Feb 19

Wincing

Category: Reporting from Work

I just found out the company where I used to work for four hellacious years has a website. Isn’t the picture of the owners, standing proudly beside a haunting portrait of their dead parents, so inviting? I know it sure makes me want to go in and buy a pound of bacon.

I see words like "dedicated," honesty" and "integrity" tossed around in their manifesto and now I’m laughing. They forgot to mention that they employ rapists and rub out the dates on expired cases of poultry so they can still sell it.

Unfortunately, my amusement is negated by Eleanore and her constant rotation of Mary J. Blige CDs. She’s been on this kick for at least a month now and she listens to it so loudly so we can hear, with absolute clarity, every lyric sung. Like right now, Mary J. is telling me I’m her everything. I used to like Mary J. but now I kind of wish she’d go to hell and take Eleanore with her.

8 comments

8 Comments so far

  1. Jenn February 19th, 2008 10:07 pm

    That picture of those old men in front of that portrait is totally creepy. Makes the pictures of their vans lined up even more ominous. I don’t really get the ‘vibe’ they’re going for, unless it’s the idea that the portrait tells them to kill people and they hide the bodies of their victims inside their 13 identical vans.

  2. Tuna Tar-Tart February 19th, 2008 10:18 pm

    Dude, I’m already giddy at work and this made me LOL. I had to look at that damn portrait every single day. Creepy.

  3. merrymerry February 20th, 2008 2:49 am

    OMG that is creepy. Also creepy is the link on their site for the ‘operations’ page. For some reason I thought that meant surgery. MEAT surgery. ha ha ha ha.

    the thing about rubbing out the dates on the chicken is soooooo scary.

  4. Tuna Tar-Tart February 20th, 2008 5:32 pm

    Meat surgery?!!? Now I can’t stop imagining that! THANKS MERRY.

    Ha!

  5. Bueno Mexicana February 20th, 2008 1:34 pm

    this really is a funny site!!!!

    it helps bring in the whole picture for me.

  6. Tuna Tar-Tart February 20th, 2008 5:33 pm

    I srsly laughed about it for so long last night! Almost as hard as Ryan’s appearance on the stupid_free LJ community. Classic.

  7. Bueno Mexicana February 20th, 2008 7:47 pm

    oinorite????!!!

    it’s not nice to laugh at other people’s stupidity though.

    well— i think with some people it’s OK!!!

  8. Bueno Mexicana February 20th, 2008 7:48 pm

    to clarify… i mean total rejects.

    like all them “weiss guys!” and that girl polyesterqueen!

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