not in Pittsburgh reads this some day after I commit a crime / expire in a spectacular way and the Internet suddenly becomes interested in WHO WAS ERIN KELLY), where Chooch texted me a picture of a COOKIE CRISP box that features YEONJUN from TXT. I was like OMG even  though I don’t hard stan TXT, I like their music and thought this was a really cute collab! Anyway, they came home, and I said, “Where is my cereal??”

Chooch scoffed, “Oh, you WANTED that? I was NOT buying it” and Henry, perpetually in the dark, goes, “What cereal? Who?” Chooch didn’t even show him!!

Anyway, Henry found this one with HueningKai and bought it for me so I’m back to being happy again (temporarily).

It’s just wild how things have changed even from when I started listening to Kpop, which doesn’t seem like it was that long ago but … 2015 man. I remember scouring the local Asian markets, desperate to find these Chinese iced tea bottles that BIGBANG was supposed to be featured on as brand ambassadors. We eventually found them in Cleveland and then finally one of our bigger Asian markets started carrying them, but it was such a big deal that I have the empty bottles lined up on my fireplace mantel like motherfucking family heirlooms.

Henry and I had breakfast with Pam and Greg on Sunday! Pam’s been in town because her house closing was on Monday (!!!) so I was happy for a reason to meet up! I randomly chose this place called Dari-Villa in Bellevue because it was equidistance from us and Greg, where she’s been staying. Never been here before, and either had Greg, but it seemed great … at first. The vibe was right: a cozy little local diner-type of place specializing in breakfast and lunch, amusement park memorabilia on display, REALLY GOOD 80s MUSIC PUMPING OUT THE SPEAKERS THE ENTIRE TIME. (Pet Shop Boys!)

Our server was nice. I can’t really comment on the food because my 14 day metabolism reset had me eating plain oatmeal (lol I’m committed) but Henry said his omelet was just OK.

When the server brought our check over, Greg goes, “Oh I’m sorry, we forgot to ask you but can we get this separated three ways?” and she seemed fine with it, but I know this can be A CONTENTIOUS THING at smaller spots. “Sure thing,” she said, and, “I’ll be back over with more coffee for you guys, too.”

I was like thank god because I HAD ONLY HAD ONE REFILL and addicts gonna addict, you know?

Anyway, she came back over with three checks and Henry and Greg quickly realized that their breakfasts were mixed up (Greg got Henry’s and Greg’s was on ours) and it probably wouldn’t have mattered because they were about the same, but the server goes, “SHIT!!!” and SNATCHED UP THE CHECKS and stormed off. It was so intense. I felt like curling up inside myself.

She finally came back and I promise you these were still wrong because there is no way Henry’s and my breakfasts cost nearly $30 when all I had was coffee and a $2.95 bowl of oatmeal but ain’t no one trying to correct this bitch for a second time. We apologized PROFUSELY and she said in this low-pitched, clipped tone, “This is why we need to know in the beginning.”

WELP, NO COFFEE REFILLS FOR US, AS YOU CAN IMAGINE.

I dunno, I have big respect for people in the service industry and am a notorious overtipper, but the way she snapped out on us like that, after what I felt like a morning of pleasant interactions, it was a real turn off. I actually low-key wanted Henry to not tip her but then I would have just felt guilty. Maybe she got bad news between the time she served us our food and brought our checks, I don’t know, but I will say her tune changed bigly when she came back to collect our payment like none of that happened?? Greg apologized again and she casually waved him off and said, “Oh you’re fine!” and said the same thing to Henry the Doof who hadn’t even gotten out his credit card yet and made her stand there waiting WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I DIDN’T WANT, I WANTED HER TO NEVER HAVE TO LOOK AT US AGAIN.

 

Say it don't spray it.

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