Jul 112009
My friend Ally posted this on Facebook. I did it too and tagged a bunch of douchebags, but usually no one ever reposts. And that angers me because I like reading this shit!

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So I decided after yesterday’s downer of an entry, I’d post this here because it’s nice and light, and then every one reading (YES, YOU!) can fill it out themselves and then we can have a big fat “getting to know each other” party and I’ll bring the porn. Come on, it’s a crappy Saturday and I’m bored.

Finish The Sentence.

1. My ex… is a Facebook friend so obviously we have no beef. Two of them are actually. Is that weird? Probably is for Henry, oh ho ho ho.

2. Maybe I should… stop being such an asshole to my friends, but then they’d probably be bored around me.

3. I love… my trucker-mouthed son, Henry (on pay day), and grilled cheese.

4. People would say that I am… weird, obnoxious, looks like a turtle.

5. I don’t understand… recipes.

6. When I wake up in the morning… I torment my child until he wakes up too. Then I make coffee and spill it all over myself. EVERY MORNING without fail. Which is why I only lasted one night as a waitress.

7. I trust…. Henry, but that took years and years. Also, I trust in my ability to take a good thing and decimate it.

8. Life is… an internal war.

9. My past taught me… what kind of mother I DON’T want to be and that 80s synthpop is the best.

10. I get annoyed when… people interrupt me because don’t they know that I am weaving a gilded yarn right before their eyes? DON’T THEY KNOW WHO I AM?? Also, when Henry leaves his dirty socks all up on my floors.

11. Parties are… best when I invite in people off the street and watch all of my friends mumble uncomfortably and prepare to dial 911. Also, they are best when someone gets naked. I’ll have a party and you should be that person. Yes, you.

12. I wish… my cat Marcy really was immortal. We’re besties, she just denies it. But I know behind that sinister glare and murderous hissing, there is love.

13. Dogs… make me sad that I live in a stupid duplex with practically no yard.

14. Cats…. were never an animal I cared about, but I’ve accumulated four since I moved out into my own place at 18. I love them, but I do not love that they pee on things that are not meant to be peed on. Unless it’s something of Henry’s, then it’s all “be my guest.”

15. Tomorrow is…. another day to wean my son from swearing.

16. I have a low tolerance for… watching people being cut open, though I’ve always felt that if I were the one navigating the slicing apparatus, I’d be all good.

17. If I had a million dollars… I’d dump Henry so fast. Purchase a few dozen nannies for the child. Ingratiate myself with the D-list and get my ass on TMZ every other hour, bitches. Also, I’d finally get to buy all the merch I want at Warped Tour, instead of puffing out my bottom lip and coveting all the cool scene attire from afar. I’d buy some Kanye glasses too, and they’d be made of George Washington’s bones and embedded with some fine ass rubies.

18. I’m totally terrified of… being murdered. Rivers. Driving past factories and things with big electrical towers and look I’m so terrified just thinking about what to type that I’m not even making sense. Power plants. Being lost. Plane crashes. The ocean. Outer space (SICKENING!!!!).

19. When I look at the night sky I think… that there are probably a lot of dummies getting murdered right now.

20. If I could be anyone, I would be… someone who is dead.

  8 Responses to “humor me, humor you”

  1. “I’d buy some Kanye glasses too”

    If you’re going to rock the shutter shades, don’t forget the cash fan!


  2. 1. My ex… was a very unsuccessful,transparent, sociopath. And yucky.

    2. Maybe I should… quit being such a slacker…..nah.

    3. I love…family which =’s only the five people in my house.

    4. People would say that I am… weird,immature,dead sexy,a good person, and creative.

    5. I don’t understand… math beyond long division.

    6. When I wake up in the morning…get my kitchen timer and set it for 15 minutes then veg, get up and chug the tea my husband made before he left for work, wake up the kids and try to get all the shiz taken care of before I leave for work.

    7. I trust…. my husband, my kids,my own judgment

    8. Life is…like climbing a very big heel with two midgets chained to each foot trying to climb down the hill.

    9. My past taught me… so many things it can’t be summed up in one sentence.

    10. I get annoyed when people ask me multiple questions at one time and when people lie and actually really believe I will believe it.

    11. Parties are…eh.

    12. I wish I could be done with college and have a real career already.

    13. Dogs stink and love like nothing else in this world.

    14. Cats…. can act like real bitches sometimes.
    15. Tomorrow is Monday and that makes me sad.

    16. I have a low tolerance for liars.

    17. If I had a million dollars I would set aside college funds for me,my husband and kids, pay for a strangers college and then devote time to writing a book.

    18. I’m totally terrified of wolf spiders and also rickety roller coasters.

    19. When I look at the night sky I think “wow, what a pretty sky, damn mosquitos eatin’ me”

    20. If I could be anyone, I would be myself.

  3. 1. My ex…and i still talk.

    2. Maybe I should… think differently

    3. I love… being awake before anyone else..

    4. People would say that I am… a hoot!!

    5. I don’t understand… why people must be so stupid.

    6. When I wake up in the morning… the birds sing for my arrival

    7. I trust…. in myself.

    8. Life is… fanny-tastic!

    9. My past taught me… that things always work out.

    10. I get annoyed when… people are close minded

    11. Parties are… not where i feel comfortable.

    12. I wish… that life could be better for people

    13. Dogs… make the world go round!

    14. Cats…. are to remind us that we are not in control.

    15. Tomorrow is…. a chance to make things better.

    16. I have a low tolerance for… rude-ness.

    17. If I had a million dollars… i’d probably give a lot of it away.

    18. I’m totally terrified of… failing.

    19. When I look at the night sky I think… that the world is so freakin beautiful.

    20. If I could be anyone, I would be… someone who has a little more confidence

  4. You already read mine, but I become extremely annoyed when interrupted (I would actually say that it makes me irate), and I also hate when people lie to me, but you knew this. Thanks for the shout out! :o)

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