Aug 012010

God-fucking-dammit. Every motherfucking time, this shit happens.

Put a quarter in.

Win a baby shoe.

Have my fucking picture taken by some fat casino photographer, sweating through his fucking powder blue blazer.

“Smile for the camera!” Yeah, I’ll smile for your motherfucking camera, how ’bout you come up to my fucking room and smile for my goddamn pistol, you fucking jelly-filled pig.

Put a quarter in.

Win a baby shoe.

Have some cooze-y casino bar wench thrust a flute of flat champagne into my chest. “Complimentary bubbly for winning the shoe!”

Complimentary bubbly? I’ll give you complimentary bubbly UP YOUR ASS with a colostomy bag, gasoline and some motherfucking Pop Rocks, get the fuck out of my face with this shit.

Put a quarter in.

Win a baby shoe.

Oh, another fucking photo op? Yippy fucking yay, hold on while I get my eyes to mirror the CRAZY FURY I’m feeling inside for putting my fucking money into your asshole machine and winning a fucking shoe for a foot THAT IS NOT MY OWN.

ANDREA?! Get your ass over here and throw these fucking shoes in the trunk with the dead babies I won at the craps table. Motherfucker.

(Picture courtesy of Andrea. This is her husband! I don’t think he’s that angry, though. At least, I hope not!)

  5 Responses to “#42: The Trunk”

  1. Not unless it was pre Starbucks!
    Omg Erin! This was effing awesome.
    Sorry I feel asleep, but if it makes you feel any better, I woke up screaming (which I never have before) because leatherface was in my shower. Scared Paul and the dogs. He blamed it on watching murder while I was sleeping but it was really all that caffeinated tea before bed

    • Haha, I’m glad you like it! It reflects that mood I was in at the time, I think.

      Henry was like, “Does Paul swear this much?” and I said, “I don’t know, Henry. The last time Paul and I went out fishing, I didn’t really notice.”

      • We both are big swearers. Esp with all the Trailer Park Boys we’ve been watching. Everything is “dick” and “effed in he head”
        Since I try to be “professional” at work I say “eff” pretty much all the time instead of dropping the actual eff bomb.

  2. I dont know but it sounds like to me somebody needs((((laid))) real bad-ly…your saying that word fuck way to much in your blog…I guess its been a while for you….HUH?? jw

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